Before The Fawn
by andelyn kinsey
Summary: Before Harry, before Godric's Hollow, before the Dark Lord was defied three times... Lily Evans and James Potter discovered that neither of them were what the other had expected, and embarked on a relationship that would change the world as they knew it.
1. Prologue

Prologue: Severed ties

"Call Me When You're Sober" Evanescence

* * *

"Lily…"

"_Sev_…" Lily responded in the same patronizing tone that Severus had taken as he attempted to persuade her to skip studying. "I told you, I promised I would help Mary study. You're welcome to come along if you wish," she said, as she continued her walk to the library.

"I think I will pass on that. MacDonald seems to prefer your company to my own ever since Mulciber was joking-"

"That wasn't a joke," spat Lily. "It was a curse and you know it. I still can't believe you're defending him."

"It wasn't… it was no big deal, I've told you-"

"It was… and it's disgusting," replied Lily, as she increased the speed of her steps. Severus ran to keep up with her, sulking as he went.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

"You didn't do it."

Severus was quiet as they continued their trek. Lily felt bad for snapping at him, but the remembrance of the curse his friends had attempted to place on her roommate bothered her. She still didn't understand why he insisted on performing a balancing act between his friendship with his Slytherin house members and his friendship with her; he seemed to prefer her company, but his interest in her was a conflict with his obvious interest in the Dark Arts. He needed to choose which one to pursue.

"Any particular reason you've been escorting me to and from places lately?" Lily asked curiously, trying to pull her thoughts away from Severus' friends and the bad habits he picked up from them.

Severus shrugged. "We're friends; can't I make sure you travel safely?" he asked. Lily gave him a skeptical glance. "I'm just making sure no one bothers you," he replied.

"Who would bother me?"

Severus shrugged again, staring at the floor and shuffling his feet. "Just… things I've been hearing. That and people pester you… wanting to get to know you better."

"Why shouldn't they get to know me?" Lily asked, attempting to force Severus to address the issue he'd been dancing around for weeks. He had been brooding more than normal, and the constant escort he had turned into concerned her. She had a vague suspicion of what was going on in his head, but hadn't had a chance to sort out how she would approach the subject if it should ever be brought up.

"They wouldn't ever be able to truly appreciate you," he muttered.

"And you appreciate me?"

Severus looked up finally, his black eyes boring into Lily's green ones. "I appreciate everything about you," he said quietly, stepping closer to her.

Lily's breath hitched; she leaned away from Severus hesitantly. Rather than her forcing _him_ to forgo dancing around the subject, Severus was suddenly forcing Lily to examine her own emotions towards him. He was her friend, her connection to the magical world when she went home. She'd often wondered if her feelings for him were more than platonic, and it had been obvious for some time that his feelings had moved well beyond friendship regardless of how she felt. But still, his unexpected advance toward her was unnerving.

Severus continued to move closer to her; Lily couldn't decide whether to move away from him or to stand her ground and see what happened. He was very close now, his nose almost touching hers; his eyes were open, boring into hers with an intensity that made her face flood with color…

"Lily!" Mary's voice called suddenly. "Come on! We only have two hours before the exam starts! I need your help," she said, glancing from Severus to where Lily stood, a look of shock and curiosity crossing her face.

Lily watched Severus' face twist in anger as he sighed deeply and rocked back on his heels. "I'll … um… I'll see you after the exam," said Lily quickly, before turning and darting into the library. She watched over her shoulder as Severus frowned and turned on his heel to walk back down the hall. A pang of remorse twisted her stomach. Would it be such a bad thing to find out how she felt toward him? Yes, he was dark, and yes, his friends could be horrid… but he was always kind to her. Would it be so bad to-

"Lily? Are you okay?" asked Mary, shaking her gently and interrupting her train of thought. "What did he do to you? Did he give you something, or hex you?" she asked darkly.

"No, no, he didn't give me anything. We were just talking," explained Lily rolling her eyes.

"It looked like he was about to kiss you," said Mary, shuddering slightly.

"And why would that be so bad?" asked Lily defiantly.

"Because … you could do so much better! He's got his creepy friends, and his hair, and how he dresses, and he's scary and all his older friends are in league You-Know-Who, and just … Lily, you can't be seriously thinking of trying to _make_ yourself fancy Severus Snape just because he's enthralled with you!"

"He's not that bad, he's just misunderstood," said Lily defensively.

"I didn't misunderstand him when he and Avery shoved Jack Lewis out of their way while walking to Potions. '_Move it, filthy Mudblood'_. It was pretty hard to miss," said Mary, opening her book and flipping through the pages. "And don't forget what Mulciber and Avery tried to do to _me_ a few weeks ago…"

"I remember; But Severus isn't _all_ bad, he just runs with the wrong crowd. Though I don't know what he sees in those guys, they're just disturbing and-"

"You can't be _seriously_ considering this, can you?" asked Mary in a scandalized voice; Lily didn't respond. "Lily! You've got all kinds of boys all fawning for you and you're considering _Severus Snape_? Come on!"

"Who is fawning all over me?" asked Lily curiously.

"Oh, Paul Patterson is talking about you constantly, and he's a seventh year. Bertram Aubrey, has got it bad… and Max Linghold, that good looking Ravenclaw, thinks you're brilliant. Let's not forget Adrian Rollingsfield or James Potter or –"

"Weren't we supposed to be studying instead of talking about my potential dating prospects?" asked Lily irritably, taking out her own book and opening it.

"I suppose," Mary conceded. "But honestly, Lily… Snape? You can't be seriously considering-"

"Right now I'm considering leaving you here to study by yourself if you keep talking about this," Lily muttered darkly.

"Fine, fine. '_Common defensive jinxes and their counter-curses'_, this is going to be a nightmare," Mary muttered as they began to quiz each other over the spells provided in the text.

Three hours later, the Defense Against the Dark Arts theoretical exam had been completed, and Lily and Mary were walking outside toward the lake to join their friends in the sunshine.

Their other roommate, Julia Tottleham, had taken up residence next to Alice Vanceton and Marlene McKinnon, two sixth year girls who had struck up a bond with Lily and her roommates during their second year. Alice was looking over her the latest edition of the Prophet, twisting her shoulder length black hair absentmindedly with her fingers, while Marlene peered over her shoulder, her eyes narrowed as she read. Julia sat next to them, basking in the warm sun and completely unconcerned with what was going on around her. Lily was surprised that Julia finished as quickly as she had, the silvery haired blonde was usually much more cautious during test taking; but it seemed as though she felt confident enough in her abilities and finished quicker than usual.

"See? It wasn't that bad… was it?" asked Alice as Mary and Lily sat down.

"It was awful," replied Mary, her voice somber as she flopped on the ground next to Julia.

"I didn't think it was too bad; the practical will be worse though," said Julia glumly.

"Really? I actually think that will be the easy part of the test," replied Lily.

"That's just because you're so much better at the wand work than the rest of us," said Mary with a grin. Lily scowled in her direction.

"That could be taken numerous ways," said Marlene, looking up and grinning at Mary.

"Lily has another admirer?" teased Julia.

"Not one we didn't know about already. Snape tried to kiss her before she met me in the library," Mary said in an offhand voice. Alice looked up from her paper as Marlene and Julia immediately sat up and at attention.

"EEW! That's –"

"Wow…the kid has more of a spine than I gave him credit for," Marlene mused.

"Oh, will you all just shut up? He didn't try to kiss me," argued Lily. "I expect he was thinking about it, but he didn't actually do it. Besides, I don't really think I want to go down that path with him or-"

"Thank Merlin," Mary said.

"I was saying," Lily continued in an annoyed voice, "with him, or _anyone_ at this point. I'd rather just get through school and figure out what to do with myself," she explained with a confident tone to her voice.

"Well, you won't have any trouble finding someone to take you to the ball at least," said Julia with a shrug.

Lily let out a resigned sigh and stared out over the lake, listening vaguely as her roommates turned their talk to the coming end of school year ball. She hadn't given it much thought, studying for O.W.L.'s had consumed her time completely; besides, as a prefect she would be working on coordinating the event rather than participating in it. She recalled Severus mentioning it, but other than that nothing had been said.

As she thought about Severus, the thought popped into her mind again as to whether or not it would be a good idea to consider exploring her feelings for him. She didn't want to lose her friend, but she didn't want to miss an opportunity for love either. Her girlfriends would never understand if she did have feelings for him; he was the definition of black character, the epitome of dark. Lily had to admit his friendships and activities caused her concern. Perhaps it was just best to leave things the way they were. She had a confidant when she went home, and here at school she had another influence besides her roommates. Though, with Severus' continued interest in the Dark Arts and idolization of the horrific powers being demonstrated by the Death Eaters, she wasn't sure he was the kind of influence she wanted to have around.

Her thoughts were interrupted suddenly by Mary, Marlene and Julia bursting out in loud peals of laughter. Lily looked around, eyeing the group of people they were laughing at curiously. "What's funny?"

"Potter and Black are over there giving that slimy git a talking to, and it's rather amusing," Mary said, indicating the group that had gathered between a large tree and a small shrub patch.

"That "slimy git" being Severus?" Lily said, getting to her feet.

"Who else?" said Alice. She joined Lily in looking over at the crowd of students with a scowl on her face. "They hate each other; it's so stupid."

"And it's mean," Lily said as she stormed off in the direction of the group.

"Ah, Lily! Don't get involved," called Julia in protest. But Lily was not going to be deterred, she was a Prefect after all, and she had a responsibility to stop it. Whether or not she had feelings for Severus, whether or not his interests were darker than they should be, it was wrong to allow him to be treated like this.

"Leave him ALONE!" Lily shouted as she broke through the circle of students that had formed around the action. Anger rose inside her even more as she observed Severus on the ground, gasping for air as soap bubbles ran copiously down his face. James Potter and Sirius Black were standing over him, sneering like animals gathered around a kill. Potter jumped to his feet and started fidgeting with his hair. Lily's eyes narrowed viciously.

"All right, Evans?" Potter asked in a smooth voice, his restless hand messing up his already tousled, shaggy black hair.

"Leave him alone," Lily demanded. She glared at Potter with such a hard expression that a few in the crowd backed away. "What's he done to you?"

"Well, it's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean," Potter explained. Several of the onlookers laughed.

"You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone," Lily repeated.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said Potter quickly. "Go on… go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Lily cringed and snorted derisively, "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," she said, watching a look of confusion cross James' face.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Black. "OY!"

Severus had gotten to his feet; with a flourish his wand, there was a flash of light and a loud snap as a bright red gash appeared on the side of Potter's face, spattering blood onto his robes. Lily gasped in shock; what kind of a spell had Severus cast?

Anger crossed Potter's features and before Severus could move again, Potter had whirled around with his wand extended. Another flash of light appeared and Severus was lifted off his feet. He hung upside down, his billowy black robes falling over his head, his skinny legs and graying underpants visible to everyone watching.

Raucous laughter overtook the crowd; Black clapped Potter on the back as little Peter Pettigrew leaned on him for support, both of them roaring malicious laughter. Severus struggled in his position but to no avail. Lily bit back a hint of laughter at the sight – what was he thinking not wearing trousers under those ridiculous robes – before turning on Potter and Black with anger lining every inch of her face.

"Let him down!" she shouted.

"Certainly," said Potter, flicking his wand. Severus fell into a tangle of robes and limbs on the ground, and before he could right himself, Black had pulled out his wand and shouted "_Petrificus Totalus_" causing Severus' legs and arms to snap together as he fell over into the grass.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" yelled Lily. Anger turned into fury as she pulled her wand out from her robes and aimed it at Potter and Black.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said Potter, a sympathetic look in his eye.

_I'd like to see you try_, Lily thought to herself. "Take the curse off him, then!"

He sighed and flicked his wand, allowing Severus to struggle to his feet again. Lily pushed past Potter to help Severus untangle himself. "There you go; you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus, otherwise-"

But Potter's observation was cut off. Lily had just gotten past where he and Black stood when Severus righted himself and looked up, his eyes full of rage. "I don't need help from filthy little _Mudbloods_ like her!" he shouted. His eyes and words were focused on Potter and Black, but the insult was meant for Lily.

The crowd gasped collectively, a few people muttered angry retorts in Snape's direction. Lily blinked and looked Severus straight in the eyes. She saw for a moment a hint of remorse, but then it turned back into the cold hatred that consumed his face whenever he spoke of Potter and his gang; Severus averted his eyes from Lily's and looked at the ground.

"Fine, I won't bother in the future," Lily muttered coolly. She backed slowly away from Severus and turned on her heel. "And I'd wash your pants if I were you… _Snivellus_," Lily hissed over her shoulder as she started to walk away.

Potter's face expression was full of fury as he stepped in front of Lily and aimed his wand at Severus' face. "Apologize to Evans!" he roared threateningly.

"I don't want you to make him apologize!" shouted Lily, scoffing at Potter and his attempt at heroism. "You're as bad as he is…" she muttered as she began to walk away.

Lily felt like she had been doused in cold water, and she felt extremely irritated and hurt by what had just happened. A combination of her irritation earlier at Severus' and his conflicting interest in her and the Dark Arts, her roommates' prying and comments about all the boys that fancied her, Potter and Black's torment of Severus, and finally, Severus' own insult of her made her eyes prick and her temper rise uncontrollably in her chest. Memories of Severus sitting next to her in the grass at the play ground saying it didn't matter that she was Muggle-born flooded back into her head. She knew there was prejudice against her, especially from Slytherin, but it hadn't mattered to him. He had been her friend, her sounding board, her source of information about the world that she was only beginning to understand…

And it was all a lie; it did matter to him. Despite all his insistence that he wasn't like his friends, that her blood-status meant nothing, she was nothing to him but a filthy _Mudblood_.

"What?" Potter yelped, drawing her focus back to the present. He turned toward her, sputtering strangled defensive statements. "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

Lily's anger boiled over; he didn't have to insult her, he was a bully and his actions were just as bad as what Severus had called her. "Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broom stick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can," she hissed at Potter, watching as he stood his ground but his confident expression flickered for a moment. "I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK!" she screamed, turning on her heel and walking back toward the castle.

"Evans! Hey, EVANS!" Potter shouted. Lily ignored him and kept walking. As she got further away, she heard a bang and the crowd resumed their laughter. She assumed that Potter had started tormenting Severus again, but she didn't care.

Tears were pouring down her cheeks by the time she reached Gryffindor tower. Ignoring the curious looks of the students in the common room, she raced up the stairs to her dormitory and slammed the door. Lily sat on her bed, breathing heavily and trying to compose herself. She had friends, but Severus was supposed to be her _best_ friend; her confidant and connection to the Magical world when she returned home each summer and had to endure the taunting from her sister. She had defended him for so long; tirelessly, loyally, and the whole time he had been insulting her behind her back. The whole time she had been begging him to avoid his narrow minded friends, to give up on the exploration of the evil powers that were so taboo, he'd been letting their influence rub off on him and gotten in so deep that he didn't care for her anymore.

Lily sniffed loudly and collapsed onto her pillow, her shoulders shaking with sobs. How stupid and foolish had she been to think that she'd ever belong here? The one person who had always told her it didn't matter that she wasn't pure-blooded, or even half-blooded, was prejudiced against her all along. Why had he befriended her? Because she was pretty? Because he desired her? Was that it, and if so, how could he because of her blood? It was nothing more than a fancying crush on his part, she meant nothing to him.

As her thoughts turned to self depreciating routes and began to overwhelm her, Lily finally succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep.

* * *

_A/N: I took very liberal use of the Chapter from OOTP that this is from, all credit for those scenes belongs to JK Rowling - no credit for the idea is mine. But it's a good starting point for where I want to go from here... which I hope you all enjoy. I spent a lot of time researching time frames for this story, but if dates and numbers don't match up it's completely my fault and I apologize, just take it with a grain of salt and enjoy! AK_


	2. End to Begin

**End to Begin**

_"You Could Make A Killing" Aimee Mann_

* * *

"What is it with her?" asked James, trying (and not succeeding) to make it sound as though this was of no great importance to him.

"I swear… I swear on Nick's ghostly, nearly-headless body… if you ask that again, I will hex you into oblivion," muttered Sirius in response.

"Now really," said Nick from his seat next to Remus. "It's a legitimate question; I presume you are speaking about a girl you fancy?"

"Obviously," muttered James, returning to his plate of food.

"He's talking about Lily Evans; and it would be a legitimate question, Nick, if it hadn't been answered sixty times already," explained Sirius. "She thinks you're a bit conceited. Would you care for another term for the word conceited? How about big-headed? Arrogant? Smug? Shall I continue?"

James ignored him; Nick began to prattle out an explanation for Lily's behavior to Sirius, but James just stared into the distance. _All right, she thinks I'm arrogant… I'm not arrogant. I'm proud of myself… but I'm not arrogant_, he thought. _Why does she hate me so much_?

"I'm not arrogant," he said suddenly, not quite sure why he proclaimed the statement out loud.

Two seats away from where he sat, James heard a light voice laugh loudly. Sirius perked up and looked across the table towards the noise, as James leaned back to see who was laughing at his comment. Julia Tottleham, one of Lily's roommates, was attempting to stifle laughter behind her hand as she stared at Marlene McKinnon across the table. The latter was shaking her head with an amused expression on her face. James glanced at Sirius, and at the same time they both grabbed their drinks and plates and moved closer to where the two girls sat.

"Something amusing, Tottle?" Sirius asked giving her a look of complete innocence.

James watched as Julia blushed and grinned at Sirius before turning her blue eyes back to his face. "You can't be serious, Potter. 'I'm not arrogant?"

James gave her an affronted look. "I'm proud! I'm not arrogant!"

"There's a difference?" asked Marlene, not looking up from her plate of food.

"Yeah, there's a difference. Proud is knowing your abilities and being pleased with them; arrogance is bragging and showing off and –"

"What you do on a daily basis, right?" said Julia.

"Er…" muttered James.

"She's got a point, mate. But, we're all a _little_ arrogant; it just comes with our brilliance," said Sirius matter-of-factly; Julia and Marlene chuckled at his comment.

Remus had now come closer to them and was listening to their discussion, glancing around the table with a curious expression on his face. "Where _is _Lily?"

Julia and Marlene both quirked their eyebrows at him, but it was Alice Vanceton who spoke up. "What do you mean 'where is Lily?' Didn't she come down for prefect duty?" asked Alice from her seat next to Marlene.

"Well, she did… but only for a moment. She said she was coming to eat early because she didn't feel well," explained Remus.

James and Sirius looked at each other; Sirius shrugged but James felt concerned. "We've been here since the start of dinner, and she never came back down," he said quietly.

"He would know, he watches for her all the time," Sirius explained, dodging the spoon a frowning James had thrown at him. "What? You do! Maybe they can give you some insight on why she hates you so much. Can you give the inside scoop, Tottleham?" asked Sirius, leaning closer to Julia and giving her a seductive smile.

"She doesn't _hate_ you, James," Alice explained, ignoring Julia's giggles from across the table. "You irritate her; she thinks you're mean, and a bully… which, you kind of are, in all honesty. Lily's not impressed by that behavior; she's impressed by humility, loyalty, and kindness… not unlike most girls, I'd say," she explained.

Marlene sighed heavily, "I'm going to go check on her and make sure she's okay."

With that, she stood up and left the table. James looked over at Sirius and Remus. "So… stop showing off, don't pick on people, be a good boy… basically turn yourself into Moony and she'll throw herself at you," said Sirius with a laugh, Remus shook his head.

James frowned; perhaps Sirius was right and he did need to alter his behavior. But he could be humble, and he was kind, and loyal… she just didn't know it. She never saw him act that way because the only time she ever paid attention to him was if he was being loud and outgoing, which was _why_ he acted that way. Maybe if he could show her that he was those things, she'd see him in a different light.

"Come on, let's go back and play chess," Sirius said after a few moments. The three boys stood up and walked toward Gryffindor tower. "I suppose Wormtail skipped dinner to study?" he asked to no one in particular, watching as Remus nodded. "He's hopeless… he can't do charms to save his life," said Sirius with a shake of his head.

"Lily?" Marlene called quietly, tapping on the door to the fifth year's dorms as she opened it. Lily sat curled up on her bed staring out the window at the night sky. She had already changed into her night gown and looked as though she had been crying. "Are you all right? We didn't see you at dinner…"

"I'm fine," she replied, attempting to hide the cracking of her voice.

"Are you upset about earlier?" asked Marlene, sitting down next to her.

"No."

"Lils…"

Lily huffed and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Yes, I'm upset; I'm furious. I just… I've been his friend since we were nine years old. Severus told me everything; he explained to me what was happening when he saw me goofing off, using magic. He told me all about Hogwarts, everything about this world. I asked him, again and again, if it mattered that I was Muggle-born. He told me no, every time he told me no. And… turns out it did, and it does. And he called me that _awful_ name after I've spent five years – F_IVE YEARS _– defending him and his stupid obsession with the Dark Arts, and his stupid friends, and his stupid crush on me, and – and –" Lily said, her voice increasing in volume with sentence. She lost the words to describe how angry and how hurt she was and started to cry again, wiping her tears away furiously with the back of her hands. Marlene wrapped an arm around her and squeezed her gently.

"I just… I really believed it didn't matter. And even if it did matter to everyone else, I believed it didn't matter to him. And I was wrong… and now I don't know what to think. I don't belong here, I'm never going-"

"Stop… stop," said Marlene, turning Lily toward her and gripping her shoulders tightly. "It doesn't matter how you were born; it matters what you do. You are amazing and talented. It doesn't matter whether you're Muggle-born, pure-blood, or your mum is a hippogriff and your dad a dragon; you belong here," she explained in a soothing voice.

Lily nodded, feeling slightly placated, but still upset. "Why would he say something like that?"

"He was angry about being tormented, and he had to be saved by you, he couldn't defend himself. He probably expects you to just forgive him tomorrow, like you always do when he gets involved with evil stuff or says things about other people," Marlene explained.

Lily considered this. "I don't think I can. I've… it's too much. I've made excuses for him for so long, and I've told him how much his friends bother me, and how much the dark stuff he gets into frightens me. He's just… I know he's just waiting to leave school and get involved with…whatever is going on and I can't pretend I don't know that, or that I agree with it. I thought that he'd grow out of it or that I could look past it … but I can't; and I feel like a part of my childhood is gone," she explained.

"Nothing is gone from you, Lily. You know I'm not one to criticize people, but Severus is … frightening. And I don't think he's a good influence on you… and I think you're making the right decision," said Marlene.

Lily nodded, brushing another stray tear away from her cheek. "What happened after I stormed off?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "James apparently kept asking what was up with you, to which Sirius replied about twenty some times that you think he's conceited. They picked on Severus some more, but in the end he … well, I don't know what kind of a spell Snape cast… but it hurt James pretty badly, he had to go to Madam Pomfrey before coming to dinner."

"Serves him right," muttered Lily.

"I don't know about that… whatever it was, it was dark; no one deserves that kind of treatment," said Marlene with a shake of her head. "Well…anyway, come on, you can get dessert at least," she said, getting to her feet and holding out her hand to Lily.

"I'm in my night clothes; I don't feel like changing," explained Lily.

"Well, I'll go sneak you some bread and a piece of the tart they served this evening; I'll be right back."

Lily watched Marlene walk toward the door, and suddenly remembered something. "Marlene? Please don't tell anyone I've been up here crying… say I was in the library or something."

Marlene laughed. "I wouldn't think of it, don't worry. I'll see you in a bit," she said, shutting the door to Lily's dormitory behind her.

Lily sighed and resumed staring out the window. Marlene was right; she was making the right decision. But, Lily still felt as though she didn't belong in this world. Her friends and teachers might think that her birth was not important, but from the articles she read in the Daily Prophet and the news that flowed in left and right, there were people organizing out there who didn't agree. She sighed and stared out at the grounds of Hogwarts, the only place she ever felt like home. At the edge of the forest, Lily saw a large black animal that resembled a dog walking aimlessly around its borders; it was being followed by rather large Stag. She chuckled lightly, wondering exactly what Hagrid kept in the forest.

The next week of exams and practical tests passed uneventfully. Lily felt confident all throughout her Charms, Potions, Transfiguration and Herbology tests. She sailed through Astronomy without a second glance at her notes, Care of Magical Creatures was a breeze, and even Divination went well.

With exams done, the focus of her time was spent planning the year end ball. It was a coordinated effort each year between the prefects of each house and the head boy and head girl. At first the planning had been fun, but as the time wore on Lily felt exhausted and ready for the whole event to be over with. Plus, the Slytherin prefects had started hurling crueler and crueler insults at her and the other Muggle-born prefect, Annie Paulson from Ravenclaw.

Lily had walked back from her Potions exam enduring catcalls from a group of Slytherin boys that followed, and had also been on the receiving end of some very nasty jinxes from Ethelinda Blishwick and Penny Flint. The events had culminated when she walked into a corridor and ran into Mulciber and Avery, who were examining a suspicious looking package.

"Well, well… it's Mudblood Evans," said Avery as he stepped away from the wall and moved toward her.

Lily backed away and just happened to walk into Potter, Black, and little Peter Pettigrew. Black had caught her as she stumbled, and Potter had stepped in front of her, an expression of hatred on his face as he glared at Avery.

"You should watch your language," hissed Potter. Black released Lily and nudged her in the direction of Gryffindor tower, while he, Potter, and Pettigrew stood their ground to see what Avery and Mulciber were up to.

"Move along boys, move along…" Professor Gaspar said as he passed them. Potter and his friends eyed Avery and Mulciber as they walked away, then followed Lily back to the tower, none of them saying a word.

After that, Lily had taken to having someone accompany her where ever she went. Many other Muggle-borns had taken similar measures recently. Suddenly, Severus' escorts of her to and from class took on a whole new light. But she refused to acknowledge that he had been protecting her; she was still furious over his betrayal and had refused to speak to him or acknowledge his presence since.

Even though she began dreading walking through the castle hallways alone, planning the ball could not be avoided. Lily began to feel lucky to have Remus Lupin as the other prefect for Gryffindor. He was more than willing to put in effort and kept her happily amused during their frequent patrols together. Brenton Clarke along with Alice were the Gryffindor prefects for the sixth year, and Alice's boyfriend, Frank, was head boy, so Gryffindor had a fair amount of representation when they did have meetings. Gryffindor was in the lead for the House cup this year, and were projected to get it after losing the previous four years to Slytherin.

"If we win, the party will be so much fun; not that it won't be fun as is," Lily said to Remus as they patrolled the corridors one evening.

"Do you have a date?"

"No, I'm flying solo. No one has asked me that I'm interested in, and I think I'll be too busy," she said blushing slightly.

Remus had relayed the information to James, who thought perhaps he should ask Lily just to see her response. The next day he decided he would catch her after lunch and very politely ask her if she'd like to accompany him.

Lily was walking alone out of the great hall; James followed a ways behind her, fussing with his hair and cursing himself over the butterflies in his stomach. Then, out of nowhere, Snape appeared and cut off James's path. James sneered, but realized that he had not done it on purpose when Snape began to run after Lily in a hurried manner. James followed quickly.

"Lily… LILY!" Snape's low, oily voice called. Lily didn't respond, only picked up her pace and turned sharply down the corridor that led to Gryffindor tower.

"Lily… please, just… wait, I want to talk to you," Snape called.

Lily made a disparaging noise and picked up her pace again; Snape was practically running to keep up with her. James became irritated by Snape's harassment and ran to catch up to him. At the moment James finally caught up with Snape, he had grabbed Lily by the arm and spun her around. Lily pulled out her wand, muttering a hex that caused Snape to cry out and fall backwards in front of her.

James watched as Snape's trainers bulged and then the ends split open. His yellowing toenails were growing at an alarmingly rapid rate while Snape struggled to pull his own wand from his pocket to perform the counter-curse. James couldn't help but laugh out loud at the predicament that Snape was in, but quelled when Lily glared at him maliciously. Without saying a word, she turned on her heel and continued her path to Gryffindor tower.

"I'd stay away from her; she might hex you worse if you don't," laughed James. Snape glared at him, but James had already turned to follow where Lily had gone. He rounded the corner to the staircase, but stopped dead in his tracks when he almost rain straight into her.

Lily was only a few inches shorter than James; the top of her head was level with his lips. He inhaled, trying to find his voice, but was overwhelmed by her flowery scent that had always intrigued him. James stared into her startlingly green eyes and lost his train of thought completely.

"Er… Hi, Evans," he mumbled thickly, messing with his hair.

"Need something, Potter?" she muttered, her eyes narrowing angrily.

"Well… um… I was going to… I thought, you know, the ball coming up… perhaps you'd like to um… go with me?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Uh… I'm not sure, really," laughed James. He tried to smile, but it faltered and words left him as she stared into his eyes.

"I think I'll pass," Lily muttered turning away from him. James pursued, though he didn't know why. He kept quiet until they had reached the portrait hole.

"By the way, nice hex back there on Snivellus; what was that? I've never seen that spell before. He was a right arse the other day… him and that whole lot from Slytherin are-"

At the mention of the other day, Lily lost her temper. She turned her wand on Potter as they reached the top of the steps, shouting an unintelligible spell as she flicked it in his direction. James was hit by a powerful stinging sensation all over his body. He yelped and stepped away from her.

"OW! What the hell was that for?" shouted James.

Lily looked stricken for a moment; she started to reach for him, but then reconsidered. James stared her down. "What was that for, huh? What did I do?"

Lily recovered her thoughts. "It's payback for all the times you've hexed someone when they didn't deserve it!" she said, fumbling for an excuse.

James glared. "I was trying to be _supportive_! I didn't do anything! Why didn't you hit Snape with that when he insulted you?"

"I thought you took care of it for me," Lily muttered coolly.

James glared at her and Lily glared back. There were a few moments of silence, and then she turned on her heel and entered the portrait hole. James stood on the steps and stared at the picture of the fat lady, fuming with anger. He growled and walked down the steps angrily, suddenly desperate to get outside.

"Prongs? What's up, we were supposed to mess around on the Quidditch pitch," Sirius called from down the corridor.

James snorted and turned around to follow Sirius to the pitch. His expression was hard and angry. "What's got your boxers in a bunch?"

"Evans hexed me."

"What?" Sirius laughed.

"It's not funny, it hurt. I think it was a stinging hex… she hexed me! I didn't do anything!" He shouted as Sirius roared with laughter.

"And it hurt? Wow, that's impressive. Why didn't you block it?"

"Snivellus was following her after breakfast, trying to apologize I guess, and she turned around and hit him with this spell that made his toenails grow. It tore up his trainers; it was actually kind of funny," James admitted. "But then, I followed her and I asked her to the ball… and I tried to tell her I thought that Snape had been an arse the other day… and she just turned around and hexed me! She said it was payback for all the times I did it to someone who didn't deserve it," he spat angrily.

Sirius continued to laugh. "Ah, that cracks me up. She's feisty; I can't believe she got you," he continued.

"Shut up," said James, walking faster out to the Quidditch field.

Lily, on the other hand, had walked through the portrait hole and ran straight into Alice, who gave her an un-approving glare.

"What?" Lily asked innocently.

"So… I heard what happened outside the portrait," muttered Alice matter-of-factly.

"So what? It's nothing worse than what he's done; hexing people just because they annoy him… he was annoying me!" Lily shouted, moving around her and heading toward the stairs.

"You're going to sink to his level?"

Lily paused, she had just finished ranting to Maureen about Severus sinking to the level of his creepy friends, and now she had sunk to the level of a bully.

"Maybe you should apologize to him," said Alice as she walked toward the portrait hole. "It's not his fault that Snape hurt your feelings. And from what it sounded like, all he was trying to do was be nice."

Lily turned over her shoulder to see Alice walk out the portrait hole to wherever she was headed, feeling her cheeks grow warm as the portrait door clicked shut. Alice was right; Potter hadn't deserved that. Lily sighed and ascended to her room to change for the ball, feeling sheepish and self conscious as she dressed in her long blue gown.

Lily stared at her reflection; her green eyes and red hair stood out in drastic contrast to her creamy white skin. The blue dress was pretty; it had been her sister's and she'd stolen it before she had left home this past September. Though, it fit Petunia much better than it did Lily since she was shorter and not as angular as Petunia. Lily frowned, wondering what exactly anyone in world could see in her. She was not short, but not tall… she felt skinny, but hid what curves she did have because they weren't as smooth and rounded as Lily thought they should be. What did Max Lingholm, or Bertram Aubrey… or James Potter see in her?

As Lily's thoughts strayed to James, she sighed and sat down on her bed, still staring at her reflection in the full length mirror that Julia had dragged up there earlier in the day. She would have to apologize to him; her actions had been unnecessary and harsh. She wondered exactly how she should phrase it, since it was so obvious that she felt a great deal of disdain toward him. She knew the reason for the dislike: he could be mean, and arrogant, and cruel. He was always acting a fool every time she saw him – fussing with his hair, playing with a snitch, gallivanting around on his broomstick before Quidditch, or strutting through the halls with Sirius Black like they owned the world. Sometimes Remus and Peter Pettigrew joined in, and then they called themselves the Marauders.

_Marauders_, Lily thought to herself. _What a silly name for a four person gang; the only plundering they do is in detention for all the stunts they pull_. She rolled her eyes and stood, toeing on her shoes and giving herself a final glance. She would apologize to Potter to assuage her guilt and get herself back on track. But that would be the end of it, the end. The rest of the girls in Hogwarts might think him fantastically brilliant, immensely handsome and the height of cool, but at this point, Lily couldn't see past the class bully that she'd been watching for the past five years.


	3. Friends

"Friends"

_"Friends" Band of Skulls_

* * *

"Yes… Yes, I look quite sharp, if I do say so myself," Sirius was muttering as he examined his dress robes in the mirror. They were a deep midnight blue, and his shaggy, tousled hair was lying perfectly carefree around his face. His grey eyes looked mysterious, and the cologne he had borrowed from Longbottom was sure to attract attention from the various girls he would approach.

"I don't understand why we're going to this stupid thing," Peter muttered as he fussed with the clasps on his sleeve. He was wearing traditional black robes and his blonde hair was tousled in an attempt to mimic Sirius' casual appearance. "Moony is already at the shack, it'll be full moon in a few hours. Why can't we just go keep him company?"

"Because, you dolt, it's dangerous if we're there when he actually transforms," replied Sirius; he had now taken to smoothing out the lapels on his robes and didn't even glance in Peter's direction.

"That, and if we don't make an appearance at the ball it'll look suspicious," James muttered from his spot on the bed. His robes were dark bottle green, and they made his hazel eyes appear brighter than they normally were. He fussed with his messy hair, trying at first to make it lie flat, and then forgoing the attempt and ruffling it so it stood out at all angels in an attempt at casual elegance.

"Plus, James will never be able to complete his wanking if he doesn't see how Evans looks in her dress," said Sirius lightly while Peter sniggered.

"Shut up," muttered James, still fussing with his robes. "I didn't see you accepting any dates, so you'll be in the same boat as I am."

"You're right, but Miss Tottleham said she'd save a dance for me, and I believe I'll be getting some snoggy snog before the night is over," Sirius muttered. "You could see if you can catch Felicity's eye, she still thinks you're quite the catch."

James snorted; Felicity Flutterhorn was a Ravenclaw in their year who was openly smitten with James. They had been on a date the year previously, and James had succumbed to her wish to kiss him, but he felt nothing for her. It wasn't that she was unattractive; for James, it was that she wasn't Lily Evans. He'd been caught up with her ever since their third year at Hogwarts, when she had unknowingly discovered a way he could help out one of his best friends.

"I think being an Animagus would be a huge advantage," she had said when several other of their classmates were discussing the transformation process during Defense Against the Dark Arts. McGonagall had shown them her transformation into a cat the previous class. All the students were impressed and had talked animatedly about it as they walked between classes. "Look at Professor McGonagall, if she wants to avoid detection or sneak past danger, she can simply transform, there's no fighting involved."

"There's that, which is a good point; but now we're on to werewolves, and that would _not_ be a huge advantage," Mary McDonald had replied.

"Well, if you knew someone who was a werewolf, and you were an Animagus, you might be able to keep them company since they respond to other animals," Lily had pointed out.

And that was where James had gotten the idea. He knew about Remus' condition the first year of school, but other than being supportive, he had no way to help his friend out. Now, from her comment, he had a plan. James and Sirius spent hours and hours in the Restricted Section of the Hogwarts Library, undetectable under his invisibility cloak, researching the transformation process. It had taken them almost three years, but that past September, they had figured it out: the Animagus transformation.

James and Sirius proceeded to fill in Peter in on the secret and began to teach him all they had learned. James had been the first one to attempt it; he'd rather injure himself than watch his friends get hurt if something went wrong.

"Whoa… that's incredible!" Sirius had shouted when James transformed into an enormous stag. He followed suit, transforming into a large, and very shaggy, black dog. Peter had much more trouble, but finally managed to shift from his small, frail figure into a large grey rat. It was perfect; James and Sirius were large enough to keep Remus from attacking anyone or anything when he was in his werewolf form, and Peter would be able to sneak down by the Whomping Willow so they could release him from his monthly prison.

"This… I can't believe this," Remus said in a shocked voice when they explained what they had done and how they planned to accompany him during the full moon. James knew he had done the right thing when Remus had come back to class after the next full moon with fewer scratches and cuts and in a much better humor.

And thus, their monthly adventures began; though it had only happened nine months earlier, it felt like they had been sneaking out onto the grounds for ages. And tonight would be another one, the last full moon of their fifth year. Sirius had grand plans to explore the deep parts of the Forbidden Forrest to see if they could find what made the loud clicking and scuttling sounds that echoed from deep within. As soon as it was Midnight, they would be off; but for now, James, Sirius and Peter were descending the steps of Gryffindor Tower to head to the ball.

Sirius strutted along, looking somewhat like a peacock as he took in his throws of admirers on their walk. Peter didn't receive the same attention, but he basked in Sirius' glow and flirted his way all the same. James was also on the receiving end of many compliments as they passed, but once they entered the Great Hall, his eyes sought out Lily.

He didn't see her all through dinner, he wondered if perhaps she had skipped again. Watching James turn his head from left to right every minute or so finally started to wear on Sirius.

"For Merlin's sake, man, just … calm down," he said rolling his eyes. "Can you explain to me exactly what it is? You hardly know her; every time you try to talk to her she acts disgusted. What's the attraction?"

"What's the attraction?" asked James raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

"She's a fox, I'll give you that; and she's pretty clever… but she can't stand you, mate…" explained Sirius, trailing off.

"That's not true," said Marlene from a few seats down. James turned and looked at her quizzically. "She just finds you annoying. Lily hates bullies; mostly because her sister is one to her, so I think that's a factor."

"Well, what can I do to change her mind?" James asked.

"Be nice, I suppose," shrugged Alice from beside Marlene.

"That didn't work out so well earlier today," muttered James darkly.

Alice grimaced, but then Frank came over and put his arms around her shoulders. "Everything's done, so as soon as the plates are cleared off we can get this thing started. Evans has it set up so as soon as Dumbledore clears everything off the decorations will just pop out; I was impressed," he explained.

"Where're you off to next year, Longbottom?" asked Sirius curiously. Frank was in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts. He had completed his N.E.W.T. testing and had been seen talking to several Ministry representatives.

"I'm pretty sure to the Auror office; Crouch and I met last week to talk about it. They really need the help," he said shaking his head.

"Voldemort still gathering followers?" James asked.

"Yeah… and a lot of them. Some of them come to Hogsmeade on the weekends, trying to pick up more people to the cause. The Ministry has been sending patrols, but unless they flat out catch them in the act of doing something foul, there's nothing they can do to prevent them from coming. And I heard rumor he's got a tribe of Giants and the werewolf Greyback on his side. It's getting bad out there; last week they found the bodies of two ministry officials who had petitioned for the protection of Muggle-born families. Both of them looked like they'd been tortured for a while," he explained.

"Blimey… I didn't read about that," muttered Sirius, looking around to see if anyone had seen the article.

"Well, no one would have; The Prophet blacked it out. People are scared enough as it is," explained Frank.

James shook his head; it was getting serious. His parents had been keeping him informed on the happenings outside of school, both of them expressing a lot of worry but confident that he was safe while under the protection of Dumbledore. His father was actually upset that he was too elderly to fight, but James' mum said they were doing what they could to protest what was happening.

Sirius' parents were the opposite, they weren't actively involved, but were supportive of Voldemort's efforts: the eradication of Muggles and Muggle-borns and moving wizards back into power. James thought it was ridiculous, as did Sirius; but unfortunately he was going back to the Black household again this summer to be screeched at by his insane mother and compared to his perfect younger brother, Regulus, who was in Slytherin house.

Remus' family felt the same way the Potter's did; that a witch or wizards heritage was unimportant when compared to how they behave. Though, this belief had ultimately caused Remus to be attacked by a werewolf as a small child, so they never discussed their opinions much. James knew that the Lupins were extremely happy that Remus had found friends who supported him, as they were elderly and wouldn't be around for his whole life.

"Can I have your attention please?" the Headmaster's voice called. Everyone looked up as Albus Dumbledore moved toward the podium. His long, white beard flowed past his waist and he gazed at the room with a bemused expression.

"The end of another year has come to a close, and we will depart tomorrow for our summer homes. Before I announce the winner of the House Cup this year, I'd like to impart on you how important it is at this moment, and each moment throughout your lives, to consider how your decisions and actions will affect the others around you. The world is a changing place, and words of kindness today may assist you in the future. Don't forget your friends and the relationships you have formed this year, carry each other through the darkness, for only together can we find the light.

"And now, I am pleased to announce that all points have been tallied for the House cup. In fourth place is Ravenclaw with 478 points," Dumbledore continued. There was a smattering of applause from the third table to the left. "In third place, Hufflepuff house with 489 points." A second smattering of applause followed. "In second place, Slytherin house with 497 points. And in first place," Dumbledore said, pausing as he was interrupted by a roar of applause from the far right table, "Gryffindor house, with 509 points."

James, Sirius and Peter roared with laughter and applause, as did the rest of their table. Dumbledore smiled benevolently down upon them all, and James swore he saw him chuckle lightly. "And now, on to your dancing and other amusement," he said with a wave of his wand. The tables disappeared, the candles that lit the ceiling grew brighter, and the room was doused in confetti from above. Streamers and satin hangings with the Gryffindor lion appeared over the windows as people started to move about. A band was setting up in the corner to play as James, Sirius and Peter observed everyone partaking in pumpkin juice from a large bowl and beginning to talk with one another.

"Well, boys, I'm off to find Miss Tottleham," said Sirius, puffing out his chest in an arrogant manner. "I expect she's been waiting for me to –"

"Hey, Julia! Want to dance?" James yelled across the room at the silvery blonde. She turned her head curiously between him and Sirius before nodding and beckoning him over.

Sirius' face was alight with shock; James laughed loudly. "Well, maybe you'll have time for some wanking while I dance with Miss Tottleham for a minute, eh old boy?" teased James. He clapped Sirius on the back and strolled off to escort Julia onto the dance floor.

"I think he did that on purpose," muttered Peter.

"Really? Really, Wormtail?" replied Sirius in a scathing tone. But then he chuckled as Julia and James looked in his direction, both of them laughing at his reaction. Sirius rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hey, there's Evans," muttered Peter looking over doors to the Great Hall.

Sirius turned his eyes toward where Peter was looking, noticing that James had not yet seen the object off his obsession. Sirius watched Lily walk in and take a seat by the punch bowl, smiling brightly at several people that passed by her.

Sirius grinned mischievously and laughed a bark-like chuckle, causing Peter to jump. "Watch this," he said, nudging him as he walked across the hall toward where Lily sat.

Lily was absentmindedly twirling her wand when she saw a shadow approaching her. She looked up to see Sirius Black, very handsomely dressed in his robes, walking toward her with a smirk on his face. "Hello, Evans," he greeted, holding out his hand. Lily eyed him curiously before lifting her hand into his. He kissed the back of her palm and gave her a charming smile, "You're looking stunning tonight, no surprise."

Lily raised her eyebrows curiously and pulled her hand away. "Um… thanks?"

"Care to dance?"

"Er… well, I should probably stay here and keep an eye on things. Remus is gone, so I'm on prefect duty for the night and-"

"Well, you can spare me at least a song, can't you? There are other prefects in attendance," Sirius said in a charming voice.

Lily was about to deny him again when Professor Slughorn approached from her left. "Miss Evans! Looking lovely as usual; go on, have a dance with Mr. Black, here. I'll keep an eye on your charges," he said jovially.

Lily sputtered. "No, I really think-"

"Nonsense!" Slughorn insisted, helping Lily to her feet and passing her off to Sirius. "Go on, Mr. Black will take good care of you. This ball is for you all, not us… and I must say after the performance you gave in your Potions O.W.L. you definitely deserve a break," he explained with a wink in Lily's direction.

Lily sighed heavily as Sirius smirked and led her on to the dance floor. The song slowed and he took her hand in his, placing his other on her waist. He twirled her around elegantly, moving much farther away from the punch table than she had desired him too. Lily was surprised and impressed against her will by his mannerisms; Sirius was a very good dancer.

"Um… can I ask the reason for this?" she asked, moving away from him slightly.

Sirius laughed. "Does everything have to have a reason? You look nice, it's a dance so that's what you should do; and James stole my date, so I borrowed you for a bit," he explained.

"Who was your date?" asked Lily curiously.

"Tottleham," said Sirius.

Lily looked over his shoulder curiously at Julia, who was still dancing with James and now eyeing Lily with confusion. "She said she was going alone…"

"Alone, yes, but she agreed to save me a dance… which I took to mean all of them," explained Sirius as he twirled Lily a little closer to where James and Julia were.

Lily couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "I see… perhaps you were confused," she said.

"Nah, I was being an arrogant berk and teasing James about not having a date, so he stole mine… bloody git" said Sirius in a teasing voice.

Lily smiled. "You were being arrogant? I'd have never thought it."

"It's been known to happen," Sirius replied with a heavy sigh.

Lily chuckled again in spite of herself. Just then Julia caught her eye and mouthed "_what's that all about?_" before Potter spun them around and looked at her and Sirius in shock. He scowled at Sirius with such an angry expression that Lily blushed.

"I think you've upset him," she muttered quietly.

"Upset who?"

"Potter," said Lily nodding in his direction.

"Oh… I thought it might. He likes to think that you hate _all_ of us, but it's really just him," Sirius replied.

"I don't _hate_ him," said Lily in an affronted tone.

"You don't? Could have fooled me."

"Well, now just wait a second," Lily said, holding her position still. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you won't speak to him, and if you do it's always something sarcastic. You keep turning him down when he asks you out; last time he asked, you said if it was a choice between him and the giant squid, you'd take the squid. He thought about transfiguring himself into one… if you're really that into tentacles" explained Sirius, grinning as Lily scoffed, but laughed against her will. "But… generally you're just unfriendly or snarky."

"I am not _always_ unfriendly to him. You're one to call me snarky! What about-"

"You hexed him the today for no reason."

Lily flushed with color. "I was… very irritated. And I feel bad about that. Besides, you guys get up to much worse than I did."

"People annoy us," Sirius shrugged.

"But that's no reason to… oh forget it, you know what I'm going to say," said Lily, rolling her eyes as Sirius raised his finger to point out that she was being hypocritical. The song ended at that moment; Sirius released Lily's hand and bowed to her with a grin on his face.

"Thank you for the dance," he said in a charming voice.

Lily rolled her eyes, but again smiled in response to his extreme confidence and the way he was so comfortable around her. "Thank you," she muttered as she gave him a small nod. She turned to walk back to the drink table where Slughorn was now conversing avidly with Adrian Rollingsfield.

Lily hadn't gotten three feet away from Sirius when Severus stepped into her path. His choice in clothing made it obvious that he had not intended to come into the ball, but Lily suspected that seeing her dancing with Black had made him enter and storm across the floor in her direction. His eyes were full of anger as he glared over her shoulder at Sirius, who was scowling back at him with an equal amount of hatred. "Lily, I'd like to have a word with you," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Lily looked back into Severus' dark eyes and scowled. "No," she spat. Severus opened his mouth to protest her choice, but suddenly Potter appeared at Lily's shoulder.

"She said no," he reiterated, glaring at Severus harshly.

"I don't recall inviting you into the conversation," Severus replied smoothly, looking at James with an expression of deepest loathing.

"I was eavesdropping," explained James unashamedly, returning Severus' gaze with an equal amount of disgust. "And she said no," he reminded him.

"Yes, I heard that, thank you," Severus said to James before turning his black eyes back to Lily, who was still glaring at him. "Lily, I need to talk to you, and since you have no _dance_ _partner_ at the  
moment-"

"Oh, yes I do, and you're interrupting," said Lily quickly, grabbing James by the hand and dragging him away from Severus, who looked as though she had just slapped him across the face.

James could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he walked with her across the great hall; her hands were incredibly tiny, and her skin was so much softer than he ever imagined it would be. When she turned and released his hand, James' swallowed as his eyes finally were able to take in her appearance.

Lily was stunning; the blue dress she wore had thin straps that ran over her shoulders and appeared to criss-cross down her back. It was longer, past her calves; James noticed that she had removed her shoes, leaving her pale pink toenails and slender feet open to his vision. Her long red hair hung down past her shoulders like a curtain, she had pulled only a little of it back to keep it from her face. As always, her eyes stood out like brilliant emeralds and mesmerized him completely. He reached up and fussed with his hair, trying to find any kind of a compliment to give her that wouldn't make her run from him; but the longer he looked at her, and the more he tried to find the right words, the more active the butterflies in his stomach became, stealing the words from the tip of his tongue.

"Sorry about that, thank you for going along with it," Lily muttered after a few moments, her face flushing with color as she stared at the floor.

Her sudden gratitude caused James' confidence to return; he had unwittingly helped her avoid Snape, she had thanked him… _and_ she wasn't running away or looking at him like he was an insect to be squashed. Feeling cheeky, James held out his hand. "I thought you asked me to dance."

"Oh, no… I don't want to take you away from anyone, and I have to get back," said Lily, shaking her head, though she didn't take any steps to move away from him.

"I'm not with anyone," replied James, still holding out his hand invitingly.

"Well, I mean … if you don't want to… I don't want to make you uncomfortable and-"

"Evans… really?" he asked incredulously.

Lily considered him as he stood in front of her. James' dark hair was tousled every which way as usual, but his eyes stood out and seemed to match the color of his robes. James' expression was curious and eager, but also kind as he stared intensely into her eyes, a bemused smile playing across his lips. She did owe him an apology, and perhaps a dance would help make up for her unnecessary behavior from earlier.

"All right," she said quietly, placing her hand in his.

James gave her the happiest, most genuine smile Lily had ever seen; it lit up his whole face and made him appear extremely handsome and elegant as he pulled her into his arms. He held her much closer than Sirius had, his arm wrapped around her slender waist. James took one of Lily's hands and wrapped it around his shoulders and holding the other in his broad palm before he slowly began to twirl on the spot. She tried to ignore the flutters in her stomach that seemed to come out of nowhere as he pulled her body close to his. She inhaled deeply to calm herself, but was overwhelmed with a seductive clean, slightly musky scent that seemed to be embedded into the fabric of his robes.

They swayed on the spot for a few moments, and though James had felt cheeky and confident, it started to fade as he watched Lily blush and avoid his gaze. He tried to breathe evenly as he held her close to him; the intoxicating scent of her shampoo, or perfume, or whatever she used to make her smell so amazing was overwhelming his senses, and the feel of her warm body in his arms was stimulating and soothing all at the same time. She was close enough that he could feel her heartbeat through his robes; and from that he could tell that she was just as nervous about being that close to him as he was to her.

After a few moments of silence, both of them trying to focus on the music rather than their closeness, Lily gasped loudly as she gazed over James' shoulder. "Oh my," she said, very obviously trying to hide her amusement from him.

Curious, James craned his neck around to see Sirius and Julia standing hidden behind one of the Gryffindor hangings kissing furiously, their hands twisted in each other's hair as they swayed in time with the music.

"Merlin's beard, he wasn't kidding," laughed James.

"Kidding about what?" asked Lily curiously.

"He was bragging as we were walking down that he would be kissing her later; I guess he knew what he was talking about," James explained with a shrug.

Lily flushed with color and giggled slightly. "Julia _has_ fancied him for a while, though I hope he doesn't take her too seriously; she switches from one crush to the next week by week."

"Padfoot doesn't take anything seriously," replied James.

"Padfoot?"

"Just a nickname," James explained. He shook his head as he watched Sirius and Julia wrap themselves closer together; feeling bold, James pulled Lily a little closer to him, resting his chin against her hair and inhaling her sweet, clean, flowery scent.

Lily wondered how he could possibly be so comfortable with her when not even twenty four hours ago she had hexed him with a stinging spell that she knew caused a great deal of pain. He was holding her very close, his head resting against her hair and the pad of his thumb stroking her back absentmindedly, sending chills up her spine from the point of contact. "So…" Lily said quietly, trying to calm her own nerves which were now on high alert. "No date?"

"Well, considering I asked you to go with me earlier today… no, I didn't have much time to find a date," he replied.

"I'm sorry."

"S'all right. I'm okay with going stag; I like to keep my options open."

Lily gave him a confused glance, wondering why he had chuckled over his response. "Well, perhaps I should let you explore other ones then," she said quietly, a flutter of sadness running through her at the thought of him moving away.

"Nah," said James, turning his eyes back to hers. "I've exhausted all the good options. Besides, after this, finding a prettier dance partner would be difficult," he said with a grin.

Lily flushed with color as he gazed at her. She pulled away from him slightly, noting his smile fade as she did so. "What _do_ you see in me?" she asked, not even bothering to pretend she wasn't aware of his very obvious feelings toward her.

James blushed, but didn't turn his eyes away. "You don't have any idea what I see in you?"

"You barely know me," she pointed out.

"I can read people," he replied with a shrug. "You're nice, brilliant, cheeky, fun to be around. That's what I see right now, but I know there's more… and I'm curious."

Lily's face felt hot as she stared back at James. She didn't turn her eyes from his, and he resolutely kept a hold of her waist and hand even though she had pulled away from him marginally.

"Your eyes are… beautiful," James said suddenly, his voice dropping even lower.

Lily turned her eyes to the floor; James followed her gaze. "Where are your shoes?" he asked in an amused voice.

Lily shrugged. "I abandoned them earlier."

"Poor things."

Lily laughed, finding herself oddly amused by James' level of comfort and confidence. She turned her gaze back to his face, noting the quizzical look he was now giving her. "My turn now," he said, tilting his head to the side. "Why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you, Potter. I don't like how you act," she explained, looking back up at his handsome face. "Hexing people just for fun, or because they annoy you and –"

"Look at the pot calling the cauldron black," James muttered.

Lily sighed heavily and dropped her eyes again, feeling ashamed and embarrassed about her actions earlier that afternoon. "Potter, I am really sorry about that," she said earnestly. "I was… very upset, and very angry, and I took out on you and it wasn't fair. I apologize."

"Apology accepted," replied James, as though there wasn't a second thought about forgiving her. He pulled her closer to him again, grinning when she didn't resist. Lily felt her body relax slightly as James' arm wrapped around her tightly. "So, I've got another question," he said. "You don't like my hexing people just because… but, you're okay with Snivellus and his Dark Arts?"

Lily's expression hardened. "I was _not_ okay with that. I… kept thinking I could talk him away from it, we've known each other since we were kids and … I just thought he'd grow out of it."

"Well… I hate to break this to you, but leopards don't change their spots," he muttered.

Lily nodded, feeling anxious to move on from the subject. "Well… you and Black also tend to come across very arrogant. If leopards don't change their spots, it stands to reason that you're always going to act a little arrogant," she said, using his choice of words to call him out on his behavior.

"Well… I mean, Padfoot and I at least don't use all the dark curses. And we're-"

"Yes, I know you're both very talented, and all that," said Lily, cutting off his argument. "But you don't need to show off so much for people to see that. It's like you're compensating for something else," she explained.

James considered this, nodding in agreement. "All right… so, if I trade in my bad habits and change my spots, can we be friends?"

Lily smiled. "If you stop purposely getting in trouble and all that other stuff, then… yeah, we can be friends," she said. James beamed and continued to hold her and sway on the spot, even though the song had changed three times now. As long as she wasn't moving away, he would hold her all night if she'd let him.

"So, how is my dancing compared to Padfoot's?" asked James curiously after a few moments of silence hadpassed between them.

Lily chuckled lightly. "He's much more dramatic; I prefer your style. I'm actually enjoying myself," she said in a surprised voice.

"Fantastic," replied James brightly.

Lily flushed, but laughed in spite of herself. "Just… don't get more out of it than there is."

"I won't."

Two more songs passed as their conversation turned to the end of term and plans for the summer; then James heard Sirius calling his name from across the room. He looked at his watch, eleven forty-five. "And now, I'm afraid I must depart. It's late, and I'm tired out from all this swaying. You really shouldn't be so active, you know," he teased, noting how they hadn't moved from the spot they took after Lily had dragged him across the hall. "You danced me all over this room; I'm quite exhausted."

Lily laughed again. "I'll work on that. Thank you, Potter."

James released her from his arms, keeping her hand and kissing the back of it lightly. "Anytime, Evans."

Lily stood rooted to the spot, watching as he walked away, thinking that he was not nearly as bad as she had made him out to be.

There was a different spring in his step as James walked away from her. He met Sirius' grin with a broad smile and stretched his arms over his head.

"You owe me a thank you," Sirius muttered.

"I owe you nothing; I actually owe Snivellus a thank you. If it weren't for him, she probably wouldn't have had to use me as an excuse to get away," replied James.

"Right… but I softened her up for you," Sirius said as they began to walk back to the tower to change.

"I softened Tottleham up for you," said James. "Got her in good humor, gave her some pointers on how to score good with you. Apparently they worked."

"Or it's just my manliness that pulls them to me," replied Sirius, puffing out his chest. James laughed and shoved him as they both ran back to the tower, a sniggering Peter following in their wake.

Back inside the hall, Lily had made a quick dash to find Julia so she could be sure to avoid Severus. She had no desire to talk to him; she didn't care how sorry he was.

"Lily!" Julia shouted from across the room. Lily walked over and took a seat next to her, noting how the silvery blonde laughed loudly as she approached.

"What's funny?"

"You've just won me five galleons, brilliant!" Julia said hugging Lily tightly.

"How so?"

"Black and I made a bet that you wouldn't be able to stand Potter for as long as you did; he bet ten minutes, I gave you much more credit and said twenty. Thanks for suffering that out," she explained with laugh.

"I wasn't suffering," replied Lily. "He was perfectly polite; not one arrogant or rude comment… actually, he was rather amusing."

"Well, see! He's not all bad. We've been telling you that for ages," said Julia.

"Yes, well… we'll see. I told him if he stopped being an arrogant little berk and showing off all the time and getting into trouble, we could be friends. I'll see how long this good behavior lasts," muttered Lily, watching as Julia dissolved into giggles again. "You're just in such a good mood because you got some snogging done. I can't wait to tell Mary, she's going to have a fit," she said, taking a seat and elbowing her roommate lightly.

Within the next ten minutes, the ball had cleared out as everyone headed back to their houses. Lily stayed behind with the other prefects to help clean up, very thankful that Alice and Frank were able to escort her back to the tower when they were done. Severus was lurking around the entrance to the Great Hall and Lily did everything she could to communicate non-verbally to him that she had no desire to speak to him again.

At twenty past midnight, Lily finally walked upstairs, feeling tired and worn out from the evening and ready for bed. Julia was asleep already; Lily quietly changed out of her gown and into her night clothes. She brushed her hair and pulled into a long plait before glancing out the window at the full moon.

The door to her dormitory opened and Mary walked in, huffing angrily. "You've _got_ to do something about that little _prat_," she said, giving Lily an exasperated look.

"What?"

"_Snape_! I was coming up from the showers, and he's sitting on the steps in front of our portrait hole! I told him to bugger off, but he said he was waiting for you. I tried to tell him that I thought you'd already gone to bed, but he said he was going to sleep out there until you came out in the morning," explained Mary. "Pathetic!"

"Well, he can just sit there all night. I don't care," said Lily turning her attention back to the window.

"Obviously ignoring him hasn't given him a clue that you're not friends anymore. This can't go on; if you don't talk to him now, he's going to pester you all holiday and, personally, I wouldn't want that. But… that's my opinion. He's threatening to sleep down there, so you might want to make sure you have someone with you in the morning when we leave for the train," said Mary. She walked to her trunk and pulled out her night dress, changing silently while Lily stared out the window. Finally with an exasperated sigh, Lily pulled on her dressing gown and walked downstairs to the portrait hole.

James had forgotten the partially completed Hogwarts map and had run back into his dorm to get it so the four of them could make sure to chart any new pathways they found. As he descended the steps of the boys' dorms, Lily had opportunistically appeared and he was able to follow her out the portrait hole, under protection of his inherited invisibility cloak. When she opened the frame and stepped onto the top stair, James paused when he saw Snape sitting on the ground waiting for her. Curious, he side stepped around Lily and stood back to watch the action, wondering what she could possibly be doing talking to him now when it was obvious earlier she didn't want anything to do with him.

"What do you want?" asked Lily. James was taken aback by the cold tone of her voice; it was icy compared to the warmth with which she had spoken to him earlier.

"You looked as though you were enjoying yourself earlier," said Severus bitterly.

"I didn't come down here to listen to you criticize my choice in dance partners. I'll remind you that I can talk to or dance with whomever I want; you don't LET me do anything," Lily spat. James stifled a snigger behind his hand when Snape flinched at her words.

Severus turned his eyes to the ground and sighed heavily. "Listen… after the O.W.L… I was really angry that day… I-"

"It's not an excuse," replied Lily coldly. "Nothing excuses you calling me that after all the times you told me it didn't matter what my blood was."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath."

Lily folded her arms over her chest and stared at Severus with a vindictive glare. "I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

Severus looked up finally. "I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just –"

"Slipped out?" Lily said without pity; the harsh tone in her voice made James and Severus both take a few steps back. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your _precious_ little Death Eater friends- you see!" she shouted, pointing a finger at him to emphasize her point. "You don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus opened his mouth again, but then closed it without a sound. James had suspicions about this fact; obviously Lily had as well, and now that Snape didn't even try to deny it, James felt hatred rise up in his system for the black-haired git. He knew that as a member of the Death Eaters, Snape would be trying to kill Lily and other Muggle-borns. He wondered vaguely how Avery and Mulciber would respond if they saw him here, on his knees, cowering for Lily the Muggle-born's forgiveness.

Lily shook her head. "I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine," she said in a tone of finality.

"No!" Severus begged. He stood up and stepped toward her, trying to take her hands in his; Lily scowled and backed away from him with a disgusted expression. "Listen, I didn't mean-"

"-to call me Mudblod?" asked Lily, finishing the thought. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

Snape struggled, sputtering out sounds that attempted to form themselves into intelligible thoughts; but Lily glared at him contemptuously and walked back through the portrait hole, slamming it shut behind her.

A cold silence filled the hallway; James watched as Severus sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands.

"Well, I suppose you'd better get back to your own house then," said the Fat Lady, giving Severus a cold look. James watched as Snape remained in front of the door, hanging his head like a dog that had just been turned out in the rain. He wondered how Snape could expect anything less from her. Did he expect Lily to shrug off his insult as though nothing had happened? Lily wasn't the type to take something like that lightly, nor should she be; Snape had insulted her, her family, her abilities and worth, and effectively told her he wanted her to die all in one word.

James shook his head as he walked down the steps. He heard Snape's footfalls following behind him, but felt no sympathy for the dark arts obsessed slime-ball as he watched him storm off down the hall and back to the Slytherin common room. James shook his head again and broke into a sprint, eager to get back outside and to exploring.

Lily was leaning against the door to the portrait hole. She frowned and shook her head in disgust. Severus had honestly been expecting her to just let him off the hook, again, after so many times she had already agreed to look the other way. But no more - she had meant what she'd said. Whatever gave her a pass from his hatred wasn't acceptable; either he accepted all Muggle-borns or none of them, and that was final.

She walked across the common room and leaned against the tall window, looking outside at the full moon brightly lighting up the grounds. Her heart ached slightly; when she returned home tomorrow, she would have no companion over the summer, no one to talk to about the magical world. Even for his interest in all things evil and dark, she had appreciated his camaraderie during the long holidays. Her mother and father had been bemused and intrigued by her abilities, but Petunia was horrid, and no one other than Severus had understood her.

Going home would be worse now that her father was gone. He had passed away the previous August from cancer, and now it was only Lily's mum, Petunia, and herself that occupied the three bedroom house in Hedge End. Lily's mother was still grieving, though she didn't talk much about his passing to either of her daughters. Lily wiped a tear away from her cheek and laid her head against the cool glass of the window.

A flurry of movement down on the grounds caught her eye. A figure was walking toward the Whomping Willow, completely carefree in the moonlight. Lily pressed her forehead against the glass, trying to see who was out this late at night on the grounds.

It was Potter, walking completely unashamed across the grounds. Not even two hours ago had she told him that if he would stop breaking the rules and causing trouble, she would agree to be his friend; he couldn't hold up a promise for more than two hours. Lily felt furious. She had apologized to him, had a pleasant discussion with him, laughed at his jokes and accepted his compliments; she had started to see him in a different light… and here he was, breaking the rules and breaking his promise to behave without even a second thought to her feelings.

Between Severus' expecting her to just look the other way at his dark activities and hatred for Muggle-borns, and Potter promising to change his attitude in return for her friendship, it was too much. Boys were ridiculous; she was going to catch up with him, confront him, and explain that _this_ was the reason she couldn't be friends with him, let alone ever agree to go out with him. It was this perpetual rule breaking, this feeling that he was above everyone else and didn't have to follow the guidelines, this attitude that he expected people to be so impressed with his abilities which made her so angry and exasperated with him.

Lily opened the door and snuck down the steps, ignoring the protests from the Fat Lady, and quietly made her way to the front doors of the castle. She was unsurprised to find that the main door was unlocked; it was the only way Potter could have gotten out. As soon as she was outside, she picked up her pace and stormed in the direction he had been heading, completely intent on calling him out on their constant refusal to obey the rules.


	4. Secret Keeper

_A/N: Thank you, thank you to several of my reviewers. Your words are extremely kind and it gives me so much happiness that you are enjoying reading as much as I am writing. I take all the advice and suggestions to heart. I truly have a path for this story so keep them coming and keep the thoughts. It's so interesting to build these characters how I've seen them in my head, and it's also such a wonderful opportunity for me to grow as an author. I'm truly thankful to JKR for not only her work, but her generosity in letting us play in her world. _

_Also, to my beta Sierra - who saved me during my last story and is helping me along with this one, thank you so much for your efforts and encouragement. It is appreciated beyond all words._

* * *

**Secret Keeper**

"_Hearing Damage" Thom Yorke_

* * *

"Jeeze, Prongs, took you long enough," called Sirius, shaking his head in disapproval.

"Ran into Evans and Snape," huffed James, slightly out of breath.

"Ugh… sorry about that," said Sirius, looking at James and expecting him to be more upset that Lily had decided to renew that friendship.

"She was telling him off," explained James, stuffing the map and invisibility cloak behind a small bush away from the Whomping Willow. "It was brilliant, actually. Stupid git was trying to tell her he didn't mean to call her a you-know-what, but she told him to save his breath because she wasn't interested in his excuses anymore. I'd love to tell his disgusting little friends about how he was standing their begging for her forgiveness when he's supposed to be training to be a Death Eater," said James.

"Oh, he'd fit right in with Voldemort, all the curses he knows… makes me sick how they think," said Sirius shaking his head.

"Oy! Remus is waiting," said Peter anxiously. James nodded and motioned for him to stop the willow's ferocious branches from swinging at them.

Peter assumed his rat form and ran to the knot on the tree; James and Sirius watched as the branches froze abruptly mid swing. They both closed their eyes and shifted into their Animagus selves; as soon as they had settled into the sensation of their animal bodies, Sirius darted through the tunnel that led to the Shrieking Shack to fetch the fourth member of the Marauders. A few minutes later he returned, followed by a large, lanky wolf that James recognized as Remus Lupin.

Remus' grey coat of fur stood out in the moonlight, making him look almost translucent. His eyes were slightly crazy, but Sirius had stepped in front of him and managed to make a connection through various types of howls and barks. Peter was scurrying around by James' feet; he could tell the little rat was anxious to get started. Once they'd managed to get Remus to acknowledge a few of their signs that he was accepting of the animals and would not attack, they started off toward the Forbidden Forest.

The only bad thing about being in their animal forms was trying to work through the inability to communicate with each other through speech. Over the course of the past nine months, they'd gotten to the point that they could read their animal expressions fairly well and were able to avoid situations that might put themselves, or anyone else, in danger. There was never anyone was out at this time of night, though; the grounds of Hogwarts were always empty, and if they went to Hogsmeade, the boys never went into the main area of town.

So when Remus raised his nose in the air and began sniffing excitedly, James and Sirius looked at each other with somewhat shocked expressions. Sirius barked, trying to call Remus' focus back to them, but something had caused his mind to switch back to its wolfish instincts. Suddenly Wormtail screeched loudly and nipped at James' ankle, causing him to turn his head to the east of where they stood. At the same time, Remus howled viciously and took off running toward the castle. Sirius glanced at James and barked loudly, both of them darting off after him, wondering what had caused his attention to shift. As they came up over a hill, still several feet behind Remus, James saw something that made his heart leap into his throat.

For some unknown reason, Lily Evans had decided after her argument with Snape that it would be a good night to take a stroll on the grounds. She was shivering, her arms wrapped protectively around her small frame; she hadn't bothered to change out of her night clothes, and she was completely unaware of what was coming her way. James pushed himself faster, watching Sirius do the same as he caught sight of Evans' slight figure that stood out against the dark backdrop.

Lily daren't call out for any of them, she didn't want to be caught wandering around the grounds and get a detention just because she was trying to put Potter in his place. The full moon cast eerie shadows on the ground, and she stuck close to the castle walls so as not to lose her way. When she reached the end of the castle walls, she paused, looking around for Potter before she proceeded any further. When she didn't see him anywhere near her, she sighed heavily and started walking quicker toward the area he had been heading. _I can't_ _believe I'm doing this_, she thought. _I must be crazy; why am I risking my neck for that arrogant, rule-breaking little twit? How could I be so stupid? What_ –

There was a long, eerie howl that cut off her thoughts; it echoed off the walls of the castle and all around her. Lily took a few more steps and froze on the spot, just out of reach of the Whomping Willow's swinging branches; her senses on were high alert, she looked from left to right, trying to figure out the source of the howl. As goose bumps arose on her skin, she realized with a start that she didn't even have her wand with her; she was completely defenseless against whatever was out here. Moving slowly, Lily began to walk backwards toward where she had come from, glancing around herself anxiously. She was about to turn and make a run back to the front doors of the Great Hall when she saw it.

An enormous grey wolf was bounding over the hill directly toward her; rounded eyes with dilated pupils, a long narrow snout, and a tufted tail all confirmed her fears. Everyone knew there were rumors about werewolves in the forest, but no one believed them. And now Lily was witnessing first hand that the rumors were true. There _were_ werewolves on the Hogwarts grounds; and one was running straight for her, its eyes crazy and its teeth barred in a vicious snarl.

Lily broke into a sprint and ran toward the double doors that would lead her back inside the safety of the castle. She could hear the animal's pants and growls behind her and pushed her legs to move faster. Suddenly she was knocked flat against the ground as something heavy and very furry ran into her. An ear piercing scream left her throat and echoed through the air as Lily's hands flew up defensively and she braced herself for the impact of the wolf's gigantic paws.

But the impact did not come; a second growling sound filled her ears and caused a tremble of fear to race through her. Lily opened her eyes to see a large stag standing in front of where she was curled up on the ground, using its antlers and hooves to kick and push the enraged werewolf away from her. There was also an enormous black dog that snapped and snarled at the wolf, also pushing it back. She scrambled backwards away from the creatures; her eyes were wide with fear as her back pressed against the castle wall and she silently watched the fight.

The werewolf howled in anguish, making dive after dive for Lily, but it was blocked each time by the stag's antlers and the black dog's jaws wrapping around its legs and throwing it off balance. Finally, the wolf turned and ran off for the forest, howling in agony as the black dog pursued quickly behind it. The stag stood in front of Lily like a guardian, its head raised and posture alert as it watched the two animals run away.

Lily felt a tugging sensation at the sleeve of her dressing gown, and turned to see a small grey rat pulling at her clothes. Confused and breathing heavily, she stood up and watched as the animal walked toward the door; pausing every few moments to look back at her and motion for her to follow. Lily stood rooted to the spot, the shock of what just happened coursed through her tired head.

Just then, she remembered that Potter was still out here somewhere, and that werewolf was on the loose. She had to warn him, she couldn't live with herself if something happened to him and she had done nothing to try and stop it. Lily looked around anxiously and opened her mouth to call out him, but the stag stepped in front of her and made a grunting noise. Lily paused and watched as the little rat ran away from them, heading in the direction the wolf and dog had gone. The stag watched them go, its large hazel eyes following them into the distance.

Large hazel eyes…

Lily gasped and stepped up to the animal to get a closer look; its fur was a dark brown, but there was a pure black stripe that ran the length of its neck. She looked at its eyes again, realizing how familiar the large hazel ovals seemed… like she'd just been staring into them only a few hours ago…

"J-James?" she asked incredulously. The stag turned and looked at her, its eyes narrowing angrily as it stared her down. "Potter? Is that… what on earth?" she asked again, but he did not respond. Instead, the stag stepped toward her and nudged her further away from the willow, which was still swinging its branches angrily. She obeyed, still not believing what her eyes were telling her. The stag turned and walked away from her toward the Whomping Willow, disappearing for a few seconds behind a tree that was just out of reach of the willow's branches. After a moment, James Potter emerged and walked back around the trunk carrying a cloak of some kind, his expression full of fury as he approached her.

James walked closer to where Lily stood with her mouth gaping in surprise; fury raced through him as he shook out the cloak and stared her down. "Get under here," he said quietly, holding up the cloak and motioning for her to join him under it. Lily was still frozen to the spot, her eyes full of disbelief and shock. "I said _get under here_!" James snarled.

Lily obeyed this time, walking next to him as he lowered the silvery cloak over them both. He put his hand on her back and shunted her forward, cold fury radiating off him. "Is this an invisibility cloak?" she asked quietly, unable to contain her curiosity as to how Potter obtained such an object.

"Yes," he replied coldly. "Now shut up until we get back to the common room."

Lily scoffed, but obeyed. They walked quickly, and were at the portrait hole in less than three minutes. James pulled off the cloak and gave the password without even looking at her; when the door opened, he unceremoniously pushed Lily inside and followed, slamming the door behind him.

Lily looked around nervously, but the room was thankfully empty. She took a few steps back as James walked toward her, towering over her as he looked her up and down, anger evident on every line of his face.

"Are you all right?" he asked, watching her nod. His posture relaxed slightly and he his hand went up and began to fuss with his hair. "What were you _thinking_? I guess hanging around Snivellus that long wore off on you; were _you_ sneaking around trying to figure out what we were up to? Spying perhaps, hoping to get us in trouble?" he asked coldly.

Lily stood up taller, the anger that had vanished upon sight of the werewolf now returning. "I was _not_ following you anywhere; nor would I want to spy on you for any reason!" she hissed. "I was getting ready for bed, and I saw you out there _wandering_ around. You promised me earlier that you were going to give up all your bad habits, like breaking the rules and –"

"You could have been bitten or killed; do you realize that? Do you realize what almost happened to you? You were almost attacked! I think my breaking the rules should be the least of your concern," replied James raising his voice.

"Well, you could just as easily have been killed! What on earth are you doing running around the grounds with a werewolf? And - and you're an _Animagus_! Do you realize how _illegal_ that is?" she asked, the pitch of her voice rising from either shock or rage, she didn't know which emotion was stronger at the moment.

"Again, you could have been killed. I don't-"

"An ANIMAGUS! Potter… you have to register! I can't believe-"

"I don't have to do a damn thing, Evans. I'm not registering and neither-"

"I can't believe this! How do you live with yourself? This is not like hexing someone or breaking into the restricted section, not registering as an Animagus is ILLEGAL! You could go to Azkaban! Do your friends know about this? What… what would they think? What kind of an example are you setting?" Lily shouted at him, her hands now resting on her hips in a very motherly fashion.

James sighed, but relief rushed through him as he realized that she had not connected the dots and figured out that he wasn't alone in his rule breaking. "The illegality of my actions is none of _your_ business. Aside from that, I just saved your life; you at least owe me a promise not to tell anyone."

"But, it's extremely illegal! Why on Earth did you–"

"Promise me, Evans… not a word! You could have died, I saved you. You owe me," James said, his voice full of rage.

"I don't owe you-"

"I saved your life! Illegal or not, I could have just let him attack you!"

Lily gasped. "You… you wouldn't have let that happen… would you?" she asked, her eyes wide and suddenly watery.

James frowned, suddenly feeling immensely guilty for being so harsh with her. "No… of course not. I couldn't live with myself if I let something like that happen to you… or anyone. But… me being an Animagus is responsible for you being alive, and still human, at this point… the least you could do is promise not to tattle on me," he said, lowering his voice but retaining the firm tone he had been using during their conversation.

Lily nodded, watching James' face curiously. She'd never seen him look so angry, but her curiosity as to why he had illegally pursued and learned the very complex Animagus transformation process wasn't quelled. "Why… in Merlin's name… would you become an Animagus just to run around with a werewolf? What could possibly come of it? How do you even know who… who…" but Lily trailed off, several pieces of an even bigger puzzle came together in her head.

Lily gasped loudly and looked at James again, whose expression went from fury to shock all in a matter of seconds. He closed his eyes and hung his head, swearing under his breath. "No… is… that's someone you know? Who? Is it someone I know?" asked Lily.

James did not reply, and in the silence that seemed to swell between them, Lily recalled a conversation she had with Severus not even two months ago.

"_There's something funny about that Lupin."_

"_They say he's ill…"_

"_Every month at the full moon?"_

Lily swayed on the spot before she sat down in the chair by her side; her head spun as the realization of all the secrets she was now aware of came crashing down on her.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Suddenly, so many things made sense: his frequent absences, his pale features and sickly behavior each month, the scratches and bruises he never explained, his avoidance of talking about himself for any length of time. "That … that was Remus," she said quietly, it was not a question.

James watched her for a moment as the shock of what she had learned tonight sank in upon her. He knelt down in front of her, his anger softening a little. "Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, and McGonagall all know; they take him to the Shrieking Shack each month to transform. I learned to be an Animagus to keep him company, so it wasn't so awful for him each month. It's helped him a lot."

"I can't believe this. Oh, how awful for him…" she said quietly.

"You can't say a word, Evans," James said, the harshness coming back into his voice. "It would kill him; he's already going to be extremely upset tomorrow when he remembers what happened. His worst fear is that something is going to happen, and he's going to harm someone. You can't say a word!"

"I … I won't," Lily replied quietly. "I just… I feel awful… How long-"

"I'm not going to talk about it; it's his life and I'm not going to go telling you all about it because it would upset him. Just promise me- _look at me_, Evans- promise me that you won't say a word, to anyone!" James shouted. Lily flushed and nodded before hanging her head, feeling ashamed that she had not kept her nose out of his business.

James stood up and looked her over again, part of him still filled with anger at her stupidity in wandering around the grounds at that time of night, and the other part longing to hold her and make sure she really was in one piece. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Lily nodded, staring at the floor and feeling tears well up in her eyes.

"All right… I'm going now; you should… you should go to sleep," he muttered, watching Lily nod while staring at the floor. James wanted to say something more, but refrained; he was fairly sure she was crying, but he did not know how to comfort her without revealing more about him and his friend's secret lives. He walked away, feeling guilty for shouting at her, and nervous about the knowledge she now possessed.

Lily heard the portrait hole shut as James went back outside. She walked up to her room and ran to the window. Not even five minutes later, she watched as the stag that had just saved her life raced across the grounds into the forest. She sat down on her bed, the weight of what just happened and Remus' situation crashing upon her like a waterfall. Tears welled up in her eyes for the second time in less than a month and she curled up in her bed, crying softly until she fell asleep.

Morning came quicker than she had expected. Lily arose, exhausted from the night before, and quickly packed her trunk. She was up earlier than everyone else in the room, and practically ran to the carriages to avoid talking to anyone about the bags under her eyes and why she was so tired. Soon enough, she was on the train and settled into a compartment. As students filed onto the train, their laughter and chatter began to cause Lily to feel worse than she already did about the knowledge of Remus' incurable condition and the illegal actions James had taken to help his friend out. Lily stood and closed the curtain to her door, locking it at the same time and settled herself down for the ride.

She slept the entire train ride home, waking only when jolts from the track shifted the carts as they moved along. When the train came to a stop and the whistle blew, she stood and stretched, sighing heavily as she glanced out the window. Another year over, another summer at home; but this one would be very different.

Her trunk felt enormously heavy as she heaved it off the top shelf and drug it towards the door. When she opened the entrance to her compartment, she found herself face to face with James and Remus who were walking behind Sirius and Peter on their way off the train. Remus had a depressed and concerned look on his face, but James still appeared marginally angry as he glanced at her. She lowered her head and stepped back to let them pass, waiting as a few other people walked by to separate her from them as she exited the train. She watched as students passed through the magical barrier in pairs of twos, assuring that she was the last one to cross over.

The platform was crowded as families converged on their children with hugs and kisses. It was never difficult to figure out who was Muggle-born. Their families were always amused or shocked by the chaos that existed on the platform: owls hooting loudly in their cages, students struggling with trunks and broomsticks as they hugged their friends and parents.

Lily started on her path toward the front of the station, waving to her group of friends as she passed them. She watched briefly as James and Sirius chatted animatedly with an elderly couple that was fawning over them both. Lily assumed they must be James' parents; the man had the same shaped nose and build as James and the woman had his hazel eyes and giddy smile.

Remus was standing a few feet away from them, his parents examining him curiously; they looked happy to see him, but all three of them appeared to be sad at the same time. Lily wondered when he had been bitten, and how hard it had been on his parents to know that their only child would live with the curse for the rest of his life.

James turned over his shoulder and watched Lily walk past them toward where her parents must be waiting. Curious as to what her family was like, he said he was anxious to get home in order to get his parents to move closer to where she was walking.

"Blimey, check out Evans' ride," said Sirius, pointing to the far side of the platform. Lily was walking toward a tall girl with a very narrow face and beady eyes. The girl was accompanied by a rather stocky fellow who appeared to be at least eighteen or nineteen. Lily had a resigned expression on her face as she approached the car: a brilliant red convertible with shiny wheels and leather seats.

James' expression contorted into a mixture of confusion and disgust as he eyed the girl Lily was walking toward. They looked nothing a-like; where Lily's hair was thick and a beautiful dark auburn, the girl or woman she was now talking to had mousy blonde hair that was cropped short and curled around her face. Lily's eyes were brilliant green and stunning, and her skin was a creamy peach color that flushed with color when she was happy or embarrassed; the woman's eyes were dark brown and her skin was pale and seemed to be stretched over her broad cheek bones. There were other differences as well: Lily was shorter, curvier, and softer; the girl was tall, thin in the extreme, and appeared to be bony and sharp. Lily's lips were soft, and when she smiled it lit up the space around her like a glowing star; the girl she spoke with had thin lips that looked as though they hadn't smiled in years. They were night and day; James wondered who exactly this person was that Lily was going home to for the summer. "That _can't_ be her mum," said James, his tone of voice un-approving and harsh.

"It's not her mum; it's her sister," whispered a voice from behind them, pulling James out of his analysis. He and Sirius turned to see Julia and Marlene watching as well, both of their expressions concerned as Lily packed her trunk in the back of the convertible and eyed the back seat with a resigned expression. "They look nothing alike, lucky for Lils," said Julia with a disgusted expression.

"Lily says she's not very nice, and from the look of it I believe her," said Marlene darkly

James turned back and watched as Lily's sister brusquely waved her forward so she could seat herself in front next to the stocky gentlemen that was driving. Sirius and Julia had begun to talk about corresponding through the summer, but James' attention was focused on Lily.

"Where does she live?" he asked curiously.

"Hedge End, just outside of Southampton," Julia said lightly. James chuckled and made a mental note; she wasn't terribly far from where he lived. He then joined his parents who were waiting behind him, watching him curiously.

Lily had put her luggage into the trunk of the car and was pulling her hair out of her face while Petunia shunted her toward the back seat. " Where's mum?" she asked.

"Mother is busy with things, so I was sent to fetch you. Now, I don't want you mentioning anything about your… condition… while Vernon is around. I haven't explained to him yet, and I'd like to avoid it as long as I can," she said coldly.

"Don't worry, I'll keep quiet."

"Well, come on then; we're going out tonight, and I want some time to change before hand," Petunia said, pushing Lily into the backseat of the convertible.

Petunia's boyfriend was rather tall and stocky. His dark hair was combed over and slick against his head; he seemed very proud of his car and eager to show it off. Lily gagged a little when Petunia took the front seat and gave him the most disgusting expression of longing she'd ever seen. She turned her head back toward the platform, watching as Julia waved to her from her spot next to her parents and Sirius. James was watching her as well, and Remus had given her a brief nod when she caught his eye. Soon the platform faded from sight, and Lily laid her head back against the seat; it was going to be a long holiday.

"Jamesy, what are you looking at?" James' mother asked; following his gaze and watching a red car drive off in the distance.

"Nothing, Mum, let's go," he said, shaking his head and walking back toward fireplace that was magically concealed from the Muggle world. Green flames erupted and James watched his father step into them and disappear from sight. He followed next, watching lazily for his home as he passed grate after grate. Finally, he reached the home in which he resided every summer and break from Hogwarts. It was a large manor; Since his father, Ambrose, was the eldest, the house went to him over his brother, Charlus. James set down his trunk and stretched up tall, ruffling his hair as he glanced around the room.

"You're awfully quiet, James. Something on your mind?" his father asked as he settled into his favorite arm chair. James shook his head; his parents knew nothing of Remus' condition – though if they did it wouldn't matter in the slightest – but he wanted to respect his friend's privacy. He was also worried about Lily and the fact that she now knew two of the biggest secrets within all of Hogwarts. He was lucky it was just about Remus and himself; he had a feeling she wouldn't have been able to handle it if she knew that Sirius and Peter were also breaking the rules as badly as him.

"Come have a look at this," his father said, grinning broadly as he stood up. James followed him into the dining room where his mother was setting the table for lunch. They walked to a new device that was mounted to the wall.

"It's a telephone," his father said proudly. "I expect you discussed them in Muggle Studies; but I've become friends with a charming muggle from down the street. He was shocked that we didn't have one, even came with me to get everything set up, brilliant chap."

James nodded and smirked. "So, you bought a telephone to use for one person?"

"Well, you can call your friends and such, if you wish; I can teach you how to use it," his father replied.

"I'm not sure if any of my friends have telephones, dad," chuckled James. Sirius certainly didn't, though not by his choice. Sirius would own every Muggle contraption he could just to spite his parents. James was pretty certain that Remus didn't own one, and Peter didn't either. The only person who certainly did have a telephone was Lily.

"James, are you sure you're all right?" his mother asked, staring at him curiously.

"Yeah, mum, I'm fine. I'm just really tired. We stayed up late last night talking and the train was rowdy," he explained.

"Well, why don't you head up and take a nap? I'll save you something from lunch so you can rest. Go on," she said, escorting him towards the stairs.

James nodded and ascended to his room. The hallway was littered with pictures of himself at various stages in his life, along with his original acceptance letter to the school, and subsequent letters of praise from teachers of Hogwarts; there was even a blank frame for his O.W.L. results whenever they came. James shut the door to his room and sighed. He'd decorated it in Gryffindor colors to the delight of his father and the amusement of his mother. She'd been a Ravenclaw at school, and had hoped in vain that he would follow her steps; but James much preferred Gryffindor for the bravery and courage he'd learned from the fellow members of his house.

Ambrose and Lindsay Potter had been married for fifty-one years this past February. They'd married late in life, right after the fall of Grindlewald. Both of them served as Aurors for another five years before they decided they wished to have children. It took them nearly ten years to conceive James, and as such, he was the joy of their lives. Ambrose had passed down his poor eye-sight and roguish good looks to James, along with his bravery, loyalty, and mischievousness. Lindsey had given James his hazel eyes and brilliant smile along with his intelligence, resourcefulness, and sense of honor. Both of them had contributed to James' tall, lanky build, but they had commented on how playing Chaser on the Hogwarts Quidditch team was helping him fill out. They were immensely proud of the man he was becoming.

Would they be proud if they knew he'd broken eight hundred school rules just to keep one of his best friends sane? James ruffled his hair and lay back on his bed; letting his thoughts turn to Lily and what she thought of him. Had her opinion changed? They conversed politely, she'd laughed at his jokes, smiled at him, let him hold her so close.

Thinking of Lily also made James think of Remus; he had been distraught when James told him happened. So distraught that he had tried to tell them all he wasn't coming back to Hogwarts in the fall.

"You're mental - _mental_, Remus, if you think we're going to allow that," Sirius had said. He had been furious with Lily for interrupting their evening, but a bit relieved that she didn't know his secret in addition to Remus'.

"I can't… prefect duty with Lily? Merlin… she probably thinks I'm disgusting. She's going to be afraid-"

"I don't think so," James said, interrupting Remus' thought. "I think she felt bad for you… not pity, but I think she felt shocked and it probably explained a lot for her. But she definitely wasn't disgusted; she started asking me about when it happened and all that. I didn't tell her of course, but still… it was more out of concern she was asking, I think."

Sirius shook his head. "She's not going to be disgusted with you, but I don't know if she'll be able to keep her mouth shut. She's a goody two-shoes! She's going to run straight to McGonagall at the start of term," he said harshly.

James considered this for a moment, but shook his head. "No, I don't think she will."

"You're just saying that because you fancy her. I dunno guys… I think were screwed," Peter said, chewing his fingernails nervously.

James shook his head, but the thought worried him. Had her opinion of him changed since she found out what he had done and the reasons why?

No, her opinion of him probably hadn't changed. She knew that Remus was a werewolf, and she knew he, James, was an Animagus. She knew that each of them broke the rules and the law and she hadn't been impressed.

But… she knew the reasons he learned the process of the Animagus transformation; but would it be enough of a reason for her to keep her silence?

After arriving home, Lily's mother had embraced her and bombarded her with questions about the previous year. Lily was quiet for the most part, only filling in her mother about the important details of school. She felt distracted and worried about Remus' feelings toward her, and surprisingly, she also found herself worrying about what James Potter thought of her. He had been so angry with her for sneaking out, and his expression as they exited the train had told her that his anger wasn't going to fade away anytime soon.

About a week into the holiday, her mother got a phone call from one of her friends who had won a trip to Paris for six weeks and had invited her to come along. Lily's mum would be leaving the following Monday, and wouldn't return until the day before Lily was to leave for Hogwarts again. Though her mother leaving would mean that Lily would be spending the rest of the summer with only Petunia for company, her mother needed this trip. Since her father had passed away, Mrs. Evans had been lonely and in desperate need of a holiday to take her mind off the grief. Lily wasn't about to deny her the chance to spend some time with a friend and give herself a break, especially when the trip was free.

"Lily, I don't have to go," her mother had said after she received the phone call. Rose Evans brushed Lily's long auburn hair out of her eyes so she could look at her. "Really, I don't. I'm worried about you; you've been so quiet and solemn since you got home."

Lily laughed lightly. "Mum, I'm fine. Just go, I'll be fine. Tuney will get me to King's Cross in September, and it'll be fine. Don't worry," she assured her.

"Lils…"

"Mum," Lily replied firmly, "I'm fine. It'll be fine. You'd better bring me back something good though; I'd love to go to Paris."

Her mother smiled and patted Lily on the shoulder. "So, why have you been so quiet since you've been home? And I haven't seen your little friend Severus either…"

Lily dropped her eyes. "Severus and I … don't speak any more; we're interested in … two completely different things, I guess."

"You mean he wants you to be his girlfriend and you don't feel the same way," her mother said wisely.

"Yeah… there's that, and other stuff," replied Lily. How on Earth could she possibly explain that she was discriminated against by the very person who let her know about the world where she really belonged? "I also don't approve of Severus' choice in friends; and I don't think he approves of my … life outside of Hogwarts per say."

Her mother pursed her lips. "Well, perhaps it's better then. Maybe you could go stay with one of your friends or roommates for a week? I'd be fine with that if you wanted to, just let Tuney know where you'll be and that'll be fun for you."

Petunia was in the other room not making a sound, though Lily knew that her sister's blue eyes were narrowing each time her name was mentioned; but she held her tongue, most likely out of fear that their mother would prevent her from seeing Vernon that night if she kept bullying Lily the way she had always done.

"Yeah… yeah, I might do that. That sounds great," Lily lied, knowing that she wouldn't have a way to get to any of her friends, nor they to her. Julia lived east of Manchester, and Mary was on holiday with her parents in Scotland. Alice and Marlene were both in London, but so was Alice's boyfriend, Frank Longbottom. Marlene's parents were heavily involved in the fight against You-Know-Who, so Lily didn't really feel like bothering them either. She'd stay where she was, curled up in Hedge End and perhaps make a few trips to Southhampton… if Petunia would allow her to ride along.

"Think about it, it might be good for you. Do you want to come shopping with me?" her mother asked.

"No, I've got some studying I want to do. You'll be home for supper?"

"Yes, of course. Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Yeah… I've really got to get some things done. Plus I'm waiting for my exam results to come so I'm anxious about that," Lily explained.

"Well, don't worry too much, sweetheart. I'm sure you did brilliantly." Her mother kissed the top of her head and left the room; Lily heard her talking to Petunia for a moment, then a few seconds later the front door shut and Lily heard the sound of the car being driven away.

"So… the freaks are rejecting the freak?"

Lily looked up to see Petunia standing in her doorway, her arms folded over her chest and a mock smile playing on her face. "I overheard that you are no longer friends with that Snape boy, right? So, I guess … that means no friends for Lily at her freak school… and certainly no friends here during the summer. Where will you ever fit in?"

"I fit in just fine right here, thank you; though my doorway decorations could use some rearranging," Lily said as she got to her feet and moved to shut the door.

"Ah, ah… Just wait one second, sister of mine," Petunia said holding the door open. Petunia was only three years older than Lily, but by the way she treated her one would think they were lifetimes apart. "I'll not be driving you to and fro this summer, so you can just put that out of your ginger colored head. And Vernon will be visiting a lot, so plan on making your own meals and taking care of yourself; we like to go out, and he's been dropping hints about an engagement so –"

"Tuney, you're nineteen! You just finished school; don't you want to… wait a while?" Lily asked, not bothering to hide the tone of shock in her voice.

"He's all I want, why should I wait? And he's got a good job right now where he makes loads of money, so I'll be able to stay home when we have babies and all that. Anyway, just … keep your mouth shut about your little condition; I don't want you scaring him off," Petunia said with a contemptuous glare.

"Oh, I'll be careful," Lily said sweetly, twirling her wand in her hand. She flicked it and watched as the door slammed shut right in Petunia's face. "Careful to stay out of the way of his fat head that is."

It wasn't three hours later that Lily received yet another owl from the Ministry chastising her use of magic outside of school.

"… a _third reminder that magic is not allowed outside of Hogwarts until witches and wizards are of age. Should the Reasonable Restriction for Underage Sorcery be violated again, you will be expelled from Hogwarts. _

"_Sincerely Yours,  
Lorence Lockshield_"

Lily scowled at the letter as she considered using the Incendio charm to burn it.

The next week passed drearily; Lily helped her mother pack for her trip and watched as she tried on clothes and modeled different dresses for her daughter. Her mother and their friend were planning on visiting several upscale restaurants and attending an opera while in the city, so she had purchased three different formal gowns to try on for her daughters. Petunia was bored, but Lily loved seeing her mum so happy again. Neither she nor Petunia ever talked about their father; Petunia had already thrown out the insult that Lily had to go away right after it happened and therefore didn't care about any of them, but, trying to rise above the petty insult, Lily had refrained from mentioning that Petunia never visited him while he was sick.

"I like the blue one," Lily said as her mother held up two dresses that were identical except for the color. Just then there was a persistent tapping at the front window; all three of them looked up to see two owls sitting on the sill with envelopes in their mouths.

"Oh, Lily, you've got mail!" her mother said excitedly.

"Ugh…what horrid little creatures," Petunia hissed under her breath. Her mother gave her a scowl and watched as Lily went out the door to fetch the letters. She came back inside staring at one of the envelopes curiously. The brilliant tawny owl that so obviously belonged to Hogwarts flew off immediately, but the smaller grey owl perched itself on the windowsill and watched them all with its wide eyes. Petunia scowled and tried to shoo it away, but it remained perched, snapping at her fingers, as though it was waiting for a response.

"Oh, Petunia! Leave it alone; the poor thing isn't causing you any trouble. Who is the letter from, Lils?" her mum asked.

"Well, one is the results of my exams; the other I'm not sure," she said honestly. She didn't recognize the handwriting on the envelope, and no one ever wrote to her accept Julia, Mary, and sometimes Marlene. This handwriting didn't belong to any of them; it wasn't nearly as curvy and swoopy as she was used to.

"Oh! Open the results of your exams; let's see how you did," her mother said excitedly.

Lily tore open the envelope and read the inside attachment, her mind racing with what it meant.

_**Ordinary Wizarding Level Results**_

Pass Grades Fail Grades

Outstanding (O) Poor (P)

Exceeds Expectations (E) Dreadful (D)

Acceptable (A) Troll (T)

_Lily Elizabeth Evans has achieved:_

Astronomy E

Care of Magical Creatures E

Charms O

Defense Against the Dark Arts E

Divination A

Herbology E

History of Magic E

Potions O

Transfiguration E

Lily flushed with pride, and her mother hugged her tightly after reading the grading levels. "Of course, I have no idea what on Earth their talking about, but I'm so proud of you sweetie! You did so well! Two Outstandings, you must be in the top of the class," she gushed while Petunia looked on with a scowl.

Petunia had left for a date with Vernon after giving her mother a perfunctory hug and advising them she wasn't sure what time she'd be home. After that, Lily spent another twenty minutes looking at the letter with her mother and explaining what they learned in each of the classes. Finally her mum set about making dinner and Lily wandered up to her room to write to Julia and Mary about her scores and find out theirs.

But first, the mystery letter had to be read. She shut the door to her room and ripped open the envelope. The handwriting was neat, but distinctly male and it caught her off guard. Her eyes scanned the page, growing wider with each sentence.

"_Lily,_

_I hope you're having a good holiday. The weather has been wonderful here; my mum has been keeping me busy with helping her out in the garden since we received our O.W.L. scores. She was impressed with my Herbology grade and, as such, has put me to work. It's not all bad, keeps me entertained at least._

_I'm sure you did well on your scores, and I hope you get them soon if you haven't got them already._

_I'm actually writing to apologize to you. I'm sure that it must be a shock to get a letter from me, but I felt the need to let you know how sincerely sorry I am that I almost hurt you. _

_My condition has always been something that kept me from being close to anyone. Luckily, James, Sirius, and Peter haven't been bothered by it. Professor Dumbledore has constantly tried to remind me that it's not my fault I was bitten so long ago, but it still doesn't assuage my worry that I will harm someone or that I might frighten people away if they ever knew what I am. As I'm sure you are aware, our world doesn't always look that fondly upon creatures like me._

_But, I am extremely sorry for any fright or discomfort I might have caused you that night. I am sincerely glad you are safe. I also wanted to offer, since you know of my affliction, that if you are bothered in any way, shape, or form by the thought of patrolling with me or being around me I will resign my prefect duties immediately. Last year when I got the badge, I was so shocked that Dumbledore had picked me. I believe he has much more faith in me than I do myself._

_Please let me know. If I am to resign I want to make sure they have enough time to select another prefect so you are not alone this year. Again, my sincerest apologies for any stress I might have caused you._

_Yours,_

_Remus Lupin"_

Lily stared at the letter, her heart filling with emotion and sorrow. He was apologizing over her stupidity in following James? He was apologizing to her over something that was completely out of his control? He was offering to resign as a prefect if he made her uncomfortable?

No, this couldn't happen. It was she who didn't belong in the school; Severus and all the other Death Eaters in training had made that clear. Plus, with Petunia potentially getting engaged and leaving the house, Lily's mother would be all alone. The option of not returning to Hogwarts had first occurred to her when she and Severus first had their falling out; and since she'd been home and seen how her sister had been treating her mother, it made it even more clear to her that that may be the right choice.

But, she was a witch; could she walk away from that fascinating world, from all her friends, without a second thought? Could she give it up? She didn't want to; part of her felt that she truly belonged in that world. But another part felt that she would perpetually discriminated against and looked down upon because of her blood status, and that was something Lily wasn't sure she could deal with.

Either way, Remus need not resign his post. She didn't want to tell him in a letter though; it was impossible to explain without writing several pages. She grabbed a pen and began to compose a hasty reply to him, intending to send it out with the owl that had hung around waiting for her response.


	5. Impressions

Impressions

* * *

"I Just Tell Myself" Balligomingo

James was sitting across from his father, staring avidly at the chessboard in between them. He was never, ever, going to be able to beat the man. Ambrose Potter was too clever; sixty plus years of experience had given him an extreme advantage over his son, and he knew it. Every move he made, there was a little smirk behind his glasses that let James know he didn't have a chance.

Somewhere outside a dog was barking loudly; there were many families in Cricklade that had dogs, but this one sounded too familiar to James for his liking. While his dad was considering what step to take next now that James had blocked his Queen from taking his last Knight, James walked to the window to see exactly what was going on.

His eyes widened in shock. Outside sat a large, extremely shaggy black dog; it wagged its tail furiously in response to his face in the window. "Dad… I'm going to run outside for a minute; I'll be right back," he said, noting his father's distracted nod.

James opened the door and stepped out into the midday sun. As soon as he did, the dog ran behind a bush and hid. Once James had crossed the street, Sirius had resumed his regular form and came out to join him, smiling broadly. James was confused and concerned about his friend; his clothes were dirty and he looked as though he hadn't slept. Sirius grinned and ran his hands through his disheveled black hair as James stared at him.

"Merlin's pants, Padfoot; what are you doing here?" asked James, unable to keep the grin off his face.

"I've run away," Sirius laughed, indicating his trunk that was hidden in the bushes.

"What?" asked James.

"I've run away; I'd had enough. Mum and I got into a row over a letter from Tottleham. She snatched it and started on with _'I've never heard this name before; it's not a pure-blood name. Who is this girl_?' and all that," explained Sirius. "She said that no son of hers would ever become involved with someone who wasn't pure-blood. So, I said I wasn't her son, and I left with all my stuff; good luck to them trying to redecorate my room, I've put permanent sticking charms on everything," he said with another laugh.

"Blimey… I knew it was bad, but I didn't realize how bad. I'm sorry, mate."

"Eh, s'no big deal. I turn of age in less than six months; I'll be able to get my own flat then. You come of age in March; maybe we can room together after Hogwarts," said Sirius excitedly.

"Yeah, that sounds great, but where are you going to go now?" asked James.

"I'm not sure. I've got an uncle who's given me a good deal of gold over the years - he lives in Gloucester. Maybe I'll see if I can kip out on his couch for a month," Sirius said with a shrug.

"Or you could just stay here," said James, indicating his own house.

"You think? I… I don't want to put your parents out; they already let me stay here last summer and the winter break before that. They've got to be sick of me," he replied with a sad look.

"Bollocks, they think you're brilliant. Come on, they'll be beside themselves with joy; plus it'll take some attention off me… I've been going mental with all the fussing mum has been doing over me," said James with a laugh. He helped Sirius grab his trunk and haul it across the street.

"How'd you come from London with all this?" asked James.

"I caught a ride on the Knight Bus into town, but I travelled all night before that, hence the dirty clothes. My parents have probably got a bunch of letters about the magic I used on the way, but who cares," he said, scoffing as he thought of his parents in their dark house in London.

"Brilliant! This is going to be fantastic," said James as he opened the door, grinning broadly and motioning for Sirius to follow him. "Mum, Dad, we have a guest!" he called.

His father looked up and his mother peeked her head into the sitting room. "Sirius Black! I wondered when we'd see your handsome face again. You've gotten taller, lad, look at you! Both of you are going to need new clothes soon," James' mum said as she walked toward Sirius and gave him a tight squeeze. "But… dear, you look just … are you in trouble? You look so tired and-"

"Sirius' parents kicked him out," explained James, cutting of his mum's line of questions.

"What?" both his parents replied in scandalized tones.

Sirius explained briefly that he'd been corresponding with a girl from school who was half-blood and his parents did not approve. "She's my … friend; I refused to stop writing to her, and I told my mum she was crazy for making such a big deal out of it. It means nothing for Merlin's sake; most of the pure-blooded girls I know are complete wenches… pardon my language," Sirius said, giving James' mother an apologetic look. "I've had enough… they're reading all about Voldemort and are completely in support of what's going on and I'm not. So, they kicked me out."

"Oh, good gracious, Sirius; I had no idea it was that bad," said James' mother as she gave him another tight squeeze.

"I told him he could stay here, mum," said James quietly.

"Well, of course you can. We've got two spare rooms, make yourself at home, son," said Mr. Potter clapping Sirius on the shoulder. James' mother waved her wand to send Sirius trunk up to the spare room.

"Go and have a shower, Sirius; I'll have something to eat when you're done," Mrs. Potter said kindly. Sirius thanked her and watched as she walked away.

Mr. Potter sat back down in his chair, scratching his thinning hair absentmindedly. "I don't understand it… I don't. Why are we better than the muggles? Why does it matter if a witch or wizard is born to muggles? It doesn't; over half the best witches and wizards I've ever known were muggle-born. This whole pure-blood supremacy is utter madness," he said angrily.

"I agree, dad; but Voldemort has got a lot of people that agree with him, including a few people we go to school with. It's getting bad," James said quietly.

"Idiots… the whole lot of them; it doesn't help that the whole Ministry is full the same bloody idiots who support the Death Eaters, even if they aren't a part of them. Baddlebrock needs to do more, get some real changes and reform happening there, but he doesn't have the spine. How that bloody wanker ever became Minister for Magic I'll never know," Mr. Potter replied. James and Sirius both laughed loudly at his comments.

Sirius settled into life with the Potters and felt much happier in the warm, friendly environment of James' house than he ever had at his own. James was also extremely happy to have his friend to talk to and make mischief with. They spent much of their time making improvements to the map they had created the past year and playing mock Quidditch games between the two of them. Of course, there was a lot of loud boisterous activity. James expected his parents to scold their behavior at any moment, but they seemed bemused by the activity.

"Boys are boys," his mother said when he apologized for how rowdy they had been one day. "Besides, it's good for you two to be so active. I'd much rather you be making trouble than lazing about the house all day."

The final week in July approached and James and Sirius began to count down the days until their return to Hogwarts. They were anxious to see Remus and Peter, who they'd been corresponding frequently with since Sirius arrived in Godric's Hollow.

This frequent correspondence was why James and Sirius were shocked one day when Remus Lupin showed up on their doorstep, his face pale and concerned as he stood outside on James' doorstep. James' father welcomed him in out of the August heat and stood outside talking with Remus' father for a few moments before the latter Disapparated. James' father went into the kitchen to help his wife with some lunch, allowing the boys to talk privately, which was what Remus desired.

"What's going on?" asked James curiously.

"I want you to read this," Remus explained, handing him a letter with unfamiliar neat handwriting.

"_Remus,_

_I was very happy to receive your letter. This summer has been somewhat lonely for me. The weather has been nice here as well. I'm in Hedge End, right outside of Southampton. You live over by Bath right?_

_I know this is rather hasty, but the reason I ask is because I'd like to discuss this personally with you and it will take pages and pages of parchment to explain everything that I'm feeling._

_My mother is leaving for Paris on the 26__th__ of July and, as I am stuck with only my sister for company, I will be dying to get out of the house. I hate to ask this, but would there be any way you could come here, or suggest to me some method of travel so I can get to Bath? I don't have a broom or even an owl to correspond appropriately, but if you'd be free, I'd love to meet for some ice cream or tea and talk this over._

_Would you be at liberty to reach me by phone? We discussed using them briefly in Muggle Studies, but if you don't have one or don't feel comfortable calling that's fine, just write me back and I will explain everything._

_Please let me know as soon as you can. If you do find a way to reach me by phone, please call!_

_Yours,_

_Lily_"

Lily's phone number was written neatly below her name, and the parchment looked like it had folded and unfolded several times by Remus, who was still looking at James and Sirius curiously. James scowled and looked up at his sandy-haired friend. "What _did_ you do?"

"I wrote to her and apologized for almost killing her, that was it! And … I might have… offered to resign as a prefect if she were uncomfortable with my presence," he replied sheepishly.

"Well, obviously she's not if she wants to meet with you. What has she got to discuss that's so bloody important?"

"I have no idea… I'm not sure if she wants to know about how I became a werewolf, or what the risks are of being around me… I have no clue what she wants."

James stared at the letter; Lily made no mention of telling anyone about Remus' secret, she simply wanted to talk.

"Hang on," Sirius said. "Prongs, don't you have a tellphone - tonphone?"

"Telephone?" Remus supplied.

"Yeah…that!"

"Oh… yeah, we do now," James said looking over at the black object mounted against the wall.

"Why do you have a telephone?" Remus asked curiously.

"My dad is friends with a Muggle from town; he calls him every now and then. Hey, Dad!" James called walking into the dining room.

"Yes, James? If it's about Remus staying for dinner, his father said that was fine," said James' father as he strolled casually back into the living room.

"Er… well, actually, Dad, I'd… um, I'd like to use the phone. And then I'd like to know if you'd be able to take us to somewhere in Southampton," James asked.

"Well… sure, I can arrange a visit to someone down there. Might I ask why? The fourth member of your little group lives over by Bristol, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, that's Peter. But… um, this isn't someone you've met," James stuttered. "It's-"

"It's a girl that James has fancied since we started our third year," Sirius said with a mischievous grin; James glared at him.

"Really? Well, in that case, here's how you use the phone," his dad said with a chuckle as he guided the boys into the dining room. He showed them how to dial the numbers, and let them know there was no need to speak loudly as the person on the other end could hear you perfectly clear. "It's just like talking to them face to face, really brilliant of the Muggles to think of it," he explained as James, Sirius, and Remus looked on curiously.

"I'll um… I'll leave you gentlemen to yourselves. I also won't mention this to your mother, James, she'd go absolutely mental with joy if she found out you were calling a girl," his father said with a roll of his eyes before walking back to kitchen.

James looked at the receiver, and suddenly felt his stomach erupt in nerves. "Here," he said, thrusting the phone at Remus, "you call."

"What? Why me?"

"Because she wants to talk to you, not me," explained James. Sirius sat down at the table, sniggering loudly.

With a resigned sigh, Remus took the receiver and watched as James dialed the numbers into the phone. A ringing sound filled his ears, and he waited anxiously for someone to pick up. Suddenly, James came very close and forced him to tilt the receiver so he could listen in on the conversation. Their heads were pressed together uncomfortably as they listened to the phone ring several more times.

"Hello?" a pleasant voice answered.

"Er… HI!" Remus said, with a little too much enthusiasm. "Is um… is Lily Evans available?"

There was a pause. "Who is this?" the voice hissed, suddenly changing from pleasant to threatening.

"Um… Remus Lupin; a f-friend from school," he explained in a stutter.

"Hang on," the voice said coldly. James and Remus listened as the girl shouted for Lily to come down and take a phone call from someone. There were hissing whispers and a few rattles before finally a new voice echoed in their ears.

"Remus? Hello?" Lily said excitedly.

"Hi… this is really awkward," Remus replied without pretense.

"What? Using the phone or calling me?"

"Um… both really. I'm using James' phone, I don't have one," he explained.

"Potter has a phone? What for? Oh, never mind. Did you get my letter?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Yes, I did the other day. I… um… yeah I can come meet you to talk. If that's okay, are you sure you're okay with that?" Remus asked. James elbowed him hard in the side.

"Of course I'm fine with that," she said sincerely. "When? I've got so much time on my hands I'm thinking enchanting my broom so I can fly it out of here," she said with a laugh.

James laughed and Remus smiled. "Well, I can come today actually. Is there a time?"

"Today? Oh goodness, that would be brilliant. Anytime, how soon can you be here? You're coming from Bath? Or no, you're with Potter, so … where does he live?"

"Cricklade, in north Wiltshire. But we can be there in an hour. Is there some place in particular? His dad will have to take us, so all we'll need is the address I believe," Remus explained.

"Hmmm… there is an Ice Cream shop on the corner of Weatherton and East Street; Frozen in Time is the name. Do you like ice cream? My treat," Lily said brightly.

"No, no, that's fine. I've got some muggle money," Remus replied after seeing James shake his head vigorously and mouth "I'll pay! I'll pay!"

"Oh… all right then. So, an hour then? And it'll be you, and Potter and his dad?"

"And Sirius."

"And Sirius … what, did Pettigrew go missing?"

Remus laughed along with James. "No… Sirius is staying with James for the summer, and I've just dropped by today. We'll see you in an hour."

"In an hour then. Thank you, Remus," Lily replied. The line clicked and went dead. James hung up the receiver, giving his friends a look of confusion and excitement.

"Well, I suppose we'd better get ready for a date," he said in a low voice while Remus and Sirius chuckled.

"A date?" his father asked sticking his head back in the room. "Hold on a second… who is this girl again?" he asked curiously.

"Her name is Lily Evans, she was sorted into Gryffindor with us," James explained.

"Evans… Evans…" his father said.

"Dad, you wouldn't know her family, she's Muggle-born."

"No… wait… wait, wait, wait!" Mr. Potter said laughing loudly. He pulled out a letter he'd received a few weeks ago from a friend who worked in the Ministry. He quickly read through it and laughed before handing it to James. "Well, I'm glad to see you've fallen for someone who's a bit rebellious then," he teased.

James looked at him curiously and began to read the letter, Sirius and Remus leaning over his shoulders. It was from Lorence Lockshield, whom James' father had been friend with since their school days; he worked in the Improper Use of Magic Office. They'd gotten halfway through the text when Lily's name jumped out.

"… _still think these Muggle-borns get a bad deal with this underage restriction garbage. This poor girl, Lily Evans over in Hedge End, has gotten five letters for doing magic outside of Hogwarts; nothing huge, just a charm here and there. But they get all up in arms; she hasn't got a decent witch or wizard within miles of her! Poor thing probably goes crazy in the summer…"_

Sirius laughed loudly while Remus' eyes widened; James couldn't help but grin as he thought about Lily performing various charms in a bright room when no one was watching.

Lily hung up the receiver and sighed. This was going to be harder than she thought. She had never expected Remus to call, and now he was coming to meet her with Potter and Black. She wondered how they would react when she told them she was not planning on returning to school.

"I cannot believe you gave our number to someone," Petunia muttered.

"What? People call you left and right; this is the first phone call I've had all summer."

"From a boy, I might add. I can't wait to see what this one looks like; hopefully a bit better than that dreadful Snape boy," Petunia said harshly before walking away.

Lily scowled and turned to walk up the stairs to change out of her pajamas when Petunia caught her attention. "How exactly are you planning on getting to Weatherton and East Street? _I'm_ certainly not taking you."

"I'll walk; I've been fancying a long walk anyway," she replied, not even pausing to turn around and acknowledge Petunia's disdainful glare.

Lily looked through her closet, finally putting on a white sundress that her mother had bought her before leaving for Paris. It was modest, with a square neckline and short sleeves, but it made her feel pretty and she didn't know when else she would have a chance to wear it. She walked to the bathroom and shut the door.

Her hair was so … red; there was no other way to describe it. Why couldn't she have been born with Petunia's golden locks over her thick, dark red hair? The contrast of her skin against her hair made her look very pale even though she had developed somewhat of a tan from being in the sun so much. Her green eyes stood out as always; it was the one redeeming feature she found about herself.

Lily began to fuss with her hair, finally pulling part of it back and tying it with a white ribbon. A few shorter strands fell around her face, but they made her look older so she didn't bother trying to make them behave. After staring at reflection some more, she splashed herself with some perfume that her mum had bought and lined her eyelashes with mascara. She wanted to look nice because… because…

"What am I doing? Why am I doing this?" she asked her reflection, not knowing the answer.

When she thought about it, it was because she was meeting boys; particularly, a taller boy with hazel eyes behind his glasses and dark hair that looked so carefree.

"No… no, no, no, no, no," she told herself. "You'd be better off to snap your own wand in half than to develop feelings for James Potter."

She stared at her own eyes, trying to fight the pull of her emotions down. Finally she left the bathroom, put on a pair of sandals and walked out the door to meet up with Remus … and his little friends.

An hour later, James' father had taken them by side-along apparition to the corner of Weatherton and East Street in Southampton. Just as Lily said, a small ice cream shop named Frozen in Time sat on the corner. The boys had dressed in typical Muggle clothing: t-shirts and jeans. James' father had worn his cloak but under that was wearing khaki pants and a dark shirt.

"Dad, you dressed better than I did; are you trying to show me up?" asked James, only half joking with his questioning.

"I'm going to go and chat with an old friend of mine about this whole Voldemort situation. I'd like to find out exactly what the Aurors are doing, and he'll have some info. I suppose I could just drop by Hogwarts and talk to Dumbledore as well, but I'm sure he's busy so I'll try this first," his father said as they walked toward the building.

"All right," James muttered, fussing with his hair.

"Plus, I want to see this girl that you've apparently been keeping from us," his dad teased. Remus smiled and Sirius laughed out loud as James flushed bright red.

"You're not going to come in are you?" asked James, peering in the window to look for Lily. It appeared that she had already arrived; James reached up and messed with his hair again.

"Yes, I'm going to come in; just for a moment. Why on Earth are you doing that with your hair?" his father asked, smacking James hand away from his hair.

Sirius chuckled loudly. "Nervous habit; the frequency of it increases whenever he sees Lily," he explained.

"Merlin's beard, James, she's just a girl," his father said with a light laugh. "Now I'm really curious."

James gaped in horror as his father strode toward the door of the parlor and began to walk toward Lily. Sirius ran up alongside him, sniggering and pointing her out while Remus tried to get ahead so he could prepare her.

James' father stopped in front of him though and a smirk crossed his face. "Hold here, boys; I know you've gotten up to your pranks at school but you still have a bit to learn. Watch this," he said mischievously.

Remus and Sirius both grinned as they held their positions and watched as Mr. Potter walked toward where Lily sat, smirking at the expression of horror that crossed James' face.

Lily was drumming her fingers against the table nervously. Since she had walked in the door, her stomach had been full of so many butterflies she wasn't sure she'd be able to eat ice cream if she wanted too. She had taken to fiddling with a strand of her hair when older man with a somber expression approached her.

"Lily Evans?" he asked quietly.

Lily's eyes went wide. "Y-yes?"

"I'm Lorence Lockshield, from the Ministry," the man said importantly.

Lily jumped to her feet, knocking her chair over as she did so. It clattered noisily to the floor and her face flushed with so much color that she could have hidden behind her dark red hair. "Oh! Oh… um… yes, yes I received your letter. How-how are you?" she stammered, extending a small hand for the man to shake.

"She's going to faint!" exclaimed James from behind Sirius.

Sirius caught him by the arm, chuckling loudly. "Hold up, Prongs, this is brilliant," he laughed. James looked dismayed, but even Remus was laughing lightly.

"She's going to hate us…" muttered James sadly.

"Well, it won't be much of a change for you then, mate," replied Sirius.

"Shut up," James snapped. He tried to walk forward to stop his father from harassing Lily, but Sirius clung to his arm to hold him back.

Lily was sure her face matched her hair perfectly; she felt her tiny hand shake as the older gentleman squeezed it tightly. His face was somber as he watched her, but there was something vaguely familiar about his appearance that she couldn't place.

"Well, I'm afraid I don't come with the best of news. You sent a letter to Remus Lupin recently? It had a tracing charm on it?" Mr. Potter asked.

"Um… no?" Lily replied. She didn't remember putting a tracing charm on it, but maybe there was one on it when Remus sent it; she had torn off the bottom of the parchment he sent her to write her reply. Her face grew redder and she felt her stomach twist in knots from embarrassment.

"You do realize that using that charm constitutes as another magical act, and therefore-"

"No… I swear I didn't put a charm on it. I was writing him back, I used the same parchment he sent me… perhaps there was one on it already?" asked Lily. The man shook his head and gave her a sober expression.

"Well… unfortunately I have to tell you that I'm actually a complete fraud," Mr. Potter replied seriously. He smiled as Lily looked up at him, her eyes narrowed in confusion as she tilted her head to the side. "My name is Ambrose Potter, I'm James' father," he said lightly, squeezing her hand again.

"OH!" Lily shouted. At that moment Remus, Sirius and James appeared; the former two laughing lightly while James looked on with an embarrassed expression. She turned her eyes back to James' father, trying to smile as the butterflies in her stomach settled. "I – I thought you looked familiar," she said, a light laugh escaping her lips. "That was … that was very clever, and very mean," she told him in a teasing voice.

"I'm so sorry dear, I couldn't resist," Mr. Potter replied, laughing loudly. James rolled his eyes while Remus and Sirius chuckled along. "Here, have a seat; you look like you could use one," Mr. Potter said as he picked up the chair Lily had kicked over upon standing.

"Yes… I'll agree with that," Lily said, her face still flushed with color. "That was… quite the icebreaker I will say."

The four men laughed at her comment as they all took their seats. "Clever girl," Mr. Potter replied. "I am sorry I scared you; poor Jamesy looks as though he's about to faint as well," Mr. Potter said in a teasing voice.

Lily looked across the table at James, who did look much paler than normal. He grumbled something to his father, Lily thought she could make out "don't call me that," and grinned to herself. But then something struck her.

"How did you know-"

"About your previous letters from the Ministry?" asked Mr. Potter. "Lockshield is an old friend of mine, we went to school together. We were corresponding about how unfair the Underage Restriction of Sorcery is and your name came up because you were on warning. He feels it's unfair that you cannot practice what you've learned at home, and you have no wizarding families around to discuss things with. I agree with him, actually; its rubbish how they restrict Muggle-borns use of magic for such a period of time. And it's such a shock for many when they enter school exactly what goes on," he explained.

"Oh… well, yes. That's true. There is a wizarding family though nearby my house that … filled me in, so to speak, before I went off to school, so I wasn't completely unprepared," she explained.

"Really? Who are they?" Mr. Potter asked curiously; Remus, Sirius and James also looked intrigued.

"Erm… well, I'm not friendly with them exactly… it's um… Eileen and Tobias Snape," replied Lily quietly, her face flushing with color again.

"Oh… don't know them," Mr. Potter mused, not noticing the grimace that crossed his son's face. "Well, I suppose I'll let you kids talk then and I'll be off. I'll be back in… oh, an hour or so?" Mr. Potter asked, looking at his son and his friends.

"Yeah, that will be fine, dad, thanks," James replied.

Mr. Potter said good bye to them all. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Evans," he said with a grin. "Should we meet again you can certainly return the favor and scare the daylights out of me," he teased.

Lily laughed. "I'll do my best," she said, shaking the man's hand and watching as he stepped out the door and disappeared from sight. Lily sighed and looked around at the boys at the table, who were all watching her curiously. "Well… that was one hell of an introduction," she scoffed; Sirius and Remus laughed loudly, but James just chuckled.

"Yeah… sorry about that, Evans," he said quietly.

Lily waved her hand, using the gesture to explain that it wasn't a big deal; though she now realized where James got his mischievousness. There was silence for a few moments; Lily felt her exuberance fading back into the nervousness she had felt prior to the boys' arrival. She again wondered what she was doing as she fiddled with a strand of her hair.

A waitress approached and asked them if they wanted anything. James and Sirius each ordered a chocolate milkshake, Remus a vanilla, and Lily a glass of water.

"She wants a chocolate shake, as well," Sirius said after Lily had ordered her water. Lily raised her eyebrows at him. "Or… strawberry perhaps?" he corrected, quirking his eyebrow at her.

"Vanilla?" chimed in James, smirking at her expression. The waitress laughed lightly.

"Just water will be fine," Lily reiterated.

"I'll bring an extra chocolate just in case," the waitress said with a wink.

Lily nodded and rolled her eyes. She cleared her throat and looked at Remus.

"Hold up," James interrupted, his grin disappearing and his expression becoming harsh. "Before you start discussing whatever it is you wanted with Moony, I'd like to remind you of the promise you made before term ended."

"Yeah," Sirius chimed in. "Because if you're going to ask Remus to resign because he's a werewolf, perhaps you should resign for being a tattle tale."

"And that would be really hypocritical of you to ask him to resign," James continued.

"Because weren't you the one who bailed out on your friendship with Snivellus for calling you a You-Know-What?" Sirius asked.

"And if you're going to hold a grudge against Moony for his furry little problem, that's no more his fault than it's yours for being Muggle-born," James continued.

"I don't look at my blood status as a _fault_; I didn't realize you did," spat Lily, watching as all three of them protested. She ignored them and pressed on, "And as far as the promise, do I look like a nark? Did my letter to Remus indicate in any way shape or form that I was going to nark you out, Potter? No, I don't think it did, so shut up."

"Well, what about asking him to resign then?" James continued.

"I never said I was going to do that!"

"Lily," said Remus. "You don't have to make yourself uncomfortable. I'll completely understand if you-"

"Oh, you shut up as well! Ugh!" Lily growled, slamming her hand against the table. She hadn't agreed to meet them to be ganged up on or teased about her use of magic outside of school; she wanted to meet to discuss other possible prefect candidates to replace her.

She took a deep breath and sat up straighter. "Remus, you have no reason to resign on my behalf. I am not uncomfortable with you, nor would I be if you were a troll, had dragon pox, or anything like that. I think you are a great person and I'm very glad to have gotten to know you better," she said quietly, looking only at Remus' blue eyes.

"Thank you," he replied sincerely.

"But… I needed to meet with you personally to discuss this, because _I'm_ resigning. I'm not going back to Hogwarts this fall," she said bluntly.

"WHAT?" three voices shouted. Lily started and glared at them all before motioning for them to be quiet. The waitress brought their shakes and walked away, glancing at them curiously before she spoke again.

"I'm not going back this fall," she explained again.

"Why?" asked Remus while James and Sirius stared at her like she'd lost her mind.

"Lots of reasons. I'm a bit frightened with all this Death Eater activity, and You-Know-Who, my sister might be getting engaged and then she'd move out and-"

"I didn't think you liked your sister," said James.

"I'm not overly fond of her… but if she leaves my mum will be all alone, and I don't want to do that to her," explained Lily.

"What about your dad?" asked Sirius.

Lily lowered her eyes. "He's gone; he passed away last August."

There was silence at the table as the three boys sipped at their shakes. Lily could tell the boys were torn between looking at her and the table though they weren't saying a word. With a sigh, she caved and grabbed the extra shake from the middle of the table, drinking deeply to calm her nerves.

"I'm sorry," said James quietly after a few more moments. Remus and Sirius muttered the same sentiment.

Lily nodded. "S'all right. But, I just can't leave my mum at home all alone if Tuney leaves."

"Have you talked to her about it?" asked Remus.

"I mentioned it before she left for Paris; she said I was crazy and that I was going back, of course. But I've been thinking since she's been gone and –"

"And what? What question is there? If she wants you to come back, you should come back," said James.

"I don't know; all this… Death Eater activity, and there are so many people who-"

"Death Eaters nothing," Sirius said. "Who cares what the bloody hell they think? And since when do you care what anyone thinks? You're a witch, you belong in our world!"

Lily glanced at him curiously, she'd never gotten the impression that Sirius was overly fond of her, but here he was protesting her leaving just as much as Remus and James. "I'm not sure I do. I mean… there is still so much I don't understand, and I have no idea what to do after school is over. Plus there are a lot of people who think-"

"They're all idiots," said James. "You belong at Hogwarts; not here. You're a witch, Evans. You can't deny that fact your whole life."

"I'm not denying it, I'm just-"

"Just what? This is mental, Evans. You can't honestly be-"

"Why not?" asked Lily, turning her eyes to Potter's as her stomach fluttered nervously. "I'm not the only Muggle-born talking about it. I know Samantha Pitchfield is a little frightened, and so is Melany Finch."

"Finch would be scared of her own shadow," said Sirius with a chuckle as James and Remus laughed. "And Pitchfield isn't leaving; I talked to her on the train. She wants to be a healer."

"Well, still there are a lot of people who think-"

"Who cares what they think?" James asked. "Like Padfoot said: since when do you care what anyone thinks? You're braver than this; you stalked out of the castle to follow me and tell me off. You're sitting next to a werewolf and not the least bit frightened; you stand up to anyone who tries to put you down. You don't care what they think!" said James, leaning closer to her and locking his hazel eyes with her green ones.

"Look, Sirius ran out on his family because they're all for this purification of blood-status. That took guts. You can't just leave; you'd be feeding into everything they stand for. If they hear of one Muggle-born withdrawing they're going to jump on it like dugbogs on mandrake seedlings. You can't do this, Lily; and I'm sure we're not the only ones who'd say this," he said quietly.

Lily considered him; not once did he mention that she shouldn't leave because he wouldn't get to see her or anything along those lines. "I don't know… maybe you're right. I'll… I'll think about it."

"Is this all you wanted to talk to me about?" asked Remus. "Because I agree, you can't just quit. Besides, I don't want to get used to a new prefect."

"See? You can't abandon Moony either!" chuckled Sirius.

"Moony? What is this Moony business?" Lily asked.

"Just a nickname," James replied.

She looked at Remus. "Isn't it a bit of a harsh one? You know, considering…"

Remus laughed. "Nah… Peter's is worse. 'Wormtail'".

"Wormtail?"

"Yeah, you know, because he's a rat," Sirius explained, ignoring the look from James. "Eh, Prongsy, who cares. She's not gonna nark us out, are you, Evans?"

Lily shook her head, but then gasped as she looked back at Sirius. "But let me get this straight… you three; you, Peter Pettigrew, and Potter, are all Animagi?" she asked in astonishment.

"Is it that implausible?" asked Sirius in an affronted tone.

"No, but it takes years…years to learn that. And… you're all unregistered and-"

"And we'll stay unregistered. I don't want the Ministry tracking me and trying to frame me for some crime I didn't commit," Sirius said firmly.

Lily frowned. "Well… still that takes a lot of talent and… I mean… I guess… well, I'm impressed; in spite of myself, I'm impressed."

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh and James grinned. Remus shook his head in a bemused matter. "Don't be too impressed, Lily. They're already impressed enough by themselves."

"Yes, I realize that; which was why I was hesitant to admit it. But, there you have it," replied Lily, shaking her head and taking a drink from her milkshake. "So… you ran away from home, Black?" she asked gently.

Sirius pulled a face. "My mum and dad are all about this pure-blood nonsense. It's rubbish; I don't agree with it at all. I've met Muggle-borns that are ten times as talented as either of them are; case in point," he said, gesturing toward Lily which caused her to blush. "Plus, I was pretty much disinherited once I was sorted into Gryffindor; my mum was crushed. 'Shame to the family honor,' and all that. I'd had enough; I'd been writing Tottleham and my letters were discovered. 'No son of mine will marry the filthy product of a blood traitor and mudblood!' So, I said I wasn't her son, and I left," he replied simply.

"I'm … I'm very sorry," said Lily quietly.

"Eh, don't be. Prongsy's parents love me almost as much as him; I'm better off there anyway," he said with a grin which caused James to roll his eyes.

"You're dad seemed very… pleasant," Lily said to James.

"He's a good man; I've learned a lot… all that stuff," replied James in a flustered voice. He reached up and began to fuss with his hair again.

"You've learned to be a joker, that's for sure," replied Lily, watching as James laughed.

"Your dad's brilliant, Prongs. I tell you, some of the stuff we've pulled this summer would have gotten me killed; but no, your parents just look at it as boys will be boys," said Sirius with a laugh.

"Yeah… yeah, they're not bad," shrugged James, continuing to rustle his hair vigorously as Lily watched him with her curiously.

"Potter, what _are_ you doing?" she asked suddenly. He was tousling his hair so much she wondered how it didn't fall out. For some reason unknown to herself, she reached up and grabbed his hand and set it down on the table, laying hers over top of it. "Stop it; you're going to go prematurely bald."

James stared at her hands, a look of shock on his face. He lifted his eyes to hers to try and read her thoughts, but she quickly pulled her hands away and avoided his gaze.

The door opened, the bell attached to it dinging lightly. The four of them looked up, expecting to see James' father, but they only saw a lanky brunette and a taller, husky, blunt-faced younger man walk through the door. They were holding hands; the man looked around him proudly as the girl simpered at him with puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, bloody fucking hell," Lily swore, before clapping her hand over her mouth as the three boys turned around and looked at her. They all snickered loudly at her embarrassment. "Sorry… sorry… that was rude," she muttered.

"That was hilarious," Sirius said.

"What's wrong?" asked Remus, looking at the couple who walked in the door.

"I need to leave," said Lily. "That's my sister and her boyfriend; I don't really want to endure the interrogation that will occur if she sees me sitting here with three boys," she explained.

But then like predators sensing prey, James and Sirius sat up straighter, grinning impishly. The waitress came by, and without a word James paid for their milkshakes and stood up, Sirius mimicking his motions. "Bloke looks like he doesn't have a sense of humor," James observed, looking the husky man over.

"He doesn't," Lily said darkly. "And I don't know what you're thinking about, but-"

"Well, come on, Evans, we'll walk you home then!" Sirius shouted.

"Yes, don't want to keep you out late," said James, boldly grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet. Sirius strode in front of them, his chest puffed up proudly as he walked. James put his arm around Lily's waist – feeling enormously pleased when she didn't pull away from him- and followed in his steps. Remus leapt up and threw his arm over Lily's shoulders as they walked.

They had reached the door when Petunia and her boyfriend saw Lily and the three boys walking out into the sunlight. "Lily?" Petunia asked in a scandalized tone.

"Hi… Tuney," Lily said, her voice was light and friendly, but her stomach was full of butterflies for the embarrassment her sister was about to cause her.

"What are you doing here? Who are these… these… "

"Ah, yes… you must be _Tuney_," Sirius said, stepping in front of where James, Lily and Remus were standing and shaking Petunia's hand vigorously. "Marvelous… marvelous. We've just had a prefect meeting with your sister, you see; making sure she's kept up to date on the happenings with school," he said importantly.

"Yes, several items needed to be attended to, and it was urgent we meet. This is Mr. Black, I am Mr. Lupin, I believe we spoke on the phone," Remus said, stepping away from Lily and shaking Petunia's hand. Lily stifled a laugh; her sister was cringing away from the boys like they were insects of some sort.

"Oh! And this must be boyfriend," Sirius said, turning toward the husky gentleman and shaking his hand. "Brilliant, quite excellent," he said, pulling a face that attempted to mimic Vernon's disgusted expression.

"I … I see," Petunia said scathingly. "Lily… mum said you weren't to go gallivanting all around, _I'm_ supposed to know where you are."

"Well, now you do," replied Lily in a completely calm voice. "I'm at the ice cream shop, with my fellow prefects."

"Schools only have two prefects! Oh … wait… non-freak schools only have two prefects, yes I forgot that you're _special_," Petunia said scathingly.

"Special? Why yes, we are!" Remus replied loudly.

"Special in many ways," Sirius continued, still staring at Vernon.

"I become special every month at a special hour," Remus said.

"And specializing in special people is my specialty," Sirius said. James laughed and Lily sniggered next to him.

"I don't doubt that," Vernon replied coldy.

"Who is this?" Petunia asked, pointing to James who stood beside Lily, his arm still wrapped around her waist.

"James Potter – personal escort," he said importantly. "I specialize in making sure my special friends don't let their special abilities become too special. This enables them to still function in specialized ice cream parlors with our friend's special siblings," he explained at top speed.

Petunia and Vernon looked at each other, unsure if they had been insulted or not.

"Well, special people, we should be off to our next special destination," James said. "Tuney, boyfriend… it was lovely to meet you," he said, nodding his head toward the door.

"Yes… it was," Remus said following in his steps.

"Very special!" Sirius said as he followed as well, smiling as James', Remus' and Lily's laughter echoed through the door.

They walked across the street and out of sight of the ice cream shop. Lily very poignantly removed herself from James' grasp, still laughing at the expression on Petunia's face. "I'll pay for that later, you know," she said looking at the three boys.

"Do some more magic and shut her up," suggested James, watching as she laughed. "What's one more letter?"

Lily laughed. "I'm not sure my mum would be proud of me," she said. "Plus, your parents might not like that kind of an influence, Potter."

"Speaking of parents," said Remus, pointing down the street at Ambrose Potter's approaching figure.

"Hi, kids," he said pleasantly. "Did you have enough time for your chat or did you need more?"

James, Sirius and Remus looked at each other. They could read in James' eyes that he could continue listening and talking to Lily talk about nothing at all for the next hour. But before they could even wonder aloud whether they should go, Lily responded.

"Yes, yes… I don't want to keep you all from any other plans you have," she said in a flustered voice.

"We don't really have plans," James said quietly.

"No, no… I must be going as well," said Lily avoiding his glance. "Oh, and before I forget…" she added, pulling money out of her purse. But all four men with her protested.

"Evans, no; Girls don't pay for stuff with the Marauders," Sirius said proudly.

"Evans, are you mental? Put that away!" said James, grabbing her outstretched hand and pushing it back into her purse.

"Lily, we've got it, don't worry," echoed Remus.

"Good gracious, my dear," Mr. Potter chuckled. "You've been on very bad meetings with boys if you've ever had to pay for anything."

Lily blushed and looked at all of them. "All right… well, thank you. And thank you for coming to talk with me - I appreciate it a lot," she said quietly.

Sirius, Remus and James looked at her with concern in their eyes. "Don't back out, Evans," said James. "You belong in our world; besides, now that you've gotten to know the three of us a little better… I think you'd miss us," he said honestly.

Lily laughed lightly. "Yes, I suppose that's true. I'll… I'll think. Thanks again; have a good rest of your holiday," she said quietly. She waved to them all and continued her walk down the street.

Mr. Potter watched the boys watch her walk away before motioning toward the adjacent alley and Apparating back to their home in Cricklade.

"Very sweet girl, James. Very sweet," his father said as they walked towards the front door of their house. "Why haven't you asked her out?"

"He has," Sirius said.

"Did I lose my voice somewhere today?" asked James. "Because… for some reason… you keep answering questions that people ask me."

"Sorry," Sirius said with a laugh. "Just thought he should know the whole story," he replied simply.

"So… you've asked her out; and I gather she turned you down?"

"Yup… several times in fact."

"Hmmm… did she tell you why?"

"Er…" James muttered, looking at Sirius and now wishing he would respond. "She… uh… she said I was a little bit of a troublemaker. And… um," James stammered, trying to think of a reason.

"She thinks we're a bit arrogant," said Sirius honestly. James appreciated the fact that Sirius included himself in the description rather than singling James out.

"Well… you'll grow out of that," Mr. Potter replied. "Well, I'm going to help your mother with dinner. You boys can entertain yourself for a bit, right?" The three of them nodded, watching as Mr. Potter strolled off to the dining room.

"Do you think it's bad she knows?" asked James, sitting down on the couch and sighing heavily.

"No; she's not going to nark us out," Sirius replied. "I actually thought she was quiet friendly. I'm feeling a little bad for jumping on her when we first got there. She is a very pretty girl, perhaps-"

"Perhaps you should shut your mouth," James said harshly.

Sirius and Remus both laughed. "You don't think that she'll rat us out either. You're just worried what she'll think of you teaching your friends to break the rules," Sirius said.

"I can't believe she's worried about what people think of her! She's never cared before, never! And to even consider not coming back," James pondered out loud. "That's mental. She has to come back. Everyone loves her!"

"You love her; everyone else thinks she's brilliant. But, either way, you're right, she can't just walk away," said Sirius.

"I can't believe she'd consider leaving just because of Snivellus; stupid git," James muttered.

"I wonder if she's told Julia or any of those girls that she's thinking of leaving," Remus mused.

James sat up very straight; he suddenly had an idea. "No, I bet she hasn't. But that doesn't mean we can't," he said.

"What?"

"Let's write them; they'll write her and tell her not to leave. I bet they'd probably write more people who would tell her not to leave as well," James said.

"She'd get a flood of owls," Sirius replied.

"Exactly; she'd get a flood of owls from people telling her that she belongs in our world. There's no way she'd be able to refuse everyone begging her to come back, plus it would show her how important she is to all of us. Dumbledore, and McGonagall; Oh, and Slughorn loves her. So does Flitwick. We can write them all, they'd make sure she came back," he said eagerly.

"That's a lot of writing," said Sirius making a face.

"Oh, come off it. What do you think, Moony?"

Remus thought for a moment. "It's an idea… it's worth a shot I'd say," he replied.

"There, it's settled. We'll start writing to them tonight," James said simply, ignoring Sirius' groan about not being able to use a quill outside of Hogwarts.


	6. Wishing Well

Wishing Well

"Wishing Well" The Airborne Toxic Event

* * *

August passed slowly, and Lily was counting the days until her mother came home. Her trunk remained unpacked, magical books strewn about her desk, a reminder of the world she would be forgoing if she stayed in Hedge End with her mother. Before she made the decision to pack her trunk, Lily wanted talk with her mother and make sure that she would be all right if Petunia were to become engaged and leave the house. The thought of her mother being lonely was more than Lily could take; she had to make sure that her mother would be taken care of before she could pursue her own life.

Petunia's attitude had been a bit more hostile toward her since their run-in at the ice cream shop. Lily hadn't even bothered telling Petunia about her plans, knowing it would only confirm her theory that Lily was such a freak she didn't even belong with the "freaks."

"Your little friends thought they were quite clever," she had said coldly a few days after Lily's meeting with Remus, Sirius and James.

"I thought they were," Lily replied with a smirk.

Petunia's face grew red. "If any one of you talks to Vernon, or me, like that again … I'll –"

"You'll what? Threaten to not speak to me? We've already played that game, Petunia; I won. You caved because you can't resist mocking me. But if you'd like to try it again, that's fine; at least this time you'll have that thick necked prat to talk to instead of your own reflection," Lily spat, slamming her bedroom door in Petunia's face.

The conversation she'd had with Remus, Sirius, and James stuck in her mind. There was a part of her that completely agreed with their assertions. She was a witch, nothing would ever change that and she was proud to be one. She did well in school, and fit much better into the wizarding world than she did in the Muggle world. She also worried how she could ever live her life as Muggle now that she knew the truth.

And Lily knew she would miss her friends terribly if she left. She refrained from mentioning her plans when she corresponded with Mary and Julia. Julia had been filling her in on the details of her boy watching activities in her home town, and Mary had traveled a bit with her parents and was excited to show Lily all the trinkets she had picked up. But in none of her responses did Lily ever mention she was considering not returning to Hogwarts.

Which was way one morning, about two weeks after her meeting with the three boys, Lily was shocked awake by the sound of Petunia screaming. Lily raced down stairs, startled by the sight outside their front window.

"Filthy animals! LILY! What is the meaning of this?" Petunia shouted at Lily, who was very obviously trying to restrain herself from laughing at the sight. There were over twenty owls outside her house; some brilliant tawny, some snowy white. A few she recognized as Hogwarts owls, and it concerned her for she wasn't expecting anything other than her school supply list and new prefect badge; she'd been very careful to avoid doing any kind of magic since she'd gotten that letter from the Ministry.

"I can't believe this; Urgh! I'm calling Vernon, if you're going to invite this lot into our house I have to get out of here" Petunia said coldly.

Lily ignored her, walking out side to take the letters from all owls' beaks, laughing when a few insisted on following her inside. She scanned the envelopes for familiar handwriting and opened those letters first.

"_Lily,_

_I just got a note from Black telling me that you're thinking of not coming back to school? What in Merlin's name are you thinking? Has something happened? You have to come back; I know you didn't do that poorly on your O.W.L.'s so that's not the reason. You have to come back! You're a witch; you can't stay in the Muggle world! You write me back _right now_ and tell me that you're coming. I mean it! I've told Gerard to stay with you and peck you until you respond, he'll do it! Write me back!_

_Love, _

_Julia_"

"What?" Lily said looking at the letter. Why would Sirius bother telling Julia that she wasn't coming back? She glanced at a golden owl that was eyeing her with its beady black eyes. "I'll write back; just… give me a moment. I want to read the rest of these."

She opened another letter; it was from Mary and said the same thing.

"_Lily,_

_James Potter sent me a note yesterday. He said you told him you weren't coming back to school? What happened? Did that sister of yours torture you to death with her taunting? That's mental, of course you're coming back. And since when do you talk to James Potter? Goodness, Lily, it won't be the same without you; you have to come back! Lily, you're one of my best friends, please don't do this. Write me back as soon as you can and tell me what's going on._

_Yours,_

_Mary"_

Lily shook her head and opened another letter.

"_Lily,_

_Remus wrote to me and said you told him you want to resign as a prefect because you're not coming back to Hogwarts this fall? What's going on? Did something happen that I don't know about? Lily, whatever it was it can't have been that bad to think about quitting. Please write me back; if you need anything I'm near Southampton and I can stop by, just let me know._

_Yours,_

_Alice_"

And another…

"_Lily,_

_James Potter wrote me and told me that you met for ice cream a few weeks ago. Cheeky thing, you! But he said you're thinking about not coming back to school? He can't be serious, of course you're coming back! We need you there; I told you last spring after that whole incident that you belong in our world! Lily, I love you to death, please don't do this! Write me back and tell me what's going on._

_Love,_

_Marlene_"

Lily glanced around her at all the owls who were waiting for responses and at the pile of letters she had set at her feet. What on Earth had those boys done? She began to tear open other envelopes.

"_Lily,_

_It's Bertram. I got a letter from Potter saying you're not coming back to school? I can't believe that's true. We'd miss you too much, please come back_!"

"_Lily, _

_You're leaving Hogwarts? You can't! We're together in this, remember? I know I said I was thinking about leaving, but I'm not going to; I'm a witch and proud of it, no matter how I was born. Please let me know you're staying._

_Love, Melany_"

The letters continued, all the same content; they had even gone as far as writing some of the professors.

"… _absolutely insane of you to think of not coming back. Ms. Evans, I know your father's passing was hard on you and your family, but we need you here. Our world needs you. I know you did wonderfully in your Transfiguration O.W.L. and I'm anxious to teach you more. I will see you at the start of term, no questions!_

_Minerva McGonagall_"

"… _an Outstanding! Outstanding! I knew it the moment you stepped into my class room. You mustn't abandon your education. It's of upmost importance that we have more people in our world as proficient at charms as you are. Please reconsider,_

_Prof. Filius Flitwick_"

"… _Outstanding in your potions exam! __Our club greatly benefits from your example and I would miss seeing you blossom into a wonderful potions professional. Lily, please reconsider. I've included a magazine for your research; I know how you love new and inventive potions. There is an article I've circled about one of my former students. He was brilliant, yes, but you are ten times as bright as he is. Please let me know your thoughts on the magazine and contact me if you need anything,_

_Professor H. E. F. Slughorn_."

Lily sighed as she perused through the rest of the letters: Samantha Pitchfield, Max Linghold, and Adrian Rollingsfield from Ravenclaw; Mitch Huffton, and Autumn Sully from Hufflepuff; over half of Gryffindor had written her letters. Marlene had actually went so far as to write a second letter and beg Lily to return because she wasn't sure how she would make it through Potions without her.

"_I'm taking potions again this year and you know I'm horrid; I can't do it without you! I have to stay in if I want to be an Auror, but I'm rubbish at potions! You have to come back just to help me if nothing else!"_

What had they been thinking, telling everyone that she was leaving? Now she had no choice but to return; there were so many people who would be disappointed if she didn't. _But, what about Mum_? She thought sadly. _I can't just leave her behind without anyone here_.

One of the owls came over and sat on her knee, pecking at her hand as it glared at her. "All right, all right; hang on to your feathers. I'll write back," she said in an irritated tone as she ascended to her room to write responses.

It took her until very late in the evening to finish writing all the letters. She hadn't said she was coming back for sure, but thanked everyone for their concern and thoughts on the subject. She tried to explain to Julia, Mary, Marlene and Alice where she was coming from, but she wasn't sure it came out right.

Letters continued to arrive daily for Lily; some from her friends, others from acquaintances that were in her lessons. Lily began to wonder if Remus, Sirius and James had written the whole of Hogwarts, though she had no way to ask them. She thought about asking one of the owls to drop them a line, but wasn't sure if any of the owls that visited would be willing to deliver a letter for a stranger.

Her mother was due back in a week; once she came back, they would talk and sort out. Lily didn't know if Petunia had been proposed to yet, as they hadn't spoke since the day the owls started arriving, but she wanted to make sure her mother would be fine on the chance that she ended up alone in their house. She couldn't make a decision without speaking with her.

It was Friday afternoon, and Lily had settled down to watch a television program when there was a knock at the door. Petunia was gone with Vernon, so she assumed it was a salesman and ignored it. The person knocked again, very politely, but Lily continued to ignore it. She turned the TV up louder trying to drown out the sound. The knocking ceased and Lily stood very slowly to look out the window to see if the person was gone.

A tall figure was walking away from her house, its long white beard standing out in drastic contrast to the brilliant blue wizard robes; Professor Dumbledore. Completely forgetting she did not have shoes on, Lily raced to the door and out onto the sidewalk.

"Professor! Professor Dumbledore," she called loudly as she ran up the pathway. The headmaster turned and gave her a wide, benevolent smile.

"Good afternoon, Miss Evans," he said lightly. "You are home after all; I wondered when I saw the television going why no one answered."

"Er… yes, I'm sorry about that," Lily replied sheepishly. "I assumed you were a sales man; the only people who ever stop are either for my sister or sales people."

"Ah, I see. And your sister is out for the afternoon?"

"Yes, she's with her boyfriend. My mum is gone in Paris, so it's just me; which was why I didn't answer the door," Lily said again.

"Hmm, unfortunate. I would have enjoyed meeting your sister and mother. Well, I daresay we should get inside; it appears you have forgotten an item of clothing, and I would like to chat with you, if you are willing," Dumbledore said, glancing at her bare feet and gesturing toward her front door.

"Um… yes, of course. Please come in," Lily said sheepishly as they walked back up the pathway and toward the door to her house. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"I have something actually," he said with a wave of his wand. Two glasses appeared along with a bottle that Lily recognized as butterbeer from her trips to Hogsmeade. Dumbledore helped himself to a seat at the dinner table and gestured that Lily should do the same. "Please, feel free to have a drink with me."

Lily sat down and allowed the headmaster to pour her a glass, feeling her cheeks flush with color as she drank deeply. "I will tell you, Miss Evans, that you were not entirely incorrect in your assumption; I am here to sell you something, in a way," Professor Dumbledore said lightly.

"Oh?" Lily asked, knowing what was coming.

"Yes, I received a rather distraught letter from James Potter telling me that you had met him, along with Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, for ice cream one afternoon. He explained in the course of your conversation, you made them aware that your intention this fall was to not return to Hogwarts?" asked Dumbledore lightly.

"Um… yes, I did tell them that," replied Lily.

Dumbledore nodded his head. "Might I ask why? If you do not wish to tell me I understand that, but whatever the reason will stay between us, I promise you," he said kindly.

Lily sighed and mustered up her courage, staring into the Headmasters bright blue eyes which seemed to pierce all the way through her soul.

"One of my friends called me … Mudblood… last year; we had a falling out," she said bluntly, wondering why she was confiding this in him when the only person she had discussed it with at any length was Marlene. "I… I was really hurt. I started to think that… if he could think of me in that way, after we'd known each other so long… since childhood, since before I even knew I was a witch… that everyone was always going to think of me that way."

"I see," Dumbledore said quietly.

"And… my sister might be getting engaged. My mum… my father passed away last year; she's been sad, we all have. I… if Petunia becomes engaged, she'll move out, and mum will be alone. I don't think I can do that to her," explained Lily, allowing her voice to crack from the emotion and stress she'd been feeling the past few weeks.

"Understandable, completely understandable," Dumbledore said wisely. "Is there anything else?"

Lily paused, watching as Dumbledore surveyed her curiously. "Well… um, I found out about Remus being… well, you know… completely by accident. Remus was very upset when he found out I knew. He offered to resign being a prefect because he didn't want me to be uncomfortable. I told him no, he does such a good job at it; he's more equipped for the job than I am. I felt so bad for him… I … I never should have been so nosy, and I felt really guilty. That's why I met with him, to apologize. But… no, there's no other reason than that: just my mum…and I'm not sure I belong there if everyone thinks of me so horribly."

Lily sighed when she finished; there was something about Dumbledore's blue eyes that made her confess almost everything to him. The headmaster nodded wisely and took a sip of his drink before setting the glass down and clasping his hands and surveying her through his half-moon spectacles.

"Well, Lily, I can offer you condolences on two of these things. One, I assure you that almost everyone within Hogwarts, and outside of it I might add, thinks that you are a bright, brilliant, and wonderful young lady and you have a place in our world; you have had one since you were born. Yes… there are some who think otherwise, but they do not matter. The only people that matter are those whom you love and respect. I apologize for your loss of friendship, but from rumors I have been hearing I trust that you'll very soon find numerous friends to replace the one you have lost.

"Secondly, Remus does not believe that you have put him in an uncomfortable position. On the contrary, he feels he had put you in one. Both of you are incorrect, and it appears that you are comfortable enough with each other's company that it should no longer be a concern. I chose you both specifically as Prefects for that reason. I believe you both are very good at overcoming whatever obstacles lay in front of you, and you have not disappointed me in the slightest," Dumbledore said with a kind smile.

"Thank you, Professor," Lily replied quietly.

Just then there was a noise from in the driveway. Lily looked up to see a cab pull in and her mother unpack several suitcases from the trunk. "Oh! Well, um… my mother just got home early, Professor. I… er…" she stammered, but before she could form a coherent thought her mother had burst through the door.

"Lily! Sweetheart is everything – oh! Oh, we have company; Oh, goodness, I'm so-"

"Mrs. Evans, I presume?" asked Dumbledore, as he got to his feet and held out a hand for Lily's mother to shake. "Albus Dumbledore; I am the Headmaster at Hogwarts School and was just paying Lily a visit."

Her mother shook Dumbledore's hand and flushed a bright red.

"Oh! Goodness, it's so nice to meet you. I… is Lily in trouble of some kind? I wouldn't-"

"No, no, absolutely not. Lily is a wonderful student and a delight to have in our school; I was actually just having a chat with her about her plans for next year," Professor Dumbledore explained.

"Yes… on that note; Lily, I got a message from one of your other professors by owl while I was in Paris. She was under the impression that you were not planning on returning to school and wanted to know if something had happened at home. That's why I'm home early; did something happen? Sweetheart, I told you if you needed me too I would have stayed, I-"

"No, mum… it's all right. Nothing happened; I was… well, I had been thinking about things and… I thought… perhaps it would be better if I stayed here with you," said Lily quietly.

"Lily seems to be very concerned about your welfare since the passing of your husband," Dumbledore explained quietly. "My deepest condolences, Mrs. Evans; that was the reason that Lily was wondering if she should remain at home instead of returning to school."

Lily's mother looked aghast. "Lils… of course not! Why on Earth would you ever think that?"

"Well… Tuney is very serious about this boy, Vernon. And I just didn't want to leave you all alone," replied Lily.

Her mother sighed and wiped a tear away from her cheek before moving across the room and squeezing her daughter tightly. "Lily, what Petunia does with her life should not be your concern. Yes, she is your sister so obviously you should be involved. But you can't let her choices affect your own," she said quietly.

"It's not Tuney that I'm worried about. I-"

"I am an adult, Lily. No matter what happens, I will be fine; you need to focus on school right now. You've been born with a gift, and it's something I am very proud of - your father was too. We never would want you to give up your own life for the sake of one of us, do you understand that? You need to be where you belong," her mother said.

Lily nodded, wiping a tear away from her own cheek.

Dumbledore smiled. "Well, it seems I can now allay your third concern, my dear. I cannot imagine the hallways of our castle without you, nor it seems can many of your friends. Will you plan to return to Hogwarts in the fall?"

Lily smiled and blushed brightly, but nodded her head in response. "Good, very good. I'll see you on the first of September, then; I'm very pleased at how this turned out. Mrs. Evans, it was lovely to meet you; you have a very bright and very talented daughter who is a joy to so many people," he said shaking her mother's hand again.

"Oh… you're leaving? Won't you stay for dinner?" her mother asked.

"Thank you, but no. I do have some other business to attend to before returning to the school, and you just got home from an extended holiday, it appears. You are surely exhausted, so I will trouble you no further. Thank you, though, for your hospitality. Have a delightful evening, Mrs. Evans, Lily," Dumbledore said, bowing to each of them before walking out the door.

Lily and her mother watched him go before turning back to each other. "Gracious, dear; it sounds like you gave quite a few people a fright. I want you to promise me… _promise_ me, Lily Elizabeth, that you will not ever consider something like this again. You are gifted, and you belong in that world, not here. There is something wonderful planned for you; you have to find out what it is," her mother said firmly.

"I promise, mum. Thanks; I'm sorry you had to cut your trip short," Lily replied sheepishly.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I've had quite enough travel to be honest," her mother replied.

"Mum?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Who did you get a letter from?" Lily asked curiously.

"Well, I got two letters actually. One from a boy named James who sounded very polite and was very concerned about you, and then the other was from Professor McGonagall who echoed his sentiments," her mother explained. "Is James a … friend… of yours?"

"Er… I'm not sure, really," Lily replied.

"Oh… well, he sounded very polite," her mother said in an offhand tone, though her eyes remained curious.

"Mum?"

"Yes?"

"Can we go shopping for school clothes? I need new robes, and I'd like a few new pairs of jeans and a dress as well," she said, thinking about the ball for next year.

"Yes, Lily. We can go shopping, but let's eat something first. I'm absolutely famished," her mother said, hugging her daughter before walking into the kitchen toward the fridge.

Lily and her mother ate dinner together, discussing her trip and all the places she visited while in France. Petunia arrived home around nine-thirty and was shocked to see her mother at the dinner table. Lily retreated upstairs to her room as they began to discuss the trip and what Petunia had been up to while she was gone.

Lily sat down on her bed, feeling much more at peace since Dumbledore had spoken with her about returning to Hogwarts. She had been silly; deep down she knew that she had overreacted to the situation with Remus and the other boys, and her mother's ability to care for herself should she be left alone. Lily chuckled to herself and began to pack her trunk, thinking that she would respond to the letters she would surely receive tomorrow with more certainty regarding her return to Hogwarts.

As she thought of the letters, she was reminded of Professor Slughorn's response and the magazine he had sent her. She walked to her desk and retrieved it from under the pile of letters that had sat there for days and days. "The Practical Potioneer," she muttered. Curious, she sat down on her bed and began to leaf through the pages to see if anything struck her fancy.

There were articles on everything relating to the delicate art of potion brewing. "_Petulant poisons prompt potioneers to petition the Ministry_" and "_When Antidotes become Anti-don'ts_." But what finally caught her attention was the article that Slughorn had circled and labeled in his elegant handwriting.

"_Lily,_

_Damocles Belby is a former student of mine! I think you'll be interested in his work. _

_Prof. Slughorn," _

The article was titled "_Wolfesbane or Insane_?" with a short synopsis explaining the background of Slughorn's former student. "_Research into new potion may provide werewolves with a way back into society. Potioneer Damocles Belby discusses looking for test subjects and his controversial work_.'"

Lily leaned back against her pillow and began to read, her mind spinning with the possibilities of what this could mean.

"So, you've got your new dresses, jeans, robes, all your books, the new ingredients we bought, and all your make-up and shoes for the ball at the end of the year. Are you sure you want to take your dress now? I can always send it later," Her mother was saying as they unloaded everything from the trunk of the car they had taken to London.

"Yes, Mum, I've got it. I'll be able to clean the dress if it gets dirty, don't worry. Thank you again for helping me with all of this," Lily said as she loaded her trunk and other bags on to the trolley.

"It was nothing, sweetheart. And you'll keep in touch? I just want to know you're doing all right. If you need anything, please let me know," her mother said as she squeezed her tightly. "You're sure you don't want me to walk you through?"

"No, I'll be good, mum. Thank you. Tell… tell Tuney I said good-bye," Lily added as an afterthought.

"I will; try not to worry about her, she'll come round."

"All right, then. It's ten minutes till eleven, I need to go. I love you mum; I'll keep in touch and you do the same," Lily said returning the hug. She stepped into the station and began to walk toward the magical barrier between platforms nine and ten.

As Lily began to run toward the barrier, she saw out of the corner of her eye a taller figure in long black robes talking with a pale faced blonde man about ten feet away from the platform. They were watching her curiously; she noted the man in the cloak had bloodshot eyes and was exceptionally pale in contrast with his robes. His eyes met hers for a brief moment, and she saw a curious smile cross his thin lipped mouth. Turning away, Lily sprinted the last several feet and sighed in relief as she crossed onto platform nine and three-quarters.

"LILY!"

"Oh, goodness, we were so worried you weren't coming back!"

"Hey, Lily; nice to see you!"

Several voices called out to her, but she barely had time to look around to see who they belonged to when Julia flung herself at her with so much force that Lily almost toppled backward. "Lily! Oh, I'm so happy to see you!" her friend said in a loud, high pitched voice.

"Merlin's beard, I guess so," said Lily with a light laugh. She patted Julia on the back and then embraced Mary who was waiting impatiently next to them. "How was your holiday?"

"It was good; I have so much to show you. Let's get your trunk on the train," replied Mary as she helped Lily start loading her things onto the train.

"Did you see James Potter over there?" asked Julia in a low voice. "He's been waiting for you to arrive," she giggled.

"Has he?" asked Lily in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone of voice. She looked over and saw James and Sirius talking to Mr. and Mrs. Potter at the other end of the platform. "Well, I'll chat with him later."

"His note was sweet," said Mary, "but why on Earth did you meet with him, Black and Lupin anyway?"

"Erm… well, I wanted to talk to Remus about the prefect stuff, and Potter and Black just tagged along. Let's, um… let's go find a cabin. I want to see your pictures and everything," she said quickly to change the subject.

As they walked through the train toward a cabin, Lily felt blood coloring her cheeks as person after person greeted her. Bertram Aubrey actually embraced her, and Max Linghold spent five minutes talking to her about different plans for what had become known as the "Slug Club".

"Sluggy talks of throwing a few little get-togethers this year for us since we're N.E.W.T. students now, help us make connections for future jobs and all that. I'd be glad to go with you if you don't want to go alone," he called after her as Mary dragged her further down the train to an empty compartment.

Samantha Pitchfield stopped in and said hello, and Marlene joined them a few moments later. They both were very pleased that Lily had decided to return as well. "I couldn't believe it when I got that letter. You can't leave, you're the strongest Muggle-born out of all of us; we need you!" Samantha said, grabbing Lily's shoulders and shaking her gently.

"Oh, I'm not that-"

"Oh, come off it, Evans," said a low voice from the door. "Take a compliment."

Lily looked up to see James Potter and the three members of his gang standing at the door all smiling at her broadly. "I can take a compliment when it's warranted, but I'm by far not the strongest of all of us. Sam, it sounds like you did better in your Transfiguration O.W.L. than I did," Lily pointed out.

"Yeah in that one, but the others I did average in… I didn't even pass History of Magic," Sam said glumly.

"Well, who needs that one?" Julia replied.

"Apparently not you two," said Sirius in a cheeky voice. "You both got D's?"

"Shut up, Black! The only reason you did so well is because you're the only one of us Binns can remember. 'Oh… Black, yes I've had several of you… very good,'" Julia teased in a very good imitation of Professor Binns' monotone voice.

Sirius grinned and stepped into the room to sit down next to her. They began to tease each other heartily to the amusement of everyone else in the cabin. Peter came in and sat down next to Sirius, seemingly basking in the glow of his cleverness, while James and Remus remained standing in the doorway.

"Lily, we probably should go to the prefects meeting," said Remus a few minutes later.

"Oh! Yes, yes, that we should. I'll be back later," she said to Mary. Julia was still engaged in teasing Sirius, and Samantha had now joined in and was taking on Peter with various taunts about their O.W.L. performance.

Lily stepped outside and closed the compartment door. Remus took the lead and she found herself in step with James. "Are, um… are you coming with us, Potter?" she asked curiously.

"I just thought I'd escort you two; you know, make sure you behave," he said lightly.

Lily chucked and then fell silent; she felt her face glowing again as they walked slowly. "I, um… Remus… Potter… I owe you a thank you, I think. Though, that was a little overboard I must admit; it was very sweet of you three to write all those letters to my friends and everyone. It made me realize how much I would miss this place if I didn't come back," she said quietly. She watched Remus nod before smirking as he picked up his pace, but she kept hers slow beside James.

"You're welcome. I figured you needed a reminder of how much you mean to everyone," said James happily as they reached the heads compartment.

"Well… thank you; it was a wake-up call," she said again. Lily turned to go inside the compartment but James caught her hand.

"The third weekend in October is Hogsmeade; would you like to come out with me?" asked James politely.

Color flooded Lily's cheeks as she gave him a sympathetic glance. "Um… Potter, well… let me…I'm not sure that's such a good idea just yet. Let's… let's just see how things go. I'm sorry," she muttered quietly before turning and walking inside the compartment for the meeting.

James stood in the hallway and sighed heavily. He tried not to let his spirits fall as he walked back to the compartment where Sirius and Peter were. He had hoped that maybe, _maybe_, all his letters and work would help her realize how much _he_ wanted her to come back this year, but it appeared not to have the desired effect.

When he arrived back at the compartment, the topic of discussion had changed from O.W.L. results to Quidditch, and he was happy to join in. After half an hour, Sirius sighed heavily and looked at James.

"No joy?"

"Nope. It wasn't a flat out no, but it was still a no. On a positive note, she didn't call me an arrogant toerag this time at least," he said, trying his best to sound nonchalant.

"You asked Lily out _again_?" asked Mary in an exasperated voice.

"Yeah, I did," said James defiantly.

"What was that, Potter? The twenty-fifth time she's turned you down?" said Mary in a mocking voice.

"I didn't realize you were keeping track, Mary," Julia replied in the same mocking tone. "I don't see anyone asking you out twenty-five times," she continued. Mary scowled and returned her gaze to her magazine, while Sirius, James and Peter tried to stifle their sniggering.

"Why did she say no?" asked Samantha.

"Lily thinks he's an 'arrogant bullying toerag'," replied Mary. James frowned but Sirius and Peter shrugged their shoulders in agreement with Mary's statement.

"No… she doesn't," replied Julia shaking her head. "She… I think Lily is afraid to like you, James, because she thinks that if she does… you'll just take off. Like she's some conquest that you haven't won; and as soon as you do, it'll be over and done with."

"What? Conquest? I'm not trying to be a hero… I just… I like her. I-"

"Do you _like_ her, or do you just want to get into her knickers?" asked Samantha bluntly. Sirius and Peter chuckled loudly while Julia laughed and Mary rolled her eyes. "Because she is very pretty, everyone thinks so; Max and Adrian talk about her all the time, but that's all they talk about. Bloody perverts," she muttered in a disgusted voice.

James felt his blood boil. "No, that is _not_ why I like her. She's a… she's beautiful, so yes, that's a factor; but she's funny, and smart, and really nice to everyone. And she's brave, and she doesn't put up with stuff, and she's loyal, and she's really cheeky in class … it's hysterical. Plus, she really cares about people, not superficially, but she actually cares and she doesn't ever want to hurt anyone or anything like that. She's –"

"She's never been that nice to you; how do you know she's nice?" asked Mary.

"She has too been nice to me," said James defensively. "And I just know… are you saying she's not nice?"

"No, but I just think you've got a long shot at this, Potter. Severus hung around Lily for years. He did everything he could possibly think of to get close to her, but she wanted none of it," replied Mary.

"Yeah, well that was Snivellus! Evans has better taste than that," said Sirius with a shudder.

"Mary… Lily never wanted anything to do with Severus because he is evil. And, James, she avoids having anything to do with you because you're arrogant and you can be a bully," said Julia wisely. "But if you cut that out, and manage to get her to confess that she does have feelings for you, than you've got a shot."

"She has feelings for me?" asked James, his eyes widening and an exuberant grin crossing his face.

"Wow… you've got it bad, Potter," chuckled Samantha.

"I don't know that… but I've been wondering if she does," Julia replied. "I kept asking her what she thought about you writing all of us when I wrote her back after I got your letter; nothing, she didn't mention it once. It was like she was avoiding it on purpose. And when I mentioned you on the platform, her face got all red and she changed the subject really quickly. But don't get all puffed up yet," she said warningly when James grinned at Sirius and pounded his fist on his knees. "She'll deny it till she's blue in the face if you don't shape up."

"All right… I'll shape up. I'll have Moony give me lessons on being a good boy and it'll all be good," James said lightly while Peter and Sirius laughed.

"Well… whoever _Moony_ is, that's not a bad idea. You're not a bad guy, James; just use your head. If you know she'll not like something, don't do it. Show her how selfless you can be, and how sweet, and all that," said Julia with a smile.

"I'm starting to think you're beginning to fancy me, Tottleham," said James in a cheeky voice.

"Ah… no. And that's exactly what I'm talking about," said Julia with a laugh.

The meeting with the heads and other prefects had concluded and Remus and Lily were now walking back toward their compartment, conversing quietly.

"Hey Lils! Save me some time for Hogsmeade weekend, all right?" Max called to her as he ran off to catch Annie Paulson, the other prefect from Ravenclaw. Lily nodded politely but rolled her eyes, much to Remus' amusement, and was appreciative when he changed the subject.

"What is it with Cora Danford? Does she just always behave that way?" asked Remus.

Lily laughed; she'd never heard Remus speak ill of anyone. Cora was one of the sixth year prefects from Hufflepuff and gave off an air of undisputed authority everytime she spoke. "I'm not sure; she's not all bad. But, I think it's partly because Hufflepuff gets the 'lazy' description from so many people, she likes to make sure we all know how brilliant they can be," Lily explained.

Remus huffed. "Her and Bulstrode would be a matched pair then," he said, thinking of the arrogant Slytherin prefect.

"Yes, they would. I'm so glad Alice is Head Girl; she balances out Huffton nicely." Lily said, thinking of the pleasant seventh year prefect from Hufflepuff who had written her in response to the boys' letters. "We're so much better off than if Rosier would have been head. He's the very definition of arrogant and creepy."

"I thought James was the definition of arrogant," said Remus lightly.

Lily chuckled. "Did he ask you to say that? To find out what I think about him now?"

"No, he didn't. Honest!" he asserted when she gave him a suspicious glance. "I'm just curious. I suppose I can see a little bit of arrogance; but James has always been my friend, so it's hard for me to hear him put down."

Lily sighed. "I shouldn't do that, and I'm not going to unless he deserves it. I'm sure he's not an awful bloke, I just… I guess I have a hard time getting over how he treats people who aren't his friends."

"True, he can be a bit of a prankster; but I think that's all four of us really," said Remus thoughtfully.

"It's a little more than pranks, Remus. Why does he get after people?"

"Usually, they say or do something he doesn't like. Case in point, Severus," said Remus, taking note when Lily scowled and stared at her feet. "First, he said something on the train about Gryffindors being brawny and not brainy, which James took offense to. Then Severus is always meddling with the Dark Arts, which James hates. And… it didn't help that he was friends with you, either," he explained.

"Can I ask what the fascination with me is, honestly?"

"You don't see it?"

"Remus," said Lily in an exasperated tone, "every time a boy has been interested in me it's been for one of two reasons: they think I'm pretty and all they want to do is snog me, or I've been nice to them and they've grown attached. Seeing as how I've never been terribly nice to Potter, you can figure why I'd assume it's reason number one."

"James watches you all the time," said Remus watching as Lily blushed. "He thinks you're nice - we all do. And he'll tell anyone how brilliant you are and everything else. The fact that you're pretty I think is what made him take notice, but he sees you for more than just that."

"Well, we'll see. I told him if he stopped behaving like an idiot that I'd think about being his friend," Lily said.

"Don't expect a complete decline; James is who he is, and he'll only change so much. But he's a good bloke," said Remus.

Lily smiled and nodded her head before opening the door to her compartment. To her surprise, Samantha, Peter, James and Sirius had all remained with her friends and were talking avidly about Quidditch. Lily felt her face grow hot; she was sure that James had told them all of her earlier rejection. He didn't look downcast, nor like they had even discussed her at all, so she held her head high and sat down next to Sam. She buried her face into the magazine Slughorn had sent her, still determined to carry out her somewhat dangerous plans.

The train ride went quickly. Despite her attempts to not be amused, Lily found herself laughing when Sirius fell asleep and James, Remus and Peter changed the color of his robes to bright pink and his dark black hair to a brilliant white. Sirius didn't notice the changes until he got off the train and Hagrid asked him when Gryffindor changed their house colors.

"Bloody wankers," hissed Sirius as he flicked his wand to change his robes and hair back to their normal color. "Just you wait, I wouldn't go to sleep tonight," he said threateningly.

"Oooo, I'm shaking," replied James with a laugh. Sirius grinned mischievously and punched his arm as they walked toward the carriages.

Lily was waiting in line with Julia and Mary when the four Mauraders joined them. The conversation again turned to teasing Sirius until another carriage approached. Mary and Julia loaded their things onto the carriage along with Lily, listening to the conversation behind them.

"Ah, the horseless carriages; it's good to be home," sighed James with a grin on his face.

"They're not horseless," Lily said quietly, hanging back after Julia and Mary had climbed into the carriage.

"What? Of course they are; what could be pulling them that we can't see?" asked Sirius in an amused voice.

"Thestrals," Lily replied simply.

"Thestrals?" the four boys echoed.

Lily smiled. "Ah ha… I've discovered something that the _Marauders_ were unaware of. I'll ask Professor Kettleburn to give ten points to whomever finds out what I'm talking about," she said in a cheeky voice as she boarded the carriage.

The carriage moved away, and James watched it curiously. "It's rubbish; she's just making something up to send us on a wild goose chase," Peter said to him.

"No… I don't think she is," replied James.


	7. Moon

Moon

"Somewhere In Between" Lifehouse

* * *

The sorting, feast, and next morning all passed in a blur of activity; during the opening speeches, Dumbledore introduced the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Lothar McMyers, and welcomed back the staff and students with his usual eccentric greetings, closing with the promise of an exciting year to come.

Lily enrolled in all the primary courses, and had picked up Care of Magical Creatures for another year simply because she enjoyed being outside and talking with Hagrid when he helped out Professor Kettleburn. She did fear that a few uncomfortable situations would arrive during certain periods based on which house they had lessons with.

"Brilliant," Julia said sarcastically to Lily. "Look at all the Slytherins in Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"I saw that," Lily muttered darkly. "Ironic since most of them would rather be in 'I'd like to copulate with the Dark Arts rather than defend myself against them.'"

There was a loud chuckle a few seats from where the two girls sat having breakfast. Julia and Lily looked up to see James and Sirius laughing at her comment. Julia turned her attention to the boys and started teasing them back, but Lily focused on her schedule.

She was not looking forward to Potions with the Slytherins. It would be uncomfortable for several reasons; the main being that she and Severus had always engaged in friendly competition for Slughorn's praise and marks. She wondered if now it would be flat out competition, something she was not fond of in the slightest. She also felt that Defense Against the Dark Arts could be uncomfortable as well with all the houses combined. The Slytherins wouldn't be afraid to show off their "extracurricular" exploration into the Dark Arts; the Ravenclaws would be eager to prove their knowledge, and the Gryffindors their bravery. If it weren't for the two Hufflepuffs in the lesson, both of whom were simply happy they had made it that far, it would have been an all out fight for marks.

By Tuesday, Lily was relieved that her fears about Potions turned out to be unfounded. During the first class, she took her usual seat towards the front of the class room at a table with Julia and Samantha, while Severus sat toward the back with Mulciber and Avery. Remus, Sirius and James sat at a table adjacent to Lily's, but this didn't bother her as much as it once had. Their first lesson passed with general introductions and a simple potions assignment, but it was during their second lesson that things began to become interesting.

"Settle down, settle down," Slughorn said jovially in an attempt to quiet the students. "Now! We're still discussing Veritaserum, which is what we'll be mixing next. Can anyone tell me why this potion needs to be brewed for a fortnight?"

"The kava root needs to have time to dissolve completely, otherwise the potion will be murky instead of the clear, odorless color that's desired," replied James in a very mature voice. Lily quirked an eyebrow at him, laughing to herself when he looked at her and puffed out his chest in an arrogant fashion.

"Excellent, Mr. Potter, excellent," Slughorn said in a surprised tone. "Now, we're going to mix the ingredients and let the potion sit as a bit of an ongoing project. This potion is N.E.W.T. standard, but I will advise that its usage is strictly controlled by the ministry, so you will not get to keep your work; it will simply be recorded in your grading. Any questions? No? Well, let's begin."

The students stood up and moved to gather the required ingredients; Lily hung behind at her desk, waiting for everyone to clear before she had access to the cupboard. When a majority of the class had returned to their seats, she gathered her supplies and returned to her table, setting to work very intently.

After a half an hour passed, she had added all the requirements and begun the painstaking process of stirring the potion counter-clockwise for the required amount of time. There were various conversations taking place around her, but she was oblivious to it all; it was important for her to finish this early so she could set to task on their second potion, Euphoria. Once she finished that, she would be free to ask Slughorn all the questions she wanted.

"Brilliant, Miss Evans, brilliant!" Slughorn said suddenly as he peered over her shoulder. "You're using just enough heat to speed up the thinning process but not enough to cause the potion to boil. You seem like you're in a hurry, is there an event I'm unaware of that you need to rush off to?"

"No, Professor. I… I actually just had a couple of questions that I wanted to ask you after class and I want to make sure I have my work done," she said with a smile.

"Well, I'll wait anxiously for your questions. This is excellent! You can put it over on the shelf there to sit, and we'll check on it for the next month until it's ready," said Slughorn, waving his plump hand towards the wall.

Lily carefully moved her cauldron over to the shelf and set it in the far corner. She turned to walk back and almost ran straight into James, who was putting his cauldron on the shelf and smirking at her curiously. "You _are_ in a hurry, Evans; what's the rush?"

"No rush, just want to get this done," she said, side stepping him and walking back to her table. To her surprise, James followed her and sat down in-between her and Julia, completely unashamed as he grinned at her. Lily fought back a grin as she watched him curiously. "Bee in your bonnet?"

"Can I be a bee in your bonnet?" he asked with a grin. Lily blushed and tried again not to smile, but James changed the subject before she had time to form a retort. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to brew three potions today instead of two," he said slyly.

Lily turned her eyes away from his, still working to keep the smile off her face as she resumed her work. "Really? Whatever would give you that impression?" she asked innocently.

"The aconite and runespoor extract."

"You are a nosy little bee," Lily replied, looking at James out of the corner of her eye before scooting her extra ingredients closer to her. "I pulled them out by mistake."

"Oh, in that case let me just put them back for you," James offered, reaching for the supplies.

"No, no!" Lily said clasping her hand over his and staring at him intensely. James grinned and stared back at Lily, but felt his face growing red as her green eyes pierced him like daggers.

"No, really, I can help you out by taking them back-"

"You know, Potter, you're not being as helpful as you think you are," Lily whispered almost inaudibly.

"Well, in that case, I'll try a different option. Would you like to keep these?" James asked, leaning closer to her and dropping his voice to a whisper.

"Yes… they're for an… extra credit project I'm working on," she replied with a grin.

"All right, then," he said lightly. He pulled out his wand and waved it over their hands; Lily heard a low whooshing sound and felt his hands collapse under hers. "They're in your bag. Let me know if you need any assistance," he said with a grin, squeezing her hand with his. Lily raised her eyebrows and stared back at him, her stomach erupting in butterflies for some unknown reason.

"Oy, Prongs," Sirius muttered. "Moony and I can't figure this out, come over here."

James nodded and returned to his table; Lily's eyes followed him curiously. She turned back to her spare cauldron and found Julia and Sam staring at her avidly. "What was that about?" asked Julia in a scandalous voice.

"Nothing… he … he needed help with his Euphoria and wanted to borrow some of my ingredients," Lily explained as she began to add items to her cauldron. Her friend stared at her, but seemed to accept the lie as the truth.

The lesson ended an hour later; everyone cleaned up their ingredients and headed out the door, but James lingered in the dungeon entrance, watching Lily talk to an overly animated Slughorn.

"What gives?" Sirius asked. "First you follow her when your potion wasn't even checked, then you sit at her table for a few minutes, now you're watching her kiss up to Slughorn? The obsession is getting a bit out of hand, mate."

"She's not kissing up, she's asking him about some potion that uses aconite," James replied.

"What?" Remus asked in a shocked tone. Peter joined them outside the dungeon; he hadn't made his N.E.W.T. potion requirement, so he had the period free. His watery eyes were wide with curiosity as James continued.

"She got it and some other stuff out; I noticed it wasn't on the ingredient list, so I got curious."

"Aconite is pretty serious; maybe she's making a poison," Peter suggested.

"Yeah, maybe she's going to poison you, Prongs," said Sirius with a laugh. "Wormtail, you're so thick; I don't know what Evans is up to, but she's not making a poison."

When the weekend arrived, Lily found her ingredients in her bag but never mentioned or thanked James for helping her get them out of the potions room undetected. In fact, Lily didn't speak to anyone other than her roommates for the next few days, shrugging off their concerns with complaints about needing to catch up on sleep. James was the only one who seemed to notice the pattern of excuses, and he didn't confide his suspicions to anyone out of fear they'd say he was watching her too much. Putting thoughts of Lily out of his mind, James and his friends began to make plans for the full moon, which would come the following Wednesday.

"I think we need to explore this area," Sirius was saying as the four of them lounged in the sun by the lake. It was Monday afternoon and they had a free period before dinner was to begin. James was holding out the magical map they had started making last year and examined it closely. The areas that they still needed to fill in with more depth were around the east perimeter of the forbidden forest and a pathway they knew led up to the mountains outside of Hogsmeade.

"Can it wait until next time?" asked Remus wearily, the first full moon of the school year was always the most difficult for him. "I wasn't around you all this summer, so I'm not sure you'll be able to connect to me as quickly," he said in a dejected voice.

"We'll be fine, no worries, Moony," Sirius insisted.

"Yeah, Prongs and Padfoot are big enough to control you," Peter said anxiously. They knew their monthly outings meant a great deal to him, and the thought of only exploring the known areas of the map was depressing.

"Remus, if you want to stay close, we can; we understand," James replied, contradicting the statements from his other friends.

Peter and Sirius groaned. "Ah, Prongs… come on! How many times have we been through Hogsmeade now? I'm bored already with this rubbish; I'd like a bit of-"

"Remus?" a light voice called from only a few feet away. The four boys looked up to see Lily standing over them, her heart-shaped face flushed with color as she observed them sheepishly.

"Didn't you see her coming on the map?" Sirius asked James, turning his head from Lily to his friend and back again.

"I … I was too distracted by the forest, I think…" James muttered. "All right, Evans? It's a nice day," he said, as he ruffled his hair nervously.

"Yes, it is. Um… Remus, can I have a word?" she asked very quietly.

"Sure," replied Remus, getting to his feet and following her back to the castle. James watched their figures retreat, noting that as soon as they were out of earshot, Lily began talking animatedly and Remus was listening very intently.

"What's that about?" James asked suspiciously.

"Probably prefect duty," said Peter. "I heard Bertram asking her to Hogsmeade, so she might be asking Remus to take duty for her," he mused.

"What?" James asked. "Who asked her?"

"Bertram," replied Peter, his eyes widening when he took in James expression. "Bertram Aubrey, from Ravenclaw? You know… taller bloke, blonde hair-"

"I know who he is," snapped James. "Stupid git… what's he thinking? Evans is way out of his league… what did she say?"

"Dunno," replied Peter. "I ran into Melany, and we started talking and –"

"You should have listened to what she said!" James snapped again; Peter recoiled.

"Woah, James… take it easy," said Sirius. "First off, it could be about something completely different, you don't need to go mental on Peter here because he was talking to a girl rather than eavesdropping on Evans; nice work by the way, man," he added to Peter, clapping him on the shoulder. "And second… Evans really can say 'yes' to whomever she wants; you don't have any claim on her."

"I know, I know! I just… sorry, Peter; that was out of line. I just don't get why she would go out with him over me," said James.

"I doubt she said, yes; Aubrey is a prat, she probably-"

"Shh! Here they come," James snapped at Sirius when Remus and Lily wandered back into view. Remus had a bemused smirk on his face and Lily was still flushed but grinning broadly. They stopped about five yards from where James, Sirius and Peter sat; and all three boys leaned in to listen to their conversation.

Lily's eyes flicked toward them, noting how they were all leaning in to hear what she was saying to Remus. She waved her wand in their direction, but no spell hit them. The three boys continued to strain their necks trying to hear the conversation, but an unidentifiable buzzing was all they could hear.

A few seconds later Lily wandered away, waving to Remus as she retreated back to the castle. James watched as Remus chuckled and then approached the group, the buzzing sound had disappeared as soon as Lily walked away.

"What was that all about?" asked James.

"Oh, nothing… she, uh… she needed help with a potions question," he said sheepishly.

"Now, I don't buy that for a minute," said James harshly. "First off, Evans is brilliant at Potions and you've said yourself that a flobberworm could do better than you do in that class-"

"Hey! I scrapped an O.W.L. in the subject," said Remus in an affronted tone.

"Never mind that… what did she want? Did she ask you to do prefect duty on Hogsmeade weekend or something? Is she planning on going with that git Aubrey? What?" asked James in a sharp tone.

"You know… no wonder she doesn't want to go out with you," said Remus harshly. "You're snapping at me for talking to her about a potions assignment. For all you know, she could have been asking me about the Levicorpus spell, or how to make an antidote for something she took, or hell… she could have been asking how to slip you a love potion!"

James paused, his face falling into a frown. "I didn't-"

"You didn't think is what you didn't do," said Remus coldly before turning on his heel and walking toward the castle. Sirius looked at James and shrugged; he stood and ran after Remus, leaving Peter and James sitting on the ground.

"He's got a point," said Peter quietly. James glanced at him, watching as he too stood and walked away. James sat alone on the grass, watching students wander by him and wave cheerily in his direction.

Lily was right; he was arrogant. He had gotten so arrogant that he'd become convinced that simple changes in his behavior would win her over; he'd become so convinced that she would finally see that he wasn't all bad that he'd forgotten to keep his head on straight. His friends had not done anything to deserve the treatment he had just dealt out; they were right. Lily was a free agent; she could see and talk to whomever she pleased. The sooner he realized that it was possible she might never want him, the better. And the sooner he apologized to his friends for his actions, the sooner the feeling of guilt and shame that had settled in on him would go away.

Evening fell and the students returned to their houses to finish homework and discuss gossip with their friends. Lily, Julia and Mary sat in a corner with Marlene discussing the Transfiguration essay they had been assigned that afternoon.

"This is mental; McGonagall can't expect us to actually know this. '_Describe, in detail, the precise intricacies involved when transfiguring humans to animals and reverting the target back to normal_,'" Mary read. "Really, the most complex thing we've ever transfigured or done anything with was vanishing spells and transfiguring animals into boxes!"

"Perhaps we should ask Black or Potter? Both of them are good at Transfiguration," suggested Julia.

Lily stifled a laugh. _That's the understatement of the year_, she thought to herself.

"And why are you laughing?"

Lily raised her eyes and looked at Julia, who was eyeing her extremely curiously. Marlene had also taken to staring in her direction, a slightly amused look on her face.

"I … for some reason the image of Potter transfigured into a monkey popped into my head. It amused me," she said lightly. Marlene was appeased, but Julia watched Lily skeptically for a few seconds.

"Hmm," Marlene said. "I don't remember doing this essay last year, so I'm not much help. You might ask them if they're good in the subject, because I'm at a loss."

Marlene was in her seventh and final year at Hogwarts. She was enrolled in the most prominent subjects that one would need to enter the Auror office; her goal after school was to join the office and aid in the growing resistance against Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

"Don't Aurors need a N.E.W.T. in Transfiguration?" asked Mary.

"Well, I'm not complete rubbish… but it's not my best subject," said Marlene lightly.

"Where is Potter?" asked Lily suddenly.

The four girls glanced around the room looking for James' untidy black hair, but there was no sight of him. Remus, Sirius and Peter were playing a game of exploding snap in the corner, but the fourth member of their gang was missing.

"That's strange; but who cares, I'm going to ask Black for help," said Julia getting to her feet. She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder and stood up taller as she approached the boys with a bright grin. Seeing the response on their faces led Mary to stand up and follow her actions. Lily shook her head as Mary tucked her brown curls behind her ear and sat down next to Julia, batting her eyes in a playful manner.

"Pathetic," muttered Lily.

"A bit… well, I'll leave you be. Good night, Lily," said Marlene, stretching her arms and wandering up the stairs to the girls dormitories.

Lily nodded and returned the sentiments before turning back to her copy of Advanced Transfiguration; she put her quill to the parchment and began to write, trying to cover everything she knew to complete the essay.

Low voices were whispering from the corner; perhaps she was dreaming. She stirred a little, slowly realizing that she must have fallen asleep while finishing her essay. She opened her eyes and infinitesimal amount as the portrait door shut and a tall, dark haired figure walked across the room to the corner. The whispering she heard ceased as the three people who sat at the table looked up curiously at the newcomer.

James ran his hand through his already tousled hair as he approached the table where his friends sat. Their faces lit up a bit when they saw him approach, but before either of them could speak he held up his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said bluntly. "I was being a prat earlier; it was stupid of me to snap at you over something so ridiculous. I'm sorry," James said again, sitting himself down and resting his elbows against the table.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other. "S'all right, mate. It's-"

"No, it's not all right. I got to thinking… Evans is right. I am arrogant. I don't have any claim to her, just like I shouldn't sit around and expect every part of your lives to revolve around something I want. It's selfish, and I realized that. So, I'm sorry about earlier, and it won't happen again," James said quietly.

James' friends all smiled gently. "James… you really aren't that arrogant. And it might seem like it, but our lives don't revolve around you. If we didn't want to hang around you, we'd bugger off. It's good you've come round and apologized to us, but you can shut up with the sentimental stuff. We got it, we're good," said Sirius lightly, clapping James on the shoulder. James grinned slightly and nodded his head.

"We were wondering where you were; it's a quarter past midnight," said Peter.

"I was in the library, finishing up that essay for McGonagall. Bit of a joke really, since I transform myself to an animal and back at least once a week," James said, causing his friends to laugh.

"I thought the same thing," Sirius said. "'Course, Moony, Wormtail and I got to score some good points with MacDonald and Tottleham by helping them with theirs. Evans was working on hers alone, but she nodded off about an hour ago," he explained, pointing a thumb over his shoulder.

James turned around and felt his heart thud loudly against his chest. Lily had fallen asleep while sitting a table across the common room; one arm rested under her head and the other was draped over her lap, still holding her quill. Her eyes were closed peacefully and her dark auburn hair fanned all around her. She really was the most beautiful girl in all of Hogwarts, he thought. _No one looks like her; her hair and eyes and -_

"Ugh… Jeeze, Prongs; maybe if you go over there and kiss her she'll turn into a princess," said Sirius in a disgusted voice. James tried to rearrange his facial features to look less puppy dog like as Remus and Peter laughed loudly.

Lily stirred and turned her face away from them. "How long has she been asleep?" asked James.

"At least an hour," Remus said quietly.

"She's going to have a sore neck in the morning," said James shaking his head. He stood up and walked over to her, gently placing his hands on her shoulders and nudging her lightly. "Evans… Evans, you can't sleep here, you'll be miserable tomorrow if you do," he said quietly.

Lily opened her eyes and sat up; she stared at James curiously for a few moments trying to fake that she had been completely asleep and hadn't overheard his apology. Still, she was in slight shock; he had actually walked up to his friends, admitted he was arrogant, and then apologized for something…

"Evans!" James said a little more loudly; he clicked his fingers in front of her face. "Hey… bit too much pumpkin juice this weekend?"

"Er… no; I… uh… transfiguration essay; it's late… I… er… yeah. I'm going to bed," she said gathering her papers and book into her bag. "I… th-thanks for waking me… I'm sorry… g'night," she stuttered, feeling her cheeks color as she stood up and moved past James. She saw a flicker of concern in his eyes that made her stomach flutter, but ignored it and moved quickly up the stairs and into her dormitory. She leaned against the door and breathed slowly, the conversation that she had overheard replaying through her head.

Lessons on Tuesday and Wednesday seemed to fly by as Peter and Sirius talked of nothing but their upcoming adventure. James tried his hardest to not watch Lily and her actions, trying to focus only on his friends and their plans for the evening. He felt slightly proud of himself for not showing off like an idiot whenever she was in his presence, and found that she actually paid a bit more attention to him when he was simply relaxed. Several times when they passed each other, he had greeted her simply and she had actually responded pleasantly.

"Morning, Evans," he said as he opened the door to the potions dungeon one morning, allowing her, Julia and Sam to enter before himself.

"Thanks, Potter," she said brightly, walking past and resuming the conversation she and her friends had been engaging in.

Their conversations were short and to the point, but they were talking more none-the-less. The only thing that James did notice about Lily's activities was after Transfiguration on Tuesday. Remus had muttered something about heading to the bathroom and took off right after class. Curious, James followed him and watched as he met up with Lily, who was carrying large goblet full of steaming potion. They talked for a moment before looking around and sneaking into an empty class room. They emerged a few minutes later, both looking anxiously around the halls before going their separate ways.

Other than that, James tried as hard as he could to ignore Lily and her activities, which forced him to pay attention to other happenings around him. Much to his dismay, this only gave him an insight into the fact that he was not the only one vying for Lily's affection.

She was giggling happily during Charms as she and Bertram Aubrey raced their animated paper animals around the desk. Several times James saw Lily shove Bertram playfully, and laugh loudly at his jokes. When he left her alone, James noticed that she was also the target of flirtatious behavior from Max Linghold and Adrian Rollingsfield from Ravenclaw.

Linghold was much more direct in his flirting than Aubrey. He came up behind Lily after Aubrey returned back to his seat and started rubbing her shoulders. James watched enviously as Lily closed her eyes and let her head fall back, smiling at Linghold's joke that he couldn't hear. He began to wonder if he was going about flirting with Lily the wrong way; she seemed to respond more to Linghold's direct contact and Aubrey's playfulness over James' attempts to show her how talented he was.

"Potter… girls want you to be interested in _them_, not to show them how great _you_ are," Julia told him matter-of-factly as she walked past and noticed him staring at Lily and Max talking.

"I'm always telling you how brilliant I am," said Sirius with a smirk at Julia. "It hasn't stopped you coming around."

"That's because I'm only using you, Black. I'm not interested in you seriously, why should I expect you to be in me?" she teased, walking away with her long hair floating behind her.

Sirius looked affronted. "Using me… not interested in me _seriously_… I'll show her serious," he muttered under his breath, causing Remus and Peter to laugh lightly.

The Charms lesson ended after a painstakingly long hour and the students emptied the room in a hurry to get outside. James and Sirius hung back for a bit, asking Flitwick about any charms he knew of that would cause a buzzing sound to everyone within the vicinity of the caster. He knew of none, and they left the room slightly dejected, but happened to stumble upon Bertram Aubrey right around the corner from the classroom.

"Just…slip this into her pumpkin juice or water or whatever she has for dinner tonight, okay? If she just gives me a chance she'll like me, I know it. And Max is getting pretty aggressive, so it's got to be done tonight before he does something," Aubrey was saying as he shoved a small vial into Jasper Westpelt's hands. Jasper was a fifth year from Gryffindor who was known for being easily bribed.

"You'll give me the essay then, right? I don't have time to finish it on my own with all the other stuff going on," Jasper said examining the vial.

"Yes, the essay, whatever. Just get it into Lily's drink; it should act pretty quickly according to-"

Sirius flicked his wand and the vial sailed out of Jasper's hands into his own. The two boys stared at it closely. "What's this Aubrey?" Sirius asked, strutting around the corner and smirking as Westpelt took off in a sprint down the hall.

"Oy!" James said, flicking his wand and watching as Westpelt was hoisted into the air by his ankle. "You're not going anywhere just yet," he said threateningly.

"It's none of your damn business, Black," hissed Bertram, snatching at the vial which Sirius held out of his reach.

"Did you hear that, Prongs? It's none of my damn business apparently," said Sirius, clicking his tongue in a disapproving manner.

"I did, I did," James replied. He waved his wand and moved the upside down Westpelt next to Aubrey. "I also heard, '_just put this in Lily's drink_.' Lily who, Aubrey?"

"It's got to be Lily Evans," replied Sirius, watching as Bertram scowled.

"Lily Evans?"

"She's the only Lily in school."

"Good gracious, Lily Evans is _our_ Prefect," James said in scandalized tones, turning his hazel eyes on Westpelt. "And… dear me… I do believe I heard that Jasper here was going to have Aubrey write an essay for him, in return for… Padfoot, what was it?"

"In return for Westpelt here slipping some of this into Lily's drink. Dear me… slipping a little of this vial of liquid into our prefect's drink. How terrible… what does it look like Prongs?" asked Sirius, holding up the vial for James' inspection.

"Well, from our studies in potions, it looks like this is a love potion of sorts… and, gracious, Padfoot… aren't those banned in Hogwarts?" asked James in mock horror.

"Shut up! This is none of your concern," Aubrey said. He reached for the vial again but Sirius tossed it to James, who stowed it away in his pocket.

"None of our concern," said James in an affronted tone. "That's one of our prefects you're trying to enchant. I daresay we would be adversely affected if she were to in anyway become infatuated with you."

"You know, speaking of infatuation, Potter, I'm surprised you haven't thought of this little trick; the way you obsess over her is pathetic. Even she thinks so," Aubrey hissed.

James flinched. "Pathetic it might be, but I'd never stoop so low as to try and _force_ her to like me."

"No, you've got such a big head you think it'll just happen in its own time," Aubrey said in a lofty voice.

"Big head? You might want to take a look in the mirror, Aubrey," Sirius said with a laugh. He waved his wand and muttered "_Colus Cranius_." Aubrey's head began to swell to an abnormal size very rapidly; he stumbled on his feet and gripped the sides of his head trying to stop the expansion.

James laughed, and flicked his wand, releasing Westpelt from the spell he had cast to keep him suspended. "Scram, kid, we'll talk with you later," he muttered, watching as Westpelt untangled himself from his robes and ran in the opposite direction. He turned his focus back to Aubrey, who was now trying to keep himself from toppling over due to the weight of his enlarged skull.

"_Colus Cranius_!" James said with a laugh; Aubrey's head grew even larger. "Who's big headed now?"

Lily had stopped in the girls' bathroom and was now walking down the hall toward the library with Julia when they heard shouting coming from the corridor near the charms classroom. Curious, they both sped up their pace and rounded the corner into the hallway from where the shouts were echoing. Professor McGonagall was towering over Sirius and James, shouting at them for using an illegal hex of some sort.

"Oh my," said Julia, trying to refrain from laughing. Lily's eyes widened when she saw Bertram Aubrey being escorted away by Flitwick, presumably to the infirmary as his head had been enlarged to extensive proportions.

"_Unbelievable_! Detention both of you; tonight! I'm absolutely disgusted," McGonagall was shouting. "You could have caused him serious damage; it is NOT a laughing manner. I should write to your parents, both of you!"

"My parents don't give a damn," Sirius muttered.

"Hush up, Black; get out of my sight. Both of you, my office, after dinner tonight. You won't be doing lines, you'll be untransfiguring my first years pincushions, so be prepared," she spat before storming away.

Lily watched as James and Sirius looked at each other, still trying to refrain from sniggering. They caught sight of her and Julia watching them; Lily shook her head slowly and retreated to the common room. _The boy can't change_, she thought to herself.

It was after midnight when James and Sirius were let go by McGonagall. James had brought his invisibility cloak with him so they didn't even bother returning to the common room. They snuck directly out outside to meet up with Peter and Remus. They knew Peter would be unable to get Remus out of the Shrieking Shack without them, so they were extremely surprised to find Remus in his werewolf form sitting calmly beside a bush near the Whomping Willow.

Sirius barked loudly, and Remus looked their direction. He barked in response and began to approach them slowly, his tongue hanging outside of his mouth in a careless manner. When the werewolf reached them, he sat down on his haunches and looked them both in the eye.

James and Sirius glanced at each other; they had never seen Remus this calm while he was in his werewolf form; he almost looked as though he was grinning. Sirius nudged him with his nose, testing the boundaries of what Remus would allow; but the werewolf simply nudged him back calmly and continued to stare at them.

The little rat that was Peter suddenly raced up from the willow and ran up Sirius' leg and onto his back. He was squeaking wildly, looking from Remus to the both of them as if to say "he's been like this since I got here."

James tilted his head curiously and pawed at the ground. Remus bumped him with his head and then stood upon his hind legs like a man would. James took the hint, but just in case he stepped behind Sirius, who remained in his dog form, before transforming back into himself.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he asked curiously. Remus had began to wag his tufted tail vigorously when James transformed. "Remus? Do you understand me?"

The werewolf nodded vigorously and began to hop around on the spot. Sirius looked at James with a shocked expression.

"How… Remus? How do you suddenly start develop the ability to control yourself in wolf form? This is …. It's insane. What the hell is going on?" James asked again.

Remus nodded and suddenly ran back toward the Whomping Willow; disappearing under its branches and into the tunnel hidden in the trunk. A few minutes later, he emerged carrying his tattered and torn trousers that he always wore on the full moon in his mouth. He brought them to James and dropped them at his feet.

James picked up the trousers and began to feel through the pockets, finally discovering a small piece of parchment in one with three words on it.

"_Lily's potion works_!"

* * *

_A/N: First off, thank you all for the reviews. I'm really REALLY enjoying writing this story, and Thank you to my Beta, Sierra, who is absolutely wonderful. I will note that I'm fearing a "that's out of line" or a "this is implausible!" backlash... so, if you feel that way please send me a message and I can send you a copy of my "disclaimer" I wrote regarding this chapter. I really like the direction I'm taking it, but again I love the reviews and feedback so please continue to leave them. Thanks!_


	8. Moments

Moments

"Hanging By A Moment" Lifehouse

* * *

Lily sat in the common room, reading through her "_Guide to Advanced Transfiguation_," but not really absorbing the text. It was almost one o'clock, and she was waiting to see if her experiment had worked.

_Maybe it did, but they went out and just did their exploring anyway_, Lily thought to herself. This could be the case; Remus had not promised that he would send someone to get her to confirm if the potion had been successful, but she had assumed that Potter or one of the other two would come find her.

She waited another fifteen minutes, finally deciding that there were only two possible outcomes to the situation. One, the potion had not succeeded, in which case Remus would have simply transformed like every other night except he'd have a useless mix of aconite, runespoor, and various other ingredients in his system; two, the potion did work, but in their excitement they had simply gone off exploring.

Lily shook her head and yawned. It was late, she thought, Remus would tell her whether or not it worked the next time she saw him. Stretching her arms over her head, Lily began to traipse up the stairs to the girls dormitories to sleep.

"Evans?" a low voice hissed in the semi-darkness of the common room. Lily peered back down the stairs, but no one was visible to her. She wondered perhaps if she was hearing things.

"Evans!" the voice called again. Lily walked back down the stairs and into the common room, putting her hands on her hips as she stared from side to side.

"What?" she responded back, feeling ridiculous for talking to an empty room.

Suddenly, James' disembodied head appeared out of thin air by the portrait hole; Lily shrieked and felt herself leap about a foot off the ground.

"SHHH!" James hissed, removing the rest of his cloak and approaching her. "Merlin's beard, I was-"

"Merlin's beard yourself!" Lily spat. "You scared the daylights out of me!"

"I'm sorry; you said 'what' after I called your name…" James muttered.

"Well, of course I did. But I couldn't see you, and I didn't exactly expect your head to be floating along by the portrait hole," replied Lily in an affronted tone.

"I'm sorry," said James again, trying not to laugh at her expression.

"It's all right," Lily replied; she stared at him, waiting for him to speak.

"You're up awfully late," he mused.

"As are you, and you're sneaking out again, seeing as how you just came through the portrait hole," she said, raising one of her eyebrows.

"Full moon," he said, indicating the white light coming in from the window.

"Ah, yes I see."

"So… I've got a question for you," said James lightly.

"Go on."

"Well, you see … Remus is acting funny; funnier than normal anyway. And … well, he brought me his trousers and had me fumble through them until I found this little note," he explained, handing her the scrap of parchment. "And I just can't for the life of me figure out-"

"It worked?" exclaimed Lily excitedly.

"What worked?"

"I made him a potion that I read about; it's supposed to help him keep his mind during transformation. It doesn't cure the curse, but it prevents it from overtaking the conscious part of his brain. Did it work? Is he himself? Can he communicate and-"

"What the hell? How … where did you read about this?"

"I just… I wanted to help him," said Lily, her tone becoming somber. "It wouldn't hurt him; if it didn't work it would be completely harmless; I checked with Slughorn and everything."

"You _told_ Slughorn?" asked James, raising his voice.

"No! Of course not," Lily replied, her voice dripping with defensiveness. "He sent me the magazine over the summer; the person who created the potion is an old student of his - you know how he likes to brag about things like that. I asked him to look over it with me because I was curious! They talked about doing voluntary experiments on werewolves and I asked if it would harm them if it didn't work; Slughorn said no. I didn't tell him a thing about Remus, of course I wouldn't do that."

She frowned and stared at her trainers, as though the thought of James not trusting her caused her pain. James watched her expression, feeling slightly guilty for snapping at her. "Of course you wouldn't, I know that, I'm sorry. Well… you should come out and admire your handiwork, right? I mean… that is why you're up now, isn't it?"

"Er…" she muttered, grinning sheepishly. "Yes… I was hoping you –er…someone… would come back to tell me it worked."

"Do you want to come out?"

"I don't want to get caught, or get anyone in trouble. I mean, I can't transform into anything and-"

James scoffed. "I've got this; it's fool proof. You'll be fine, come on," he said, taking her hand and pulling her under the cloak with him.

They walked out to the Whomping Willow, neither saying a word until they came upon a rather amusing scene. A large grey werewolf was wrestling with an equally large shaggy black dog. They were growling playfully and rolling each other around on the ground. Lily saw a little grey rat become engaged in the fray every now and then. She giggled as James pulled off the cloak.

"Gentlemen, we have a guest… let's be polite, now," he said in an amused tone. The three animals looked up and wandered in their direction. James let the rat and dog come close but stepped in front of Lily when the werewolf approached. "No offense, Remus, just … being cautious, you know," he said lightly.

Lily watched as the large grey wolf shook its head in a nod, before sitting down on the ground and looking at her with bright eyes. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw the black dog morph into Sirius Black and the rat into Peter Pettigrew.

"Remus?" she said, slowly stepping around James. She felt his hand grip her arm lightly, as if to pull her back if things became violent suddenly.

The werewolf nodded its head and wagged its tufted tail. Lily smiled gently, then suddenly laughed and erupted with joy. "OH! This is brilliant! So, nothing, you're completely sane?" She asked the wolf, watching as he nodded again. "_Excellent_! Oh good, I'm so glad! Was it less painful? Or if not, at least less frightening since you're in control?" Lily asked in a sympathetic tone.

Remus appeared to shrug his shoulders and nod lightly. Lily smiled. "Good, I'm glad it helped a little at least."

"All right, hang on!" Sirius interjected. "What the hell did you give him?"

Lily explained how their flood of owls to all her friends and professors caused Slughorn to send her a magazine, which included article from one of his former students; and, how that student, had created a potion that would temper the effects of the werewolf curse.

"He was advertising for volunteers or asking people to contribute to his studies, so I thought… why not? It was harmless if it didn't work; but if it did, Remus would be more comfortable. So, I explained it to him, he was in for it, and this is the result," Lily explained in an excited voice.

"Huh," mused Peter, shaking his head as he grinned at Remus. Sirius laughed loudly and morphed back into the black dog; he ran at Remus barking loudly and they began to wrestle again.

"Are we still going to explore the caves?" Peter asked James.

"Next month… let's uh, let's go to the far side of the forest," he said. "Hey, Evans, want to come along?"

"I'm not going into the forest at night; I'll leave that for the animals," she said with a laugh.

"No, no, of course not. I'll stay with you. I have some more questions for you anyway," he said lightly.

Lily considered him, thinking she'd already broken numerous rules at this point, why not a few more? "All right, Potter, I'll go with you, but I get to ask questions too."

"Deal," he grinned. Peter rolled his eyes at the two of them and transformed into the grey rat again. Remus and Sirius had apparently heard the plans and headed off to the west when Peter caught up with them and crawled onto Sirius' back. James transformed into the stag and nudged Lily with his large head.

"What?" she asked. "I'm not an Animagus, so I have to walk," she explained, gesturing toward her feet.

James nudged her again and lowered his front legs in a bow.

"What? You want me to get on you … like … a horse? No… that's-that's awkward, Potter. I don't know…" she muttered. But James nudged her until he knocked her off balance and she tumbled onto him. She righted herself into a seated position and tried to decide where best to place her hands when he took off in a run.

"Warning would have been nice!" she shouted, wrapping her arms tightly around the stag's neck as he ran. She had to admit this method of travel was much faster than walking, but it was awkward all the same.

The west side of the forest was one of the areas that hadn't been properly charted for the Marauder's Map, and all four of the boys wanted to explore the unknowable sector. It was an area they never visited for classes, and no buildings were set up, so they never had any reason to wander over there during the day. Hagrid generally tried to keep them away from the area, which was unusual for him and made it all the more intriguing. The moon was bright in the sky as they came upon a small clearing. James lowered himself to the ground and allowed Lily to get to her feet, ignoring the laughing sounds that were coming from the large black dog.

"Potter… that was the most awkward… strangest… I can't even explain it. I've ridden horses… but a stag? Though, you are practically the size a horse…" she mused, fussing with her hair and pulling back into a long plait.

James transformed back into himself and gave her a quirky lopsided smile. "Eh, if it has four legs and is big enough, you can ride anything," he said before waving his wand and summoning a fallen tree trunk to the clearing. It landed near the boundary of the forest and crashed to the ground. James gestured Lily forward and they both sat down on the log.

"No, I'm not coming," James said to the black dog, the werewolf, and the little rat. "I'm going to stay here and… keep watch."

Lily watched as Remus nodded, Sirius appeared to snigger uncontrollably in his dog form, and Peter simply ran into the woods to get started. She curled her knees up against her chest and waited for the interrogation to start.

There was silence for a few moments; James observed the way Lily had curled herself up on the log, her arms wrapped around her legs tightly. "Are you cold?" he asked.

"No, I just… I usually sit like this," she explained. "If those are your questions this is going to be a breeze," she laughed.

"Oh, no. I've got more interesting queries for you. For starters, why did you do it?" asked James, referring to her breaking the rules to brew an uncertified and untested potion for someone.

"Because Remus didn't ask for this; it's not as if he went up to a werewolf and said 'Hey, bite me because I want to be a monster,'" she explained, smiling as James laughed lightly. "I felt bad for upsetting him, and causing him stress for almost attacking me; I suppose this is penance of sorts. And if it eases his suffering, why not?"

James considered her; the expression on her face was calm and intrigued as she stared into the forest. Strands of hair had fallen out of her loose ponytail and trailed down her face, and her eyes stood out like emeralds even in the dark of night. James vaguely wondered to himself if she knew how beautiful she was.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Become an Animagus; break all those rules and potentially harm yourself if something went wrong," Lily explained, glancing at him curiously.

"Our motivations are similar. I watched him suffering, and alone every month; if I could help ease his loneliness and make him feel better, why not?" replied James, tousling his dark hair. Lily nodded in agreement and turned her eyes back to the forest.

"Do you still think I'm an arrogant bullying toerag?"

Lily smiled. "No, you are not a toerag," she said quietly.

"But I'm still arrogant… and bullying," confirmed James reluctantly.

"Why'd you hex Bertram?"

James made a face. "Because he's a sneaky, cowardly, arrogant little prick," he growled, unashamed when she scoffed lightly.

"What makes you say that?" asked Lily. She'd always known Bertram to be fairly pleasant, possibly a little overbearing at times; but he was amusing and easy to be around.

James reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a tiny vial of pale pink liquid. He tossed it in Lily's direction, watching her catch it perfectly in her outstretched hand. "You'd make a good Seeker," he chuckled.

Lily laughed. "I believe a blindfolded troll could fly a broomstick better than I can," she grinned. "What is this?"

"What's it look like?"

"Cough syrup."

"What?"

"It's a Muggle cold remedy," Lily explained. She pulled out the stopper and held the vial under her nose; the scent reminded her of lilacs in the spring and clean laundry. "Is this… is it a love potion?" she asked in a scandalous tone.

James nodded. "Padfoot and I walked around the corner after charms and saw that git talking to Jasper Westpelt. He was offering to write Westpelt's essay for some class if he slipped this in your drink," he explained darkly.

"No… no, Bertram wouldn't-"

"Oh yes he would," James said hotly. "Little git; a few years back he sprinkled doxy powder all over Sirius' cloak while we were in Hogsmeade. Wormtail saw him do it and ratted him out to us. He seems nice, but he's a bloody sneak."

Lily stared at the vial. "I can't believe it, I just can't…"

"Believe it," said James. "So… watch yourself around him, because I'm guessing he might try it again. He's not one to stop until he gets what he wants."

Lily stared at him curiously. "Speaking of not stopping until you get what you want…"

"Hey, _you_ brewed _my_ friend a potion," he laughed. "_You_ waited up in the common room hoping one of us would come back for you. I do believe you initiated this encounter, Evans."

"Yes, you're right, I suppose," Lily acquiesced. "But still… I didn't even realize that Bertram fancied me. I just can't believe he'd do that."

"Evans! There are about fifteen boys in this school that fancy you; I've a hard time believing you're that thick that you didn't pick up on it until now," scoffed James, rolling his eyes and chuckling when Lily blushed. "Anyway, we took it from him; told him that we'd be 'adversely affected' if one of our prefects were to become infatuated with him. And we would be; besides, that's a slimy and rather creepy trick to pull on someone."

"I suppose I owe you a thank you then," said Lily quietly.

"You don't need to thank me, Evans. I wouldn't let him or anyone do something like that to you."

"But… why'd you hex him? I mean, yes … doing that is awful, but why hex him? Why not just take it and turn him in?"

"Narking someone out isn't exactly my style; I'd rather hold it over his head so he doesn't do it again. Plus, he said something about being surprised I hadn't tried something like that on you yet," James grumbled in a disgusted voice. Lily gave him a wide eyed glance. "Evans, arrogant as I might be, I'd rather have you hate me than be falsely in love with me."

"Well, I appreciate that."

"Obviously, I'd prefer neither of those two options. I'd prefer it if you would just… oh, I don't know…give me a chance and-"

"Why do you think I'm out here?" asked Lily quietly, turning the full force of her green eyes on him.

"True," James mused, smiling as she relaxed her posture slightly. "Is this a date?"

"Not exactly, I would hope you'd take me somewhere a little nicer than the far edge of the forest on a date," Lily said matter-of-factly, grinning when James laughed. "But, I said last year if you took it down a few notches I'd be your friend. So, I suppose we're friends now," she grinned.

"I'm good with friends," James said, giving her a broad smile. Lily blushed slightly and turned her eyes back to the forest.

"Tell me about your family," said James.

"What do you want to know?"

James spun on the log so he was facing her and slid a little closer to her. "Well, you have a sister. She's not-"

"No… no, she's not. She's older than I am by three years; that's one thing that I've always wondered about being Muggle-born. Why did it skip her and go to me?" she thought. James shrugged, having no clue as to the answer to her question, but he kept his eyes on her as her expression changed from thoughtful to sad. "We used to be really, really close. But … she was… jealous, I suppose, when I got my letter for Hogwarts. See, Severus-"

"Snivellus," scoffed James.

"Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"Sorry," muttered James.

"Anyway, he told me what was happening. He saw us on a playground near his house, I was… well, I was doing magic and didn't realize it, so he explained it to me. Tuney thought it was a load of rubbish, and then she got jealous that he and I were now bonding over something that she couldn't be a part of. She kept telling me it was all a lie, but then the letter came.

"She … well, she was pretty angry that it was all real. When McGonagall visited and explained everything, my mum and dad were thrilled. Tuney had always been the center of attention, and then suddenly, all of it shifted to me. She actually wrote a letter to Dumbledore and asked if she could come with me to Hogwarts," Lily said.

"Really?" asked James, shocked at how bold the girl seemed.

"He was very nice when he replied. But… she was livid when I found out; and when mum and dad dropped me off for school the first year, she started calling me a freak. '_You and all your little freak friends and your freakish abilities, just go live in your damn castle and stay away from me_,' she said when I came home that year. And… ever since then, we've spoken maybe five complete sentences to each other," said Lily sadly.

"That's… pretty harsh. I'm sorry," replied James.

"It still bothers me a little, but in the end it doesn't matter what she thinks; all those letters I got over the summer reminded me of that," she giggled, giving James a slight nod. "I hate having to go home to it though."

"You said she might be getting engaged, so maybe-"

"Oh, God," Lily groaned, cringing at the thought of Petunia's boyfriend becoming a permanent part of her family. "Yes, she might be. And he's just… ugh; well, you saw him so… you understand," she said, watching as James nodded in agreement with her sentiments of Petunia's boyfriend.

"He's perfect for her of course… big, stocky type, arrogant as can be; you're the patron saint of humility compared to that git," said Lily, grinning when James laughed loudly. "If Tuney does get married, then my mum will be all alone… and that bothers me. But, she wants me here; she doesn't want me to give up on my life just for her."

"She's right, you shouldn't."

"I know… but … it would be hard to see her all alone. She misses my dad, we all do; and Tuney has been… a bit of a brat since he passed away. But, anyway… so that's my family," Lily said, trying to change the subject. James watched as she fussed with her hair and readjusted her position on the log. "What about you? No brothers or sisters?"

"Nope, just me. My mum and dad got started late; they had me when my dad was fifty five and my mum was fifty. I think they wanted more, but it's just me," he explained.

Lily nodded. "Does Remus have any siblings?"

"Nope, neither does Peter. Sirius does though; his little brother is the seeker for Slytherin," explained James.

"Wha- why aren't they in the same house?" asked Lily.

"Sirius broke tradition; the whole of his family had been in Slytherin 'till he came along. Lucky for us, and for him," James said proudly.

"Is that another reason why his parents… er… why he ran away?"

"I think it was a contributing factor to their relationship, but Sirius doesn't see eye to eye with them on the whole pure-blood supremacy ideal," scoffed James.

"I take it you don't either?" Lily asked lightly.

"'Course not, none of us do; it's a load of dung," said James. He watched Lily nod in agreement and turn her eyes to the forest again. Her posture had relaxed so that she was now sitting cross-legged on the bench, halfway turned towards him. She had a thoughtful expression on her face as she stared into the distance; James wondered what she was thinking about.

"You turn seventeen in January," observed James matter-of-factly.

Lily turned and looked at him with wide eyes, a smirk crossing her lips. "You have a good memory," she chuckled. "How about you?"

"March, so does Moony. Peter will come of age in February, but Sirius will beat us all; he turns in December."

Lily nodded again. "I knew I was older and wiser than you," she said with a grin.

"Older by what, sixty days? And wiser? Now who's arrogant," James replied, smiling broadly when Lily chuckled; he could listen to the sound of her laugh for hours and never grow tired of it.

"I'm simply stating a fact," she teased.

"A fact, is it? We'll have to see about that," replied James.

"Did you ever figure out what a Thestral is?" Lily asked.

"Ah…no, I haven't. But I will, I'll find out," he promised her. She grinned and looked back toward the forest again. "So you refuse to go on a date with me… have you ever been on one?"

"Nope."

"Never?"

"You're the only person who's asked me, really," she explained.

"Huh."

"Have you?"

"A few… most recently with Flutterhorn from Ravenclaw; that was last year," James said.

"She does fancy you," Lily laughed. "Why didn't … was it a bad date?"

James shrugged. _She's not you_, he thought to himself. "No, it wasn't bad… she just… she's a bit flighty to be honest, and I don't think she was really interested in me. I think she was more interested in dating a Marauder," he said rolling his eyes.

"Oh yes, the exclusivity of your gang is a draw," Lily teased.

"Not to you."

"Would you want me to fancy you just because you were part of a group?" asked Lily skeptically.

"No… " James said, trailing off and raising his eyes to hers. Lily determinedly avoided his gaze, smirking as she stared into the forest.

"I will tell you this though, Evans."

"What's that?"

"I'm impressed," he said in a serious tone. "That potion didn't look easy: aconite it tricky, it has to stew for forty-eight hours exactly, and he has to take it the whole week of the full moon. That took some effort and talent; bravo," said James, clapping his hands lightly. "I don't think I could have done it."

"Well, thank you; coming from you that is a compliment," Lily replied with a grin.

"I can give you more compliments if you like them," murmured James.

Lily blushed, but laughed as she smiled shyly at James. "Perhaps you should save them."

"All right," James said, watching the way her eyes lit up when she laughed. He continued to glance out at her out of the corner of his eyes; she was much more relaxed now than she had been earlier. James wondered what made her stay, what made her wait up for him other than curiosity. She had said specifically "_I was hoping for you – er…someone… to come get me_." Was it arrogant of him to think that maybe he was starting to grow on her?

"I really like… I like how you laugh," said James, stopping himself before he gave too much away.

Lily blushed again. "You're not going to give up are you?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

"Do you want me to?" asked James.

Lily glanced at him, her eyes focusing on his; he was gazing at her intensely, she felt as if he was trying to read her mind.

James was attractive; she could no longer deny that fact. His dark, carless hair, his hazel eyes framed by the round glasses, the broad smile that always seemed to be present on his handsome face. He had gotten taller and had filled out his once skinny frame; playing Quidditch seemed to have benefits other than being a good past time. Through his t-shirt Lily could see that his chest and shoulders were lean and taut, and the muscles of his arms were long and sinewy. Aside from James' pleasing physical appearance, Lily had become amused by the little quirks she had picked up on: his tendency to fuss with his hair when he became nervous, the lopsided grin he flashed when he was about to say something clever; he was intelligent without trying, and was much kinder than she had ever given him credit for.

And he'd been perfectly polite to her, amused by her jokes, impressed by her abilities. He was loyal to his friends, and sweet to hers… he had a good sense of humor, and had demonstrated an unexpected amount of maturity this evening…

But she was just some conquest to him; the only girl in Hogwarts who hadn't at one point fallen for his charm. He barely knew her; they'd had a total of four maybe five civil conversations, including the one in which they were currently engaged. There was no way he could actually really care for her the way she wanted someone too. But despite these protests, Lily had to admit to herself that hearing him apologize to his friends the other night gave her a whole new level of interest in him, and since then he hadn't been showing off whenever she approached. Maybe he could care…

If she said no, and admitted that she didn't want him to give up, what would that mean? She could almost hear him walking through the halls and bragging about her finally succumbing to his allure. And he did still cause trouble quite often: the incident with Bertram, roaming over the grounds after hours, becoming an illegal Animagus… and now he was causing her to break the rules as well.

But she did she want him to give up? It was cruel of her to keep stringing him along if she never had any intention of letting herself be taken in by him. But what if, despite her best intentions, she was starting to find herself interested in James Potter?

"Evans?"

"What was that?" asked Lily, whipping her head around and staring into the forest. There had been a frightened howl and the snapping of tree branches in the distance. James got to his feet and pulled out his wand, stepping in front of her and staring into the thick expanse of trees.

Lily pulled out her own wand and stepped beside him, using her hand to gently push his arm down when he attempted to hold her back. They both stared unspeaking into the darkness, waiting for a flicker of movement, or a sound, to tell them what was happening.

A black dog leapt from the thicket of trees, panting heavily as it ran. Lily screamed and James flung himself in front of her, brandishing his wand and cursing loudly as Sirius ran toward them. He was followed quickly by the small rat and grey werewolf, both of them looking anxiously over their shoulders.

Sirius transformed back into himself; he was panting heavily but still managed to pull off a light laugh at James and Lily's expressions. "That wasn't funny you arse!" James snapped. "You scared her half to death."

"Her? You should see the look on your face," Sirius pointed out; James gave him a furious look. "Sorry, mate, we didn't try. You'll never believe what we found in there! There's this thicket, and it's full of massive spiders!" he said, pointing to the trees.

"What? You're joking," said James.

"No! I'm not; Wormtail, back me up here! Moony! He's the only reason they left us alone. They could talk and everything… it was mental. There were some that were bigger than I was; but they saw Moony and one – he sounded ancient – said 'leave the werewolf' and so they buggered off. Mental!" Sirius said, laughing loudly and leaning against his knees trying to catch his breath.

James looked from Sirius to Remus in his werewolf form and Peter shuddering on the ground; even Remus' expression was slightly frightened. "All right… I guess we, uh… leave that off the map then."

"You're damn right we leave it off the bloody map! I'm not going back in there," Sirius said, shaking his head and shuddering.

James grinned and shook his head. He pulled out the map and began to examine it when Lily appeared at his shoulder; the scent of her perfume and the feel of her hair brushing against his shoulder instantly distracted him from what he was about to do.

"What's that?" she asked curiously.

"Huh? It's… oh, this. This is just a map we made," he said, showing her the parchment.

"But that's… that's the whole of Hogwarts, and the grounds! And are those dots really-"

"Yup, they're really people inside the castle," said Sirius as he wandered to James' other shoulder and grinned proudly.

"You made this?" Lily said, looking up at James and Sirius in shock. They both nodded and squared their shoulders before smirking arrogantly at her. She shook her head and glanced at the map, moving closer to James to properly see what it entailed. James handed her the parchment, stepping slightly behind her and leaning over her shoulder to examine it with her. His breath tickled her neck, causing a shiver to rush down her spine at the same moment the wind picked up and swirled around them.

"All right, you're cold; I'm going to take you back to the castle," said James, taking the map from Lily's hands and stowing it away in his pocket. He transformed back into the enormous stag and lowered himself to the ground, allowing Lily to climb reluctantly onto his back.

"We'll meet you round the willow, mate," Sirius said to James, who nodded and took a few steps forward. Remus howled a low sound and James paused, turning back toward him. The werewolf walked forward and nudged Lily's trainer with his nose.

"You're welcome, Remus," Lily said quietly. "I'll make it next month as well."

Remus nodded and wagged his tufted tail; Lily grabbed on to James' neck tightly as he took off back toward the castle. When they arrived, Lily hopped off his back and watched as he transformed back into himself. He pulled the silvery invisibility cloak from inside his robes and threw it over top of them. They walked back to Gryffindor tower quietly, removing the cloak from himself only when they reached the Fat Lady's portrait.

"I should have known it was you; you're always out so late," she scolded from her portrait.

"Hungarian Horntail," James muttered with a grin. The portrait hole opened, and he allowed Lily to step through.

"Thanks, Potter, for coming to let me know it worked all right," she said quietly as she walked inside the door.

"Thanks for making the potion," replied James. He stared at her intensely, hoping for he knew not what as he watched her face flood with color again. She was chewing on her bottom lip nervously, and James found himself longing to feel her soft, pink lips against his. He stepped forward slowly, keeping his eyes locked with hers.

"Well… erm… good night, then," She muttered taking a few steps further inside the doorway.

"Good night, Evans," replied James. Lily smiled and shut the door, allowing the portrait of the Fat Lady to close in front of James.

"Well," the Fat Lady said with a smirk. "That sounded like progress if I say so myself."

James grinned and pulled the cloak over himself, retreating down the steps and thinking over the conversation he'd just had.

Classes became more difficult and demanding as the month of September passed; sixth year students were studying more advanced topics during their classes, and by the beginning of October were required to use non-verbal incantations during each lesson.

Potions had become amusing for everyone but Lily since she had discussed making the experimental potion with Slughorn, not once revealing the identity of the person she tested it on. Slughorn continually praised her and insisted on talking her up to every single person that stepped inside his office. Lily found it wearing and annoying, as it drew a lot of unwanted attention to her.

"Miss Evans, you have got potential beyond potential, I swear it," Slughorn boomed proudly after Lily had successfully completed a more complex month long assignment – brewing the Polyjuice Potion. "I still say you were mistakenly placed; you belong in my house, my dear!"

"Oh, but that's impossible, Sir. During sorting I was told specifically that Slytherin house is only for those who can wear multiple hats. I look positively terrible in hats, Sir," she replied causing Slughorn to chuckle.

"Well, I'm sure that someone could offer you fashion advice if needed. Perhaps I could write to Narcissa Black; she was always a catchy dresser," Slughorn suggested.

Lily heard Sirius make a disgusted from his table across from where she sat. "Yes perhaps… But, unfortunately the problem still lies with my hair color. I'm not sure how green would go with it; I don't want to walk around looking like a Christmas ornament," she said.

Julia chuckled lightly at her comment, Slughorn shook his head. "I tell you, young lady… your brains and talent are all traits that belong in Slytherin," he said, patting her on the shoulder before strolling jovially back to his desk.

Lily scoffed when he was far enough away so he would be unable to hear. "_Slytherin_… he forgot to mention deceitfulness as a characteristic; perhaps I should tell him I stole from his cupboards so I can be considered too honest for the house," she mused, while Julia and Sam laughed. She heard James, Sirius and Remus chuckle lightly as well before Slughorn returned.

"Gracious… are we this anti-social among houses? How about we combine these two tables; this will allow us to move this one so we have more storage space for the cauldrons, hmm?" mused Slughorn as he waved Lily, Julia and Samantha over to where Remus, Sirius and James sat.

James moved his bag and books out of the way so quickly that he ended up knocking over Remus' cauldron, the contents inside it splashing out as it tumbled toward the floor.

"_Impedimenta_!" Lily shouted, flicking her wand and causing the cauldron to stop mid-spill; she flicked it again and it moved back onto the table, the liquid inside sloshing gently.

"Nicely done, Ms. Evans," Slughorn said. "You'll benefit this table then, as you would benefit Slytherin house if you would have been sorted properly," he repeated. Lily heard Avery and Mulicber snort derisively from their table in back.

Lily scowled over her shoulder. "Perhaps, sir, but I believe Avery and Mulciber wouldn't fare too well if I were to continually outshine them," she said sadly as she turned back to Slughorn.

Everyone at her table had to stifle a laugh, and Slughorn shook his head as he grinned. "I think they'd fare okay… you'd just have to work harder to keep up boys, right?" Slughorn said as he strolled to the back of the class room, chuckling slightly as he patted a scowling Avery on the shoulder.

James was sniggering as he glanced from the Slytherin table to where she was setting up her cauldron and various items across from him. "What, Potter?" asked Lily, trying not to laugh herself.

"If anyone else had said that, it would have been detention," Julia supplied in for James, shaking her head as she sat down.

"No it wouldn't. And stop looking at me like that; it's not like you all weren't thinking the same thing," she said, grinning when they all chuckled.

Charms had always been a good place to carry on a conversation; Professor Flitwick was easy going, and there was usually so much activity that he didn't notice the students talking around him. The new requirement of non-verbal incantations only added to this by increasing the amount of cheating done by the students during each lesson.

"Wormtail… you may want to breathe," said James, barely keeping the laughter out of his voice. "You won't be able to perform the spell if you pass out either."

Peter's face chubby face had grown red as he held his breath and tried to mutter the spell to halt his top from spinning. At James' words he exhaled sharply before hanging his head. "I can't do this, it takes too much effort."

"Nah… you can do it; clear your mind and concentrate. Watch," James said. He focused his intent on the spinning top in front of him. They were working on freezing charms, and the goal was to stop the top from spinning and have it hold completely still instead of falling over, as many of the tops had. He cleared his mind and thought "_Interuptus_" with all the energy he had.

The top stopped spinning abruptly, and though it was tilted at a forty-five degree angle, it did not fall over.

"Well done, Mr. Potter, well done!" Professor Flitwick cheered. He strode over and examined the top with a broad smile on his face. "That's how you do it; go ahead boys, you all try now," he encouraged.

Sirius smirked and repeated the action; his top froze perfectly upright and balanced without a shudder. Remus had to flick his wand twice before the charm worked, and Peter was heard muttering the incantation under his breath. James smiled proudly at his work before turning his head over his shoulder to see how the other Gryffindors were doing.

Lily was fiddling with her wand absentmindedly across the room, watching Julia and Mary attempt the charm on their tops; it didn't appear the latter two were having much luck. Lily had been the first to correctly cast the charm, and had since then done it two more times without the hint of a verbal incantation. She was waiting for Flitwick to assign another charm to work on when a small piece of paper floated gently in front of before landing on the table.

She picked it up and unfolded it quietly, examining the untidy handwriting that had now become somewhat familiar to her.

"_Thestral: Winged creature visible only to those who have seen death. Considered dangerous by Ministry of Magic. The largest Thestral herd in Great Britain is located at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, having been trained by Groundskeeper, Rubeus Hagrid, to pull the school carriages_."

Lily smirked and looked over at James' table; he was leaning back on two legs of his chair and laughing about something that Sirius had said. James ruffled his hair with one hand before flicking his wand and watching his top resume its spinning. Lily watched him for a few moments as he froze and unfroze the top several more times before finally stopping and stretching his long arms over his head.

"Lily, you're staring," whispered Julia.

"What?" said Lily, turning toward her with a confused glance.

"You're staring at James… again," her roommate smirked.

"I'm not staring," Lily blushed. "I'm waiting for him to look at me so I can tell him I got his note," she explained, holding up the small piece of paper.

"What's the note for?" Mary asked in a low voice, her eyes flickering from Lily's to the paper. "He asking you to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Surprisingly, no; I managed to find something that he didn't know anything about and was teasing him, but he appears to have figured it out. I'm guessing he went to the library to look it up," she explained.

Suddenly another piece of paper fluttered over and landed in front of Lily. Before she could reach it, Julia had snatched it from in front of her and opened it while huddling over by Mary.

"Hey!" Lily protested.

"You might want to cast your little muffle spell; apparently they can hear us," explained Julia. She laughed, looking over at Sirius, who was staring at her with a grin on his face; Julia gave him a wink before she set to reading the note.

Lily glanced over her shoulder and wordlessly cast the Muffliato spell she had stolen from Severus last year. If there was one thing she gained from the former friendship, it was those few useful spells he had created.

"He didn't go to the library," said Julia. Lily scowled and held out her hand, watching as Julia chuckled before placing the small piece of paper in her palm.

"_Evans, I make every conscious effort to stay well away from the Library except when absolutely necessary. I'm much more resourceful than that. I asked Hagrid what they were. He also says you need to come down and see them for real because they're very gentle apparently._

_Also, thank MacDonald for reminding me about this weekend_."

Lily looked over her shoulder to see James and Sirius leaning toward their table, trying to listen to her response. She gave them a flirtatious smirk and turned back to Julia. "Well… he did research of some sort anyway."

"I've never seen those things," Mary said.

"Right… because you've never seen anyone _die_," Julia said bluntly.

"I wonder why he thanked you for reminding him about this weekend," Lily mused.

"Oh, Felicity asked him to Hogsmeade," Mary said lightly.

Lily's attention perked up. "Flutterhorn?"

"That's the one, I think they've gone on a date before," Mary said. She waved her wand again to try and stop the top from spinning, but nothing happened.

Lily flicked her wand sharply, and both Julia and Mary's tops came to a standstill. "He thinks she's flighty."

"She is flighty," Mary muttered.

"Well, maybe he's giving her another shot," Julia said shrugging her shoulders, smirking when Lily scowled. "What? Did you expect him to wait around for you forever?"

"Well… of course not, but-"

"But nothing, Lily. She asked him, he's not going with you, obviously, what's the big deal?" Julia asked suspiciously.

"Nothing…it's not a deal of any size. But, I just know he thinks she's flighty, so why is he going with her?" Lily asked indignantly.

"Dunno, you'll have to ask him," Julia said simply. "_Interruptus_!"

The top in front of Julia halted, but fell on its side after only a few seconds.

"Practice, practice, Miss Tottleham," Flickwick said lightly as he passed.

Their transfiguration lesson followed Charms, and much to Lily's annoyance, she found herself face to face with the whole of Ravenclaw house, Felicity Flutterhorn included. Bertram Aubrey, (completely unaware that James had told her about his attempt slipping her a love potion) was now incessantly pestering her. She took refuge with Samantha and Julia after Mary walked away to head off to Divination; she had opted for it over Transfiguration in hopes of working for the Department of Mysteries some day. But before she could engage her friends in conversation, another voice called out to her as she entered the classroom.

"Lily!" Max Linghold called brightly. "Going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw James' head perk up and look around the room at Max. "I'll be there…" Lily replied vaguely, giving Max a smile. She had always enjoyed Max's company, but even he seemed to be paying an odd amount of attention to her lately.

"Good, I'll see you then," he said, giving her shoulder a squeeze before walking to the front of the room and taking his seat.

Professor McGonagall had been lecturing them on human transfiguration, which seemed much more difficult than anything they had previously attempted. The students gathered into groups and stood in front of a large mirror to practice on themselves. They were to be performing simple changes, such as length of the nose, shape of the lips, or color of their hair or eyes.

Lily was looking at herself in the mirror, wondering if she would be able to make her hips a little less broad or make herself taller when Bertram approached from her left. He flicked his wand and Lily watched as he changed his hair from dark brown to brilliant blonde in an instant.

Julia and Samantha both giggled, but Lily was unimpressed. "What do you think?" he asked, tossing his head in an arrogant fashion and wagging his eyebrows at them suggestively.

Bertram stared at Lily, waiting for a response. "Perhaps not," replied Julia when it became obvious that Lily wasn't going to say anything.

"So… you ladies are all going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, then?"

"That's the plan," said Lily, still examining her hips in the mirror.

"Good… I'll see you there," he replied, patting Lily on the shoulder as he moved away. She rolled her eyes and scowled when he had passed.

"What's that all about?" asked Julia.

"He's been pestering me for a few-"

"No, not that; I know he's been pestering you since school started… but what's with the icyness?"

Lily frowned. "I'll explain later," she said, thinking about the vial of potion that resided in the pocket of her jeans. Julia gave Lily a confused glance, but resumed her attempts to transfigure her appearance.

Lily gently waved her wand, watching her hair grew shorter and shorter until it was cropped below her chin. She considered herself for a moment before waving her wand again and watching as her hair tumbled down her shoulders back to its normal length.

"Oooo!" Julia suddenly laughed. She had just managed to change her blue eyes to a bright green and was grinning widely at Lily. "I should change my hair color too, and then I'd look just like you," she teased.

"I'm for that," Lily muttered quietly.

"What's up with you?" Sam asked in a concerned voice. "You've been much quieter than normal."

"Ah… nothing; I'm just irritated today," Lily replied. She flicked her wand and watched as her hair turned a brilliant, platinum blonde color similar to Julia's.

"Wow!" said Julia. "I was just kidding… but maybe we could switch identities. I could have fun with that," she teased.

Lily frowned before changing her hair back to its normal auburn. She flicked her wand again and watched as her eyes changed to blue. She then tried to lighten her hair slightly, only to have it turn an even darker shade of red. "Ugh… I can't stand how red my hair is," she mumbled.

"Why would you say that?" asked Sam. "It's beautiful! Muggle women pay for your hair color, and you don't even take advantage of your looks. Don't you realize how much attention you could get if –"

"Lily wants the boys to leave her alone," said Julia.

"No, I just want…" said Lily, trailing off and shaking her head to wipe the forbidden image of a certain boy from her head. "I don't like having everyone look at me for the wrong reasons."

"Hmmm… I think somebody is jealous of someone that does use their looks to get the boys attentions," Julia said in a sing-song voice as she changed her hair to a dark black color.

"Who? There's a lot of people that do that," asked Sam curiously.

"Felicity is the main one," whispered Julia.

"Felicity? Why are you jealous of her? You're much prettier than she is," said Sam.

"I'm not jealous; Julia's just-"

"Lily is jealous because James Potter is going to Hogsmeade with Felicity tomorrow," whispered Julia to Sam.

"No he's not," said Sam with a curious glance.

"He's not?" Julia and Lily both echoed.

"No… she's got detention. But… I think he turned her down anyway," replied Sam with a shrug.

"Huh," Lily said, trying her best to sound uninterested; but Julia eyed her suspiciously before turning her gaze back to the large mirror.

Suddenly the group of students standing beside them erupted in to peals of laughter. Julia and Sam grinned and walked quickly over to the group while Lily held her spot and watched curiously.

"I say, I say!" Sirius' voice boomed from within the crowd. "Mr. Prongs, those eyebrows set off your new eye color marvelously!"

"Yes, I daresay they do," said James in a very deep voice. "And Mr. Padfoot, that mustache looks excellent with your new nose! Why… Mr. Wormtail, that beard is simply spectacular," he continued, his voice low and drawling as though he had aged himself by fifteen years.

The group of students parted slightly as Sirius, Peter and James stepped forward toward the larger mirror. Lily pressed her lips together to stifle her laughter. Sirius had a magnificent walrus mustache underneath a very long nose, and Peter had given himself a beard that stretched to his waist. Remus hadn't done anything to his appearance yet, but Lily suspected that was because he was too busy laughing at James, who had been standing next to him.

James' normally hazel eyes were a bright gold and his eyebrows, which had grown seamlessly from two separate brows to one, were a brilliant yellow. All three boys looked ridiculously smug as everyone laughed at their appearance, Lily included, once she saw them.

James took another look at himself in the mirror and smirked. "I believe we have successfully got this section of class covered, boys," he said haughtily.

"Not as well as I had hoped, Potter," said McGonagall's voice from behind them.

The crowd's giggles subsided, many of them still smirking at James, Sirius and Peter as they all turned to face McGonagall who was shaking her head.

"Why, Professor, whatever do you mean?" asked James in a deeply mature voice. "The principles we discussed have been applied brilliantly, wouldn't you agree?" He gestured to his companions who were beaming with pride as she glared at them.

"Applied, yes, but controlling and stopping them might need to be worked on," replied McGonagall, griping James by the shoulder and turning him around.

He stared, horrified, at his reflection; his yellow eyebrows were growing straight up in the air rapidly; they had already covered a good portion of his forehead and were now growing into his hair. Sirius and Peter weren't much better off; Peter's beard was now to the floor, and Sirius' mustache was expanding across his cheeks. The three of them waved their wands, hoping to stop the expansion of their unwanted facial hair. Fortunately for them, the process halted and the hair began to recede as soon as they muttered the incantation to reverse the process. Several students sniggered as the three of them laughed, but McGonagall shook her head.

"Enough fooling around. Continue your attempts, everyone; let's focus," she said waving the boys off and walking around to the other side of the crowd.

Sirius was smirking, but James' and Peter's faces had both turned red. "It's just our manliness coming out, boys," Sirius said, walking over to a giggling Julia and flicking his wand to turn her hair back to its typical blonde. He put his arm around her shoulders and began to converse lightly with her and Sam while Lily shook her head and turned her gaze to James.

James looked at his trainers, his face growing hot under Lily's amused grin. He waited until Peter had walked back to Remus and resumed trying to gently alter his appearance before speaking. "I suppose that… well… um…"

"Will teach you not to show off?" supplied Lily.

James laughed. "Yeah… perhaps."

Lily smiled gently. "I wouldn't bet on it," she said, making him laugh again. "And Potter?"

"Yeah?"

"You've … uh… you might want to get rid of these," she muttered, stepping close to him and tapping her wand against his head.

There was a low "click" sound as the wood of her wand hit the tiny antlers that had emerged from James' hair. He quickly pulled himself together and waved his wand to cease the Animagus transformation. "Thanks," said James, looking around to make sure no one had seen him.

"No worries," replied Lily, turning back to the mirror with a grin.

James watched her examine her eyes, which she had changed to a pale blue color; he flicked his wand and watched as they turned back to their normal green. "I like that better," he said quietly.

"I think I do as well," she agreed.

"Hogsmeade is tomorrow," said James in what he hoped was a nonchalant voice.

"The rumor is true then?"

James grinned his lopsided smile and chuckled. "Are you-"

"I'm going to be there… that's the rumor at least," she said, cutting him off with an amused grin.

"That's a very noncommittal answer," teased James.

"Exactly; it's noncommittal," she said quietly. McGonagall's voice called them back to their desks to continue the lecture; Lily followed behind James, watching him shake his head and laugh lightly.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for your feedback! So much more is coming =)_


	9. Intentions

Intentions

Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon

* * *

The previous days of October had been cool and cloudy, but when everyone woke up on Saturday morning, it was to sunshine and blue sky. After breakfast, the students set off on their walk to the local village of Hogsmeade.

Julia and Mary were talking animatedly as they exited the gate surrounding the castle grounds and started down the path that led to the village. Lily was following behind them, fussing with her scarf and adjusting her jumper as she walked.

"Gracious, Lils," said Julia, turning around and eyeing Lily curiously, "if I didn't know better, I'd think there was someone you were trying to impress."

"Why?"

"New jeans, new trainers, new jumper… you keep fussing with your hair and your clothes…"

"My old jeans and trainers were worn out, and I needed some new things before I came back," said Lily defensively.

"Right…" sighed Julia.

Lily rolled her eyes and picked up her pace so she could walk in step with her roommates. Mary was counting the money in her purse and Julia was now grinning up at the sunshine above them. "At least it's pleasant out and not freezing cold like it has been," said Lily, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, I know!" said Mary, rolling her eyes and launching into a tirade about how ridiculous the weather had been. Lily grinned to herself; she could always count on Mary to catch the bait she threw out and run with it, effectively saving her from Julia's all too knowing line of questioning.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had already arrived and, as per their usual custom, immediately went into the Three Broomsticks. James and Sirius approached the bar to order butterbeers for their group and to tease the pretty barmaid, Madame Rosmerta.

"Hello, boys," She greeted when they approached the bar. "You've both grown quite a bit over the summer; what'll it be?"

"Firewhiskey," said James without hesitation.

"The house mead," said Sirius.

"Boys…"

"Raspberry mead," said James.

"Rum?"

"Rum and cider," suggest James.

"How about… four butterbeers?" laughed Rosmerta.

Sirius frowned. "I'll be seventeen in December," he said.

"Will you, now?" asked Rosmerta; she pulled out four bottles of butterbeer and set them on the bar. "Well, Sirius, my love, you stop in here when you're of age and the drinks will be on me," she said with a wink.

Sirius grinned widely and nodded. "Thank you, m'lady," he said before he and James wandered back to where Remus and Peter were sitting. As James took his seat and opened his bottle, he noticed that Remus had a disgusted expression on his normally calm face.

"What's up, Moony?" he asked. "You look like you've just seen Polly Puckle walk in here naked," he teased, thinking of the extremely thin Slytherin girl whom had a tendency to dress in a scantily clad manner that no one wanted to see.

Remus scoffed. "No… Bertram Aubrey is a prat," he explained, indicating the sandy-haired bespeckled boy at a table next to theirs.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Sirius before taking a sip of his drink and eyeing the boys at the table adjacent to where the Marauders were sitting.

"He doesn't give up easy; he apparently thinks you don't either, James. Though, you would never sink as low as he's trying to do right now," replied Peter.

"Meaning?" asked James, looking at either of them for a response. Remus opened his mouth to explain but then the door opened to the bar and three girls walked in.

"Hey, Lily!" Bertram called from his table, waving his hand at the girls who walked in. James saw Lily wave lightly in response, though her expression was hard as she looked at him. "Come over and have a seat with us," said Bertram, indicating the three empty chairs at the table he was sharing with Linghold and Rollingsfield.

Lily faked a smile and mouthed something to Julia, who laughed before nodding and following Mary to the bar. Lily sighed and weaved her way between various tables and people before reaching where she had been summoned to. "All right, Bertram?" she greeted in a cheerful voice.

"Will your friends be joining us? Oh, they're getting drinks; I've already got you a drink," he said lightly, scooting a glass of gillywater in her direction and pulling out a chair. "Have a seat with us."

James felt his blood boil and was about to stand up and call him out on his intentions when Lily chuckled in a non-humorous manner. Sirius, watching James' expression, turned and flicked his wand in the direction of the table. "_Crescendo_," he muttered. The voices at the table grew louder.

"Drink… right. Did, um… did any of you see Bertram buy this drink?" she asked, looking pointedly at the members of his table.

"Erm… no? We just got here," Max Linghold responded curiously.

Lily frowned. "Thanks, but no thanks, Bertram; I'm not much of a Gillywater girl," she explained.

"Want something else?"

"Not from you," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

Lily smiled sweetly, but there was a flash of irritation behind her eyes. "Hey Max… could you guys go tell Mary and Julia I'll be there in a minute? I'd like to have a word with Bertram," she explained quietly.

Max looked confused, but nodded. "Um… sure. C'mon, Rollingsfield… I could use another drink," he said, getting to his feet and walking away with Rollingsfield in tow. Lily watched them go, not noticing that the four marauders were listening intently at the table next to where Bertram and her were talking.

She turned her eyes back to Bertram, noting that his face betrayed not a flicker of guilt. "Bertram, thank you for the drink; but I won't be drinking anything _you_ buy me anytime soon."

"Why not? I'm just being polite," replied Bertram, crossing his arms over his chest in an affronted manner.

"Because I _don't_ like you that way, and I don't want to be _forced_ to," said Lily, dropping any pretense of civility.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Lily scowled and reached into the pocket of her jeans, pulling out the small vial full of pink liquid she had gotten from James over a fortnight ago. Bertram's eyes widened slightly, but he kept his face impassive. "Recognize that?" asked Lily.

"No."

"Funny… because I heard that you gave this to Westpelt in exchange for an essay for one of his classes. He was supposed to put it in my pumpkin juice," she said, a confused expression crossing her face. "Now, just what in Merlin's name would you be doing trying to put something into my drink?"

"Search me, because that never happened. You can ask Westpelt, I didn't do anything," said Bertram defensively. "Potter and Black just gave you that-"

"Really?" Lily asked, a knowing smile crossing on her face. "How did you know that I got this from Potter? Did I say that? No… no I don't think I did; how did he and Black come into the picture?"

Bertram remained silent, his face reddening slightly.

"Though you are right, I did get this from Potter. He was under the impression it was a love potion that you were trying to slip me," said Lily.

"It was probably his, and he wanted to blame it on me and-"

"No… no, I don't think so," mused Lily.

"You think he wouldn't try something like that? He's fancied you for years - it's pathetic! Especially since you keep refusing him, and he won't take the hint. Besides, it doesn't look like a love potion. It looks like a confunding draught or a-"

"_Specialis Revelio_!" muttered Lily, flicking her wand at the glass of Gillywater. She, Bertram, and the four marauders watched as the liquid divided itself into equal parts and dissolved in color. Lily picked it up and examined it closely. "Hmmm…ashwinder eggs, clove flowers, deer's tongue; these are ingredients to a love potion… oh, and some gillywater mixed in as well."

"All right….so _this_ is a little help to get you to notice me; but that vial there, Potter made that," Bertram said.

Lily laughed mercilessly. "First off, no, Potter and Black didn't make this. Second-"

"How do you know?"

"Because he said he didn't, and Potter wouldn't lie to me," said Lily with complete confidence.

"Oh, come on, Lily, don't be stupid. He'd-"

"Second!" shouted Lily, interrupting Bertram's train of thought, "you honestly expect me to believe that? I just showed you that the ingredients in the gillywater that _you_ bought me were for a love potion. Who's calling who stupid?"

And with that, she tipped the glass over so it spilled in Bertram's lap and walked away toward where Julia and Mary were sitting, watching avidly with both their hands clapped over their mouths. Aubrey got up from the table and walked out the door, the front of his trousers drenched so it look like he had wet himself.

"Wow… when did you take that vial away from him?" Remus asked James and Sirius. Sirius was laughing loudly and Peter had an amused expression on his face as he watched Aubrey exit the bar.

"Full moon in September; that's why Sirius and I had detention for hexing the prat," said James, pointing out the door at Bertram's retreating figure. "See! We had reason to hex him, all right; I can't believe he was stupid enough to try it again!"

James sniggered loudly, shaking his head as he thought of Aubrey with the front of his pants soaked. The four boys garnered strange looks from Linghold and Rollingsfield as they sat back down at the table Aubrey had just vacated.

"That looked … interesting," mused Rollingsfield, turning back toward Linghold and lowering his voice. "She was definitely telling him off for something."

"I think it was hysterical," Linghold commented. "I don't know what he did, but it probably involved using her or blackmailing her into going out with him. Bertram has had it bad for her for a while. He's a git, I tell you, sneaky bastard," said Linghold before taking a sip out of his butterbeer.

Sirius was about to wave his wand and remove the amplification spell when James stopped him, shaking his head when Rollingsfield uttered his next sentence.

"Well, I don't blame him personally. Evans is a fox, everyone knows that; but she just won't give in to anyone," he said shaking his head.

"I'd hope she'd have better taste than Aubrey at least," said Linghold.

"What … you still think she's interested in you?"

Linghold shrugged. "She talks to me in Charms and in Herbology and during the Prefect meetings. She's always nice to me."

"She's nice to everyone," Rollingsfield commented.

Linghold nodded, but then a wicked smile spread across his face. He pointed across the bar to where Lily was standing with her friends. She was leaning over the table, playing with a long strand of her hair and resting her elbows against the wood as she talked with Julia and Mary about something they could not hear. Her jeans clung to her shapely hips, and the jumper she had tied around her waist accented how curvy her hidden figure really was. James swallowed as he followed Linghold's gaze, a mixture of curiosity about what Lily's figure looked like underneath the clothes, and rage over Linghold now undressing her with his eyes coursing through him.

"I bet I could shag her," Linghold said in a cheeky voice, grinning as Rollingsfield laughed. "And if I did, I'd bang the bloody hell out of her. I bet she's a minx in the sack, feisty as she is; her long legs spread wide, that'd be a sight to witness," he continued, gesturing with his hands how he would part Lily's legs if he ever got the chance.

"If you did, I'd have to learn legilimency so I could re-live it," laughed Rollingsford. "But I'd be more interested in her hips, or stomach than her legs… but anything that she keeps wrapped up under those damn jumpers would be fare game."

Linghold laughed and used his hands to make another rude gesture as the two boys continued to gaze at Lily's figure with hungry expressions. James' temper flared, and before he even realized what he was doing his wand was out and Remus had jumped up, trying to wrest it from his grasp.

"Get off, Moony," spat James.

"You don't want to do this, James," Remus warned.

"At least not here," muttered Sirius, who stood up and pushed James back in his chair.

James huffed and swore under his breath. "Bloody perverts; Samantha sPitchfield was right," he hissed, glaring at the other table.

"Like you don't think the same thing," said Peter shaking his head; Sirius laughed in agreement.

"Not like that I don't!" shouted James.

"James!" Remus shouted as James pulled out his wand again. "Just … cool it. You're right, they… that's more than just a bit offensive; but Linghold's a prefect. You hex him, and it would just be more trouble than it's worth."

"You hex him then; you're a prefect, he can't do anything to you," James suggested.

Remus chuckled. "I'd like to… but no, that's not the answer."

"Well, we should figure out an answer quick; because there goes Evans and her friends, and in three… two…one," said Sirius, counting down the seconds, "there goes Linghold and Rollingsfield after them."

James jumped up from his seat, followed swiftly by his friends, and stormed out the door. By the time they exited the bar, Rollingsfield and Linghold had caught up with Lily and her friends and were talking to them by Zonko's.

"…Slughorn's Christmas party that he throws every year. It's not that far away; the year has gone fast," Linghold was saying in a low voice. He was watching Lily with what James considered an inappropriate expression.

"It's October, Max; we've only been back at school for a month," Lily replied with a light laugh, keeping her eyes on the various products displayed in the window. "I think it's all the course work that's making you think it's going by fast; it's getting very serious."

"Yeah… but you're keeping up nicely," said Linghold as he nudged Lily. "I watched your Interruptus charm the other day; it was well done," he praised with a wink.

"Well, thank you. I saw you accomplished it as well, so congratulations on that," she said lightly in response.

"It's cold, let's go to Honeydukes," Mary said suddenly, shivering and tugging at Lily's cloak. Lily and Julia nodded, waving good-bye to the two boys as they began to walk down the path toward the sweet shop. Linghold and Rollingsfield watched them, sniggering to themselves as Linghold made another inappropriate gesture in Lily's direction.

"Hey, Linghold!" shouted James before the others could stop him. "I'm not sure how your mum would feel about you doing that in public," he said making a face.

"Yeah, I think I might be blind after seeing that," Sirius chimed in, running to catch up with James. Remus shook his head and looked at Peter, whose expression was torn between chagrin and amusement.

"Well, Potter, your mum certainly enjoyed it the last time I saw her," Linghold said snidely.

James lost his temper. He growled an angry spell and jabbed his wand in Linghold's direction.

Linghold doubled over, his cheeks swelling as he made a horrible choking sound before vomiting a flood of slugs onto the dusty ground. Sirius and Peter laughed hysterically while Remus shook his head.

"James-" he started to say, but there was a flash of light and Remus was forced to pull out his wand and cast a shield charm to protect himself from Rollingsfield's sudden hex.

The spell rebounded and Rollingsfield dodged it while pushing the still vomiting Linghold out range of his jinxes His eyes flashed angrily as he waved his wand again. "_Petrificus Total_-"

"_Protego_!" James shouted, watching as the shield charm he conjured reflected the spell back at Rollingsford, who was forced to dive out of the way to avoid the jinx.

"_Impedimenta_!" Rollingsfield shouted from the ground. The jinx hit both James and Sirius who were standing closest and knocked them off their feet. James growled and attempted to stand, but was impeded by the jinx he was under. Rollingsfield stepped over to him, his eyes blazing with rage. "_Furnun_-"

"_PROTEGO_!" a new voice shouted behind them. Everyone accept for Linghold, who was still vomiting slugs, turned to see Lily storming down the path, her green eyes alight with fury.

"What is going on out here?" another new voice shouted. Professor McGonagall had suddenly come out of Zonko's and her face was full of anger. "Cursing each other? Shouting? This is ridiculous! Miss Evans, I'm ashamed of you!"

Lily stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide with shock. "Professor! I wasn't-"

"No excuses, none of you," she spat angrily, flicking her wand at Linghold who ceased vomiting and lay gasping on the ground. "Detention, all of you, tomorrow evening. You all know that fighting is prohibited no matter where you are! I'll be sending a note describing your duties. Yes, you too, Linghold... I saw those gestures, and I was not impressed," she shouted at them all before walking off.

Lily sputtered. "But, Professor… I just came back to-"

"No buts, Miss Evans. Detention… whatever your motivations, you still used engaged in a fight when you know it is not allowed," McGonagall called as she stormed off in the opposite direction.

Lily's face was red, her lips drawn in a tight line. She had never had detention, and she had only come back to purchase a spell checking quill and saw the boys fighting. All her intention had been was to stop them from hexing each other over whatever it was, but perhaps this would teach her to keep her nose out of other people's business.

"She was bang out of order for giving you detention, Lily; you didn't-" Max started to say.

James made an angry noise. "Shut up, Linghold! Don't try to butter her up after you -"

"Potter, mind your own damn business!"

"I don't think Evans' appreciates-"

"Shut up, both of you. I was just trying to stop this stupid, childish, immature nonsense! That is the last time I stick my neck out to help either of you!" Lily shouted, looking at both James and Max with great disdain.

"Lily… I didn't-"

"Evans, if you heard-"

"_SILENCIO_!" Lily shouted, flicking her wand. The four Marauders and two Ravenclaws all started to sputter defensive statements, but they were rendered silent by Lily's spell. She scowled and stormed off back to the castle, fuming about the situation she had gotten herself in.

It took several attempts to remove the silencing charm non-verbally; Remus had finally been the one who succeeded in the attempt.

"Merlin's pants the girl is powerful," muttered Sirius when he finally got his voice back.

"Yeah, but what did we do?" asked Peter, rubbing his throat.

"Defended her honor is all," James replied.

Remus sighed heavily. "I don't think she sees it like that, especially now that she has detention," he explained.

"It's just detention," said Sirius in a scathing voice.

"Lily's never had one, and to get one for not doing anything wrong… I mean, all she did was cast a shield charm to stop it. She's probably furious at all of us," he said.

"But-"

"I know what you're about to say, James. But she doesn't know what Linghold said, so all she sees is us fighting like a bunch of immature prats," continued Remus. "I'm just warning you; personally, I'm pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. Are we really that low that we sink to the level of those gits?" he asked. "How are we any better for stalking after them and firing various curses just because they acted like sixteen-year old boys?"

"We're sixteen! We don't act like that!" said Sirius defensively, watching as James and Peter nodded.

Remus made a face. "'_I'll be getting snoggy-snog from Tottleham_,' remember that? Or how about '_as long as I could do a silencing charm, I'd shag Flutterhorn_,'?" he asked.

The three other boys made faces before nodding in agreement. James s

ighed heavily, "Why is it that I always feel like I'm apologizing to Evans about something?"

"If you don't want to apologize, don't," said Remus with a shrug. "But I'm going to; it's embarrassing, and since I have to be around her for prefect duty, I don't want her thinking that I lose my temper so easily."

James nodded, thinking that he would apologize and warn her about Linghold's intentions. Just then, Julia happened to walk by, giving Sirius a cheeky smile as she passed.

"Hey, Julia," Sirius called after her. "Prongs is looking for Evans, d'you know where she is?"

Julia turned around, a confused expression on her face. "I'm sorry… were you talking to me?"

Sirius chuckled. "'Course I was; I don't see any other Tottleham's walking by."

"You didn't call me 'Tottleham;' you called me 'Julia.' you always call me by my surname, all of you. That's how I know that it's you talking to me instead of someone else," she explained.

The four of them considered her. "I guess I never thought of that," Sirius said.

"It's just a different kind of acknowledgement," explained Julia. "When someone calls me 'Tottleham,' I'm either prepared for teasing or getting lectured; if someone says 'Julia,' I expect something different."

"Different how?" asked James.

Julia shrugged. "I just take them more sincerely; it's more meaningful to hear my name versus my surname. It makes me think that they actually want to talk to me instead of just teasing."

James considered this, mentally noting to himself that he and Lily always referred to each other by their surnames. In fact, he'd only heard her call him "James" once: when she was in complete shock after recognizing him in his stag form. Other than that, it was always "Potter" when she talked or referred to him. Considering Julia's point of view, he wondered how it would feel to hear Lily use his real name versus his surname; he began to wonder if they were even really friends if she couldn't even use his first name.

"Anyway, what did you need?" Julia said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Erm… I was wondering where Ev- I mean Lily was," James said quietly.

"Um… Library, I think; she said she was working on something for Slughorn," Julia said lightly.

"Where are you going?" asked Sirius.

"Library," Julia responded curiously.

"Need to study?"

"Sort of," she said holding up her book. "Transfiguration is … not my best subject."

"Have a seat," Sirius said, flicking his chair and pulling over one of the squashy arm chairs for her to sit in. "I can help you, _Julia_," he teased, emphasizing her name seductively.

She grinned and sat down, opening her book and pointing to the section she was having trouble with. James had stood up and walked toward the portrait door when suddenly it opened and Lily walked in, her face flushed with color and her eyes looking at her trainers.

"Hey, Evans," said James, his hand flying to his hair and stomach erupting in butterflies. He had planned to muster his courage before talking with her, but now here she was right in front of him. He noticed her face was extremely red, he wasn't sure if she was blushing or had been crying. "You… all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Here," she said, thrusting a piece of paper at him and walking away. She repeated the motion as she passed the table where James and his friends usually sat, not saying a word to any of them.

"Hey, Lily," Remus called, jumping up and moving toward the staircase, "I'm sorry. I tried to talk to McGonagall and tell her that all you did was cast a shield charm to stop us fighting, but-"

"Remus, it's fine. I'm over it. Seriously, do I look like I can't handle a detention? Max just cornered me and was all apologetic too; he said he tried to talk McGonagall out of giving me detention and ended up getting another one," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I know you've never had one, and now you didn't even do anything wrong and you do so it's kind of unfair," said Remus.

Lily shrugged. "It's not a big deal. All I have to do is hang out with Hagrid for a few hours and '_assist'_ him; which you know will be just gabbing," she said with a smirk. "But what… I mean seriously, what was going on? Why did I have to stop you all from fighting?"

Remus stuttered, looking over his shoulder at James, Peter and Sirius for help. "Erm… well, Linghold … he was-"

"He was making a very rude gesture," said Peter matter-of-factly.

"That's an understatement," said Sirius.

Julia looked up from her book and glanced at Sirius with an amused expression. "What on earth could he have done that would make _you_ blush?"

"Well… he made this gesture," said Sirius, lifting his hand to his mouth to demonstrate.

"He did not do that," Julia laughed, while Lily gasped before giggling and blushing a bright red.

"Believe it. Plus, he said some stuff that was a bit offensive to classy ladies such as yourselves," explained Sirius. He leaned over and whispered in Julia's ear, grinning when she gasped with indignation then started laughing hysterically.

"What?" asked Lily, stepping back down stairs.

"It was nothing," James said, stepping over toward her and trying to motion for Sirius not to repeat what Linghold had said.

"He did not say that," said Julia in-between her giggles.

"He did not say _what_, Julia?" asked Lily again.

"Apparently Max thinks you'd be quite the shag," said Julia with a laugh. "He said it a bit more derogatory than that… or were you embellishing, Sirius? I have a hard time believing Max would say or do anything like that."

"What exactly did he say?" asked Lily.

James sputtered as Lily walked back toward the table, but Peter blurted out the comment before James could stop him. "He said he'd bang the hell out of you if given the chance."

Lily's face looked aghast for a moment, but then she too burst out laughing. "He did not," she said, clapping her hand over her mouth as her face turned even redder.

"Why is it so hard to believe?" asked Sirius curiously.

"Max is too … naive! He's not like that at all, Sam say he's a bit of a pervert but I don't know if he's ever _really_ kissed a girl. Plus, he's always so sweet and-"

"That's an act," said James coldly.

"Not all of it," Julia piped up. "I tried to snog him last year and he turned me down, very gently mind you, saying that he didn't want to spoil our friendship. He's sweeter than _most_ sixteen-year-old boys," she said matter-of-factly.

Sirius looked taken a-back. "You tried to kiss him?"

"Yes… so?"

"Before or after the year end ball?" he asked.

Julia smirked. "Someone is testy. Before… and what is it to you?"

They began to talk in low voices, half arguing, half playing, while Lily rolled her eyes and turned back to go upstairs.

"Hey, Evans!" James called, suddenly very concerned that Lily didn't believe them about Max's intentions. "Seriously… he's not like that. He's not all sweet; Pitchfield-"

"Thanks for your concern, Potter, but I can take care of myself," she called as she walked upstairs.

James watched her retreating figure, a look of concern on his face. He suddenly turned on Julia. "Does she fancy him?"

"…doesn't matter who I was snogging; I wasn't snogging them at the same time I was you so… oh, I'm sorry, James, what did you ask?" Julia asked, as she clapped her hand over Sirius' mouth to stop his protesting.

"Does Evans fancy Linghold?"

Julia considered this for a moment. "No… she thinks he's a good bloke, which usually he is… but she doesn't fancy him."

"Oh… okay," said James in a relieved voice.

"He fancies her though, and he is awfully sweet to her so you'd better make a move before-"

"I've made around… ten moves! And I'm sweet to her too!" James said incredulously. "What-"

"You're growing on her… don't pull stuff like you did today and –I know, you were defending her honor apparently - but keep your head out of your arse about it. And how sweet have you been? I mean, what have you done for her lately? You're always very concerned about what she thinks of you and how it would feel for her to fancy you and make you happy, but you never think about ways to make _her_ happy," said Julia sternly. "Think about that for a change." She turned her eyes back to Sirius and removed her hand from his mouth, smirking as he glared. "You may speak now," she said to him in a light voice.

"What _did_ you do yesterday that McGonagall was going on about?" Lily asked Max curiously as they walked toward Hagrid's cabin.

"Oh, I flipped Potter and Black the bird because they were butting into me and Adrian's conversation, that's all," he said with a wave of his hand. "Shouldn't have done it, but there you go."

Lily nodded, the conversation she had with Julia and the other boys replaying in her head. "Is that all?" she asked suspiciously.

"Yeah; Potter was just jealous because I was talking to you. He's got like this… possessive obsession with you. It's unhealthy," said Max.

"I didn't think you minded Potter," Lily replied.

"I didn't… but this year he's been getting on my nerves. He's very immature, and I think you agree," said Max.

Lily shrugged. "He's not such a bad guy. We're friends now, he's actually matured-"

"He wants to be more than friends, Lils; you know that, right?"

"Yes, but he knows that I don't, so we're good."

"Don't be stupid, Lily. He's-"

"Hey now," she said warningly. "I'm _not_ stupid. Potter is an all right bloke. I used to think that he was a prat, but I don't anymore. Yes, I know he would like it if I returned his affections, but I don't, and he's fine with that."

"Whatever… keep telling yourself that," said Max.

Lily frowned and continued walking. They reached Hagrid's cabin just in time to see him throw a large slab of steak onto the table in front of his cabin. "All righ', Lily? Max?"

Lily grinned at Hagrid and watched as Max cringed away from the bloody steak out of the corner of her eyes. "We're good, Hagrid; and how are you?" she asked cheerfully.

"Couldn' be better," he said lightly. "Got a treat for ya' today. James told me a while back that you could see 'em, so I thought I'd have ya help me out with feedin' and workin' with 'em today."

"Working with what?" Max asked, looking from Lily to Hagrid and back again.

Lily smiled broadly. "The thestrals?"

"Yup; they need some grooming done after walkin' around in all that mud, so that's what we'll be doing today. But, we gotta call 'em first, and get 'em some treats for stayin' still," he explained as he threw another bloody steak down in front of Lily and Max on the table.

"What are thestrals?" asked Max. Lily could tell by the tone of his voice he was trying to act curious, but in reality was a little more nervous than he wanted to let on.

Lily nudged him. "They pull the carriages at the beginning of the year. They look like horses… only… well, it's hard to explain. Obviously, you can't see them and-"

"Obviously," said Max in a slightly off put voice.

"Well… they can only be seen by those who have seen death. So… you haven't had anyone close to you die, or seen anyone die… which is a good thing, really," Lily explained, trying to sound like it was a positive thing to not see them.

"Oh…" he said looking at her with a slightly concerned expression. "I take it… yeah… who?"

"My dad," she said. Max nodded, fidgeting slightly and looking as though he wanted to reach out to touch her. Fortunately, Hagrid chose that moment to reappear with two large cutting knives. He handed one to Lily and one to Max, who eyed it nervously.

"Need to cut the meat up, they like it raw. Now… yer not supposed to use magic, but if you have trouble-"

Lily grinned and brought the knife down hard, slicing a small piece of the steak off and handing it to Hagrid, who chuckled lightly at her. "Muggle-born, remember? I've used knives several times in my life," she said with a grin.

"All righ', then. Max, yer in good hands. I'm going to take this," said Hagrid, holding up the piece of meat Lily had cut off, "and go fetch one of them. Be back in a few."

Lily nodded and returned to her steak, watching out of the corner of her eye as Max steadied himself and raised his knife to repeat the same motion she had used. "Woah, woah!" she said, grabbing his arm. "You're going to cut a finger off. I've done this before… I was showing off. Just take it easy, like this," she explained, taking his arm and showing him how to cut up the steak while avoiding his fingers.

"Oh… all right," Max said, taking the knife more firmly in his hand and trying to cut his steak. Lily was watching him, thinking to herself that it was obvious he'd never had to do anything without magic his whole life, when light footsteps were heard crunching the grass just before a low voice called out to them.

"Oy, Linghold," James called. "McGonagall switched our detentions. She wants you to go up and work with Peter on un-transfiguring the first years projects; I'm to come down here and… do whatever it is you guys are doing…" he explained, trailing off at the sight of all the blood and meat all over the table top.

Max stood up straighter. "I think I've got this," he said haughtily, glancing at Lily, who was grinning at James' arrival.

"Well… McGonagall says this might be a bit harder for me; she thinks I was having an easy go with the transfiguration, so she sent me out here," James explained, handing Max a note.

Max frowned. "Well, Lils… can we resume my Muggle chopping lesson at a later date?" he asked.

"Sure, just let me know when," she teased. Max nodded and winked at her before walking back toward the castle.

James watched over his shoulder until Max was well out of sight, then looked back at Lily. "What _are_ you doing?"

Lily grinned and slammed the knife down on the table again dramatically. "Thestrals… they need grooming apparently."

James' eyes went wide and then he laughed at her. "Well… I can see that you need no help wielding tools. Let's see how I can manage, shall we?"

He walked around to the other side of the table and looked at the knife before cutting off a few slices of steak, looking pleased with himself.

"I'm glad to see you didn't try to imitate me," said Lily with a grin.

"Are you mad? I could have lost a finger doing that… I've used kitchen utensils a few times, but not much. My mum made me do it all without magic whenever I helped her; said it was good for me to learn," he said rolling his eyes.

"It is good," replied Lily. "Some things are better done the muggle way. Maybe I'll change my thoughts after I get out of school, but for now I'm used to this type of work."

James nodded, watching as she cut up the stake in front of her much faster than he was working on his. Soon enough, they had a pile of small pieces of meat and it was at that point they heard a strange bellow from around the other side of Hagrid's cabin.

"That'll be Hagrid, I bet," Lily said. She picked up the pieces of steak and put them in a bucket that Hagrid had set on the ground, allowing James to pick it up as they walked over toward where the strange bellowing had come from.

Once they were behind the cabin, James noticed that Hagrid had set up a paddock of sorts and appeared to be shunting a creature inside of it. He was pushing against something James could not see in a gentle way and then shut the gate and grinned at James and Lily as they approached.

"All righ, James? Wha' happened to Max?" asked Hagrid, looking behind them for the blonde Ravenclaw.

"McGonagall switched our detentions; thought I'd have to put in more effort out here with you two than if I was un-transfiguring things," said James with a smile.

Hagrid chuckled and waved them over. James watched as Lily looked eagerly upon the invisible creatures inside the paddock. She reached out to touch one of them but then withdrew her hand sharply.

"S'all right, Lily. They love it when someone pets 'em. This here's Gehn, one o' the younger ones," Hagrid said. He took a piece of steak out of the bucket and handed it to the creature. James watched as the invisible animal pulled it out of Hagrid's hand and it disappeared into thin air. It was amazing, curious, and frightening all at the same time. James tentatively walked forward and joined the two of them.

"I think what we'll do, since you can' see 'em, James, is have you hold one while Lily cleans the hooves and brushes the dirt off their skin. Yah… that'll be best. Let me go get a rope and hackamore and we can get yeh started," Hagrid said as he wandered off toward his cabin.

James watched Lily closely; she was petting the invisible creature with a curious and sad expression on her face. "What does it feel like?"

"It's… it's actually really smooth; like leather," she said. "It must be really weird for you not to see it."

"That's an understatement," he said with a laugh. "Tell me what they look like."

Lily pursed her lips and tilted her head to one side. "They look like horses… only black and leathery. They don't have fur or hair, accept for a little tuft at the end of their tails. And they have wings… like a bat's," she said, still stroking the animals head and peering around to look at its body. "They have hooves like horses, and they're really skinny… emaciated looking."

Lily turned over her shoulder and took in James' expression, a mixture of curiosity and nervousness. "Come here," she said, holding out her hand to him. James swallowed and walked forward slowly; Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, gently pulling him around to the gate of the paddock. She opened it and stepped inside, pulling James with her. "They won't bite you," she told him as they walked forward and Lily stopped, resting her hand against the animal's invisible flank.

"I can't see it… how do I know where to touch it?" James asked, swallowing loudly and trying not to show how nervous he was.

"Don't you trust me?" asked Lily.

James looked at her, she had a small smile on her face and her eyes were full of encouragement. The longer she held onto his hand and watched him, the more color flooded into her cheeks. James finally smiled and replied, "Yes."

"All right, then," Lily said, turning her eyes back to the creature and placing James' hand on it lightly. She placed hers on top of it and guided his hand all the way down the neck and over the Thestral's flank.

It was possibly the strangest experience James had ever had. He could feel the animal's leathery skin, feel the wings under his finger tips as Lily guided his hand along its body. He felt ears and a jawbone as she guided his hand along the animal's nose, and when it smelled the blood on James' hands, it turned and nudged him with its head.

"Maybe he's hungry," said James. Lily stepped over toward the edge of the paddock and picked up the bucket of steak pieces, handing James one and laughing when he jumped as the animal pulled it away from him.

Lily watched James hold out another piece of steak for the thestral, jumping each time the animal pulled it out of his hand. He reached forward and felt around until he found its leathery skin again and began to stroke it lightly, examining the dirt on his hands when he was finished. His expression was calmer now, but still a bit hesitant as she watched him. "See… they're not so scary, are they?"

"I wasn't scared," said James. Lily tilted her head and smirked at him. "All right… I was _nervous_. I wasn't _scared_."

"Wow," she replied as a smile lit up her face. "James Potter just admitted a weakness; I'll have to send a message to the Prophet."

"Yeah… well make sure they print it on the front page. If I'm going to be labeled as nervous, I might as well be arrogant about it," he said, grinning when Lily laughed and pushed him lightly. "How did you learn what they were?"

Lily sighed and turned her eyes to the ground. "When I came back last year… I panicked when no one else could see what I was talking about. Julia thought I was going mad. I finally went to Madam Pomfrey and asked her to admit me to the hospital," she explained with a small laugh.

"No kidding?"

"Nope. I thought I had lost it… no one else could see them. But, she explained it to me, and then I was curious so I went to the library and asked Professor Kettleburn about them. He said they didn't usually come up until N.E.W.T. studies, so he just gave me the basics. I actually kept on with Magical Creatures this year for that reason," she explained, reaching forward to pet Gehn's flank, resting her hand alongside James'.

"You're brave," James said with a smile.

"I _am_ a Gryffindor," replied Lily.

James laughed. "No… I mean going to Madam Pomfrey like that. If it'd been me, I'd have just kept my mouth shut… pretended I had taken a funny potion or something rather than let people think I was mental. That took guts, Evans."

Lily smiled. "Well, I'm glad you see it that way. I was sure she was going to tell me something about Muggle-borns going mad easier than normal witches."

James made a "pshht" sound and laughed. "Evans! You are normal. If anything, all the pure-blood in-breeding causes them to go insane more often than Muggle-borns. You can't let all this blood purity nonsense get to you; you're more of a witch than all the pure-bloods I know. And if anyone says different, tell them to shove it and hex them," he said.

Lily laughed gently, feeling a little sheepish for admitting that she let all the talk get to her. But James' continual reminders that her blood status meant nothing to him, or anyone else in their house, made her feel like she did belong in this world, despite what all the others thought.

Hagrid came back just then. He put the hackamore onto the thestral and James and Lily set to work cleaning it.

After two hours, two hours in which Hagrid, James, and Lily talked endlessly about everything going on at school, they were released from detention and headed back to the common room. James was about to ask Lily if she'd like to go to supper, but she ran upstairs as though something was summoning her attention and didn't say a word to him.

It had been the first time he'd had fun in a detention since Sirius had presented him with the two-way mirror they used to talk. James knew he wasn't imagining Lily flirting with him; she'd even confessed to it when they were walking back. Julia's words echoed in his head, and he thought perhaps Remus was right and he should apologize for acting like an idiot and causing her to get a detention.

After dinner, James didn't see her back in the common room and he began to become curious as to her whereabouts.

"Anyone seen Evans?" he asked to the room at large, watching as Julia and Mary shook their heads and the rest of the people ignored him.

"James," Remus called, beckoning him over. "She's probably in the broken girls bathroom on the second floor. That's where she goes to… you know," he explained, indicating himself.

"Oh… yeah, I guess it is about your time of the month isn't it," replied James, laughing when Remus gave him an affronted glare. He ran upstairs to fetch his invisibility cloak and headed out the door. When he reached the out of order bathroom on the second floor, he looked around before pulling off his cloak and stepping inside.

It was damp and cold in the room, out of order signs hung on all the stalls and the sink appeared not to be connected to the water system. He walked a few more steps in before a ghostly wail echoed out of one of the stalls.

"Who enters my domain?" the voice said.

"Erm…"

"Myrtle, that's not scary," said Lily with a chuckle. James heard footsteps coming from the end of the stalls and Lily's slight figure appeared, glancing at him curiously. "How did you find me?"

"Moony told me you'd probably be in here," he explained.

Lily shrugged. "It's very private in here," she explained, moving out of sight back down the line of stalls. James followed quietly, his face reddening slightly as he watched her resume her seat on the floor.

"It's a _boy_!" the voice yelled in a scandalized tone. A ghostly figure of a younger girl with glasses and dark hair appeared. "This is a _girls'_ room; Lily, you didn't invite him, did you?"

"No, I didn't; but he means no harm," she said, not looking up from her potion. "Myrtle, this is James Potter. Potter, meet Myrtle."

"Pleasure," said James with a small smile. The ghost named Myrtle merely huffed and glided back into her stall, disappearing with a flush of the toilet.

"That's… well… I'll be honest… it's…"

"Unique? Strange? Awkward?" Lily suggested.

"All of those really," said James.

Lily smiled. "Imagine trying to _use_ the toilet with her in here - not exactly the most comfortable experience either. But, that's why no one comes in here, which makes it a safe place to do this," she said indicating the cauldron.

James sat down, intrigued by the way she was stirring the contents in the cauldron. Slughorn's magazine was laid beside her, and she kept checking her watch to make sure she was stirring it for the appropriate amount of time. James found himself fascinated with her movements; her hands were incredibly small, her fingers long and delicate. She moved her hands intricately as she added various ingredients, the motion fluid and silky, almost like a dance.

"Can I ask why you were looking for me?"

"I um… well, I wanted to apologize," said James.

Lily looked up curiously. "To me? What for?"

"Well, for the detention. I mean … it's sort of my fault you were there, I shouldn't have-"

"Hexed Max? Acted like a child? Perhaps… but I've learned to expect it."

"Expect what?" asked James.

Lily shook her head and looked down. "Expect you to lose your temper over something someone else said or did. I'm not your keeper, I don't have any control over what you do, and I shouldn't get so up in arms about it. I should keep my nose out of other people's business."

James frowned. He opened his mouth to say something, but Lily interrupted him.

"But, you shouldn't be apologizing to me; maybe you should apologize to Max," she suggested.

"I am _not_ apologizing to him," said James firmly. "He insulted my mum, and he said those childish disgusting things about you and-"

"Max told me all he did was give you the finger," said Lily.

James chuckled derisively. "I wouldn't have hexed him for that. Merlin knows I've given the finger to several people for a few things. He was… talking about you… and it was disgusting, so I hexed him," said James. "But you stopped it with that shield charm; that was impressive. Evans, I still can't believe you considered not coming back; do you even realize how powerful you are?"

Lily shrugged. "I'm not any more powerful than you, or Black, or Remus. Marlene can take my shield charm out with a good jinx, and so can Julia."

"Well, it took us a good hour to get rid of that silencing charm," said James.

"No, come on; it did not."

"No, I'm serious! It did; it was rather annoying actually," confessed James.

"Sorry about that," Lily chuckled. "I didn't want to know what was going on at that point, and I knew you were all going to go into '_it's not my fault!_' I just wanted to shut you up," she said unashamedly.

James laughed. "Well, shut us up you did. I saw that you … um… you shut Aubrey up yesterday as well."

"You did? Were you listening?"

"It was kind of hard not to notice something was going on; we were sitting right next to him," said James.

Lily shook her head and clicked her tongue in a disapproving manner, but James could see a smirk playing on her lips. "He tried to do spike my drink again, stupid boy. What is it? I don't understand, I really don't."

"Don't understand what?"

"Why-_why_ - would someone want to slip _me_ a love potion? That's such a foul thing to do; and I've already expressed that I'm less than interested in him, so I don't understand why he'd do that. It would wear off eventually, unless he kept giving it to me of course," she said with a shudder.

"You've expressed less than an interest in me, but here I am," said James.

"Yeah, but we're friends," said Lily.

"Are we?"

Lily looked up, a little trace of hurt in her eyes. "I think you're my friend."

"I am," said James with a smile. "On a last name basis, though."

There was silence for a few moments while Lily stirred her cauldron and added various ingredients. "So, tell me…Potter," she started, James noted the continued use of his surname. "Did Max really insult your mother or did he say something about 'banging' me?"

James sighed. "He said it all, and then this morning he was talking about that damn Christmas party and how he was going to make sure you didn't go alone; are you going with him?"

"What if I was?"

"He's only after you to get in your knickers," said James bluntly. "Don't give me that look, it's the truth."

Lily sighed and turned her eyes back to the potion; Max was quite possibly one of the sweetest and most polite boys she knew within Hogwarts. Even today, he'd been polite with her and a little protective, just as James was being; she had a hard time believing that he could have _that_ level of inappropriate contact on his mind. "It's not like you don't think about the same-"

"Hey now, that's not fair," said James hotly. "First off, getting into your knickers isn't on the list of reasons why I like you. Second-"

"It's not on the list?" asked Lily, frowning at him. "That's a shame… I definitely don't want to go out with a bloke who doesn't even want to kiss me," she teased.

James paused and looked at her curiously, watching as she blushed but kept the sarcastic expression on her face. "All right, then… it's on the list. But, I'd definitely do something more than take you to a stupid Christmas party before I'd try that," he said unashamedly, watching Lily turn her eyes away and blush.

Lily swallowed heavily, the feel of James' eyes on her making her stomach erupt in butterflies and tingles to run all over her skin. "You didn't answer my question, Potter. What if I was going with him?"

"Well, as your friend, I would tell you not to," said James.

"As my friend? Or as my friend who has a very serious crush on me?"

James paused, thinking before he answered. "Both, but more so as a friend, because I'd say the same thing to Tottleham, or McKinnon, or Felicity or any other girl I'm friends with," he said.

"Felicity," Lily repeated. She paused thoughtfully before speaking again. "She asked you to Hogsmeade."

It was James' turn to swallow and blush. "That she did. But, I said no."

"Why? She's very pretty, and she obviously fancies you."

James shrugged. "I told you a while back: she's flighty, and she's not that into me. Besides, I prefer going stag to most things, honestly," he said.

Lily nodded, then burst out laughing. James looked at her quizzically. "I'm in on the joke now; you like going stag. That's clever, Potter, very clever," she said, shaking her head and laughing some more.

"Oh, yeah," agreed James, chuckling himself. "Most people don't get it, so the novelty of saying it kind of wore off. But I'm glad it amuses you."

"You're much more amusing than I ever wanted to admit," Lily confessed.

James smiled and narrowed his eyes curiously. "Evans, you like me."

"I didn't want to, but I do like you, Potter. You and your little gang aren't nearly as bad as I made you out," she acquiesced.

"No… you _like_ me," said James. He wondered if maybe he was pushing it, but the longer he talked to her the more the idea stuck in his head. She had stayed out with him after making the potion for Remus, she had pointed out his partial transformation during class rather than letting him suffer the consequences, she was talking to him more during class and responding to his notes… during detention she openly admitted to flirting with him, she was skeptical and amused by the fact that he told her that kissing her wasn't on the reasons of lists why he liked her…

Lily raised her eyes; they were narrowed as she stared him down, a half smile lingering on her lips. "Don't push it, Potter."

James held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "All right… all right."

"I like you, but not in that way," Lily lied, the words slipping from her lips just the way she had rehearsed in her head. She had finished stirring the ingredients, and now they needed to stew for a few days before Remus could take the potion. Lily stood and began to move her cauldron and other items into the stall at the end of the row. James jumped up to help her arrange things.

"_Tego_," Lily muttered. James watched as the cauldron and other items vanished from sight. He pulled out his invisibility cloak and escorted her underneath it.

"You know, if you want to borrow this to sneak down here, all you have to do is ask," he said as they walked.

"I'll remember that; it's probably much more reliable than my disillusionment charms," she said quietly.

"You can ask me anything, Lily," muttered James, purposely using her name and watching as she blushed before shaking her head and sighing heavily. "You can even ask me to back off if you wish."

Lily nodded, feeling more color move into her cheeks.

"Do you want-"

"Don't ask, Potter," she said quietly, her voice shaking slightly. "I'll ask you."

James nodded, trying to bite back the smile that was coming to his lips. "All right, I'll wait."

* * *

_A/N: Reviewers, you are beautiful beautiful people. I really like this story, and seeing your feedback makes my heart all warm and just brightens my day. Thank you thank you thank you! I've had several people ask, and Yes, I do write ahead. The story is on chapter 8, but I'm currently writing chapter 16. This keeps my beta (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SIERRA) and myself busy, and keeps the readers for having to wait so long. Oddly enough, I read the Harry Potter series after my second child was born... all seven books in the span of about two weeks in July of 2007. Why? I hate waiting, I'm insanely impatient. I decided when the stories became popular and people were urging me to read them, I would wait until they were finished, knowing the two years or so in between books would be the death of me =). But, on to other things, thanks for your reviews, your feedback, and your continued enjoyment of my story =)_


	10. Attention

Attention

"First Time" Lifehouse

* * *

The remainder of October passed and rolled into November. The full moon coincided with Hogsmeade weekend that month, so Lily had planned to get up very early Saturday morning to make sure Remus could get his final dose of potion for their adventure that evening. There was only a thin layer of light coming through the window when Lily awoke, but she noticed Julia was missing from her bed, which was strange considering the hour. Curious but unconcerned, Lily groggily descended the stairs and headed to the deserted bathroom on the second floor to fetch Remus' potion.

James had gotten up with Remus under the pretense he had been unable to sleep any longer. Remus laughed as he watched James yawn and stretch as they walked to the great hall together. They approached the Gryffindor side of the hall and were surprised to see Sirius sitting alone toward the end of the table, shoveling eggs onto his plate as though he hadn't eaten in days.

James and Remus sat down next to him. "You're up extraordinarily early, Padfoot. What's up?" asked James, yawning again before taking a large gulp of orange juice.

"Finishing up that essay for McGonagall," said Sirius. "I didn't want it hanging over my head all day, so I got up early."

"Speaking of stuff that's hanging over our heads, we've still got that potions essay due on Tuesday," said Remus.

"Eh, we can finish it; I'm not fussed," Sirius replied as he pulled a few pieces of bacon away from James and stuffed them into his grinning mouth. "Have you taken your potion yet?"

Remus shook his head. "Lily said she'd bring me some this morning. That's why we're down here early; there are not as many people. Plus, I've been meaning to ask her a question about it."

"What's the question?" asked James curiously.

"Yeah, what's up?" a lighter voice asked.

The three boys looked up to see Lily standing over them, a grin on her face and her hands behind her back. "Happy Saturday, Remus," she said, handing him a brown paper sack.

Remus took the bag cautiously, expecting it to be a goblet inside. But whatever was inside didn't feel like a goblet or glass of any sort. He curiously opened the bag and laughed loudly as he pulled out a large silver flask, filled with the potion she made for him every month.

"I figured this was a _little_ less conspicuous," she explained, grinning as she sat down across from them and pulled a few pieces of bacon onto her plate. "Now people will just think you're a raging alcoholic."

The three boys chuckled loudly as they each took turns examining the flask. "Thanks, Lily; this is great," Remus said, looking at it fondly.

"You're welcome. Did you want to ask me something?"

"Yeah, I did. Er… I don't know how to say this, but this stuff tastes awful. Can I add sugar to it or anything?" said Remus.

"Jeez, Moony," scolded James. "The girl goes out of her way to make you a potion every month…"

"Yeah, Remus," teased Lily.

"Oh… I appreciate it, I really do! It's not a problem, I'm sorry, I-"

"Oh, stop; I was just kidding," said Lily.

"It's okay, I really appreciate it and-"

"_Remus_! I was _kidding_, it's all right," Lily laughed, reaching across the table tapping Remus' hand lightly. She tilted her head and considered the question. "Um… as far as I know sugar interacts with everything in it okay. I don't think it could hurt, but I'm not one hundred percent sure … I mean… it's still in the experimentation phase, says the bloke who invented it…" she explained, an apologetic expression on her face.

"Well, even if it does make it ineffective, it'll just be like every other full moon, right?" asked Sirius. "We can handle it."

"It's not like we won't be prepared; perhaps a break from the calm tempered Moony would be all right," teased James.

"What will Pettigrew think?" asked Lily.

"What will I think about what?" asked Peter's voice from behind her. He sat down next to her, eyeing his three friends curiously. Sirius and Remus brought him up to speed about the potion and it possibly being ineffective by adding sugar. "What's the worst that could happen?" Peter shrugged as he began to put eggs on to his plate.

"Looks like it's up to you, Moony," said James.

Remus nodded, and then reached for the sugar that was sitting in front of Lily. She placed her hand over top of it as she passed it to him. "Please, _please_, be careful," she implored quietly.

"We'll be all right, Lily," he replied. "I promise."

Lily nodded and removed her hand from the sugar bowl, watching as he added a few spoonfuls to the potion within the flask. He glanced at her before shaking it up and taking a large drink from it. "How's the sugar flavored firewhiskey taste?" she teased.

James, Sirius and Peter laughed as Remus wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shrugged. "Not… well, it's not much better, but it's a little less sour at least," he explained.

Lily nodded and adjusted her plate in front of her. She reached for the eggs at exactly the same time that James did. "Jeez, _Potter_… ladies first, right?" she said knocking his hand away with a grin.

James widened his eyes, but then smirked and handed her the spoon. "I was just grabbing it for you - looked like it was a bit out of your reach," he replied with a smirk. Lily grinned and spooned herself up some breakfast before handing the spoon back to James. "Where's your crowd this morning?" he asked, taking the spoon from her and scooping eggs onto his plate.

Lily shrugged. "Mary's still sleeping, but Julia was up really early this morning for some reason. She was gone when I woke up; I'm guessing maybe she's in the showers."

"Well, it's nice of _you_ to grace us with your presence at least," said Sirius with a smirk at James.

"Would you like me to tell her to come down, so you can see her?" replied Lily, eyeing Sirius curiously.

"If she gets a chance, but we'll be heading back up to the common room to get a few things before we head to Hogsmeade, so she can just see me down there," he said nonchalantly.

"Right…" Lily said, smirking and shaking her head.

"You're going to Hogsmeade today, aren't you?" asked James.

Lily nodded. "I do need to find Julia, though. She said she needed me for something last night, but she wasn't real specific."

James was about to open his mouth to ask her if she'd like to spend the day with them, but just then she was summoned from across the hall by Linghold and a few other Ravenclaws.

Lily flushed with color and gulped her orange juice down. "I suppose I should see what they want. I'll see you later though, right?" she asked, looking at James.

"You will?"

"Uh… well, I … I mean, you're going to Hogsmeade too, right?"

"Of course," said James.

"Well… I was thinking that maybe…well… er… yeah," Lily said, blushing as she realized that maybe her assumption James would want to spend time with her had been incorrect. "I'll… I'll, um… see you guys later," she said quickly, jumping up from the table and walking away toward Linghold.

James watched her go, internally cursing himself when he realized that perhaps she'd been trying to ask him to meet up with her in the village. He turned back to his plate and stared at his food.

"I wonder what that was all about," mused Peter from across the table. "I think she was trying to ask you out."

"I'm a git," said James, frowning as he watched Lily laugh loudly across the hall at something Linghold was saying. "She was trying to ask me out," he muttered sadly.

"Do I hear an echo?" Sirius asked with a snigger. "You must be growing on her, Prongsy," he laughed, clapping James on the back. "Now we just have to get you to pick up on signals."

"Speaking of picking up on things, I think you're shagging Tottleham," replied James, raising one eyebrow and glancing at Sirius.

Remus and Peter suddenly perked up and looked over at Sirius, whose face was impassive but reddening as more time passed. "Why… why would you say something like that? _Julia_ is a nice, _respectable_ girl. She'd never have any interest in shagging a scoundrel like me," he said lightly.

"Well, if you're not shagging her, then what were you doing this morning?" asked Remus with a smirk.

"Transfiguration," insisted Sirius.

"Vanishing knickers, I think," suggested Peter. James and Remus sniggered, but Sirius rolled his eyes and stood up from the table.

"Boys, when you become men, and can entertain the thought of shagging a girl without laughing, perhaps we'll discuss my morning activities," Sirius mused loftily as he walked away.

Lily traipsed back up the stairs after talking with Max. He had hinted heavily that he'd like to spend the day with her, but she had avoided committing by saying she needed to check with Julia about their plans. Max was a pleasant boy to be around, but she didn't find herself interested in him. _Why, though_? She asked herself_. He's polite, he's sweet and funny. He's intelligent… but it's just… he's not-_

"He's not James Potter," said a voice from behind her.

Lily started and turned around sharply, frowning as Julia walked up the stairs behind her. "Was I talking out loud?" Lily asked skeptically.

"No… but I saw you talking to Max, and I know you were debating in your head why you're not attracted to him," she said matter-of-factly, walking past Lily toward the portrait and muttering the password.

Lily frowned and followed her. "Where exactly were you this morning?"

"I was in the library, doing transfiguration homework," she replied simply.

"Was Black with you?"

"No," Julia giggled. "Why?"

"No reason," said Lily, giving her friend a skeptical glance. "You said you wanted to talk to me before we went to Hogsmeade, what's up?"

Julia smiled broadly. "I do… I have a plan. And I know you're going to object, so I want you to go take a shower before I tell you about it," she explained. Lily began to protest but Julia shook her head. "Nope… keep your mind open and go take a shower. We're going to have fun today," she said with a wink.

Lily sighed and turned around to head to the showers. She stood underneath the warm water and thought about what Julia had said. If Lily wasn't so stubbornly set on the idea that she would never, _never_, fall for James Potter, it would be easy for her to admit that she enjoyed his attention. But as it were, she was still completely assured that falling for James Potter would be hazardous to her well-being.

There were a few things, though, that betrayed her constant assertions that he was immature and would only end up making a fool of her. One was that he had proven he could be more than an arrogant bully. He could be kind, and even sweet when he wanted to be. Another was that he was incredibly intelligent, despite the fact that he never seemed to study for anything. He was also extremely amusing; clever, witty… and when he smiled at Lily, she wanted to smile back. When he playfully shoved her, she shoved him back; when he wrote her a note, she felt her stomach erupt with butterflies as she composed her reply.

Lily shook her head as she walked back from the showers, trying to distance the thought of wanting James to look at her like all the other boys looked at Felicity Flockhart from her mind. When she reached her dormitory, her eyes narrowed suspiciously as Julia and Marlene jumped up from her bed and grinned at her.

"What is going on?"

"The cringe factor," said Marlene, pulling Lily into the room and shutting the door.

"The what?" asked Lily as Marlene sat her down on the bed. "Where's Mary?"

"She's blowing us off today," said Julia lightly. "Needs to finish a divination assignment or something; but, her being gone means we can do this without interruption or-"

"Do _what,_ exactly?" asked Lily, biting her lip nervously as she began to towel dry her hair.

"Julia tells me you've been spending a good deal of time flirting with James," Marlene teased. "Do you fancy him?"

"Of course I don't," insisted Lily. "I mean… I like him; he's an all right bloke, but I don't-"

"You fancy him… you just don't want to admit it," said Julia. "Don't you roll your eyes at me, Lils. I'm going to prove it to you."

"You're going to _prove_ to me how I feel?" asked Lily skeptically.

"Yes," Marlene explained. "See, if you really aren't interested in him, when said boy pays attention to you, it will cause you to cringe. If you don't cringe, and you find yourself enjoying the attention, you like him. So, you should test this. Show yourself off a bit, and then see how you feel when you get attention."

Lily frowned. "That seems an awful lot like baiting… or teasing. Even if I did like the attention, I have absolutely no intention of acting on it. Besides, I'm not a slag… I'm not going to go around dressing like –"

"No one is going to think you're a slag!" laughed Julia. "Look, we always complain about Flockhart getting all this unwarranted attention from the boys, do we not? She gets it because she asks for it; she's pretty, yes, but she's not _nearly_ as bright or as clever as we are. Give her a little competition," she explained as she began to examine the clothing hanging in her dresser.

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that she was all over Black the other day in Defense Against the Dark Arts?" asked Lily.

Julia turned over her shoulder, her eyes narrowed and a frown on her face. "No, not exactly. Sirius thinks she's a cow, but she still keeps on flirting with him; and, of course, he's a boy so he flirts back," she muttered as she pulled out a very pretty red jumper and tossed it at Lily. "But, you know damn well that if she had been doing that to James, which she will soon enough, you'd feel a little jealous."

Julia was watching Lily examine the jumper; her eyes were alight with excitement and mischievousness. "C'mon, Lils. Flockhart is always talking herself up and putting everyone else down; let's show her she's not the only one who can use her looks to get attention."

Lily stared at the jumper, thinking to herself how Felicity had just yesterday during Transfiguration asked Lily if she'd considered coloring her hair white to make her skin appear less pale. "All right, I'll see what we can do," she said with a grin.

~J&L&J&L&J&L~

"Wormtail! That's six hands in a row; brilliant!" shouted Sirius, grinning when Peter leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms over his head.

"Luck, mate, it's all luck," he laughed before sitting forward and reshuffling the cards. Remus and James were scowling. They had partnered up and were playing exploding snap as quietly as they could in the back of the Three Broomsticks. They knew that Madame Rosmerta didn't care, but Slughorn, McGonagall and McMyers were all in the bar as well, and the Marauders didn't want to be told off for being noisy.

Sirius shoved the ashes off the table and onto the floor, vanishing them with his wand as James pulled out a second pack of cards and began to deal. "Luck my arse," James muttered, smirking when Sirius and Peter laughed loudly. "I think you're full of it."

"Full of talent for finding matches," Peter said proudly, grinning when James rolled his eyes.

"Or you have a talent for not having any talent," said a snide voice. Peter scowled as James, Remus and Sirius looked behind their table. "D'you four mind playing your little games somewhere else? We're waiting for company," said Linghold as he, Rollingsfield, and seventh year Morgan Visken brushed pass them and moved to a separate table.

"From whom, might I ask?" said Sirius curiously. "Polly Puckle? Or perhaps little miss Flockhart will choose to amuse you boys with her giggles today."

"What's wrong with Felicity? Potter, you didn't have a problem with her last year… or was that rumor about you getting off with her just something you were spreading to get Evans curious?" asked Rollingsfield.

James laughed. "Because _that's_ how to get a girl interested in you… spread a rumor about you getting off with someone else. I don't know where you're getting your romance advice, boys, but I assure you, if you keep doing that, you'll all remain single for an extensive time."

"Well, either way, could you stop with the childish games?" asked Linghold, rolling his eyes at James and tapping the cards on the table. "We are waiting for Julia and Lily and we don't-"

"Bloody hell," said Visken suddenly, standing up from his chair and staring at the entrance to the door with his eyes wide.

The six other boys glanced at him for a moment before turning and looking at the entrance. Marlene, Julia, and Lily had just walked in and were laughing animatedly about something. Behind them came Connie Lockwood and Felicity, both of them smiling but not laughing at whatever the three Gryffindors had said.

Sirius stood up at the same time Rollingsfield did. His eyes wide and a half smile on his face as he examined Julia. Max had also stood and looked over toward the girls, along with Remus and Peter to try and see what all the fuss was about. James finally moved completely away from the table, but stopped when he finally was able to see the girls properly.

Marlene was dressed very nicely; her jeans hugged the curves of her hips, and her hair was loose and floating around her shoulders. Julia and Lily, however, had shunned jeans despite the chill in the air and had chosen to wear their black school skirts. Julia was wearing a white shirt with her red Gryffindor scarf tied around her neck; her long, blonde hair was fluffy and carelessly tousled as it hung around her face. James could instantly see why Sirius had jumped up and grinned at her appearance. She had removed her cloak, and James saw that the skirt was about mid-thigh length on her long legs; the skin revealed there was smooth and enticing.

"Hey, Julia!" Rollingsfield suddenly called. Julia's head turned toward where they were sitting, but Sirius was much more direct and simply strode away from the table over to where she and Lily were standing.

"Ladies… we were expecting you. You neglected to grace us with your presence this morning, Julia," Sirius said in a scolding voice.

Julia grinned. "_You_ promised you were going to help me with my transfiguration," she replied, pushing her lower lip out and widening her eyes at him.

Sirius grinned back. "That I did… my apologies. Can I make up for it and buy you a drink?" he offered, moving to stand in-between her and Lily and place his arm around her.

"Well… you can start there. I'll have a butterbeer with extra cinnamon," Julia laughed.

"Lils?" asked Sirius. "You want something?"

"Er… yes… same thing," she said shyly.

Sirius nodded and gave her a knowing smile. "Go have a seat at our table, I'll be there in a bit," he said, more so to Julia than to Lily. Lily bit her lip and fought back a smile as she watched Sirius squeeze Julia's waist lightly before striding over to the bar.

Julia smiled and tugged on Lily as she walked toward where James, Remus and Peter were sitting. Lily felt her face growing warmer the closer they came to where the boys sat. James was observing her curiously, and Max and Morgan Visken were at the table behind him, watching her and Julia with equally hungry eyes.

Just as they approached, Felicity and Connie rushed up to the table where James and the others were sitting. "What are you boys playing?" Felicity asked, leaning up against the table where they sat and examining the cards.

"Snap… they're being loud," said Max from behind where James sat.

"Oh, you don't mean any harm," Felicity said, giving James a light shove. "Don't be such a stick in the mud, Max."

"Hey, what was your deal yesterday during Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Max asked, a trace of laughter in his voice. Felicity grinned and leaned closer to him and James, talking in hushed whispers so they had to lean in to hear her.

Julia was right; as soon as Felicity started talking with James, Lily felt a rush of unwanted jealousy race through her. Even as she watched, she noticed how Felicity was twirling her hair and purposely standing to emphasize the curves her hips and chest as she talked to Max. Julia glanced knowingly at Lily, but then moved next to Sirius as he approached the table and set down their drinks.

"Who's the extra one for?" asked Felicity. "Oh… speaking of sticks in the mud… I didn't see you two over there," she muttered, when she saw Lily approach the empty chair next to James.

A flash of irritation rushed through Lily's body. She turned and smiled sweetly at Felicity. "I know… it's been so rainy that it is rather muddy out. But, don't you think it's rather warm in here?" she asked, removing her cloak and throwing it over the barstool. "I'm surprised they put a heating charm on the building this early," she said, fanning herself and placing a hand on her hip.

James had to choke back a cross between a gasp and a laugh as Lily shed her cloak and stood next to him, her eyes flashing mischievously at Felicity. He hadn't been able to see her properly from across the bar, but now that she was up close, James wondered exactly what Julia had said to Lily to make her shun her typical jeans and jumper attire for what she was wearing today.

With her cloak on, Lily had been able to somewhat hide herself; James knew from years of watching her that she didn't like to have a lot of attention drawn to her appearance. But now that the cloak was off, James swallowed and allowed his eyes to travel up and down her figure openly, completely forgoing any attempt to hide from her that he was looking.

Her skirt was the same length as Julia's, and when she sat down it hitched up seductively to reveal her long, slender legs. She had on a dark red jumper with a white shirt underneath, but had forgone putting on a scarf and allowed the buttons of the shirt to remain open, showing off her long neck and collarbones. Her hair was tousled carelessly around her shoulders, though James noticed that when she sat down, she pulled it behind her ears in a shy manner.

"Evans," Felicity asked, "don't you think it's a bit _late_ in the season for skirts? And besides, I thought it bothered you when people looked at you," she observed critically.

Lily glanced around the room, her eyes wide and curious as she observed the patrons. "You seem to be the only one looking, Flutterhorn. Do you have a problem with my outfit? I thought about a blue sweater, but I don't own anything blue; can't betray my house colors. Plus… if it was blue, it would look exactly like what you wore yesterday, right? Oh, no it wouldn't… I have a bra on, so that would be different…" she mused thoughtfully.

Julia laughed and covered her mouth to refrain from spitting her drink out. The four Gryffindor boys all stifled sniggers, and even Max chuckled a bit. Felicity smiled sarcastically and turned to James. "I'll catch up with you later, then," she said, tapping his shoulder and strolling off.

"Here, Evans," laughed Sirius, pushing her drink closer to her, "drink up and you can partner for the next round."

"Next round?" Lily asked, taking a drink from the flask and looking at James curiously.

"Snap, of course," he said showing her the cards. "We're playing in pairs, though I think Peter should go it alone for a bit since you've been winning so much," James teased.

"No way, we're not switching partners yet," insisted Sirius.

"Looks like it's you and me, Remus," said Julia, elbowing Sirius and moving around next to where Remus was sitting.

"Childish game," muttered Max. "Hey, Lily, we're going to the Shrieking Shack later, care to join us?"

"Actually, the shrieking shack sort of bores me," she said making a face. Max had stepped very close to her and was leaning over her shoulder to ask the question. Lily found herself anxious to move away from his close proximity, and blushed when she felt his eyes examine her neck and collarbones. "Sorry, Max."

"S'all right. We'll catch up later," he said, squeezing her shoulder and strolling away.

James watched Max walk to across the bar, turning his head and watching her over his shoulder as he sat down at a table with Adrian and Morgan. The latter two nodded their head at something Max said and tipped their heads to try and get a better look at Lily. James slid his barstool closer to her, blocking their line of vision with his body and watching as she examined their cards. He glared at them, but then was suddenly distracted when Lily laid her hand very lightly on his chest.

"Potter, how do I even do this?" she asked quietly, looking up at him with a very confused expression.

"What? Oh…It's easy, here," he said, taking the cards and lining them up in pairs.

The game began, and within the first five minutes a card had exploded violently. Lily and Julia both jumped off their seats, but laughed loudly along with the boys over their reaction. They played five hands, Sirius and Peter winning all but one. James had been keeping an eye on the other students in the bar, shifting his position around Lily several times in an attempt to keep their prying eyes off her. She hadn't made it an easy task.

First, she had sat with her legs crossed and angled to the side, giving James a very nice view of her slender thighs, but also causing Linghold to groan from where he and the other Ravenclaws sat. Then, she had tucked her knees under her and sat up very tall, making the curve between her hips and ribcage very alluring. This caused more eyes to be drawn to her, and James to shift his position again. At the current moment, she had one leg tucked underneath her, the other leg stretched out long as she leaned against the table, half-standing, half-sitting on her barstool; her back was seductively arched, James wondered if she was doing it on purpose. The sixth hand was dealt and he rearranged himself so he was now standing beside her, one arm leaning on the table and his foot resting on the leg of her barstool. His other hand was resting on the space of her barstool that Lily wasn't occupying.

Julia became engaged in an argument with the other boys about how the cards seemed to know she was female, and thus exploded with less violence than normal. During the ensuing laughter and loudness, James leaned close to Lily and was overwhelmed with her sweet, clean scent as he drew breath to confide his observations.

"Did you suddenly decide you _enjoy_ having people look at you?" he asked skeptically.

Lily started and gasped quietly; James' lips were right at her ear when he spoke, his voice low and his breath tickling her neck. She felt tingles erupt over her skin and butterflies flutter in her stomach, similar to what she had felt when Max had been close to her earlier. The difference was that she found herself not wanting to pull away from it. She didn't cringe; rather she found herself fighting to not lean into James. The cool, clean, watery scent that seemed to be embedded into his robes surrounded her, and she could feel the warmth of his body as he leaned over her.

"Not really," she confessed, answering his question in a shy voice.

"Well, I must say you've failed at preventing that today. Every single pair of eyes belonging to a male has been all over you at least twice," he said, narrowing his eyes defensively as he looked around the bar.

Lily followed his gaze, feeling her cheeks redden as she saw Max and Adrian look away abruptly to stare at their table, Mitch Huffton turn his gaze back to the bar when their eyes met, and even Jasper Westpelt and his group of friends were staring. She clicked her tongue and looked back at James. "You're right, I have failed."

"I'll say."

"But, you've been protecting me, so I haven't really worried about it," she teased with a grin. "Are you leaving? Or will you keep being my bodyguard?"

James looked down at her; her eyes were shy, but her expression flirtatious and teasing. Not taking his eyes off her face, James pulled his barstool right next to hers and sat down, keeping one foot on hers and his hand on space where she wasn't sitting. "I charge by the hour, you know," he teased.

"I'll remember that," she grinned.

Her eyes suddenly flicked up, and she reached out her hand just in time to catch a ball of paper Julia had thrown at her. "Lily! Be on my side here," she growled.

"I am on your side! I just think you're being silly. They're not like chess pieces, they don't have thoughts. Watch," she explained, tapping the pair of cards in front of Peter and Sirius very hard with her hand. There was a loud crack as the cards exploded, causing Sirius and Peter to jump away from the table and fall off their barstools. The other four laughed, before looking around sheepishly as several adults glared sternly in their directions.

"And… with that, I think it's time we go," sniggered James, placing his arm at Lily's back as she stood up sharply. The six of them traipsed quickly out of the bar, biting back sniggers as McGonagall shook her head at them. Once they were outside, Julia and Lily both burst with laughter as they pulled on their cloaks.

"See! I told you, you just aren't aggressive enough," Sirius said to Julia.

"You want aggression? I'll show you aggression," she muttered, giving him a playful shove. The boys laughed and began to tease Julia and Lily both about their lack of aggressive behaviour. James pulled his snitch out of his pocket to occupy his hands as they walked down the street. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep from wrapping his arm around Lily's waist if he didn't; though, he noticed she didn't move away from him as she once would have. They were almost to the path that led back to Hogwarts when Lily reached in front of him and pulled the snitch out of the air before James could even react.

"I haven't seen you play with this for a while," she teased, dodging him when he tried to snatch it from her fingers. "I thought you'd lost it."

"That was a nice grab, Evans," said Peter admiringly. "None of us can ever get it away from him."

"Evans is going to be our new seeker," said James.

Julia burst into laughter, turning away from her conversation with Sirius and Remus to look at James. "You're kidding right? You might want to teach her to fly first," she said through her giggles.

"Shut up," said Lily rolling her eyes.

"You can't be that bad on a broom," said Remus.

"Yeah, Lily… you should try out next year," James encouraged.

Julia laughed again while Lily blushed. "No, I'll avoid that. I don't want people thinking you let me on the team just because we're friends," she said to James.

"And that's what they would think, because you can't fly to save your life," said Julia. Lily scowled, but Julia laughed and turned around to face them all. "Last time she was on a broom, it started speeding up a little and she screamed something about dying before flipping over and falling off."

The boys stared at her. "You _did_ take flying lessons first year, right?" asked Sirius.

"Of course I did… I just don't like it. I used to jump off swings when I was a kid, but I had some measure of control over where I was going. I don't feel like I have any control on those things," Lily explained.

"You do, you just have to get used to it," said James.

"Well, seeing as I have no broomstick, that becomes difficult."

James suddenly had an idea. He grabbed Lily's hand and turned her toward the path that led back to Hogwarts. "What? Where are you taking me?" Lily asked.

"The Quidditch pitch. I'm going to teach you how to fly," said James. "I'll catch you guys later," he yelled to his friends and Julia, all of whom were sniggering at their retreating figures.

"Now? It's… it's too cold out, Potter," Lily protested.

"It's not my fault you wore a skirt," teased James.

Lily frowned. "Well, you got _some_ enjoyment out of it."

James laughed and pulled her up next to him, boldly putting his arm around her waist. "That I did. But I'm going to get a lot more enjoyment out of this. I need a new seeker," he explained, thinking of how Scott Costers would be leaving after this year.

"James, even if I became the best flyer in the world, I wouldn't try out," she said firmly. "I'm not competitive enough for Quidditch."

"I doubt that," he grinned at her. "But let's just get the flying down before we discuss that."

Lily groaned, but allowed James to lead her in the direction of the Quidditch pitch and the shed where the brooms were kept. She was enjoying the feel of arm around her waist, and fought back a frown when he dropped it to open the doors. "Potter, this really isn't necessary. I … I just… I'm not a flyer, and no amount of practice will turn me into one, so-"

"Well, you're going to have to have some method of travel after you get out of school," he insisted, pulling out a very fancy broom from the shed and turning back to her. "As broomsticks are the most common, I think it's an important life skill for you to learn."

"What about … apparition?" she asked.

"Well, there's that too… but broomsticks are still used frequently," he said, taking her hand and walking toward the field.

When they arrived, James mounted his broom and kicked off, performing a quick a few quick runs around the pitch before gliding down next to Lily and braking dramatically. "Show off," she muttered.

"Did you expect anything less?" he laughed. "Now, come here. I'm just going to take you for a few laps so you get used to the feeling."

Lily's eyes widened and she sputtered. "Like… _laps_? Like you just did? No… that's way too much. You were up so high and-"

"Lily," laughed James, "trust me. I'm a good flyer; you're going to be fine." He placed his feet on the ground and held out a hand to her. "Do you think I'd let anything happen to you? I'm your bodyguard, remember?"

Lily grinned in spite of herself and stepped forward, sitting behind James on the broom and gripping his cloak tightly.

"You need to hold on to me better than that," he said sternly, taking her arms and wrapping them around his waist. "Ready?"

"No."

James chuckled. "By the way, your total is up to around five galleons now," he teased, waiting until she started laughing before he kicked off.

Cool wind whipped around them, Lily could feel the broomstick floating underneath her and felt very unsteady even though James' solid figure was right in front of her. Her feet felt free and not having something to set them on was nerve-wracking. She found herself clutching James tightly and burying her face into his cloak as they moved. She wished he wouldn't move so fast; didn't he realize how frightened she was?

"Lily?"

"What?" she shouted, her voice muffled as her face was buried in his shoulder.

"Open your eyes," James said, trying to stifle a snigger.

"No… I'm fine like this, thanks," she replied.

"Just open them," he said, taking one of her hands in his and squeezing it gently. Lily finally obeyed and looked around at the pitch. The stands where students normally set were empty, and Lily noticed they weren't moving.

"You mean…"

"All I did was rise up, we haven't even circled yet," he explained, again trying to stifle his laughter.

Lily frowned and pulled her hand away from his. She smacked him once on the top of his head before clutching him again. "You're a prat," she muttered, though she grinned and chuckled lightly.

James laughed shook his head as he leaned forward to start circling the pitch. He circled slowly until he felt Lily's grip on his waist relax slightly, then began going faster. After she started asking questions, he returned to the ground and made her take the driver's seat, sitting behind her and showing her how to shift her weight in order to turn different directions. After a few hours, though for both of them the time passed rather quickly, Lily had gained enough confidence to take the broom on her own for a few laps, though they were very low to the ground.

"You can go higher," shouted James, laughing a she passed him again only about three feet above his head.

"Nope… This is perfectly acceptable!"

James laughed and shook his head. Just then, they heard Peter's voice calling out to them, letting them know it was time for dinner in the great hall. Lily landed the broom much more gracefully than James had expected, and walked with him back to the dining hall.

When they sat down, it was James' turn to feel a pang of remorse when she chose to sit next to Julia opposite him and Sirius rather than next to him.

"I see you're still alive," Julia teased.

"She did great," said James.

"I wouldn't say 'great'," Lily grinned. "Better than I was, but not great."

"Enough practice, and you'll be ready for tryouts next year," James teased, laughing when she rolled her eyes and changed the subject to what their friends had done during their absence.

Evening came and went; Lily said good night but spent a good hour or two sitting awake in her four-poster bed thinking over the day's activities. She reluctantly admitted how much she enjoyed being around James all day; from watching his reactions to her clothing and flirting in Hogsmeade, to him insisting on teaching her to fly, and to their antics during dinner, she had enjoyed just being around him. His laugh was infectious; his cleverness kept her on her toes, and his subtle method of guarding her and finding reasons to touch her was sweet and amusing.

She also had to admit that she _wanted_ him to touch her, and when they had flown around the pitch, she found herself resting her head against his shoulder as they glided through the air. His shoulders were soothing, and his hands on her hands and on her waist caused her skin to tingle with excitement. She wasn't sure if the butterflies in her stomach would ever settle down, and she found herself flirting with him much more than she ever did with anyone else.

But was it just because of the day? Was it because she had purposely put herself in a frame of mind that made her seek his attention? He gave it to her, of course, but so would the other boys if she had asked for it. Perhaps she hadn't given anyone a chance because she'd wanted to stick close to Julia; and Julia had been glued to Sirius, which meant she was stuck to James. Perhaps another test would be in order. Perhaps it was just the excitement of the day, and tomorrow the feelings would wear off, and James would go back to being relegated to the friend zone within her head. _I don't want to lead him on_, she thought, _and if it was just a passing day event I won't feel any draw to him tomorrow… right_?

To find out of her emotions were in line with her thoughts, Lily decided she would try her best to ignore James and his friends all day Sunday. She knew that it would be rude to not respond to their greetings and comments to her, but she had told herself it was best if she stopped caring about James' activities and feelings, choosing to instead to focus on her own. It was odd though, because the only time she saw any of the boys was at breakfast and dinner. Usually they were rowdy and all over the common room, but perhaps their long night had left them sleepy and they chose to spend the day in the dormitories.

Lily had to constantly remind herself to not ask where they were, lest she fuel the already stirring curiosity about her feelings toward James. Julia was not the only one that had asked her how her day went yesterday; she responded "very nice" several times to Mary and Marlene, refusing to delve any further into how she felt.

But when Monday came, and James, Sirius and Remus arrived at potions, Lily found could no longer quell her curiosity about their activities once she saw how they were acting.

James and Sirius looked exhausted, and Remus was sheepish and downtrodden; none of them uttered a word to each other as they sat down next to Lily and began to pull out their books. Samantha and Julia had not yet arrived, so Lily slid her chair next to James and eyed him curiously. "What happened?" she asked quietly, observing his and Sirius's distracted and tired expressions. Remus was pale as usual after the full moon, but his eyes were wary and he had several scratches on his face and arms. "Are you all right?" she said, placing her hand against James' arm.

Her touch seemed to shock him back to life. James looked up into Lily's eyes, seeing not pity or sympathy, but concern. His breath caught in his throat as he gazed at her soft expression looking him over, the worry evident in her eyes. Lily looked from him to Sirius, her eyes full of curiosity as she took in the numerous scrapes and cuts to their faces and arms.

"Sugar makes the potion useless, I think," whispered Remus, as James and Sirius covered the injuries to their arms with their cloaks.

"Oh, no," sighed Lily. "I'm so sorry; I should have told you not to do use it. I wondered if it would mix badly, I'm so-"

"It's not your fault," said Remus and Sirius at the same time.

"Was it a bad night?"

"Not bad, just… long…" Sirius explained, he looked like he was leaving out the intricate details. Lily was about to ask more when Sam and Julia came in to join them. Sam sat down next to Remus and started asking him about the essay while Julia sat next to Sirius and eyed him curiously as well.

Slughorn's lecture and the following assignment were very difficult, so all of them were forced to concentrate on the activity rather than conversation. When they left the dungeon, Lily gasped when she saw a large gash on James' forearm, which he covered quickly with his robes. As they walked into Charms, Lily noticed Sirius limping and Peter also had various scratches along his skin as well. But all their lessons that day were very detailed, so Lily did not have a chance to ask them exactly what had happened.

The four boys ate dinner early that night, and trudged wearily back to the Gryffindor common room before many of the other students had even gone down for the meal.

"I'm sorry, guys," said Remus for what seemed like the ten thousandth time.

"Stop it, Remus," said James. "It's not your fault; you can't control it."

"If I hadn't screwed up the potion-"

"Look, no one knew what was going to happen; now we do, so next month, just suck it up and drink the bitter stuff," said Sirius, clapping his friend on the back.

"Maybe you shouldn't come out next month," suggested Remus.

"Are you crazy?" asked Peter. "We live for this, besides we're not going to abandon you just because of one night. Ease up, mate. It's not a big deal," he said pushing the portrait hole open.

The common room was thankfully empty. The four boys moved toward their usual table to sit down for a moment, but were surprised to see a small piece of paper with intricate handwriting laying on it. James picked it up and read it aloud.

"_Yell for me when you get up - L_"

The four of them looked at each other curiously. "You don't suppose _she_ wants to apologize? Seriously, if I hear another person say that they're sorry, I may vomit," Sirius groaned.

"Might as well find out," said James. He walked toward the staircase and yelled her name loudly. "EVANS! OY, EVANS! You left us a note! _LILY_!" he shouted, suddenly amused by how it felt to shout her name. There was no response. "LILY EVANS! LILY!"

"Gracious, I hear you," her voice called back, a hint of laughter echoing down the stairwell. There was the sound of running footsteps and she almost collided with James as she came down the stairs. She looked slightly breathless, and was holding a bowl of liquid, which slopped onto James' shoes as she stopped abruptly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, stepping past him and over to the table.

"What is that?" asked Sirius, staring into the bowl, which was full of a murky yellowish substance.

"Let me see your leg," she said to him.

"What?"

"You're leg, Sirius; let me see it," she pressed.

Sirius rolled up his pant leg to reveal a large gash on the side of it. Lily took a rag that was in the bowl and handed it to him. "Put this on it; it'll help with the stinging and make sure it's clean, and then I can mend it for you," she explained.

"I can clean it, look," he said pulling out his wand, but she stopped him. "It's quicker to use magic," Sirius said.

"Perhaps… but sometimes things are better done the muggle way," she insisted, handing a rag to Remus and Peter. She looked over to her shoulder at James and motioned for him to come over with her head. "Come here, you've got a nasty cut on your arm."

"It's fine," replied James, putting his hands behind his back.

Lily took a rag and walked over to James, who side stepped her and moved to the other side of the room. "Potter, it doesn't hurt. Come on," she argued, following him.

"Are you Madam Pomfrey now?" he asked stepping away from her again.

"Of course not, I'm just trying to help," she sighed, diving for him and missing.

"Call me 'James'… then I'll let you help me," he replied simply.

"What? I'm just trying to be nice! You have a cut on your arm from something and I want to help; why does it matter what I call you?" she asked.

"I call you 'Lily'. You just called him 'Sirius' rather than 'Black'. Why won't you call me 'James'?"

"You call me 'Evans' most of the time," she replied, diving at him and missing. "Why does it matter?"

"Not anymore," he replied. "Just call me 'James', it's a simple request."

"It's a stupid request," she growled, trying to grab his arm as he turned and moved away from her. "I'm just trying to help you."

James grinned and ran behind one of the couches. To his surprise, she ran, hopped over the couch and attempted to tackle him. "I dunno… you won't call me James, how can I trust you? I think you're trying to hurt me," he laughed as he stepped away from her outstretched arms.

"You don't want my help, fine," she shouted, throwing the rag in his direction. She had started to walk back toward where the other three were sitting, when James ran up behind her and wrapped his long arms around her waist. His fingers dug instantly into her sides, tickling her ribs and stomach as she screamed with laughter.

"_STOP_!" she squealed, trying desperately to get away from him. "STOP IT!"

"Call me 'James'," he said, trying to refrain from laughing at the way she squirmed and squealed at his touch. He ceased his tickling but kept his grip on her as she breathed heavily.

"Why?"

"Because that's my name," he said simply.

"Is 'Potter' not your last name?" she asked sarcastically. James began to tickle her again and she squirmed and pushed at his arms trying in vain to get away. "_STOP_! Stop, please!"

"Call me 'James'," he said, pressing his face into her shoulder and biting gently, which made her laugh even harder.

"JAMES!" she squealed, pushing at his hands to try and stop his tickling. "JAMES! Okay, enough, James!"

He tickled her for a few more seconds then released her, breathing in her flowery scent as he held her close to him. She pulled away and ran to the other side of the table to hide behind Remus, who was laughing loudly along with the other boys at the table.

"That was… completely uncalled for," she snapped, taking another rag out of the basin of liquid and throwing it at him.

"I just wanted to hear you scream my name," replied James, giving her a cheeky grin.

"You…oh, you're such a prat. Very clever, _Potter_. Clever," she said, trying in vain to look angry but laughing instead. James lunged for her and she ran out of the room and up the stairs. "The healing charm is '_vigoratus'_, take care of yourself," she called back with a laugh as she walked back to her dormitory.

James laughed and sat down at the fourth empty chair, watching his friends smirk and shake their head at him. "Well, that's one way to make her scream your name I guess," Sirius remarked.


	11. Denial and Admission

Denial and Admission

Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon

* * *

Throughout the next few weeks James and Lily continued their flirting escapades, much to the amusement of their now mutual group of friends. Lily tried to convince herself that James initiated most of it, but Julia never hesitated to inform her when it was her who sought him out.

"You fancy him," she whispered as they followed behind James and Sirius on their walk to charms. "You can't keep your eyes off him; you like him, admit it."

"I do not… he's fun," Lily insisted. "He's fun to flirt with… that's all."

"Oh, yes… of course he's fun to flirt with. He's also fun to hug, and his hair is fun to play with… oh, and let's not forget that it's fun to let him tickle you as well," Julia replied sarcastically.

"Tell me something… is snogging Sirius in the any empty class room you can find every morning fun? Because you seem to be doing it an awful lot of it lately," Lily replied, peering at Julia out of the corner of her eye.

"I am not snogging him in _every_ empty class room," Julia laughed.

"You're not? Then where _are_ you every morning?"

"We're in the empty room on the first floor, behind that cursing suit of armor," said Julia matter-of-factly. Lily erupted with laughter, but Julia slapped her on the arm when James and Sirius turned over their shoulders to see what they were talking about.

Quidditch fever finally came to their house during the last week of November; Gryffindor versus Slytherin. The rivalry between the houses always caused a great deal of animosity between the students, but this year it was heightened due to the popularity of all the members of the Gryffindor team.

James took his role as captain much more seriously than he did other things. He'd been very particular about forming his team, and after rigorous try-outs had ended up with an impressive crew. He resumed his role as Chaser, along with fifth-year Betsy Hawk and seventh-year Dalton Andrews. Fifth-year Brenton Clarke and third year Kingsley Shacklebolt served as Beaters, seventh-year Heath Finchley as Keeper, and seventh year Evenlyn Fosters resumed her post as Seeker. The night before the match, they'd had a rowdy pre-game party in the common room where everyone wished the team good luck before they headed off to bed.

The following morning, James got up early to make sure his team ate a good breakfast. He was just about to head out the portrait hole when he heard footsteps rushing down the stairs from the girls' dormitory.

"Good Luck, Potter," Lily called, randomly appearing at the bottom of the stairs and catching him just as he was heading out the portrait hole.

"Hey, Lily," James greeted, smirking at her appearance; she seemed to have just thrown on slippers and her dressing gown over her pyjamas and raced down the stairs. Her auburn hair was a tousled mess as she grinned at him. "You're up early."

"Not really, just wanted to make sure I caught you," she explained, stepping closer to him and smiling broadly. "Looks like you need new robes," she observed, nodding to the legs of his trousers which were sitting about two inches above his trainers.

"Yeah," he said glumly. "I just bought these this past summer. My mum says my growth spurt hasn't finished yet; apparently she's right."

"Yes, she is," Lily chuckled. "Well, good luck today. Not that you need it, but good luck," she grinned. Lily's hand reached out of its own accord, but she paused and pulled it back just as she was about to pat James on the shoulder.

James caught her hand in his and squeezed it gently, giving her a lopsided grin before lacing his fingers through hers. "Thanks, I'll see you later," he grinned before turning and heading out to the Great Hall, his spirits high as he strutted past the cheering students at the Gryffindor table.

Lily dressed and headed down to breakfast before going out to the pitch. After numerous conversations with herself, she decided that perhaps a date with James was in order, and she would ask him to accompany her to Slughorn's Christmas Party the last week before Christmas break. The party was the scheduled the day before the train would depart, and depending on how it went, Lily knew she would have two weeks to think over the evening before she had to interact with James again.

During the game, Lily found herself watching James very closely to truly examine his capabilities. Yes, he had insisted he was a good flyer, and he had been able to teach her a few things to make her more confident on a broom, but she wanted to watch closely to see if he deserved the reputation everyone had given him.

She hadn't ever paid him any attention before during Quidditch; she'd never had any desire to. But as she watched him, it wasn't long before she realised he _was_ good. The reputation he had for being the best flyer on the Gryffindor team was definitely deserved. It was obvious to her at once why he was chosen as captain; his coaching skills were evident each time the team met up and came out of a huddle with a new plan of attack. He flew in perfect harmony with the other chasers, seamlessly moving through the Slytherin defense without even a second thought. James' hands seemed to have glue attached to them; he didn't drop the quaffle once. Lily was immeasurably impressed by a particular save that he made after the quaffle had been knocked out of his hands. He stood up on his broom and snatched it back before Avery even had time to blink. The crowd gasped as he balanced precariously for a moment, then resumed his position and flew off in a flash of red. In addition, he made it to the other end of the field and managed to score a goal after that, though Lily noted he looked a little flustered when he paused midair, ruffling his hair vigorously.

After the match, she built up her courage through internal monologue and tried to dispel the meaning behind what she was trying to do. _He's your friend, and it'll be fun to go with him to the party. He's just a friend. You can go to a party with a friend and not have it mean you fancy them, right? If he says no… that's okay, I'll just go with someone else. It'll be fine._

Lily shook her head and squared her shoulders as she drew closer to the lockers. She had just rounded the corner but paused abruptly; the scene she was witnessing seemed to suck the breath straight out of her lungs.

Though the weather was icy cold, James had removed his shirt and his half naked torso was gleaming with sweat in the sun. His Quidditch trousers were hanging low on his waist, revealing the muscles of his stomach and hips. He was slender but well defined; his arms were long and sinewy, and she suddenly remembered them wrapped around her only a few weeks ago during their flying lesson. The muscles of his chest were much more distinct than she had ever expected, and his shoulders were strong and broad. James was leaning against his broomstick, a curious and amused expression on his face as he stared at the one thing that made the image unbearably imperfect.

Felicity Flutterhorn; her long blonde hair pulled up in a high ponytail, reminding Lily of the muggle cheerleaders she had idolized in her youth. Her eyes were dancing with laughter, and the blue and silver sweater tied around her waist made her look curvy and alluring.

"…Slughorn's party on the nineteenth. The club is sort of a silly thing, but it's usually a good time and we're allowed to bring guests," she was saying.

"So I've heard," replied James lightly. He shuffled through his bag for his jumper and scarf, pulling them on over his head while listening to her talk.

"None of you are in Slughorn's little club, I've noticed. Would you like to come with me? You can give a report back to the rest of your little gang," she said with a wink.

James smiled and chuckled lightly, but didn't respond right away. Lily did not stay to hear his answer to Felicity's proposal. She backed away quickly, trying to be careful not to make crunching noises in the snow as she passed. Her heart sank; James had told her numerous times that he didn't think anything of Felicity. She was flighty, and she wasn't really interested in him were his exact words. But here he was, possibly considering attending that damn party with her. Lily also thought back to last year, when the rumor that circulated the halls was that James and Felicity had been caught in a rather compromising position during a visit to Hogsmeade. They had to serve detentions, though no one knew the extent of what happened as both of them fueled the rumors rather than telling the truth.

_You should have asked him sooner_, a voice in her head told her. _You should go back now and do it._

"No… no, I can't," she said out loud to no one in particular. _If I do that, especially if I hang around and wait to hear what he says, all I will hear is I told you so from everyone… and it's just because he's my friend that I don't want him to go with her, because she doesn't actually like him. Or maybe she does? But still… it's just because he's my friend, it's not because I fancy him that I wanted to go with him. I just wanted to go with a friend._

"Why am I doing this?" she shouted at herself as she walked.

"Evans… first sign of madness is talking to yourself," laughed Sirius' low voice from behind her.

"Well, then, perhaps madness would suit me," she muttered quietly, hurrying away from him and down the corridor out of sight.

As the days passed, James found himself saddened by Lily's abrupt departure from their usual flirting. He double checked his actions; nothing he had done seemed to upset her, he had been abnormally well behaved considering the hexes he had endured after the Quidditch match. But for some reason, she had gone back to ignoring him and only responding to direct questions.

The train was set to leave for King's Cross on Sunday for the break. All the sixth year students were all looking forward to winter break, and a few students were looking forward to the party that was held for Slughorn's elites. This year, Slughorn had decided since there wasn't much of a to-do around Halloween, they should have a costume party. This excited everyone except Lily. She found herself dreading the evening, almost as much as she dreaded the everyday reminders that she was going alone to the party.

"And Miss Evans is coming, of course. What's your costume, my dear?" Slughorn asked as he reviewed her Draught of Living Death.

"Erm… I haven't thought of one yet," Lily replied, trying to ignore James' sudden glance in her direction. She'd been doing her best to ignore him, but at the same time try not to appear rude; it was a tough balancing act.

"Well, you'd best get cracking, I can't wait to see what you come up with," he said. "This is brilliant, as usual; you've gotten all O's this week, an absolute natural you are. Perhaps you ought to go as a Slytherin student to the party," he teased.

"Oh no, a Troll costume would suit me better than those robes," Lily replied back. Slughorn chuckled and walked away.

At that moment James slid his chair closer to her and began to chop of some of her remaining ingredients.

"You might go as Slughorn's fiancé… I'm expecting him to pop the question any moment," he teased.

"Ha ha…"

"You are going to the party, right?" asked James.

Lily sighed, debating on how to answer his question without acknowledging how much she missed talking and flirting with him. "I… er… I dunno… I was thinking about skipping it," Lily muttered.

"What? Why?"

"Well, what does it matter? You're going with Felicity aren't you?" Lily asked in what she hoped was a casual tone.

"Er… she asked me," he muttered. _But I was kind of hoping for you to ask me instead_, he thought to himself.

"You'll be giving her most of your attention, you probably won't even notice me," replied Lily.

James frowned and stood up to fetch a few more ingredients. Julia glanced from him to Lily and chuckled lightly.

"What?" Lily asked.

"Someone is jealous," Julia sang in a quiet voice.

Lily scoffed. "I am not."

"Then why do you look so sad?"

Lily rearranged her features. "I'm not sad."

Julia laughed and leaned closer to Lily to prevent the others at the table from hearing. "You'd better go to that party; he only said she asked him, he didn't say he agreed… and if he did, he's only going with her because _you_ didn't ask him. And you know her, she'll probably ditch him halfway through, so you'd better be there to pick up the pieces."

Lily shook her head. "No… I'll go to the party, but I won't be picking up the pieces of anything."

Lily remained in a sober mood all throughout the week , causing concern among her friends and admirers that she tried to ignore.

"Hey, Lils," said Max one day before their final for Defense Against the Dark Arts class of the term, "You've been hushed this week. All right?" he asked kindly.

"Yes, I'm fine… Prefect duty and all the course work has just been stressing me out," she replied with a small smile. Max seemed to accept this as the truth, but James continued to eye her curiously, and Julia actually scoffed at her response.

Their non-verbal spell casting abilities were always tested thoroughly in McMyer's lessons; the jinxes tended to be easier than protective spells, since no one wanted to voluntarily subject themselves to the three hexes listed on the board if their shield didn't appear.

"The disarmament, jelly-legs, and tickling jinxes are the only ones you should be using," Professor McMyers explained. "You all know the shield charm and can perform it verbally, but let's continue working on the non-verbal casting today. Split up into groups, pairs of two… come on, now," he said as he waved his wand and caused the desks to vanish.

The students lined up in pairs as instructed. By now, the students had gotten over the initial competition for marks, so everyone typically got on fairly well, and there were plenty of people for each person to have a partner. Lily paired up with Julia next to Mary and Samantha; on their other side stood Adrian and Max next to James and Peter, followed by Sirius and Remus.

"It's essential to properly defend yourself in this manner. You won't last a second in battle unless your nonverbal skills are up to par," continued Professor McMyers. "It retains the element of surprise and allows you to throw your opponent off guard. Go ahead, try again… only the jinxes listed on the board, please!" he shouted when he heard Avery shout "_Stupefy_" at Mulciber, who had ducked to the ground to avoid the spell and stood looking furious.

Lily assumed her defensive stance and stared at Julia standing across from her. Julia attempted to fire jinx after jinx, but nothing came. Lily's muscles began to ache from tensing and un-tensing herself constantly in preparation.

"Hey, Lily," Max called after blocking a weak tickling jinx from Adrian. Lily looked up, noting that he had merely muttered the charm under his breath rather than accomplishing his shield non-verbally. "Are you coming to Slughorn's party tomorrow?"

"Er…" Lily said, flinching as Julia waved her wand wildly and screeched when nothing happened. "I wasn't sure yet."

"Oh, come on. Look, come with me, it'll be a good time, and it'll cheer you up," he said, giving her a broad smile.

"Yeah, sure… that sounds great," Lily muttered, distracted again by Julia's wand waving. Out of the corner of her eye she saw James frown before glaring over at Max; she felt a small hint of pleasure, knowing that her agreeing to go with Max had made him jealous, but it quickly faded as she realized what she had agreed to.

"Excellent, I'll meet you in front of his office at six," Max replied, giving her a wink and nodding at Adrian.

"All right," Lily replied. She sighed as James continued to glare at Max before looking back to her with a curious expression. She wondered why she was saying "yes" to Max when she really didn't want to. Suddenly there was a blue flash of light in her direction; Lily raised her arm and unthinkingly shouted "_Protego_!" out loud.

"Non-verbal, Lils," James teased from the other side of Adrian.

Lily scowled and nodded her head. McMyers ordered a change of partners, and James immediately stepped into Julia's spot when she moved. Lily raised her eyes and watched James shed himself of his cloak. His white undershirt was un-tucked and his tie loose around his neck; Lily wondered how he could look so sloppy and so seductive at the same time.

"So, what gives?" James asked in an offhand voice. "You told _me_ you weren't going to Slughorn's party, but now _Linghold_ asks and you suddenly change your mind?"

"You're going with Felicity, what does it matter who I go with?" asked Lily, raising her wand.

James shrugged. "I said she asked me, I never said I agreed to go with her. But, if I did… you should know why," he stated.

"Well, I don't know why you'd go with her, actually," Lily replied coolly.

"You should. You and I both know she's just going to ditch me for someone else once we're there," James muttered, shaking his head and laughing. "She only asked me because she didn't want people to think she couldn't get a date. And I'm only going to-

"She asked you because she fancies you," interrupted Lily.

"She fancies what she wants me to be, who she thinks I am; she doesn't like _me_ at all."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You should know… it's the same for Linghold; he fancies who he _thinks_ you are, what he wants you to be. He doesn't know anything about _you_," James said poignantly.

Lily frowned, realizing that Max really didn't know as much about her as James did; he probably didn't even know what color her eyes were. "So… if you know that she doesn't really like you, why are you going with her?"

"You already know the answer to that," James smirked, giving her the lopsided smile that she had become rather fond of. "Ready?"

Lily nodded her head and resumed a defensive stance.

James' eyes focused on hers, hazel and mischievous, but full of a longing that made Lily's stomach turn in circles. Her head suddenly felt full of commotion. _What the hell does that mean? Why is he going with her if he thinks she's just using him? Is it just because she's pretty? Because she looks nice on his arm? If he knows she's just going to use him as a status symbol, what's the deal? I thought he was getting over this, I thought he was becoming more mature. This is stupid; I shouldn't let myself get so up in knots about him… It's not like I-_

But her thoughts were interrupted when she saw James wave his wand quickly. Before Lily could react, her wand flew out of her hand and into air; James stepped under it and caught it without even a second glance.

"Sorry, Lily," he apologized with a smirk, handing her wand back to her and letting his hand linger in hers for just a second. "You looked distracted… do you want-"

"Try it again," she demanded roughly. James gave her an appraising look and stepped back to the other side of the room. Their eyes met, and this time Lily refused to let her thoughts and emotions overtake her concentration. James flicked his wand.

Lily flourished hers at the same time; her shield charm echoed through the room with a loud pop, and erupted with so much force that she and James were pushed backward. The disarming spell he had fired at her was rebounded directly back at him; his wand flew out of his hand, and Lily reached forward and caught it quickly.

"Well done, Miss Evans!" McMyers roared from across the room, as James quirked an eyebrow at her in amusement. "Ten points to Gryffindor. Here, Potter, why don't you switch partners with Lockwood," McMyers said, waving James over to where Connie Lockwood was standing, replacing him with Felicity who eyed Lily with interest. "Miss Flutterhorn, you can do this, but you need assurance that the jinx is coming; Miss Evans can guarantee that," McMyers said as he wandered off.

James crossed over to Lily, grinning as she handed him his wand. "Show off," he teased.

"I learned from the best," she replied, attempting to hide the smile that was aching to cross her lips. As James walked across the room toward where his new partner stood, Felicity held up a finger to indicate Lily should rest for a moment while she spoke with him.

Lil crossed her arms while she watched Felicity flirt audaciously with James across from her. James simply smiled and nodded at her comments. Lily felt a pang of jealousy when he said something and Felicity roared with laughter, pressing her palm against James' chest and shoving him playfully.

Lily's skin began to feel increasingly warm, and she shrugged off her cloak to try and cool down. She watched for another few moments before turning and talking to Mary.

"What does everyone see in her?" she hissed under her breath.

"What?" Mary asked, looking across the room at James talking to Felicity. "She's pretty? I don't know, I've never thought about it."

Lily scowled, turning back just as James was walking over to partner with Connie. She barely had time to raise her wand when she noticed Felicity eying her impishly. "_Fodio_!" Felicity shouted.

Lily was so taken aback by the fact that the girl had used a spell that was not listed on the board that she completely forgot to put up a shield charm. "OW!" she shouted as the stinging spell hit her and a shock erupted throughout her body. She dropped her wand on the floor and swore under her breath; several people looked over at her. Connie snorted a laugh and gave Felicity the thumbs up; Felicity walked over with a mock look of sympathy on her face.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Evans," she said as she picked up Lily's wand and handed it to her. "Max was looking at me, and I actually meant to aim that at him, but I have such terrible aim."

"No harm done," Lily muttered, taking her wand from her hand.

"Coming to the party tomorrow?"

"I am now," Lily replied coldly.

"Oh yes, I heard Max ask you. Jamesy and I have agreed to go as well, I asked him after the last Quidditch match," she said, twirling her long blonde hair. "What's your costume?"

"Dunno yet," said Lily.

"I've got a really cute raven costume my mum made me; it should be a good time," she said strolling across the room.

"Oh, a _raven_, how cute," muttered Lily under her breath. "I'm sure you'll look plucking wonderful, and you're just hoping someone plucks you before the night is over," she spat.

Mary sniggered loudly and had to waive off Julia's next attempt at a spell. Lily rolled her eyes and looked back at Felicity.

"I haven't gotten a chance to do the shield yet, can you try a jinx?" Felicity asked.

Lily smirked. "Yeah sure, that's fine," she said. She watched as Felicity assumed a defensive position before closing her eyes and concentrating all her thoughts on her chosen jinx. _Curislaxis_! She thought to herself with every ounce of concentration she could muster.

She watched as Felicity flicked her wand and a thin barrier erupted between them; but the strength of Lily's jinx shattered it with a loud crack, and Felicity fell to the ground as her legs gave out from underneath her. Julia laughed loudly, watching as the blonde struggled to get to her feet. From across the room, Lily flicked her wand and thought "_Desino_," watching as Felicity jumped up but staggered on the spot, her eyes alight with rage.

"That was… quick, Evans. Try again," she demanded.

"All right; are you ready?"

Felicity nodded and resumed her stance. She flicked her wand again as Lily aimed her jinx. There was another loud snap, but this time Felicity's wand soared high into the air and Lily caught it perfectly in her outstretched hand. Smirking, she walked across the aisle and handed it to Felicity.

"Perhaps a princess carrying a shield would be a more appropriate costume," Lily suggested, grinning as Felicity snatched her wand back with a fake smile.

McMyers ended the class just then, and Lily turned to get her bag from the opposite end of the room. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw James and Sirius eying her and stifling laughter as they watched Felicity huff out of the room. She grinned to herself and walked out the hall to stop on the restroom before Transfiguration.

She had just closed the door to the stall when three other girls walked in. "… didn't give me enough time to concentrate. Bloody ginger wench, I'm so glad that James is going with me. She was jealous, I could see it in her eyes," said Felicity's voice.

"I don't know what he sees in her anyway. All that red hair, it's so thick it looks like she's got a blanket on her head no matter what she does," said Connie.

"And she's so short, and scrawny. 'Course, I guess I don't know; she always wears such baggy clothes. Even if she does have curves, you'd never know it," said Felicity.

"Her skin is so pale," said Connie.

"And her face is so narrow, kind of like her mind, all that goody-two-shoes bookworm stuff," said Felicity. "Like I said, I'm glad James is going with me to this party."

"Why?"

"Well, he's _so_ good looking, and smart and all that. But, him and those other Gryffindor boys spend too much time messing around, it's about time they start paying attention to us," Felicity said. "Besides… he was a fantastic snog, so that will be fun."

"But you don't actually like him," said Connie.

"No, of course not. But, like I said, he's a fantastic kisser and he's very … _talented_; I told you that last year, best getting off session I've had in my life. Plus, he needs to wake up and see that there are more girls in the world than Lily Mudblood Evans." Felicity giggled. Lily frowned and felt her stomach twist; she couldn't tell if her sudden nausea was from the insult, or the fact that Felicity called James "talented."

Connie snorted. "Well, that's all well and good, but what if he starts to like you… like Morgan did? You remember how bloody awful that was."

"Yeah… that could be an issue. I suppose, if he started to fancy me… yeah … I guess I'd go with him; but not for very long. He seems like he'd get boring or irritating very quickly," she said.

"What about Black?"

"He's next on the list," said Felicity.

"I hear he's shagging Tottleham, though," said Connie. Lily clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle a gasp of shock. She knew they had been sneaking out to snog each other and perhaps a little more, but shagging was something completely different.

"I heard that too, but there's no way. He's got better taste than that lanky, ditzy, freckled toehead," Felicity said while Mary laughed. There was a bit more chatter and they walked out the room.

_Bookworm_, Lily thought to herself; how little they knew about her. She opened the door to the bathroom stall and was instantly met with her reflection.

She was short; not as short as Mary, but not as tall as Julia or Felicity… average. And her hair did look like a thick red blanket on top of her head; and her face was narrow, like her body and her curves. Average… all average. Here she was, talentless and un-impressive, while Felicity was beautiful and lively… and apparently much more experienced than Lily. Plus… Lily was muggle-born, a mudblood; the permanent nail in her coffin.

She swore loudly and flicked on the faucet, washing her hands and heading out the door without even bothering to dry them. She got halfway down the hall to the Transfiguration classroom when she ran straight into James.

"Woah! Sorry about that, Lily," he said, grasping her arms and holding her steady.

"'Evans."

"Pardon?"

"'Evans!"

"Erm… all right," said James curiously. "What's wrong?"

"Your little girlfriend is what's wrong," Lily snarled. "She's … well she's just using you! Apparently you four aren't interested enough in girls, so she's being all flattering hoping you'll fancy her. Oh, and apparently you're a great snog, but she said even if you did fancy her, she wouldn't stick it out."

"What?"

"She said you'd get boring after a bit. You'd bore or irritate her," said Lily.

"That's harsh; when did you hear this?"

"Just now, in the bathroom."

"Lily, are you sure it was –"

"'Evans! Don't call me 'Lily!' And I'm just trying to give you friendly advice."

James frowned and stood up taller, feeling irritated at the fact that she was yelling at him for something Felicity said. "'_Lily_' is your name," he reminded her. "You let Linghold call you that!"

"Yeah… well he doesn't-"

"And speaking of _friendly_ advice, remember what I told you about Linghold?"

"Yeah… so?" she asked.

"He said he thought he could '_bang'_ you and a whole bunch of other disgusting comments. He just wants in your knickers, _Evans_," said James, stressing the use of her surname.

"Whatever! You're just jealous," Lily spat.

"Jealous of what? I've got a date," he said snidely.

"She's just using you though!"

"Well, then… we're in the same boat!"

"I wasn't even going to go to this stupid thing because no one asked me. But then he did!"

"I would have asked you if I was in the stupid slug club," spat James.

"You have to be in the Slug Club to ask me? You could have asked me to take you," she suggested.

"Oh, yeah… that's really cool. '_Hey, Evans… can you take me to this party of a club that I'm not a part of, pretty please?_'" he said in a mock voice.

"If you really wanted to go with me, you wouldn't care how it looked to everyone else," she spat.

"I told you, you can ask me anything… I'm waiting for you to ask," he said.

"Well… what's the problem with Linghold wanting in my knickers? You've been in Flutterhorn's," Lily accused.

James pause; he thought that rumor had died last year, but apparently he was mistaken. He tried to recover himself. "So what if I was? I'm not in yours… or snogging you; and if it feels nice-"

"'_If it feels nice_?' How… You expect me to take you seriously about fancying me when you kiss someone or get into their knickers just because 'it feels nice?'" Lily asked in a shocked voice. "I would hope that someone who kissed me would want it to mean a little bit more than a good feeling," Lily spat.

They both glared at each other for a moment before James scoffed and walked off towards the class room, leaving Lily standing in the hallway huffing angrily.

James sat through class, fuming and ignoring questions from Sirius and Peter about his attitude. He was furious; he hadn't snogged Felicity recently, and for her to assume he had was out of line. _That was last year_, he thought, _I haven't even come close to her this year, nor have I wanted to. The only way she could have known about that was if Felicity had said something… why would she say that?_

He kept looking over at Lily in the corner, she was absentmindedly twirling her quill with a sad look on her face. Vaguely James wondered if he'd upset her, but then he also remembered that she had attacked him for no reason_. And asked me to use her surname again, what's so wrong with me calling her Lily?_ He wondered.

The lesson ended and James made some excuse about going to the Library just so he could have some quiet time to think. But when he got there, Felicity and her friend Connie joined him at the table.

"Hey, Jamesy," Felicity grinned. "Studying?"

"Yup," he muttered in response, hoping she would take the hint and leave him alone.

"Mind if we join you?"

James shrugged and turned back to his book. Felicity and Connie sat down and began talking in whispers. As he listened to them prattle on about something unimportant, he admitted to himself, again, that Felicity was pretty, with her long, silky hair and bright eyes. And, if he really had to sit down in confession, he would have to admit that he enjoyed the three times he had got off with her. It had been fun… but that was it, for both of them.

But… she was average. How many girls had blonde hair and blue eyes? It was boring to him, just as he could be boring to her. Besides that, she was so insincere in all her actions; it was an enormous turn off to him. The gossiping, the constant staging of appearances she did in class; they were all annoying to him. The only N.E.W.T. classes she was taking were Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, and Herbology; the rest she sat out of claiming she didn't need them anymore.

Aside from all these reasons, the main one James found himself citing for his lack of interest in her was the fact that she wasn't Lily. She wasn't firey and quick witted. She didn't care enough about people to notice little things. Little things like when they scraped their arms after being out with their werewolf friends, or that they had ceased playing with a snitch just to impress a girl.

Lily noticed things like that. She picked up on people's feelings, and she cared about them. She cared so much she called them out on their actions, like being a bully… or attending a party with someone who obviously didn't mean anything to them. She picked up on his intentions, pointing out how unserious he seemed about her if he was willing to snog someone just because it felt nice. Kissing should mean more, she pointed out… and she was right. James knew it would mean more if it had been Lily he was kissing, but if he continued to act this way that would be further and further out of the cards.

James frowned at his book as he realized that he _could_ have asked Lily to take him; it wouldn't have looked that bad, and she would have been the only one who would have known. He'd already made a fool of himself enough in front of her, though; perhaps he should try to save some face.

He stood up from the table, muttering an excuse about being tired as he packed up his things to head back to Gryffindor tower. To his annoyance, Felicity and Connie insisted on walking him back to the staircase that lead to Gryffindor tower. _Do they think I'll get lost?_ He thought sarcastically to himself. He ignored their incessant chatter mostly, but then suddenly Felicity let out a high pitched cackle and it caught him off guard.

"Watch this," she said, pointing in the direction of a figure that was coming down the staircase around the corner from the Library. Felicity ran ahead, pulling out her wand and flicking it at the figure as it stepped off the last stair.

"_Offendo_!" Felicity said quietly.

James watched in shock as Lily's figure, that had been carrying a stack of books and golden fabric, sprawled out on the floor as the trip jinx hit her. The books and material cascaded out of her arms and onto the floor.

Connie laughed loudly before stifling it behind her hand; Felicity grinned as Lily pushed herself to her knees and looked up at them with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"Oops! Sorry, Evans… I thought it was someone else," Felicity said with a shrug.

James walked forward and stepped around Felicity; he picked up several of Lily's books and stacked them before handing them back to her as she gathered up the fabric. Her eyes met his once, but she just frowned before standing and continuing on her path. Felicity laughed coldly as she watched her walk away.

"Awh… poor Evans can't even walk under the weight of her own arrogance," she said slightly, shaking her head as Connie approached her.

"What was that for?" asked James harshly, spinning around and stepping into Felicity's face.

Felicity looked at him curiously. "What? She's a goody-two-shoes bookworm; she needs to lighten up a bit. I think, out of everyone, _you'd_ agree with that sentiment."

"Lily is not a goody-two-shoes bookworm. But what did she do to you, eh? Why'd you hex her?"

"Why do _you_ hex people? Because they annoy you, right? She annoys me. What's the big deal, James? Is it 'cause you still have that crush on her?" Felicity asked.

"Lily and I are friends; I'd react the same way if you hexed Sirius-"

"_Friends_! Since when are you and Evans 'friends?'"

"Since last year," said James coldly.

"Oh, please. You've got to get over this little crush on her! What do you see in her anyway? She's so…"

"So much better than you are. Find a different date for your little party," James said coldly before turning and walking the opposite direction toward Gryffindor tower.

Felicity made a disparaging noise. "Enjoy your _lonely_ evening, Potter! Keep prying at her, maybe one day she'll give in and have a pity shag with you," she shouted at him. He ignored her and broke into a run to try and catch up with Lily.

He didn't manage to find her, though. By the time he made it back to the common room, she had already gone up to her room and he wouldn't see her until breakfast. James sat down in the chair and stared into the fireplace, feeling the weight of his arrogance hit him like a bludger.

He finally understood why Lily disliked him for so long, and how she must have felt each time she saw him, or Sirius, or anyone, hex Snape while they were still friends. It didn't make him pity the slimy, dark arts obsessed boy any, but he now realized why it made her so angry.

He also realized how uncouth it was to take that course of action against someone for something as simple as annoyance. He'd felt he had humbled himself quite a bit, but this had him feeling about two inches tall. Being on the opposite side of the fence, and witnessing someone you care about be pushed around for no reason, wasn't enjoyable in the slightest. James ran his hands through his hair and leaned back, closing his eyes and thinking about how many people he should go apologize to for hexing them unnecessarily.

"Potter? Potter… hey, Potter," a light voice was saying in his ear.

James opened his eyes and inhaled sharply. Lily's face was hovering very close to his; one of her small hands was shaking his shoulder gently. Her red hair was pulled back in a long plait, though a few rogue strands had escaped and were framing her heart-shaped face. James found himself breathing deeply; the scent that always surrounded her invading his senses. He never could quite identify what it was: honeysuckle, clean water… lilies perhaps? Whatever it was made his head spin, and the feel of her so close to him caused shivers to run down his spine.

"Hey, Potter," she said, shaking him again. "You can't sleep here; your neck will be stiff in the morning."

James nodded and adjusted his glasses. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier," he muttered, sitting up and looking at her apologetically.

"You didn't do anything," she said quietly.

"I should have stopped them, I know. I just-"

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant… you don't have any reason to apologize. You didn't do anything; Felicity likes to give me a hard time. We … er… well, she doesn't like me very much, never has for some reason," said Lily.

"It's no loss of yours, I can assure you that," said James. He got to his feet, watching as she turned her face away and looked at the floor. "Still going with Max to the party tomorrow?"

"Well… I kind of have to. I told him I would; it would be rude if I backed out," she said, not looking up at him.

James nodded, thinking somehow he'd have to get into that party tomorrow to make sure that Max at least treated her with respect. "You're a lot nicer than I am," he said.

Lily looked up finally. "Why do you say that?"

"You just are. If I didn't want to go with someone, I'd just back out," he said, thinking of Felicity's face when he told her to find another date.

"Who says I don't want to go with him?" asked Lily.

James looked at her, the uncertainty she felt about the following evident in her face. "Your eyes say you don't want to go with him."

Lily dropped her eyes again, wondering exactly how much James could read about her just from her expression. "I need to go to sleep… I'm very tired," she muttered.

James nodded and watched her walk up the stairs slowly. "Good night."

Lily paused, turning over her shoulder and gazing at James as he stood at the bottom of the stairs. His glasses were lopsided and his hands were placed casually in his pockets. There was sadness in his expression that Lily hated to see, but she didn't know how to fix it. "Good night," she muttered quietly, ascending the stairs and feeling a pang of guilt in her chest.

When Lily got to her room, she crawled into her bed and stared at her pillow. She was dreading the party tomorrow, that was obvious. Forgoing any attempt to calm her emotions, her eyes pricked with tears and started to berate herself for not asking James to go with her in the first place; allowing Felicity to escort him instead. Now he'd be hanging out with that blonde slag all night, and she would be stuck listening to Max brag about himself. What a glorious evening…

The only consolation she had was her costume; she may be average, but she was going to try and be a little above that tomorrow night.

* * *

_A/N: I'll not make you wait for the next chapter very long =)._


	12. Words

Closer

"Sparks" Coldplay / "Realize" Colby Caillat

* * *

Six o'clock arrived, and Lily wandered down the stairs to Slughorn's office. She'd been to his party last year, and assumed the room would, again, be magically enlarged, and contain not only students, but also powerful members of the magical community. Horace Slughorn loved to brag about getting students a leg up into their careers; he never refrained from telling anyone if a pupil of his secured a position of power or prestige with his help. She half wondered if he had invited Damocles Belby to come, since Lily had successfully brewed his experimental potion three times now.

"Woah… you look nice, Lily," said Max happily as she approached. He was dressed as a bat and examined her curiously, tugging at parts of her costume and letting his eyes rove over her figure. "What… what are you supposed to be, though?"

Lily looked down at herself; perhaps her costume wasn't as obvious as she thought it was. The golden dress she wore hung to her calves and was fitted through the waist to emphasize the curve between her ribs and her hips. The neckline hung off her shoulders, but the dress had long sleeves to which she had attached a silvery, white material that ran from her shoulders to a pair of rings around her third finger on each hand. She held her arms out wide to imitate wings. "I'm a snitch," she said.

"A snitch?" asked Max, looking her over again. "A Snitch!" he laughed, finally understanding the costume. "That's clever, Lily. Very clever. Let's head inside and make an appearance," he said, stepping aside and opening the door for her.

As soon as they entered, Max wrapped his arm tightly around Lily's waist. It bothered her; even though she had been friends with Max much longer than James or Sirius, his touch was still unwelcome. Last year, when Sirius had danced with her, his hold on her had been gentlemanly and full of respect; James' arms always wrapped around her tenderly, like she was something breakable. Max's grip was possessive, almost greedy; his hand was much to low on her hip for her to relax. She squirmed out of his grasp, sighing heavily when he proceeded to grab her hand in a very aggressive manner.

Lily found herself distracted by the thoughts of James' arms around her. She sighed, trying to push them from her mind as she scanned the room for familiar faces. Her assumption that not only students would attend the party had been correct. Max had soon dragged her over to a Ravenclaw student who had finished Hogwarts two years previously, and was now chatting animatedly with him. Lily stood beside him, dropping his hand and wrapping her arms around herself shyly; Max had not even bothered to introduce her.

"Miss Evans! You look absolutely lovely; but, what is your costume, my dear?" Slughorn's voice boomed. He walked over to her, placing his heavy arm around her shoulders and escorting her away from Max over toward a group of men that were talking in the corner.

"I'm a snitch," she said, holding out her arms wide to show her wings.

Slughorn's laughter echoed all around her, causing several patrons to glance at them and Lily to blush. "Clever, girl! Clever. I'd like to introduce you to a few people. They'll be very impressed with your '_experiments_' I daresay," he said indicating a few of the gentlemen. One of them, a middle-aged man with thinning grey hair, eyed her appraisingly and reached out to shake her hand.

"Damocles Belby," he said jovially. "And you are Lily Evans, I presume?"

"Yes, apparently my reputation precedes me," she said, laughing when Belby and Slughorn chuckled over her comment. "It's wonderful to meet you," she continued, shaking the man's hand. They began to converse quickly about the Wolfsbane potion she had been brewing, Belby asking her several times whom it was for.

"I'm not at liberty to say," Lily told him time and time again. "It's an individual I have a great amount of respect for, and I don't wish to betray their confidence."

"Well, if this person would ever like to go into a clinical trial, I'd love to meet with him or her. Mungo's keeps on about how there isn't enough proof that it's safe; but if I can show them your case, and the four others I have, perhaps they'd sign off on it," Belby explained excitedly.

Just then Max came over and escorted Lily away, claiming to want to introduce her to another person who was connected with Max's father through the Ministry. As soon as Max introduced Lily to Pierce Brigman, he immediately began to converse with the man…again, not even bothering to inform him of Lily's name.

After about five minutes, Lily rolled her eyes and decided to go have a seat at a table in the corner. She had been keeping an eye out for James; he always looked so handsome in dress robes, so she figured the least she could do was complement him on that. But as she scanned the crowd he was nowhere to be found.

She'd seen Felicity though, and reluctantly admitted that the girl had outdone her. The raven costume was much more intricate than Lily had pictured. The dress was cut at her knees and covered in black feathers. It was strapless, but she had a feather clad headband and a mask to make her look more mysterious. It was undeniably sexy, which was exactly what Lily had assumed Felicity would be going for. She sighed heavily and examined her own costume, which she found amusing, but no one seemed to understand. She picked at the wings glumly, watching Felicity flirt with every boy who approached her.

"She looks ridiculous if you ask me," a low, silky voice muttered from very close to her. Lily looked up to see James standing beside her, holding a tray of drinks in his hand. He was wearing green robes that brought out his eyes, and his usually untidy hair was slicked back, save for a few pieces that seemed unable to control themselves. He looked very elegant, though Lily decided immediately she preferred his tousled, devil-may-care appearance than this somewhat stiff and over done one; she couldn't run her fingers through his hair like she longed if it was slicked back in that manner.

"Potter? What… where is your costume?" she asked, snapping herself abruptly out of her daydreams. She was shocked he would adapt the wait staff robes into a costume, knowing him to be much cleverer than that.

"No costume for me, I'm working," he explained before handing her a glass of what looked like champagne.

"Working? What about-"

"Flutterhorn? I told her to find a different date after yesterday; I'll not be seen in public with a girl who hexes people for no reason," he smiled, giving Lily a wink before sitting down next to her at the table she was occupying.

Lily's eyes widened. "That's… well, that's um… thanks, I suppose. You didn't have to do that just because of me. I mean, it's not the first time she's hexed me," she said.

"Really?"

"Oh, no… didn't you see her in our shield charm lesson?" asked Lily.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts?" he asked, watching Lily nod. "Your shield charm is strong; didn't it block her?"

"I was shocked at the spell she used, and she did it when I was completely distracted, so I didn't even cast one. But, either way, I mean… you didn't have to do that for me," she said quietly.

"I didn't do it entirely for you. Like you said, she was just using me anyway. But overall, I didn't like seeing my friend hexed, so she can bugger off," he explained with a shrug.

Lily nodded and sipped her drink. "What made you decide to come and work the party?"

James gave her a curious glance and flashed his brilliant smile at her, making her heart flutter very fast in her chest. "I still wanted to see you, of course; never like to miss out on a chance to see you dressed up. Clever costume by the way," he said, tugging playfully on one of her wings.

Lily smiled. "You're the first person who's gotten it."

"You're kidding? You're a snitch! How thick are they?"

"Right," she said with a laugh.

James looked up suddenly and responded to a summons from across the room. "Well, you're definitely the kind of snitch I'd like to catch," he said with a wink. "I'll talk with you later, duty calls."

With that, he swept across the room and out of sight. Lily sat at the table for a few more minutes, sipping her drink and observing the people mingle about the enlarged classroom. She found herself watching James mostly, thinking about how much he had grown up in the past seventy two hours. He had gone from not wanting to ask her to take him to the party because of how it would look, to waiting on the same students he was afraid would make fun of him. It was quite the opposite of anything she ever expected from him. Lily was also immeasurably impressed by James' cool head when Max and Adrian teased him as he delivered their drinks. He simply smiled and bowed before walking away; Lily felt like throwing something at Max as he laughed at James' retreating figure.

Her thoughts turned to their spat yesterday. The only reason for it was because Lily lost her temper over Felicity's comments. James hadn't deserved her yelling at him; even if he did snog her, it seemed that the event had taken place the previous year and was no longer of consequence, and Lily had no claim to him anyway. She had treated him unfairly just because Felicity had insulted her and she couldn't let it go. And to think, she used to lecture James on controlling his temper. Lily sighed heavily; it seemed that she had an apology to make to James, yet again. "I'm always apologizing to him for something," she muttered to herself before getting to her feet.

As she crossed the room to ask him if they could speak, Max swept her up in his arms and twirled her on the spot.

"Goodness, that came out of nowhere," she said, attempting to disentangle herself from him.

"I haven't seen you all night," he said sadly.

"You've been a Chatty Cathy, that's not my fault," Lily replied, forcing a smile while squirming to get out of Max's embrace. She could smell the elf-made wine on his breath, regretting that she had not kept track of how many drinks Max had taken from James just for the opportunity to tease him.

"Hmm… I think I'm done chatting for a while," he said, dropping his voice. They were in a fairly secluded corner Lily realized, and Max's eyes took on a whole new intensity.

"Well… I actually need to go speak with someone and-"

"Can't it wait," he said, pulling her closer and pressing his forehead to hers.

"Er… no, actually it can't so-"

"Who is it that's so important?"

"What?" she questioned, finally disentangling herself from his arms. "You can talk to all your old mates, but I can't speak with someone for just a second?" she asked defensively.

"Just … stay with me for a minute," he said, reaching for her again and pulling her close.

Lily sighed and pushed against his arms. "Max…" she warned, irritated by how aggressive and ungentlemanly he was being. _I guess James was right about the act_, she thought bitterly. Lily put her hands against Max's chest and pushed very hard, though it did no good and Max simply swayed on the spot with her.

"I like you, Lils," he whispered.

"That's… well it's flattering, and thank you, but-"

Her thought was cut short. Max suddenly tilted his head and moved very quickly, intent on kissing her. Lily turned away sharply to avoid contact, accidently cracking her head against his mouth in her struggle to get away.

"Ow!" he said, backing away and holding his mouth with one hand. "Damnit…"

"Sorry! I'm sorry," Lily said, moving forward and pulling out her wand. She flicked it and the bleeding from Max's lip ceased, but he still looked angry.

"What was that for?" he asked angrily.

"I didn't mean to bump you, I'm sorry; it was a complete accident, Max," she replied sincerely.

"Well… why'd you dodge me?"

"Um…because I didn't want to kiss you," Lily told him, her eyes narrowing as she looked back at him.

"Why not?"

"Well, flattering as it may be that you like me, I'm not interested. I'm sorry if my agreeing to go with you indicated anything different," she explained apologetically.

Max huffed. "Well… why not?"

"I'm just… I'm not," she shrugged, giving him a sympathetic glance.

Max folded his arms over his chest. "You're such a prude," he hissed.

"Wha..._excuse_ me?" Lily asked, her voice rising in pitch.

"You're a prude! You have _never_ been out on a date with anyone; it's pathetic. You should know what to expect before you agree to go on one. Do you think you're better than all the blokes here? Do you just like to lead us all on with by being flirty and sexy? Do you have some _Muggle_ waiting for you back home that you tease as well? Or are you just too much of a goody-two-shoes to engage in anything intimate?"

Lily was about to argue with him, but the intimacy and Muggle comments caused her temper to burst out of control. She grabbed a glass from a nearby table that was half filled with champagne and poured it over Max's head; several people standing around them gasped in shock.

"First off, I can think of worse things to be called than a prude," Lily snarled angrily.  
"And secondly, just because I didn't fall all over you after you _ditched_ me, and didn't talk to me all evening, doesn't reflect anything about me; it reflects on your maturity as a gentleman," she spat. "I'm sorry I accepted your invitation; and I'm sorry to break this to you, but if you keep acting like this you won't be 'banging' _any_ girl _anytime_ soon."

With that, she walked across the room and out the door, heading back to Gryffindor tower without speaking to anyone. Luckily when she arrived, the common room was empty; she didn't feel like talking at the moment.

Lily breathed slowly, trying to calm herself down. How dare he? How _dare_ he insult her like that? It was _Max_ who had abandoned _her_ all night to talk to other people; _Max_ who had asked her to go, and then didn't even give her the time of day. All his attention toward her in class took on a new meaning when she remembered James telling her what he had said. It seemed James was right; all the boy was interested in was getting into her knickers. But Max was mental if he thought that asking her somewhere, then ditching her, was going to make her want to kiss him, let alone get anywhere near her knickers. "'You should know what to expect on a date,'" she muttered to herself, repeating his comment to her. _What are you supposed to expect? Am I supposed to snog everyone that takes me out in return for a nice evening_? She wondered to herself.

Kissing. It had been something she never talked about with anyone, mostly because she'd never had any experience. Despite the fact that she had three or four serious admirers, she'd never been kissed. And the thought of someone knowing that would embarrass her to pieces.

What if she was bad at it? What if she was horrible? Having someone that close was unnerving; they could see every freckle on her face, every strand of hair that was out of place on her head. She knew that she had no more flaws than the other girls, but she preferred to keep the ones she did have under wraps. This not only meant her looks, but also parts of her personality and things she was self conscious about.

Such as her likeability, her parentage; the fact that she tended to swear when she was angry, or that she frequently talked about taboo activities with Julia. Lily was also very shy; this would surprise most people as she had earned a reputation for being very outgoing. In reality, she was nervous about letting anyone get too close to her. She had a tendency to be too kind or too nice; too forgiving and too loving. It got her into trouble at times … like with Severus.

She had been too accepting of his obvious faults, and in the end, it ended up hurting her much more than she had ever expected. After seven years of friendship, he was the _one_ person who knew every secret about her. But all that didn't matter… he saw her as nothing but a Mudblood. The fact that he viewed her that way, as did many others, made her afraid to get too attached to anyone. Would it always be like that? Would that uncontrollable flaw tarnish her entire existence in the magical world?

Lily had been sitting and staring at the fireplace for quite some time, letting her thoughts and doubts consume her completely, when the door opened and James walked in. She looked up, smiling when she saw his hair was disheveled again. He had abandoned the green overcoat, and was wearing only a white button down shirt and his trousers. His expression was amused he sat down across from her in the squashy arm chair.

"You… um… you made quite the scene," he said quietly, trying in vain to hide a smirk.

Lily scoffed. "I should have slapped him."

"That would have been brilliant," he laughed. "I took the liberty of filling Slughorn in on your sudden departure."

"Did you see the whole thing?" she asked, hiding her face in embarrassment.

"Saw and heard. Stupid git; he really ignored you all night… then just expected you to snog him?"

"Apparently."

James shook his head. "You have no reason to feel bad, Lily. If you hadn't pushed him away, I'd have been over there and punched the bastard," he muttered, reaching forward and tipping her chin up so he could look in her eyes. James gazed at her for a moment, watching her cheeks redden and feeling his own face flood with color. Lily sat up straight and squirmed uncomfortably, causing him to withdraw his hand.

"Needless to say Slughorn wasn't impressed with Linghold at all," James explained, fussing with his hair for something to do with his hands. "'_A lady can kiss or refuse to kiss whomever she wants; and knowing Miss Evans, you're lucky she didn't jinx you with her toenail growing spell_,'" he continued, laughing over the thought of Max walking around with his toenails growing out of his trainers.

Lily laughed. "That's not my spell; I stole it from someone. But, it does come in handy at times," she said with a grin.

James smiled. "It's moments like these I wish I could replay for people. You are _not_ a goody-two-shoes bookworm," he said.

"No, I'm not. But I'm not a troublemaker either," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"If I am, it's because you're a bad influence on me, Potter," she teased. "I've broken more school rules since I started talking to you, and your little gang, than I had the previous five years here. I've had a detention; I've poured a drink on two different people… what's become of me?"

"I think you've become a part-time marauder, it's brilliant. And rules were meant to be broken. Besides, you aren't breaking them to be troublesome; you're breaking them to be helpful," he said, thinking of her monthly potions experiments.

Lily smiled and blushed again. "Party over?"

"Yeah… Linghold ended up filling in my spot with Flutterhorn. I'm sure they'll be the new gossip couple for the next month," he said rolling his eyes.

"Are you sad?" Lily asked.

"About what?"

"Felicity."

"God, no," said James. "No… I told her from the start I wasn't interested in anything other than getting into that party; and the only reason I wanted into the party was to see you."

Lily blushed and dropped her eyes. "Why?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"You said I could ask you anything," replied Lily, raising her eyes.

James observed her curiously before leaning over and resting his elbows against his knees. He caught her in his gaze and she felt trapped; she could feel more blood rushing to color her cheeks, but was unable to tear her eyes away from his. He looked at her so intensely that she felt her blush spread all the way to her neck.

"You _can_ ask me anything," he said quietly. "But, my question is, do you _really_ want to know the answer?"

Lily swallowed. She already knew the answer, and she knew how she felt about it. Her falling for James Potter would lead to nothing but trouble, and in the end, most likely a broken heart. According to Max, she already had a reputation as a prude; and to Lily, this was preferable to all the other things she may be called if she did finally give into James.

"I … I don't know," she said quietly, finally dropping her eyes.

James continued to observe her, his heart was beating very fast in his chest as he examined her expression. He wanted so badly to touch her, to hug her tightly in his arms, to press his lips to her forehead, her eyes, her lips… but he also enjoyed their new found camaraderie, and was afraid of ruining it the way Linghold had with her.

"Do you think I'm a prude?" she asked suddenly.

"No," he said.

"All right," she replied.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Back to your question; about why I wanted to see you at the party?"

Lily nodded, catching her lower lip in-between her teeth in an incredibly seductive manner. Was she trying to be sexy, or was it nervousness? James' pulse was wildly out of control as he formed his answer to her query.

"I wanted to see you… because … you _are_ my friend, and I wanted to make sure you were treated appropriately," he began, watching as Lily nodded. "I actually consider you part of my little group now; we talk a lot… I trust you. I heard you defend me to Aubrey a few months ago, I know your opinion of me has changed… you trust me now. And you're right; I wouldn't ever lie to you."

"I know that; I've known that since we first started hanging out. And, though I will admit I'm shocked by it, I enjoy your company quite a bit. Sometimes, more so than I enjoy Julia or Mary's company," she confessed.

James grinned and kept his eyes locked with hers. "I also wanted to see you… because… I like to be reminded why I'm waiting."

Lily tilted her head, a confused expression crossing her face. "What?"

"I've been waiting for you to … change your opinion about me… for two years. And I think it has," he said.

"It has, Potter; it has a lot. In fact, tonight … that was really humble of you to take that waiting job just to get into that party. And to endure all that teasing… they were being prats, and I wanted to throw something," she said, causing James to laugh. "But… why? Why lower your standards just for me?"

"I'm not lowering my standards, but even if I was…it's you," he said simply.

"I don't understand…"

James sighed and shook his head, his eyes never leaving her face. She was still chewing on her lip as she observed him; James felt like she was trying to look into his soul. He wondered if she was being intentionally thick; but she continued to stare at him curiously, completely oblivious to the amount of appeal she held for him.

"You like me… I really think you _like_ me," he said, holding up a hand when she protested. "Just… hang on a second. I'm not taking the mickey. I'm…" James continued, ruffling his hair and finally deciding to just lay it out on the line, so at least she couldn't pretend like she didn't know.

"I've fancied you for three years; three years. That's a _long_ time. I kept thinking it would pass, especially after last year and you almost killing yourself just to shout at me for sneaking out," he chuckled. "But it didn't… and now I'm actually talking to you, and getting to know you. It's definitely not going away; I don't think it ever will. I actually… I think I might –"

"Potter… stop," Lily said, interrupting him. "It's… that's really flattering. And I … I enjoy your company. But… what if I-"

"What if you never change your mind? What if you never see me as anything more than a friend?" _Or never _admit_ you see me as anything more than a friend_? James thought to himself.

Lily nodded, amazed again by his ability to read her mind like an open book.

He shrugged, trying to look as though this wasn't a huge concern when his heart was aching at the thought of her never returning his affections. "At least I tried. You haven't told me to back off… I'm waiting for that. And until you flat out tell me to bugger off, I'm going to be here," he explained.

"But… why?"

"I was about to tell you, but you interrupted me," he said with a grin.

Lily sighed heavily. She wanted to know why, but … she didn't know how to get him to explain it without launching into a tirade of embarrassing praise that would surely make her blush even brighter. But part of her was screaming, desperate to hear him say it and launch herself into his arms; the other part of her was trying to remain calm and logical, rejecting any notion or hope that James could actually be… in love with her.

"Potter… why? Why are you waiting? I need to know why," she explained, locking her eyes with his and attempting to gaze at him just as intensely as he was at her.

James shook his head. "Well… since you won't let me say what I want to…I'm going to need about six hours to explain why. You got time tomorrow on the train?"

"Can you give me the short list, just for now?" asked Lily, unable to hide the pleading tone of her voice.

James sighed, watching her eyes widen and her expression beg him for answers; there was a tight constriction in his chest, it felt hard to breathe as he gazed back at her. "Well… aside from the fact that you're brilliant, powerful, and talented, you're also … beautiful, and funny, and snarky, and-"

"Snarky?"

"Yes, snarky; it's a desirable trait to me. Your little comebacks amuse me," he explained with a laugh. "You're clever. You… you're kind, selfless… really? You're asking me this? Don't you know how amazing you are?" he asked suddenly.

"I'm not amazing," said Lily quietly. "I'm… I'm just me."

"That's amazing, and the fact that you don't even know it … that's the reason I'm waiting," James grinned, leaning back in his chair as though this was the answer to all the questions in the world.

Lily flushed with color again, but suddenly yawned widely as tiredness overtook her. James smirked and stood up, reaching out his hand for hers and sighing when she placed it inside his. He was amazed at how small her hands were, and how perfectly they fit within his.

"I suppose… I should get some sleep," she said quietly after he had helped her too her feet. "My mum is going to interrogate me to pieces tomorrow when I get home, and I'd best be prepared."

"Make sure to tell her about all your rule breaking," James said. He brushed his thumb across the smooth skin of her wrist, and grinned when she didn't pull away. Following a sudden instinct, he lifted her hand and kissed it, enjoying the feel of her skin against his lips.

"I… I will," she said, allowing James to kiss her hand softly. He held onto it a moment more before releasing it; Lily found herself suddenly overcome with an urge to kiss him, but she suppressed it out of fear that he would realize how inexperienced she was in those matters. "Good night," she said before ascending the stair case and leaving him smirking in the common room.

James slept fitfully that night, his emotions were on high alert and his body ached from the intimate tension that lingered between him and Lily the night before. Upon waking, he packed a few things from his trunk to take home for the next two weeks and trudged onto the train. Sirius was talking with Julia animatedly, his arms wrapped around her waist as he nuzzled her neck. It made James feel jealous; he didn't know what their relationship was, but it was more than he had with Lily.

"Stay away from me," a voice that usually sounded so sweet suddenly shouted from up ahead on the train.

"Look… I'm sorry, Lily! I just… I acted like a prat last night; I had too much of that elf wine. Slughorn really shouldn't-"

"Oh, yes, blame _your_ lack of self control on Slughorn," Lily hissed as she moved quickly away from Linghold. "You're actually trying to tell me '_I didn't know it was wine_!' That's a load of dung! You just kept drinking glass after glass for an excuse to torment the wait staff. Now get away from me," she shouted as he reached to grab on to her wrist.

"Lily, I'm sorry! I-"

"Oy!" Sirius shouted. "She said leave her alone, Linghold. Back off," he said in a threatening voice. Linghold was so shocked that someone had dared interrupt his apology that he paused. Lily pulled out her wand poked him hard in the chest, causing Max to flinch away from her and cry out in pain. She moved quickly next to Julia who stood behind Sirius. Julia frowned and escorted Lily into a compartment right next to them. Linghold stared at Sirius, also eyeing James behind him before turning around and walking down to another cart of the train, still rubbing the spot on his chest.

"Arse," James muttered.

"Prongs! I didn't know you were behind me. Did you see that? Stupid git he is," said Sirius, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Linghold's retreating figure.

"You took the words out of my mouth, twice actually. Are you going to follow Julia in there?"

"That's actually ours; all our things are in there. Moony and Wormtail came down with me earlier. We couldn't find you, mate; what was up?"

James shrugged. "I had a lot on my mind," he muttered.

"You came up pretty late… how was the party? Not like you could have enjoyed the revelry, but how was it?"

"Party was okay, I sat up talking with Lily pretty late," he said with a grin.

"Talking?"

"Talking," James replied firmly. "Speaking of talking, either you fill me in on all the '_talking'_ you've been doing with Julia, or I'm going to start making assumptions and telling everyone-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… you wouldn't tell anyone a thing; empty threats," Sirius said waving him off. They opened the door to the compartment to find Julia, Mary and Samantha discussing last night's events with Lily. Remus and Peter had become engaged in a game of chess, and were only listening when they weren't concentrating on their next moves.

"It's not that big of a deal; he's just being a prat about it and-"

"Lily!" said Sam. "You – are- my – _hero_! Do you realize how many times I've wanted to slap that git or pour something over his head for his stupid, perverted comments? I cannot believe you did that; first you dump gillywater on Aubrey's pants so he looks like he wet himself, and now you pour champagne all over Max," she said with a whimsical look at Lily. "My hero!"

"Shut up," Lily laughed. "He is an arse, though; and to think, it's the four Gryffindor boys from our year have a reputation for being a bunch of aggressive, overbearing, pompous prats," she said with a teasing glance at James and Sirius.

"At least, in our case, we have a reason to act pompous," said Sirius. "My left pinky has more talent than Linghold," he explained.

Everyone in the cabin chuckled lightly. Sirius sat down next to Julia, and Lily slid over by the window and allowed James to sit down next to her. Remus suddenly looked up and handed James a copy of the Daily Prophet as the train lurched forward. "Page seven… you're not going to be happy," he said.

James frowned and opened the paper, reading the headline and agreeing with Remus that the story below would not make him happy.

"_Thirteen Muggles Dead, and Three Ministry Employees Missing after Giants Invade Christmas Park Festival"_

"_Members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad have been working overtime to subdue panic amongst both Muggles and Wizards after two giants attacked a park during a Christmas Parade._

_The park in southern Southampton County was hosting a yearly celebratory event to light their Christmas tree. Aurors were notified after several buildings nearby collapsed and the tree was pulled out by the roots. At the scene, they witnessed two giants terrorizing the unsuspecting Muggles while they tried to enjoy the Holidays._

"_It was tragic, you know. They had no idea what was happening, and were all running and screaming. We had to stun several of them in order to help them," said Bernie Bomgars from the Ministry. "They have equated it to a 'wind burst' or something along those lines, but still… thirteen people are dead, it's horrible."_

"_The Ministry has denied claims that giants are now part of the Death Eater rebellion that is happening throughout Britain. _

"_We are aware of the situation with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his Death Eaters. Precautionary pamphlets have been sent out by the Ministry with advice on how to be prepared, and how to protect yourself from being targeted by this group. But we have no confirmation that, at this time, they are in league with the giants,' said Minister Baddlebrock._

"_Three Aurors, Gary Samson, Logan Walker, and Frayne McKellan, were reported missing after the attack. Any information of their whereabouts should be reported to the Auror Office immediately."_

"Unbelievable," James spat. "Who _else_ would get the giants involved to attack Muggles? How thick is this man?" he asked, slapping the back of his hand against the paper.

"It's getting bad," said Remus sadly. "Last time my dad wrote me he said that almost all the Muggle-borns that live in Bath have moved out of the country. They're afraid after what happened to the Rowe's last month."

"Rowe's?" Sirius asked. "As in Arland Rowe from Gryffindor? Didn't he just leave three years ago?"

"Yup… he married a Muggle that he'd grown up knowing. She was pregnant… their whole house was destroyed, the Dark Mark set over it," said Remus sadly.

The cabin got quiet as everyone absorbed this. James shook his head and resumed gazing at the paper, the list of precautions was included, but he scoffed at it.

"Listen to this. '_Report any sightings of an inferius immediately._' That is sick… beyond sick," he said making a disgusted face.

"Doesn't Evans live near Southhampton? That's where we met up with her last summer, right?" asked Sirius.

"She lives in Hedge End, it's pretty close," said Julia. "Hey, Lily… you need to read this. Lily?"

James turned toward Lily and peered over her shoulder. Her head was leaning against the window, eyes were closed and expression peaceful as she slept. Sirius sniggered loudly. "Is she asleep?"

"No, you git; she's having a vision of you becoming Head Boy," said Julia rolling her eyes. She stood up and moved across the cabin, gently placing her hands on Lily's shoulders and trying to rouse her.

Lily made a noise and swatted her away before turning and rolling over so her head now rested against James' shoulder. James lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders to steady her so she wouldn't fall, but she slid closer to him and sighed before falling back to sleep. Her weight rested against James, and he slowly lowered his arm so it now rested around her shoulders as he held her to him. Fearing she would be uncomfortable, he slid all the way to the end of the bench and pulled her with him, rearranging her so she was now resting against his chest as he leaned back against the door to the cabin.

Sirius, Peter and Remus smirked at him; Julia and Sam both giggled. "Are you going to wake her up?" Mary asked.

"Yes, yes wake her up," said Sirius with a grin.

"That looks horribly uncomfortable," Remus chimed in.

"She might mess up your robes, Prongs," said Peter. Sirius laughed and stood up to rouse Lily from her slumber.

"No, no… she's… she's fine. I don't mind," said James, waving him off.

Sirius laughed, it sounded more like a bark, and he sat back down. Julia smirked and resumed her seat in between him and Remus. "I'm sure you don't, James," she said lightly.

Mary and Sam were also smirking from their seats in the window "Still not giving up?" asked Mary lightly.

"I told her a while back if she wanted me to back off I would," said James rather smugly. "All she had to do was ask."

"What did she say?" asked Mary, whose eyes looked as though she cared more for the gossip involved than Lily's feelings.

"I started to ask her if she wanted me to leave her alone, but she told me not to ask. She said she'd ask me, so I've just been waiting," he explained.

Mary shook her head but Sam and Julia smiled. "I think your waiting might pay off," said Sam, turning back to watch Peter and Remus' chess match.

"Well, if anything… she at least considers you a friend," said Julia. "Felicity was calling you '_Jamesy'_ repetitively in Transfiguration the other day; I was rather amused when Lily looked at me and hissed '_he doesn't like to be called that'_," she explained.

"She's right, I don't like to be called that," he said with a laugh.

"Hmm… Well, James, I'll give you this. You're persistent," said Julia.

"Persistence pays off sometimes," Sirius said quietly. James watched as Julia smirked and blushed slightly.

Lily sighed in her sleep and threw her arm around James' waist, hugging him tightly. He smiled and hugged her closer to him, resting his head against hers and hoping no one would notice. "She's really tired," he commented.

"She didn't sleep last night," said Mary lazily, not looking up from the paper she had taken from James and was now reading.

"Why not?" asked Remus.

"Was she upset? Was she… crying?" James asked, concern obvious in his tone.

Julia and Mary laughed for some reason. "No, James, she wasn't crying."

"What was funny?"

"Lily's doesn't cry easily," said Julia matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean? Every girl cries easily," said Peter.

"Well… she cries; that makes her sound cold to say she doesn't. But, we've been roommates for six years. And aside from talking about her dad and him passing away, I've seen her cry maybe twice. I know about a third time she was upset enough to cry, but otherwise she just… doesn't," Julia explained.

Remus frowned. "Maybe she does it in hiding," he said.

"No, when Lily is hurt or sad, she gets angry and lets that temper of hers come out; you know what they say about red-heads," said Mary.

"I don't think having that older sister of hers was a big encouragement to cry when you were upset. It sounds like she probably got made fun of every time she did, so I think she just learned to tough it out," said Julia.

"And she doesn't want people to think she's weak," said Mary.

"Why would anyone think that? Lily is incredibly strong," said Sam.

"Magically, yes… but this whole anti-muggle-born movement bothers her a lot more than she lets on," said Julia. "She's constantly worried that if she shows the tiniest hint of weakness that someone will be like, '_oh, well that's just a muggle-born trait'_," Julia explained.

James frowned, thinking back to Lily's confession that she thought she was crazy for seeing the Thestrals, and assuming it was because she was Muggle-born. "Anyone who would say that is ridiculous. They don't matter, she should know that. This whole Death Eater blood-purity campaign is rubbish. No one thinks-"

"James… we know. We've tried to tell her, but all the news in the prophet and someone calling her or another Muggle-born 'mudblood' every other day doesn't help. Her falling out with Snape didn't help last year either," said Julia.

"How close were they?" asked Sirius, watching James' brows furrow in irritation.

"Too close," said Mary with a shudder.

"God, shut up, Mary," said Julia coldly. "I agree with you… but they were never anything more than friends. Obviously, we all know Snape wanted more, but Lily couldn't deal with his obsession with Dark Arts."

"Yeah, but I never understood how she could stand to be around him," said Mary.

"I didn't either," said Julia. "But it hurt her when he called her that, expecially after he'd told her so many times that it didn't matter; hell, I even heard him defend her once when someone called her Mudblood. Then to come up and just expect her to put it behind her, that was too much."

James nodded, remembering the conversation he had overheard between Lily and Snape the previous June. But how she could let one little word, one foul little nickname, ruin her confidence was beyond him. Didn't she see how amazing she was? How caring and loyal? How different she was from all the other girls in school? He wondered how much of her time she had spent defending Snape to her friends; he also wondered if he could ever dare dream she'd care for him enough to spend the same amount of time defending him.

The conversation topic changed and the hours passed, much quicker than James had anticipated. Lily slept the entire train ride, her head resting against his chest as she breathed deeply. Her warm body was soothing, and James wasn't sure what was better: her arm that she had squeezed around his waist or having his arm wrapped around her slender shoulders.

As dusk fell, the train slowed and moved to a halt. Lily's eyes blinked open and looked around the cabin. She suddenly gasped when she realized her position; sitting up slowly and looking at James with a horrified expression.

"Was I… did I sleep on you the _whole_ _ride_?"

"You were asleep against the window, but when Julia tried to wake you… you kind of… fell onto me," James explained warily, watching her expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Potter. That must have been horribly uncomfortable having me all over you the whole time. I'm so sorry; Goodness, that's embarrassing. I didn't mean… you should have woken me up. I'm –"

"Lily," James said chuckling lightly. "It's all right, it's not a big deal. I didn't mind."

"Yes you did, that's not comfortable. And I hug my pillow at night so I probably … oh, I'm so sorry," she said again, her face flushing a bright scarlet.

"Shut up, Lily," he laughed. "I don't mind. You can nap on me anytime you want," he said. They gathered up their things and exited the train, her still apologizing to him as they walked.

"I didn't mind you sleeping on me for Merlin's sake!" James said as they exited the train. "The drooling I minded… but other than-"

"I did not _drool_ on you," she said, finally laughing at his teasing. "Your robes are spotless."

"Not really," said James, pulling a few strands of her long hair off his sleeve. "You may not have drooled, but you shed all over me."

"Well, consider it a souvenir," she teased.

"If the happy couple would move we might be able to get off the train, Julia," said Sirius' voice.

James laughed but Lily flushed red and began to walk toward the exit of the car. She waved bye to Remus and Peter after they crossed through the barrier before hugging Mary and Julia and wishing them a happy Christmas.

"I'd write but I have no owl," she said sadly.

"I'll write you, Gideon will wait until you write back," said Julia. She then walked over and said a strange goodbye to Sirius; it was a mixture of a hug and a kiss, but very awkward. As Julia walked away, a happy, booming voice called Lily's name.

"Miss Evans," called James' father. "Nice to see you again; and how are you?"

"I'm well rested, seeing as I just finished sleeping with your son," she explained.

Ambrose Potter coughed loudly and looked at her with wide eyes. From behind her James and Sirius roared with laughter. "I beg your pardon?"

"I slept with your son," she said again. "I was tired on the train, and I found out that James makes a very good pillow," she said grinning.

Ambrose looked at her then laughed loudly. "Well done, Miss Evans, well done. I do believe we are even now, clever girl," he teased clapping her on the shoulder. "Ready to go, James? Sirius?"

"Yeah, erm… bye Lily," said Sirius.

"Bye Lily… see you after the holidays," said James as he walked past.

"Bye," said Lily waving to them as they walked off.

James was still smirking when they arrived back at his house. Sirius chuckled at his expression and his father looked at him with an amused expression. "I can't believe she got me back," his father said with a small laugh.

"I can't believe she got your dad," Sirius remarked after James' father had walked away.

James just smiled. "I can't believe she said she had been sleeping with me," he muttered quietly.

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A/N: Couldn't decide on which song I listened to more while writing this chapter so I referenced them both. Thanks always for your reviews. Why the double update? As previously mentioned, I'm impatient, so I decided to treat. Plus the praise keeps me going, so thank you again. I'm also going to Chicago and ATL the last two weeks of the month and probably wont make an update then. So I'll try to do another double next week.

As always, your feedback is appreciated =)


	13. Unexpected

**Unexpected Gift**

"If There's a Rocket Tie Me To It" Snow Patrol

* * *

James woke up Christmas morning to a small batch of presents at the end of his bed. He put on his glasses and browsed through gifts, grinning at the box of Filibuster's fireworks that Remus had sent and the set of spell-checking quills from Peter. He knew his parents would be waiting downstairs for him and Sirius before they started the festivities, so he hopped out of bed and walked across the hall to where Sirius had been residing since he moved in last summer.

He knocked on the door and opened it when Sirius' low voice called out to him. James ruffled his hair and observed Sirius' gifts, especially one he was hastily putting away.

"What was that?" asked James, flicking his wand and watching the package soar out of Sirius' hands into his own.

"Hey, prat," Sirius replied, hopping off the bed. His face was uncharacteristically stern as he walked over to where James stood. "That's-"

"What is it?" asked James, handing him back the box with a curious expression.

Sirius' cheeks grew red as he took the package. "It's actually a Christmas and birthday gift," he said.

"From…"

"Julia," he said, smiling lightly.

James grinned. "What's going on with her and you?"

Sirius sighed. "It's… well, we're sort of … _unofficially_ together. It started last year at the end of year ball, we'd both agreed that we fancied each other and thought the snogging would be the end of it. But it wasn't, and so now… we've just… kind of agreed that we'll hang out and be… _friendly_… with each other, until either of us is ready to date someone else," he explained.

James grinned. "Well… why don't you just date each other?"

"I dunno… she's kind of a free spirit, doesn't want to be tied down… neither do I really. I mean, I'll be getting my flat here soon and-"

"What? Not soon… you're going to stay at least until next summer right?" asked James.

"I don't want to put your parents out, mate; I'll be seventeen in two days and-"

"Bollocks, you're staying until summer; what happened to us getting a place together?" asked James in an affronted tone.

Sirius smiled. "All right, if you're sure your parents don't care…"

"They don't care," said James, waving off his concerns and smirking mischievously. "So… Julia… not tied down, but … friendly when you feel like it…"

"Yeah… but I like her, so it's not like I'm snogging her without any meaning behind it," Sirius said; almost like he was trying to convince himself that he was fine with the situation.

"Have you… have you shagged her?" asked James in a very low voice.

"NO!" Sirius said, before bursting out laughing. "No… no… that would… um, I don't think I'd be able to keep that to myself. I will say this though, the girl is… adventurous," he mused, shaking his head and widening his eyes.

"'Adventurous' how?" James asked, unable to control his sudden curiosity.

Sirius chuckled. "Let's just say female anatomy is much more visually intricate then I EVER imagined; it's quite um… well, let's compile our knowledge at some point and make a map; that would be a help."

James laughed lightly. "Judging from your statement, I'd bet we now are even as far as female anatomy knowledge; but, we'll do that, you can never be too prepared when it comes to women," he said with a grin. "What's in the box, though? What did she send you?"

Sirius grinned. "It's pretty cool," he said. He lifted the lid off the box and pulled out a box of Honeydukes best chocolate, a handsome looking cloak emblazoned with a Gryffindor lion, and a necklace with a small pendant that looked like three small dogs chasing each other around a knot of some sort. "She said the cloak was for Christmas, along with the chocolate. But this," he said holding up the pendant, "was for my birthday. It's a celtic symbol of a dog, she said it means loyalty and good luck," he smiled.

"Does she _know_?"

"No… she has no idea. But … Julia's funny; she can come off as so flighty, but then she'll nail something on the head. She said my laugh reminds her of a dog, so I suppose that's where she got it from," Sirius shrugged.

James chuckled and then clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Well, if only she knew how much of a dog you can be… she might think twice about snogging you if you started slobbering over her the way you do when you're Padfoot," he teased.

They headed downstairs to James' waiting parents, who were beaming as they bestowed gift after gift on the two of them. New dress robes for the pair of them, scarves and gloves for the remainder of winter, and James' parents gave Sirius his birthday presents early, which included a handsome gold watch and dragon hide boots. "Sirius, you can stay with us as long as you need… but I know you talked about getting a place of your own and when you do we'd like to buy you some furnishings," said James' mother.

"Oh… Mrs. Potter, no I couldn't-"

"We insist, my boy," said Mr. Potter. "You've been like a second son to us; don't think a second thought about it," he said with a smile.

Sirius' cheeks colored as he muttered a thank you, then he abruptly got to his feet and hugged both of James' parents tightly. James smiled and continued unwrapping his own gifts, admiring the brand new Nimbus 1700 racing broom they had gotten him. Sirius must have known about that gift early, as he had gotten James a servicing kit and a case that was designed for easy carriage of the broom.

"Thanks, Mum, Dad, Sirius…" said James. "It's brilliant; this will come in handy in the next few months," he said, thinking that he could now give his older broom to Lily for flying practice.

"For more than Quidditch, I do believe," said his father lightly.

James looked up curiously, as did Sirius. James' mother grinned and watched the boys as Mr. Potter got up and handed James another package. "This just arrived late last evening; with all these attacks and dark arts nonsense, I took the liberty of checking who it was from… I believe, James, that you will get a kick out of it. I also have a suggestion to make after you read through it," his dad explained, handing him small box that was wrapped with bright red paper.

James opened the box curiously and pulled out a handsome looking cloak similar to the one Sirius had received from Julia. It was emblazoned with the same Gryffindor lion and smelled familiar… very familiar… like lilacs, or clean water… or lilies.

"There's a note," said his mother in an excited voice.

James reached into the very bottom of the box, reading the small, tidy hand writing and feeling his heart beat very fast inside his chest.

"_Potter,_

_Since apparently I shed, and possibly drooled, on your cloak (which I think was a lie), I decided you could use a new one. Though, I'm not sure I'll get to see you wear it. I had to use magic to get an owl at the post office to believe I was a witch, and I'm expecting either another letter or a visit from the Ministry any day now. But, either way, I am sorry I fell asleep on you. If it's any consolation, you make an excellent pillow because I hadn't slept like that in weeks. So, thank you. _

_Wish Sirius and your parents Happy Christmas from me._

_Yours,_

_Lily Evans"_

Sirius chuckled. "Well, well… I guess they either must have gone shopping together or Evans is a Seer."

James laughed, running his fingers over the material of the cloak and inhaling the distinct fragrance that seemed to be embedded in the fibers. But suddenly a thought clicked in his head. "Is… is she going to get kicked out of school?" he asked his father.

"No… I talked with Lorence this morning. I told him about her after your little meeting this summer, he said she was a perfect example of how that restriction affects Muggle-borns badly. He stopped the letter that went out this morning, though he did tell me that getting the owl wasn't the only magic she used. Apparently, she used a hex on someone or something so he had to do some scrabbling to catch that one as well. But either way, I had a suggestion for you," his father explained.

"What?"

"You like this girl?" his mother suddenly asked, unable to contain herself.

James opened his mouth but Sirius laughed and responded. "Like her? He's in love with her! Has been for over two years and-"

"Shut _up_," James snarled, shaking his head as Sirius grinned broadly.

His mother's face softened. "Does she like you, James? I don't see how she couldn't," she said.

"Er… well… I've been a bit of a … prat around her at times," James confessed. "But… I'm starting to think she does like me," he explained. _Though she doesn't want to admit it_, he thought to himself.

"Buy her an owl," his father suggested.

James considered him. "That's not a bad idea. It's a little untraditional, I would have assumed flowers or-"

"If she doesn't have an owl, she could use one. And it will last longer than any flowers could," his mother said.

James looked at Sirius, who was nodding in agreement. "All right… I'll head to London tomorrow and pick her up an owl," he grinned. "We can… well, how will I get it to her?"

"Ahh… see, I managed to get her address from Lorence; you can fly to Hedge End, it's not that far," his father said, handing him another piece of paper.

James took it and grinned at Sirius. His parents walked to the kitchen to start preparing dinner and Sirius got to his feet. "Let's go get you some more exploration so we can make that map," he suggested, causing James to laugh loudly.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

Two days had passed since Christmas, but Lily was still fuming. Her mother had left for only an hour, but in that hour Petunia and her boyfriend had made Lily so angry that she'd inadvertently hexed them both with a stinging spell. Needless to say, Petunia was also furious since she had to explain to Vernon "what" her sister was, but at least now she was leaving Lily alone instead of calling her names.

"Lily," her mother said from her doorway. "Are you _ever_ going to get dressed?"

Lily looked down; she had showered but had refused to change into something presentable, choosing instead to clothe herself in sweatpants and an old t-shirt to annoy Petunia during the few hours she was home. "I'll get dressed…" she sighed heavily.

"Lily," her mother said firmly. "You can't let Petunia get the better of you; she's… well she's just-"

"She hates me, mum" said Lily with a bitter chuckle.

"No she doesn't," her mother replied. "She just… she doesn't understand, and she's jealous. But she's got her own life going on, she doesn't need to be anymore. I agree with you; it's childish for her to still be after you like she is, but… she'll grow out of it… I think."

"Yeah… yeah," Lily said, turning her eyes back to the window.

"Well… either way, it's almost noon. Get dressed and come downstairs, we can do something fun today. Tuney will be with Vernon all day for their Christmas. Let's go to a film or something," her mother suggested.

"Yeah… give me a few minutes," she said.

Her mother nodded and shut the door to her room. Lily pressed a pillow over her face and screamed into it. It was driving her mad to be home, to not be able to use magic, to not talk to her friends because she had no way of communicating with them; to not be on the grounds and in classes learning…

When she sat down and really thought about it, not being around James and his friends was disheartening her as well; their antics made time go exceptionally fast during the boring lessons, and she would love a distraction from the muggle world right now.

She stood up and began searching through her clothing for something to wear, when a flurry of movement caught her attention. She turned her head out the window for just a split second to see what looked like the tail end of a broomstick landing in the park across from her house. But it couldn't be? _They'd be seen… there would be no way_…

Lily's thoughts were cut off when James Potter and Sirius Black pulled off his invisibility cloak and stood across the street staring up at her house. They were carrying a large package of some sort and wearing matching cloaks; one, Lily recognized as the one she had sent James a few days earlier for Christmas, and Julia must have decided to purchase a matching one for Sirius after commenting how handsome the one Lily picked out was. The boys talked to each other for a moment before walking across the street and toward her house.

Forgetting that she looked as though she had just rolled out of bed, her sweatpants and t-shirt wrinkled and unkempt, her hair pulled up in a messy knot at the back of her head, Lily allowed her excitement at seeing the two boys overwhelm her completely as she raced out of her room and down the stairs. Her mother was walking out of the dining room when she flew by.

"I thought you were getting dressed?" she asked curiously; Lily ignored her and ran to door and flung it open.

James was standing awkwardly in front of her, his arm half extended in a knock as he reached for the door. When she pulled it open, both their eyes widened as they took in her appearance. Sirius glanced at James, whose eyes were looking up and down Lily like he'd never seen anything quite like her.

She looked incredibly silly and sexy all at the same time; James didn't know how she managed to pull it off. Her auburn hair was pulled up in a messy knot on the top of her head, strands escaping and hanging over her face and neck; she was wearing a pair of baggy grey trousers and a t-shirt that was faded and torn at the bottom. But her face was what caught him and took his breath away; her emerald eyes were alight with happiness, and she grinned from ear to ear as she stared at him and Sirius on her doorstep.

"What- What are you doing here?" she asked, excitement evident in her voice.

"Hi, Evans," Sirius said in a cheery voice. "You must have seen us coming and decided to dress up," he said, sniggering at her clothing.

"What? Oh… oh God," she said, looking down and remembering how she was dressed. James and Sirius laughed as another red haired figure approached from behind her.

"Lily, who… oh, oh! We have guests? Oh, hi boys… um… Lily, for goodness sakes invite them to come in, it's snowing outside," her mother said in admonishing voice.

"Oh! Sorry… sorry; yeah, come in!" she said, stepping aside and allowing them to enter. James was carrying what looked like a broomstick in a bag over his shoulders, and was holding another large package that was covered in a white cloth as they came inside.

"Hi, boys… yes, come in, take your coats off, please. Lily, go up and change," her mother said in a low voice, giving her daughter a stern look.

"Yeah… right, change… "Lily said, heading toward the stairs.

"You don't have to change on our account," said James while Sirius nodded.

"Yes, she does; she's been wearing those rags for days," her mother insisted, waving Lily on up the stairs. "I'll wait for Lily to do the official introductions, but would either of you like anything to eat or drink?" the woman asked them.

"No, thank you," James and Sirius replied. Lily's mother (they assumed it was Lily's mother seeing as how the woman's red hair and heart-shaped face were identical to hers) escorted them into a sitting room and indicated they should sit down. James and Sirius were about to strike up a conversation with her when Lily dashed back into the room, now wearing jeans and a white jumper, brushing her hair back into a long plait.

"Hi!" she said again, almost as though she didn't believe that they were sitting in her house.

"Lily… are you going to introduce your friends?" her mother asked.

"Yes…yes… um, Mum, this is James Potter and Sirius Black," she said, indicating them in turn. "And this is my mum, Rose Evans," she said indicating her mother who was smiling brightly.

"Hello," they both said politely, standing up to shake her hand.

"I'll let you kids talk for a bit then; Lils, I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything," Lily's mother said before exiting the room with a wink at her daughter.

Lily watched her go, and then turned back to James and Sirius. "Nice cloak," she said brightly.

"Yeah, thank you, it's brilliant," said James. "It's unfortunate you had to break more rules just to send it to me."

"Yeah, Evans… I think we're a bad influence on you," said Sirius.

Lily chuckled. "I'd agree, but it's a bit late for that now," she sighed. "I'm expecting a letter from the Ministry any day telling me to surrender my wand."

"You won't get one," said Sirius.

"Why not?"

"Because my dad contacted his friend who works in that department, and they've decided not to punish you for sending a letter," said James.

Lily's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Really," said Sirius. "It's good to have connections."

"I guess so," Lily laughed.

"But, there is a catch," said James.

"What's that?" asked Lily, eyeing him warily.

"Well, you have to take this without protest, and use it to send messages from now on," he said handing her the large package he was carrying.

Lily set it on the floor and pulled of the white cover, gasping and covering her mouth with her hands. Inside sat a beautiful speckled owl that was looking at her curiously. Its head was a dark black, but its belly and wings were a brilliant tawny; Lily laughed to herself as she noticed the owl had white markings around its eyes that resembled glasses, very similar to James'.

"Is… how… I can't believe this," whispered Lily. She opened the cage and allowed the owl to climb out and onto her shoulder. "This is not from the Ministry," she said.

"Course not, it's from us," said James.

"Us? It's all Prongs; he picked it out, he bought it, I'm just along for the ride," said Sirius with a grin. "Erm… bathroom?" Sirius said, scratching his neck and looking around.

"Down the hall, to your right," said Lily, still gazing fondly at her owl and stroking its feathers.

Sirius nodded and gave James a wink before he left. James turned back and watched Lily stroke the owls feathers softly, a smile on her pink lips and her eyes bright with happiness. His stomach suddenly erupted in butterflies as he watched her smile at his gift. Her face was alight joy, all James could think about was he'd do anything to keep her smiling as she was now.

"You like her?"

"Yes… she's… she's beautiful," Lily whispered quietly. "Thank you, James."

James perked his head up. "You called me 'James,'" he observed in an amused voice, the butterflies in his stomach swarming and making him fidget nervously. His name on her lips was a wonderful sound.

Lily looked up at him; smirking as he grinned at her and watching him twist his fingers timidly. "It's your name, isn't it?"

"Last time I checked," he grinned.

Lily nodded and smiled at him. She was about to say more when Sirius walked back in the room, fussing apprehensively with his hair. He waited for a few seconds, observing them both before breaking the silence. "Wow, those pictures in the hall don't move… I've never seen that before," he said curiously.

Lily and James both laughed. "Well, then it was a good birthday trip; we got to test out my broom, you got to see muggle photos for the first time and-"

"Birthday? Is it your birthday, Sirius?" Lily asked in astonishment.

"Seventeen," Sirius replied proudly.

"Well… jeez, James, thanks for telling me," she said, elbowing James as she passed by him.

"I told you his birthday was in December," he insisted.

"You never told me the _day_," she scolded. Lily walked over to Sirius and hugged him with one arm; he looked slightly confused but returned the embrace. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, Evans," Sirius replied.

"I feel awful; I could have at least gotten you a card if I had known," said Lily looking back at James, who grinned. She walked back toward the cage and placed the owl inside before escorting both boys into the kitchen, carrying the owl with them.

"Oh, Lily! Look at him!" her mom grinned, cooing at the owl. "Or is it a her?"

"It's a her," said Lily proudly. "James got her for me, so I can write to people."

"Well… that was awfully nice. Is this the same James that wrote to me last summer?"

"In the flesh," Lily said patting James on the shoulder.

James felt his stomach swoop when Lily touched him, and he was sure his face flushed with color. He ruffled his hair and pulled out a chair from the dining room table.

"Are you kids hungry?"

"Actually, mum, I was just informed that it's Sirius' birthday today," Lily said.

"Oh! Well, happy birthday then," Lily's mum said with a smile. Sirius returned the grin and sat down as well.

"Do we have cake mix or anything like that?" Lily asked. James and Sirius began to protest.

"No… you don't have to-"

"Evans, it's just a day! Don't waste your-"

"Quiet, both of you," Lily laughed as she and her mother walked over to a cupboard. "This won't take long and you can get back to whatever plans you had," she explained simply, pulling out a box and setting it on the counter before looking around for a bowl.

"We didn't really have plans," confessed James.

"Oh, well then you can stay and enjoy ice cream with your cake. It's the least I can do for Sirius since he's of age now, and for the owl as well," said Lily.

"The owl is a gift, you don't have to repay me," James said with a laugh. Lily waved him off and continued searching for items in her small kitchen.

Her mum returned to the sitting room and left them in the kitchen, talking lightly as Lily flitted about making a simple cake. Several times James and Sirius got up to peek over her shoulder, fascinated by muggle methods of cooking.

"It's not that different," Lily explained. "Just more leg work, really."

"I'll say," said Sirius. "I'm tired just watching you."

Lily laughed and continued her work. After about an hour they were all sitting at the table eating cake and ice cream, laughing loudly as they discussed various topics. Their conversations went on and on, from Quidditch to potions lessons, their monthly adventures to various types of hexes. Lily found herself happily laughing at the boys' quick witted comments, and blushing at several references to her own activities.

"So, Evans… who'd you hex?" asked Sirius conspiratorially.

Lily sighed and looked toward the living room, making sure her mother was engaged in a television show and not paying attention to their conversation. "I didn't hex anyone… intentionally," she said.

"Who'd you hex _un_intentionally?" asked James.

"My sister," she said quietly. "And that bloody git she calls her boyfriend … ugh … they were just harassing me and calling me these awful names. I tell you what, I get sick of getting called names every place I go," she said, attacking her ice cream and taking a large bite.

"What were they calling you?"

"Nothing terribly creative: freak, loser, useless talentless vagabond. The most clever one was 'slag', which I actually laughed at considering Linghold called me a prude not that long ago," she said with a small laugh.

James and Sirius shook their heads. "I'd have hexed her too," Sirius said.

"I didn't mean too, I lost control. Hasn't happened in a while," she explained.

"Lily Evans lose control?" asked James. "I don't believe it."

"It used to happen all the time when I was a kid," she explained with a grin. "I'm sure for you two it was fairly normal; for me, not so much."

"I never thought about it like that," said Sirius thoughtfully. "I remember one time I got mad at my brother about something and there was this glass vase that my mother had… it just shattered, everywhere. She was furious, of course," he explained with a laugh.

"I used to just make stuff fly around everywhere when I was happy," James explained. "Which was pretty often."

Lily laughed and shook her head. "I did that too, and my mum hated taking me to the playground. Remember those swings I told you about? I would make them go really high, and then I'd jump off and just… float to the ground. I've never managed to be able to do it since I learned I was a witch, but it was fun for a while. Used to scare my parents to death, though," Lily confessed.

"Yes, that it did," her mother said from the edge of the dining room, smirking as she watched her daughter blush. "It's after ten, Lils; I'm heading to bed. No, you boys don't have to leave if you don't want to," she said as James and Sirius stood up.

"Well, we probably should go. I'm guessing my parents might wonder where I am," James explained. He and Sirius shook Mrs. Evans' hand again and bid her good night as she wandered upstairs. Lily walked them to the door, a sad expression on her face and her arms wrapped around her tightly.

"You will be careful right?" she asked. "Julia wrote me a letter and told me about that incident at the Christmas parade, how awful. Have they found those Aurors?"

"No, they haven't. No one's heard anything," James said quietly.

"I can't believe the Ministry doesn't realize that it's You-Know-Who doing all of this," she huffed angrily.

"I know, who else would it be?" asked Sirius with a shrug.

"My mum and dad are waiting for the Death Eaters to come knocking on our door," said James in a somber voice.

"I'm guessing they already knocked on the door of my house," said Sirius in a disgusted voice.

"What? Why?" asked Lily in astonishment.

"Pure-blood; both of our families have very impressive _lineage_, or so said Rosier in our last Herbology class when he was trying to talk it up," James scoffed.

"They want you to join?" asked Lily in a quiet voice, her bright eyes suddenly filled with horror.

"Probably, but my dad and mum would snap their wands in half before they ever supported anything Voldemort did," said James, placing his hand against her arm in a comforting gesture.

"Sirius?"

"The Death Eaters can go to hell, where they belong; I'm with James' family, I'll break my wand before I'll start doing Dark Magic," he said.

Lily nodded and chewed on her lip.

"Hey, Evans… we'll be okay, don't worry," Sirius said, taking in her expression.

"I didn't realize you were so wanted by them. Maybe… maybe you shouldn't tell anyone you were here," she suggested.

"Why?" asked James.

"Because I'm-"

"Because you're a witch?" asked Sirius.

"You're a witch, Lily, and a damn good one. Your blood purity doesn't matter," James said firmly. He moved his hand to her shoulder and forced her to look at him. "My parents, Padfoot and I, and Moony and Wormtail for that matter, would rather hang round with you, and all the other muggle-borns in Hogwarts- hell, all the Muggles in Britain – than to be associated with the Death Eaters for a second."

Lily smiled. "Thanks… I wish there was more I could do to stand up against it."

"So do we… but we've got another year and half, then we can get out there and put a stop to it," said Sirius.

"That's the plan," James agreed.

Lily nodded and grinned at the two of them. She yawned lightly and stretched.

"We'll take off, let you get back into your pajamas," Sirius teased.

Lily stepped forward and embraced him quickly. "Happy Seventeenth, Sirius. I hoped you enjoyed the cake," she said.

"It was great; I'll look you up next time I want sweets," he said, patting her on the back.

Lily grinned and stepped toward James. She wrapped her slender arms around his shoulders and he put his arms around her waist, holding her tightly to him and inhaling deeply. "Thank you for the owl, James," she said, her voice shaking when she said his name.

"You're welcome, Lily; thank you for the cloak," he replied.

"You're welcome," she said. They held each other for another moment, then broke apart, James ruffling his hair and Lily fidgeting nervously. Sirius and James walked outside and Lily watched as the two boys examined their surroundings before hopping on to James' broom and flying off. Lily locked the door and wandered upstairs, taking her new owl with her and letting her fly around her room to explore. She lay back on her bed and stroked the bird's soft feathers, feeling sleepy and finally succumbing to exhaustion as she thought of the feel of James' arms wrapped around her waist.

James braked and landed lightly in front of his house. He ruffled his hair and put the broomstick back in his bag as he and Sirius walked inside. They greeted his parents and told them the details of their afternoon before heading upstairs to bed.

"She hugged you for a long time," Sirius commented.

James nodded, tugging at the sleeves of his cloak and inhaling her scent that lingered in the fabric. "I think I'm finally willing to admit you're right," he said quietly.

"Right about what?"

James cleared his throat and looked down the hall to make sure his parent's weren't coming up the stairs. "I love her."

"Yeah…" Sirius said in an obvious tone.

"No… I … I _really_ think I love her," James stated again, thinking about how his desires had changed over the course of the past twenty four hours. Previously, his desires had always revolved around Lily acknowledging _him_, praising _him_, or noticing _his_ talents and efforts. Now, all James could think about doing was praising _her_; teasing her, giving her gifts, telling her how beautiful she was… anything to make her smile the way she had today.

Sirius smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. "I think she loves you too… now getting her to admit it, that's another story," he explained.

The next few days passed without any action, though James and Sirius were highly amused when they received a letter from Lily two days after their visit.

"_James and Sirius,_

_Thank you again, James, for the owl. She's brilliant! I've already taken out a subscription to the Prophet so I can actually keep up with what's going on, and I've written Julia and Mary both. She's so fast and smart; I just can't get over it. _

_I hope you two are enjoying the rest of your holiday and not driving your parents too crazy. I'll see you both on the train this Saturday._

_Yours,_

_Lily_"

James smiled and tucked the note into the pocket of his jeans when they were finished reading it, ignoring the amused look that Sirius was giving him. They descended the stairs and wandered into the dining room to see James' parents sitting at the table, both of them looking anxiously at the prophet and a letter that had been delivered that morning.

"What's going on?" asked James, looking at his mother's somewhat frightened expression.

"Nothing I want you to worry about," she said lightly, passing him and Sirius a plate of toast and bacon to start their breakfast.

"Lindsay," James' father said in a slightly exasperated tone.

"_Ambrose_," his mother responded, mocking his tone. "I don't think-"

"Mum," said James lightly. "We'll find out anyway."

His mother made a face, but sighed and shook her head. "I'm going to make you two breakfast; I swear, you've grown another three inches since August," she said shaking her head. She kissed James on the top of his hair and ruffled Sirius' playfully as the boys eyed James' father, hoping he would explain what had them both looking so concerned.

James' father sighed and put down the paper, running a hand through his thinning black hair and waiting until his wife had left the room. "You boys know Alice Vanceton right?"

"Yeah, we know Alice, she's head girl this year," said James.

"Her family was murdered," James' father said soberly.

"What?" Sirius asked in a shocked voice. "She's-"

"No, not her. She was spending the week with her boyfriend in London when it happened. The story is here," Mr. Potter explained passing them the paper.

"_Office of Magical Law Enforcement investigating mysterious deaths over Christmas Holiday."_

"_Private services were held to honor the memories of Constance and Marius Vanceton this past Monday in Newmarket. Their bodies were discovered by daughter, Alice, and Auror, Frank Longbottom, when they arrived home to celebrate the Christmas Holiday._

"_There were signs of a struggle and both bodies bore marks that suggested they received several injuries, but the cause of death is unknown._

"_The Vancetons were outspoken opponents of the Death Eater regime and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Most recently, they had worked with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement to recruit more Aurors to fight in the growing resistance._

"'_The deaths of the Vancetons are mourned by all of the Wizarding Community; rest assured that the perpetrators of this act will be found and brought to justice swiftly,' said Barty Crouch, head of The Department of Magical Law Enforcement._

"_In a controversial move, the Ministry and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement have begun discussing legalizing an Auror's use of Unforgiveable Curses when fighting the Death Eaters. This action would be separate from Crouch's proposal last week that Aurors be given permission to use extreme or deadly force if necessary. _

"'_The response to the proposal has received overwhelming support. We will fight fire with fire, and peace will be restored to our world once more,' Crouch explained._"

James and Sirius glanced at each other and set down the paper. "What do you think, Dad?"

James' father made a disparaging noise. "Well, I've actually spoken with Dumbledore. Both of us aren't sure that giving the Aurors the license to kill first and ask questions later is the best idea, but at the same time … the Death Eaters are becoming more and more ruthless. The rumor is the Vancetons were asked to join the cause and refused, which is obviously why they were killed."

Sirius looked alarmed, much more alarmed than James had seen him in a while. "They were Pure-bloods, though; I thought the Death Eaters-"

James' father shook his head. "Blood-purity might be what they claim the war is about, which is ridiculous, but it's all about power. There's no way that hoard of bastards can all be pure-blood," he said scoffing. "They're getting more powerful, and they see no need to spare families based on lineage any longer."

"What does Dumbledore think?"

"He doing everything he can from his position to fight against it. But his priority is and will always be the school, which helps me sleep easier since you both are there," he said with a small smile. "Voldemort is scared of Dumbledore, won't seek a face fight to fight with him."

"He should be scared," said Sirius. "Dumbledore destroyed Grindlewald; I've wondered why he hasn't sought out Voldemort the same way."

"If he could find the bastard, I'm sure he would," said Mr. Potter. "But Voldemort has been excellent at hiding and creating this under stirring of chaos among all of us. No one knows who's working for him, and he's using the Imperius Curse like it's a cheering charm, so any one of us could become controlled if we're not paying attention."

James' father glanced toward the kitchen and leaned closer to the boys. "Your mum is worried about you both. You're young, talented, brave… they're going to come for you eventually. She doesn't want you taking the train back to school; she's worried something is going to happen. She's also worried about the defensive preparation you're receiving and-"

"McMyers is great! We've got non-verbal spells down and-"

"James, I know," said his father said placatingly. "And Dumbledore assured us that next year you'll be learning more advanced defensive charms and hexes as well, but … your mother is still nervous. Understandably so, if Dumbledore weren't Headmaster I'd pull you out myself. But you're safe as long as he's there."

"We can take care of ourselves too, you know," said James defensively.

Mr. Potter grinned. "I know… I know… but _you're_ still sixteen. I know that you just turned of age, Sirius… but a change in a number doesn't instantly make you qualified."

Both boys scowled and looked away, but James' father just laughed. "Ahh… I'm glad I passed my arrogance on to you, James. I remember how much I hated it when my parents said the same thing… but as I've aged, I've learned they were right. Experience is invaluable, so get as much as you can before you go out there and start fighting… which I know you both will."

Sirius chuckled and James smiled as his dad grinned at them. "Well, I will agree with your mum on one thing. I think it's best that we travel in groups; less chance of being put under that bloody curse when you're with someone than if you're alone. I've already wrote Remus' parents, and they're going to drop him off tomorrow and we'll all go to London together. It sounds like your friend Pete is already back at school?"

"Yeah," said Sirius. "He had to… he had lots of homework he needed to finish," he explained. It was true somewhat; Peter was behind, but he'd actually gone back early to get some help with his potions and charms work, which were suffering horribly.

"Well, then it'll just be you three," said James' father. He stood up from the table and began to walk toward the kitchen. Suddenly a thought raced through James' head.

"Dad? What about Lily?"

"Hmm?" his father asked, turning around.

"Lily Evans… our … friend … the girl who lives near Southampton," he explained.

"Oh! The pretty girl you fancy," said his father. "Her friends won't be willing to escort her?"

"Well, she doesn't have the defensive training that we do, and her roommates live very far away," said James. "Mary lives up in Scotland and Julia…" he said, looking at Sirius.

"Julia is East of Manchester, so she'd have to go south to get Lily, then back up to London," said Sirius, picking up on James' hints. "They can't connect the floo network to any muggle houses, you know."

"Hmm, that stupid rule about refraining from contact with Muggle families is the reason for that," Mr. Potter said ruffling his hair. "Let me talk to your mother, then we'll see what we can do."

James grinned at Sirius who rolled his eyes before they began talking about what they would do when Remus arrived tomorrow.

It was Friday morning and Lily was still in her bedroom. She was re-reading a few of the letters she had gotten from Julia and smiling to herself. From what Julia said, it sounded like her and Sirius were becoming closer and closer each day. Lily grinned and tried to think of ways to tease them when she saw them again.

She had finally gotten up and changed clothing around one o'clock, after she had become curious as to why her mother hadn't been up to pester her about getting out of bed. When she opened the door, her mother's bright laughter was echoing up the staircase, along with another female voice she didn't recognize. Lily listened and then came a set of male voices that sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place who they belonged to.

"It's rather sad when you own kind stops in and they don't even want to see you," said Petunia from her doorway.

"Pardon?"

"There are some other freaks like you down there. What they're doing here I'm not sure, but I'd love it if they leave so Vernon can actually come over," she said snidely.

Lily rolled her eyes and descended the stairs, suddenly fearful that a group from the Ministry had come to talk to her mother about her use of magic. Lily walked slowly down the steps, her heart fluttering nervously, but she was met with a sight that was unexpected even in her craziest dreams.

James, Sirius and Remus were sitting at her table, smirking as her slight figure reached the landing and stared at them curiously. Next to them were James' father and mother, whom Lily had only seen at the train station but never spoken too. She had the same bright smile and hazel eyes that had graced James' features, her shoulder length hair was brown but streaked with grey. She had it pulled back halfway, revealing her bright expression as she talked eagerly with Lily's mum.

Lily stepped slowly into the dining room and remained quiet. "Well, look who decided to get out of bed finally," her mother teased.

"Um… I … er…"

"Lily, it sounds like you've met James' father before, but you haven't met his mother?" her mother asked, patting James' mum on the shoulder.

The kind faced woman stood up and walked over to Lily at the same time that James did. She smiled brightly at Lily and took her hand. "Lily, this is my mum, Lindsay; Mum, this is Lily Evans."

"It's very nice to meet you," Lily said, giving her a shy smile and shaking her hand.

"Pleasure is here, I've heard so much about you," she said grinning happily. Lily flushed with color as James' mum escorted her over to the table and sat her down between herself and Mrs. Evans.

"Hi, Remus," Lily said brightly, grinning at her friend across the table. He looked pale and tired but returned her smile and wave with as much enthusiasm as he could. "Um… mum, you could have woken me up, you know…"

"Oh, I was thinking about it, but I figured you might need the sleep," her mum said with a shrug. "Besides, I've been chatting with these lovely people, who incidentally have a proposition for you."

Lily lifted her eyes and looked across the table at the five people grinning at her, waiting for someone to explain why four wizards and a witch were visiting a muggle house on a Friday afternoon.

"Well, Lily, James tells us that since you got your owl you have taken out a subscription to the Prophet. I trust that you've seen the news the past few days then?" Mr. Potter asked in a light voice.

Lily felt a lump rise in her throat; she had read the article about Alice's parents and had spent that evening crying, though she had refrained from telling her mother about the incident to keep from frightening her. "Yes, yes I've been… paying attention," she said, watching Mr. and Mrs. Potter's eyes carefully. They seemed to understand that she wanted to refrain from letting on too much about what was happening in the wizard world, and had already thought out a way of keeping it from her mother's attention.

"Good, then you saw the blurb about asking students to travel in groups to avoid the construction going on at King's Cross?" Mrs. Potter said lightly.

"Um… yes, yes I did read that."

"And your roommates are in Scotland and Manchester correct?" Mr. Potter asked, watching as Lily nodded. "Well then, if it's an idea that suits you, we'd like to invite you to come with us tonight and we'll take you to London in the morning to catch the train. This way you'll be in a group, and you won't have to go through the extra hassle of waiting for others to come along to travel through the barrier," he explained.

Lily flushed and smiled brightly, looking at her mum. "It's fine with me, Lils. I need to take Petunia dress shopping. She said she'd rather not go to London, so this will give us a whole day to find what she's looking for," she explained. "But, only if you want to go with them…"

Lily compared the two options in her head; endure a car ride with Petunia hurling veiled insults at her and Lily trying to refrain from responding back, or travel with James and his friends and at least have a few laughs. The decision was obvious. "Yeah… that sounds great. Thanks for thinking of me," she said quietly.

"Good, good," said Mrs. Potter. "Ambrose took the liberty of contacting the office of transportation, so we've gotten permission to Apparate with you back to our house whenever you're ready."

"You had your bag packed days ago so it shouldn't take long, right, sweetie?" Lily's mum asked, running her fingers through Lily's long hair in an affectionate way.

"Um… yeah, I've just got to get a few things together. Um, give me a few minutes," she said, hopping up from the table.

"We'll come help," said James as he, Sirius, and Remus all stood and followed her upstairs. They wandered down the hall, the three boys waving brightly at Petunia as they passed her door and chuckling as she gave them a horrified glance before slamming it in their faces.

"I think she was pleased to see us," said Sirius. James and Remus both laughed and leaned against the walls of Lily's room, James allowing his eyes to scan the walls for various things that he could talk to Lily about.

Her room was bright and cheerful, lilac colored curtains covered the two windows and Lily's bed was tucked in the corner. It was neat except for the few articles of clothing, letters and books that were strewn about. The cage in which she kept her owl was spotless. James wondered if she cleaned it every day by hand. The owl was sleeping with its head tucked under wing, and next to the cage were a few pictures that it looked like she had been going through.

"What'd you name your owl?" asked James.

"Daisy," replied Lily with a smirk.

"Do you find the name amusing?" asked Remus.

"No, I think it's very pretty," said Lily, walking beside them and shutting the door to her room. "But it was the name my sister had picked out for her first born child if it was a girl, so she was horrified that I used it. '_I can't use it now! Every time I say it I'll think of that filthy animal_!'"

The three boys laughed heartily. "Sneaky, aren't you," said Sirius in a teasing voice. Lily laughed as she shoved a few more things into the bag she had brought home with her for Christmas.

"Your mum's name is Rose, sister is Petunia… you're Lily. Is this a tradition?" asked James.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes… every girl born in my family has a flower name. There have been lots of repetitions, but every now and then someone gets creative and comes up a new one. My cousin just had a baby and named her Ivy, so that was different," she explained.

"How many Lilys have there been?" asked Remus interestedly.

"Mine is actually different as well; I had a great-great Aunt Lily, but before I came along it wasn't used much," she said.

"Saved it for special occasions then," said James.

Lily blushed and grinned at him as she slung her bag over her shoulder. She moved to grab the cage, but James waved her off. "I can get this," he said. As he grabbed it, a picture fell off the desk and onto the floor. Sirius walked over and picked it up to set it back on her desk, but he suddenly grinned at it when Lily reached for his hand. He held the picture out of her reach, smirking as he examined the two girls in their Hogwarts uniforms.

"When was this taken?" he asked, laughter creeping into his voice.

"Fourth year," she said. "Give it back, Sirius!"

"Oh no, I think this ought to go up on the announcement board … show everyone how our prefect really behaves," he said with a laugh, showing the picture to Remus who also laughed loudly. James grinned and ran over to their side, chuckling when he saw the photograph.

Lily and Julia stood by the great lake, both of them twisting their faces into grotesque expressions and laughing as they looked at each other. "What a pair of lovely ladies," James teased as he watched Lily's face grow red.

"Ha ha," she said, before flicking her wand and watching as the picture flew out of Sirius' hand into her own.

"Hey! No magic," Sirius said in a shocked voice. "What would James' parents think?"

"Well, I gather they don't care since we'll be Apparating away from my house in a few moments," she said rolling her eyes. The boys grinned and followed her out of the room.

"Bye, Petunia!" Lily called brightly.

"Yes, bye Petunia!" Sirius said.

"Enjoyed visiting with you, Petunia!" Remus yelled.

"Glad you were able to see us!" said James.

Lily had to bite her lip to suppress her laughter as Petunia opened the door to her room and gave them all a shocked expression. They walked downstairs and into the dining room.

"All packed, then?" Mrs. Potter asked. Lily nodded and hitched her bag up higher, but James' father walked over and removed it from her shoulders.

"We'll just send this over now," he said, flicking his wand and making the bag and cage vanish on the spot. Lily grinned as her mother watched interestedly from her chair.

"So convenient," she said with a small laugh. "It was nice meeting you both; I'm sure Lily will enjoy being with her friends much more than riding in the car with us. Please call if you need anything," she said shaking Mr. and Mrs. Potter's hands.

"We will, they'll all have fun. Lily, we'll let you say your goodbyes then you can come across the street to meet us," Mrs. Potter said kindly.

Lily nodded and watched as the five of them walked out the door. She looked at her mother who was grinning at her suspiciously. "This boy, James… he's awfully fond of you."

Lily flushed brightly and cleared her throat. "Mum-"

Her mom held up a hand. "I don't want to know how you feel, but I am going to tell you this," she said, placing a hand on her shoulders. "Don't be stubborn; and don't give me that look, you know what I mean. You worry so much about being right and proving people wrong that I think you ignore your own feelings; aside from the fact that you tend to put other people's needs and wants ahead of your own."

"Mum…"

"Just… don't be stubborn, Lils. You'll be safe wont you?"

"I always am."

"And you'll write?"

"Much more now," said Lily with a grin.

"And you'll behave?"

"Mum!"

Her mother laughed and hugged her tightly before kissing her forehead. "I love you, Lily."

"I love you too, Mum," Lily replied, squeezing her mother tightly in return. She felt her mother sniff and wipe a tear from her cheek before she released her. "You'll be all right?"

"I'll be all right, Lils," she said smiling gently. "Keep in touch."

Lily nodded and waved before walking out the door and across the street. She watched as James' father put his hands on Remus' and Sirius' shoulders and disappeared with a loud crack. Lily bit her lip nervously and stood next to James' mother.

"This will… be a bit strange for you, dear, but one gets used to it," she said placing her hand on Lily's shoulder and holding tightly. James stood on the other side of his mum, smiling at Lily in a reassuring way. Lily felt Mrs. Potter turn slightly and was suddenly sucked into what felt like a vortex of darkness. Intense pressure caved in on all sides of her, and she felt like she was being squeezed through a garden hose.

As suddenly as it began, the sensation stopped and Lily inhaled sharply, cool air filling her lungs and flooding her with relief. She held herself steady, feeling as though she would throw up and squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

"All right?" said James' voice from next to her.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"It takes some getting used to," he explained, putting an arm around her waist and shunting her forward.

"You've done it before?" Lily asked, opening her eyes and looking at him.

"Only with my mum and dad, but we'll have lessons this year on how to do it on our own."

"I can hardly wait," said Lily sarcastically. She looked up at where they were headed; a gorgeous two story house stood in front of her. It was surrounded by flowering shrubs and a large oak tree stood in the front yard. It looked very old but was elegant and well kept.

"You have a beautiful house," Lily said quietly.

James' mother stepped forward and took her by the hand. "Thank you, dear. But it'll be much more beautiful with another woman inside it," she said, dragging her forward as James rolled his eyes. "I'm surrounded by these boys all the time. It'll be nice to have another girl around for a day."

Lily laughed and followed her inside the house, feeling butterflies erupt in her stomach as she was escorted into the bright atmosphere of James Potter's house.

* * *

_A/N: If you are at liberty and can get your hands on a copy of Snow Patrol's "A Hundred Million Suns" album, do so. It's very good if you like deep lyrics, slow melodies, and romantic songs; aside from that I believe every single song on that album helped me write this story. Thanks again for all your reviews! It makes me smile and smile each time I read them. I'll have another chapter up in a few days so you won't have to wait too long. Thanks again!_

_Also a question for my readers - you can either message me or comment in your review. I'm debating on splitting this story into two... obviously published back to back. This one would end at the end of seventh year, the next begin with the summer after (being vague as to not give too much away, though most will probably guess what event will start the second story). But, I could also keep it just as one, though the chapters would be numerous. Any opinions or thoughts would be appreciated! I'm asking because it will affect how I write and continue to set things up._

_Thanks again, and just for reference..._

Sirius' Pendant from Julia and Lily's Owl, Daisy - links can be found on my profile page to see what I'm picturing.


	14. Surprises

Surprises

"The Man Who Can't Be Moved" The Script

* * *

Lily's evening at the Potters was, for the most part, uneventful. James, Sirius and Remus amused her with their stories of full moon outings, getting into playful arguments over chess and exploding snap, and bombarding her with questions about life as a Muggle-born.

"Your mum handles it well," Remus observed. "I had a hard time not laughing when James' mum conjured tea and cups out of thin air so that she wouldn't have to go any trouble."

"The look on her face was brilliant," said Sirius with a laugh.

"I didn't even think about it when I did it," said Mrs. Potter in an embarrassed voice. "I do hope I didn't upset her," she said looking at Lily.

Lily laughed. "No, not at all. My mum is… amused… by me being a witch. I think both my parents were actually a bit relieved, rather than scared, when I got the letter and McGonagall visited to explain everything," she explained.

"I can gather making things fly around the room when you're happy would be frightening to some," James laughed. Lily blushed and nodded, but then the topic switched to their plans for the remainder of the year and Mrs. Potter suggesting they should all head to bed before it got too late.

The Hogwarts express left on Saturday without a hitch; the ride was long and Lily endured much teasing about the possibility of falling asleep on James again.

"Just saying, Lily," he laughed after she had moved across the bench away from him, blushing furiously and trying to fight a smile from forming on her face. "If you need sleep…" he said, trailing off and opening his arms wide before leaning back against the seat in a relaxed manner.

"Ah, James… that's sweet," she replied. "But, I don't want you to become over stimulated and spontaneously combust," she teased, causing everyone in the cabin to laugh loudly.

"When is the next Hogsmeade weekend, Lils?" Julia asked, moving across the cabin and sitting down next to Lily. Lily

Lily glanced at a calendar in her bag and smiled. "It's the day before my birthday, that will be fun," she said brightly, turning to Julia and whispering plans. Sirius glanced at James, who perked up and began considering his options.

When the stepped off the train, Julia made up something about forgetting a bag and let Lily go on ahead alone. She caught the Marauders in the hall and stared James down. "Don't ask her out for her birthday."

"Why not?" James asked.

"'Cause she'll say no because it's her birthday, or she'll make up something about you only asking her because of that," Julia explained waving her hand. James protested, but Julia shushed him and continued. "We are planning a surprise party for her, since she turns seventeen-"

"_Excellent_," James interrupted, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

"It'll start in the common room, then we can all go to Hogsmeade together… and _then,_ maybe you can get her _alone_," Julia said seductively.

"Probably not, but I'm game for trying," James said lightly, thinking of things to get Lily for her birthday.

Sirius was scratching his chin thoughtfully then suddenly laughed. "Lily will be seventeen!" he said excitedly.

"Wow… you're a quick one, you are," Julia replied sarcastically.

"No…I thought I was going to have to wait for Wormtail to turn at the end of February to take a shot at the bar. Now I can take one with Evans!" He laughed.

"Why can't you take one by yourself?" asked Remus.

"Because it's lame drinking alone, no one will be impressed with how much I can handle," muttered Sirius, causing all of them to roll their eyes as they continued off the train.

Lessons resumed and the course work began to get harder as it usually did after the holidays. Non-verbal incantations were becoming easier, but a few students had trouble keeping spells straight as they moved on to much more difficult and darker discussions during each lesson. An announcement was posted on the board the second week back advising students, who would turn seventeen before June first, that they would be allowed to take a course for Apparition licensing before the end of the year. Practice sessions would begin in March and continue twice a month through June.

As Lily backed through the crowd of Gryffindors that had gathered around the post, she saw Alice and Marlene sitting at a table in the corner talking quietly. Lily hadn't seen Alice for more than five minutes since they returned to Hogwarts, so she wandered over to them and sat down.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Hey, Lils," said Marlene brightly, "how are you?"

"I'm good," Lily replied quietly. "How… how are you?"

Marlene looked at Alice, who was staring at her copy of the Prophet with an intense amount of concentration on her face. Alice took a deep breath and looked up, giving Lily a broad smile as she did. "I'm okay, Lily. I'm all right," she said quietly.

"I'm _so_ sorry," said Lily, reaching out and pulling Alice into a hug. "I … I was so scared when I heard about it. Have they found anything out?"

Alice shook her head. "No, and they never will. But, all I can do is try to continue what they started," she said in a brave voice.

"Have you accepted?" asked Marlene conspiratorially.

"Yes, I did," said Alice. "Frank as well."

"Me too," Marlene replied.

"Accepted what? Are you _both_ joining the Auror training program?" asked Lily in an excited voice.

"Er… yeah… yeah," Marlene stuttered. "Listen, I've got to run and finish my potions essay. I'll talk to you later," she said as she grabbed her books and walked upstairs.

Lily looked at Alice, who was now staring at her hands. "Are you sure you're okay?" asked Lily.

Alice nodded. "I will be… once I can get out there and fight this I will be," she explained quietly. Alice lifted her head and looked at Lily seriously. "Lils… don't tell anyone this. Frank and I are getting married right after I'm done with school," she said with a smile.

"That's brilliant! Congratulations!" said Lily, giving her another squeeze. "Why don't you want anyone to know?"

"Because we've both been targeted, and it's just going to be a very small event so I don't want anyone we don't invite to be offended. I don't… I can't imagine being without him; this year has been so hard, and I don't know how much time we have together and-"

"Alice… everything will be all right," said Lily in a soothing voice. "I mean… I guess I don't know that. But you have each other, and it'll be brilliant."

Alice smiled and nodded. "I hate all of this," she said abruptly, the sweet smile quickly turning to a scowl. "I hate Voldemort, and all the Death Eaters; I hate what they're doing to our world, to the Muggles, to everyone… Lily, I know that you sometimes worry that everyone will turn on you because you're Muggle-born, but-"

"Alice," said Lily. "I'm… I've stopped caring. I'm in danger, the Death Eaters hate me because of my birth... so what? I'm going to fight against this just as hard as everyone else once I get the chance. I turn seventeen at the end of this month, and that's a start right there," she said in a brave voice.

Alice smiled. "Well… stay in school for another year, you'll need it. Then come out with us, and we'll beat this… all of us, together," she said fiercely, smiling as Lily nodded. "You will need to learn to fly a broom though, Lils," said Alice in a teasing voice.

"Yes… James has been helping me," she said in an offhand voice.

"James Potter?"

"Who else?"

Alice looked at her curiously, but smiled gently. "Yeah… he'd be a good one to learn from," she agreed, giving Lily a knowing look that the latter tried to ignore.

The day before Lily's birthday arrived, and she arose much earlier than anyone had expected considering it was a Saturday. She was in the process of fixing her hair when Julia sat up in bed and stared over at her curiously. "What are you doing up?"

"Um… I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided to get up," Lily replied, giving Julia a bemused grin.

"Well, can you at least wait for me before you go down to breakfast?" asked Julia as she scrambled out of bed.

"Are you going to shower and everything?" asked Lily.

"Uh… no? No I don't need to, I suppose. Where's Mary?" Julia said, hopping out of bed and running over to the other four poster bed. She tore back the covers and Mary sat up, scowling at her.

"What? What time is it?" she asked irritably.

"It's a quarter after seven," said Lily, checking her watch.

"Why are _you_ up?" Mary asked Lily.

"Merlin's beard… next time I wake up early I'll just hide in my bed until I'm allowed out," said Lily with a small laugh.

"No… that's not it, but we didn't expect you to be up so early," said Mary. She glanced at Julia as though she was searching for something to say. "Jules… weren't you supposed to meet _Sirius_ this morning for something?"

"What? Oh, OH!" said Julia. She ran over to her trunk and pulled out a pair of jeans and a blue shirt and quickly pulled them on. "Erm… I won't be gone long… wait for me!" she called as she ran out the door without putting on her socks and shoes.

"That was … odd…" said Lily, watching as the door swung shut. "Well, I'm going to-"

"Lily, wait… you've got presents!" Mary said, pulling out a few boxes from underneath her bed.

"What? My birthday isn't until tomorrow, I feel bad about opening them early."

"Open them now, I want to see what you got," Mary insisted, sitting down on Lily's bed and handing her a package.

"All right… I guess if we're going to wait for Julia we might as well," said Lily. She sat down and tore open the box that Mary handed her. It was a set of defensive spell books from Alice and Marlene, with a note saying "_study hard, we're going to need you!"_

"Only you would get excited about books," teased Mary.

"Hey, it'll put me ahead of the game in Defense Against the Dark Arts at least," she said, smiling at the brilliant red cover and setting it aside. She opened a second package from Julia and Mary; it was a set of gold potions scales and a cauldron. "This must have cost a fortune! I can't… thank you," Lily said hugging Mary tightly.

"Well, you only turn of age once and they will last you a while, so Happy Birthday," she said.

There was a package of chocolate frogs and a new quill from James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, who had signed their respective nicknames on the tag. Lily laughed and broke open one of the chocolate frogs to tide her over and reached for her last package, which was from her mother.

"How did you get these? The house-elves don't usually deliver presents until your actual birthday," Lily asked curiously.

Mary shrugged. "They love to help people, so we told them it would help if we had them early," she explained, waving her hands at Lily, encouraging her to open the final present.

Inside the box was a pretty white dress that Lily had eyed over Christmas when her mother took her shopping, a small note was attached to the tag.

"_Put this on and pretend you're getting married. Don't scoff at me - you know it's beautiful, and you deserve to be happy. Happy Birthday my littlest flower, I love you. Mum_."

Lily smiled and tucked the dress away, blushing sheepishly. "Aren't you going to try it on?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, later… not now," she explained. Lily distracted Mary from pressing about the dress by announcing that she was going to brighten her face up a bit while they waited for Julia. She and Mary were standing in the mirror, examining Lily's reflection as she put on makeup, when Julia finally came back up, gasping for breath as she opened the door.

"Okay… all right, let's go to breakfast," she said walking in and grabbing her shoes.

Lily looked at her curiously, biting back a laugh as she watched her put on her socks and shoes. "What? Did you meet Sirius to run a few laps around the Quidditch pitch?" she asked in a suspicious voice.

"What? Oh, no… no. I just knew you were hungry, so I ran back up here from the Transfiguration room," Julia explained.

"What were you doing down there?" Lily pressed. "Awfully lonely in that corridor; perhaps Sirius was-"

"Let's go, let's go! I'm starving!" said Julia, cutting Lily off and pushing her toward the door. "You put on make-up… why?"

"Well, you took such a long time shagging Sirius that I got bored and-"

"I was _not_ shagging Sirius!" Julia scoffed with a laugh. "I was-"

"Well, what were you doing then?"

"I told you… transfiguration," said Julia, very bluntly and much louder than Lily had anticipated.

"_Right_… transfiguration. Were you transfiguring his boxers into – AHHHH!"

They had reached the bottom step when Lily was grabbed around the waist by a strong pair of hands. She shrieked but was picked up and carried into the middle of the common room before being shoved into one of the arm chairs. Lily turned her head from side to side, trying to figure out who had grabbed her, but four figures had converged on her, blocking the remainder of the room from her vision.

"What on Earth-"

"She speaks! Let the questioning begin," said Remus in a very serious voice. Lily looked over at him and burst out laughing. He had given himself a mustache and lengthened his hair; it made him look twice his age and very stern.

"She _dares_ laugh? Interrogator, proceed!" said Sirius, who was standing to Lily's left. She turned and looked at him, laughing even harder at his appearance. He again resembled a walrus with his mustache, but was looking at her with narrowed eyes as she tried to stifle her giggles.

"You are Lily… uh… Lily ... something… Evans, of Hedge End, correct?" asked James' voice from behind her.

"Lily _something_ Evans?" chuckled Peter, whose mustache was curled up to resemble a villain on vaudeville. "Jeez, this was well planned out," he muttered sarcastically.

"Shut up," snapped James as Remus and Peter both sniggered. "Witness will answer the question!"

"I'm not Lily _something_ Evans," Lily laughed, playing off of Peter's observation. "Perhaps the interrogators should have done their homework before the questioning," she said with a smirk.

"Silence! We need to make sure we have the correct target before the ceremony can begin," said Sirius to James.

"Target? What is going on?" Lily asked, twisting around to look at all four of them.

"We are looking for Lily Evans who turns seventeen tomorrow," said James matter-of-factly. "Red hair, green eyes, smaller frame… wishes to continue flying lessons with James Potter for her birthday…"

"What! Oh, Alice! I'm going to-"

"Are you _this_ Lily Evans?"

"Yes," Lily replied as James covered her eyes with his hands and leaned closer to her ear.

"You turn seventeen tomorrow?" he asked.

"Tomorrow morning at seven twenty one," she muttered.

"And you'd like a flying date with James Potter?"

"Not a date… but-"

"Call it what you will… you wish to continue your lesson?"

"Yes," Lily said shyly, sinking down into the chair.

"Well, that will have to wait until spring, but we might as well do something today," said James, pulling his hands away from her eyes as the four of them moved aside. Lily heard them muttering the incantation to remove their various appearance modifications, but she just stared at the fireplace.

A large banner hung from it that said "_Happy Birthday, Lily_" and there was an array of breakfast items to choose from laid out on the table that sat in the middle of the room. Julia and Mary stood beaming in the corner next to Alice and Marlene.

"How? How did you…"

"James likes to sneak down to the kitchens and nick food," said Alice rolling her eyes. "I caught him last night, and he told us what all of them we're planning, so Marlene and I joined in."

"Though you almost ruined it," said Julia. "The whole point of breakfast was to let you sleep in. Not today for some reason."

Lily laughed and looked around beaming. "Thank you… I don't… I don't know what to say," she said, blushing a bright red and looking around at everyone.

"When you think of something clever, let us know… I'm eating. It's too early in the morning, and I need sustenance to make it through the day," said Sirius as he walked over and began to scoop things onto a plate.

After breakfast, Lily was forced into a chair to relax as her friends cleaned up their mess. Students came down from their houses, looking curiously over the banner and wishing her a happy birthday lightly before heading out of the common room.

When eleven o'clock arrived, they all headed outside and onto the path to Hogsmeade. "Where should we go first?" Julia asked.

"Three Broomsticks, of course," Lily replied. "By the time we get there I'm going to need something to warm me up, it's freezing out."

"Excellent idea, Evans," Sirius said, striding forward and throwing an arm around her and Julia's shoulders. "You and I can have our first _legal_ drinks together."

"What? Oh, I'm not sure if I should-"

"Yes, of course you should," Sirius said, cutting her off. "Firewhiskey is great, and now you can order anything you want; take advantage of it!"

"Firewhiskey is also expensive," Lily laughed. "Let me see how much-"

There was a flurry of commotion and Lily jumped, dropping her purse into the snow and pressing her hand against her chest in shock. "You don't pay with the Marauders, Lily," James said. "We've had this discussion before."

"It's _my_ birthday," Lily said, picking her purse up out of the snow and shaking it off.

"Even more of a reason for you not to pay," Julia replied.

"Yeah, but shouldn't I get to do what I want? Meaning if I wanted to buy the drinks, shouldn't I get to?" Lily asked.

The group considered her, staring curiously and smirking as she gazed sternly back at them. "Not today. Today, you enjoy yourself and take pleasure in the attention you'll be receiving," James explained, pulling her back onto the path and throwing his arm over her shoulders.

Lily blushed. "Well… then I owe you all."

"You can buy on Prongs' birthday," Peter said.

"Yeah, he's the last of us to turn," Sirius laughed. "Little baby _James_."

"Shut up," James said, grabbing snow off a tree branch and flinging it at Sirius' head.

They arrived at the bar, saying good bye to Marlene and Alice as they wandered off to meet Frank and a few other people. The seven Gryffindors walked into the bar, grabbing a table at the back before Sirius dragged Lily up to the front to grab drinks.

"Well hello, Sirius," Madam Rosmerta greeted slyly. "How was your birthday?"

"Brilliant, my love, it was brilliant. Rosmerta, you know Lily Evans, right?"

"Yes, of course. I've seen you in here a few times. You're James' girl, aren't you?" she asked.

Lily opened her mouth and closed it, blushing furiously. Thankfully, Sirius answered with a laugh. "Well… in James' mind she is, but it's never been made official."

"Oh, I see," laughed Rosmerta. "What can I get you?"

"Firewhiskey for me," Sirius said, "and Lils, what would you want?"

Lily tucked her hair behind her ear and chewed her lip nervously. "I don't know, I'm not a drink connoisseur as you seem to be," she teased.

"Firewhiskey for her too, then."

Rosmerta nodded and set two glasses on the bar, pouring amber colored liquor into them until they were about a quarter full. "Had a birthday recently, Lily?" Rosmerta asked curiously, her eyes flickering toward Sirius and a smirk crossing her face.

"Er… no-"

"She turns of age tomorrow, Rosie… _c'mon_," Sirius said in a flirtatious voice.

Rosmerta sighed and shook her head before grinning at them. "All right… but _don't_ you tell a soul, Sirius Black. Do you want anything for your friends?"

Sirius looked over his shoulder, counting silently. "Five more firewhiskeys?"

"_Sirius_…" Madam Rosmerta said, trying to be stern but not quite managing it.

"Five butterbeers, then" he laughed in response.

She nodded and gave them their drinks, chuckling as Sirius grabbed the glasses and escorted Lily back to their table.

"She wouldn't give you more?" Peter asked.

"Nope… I tried though," he muttered, passing out the drinks. "What should we toast to?"

"Mischief?" Peter suggested.

"Mayhem?" Sirius added.

"Lily?" James suggested, Julia and Mary both nodded.

"_Please_ don't toast to me," Lily muttered, blushing red again.

Six voices resounded around her. "Lily Evans!" they shouted, five of them drinking deeply from their mugs of butterbeer while Sirius waited for Lily.

"Lils?" he asked, taking his glass and holding it up.

"Oh, all right. To me, then," she laughed, clinking hers glass against Sirius' and downing the liquid quickly.

The amber liquid tingled in her mouth, and a scorching heat flooded all the way down her throat as she swallowed. It lasted only a second, but a warm sensation raced through her veins and heated her from the inside out. Lily shook violently, then laughed as she watched Sirius have the same reaction.

"Aren't you used to it, Sirius?" she teased.

"I don't think you ever get used to it," he replied, licking his lips and smiling at everyone around them.

Lily nodded again, her head feeling slightly dizzy as the heat in her mouth and throat slowly faded away. She felt brave suddenly, her inhibitions and nervousness about all the attention she was receiving fading away. "What now?" she asked.

"You want another?" Sirius suggested.

"Sure, why not?" She laughed, grinning at Julia's proud expression and Mary's bemused one.

They ended up buying three more shots each of Firewhiskey, challenging each other to see who could hold it in their mouth the longest. Lily won two out of three rounds, and was subsequently feeling very light hearted and proud of herself as they walked over to Zonko's. They spent about forty-five minutes in the shop before strolling back outside. Lily subsided into giggles as she watched Remus and Sirius duel with trick wands they had bought. The battle ended with Remus clocking Sirius on the head with a large foam sword that had been his wand. Sirius frowned, his wand had turned a flobberworm that hung limply in his hand.

Julia giggled mischievously. "I think I've seen that before," she muttered, running away when Sirius dashed after her.

"Ugh… too much information," Mary replied, but Lily laughed even harder.

Mary then became engaged in a conversation with Peter, and Lily walked over to James, picking his arm up and placing it around her shoulders. "So you are the youngest in your little gang," she said, leaning into him as they walked back up the path to Hogwarts

"Rubbing it in are you?" James replied, tugging her close and smiling at the way she rested her head against his shoulder.

"No, I just found it odd. You seem a little more mature than those three," she explained, pointing to Sirius who was tickling Julia, Remus who was still swinging his foam sword wildly, and Peter who was talking with Mary and fidgeting nervously.

"Did you just tell me I seem mature?" James laughed. "Wow… that's a change from last year."

"Well, you've grown up quite a bit," Lily explained. "You deserve _some_ credit, much more credit than I usually give you."

James smiled. "Thanks, Lily. That means a lot."

"Anytime. I know how you love your praise, baby James," she teased, laughing when he rolled his eyes. "Little baby James, isn't that a song?"

"No idea," James said, chuckling at her random musings.

"It is… no, it's _Sweet Baby James_. My mum has a record that plays it," she said. James laughed as Lily started singing a few lines, very loudly, causing everyone to turn around and watch her curiously.

James smiled when she finished, looking down at her as she blushed with color and averted her eyes. "I don't know any muggle songs… but I like how you sing."

"Are you kidding me?" Lily snorted. "I can't carry a tune in a bucket."

James laughed and squeezed her shoulders, watching as their group of friends gave her a strange glance when she continued singing. James found himself greatly amused by Lily's exuberant behaviour and attitude. "I _do_ believe our prefect is mildly intoxicated," he teased.

"I _do_ believe you are out of line, Potter," Lily replied, attempting to give him a stern glance.

"I think James is right," Julia laughed. "Three shots and you're a giggly mess. Cheap date, though."

"Shut up," Lily said loudly, trying to bite back a laugh. "I'm not drunk… my head just feels dizzy."

"Is that from the firewhiskey, or the fact that James' arm is around you?" Julia teased very quietly.

Lily blushed, and removed his arm from her shoulders. James frowned at Julia and shushed her, then took Lily's hand and pulled her back close to him, placing his arm back around her shoulders. "She's using me for support. It's slick out here," he explained, smiling at Lily as she leaned into him again.

Julia laughed wildly when Lily nodded and stuck her tongue out. "Yes… it's slick out here, isn't it," she muttered, throwing a snowball at an unsuspecting Sirius.

The evening passed and Lily went to bed early, explaining that she had thoroughly embarrassed herself enough for one day and needed to get some sleep. On the morning of her birthday, she was greeted in the common room by Julia and the four Marauders who were grinning mischievously.

"What now?" asked Lily warily.

"Snowball fight," Remus explained.

"Oh, no, no… it's too cold," Lily said looking out the window. "And we have that Transfiguration assignment, and I haven't even started looking at my Defensive Spells for McMyers, and-"

"It can wait… unless you're too scared," Sirius challenged.

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "I'm not scared. I was just about to explain that the _real_ reason I don't want to come out is because I'd shame all of you with my skills."

They all laughed at her and made a united "ooooo" sound at her. "This I have to see," James said with a grin. Lily bit her lip and returned to her dorm to change, coming down about five minutes later dressed for the outdoor weather.

"You haven't seen anything," she said to James as they headed outside.

Their snowball fight lasted a majority of the day. It was really several individual fights that broke out, paused, and then broke out again as they walked across the grounds. By the time dinner came around, all of them were chilled to the bone and greatly appreciated the hot stew that was served that evening. In the common room, Lily proceeded to play with a few of her presents and watch Sirius beat James at chess in a very dramatic fashion.

"You spend too much time analyzing, mate," Sirius laughed. "Bloodlust, glory; go for the kill."

"Violence typically isn't my style," James replied. "Calculating, planning… I prefer to win by intelligence, not brute strength."

"Do you have either of those traits?"

James tackled Sirius, punching him hard on the shoulder a few times before backing off and laughing as he helped him to his feet. Lily shook her head and sighed, massaging her aching jaw as she laughed.

"You two are like brothers, I swear. Though, I haven't laughed this much in years, I will admit," she said as she lay back in the chair.

"So, all in all, a good birthday weekend then?" asked James.

"Yes, it was a good birthday. Thank you, again, all of you," she said with a smile. "But… seeing as how I have had two days filled with snowballs, firewhiskey, and breaking up fights amongst you four," she explained, grinning as the four Marauders beamed proudly, "I am now _thoroughly_ knackered, so I think I'm going to head on up to bed. Good night," she said, getting up from her chair and gathering her things before walking toward the dormitory.

"Hey, Lily," called James, following her and examining her bare neck. "Something's missing… did no one get you a pendant?"

"Um… no? Is it important?" she asked.

"No, not really; it's just kind of a traditional gift to give a witch when she turns seventeen. For wizards it's a watch, for witches it's a pendant," he explained.

"Oh… I had no idea. Well, I'll pick one up-"

"Actually, I'm ahead of you," said James, interrupting her and smiling smugly. Lily noticed a slight flush to his cheeks as he pulled a small box out of his pocket and placed it in her hand. "I didn't want to give this to you yesterday; everyone else was giving you presents and I wanted to make sure you had one on your actual birthday," he explained, flashing her a brilliant grin.

Lily took it and opened it curiously, her eyes widening when she saw what was inside. Part of her had wondered if it would be overly extravagant, the kind of thing that Petunia would like, but it wasn't. There was a simple black cord with a small, white, flower-shaped charm on the end.

"It's nothing special… I mean, it doesn't _do_ anything; sometimes they have protective qualities and things like that. But… I saw it, and it reminded me of you and-"

"I love it," said Lily quietly, gently picking up the charm to look at it closer. "It's beautiful…thank you, James," she said, finally lifting her eyes to look at him.

James smiled handsomely and ruffled his hair. Lily found herself aching to ruffle it with her own fingers, to feel its soft texture. But she sucked in a quick breath and brought her head back to reality.

"I really, _really_, like it, James. Thank you," she said, smiling broadly at him.

"You're welcome. Happy birthday, now get some sleep," he said, giving her a wink before turning and walking back toward the chairs.

"James?" called Lily.

He turned over his shoulders, looking like a picture in a magazine as he stood with his messy hair, bright hazel eyes, and lopsided grin. He watched her curiously, waiting for her to speak.

"Erm… when… when do you think we can go flying again?"

"As soon as the snow is gone I'll take you out," he said with a grin. She nodded and watched him walk away before turning and walking up to her dormitory.

The snow stayed the first week of February, and the second week it was topped with a crisp layer of ice. The cold, blustery winds had kept students inside, forcing them to find other measures of entertainment. To Lily's annoyance, most of the girls she hung round with began to talk incessantly of Valentine's Day.

"I hate the stupid holiday," Lily said after hearing Mary gush about the various rumors floating around.

"That's only because you've never had anyone to get you anything before," said Julia as she prodded one of the Venemous Tentacula plants with her wand. Its tentacles reached out and tried to reel her in, but she dodged it and moved closer to Lily, scowling and cringing away from the plant.

"It's ridiculous," said Lily, smacking the plant back when it snaked out and tried to wrap around her wrist. "When I have someone to get me gifts, I don't want them to buy me something just because they're _supposed_ to. Valentine's Day is a holiday where blokes can say '_oh, I'll do something nice for her and maybe I'll get some nookie._' It's stupid," Lily continued as Mary and Julia laughed. "It is! If I got flowers or something like that on Valentine's Day, I would feel like they just did it because they had to, not because they meant it."

"What if they meant it, _and_ it was Valentine's Day?" asked Julia.

Lily considered this. "It would depend on the relationship status, I suppose. I don't know, it's a stupid holiday and the whole day will be annoying. Of course, it has to be on a Monday too when we have double potions. Ugh, that will be awful," Lily groaned.

"Oooh… I didn't think about that. Perhaps Slughorn will propose, Lily, and you can be potions _mistress_!" Julia teased. Lily laughed and tossed a handful of dirt at her, still groaning about what Potions class would be like that day.

James had been listening to their conversation from across the greenhouse, noticing Sirius was mimicking him. "You… doing anything for your 'friend'?" James asked.

"Hadn't planned on it… we'll see. I'll drum up something," Sirius shrugged. "Though, I'm guessing after hearing that conversation, you might have to change your plans."

James nodded. He had been thinking of giving Lily some flowers, but reconsidered after hearing how she felt about the holiday. However, as the day wore on and his eavesdropping continued, he realized that he was not the only one planning something for her that day.

"…she's a right little trollop, Felicity is," Max Linghold was hissing during transfiguration. "Don't know what I was thinking."

"You were thinking about getting off with someone; and when Lily turned you down, you went the first reliable source you could think of," said Rollingsford matter-of-factly.

Linghold nodded in agreement. "I should try and apologize to Lily," he said sadly. "Perhaps I was a bit aggressive."

"A bit?" scoffed James from his seat across the aisle from the two Ravenclaws. "You tried to eat her face; I'd say you were a bit aggressive."

"Well, at least I was there as a guest and not as the _wait staff_. All daddy's connections still can't get you into Slughorn's club, Potter?" Linghold replied snidely.

James scowled and turned away, but Sirius looked over James' shoulder and eyed Linghold mischievously. "Sluggy's little club isn't going to help _you_ get into any knickers, Linghold. That takes charm," he said.

"I've got more charm than you two combined," Linghold spat. "I could charm the trousers right off Evans if she'd give me a chance."

"Perhaps you should wait till she acknowledges you exist again before you start talking about her trousers," said James coldly.

"Still pining away, aren't you, Potter? What's it been? A year or two since you started asking her out? Where have you gotten, eh? Nowhere near-"

"James?" Lily called as she walked up the aisle in between him and Linghold. All four boys stopped talking at her sudden appearance. She was dressed differently that day, her cloak discarded and stuffed into her bag and jumper tied around her waist. The white shirt she wore was not tight, but it outlined how her ribcage sloped into her hips and other curves that had she usually kept hidden. Out of the corner of his eye, James saw Linghold swallow heavily and eye her from head to foot. Feeling irritated about the way Linghold's eyes were undressing her, James stood up protectively and moved in front of Lily, blocking her from Linghold's line of sight.

"All Right, Lily?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Erm… yes. I just wanted to know if you understood the conjuring spells completely. I read and re-read that chapter, but I just didn't understand it," she said, sitting down at the table in front of where James and Sirius were sitting.

"Oh… yeah, I did," James said, resuming his seat and looking over the book with her. The lesson began, and all throughout McGonagall's lecture, James had to refrain from hexing Linghold with everything he could think of for the way he was looking at Lily. He and Adrian both were eying her like she was something to eat or endlessly paw at. As McGonagall dismissed them, James stood and opened his mouth to say something to the two Ravenclaws, but Lily beat him to it.

"What the _hell_ are you staring at?" she accused, glaring at both Max and Adrian.

"What?" he asked in a shocked voice.

"Do I have something on me?" she asked, stepping away and looking herself over.

"Er… no…"

"Well, you were staring at me so intensely I feel like I have holes in the back of my head. What gives?" she asked again.

"I was looking at McGonagall, she stood right in front of you most of the time," said Max defensively.

"Whatever," said Lily as she walked away with Julia.

James smirked as he followed slowly behind them, lingering his steps and forcing Linghold and Rollingsfield to wait for him to move. "Drilling holes in her head with your eyes is a much more invasive tactic, I'll admit; but it still didn't get you anywhere near her knickers," James said quietly as he and Sirius walked away from the two boys.

Up ahead, Lily was scowling and Julia was laughing hysterically. "Shut up," said Lily, trying to walk away from her.

"What? He was just trying to undress you with his eyes," said Julia, giggling even more.

"Ugh… I'll curse his eyes out if he tries to do that again," Lily muttered, shuddering slightly.

But Linghold was not the only one with eyes for Lily as the holiday approached closer. Jasper Westpelt had been chatting with her any chance he got, and James overheard him planning on giving her flowers in hopes that she'd agree to go to Hogsmeade with him that following weekend. His plans were also being mimicked by Court Huffton from Hufflepuff, who Remus had said was constantly asking Lily for extra favors so he could be around her.

"He's head boy, I bet he thinks that impresses her," said James snidely.

"It doesn't," Remus said. "She thinks he's completely gormless. She actually asked me the other day if I knew how to perform a disillusionment charm so she could avoid him."

"Disillusionment? Remus… you have just given me an idea, a brilliant one. I could kiss you," said James.

Remus made a face and laughed. "Please refrain; save it for Lily."

The morning of Valentine's Day, Lily woke up early hoping to make it to breakfast to avoid everyone who had been plaguing her with various requests the past few days. Adrian and Max both had been stalking her, even though she had told the latter he was flat out insane for even thinking she would agree to go out with him again. Jasper Westpelt had also been rather annoying, offering to assist with her homework or any of the prefect duties she and Remus shared. Between the two Ravenclaws, Jasper and Court Huffton, the Head Boy, Lily vaguely considered faking sick and staying in Gryffindor tower all day.

But, she was having some trouble keeping up as classes became more difficult, so she decided not to skive off and instead brave the onslaught of attention she knew she would receive. That morning she dressed in the longest school skirt she had, as well as the biggest jumper in her closet before wrapping her cloak around her and heading downstairs. But before she could make it out of the common room, she became distracted by a small package that sat at what had come to be known as "The Marauder" table. Curious, she walked over to it and was surprised to see a star-gazer lily setting atop what she recognized as James' invisibility cloak. There was a note attached to the cloak, and Lily picked it up to read it while she took the flower and stuck it in her hair.

"_Thought you might want to borrow this today; I have a feeling you will need it._

_Love, Prongs_"

Lily smiled and wrapped the cloak over her shoulders before heading downstairs to eat.

James had been right, the cloak came in extremely handy. It enabled her to sit through her Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts lectures completely undetected before she had Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. She managed to avoid Huffton, who was waiting for her outside the greenhouse, by claiming she had forgotten something and ducking under it while she pretended to retrieve her bag from her workstation. She had to stifle a laugh as she snuck past him, completely undetected, and went back to Gryffindor tower over her break. Unfortunately, the attention didn't end there.

To her horror, three sets of flowers sat at a table, and they were all addressed to her. One from Max, Adrian, and Jasper, all with separate notes asking her to consider traveling with them to Hogsmeade or some various other location. She growled before tearing the cards up and let the flowers sit, completely confused as to why suddenly all these boys were so interested in her.

She pulled the cloak around her as she walked to potions, still fuming about all the unwanted attention she had garnered for reasons unknown to her. But outside of Slughorn's office, she came upon a curious scene. James was standing toe to toe with Snape and Avery outside of the classroom, fury lining every inch of his handsome face. Lily froze in her spot and watched curiously, holding her wand tightly in her hand.

"Shut your filthy mouth, Snivellus," demanded James coldly. His posture was defensive as he stood bearing down on the slightly shorter black haired boy.

"Or what, Potter? You'll go fetch your little friends and hex me with-"

"I won't need my wand for what I'll do to you if you don't take that back!" spat James, stepping closer. Severus didn't back down, but Avery walked forward and moved into James' face.

"What do you want him to take back? The comment about your family being a bunch of muggle loving blood traitors? Or calling your obsessive feelings for Mudblood Evans pathetic?"

James made an angry noise at Avery's insult, even Severus looked slightly upset by it, but he didn't protest Avery's use of the term. "Both; shut up about my family, and shut up about Lily Evans," James spat at Avery before turning his eyes back to Severus with deepest loathing. "Look at you, _coward_. You're calling me pathetic after you spent seven years of your life obsessing over a girl you're _supposed_ to hate?"

Snape's face grew hard. "Avery… leave us," he muttered.

Avery made a face and walked inside the dungeon. Snape turned back to James and glared at him, waiting until Avery was out of earshot before he spoke. "How do you-"

James dropped his voice, moving closer to Snape who stood his ground. "I wonder how all the Death Eaters would react if they knew you used to play on the swings with Lily. How would Voldemort react if he heard that you used to tell her it didn't matter that she was Muggle-born, that you were best friends and-"

Snape pulled out his wand and pointed it under James' chin; he suddenly looked deranged, his eyes widening and lips pulled into a tight sneer. "How do you know this? How-"

"She told me, after you called her a you-know-what. She said she trusted you… and look at what you did with that trust, _coward_."

Snape snarled an incoherent insult. "You… you filthy, arrogant _bastard_. Stay away from her… you-"

"Or what, Snivellus? You'll hex me? It wouldn't change anything. You're still a bloody coward obsessing over a girl who-."

"She can't stand you – she… stay away from her!"

"You're gutless, Snivellus. Seeking the Death Eaters out to get power instead of sticking by your friend? Did you think Lily would be impressed by all that supposed power you're supposed to get with Voldemort? She's too good for you, and your Dark Arts; I don't know how you were seduced by them when you had her standing in front of you. That mark on your arm would _never_ impress her; if anything, she'd be even more disgusted with you than she already is. You're nothing but an evil, slimy, cowardly little-"

Snape's eyes flashed and he moved to hex James, but a shield erupted between them that was so strong it forced them both to step back. Snape held his wand out toward James, his eyes flashing dangerously as she glared at him.

"I'm the coward, Potter? Take down your shield and fight me!" he snarled.

"You're not worth my time," said James coldly, wondering to himself where the shield had come from. Snape growled, but there was an echo of voices as Remus and Sirius appeared at the end of the corridor. Snape swore at James then turned and headed inside the dungeon; Sirius and Remus walked toward James, looking at him curiously.

"All right, Prongs?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah… yeah, I'll be in there in just a minute," James said, breathing deeply to calm himself. Remus and Sirius walked inside the dungeon as James opened his bag and began to dig through it, simply to distract them from asking him questions about what had just happened.

Lily stood under James' cloak watching him, her thoughts racing. Had the Death Eaters issued a possible threat to James' family? She felt fearful for them, and concern for his well-being, but a rush of affection began to build in her chest as James ruffed his hair and sighed heavily.

She flicked her wand and removed the shield she had cast between her once best friend and new comrade. James had defended her, called Severus out on being a coward; and when provoked, he had refrained from acting on Snape's challenge, choosing instead to stand his ground on morals and not use magic to prove his strength.

Overcome with emotion, Lily raced across the hall and wrapped her arms around James' figure, completely forgetting she was still under his invisibility cloak.

"Woah… _woah_!" James sputtered, struggling against her grip.

"Oh! Sorry… sorry…" Lily exclaimed, pulling the fabric off her and looking at his startled expression. "I forgot I was… sorry, I completely forgot I had that on. It's been very useful today, thank you," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear and blushing furiously.

"Bloody hell… Lily, you scared… Merlin… that's all right. I'm glad that it's made your day less of a struggle," said James lightly, tousling his hair vigorously as he took a deep breath.

"Thank you," she said again, the fondness she felt for him not subsiding as she embraced him again.

"I just gave you my cloak," said James, chuckling as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"No… for the other… I don't know what they said, but … I can't believe they threatened your family. You should report it or –"

"You eavesdropped?" asked James with a smirk.

"Well… I was coming here anyway, and I didn't hear…" Lily said trailing off as James started laughing. He pulled his bag over his shoulder and released her, leaving one arm around her as they walked into Potions dungeon.

"Lily, I tell you… you startle me more and more every day," he said with a grin as they sat down at their table.

"Just keeping on your toes," she smiled.


	15. Emotions

Confession

"A Message" Coldplay

* * *

The weather remained cold throughout February and into March; during one week, rain poured down constantly for five straight days, necessitating even more time inside the castle walls. Lily, Remus and the other prefects were forced several times to stop the commotion in the Gryffindor common room as students tried in vain to entertain themselves during the gloomy conditions.

"I can't believe you just shut me down, Moony," muttered Sirius gloomily one evening. Remus had finally had enough, and made him and James stop jumping all over the furniture as they chased around a Fanged Frisbee they had nicked back from Filch.

"It's getting old, guys," he said grumpily as he turned back to his reading.

"I was amused," said Peter.

"You're always amused, Wormtail," said James, sitting down and staring over at where Lily, Mary, Julia and Marlene were by the window. They were all leaning over the table, their heads very close together as though they were trying to keep the contents of their discussion secret; it had been peaking James' curiosity all evening. The hour was very late, and besides the four girls and the Marauders, the rest of the common room had cleared out.

"I don't think I was the only one annoyed," said Remus following his gaze. "I think they were getting annoyed too."

Sirius grunted, looking over at the table of girls and shrugging. "Well, Prongsy, we'll just have to find another way to pass the time. Feel like a game of chess?"

"Nah… I'm sick of beating you," James teased, dodging the wad of parchment Sirius threw at him.

"Try studying," Peter suggested.

"Don't need to," said James. "I've already-"

"Are you _serious_?" Julia suddenly shouted. "Lily! NO… just- no way!"

All four boys started before looking up and over at her. Julia had slammed both hands down at the table and was staring at Lily, her blue eyes as wide as galleons with shock.

"Shut up, will you?" hissed Lily, looking over at the boys and leaning closer to her friends, her face reddening with each passing second.

"Lils… you're not for real, are you?" asked Marlene, a small trace of a laugh in her voice.

"I think she is," said Mary, who was trying in vain not to giggle.

By now the conversation was too interesting to ignore. James and Sirius rose and dragged chairs over to join the girls at the table. Peter followed soon after, and eventually Remus gave up on ignoring the sudden drama, sighing as he walked over to the corner of the room and slouched down in a chair.

"Aw, damn it!" cursed Lily as the four boys joined them. "It's nothing… the four of you-"

"Lily! You're seventeen. I can't believe that you-"

"Shut up, Julia!" Lily shouted. Her eyes were wide, her expression was half fearful and half angry as she stared at her roommate. "I swear… I swear on everything I own-"

"Well, it's not _that_ big of a deal… it's just strange considering…" said Marlene, trailing off when Lily glared at her, her face full of fury.

"Marlene, Julia… really, can we just drop it?" asked Lily in a hopeful voice.

"Oh no… we're not dropping anything," said Sirius with a mischievous grin. "What's the gossip?"

Julia looked at him, her expression full of shock and pity as they flicked from his face to Lily's. "Lily has never-"

"_Julia_… I swear to God! I swear on every deity that you can name that I will-"

"What? What's the big deal?" asked James, his curiosity brimming as Lily's defensiveness rose to a peak he'd never seen before.

Julia sighed heavily and looked at James. "Lily has never been-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Well, one of them will probably-"

"I said _SHUT UP_, Julia!"

"Lily has never been _kissed_!" Julia shouted over Lily's protest, ignoring the gasp of indignation and angry expression Lily bestowed on her. "She's never – been - kissed. Lily has reached the age of maturity, plus a month, and never been kissed."

There was silence for a moment before Marlene tentatively broke it. "It's not a big deal, Lils… I mean, _I've_ only been kissed twice."

"I'm not the only one… I know I'm not," she said, looking around for someone to bail her out. Remus blushed and turned his head, as did Peter. Sirius was smirking, but James was looking at her with wide eyes.

"I just can't believe it, Lily," continued Julia. "You have got at least… six boys who would probably hand over their wand to kiss you… and you've _never_ -?"

"Well … not _never_!" Lily said defensively.

"Who?" asked James, his curiosity peaking again.

Lily sputtered and turned her eyes toward the floor. Julia sighed sympathetically. "Lily… if it was Snape, no one is going to hold it-"

Lily made a derisive noise. "It was _not_ Snape! I never, _ever,_ wanted to kiss him. There… there was this boy in my primary school. He told me that he wanted to tell me a secret… and he kissed me on the cheek," said Lily, looking around at the seven people watching her.

Mary sighed. "I don't think that counts…"

"It doesn't count," Sirius laughed loudly. "Evans! Come on… here, why don't–"

"Just _shut up_, all of you!" said Lily, shaking her hands. Her face was a brilliant red, she looked very irritated. "I can't believe you did this to me, Julia. I never should have told you… _never_. You remember this next time you have something you'd like me to keep quiet."

"I can't believe you've never been kissed," said James in complete shock.

"I hate you… I hate all of you… I'm going to bed," Lily growled, shaking her head and attempting to stand up. Sirius put a hand on her shoulder and sat her back down.

"Just wait… you know, we can fix this tonight," he said, wagging his eyebrows and nodding toward James.

Lily didn't think her face could become any redder, but more blood flooded her cheeks as she covered her face with her hands. She felt James shift uncomfortably next to her, and determinedly avoided his gaze.

James glanced from Lily's red face to his own hands, which were fidgeting nervously. When he raised his eyes, Lily had buried her face in her hands and was shaking her head. For the first time, he ceased wondering what it would feel like to have her lips against his. All he could think about was how embarrassed she probably felt now; how she had kept that knowledge from everyone, even her best friend. How closed off from everyone was Lily? James felt a longing to help her open up, to gain her trust, to earn her love…to be the first person she _wanted_ to kiss.

But at the same time, he felt appalled at the prospect that the rest of her friends, and his, would suggest that she just kiss someone to say she had. That wasn't what she deserved. She deserved a real kiss, a kiss from someone she wanted. He remembered Lily's words before the Christmas Party in December: "_You expect me to take you seriously about fancying me when you kiss someone, or get into their knickers, just because it feels nice? I would hope that someone who kissed me would want it to mean a little bit more than a good feeling."_

"Hey," said James, taking Sirius' hand off of Lily's shoulder. "Let her be. It's not a big deal; if she hasn't kissed someone, she hasn't. And I'm not going to kiss her unless she actually wants me to; if she's waited this long for it, it probably should be a little more personal than me snogging her to get it out of the way," he said. The group quieted down, letting James' observation soak in before turning their eyes back to Lily.

She swallowed and closed her eyes. "All of you can just… just leave me alone about it, all right? It'll happen when it happens, and that's that. Now, I'm going to bed so you can all sit down here and discuss why I haven't been kissed. God, I hate you, Julia! _I hate you_!" she said, chuckling slightly and fighting a smirk that was playing on her lips before walking up the stairs and out of sight.

But they didn't talk about her. Instead, all of them instantly rounded on James and began teasing him about how awkward it would be now if he ever did kiss her.

"It wouldn't be awkward," he said defensively. "I know what I'm doing, so-"

"Oh, boy… this is going to be fun to watch," said Sirius with a laugh.

Over the next week, James tried to resume his usual banter with Lily, but she made every excuse to avoid him. In Reality, she was avoiding everyone who had been in on the conversation; and when she couldn't avoid them, she refused to discuss anything other than class topics. James tried to explain all he wanted to tell her she had nothing to be ashamed of, but she never let him get it out. Lily even went so far as to ask Remus to take over her prefect duties on a day when Julia had been on a mission to get her and James together.

"Just… it won't happen again, I'm so sorry, Remus. I just need to be alone," she explained.

"Don't worry… hey, Lily," he called after her as she walked up the stairs. "It's nothing to be ashamed of… I don't know why they're-"

"Yes… thank you! I owe you one!" she said, cutting him off and running upstairs and out of sight.

Lily felt embarrassed and ashamed, and the way all of them had looked at her with wide eyes and shocked expressions didn't assuage her confidence crisis in the slightest. She found herself wondering how long it would be before the news that she'd never been kissed got out over the school and the other various boys who were interested in her would take to following her places. Lily groaned at the thought.

Surprising her yet again, James had not once been aggressive toward her after he found out he could be the one to claim her first kiss. Lily had been especially hoping to keep that secret from him, thinking that would stir his feelings for her even more, and make obtaining her first kiss another part of his conquest. But he didn't mention it once; he had tried to engage her in conversation, once going as far to ask her if she would want to go flying over the weekend, but other than that had been his usual amusing, confident self when he was around her. Lily again wondered how everything could come so easily to him; he walked from class to class completely comfortable with whatever went on around him, where as she flushed and became embarrassed every time someone paid her a little too much attention.

Her blushing, however, was never more pronounced than when James paid her attention. Butterflies nestled into her stomach, her face flooded with color, but she did not feel uncomfortable when he acknowledged her; she felt shy, embarrassed, but at the same time full of affection toward him that she was able to move past it.

Lily kept trying to attribute this to the fact that over the past few months, James had become one of her closest friends. He made her laugh, cheered her up when she felt sad, defended her when she was insulted, protected her against unwanted advances from others; he did everything she wanted someone to do for her, only she never had to ask.

There was a part of her that longed to sit down with him into the early hours of the mornings and talk about everything under the sun; and another part that curiously studied the way his mouth moved when he spoke and when he smiled. But the stubborn part of her brain kept up its constant mantra: _you're better off alone, he'll just hurt your feelings like Snape did; you're just a conquest to him, some kind of a trophy, and you're worth more than that._

Despite the split personalities that had taken up residence inside her brain, Lily's heart told her that James agreed she was worth more than a trophy. She tried to ignore this, tried to tell her heart that her head knew better, but the latter part of her won out one day in Hogsmeade. She and Julia were shopping in a small jewelry store and she happened across a stag charm attached to a small black cord. Her thoughts instantly went to James, and how it would mean much more to him than a box of chocolates for his birthday. Lily picked up the charm and purchased it after Julia had flitted outside, hiding it inside the pocket of her cloak after finally deciding to come out of her shell began conversing with her friends again, no matter how much they teased her. Fortunately though, her secret became less of a conversation topic as the Marauders and her friends became engaged in a string of birthday celebrations.

Peter's birthday arrived on the eighteenth of February; the Marauder's celebrated with a rowdy party in the common before heading out for their monthly full moon adventure. When Remus' birthday came on March tenth, they held a party in the common room which featured a cake James somehow managed to procure. Remus shook his head and laughed at the picture of a wolf James had drawn on the cake, but expressed a little bit of worry later.

"You don't think anyone would… you know… link the two things together, do you?" he asked Lily and James, who were sitting on the couch next to him.

"What two things?" Lily asked curiously.

"The wolf on the cake and… me," Remus replied.

Lily shook her head and placed a consoling hand on Remus' shoulder; James chuckled and clapped his friend on the back. "Mate… no one will link the two. That didn't even look like a werewolf on the cake, I'm horrid at drawing," he laughed.

"True… but I just-"

"Don't worry, no one knows except for the four of us," James said, pointing to Sirius, Peter, Lily and himself. "And we don't care; we all for you _and_ your furry little problem," he said, causing Remus and Lily to laugh loudly.

The end of March finally arrived and James' birthday also happened to fall on the Sunday of a Hogsmeade weekend. Saturday morning he woke up and strutted proudly into the great hall, waving at several people who greeted him with applause, including Julia who was sitting across from Lily. Lily clapped and rolled her eyes as he passed, jumping and inhaling sharply as he ran his fingers through her hair and flashed his brilliant smile at her.

"He is _so_ cocky," she muttered, shaking her head and returning to her toast.

"You love it," Julia laughed.

"I don't _hate_ it like I used to… surprisingly."

"It's a bit endearing, really…because part of it's an act."

Lily gave her a curious glance. "How do you figure? He's eating it up, look at him," she laughed, gesturing to James who was ruffling his hair and straightening out the brand new jumper he was wearing. James basked in the glow of the attention he received from students passing, his face alight with exuberance and smugness.

"Look at his face," Julia said, leaning very close to Lily. "Look really close; he's blushing. He could care less about the rest of us… you know who he wants to impress?"

"Who?" Lily asked, now noticing the slight color to James' cheeks.

"_You_, Lily. Don't be so thick," Julia laughed.

Lily sighed and blushed herself. "He doesn't have to do that to get my attention."

"What _does_ he have to do?" Julia asked.

Lily shrugged and bit her lip. "Nothing, I see him. He's two meters tall and bigheaded; how could I miss him?"

"He's more than bigheaded, Lils," Julia scolded.

"I know… I know he's more," she said thoughtfully, tugging at the charm around her neck.

"He got you that," Julia said indicating the charm.

"I'm aware..."

"You wear it all the time," Julia noted.

"It's pretty!"

"That…and it reminds you of him," Julia grinned, watching as Lily dropped her hand away from the pendant and resumed eating. "Like that's such a bad thing."

"It's not… I just… I don't want to lead him on if I _don't_ feel something," she explained quietly.

"You do… you wouldn't tug on that thing, or smile every time he walks by you if you didn't," Julia said. "Don't look at me like that. I see you grin and close your eyes; just now, when he ran his fingers through your hair… you should have seen your face. You want him."

"It's not that simple," Lily replied.

"Why not? Just give him a shot. What could it hurt?" Julia asked.

"Last time I _almost_ gave someone a shot, they insulted me in front of a group of people. I don't-"

"Oh, _c'mon_ Lils. That was Snape. James isn't going to do that… you're just scared to get close to him because you've never been that close with anyone before," Julia said sternly.

"I'm that close with you," Lily retorted.

"Really? I don't remember snogging you… if you had, I'd have taught you a few tricks so you weren't so naïve," Julia mused, causing Lily to laugh loudly and shake her head. "C'mon, though… you know James is a lot more than just a cocky bloke in our lessons."

"I know… he's really funny too."

"And he's sweet," Julia said. "Remember all those letters he sent out about you?"

"Yes, he's _very_ sweet… though, that was a bit over the top," Lily laughed.

"And he bought you Daisy."

"I know that!"

"And he works on teaching you to fly," Julia continued, watching Lily's face grow redder and redder. "You let him put his arm around you, and hug you; you watch him all the time and you laugh at the littlest things he says… and you like it; you – like - him," she insisted, pointing her fork at Lily.

"Shut up… I don't know. I don't know if I like him or not. I mean, he's my friend for sure; I like being around him that way … but-"

"You like being around him '_that way'_? What does that even mean?"

Lily chuckled. "I don't know…I'm rubbish at this. I've got no experience whatsoever, any guy who'd ever go out with me would have to be very patient, because I have no idea what to expect or how to act or-"

"You don't expect anything, and you act like yourself. It's simple, Lily," Julia replied.

"If it's simple, why do I feel so bloody confused? And why did Linghold act like he had all these expectations of me at the ball?"

"Because Linghold is a prat, and doesn't know how to treat a lady; and as far as your confusion… well, love… I think that's that lovely temper you have residing inside you coming out," Julia teased, dodging the piece of kipper Lily threw at her.

It was arranged that they would all meet up in the three broomsticks later that afternoon for a drink before heading back for the evening. When Lily and Julia arrived, the Three Broomsticks was full of Gryffindor students, all rowdy and crowded around a table in back. Lily had fluffed her hair out and was wearing the white dress her mother had gotten for her, ignoring Julia's comments about trying to look pretty solely for James. She was slightly chilled, but the dress made her look and feel rather confident as she approached the table.

Just as Lily and Julia arrived, Madam Rosmerta had finally made it back to the table where the Marauders were sitting. She was grinning and shaking her head as James and Sirius greeted her enthusiastically.

"Rosie! Lovely of you to join us, want some cake?" James offered, holding out a small tray of cupcakes that they had picked up at Honeydukes.

"I think I will pass, James, thank you. It is now _your_ birthday, I take it?" she asked with a smile.

"Tomorrow technically; at one forty six tomorrow morning, I will be seventeen," James said, stretching his arms over his head and grinning broadly as he leaned back on the legs of his chair.

"Well… I suppose since I bent the rules for you… and you… and you," she said, indicating Remus, Peter and Lily, "I can't stop the tradition now. Firewhiskey?"

"Brilliant woman you are, Rosie," James laughed.

She laughed and started to walk off, but Lily gently grabbed her elbow and muttered something very quietly. Rosmerta nodded with a grin and proceeded back to the bar.

"What was that, Lily?" James asked, watching her with a curious expression.

"Just seeing if she'd give you a double," Lily teased, taking off her cloak and laying it over the chair. She fluffed her hair out and sat down next to James, crossing her legs and giving him a bright smile. "Have to make sure you're liquored up so I can properly take advantage of you," she whispered.

James coughed and promptly fell backwards in his chair, causing the entire table to erupt with laughter. Lily gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth, leaning down to help him to his feet.

"Oh, my goodness; are you all right?" she asked, brushing off his sweater and giving him a concerned look.

"Yeah… yeah… just lost my balance," he said, ruffling his hair and laughing for a moment. When the table guests began to converse amongst each other James leaned over to Lily with a wide eyed expression. "I never know what you are going to say to me, Merlin's beard," he laughed.

"Keeping you on your toes," she teased.

"Right," James laughed. "Hey, Lils?"

"Yes?"

"You know, you don't have to get me liquored up if you want to take advantage of me," he said with a grin.

"James… I was kidding."

James shrugged. "Just saying," he replied, winking at her and shaking his head. Rosmerta returned with their drinks and everyone at the table looked over at James.

"What'll it be, Prongs?"

"Life, Love, and the pursuit of Lilies?" suggested Julia, much to Lily's chagrin although everyone at the table laughed.

"I like that," James chuckled.

"How about just to you, James?" Lily suggested, blushing brightly and averting her eyes from everyone's curious expressions.

"To James 'Prongs' Potter!" Sirius shouted, the rest of the table echoing his sentiments before drinking their glasses quickly.

James laughed and stared at the contents of his glass, swirling them and inhaling the scent of the liquor. The scent stirred up memories he'd all but forgotten over the past year; so much had happened since his last birthday, since last Easter break; so many things had changed…

"… _just shoots me down, again and again," James muttered._

"_Well… she's crazy," Isabelle said, taking a deep drink from the bottle and passing it back to him. She tossed her long hair out of her face and crawled over to James lap. "You're something I'd never want to shoot down."_

_James smirked and took a deep drink from the bottle, meeting Isabelle's hazel eyes and becoming more serious. "Except when you leave to go back home," he said, half teasing, half serious._

"_Well… we've got the next few days," she whispered into his ear, her breath trailing down his neck and her lips touching his earlobe. "Show me what I'm missing out on."_

_James set the bottle down and tangled his hands into her strawberry-blond hair, kissing her fiercely and laying her back on the blanket. She felt nice, she tasted sweet… her hands were moving places that caused his heart to race and blood to rush quickly through his veins; James tried to block it out, to focus on what was happening… but all his mind could do was imagine Lily._

"_James," Isabelle whispered, her lips pulling away from his and sighing his name. Her fingers fumbled with the belt of his jeans and she pulled his mouth back to hers quickly. _

"James?"

James shook his head, trying to shake himself out of the memory of that regret. Why could he still hear her voice?

"James? _Ja-ames_…" Lily was saying. She reached her hand out and touched his shoulder, causing him to start and turn his eyes back to hers. She smiled sweetly, giving him a curious glance. "Welcome back… we lost you for a second."

"Yeah… I _was_ lost, I think."

"You okay? Did you want something else to drink? I can buy you something else," Lily offered.

"No… no, I'm good," he said, downing the glass of Firewhiskey in one gulp and shuddering as the heat flooded through him. "What do you mean you can buy me something else?"

"I mean if you don't like that I can get you something else; it's all on my tab and-"

"What?" James shouted. "No… no, no, no, no, no, you are _not_ buying," he said firmly.

"Excuse me," Lily laughed. "I do believe that no one let me buy on my birthday, even though I wanted to… so what makes you think you have any say in the matter?"

"Lily-"

"James…" she replied, mocking his tone of voice.

"Padfoot, back me up here!"

"No way, mate… while you were over there in Eden, daydreaming about who knows what, I already had it out with Lily and Jules. She's paying, don't argue. Trust me… you'll be healthier for it," he teased. Julia smacked him hard on the shoulder, but Lily just laughed and turned back to James with a grin.

"Well… if you're paying it's a date," James said.

"Call it what you want, I'm still paying," Lily replied, rolling her eyes and grinning.

They stayed at the bar for a few more hours before heading back to the castle. James' laughter was infectious, and Lily found herself unexpectedly drawn to him in every way. She let him walk with his arm around her shoulder because it felt nice. She let him play with her hair as they sat on the couch watching Sirius and Peter play chess. She laughed at his jokes and at his assertions of manliness, and finally relented to his request and played chess until she became very tired.

"I need sleep, James…" she muttered. "It's already past your time of birth, and if you want me to join you tomorrow for any festivities I need to rest."

"You just don't want to lose again," James teased.

"Yes… that's it. Because I'm actually _excellent_ at chess, I'm just letting you win six matches because it's your birthday," she replied sarcastically.

James laughed and flicked his wand to pack the chess set away. "All right… I got my birthday wish so I'll let you be now."

"What was your wish?" Lily asked.

"To spend time with you… that's always my wish," he shrugged.

Lily blushed brightly, overjoyed by his words until a feeling of guilt crashed onto her. _What have I done?_ She thought. _It was wrong of me to let him act that way today. It was wrong of me to play with him, and flirt, and suggest things. I don't feel anything for him… do I?_

"I… I need sleep," Lily replied sheepishly. "G'night, James."

James watched as she raced up the stairs to the dormitory and out of sight. Lily entered her room and crawled into her bed, closing the curtains around her and breathing quickly. Did she feel something for James? No, she couldn't. She told herself time and time again, no good could come of it. She was just a conquest to him, a conquest. He was too arrogant and too much of a trouble maker.

But no, that wasn't quite right anymore. After spending time with him, Lily realized his arrogance was not as pronounced as she thought. He was rightly proud of himself, but it wasn't _true_ arrogance. He didn't look down on anyone, save the Slytherins, and he was much kinder than she had once thought. And he was sweet, and caring; thoughtful and amusing. He was so much more than she had given him credit for, so much more than she expected.

But no… she couldn't. She felt nothing for James. Nothing. It would only hurt her, it would only cause her pain. Julia had _cried_ over boys, Mary had been shot down so many times she had given up. Lily didn't want that, she didn't need it. Her focus was school, and acclimating herself to the life she would lead once it was over.

Sunday morning arrived, the celebration of James' birthday continued. The four Marauders and several boys from fourth and fifth years had decorated the room and spent a majority of the day out on the Quidditch pitch playing a mock game. Though Lily had agreed to go down, she made up an excuse about homework to avoid it, so worked up she was over trying to quell her burgeoning feelings for James. But after sitting in her room, alone for several hours, she decided that she could no longer deny she cared for James. She refused to confess or allow herself to have _romantic_ feelings, but she _cared_ for James. And she wanted to make him feel the way she had on her birthday.

Lily walked out to the Quidditch pitch alone, fidgeting nervously with the package. She had run into Peter, who had just come back from the match, and let her know that James' parents had sent him a brilliant watch for his birthday. His four friends had gone together and bought him a new set of scales, a cauldron, along with a sneakoscope and other defensive objects.

After talking to Peter, her gift seemed very small and insignificant compared to all those; but she trudged on. He had given her something that had meant a great deal to her for her birthday, and she knew that this would mean a lot to him since he frequently commented on the one that Julia had bought Sirius for his birthday. Lily found it ironic that Julia had picked a dog; she had no clue of Sirius' hidden life.

On her way down to the Quidditch field, Lily passed Remus who was talking with Kingsley Shacklebolt about a transfiguration assignment.

"Hey, Lily," Remus said brightly as he passed.

"Is James…" asked Lily tentatively.

"Yes… he is," said Remus, grinning in spite of himself.

Lily sighed and continued on her path, telling herself repetitively that this was just a gift for James; _it's just a gift, that's all, just a present because he's seventeen_. It was no indication that she thought he was brave, or sweet, or handsome… or … any of those things. It was not a representation of his accomplishment in becoming an Animagus, the stag was merely an inside joke between them; it was definitely _not_ meant to stir up any kind of emotions in him to make him think more fondly of her.

Lily paused, breathing slowly to distract herself when she arrived at the pitch. James was by himself, his broomstick lying next to him on the ground as he lay on his back, shirtless, in the evening sun. He was playing with the snitch he carried with him, watching it zoom away and then catch it without once moving from his lazy position. Lily was impressed in spite of herself, again thinking about how everything seemed to come so easily for James. There were things that came easy to Lily, but most of her accomplishments had been from hard work. James never had to work hard; it was effortless for him to spend an evening goofing off and showing his talents to anyone who would watch, and then the next day pass every single lesson he had with top marks. She shook her head and inhaled deeply, steeling herself to resist his charm should he turn it on.

Lily cleared her throat quietly, causing James to look over at her and jump to his feet in one swift movement.

"Lily…hey," he said, feeling slightly embarrassed at his appearance. The jeans he was wearing were his oldest pair, they hung on his hips making his frame look very skinny, and he had taken his shirt off after flying several times around the pitch and practicing various moves. He fussed with his hair before strolling over to her, trying to stand up taller since he was half naked in her presence. "How are you? Finish up all that homework finally?" he asked, ruffling his hair again.

"Yeah…I suppose," she replied, swallowing heavily. She walked closer to him, trying to ignore the scent of his bare skin that made her want to lay up against him and hold him tightly. "Happy Seventeenth."

James grinned and nodded. "Yeah… it's been fun."

"I've… I got you something," she said quietly, handing him the small box wrapped in silver paper.

"Ooo," said James curiously. "Should I be scared of a potential prank here?"

Lily smiled. "I think not."

James grinned and tore open the package, opening the small box inside to reveal a silver stag charm hanging off a mid-length black cord. He held it in his hand, smiling gently at the silver animal before pulling it around his neck. "How's it look?" he asked, puffing out his chest slightly.

Lily shrugged nonchalantly. "It's not as pretty as mine, but it'll do," she teased.

James laughed, picking up the charm and examining it closely. Suddenly his expression became soft. "Thank you, Lily," he said quietly, consumed with thoughts about what she had just gotten him. Finding this couldn't have been an accident. It meant _something_; but what? What did she feel for him now?

This was not a "friend" present; friends gave each other chocolate, or cards, or sneakoscopes… not charms that have deep meanings to the person, or are representations of parts of themselves. He'd thought the same thing when he had bought her the lily pendant she wore constantly; he wanted it to mean something more to her than just a necklace. He wanted her to think of him each time she saw it, to remind her that someone cared for her deeply.

"You're welcome," Lily replied. James watched as she fidgeted with her hands now that the package had been taken from her. She rose up on her toes and then rocked back down. "Well… I suppose…

Lily looked nervous, like she was trying to keep her hands from reaching for him or searching for something to say. Overwhelmed by boldness, and a burning desire to tell her how he truly felt, James reached out gently, taking her forearms in his hands and pulling her close. He looked into her eyes, and fought back the sudden desire to press his lips against hers, wanting to wait until he was positive her emotions matched his own.

The clean, heady smell of his skin invaded Lily's senses as James pressed his forehead to hers softly. Her breath hitched; her head told her to pull away, but there was an ache in her chest that demanded she stay put.

"Lily… I love you," James whispered quietly. He closed his eyes, but did not move to kiss her; he stood and waited for her to respond, just enjoying the feel of having her so close to him.

Lily's eyes widened in shock, a thousand unfamiliar emotions running through her head as she stared back at James' expression. It was calm, collected… and completely serious. He had closed his eyes, but she had seen so much intensity inside them before he did; it scared her to death. "That's… that's a, um…pretty bold statement, James."

"It's true," he replied simply. "I'm in love with you. I'm in love with everything about you. I-"

"James… you don't mean that. We're friends, I thought … I thought maybe you were getting over this," she said sadly, listening to the two voices in her head argue furiously.

James chuckled and looked at her curiously. "What gave you that idea?"

"Well… I don't know. I at least thought you under stood that… I just… James, you can't do this to yourself. You don't love me; you're just-"

"No, I do; and I can give you ten thousand reasons why. And… and I think _you_ love me," he said boldly.

Lily pulled away from his grasp. "No... I'm very fond of you, James. You've… you've practically become my best friend the past few months. I don't want to destroy-"

"It wouldn't destroy it, that's what makes it perfect! We are friends… and it wasn't until I was friends with you I realized… that I… I fancied you for legitimate reasons. I used to tell myself it was because you were pretty, and smart and all that… but it's more," he said, reaching for her again, and frowning when she pulled away.

"James, _love_ is a strong emotion. I - I think you're confused. You're just attached to me because I'm kind to your friends, or because I help out Remus, or maybe you feel protective of me because I'm muggle-born or something and-"

"What? Do you hear yourself?" James asked with a laugh. "I feel protective of you because I don't like the way people look at you; you're not something to eat. I'm protective of you because… well, as long as I'm being bluntly honest, I want you all to myself. And you being nice to my friends wouldn't be worth anything if you hated me, which you don't."

"Of course I don't, I just told you that you're one of my best friends," she reminded him.

"But it's more than that… you know it is. I see it when you look at me, when you flirt with me. I see how you react when I touch you, or when I tease you; you're just being stubborn," said James simply, crossing his arms over his chest.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "You don't mean it. Stubborn or not, you don't _really_ love me… take it back, don't-"

"I'm not taking it back," said James. "I mean it… I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."

Lily scoffed, floundering for a way to prove he didn't really feel that way about her. "Look at you," she said after a short pause.

"What about me?"

"Just… look at how you're standing! So arrogant and confident; completely convinced that just because you told me this, I'm going to all of a sudden fall apart and confess that I feel something for you. You… you just… everything comes so _easy_ for you; and you think that all you have to do is tell me you love me, and we'll be a couple just like that" she said coldly with a snap of her fingers.

"I'm not convinced of that. I don't think that telling you I love you is going to make you fawn all over me… I…" James sputtered, trying to think of how to explain it. He picked up the charm around his neck and held it out to her.

"This is a very meaningful charm, it wouldn't be to everyone… only me. And you knew that. You seek me out for advice, you flirt with me, very suggestively I might add. I don't have to show off or be loud to get you to pay attention to me. In fact, there are times I'm not expecting it and you come to me first! And not _everything_ comes easy to me, you certainly don't.

"Lily, I'd do anything to see you smile, anything to make you happy… I'd leave you alone if it would make you happy, I've told you that before," said James.

"That _wouldn't_ make me happy, James… but this-"

"So, it wouldn't make you happy if I left you alone, but you're denying you feel anything toward me … pretty vehemently, almost like _you're_ in denial. You love me, you know I'm right," said James.

"You're wrong," said Lily. And with that, she turned on her heel and stormed off, leaving James standing slightly chilled on the Quidditch pitch. He frowned and looked down at the charm on his neck, wondering if perhaps he shouldn't have said anything at all.

S_he knows… now she knows, so she can't ever pretend like she didn't know how I felt_, he told himself. As he stared at the charm, and remembered the way her breath stopped and her eyes fluttered when he pulled her close, the conviction of her feelings for him steeled through him like an endurance potion. She may be stubborn, and she would fight him to the end… but he wasn't going to take back what he said. He loved her, and that was all there was to it.

* * *

_A/N: My apologies on the delay in updates, had a busy last week. Thanks for all your feedback and comments as always!_


	16. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Waiting

"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" John Legend

* * *

Lily knew she was being stubborn and irrational; she _did_ feel something for James, something much deeper than she ever wanted to admit. But the fact that he had just boldly put out there that he loved her was too much for her to take. _What an arrogant little comment_, she thought as she walked back to the castle_. Love… _love_ is not something you just blurt out like that; he doesn't love me… he's just infatuated or ... something._

Over the next few days, James didn't mention anything to her about their conversation, nor did he act like anything out of the ordinary had taken place between them. They resumed their usual banter and flirtations as though nothing had happened. Though Lily started watching him much more closely than she previously had, wondering if there was a trick up his sleeve toward his apparent brilliance in everything he did.

"I didn't read it at all," James was telling Sirius during potions. The latter was swearing under his breath as they worked on finding an antidote for a random poison that Slughorn had given them. The class had spent a few weeks reviewing Scarpin's Revellaspell, using it to determine the ingredients and properties of any potion. Lily was already familiar with the process, so the lesson was easy and gave her an opportunity to really pay attention to James' activities during class.

"Yeah… well I did, actually," Sirius admitted reluctantly. "And it doesn't make a damn bit of sense. I think I'll just carry a bezoar with me at all times, thanks, because I can't do this."

"Yes, you can," said James, shaking his head. "Moony… come on, it's not that bad is it?"

"I don't even know how I made it through O.W.L.'s," said Remus in a grumpy voice. "This is a nightmare… between the damn cheering concoction and this I might as well just flip my cauldron over."

"Really? Here, just do this," said James. He stood up and walked between his two friends, moving his wand and muttering a few incantations under his breath. Within minutes, both potions had divided themselves to reveal the separate ingredients; James resumed his seat as Sirius and Remus began researching the correct antidotes. Lily stared at him in shock for a few minutes before he lifted his head and looked at her quizzically.

"Lily, don't tell me you have-"

"I don't have questions," she said quickly. "I… you honestly didn't read the book?"

James shrugged. "I scanned it while Slughorn was talking about it, but not in depth, no."

Lily shook her head and turned back to her potion. "Above studying are you?"

"Not above," said James. "I just get this… other potions I'm not great at, but I understood this." He paused for a moment, then leaned closer to her, his lips only inches from her ear when he spoke. "Do you have a text book? I'd read up on you to understand."

Lily shrugged her shoulder to push him away, his warm breath against her neck tickled her ear and sent shivers down her spine; but she recovered before he could make another comment. "I think hands on research would be better there than just textbook reading," she said.

"Hands on, eh?" James muttered with a smirk, causing Lily to close her eyes and regret her choice of wording. "Could I … uh… do some 'hands on' research this weekend at Hogsmeade?"

"Can't… Alice asked me to stay back and help sort out any students staying over Easter," said Lily.

"Lily, I can see if Alice will let me cover for you," said Remus.

"No… I owe you one, remember," said Lily quickly. "Sorry, James."

"No matter… I still love you," he said lightly before turning back to his potion.

Lily frowned and began to sputter a retort, but Slughorn walked by and began teasing her about how quickly she had performed the assignment. She smiled at his teasing but then the bell rang, preventing her from contradicting James' proclamation. He stood and gave her a wink before walking out with Remus and Sirius to their next lesson.

The week went on that way, with Lily watching James and his carefree attitude about everything that crossed his path. She was impressed despite her best intentions; and frequently made an idiot out of herself trying to avoid being caught observing him. The worst was when he had accomplished a very complicated defensive spell on the first attempt, and she'd stood gawking at him with wide eyes.

"Lily, that's a very good impression of an inferius… but that's not what we're working on," McMyers had said. Julia stifled her giggles as Lily rearranged her expression and resumed her defensive stance.

She ignored the comments about her staring as she tried to convince herself that by ignoring him, James would realize that he didn't love her, and the awkward tension she felt around him would go away. But, she couldn't resist engaging him in conversation, even though he wasn't showing off. She found herself pointing out the brilliant things he did, while he refrained from bragging, only commenting on his abilities when she pointed them out.

"It just comes to you… just like that… it's so unfair!" she exclaimed during Transfiguration after James conjured a flock of doves out of thin air, made them fly around the room several times, then vanished them all non-verbally. Even McGonagall was impressed.

James chuckled and gave Lily a confused glance. "Why are you suddenly so intrigued with my abilities?" he asked curiously.

"I… well, it's… It's irritating," she said. "Everything comes so easily for you, it's not fair."

"You don't come easily to me," he said quietly.

"You keep saying that like I'll suddenly think 'oh, well, I suppose I should just fall in love -'"

"There's no falling, Lily, I'd catch you. I'm just waiting," he said with a smirk.

Lily growled. "James… whatever-your-middle-name-is Potter, I-"

"Ambrose."

"What?"

James smiled and flicked his wand, conjuring a small white lily out of thin air and lifting it to his lips. "Ambrose… my middle name," he said as he handed the flower to Lily.

She took it reluctantly, not able to help the blush that colored her face over the gesture. "James Ambrose…"

"Speaking of middle names, what is yours? I'm researching, you know," he teased again.

Lily grinned in spite of herself and chewed her lip, pausing for a few seconds before responding. "Elizabeth."

James mouthed her name then flashed his quirky lopsided grin. "Lily Elizabeth Evans. Lily Elizabeth… I like that. It sort of… rolls off the tongue," he said, flourishing his hand in a dramatic way.

Lily blushed and stuck the flower in her hair before resuming trying to conjure just one bird out of thin air. The bell rang and she gathered up her things before walking toward Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Pretty accessory," Julia called, smirking at Lily as she caught up with her halfway down the hall. Lily nodded and dropped her eyes. "You know… and this is just _my_ opinion, but I do believe he's serious."

"_Who_ is serious about what?"

"James; he is serious about being in love with you."

Lily stopped in her tracks, looking at Julia curiously. She hadn't told anyone anything about their conversation, nor James' repeated declarations. "How-how did you know about that?"

"Sirius told me. He first thought that James was being a bit dramatic, but now he believes him."

Lily huffed. "Well… Sirius should be examining his own feelings for you, rather than James' feelings for me… because I _don't_ love him; I don't even _like_ him that way, and I feel very bad about all this," she said quickly.

Julia considered her as they started walking again; she smirked to herself as she watched Lily's face. "I think you're lying to yourself."

"No… I'm not."

"Then you're being stubborn," said Julia. Lily ignored her as they entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts class room and sat in their chairs. James and Sirius took up residence in front of them as Professor McMyers approached the front of the room, looking unusually grave.

"Take out your books and turn to page four-hundred and twenty," he said quietly. The class obeyed, everyone groaning slightly; typically McMyers lectures were more animated than this, and no one was looking forward to another textbook lecture. When Lily reached the desired page she actually let out a little gasp.

"Lils?" asked Julia. But Lily shook her head as Professor McMyers started to speak.

"We're going to be discussing Dementors today. There have… been reports of a few of them being outside of Ministry control; and aside from my own desire that you should be prepared to defend yourself, they _are_ in our curriculum both this year and next," he began.

"Dementors are named as such because prolonged contact with one will cause you to lose your mind, or become demented. They feed off of human emotions, primarily happy or excited emotions, leaving one with only their worst memories and experiences. Prolonged contact with a Dementor will drain a wizard of his or her abilities by feeding on their powers. If given the chance, a Dementor will suck out a person's soul. This act is known as the Dementor's Kiss; those who have felt this become unable to speak or communicate in any form. Their powers are gone, and they are left only with their worst memories and experiences; essentially, they are soulless living beings."

Professor McMyers continued his lecture; Lily lowered her eyes and stared at the picture in the text book, recalling Snape telling her about the creatures so long ago. Since that discussion, she had feared them, much more so than anything else in the magical world. The idea of a being that could steal your soul absolutely terrified her, and the image in the book did nothing to help assuage these fears either. Tall, twelve feet approximately; the faceless creature was covered by a black cloak in the image. Bony looking hands protruded from the folds as it appeared to glide along the ground.

"… defending is difficult. One has few options; ridding yourself of all positive emotions and employing a branch of magic known as Occlumency is one method of protection. The other is the Patronus charm, which you will discuss more in class next year with Professor Flitwick.

"In addition to the Dementor reports, there have been reports of Inferi being used in recent outbreaks of violence," McMyers continued. "As you read in your text, there are several differences between Inferi and ghosts; can anyone tell me from the text what some of them are?"

Several hands went up, Lily vaguely heard Mary's voice responding to the question, but she was now focused on the horrific image of an eyeless, expressionless figure tearing apart another human who was in obvious agony. She had remembered skimming the text after McMyers had teased her about making the expression of one, but had stopped when she happened across the picture.

"…discussing the use of fire spells to ward of the creatures next week," said McMyers as the bell rang and everyone started to get to their feet. Lily was shocked that an hour had passed so quickly. She gathered her books and things and moved out of the class room very quickly. James caught up with her, startling her as he placed an arm around her waist gently. "Hey… are you all right? You look really pale," asked James.

"Yeah… yeah, I'm … I'm fine. Just… interesting lesson, don't you think?" she said, trying to change the subject.

James shrugged. "I suppose; you sure you're all right?" he asked again as they entered the Gryffindor common room.

"Yes, James… I'm all right," Lily replied.

James nodded, he was about to say more but Sirius and Julia rushed past them, breaking the moment as they both flew to the announcement board.

"Yes!" he cried out, throwing his hands above his head in a triumphant gesture. "Tomorrow is more Apparition. Finally, a lesson that will actually be worth something," he laughed, turning around and grinning broadly at James.

Lily had completely forgotten about Apparition, though their first lesson hadn't been anything to write home about. They watched Professors McGonagall and Flitwick Apparate across the Great Hall, which everyone considered quite boring, until they had to listen to a representative from the Ministry lecture them on the dangers of the process, and all the things that could go wrong. Still, Lily was goaded by all her friends to continue, and since their second lesson was tomorrow, it effectively cleared Lily's plans as Alice was among those insisting she attend the sessions.

Professor Twycross had promised they would attempt apparition during their second lesson, and everyone taking the course was reminded of this in the note Sirius was reading. Lily agreed that it would be convenient to learn for travel purposes, but she wasn't looking forward to experiencing the sensation again. "You do get used to it," James assured her.

"I suppose, but it's still nerve wracking. That splinching sounds absolutely horrifying," Lily shuddered.

"Yeah… that doesn't sound great," said James thoughtfully. "We'll be fine, though."

That Saturday, a majority of the sixth year students and a few seventh years gathered in the Great Hall for their lesson. There were numerous hoops laid spread throughout, and the students assumed they were to stand near them and took their spots accordingly. Lily found herself standing with James on one side of her, Julia on the other behind Remus, Sirius and Peter.

Professor Twycross approached the front of the hall; Lily shook her head, observing his frail and wispy looking figure. She snorted as he began to speak in a light voice about the process of apparition. "No wonder he's the expert on Apparition. It's easy to disappear when you look like a stiff breeze would blow you over," she muttered to no one in particular.

Several sniggers erupted around her, causing McGonagall to hiss "_shhh_!" in their direction. Lily bit her lip to keep from grinning as James wiped tears of laughter away from under his glasses. She tried to concentrate on what the man was saying.

"… concentrate very firmly on your _destination_, become _determined_ to reach it, and move without haste, but with _deliberation_," the man droned on. "Go on, let's all try now."

Several students, Lily and Julia among them, widened their eyes in protest at this sudden expectation that they would just be able to Apparate after only two lectures. The man began counting down, Lily closed her eyes and concentrated very hard on the inside of her hoop. Three… two… one…

Nothing happened. Her eyes were still squeezed shut, and when she opened one, several students were jumping into their hoops or staggering in circles on the spot. Sirius and Remus both pirouetted in place, Peter tried the same thing but had tripped over his own feet. Julia had jumped into her hoop and James was staggering as he tried to right himself. Lily laughed at the fact that she had remained completely still and had not moved an inch in any direction.

The wispy man lectured on for a few more moments before letting the students try again. The entire lesson was uneventful and frustrating for everyone as they left the hall and returned to their routines. Many were wanting to give up, but stayed out of fear that their friends would make fun of them if they didn't complete the task.

Finally, a week later during their, third lesson something happened. There were several cracking sounds after the first round of lecturing, and a few students appeared randomly either inside of their hoops, or just outside of them. Sirius actually ended up inside Remus' hoop, causing both boys to laugh loudly and Julia to murmur something about him being an over talented show-off. James ended up in the middle of his hoop, and grinned at Lily who still hadn't moved an inch.

"Nicely done," she said to him, watching as he smirked with pleasure at himself.

On the next round, Lily actually put forth an effort, but only ended up turning in a circle on the spot. She sighed heavily and turned to face her hoop again only to come face to face with James, who had Apparated inside of it.

"_Oh_!" she said, jumping but laughing as he grinned at her. "You think you're awfully clever, don't you?"

"You think I'm clever," he teased.

"Am I wrong?

James smiled. "Never."

"Never?"

"Well… except when you insist that I don't love you… because I do," he replied in a whisper. Lily opened her mouth to protest, but he disappeared and reappeared back into his hoop, grinning broadly at her.

"_You_ are incorrigible," said Lily, shaking her head and fighting a smile.

James laughed and pulled his snitch from inside his pocket, tossing it to Lily who caught it easily in her outstretched hand. "And _you_… are irresistible," he replied, before turning and disappearing on the spot again.

Lily sighed, but smiled as she examined the snitch in her hand. She suddenly heard a low voice mutter something from behind her, and turned around to see Snape, Avery and Mulciber watching her and James' interaction curiously. Avery and Mulciber had malevolent smirks on their faces, but Snape looked livid beyond recognition. Lily sneered and turned back around, watching as Julia disappeared and reappeared inside her hoop and proceeded to jump around excitedly.

Their regular lessons began to pass very slowly, it seemed as the sky grew lighter and the snow melted away that time dragged on until the afternoon when everyone could race outside for a break. By the end of April, classes had become so difficult that many of the sixth year students wanted to go back a year and take their O.W.L.'s again as a relief.

In addition to course work, Lily found it difficult to control her flirtatious behavior around James. During the last Apparition lesson, Lily pretended she still couldn't perform the act, keeping a sad and frustrated expression glued on her face. When James approached to try and encourage her, she disappeared and rematerialized inside his hoop.

"Well, someone's been practicing," he teased.

"Speaking of practice, what happened to my flying lessons?"

James smiled. "When do you want to go?"

"Next Hogsmeade weekend, we'll plan for then," she replied in a cheeky voice, before vanishing and re-appearing inside her own hoop as he moved closer to her. Several people had been watching curiously, Lily's roommates among them, and they had their own opinions on her intentions.

"It's interesting in how seven months you've gone from staring at him, to not being able to make it through a class without commenting on something brilliant he's done or laughing at his jokes, and now engaging him in reckless flirting," said Mary later that evening.

"He's my friend! I laugh at your jokes," said Lily defensively. "And the flirting… well, _he's_ a flirt; and that's just how he interacts with people. I'm not being _reckless_… I'm just being nice and-"

"Right; you flirt like that with Remus to be nice, don't you? Oh, and you also fix the collar of my robes when it's out of line, and blush whenever I talk to you," Mary replied sarcastically. Lily rolled her eyes and tried to ignore her.

"What's your favorite day of the week?" Julia asked suddenly.

"That's random," Lily laughed as she considered her question. "Saturday; why?"

Julia smirked "Why is Saturday your favorite day?"

Lily shrugged. "The apparition lessons are kind of fun now, and we don't have to do anything so we're free to goof around."

"You mean … you're free to flirt with James every chance you get," Julia replied. Lily snorted and went upstairs, ignoring the sniggering of her roommates behind her.

James, however, had decided Friday's were his favorite day of the week. A free period in the morning let him observe Lily's study habits and help her if she ever needed it. It also allowed him time to make her laugh, and watch her flush with color every time he paid her a compliment, which he found extremely amusing. After that it was Herbology, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Charms in the afternoon; all classes where he could talk frequently with her.

James also paid close attention to the things Lily did for him, realizing she probably didn't even know they had become a part of her routine. She would fix his robes if they were on crooked, explaining "casual is good, sloppy is bad," when he had told her he was trying to be fashionable. He hadn't done anything out of the ordinary in over three months to gain her attention; she seemed to just gravitate toward him anytime he performed something out of the ordinary.

"Wow, James," Lily had said after he had cast a very controlled Incendio charm during Charms class. "That takes a lot of concentration."

"Did you have any doubts in my ability?" asked James with a cheeky grin.

"Not your _magical_ ability… your ability to concentrate, though," she teased back.

"Concentrate?"

"Yes, you seem a little… distracted at times," she said, turning away from him slightly before flipping her hair over her shoulder and flashing him a brilliant smile.

James blinked and grinned widely. "That was deliberate."

"Exactly, so you should have been prepared," she teased.

"I'll be on my guard from now on," said James as he elbowed her gently.

The bell rang five minutes later, after they had just finished working on a few other defensive and protective charms. Lily flicked her wand and tied the shoes on James' trainers.

"Hey, thanks! I didn't even notice that," he said with a grin.

She smiled. "Can't have you tripping on the way back to the common room; I'm not sure I could carry you if you were hurt," she teased.

"You could levitate me," he suggested.

Lily laughed. "Yes, that's always a possibility."

"It's Friday."

"Yes it is, I'm very glad for the weekend," she said as she pulled her book back onto her shoulder.

"Me too, but it's a good day today," James continued.

Lily looked amused. "I'm glad you think so."

"You know what else?"

"What?"

"I love you."

Instantly Lily's temper flared up. For the past few weeks, they'd been having such nice conversations, completely innocent and harmless, and then he had to start this again. She rolled her eyes and walked away, James following in her footsteps. He opened his mouth to try and explain himself, but was suddenly hit with a jinx that caused him to double over in pain and hit the floor.

Lily whirled around in shock to see James on the floor clutching his stomach tightly. She moved to his side, but out of the corner of her eye saw Snape quickly hiding his wand as he walked away toward a group of friends. Sirius approached from behind, curious as to what was happening, while Lily glared at Snape's retreating figure.

"What the hell?"

"_Snape_," Lily muttered, flicking her wand at James and watching as he relaxed. He stood up and onto his feet, anger flashing in his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair and stared off at the retreating group of Slytherins that were laughing.

"Bloody arse. I'm going-"

"You're _going_ to do nothing," said Lily, placing her hand against his chest and stepping in front of him.

James growled and straightened his cloak. "I'm not going to just let him get away with that. And you can't get mad at me for hexing him, he just-"

"James, I wouldn't get mad. I'm just saying… he's with a group. Don't go picking a fight with the lot of them, it's not worth it," she insisted.

"It wouldn't be worth it inside the castle anyway," said Sirius darkly. "The grounds are more appropriate for the kind of hexes he needs. We'll get him later, Prongs."

"Fine," growled James, turning on his heel and walking away without saying another word.

Two days passed after the incident with Snape. Lily refrained from mentioning it; she didn't blame James for wanting to return Snape's hex, but at the same time she wished he wouldn't engage them in a fight. Snape's dark arts knowledge was extensive, and she didn't want him using that on James. But, what Lily didn't know is that the hex she witnessed was only the first round of what was becoming a small battle between the two houses.

Remus and Sirius had been walking back from the Great Hall when they came upon Peter, who was acting very strangely. His expression was blank, and when he saw Sirius, he moved as though he wanted to punch him, but then fell to the ground.

"What the hell, Wormtail?" Sirius asked, pulling him to his feet and looking into his face. "What-"

"Shhh…" Remus hissed suddenly, pushing his two friends into a corner. They hid behind a suit of armor and watched as Mulciber rounded the corner with Avery and Snape in tow.

"Fuck, they drug him out of here. Ah, no matter, it didn't take right anyway. You _can't_ drop your wand until you're sure that the curse has hit them," Mulicber was saying. "You have to be sure you're connected before you start trying to make them act."

"Well, I was distracted by Black and Lupin coming around the corner," Snape spat. "You should have just done it since you're so experienced."

"The Dark Lord wants you to learn," Mulicber growled.

Snape sneered at him. "I've got other skills the Dark Lord is interested in; I don't need to specialize in the Imperius Curse."

Remus' eyes widened as he glanced at Sirius, who was sneering at the retreating figures. "They cursed him?" Sirius asked.

"Must have… let's get him to McMyers, he can help him fight it off," said Remus, shunting Peter along as he blankly stared down off into his surroundings.

James had been livid when they told him. "Report them to Dumbledore! I know we're not tattle-tales, but this-"

"James, it's our word against theirs… besides, they can just say they Confunded him; we have no proof it was the Imperius curse," Remus told him.

"McMyers-"

"McMyers couldn't even tell for sure… he was able to snap him right out of it. We have no one to back us up!"

James nodded, acquiescing to Remus' observation, but still furious about what had been done to his friend. He and Sirius decided to take retaliation the next day when they saw Mulciber leaving the Slytherin common room alone.

James flicked his wand and Mulicber was hoisted into the air by his ankle. Sirius walked up to him and punched him very hard in the face.

"You bloody prick," he spat. "Think you're clever for teaching all your little bastard friends to Imperiuse people?"

Mulciber growled, wiping the blood from his face with his hand and pulling out his wand. Sirius punched him again, but Mulciber flicked his wand and tumbled to the ground, raising it defensively. "_AFFLIGO_!"

Sirius whipped around and stumbled as though someone had hit him very hard in the jaw. James waved his wand and growled when the ropes he had cast missed Mulciber. "_Furnunculous_!" James shouted, grabbing Sirius by the cloak and pulling him to his feet.

Suddenly the common room door opened; Snape and Rosier appeared, both of them seeing James and Sirius at the same time and pulling out their wands. Sirius reacted by brandishing his wand to disarm them, but the spell only hit Rosier. He and Sirius ran at each other and started fighting while Snape dodged James' body-bind jinx and flourished his wand angrily.

"_CRUCIO_!" Snape shouted.

James was hit by a sensation like nothing he ever experienced. It felt as though pins were being driven into his bones and set on fire. The feeling didn't last long though, for a third voice came and shouted something James did not recognize.

The feeling lifted, and James heard a sickening crunch as Sirius pushed Snape hard into a wall. Remus and Peter ran down the hall to their aid. Peter pulled James to his feet and pulled out his wand while Remus blocked Rosier's approaching figure with a stunning spell.

"STOP!" a voice suddenly screeched. All of them looked up to see Professor McGonagall walking down the hall, her face livid and white with rage.

"Did you hear about that?" Julia asked Lily later that evening. "Sirius broke Mulciber's nose… obviously Madam Pomfrey fixed it, but I just can't believe he did that," she whispered, laughing lightly while shaking her head.

"It's not funny; it isn't funny at all. They're all so stupid… I'm surprised they weren't expelled," said Lily.

"They've got a month's worth of detentions," Marlene said, looking up from the paper that she and Alice were examining. "The Slytherins too; which is a load of dung since Snape used an Unforgiveable Curse."

"What?" Lily and Julia gasped.

Alice looked up. "On James; he tortured him… not for long, but still…"

"Doesn't McGonagall know?" Lily asked.

"Nope… I told James he should tell her, but he refuses," Alice explained.

Lily frowned, listening to Julia ask more questions about what had happened. She looked for James later that night, but he was nowhere to be found. Nor did she see him that entire weekend - he even skipped their final Apparition lesson.

"We take the licensing test in two weeks, I can't believe he missed it," Lily was saying as her and Julia walked back to Gryffindor tower. She was amazed at how quickly the remainder of the year had gone. It was the second to last week in May, and their final exams were approaching rapidly, as was the end of the year ball.

"I think you miss him," said Julia.

"Well, I'm _worried_ about him. I haven't seen him round much since he got in that fight, and I've been so busy with the ball that I've only heard snippets from Remus about what's going on," she explained.

Julia looked around them, making no one was listening. "Did Remus tell you about Rosier?"

"What about him?"

"He's helping Snape plan to get after James," Julia said. "Sirius hasn't been letting James out of his sight, that's probably why you haven't seen him much."

"What's new about that? Snape and James hate each other, it's been that way for years," Lily said.

"Well… Sirius told me that he was sneaking around under James' cloak and overheard Snape and Rosier talking. Apparently, Snape overheard James telling you he loves you, and he's furious."

Lily scoffed. "Oh, my God. This is so stupid. Why should Snape even care? He knows I want nothing to do with him, and James _isn't_ in love with me!"

"Lily," Julia said firmly. "He is. I've talked to him about it. He loves you… he really does. But getting back to Snape… I think that even if _he_ can't have you, he wants to make sure that _no one_ goes near you. Especially not James."

Lily rolled her eyes. "He's stupid… they're all stupid. I'm not some… some… prize to be won or-"

"Well, whether you want to be or not… you are. Anyway… Rosier is… evil; and you know Snape already knows more curses than anyone in school. They could really hurt James if they wanted too," she whispered.

"I know that; I don't want him to get hurt. Knowing this just makes me more worried. Boy…I'll bet he just _loves_ being under lock and key," Lily frowned.

She knew Julia was right; James was an excellent fighter, but everyone could make mistakes. And she knew Snape would take that exact moment to do something horrible to him. Plus, Rosier was probably teaching him more advanced curses. The rumor was that Rosier had been branded with Voldemort's mark and was planning on joining up as soon a school was finished.

James and Sirius' relationship had become strained; the latter had been trying to keep James from engaging in fights alone, but James was intent on getting revenge after he'd been hit by several more curses from the Slytherins.

Saturday was their Apparition test, and James knew he needed to keep a cool head if he was to pass it. They were being allowed to venture to Hogsmeade on Friday afternoon to prepare; James resolved to keep a close eye on Lily to make sure no one targeted her. Melany Finch and two Muggle-born third years from Hufflepuff had spent a week in the infirmary after Rosier and Avery had hexed them with a curse that broke a few of Melany's ribs and caused the other two to become catatonic.

Thursday morning came, and despite Sirius' request, James refused to wear his invisibility cloak to and from class. "I haven't seen anyone in days, I'm feeling isolated," he said, throwing the cloak on his bed and striding confidently from Gryffindor tower.

"You haven't seen _Lily_ in days…" Remus smirked. "We aren't good enough to keep you entertained anymore?"

"Shut up, Moony; you know that's not true."

Remus laughed and then poignantly nodded to where Lily and Julia were standing talking to Sirius, watching as James adjusted his cloak and ruffled his hair.

"Hey, Lils," he said in a light voice.

"James!" said Lily brightly. "You decided to rejoin the world again?"

"I never left it," he explained, scowling at Sirius' figure. "I was being detained and hidden against my will."

"Well, perhaps you developed a sense of self-preservation while you were captive," she grinned, falling into step beside him while the others walked ahead.

James smiled, allowing his eyes to examine her face and move down her body very slowly. It hit him suddenly how much he had missed talking with her, laughing with her… just being in her presence. "I'm not sure; self-preservation doesn't suit me well."

"You should take care of yourself," she muttered quietly, giving him a concerned look.

"Can't you take care of me?"

"I can only do so much," Lily laughed.

"All I need is for you to love me," he smiled. Lily frowned and shook her head, walking away from him quickly. "What?" he called after her, a trace of laugher in his voice.

"You saying that is what got you into this mess," she called back, rushing into Potions and seating herself as far from him as possible.

Lessons went on as usual, but James became much more aggressive about letting her know his feelings. After every class he would catch her and remind her that he was waiting. It felt good to say it, felt good to touch her and see her; but he became frustrated by her constant frown at his assertions. She would never admit it, but each time he touched her she shuddered and her eyes lit up. But the initial flash of joy quickly turned to rage, and by the end of the day she was furious with him. James stared soberly at his trainers as he walked next to her back to Gryffindor tower.

"You've _got_ to stop this," Lily told him, her tone full of disapproval.

"I can't take it back… it'd be like I was lying."

"James… you _are not_ in love with me!"

"No… I am. And you're in love with me."

Lily spun around and glared at James, her face had reddened and her eyes were flashing dangerously. "You're taking this _too_ far. Look at all the trouble you've gotten yourself into and-"

"I don't care about the trouble… I love you, Lily. I'm not going to take it back; I can be just as stubborn as you are," he said.

Lily growled and walked faster, but James kept up with her. "James-"

"I love you. One of these days you'll realize that I'm telling the truth."

"No… James, I'm sorry! But I just don't-"

"You do. You care about me; you've said it," he pressed.

"I care about you, yes! But I care about Sirius, Remus, and Peter too!"

"You don't blush when _they_ talk to you, and you don't pay attention to them the way you do to me," he said.

"I pay attention to you because … because I'm _jealous_."

"Jealous of what? You're brilliant, there's nothing to be jealous of," James replied with a laugh.

"I'm jealous because everything is so easy for you; and because you're so damn cocky and confident! You walk along next to me, telling me you love me, not caring a bit who hears," she said, indicating the students passing by and observing them curiously as they argued. "It's… annoying! I don't understand, what do you I need to say to you to make you stop this?" Lily asked, her voice full of desperation.

"You didn't miss me the past few days? If not, tell me to go away; tell me that you don't like the attention. Tell me you don't like the random flowers I leave for you… or stop paying attention to me. Stop lighting up every time you see me… stop… blushing and acting like I make you nervous. Stop acting like you want to touch me, or letting me put my arm around you and play with your hair… Tell me to back off. You're encouraging me, Lily. Unless you stop, I'm going to keep reminding you that I'm here, because you forget," replied James sternly.

"I wish I _could_ forget!" Lily shouted. They had reached the portrait door to Gryffindor tower. Lily scowled and gave the password; she entered and ran upstairs to her dormitory before James could say anything else.

Things continued in that manner into the evening. James caught her before dinner and tried again to explain how he felt, chuckling over how she reacted, as though his confession still surprised her.

"I'd think you'd get used to it by now," he teased.

"I think you'd get over it!" she shouted at him. The whole situation infuriated her; how bold and crass was he to just come out and confess such a serious and deep emotion that way. It confirmed her suspicions even more that he was just saying it to garner attention. Maybe he liked being in fights with the Slytherins, or having people gossip about him; but she didn't, and this was not how she thought love behaved.

"Maybe it's atypical, but perhaps that's how James Potter thinks love should be expressed," mused Julia at dinner that evening. Lily growled but didn't respond, continuing to pick at the food in front of her and not eat.

"I've got to tell you though… I'm a bit jealous," said Julia quietly.

"Jealous? You want James to be in love with you?"

Julia smirked; it was a half-amused, half-sad smile. "Not James… but he hasn't even kissed you, or done more than hug you a few times, and he's in _love_ with you. I've had all those things… and no one loves me," she said quietly, glancing down the table at Sirius' laughing figure.

Lily frowned and followed Julia's gaze. Sirius looked over at them both and gave Julia a bright smile and a wink, which she returned as though nothing had been said regarding their predicament. James smiled at Lily, who grimaced and turned back to her food.

"I can't eat," she said suddenly.

Julia looked up. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Lily's expression softened. "_You_ didn't upset me. Do you need to talk?" she asked kindly.

Julia sighed, "No… I shouldn't have said that. I'm fine with it, don't worry, Lils." Julia then pushed her plate away and left the dining hall without saying a word. Lily watched her go, feeling a mixture of sadness and guilt over their two increasingly difficult predicaments.

"Hey, Lils? Something wrong with Julia?" James' voice suddenly asked from next to her. Lily turned to look at him, her temper flaring up instantly at his presence. Julia was right; James hadn't ever held her hand for a lengthy period of time, or kissed her, or anything. Granted, she knew he wanted to, and Lily never gave him the chance, but still… how could he possibly think he loved her after never having been close to her in any way?

Lily stood up and walked out the hall without saying a word. Confused, James followed her, breaking into a run to catch up.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked as he fell into step beside her.

"Nothing, James; nothing that concerns you."

"Lily, everything with you concerns me, I-"

"_DON'T_ say it, Potter. Don't… I'm sick of it," she said, swatting his hand away as he reached for her.

"All right," said James calmly. "Can I ask why the sudden change of heart?"

Lily stopped and rounded on him. "There _wasn't_ a change of heart; it's been this way all along. I never gave you any indication that I feel anything for you other than friendship. You've deluded yourself into thinking that the attention I give to you as a _friend_ means something more. You're brilliant, James, how can you not figure out that I don't return your feelings?"

James made a face. "Mixed signals make it rather difficult."

"_Mixed signals_!" Lily shouted. "When the hell have I given you any kind of signals that say I want more than your friendship?"

"A few of your cheeky comments led me to think that, and non-verbally you've given me a ton," he insisted.

"Like what?"

"Let's see… where should I start?" asked James sarcastically. He scratched at his chin and gave her a quizzical glance. "I know… let's start by you giving me a cloak for Christmas, and then hugging me longer than you hugged Padfoot. You started calling me 'James' instead of 'Potter-'"

"You're the one who asked for that!" Lily shouted.

"You practically threw yourself at me on your birthday. Then on mine you … you purposely dressed so I'd pay attention to you, _again_; and you keep flirting with me saying that you worry about me. You gave me this," he said, pulling out the stag charm he wore around his neck. "I told you, this isn't a _friend_ gift… I know because I didn't give you that pendant as a friend gift, it meant something more. _You're_ brilliant, Lily; you had to know that every time I look at this I would think about you! You get flustered and nervous every time I come close to you-"

"Because you're invading my personal space," Lily snapped.

James' expression hardened and he walked closer to her, his face so close she could feel his breath against her skin and shuddered in response. "If I'm invading your space, back away," he challenged.

"I'm not afraid of you," she hissed, holding her ground.

"Are you afraid of Linghold? You back away from him if he comes to close; you back away from Rollingsfield, and Aubrey… even Remus. With me… you don't move, you inch closer… and _look_ at how you're standing," he said, stepping away and indicating her posture. "You're holding onto your cloak like your trying to prevent yourself from hugging me… or reaching out for me or-"

"I'm trying to prevent myself from slapping you!"

James scowled. "Why are you so defensive about it? What is _wrong_ with me? You'll be my friend, and tie my shoes, and fix my robes… and praise me, and make me laugh, and make me feel… nervous every time I'm around you… I'm good enough for a friend, but you aren't even curious about anything else?"

Lily scowled. "James-"

"Just… go out with me once. You'll let me walk with my arm around you to class, or hug you when we're saying goodbye … but the thought of me being love you is so repulsive? Why? What is it, Lily?"

"If I went out with you… you'd just …_brag_ to everyone!" she shouted. "'_I told her so… I told you so, Lily'_. That's not love, James. That's arrogance."

James looked shocked, his face was a mixture of anger and hurt. He swallowed heavily before he spoke again. "You honestly think I'd do that? You honestly think that if you went out with me I'd walk around all puffed up over it?"

"Yes! Yes I do think that! You're audacious enough to keep telling me you love me, why wouldn't you suddenly start walking around like '_oh I finally got to her'_?" asked Lily.

"Because I'd be so … so fucking _thrilled_ that you finally gave me a chance… I'd probably be speechless for a week!" James shouted, for the first time displaying any hint of a temper and cursing in front of her. Lily flinched at his voice, but didn't back down.

"If all I wanted was a girlfriend, I could have gone out with Felicity. Did I do that? No… I chose to embarrass, and emasculate myself, and keep pursuing _you_. Not because you're some _trophy_," he said, holding up a hand when she started to speak. "If anything… you're a perfect example of that old saying that redheads are volatile and have horrible tempers," he said, watching Lily's eyes flash angrily. It didn't deter him.

"But I keep after you, I keep saying it… it would feel like a lie if I tried to deny it. I'm not saying this for me! It's awful to tell someone you care about them _that_ deeply, and have them get pissed off about it. _I-Love-you_! It makes me angry that you're so damn stubborn… you're denying me a chance, and I don't know why. We could have _something_, and it could be good… really good," he said lowering his voice.

Lily frowned. "If it hurts you so much, why don't you just drop it?"

James laughed, it was humorless. "Do you think I haven't tried? God… I've done everything I can think of to get you out of my damn head… to ignore you. I wondered if I'd feel differently after I didn't see you over break, or even after a few days… but I don't. Not being around you just makes it worse, I miss you. It would be easy to get over it if you hated me like you used to… but you don't."

"Well, if my friendship is hurting you then-"

"It's not! You're hurting yourself more than me. This is-"

"It's stupid, James!" shouted Lily. "Do I look like I'm in pain? Am I upset? Am I struggling?"

"You're asking Julia where I am and telling her you're concerned about me. You're obviously struggling with something."

Lily scoffed. "I asked because I care about you."

"You care about me… that's it? Doesn't it hurt a little to deny how _much_ you care about me?"

"I don't-"

"_Yes_, you do!" James shouted. "I can see it in your eyes… you're just being stubborn. If it's not hurting you, why are you so defensive about it?" asked James coldly. Before Lily could argue, he threw up his hands and turned on his heel, walking away from her shaking his head angrily.

Lily huffed and pulled her robes around her. She started to walk toward the library, thinking only of how badly she wanted to be alone, when suddenly a voice called out to her.

"Evans!"

Lily turned to see Sirius, Remus and Peter approaching her. Remus looked concerned, Peter was slightly confused, as though he wasn't really sure what they were doing; but Sirius looked angry.

"What the hell-"

"Go talk to your friend; I didn't start this!" she shouted at Sirius.

"You didn't start it, but you sure as hell keep it going," he said coldly.

"I'm not leading him on! I've never given him any indication that I want anything more from him than his friendship!" she yelled.

"Yes, you have! The flirting, the attention you give him. You might as well be snogging him and then turning him away in the cold," said Sirius.

Lily's temper flared again. "Speaking of snogging people and leaving them in the cold… perhaps you should stop messing Julia around. It's been what… almost a year? And she's walking around single but sneaking off to mess around with you every evening?"

Sirius made a face, his cheeks colored as Remus looked at him. "That's different."

Lily snarled, stepping forward into Sirius' face and causing him to step back a bit. "How is it _any_ different? You said the only thing I wasn't doing to lead James on was snog him… well, you've crossed those boundaries, so what's your excuse for leading my roommate on?"

"I… we… we both knew what we were getting into!"

Lily huffed. "Things change… perhaps it would be good to check in with her again and make sure you're not causing her any pain."

"Yeah, things do change. So, now that you know James' feelings … that he really does care about you-"

"Because he does, Lily," said Remus in a disapproving tone. "He's not just saying it to try and trick you or something like that. He actually loves you."

"And he's gone out of his way to try and show that," said Peter.

"So maybe next time you want to pay him a compliment, or want him to put his arm around you, just keep it to yourself so you don't lead him on anymore," said Sirius.

"Maybe next time _you_ fancy a snog, you should find someone else instead of leading my friend on anymore! She's hurting, Sirius… and it's _your_ fault," Lily spat. Before Sirius could say anything, she turned on her heel and walked away. "Just leave me alone… all of you."

The boys frowned at her retreating figure before turning and walking back up to the tower. When they got inside, the room was rowdy and loud. Remus instantly went into prefect mode to try and settle it down, but Julia came storming up to Sirius and Peter with an angry expression on her face.

"Where's Lily?" she asked.

"She stormed off," said Sirius. "Why?"

"Well, because James was up here a few minutes ago… shouting at _me_ about how stubborn she's being, and going on about how she's leading him on and-"

"She _is_ leading him on!" Sirius shouted.

"How so?" asked Julia, her eyes narrowing and her arms crossing over her chest. "Because I've never heard her _say_ anything that should have given James the impression she was starting to consider dating him."

"Well… she flirts with him, and she compliments him, and lets him be all affectionate with her sometimes, and-"

"I compliment him, and I flirt with him too; James has put his arm around me a few times when we've walked, and he doesn't think he loves _me_ or that I love him. Should he assume Lily does because she flirts? _Both_ of us compliment all of you… Pete, your robes look nice. Do you think I love you now?"

"Er… no," said Peter in a confused voice.

"See? You and James are just so arrogant you think that anytime anyone notices you, it means that they're falling to pieces over you," said Julia coldly.

Sirius scoffed. "Lily _knows_ that James likes her. So-"

"Let's apply the same principals to our situation, _Black_," said Julia, stressing the use of his surname. "Since I know _you_ don't have any feelings for me, I should be game to do whatever I want. I could snog you, and then go shag Max…and it wouldn't mean a damn thing, right?"

"Well… no, it would mean something-"

"But, you _don't_ have any feelings for me… so it shouldn't. And yet… you keep kissing me, and feeling me up whenever we're alone, and getting all possessive when I talk to someone. And now I suddenly think you _should_ care about me. I've never said that out loud… but I would think at some point it'd become _pretty_ obvious, you know; since I agree to your possessive demands, and I try to make sure you're okay, one might assume I care about you as well. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that we may as well just shag each other and get it over with considering how far we've gone. You're not leading me on at all, are you?"

Sirius flushed, and shooed Peter away from them. "Jules…"

"I've started to try and leave you alone… because I thought I was getting in too deep. But you continue to pursue me. How am I supposed to interpret your pursuit of me? _Should_ I think that you care for me? Using, of course, the _Marauder_ principals of relationships," said Julia, her voice full of mock curiosity.

"Jules… it's different… neither of us-"

"Neither of us _were_ looking for more… but now _one_ of us is. So explain to me how we're different than Lily and James? She's _un_intentionally leading him on; he's _intentionally_ making her uncomfortable by professing his love. I'm intentionally ignoring you trying to get over my feelings; you're _un_intentionally kissing me one day and ignoring me the next without the slightest consideration for how it feels. Or are you doing that on purpose?" Julia asked coldly.

Sirius' face colored, but then Julia walked away from him leaving him standing in the noisy common room, a thousand emotions running through his head.

"Did you have any idea?" asked Peter, strolling back over to where Sirius was standing.

"I … might have started to wonder," said Sirius in an ashamed voice.

Peter frowned. "Then she's right… it's not any different. It might even be worse, because I don't think that Lily is intentionally leading James on… she might just be trying to be his friend, and he's taking it differently."

Sirius made a noise. "I'm heading out."

"It's past curfew," said Peter.

"Never stopped me before," Sirius said as he wandered out of the portrait hole.

Lily was sitting in the abandoned bathroom, trying to calm her emotions to effectively stir the potion in front of her. Her blood was still boiling from James' and Sirius' accusations, in addition to the fact that Sirius didn't even consider what harm he was doing to Julia.

How could those boys possibly think she, Lily, was leading James on? She didn't flirt any more with him than _Felicity_ did (though James ignored this as much as possible). _Julia_ flirted with him; of course, she flirted with everyone. _Everyone_ flirted with James, why was it different when she did it?

_Because you don't just flirt_, said a voice inside Lily's head. _You use things that you know about him to get him to pay attention to you_. _Because you like it when he does, you like it when he looks at you… you like that he cares about you._

Lily sighed heavily; she knew what James had said was the truth. She did watch him constantly, looking for any sign of a flaw in that perfect façade. She'd seen a few; his tendency to overreact to little things, his overconfidence tended to get him trouble sometimes, how he tended to take the glory for everything rather than sharing the spot light.

It was those things about James that she used to push him away; claiming they were the things that annoyed and irritated her to no end. If she admitted the truth, she found herself amused by his overreactions to little things; the fact that he didn't care about his grades even though he was in the top of their class, Sirius dispassionately skiving off classes and encouraging James to do the same. His overconfidence used to drive her mad; but now she almost saw it as endearing. It made her laugh, and she was usually the one to point out his abilities, laughing when he fed off her praise.

At the beginning of the year, she already knew James was very funny and nice; that, at first, had been the reason she acquiesced to becoming his friend. But aside from that, she knew now that he was sweet, and considerate, and caring. He was extremely loyal to his friends, and had a keen sense of justice and rightness in the world. He'd matured so much in the last year; ceasing his bullying and hexing of people just to amuse his friends. She'd seen him try to take the high road and not rise to obvious provocations from people, especially recently. He had chosen to listen to Sirius and stay out of the fight, rather than let his hot head control his actions.

"_Why_?" she shouted to no one in particular. "_Why_ am I doing this to myself?" Lily didn't know what she was asking. Why she was analyzing the situation, or why she was fighting against James so hard.

She knew the answer to both questions. She didn't want to admit she had feelings for James because her feelings meant something more than just a possible coupling between them.

It meant someone could potentially hurt her again. The moment she had started to suspect that her feelings for Severus might have been more than platonic, was the moment his insult hurt her the way it did. If she had never examined those feelings, being called Mudblood by him would have simply ended their friendship.

But instead, since she had opened herself up to him, being called _Mudblood_ caused her to question everything about herself. Whether or not she belonged in this world, whether she would ever be worthwhile to anyone because of her heritage. Those were not questions that she wanted to start asking again; nor did she want to open herself up to whatever pain James Potter could potentially inflict on her, such as ditching her once something better came along, because it surely would.

The door to the bathroom creaked open and then shut very quietly. Lily pulled out her wand, her defensiveness flaring up again. "If you've come to bark at me some more you can bugger off!" she shouted at whoever had joined her. It had to be one of the Marauders, they were the only ones who knew she came down here.

Slowly, a shaggy black dog peeked its head around the corner to locate where she was. Lily's eyes widened as Sirius walked slowly over to where she sat and laid down next to her.

"Well, literally or figuratively… if you've come to bark at me, bugger off," she told him. He made a noise that sounded like a chuckle before laying his head on her leg. Lily absentmindedly reached down and scratched his ears. "Why the disguise?"

Sirius whined slightly. Lily wondered if perhaps Sirius was feeling guilty about his situation with Julia and wanted to avoid discussing it, or perhaps his human emotions had simply become too much for him to deal with. "Less emotional as a dog?" she asked.

Sirius sat up and nodded, looking at her with a sad expression. "What're you emotional about?" Lily asked kindly.

The dog made a noise and dropped a pendant in her lap. She recognized it as the one Julia had bought for him last Christmas. "Julia? Did you have a row?"

Sirius whined and dropped his head. "Well, I'm not going to tell you that you didn't have it coming. I didn't exactly deserve to be yelled at either. I'm not kissing James, or retreating to empty class rooms to get off with him, then pretending he doesn't exist," she said coldly.

Sirius whined again and lay down, covering his face with his paws. Lily felt a tug on her heartstrings. "Stop that… you're making me feel bad for you," she said, scratching his ears again. "I wish I could turn into something with fewer emotions."

Sirius raised his head and looked at her curiously, watching Lily sigh heavily. "Do you realize how awful it is right now to be Muggle-born? How afraid I am all the time? How old it gets putting on this '_I'm-so-brave'_ attitude? There is a huge part of me that's afraid if I did go out with James, he'd get harassed for being with me, especially with all those laws and 'protective registration' requirements going in. He already gets it enough, the stupid Death Eaters in training hounding you both. I don't want to make things worse for him," Lily confessed.

Sirius put his paw on her shoulder and shook his head. "I know none of _you_ care… but it worries _me_. Look at that couple that was murdered because he married a Muggle; how do you think I'd feel if something like that happened to James? Or you…. or anyone…"

Sirius shook his shaggy head again. Lily sighed and felt warm tear trickle down her cheek. The dog suddenly raised both its paws and hugged her tightly.

"This is… strange," said Lily.

Sirius barked, then licked the entire length of her face before she shoved him off. "Gross, Sirius! That… that's gross. How's James going to feel now that you kissed me?"

The dog shook his head and rolled its eyes. "It was kind of a kiss. I certainly hope you don't kiss Julia like that," she teased.

Sirius chuckled, but then looked sad again. He laid his head back on Lily's lap and whined morosely. She scratched his ears absentmindedly as she stirred the potion.

"Does she know about you?" Lily asked, watching as Sirius shook his shaggy head from side to side. "Good… I have ammunition against you then."

Sirius lifted his eyes and gave her a confused glance. "Just in case I'd ever need it," Lily teased. Sirius scoffed and laid his head back down on her lap as she resumed scratching his ears.

"I know James snogged Felicity. How far did he go with her? How many other girls has he kissed?" Lily suddenly asked.

Sirius lifted his head and tilted his head to the side. "Oh… never mind," said Lily. "It's none of my business anyway."

Sirius put his paw on her leg and patted it three times. "Three girls?" asked Lily, watching as Sirius nodded. "There's another thing to be scared of. I've never kissed anyone; he'd probably kiss me, then take off running because I'd be so terrible at it," she said sadly. "Has he ever… you know… I don't know why I'm asking this..."

Sirius shook his head, then barked and started to laugh, as much as he could anyway in dog form. He began to wag his tail happily, his tongue lolling outside of his mouth in a wide grin. "Shut up," Lily said, trying to bite back a laugh. Sirius barked loudly and began to hop around on his feet, wagging his tail. "I said _shut_ up… or I'll tell Julia you're a dog… literally," she threatened.

Sirius shrugged and continued to wag his tail. "_Please_, Sirius… don't say anything…" Lily pleaded.

Sirius nodded but whined again, looking at her with an expression that clearly communicated a question of why. "Just… I don't even know why I asked that. I don't know what I feel… and though it may appear otherwise, I _don't_ want to hurt James. I don't know what I feel… I don't know anything about this," she explained.

Sirius nodded… then suddenly he walked away and transformed back into his human self. Lily watched warily as he walked back toward her and sat down. "I won't say anything… but you have feelings for James, Lily."

Lily sighed. "I think you're right."

* * *

_A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews. I know it's moving slowly, but when I was writing this story and writing Lily's character, I saw her as someone who had a lot of obstacles to overcome. Yes, she's brave and kind and tenacious, but every brave person I've ever known has always had obstacles to overcome; and a lot of people shy away from caring and opening up to people if they've seen anyone go through or experienced any kind of pain. I also saw James as someone who was very lighthearted, funny, full of joy and a lust for life, but as you can tell in this chapter, it's beginning to wear on him. They had such a whirlwind romance, so short and so much in such a short period of time (considering they're toward the end of their sixth year at this point, both are seventeen, and we all know what happens at age 21). I'm just trying to write it in a believable way, and the way I see them in my head getting together._

_It's coming, be patient. And thank you for your continued words of kindness. And THANK YOU to my beta, you are amazing and kind and brave yourself for taking this on =)_


	17. Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law

"Try Again" Keane

* * *

Friday morning came much too early for Lily's liking. The sky was overcast, but she could tell it would be warmer out than it had been the last few days. She was exceptionally tired from staying up very late talking to Sirius. Their conversation had alternated between her berating him for not taking things further with Julia, and continually dodging his assertions that she should admit her feelings for James.

"Sirius… I don't know _what_ it is exactly; there's a very thin line between love and hate," said Lily.

"You crossed that line the minute you asked how many girls he's kissed, and whether or not he's a virgin," Sirius replied as they stepped inside the portrait hole around two o'clock in the morning.

Lily had agreed with Sirius that she needed to give in a little bit and go on a date with James. It was appropriate timing since that weekend was Hogsmeade, and after their Apparition test, the day was free. Lily dressed in a shirt she knew James was fond of and approached him just before breakfast, but he immediately frowned and turned away from her without saying a word. His behavior continued like that all morning, and Lily found that it bothered her much more than she wanted to admit.

Those who were taking the apparition test were allowed to leave after lunch for their final practice session. The students traipsed down the path to Hogsmeade, talking animatedly about both the early departure from lessons, and the excitement of the test.

"Hey, James!" called Lily, running to catch up with him and hoping he would at least pause to listen to her. "I was wondering-"

"Moony, did you take your potion? Sunday is full moon, and we're hoping to explore the last set of caves," said James, ignoring her and speeding up his footsteps to catch up with Remus.

Lily frowned sadly, a rock sinking in her stomach. Perhaps James had finally gotten sick of her continued denials and was set on ignoring her for good.

Sirius suddenly ran up beside her. "I'll talk to him, Lils… just… I'll talk to him."

"Sirius… you promised you wouldn't tell, remember?"

"I won't say anything… I'll… tell him you want to apologize," he explained, running off after James' and Remus' figures.

Lily sighed heavily and turned her eyes to the path, watching her trainers kick rocks out of the way as she moved.

"What've _you_ done?" Julia's voice asked.

"Where were you?" Lily responded. "I looked all over for you this morning. I know you weren't with Sirius because-"

"No, I wasn't with Sirius. I'm ignoring him," said Julia bluntly.

"Oh… sorry. You know… perhaps-"

"Lils… I'm not in the mood. I'm going to deal with it after this test, I really want to pass. We can talk about Sirius and me afterwards," she insisted, watching as Lily nodded. "You know, I don't blame you for going off on James, he was being really aggressive yesterday and-"

"You're right about me… I think I'm in denial. But… let's just talk about all of it after the test?"

Julia nodded, trying to refrain from smiling. "Sounds good."

They met up with the instructor in front of The Three Broomsticks, who was standing with Dumbledore and the four heads of house. The students split into four groups and were assigned the task of Apparating to various spots throughout Hogsmeade to ensure they could move without splinching themselves after multiple attempts.

Everything was going fine, but Lily found she had a hard time concentrating on her destination. She was concentrating on James, and how he was ignoring her questions and avoiding being alone with her for any length of time. Despite all her assertions that she felt nothing more than friendship for him, the fact that he was ignoring her made her realize how acclimated she had become to his presence, and how terribly she'd miss it if he were gone.

On her final practice attempt, Lily was distracted by what appeared to be a large black cloud floating near the Hogs Head bar. She shook it off and tried to focus on her destination, which was a spot in front of Zonko's where James and Sirius were standing and talking. She closed her eyes and turned on the spot, but when the compression ceased she was in completely unexpected surroundings. After turning around for a moment, she realized her target had been missed and she was all the way past the Hog's Head. She couldn't see or hear any of the students, but could see the entrance to the bar so she knew she wasn't too far away from the main street. _I must have been too distracted by that cloud_, she thought.

Sighing heavily, Lily started to walk back, wondering if making fun of her failed attempt at Apparition would cause James to laugh. The air was chilly despite the warmth in the air; too chilly perhaps. The more Lily thought about it, the cold seemed seeped right through her skin, deep into her core. She paused and turned around, listening to her surroundings and hearing a strange sucking noise, like water rushing down a train. _Why is it so cold? And what is that sound?_ She wondered.

Overwhelmed by curiosity, Lily pulled out her wand and started to walk toward the end of the pathway; her thoughts randomly wandering to very depressing topics. She thought about James ignoring her, how it hurt much worse than she ever thought possible; much worse than Snape's insult had hurt the prior year. The only time she had felt this kind of pain was when her dad had passed away. The image of her mom crying by his bedside popped into her mind, Lily shook her head and tried to push the thought away.

"…if prey is what you desire, I assure you, we can offer you prey," a cold voice muttered. "Consider the proposal… if you are here, the Aurors are too, so we'll be on our way. Remember, we can offer you more than they ever will… we will have not only the Mudbloods, but the muggles as well when our rise is completed," the voice continued.

Lily gasped at the proclamation, realizing with another start that whoever was speaking could probably see her. She quickly shuffled behind an old stile at the end of the path, but the owner of the cold voice and a companion saw her before she managed to hide. Her heart pounded frantically in her chest as the image of the two people burned into her mind.

One she recognized as Lucius Malfoy, whom had left Hogwarts three years previously. His white blonde hair was still long, and he was dressed elegantly as though attending some party. But his companion looked completely different.

Lily was now shivering violently from the cold in the air, but also at the face that had peered out at her. The skin was waxy, stark white and stretched over broad facial bones. It appeared to be paper thin. His cheeks were sunken, and his hair was sparse though it appeared to be a dark brown. But the eyes were what scared her most; bloodshot and cold, as though the person had no soul.

"The Aurors are coming, my Lord," Malfoy muttered.

"Very well…we will be leaving now," the cold voice hissed in response. "But, I urge you to think of us, and to take advantage of the frightened Mudblood over there as an appetizer and example of what we can give you. That is, before your …. _Masters_ …. resort to _their_ methods of control."

Lily clapped her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. She stood slowly and began to walk very quietly back toward the village. There was a loud crack, the sound of someone Apparating, and then the air around her became still and frozen.

She heard them before they were in her line of vision. As memories of James shouting at her, standing at her father's graveside, and her mother weeping in her bedroom assaulted her mind, Lily tried to run as the sucking sound she heard earlier filled her ears completely. She turned her head only for a second and saw them. Twelve feet tall, floating eerily above the ground; faceless and soulless, they were reaching for with dead hands and inhaling deeply while descending upon her.

"Mate, can I ask what the deal is? You've been content to put up with Lily's protests and denial for the last year; why the sudden coldness?" Sirius was asking as they stood in front of the Zonko's talking quietly.

James sighed. "I'm being an arse on purpose. Yes, I'm a little angry at her for shouting at me yesterday, but I want to prove to her that she _does_ care. If I keep ignoring her, she'll come after me and call me out on it, at which time I can-"

"No offense, mate, but that's not the best plan of action," he said. James opened his mouth to argue, but Sirius gestured toward Julia, who was standing next to Mary and had her back turned coldly on him. "Trust me, I know."

James frowned, feeling guilty about taking his frustration with Lily out on Julia the previous night. She was innocent in this situation, and Sirius hadn't been treating her fairly. "Are you… is she done with you?"

"I dunno… I hope not… I don't want her to be," Sirius muttered sadly. "But I don't-"

"Where _is_ Lily?" Remus suddenly asked, approaching from behind them. "She was supposed to Apparate over here, now they're looking all over for her."

James and Sirius looked around, Peter joining them and peering around curiously. Upon hearing their roommate's name, Julia and Mary turned to ask what Remus had meant when suddenly a blood-curdling scream filled the air. McGonagall and Dumbledore, who had been talking with the Apparition instructor, were rapidly at attention. It wasn't a second before they turned and raced toward where the scream had echoed from.

Another scream reverberated all around them. Not waiting for the professors to return to find out what was happening, James and Sirius took off after them. It wasn't long before Remus, Peter and Julia had caught up with them as they raced down the main street of Hogsmeade. James could also hear the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students walking quickly behind them after they ran past.

"…out of line!" Dumbledore was shouting at a tall, stiffly dressed man and three others who stood behind him. "I don't know what you were thinking, Barty, but you had to know there would be students here today since Wilkie was coming! _Students_, Barty, under qualified students; only a few of them have any idea how to deal with Dementors!"

Dumbledore, McGonagall, and the Apparition instructor had just come upon the scene the right before James and Sirius did. All three had their wands drawn and a bright silvery glow was fading away in the distance. As it did, James saw three tall cloaked figures that could only be Dementors gliding off into an empty field. Dumbledore continued to shout at the three men; James had never heard him so angry. But he was more focused now on the figure that McGonagall was crouching over. It was still, unmoving; long red hair fanned all around it as it lay curled on the ground.

"_Lily_!" James shouted, his voice cracking in panic as he raced forward and knelt down beside her still figure. Sirius and Julia followed, while the other students began to crowd around them, all muttering in shock at the scene in front of them.

James could hear the stiffly dressed man sputtering something about a "possible Death Eater" meeting, and needing to "bring reinforcements," but he was unconcerned about such matters. He reached forward the same time as McGonagall and placed his hand against Lily's cheek. Her skin was cold, clammy, and she wasn't responding to his touch.

"She's breathing, she'll be all right," McGonagall muttered, taking Lily's pulse and checking other vital signs. "She's only fainted."

"_Only_?" asked James, his tone full of concern.

McGonagall glanced at him curiously. "Potter, Tottleham … see if you can wake Miss Evans and then take her to Honeydukes, get her some chocolate," she said quietly. "The rest of you, head back to the village and go about your activities. _Immediately_!"

The students groaned, but Professors Slughorn, Flitwick and Sprout began shuffling them back down the path. Sirius, Remus and Peter protested, but McGonagall stood and shooed them away. Sirius caught Julia's attention and shouted that they'd meet up with them in Honeydukes; James watched as Julia nodded, but remained standing above where James was crouching with Lily, her hands shaking nervously and her eyes wide with fear.

James put his arms under Lily's shoulders, pulling her close to him and shaking her gently. McGonagall's shouts joined Dumbledore's, both of them arguing with the men (who James assumed were from the Ministry), but he could not focus on them. He shook Lily gently, attempting to rouse her from an unconscious state. "Lils? Lily? Come on… wake up. Lily, _please_…" he muttered, shaking her gently and brushing the hair from her pale face. She shook her head suddenly, grimacing and whimpering in fright. "Lily… it's all right. It's me… It's James," he said, pulling her closer to him and trying to sit her up.

Lily's eyes suddenly flew open and she inhaled sharply. James held her tightly and put one hand against her face to make her focus. "Hey… hey… you're all right. Let's get you up, you need chocolate McGonagall says. Come on, we can-"

"Oh… God," Lily shouted. She threw her arms around James' neck, pressing her face into his chest and sobbing once. The memories that had flooded her mind: her father's funeral, her mother sobbing uncontrollably in the hospital, James shouting at her that she was missing something wonderful,… all manner of disturbing thoughts had filled her head when the creatures descended upon her. Every single happy emotion she felt disappeared, it felt as though her insides were freezing. Before she had passed out, all she had wanted was James' arms around her, instead of the scabby, clammy hands that were reaching forward as she screamed in fright. "Oh … J-James?"

"It's me… it's all right, you're fine now," he muttered, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. She was shaking madly, every inch of her body quivering in fright. James placed one arm under her legs and lifted her off the ground.

"Wait… _wait_!" she shouted. James frowned, thinking she was going to demand he put her down. "You-Know-Who! He… he was here. He was there, over there!" Lily shouted, jumping out of James' arms and pointing down toward the end of the path, her eyes wide and frenzied as she stumbled on her feet. James reached forward and caught her, supporting her by placing his arm around her waist and allowing her to grip his hand to steady her balance.

"Miss Evans… you've had quite a fright," McGonagall said gently. "You probably-"

"No! I didn't imagine it!" Lily insisted, standing up sharply and blowing past where Dumbledore and the men from the Ministry were standing. "He was there! With Lucius Malfoy… they were talking to those things… offering them… prey… in exchange for service," she explained, looking beseechingly at Dumbledore.

"You are certain?" the stiffly dressed man asked Lily.

"Miss Evans, was there anything else?" Dumbledore asked, looking seriously at Lily.

"No… they were just there. I … I wasn't concentrating, and ended up here. I heard them talking… with those… things," she explained, starting to shake again.

Dumbledore nodded, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder to steady her. James strode forward and placed his arms around Lily as she swayed on her feet. "James, take her to Honeydukes as Professor McGonagall suggested. She needs to rest. We'll deal with what has happened here," Dumbledore told him kindly, watching as the three men from the Ministry ran into the field.

"Yes, sir," said James. He placed his arm around Lily's waist and guided her back down the path. Julia grabbed hold of Lily's hand and held it tightly as they walked to the sweet shop, none of them speaking a word.

The door opened and before James' eyes could focus on anything, Remus, Sirius and Peter had bombarded them with questions.

"Woah… hold up!" James said, waving them off as he steadied Lily, who had her face buried against his chest again and was squeezing him tightly. "She needs chocolate apparently," he explained.

Julia took Lily and they leaned against the wall while James went up to the counter and purchased the largest bar of chocolate available. "Come on, let's go somewhere where we can sit down," he said, putting his arm around Lily and guiding her out of the shop.

Rather than finding a place within Hogsmeade to sit, Lily begged to return to the castle as she knew the common room would be empty. They walked quietly, James keeping his arm around her waist as they treaded up the path. She didn't protest; after the cold chill of the Dementors, the warmth of his body was soothing. When they arrived and sat down on the couches and arm chairs, she opened the chocolate bar and began to nibble on it at James and Julia's repeated insistence. Surprisingly, warmth flooded back into her body as she ate; the depression she had been feeling since the attack began to lift.

"McGonagall wasn't kidding," Lily muttered, taking a large bite of chocolate and sighing deeply.

"Crazy, isn't it… McGonagall _actually_ knowing something," Julia replied sarcastically.

"Ha ha," Lily replied.

"Did you really see You-Know-Who? Or… or did those things just make you hallucinate it?" asked Peter suddenly, quelling when James gave him a furious look.

Lily swallowed and nodded her head. "I saw him… it had to be him. No one else could look that… inhuman," she said with a shudder.

Sirius shook his head and stood up. "I thought Dumbledore was going to murder that Ministry bloke."

"Me too," Peter said. "I've never heard him sound so angry."

Remus frowned. "Why was Voldemort here?"

"Probably recruiting more Slytherins. I don't see why Dumbledore doesn't just send the lot of them to Azkaban," said James, jumping to his feet. "They're all going to wind up as Death Eaters. It's all about power, and Voldemort will never share it. He's just going to wipe them all out when they become useless to him." James ran his fingers through his hair and placed his hands on his hips, shaking his head as he stared out the window. His thoughts turned to the hexing incidents that had escalated over the past few weeks, more and more Muggle-borns within the school were being subjected to escalating dark curses from the Slytherins. The professors were having a hard time keeping track of it; James wondered how well Voldemort had taught them to cover their tracks.

Lily stood abruptly. "I want to sleep," she explained, turning toward the entrance to the dorms and sighing heavily.

"Are you okay?" James asked suddenly. "Do you need more chocolate? I can get you some, I'll-"

"No, James," Lily said, holding out her hand to him. "I'm fine… I'm just very sleepy, and I want to make sure I pass the test tomorrow."

James wandered over to her, taking her hand in his and squeezing gently. "Maybe you should wait to take it," he suggested.

"No… I want to get it out of the way; I don't want to have it hanging over my head all holiday," she explained. James nodded, turning his eyes to his trainers as he dropped her hand. Lily walked forward and pulled him into a one arm hug. "Thank you… for being there today," she whispered very quietly.

James grinned and hugged her back. "Always," he replied.

Lily nodded, then suddenly turned her head and pressed her lips against his cheek very quickly. James paused, chills erupting all over his skin from the point of contact, and turned to look at her. His eyes were wide, but hers were calm and content. She smiled, blushing a bright scarlet, then turned to head upstairs to her dormitory.

James brought his hand to his cheek, touching the spot where Lily's lips had been; it was still tingling slightly. "I… I'm going to get some sleep too," he muttered over his shoulder.

Julia sniggered. "Yes… by all means, sleep. Make sure to dream about that kiss, James," she teased, causing his three friends to laugh lightly.

The next morning arrived and students were filled with excitement; the Apparition test was at hand. Lily felt full of confidence as they strolled to Hogsmeade for the actual test, though she did find a great amount of annoyance over the bombardment of questions about the incident with the Dementors.

"You must have been so frightened, Lily. I'm so sorry no one was there to-"

"Max, please," she said, stepping away from Max as he reached out for her. "I'm not the first person who's passed out after being around a Dementor. _You_ almost passed out just talking about them, so don't get all fussy over me," she told him. Everyone who was within earshot had to stifle a giggle, and Max frowned before pausing and letting everyone pass him so he could grumble to Adrian about Lily's coldness.

"He's lucky I didn't hex him… bloody git," she said to Julia. "He doesn't give in easily."

"Neither does James," Julia observed.

Lily blushed. "You are correct about that."

"So…"

"I thought we were waiting until after the test to talk," Lily reminded her.

"Oh, all right… but you kissed him on the cheek," Julia giggled.

"That I did," Lily admitted without hesitation. "Does that count?"

"Um… no, unfortunately not," Julia replied. "But, I'm sure if you wanted to actually kiss him, James would be all for it," she said.

Lily was about to respond when Sirius erupted into laughter behind them. Both girls turned over their shoulder; Julia grinned, but Lily blushed furiously when she saw James walking next to Sirius, grinning from ear to ear.

The test for their Apparition license was much easier than Lily had expected. After an hour of Apparating to various places under increasingly difficult circumstances, including being blindfolded and forced transport an object without breaking it, almost all of the students had passed their test.

"Ease up, Wormtail," James told his friend, who was walking beside him in a dour mood. "Three months and you can take the test again. You'll get your license just in time to Apparate back to school," he teased. Peter nodded but continued to frown as they walked back.

In the common room, the atmosphere was energetic and rowdy when the sixth years returned. Lily, Remus, and the other Prefects gave up on controlling the chaos, and eventually Alice shook her head and said, "Just let it be," in a tired voice. Lily could tell she was extremely tired, and her patience for dealing with the students had run dry. She also knew that Alice was missing Frank more and more as the days went on.

"Two more weeks," Lily said later. "Then you can be with him all the time. Are you joining the Auror office?"

"Yes," said Alice happily. "Dumbledore put in a word for me since I'm involved with his crowd, and I'll be taking some training to help my skills develop," she explained.

"Dumbledore has a crowd?" Lily asked.

"Oh… damn it!" Alice swore. "I wasn't supposed to say anything since no one has talked to any of you yet… I'm surprised though. Dumbledore talks to James' parents all the time and I was sure that-."

"Talked to us about what? Dumbledore talks to the Potters? What's going on?" asked Lily.

"Just…forget I said anything. You'll find out," she explained, hopping quickly to her feet and racing across the room. "Congrats on passing, Lily!"

"Find out about what, Alice?" Lily called after her. Alice grinned and headed up to her room, leaving Lily sulking as the rowdiness resumed around her.

Later that evening when the common room had cleared out she was sitting on the couch next to James watching Remus and Sirius argue over a chess match. Julia and Mary were playing snap with Peter, but James had opted out, content to just sit next to Lily and watch her read.

"I've got to be boring you," she said to him.

"Course not. It's thrilling the way your eyes move over the pages," James laughed.

"Incorrigible," Lily grinned.

"Lily, you love me," he said calmly, leaning closer to her and resting his head on her shoulder.

Lily sighed. "Sure… sure…"

"You do, you know it. We're going to get married," he replied simply.

"Are we now?" she asked with a laugh.

"Yup… married; and then we'll move somewhere quaint… like… Ottery St. Catchpole, or Eton," James continued.

"Why not Mould-on-the-Wold?" Lily asked with a laugh.

James made a face. "Too over done… too crowded. All the houses there sit right on top of one another there. We'll live somewhere smaller, I want our kids to have a big yard where they can play Quidditch," he explained.

"Oh, yes… the kids must have Quidditch," Lily chuckled.

"What about Stanway? Or Stanton?" Sirius asked suddenly. "Jules and I can move there and then our kids can play together."

"There!" James laughed. "That's an idea. How does that sound, Lils?"

He turned toward her, but she was staring out the window, a curious expression on her face. "Daisy? What… that's Daisy," she said, jumping up and climbing onto a chair to let her owl in the window. Lily stroked Daisy's feathers as the owl climbed onto her shoulder. She opened the letter that was clutched in her beak, reading it quickly and ignoring the others as they resumed their conversation.

"Must be important for her to come all the way up here," said James.

"Moony, Wormtail… where are you going to stay?" asked Sirius, ignoring James' comment about Lily's owl.

Peter shrugged before playing a card and waiting for an explosion that never came. "I'm fond of Bristol… we could always Apparate or fly over," he said with a shrug.

"That'd work," said James.

"We've still got another year left," said Remus with a laugh. "I need to find a suitable profession before I can even think about this," he said darkly, thinking of how he much trouble he would have finding a job due to his condition.

"OOOO! Remus… you can move in with Sam, and Peter, you can move in with Mary… and we'll all be able to keep in touch. That would be great," Julia said excitedly.

"Getting a bit ahead of yourself there, Julia," Mary said in a warning voice.

She shrugged. "Ah… well at least we have our licenses now and we can visit each other on holiday, right, Lils?" she asked. "Lily?"

James looked back over to where Lily was standing. Her shoulders were hunched, and Daisy was rubbing her head against Lily's red hair in an affectionate manner. James could tell she was shaking her head as she read the letter, and every now and then her shoulders would shudder as though she was repressing a sob.

"Lils? What's wrong?" Julia asked, rushing to her side as James stood and walked closer. Lily shook her head and handed Julia the letter she had been reading.

Everyone watched in silence as Julia read through the letter, her hand stroking Lily's hair lightly. "You're sister is getting married? That's not… _terrible_, is it?"

"Keep reading," Lily muttered thickly. James moved to her side, but she turned and hid her face from him.

After a few more seconds, Julia sighed heavily and handed the letter to James before wrapping her arms around Lily in a tight embrace. James took the letter and browsed it very quickly.

"… _getting married this summer, so at least Mum can be there. You are to come; it's right before you have to go back to your school, but you are to come no matter what. I've assigned you as my attendant to appease Mum and hopefully prevent awkward questions…_"

James snorted indiginantly; the letter was from Petunia and he frowned as he read how harsh she was being toward Lily. Sirius had now joined his side and was reading over James' shoulder; they both reached the crux of the letter at the same time, sighing heavily as Lily began to cry softly.

"…_Mum doesn't want to tell you while you're in school, she thinks it'll upset you. But, you need to know so you can come home or something. She's sick now too. They found a spot in her lung, and it's spread so they can't do anything about it. She's got around six months left the doctors think. It's not like we were hiding it from you, but Mum keeps banging on about not upsetting you while you're at school. However, I felt you needed to know so you can make plans. _

" _I'm not sure what your options are when you're done with school, but you are ABSOLUTELY not coming to stay with Vernon and I. We're going to be building a family, and selling the house after Mum passes. I can't afford to have you under my wing, so you will have to fend for yourself._

"_I'm sorry to tell you like this, but you should know so you can plan._

"_Petunia_"

Julia was whispering softly to Lily, whose shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. "… it'll be okay, Lily. They don't know for sure… Muggle doctors can be wrong sometimes. You can stay with me after school until you find a job, don't worry. It'll-"

"I need… I need to go see McGonagall. I have to go home," Lily suddenly said. She jumped up and raced out the portrait hole without another word.

"What happened?" Mary asked, breaking the silence that echoed in Lily's absence. "Julia, what's going on?"

"It's her mum… she's sick, just like her dad was," Julia explained sadly.

"Oh, no…" said Mary, looking toward the portrait hole sympathetically.

Remus and Peter looked at James, who nodded to confirm Julia's announcement. "What did the letter say?" Remus asked.

"That sister of hers is a … well, to be blunt, she's a bitch," Sirius said coldly. "_'you are absolutely not coming to stay with Vernon and I_,' she says. They want to build a family and sell the house after Lily's mum passes; she's not even trying to be sympathetic to how Lily would feel about that."

"She doesn't even sound upset that her mum is dying," James continued.

The owl hooted lightly, looking around the room at each individual face. "Come on, I'll take you back to the owlery," James said. "I won't be back for a while, I'm going to find Lily and talk to her," he explained, watching as everyone nodded.

James' heart was heavy as he walked; Lily had experienced such a big loss only a year previously, and now another blow was being dealt to her. He dropped Daisy off at the owlery, giving her a few treats before heading down to McGonagall's office. He wanted to talk to Lily, see if there was anything he could do to ease her pain. He had no idea how she was feeling, but he couldn't sit back idly and watch her suffer; he at least needed to let her know he was thinking of her and wanted to help.

"Potter," said McGonagall after he knocked on her door. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Erm… did Lily Evans3 stop by?" he asked sheepishly.

McGonagall frowned. "Yes, she did. Come inside," she said, holding the door open and motioning for him to come in.

"I read her letter, she was very upset when she left the common room," James muttered as he stepped inside.

"We've allowed her to return home for a few days," said another voice. James looked up to see Professor Dumbledore sitting in a chair near McGonagall's desk. "Good evening, James."

"Oh, hello Professor," James replied. "I er… well, I can go if you are discussing something. I just wanted to see if Lily was okay," he explained.

"Sit down, James," Dumbledore said. James obeyed, sitting across from the Headmaster in McGonagall's other office chair. "You've been busy this year. Minerva tells me that you've been so busy she's hardly seen you in detention," Dumbledore teased.

James chuckled. "Er… yeah, been trying to avoid that… staying out of trouble."

"You've been rather successful," said Professor McGonagall. "Other than your recent battles with the Slytherins, you and Black both have been reasonably well behaved."

James smiled. "It was possible after all," he said. McGonagall nodded and Dumbledore chuckled lightly. "Did… you need something from me?"

"No… no," said Dumbledore lightly. "Just curious about what you've been up to out of detention."

"Erm… not much really. Just… school, I guess," James shrugged.

"James, can I ask what your plans are after school?" Dumbledore asked, standing up and pacing around the room.

"Well… I hadn't really thought about it, to be honest," James explained.

"What about your friends, have they thought about it?" Dumbledore asked.

"Probably not… we're still too busy goofing off," James explained sheepishly.

Dumbledore nodded, then paused his pacing and turned to face James. "I've formed an organization… a group to assist in the fight against Lord Voldemort. The Ministry is in turmoil, Barty Crouch is trying… but it's not enough. Is this something you'd be interested in?"

James jumped to his feet. "Hell yes it is!" he shouted, and then caught himself. "Er… I mean… yes, sir. I'd be interested. So would Sirius, Remus and Peter."

Dumbledore observed him. "Good… I was hoping you'd say yes. I cannot allow you to join officially until you are out of school, of course; but I can see to it you gain some extra instruction to assist us once you are finished."

"Excellent… anything. I want this over with… I want Li- er… everyone to be safe," James said.

Dumbledore nodded, a slight smirk at the corner of his mouth. "Tell your friends, quietly… let no one else hear, and find out what they think. I'll discuss more information with you all at the end of term to help you plan for your courses next year."

"I'll do that… I will," said James, furiously working to quell his exuberance.

"Very good." Dumbledore smiled, but it was still somber. James tried not to let his excitement show, but he had a feeling that Dumbledore could read through his attempt at stoicism.

"Potter," McGonagall said after a few moments of silence, "you'd best get back to your dormitory. Good night."

"Yes, Professor… I will. Thank you, sir," James said, turning on his heel and heading toward the door.

"James?" Dumbledore's voice called quietly.

"Yes, sir?"

"You care for Miss Evans very deeply, don't you," Dumbledore mused, it was not a question.

James swallowed. "Yes… I do. Very much."

Dumbledore nodded. "Off you go, then," he said, watching quietly as James walked out the door.

James wasted no time in telling Sirius, Remus and Peter of Dumbledore's proposal. As expected, all three of them were on board with anything they could to do fight Voldemort's rise to power. For the next three days they talked endlessly of the possibilities for victory, methods of fighting, and anything else they could think of that would help the Aurors and Dumbledore's group out.

"Don't get too excited," Marlene had told them, after she'd overheard them talking very quietly in the library. "There's a lot to do… and we're out numbered. But, we're working and we're still fighting," she told them bravely.

"Are Alice and Frank involved?"

"Yes," Marlene said. "Focusing on fighting has been a good way for Alice to channel her grief."

"Speaking of grief," Remus said later as they walked back to the common room. "Has anyone heard from Lily?"

"She'll be back this week," Sirius said. "Julia got a letter from her yesterday."

James smiled. "You two back together, then?"

Sirius sighed. "I dunno… She's talking to me now, at least; but she won't let me touch her, and she refuses to discuss anything about a relationship with me. I miss her, though," he explained sadly.

James clapped him on the back. "Tell her… it can't hurt," he said, thinking of his repeated attempts to tell Lily how he felt. Sirius nodded, but changed the subject quickly to avoid talking about it any further.

By Wednesday, when Lily hadn't returned to class, James began to feel worried. He talked to Julia personally, and she assured him that Lily promised she was coming back, though he still felt uneasy.

"James, her mum will _force_ her to come back if anything," Julia told him. "Don't worry; she'll be back this week. She's already stressing about exams, not that she needs to."

"Well… just let me know if you hear from her," James said.

Julia smiled. "You know… I used to think you were such a prat. I mean, I always thought you were funny, but you were a prat."

James chuckled. "All right…"

"Now, I think you're sweet… I'm jealous of Lily. _No_, I don't want _you_ to be in love with me. But I'm jealous of her… I'd give anything to have someone look at me the way you look at her," Julia said sadly.

James frowned. "Jules… someone does," he said.

"Yeah, yeah… I'll… I'll see you later, James," Julia said sadly as she walked away.

That afternoon, James was talking to Sirius about Julia's comments to him as they walked around the grounds before dinner. "You need to talk to her mate. This is ridiculous. You want her, she wants you… it's sad."

"Look who's talking!" Sirius growled. "You want Evans… Evans wants you, but yet-"

"You know damn well it's different; Lily won't admit she wants me. She-"

There was a flash of light and a red streak flew right in front of James' face. He and Sirius immediately pulled out their wands and turned back to back, ducking the three jets of red light that collided over their heads and showered them with sparks. James looked up to see Snape, Rosier and Avery closing in around them, all three of their wands drawn.

"Well, here's the fight you boys wanted to pick," Rosier said with a smirk.

"You want a fight?" Sirius snarled. "You've got one."

James glared over at Snape, who was eyeing him carefully as though trying to decide what hex to use. "You're such a coward," he said. "Can't even agree to duel me one on one, you need to have all your little friends with you."

"_You're_ mine, Potter" Snape sneered. "I told you to stay away from her."

James tilted his head. "Stay away from who? _Lily_? You're holding on to nothing; she doesn't -"

But James' thought was cut off when flashes of light soared all around them. He and Sirius ducked again before beginning to duel, their wands moving quickly as they shot and blocked curse after curse from the three Slytherins.

Lily had Apparated back to Hogsmeade earlier that afternoon, her heart heavy after talking with her mother and agreeing to return to school. The conversation they had replayed in her head as she walked, causing tears to spring to her eyes and her chest to feel as though it was going to burst from the strain of not crying.

"_Lily," her mother said, "everything is going to be fine."_

"_Everything is _not_ fine!" Lily shouted. "You're dying and you knew it; and you let me to go back!"_

"_Yes, I allowed you to go back," her mother replied in a calm voice. "There is nothing you could have done had you stayed. I knew a long time ago, even when your father was sick I knew. I know that you're upset I didn't tell you, but-"_

"_Of course I'm upset! I should have stayed! Petunia is not keen on helping, all she cares about is her damn boyfriend, and her damn wedding and –"_

"_Lily, that's what I _want_ her to care about. And I would not have allowed you to stay, you don't belong here," her mother said, standing up and pushing her down onto the couch. She sat next to her daughter, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear and sighing heavily._

"_Had you stayed, and gone to the doctor's appointments with me and everything else… what good would it have done? None… I'd still be dying. I'm sure no amount of magic you can do will stop that," she said. "You belong at school, with your friends. You don't-"_

"_I'm your daughter; don't I belong with you too?"_

"_Of course, Lils. But this has been coming, you know it," her mother sighed and shook her head. "Do you know what I see when I look at you?"_

"_Red hair, freckles and green eyes?" Lily replied._

_Her mother chuckled. "Well, yes that… but I was thinking of something different. I see a girl who never puts herself first, who always cares about other's needs before her own. I see someone who makes people laugh and worries about how they feel. You have so much to offer, and I refuse to allow you to keep yourself out of the world just because I'm sick," she said._

"_But-"_

"_Lily… I don't want you to miss out on things. You've always held back; for Petunia's sake, for mine and your father's sake. You _can't_ hold back anymore… you have too much to give."_

_Lily sighed. "Mum… I'm afraid to give… it seems like every time I start to give I lose someone. First dad, now you. Why can't I just keep everyone I have?"_

"_Because that's not how life works, sweetie. You are denying the world something wonderful by holding yourself back. If you stay here, you'll miss things. You'll miss out on what's planned for you, and I can't bear the thought of you missing out on anything," her mother explained, her voice finally cracking._

"_Oh, Mum," Lily said, wrapping her arms tightly around her mother's neck. They held each other for a few moments, finally breaking apart after Rose Evans had calmed herself and wiped her tears. _

_She reached out and took Lily's face in her hands. "Stay for a few days, help me get things settled… then want you to go back. I love you, Lily… I love you so much. But you belong at school, in your world," she explained._

"_Mum… I'm afraid. I'm afraid of leaving you… and I'm afraid of going through what you have. I'm afraid of getting hurt," Lily replied._

"_Getting hurt how_?"

A branch snapped, and Lily started as it shocked her out of her thoughts. She saw out of the corner of her eye a flurry of movement, but kept walking. Her hand wrapped around her wand, and her senses heightened to entirely new levels as she walked.

The gates of Hogwarts finally came into her line of sight and Lily sighed with relief. She knew she was fairly safe now, but still felt uneasy as she walked. She had reached the path just behind the gates when the crunching of footsteps echoed behind her. She whirled around, brandishing her wand and watching Avery's flew in a high arc above his head. She caught it deftly and aimed both of them at him, unafraid of his sneering face as she walked forward and held them under his chin.

"Trying to Imperiuse me?" she asked coldly. "Whatever for, Avery? What good would a _Mudblood_ be to you? Why not torture me like you do the others? Cast the _Avada_ _Kedavra_?"

Avery glared down at her. "We couldn't use you if you were dead."

"The only time you'll be able to _use_ me is when I'm _dead_!" Lily shouted. She drew back her fist and punched him hard in the face, feeling her knuckles crack at the same time she heard his nose break. Avery fell to the ground and cried out, blood running through his fingers. Lily kicked him angrily in the stomach. "And _THAT's_ for whatever you were planning to do my friends!"

There was the sound of shouting from down the path; Lily glared at Avery before bolting off in the direction of the voices. She ran over the hill and to see James, Sirius, Snape and Rosier engaged in a duel. She raced forward to help, but was distracted by Mulciber suddenly running toward her.

"_EXPELLIARMUS_!" Lily cried. Mulciber's wand sailed out of his hand and into the air. She moved to catch it, but he darted forward and tackled her roughly as it landed in her hand. He pinned her to the ground and tried to wrest the three wands from her grasp, but she managed to kick him in the stomach just as someone pulled him off her.

"Get off her!" James' voice roared. He had abandoned his fight with Snape after he saw Mulciber scrambling off toward Lily who had just run over the hill. James flung Mulciber to the side and aimed his wand at him at the same moment voices shouted in their direction. Lily used his outstretched hand to pull herself to her feet and she pressed her back to his, aiming her wand at whomever was still firing curses at James.

"Stop it!" Lily shouted at Snape. The latter paused upon seeing her enter the fray, and was now walking toward them very slowly. His face was contorted into a sneer as he walked around her and James toward Mulciber, pulling the latter to his feet and scowling as he stared the two of them down. Rosier suddenly ran over the hill, followed by Sirius who stopped beside James and Lily, his eyes full of anger as he glared at the group of Slytherins.

"Back so soon, Evans?" asked Mulciber. Lily's eyes flickered with curiosity, but then her expression turned back to a glare. "Heard your muggle mother was dying," he continued.

James sneered and raised his wand, but Lily stepped in front of him. "How…how do you… _YOU_!" she shouted, glaring at Snape rather than Mulciber, and stepping forward. Snape lowered his wand but backed away under Lily's furious expression. She grabbed hold of his robes and shook him violently.

James started forward, keeping his wand held on Mulciber who grinned malevolently at Lily. "One less muggle in the world, it's a prettier place already," Mulciber laughed.

"Shut up, you bastard," James spat, flicking his wand and silencing Mulciber's laughter before pushing him roughly to the ground. His eyes turned back toward Lily and Snape, whose expression was defiant as Lily stared him down.

"Been keeping tabs on my family?"

"No… my mum-"

"She working for You-Know-Who as well?" Lily shouted, jabbing her wand into Snape's cheek.

"No! She only said you were home, rumors told us the rest!" Snape argued back.

"Rumors? You _would_ be listening to rumors about me," Lily sneered. "When are you going to get over it, huh?"

Snape stood up straighter. "Don't know what I'm supposed to get over."

"Good answer, _Snivellus_," Lily replied coldly.

"Adopting nicknames? I assumed you were braver than that," Snape muttered.

"Compared to you, I'm a lion."

"Lion? You're nothing but a filthy _mudblood_," Mulciber voice shouted, the silencing spell James had cast wearing off as he jumped to his feet.

"Shut up!" James shouted.

Mulciber got to his feet, sneering at James. "You're the same, Potter; you and your bloody parents. All of you, it's sickening… associating with filth like this-"

"SHUT UP!" Lily and James both shouted.

"Who you going to shag first, Potter? Evans or her mother? Wouldn't really matter, I suppose… same filthy-"

James grabbed onto Mulciber's robes, but Lily's hand that came out of nowhere and slapped him across the face before pushing James away roughly. "SHUT UP ABOUT MY MUM!" she screamed, losing her temper and launching herself at Mulciber, abandoning her wand and punching every inch of him she could reach.

"Get off me, you jumped up-"

"You filthy _coward_! Hiding behind your blood status, and You-Know-Who, and-" Lily shouted, pushing him onto the ground and aiming another punch into his face. James raced forward and grabbed her arms, trying to pull her back. "Get off me, James! LET GO!"

"Lily, McGonagall is coming… stop… stop," he whispered, pulling her back as Mulciber got to his feet, wiping blood away from his lip.

McGonagall strode angrily over the hill, Avery trailing behind, her still clutching his bloody nose. "_What_ is going on here?" she asked angrily.

"Nothing, Professor," James replied quickly. "Just having a little chat with Rosier, Mulciber and Snape."

McGonagall made a face, then looked directly at Lily. "Miss Evans… Avery here tells me you punched him? His nose is broken," she explained.

Lily stood up straight and shook her hair out of her face. "Cowardly nark," she snarled at Avery before turning back to McGonagall's wide-eyed disapproving glare. "Yes, I punched him! I probably broke my hand doing it. And I'd do it again… he tried to Imperiuse me, check his wand," she said, holding out one of the three in her hand to McGonagall.

McGonagall frowned and stepped forward, glaring at Avery out of the corner of her eye. She pulled out her wand and held up Avery's, muttering a spell and watching as the wand replayed him fixing his nose, and then a flash of something else but no one could make out what it was.

McGonagall frowned. "Miss Evans, I cannot tell what spell was used. But I'm appalled at your use of Muggle violence toward-"

"You'd prefer I use wizard violence, then?"

James choked back a laugh, muttering "Shut up," very quietly in Lily's ear as McGonagall's face lit up with rage.

"Detention, Miss Evans, tomorrow evening, my office. All of you… back to your houses, now!" she snapped before walking away, handing Avery back his wand as she passed.

Mulciber, Rosier and Snape glared at the three Gryffindors before sniggering and walking away, dragging Avery with them. Lily's breathing slowed, and she shrugged out of James' grasp. James watched her sniffle and wipe her face with the sleeve of her robes. "Lils… you shouldn't have-"

"Why the _fuck_ not? I'm sick of this, all of it. I can't take it anymore," she shouted, turning away from him and walking very quickly back to the castle.

James' shoulders sagged and he turned to Sirius with an exasperated expression. "Seriously?"

"Seriously? The girl is brilliant. Come on… let's head to the hall for dinner," Sirius said, chuckling lightly at James' expression.

An hour later, after everyone had celebrated Avery's nose being broken and Lily attacking Mulciber, the four Marauders were headed back to the common room with Julia, who was in charge of carrying the congrats to Lily as she neglected to come down for dinner.

"She's probably upstairs… maybe taking a nap after all the excitement," Julia mused.

"She was upset when she walked off," James said. "She said 'I can't take it anymore.'"

"I'm sure she's exhausted from being home with her mum and all that," Julia replied, twisting her fingers as though she was searching for something to say.

James nodded as he opened the portrait door, climbing in behind Julia and Sirius and frowning as they began to chatter to each other. The evening passed slowly, with no sign of Lily. James finally ascended the stairs to his dormitory, sitting down on his bed and fidgeting nervously as he worried where she was. When the remainder of his roommates finally came up, he took his invisibility cloak and headed downstairs, making up some excuse about sneaking off to the kitchens for a snack.

James was cradling a few pieces of bread, some fruit, and a few slices of cheese when he came upon Peeves as he was walking back from the kitchen. Not in the mood to deal with his pranks, James quickly ducked inside the empty class room to his left and waited until the poltergeist had passed.

"James? I know it's you…" a quiet voice whispered. He jumped and turned around, staring at Lily who was sitting on the floor curled into a ball staring at the wall across from her. "Damn it, James," She whispered, looking over toward the doorway and not seeing where he was standing. "Take off that damn cloak. You can't do that, it scares me to death."

James chuckled and removed his cloak as he wandered over and sat down next to her. "Hungry?" she asked.

"Are you?"

Lily smiled slightly. "A bit," she muttered, accepting the slice of bread and apple he handed her. They were quiet for a few moments while they ate, sharing the bread and cheese and splitting the apple in half.

James straightened out his legs and leaned back against the desk. "It's getting harder and harder to cover myself with this cloak," he mused quietly.

Lily chuckled lightly. "If you weren't so tall it wouldn't be a problem. Look at your long legs, that's the issue."

"You've got long legs," James pointed out.

"Yes, but I'm not two meters tall."

James laughed and nodded in agreement before they both fell silent. He watched Lily flick her wand, making the apple core turn circles and flip over, a sad look in her eyes as she watched.

James cleared his throat, trying to think of something to say to her. He should at least make small talk. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

"S'all right," she replied. "What are you doing down here anyway?"

"Nicking food. And … uh… I was worried about you. I didn't really intend on finding you, but I'm glad I did," he admitted, blushing slightly under her gaze. "Where were you tonight anyway?"

"Detention."

"Thought that was tomorrow," said James, giving her a curious look.

"I convinced McGonagall to let me do it tonight under the guise of studying for exams tomorrow," Lily explained.

"Oh… that's a good argument."

"Yes, that and the fact that I was bawling my eyes out probably helped as well," she admitted, a sad smile crossing her face.

James nodded, placing his arm around her and tugging her close to him. Lily leaned against his shoulder, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. He laid his head against hers. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I … I don't know what to say. I haven't ever been through … yeah, I'll just shut up now."

"It's all right, James. I'd rather you make me laugh; I don't want to talk about anything sad anymore."

"Did you hear the joke about the fungi?"

"Fungi?"

"Mushroom Mark walks up to a lady in a bar, asks to buy her a drink. She says, 'No, I don't like mushrooms,' to which he replies, 'Why not? I'm a fun guy,'" James said.

Lily snorted, then chuckled against her will. "That's awful."

"Eh… my dad's a fan," he said with a shrug.

"Speaking of your dad, that was bang out of order for them to start calling you-"

"I don't care what they call me. I'd rather be a blood-traitor, or any other stupid insult they can come up with, than pure-blood if it means being like them," he said.

"I suppose… did you hear about that registration act?" Lily asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah… load of rubbish. It's supposed to protect Muggle-borns, but if the Ministry falls to Voldemort it'll just make them easier to find," James growled.

"I'm not signing up… course, you have to have an address, and after my mum dies, my address will be Hogwarts until next June," she muttered sadly.

"Lily, you will have a place to go. You can rent a place with Julia; or Sirius and I are getting a flat, you can stay with us," James said. "If anything my parents would take you in."

Lily sniffed and tried to smile. "Are they fond of orphans? First Sirius, now me?"

James hugged her tightly. "Lily, you're not an orphan."

"Yes, I am," she replied, turning to James with tears glistening in her eyes. "My mum is dying; my sister doesn't give a damn about me… I'll have no one. I'll have no family… I-I…" her voice broke, but she quickly composed herself. "I – I have no money, I'll have no home. I feel so alone… completely alone."

James sighed, cupping her face with one hand and forcing her to look at him. "You're _not_ alone; you have family. _We're_ your family. Sirius, Julia, Remus, Peter, and I… we're your family. We're not going to let anything happen to you."

Lily nodded, taking James' hand away from her face and placing it in his lap before lacing her fingers through his. "I know… I just don't want to put any of you in danger. Everyone is after Muggle-borns right now and -"

"We're in danger anyway," James interrupted. "If I'm going to be in danger, I want you with me… someone has to throw punches," he teased.

"I can do that," she laughed, holding up her fist and shaking it. James chuckled and squeezed her tightly, pressing his lips very quickly to the top of her head. Lily inhaled very slowly, looking up at James' eyes and feeling her face flush with color.

"Lily?"

Lily swallowed, "Yes, James?"

James searched her face, her expression was unreadable. But she was in his arms, holding his hand, talking about how alone she felt. She wasn't, he would be there whenever she needed him. James had to try and make her believe that. "Will you come to the ball with me?"

Lily turned her gaze away, grimacing and feeling tears fall from her eyes. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea…"

James sighed and closed his eyes. "Why not?"

"I…, I don't… I'm not sure…well, I just said it… I don't want to put you in danger, or hurt you," she replied.

"And I told you… I'm already in danger," he said quietly. "I don't care about that… I want to be with _you_. I love you."

"You shouldn't," Lily muttered, wiping tears away from her eyes again. "I keep pushing you away, and … and you're just going to get hurt because of me… all the stupid Death Eaters and-"

"Lily, I don't care! I-"

"I have to go… I'm very sleepy… I'm sorry," she said, removing herself from his grasp and dashing out of the classroom.

James stood and protested, but sighed as her cloak whipped out of sight and the echo of her footsteps faded away. He sat down again and put his head in his hands. No matter what he did, no matter what he said… it was never going to be enough.

* * *

_A/N: Yes, James, it will be enough. Patience is a virtue, and you are close to sainthood._


	18. Moving Slowly

Moving Slowly

"As Lovers Go" Dashboard Confessional

* * *

Throughout their next few lessons, Lily was quiet during and refused to talk to anyone about what happened with the Slytherins, or what was happening with her family. James made several more attempts to talk with her, but she continually cut off any of his attempts to speak.

"James, I'm sorry… it's just… it would never work. You're already getting hassled for talking to me… I don't want it to get worse," she said quietly, looking over her shoulder at Snape's glaring figure.

James turned and sneered at the greasy haired Slytherin boy. "I don't give a damn what he, or anyone else thinks, for that matter. And neither should you! Lily… we're… can't you see how good we are together?"

"No… I can't," she said, frowning and averting her eyes as she walked away from him and caught up with her group of friends.

Snape had made good on his word; their fight wasn't over. Every chance the Slytherins got to hex one of the four Marauders, they took it; and the Gryffindors weren't about to take such torment lying down. The resulting detentions took up much of James' time over the next few days, leaving him unable to talk with Lily or comfort her when she needed it. Several times he came down from his dorm to find her crying in the common room, alone; but she refused to allow him to console her, and returned to her room after apologizing profusely to him for seeing her in such a state.

James also found himself annoyed by the sudden resurgence of admirers, who resumed following Lily around. Linghold had finally gotten her to reluctantly accept his apology, and was now doing everything short of stealing the moon for her to notice him. Spurred by the competition, Rollingsfield also began to pay Lily massive amounts of attention. But what annoyed James the most was how many people kept coming up to her and congratulating her on the punches she had thrown, treating her like she was some sort of a sideshow because she'd stood up for herself.

"Look at this," James said to Remus one day. "They're trying to get her to re-enact it! Pathetic! It's like she's on display," he snarled.

"I know, it's driving her mad," said Remus. "She's really embarrassed."

"Embarrassed?" James questioned. "What for?"

"'Cause of all the attention, for butting into a fight and behaving as such, though that was brilliant, I agree with Sirius on that," laughed Remus. "But really… I think she's embarrassed because now everyone knows how she feels."

"How she feels about what?"

Remus laughed. "About you, idiot. Why do you think all those guys are after her more now? They're trying to get to her before she wakes up and realizes she wants you!"

James dropped his fork and sat back. "How could _they_ possibly know how she feels about me? _I_ don't know how she feels about me! She told me-"

"Don't be thick," Julia's voice suddenly said. She had been walking past them and paused to overhear the conversation. "She's fallen for you… why else do you think she jumped in a fight for you? She didn't want you to get hurt; it scares her to death. She's embarrassed because you've been telling her for the last few months that you love her, and she's been denying it, just like I told you she would. I think she's afraid of all of us hopping in circles chanting '_I told you so'_ at her."

"She did mention that once," James mused, scratching his hair. "But, now she's going off on this tangent about it being dangerous for me to be with her. Like I care about what the bloody Death Eater's think. Christ, I'd go around singing 'I'm a bloody blood traitor' if it meant she'd kiss me… or let me hold her… or just… go out with me _once_."

"Ask her to the ball," Julia suggested.

"I tried… and now she's hiding," James replied, running his fingers through his hair angrily.

"Well, I'll make her come out of hiding, then," said Julia before flitting off to the end of the table and sitting down next to Mary.

James waited, but Julia's attempts to force Lily out of hiding and to accept her feelings were unsuccessful. She remained quiet and stone-faced during their last week of classes, and moved so fast away from people afterwards she appeared to be Apparating. The weekend passed, and everyone was forced to focus on studying for their exams the next week.

James tried to push thoughts of Lily out of his head, but he was worried about how she was coping with the stress of exams in addition to her family worries. He knew she was still upset about her mum, and consumed with the belief that she was going to be alone. She was refused to be comforted by anyone, and when James finally cornered her after their final test, she refused to look him in the eyes as she stuttered through an explanation of her behaviour.

"I'm _fine_, James," she muttered, walking quickly from their Potions exam toward the library and ignoring the chattering around her.

"You don't seem fine. The last few weeks must have been hell for you… will you… do you want to talk about it?" he asked kindly.

"I've talked… I talked to Julia. It's okay," she said quietly.

"You have not talked to Julia," said James.

"Well… no… but I don't want her to be in danger either. It's complicated," Lily said, turning away from him. James grabbed the sleeve of her cloak and turned her so he could look at her face.

"Lils?"

"Yes?" Lily asked, looking up at James briefly to examine his expression. She half expected him to launch into a tirade at her for not acknowledging his kindness toward her. The other half was expecting him to continue proclaiming his love for her. She bit her lip and waited for him to speak.

James sighed as he examined the sadness in Lily's eyes, wanting to do anything to bring the light back to them. "It's _not_ complicated. If you need anything… we're all here. Don't … I don't want you to sit around thinking you don't have anywhere to go; or that you don't belong here. The danger doesn't matter to any of us, we're going to take care of you… we take care of each other," he explained.

Lily smiled lightly, her eyes brightening a bit and sending James' heart into a frantic rhythm. He smiled back and reached out to her, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "I mean that, Lils."

"I know, James," she said, taking her hand and laying overtop of his, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. She wanted so badly to throw herself into his arms and allow him to cradle her against his chest, but the logical part of her head refused to allow her such an indulgence. "Thank you."

James nodded, then suddenly stepped forward. Lily didn't move, she didn't make a face or pull away from him; she stood her ground, looking up at him with her bright, almond shaped eyes. The rational part of her brain was screaming, but the other was firmly telling her to stay put and give in to her heart's desire.

"James, are we going to study for Charms?" Remus called, his head buried in a book as he walked toward them.

Remus' sudden presence seemed to shock Lily out of the moment they were sharing. She jumped and blushed furiously, pulling James' hand away from her face and stepping back. "I … I should go," she whispered, turning and walking very quickly away.

James frowned, but refrained from yelling at Remus and simply proceeded to the library to help him study.

Chaos reigned as soon as exams were finished and the weekend arrived. There were a few hours in which James felt wonderfully carefree as he, Sirius, Remus and Peter raced uncontrolled around the grounds. There were mock games of Quidditch and various other types of events all throughout the week they waited for the end of term to come. Even through the laughter and entertainment he shared with his friends, James felt himself longing for Lily's presence. She'd been such a big part of his life that year, it didn't seem right that they were enjoying things without her. Julia was there, permitting Sirius to put his arm around her and kiss her on the cheek several times. Sam Pitchfield had also joined in while they played Quidditch and impressed them all with her flying skills.

"Damn… I need a seeker!" James said as they walked back. "Why aren't you in Gryffindor?"

"Too smart," she teased, causing the five of them to groan at her. "I thought you were trying to get Lily to try out," Sam said with a laugh. "Where is she anyway?"

"Probably helping get everything ready for the ball," Julia said. "She's been busy with that… or trying to get packed. To be honest… I don't know what the hell she's been doing."

"You sound irritated," Sam muttered.

"No… I just… I don't know what to say to her. I know what she _wants_… but she's being so damn stubborn," Julia said, poignantly looking at James.

"Well… she'll come round. Between the Dementors and her mum… I'm not sure I'd feel much like talking, let alone dancing," Sam admitted.

"Well, either way… she might need _someone_ to remind her of what she wants before she gets too shut up in her little world," Julia said, again more to James than anyone else listening.

James nodded, but remained depressed throughout the next few days. He managed to get snippets of information about Lily's activities from Remus, who had also been involved in preparing for the ball.

"Her mum told her to come back so she wouldn't miss out on things," Remus told James at dinner that Saturday night. The Great Hall was decorated lavishly and everyone was talking excitedly about the dance, but James couldn't get in the mood for a party.

"Well… she's missing out on a lot, I think," he muttered. "She's hiding, everyone misses her… I feel so awful. I wish there was something I could do to make her feel better."

"Are you coming tonight?" Remus asked, observing James dressed in jeans and an old jumper.

James shook his head. "No… I don't feel like getting all dressed up."

"Why not? Lily's coming," Remus said.

"She hasn't come to anything the past few days: supper, breakfast… I know Julia's been sneaking her food," James replied.

"I know she's coming, she told me. And… she asked me if you were."

James sighed. "All right, all right… I'll get dressed and come back down."

Remus frowned. "Why are you so depressed? This isn't the first time Lily has ignored you, and she's not even really ignoring you. She's just trying to… figure things out, maybe."

James shrugged. "I just… I feel really bad for her, but I'm also kind of angry. She _loves_ me…she clung to me after that Dementor attacked her, like I was the only thing real in the world. Then after she came back, she sat in my arms and cried; and she looks like she wants to kiss me, or touch me or…. something," James explained, sighing heavily.

"I'm so confused… I used to think she wanted me because she acted that way. Now I'm just wondering if it's just … her. Maybe that's just how she acts; maybe I was so desperate to have her, I convinced myself she wanted me. Being around her hurts, but, the thought of _not_ being around her is… way more painful. It would almost be better if she just went back to hating me; at least then I'd know for sure how she felt."

Remus nodded, listening to James explanation of his attitude the past few weeks with a frown on his face. "Look, mate. I don't know what to tell you… I'm not… I don't know how girls work, and I know I'll never figure it out. But… Lily doesn't hate you, and you don't want her too. Just come down tonight… you never know what might happen."

James nodded, watching his plate vanish from the table as Dumbledore began to speak. James heard little of his end of year speech, distracted as he was by thoughts of Lily. When it was over, he stood and marched straight to Gryffindor tower and changed into his dress robes.

He stared at himself in the mirror, ruffling his hair and spraying himself with the cologne that Sirius had left out. James folded his collar, smiling as he remembered Lily fixing his robes whenever she considered them to be too sloppy. He sighed heavily, feeling both anxious about how he should act if she did come to the ball. In the end, he pulled himself together and headed out the door back to the Great Hall.

At the bottom of the staircase that led away from Gryffindor tower, a strange sight met James' eyes. A great, shaggy black dog was sitting somewhat hidden behind a suit of armor at the very base of the stairs. James chuckled and walked over to it.

"Bit dramatic, don't you think?" he asked.

The dog huffed, but shook its head and continued to stare at the steps from the tower.

"I take it you are _not_ planning on attending the ball. Waiting for Julia?" James asked with a smirk.

Sirius nodded and looked up at James, wagging his tail curiously. "She's on her way. I overheard her and Lily talking about shoes when I left, so it should be fairly soon. I'm not sure what you're planning… but good luck," he told the dog, scratching it behind the ears before heading on his way.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

"I can't believe you're wearing that shawl," Julia was saying as they walked down the stairs from Gryffindor tower.

"Does it look bad?" asked Lily.

"No, but you have such beautiful shoulders, it's a shame to cover them up," explained Julia.

Lily scoffed. "Well… I don't want to look too provocative," she explained

"Lily, you look provocative all the time… you'll just have to get used to it," Julia laughed.

"But, this is fine, right? I mean… I think it still looks pretty," Lily said, examining the dress and her shawl.

"You look beautiful…but lose the shawl, you have beautiful shoulders," Julia told her.

As soon as they reached the bottom of the steps, both girls started when the sound of a dog barking interrupted their conversation. Lily turned sharply and widened her eyes. Sirius was sitting by a suit of armor, watching them unashamedly in his Animagus form. His tongue was lolling out the side of his mouth, and he was wagging his tail happily.

"What on Earth?" Julia giggled. "Who lets a dog into Hogwarts? You're awfully cute, shouldn't you be outside?" she asked, walking over to the dog and scratching its ears.

Lily stifled a laugh as Sirius leaned in and licked the side of Julia's face. Julia giggled and ruffled his fur, obviously having no clue that it was Sirius she was snuggling. "Maybe he's Hagrid's. Uh…Jules… why don't you take him outside. I'm going to head on into the Hall, all right?"

"Okay… I'll find you later," she said, giggling when the dog pounced on her and licked her again.

Lily nodded and wandered off, smiling to herself as she listened to Julia's giggles fade away.

"All right… come on, you; let's go back outside," Julia said to the dog. "I didn't realize Hagrid brought pets into the castle."

The dog barked and ran in the opposite direction. "Hey! Oh, no…" Julia muttered, chasing after it quickly.

She followed its barking all the way to the first floor, down the corridor and finally stopping at the empty class room where she and Sirius usually met. There the dog was sitting, completely calm, watching as she panted heavily.

"All right… that was fun, but you're going to… to…"

Julia trailed off, slowly bringing her hand up to her lips to stifle a gasp as the black dog suddenly stood up on its hind legs and transformed in front of her eyes. In its spot stood Sirius Black, his shaggy hair carelessly hanging in his face as he smirked at Julia, who was starting at him in shock.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

James sat in a chair next to a table at the far end of the hall, drinking punch out of a glass and wishing he could spike it with Firewhiskey to distract him from his thoughts. Peter sat down next to him, both of them watching as Remus danced with Sam across the hall. She was looking at him with bright eyes, but Remus seemed very shy and was blushing awkwardly.

"Why is he so embarrassed?" asked James, chuckling as Sam ruffled Remus' hair and hugged him close.

"Doesn't think there's any sense in him getting involved with anyone," Peter explained. "You know… cause he can't get married or-"

"There is _no_ reason he can't get married," said James. "That's ridiculous."

"Not everyone is accepting as we are, Prongs. You know that," replied Peter.

"Yeah… I suppose your right."

"Hey Pete!" a voice called. James and Peter turned to their left to see Melany Finch from Hufflepuff, looking very pretty in a lilac colored dress, walking toward them. "Where's the dance you saved for me?"

Peter smiled and got to his feet, following Melany out onto the floor. James smiled half-heartedly and sat back in his chair, downing the rest of his punch in one gulp and closing his eyes.

"Hi, James," a light voice muttered.

James opened his eyes and sat up, smirking at the sound of Lily's voice. She was standing in front of him, her hair pulled up into a loose twist with a few strands tumbling down over her shoulders. She was wearing a blue dress that was strapless, and had a white shawl that hung over her shoulders; the material glimmered subtly in the dim light of the hall. Lily was kneading the fabric of her shawl in her hands, smiling sheepishly at James as a dull blush colored her cheeks.

"You're alone," she observed.

"Yup… stag, remember?" he said, grinning as he pointed to himself.

"Right… I remember that," She chuckled. "You-"

"- like to keep my options open," he replied, allowing his eyes to travel the length of her figure, not bothering to hide the obvious desire in them. He could tell the pace of her breathing had quickened, he wasn't sure if it was from nervousness or excitement.

Lily nodded, dropping her eyes and sighing lightly. "James… I've um… I've been acting out of sorts, I know. You were right when you said the last few weeks were hell for me; I've kind of removed myself to my own little world to deal with it. I'm sorry if you've felt like I was ignoring you or being rude," she explained, looking at her feet and shaking her head. She couldn't make the words come out right, and James' eyes were making her lose her focus as she tried to concentrate on explaining things to him.

He stood suddenly, setting down his empty punch glass and stepping close to her. "Lils… it's me. You don't need to apologize. Put away the armor… I'm not going to hurt you."

"Right," Lily said, chuckling lightly.

James examined her again, smiling to himself. "You look amazing."

"You're not so bad yourself," she teased.

"Well, I tried to make sure my collar was lying flat at least," he replied, causing her to laugh loudly. "There is one thing though…" James mused, crossing his arms over his chest and rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Lily quirked an eyebrow and flashed him a skeptical glance, then inhaled sharply when he reached toward her. James gently tugged the shawl off her shoulders and out of her hands, tossing it behind him on a chair. "You don't need to cover anything up; you're beautiful," he explained, taking her hand and walking her onto the dance floor.

"R-right," Lily replied, a little breathless as James took her hands and placed them on his shoulders. Her heart fluttered wildly out of control as James trailed his fingers up her arms, over her shoulders, and down to her hips. He rested them there for a moment, then pulled her very close to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, nestling his face against her neck.

James breathed in slowly, inhaling Lily's scent and realizing just how much he had missed her, even though it had only been a little over a day since they last talked. She felt warm in his arms, her skin soft under his fingers and her body soothing as it aligned with his. Her tiny hands gripped his shoulders very tightly at first, but then her grip relaxed and she slid one hand to his chest and the other around his neck before resting her head against his shoulder. James closed his eyes and swayed slowly on the spot. "I missed you."

Lily chuckled. "Yeah… me too."

"I missed your voice."

"I missed your teasing."

"I missed your sarcasm."

Lily laughed. "I missed your smile."

"I missed your laugh."

"I missed your reminders."

James paused, tilting his head so he could look at Lily's face. She blushed and dropped her eyes, biting her lip nervously. James pulled her closer to him, resting his chin against her hair and smiling gently. "I missed reminding you," he said quietly, suddenly feeling very vulnerable despite her confession.

"What have you been doing?" Lily asked, closing her eyes and breathing deeply to memorize the scent of his clothes.

"We didn't do much… whatever we did, didn't feel right, you weren't there. You'd been there so much this year, it felt like one of us was missing. We played Quidditch…I could have finished your flying lesson, I never did that," he told her very quietly.

"Yes… Julia reminded me of that when she said she was suckered in to playing keeper."

"She's horrid," James muttered.

"I know… and she gets on me about flying," Lily laughed.

James smiled and pulled Lily even closer, enjoying the way her breath tickled his neck. He sighed, still breathing in her scent and closing his eyes as he memorized the feel of her in his arms. Lily threaded her fingers into his hair, enjoying the soft texture and the way he quietly groaned against her ear. They were quiet for a few moments.

"I really like your dress," James whispered, leaning his head against hers and allowing his hand to slide very low on her back, tracing the line of the dress that sat just above her hips.

"Thank you," Lily whispered.

"I really like your hair," James said, leaning back and examining the way she had pulled it up.

Lily grinned. "What about my shoes?"

James looked down, acknowledging her bare feet and grinning broadly. "I like those too," he said with a laugh. "What's with you and bare feet?"

"I hate wearing heels," she replied unashamedly. "They make my ankles hurt, and I trip."

"I've never seen you trip," he mused.

"I trip gracefully."

James laughed. "You would trip gracefully."

"It's a hidden talent," she smirked.

James sighed and smiled at her. "I'll bet you have lots of hidden talents."

"I'm sure you do too."

"Someday I'll show you," James said, grinning when Lily blushed.

"I need to apologize, James," she said after a short pause.

"For what?"

"Well… apology is the wrong word … I … I need to thank you, James," she whispered. "For … being there. You've been the only person I can talk to about how scared I am, it's meant so much to me that you've been there; you're _always_ there, and it's comforting. I should have told you that right away, I should have… I… I'm not any good at this. I'm rubbish at this, actually. I'm scared to death right now."

James tipped his head up and looked at Lily's face; she was blushing furiously and sputtering for words. He pressed his forehead against hers and caught her gaze. "You don't need to thank me… I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else, no matter what the circumstances. You don't always need to be the rational one, you can relax sometimes too."

Lily nodded and sighed, relaxing her posture a little bit as James slid his hands a little higher on her waist. "What are you doing this holiday?"

"Helping Sirius find a flat, visiting people… visiting you," James said.

"I'd like that," Lily replied.

The song changed, it was faster paced, but James simply backed off the dance floor and moved underneath a window where no one else was standing. "Unless you have an objection, I'd very much like to keep dancing with you like this," he explained.

Lily swallowed, her heart beating even faster as James held her. "I-I'd like that, yes," she said quietly. Feeling nervous and shy as he stared at her, she laid her head against his chest and smiled as he laid his against her hair. James swayed slowly, creating his own rhythm from the music; one hand gently tracing circles on her bare skin, the other resting very low on her hip. Lily sighed and allowed herself the small indulgence of his arms around her; she felt safe, warm… loved.

James could feel Lily's pulse racing wildly, and smiled to himself when she rested her head against his chest, knowing she could hear just how fast his heart was beating as well. He began absentmindedly stroking the patch of skin that was revealed by the cut of her dress, attempting to memorize its texture with his fingertips. "How _is_ your mum?"

Lily sighed. "She's… well she's much better than I would be; my mum is the bravest person I know. She's completely adamant that I continue school; she said she doesn't want me to miss out on anything… and I understand. I belong here… I belong with… in this world. She's okay… but I'm still so worried. I'm afraid for her, but I'm also scared for myself; I mentioned it the other night. I'll have nowhere to go after she dies. I don't know what I'll do with myself."

"I meant what I said; you can stay with Sirius and I. Don't worry about having a place to go. I promise I won't make it awkward for you," said James quietly.

"Why would it be awkward for me?" asked Lily, raising her head.

"Well… erm… I," James sputtered, not wanting to upset her with telling her how he felt, but at the same time wanting to remind her that he cared. "Because of… because I'm waiting… still."

Lily smiled. "You're exceedingly patient," she whispered.

"Thanks," James said with a humorless laugh.

Lily smiled back sadly. "It's got to be wearing thin though."

James shook his head. "No… it's hard, but I … I _still_ think I'm right. I just… I want … I don't want to give up… I'm not a stone, though. It's not easy."

Lily frowned and her eyes pricked; she felt immensely guilty for ignoring James the past few days. She ran one hand through his hair before laying it against his cheek, the other hand following so she held his face between her palms. "I'm surprised you even want to see me after the way I've acted… after I've pushed you away again and again. I can't… I can't explain how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you," she whispered, laying her head against his shoulder and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

James breathed in her scent and rested his chin against Lily's hair, smiling lightly at the way she had stood up on her toes to hug him tightly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You said you were scared. Are you scared of me? What are you scared of?"

"James… I don't know. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I … I don't know. Honestly, between everything that has happened over the last few weeks… I'm kind of afraid of everything, and I'm really tired of trying to figure out why," she explained sadly.

"Oh… all right."

"But…" Lily said, summoning all the courage left in her body, "I really, _really_, enjoy having you hold me, it's comforting. I haven't felt this happy in weeks… so, please, don't stop."

"Wouldn't dream of it," James replied, snuggling Lily closer to him and smiling. He felt her sigh against him and her fingers resumed threading their way through his hair.

"I hope hearing that at least re-fills your patience quota," she said with a laugh.

James chuckled. "I believe I've got some to spare," he teased.

Lily laughed and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of James' clothes and sighing deeply. He lifted his hand and laid it gently against her hair before turning his head and pressing his lips very softly against the crown of her head. James lingered there for a long time, causing goosebumps to erupt all over Lily's skin and a new reserve of courage to race through her blood.

James pulled away and Lily looked up at him, her eyes full of an intensity he'd never seen. She looked scared and determined as she stood on her tiptoes and leaned forward, sliding her one hand to his neck and grasping his hair with the others. James pressed his forehead against hers and waited, hoping at long last to feel her lips on his.

"Er… James?" a small voice called.

Lily blushed and instantly rocked back on her heels, her hands dropping from James' neck and resuming an inconspicuous place on his shoulders. James closed his eyes and exhaled sharply before turning to look at Peter with fierce glare. The latter was flushed with color and staring at his trainers. "You need me… _now_?" James asked sharply.

"Uh… not me… Dumbledore needs you… er … all of us… now," Peter muttered.

James closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Damn it…" he muttered under his breath.

"What? What's going on?" Lily asked, removing her hands from James' shoulders and placing one inside his. James debated on telling her he would return in a few moments, or simply staying where he was and trying to engage her back into the moment; but it seemed she wouldn't be deterred. "James, what is it? Is this about… his crowd?"

James looked at her sharply. "Has Dumbledore talked with you?"

"Er… no… but Alice let something slip and-"

James chuckled. "Well… seeing as how you _are_ willing to jump in to a fight," he said, grinning as she blushed brightly, "I say you come with us and see what all this is about."

He squeezed her hand and pulled her forward, following Peter as he caught Remus and walked out of the Great Hall. Lily looked confused as James led her along, but she didn't ask any questions until they finally approached the Gargoyle that stood guardian as the entrance to Dumbledore's office.

"Lemon drop," Lily and Remus said at the same time, watching as James and Peter jumped when the gargoyle moved aside. "Prefects are given the password for emergencies," she shrugged, trying to stifle a laugh when James looked at her. He nodded, his expression hard and serious as they ascended the stairs.

James knocked on the door and waited, trying to focus his mind on what Dumbledore would be telling them rather than the fact that he had been about to kiss Lily. The door opened and they proceeded inside, examining the room curiously.

"Ah, yes… well done, Mr. Pettigrew," said Dumbledore's amused voice. "I send you out for two, and you bring me back three, well done," he said, acknowledging Lily's unexpected presence. "James, do you happen to know the whereabouts of your friend, Mr. Black?"

"Um… no? Wasn't he at the ball with Julia?" James asked, looking at Lily, whose eyes were wide and expression horrified.

"No, we didn't see him all night," Peter replied, also glancing at Lily's expression.

"Oh, well… I think… er… I think that _Julia_ found Hagrid's _dog_… and was going to take him outside. So Sirius might have missed her, perhaps he's in the common room?" she asked in a desperate voice.

James suddenly caught on and had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. "I'll… should he be here?"

Dumbledore folded his hands and considered his fingertips for a moment. "I believe he will want to be involved, would you mind going to find him?" Dumbledore asked, allowing an amused smirk to cross his face.

"Er… right. I'll um… I'll be back," James said, dropping Lily's hand reluctantly and giving her a wink as he walked out the door. He raced up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, but it was empty, as were the dormitory where the four of them slept.

He knew they weren't at the ball, but tried in vain to think of where they could possibly be. As he was walking down the steps from Gryffindor tower a thought occurred to him; there was one place Sirius always retreated to when he wanted to be alone, and James was sure he had taken Julia there a few times as well. He raced down the steps and to the first floor, panting as he laid his head against the out of the way door to classroom eleven. He could hear quiet voices talking inside, and knocked on the door before pushing it open slightly.

Julia shrieked and Sirius swore loudly; James stuck his hand in the door and waved to them. "It's me… it' just me!" he laughed.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" asked Sirius roughly, tugging James inside and slamming the door behind him. Julia had scrambled behind a desk, giggling as she sputtered something about James being nosy and they had only been in there looking for extra parchment.

"Er… that meeting with Dumbledore? It's tonight mate… now…" James muttered, trying to ignore the fact that Sirius was without a shirt and buttoning his trousers hurriedly.

"What meeting with Dumbledore?" Julia asked, standing up straight and looking at them curiously. James sniggered, looking down at his trainers quickly to avoid embarrassing her. Julia blushed and rearranged her dress so it covered her more appropriately.

"Just… come on… you're not the only one who got interrupted," James said. "Lily almost kissed me… but Peter –"

"_WHAT_?" two voices shouted. James jumped as Julia abandoned all modesty and ran out from behind the desk, still tugging the straps of her dress over her shoulders. "She _did_? And Peter didn't let it happen?"

"Idiot," Sirius muttered, pulling a t-shirt on and zipping the back of Julia's dress.

"I don't think he had much of a choice… Dumbledore wanted us, so yeah. Come on, then… we've uh… yeah, we've got to go," he said, breaking into laughter and shaking his head.

"Are you laughing about the fact that you just caught us in a compromising position? Or the fact that you finally got to Lily and you're happy?" Julia asked.

"A little of both really… and I didn't get to her… she'll probably go back to denying everything now that the moment is lost," replied James sadly.

"You can make another moment," said Julia. "Come on then… I'm overdressed, but oh well."

James peeked his head out of the hall and, after he was assured the coast was clear, proceeded to exit as Julia and Sirius followed behind him.

"Thought you'd three be at the ball," came a loud cheerful voice as they approached Dumbledore's office. "Whe're ya headed?"

James turned around and saw Hagrid walking behind them. "Meeting with Dumbledore," he explained.

"Ah… well, I'll walk with yeh then, going to the same place," Hagrid said proudly.

"Right… listen, Hagrid, if anyone asks… you own a very shaggy black dog, all right?" James muttered, causing Sirius to laugh.

"I do?"

"Yes… you do, Hagrid… I chased him outside earlier," Julia said, catching on to what James was doing and backing him up.

"All righ'" Hagrid muttered, scratching his beard lightly. "Huh… I'd quite like a dog, actually."

"I know one who _loves_ having his belly scratched," Julia muttered, shaking her head when Sirius and James both laughed loudly.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

Dumbledore had been busy, very busy; much busier than any of the students realized. A group of nineteen wizards and witches had gathered in Dumbledore's office for a meeting of what was known as the Order of the Phoenix. The four Marauders, Lily, and Julia had also sat in on the meeting, none of them saying a word as they group discussed the ongoing fight against Voldemort.

After the meeting had been adjourned, Dumbledore explained that while he could not induct the six of them into the Order at this time, they would be offered induction upon completion of their seventh year. The four boys agreed instantaneously, trying to persuade Dumbledore to induct them that night so they could help over the summer.

"I can't in good conscience do that," Dumbledore explained. "You may be of age, but you are still my charges, and I would be remiss if something were to happen to you whilst under my care. Once you are finished with school, should you still wish to join, you will be inducted at that time."

"But, why tell us now if we can't help?" asked Peter.

"You can help. You can prepare yourselves; decide what classes to take next year, pay attention to what is happening around you this holiday," Dumbledore explained. "We are fighting the ever-changing and ever-growing, it is imperative you keep up on the news this summer. Read between the lines, notice the smaller things that go on. Miss Evans, especially you… you are in the world that is ignored often by our kind. Any news you can tell us of odd events could make fighting this easier and truly let us know how far Voldemort's reach extends."

Lily nodded, fidgeting nervously as James' eyes fell upon her, filled with longing for their interrupted moment. Sirius and Dumbledore began to discuss the possibility of running small assignments over the summer, but James was distracted by Lily's expression.

It was hard and serious, as though she had just been told that her attention to detail was a matter of life or death. James vaguely registered Dumbledore suggesting to Sirius that he remain at the Potter's for the holiday, to which he nodded, but he reached out and took Lily's hand in his. She started and looked at him as though she had forgotten he was there. He gave her an encouraging smile, which she returned, though her eyes had a trace of sadness within them.

"I've kept you long enough… I will be in touch with you this summer. Keep an eye out, keep yourselves safe… and most of all, keep living. Voldemort thrives off of fear, he thrives off of driving people to hide. Don't let his reign of fear control your lives," Dumbledore said, glancing at James and Lily's intertwined fingers. "Off you go; good night."

"This is brilliant," Sirius was saying to James. "We finally have a chance to get after these bastards, I can't wait."

"Yeah," James muttered, watching Lily walk ahead of him. She was pulling pins out of her hair, the tresses tumbling over her shoulders in sections as she removed the twist.

"Not yet, Sirius… I mean… we still have to wait, we're still under-skilled and-"

Sirius waved off Peter's concerns. "I'm ready… I'm ready now. I'll be out there this summer, and if I see anyone of them…" he said, pulling out his wand and mimicking a dueling action.

"Maybe your dad could teach us some stuff, James," Remus suggested.

"Yeah… yeah, I bet he could," James replied, still watching Lily.

"This is excellent," Sirius said again, turning in a circle as he walked and laughing loudly.

They had reached the portrait hole, the boys were still chatting as Lily muttered the password and dashed inside. James took two large steps forward and caught her arm before she went up the stairs.

"Are you all right?" he said, stepping very close to her and attempting to look at her face. Her hands were shaking and her expression was hard as she avoided gaze. "Lily," James said, placing one hand against her cheek and forcing her to look at him.

"Y-yes… I'm fine. I'm just very sleepy now…" Lily muttered, feeling her heart flutter wildly at James' touch.

"All right," he replied. James stepped onto the bottom stair with her and put his other hand against her cheek. She froze, unsure of his intentions, or what the others who were watching them would think. James leaned forward, kissing her forehead very lightly and lingering there for a moment before releasing her and waiting.

Lily's eyes fluttered closed, James could feel her rapid breath against his lips. He waited, hoping that she would proceed as she had at the ball. Hoping she would lean into him and press her lips to his. _Maybe I should just kiss her… maybe I should stop waiting and-_

"Thank you for the dance, James," she whispered, gently removing his hands from her face and squeezing them tightly. "Good night," she said, before turning sharply and dashing up the stairs.

James' heart sank, his hands remained awkwardly out as though he was still holding her. Finally he dropped them to his sides and sighed angrily, cursing under his breath and proceeding upstairs to the dorms.

"She's had a lot on her the past few weeks," Remus told James the following morning. "Just… I don't know… I don't know anything about girls, why do you keep asking me?"

"Because you're the most… un-pratish … out of all of us, I suppose," replied James.

"And I'm also the one who can't have a relationship," Remus said bitterly.

"That's not true; there's nothing stopping you-"

"Nothing? Not everyone is like you, James. Most girls would run screaming if they found out what I am… probably be scared they'd get it by kissing me," Remus muttered.

James frowned. "You know that's not true… not everyone thinks werewolves are awful. _You_ are not awful, maybe some of them are, but you are not. And that potion makes you harmless… there's no reason-"

"Well… let's cross that bridge when we get there," Remus said, quelling James' preaching as Sam, Melany and Mary approached the queue for the train. "Back to other matters, just… see how she acts today. She likes you… she does."

"I know… I'm just… I've been so close, so close… and she just shuts down and runs off."

"Well, you'll see her this summer… you're still close," Remus muttered as they stepped onto the train.

Lily was talking with Sirius quietly in front of an empty cabin, the latter giving her an amused glance as she waved her hands wildly trying to illustrate a point.

"Hey, Lils," James said, grinning broadly when her face lit up at the sight of him.

"Hi, James."

Remus and Sirius stood watching them, smirking at each other as James and Lily both blushed and fiddled nervously with their robes.

"I was going to ask if-"

"James, I know that -"

"Lily!" Julia's voice suddenly shouted. She was walking very quickly down the aisle, smiling but flushed with color. "I've been looking for you all over this train. Come on," she said, grabbing Lily by the arm and escorting her away from the boys.

"Um… what do you need? I'm sort of talking, here…" Lily muttered, giving Julia a confused glance.

"You can talk to them later," Julia replied.

Lily nodded, turning over her shoulder and giving James an apologetic glance as Julia dragged her off. James followed, with Sirius in his wake as they entered a compartment.

"No, James," Julia said, blocking the door so he couldn't enter.

"You're awfully-"

"You can talk to her later, James. _I_ need to talk to her… and I won't be able to get her to focus on anything if she's thinking about snogging you, so run along… we'll see you later," Julia told him, shutting the cabin door and locking it.

James looked at Sirius with a confused expression. "What is that about?"

"Dunno… maybe… er… maybe its girl chat…" Sirius muttered, ruffling his hair absentmindedly.

"She's probably filling Lily in on the details," James mused.

"Details?"

"Of how I found you two in classroom eleven last night," James said, pressing his lips into a tight line to keep from laughing.

"Maybe… do girls do that?"

"Do what?" James asked.

"Kiss and tell."

"Shag and tell," Remus muttered, causing James to laugh.

"Shut up," Sirius replied.

"Ah, Padfoot… why don't _you_ kiss and tell so we don't assume things?" James said, shoving Sirius into a compartment across from where Julia and Lily were talking.

"Julia!" said Lily indignantly. "You've been harping on me all year about James, and now that I actually want to talk to him about… well about –"

"About almost kissing him?"

"Yes… that and… other things… you just drag me off and-"

"You weren't going to kiss him today," Julia said, waving her off. "Don't give me that look, you're still scared to death and you know it. I don't know why you're so scared, but we'll get to that in a minute… I need to tell you something."

Julia was fidgeting nervously and chewing on her lip; her eyes were excited and lively, but she acted as though she was having a hard time forming the proper sentences for describing what was going through her head.

"Jules… sit," Lily said, standing and taking her gently by the shoulders and sitting her down on the bench. Lily took one of her hands and squeezed it gently. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

Julia took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, finally looking into Lily's eyes with a very serious expression. "You've been lying to me."

"What?"

"You've been hiding something from me _all_ year."

Lily quelled. "Jules… I was sworn to secrecy; I didn't tell _anyone_, they made me promise and-"

Julia started laughing hysterically and shook her head. "I bet you about died… I know I did. That dog last night stood up and turned into Sirius; I thought I was going to faint," she explained with a laugh, then her face became serious again.

"So… I take it he told you. Did he tell you _everything_?"

"About the four of them?"

"Yes…"

"And you with that potion for Remus?"

"Well good, now I have someone to talk to then; I'm glad you know."

"Yes," she said, smiling gently. "I was in shock, but it made sense after a while. I just can't believe you kept it from me for a year."

"I had to… if I hadn't, they'd have put a memory charm on us both."

"True," Julia mused, then sighed and looked out the window.

"So… what did you talk about after that?"

Julia shrugged. "We… we didn't _talk_ a whole lot… really."

"No? You never came down to the ball," Lily said curiously.

"Lils… don't be so naive."

Lily gave her a questioning look, then gasped loudly and clapped her hands over her mouth. "Did you … oh my God, Julia!"

"Lily, it's not like it's the 1940's anymore…it's not-"

"It's not a big deal… I'm just kind of surprised. I thought you were mad at him, you told me you were ignoring him," Lily said.

"I got over it. If you would have talked to me at all the past few weeks, you would have known that" Julia said sternly.

"Sorry," Lily replied sheepishly. She started giggling though when Julia blushed brightly and looked out the window "So… well… I'm not even going to ask you what it was like, because I haven't the faintest clue about anything intimate."

"No, you don't… but you can imagine," Julia replied wickedly.

"No, I can't. Naïve, remember? I'm never going to get caught up at this rate," Lily replied glumly.

"It sounds like you were trying to get a start last night…you almost kissed James," Julia said encouragingly.

"Yes…"

"I'm sure I can go distract Sirius and Remus if you… Lily, what's wrong?" Julia asked in a horrified voice.

Lily sniffed loudly before burying her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Julia placed her arm around her shoulder and held her for a moment. "Did I say something? You're not behind, it doesn't matter, Lils. Don't cry."

Lily shook her head and wiped her tears away with her fingers. "You didn't say anything… I just… I can't. I want to and I can't…" she sniffled, sobbing into her hands again.

"What do you mean? I don't-"

"James! I just can't… Oh, God. All this going on… haven't you been reading the Prophet? About the licensing requirement for marriage to Muggle-borns? And the deaths? Didn't you read about the Gales? The whole family was murdered because he married a muggle! And the tax on Muggle-born earnings, because they think we have more money than pure-bloods. Its-"

"Lily," Julia said sternly. "You can't listen to this rubbish. That's what it is… its rubbish. You know damn well James doesn't give a rat's arse that you're muggle-born, no one does!"

"He doesn't… but how can I knowingly do that to him? How can I knowingly put him in that kind of danger?"

"What are you talking about?"

"If… if I went out with him… where would it lead? It could lead somewhere, and then our family could be at risk for being murdered … all because I'm a muggle-born. Anything he engages in could be tainted… because of me!" Lily sputtered, tears rolling down her face.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Lily; you're being ridiculous. James is going to put himself in danger anyway and-"

"I don't want him to do it because of me," she said harshly. "I can't… when he and Sirius were in a fight with the Slytherins… I couldn't stand the thought of him being hurt. It just… I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to him. And knowing it was because of me would just be too much," she said, sobbing again before breathing deeply and trying to console herself.

"Lily… this is rubbish! You know it is! You're afraid of getting hurt and-"

"Yes… that too; and don't give me that look, can you really blame me? How many times have I watched you cry over some boy? Look at the whole thing with Sirius! My mum… the doctors are saying she's dying of cancer but she's not; she's dying of a broken heart because she misses my dad. I don't want to go through that. Maybe there's not anything with James; maybe I'm just thinking there is because everyone is telling me there is. I don't know… " Lily muttered.

"Now, _that_ is rubbish; don't be stupid. If you _didn't_ feel anything for James, you wouldn't be sitting here crying over the thought of him being hurt," Julia said, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at Lily.

Lily quelled, sniffing and wiping her eyes again as she thought of James. "I know… Julia, he was so close to me last night, and I wanted to kiss him so bad… and then that meeting. All I can think about is how he'd be risking his life if he … I just can't let him do that. I'm tired of losing people, Jules. First my sister because I'm a witch, then my dad, now my mum… I just can't do it anymore… I can't lose someone else!" she croaked, her voice breaking as she buried her face in her hands again.

Julia sighed and wrapped her arms around Lily's shoulder, sighing heavily and shaking her head. "I understand that you're scared, being in love is scary. But it's scary for everyone, not just you. You're being stupid… James is good for you; you light up when you see him, he makes you laugh; he makes you happy. You love him, you're only hurting yourself here. "

"Well, at least it's me and not him. I'd rather suffer than have someone else suffer because of me," Lily whispered, tears cascading down her cheeks into Julia's lap.

"Lily… he's suffering too. You can't do this to him anymore. It's gone on too long, you can't deny that you feel something for him," Julia said sternly.

"I can't do this to him anymore… you're right about that. But I can't … I can't be with him, it's too complicated. It's-"

"You're making it complicated. It's the simplest thing in the world, you need to open your eyes and see that."

Lily sighed. "Julia, my eyes are open… I've already got a target on my head, I know that. I don't want to put one on his head too."

Julia frowned. "Lils… he's going to run out of patience. He's not going to want to wait around-"

"Then good… good for him. He shouldn't wait around. What if the war doesn't end for years? I don't… I don't want him to miss out on things because he's harboring feelings for me when we can't be together," Lily said.

"So… you're telling me that if James moves on, finds someone else, marries and has children… you'll feel nothing? That watching that… will hurt less than letting your guard down, and just accepting that he's going to be in danger anyway? Watching him move on and have all the things you're denying yourself will hurt less than taking a chance?"

Lily inhaled sharply, sitting up taller and blinking her eyes. "No… it won't hurt me less. But it will be better for him."

* * *

_A/N: I know... I KNOW! When I went back and read this part (I write, then I edit, then I let it sit for a while and reread it again before having it beta'd and published... this helps me make the story work) I thought "Ahh... damnit!" but I just couldn't change it. I see Lily going through so much right now and fighting so hard against what she wants and it's stupid - but I also see her side as well. It seems silly I know, but after reading about people being killed for marrying someone of a different "Race," for lack of a better term, it'd be hard to knowingly put someone at that risk. So be patient with her... she's losing her family and struggling with a lot, but she'll get there. _

_Thank you for your reviews, they mean so much to me. After the next chapter I won't have a double update for a while... I'm catching up with myself after a brief battle with writers block, but I'm back on track so there is more coming. Thank you so much for everything again =)_

_P.S. Read the lyrics to "As Lovers Go" then re-read the chapter. They're wonderful.  
_


	19. Open Your Eyes

Open Your Eyes

"Open Your Eyes" Snow Patrol

* * *

Lily was not enjoying her summer in any way. Her mother was very sick, though her good humor and bright personality remained intact. Lily took to spending almost all her days with her, talking about various things that had gone on at school, and parts of life she didn't discuss with anyone else. But it was hard, it felt like there wasn't enough time to say everything.

Petunia's wedding to Vernon Dursley was scheduled for August twenty-eighth, four days before Lily would return to Hogwarts for her final year. Though almost all the excitement of the summer had revolved around Petunia's nuptials, that changed when Lily received a letter from Professor Dumbledore the last week of July.

"_Miss Evans,_

_I am delighted to inform you that you have been selected by the staff as Head Girl for the upcoming school year. Congratulations, Lily. You have such strong leadership skills, and we look forward to seeing you blossom into a wonderful young woman."_

Dumbledore's letter was very personal. He sent his congratulations to Petunia, well wishes to her mother, and his thoughts on Lily's concerns for her future.

"_I heard a rumor that you were concerned about residency and living arrangements after your final year of school. Do not fret, Miss Evans; if things happen, you will have a place to go. You will always have a place within the Order, and we will provide you with anything you would possibly need._

"_Remember you are free, Lily. Live, love, be happy; without life and love, there is nothing worth fighting for._

"_I shall see you on the first of September._

_Yours,_

_Albus Dumbledore_"

Dumbledore's parting sentence had again brought thoughts of James to the forefront of her mind. Lily wasn't sure if it was possible for her to shed anymore tears, she wondered when her tear ducts would run dry.

She wanted so badly to write to him, so badly to see him, but refused knowing it would only put his family in more danger. The more she read in the papers, especially in the hidden corners regarding Ministry Laws and other activities that went under the radar, the more she became convinced the best course of action would be for her to remain alone; she even considered going into hiding after her last year of school. The Ministry distributed more pamphlets regarding protecting oneself from the Death Eaters. Lily thought the majority of it was rubbish; the precautions did little more than say to people "_Run - if they want you, they're going to find you_."

Putting the thoughts of James and the danger they were all facing aside, Lily shared the letter with her mother, who was thrilled beyond imagining at her success.

"Mum, it's just a badge, really. It's not that big of a deal," Lily muttered as her mother gushed with pride.

"It _is_ a big deal! I'm so very proud of you. Do you know who your counterpart will be?"

"I'm not sure, I'll have to write and check," Lily replied, taking back the letter and studying it again, finding it odd that Dumbledore didn't mention who would be taking the Head Boy position. She groaned, silently praying that it was Remus and not Max… or worse, Avery. She shuddered at the thought.

Petunia's wedding plans began to consume the entire household as soon as August rolled in. Lily found it dreary and boring, but smiled and played the adoring sister for the sake of their mother. The truth would have hurt her too much.

"Mum knows nothing about the letter I sent you." said Petunia as they prepared dinner one evening.

"Well, she knows something," Lily scoffed. "I'm not a Seer; how else did I end up running home last May after you told me?"

Petunia snorted, her long nose wrinkling as she looked at Lily. "I _meant_ about the house… about Vernon and I selling the house after she's gone. I hope you haven't-"

"I wouldn't tell her a thing, nor would I mention you warning me to stay away after I'm done with school," Lily shot back.

"You don't have to… stay away. I don't want any of your _nonsense_ around, obviously. I just want you to be prepared. I can't raise you and try to have a baby at-"

"I'm not a child, Petunia. I don't need anyone to _raise_ me. I won't mention a thing to mum. I couldn't do that to her, or to anyone I cared about… my heart is made of tissue, not _ice_," she hissed before turning and heading upstairs to her bedroom.

The wedding day arrived and Lily helped her mother get dressed and ready for the ceremony, slipping an endurance potion inside her morning tea to ensure she could make it through the day without becoming exhausted. They had started to gather a few things to take to the park when Lily's mother suddenly gasped and pressed her hand against her forehead, causing Lily to whirl around and rush to her side. "Mum?"

"Oh, dear… I forgot. I was supposed to pick up mints and I didn't do it while I was out. Oh, dear… we won't-"

"Mum," laughed Lily, relief rushing through her veins. "It's all right… I'll run and get them. They're at the bakery right?"

"Yes… are you sure you don't mind? I know Petunia wanted you to be there to help her get ready," her mother said.

Lily smiled. "I'm sure she'll manage without my help. Besides, I won't be gone terribly long," she explained, grabbing her purse and stepping toward the door. "You'll be all right?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. Pam and Marla will be here in an hour, they'll help out with anything I need," her mum replied, reminding Lily that her two very distant, and very elderly, Aunts would also be attending.

Lily nodded. "All right, I'll be back then."

She stepped out the door and onto the sidewalk, sighing heavily before Apparating across town to an empty alley next to the bakery.

J&L&J&L&J&L

James' summer holiday had also been miserable. If it hadn't been for Sirius' companionship, James wondered if he might have gone mad with his obsessive thoughts of Lily. After forcing Sirius to come clean about his and Julia's late night rendezvous, having a laugh while listening to Sirius' description of the act, the boys had opened the door to their compartment and waited for Julia and Lily to come join them.

When the train finally stopped, James' widened his eyes as Lily emerged, wiping her eyes on her sleeve and sniffling quietly. Julia was patting her on the back as they walked out, and waved James off when he moved to see what had happened. That was the last he'd seen of her. He and Sirius gathered their trunks, said good bye to their friends (James poignantly ignored the good-bye kiss Sirius bestowed on Julia), and Apparated to his parents' house without seeing any trace of Lily on the platform.

Since arriving at home, James had played numerous rounds of chess with Sirius and his father, flown his broomstick all over the countryside, Apparated to visit both Remus and Peter, accompanied Sirius on a visit to Julia, and went for several long walks to distract himself. But none of it worked. His thoughts were consumed with longing for her.

He wrote her one letter late in July, but after not hearing back from her he became even more depressed. Even his letter from Dumbledore saying he had been made Head Boy didn't cheer him up. His parents were thrilled, and Sirius teased him relentlessly, but James didn't respond. All he could think about was Lily.

Julia randomly came to visit in late August, though James wondered if Sirius had asked her to come since she was prepared to offer James plenty of advice on dealing with the situation.

"James, the worst thing you can do is get all depressed; she'll just be convinced that she makes you unhappy, and you're better off without her," Julia told him sternly.

James grimaced, but then sighed heavily. "I'm not giving up… I'll think of something."

"Whatever it is, watch out. I have a feeling that when she does finally give in, you're going to be a tired boy; if you have that much pent up passion for someone, eventually it comes out," Julia laughed.

"You'd know a bit about that," Sirius teased.

"Shut up," Julia told him, laying her head on his lap as he ran his fingers through her blonde hair.

"Have you talked to her at all this summer?" asked James.

"Just twice," Julia replied sadly. "She wrote to me about that couple in Wessex."

"The Sennetts? The one was tortured and the other-"

"Yes… yes, that one," Julia said, holding up a hand to keep James from repeating the story. "She sent me a copy of the Prophet, almost like she was trying to back her claims about wanting to keep '_people'_ safe by staying away."

"Did you write back?"

Julia smirked. "I did… told her to stop reading the damn Prophet and get a bit of snogging done with you."

James and Sirius both chuckled. "What'd she say?"

"Here," Julia said, tossing James a short letter in Lily's handwriting. "See for yourself." James smirked and began reading the letter, tracing his fingers lightly over the lines of text to see if he could feel her within.

"… _Have no business telling me to go get some snogging done. I suppose you've been seeing Sirius frequently this summer; you're probably getting enough snogging done for us both, among other things. _

_If you do see Sirius, tell him I said hi. And tell him to say hi to James for me. I'm afraid to write him back, because I'm afraid he's going to be furious with me for waiting this long. But, it's better this way. It really is. I know he's safe. Well, I don't know he's safe, but I'm assuming. 'Course, assuming tends to make an arse out of oneself at times…_

_Do you think I should write him? I mean… I miss talking to him and I don't want him to be angry at me. But I don't want to lead him on… I can't…_

_If you see James, tell him I said hi… and tell him I miss him._

_Keep your knickers on… at least some of the time anyway._

_Love, Lily."_

James laughed and tossed the letter to Sirius to read. "Cheeky thing, isn't she," Julia smirked.

The door downstairs shut and James heard his parents' voice muttering quietly. There was a knock on James' door and it opened, his father striding in looking unusually grave.

"Dad? What's going on?" James asked, standing up from his bed and eyeing his father curiously.

"We were approached," he said gravely, which James took this to mean Voldemort had finally come for his family. "We said no… but, they made a threat," Mr. Potter explained. "James… Lily Evans lives in Hedge End, correct?"

Julia stood up suddenly, her eyes wide with fear as she looked from James to his father and back. James swallowed heavily. "Yes… why?"

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

Lily appeared in the alleyway, breathing deeply into her lungs as the sensation of Apparition ceased, wondering to herself if she'd ever get used to the feeling. She had just started forward when a disturbing chuckle distracted her.

"He wasn't lying, she is a lovely one," the voice muttered.

Lily's eyes flew up and she glared, grabbing her wand as she found the alleyway blocked by two men who could only be wizards. They were wearing black robes, and each had a sneer on their face as they examined her. One was mangy, deranged looking, with beady eyes and matted hair. The other was better kept, but his twisted face was frightening and his eyes cold.

"I'll bet you are _sweet_, aren't you?" the laughing one murmured as he stepped forward.

"Not really," Lily replied.

"There's a boy who thinks you're so sweet, we think he'll come to our side just to keep you safe," the twisted face man explained. "Don't back away, darling; we're only to watch you until we have our orders. We won't hurt you… badly."

Lily stood up straighter, raising her own wand defensively. "Stay away from James," she snarled. "If it's me you want, I'm right here. He's pure-blood anyway; isn't a little hypocritical to kill your own kind?"

"We won't kill him, stupid girl. We want him, and you're a perfect catalyst to make him join. But, if he doesn't, I'm sure we can give you a shot…see if you're something we'd… _want_," the man with the matted hair sneered, licking his lips and stepping forward.

"_Greyback_," the twisted face man said sharply. "We have orders. We're not to act until we hear from Bella."

"Just a taste… I won't kill her," Greyback smiled, his yellow teeth gleaming in the dim light.

Lily felt her stomach turn and began to back down the alleyway. If she could just get past them she'd be right in the street, out in public; they wouldn't do anything where they could be so easily tracked by Muggle witnesses… would they?

The man called Greyback snarled and stepped forward suddenly, but the other man with the twisted face jumped in front of him. "Get off, Rowle! She's a _mudblood_… she's dead to us anyway!"

"We were told-"

There was a flash of light from Lily's wand as she seized her chance to escape. The two men were flung against the wall and Lily raced away from the scene. She heard snarling behind her and was seized from behind by a strong pair of hands just before she reached the edge of the alleyway.

"_Tarantallegra_!" Lily shouted. The man tripped and suddenly his legs began to flail on the spot in a frenzied quickstep, grabbing hold of her to support himself. Another snarl and Greyback began running toward her, his teeth barred in a ferocious grin. Lily shoved the twisted face man into him as he drew closer, causing them both to stumble as she raised her wand. "_ABIGO_!"

Both men were flung back to the end of the alleyway. Lily raced into the street, thinking for a moment she was free, but she slammed into a taller woman with dark hair. "_Filth_… can't escape that easily," the woman hissed. She grabbed Lily by the hair and dragged her back into the alleyway. Lily kicked and screamed the entire way despite the pain she felt as the woman threw her forward, her hands hitting the dusty pavement hard and her wand flying out of her grasp. The woman snatched it up, scowling at the two men who were just getting to their feet. "Greyback, Rowle! You were given a _simple_ assignment; watch – the – _mudblood_! You can't even follow orders!" the woman shouted at the two men who had raced forward.

Rowle sputtered and looked furious. "He was attacking her before-"

Greyback snarled. "What good is she? I could have a taste and no harm would have been done!"

"You'll never be marked, Greyback; you're too stupid to be in his confidence… why he keeps you around I don't know; werewolves can't be trusted… and you're absolutely disgusting. Though, you are correct, there is no purpose in keeping her alive. They refused," the woman explained. "Time is wasting. Greyback… since you jumped ahead of schedule, I'll be killing her before-"

Greyback growled. "They're better fresh-"

The woman snorted. "You think I'm concerned about your desires? I-"

Lily seized her second chance while they were arguing. She jumped up and threw herself at the dark haired woman, snatching her wand back and slamming her hard into the wall. Lily punched her solidly in the face before firing a stunning spell over her shoulder at the approaching Rowle.

The woman screamed and brandished her wand; Lily crouched to avoid the jet of green light that flew over her head. "_Conjunctivitus_!" she shouted, watching as the woman reached for her eyes and howled in agony.

Greyback had raced forward and grabbed Lily roughly, but she flicked her wand and he was flung backward from her. As he fell on his back she cried "_STUPEFY_," watching him sprawl motionless on the cement. There was a crack and Lily was hit with a stinging sensation all over her body, but she fought the pain, raising her wand and crying "_PROTEGO_!" before running into the street.

The woman caught up with her at the front of the alleyway, casting a tripping jinx and laughing when Lily sprawled to the ground. As she advanced, Lily rolled over and fired a stunning spell. It missed and the dark haired woman kicked Lily hard in the side.

"_Depesius_!" Lily shouted, watching the spell hit the woman and her legs buckle. Before she could right herself, Lily had raced forward and kicked her wand out of her hand. "_STUPEFY_!" Lily shouted; the woman collapsed in a heap and Lily raced away, wanting nothing more than to get home and contact James. She had gotten about a block away when she composed herself enough to focus on her destination: her home.

There was a crack and Lily appeared in the park across the street from her house. The trees and scenery of the park flew past her vision as she raced toward her house. She was almost to her front door when she shrieked as another pair of hands seized her. She struggled and turned around, her wand raised and her mouth open to screech a spell at whoever was after her.

"_PROTEGO_!" the person cried. Lily was forced back by the shield, but no hex followed. She stared through the invisible barrier at a tall, dark-haired figure with glasses. "Lily, don't! It's me! It's-"

"_JAMES_?" she cried, racing toward him. He flicked his wand and removed the shield, opening his arms as she threw herself into them. "_James_? Are you all right?" Lily asked frantically. Her hands flew to his face, her palms pressing against his cheeks and forcing him to look at her. "They're coming for you, James! You have to leave! They're-"

"No, they're not," he said, gripping her shoulders and shaking her slightly. "Lily -"

"No, they said they wanted you! They're going to use _me_ to get to you… I told you! They'll use our feelings for each other to hurt _you_!" she shouted, forcing him to look into her eyes as she tried to explain.

James growled and held her gaze to his. "_LILY_! We knew they were coming here, they confronted my parents… they never got to me. Just…calm down; are you hurt?" he asked, looking her over cautiously.

"I'm not hurt… I'm… wait… you said you knew they were coming? Wh-why were they coming?" she asked.

"Because my parents turned them down; earlier this morning they had a run in with Voldemort. When they said no, he decided to do something he knew would make _me_ angry, which is why they came for you," he sighed. "But, that's neither here nor there; Dumbledore caught wind of their plans and told my dad, and now we're here, and you're okay; everyone is okay."

She nodded, composing herself by breathing slowly. "My … my family… they're all around the park in the middle of town. What if-"

"We're already on it… my parents and two members of the Order are there. They're dressed like Muggles, just wandering around keeping an eye out. Everyone is safe. Sirius, Julia and I came to look for you… your mum said you had gone to get mints," James explained softly.

"The mints… oh my God. I can't… I can't think straight, I can't-"

"Here, drink this," James said, shoving a vial of potion into her hand. Lily didn't even think twice, she took it and downed it instantly, feeling a sense of calmness race through her veins. Slowly her head cleared and her pulse rate decreased. She could focus, she was calm; she knew what she had to do.

"Okay… we get the mints, we-"

"Your mum already went, James," Sirius voice called as he stepped out of Lily's house. "She talked to Lily's mum and Apparated over to that shop, then stopped back here to see if we'd found you yet; she must have just missed you. She's heading back to the park now… we're supposed to get over there as soon as we can," Sirius explained, stepping forward with Julia in tow.

Lily looked at Julia and Sirius, her eyes wide in shock, but then she looked back at James. "You have to go… you can't stay. I don't want you to-"

James shrugged. "Lils, we're staying, all right? We're not scared. Hell, you fought off three of them by yourself, you can protect us, right?" he asked in an attempt at teasing.

"Right… right," Lily nodded, the potion calming her nerves even more.

"Lily? You need to get ready, we've only got forty-five minutes," Julia said quietly, escorting Lily into the house to get changed.

Julia helped Lily into her silver gown, and was fixing her hair as Sirius and James changed into muggle dress clothes. "Why did he come for your parents?"

"He was just recruiting. We're pure blood, so they think we'll back them up. They didn't see any point in attacking us because they don't believe in killing their own kind at this point," Sirius muttered.

"But… how could they be so stupid to think you'd join up? They know your parents are involved with Ministry - they talk to the Auror office frequently, don't they? They have to know you'd never-"

"Voldemort seems to be under the illusion that every pure-blood will eventually join; he's getting so powerful that he doesn't see the need to attack all of us… at least not yet," James' father's voice said suddenly. He was standing in the doorway to Lily's bathroom, a calm soothing expression on his face. "I'm sure that the day will come when they aren't so 'forgiving,' but for now … I suppose we'll just have to be on higher guard since he _officially_ knows our stance."

Lily's eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry… you had to come here and-"

James took her roughly by the shoulders and forced her to look up at him. "They were coming to recruit us anyway… do _not_ blame yourself, Lily. I told you already… we're all in danger."

"But-"

"But nothing. This is not your fault… I - we're all just glad you're safe," he said.

Lily felt a rush of affection for James. She had forgotten how tall he was, and how intense his eyes could be. She nodded, feeling color flood into her cheeks as she suddenly became overwhelmed by an urge to kiss him.

"James, try to calm your hair; you need to be presentable for a wedding," his father said lightly, chuckling as James made a feeble attempt to flatten his tousled hair. "Lily, your mum doesn't know _why_ James' mother and I are here; she thinks we just popped by to say hello because we were in the area. However, we can't think of an excuse for these three since we told your mum that we were doing some shopping, so-"

"They're my dates," Lily said quickly, shrugging when Julia laughed.

"Three dates, Lils? Everyone will think you're quite the trollop," she teased.

"I don't give a damn what anyone thinks at this point," Lily muttered. Julia laughed and shooed everyone out of the bathroom to put the finishing touches on Lily's appearance.

Julia was relaxed for the most part, and forced Lily to focus on the evening, rather than about what had happened earlier. She did give Lily another calming draught before the ceremony, though it did little to stop her shaking.

"I can't believe I made it out of that alive. That woman…she was going to kill me," Lily whispered.

Julia hugged her tightly. "Come stay at James' house… they'll leave your mum alone; they have bigger dragons to slay and-"

"What? No they won't… not if they're after me!"

"But they're not… you're muggle-born, they don't _want_ you. They just wanted to use you to try and force James to-"

"Julia, I can't go to his house. Even if I wanted to, I can't… it's too dangerous for him," Lily insisted.

"James thinks it's too dangerous for you to stay here alone. He's worried sick."

"I think after today I've proven that I can take care of myself," she muttered. Julia sighed and resumed fixing Lily's hair.

"'_Even if I wanted to_,'" she scoffed, repeating Lily's earlier assertion. "You know damn well you want to… I saw your face. All you want is him."

"All I _want_ his him to be safe," Lily replied coldly. Julia groaned and shook her head.

Though overdone, Petunia's ceremony was very pretty. White and pink flowers everywhere, lace covering the chairs that were lined up in rows. The ceremony was short; everyone clapped when Petunia and Vernon kissed, and when the stewards and others began moving the chairs aside, the crowd converged on the couple to congratulate them.

Petunia was too wrapped up in herself and Vernon to notice the presence of three newcomers, so James, Sirius and Julia had no problem blending in amongst the guests. Vernon had hired a live band to play music, so when dusk fell and the dinner was cleared, the make-shift floor filled with couples that held each other as they swayed to the music. As the evening went on, Lily realized Julia was right; the Death Eaters would have to amass at least a party of seven or eight to take on the two order members, James' parents, and the four Gryffindors. For the time being, they were safe.

"They have bigger dragons to catch," explained Sirius, echoing Julia's earlier statement when Lily shared her observations with him. He popped one of the mints into his mouth and smiled at her. "You know…I'm quite fond of champagne," he said, picking up a glass and examining it. "And I do need to wish the bride and groom a happy life," he grinned mischievously.

"Sirius Black… and James Potter for that matter, you _will_ behave," Lily said sternly, looking at both boys who were grinning mischievously at each other. "If it was just my sister, I'd be all for you making a ruckus; but my mum is here, and she's quite enjoying this… so… yeah," Lily told them in a stern but amused voice.

"We'll behave, Lils," James said, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close. "Gentlemanly behavior only."

"Yes, Prongsy has got _standards_ now that he's Head Boy," Sirius laughed loudly.

Lily's eyes widened. "_You're_ Head Boy?"

James nodded, a proud smile crossing his face. "Shocking, eh? Got the letter a few weeks ago, stunned the hell out of me to be honest. Mum and dad were thrilled; I don't know whose Head Girl though."

"I hope it's not Annie Paulson or Cora from Hufflepuff," shuddered Sirius.

"Oh I do too…we'll have no fun this year," Julia agreed.

"I wouldn't worry about your fun," Lily mused quietly.

"No?"

"No… I think the Head Girl is aware of your _extra-curricular_ activities, and she will be fine with them."

James, Sirius and Julia all paused, looking at Lily with amused expressions. "Couldn't have told me in a letter?" Julia asked.

"Couldn't have told _me_ in a letter?" James reiterated.

"It didn't cross my mind… I've been… busy this summer," she said, blushing as they all smirked at her.

"Well done, Lils. We'll be seeing a lot of each other this year," James said, squeezing her waist tightly.

"Weren't we going to anyway?" she asked, chiding herself harshly for not holding back the words.

James glanced at her, his bright eyes full of excitement as he grinned. "Of course," he whispered, releasing her as she suddenly took on a whole new attitude when a group of people approached.

The majority of the Evans family that was in attendance were very distant relatives, most of whom hadn't seen Lily in years since she was away at school most of the time. All of them were under the impression she had been accepted into a program for students with exceptional intelligence, and as such, constantly asked her to answer very arduous questions.

"I must say, Petunia has been ever so good about taking care of Rosie," an aunt who had been asking Lily a range of very audacious questions muttered, patting Lily on the shoulder before strolling off.

Julia gave Lily a sympathetic glance as the latter sat down in a chair, her hands shaking again. "You don't have any more of that potion?" she asked.

"No… you depleted our supply, and I don't think we mixed it right anyway," Julia said sadly.

"Yeah… it should last longer than a few hours," James said, approaching where they sat. He handed Lily a glass of champagne and put his arm around her shoulders. "Are you irritated with all of the questions, or are you still upset about this morning?" he asked.

"A little of both," she replied.

"Lils, you're safe… everyone is safe. They aren't coming back," James said again. Lily nodded and put the glass of champagne to her lips.

"Well, Lils, here's to your exceptional… intelligence," Julia toasted, trailing off as she watched Lily down the glass of champagne in one large gulp. "I was always under the impression that this was a drink you _sip_… but to each her own, I suppose," she laughed.

Lily shook her head, grabbing another glass and repeating the motion. James and Sirius stood next to them, watching curiously. When Lily reached for a third, James caught her hand, registering how much she was shaking. "This won't help your anxiety," he chuckled.

"I know," Lily replied, setting the glass down and sighing heavily. A voice called out across the floor and she looked up. Her mother was beckoning them over, eyes filled with excitement and tears as they approached.

Lily's mum thanked them all for coming, for being there for Lily, then wiped her tears away and quickly apologized before setting them all down at the table. "I never knew how to explain where you were; I didn't want to get you in trouble for breaking that secrecy rule. Though I didn't quite realize how bad it would be during these events; I'm so sorry, Lils," she chuckled.

"Mum, its fine. Par for the course," Lily smiled, not wanting her mother to worry about how she was feeling at the moment.

The five of them sat for a few minutes, discussing their summers and drinking champagne before the song switched to a slower pace and James stood, holding out his hand to Lily's mother. "Mrs. Evans, would you do me the honor?" he asked, bowing very low toward her.

"Well, aren't you a gentlemen," Lily's mum gushed, taking his hand and allowing him to escort her onto the floor. Lily laughed and shook her head, watching as James twirled her mum in a circle before beginning to dance.

Julia and Sirius also walked out onto the floor, ignoring shocked gasps from Petunia when she finally recognized Sirius' smirking face. Petunia glared over at Lily, who shrugged and guided her gaze to where James was dancing with their mum.

Lily watched happily as James guided her mother around the floor, twirling her and causing her to laugh loudly several times as they talked. Lily rested her chin in her hand and smiled, realizing how much she had missed seeing his face. The way he laughed, the way he smiled; his jokes, his wit, the careless way his hair was stuck up in every direction. She had missed his presence, his scent, the feel of his body next to hers… everything.

But it was an impossible situation, the events of today proved that. Any relationship they could ever have would be marked for disaster. She had read that in the Prophet, heard stories through the wireless network… it was beyond any reasonable scope that they could ever be together.

But was love ever reasonable? Julia's and Sirius' relationship defied rationale; they both had been so set on not settling down and were now very obviously attached to each other. Was it logical for Lily to continue denying her feelings for James?

And what were those feelings? She'd never been in love; she'd never been kissed, or been someone's girlfriend… what did that feel like? How could you be sure it was the real thing? She already knew from their shared touches, hugs, and slow dances that James' touch did things to her she never felt before. The emotions scared her, the longing terrified her… but at the same time she wanted to give in and abandon reason to find out what it would feel like to kiss him, to touch him; to tangle her fingers in his hair and hold him tightly against her.

"Might I ask _what_ you are thinking inviting _your_ people to _my_ wedding?" Petunia's cold voice suddenly asked, interrupting Lily's train of thought.

"You might… but I might ask why you aren't off shagging your husband," Lily replied.

Petunia made a face, and then looked over at James dancing with their mum. "Speaking of husbands…I don't know what you're thinking, but if it's a choice between marrying someone just to _fit in_, or coming to stay with us, please come stay. You need to stop this nonsense, Lily. It's ridiculous for you to keep-"

"What the hell?" Lily laughed. "Since when do you give a damn about who I marry or what I do with my life? I'm a freak, remember? Don't I belong with the freaks?"

"You don't _have_ to be a freak; you can give it all up."

"Why on Earth would I want to do that?"

Petunia frowned. "Think of your kids, they'd be in that world with all those… weirdoes… these people are just lay about vagrants! I overheard that boy with the ridiculously long hair say that he and this… _James_… don't even care about having jobs after they finish school."

"That's because they don't need a job, both of them are really wealthy and-"

"Well, you shouldn't burden them to support you… _you_ need to have a job and-"

Lily laughed. "Again… since when the hell do you care about my well-being or any kind of a job I would have?"

"Lily, Vernon and I talked… we're willing to offer you a room in our house in exchange for you cleaning and keeping up on-"

Lily's laughed died away, her face contorting into a furious expression. "You came over here to tell me that you and Vernon would like me to be your _maid_?"

Petunia nodded. "It's a good option for you, you can get away from-"

Lily snarled and drew herself up to her full height. "I ought to hex you… I ought to fire every spell I know at you right now! You cold, conceited, self-absorbed wench! I'd rather be in a halfway house – no, I'd rather be on the streets than your servant!"

Petunia quelled briefly, then assumed her haughty expression as Lily glared. "I'm just offering-"

"Keep your fucking offers, Petunia. I'm happy with my life, I'm happy in my world… there is nothing you can offer me that would make me give up everything I have. And as far as me marrying a wizard? James is ten times the man Vernon is… I'd be lucky to have him even consider that option; being his servant for the rest of my life would be better than what you're getting into."

Lily gave Petunia another disdainful glare before walking off to the bar and grabbing two more glasses of champagne.

James and Lily's Mum were dancing on the other side of the floor and did not notice the exchange that had taken place. They were talking lightly about various things and eventually the subject turned to Lily and her continued denial of her feelings for James.

"Lily's always been such a constant little thing. When she gets an idea in her head, that's that, you can't do much to change her mind. She told me once that she didn't ever want to feel the way she saw me feeling after Mark died. She just shut down; I tried to tell her that she was missing out on things, but she told me it was better to miss out then to feel that much pain. I thought for a while her little friend Severus had gotten through, but then that relationship fell apart. To be honest, I was surprised when she came home last Christmas and couldn't stop talking about you," Mrs. Evans said with a chuckle.

James' eyes flew back to Mrs. Evans' face. "She was talking about me?"

"All the time, I don't even think she realized it. At first, I had to have her explain who she meant, because she just called you by your last name, but she talked about you all the time. Potter this, Potter that; it was very amusing.

"After you and Sirius dropped off her owl, I tried to get out of her how she felt, but she wouldn't talk about it. She mentions you all the time in her letters, though; calls you her best friend, says you're the sweetest, most caring bloke she knows. But she doesn't have any feelings for you… no… not at all," Mrs. Evans said with a laugh.

James frowned. "That's what she tells me too," he said sadly.

"You really care about her, don't you?"

James nodded, his face coloring slightly. Mrs. Evans sighed. "She's so scared of losing someone again. I think she believes I'm dying of a broken heart… which wouldn't be that much of a stretch," she mused. James made a sad expression but Mrs. Evans laughed. "Losing Mark was the worst thing I've ever had to go through, I miss him so much… I'm sure my grief doesn't help my condition."

"I'm so sorry… I … I wish I knew what to say."

Mrs. Evans smirked. "There isn't anything to say sometimes, but I know what you mean. I say Lily gets her stoicism and stubbornness from her father, which she does… but there's a bit from me as well," she explained. "But enough about me… I don't know what you're doing, James… but if you care for her, please keep doing it; because you're getting through, she's in love with you. She's scared to admit it, but something as strong as what she's feeling can only stay hidden for so long."

James sighed, looking over Mrs. Evans shoulder and smiling gently. "I'll try."

Just then Sirius approached with an amused smirk on his face. "Sorry to interrupt, but I thought James … erm… well, someone might want to assist Lily to bed. She's had a bit too much champagne, I believe," he chuckled. "If you'd like to continue dancing Mrs. Evans, I'd be more than happy to trade places."

Mrs. Evans smiled but looked worriedly over Sirius' shoulders. "Is Lily okay? What happened?"

"Nothing, she's just had a bit too much champagne. Julia took her back to the house, Mrs. Evans, and sent me back here to let you know," he explained.

"Oh… I see. Well, I probably should stay… help the guests get home, and see that Petunia and Vernon get to their hotel all right. Would you mind making sure she's okay?" Mrs. Evans asked James.

He smiled in response. "I don't mind at all." Mrs. Evans nodded, and James followed Sirius away from the park, turning on the spot when they were out of sight and Apparating back to Lily's house.

Julia was laughing as she attempted to get Lily upstairs to her bed, the latter choosing instead to lie on the couch and gush about how wonderful the pillows felt. Lily was very obviously intoxicated, and when James walked in the door, she made an excited noise and jumped up before falling into his arms.

"Woah! I thought I said the champagne wouldn't do anything for your anxiety?" He chuckled, righting her back on her feet and giving her a curious glance. "How much did she drink?" he asked Julia.

Julia frowned. "Long story short, Petunia said Lily shouldn't marry someone like herself - meaning you - and offered Lily a room at her and Vernon's house if Lily would… basically give up the magical world and be her maid."

James snorted derisively along with Sirius, but Lily laughed loudly. "I should have hexed her… me… a _maid_? Can you see it? Little apron, little black dress… though that probably sounds rather appetizing to you, right James? You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He coughed and shook his head. "You're better than that… don't-"

"Of course I'm better than that," Lily said indignantly, standing up straight and then stumbling a little. "I'm a _witch_… since when does she care about what I do with my life? She just doesn't want to clean… bloody wench…I still think I should have hexed her," Lily said, looking at Julia for support.

"No, that wouldn't have been good," James chuckled. "You are right though, you are a witch… a witch who has had too much champagne and needs to sleep."

He picked her up, laughing when she made a shocked noise and lay back dramatically in his arms. Julia had at least convinced her to change clothes, so James simply sat her down on her bed and encouraged her to lay back.

"You need to sleep… your eyes are heavy and-"

"Bedroom eyes, James," she teased, snuggling into her pillow. "Aren't you going to ravish me? That's typically what happens in my dreams when you're in my room," she said lightly.

James swallowed and bit his lip to keep from laughing. "I think… if I'm ever lucky enough to ravish you, as you so delicately put it, I want you to be fully sober."

"True… I am quite pissed right now," she mused. James laughed and stroked her hair gently, watching as she closed her eyes and began to drift. "Hey, James?"

"Yes, Lily?"

"Remember when you said that we were going to get married? And our kids had to have a yard to play Quidditch in?"

James smirked. "Yeah, I remember saying that."

"Can we have cat?"

"We can have whatever you like."

"And can I stay home with the kids? I hated it when my mom worked and I had to go to the babysitters…"

James chuckled. "Yes, you can stay home with the kids."

"Okay…" Lily sighed, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

James sat by her bedside for a few moments, watching her breath deeply and sigh every so often. He wanted to lie down next to her and fall asleep himself, but he also didn't want to upset her by staying when he hadn't been invited.

He traipsed downstairs after a few more moments, smirking at her comments and shaking his head. "Is she out?" Julia asked sleepily.

"Yeah… she's out."

"You should have taken the opportunity she offered," Sirius suggested, sniggering over Lily's comment that had drifted downstairs.

James shook his head. "No… no. I … I'm trying not to read too much into some of the stuff she said… but now I'm convinced she loves me. I just need to prove it to her," he said with a smirk.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

The Hogwarts Express left three days later, after Lily and her mother engaged in several very frustrating conversations. Though when the time came to actually part, Lily found herself dissolved into tears over the thought that she might never see her mother alive again.

I'm just scared… I'm so scared. I don't want to go back; what if something happens and I'm not here and-"

"Lily, I will be fine… please, _please_ don't cry," Mrs. Evans whispered to her daughter.

"I - I just-"

"I need you to focus on _you_… I will be fine. Please don't worry about me… and please, _please_ don't deny yourself things," her mum pleaded. "I can't stand the thought of you denying something that could be so wonderful."

"I know… I don't want… I'm afraid and… I just don't know how I feel," Lily replied.

"You do… you just don't want to admit it. You're so stubborn, just like your dad… always more worried about others than about himself," her mum replied with a smile. She glanced at her watch and straightened out Lily's posture. "All right… the train is going to leave, you'd best get on it."

Lily nodded, wiping her eyes with her hands and breathing deeply to calm herself. "I love you, Mum. I love you," Lily said, squeezing her mother tightly. "I'll write, and Daisy will wait until you write back. Please keep in touch."

Rose Evans smiled and held her daughters face in her hands, kissing her forehead and nose lightly. "I will, Lily, I will. I love you, darling."

Lily nodded again and gathered her trunk, walking on to the train with a heavy heart. She watched her out the window as the train moved away, memorizing her smiling heart shape face, her bright green eyes, and short auburn hair. Tears flowed down Lily's cheeks as she stared, watching until the station fell out of sight.

"Hey," a voice said from beside her. Lily looked up to see Remus Lupin standing next to her watching out the window.

"Hi Remus," Lily replied, her voice thick as she wiped her tears away and tried to compose herself.

Remus lowered his head and cleared his throat, trying to think of anything to say to distract her from her emotions. "How… how was your holiday?"

"Um… it was uneventful."

Remus chuckled. "Really? Fighting off three Death Eaters not exciting enough for you?" he asked.

Lily sighed and gave him a half-smile. "James talked to you?"

"Yeah, he and Sirius did. He also wanted me to give you this," Remus explained, handing her a note.

Lily took it, a look of concern and confusion crossing her face. "Don't tell me he skipped out. He's Head Boy! They gave him that responsibility, he can't just-"

"Whoa, Lils… read the note before you jump to conclusions," Remus suggested, his eyes widening as he looked at her blotchy face and watery eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes… I'm fine. Just… frazzled. Ever since that … well, since I was attacked, I feel like I can't let my guard down," she explained.

"Well… you can. We're safe. Voldemort and the Death Eaters won't go near Hogwarts; it's too risky. Aside from Dumbledore, the entire Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the Aurors would be on them in two seconds. Don't worry," he assured her.

Lily nodded, unfolding the note Remus had given her. She smiled at the intricate drawing of a flower and read James' untidy handwriting.

"_Lily,_

_I saw you on the platform talking to your Mum. She'll be okay, don't worry; we're all here if you need anything._

_Because I understand you so well, and know you'll probably want some time to change and compose yourself, I've taken the liberty of coming up with an agenda for our prefect meeting. Remus helped, so I think I've got everything covered. I can do most of the talking if you wish, but feel free to jump in if you feel like it._

_See you in a few minutes._

_Love, James_"

Lily sniffed and nodded her head as she read over the list of discussion topics below. "Wow, you really helped him out with this," she said, looking up at Remus.

"Actually, he came up with most of it," Remus said, chuckling slightly. "He only asked me to look over it after he was finished."

Lily grinned and nodded her head, inhaling deeply and feeling her emotions come down from the high peak they had been at for so many days. "Well, the boy is much more on top of things than I gave him credit for."

Remus laughed and walked with Lily to an empty compartment, filling her in on his summer before leaving to go back to where his friends were waiting.

"You mean you're going to give James your report," Lily teased.

"I'm not a _spy_; I was coming back from the loo… I swear!"

"Right… I'll see you in a few minutes," she said, closing the door on his grinning face and proceeding to change into her robes.

The meeting with the prefects went well; all the old faces were there, along with eight new ones. James led a majority of the meeting, creating lots of laughs with his jokes and also answering numerous questions with a flair that Lily had not expected.

"Your prefect duties, your education, and really, your life all depend on what you truly want for yourself. Do you want to be remembered as a witch or wizard with a keen sense of justice and a noble attitude, or a pompous prefect who abused their power?" he asked, causing a few chuckles to ripple throughout the cabin. Lily shook her head and fought a smile off her face. "Lils, you have anything to add?"

"Nope, just … just find one of us if you need anything or have questions," she said lightly. The meeting adjourned and everyone cleared out, the two seventh year Slytherin prefects grumbling something about '_favoritism' _as they did.

Lily left the cabin with James and Remus, and walked down the hallway to where the remaining two Marauders were sitting. "Miss Evans, would you do us the honor of gracing our compartment with your presence? Your pal Tottleham is probably off shagging our friend, and we tend to degenerate without a female presence to keep us in line," James explained.

Lily laughed loudly. "Degenerate into what, exactly?"

"Seventeen year old boys who talk of nothing but girls we can't have, hexes we can't perform, booze and other various types of mischief," James said, causing Remus to laugh loudly.

"Oh, I see," she smiled. "Aren't you above such behaviour now? You know, with so much responsibility on your shoulders. '_All our choices matter, we must focus on doing the best we can for Hogwarts_.'" She quoted.

"Well, obviously _I've_ matured; it's the other rascals I hang 'round with that are holding me back," he replied.

Remus scoffed. "I take offense to that. I'm not a rascal; scalawag perhaps, but not a rascal."

"I've become quite fond of the term _scoundrel_," Sirius' voice suddenly mused from beside them. A cabin door had opened up and he stood grinning in the door way, his hair disheveled and his clothes slightly out of place. Julia was behind him, adjusting her skirt and scoffing at his proclamation.

"Miscreant might be a more accurate term," she muttered. Sirius turned his head around, slamming the door on the three of them as Julia's laughter echoed out from within.

Lily rolled her eyes but smirked against her better judgment. "The both of _them_ are just … completely wanton," she muttered continuing on her walk. "Mr. Potter and Mr. Lupin, I believe I will have to pass on your invitation. I'm very tired, and I think I may retire to an empty cabin and nap," she explained.

"Nap? I remember something about James being a good pillow," Remus mused.

"Yes, pillow was one of my side careers, in addition to student, bodyguard, and babysitter when my female friends are intoxicated" laughed James as Lily blushed brightly. He placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "I can offer you my services," he mused.

Lily laughed and snuck out from under his arm, stepping into an empty cabin and leaning through the door, her eyes playful as she met his grin. "I appreciate the offer, but I already owe you so much for your bodyguard duty last year and over the summer," she said.

"Well, I can make it free of charge, being a pillow that is," James replied, leaning through the door very close to her face. "I'm much sturdier and fluffier than your cloak."

"'Fluffier?'" Lily chuckled. "There isn't a bit of fluff on you!"

"How would you know?" James said. "You've never seen me naked."

"No, but I can imagine."

James eyes went wide, his smirk broadening as he leaned closer to Lily. Her face flushed with color, but she didn't seem to be able to control the cheeky comments coming out of her mouth.

"For all you know, I could be covered in fluff, you should find out."

"That would be a turn off if you were," said Lily, making a disgusted face.

"Maybe not," James laughed.

Lily smiled, and shook her head. "James, I am sleepy. I'm going to rest."

"Can I watch you sleep?"

"That's kind of creepy," Lily replied.

"I think it would turn you on," James said, leaning closer.

"You have no idea what turns me on."

"Could I find out?"

Lily laughed. "James-"

"I think _I_ turn you on, especially if you've been dreaming about me ravishing you," James whispered.

"James!"

"You love me, and I can prove it. You-"

"You can prove it?" Lily asked, quirking an eyebrow and glancing at him curiously. "You can prove to me how I feel? This I'm interested in hearing," she said, biting her lip and thinking back to the conversation she had with Julia and Marlene last year when they tried to prove to her how she felt.

"Go out with me… I'll prove it."

Lily smirked. "I'll keep my weekends free… we'll see what happens," she muttered, closing the door on him and locking it. Lily watched through the frosted glass as James chuckled, biting his lip and shaking his head before walking off to the cabin where Remus had gone.

Lily sighed, sitting down on the bench and laying her head in her hands. She was in deeper than she had ever wanted to be, she felt much more for James than she ever wanted to admit. But it was impossible; he and his family would be in more danger if she were his girlfriend; harboring a Mudblood was treason to the Death Eaters, treason punishable by death so it seemed. No matter how she wanted him, they could never be.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

"New faces, and old friends… welcome to a new year in Hogwarts' hallowed hallways. I trust the feast was excellent, you all appear satiated and conversational now that the plates have disappeared. It is my pleasure to welcome you back for another year.

"Mr. Filch, our caretaker, asks me to remind you, again, of the list of items banned within these halls…"

James sniggered. "Stupid git, do you ever think he'll figure out that no one gives a damn about his bloody list?" he asked Lily. They were standing at the back of the hall, waiting to give the prefects the passwords to each tower before they escorted the students up. Dumbledore was standing in front of the grand table, giving his usual beginning of year speech and smiling benevolently at the students.

Lily smirked. "I think Filch is desperate for order, and this is his only way of exerting any kind of power over us."

"True. Still though… the list; year after year after year," James said, rolling his eyes.

"You should have it memorized by now," Lily teased.

"I know dungbombs and Fanged Frisbees aren't allowed, and that you can't use magic in the corridors. The rest doesn't matter to me," he chuckled.

"…any assistance, look to our Head Boy and Head Girl for guidance. But for now, off to your beds to slumber away your cares and worries. Tomorrow is a new day, and the start of a new adventure," Dumbledore said with a wave of his hands.

The prefects rose and walked back toward James and Lily. James gave the passwords to the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs while Lily provided the Slytherin and Gryffindor prefects with the new codes. She smirked as Avery glared her down, obviously upset that she had more power than she did. Lily simply waved him off politely as the students began to line up behind the group.

James and Lily had met with McGonagall earlier that evening to set up passwords for each of their separate rooms, which were located off the divided hallway at the top of Gryffindor tower. They had talked with the Professors about keeping watch over the free periods in the Great Hall, and how they had scheduled the Prefects' patrol duties, and were now anxious to get back into the tower to be with their friends.

James was about to tease Lily about her comments on the train, but she was suddenly attacked by Julia and Mary as she entered through the portrait hole.

"I can't believe you won't be with us anymore!" Julia cried.

"Now I'm stuck with just this drama queen for company," Mary teased.

"Oh, for heaven's sake. I'm just up the hallway, you can knock on my door; it's not that difficult," said Lily with a laugh as Julia released her.

"It's not going to be the same. Am I still going to have to wake you up for breakfast in the morning, or will that be _James'_ responsibility?" Julia teased.

James chuckled and walked over to where Sirius, Remus and Peter were waiting for him, waving at Lily as he wandered away. Lily smirked and waved back as the butterflies erupted again. She wondered if they had just taken up permanent residence in her stomach.

"Lils," whispered Julia conspiratorially. "James told me you've been imagining him _naked, _and dreaming about him-"

"Oh, Julia! You know I was just teasing him. You're a bloody git, Potter!" Lily shouted across the room, laughing and shaking her head at James' smirking face. "I have _not_ been imagining him naked, Jules. I was just saying that to get him going."

"Well, it worked all right. All he could do was talk about how cheeky you are; you're going to get yourself in trouble one of these days," she teased.

"I'm already in trouble," Lily sighed.

Julia gave her a curious glance. "It's not trouble; _you're_ making it difficult. It's simple."

"It's anything but simple. You shagging Sirius is simple… me confessing I have feelings for James is-"

"You're shagging Sirius?" Mary suddenly asked. She had been engaged in a conversation with sixth year Sophia Newsham and had suddenly turned around when she hear Lily's comment. "Since when?"

"Since last year… the end of year ball," Julia said, blushing slightly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Mary in an affronted tone.

"Because you'd have taken the mickey out of me… and you'd have told everyone on the train," Julia replied.

"Wha… you're the gossip queen, not me!"

"Oh, shut up, Mary. Now you can tell everyone, and it's no big deal. Don't get all fussy. And I'm _not_ a gossip queen!" Julia replied with a laugh.

Lily rolled her eyes as her former roommates engaged in one of their frequent playful spats. She wandered upstairs to her new room, anxious to lie in the double four-poster bed and sprawl out as she relaxed.

"Hey, Lils!" James voice called.

Lily sighed, but turned around and smirked at his approaching figure. "Yes?"

"Do you need to be tucked in?"

Lily laughed. "I think I can manage."

"Need a good night kiss?" James asked, smirking roguishly as he stepped forward.

"Awfully aggressive tonight, aren't you?"

"Would you like me to wake you in the morning?"

"_James_!" Lily said. "A-ggress-ive! Good night," she laughed, her attempt at sternness failing miserably as she shut the door.

James stuck his foot inside and leaned against the door frame, grinning as Lily quirked an eyebrow at him. "Go out with me, Lily."

"Where are you going to take me?"

James thought for a moment. "Edinburgh… it's nice, they have castles. We could have lunch and-"

"How in Merlin's name are you going to take me to Edinburg? The farthest we can go is Hogsmeade."

James shook his head. "The farthest we're _supposed_ to go is Hogsmeade. We can _go_ anywhere."

"James…"

"All right… how about the Three Broomsticks then?"

"James, no… I'm sorry. It's just-"

"It's less demanding than a good night kiss," he teased. "Just go out with me, Lily. You said you'd keep your weekends free."

Lily smirked. "And I will… so ask me then. Good night," she said, shutting the door when he removed his foot and smiling to herself.

The class size of the seventh years had diminished some as a few students decided not to return for the seventh year, so all four houses would have their primary lessons together. Though the attitude toward the classes was different based on each professor, each lesson that day contained one point that the Professors seemed intent on driving into the seventh years' heads.

"Everything from here on out will be life experience. Unless you go on to university, this will be the last chance to get as much as you can out of an educational environment." McGonagall said. "Ask questions while you still can, give us something to teach you while you're here in front of us."

"Can we become Animagi?" asked Linghold excitedly.

Lily and Julia sniggered loudly, as did the four Marauders, drawing curious looks from the rest of their class.

"Hey, had to make it seven for seven didn't we?" said James, after Julia observed their lack of consistency in Defense Against The Dark Arts. The new professor's name was Bill Wallace, who was a middle aged wizard and had been part of the Auror office for ten years.

"We'll be examining the Unforgiveables this year, more on Dementors, and advanced defensive magic. Be warned, however. I will put up with absolutely no nonsense when it comes to practice. You will use the spells I assign, or you will be thrown out," he said sternly.

"That had to be mostly for the Slytherins," Julia muttered as they walked to Potions. "Did you see the look on their faces when he said we'd be discussing Unforgiveable curses? It was like Christmas had come early."

Their Potions lesson also started off with a lecture similar to McGonagall's. The difference was Slughorn spent a good five minutes discussing all the glorious things he expected from his favorite students.

"Miss Evans, I know full well that you are going to go on to great things. I absolutely cannot wait for the day you publish in the _Potioneer_," he said, clapping her on the shoulder. "Make sure to send me a copy, my dear."

"I'll do that, sir," she replied.

"Make sure it includes a photo-spread," Sirius teased from across the table. Everyone but Lily sniggered; she smiled sarcastically and made sure Slughorn wasn't watching before flinging a handful of beetle eyes at him.

Potions was their second to last lesson that day, and by this time everyone was in a good mood and looking anxiously forward to their first weekend back. They were working on a memory draught for today's assignment, since it was a Friday, Slughorn didn't want to assign anything lengthy as the students wouldn't want to work on it over the weekend. It was a fairly easy potion, so everyone was surprised when there was a loud bang from the front of the room.

Lily, Julia and Sam all jumped and watched as Sirius and Remus flung themselves aside. James, however, was surrounded in a cloud of smoke and emerged coughing and sputtering, his cauldron melting into a black pool on their table.

Slughorn came over and poured some type of white liquid on what had been James cauldron and clapped him hard on the back. "You must have added just a few too many tentacula leaves," he said in a consoling voice.

"Must have," James sputtered, his face coloring a bright red as he stared around at his class mates.

"No matter, no harm done. Borrow one of the other cauldrons and try again, Potter. It's all right," Slughorn said, waving his wand and conjuring a chair for James to sit in.

The rest of his table came back, all of them watching curiously. Lily finally broke the silence. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yeah… yeah, just … stop laughing, it's not that funny," he said sharply to Sirius and Remus, who were sniggering as they tried to resume their work.

Lily smiled, her lips pressing into a tight line as James' face grew redder. "Awh, poor Jamesy. Were you distracted?" she asked, trying not to laugh as well.

"A bit…" James muttered.

"I know… the thought of a photo spread of me makes me feel like blowing something up as well," she teased.

Sirius roared with laughter. "I'm sure that's not the kind of combustion-"

"Shut up, Padfoot!" James shouted, flinging a heap of roots at Sirius before dissolving into laughter.

During their last Charms lesson of the previous year, Professor Flitwick had promised them something very exciting for their first lesson when they returned. Everyone was curious to see what he had to offer and raced to class as soon as Potions was let out. Lily, Julia, Mary, and Sam took their spots at a table next to where the Marauders were sitting, all of them looking avidly at Flitwick's small figure as he strode proudly around the classroom.

"Now… I promised this lesson would be fun, and it's going to be. I have been advised by the Headmaster and Professor Wallace that it would be prudent for you all to learn about the Patronus Charm. Can anyone tell me what that is?" he asked.

Several hands shot into the air. Flitwick called on James, who cleared his throat dramatically before speaking. "The Patronus Charm is a protective force that a witch or wizard can conjure to defend themselves against certain attacks," he said proudly, flashing Lily a look of superiority and laughing when she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Very good, Potter, very good," Flitwick cheered in an excited voice. "Now to demonstrate," he said, pulling out his wand, "_Expecto Patronum_!"

A white light erupted from the tip of his wand and solidified into the shape of an eagle before soaring around the room, causing the students to gasp loudly. When Flitwick lowered it, the eagle vanished in a flash, but left a feeling of warmth radiating throughout everyone it passed. "Yes, thank you, thank you," he said, laughing as a few students clapped. "We'll be learning about this charm for the next week. But first, take out your books and turn to page fifty-seven, please."

The class reluctantly dug out their textbooks, growling and muttering various comments under their breath. "Well if it's always an animal we already know what ours are going to look like," whispered Sirius in a bored voice.

"I have no idea what mine will be," muttered Remus quietly in response.

"Remus, I think yours will be a platypus," said Sam with a grin.

The boys laughed lightly. "A platypus… what does that mean?" asked Remus with a laugh.

Sam shrugged. "You're amphibious, but secretly venomous," she said in a teasing voice.

"What will yours be?" Remus asked.

"A swan… because I'm so graceful," she said making a flourish of her arms and almost falling off her stool.

Lily sniggered. "Perhaps a dodo bird…" she teased, causing Sam to shove her and giggle.

Flitwick recalled everyone's attention as he began to discuss the incantation and what the function of a Patronus Charm was.

"As Mr. Potter mentioned, the charm is mainly used as a protection device. It provides defense against Dementors, as I'm sure you've discussed in Defense Against the Dark Arts; and if you're a fan of chocolate frog cards, you might know that Flavius Belby apparently used his Patronus to fight off a lethifold," said Flitwick lightly.

"Essentially, it is a shield between you and whatever you are fighting. When fully formed, your patronus will take the shape of an animal. Most often, these animals tend to reflect parts of your personality or has a significant meaning to you. It could also be a reflection of someone close to you. Married couples have reported that sometimes their patronuses match, or are the opposite depending on their relationship."

"Now, I don't expect any of you to produce a full corporeal patronus today; often times that takes many years for a witch or wizard to perfect. But, I have been surprised in the past," Flitwick continued. "Unlike most charms, saying the incantation isn't enough and there isn't a specific wand movement required. In order to summon your patronus, you need to fill yourself with a very happy memory or emotion. The stronger the emotion or memory, the more powerful the Patronus; and simply thinking of how much you enjoyed the treacle tart last night at dinner is not enough," he said, causing several in the class to laugh. "It has to be something very strong, something that pulls at your heart… a very happy, uplifted, driving emotion is the only way a Patronus will come forth.

"Let's all start trying the charm just to see what happens," said Flitwick before vanishing the tables and chairs. "Remember… fill yourself with a happy memory, let it take over everything inside you. Then speak the incantation _Expecto Patronum_," said Flitwick as he walked around the classroom.

James wandered over behind Lily, smiling broadly as she grinned at him over her shoulder and blushed. "Got your memory, Lils?"

"The potions lesson this morning will be a good memory," she teased.

"Hmm… I think I'll be avoiding that one," said James with a chuckle.

"What's yours?"

"Oh… I have a few, we'll see which one works," he said with a wink. "I got to thinking…neither of us is on duty tonight; would you like to take a walk down to see Hagrid with me?"

Lily smiled. "You know, that is the most non-aggressive invitation you have offered me. I think I will. I said yes, James; shocking isn't it," she teased with a grin.

"Well… technically not _yes_, but it's a start," he replied, nudging her lightly with his shoulder and walking back over to the other boys.

Lily smiled, feeling her stomach twist in knots as he walked away. They had been flirting outrageously ever since stepping onto the Hogwarts express, but it still gave her butterflies each time they touched. The memory of him holding her so close last year at the ball filled her up; another memory came of his face as he grinned at her through her doorway the other night. His smile, his laugh… the touch of his hands when he held her; Lily suddenly longed to walk over to him and hug him just to inhale his clean scent again.

"_Expecto Patronum_!" shouted Mary, calling Lily back to the present. There was a wisp of white smoke from her wand but nothing happened. "This is going to be hard," she muttered.

"Flitwick said sometimes fully qualified wizards have trouble with it," replied Sam in a somber tone. "_Expecto Patronum_!" she shouted. Another wisp of smoke appeared, but it hovered longer and swirled before disappearing. A majority of the students in the class were having the same troubles; wisps of white smoke would appear then disappear rapidly, causing muttering and groans throughout the student body.

"You need to let the memory or feeling fill you up, let it consume you… keep trying everyone," said Flitwick as he passed.

Lily watched as Julia closed her eyes, her face was peaceful and a gentle smile played around her mouth. She raised her arm, "_Expecto Patronum_!"

A brilliant light appeared, forming into what looked like a shield in front of her. Julia opened her eyes and became very excited, but the shield disappeared as she lost focus.

"Focus, Jules," said Sirius' voice. "Watch this," he said. Sirius' face focused on something very far away before he raised his wand, an amused grin on his face. "_Expecto Patronum!"_

Light erupted from his wand, smoky and unclear, before forming into a large shaggy dog that trotted around him briefly before disappearing.

"Well done, Mr. Black!" roared Flitwick. "Well done. You've got to keep the concentration going, keep that feeling. The more you concentrate, the more you can control the Patronus," he explained, encouraging Sirius to try again.

"Show off," Julia muttered, watching as Sirius laughed and repeated the incantation. This time the dog stayed solid for a good fifteen seconds before fading away. The students cheered and Sirius bowed dramatically. "Look at him… arrogant git."

"You like it," Lily said shaking her head.

"I never said I didn't _like_ it," Julia replied with a smirk, "I'm simply stating a fact." She looked at Sirius again, closing her eyes and smiling to herself. "_Expecto Patronum_!" she shouted, the shield erupting from her wand and starting to form into an animal, but then fading away as she lost focus.

Lily began to search through her thoughts for happy memories: her and Julia laughing over their pictures together, James and Sirius bringing Daisy to her last Christmas… James holding her, his breath on her lips, the feel of his hand tracing circles on her back…

"_Expecto Patronum_!"

Lily jumped out of her thoughts as James' voice rang out, confidant and bold; everyone's attention turned to him instantaneously. There was no smoke from his wand, not even a flicker. Instead, a brilliant silver stag erupted from the end and cantered around where he stood. He grinned as Sirius, Remus, and Peter looked on impressed. Flitwick was clapping and several other students, including all of Lily's friends, were gasping in amazement.

Lily smirked and rolled her eyes as James caught her attention; he grinned his lopsided smile at her and winked, making her stomach flutter nervously. He was basking in the attention as usual, but his cheeks colored and she thought she could see a trace of modesty in his posture. He ruffled his hair with his free hand as he ordered the stag to canter around where they stood before running over to circle Lily's group.

"Lily… you try it," said Julia suddenly. "You haven't tried once; go on!"

Lily tried to focus, but all she could think about was James grinning at her with his bright eyes and crooked grin. As she watched him, their gazes locked and she was suddenly filled again with the memory of him holding her so tightly when they danced; his fingers running through her hair and his lips pressing to the top of her head. She felt her focus slipping as she began to imagine again what it would feel like to have his lips against hers, wrapped in his long, strong arms and resting her head against his shoulder.

James grinned at her with a curious expression, moving his wand and making the stag walk in her direction.

"Lily!" Julia said with a giggle. "Try the spell."

"_Expecto Patronum_!" Lily shouted, just to get Julia to back off so she could continue her daydreaming.

Wispy smoke appeared from the end of her wand, and as she concentrated harder on her thoughts of James, it began to become more solid… more and more… the smoke took shape; four legs appeared and the neck elongated and soon enough, the Patronus in front of her had form.

A brilliant silver doe cantered around her once, its silvery eyes watching her as it stretched its long neck up tall. Lily felt warmth radiating from it, and watched as it walked away from her toward James' group.

James' eyes were wide as he watched Lily's Patronus solidify into a doe walk toward him. His stag, which was still glowing brilliantly, suddenly perked up and walked over toward where the doe was now standing. The doe bowed its head, and the two animals walked closer together, nuzzling each other in an affectionate way. James lifted his eyes to Lily's, full of the same shock that was evident in hers.

Her brilliant green eyes were wet and wide with alarm as she watched her protector nuzzle his affectionately. The animals walked closer together in what looked like an embrace before sauntering off to the center of the room side by side. James and Lily stared at each other as their friends looked on, seeing, but not really absorbing, what was happening.

"Well done, Ms. Evans! Well done!" Flitwick suddenly shouted.

His words pulled Lily out of the beauty of the image in front of her. Her heart was filling with emotion as James stared at her with an expression so tender, she didn't know whether to run up and embrace him as her doe had done to his stag, or run away and hide because her own protector had divulged her feelings.

Julia stepped next to her, her bright blue eyes watching in curiosity. "I guess there's his proof," she said quietly.

Lily gasped and dropped her wand. It clattered to the floor as the doe vanished in a puff of smoke. A second later James' stag disappeared. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all watching her and James. But Julia was the only one of Lily's friends who really grasped the meaning of what just happened. Lily was still struggling to come to terms with it.

She was hit with such a conviction that her eyes pricked; she filled with the same emotions she had felt during the casting of her Patronus. James' arms around her as they danced, his laugh echoing in her ears, his lips pressing against her forehead, his scent all around her… that was what she wanted.

She was in love with him. She could no longer deny it; the logical voice in her head had simply given up.

The bell rang, startling her so much she actually cried out. "We'll try more on Monday, but well done to everyone who had something happen with their spell. Read up on the charm, and we'll have a quiz on Monday in addition to the practice," Flitwick shouted over the sudden roar of commotion as students gathered their bags and began to exit the class room.

James stared over at Lily, who was frozen in an awkward position; her wand lying at her feet, and her arm still outstretched awkwardly as though she was casting the spell. She loved him… did she love him? Flitwick had said that one's Patronus could match that of their spouse or close friend; there wasn't a closer match he could think of to his stag than her doe.

James walked quickly toward her, lacing his fingers through hers and pulling her attention to his face. "Lily?"

Lily jumped. His touch, all that she had wanted only a second ago, suddenly scared her more than anything else in the world. "I… I have to go… I have… I have to go," she said quickly. She pulled her hand away from his and grabbed her wand before running out of the class room, not even bothering to pick up her bag.

* * *

_A/N: I apologize for the length... this was originally two chapters and I decided to combine them into one. Thanks so much for your reviews and feedback!_


	20. Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, Mirror

"Yes" Coldplay

* * *

James' heart, which had been fluttering wildly while watching the Patronuses, sank like a stone as Lily ran out of the room. Surely she couldn't continue to deny her feelings after what had just happened. Julia handed him Lily's bag and shooed him out the door after her. James had to push his way through the crowd of students, but followed Lily's figure all the way up to Gryffindor tower.

Her red hair had just whipped out of sight when he reached the top of the steps and the hallway in between his room and hers. James panted heavily, catching his breath before knocking loudly on the door.

"Lily… open the door," he said, waiting for a moment, then losing his temper when she didn't respond. "_Lily_!" he shouted, pounding on the door harder, not caring who heard him. "I'm going to stand out here all night and knock if you don't answer!"

The door flew open and Lily appeared, face flushed with color and expression a mixture of fear and anger. She snatched her bag out of James' hand, then backed away from him very quickly as he stormed inside. James noticed her trembling lip and the tear tracks glistening on her cheeks as she moved to stand next to her bed. He frowned and crossed the distance between them in two steps. "I'm not letting you run away," he said firmly. "You are going to talk to me; I don't care how scared you are."

"I'm not scared," she replied, turning away from him and staring out the window. "I just… I have a lot to do and-"

"You have nothing to do; we have no homework and no duty tonight. You have nothing going on, there is no reason you can't talk to me," James told her sternly.

"You just said you didn't care about how scared I was; why should I talk to you? You don't care about me, James. You-"

"Lily! Don't… _don't_ do this. Talk to me," said James, clenching and unclenching his hands as he fought to control his temper. Part of him wanted to yell at her, to scream at her that she was being stupid, proud, and blind. The other part wanted to grab her and kiss her, not caring whether or not she said no.

"Fine, James… fine… what do you want to talk about?" she asked, turning to face him and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Your Patronus is a doe," he said quietly. "Mine is a stag."

"So, I noticed."

"That's pretty significant… it's proof-"

"Its proof of nothing," Lily hissed with such assuredness that James knew she had prepared herself for a speech such as this. "Its proof that I'm apparently deer-like… or that we're friends or-"

"Lily… _don't_ _do this. _Don't keep denying this. You already know how I feel, I shouldn't have to tell you-"

"Don't tell me then, I'm sick of it," she said angrily.

James scowled. "What is it? I don't understand why-"

"James… we can't. We're Head Boy and Head Girl… that's a scandal waiting-"

"Oh, don't give me that," he snarled, losing control slightly. "At least that's a _new_ excuse; I'm sick of hearing you don't want me in danger, or that you don't have feelings for me."

"Well, those two are still true… but –"

"You are _lying_ to yourself!" James snarled.

"I'm not lying to myself," Lily shouted. "_You're_ delusional… you're only seeing what you want-"

"Did I imagine what just happened? Did I?" He asked, raising his voice to match hers. "No… I didn't. Did I imagine you playing with my hair when we danced last year? Nope, didn't imagine that either. How about you quivering in my arms every time we're close, or the way you shudder when I touch you? Did I imagine your heart beating like a drum when we almost kissed?"

"Yes… you imagined that."

James frowned and stepped closer to her, grasping her arms and pulling her close to him. Her eyes fluttered and her heart began to race as James pressed his forehead to hers, the scent of his breath washing over her and causing her to feel light headed.

"I've got a really good imagination then… because I'm not using my wand to make you react this way," he whispered.

Lily inhaled a shaky breath, then struggled out of his grasp. "James… even if I did feel something… we can't. I'm muggle-born, we're the leaders of the student body and-"

James slammed his fist into the wall, causing Lily to jump and gasp in shock. "I'm tired of your excuses! I'm tired of waiting… this … _why_ are you doing this? Don't you see how badly I want you?"

"Don't you know how awful I feel about that? And don't even think about saying I'm leading you on… you've been keeping it going; I tried to leave you alone! I'm not the only guilty one in this, you should feel bad too!" she screeched in response.

"I don't feel bad! It'd be one thing if you acted like my friend, but you _act_ like my girl friend… hell, sometimes you act like my _lover_! You love me, Lily! Why… how can you keep doing this to me? To us?"

"How can _you_? How can you keep putting me through this knowing how scared I am?"

"You don't have to be scared," said James with a humorless laugh. He walked forward again and took her face in his hands. "I'm not going to hurt you… I'd never… I don't care about the danger, or whatever you're afraid of. _I – just – want- you_!" James shouted.

Lily's eyes filled with tears, she shook her head and pulled away from him again. "You shouldn't, James… you shouldn't… we can't-"

James groaned, then turned on his heel and walked toward the door. "You're hurting yourself by denying this."

"At least it's _me_ I'm hurting," she muttered.

"And it's killing me to watch!"

"Then don't watch," Lily said harshly. "You said earlier you don't care how scared I am… and I'm terrified, James. I'm terrified. I don't want your family to be hunted because of me; I don't want you to have to defend me all the time because of my birth! I don't-"

"Persecution has nothing to do with this," James snarled. "There is nothing on the books or anywhere that says we can't be together; you're letting the fucking Death Eater's control you and-"

Lily laughed sarcastically. "Do you live in the dark? Haven't you been reading the papers? It's not only the Death Eaters. There's registration requirements to get married, extra taxes on Muggle-borns and-"

"I don't give a damn about registration requirements or any of that. No one is going to tell me who I can or cannot love. _You_ are the only thing stopping us from being together!"

"I don't want to die of a broken heart!" Lily shouted, slightly incoherent as her voice was shaking so much.

James gave her a curious glance, his eyes sad but his expression angry. "What does that mean?"

"It means nothing, James… nothing. None of it means anything…and don't try to make it mean something, because it doesn't… that's just your arrogance saying it means something," she said coldly, swallowing as tears welled up in her eyes.

"_You're_ arrogant."

Lily started. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said _you're_ arrogant, Lily. You're so damn proud, thinking that you bring so much danger into my life, that you're above feeling anything-"

"I –feel – _everything_," Lily snarled. "I've seen what it's like to watch someone you've loved for twenty-five years _die_. I know what it feels like to have someone turn on you, to have them abandon you. I know what it feels like to be hunted and hated by everyone for something out of your control! I feel too much right now… I don't have room to feel anything for you. You don't know _anything_ about how I feel, James Potter… don't you try to tell me how I feel!"

"You're right, I don't know a damn thing about how you feel," James replied angrily. "But I thought maybe I could take a guess, since you don't seem to know anything either."

With that, he strode out the door and down the steps. Lily heard the slam of the portrait door and sat down on her bed, breathing heavily. She felt furious at him; furious that he called her proud, furious that he was continually trying to tell her how she felt. She _knew_ how she felt; angry, irritated, frustrated with him and his continual insistence that she loved him.

And frightened beyond all reason, because she knew it was true.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

James stormed down the steps, furious with Lily and her continued rejection of his affections. He'd had enough; it was over. If she was going to continually deny that she felt something for him, so be it. He'd move on… he'd get over her. She was too damn stubborn… too concerned with keeping him out of danger or keeping up appearances. Too bloody proud and stoic; she didn't want to feel love, maybe she wasn't capable.

"FUCK!" James swore, grabbing at his hair and pulling before slamming his hands hard against a wall. What kind of a person was scared to be in love? What kind of a person was scared of relationships? Especially a girl, all girls wanted was a guy to fawn over them. Maybe she didn't belong in Gryffindor if love scared her so badly. James had done everything short of standing up in front of the great hall and declaring that he loved Lily… what kind of fawning did she want?

If she didn't want him to fawn, but what _did_ she want? Why was she scared? He wouldn't hurt her, he would never leave her…

_Unless something does happen to me_, he thought, recalling how horrified he'd felt at the thought of Voldemort or another Death Eater going after her; he'd die before he let something hurt her.

And if he died protecting her, that sacrifice would leave her alone. She'd rather sacrifice her own emotions, and her own happiness, than go through what her mum was. James' thoughts drifted back to the conversation he had with Mrs. Evans when they had danced at Lily's sister's wedding.

"…_gets an idea in her head, that's that, you can't do much to change her mind. She told me once that she didn't ever want to feel the way she saw me feeling after Mark died. She just shut down; I tried to tell her that she was missing out on things, but she told me it was better to miss out than to feel that much pain..."_

James shook his head violently, the memory of Mrs. Evans' words only made him angrier. Understanding that she was scared didn't help, and fear was no excuse for her behaviour. She couldn't keep stringing him along like this just because she was frightened to let someone in.

He looked back up the staircase, regretting his loss of temper, but he didn't want to apologize at this moment; he didn't want to see her face, for the first time in the past year. James sighed, he'd leave her alone for a few days, let her settle and absorb her feelings… then he'd just see what happened. His patience quota was running thin, very thin… but he was a Gryffindor, and Gryffindors didn't give up in a fight.

Needing a release for his aggression, James walked outside and down to the Quidditch pitch, pulling out a beater's bat and a bludger to hit while he flew in circles around the stadium. He'd been out there for around three hours, releasing his anger and frustration on the field rather than at Lily or his friends, when suddenly a voice called out to him.

"PRONGS! OY!" Sirius yelled from the ground. "Come down… I want a word."

James growled and landed smoothly next to Sirius, who caught the bludger and locked it away in its case before turning to James. "What's going on, mate? I haven't seen you since Charms ended… you didn't come in for supper or anything," Sirius explained curiously.

James shrugged, wiping sweat away from his face. "I didn't feel like eating."

"Just felt like flying?"

"Felt like beating the hell out of a few bludgers to be honest."

Sirius nodded. "Did Lily-"

"I don't want to talk about Lily right now, all right? I just… I don't," James said, holding up a hand, still feeling enraged by her continual rejection.

"All right… erm… listen, mate… you feel like heading to Dundee tonight?" Sirius asked in a low whisper.

"Dundee? What the hell for?"

Sirius grinned and pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. James took it, examining a sales add he must have pulled from a Muggle newspaper while they were at Kings Cross the other day. "'_Triumph Bonneville T120 Motorcycle for sale, three hundred twenty pounds. Jack Crosspot, Dundee..._' Sirius, what are you going to do with a motorcycle?"

"Dunno… but I want one. I've wanted one since the first time I saw one. I drew out some gold and had it converted into muggle money before I came to the station. C'mon, Prongs… it's not that far. Rosie said I could keep it by the bar for the year," Sirius said, grabbing James and shaking him slightly.

James smiled. "All right, let's go then."

"Excellent… I figured we could go back and get your cloak and-"

"Nah, what for? I don't care about getting caught," James muttered.

Sirius shrugged. "All right, let's go then! But put this on," he said, tossing James a blue t-shirt with a large golden bird on the front.

James sniggered. "Can I ask where you got this, and why I should wear it?"

Sirius chuckled. "I found it the same time I went to get Muggle money. I showed it to Dumbledore as a joke, said we should all get them to show were part of the Order… this bird kind of looks like a phoenix," he explained.

James laughed. "All right, I'll take your word for it. Let's go get you a bike!"

The boys walked off the Pitch and back toward the Whomping Willow, talking animatedly about ways they could enchant the bike to make it fly or increase its speed capabilities. They passed by Snape and Avery, issuing a few choice insults, but passing on his invitation for a fight. They stopped the willow's swinging branches and entered the passage way, discussing whether or not they could talk the bloke selling the bike down from his price.

It was around eight o'clock when they knocked on the door of Jack Crosspot's house in Dundee. Sirius made quick work of the deal, securing the motorcycle for only three hundred pounds and happily examining it before performing a few quick spells to increase its performance.

"Speed charm, hovering charm… braking charm… can you think of anything else, Prongs?" he asked, rubbing his palms together excitedly.

"Supersensory, just in case. But other than that, I think we've got it," James smirked. "When did you learn how to drive one?"

Sirius shrugged. "I've only done it once… my uncle Alphard showed me how when I was younger, but I don't think you forget. You ready?" he asked in an excited voice.

James laughed. "Let's see what this thing can do," he said, hopping on the back as Sirius kicked the bike into gear and they screeched down the street.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

Lily awoke with a start; it was dark outside, meaning she had missed supper. Her head ached and her eyes were swollen from crying; but what disturbed her most was the nagging ache in her chest that had been present since Petunia's wedding.

The only thing she could compare it to was how she had felt after her father passed away. The last time she felt it was when she had received Petunia's letter explaining their mother was sick. And since the wedding, the pain had been constant, unending, and increasingly unbearable. The only time it eased was when she was in James' presence. Earlier that day when she had cast her Patronus, the feeling had subsided completely; so happy she had felt when she forced herself to think of him.

Lily stood, grabbing her wand off the night stand and staring intently at a picture a few pictures she had hung on the wall: one of her mum and her sitting on a curb, another of her and Julia during their fourth year, and a final one of the four marauders she had happened to take last year in Hogsmeade.

She thought of her mum, her laugh, the feel of her arms around her, but the emotion was too sad. Lily shook her head and thought of Julia, her bright laugh and brilliant eyes; how she never took anything seriously, her contagious light-heartedness filled Lily's head. Lily smiled and giggled, remembering the day that Julia had claimed she didn't remember kissing her.

"_Expecto Patronum_!" Lily cried. She waited, concentrating furiously on all the times they had spent laughing together. Nothing happened, no flicker of white light, no shield erupting from her wand… nothing.

Lily growled, she didn't want to deal with her feelings right now, but it seemed she had no choice. Facing up to her emotions was going to be a difficult task; they frightened her, terrified her, and she wasn't entirely sure what any of them meant. James had been her happy thought, but she couldn't be with James. It was impossible. Despite all his assertions that the ways of the world didn't matter, she knew better.

Her stomach rumbled; she had missed supper for sure, and her lunch had been minimal to say the least. She wondered if perhaps James' map could tell her how to get into the kitchens to nick some food, at least some bread to tide her over.

Lily strode across the hall and pressed on his door, it was shut completely, only his password would unlock it. She steeled herself for his anger and knocked on the door, but after several seconds of silence she realized he was gone somewhere away from the tower. She sighed heavily; James was clever, surely he'd have thought of something immensely complicated, and she would never be able to figure it out. Her stomach growled again; she decided to try.

"Prongs?" Lily muttered; nothing happened. "Marauders." Still nothing. "Erm… Numbus 1700. Treacle tart. Damnit! Potter. Lupin. Wormtail. Padfoot!" The door remained shut; Lily closed her eyes and shook her head. "Lily Elizabeth Evans… I don't know what you're doing but-"

There was a click and the door unlocked. Lily blushed with color, her name had been the password. Tears welled up in her eyes again, her emotions warring with each other, but she proceeded inside James' room to see if she could locate his map. Surely he wouldn't mind…

His room was similar to hers, but distinctly boyish. James' clothes were still in his truck, nothing had been put up on the walls, though there were a few picture frames on the table by his bed. Curious, Lily stepped forward to examine them.

One was a picture of Sirius, Remus, Peter and James all standing by the lake; they were laughing and smirking at each other as though they ruled the world. Lily grinned and shook her head, then the smile faded from her face when she saw the other picture.

It had no frame, and it wasn't a wizard photograph; it was a muggle-picture, from Petunia's wedding. Lily knew her mum had a camera at the wedding, but she didn't realize that she had been sharing the photographs that were taken, or that she must have corresponded with James at some point. The picture was of Lily, standing by a table grinning widely down at James; her face was alight with happiness.

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she inhaled sharply, standing up and turning away from the image back toward his bed. She forced herself to focus on her task; her eyes searched the room, looking for the piece of parchment she had only seen one time before.

"Check his dresser drawer," a low voice muttered.

Lily jumped and turned to see Remus and Peter standing in the doorway, watching her curiously. "I say, Moony, it's probably not good protocol for the Head Girl to be snooping around the Head Boy's room, wouldn't you agree?" Peter asked with a smirk.

"I would, Wormtail. Whatever are you doing in here, Lily?"

"Oh, you two just shut it," she said, shaking her head as they grinned at her. "I'm only in here looking for that map because I want to get into the kitchens and nick some food… I missed supper unfortunately."

"Top drawer," said Remus, watching as Lily walked over and took out the paper. She unfolded it curiously and tapped it with her wand the way she'd seen James do when he used it.

"Where _is_ James?" asked Lily curiously, frowning at the map when nothing seemed to happen.

"He and Sirius went to Dundee, something about a Motorcycle," explained Peter.

"What? They can't… I can't believe this! He's been back at school one whole day and already he's abandoning-"

"Lily, take it easy. They'll be back tonight. Besides, since when do you care what James does?" asked Remus curiously.

Lily stood up taller, ignoring the warmth in her cheeks. "I _don't_ care… what he does. I was just saying… how do you work this thing?" she asked, tapping it again with her wand.

Slowly, words written in James' familiar handwriting appeared on the parchment. "_Wouldn't you love to know, Miss Lily Evans_?"

Lily stared curiously at the parchment, her eyes widening before she looked back to Remus and Peter. "This thing just… it just talked back to me."

"Yeah, it tends to do that… here," Remus chuckled, reaching out for the parchment. Lily handed it to him, watching as he tapped it with his wand and muttered a quick phrase. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Lines began to emerge on the map and the outline of Hogwarts castle appeared. Lily could see dots wandering all over the paper, and stared curiously at it for a few moments. "Bit over dramatic, don't you think?"

Peter laughed. "We call ourselves '_The_ _Marauders_.' What did you expect?" he asked, watching as Lily nodded while rolling her eyes.

"Thanks, Remus," she said, taking the parchment back from him and studying it. "Do you know where the kitchens are?"

Remus opened another fold on the map and pointed to a corridor just outside the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room and dormitories. "It's here, the map will tell you how to get in when you get there," he explained.

Lily nodded, smiling shyly and thanking Remus and Peter both before heading out into the castle. As she walked along the pathway to the next set of staircases, she happened upon Snape's and Avery's retreating figures. Trying to ignore their whispered conversation, she continued on her way as quietly as she could behind them.

"… something about a motorcycle, Black mentioned that town specifically. They should be able to corner them if they follow the directions I gave them appropriately," Snape was muttering.

"Excellent. I'd love to be there… what I wouldn't give for a chance to have at them both," Avery laughed.

"You might still get it… Potter tends to weasel himself out of situations, and you know that Dolohov and Rosier both tend to act before they think things through clearly," Snape muttered. "If I got a hold of him, though, I'd make sure he wouldn't be able to speak his own name when I was finished."

Lily froze, watching their retreating figures and feeling her pulse start to race. Had Snape overheard where James and Sirius were going and sent a message to someone outside the castle? Were James and Sirius in danger _again_?

"Miss Evans?"

Lily jumped and dropped the map, watching the ink disappear rapidly as she picked it up and turned around. Professor Dumbledore was standing behind her, watching at her with a concerned expression. "It's awfully late, might I ask what you are doing up?"

"OH! Erm… well, I missed supper. I fell asleep, you see… and I was going to ask Professor McGonagall if I could go to the kitchens and grab some bread," she muttered sheepishly, turning her eyes away from his piercing blue ones.

"I see," Dumbledore mused, still observing her curiously. "You look disturbed, did something happen?"

"Well… uh… I was just worried. Um… James and Sirius are gone, and I just heard Snape and Avery say something about them being hunted. Did you hear about-"

"Yes, I was aware that Lord Voldemort paid James' parents a visit this summer. I was also aware that you were designated as the catalyst they were going to use to persuade James to join up," he frowned.

Lily flushed. "Yes, unfortunately."

Dumbledore nodded. "You seem very concerned about both James and Sirius' well-being, and also concerned about getting them into trouble."

"I am concerned… I don't want to get them in trouble; but I don't… if someone is after them… I don't know what I would do if something happened-"

"Mrs. Evans… do not fret. I spoke with Sirius earlier, he mentioned leaving the grounds to pursue his quest for a motorcycle. I did advise it might be dangerous to venture out, which was why he took James with him I'm sure, but as he is of age now I couldn't necessarily prevent him from going," Dumbledore said with a frown.

"You're still his Professor," Lily huffed, frowning back.

Dumbledore smirked. "True… but you may have noticed that Mr. Black, and Mr. Potter for that matter, tend to do what they please. I was surprised that Sirius even bothered mentioning the expedition to me," he chuckled lightly.

"Right…" Lily replied, giving Dumbledore a very confused glance.

"Lily, might I ask you to accompany me to my office, quickly? I can send a message to a contact I have in Dundee who can watch for them to make sure they are safe," he explained, gesturing for her to follow him.

Lily nodded, walking quickly behind Dumbledore and stowing the map away in her pocket. They reached the gargoyle that stood outside his office and Dumbledore gave the password. Once inside, he sat Lily down at a chair and handed her a loaf of bread and a few slices of cheese.

"Please feel free to partake, Lily; I'm sure if you missed supper you are hungry. I'm going to send a message, and then I'll be right back down," he explained, wandering off up the stairs to the higher portion of his office.

Lily nodded, ripping off a chunk of bread and chewing very slowly as she observed the curious artifacts around the room. There was a silver object that looked like a lighter, a few objects that twirled and made clicking noises in the quiet room, and an extensive collection of books, some of which were very old; Lily could tell from their tattered covers. There was a stone basin set off in a corner, emitting a silvery glow and a large golden mirror that sat at the very back of his office.

Drawn to the mirror out of curiosity, Lily stood and approached. She turned it to face her, noting how heavy it was, then jumped away and gasped loudly.

"James! You're back, thank Goodness; I …" she started to say, but when she turned around, he was not behind her. Lily's eyes turned back to the mirror, her head tipping to the side as she observed James' reflection again.

Even more curious, Lily stepped closer, finally seeing her own reflection inside the glass, though it was markedly different than she expected.

She was wearing the white dress her mother had gotten for her birthday last year, her long hair floating lightly around her shoulders. Lily looked down curiously, examining the khaki trousers and grey striped shirt she was wearing. What kind of a mirror was this?

She turned her eyes back to the mirror, watching her reflection as James stepped forward and took her hand. Her face in the reflection lit up, eyes full of excitement as she grinned happily back at him. James smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and kissing her forehead before leaning his lips against hers.

Her eyes pricked, her first kiss was happening in front of her, but she couldn't feel it. Lily's reflection smiled at James, laying her head against his chest as he held her tightly. She looked behind her again; the office was empty, no one was holding her. She was alone.

When her eyes turned back to the mirror, Lily actually cried out and stepped back even furhter. Her father was now reflected in the mirror, behind where she and James were standing in a close embrace. Tall, his thinning brown hair slightly disheveled, his arm was around her mother's shoulders, neither of them looked ill; both looked radiant and full of happiness as they stared back at her. Then Sirius and Julia stepped into the picture, embraced in a tight hug and grinning broadly at the figures of James and Lily in front of them. Remus and Peter approached, then Mary, Marlene… Alice and Frank… everyone Lily cared for started to walk forward in the mirror, smiling back at her, like nothing bad would ever happen in the world and they would always be together.

She walked forward again, pressing her hands against the glass and watching as everyone grinned back. James' figure nuzzled against hers, kissing her again and squeezing her tightly. Lily's reflection straightened out her white dress and then wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close and positively beaming with happiness.

Tears were flowing steadily down Lily's cheeks; _this_ was her happy thought, right in front of her. She didn't even have to imagine it, she could see it. She wanted to throw herself through the glass just to be a part of what she was seeing. She stifled a sob and continued to stare, absorbing the happy looks on everyone's faces.

"Well, that message has been sent. My contact is on his way out to look for James and Sirius and make sure they get back safely," Dumbledore's voice said as he descended the staircase. "Ah… I see you have discovered one of my more interesting curios."

Lily quickly wiped her tears away with her hands, noting that it did little to assuage the ones that were still seeping from her eyes. "What is this?" she whispered.

"I only just received it the other day from a contact I have at the Department of Mysteries. They've classified it as unique, but not terribly useful to the Ministry at this moment, so they offered it up to my studies," he explained, stepping behind her.

She blushed as Dumbledore moved to stand beside her, a curious and bemused expression on his face. "This… is it false? I… I can see my dad… and my mum isn't sick… and there are people in the reflection that aren't in the room," she said, gesturing to James' figure among others.

"I cannot see what you see, my dear. I see a completely different image, though, it sounds as though my heart's desire is not that different than your own," Dumbledore said quietly.

"Is that… is that what this is? It shows what we want?"

"Not only what you want," Dumbledore explained. "What you want more than anything; the deepest desire of your heart. You see the words? When translated it reads 'I show not your face but your hearts desire." It sounds as though you see your parents, alive and healthy, and there are other people in the image?"

"Yes…" Lily whispered, allowing the meaning of Dumbledore's words to sink in.

"Are these people that you have lost?"

"Someone I can't have," she said, a small sob escaping her lips.

Dumbledore smiled gently. "Might I ask why?"

"Why what?"

"Why can't you have Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked, once again demonstrating his knack for knowing way too much about a person on first glance. "You are exceptionally close, I know; and he lives just across the hall from you now."

Lily laughed lightly, wiping another round of tears away. "Because … all this going on, and it's dangerous for us and-"

"Dangerous how? I can't see that you'd be in any more danger with James than you are without."

"Not me… him… they-"

"It sounds as though you are quite talented at keeping them at bay," mused Dumbledore, making reference to her summer encounter. "James is also very talented and willing to fight; if anything, you two would be safer together."

"I suppose… but," Lily stammered, a fresh round of tears falling from her eyes. "I'm so scared. I'm just so scared … What about James and his family? You read the papers, there is a murder every other week of a muggle-born or wizard who married a muggle or stood up for muggle-born rights. I can't do that to them… I can't bring that kind of trouble to them." she explained, feeling foolish and pathetic as the words came out of her mouth. "And… my mum, she was _devastated_ when my father died. It hurt so much to watch her, and it was so frightening to see her in that much pain. I don't… I'm weak. I don't ever want to have to go through that if I don't have to. I don't think I'm strong enough."

Dumbledore shook his head. "Lily, you are not weak. Admitting you are frightened of something is a sign of bravery; it is a sign of strength, and it's a strength that not many people possess," he explained gently.

"Then why does it hurt so badly?"

"Love isn't easy. It _is_ frightening; but denying it is… even more painful, I believe. Love is the most powerful, most magical thing that exists this world. The intensity of it, how it changes people; how the lack of it destroys others. You are someone who has been blessed with this power, it flows from you; everything you do, and everything you touch, shows how much love is inside you," Dumbledore said.

"You might wonder how I know this, but one needn't be around you for very long to see this trait, Lily. I noticed it the first time you stepped in the hall; I see it when you speak of your mother, your family, and your friends. To keep all that locked up when it so desperately wants to get out… I can imagine that would be painful indeed."

Lily nodded, glancing back at the image in the mirror. Her reflection was nuzzling James' neck, smiling as he ran his fingers through her hair. Though the rest of the people in the mirror were still there, smiling happily back at her, Lily found herself drawn solely to the reflection of her and James.

"Might I suggest… returning to your room and thinking over what I've said. Our world needs the love you have to give, and I think you would come to regret it deeply if you continue to deny your feelings for James," Dumbledore said quietly.

Lily nodded, wiping her tears away with her hand. "Thank you…" she whispered, looking up at Dumbledore who was smiling gently at her. She stood and walked toward the door, pausing when he handed her the loaf of bread and chuckled lightly as she shut the door.

The staircase felt long as Lily walked back to her room. She felt heavy, weighted down, much like she did the morning after Petunia's wedding. Part of her also felt lonely, wanting nothing more than to see James' face right now. His smile, his eyes… the way he laughed and fussed with his hair. The image she had seen in the mirror popped back into her head, she could almost feel his arms around her as she walked.

Curious, she pulled her wand out from her pocket. "_Expecto Patronum_," she whispered very quietly.

With very little effort, there was a flash of light and a silver doe sprung forward, cantering quickly down the hall before disappearing. Lily fought back an urge to cry again, choosing instead to laugh and shake her head as she realized how stupid she had been.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

Wind was rushing past James' face as his eyes scanned the sky; his glasses had fallen off during the flight and he was clutching them tightly in his hand. His blurry vision was disabling him from staying alert to any danger that might be following them. They had just narrowly escaped two Death Eaters. Had it not been for the Muggle police men who had chased them into the alleyway, they surely would have been caught and forced to fight. Instead, they had flipped the police car into the air and stopped the two men dead in their tracks, racing off on the bike and out of town.

"Sirius! Slow down!" James called, panting heavily as she pushed the spectacles back on his face just in time to see a flash of white. The flash solidified and turned into what appeared to be a bird of some sort.

"Why?" Sirius called back over the roar of the engine.

"Because someone is on the ground, with a Patronus… looks like they've been running after us for a while," James shouted.

Sirius looked down, seeing the same thing James was and slowing the bike. He landed it gracefully and turned around. The man approached them, out of breath and clutching the stitch in his side.

"Are you… Potter… and Black?" he asked, waving a tired finger at them.

"Yeah…" Sirius said warily, pulling out his wand and watching James mimic the motion.

"Dumbledore… messaged me… you need to get back. There was a tip that you'd be out… they're after you," he panted.

"We know… we already ran into them," replied James.

The man nodded, catching his breath and standing up. "Well, more are probably coming then… you need to get back to Hogwarts."

"No, if more are coming we should stay and fight!" shouted Sirius, James nodding in agreement.

The man shook his head. "No, they're only looking for you two, why I'm not sure… but you need to get back now. Don't argue," the man said, holding up a hand to stave off the boys' next round of arguments. "Dumbledore's orders; I also don't think you're parents would be too pleased, James, if they found out you were out here."

James made a face and looked at Sirius, who sighed heavily and finally nodded in agreement. "Fine… we'll get back," he muttered in a defeated voice.

The man nodded, stepping away and watching as the two boys hopped on the motorcycle and took to the skies.

They flew over various towns on the enchanted motorcycle, it was peaceful and cool; almost too peaceful. The tiny flickering lights of Hogsmeade had just come into view when it happened. A flash of blue light sailed right by the boys' heads; James whipped around and pulled out his wand, firing spells indiscriminately at the three figures behind them on broom sticks.

"Shit!" yelled Sirius, pushing the throttle on the motorcycle to increase the speed. "Who is it?"

"I don't know, just get us down!" shouted James, still firing spells back. Blue and red streaks of light were whizzing by them. Sirius was trying to dodge the light as James attempted to fight back.

They were finally close enough to begin their descent when a jet of light made contact with the motorcycle. It shook violently and James almost dropped his wand, but managed to keep hold of it as he grabbed onto Sirius to keep from falling. The latter was struggling to keep control as they raced toward the ground, he seemed unable to decrease the speed of the bike and had subsequently pulled out his wand to try and form a cushion before they crashed.

James had turned over his shoulder to try and defend themselves from the sudden onslaught of spells when a jet of grey light flew past him and hit Sirius square in the back. He cursed and dropped the handlebars to clutch his chest, his breathing becoming labored very quickly.

"SIRIUS!" James shouted, leaning forward to grab the handle bars and try to support his friend. "What happened?" James asked, but the latter didn't have time to form a response. The motorcycle hit the ground at full speed, a horrible crunching sound breaking the quiet in the night air as James and Sirius were flung off it and into a cluster of nearby bushes.

James scrabbled to his feet, cursing himself for not bringing his invisibility cloak as he heard the voices of the following Death Eaters gather around the motorcycle and light their wands to search for the two boys. He ducked low and pulled Sirius out of the bushes. "Rib?"

"Yeah… what happened to the bike?"

"To hell with the bike! They'll leave it… we've got to-"

"POTTER!" a voice called, followed by a flash of red light. James ducked and pulled Sirius to his feet, both of them pulling out their wands and beginning to duel. Sirius was knocked back by another streak of grey and James was disarmed quickly. He ran forward and tackled the cloaked figure who had taken his wand, punching him hard in the face before snatching his wand back. James was pulled off the man by another, who attempted to cast a binding curse but was blocked by Sirius. James freed himself, fired a stunning spell into the group and ran back to grab Sirius.

"C'MON! The pathway," he shouted, pulling Sirius toward the Shrieking Shack. Sirius ran as best he could, still clutching his ribcage and firing spells at the two Death Eaters that were pursuing them.

The boys ran into the building, through the cellar and down into the dark pathway. James thought for a moment they might be free of the men, but voices were still calling after them. "C'mon," James said, supporting Sirius as they ran.

Another jet of red light flew past them and the boys ran harder, but both of them were suddenly hit by a intense sensation of pain. They fell to the ground, but it ceased very quickly and they managed to scramble forward a few feet before turning around.

The brutal face of a tall blonde-death eater was staring down at them, along with the familiar pale of face of Lucius Malfoy. Sirius grunted in pain and raised his wand at the same time as James, imitating the motions of the two Death Eaters. "STUPEFY!" four voices cried.

A resounding crack filled the pathway, James and Sirius ducked as their spells were rebounded at them, as did the Death Eaters. The brutal faced man walked forward, but was impeded by a very strong shield charm that blocked their path.

"Border defense… they must have crossed it," the man muttered at Malfoy.

Malfoy swept his long hair out of his face and sneered. "Dangerous to be out playing around, don't you think?" he muttered at James and Sirius before turning and walking down the path.

The boys scowled, but then relaxed when the two figures disappeared from their vision. James laid flat on the ground and Sirius groaned in pain. "I think my ribs are broken," he strained, chuckling slightly.

James shook his head and laughed. "So much for a simple trip to get your motorcycle, huh?"

* * *

_A/N: If you have not read the "Harry Potter" prequel, do so and the scene in this chapter will be complete. Search Harry Potter Prequel and visit the link from . JKR wrote it for a charity event, very cute. _


	21. All I Want

All I Want

"Set Down Your Glass" Snow Patrol _- A/N I highly suggest listening and/or reading the lyrics to this song. Beautiful._

* * *

When Lily arrived back at Gryffindor tower, she knocked on James' door and frowned when she realized he had not yet returned. Despite the fear still lingering in her chest, her talk with Dumbledore and the image she had seen in the mirror finally convinced her that she could no longer deny how she felt. It was pointless, whatever consequences came from her and James deciding to become a couple, she would deal with them. _They_ would deal with them, together.

If it wasn't already too late. The thought had crossed her mind as she walked back. James had been very upset with her earlier, that much had been evident in his expression when he stormed away. Lily frowned as she changed into pyjama pants and t-shirt. She pulled her dressing gown over herself and activated James' map, deciding to wait up for him as she watched various dots roam around their common rooms. Sooner or later, he and Sirius would return and perhaps she could talk with him then.

Finally, after at least hour of waiting, James' dot appeared on the map, walking with Sirius back from the Whomping Willow. Lily smiled, standing up to exit her room and meet them at the entrance to the tower, but then frowned as another dot she hadn't been paying attention to began approaching them from the opposite direction. The label caused her eyes to widen in shock and fear, for she knew this person had only negative intentions on his mind.

"_NO_!" Lily shouted, throwing the map down before racing out of her room, out the portrait hole, and down the stairs.

James was supporting Sirius as they walked quickly back to the castle. "I'm sure Julia or Lily can mend it, you won't even need the hospital wing," James was saying.

"Yeah…" Sirius replied, wincing in pain and trying to stand up taller.

"I'm sorry, mate… I tried to-"

"Prongs… _shut_ _up_… we were flying and it's hard to aim spells at moving targets, don't worry about it," Sirius told him shaking his head.

"Still… I should have-"

"_SUPPLANTO_!" a low voice shouted. The spell hit James and Sirius and they both tumbled onto the grass, pulling out their wands as they fell. Sirius hit the ground and groaned loudly, but James jumped back to his feet and into a defensive stance.

"_HOMENUM REVELIO_!" he shouted, instantly aiming his next jinx at the illuminated area in which a figure appeared. The person cast a shield charm, reflecting James' spell back at him and forcing him to duck the jet of red light.

"I'm a coward, Potter?" Snape's voice feared. "You and Black ran off from a bigger fight tonight," he said silkily.

"Too bad you're stuck here and not out with your little friends, isn't it Snivellus? You'd have just loved to have a go at us with all your friends to-."

"I don't need anyone to fight my battles," Snape sneered, before flicking his wand at Sirius' who had just gotten to his feet. James cast a shield charm, but Snape was too quick.

Sirius cried out in pain and sank back to the ground, clutching his side and breathing heavily. James growled and aimed his wand again, engaging Snape in a duel of flashing lights and bangs that echoed in the silence around them. James managed to trip Snape once, but was hit by a spell that tore his shirt and gouged a large scratch on his chest. He groaned in pain but continued to battle, shouting at Sirius to stay down as the latter tried to get up and help him.

"SIRIUS," James shouted. "Stay out of it!"

"Yes, stay out of it, Black," Snape shouted. "You're mine, Potter! _Mine_! _CRUCIO_!"

Lily was out the castle doors and racing toward the Whomping Willow, her abandoned dressing gown lay in the common room of Gryffindor tower as she raced toward where James and Sirius had been. She didn't care that the cold air was biting at her skin, it didn't matter that her feet were slipping on the dewy grass; she had to get to James. Something was wrong with either him or Sirius; she had sensed it when watching their dots move along so slowly. Lily knew once she saw Snape's dot that he planned to make good on his earlier words, that James "_wouldn't be able to speak his own name"_ when he got through with him. Lily whimpered at the thought and ran faster; her former friend would have no remorse for any damage he caused since he had pledged himself to the Dark Arts.

There was a loud bang from over a small hill, and Lily saw James engaged in a fight with Snape about five meters from her. James was on his knees, screaming in agony while Sirius struggled to get to his feet. Snape removed the curse from James and aimed his wand at Sirius, causing him to cry out and gasp for air; he clutched his side as though he were in intense pain. James raised his wand and leapt to his feet, glaring at Snape with a ferocious expression. Lily raced forward, horrified when she watched Snape fire another spell at James, who unsuccessfully tried to block it.

There was another flash of light and a loud snap and James fell to the ground, wiping blood from his face from a cut on his forehead. His wand had been knocked out of his hand; James scrabbled for it as Snape bore down upon him, his eyes full of malicious intent. The latter kicked the mahogany wand out of James' reach and pointed his own directly into James' face.

"_STOP_!" Lily shouted. She pushed herself faster, watching as James jumped to his feet and glared at Snape, unafraid of what was about to happen. "No! _JAMES_!"

She raced forward, waving her wand wildly and trying to think of any spell that would throw Snape away from James. She couldn't let anything happen to him, she hadn't yet gotten the chance to tell him the truth; she wanted to tell him he was right, that the Patronus meant something… it meant she loved him, she loved him more than she ever thought possible.

"NO!" she shouted, racing forward and throwing herself in between him and Snape for the second time. James finally saw her, his wide eyes protested and his mouth opened as though he wanted to shout, but no sound came. He raised his arms, trying to push her out of the way, but she clung to his robes, refusing to step aside. Lily blocked the path to James and was turning to aim her wand at Snape when his voice cried out.

"_SECTUMSEMPRA_!"

James' eyes widened in horror as Snape whipped his wand violently and shouted an unfamiliar spell. Lily had stepped in between him and Snape, pushing James away as she turned with her wand extended to fight his battle. James grabbed her arms, intending to throw her out of the way by force, but the spell hit her and she cried out in pain, her eyes widening and her expression filling with shock before she fell to the ground.

"_NO_!" two voices shouted at once. Lily didn't have time to discern whose was whose; pain had shot through her body like a sharp razor blade. She cried out, dropping her wand as her hands hit the grass. James' hands grabbed a hold of her, shaking as he caught her mid fall. Lily heard a grunt and out of the corner of her eye saw Sirius pulling himself to his feet, stumbling over to where she was.

James caught Lily as she fell, wrapping his arms around her but then pulling away and examining his hands. They were covered in her blood, and James leaned over her shoulder to see a large gash across her back. Lily leaned into his chest, gasping softly as she clutched his robes. "Lily? _Lily_!" he shouted frantically. Sirius raced over and knelt down beside them, but then another shadow was over them as well.

"NO!" Snape's voice shouted, he looked deranged as he stared down at Lily's bleeding figure.

"Oh, God… Lily! You fucking bastard," James shouted, looking up at Snape as Lily collapsed into him. "I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you with my bare hands!" James turned his eyes back to Lily, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her close.

"James…" Lily whispered, clutching his robes to support herself. James quickly removed his cloak and wrapped it around her back, pressing firmly to try and stop the flow of blood. Sirius stood and aimed is wand at Snape, snarling a stream of curses as he stepped forward.

"BLACK, _STOP_… Don't … I…I can fix it," Snape growled, pushing Sirius away from where James and Lily were crouched.

"FIX IT?" James shouted. "You caused it! I'm going to kill you, Snape! I'm going -"

"_Shut up_, Potter! Take your hands off her; she needs a counter curse, and the hospital . I can-"

"_You_ get your hands off her," James snarled, swatting Snape's hand away angrily. "Look what you've done to her! You and your dark-"

"Potter, she doesn't want you, and if you don't let me help she's going to-"

"James," Lily breathed, mustering up all the strength she could. The effort caused pain to race through her lungs and all across the muscles in her back. James and Snape both fell silent, straining to listen to what she had to say.

His face came swimming into Lily's vision, eyes wide and full of fear as he brushed her hair from her face. "Let him… let him do whatever it is… please…" she begged, clutching his robes tightly.

Snape moved forward, motioning as though he was going to remove James' arms from around Lily; but James pushed his hand away when Lily clutched his robes tightly, groaning and shaking her head as Snape reached for her. "Don't let me go…"

"Shh… it's all right, I won't let you go," James whispered, looking at Snape and holding Lily closer. "Don't _touch_ her."

"James, let him," Sirius said, glaring at Snape with an equal amount of hatred. "She's bleeding really bad…"

"James… please, let him do whatever it is," Lily pleaded, clutching the front of James' shirt in her hands. "But don't let me go… "

"I won't… I won't," James whispered, cradling her head against his chest. "Snape - fix it… but _DON'T_ touch her!" he roared at Snape. "You can do whatever it is from there, don't come any closer!"

James removed his hands from around Lily's waist and brought them under her arms, holding her steady as she leaned into him.

Snape sputtered, he sounded angry and scared as he examined Lily's back, leaning close to the thickest saturation of blood and frowning. "I can't see… there's… there's so much blood… and-"

James snarled and removed the cloak he'd been trying to use as a bandage. He aimed his wand over Lily's shoulder and siphoned the blood away from her wound before tugging the rip in her t-shirt open to expose her back. The curse had left a large wound which ran from her right shoulder all the way to her left hip; it looked as though she'd been slashed by a sword.

Snape stared, his eyes wide as he observed what his curse had done. "Fix it… _NOW_!" James snarled, his eyes flashing with anger as he glared back at Snape.

Snape knelt down and traced his wand over Lily's wound, muttering a song-like spell as he went. Once… twice… three times; then he stood. The gash had sewn itself together, healing a little but remaining an angry red, and still causing Lily pain. Snape reached for her shoulder, attempting to assist her in any way he could.

"Don't touch me…" Lily hissed, sounding stronger but only by a fraction before she whimpered into James' chest.

"You need the hospital," Snape replied in a low voice. "Dittany… and-"

"I have dittany in my room… Is that all I need?"

"No… I… I don't… you need the hospital; there could be scarring… you need dittany and-"

"I _have_ dittany," Lily snapped, but then winced and leaned back into James' arms. "Take … take me to my room," she whispered, looking at his face, which was still lined with worry.

Snape reached for her, growling when James pushed him away roughly. He reached out again, but Lily turned away from James and glared at Snape over her shoulder. "I said don't _touch_ me," she snarled at him, pulling away from his outstretched hand and reaching her arms up around James' neck.

James picked her up, sliding his arm under her legs and cradling her against him as he walked quickly up to the castle. "I'm taking you to the hospital," he whispered, nodding his head and motioning for Sirius to follow.

Sirius nodded back, still wincing in pain, not even bothering to acknowledge Snape, despite the hatred he felt boiling inside of him.

They raced with Lily to the hospital, explaining quickly what had happened to Madam Pomfrey, though he did not know the exact incantation Snape had used. Madam Pomfrey didn't ask any questions. She noticed Sirius was in pain and quickly mended his broken rib, but then shooed James and him away to tend to Lily.

James paced back and forth anxiously, ignoring Sirius's incessant questions about the spell Snape had used. "What _was_ it? I've never heard anything like that… I-"

"Go see Julia… have her wrap bandages around you or something. I'm going to wait here for Lily; I want to make sure she's okay," James said firmly. "I don't want you to get into any more trouble than we're already in. Just… _go,_ Sirius; I'll see you in the morning," he said when Sirius protested.

Sirius sighed. "All right… let us know how she is. I'll talk to you in the morning," he said, clapping James on the back as he walked quietly toward Gryffindor tower.

James spent the next fifteen minutes pacing until finally Madam Pomfrey opened the door, her face hard as she looked up at him. "I don't want to know _what_ you three were doing out there, but that spell… curse… whatever it was… was bad. She'll need Dittany dabbed onto the wound for the next week or more, along with Ubbly's Oblivious Unction to prevent scarring," Madam Pomfrey told James, watching him nod very seriously.

"All right. Will she-"

"I'm telling you this, Potter, because she's _insisting_ on going back to her room. She doesn't want to stay here, she's adamant. And since she's not losing any blood and she's seventeen, I can't _make_ her stay… but _someone_ is going to have to look out for her," Madam Pomfrey explained again.

"I'll help her... I'll… will she be okay?"

"She'll be all right after some rest… but she needs Dittany applied again tonight, before she sleeps. There could be scarring… we'll just have to see," Madam Pomfrey explained.

James nodded, looking behind Madam Pomfrey as Lily came walking out slowly. She had a dressing gown wrapped around her shoulders, and her torn shirt had been rearranged to hide her torso from view.

"Miss Evans… I'm _highly_ suggesting you stay tonight. I understand that-"

"I don't want to stay here; I want to go to my room," Lily said firmly, her voice much stronger than it had been earlier.

"Very well," Madam Pomfrey said with a shake of her head. "Back to your dorms."

The doors shut and Lily looked at James, who was watching her cautiously. James reached for her and she walked forward, allowing him to put his arm around her waist and support her as they walked slowly toward Gryffindor tower.

They had just reached the staircase when Snape strode out boldly from behind a suit of Armor. James lost his temper, removing his arm from Lily's waist and racing forward.

"You son-of-a-bitch," James shouted, grabbing Snape by the front of his robes and shaking him violently. "You could have killed her!"

Snape swatted James' hands off his robes and pushed him roughly. "You know damn well it was meant for you, Potter. I told you to stay away from her… I'm not going-"

"Shut up, just shut up! All your little mates came after her this summer, Greyback and Rowle… they were going to do something awful, and you knew about it!" James roared. He stepped forward again and seized Snape by the front of his cloak, raising his fist. "You're supposed to hate her, don't act like you care! You could have killed her because of your stupid dark-"

"I _do not_ hate her. I hate _you_… It was you I was after! She… she doesn't want anything to do with you. Stay away from her, Potter…. I'm warning you," Snape hissed.

"STOP IT!" Lily shouted, moving forward and stepping between them again. She placed her hand on James' chest and looked at him gently, applying just enough pressure that he released Snape and backed away. He seized her hand though, and held onto it as she turned around to face her former friend.

"You're warning him about what, Severus? What will you do if James doesn't stay away from me?" Lily asked, allowing James to keep hold of her hand.

"I… you can't… I told you… I won't –"

"You '_won't'_ nothing… you have no control over me, you never did. And James is right; you hate me," she said coldly.

"I don't hate you!"

"Yes… you do. I'm not giving you a choice. I told you already, you chose your path with You-Know-Who and the Death Eaters. In choosing that, you made the decision to hate me… so I suggest you get started," she said coldly.

"I … I can't-"

"You'd better," Lily spat. "How do you think You-Know-Who will react if he finds out about all the times we spent together, with you telling me it didn't matter I was Muggle-born?"

Snape quelled and remained silent, his eyes glistening with anger, though James noted a faint echo of sadness within their depths.

"I … I never-"

"You _never_ knew me. You were _never_ my friend. As far as you're concerned, I'm the mudblood who lived in the town near you… nothing more," Lily told him. "Stay away from me… and stay away from _everyone_ I love."

Lily turned away from Snape and pulled James with her as she began to walk away. Snape snorted in protest and called out to Lily, but she just dropped part of the robe off her shoulder to reveal the angry red line running across her back.

Snape gasped, then fell silent. Lily turned over her shoulder. "You've done enough."

"I helped fix it!"

"You caused it," Lily hissed before turning and walking up the stairs to the portrait hole. James followed silently in her wake, covering up her bare shoulder as they walked. Lily didn't release his hand as they walked all the way up the stairs; she pulled James inside her room and shut the door behind herself.

James swallowed as Lily walked forward toward her bed, wincing slightly with each step. "You … she said you need more dittany," he muttered.

"I know… I heard her… but you've got a nasty cut your forehead and chest, so I think you need some too," she replied, walking over to her dresser and pulling a small bottle and a cloth out.

James wiped blood away from his forehead. "This is fine, you need it more," he muttered, sitting her down on the bed and taking the bottle from her hands.

Lily sighed and turned around, dropping her dressing gown to reveal the torn shirt underneath; it wrapped around her neck and hung in tatters over her chest and stomach in an attempt at modesty. The skin of her back was pale and smooth, save for the large red gash running across it. James frowned and began to pour small drops of dittany onto her wound, watching as the liquid smoked and skin began to cover the angry mark. He wiped away the excess, frowning when Lily cringed at the sensation before relaxing. When he had covered the mark three times with the potion, he set the bottle down on the table next to her bed.

"Does it hurt?" James asked quietly, tracing his fingers lightly over the mark and frowning when she inhaled.

"No," Lily whispered.

"You sound like it hurts," he muttered.

"It's… it's better," she replied again. What sounded like pain to James was Lily losing her breath at the feel of his fingers on her skin. The muscles of her back still felt sore, and the cut itself was tender, but his touch was soothing and reminded her of why she went outside in the first place.

"What the _hell_ were you doing?" asked James roughly, breaking the intimate tension of the moment. "How did you know we were out there?"

"I stole your map. I was watching for you… I was waiting-," she replied.

"You _stole_ my map?"

"Yes," she replied sheepishly. "What happened anyway? Sirius looked like he was in a lot of pain, did he break a rib?"

"Snape knew we were coming back… we ran in to a few Death Eaters when we went to pick up his motorcycle," James explained.

"Yes, I know all about motorcycle, but the Death Eaters found you? James, what were _you_ thinking?" she asked, turning around to face him and pulling her dressing gown over her more securely.

James frowned, "We weren't doing anything wrong! They came after us for no reason and-"

"Take off your shirt," Lily interrupted.

"-Bunch of bloody … take off…what?"

"Take off your shirt, James," she repeated, tugging at the blue t-shirt he was wearing. James gave her a quizzical glance; he could tell she was angry with him, but he still felt a little embittered about her continued denial of her own feelings. She had also thrown herself in front of his fight with Snape, resulting in injury when she knew how badly he wanted her safe.

"I asked you to take off your shirt," she reiterated.

"I heard you the first time…why?"

"Because you've got a cut across your chest, look at all the blood there! Just… take off your shirt, James," she sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

James frowned and pulled off his t-shirt, glancing sadly at it when she pulled it out of his hands. "I liked that shirt," he frowned.

"Well… I'm sure we can fix it, or get you a new one," replied Lily, smirking lightly as she moved closer to him. James angled his body toward her, ruffling his hair and sighing heavily. She used her wand to wet the cloth, gently cleaning up the blood that had run all over his chest. James vaguely remembered being hit by a spell that caused the wound, but it wasn't the same as spell Lily had been hit with. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and allowing the sensation of Lily's touch to soothe his tired mind.

"Can I ask why you're not using magic?" he asked curiously when she finished wiping the blood away.

Lily shrugged. "Some things are better done-"

"The muggle way… yeah, yeah… I've heard you say that," James finished for her, rolling his eyes.

Lily frowned and pulled away from him. "I think you would have been better off to do things the muggle way tonight and just stayed put instead of enchanting a motorcycles and getting into fights and-"

"That wouldn't have stopped the Death Eaters from coming after us," snarled James. "Besides… I don't understand why you care so much about the motorcycle _or_ the fight. We can take care of ourselves; I don't need-"

"Yes, and a fine job you did taking care of yourself tonight… bravo, James," said Lily sarcastically.

"You're one to talk. And what does it matter? I'd rather go down fighting them! I'd-"

"'_Go down_?' Have you gone mad?" exclaimed Lily. "Your parents, James; think of them! What would it do to them if you were hurt or killed? How do you think they'd feel? All of your friends? What about Julia? How would she feel if Sirius was hurt badly? How do you think she feels now? If something happened to you… do you have any clue what that would do to everyone? Of what it would do to _me_?" she shouted, her voice cracking as tears welled up in her eyes.

James was about to protest but his voice disappeared when her words hit his ears. He glanced curiously at her, trying to keep his face calm as he randomly recalled a conversation so many months ago when Julia and Mary said Lily didn't cry frequently. James had seen her eyes water up, he'd seen her sob once, but she always had managed to pull herself together; never letting anyone see her actually break down.

But as he watched her, with watery eyes and lips pressed into a tight line, he realized she was breaking down in front of him. The thought of him dying or being hurt was breaking her resolve. She sobbed once, burying her face in her hands and shuddering. James reached forward, pulling her against him and holding her gently. It only lasted a few moments before she pulled herself together, sniffling as she poured a few drops of dittany onto the clothe in her hand and began dabbing the liquid on to the cut that ran across James' chest. He winced sharply and inhaled through his teeth.

"Sorry," she said quietly, slowing her movements and trying to be gentle. James watched her, noting how badly she was shaking and how tears were still flowing openly down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," said James. "I didn't think … I suppose I shouldn't be so reckless."

Lily sniffed and nodded, not looking him in the eyes as she continued dabbing dittany onto James' wound. They were silent for a few moments. When she finished, Lily turned his face to hers and began to clean off the cut to his forehead. She tried in vain not to lose her train of thought as his hazel eyes met hers and her heart fluttered wildly.

"What would it do to you if something were to happen to me?" asked Lily in an almost inaudible whisper.

James swallowed. "Something _did_ happen to you."

"How did it feel?"

"It felt terrible… I was so scared, Lily. I've never been that scared in my life; I was so sure you were dying," he confessed.

Lily nodded, determinedly keeping her eyes focused on James' cut and not on his expression. "Using that logic… can you understand why I'm upset that you would suggest that dying in a fight with the Death Eaters would be a good thing?"

James gently caught her wrist, calling her attention to his eyes as they scanned her face. "I suppose… but you don't feel anything for me… you told me I was delusional, that you didn't have enough room to feel anything for me," he reminded her, taking his hand and brushing a strand of hair from her face.

She inhaled slowly as James' scent and touch overwhelmed her; her senses went into over drive as she gazed at his soft expression; Lily swallowed and bit her lip, her head involuntarily leaning into his hand. "I … um… I lied," she muttered quietly, shivering as his other hand traced up her arm.

"Are you cold?" James asked, removing his hand from her face and rubbing her shoulders gently to warm her.

"Erm… y-yes… a bit," she replied in a shaky voice.

James slid his hands to her waist, closing her dressing gown around her to protect her from the chill in her room. He had just considered lighting a fire in her fireplace when, to his surprise, Lily slid her whole body closer to him. She crawled delicately, slowly, onto his lap.

Stimulated by her sudden closeness, James pulled her closer until she was seated straddled over his hips. He leaned his forehead against hers and let his hands traveled up to cradle her face. She was shaking violently, her hands trembling as she placed them lightly against his bare chest. James felt he should say something, but the intensity of her gaze and her bright green eyes made his voice vanish the second he opened his mouth. With his ability to speak gone, James tried to communicate through his touch how badly he wanted her. His fingers laced into her hair and he refused to drop his eyes from hers, though butterflies were fluttering wildly in his stomach as she leaned closer.

Mustering up all her courage, knowing she had no experience what-so-ever, Lily silenced the protesting voice in her head for good. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against James' very softly before pulling back. His breathing quickened, she could taste him on her tongue, and she leaned forward again and kissed him very softly.

Lily's lips lingered against his for a moment, causing a burst of heat to rush through his body. James paused in shock, his hands still cupping her face. He opened his eyes and gazed into hers, seeing a mixture of fear and longing inside them as her hands shook like leaves in the breeze. Lily chewed her lip nervously, waiting for James to react.

The realization of what had happened slowly sank in, giving James' frazzled mind time to catch up. He leaned forward quickly, catching her mouth with his and enthusiastically returning her kiss. Her hands slowly moved up over his shoulders and tangled into his hair so she could pull him closer.

James sighed and trailed one hand down to the small of her back, pulling her close to him and relishing the feeling of her warm body against his. He parted her lips to deepen the kiss, losing himself completely in the feeling. The sensation of her kissing him, lips moving against his with the softest pressure, surpassed anything he ever could have imagined; his fantasies may as well have been children's stories for how amazing she felt. James groaned softly when she responded to his passion with more enthusiasm than he had expected. Lily's hands slid down his neck back to his chest, and she sighed into his mouth as he lightly brushed his tongue against her lips.

Overcome with a desire to be still closer to her, James clutched her to him and laid her back, settling himself partly on top of her as they snuggled into the duvet. Lily sighed again, this time it was deeper and James suddenly realized that lying on her back could cause her pain.

"I'm sorry," he said, moving his weight off of her and onto his side, still keeping her close to him. "I don't want to hurt you… I-"

"You're not," Lily breathed, pulling his mouth back to hers and engaging him in another kiss.

James sighed heavily, savoring the feeling of her fingers tangling in his hair. "You… you're brilliant… you're amazing…" he told her in between kisses. "I… I just can't believe… oh God, Lily… I've wanted … you're so … I love… so soft… you-"

"Sh… up" Lily muttered.

"What?"

"James, shut up," she repeated, pulling his lips back to hers desperately.

He smirked and slowed his kisses. "That's not very nice."

"James," she laughed, pulling away from his next kiss and blushing furiously as she attempted to glare at him. "Would you like to have a chat, or would you rather kiss me? Because it doesn't seem like the two are compatible."

James considered her, the half smile she adored gracing his lips. "I'll shut up," he muttered, kissing her forehead once and then returning to her lips with a fervent sigh.

Lily's fingers threaded their way through James' hair, enjoying the soft texture and the scent of him all around her; the feel of his body against hers was more soothing than anything she had ever imagined. His lips were warm, and she moved hers slowly against his, trying to enjoy every single second of the moment she had put off for so long. Lily vaguely wondered if she was overreacting, if she was being too eager, but her whole body felt alive and on alert, and she pulled James closer, sighing as he settled his weight party on top of her, his arms wrapping around her waist and holding her tightly. He gently caressed her lips and tongue with his own, causing her to whimper into his mouth and effectively wiping all thoughts from her head.

He was trying in vain to rein in the intense passion he felt. She had pulled him so he was partly on top of her, one leg wrapping around his, one hand tangled in his hair the other pressed against his chest. He groaned and inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her skin and her sweet-smelling hair. Each time there was a shift in the kiss, Lily would sigh audibly and it drove him mad with desire.

James pulled away from her lips and kissed across her cheek and down to her neck, smiling when she tipped her head back and arched closer to him, allowing him to move his lips to the pale skin of her throat. He kissed down her neck and over her collar bones before moving his lips higher, nipping her ear lobe softly with his teeth.

"Ah, Lily… I think you've been lying to me about several things," James whispered into the space behind her ear as he nuzzled against her.

"What?" she gasped, closing her eyes and shuddering at the sensation of his breath against her skin.

"You can't be this good of a snog without experience," he whispered, nipping her earlobe with his teeth and grinning as she inhaled sharply. He kissed along her cheek bone back to her lips, groaning again when she pulled his face to hers and kissed him fiercely.

"Perhaps it's natural ability," mused Lily during a brief moment when their lips were apart. "Because I've had… no experience… before now," she muttered shyly.

James murmured something against her lips that she couldn't understand. "What?" she asked.

"Shut up, I'm rather enjoying this," he muttered, causing her to laugh loudly. "I said 'good.' I don't want anyone else kissing you… _ever_… only me," he said, smiling against her lips and chuckling as she blushed brightly.

Lily sighed and pulled James tighter against her, rolling further onto her back. His hands came up by her face, fingers lacing through her hair as he kissed her softly, enjoying the way she clutched his body to hers. James felt as though he wanted to pull her inside of himself, though he tried to keep his growing arousal hidden for fear she would become flustered and push him away.

Lily tipped her head back, hoping James would move to kiss her neck again. She moaned softly when he grinned and his lips moved across her cheek, pausing in the space behind her ear before moving to her neck and nipping her gently. "What happens now?" she asked breathlessly.

James' breath hitched, the arousal that had been increasing steadily suddenly reached a peak and he shifted against her. "Erm… how… what do you mean, exactly?" he asked, blushing and averting his eyes from hers.

Lily laughed. "I'm not that fast of a mover, James, despite how much I tease you. I meant… since you don't want anyone else kissing me… am I-"

"Do you even have to _ask_ if I want you to be my girlfriend?" James said incredulously, laughing when Lily bit her lip and nodded shyly. "You know… for being so smart you can be incredibly thick."

Lily frowned and gave him a mock pout. James shook his head and brought his mouth back to hers delicately, sighing along with her as they resumed their passionate exploration of each other's lips and tongues. Minutes passed, perhaps hours… neither of them was sure.

They finally lay side by side, James' arm wrapped around Lily's neck, his fingers lightly playing with her hair. Her face was right next to his, their foreheads pressed together as they gazed at the other's eyes. James had loosened the dressing gown and his hand was resting on her back, tracing soft patterns on her skin and carefully avoiding the gash that Snape's curse had caused. One of her hands was pressed against his chest, the other running through his hair and resting against his cheek when she became tired.

"I have never… in my whole life… seen anyone look as happy as you do right now," Lily smiled, shaking her head and examining James' expression.

"There is no one in the wide world as happy as I am right now," he replied, kissing her softly.

"Yes there is," she whispered, causing him to smile broadly and hug her closer to him.

James grinned, wondering if she could hear the way his heart began to pound at the sound of her words. "What changed?" he asked, closing his eyes and kissing her forehead before snuggling against her neck.

"I talked to Dumbledore," she replied.

"That was it?"

Lily blushed. "Well… he caught me sneaking to get food, and I had just overheard Snape and Avery muttering something about you and Sirius being away from Hogwarts tonight. I told him, and he invited me to his office while he sent a message to someone in Dundee to look out for you. While I was waiting, there was this mirror… it reflects what you want most… what your heart wants," she said very quietly.

"What did you see?" James asked curiously, lifting his eyes back to hers.

"My family… my parents, my friends… you," she replied.

James smiled, and kissed her again. "I'd see you."

"You should have… I'm sure Dumbledore thought I was going to faint," she laughed.

"Why?"

"It just… shocked me. I knew it… I just… didn't realize I wanted it that badly," Lily explained sheepishly.

"Hmmm…" James sighed, kissing her deeply. "You need to listen to me more often," he teased, smiling when she chuckled. "I do know what I'm talking about some of the time."

"I guess," she laughed before yawning slowly, closing her eyes and leaning closer to him.

"Am I boring you?" teased James.

"No… no, of course not. It's just been a long night," she replied, kissing him softly.

"You need to rest," he said.

"But then you'd leave… and I'd miss you," she murmured sleepily.

"I don't have to leave… I can stay, who's going to know?" James shrugged.

Lily was about to protest, but then considered his question. "That's true… but I don't want to make you… I mean… if you don't want to-"

"Lils…" James laughed, sitting up and motioning for her to move up on her pillow.

"Well… I mean, I don't want you to think…"

"Think what?"

"Well… think that I'm… I don't know…"

James laughed. "You are the most pure, innocent person I know. I mean that," he said, lying back against the pillows and motioning for her to come into his arms. She smiled and crawled up against him, snuggling her face into his shoulder and kissing his neck softly. "Though you are sleeping with me and we haven't been out on a date," he teased.

"It isn't the first time," she muttered.

"That's right, I forgot about the train. Weren't you concerned about me spontaneously combusting?" he asked.

Lily raised her eyes. "If you'd like, I can help relieve some of the pressure to ensure that doesn't happen," she whispered.

James' eyes went wide then he smiled. "Tease."

Lily kissed him softly, removing his glasses from his face and setting them on the table. "I'll just scoot over then…"

"No no… stay here. I like you here," James whispered, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead.

"Good… I like it here."

James chuckled and pressed his lips to hers again. "I love you, Lily."

"I know," she whispered, kissing him softly. "I love you, James."

James smiled and laid his head back against the pillow, cradling Lily against his chest and falling asleep much faster than he expected.

When he woke, there was only a little sliver of light coming through the window. James breathed in slowly, smiling at the sleeping figure next to him. Lily had moved so her back was to him now, her chest rising and falling slowly. James snuggled closer to her, burying his face into her hair and inhaling deeply as he squeezed her tightly. He glanced lazily at his watch, seeing that it was seven o'clock on Saturday morning and letting the events of last night sink into his head.

He pulled aside her dressing gown gently, frowning at the red slash that extended across her shoulder and down her back. It was much better this morning; the cut itself had almost disappeared, but the fact that it was still an intense scarlet stirred up feelings of anger inside him. _Snape_.

James was sure he had felt remorseful, even sick over what he'd done; but despite any regret he may have, the act had still happened and Lily bore the scars of Snape's hatred and devotion to the Dark Arts.

Lily had shown no sympathy when she addressed him. Despite his obvious concern, it was clear he disgusted her, and rightly so. Her parting words addressed that their divide was no longer over him calling her the unforgivable name; it had deepened as she realized he was hunting people she loved, and she wouldn't stand for it.

_People she loves_, James thought. He smiled gently and glanced over her. She had said it… the words had left her lips. Was it the heat of the moment? Was it in response to the intimate tension that had existed between them for so long finally reaching a boiling point? James didn't doubt her, he doubted himself. Arrogant and proud as he may be, he knew that when compared to her, he was nothing.

James sighed, stretching his arms over his head and kissing her lightly on her shoulder before standing. She stirred but did not wake, and he laughed to himself when he remembered Julia always teasing her about sleeping late on the weekends. He grabbed his torn t-shirt and headed out across the hall to his room, leaving her door slightly ajar and thinking of showering quickly and coming back to wake her later.

Having access to a personal bathroom was one of the many advantages of being Head Boy; other advantages included extended curfew hours in the castle, access to the more forbidden corridors, and… and… well, for James, the biggest advantage would be the privilege to work alongside Lily, his girlfriend. How good it felt to describe her that way.

He pulled on a red jumper that she had once commented on and ruffled his hair. It was still wet, but he decided to go ahead and sneak back into Lily's room to see if she was awake. He knew she wouldn't be, but he figured he could snuggle up against her until she did wake up. He'd never seen her as she woke up, and grinned to himself as he thought of her complaining about her hair being a mess or her clothes being sloppy.

James crossed the hall very quietly and pushed open the door to her room, stepping inside and closing the door with a quiet click.

"Did you forget how to knock?" a light voice called, laughing gently as he turned around.

Lily wasn't on the bed, she was standing in the entrance to her bathroom wrapped in her dressing gown. James noticed her hair was wet, and her skin flushed; she looked incredibly sexy.

"That doesn't match," he teased, pointing to the khaki trousers she had on underneath the bathrobe.

"No, it doesn't, does it?" She mused, running her fingers through her hair. "I was having trouble finding a shirt, and this had to suffice since you entered unannounced," she teased back, walking over to him and tracing her finger down his jaw line and under his chin before walking to her closet.

James grinned. "Sorry… would you like me to leave?"

"No, actually; I was hoping you could help me," she replied, her voice growing quiet as she blushed. "I can't reach properly to put this stuff on my back," she said, holding up a vial of lotion that Madam Pomfrey had given her. "And I think I'm probably going to have trouble getting a shirt on…" she explained, trailing off and biting her lip as she looked in her dresser.

"Does it still hurt?" James asked, walking forward and turning her around. He gently pulled her hair out of the way and tugged at the dressing gown, pulling it off her shoulder when she released it. "Maybe you should go back to the hospital," he said in a concerned voice.

"No… no, I want to avoid that if possible," she replied in a shaky voice, taking the robe off her shoulders and wrapping it around her front to hide herself as much as possible. She had put a bra on, but it would have to be undone to completely cover the scar with the healing lotion Madam Pomfrey had given her. "Do you mind? I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she whispered, turning shyly over her shoulder.

James shook his head and guided her over to the bed, taking the lotion from her hand and putting a few drops into his palm. "Never, in a million years, could you make me uncomfortable," he said, smirking as she smiled gently.

James unclasped her bra and spread the thick cream over the skin of her back, slowly and carefully to avoid causing her any discomfort. He was elated to be touching her, her soft skin under his fingers and the clean smell of her all around him again. Valiantly ignoring the other feelings stirring deep within his core, James admonished himself for thinking so boyishly at a time when she needed a gentleman. Still though, the way her back arched when he moved his hands to her slender waist, the long curve of her neck, and line of her shoulders bared for his eyes only was arousing beyond anything he could have imagined. Nothing could be done for it; she was flawless, and he was a seventeen year old boy, desire was an expected part of his job description. But he needn't act on it yet.

When the lotion had been absorbed by her skin, James re-hooked the clasps of her bra together (internally laughing at how ironic it was that he was putting her clothes back _on_) and sighed before leaning forward and kissing the curve between her neck and shoulder softly.

Lily's breath hitched, sparks trailing over her skin from the spot where James' lips lingered. She turned her head to glance at him shyly, smiling at his boyish smirk. She lifted her hand to his chin, guiding his lips to hers and sighing as she lay back in his arms.

James cradled her against his chest, moving his lips with hers slowly and cupping her face gently with one hand. Every part of him ached to tug the dressing gown she was clutching out of her grasp, so he could feel more of her skin beneath his fingers; but he firmly told himself that such things would have to wait. He _would_ be a gentleman with her.

"Wow, James," she said quietly when they paused for a moment. "I used to think you had no self control."

He laughed once, quirking his eye brow at her and kissing the tip of her nose. "It's developing rapidly," he whispered. "Did you want a shirt?"

"That would probably be appropriate," she whispered, blushing brightly and chewing on her lip.

James nodded, helping her to her feet and over to the closet. She pulled out a grey and red long sleeved shirt and took it off the hanger, glancing coyly at him as she discarded the robe to put it on. Lily had been right; she needed his help. As soon as her arms were overhead, pain raced through her back, though not as intense as it had been in the shower. When she gasped, James quickly pulled the bottom of the shirt down so she would not have to struggle with it.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey, just to make sure you're okay," he suggested again, worry apparent in his eyes.

"It's just when I put my arms up," she explained, straightening the shirt around and sighing deeply. "I bet in a few days I'll be fine."

James nodded, and then shook his head. "Stupid prat," he muttered thinking of Snape.

"I'd rather it was me than you," Lily said, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it.

James reached up and cupped her face, smiling when she tilted her head into the palm of his hand. "It seems we have conflicting interests," he said, smiling gently.

"Yes, it does. I bet helping me put a shirt on goes against every seventeen-year-old boy instinct you have," she teased.

James laughed. "I'm trying to be a gentleman," he explained, pulling her into his arms.

"I appreciate that," she said shyly.

James kissed the top of her head. "I'm going to have to be on my guard though, you could very well be the death of me," he teased. "Spontaneous combustion is a serious thing and - hey, where are you going?" he asked when she pulled away from him.

"Keeping you safe," she said, her voice full of mock concern.

James laughed and strode over to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her soundly on the lips. Instantly her hands came up and tangled in his hair, causing James to sigh and slide his hands to her hips, grabbing the belt loops of her trousers and pulling her close. "I'll live dangerously, thanks."

Lily grinned against his lips, and then kissed him very deeply before laying her head against his chest. "Speaking of living dangerously, we probably should go down and face the music."

"I didn't realize the choir was performing today."

"No, I meant the crowd of people who will surely harass us about last evening," she explained with a laugh.

"Ah yes, I'm sure Padfoot's curiosity is getting the better of him. He would have told Moony and Wormtail, so they're probably discussing it as well. And, of course, he would have told Julia, since I told him to go see her so she could tend to his mended rib… so she's probably concerned… and she would have told everyone who would listen… so yes, this could be dangerous," James mused.

"He did have a broken rib?" Lily asked in a worried voice.

"He's fine, Lils. Madam Pomfrey fixed him right up, and I'm sure Julia made sure he was okay… a little snogging can go a long way," he laughed.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Let's not tell them."

Lily lifted her head and looked at James curiously. "You've been publically declaring your love for me for over six months, now you're ashamed?" she asked with a pout.

"No, silly girl… you could walk into the Great Hall completely starkers and I wouldn't be ashamed," he said, kissing her softly.

"I would hope not… I don't look terrible naked."

James raised his eyebrows and coughed. "I'm… well, I'm sure you don't. I _know_ you don't… I don't have to see that to know you're…yeah…" he sputtered, laughing as she grinned at him. "Cheeky little thing, you are. But, what I was thinking is … let's not tell them, and see how long until they figure it out," he explained.

"Interesting idea, but they'd figure it out quickly with us walking around together all the time, holding hands, and snogging each other," Lily said thoughtfully.

"You want to walk around holding my hand and snogging me?"

Lily blushed, her coy manner returning as her sudden confidence disappeared. "Er… well, I mean I don't want to overwhelm you… or seem like I'm obsessive or something. But… I guess… I wouldn't mind. Despite my repeated assertions, I'm rather fond of you, James… and … well, I said that I didn't want you to walk around all puffed up, but … truthfully, I wouldn't mind having you be proud I'm your girl…"

She trailed off, staring at her hands and twisting her fingers nervously, berating herself for allowing her explanation to become so lengthy. She opened her mouth to apologize, but James surprised her by striding forward and catching her mouth in his. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet, kissing her hungrily and replaying her disjointed explanation again in his head.

James sighed with joy before setting her down, still keeping her body pressed against his as he decreased the intensity of the kiss. "You have no idea how it feels to hear you say that," he whispered.

Lily smiled. "I love you, James. I do."

James smiled again and kissed her softly. "It was just an idea, I thought it'd be funny to keep it from them just for laughs; they'd be irate when they found out, and it's amusing how they react to things," he explained. "I am proud, I'm so proud… I'm beyond proud, I'm … elated… ecstatic… a whole bunch of other words that I can't think of. You're mine… I want everyone to know that," he said.

Lily smiled. "It would be funny," she mused.

"We'd have the evenings, and free periods to sneak away… all we'd have to do is refrain from kissing or … well, since we flirt rampantly already it's not going to be that odd for me to put my arm around you," he shrugged.

"Yeah, but can you?"

"Can I what?"

"Refrain from kissing me?"

"Can _you_ refrain from kissing me?" James asked with a grin.

"Oh, if it's a contest, you know I'll win," Lily teased, leaning away from him. "I'm the queen of denial, as evidenced over the last few months."

"Yes… but now that you know what you've been missing-"

"And you know what _you've_ been missing; you did say how surprised you were at my kissing abilities, especially since I have no experience."

"Ho, ho! Now who's arrogant?" James laughed, pulling her back to him and moving to kiss her again, smirking as she dodged him.

"I'm just repeating your comment," she teased. "You'll be suffering more if you try to resist me, I wouldn't want that," she said, dodging another kiss, and then breathing very softly against his neck before pressing her lips to his clean smelling skin.

James closed his eyes and smiled, loving the sensation of her breath against his neck; his eyes popped open as she pulled away and he shook his head and looked down at Lily in shock, all his thoughts jumbled from her repeated teasing. When his senses returned, he leaned closer to her, loving her arrogant smile and the feisty look in his eyes. "Yes, but I'm like the treacle tart here… once you've had some, you always want more."

"Oh, is that so?" Lily laughed.

"I think you're underestimating _your_ desire for me," James teased.

"I think you're _over_estimating yourself," she teased. "I resisted you for over two years… what's another week or two?"

"I don't think you could last two weeks," James whispered, walking behind her and breathing lightly on her neck.

Lily shuddered, but turned over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes. "I don't think you could last a week," she said, turning loftily away from him and swinging her hair over her shoulder.

James stepped quickly around her, holding out his hand for a handshake. "Is this a bet?"

"Five galleons?"

"You're on," James said, taking her outstretched hand and shaking it before pulling her into his arms. He half expected her to push him away, but instead she yielded to his lips and sighed when he ran his hand through her now dry hair.

"You didn't even last five seconds," she teased.

"We haven't started yet, I'm just refilling my patience quota."

Lily laughed and brought her mouth back to his, for the first time taking the initiative to deepen the kiss by tracing her tongue along James' lower lip before catching it lightly between her teeth.

"Mmmmm," James groaned, smiling and shaking his head when she released him. "As long as we're alone, this is fair game?" he asked, before placing his hands on her hips and tugging her close, moving his lips to the smooth skin of her neck.

"As long as we can't be seen… yes… this is game," she breathed, tilting her head back and thinking that her new favorite thing in the world was the feel of James mouth on her throat. She whimpered slightly as he grazed his teeth along her ear lobe before moving his mouth back to hers.

"All right," James whispered, thinking that Lily had forgotten about his invisibility cloak.

"James?"

"Yes?"

"I love you," she whispered, her shyness returning suddenly.

James dropped his teasing demeanor and his gaze became soft. "And I you," he replied, taking the hand that was pressed against his cheek and kissing the inside of her wrist.

* * *

_A/N: Relieved? I know I was when I wrote this... it felt like a sigh =). Thanks so much for all your support, more is coming =)._


	22. Yours

Yours

"I'm Yours" Jason Mraz

* * *

"You don't remember the incantation?"

"No, Wormtail, I don't. I was a bit distracted by the pain from my broken rib, and panicking about James being _tortured_; I couldn't exactly focus on Snivelly's oily voice," replied Sirius angrily.

"He probably came up with it himself," said Remus, glaring over his shoulder at the table of Slytherins. They appeared to be commenting on James' missing presence and Sirius' repaired injury; Mulciber had clapped Snape on the back proudly before pointing over and mouthing "_you're next_" at the remaining Marauders. "Bastard."

Julia sat down next to Sirius at that moment, a stony expression on her face. "I found Lily. She was in her room, dressed and acting as though nothing had happened. I yelled at her until she showed me the cut; it's not bad anymore, Madam Pomfrey fixed her up really well… but I could see the line still, and she said it was sore," she explained, glaring over at Snape's figure.

"Running true to form then, is she? She must be fine if she's denying anything happened," Sirius said. "You didn't see Prongs?"

"No!" exclaimed Julia in a worried voice. "He wasn't in his room, the common room, hospital, or anywhere I checked. He's probably sneaking around under that cloak, planning his revenge," she muttered, taking a few pancakes of the stack and pouring syrup over them.

"Well, if he's planning revenge, I'd like to have a hand in it," Sirius muttered, pulling a piece of bacon off his plate and chewing it slowly. The conversation turned to different venues until they heard a faint whistling and looked up to see James strutting down toward where they were sitting.

"Mornin' Gentleman… and Lady," James grinned. He sat down next to Remus and pulled a plate in front of himself, piling strips of bacon onto one side before adding two pancakes, a few kippers, and one egg to the dish. His face was boisterous and joyful, completely the opposite of what they had expected.

Sirius paused his chewing, examining James closely with narrowed eyes. "You're _awfully_ cheerful," he noted.

"No more than usual," laughed James, snatching the remaining piece of bacon out of Sirius' hand and shoving into his grinning mouth.

Sirius observed James curiously, as did Remus, Peter and Julia. "You're _never_ this cheerful… especially not lately," Sirius pressed.

"I came up with a plan," muttered James, leaning closer to his friends and jabbing his fork toward the Slytherin table. "You see… Snape and Mulciber always hang round the greenhouses on the weekends, practicing their hexes on passing first years. I thought-"

"You thought wrong," Lily's voice said suddenly. Julia turned and gave her a curious glance, wondering how she managed to appear out of nowhere. "I don't know what you're thinking about… but don't do it," she said sternly, staring at James with her arms crossed over her chest. He gave her a curious glance as she sat down next to Julia.

"Don't do what?" asked James innocently.

"Leave them be, it's not worth it," she said sternly.

"Leave who be?"

"You know damn well _who_."

"Lily, I'm not going to-"

"Please don't… just… let them gloat and get them back later, when they aren't expecting it," she said, frowning at James. "They're going to be on guard for the next few weeks, waiting for you all to do something back… don't. Besides, I'm embarrassed enough about it as is, and-"

"Lily, you have no reason to be embarrassed," said Julia hotly. "He hexed you with some awful, probably unregistered spell. You-"

"_I_ shouldn't have been sneaking out, and I shouldn't have been jumping into fights," Lily said matter-of-factly. "And I would _appreciate it_ if my fellow head would join me in my efforts to behave going forward."

Lily gave James a poignant glance, before pulling a plate in front of herself and starting to eat. A short silence fell over the table, but then Sirius changed the subject to what the day's activities would consist of. Breakfast ended and they all walked back to the common room, not one person noticing the sly wink that Lily flashed at James over their rehearsed performance.

Throughout the day, Lily found herself pulled into deep conversations with Julia, and James into focusing on Quidditch try-outs, so it was fairly easy to pretend as though nothing had happened. Sirius kept pushing James to think of a plan for revenge upon the Slytherins, but James shook his head.

"Dumbledore's got us in that Advanced Defense class with Wallace," he said. "I'm waiting until we learn a few tricks in there. You know those prats won't be paying attention."

"Oh, all right then… you have a point," Sirius finally acquiesced. "But aren't you angry at Snape for Lily? You were livid last night."

"Of course I'm angry; I'm furious! But … I walked her back from the hospital, and she made me promise not to say a word about it. I'm trying to keep up my end of the bargain," James explained.

"Did you comfort her? She was probably in a pretty vulnerable state," Sirius pressed.

James shrugged. "I tried… but didn't get anywhere, as usual," he said sadly.

Sirius frowned. "Maybe you should-"

"I'm not giving up… she's warming to me; it's going slow, but she's warming," said James. "It'll happen."

Julia and Mary were also pressing Lily about what had happened after the incident with Snape, and chastising her for not accepting James' comfort afterward.

"I'll bet he was very sweet," Julia said.

"He was; he was very sweet. He walked me back from the hospital and made sure I was all right," Lily explained. "But… I don't want him to… I don't know… kiss me or to start saying he loves me again just because I got hurt. That's not how it works," she said.

"You are _the most_ stubborn girl I have ever met," said Mary.

"I thought you were rooting for me," said Lily curiously.

"I _am_! I'm rooting for you to get off your arse and get some snogging done. And James Potter is your best bet," said Mary.

Julia laughed but Lily scoffed. "Jeez, Mary… I'd have thought that as my _friend_ you'd want me to have a little more meaning behind a kiss."

"I do… James means it, that doesn't mean you have to," she shrugged.

Lily sighed and Julia let her giggles subside. "She does mean it, that's the thing… she wants him."

"No I-"

"Oh, _come off it_, Lils!" shouted Julia, causing everyone in the common room to look over. Lily smacked her hard on the shoulder. "Don't give me that look… I see how you look at him; I see how you react when he touches you. Why are you _still_ in denial?"

"Will you keep your voice down?" hissed Lily, noticing James watching her and smirking as he ruffled his hair. He pulled out a galleon from his pocket and flicked it in the air, flashing a smug wink at her before turning back to his friends. Lily steeled herself and put on a stony face as she looked at Julia. "I'm not in denial, all right? I feel _something_ for him… something intense. But I don't know what to do with it," she said, trying to refrain from laughing at his cocky expression.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Julia said with a laugh. "It's not a complex process."

"It's a complex feeling."

"You like James, James likes you… lips meet, kissy, kissy… next thing you know he's in your knickers, and you're running to me for advice," teased Julia, dodging Lily's attempt to swat her again.

"You're horrid… why don't you run along and _practice_ with Sirius? That way when I do need advice you can actually give me some," spat Lily.

Sirius perked up at the sound of his name, shouting at them across the common room. "Only good things about me, please; I have a reputation to uphold, you know."

Julia smirked and flashed him a sly wink before nodding toward the portrait hole. Lily shook her head. "I _could_ make you stay here," she said to Julia.

"But you won't," said Julia and Mary at the same time, watching Sirius' figure retreat out the door. Julia stood up, giving Lily an excited smile as she fluffed her hair and walked out behind him.

Lily waited up until Julia returned three hours later, grinning uncontrollably. Lily rolled her eyes as Julia bid her good night and headed up to her dormitory. Seeing Julia walk by, so happy after her session of whatever-it-was with Sirius, made Lily suddenly feel very lonely. She walked upstairs to the separate hallway between her and James' room, eyeing his door curiously.

"Wrong door, Evans," Sirius' voice called from a few steps below her.

"I wasn't going in," she told him, though her face colored as he grinned up at her. "I was just going to ask him a question about duty tomorrow."

"_Right_," Sirius said.

Lily scoffed and opened her door, bidding Sirius goodnight before shutting it loudly behind her. She hadn't gotten five steps in when James suddenly seized her from behind, clasping his hand over her mouth to prevent her from crying out.

"Shhh… it's me," he whispered, releasing her and spinning her around to face him in one swift moment.

"Merlin's - James, you can't do that! You scared me half to-"she began to explain, but her objections were silenced by his mouth crashing against hers. Lily sighed and relented to the sanctity of his arms, allowing James to kiss her deeply. She traced her tongue against his lips and smiled shyly when he paused.

James groaned; this was much harder than he ever thought it would be. All day long he had wanted to shout to everyone that she was his; to kiss her and hold her hand as they walked from place to place. But he also felt cheeky, and wanted her to long for him the way he had for her for so long, so he decided to play it cool. "Rough day?" he asked, tugging softly on her lower lip with his teeth.

"Not until about ten minutes ago," she said.

"Seeing Julia come back all giddy was hard on you?"

"A bit, mostly because I'm tired and she was going to bed… I missed my bed," teased Lily.

"Oh, well then I'll not keep you from it," replied James.

Lily smirked, grabbing the collar of his shirt when he backed away. "My bed is not the same without a pillow," she whispered, dragging him backwards toward her four-poster and pulling him down next to her.

"Oh, a pillow, am I? I always had high expectations for myself."

Lily chuckled and cuddled next to James, closing her eyes as his fingers threaded their way through her hair. "Well, you've reached the peak of the pillow pyramid… you're officially my favorite," she said, kissing his neck. They talked quietly for a few moments, and kissed each other deeply before falling asleep together for the second time.

Sunday was also easy for them to get through, still pretending that nothing out of the ordinary had happened between them. Their audacious flirting did get a little worse, with both of them poking jabs and making inside jokes toward the other, but not one of their friends seemed to notice; it seemed they had gotten used to the fact that Lily and James were destined to dance around their feelings for each other rather than act upon them.

As the school week began, both Lily and James stepped up their efforts to make the other person cave to end the bet. Monday morning, James had suggested whoever conceded to the wager had to kiss the other in front of a group to mark the end of the contest.

"The initiator of the kiss loses the bet," he said, smirking as she frowned. When they were alone, Lily had started to become more expressive in her desire for him. James noticed that, though he was the one who typically initiated their kisses, she tended to lose control if he teased or prolonged the moment of contact. It was at these times he was surprised and elated to discover the feisty side of her was more prominent than ever imagined.

"I've only seen glimpses before," he sputtered one evening after she had leapt into his arms and knocked him onto his bed. He brushed her hair from her face and sighed fervently into her mouth.

She had been kissing him fiercely, straddled atop his waist, but ceased and adjusted herself into a more appropriate position when he trailed his hands over her backside. "Does it bother you?" she asked sheepishly.

"No! Merlin's beard, no. I'm amused by it… you never cease to amaze me," whispered James, rolling onto his side and pulling her close.

"Yes… well… for some, reason you breathing down my neck tends to bring that out," said Lily. "I'm not sure why… I feel like I'm overreacting; like I shouldn't be so … exuberant. I'm so-"

"Don't apologize," James said with a laugh. "Bring on the exuberance… you're not overreacting. I do it on purpose because I _love_ the reaction. Trust me, Lils, I can handle anything you've got," he teased.

"Can you, now?"

James quirked an eyebrow, angling his body over top of hers and trailing his hand down her waist; Lily shuddered. "Try me."

Lily laughed, kissing him quickly before sitting up and composing herself. "Don't worry, I will," she teased.

Where James knew exactly how to cause Lily to lose control of her behavior, Lily knew what drove James mad as well. He loved her touch, how she could be feisty and controlling one minute, completely pliable and relenting the next. He loved the sound of her voice, the feel of her lips, and the fact that she was his. He tried to refrain from admitting it, not wanting to scare her away or make her feel as though he was trying to own her, but she knew he was overjoyed that she finally wanted him, and him only.

"There are at least five blokes in this castle that watch you, dreaming they could be doing this. I know how that feels, I know how bad they want you," he was telling her one evening as he massaged Madam Pomfrey's lotion into her skin. "Especially Linghold. I know it's arrogant and stupid, but… I can't wait to see his face when he finds out that you picked me, and I get to come up here and do this," he said, squeezing her shoulders gently before trailing his fingers down her back.

"And this," Lily said, leaning back and kissing him softly before pulling her shirt back down to cover her torso. The muscles of her back no longer hurt; and unless James examined closely, he couldn't tell where the curse had cut her so horribly.

"And of course that," James laughed. "When are you going to give in?" he asked in a slightly pitiful voice.

"Not anytime soon; this was your idea, remember?" she teased. "You can always concede."

"Oh, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve," he said. "You know you want me, just give in."

"I still think I have the upper hand," Lily whispered, leaning close and brushing her lips against James' throat. "You want me more."

They had officially made it one week through the bet, none of their friends had a clue that they were sneaking to the other's room each night to kiss each other passionately, talk for a few hours, and finally fall asleep in each other's arms. Other than Julia noticing Lily was abnormally tired, and James' friends noticing that he didn't always respond as quickly to their notes as he previously had, they hadn't the faintest clue.

That changed the second week of school. On Monday, Lily found Potions to be a relentless exercise in self control. James purposely forgotten his potions book and sat down next to her, requesting they share the text. She hadn't had time to prepare herself for his close proximity, and realized then just how irresistible he was to her.

"Sorry, Lily," said James, trying in vain to restrain his laughter. "I just can't see very well; I must need new glasses," he explained, pulling them off and cleaning them on his robes.

Lily sighed and shook her head; all through class he'd been leaning over her shoulder, breathing very lightly against her skin as he read. His breath tickled her neck and ears, and it didn't help that he kept ruffling his hair as he read, knowing how attached she was to the scent of him. James had even gone as far as whispering the text aloud, right into Lily's ear, knowing it drove her insane. It wasn't that she wanted to throw herself at him and kiss him relentlessly (though the thought did cross her mind), it was more that she simply wanted to lay her head against his chest, and for him to rest his arm around her waist, the way he did when they walked alone together.

"I suppose it's good that Hogsmeade weekend is getting closer," she said lightly, ignoring his smirks in her direction. "You'll have to get that taken care of."

"Yes, I need to make sure I can see things coming. I keep bumping into people lately," he mused, thinking of how she had purposely ran into him earlier, snuggling against him briefly before apologizing and running away, leaving him longing to touch her.

"I thought walking would be easier if you were _alert_," she teased.

James quirked an eyebrow at her, shaking his head and laughing at the way she kept her eyes glued to her cauldron.

"What kind of _alert_ are you meaning here, Evans?" asked Sirius suddenly. He and Remus were watching the two of them very curiously, identical bemused expressions on their faces.

"Just… alert; awake, uplifted, upright, ready for action…would you like me to go on?" she asked.

James coughed and shifted uncomfortably in his robes, watching Remus chuckle at him. Sirius tilted his head and stared at James curiously. "No, that won't be necessary," he said, narrowing his eyes but returning to his potion.

In Defense Against The Dark Arts, they had been working on advanced shield charms and other defensive maneuvers. Lily hadn't had any trouble before, but today she was finding it hard to concentrate.

"You're not standing right," said Julia. "You're standing like your hexing someone, not like you're being defensive. Here, watch," she explained, turning her body to the side and holding her arm out very rigid in front of her.

Mary, who was practice partner, raised her wand and a jet of water came out of it. Water, Professor Bill Wallace had said, was the best way to practice the advanced shield charm since it closely resembled how curses reacted when they hit the defense. The spell they were working on would allow them to control any object or spell coming their way; they could chose to transfigure it into another form, or dispel it away from them completely. Wallace said the most common use for this charm was in extensive battles that required constant maneuvering or blocking several jinxes at once.

"_Sententia_!" shouted Julia, holding her wand stiffly in front of her. When the water approached, it splattered like it had hit a wall, but Julia was able to wave her wand and form the liquid into an orb. She bent her extended arm, shaping the other one around it like she was going to push something away. She threw her arms forward with a quiet grunt of effort; the water changed to feathers and dispersed, floating softly to the floor.

"Well done, Miss Tottleham," Professor Wallace boomed. "I suggest using something other than feathers in battle, but that was an excellent deflection; ten points to Gryffindor."

Julia nodded then turned to Lily. "I don't know how I did that…" she whispered.

"It worked correctly. I thought it was excellent," Lily replied.

"No, not that… the feathers… I have no idea how I did that," she explained. Lily laughed and turned to face Samantha from Ravenclaw.

"Ready?" Samantha called.

"Yup," said Lily, holding out her wand as Julia had done.

"No she's not," said James' voice. He strode away from Sirius and moved over toward Lily, who glanced at him curiously. "Here," James said, taking Lily's wrist in his hand and placing the other on her waist, turning her sideways so her back was against his chest. "Stronger… hold yourself up stronger," he murmured quietly, his lips right at her ear.

Lily inhaled sharply, fighting to keep her eye lids from fluttering closed. "How do you mean?" she said in a stern voice.

"Just… stronger. Shoulders down, brace yourself," he explained, placing his hand lightly against her stomach. "Hold your arm out strongly; not like that, more aggressive…" he said, watching as she purposely let her muscles go slack.

"_Stiffer_, perhaps?" she asked, allowing him to pull her body flush against his. "Or would _rigid_ be a more appropriate word?"

James' breath hitched, and he exhaled very slowly when she arched into him ever so slightly. Lily was much more creative at finding ways to torture him than he gave her credit for. Not wanting to acquiesce to their wager just yet, he stepped away and grinned at her. "Yes… now you've got it."

"As do you," she muttered, smirking as he adjusted his robes while walking away. "Go, Sam!"

The water sprayed at Lily, and without a word she gathered it into a ball similar to the way Julia had done, but instead of transforming it, she simply pulled it very close to her and vanished it almost to nothing.

"Well done, Miss Evans! Well done, another ten points!" Professor Wallace shouted, motioning for everyone to continue. James gave her an appraising nod, grinning wildly as Lily examined her empty hands and flashed him a brilliant smile.

When they exited the lesson, James hung back until the remainder of the students had left, muttering something about not being able to find his Transfiguration book. When Professor Wallace turned away, he quickly pulled his invisibility cloak out and threw it over himself, dashing out the door and carefully migrating his way through the crowd of students.

Lily was walking with Julia, who would notice if James suddenly snatched her away; but luck was watching out for him that afternoon. Sirius suddenly caught up with the pair and swept Julia away into their secret meeting place, leaving Lily alone rolling her eyes as she walked toward her next lesson, which would begin in ten minutes.

James moved quickly until he was just behind her, wordlessly casting a silencing charm on her before lifting the cloak and pulling her underneath it with him. He could tell that Lily had cried out, but she laughed silently as he pulled her into a deserted corridor and kissed her soundly, his arms wrapping around her and lifting her off the ground.

When her lips were free for a moment, Lily struggled and grabbed her wand from her robes, flicking it at herself to remove his silencing charm. "You _lose_, James," she said in a triumphant whisper.

"Ah ah… not yet," he said, moving his lips toward hers before she could say anything else. He expected her to protest, but she sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck as he set her back on her feet. James pressed her up against the stone wall, grinning to himself when she wrapped one leg around his and pulled him closer to her.

"How so?" she asked in a barely audible whisper. "There are students passing and-"

"Yes… but they can't _see_ us," he said, shaking his cloak lightly. "They have to _see_ us… and you said at the very beginning, that as long as no one could _see_ us, this was fair game," he explained, kissing her fiercely again for a moment before trailing his lips across her cheek and down to her neck. His hands tugged at the fabric of her shirt, sliding them underneath gently until his fingers were touching the soft skin of her stomach and back.

Lily sighed, a little louder than she had intended, and closed her eyes. She allowed James to kiss and nip at her neck and collar bones for a moment, but then pulled his mouth back to hers and kissed him slowly. "Cheater," she muttered, giving him a playful frown.

"Just ensuring my odds," he whispered, thinking to himself she was sure to cave before the end of the day.

"Hmmm… still overestimating yourself," she replied, pushing him away and adjusting her shirt before pulling her cloak more surely around her shoulders. "We need to get to class," she said sadly.

"Yes… Transfiguration is calling," he replied. James looked around the hallway, making sure it was clear before swooping in and kissing Lily very quickly and pulling the cloak off them with a flourish. He walked off chuckling, looking over his shoulder as she followed in his wake. She suddenly walked to the somewhat concealed door of classroom eleven.

"Oy!" she shouted, banging very loudly on the door. "You want my help with Transfiguration, Julia, you'd _better_ show up to class!" she shouted, laughing at the shocked cries that came from within the room before running ahead of James and down the hall.

By now their friends had started to notice something odd was going on. After dinner, Sirius, Remus, and Peter pulled James aside and interrogated him about Lily's comments and his random disappearance after Wallace's class.

"You were there… then you were gone," said Sirius. "Then, Lily comes knocking on our door-"

"'_Our'_ door?" James asked with a laugh. "Because you've shagged Julia all over the room it's suddenly _your_ door?"

"Shut up!" Sirius said, restraining a laugh. "You're just jealous because you aren't shagging Lily all over that room. Anyway, then we come out and she's gone, and you're standing like a dolt in the hallway. _You_ were out of breath… like _you'd_ just got done snogging someone," he continued, giving James an all too knowing look.

"You look like your jealous because I haven't snogged you, Padfoot," James laughed, leaning away from Sirius.

"Plus, you haven't responded to our notes," Peter suddenly piped up. "I know you're getting them, I placed a tracing charm-"

"Bloody hell, Wormtail, I'm at the top of the hall; come knock on my door if you want to talk about full moon or who I'm letting on the Quidditch team," scoffed James.

"You're not the only one acting funny," added Remus, who was smirking as James face colored. "Lily was really breathless when we met for my potion the other night. She said she had run all the way, but I found it strange. She also was very _nice_ about you," he said.

"_Nice_ about me?" asked James curiously.

"Yes… she actually talked to me about you. Said you'd been really sweet this year, and she was flustered by all your attention, as usual; but she talked. Usually she avoids it completely."

Sirius perked up. "What's going on? Did you guys agree to go on a date?"

"No… I haven't asked her. Hogsmeade isn't for another month, where am I going to take her?" James asked.

"Classroom eleven?" Sirius suggested.

"Yes, she'll be game for that. '_Hey Lils, want to go shag where Sirius and Julia have been sneaking off to?_" James replied, rolling his eyes.

"You're shagging Lily?" Julia's light voice suddenly asked.

"No, of course not."

"That's not what she says," Julia pressed.

James coughed and shook his head. "Well, she's lying… we haven't done anything like that."

"But you've done _something_…" Julia continued.

"I didn't say that."

"Hmmm… I agree with your mates, James. You've been acting very odd lately. Happy."

"Happy? Now I'm getting harped on for acting _happy_?"

"Not just _happy_… a bit strange if you ask me; If you're still pining over Lils, you're awfully cheerful about it… quite the change from last year," mused Julia, turning back to her book.

"She's acknowledging me. We've been talking a lot when we're on duty. I'm planning on asking her out, but I want to make sure I do it right… I want to take her somewhere nice," said James, trying to think quickly on his feet to prevent them from figuring anything out.

"Well, let us know how that goes. I'm off to bed," said Julia. She began to walk away but Sirius grabbed her, pulling her across his lap and kissing her soundly. Several people in the common room wolf whistled as he released her, smacking her bum as she walked away from him, blushing.

"Back to your work, nosy sods," Sirius shouted to the room at large, chuckling lightly at the giggles that were still echoing around him. He turned to James and grinned wickedly. "You should try kissing Lily like that sometime… quit pussy-footing around." James scowled as his three friends erupted into laughter.

Julia walked quickly up to her room, but paused on the landing and looked around her. She felt like someone was watching her, and she was right; Lily had seated herself at the top of the stairs and was chewing her lip nervously as she watched Julia.

"All right, Lils?"

"Can you help me with something?" asked Lily very quietly.

"Sure," said Julia, following Lily to her room and shutting the door behind her.

Thursday was Lily's hardest day for classes; she had all her required courses, Care of Magical Creatures, and it was her day to watch over the students who stayed in the Great Hall during a free period. Top this all off with dodging curious questions from her friends, who had started to suspect something was going on between her and James, she was very tired and ready for the week to be over by the end of the day.

James teased her for running true to form and refusing to concede to losing their bet. When he met up with her Thursday night, she was still trying to finish up a very detailed essay for Slughorn.

"You know he'll give you full credit as is," James said. "Just leave it."

"No… I want to earn it. I'm almost done anyway."

James nodded and began playing with her hair, thinking about how much his life had changed in such a short period of time. The past two weeks had been glorious, amazing; everything he could have ever wanted from life. As Lily put her parchment away and crawled into his arms, he kissed her forehead lightly and stroked her back.

"You sure you don't want to just concede?" he asked.

"Not a chance," she replied sleepily.

James gave her a mock frown and she rolled her eyes. "You don't love me," he said, trying not to laugh as her mouth popped open and she glared at him.

"Prat… this was your idea," she replied before chewing on his shoulder. James erupted with laugher and tried to push her away, but she clung to him and dug her fingers into his sides. "I didn't know you were tickling; this is payback," she teased, laughing as he yelped and tried to get her hands away from him.

He finally managed to grab her wrists and gain the upper hand, pushing her on her back and catching his breath while she grinned up at him. "Two can play that game… concede," he said.

"Now THAT is cheating!" she shouted, her voice breaking with laughter. "You can't tickle me and force me to concede to the bet!"

"Who said anything about tickling you?" he teased, releasing her hands and kissing her very sweetly. He nuzzled his face against her neck, breathing in her sweet scent and shuddering when her hands tangled into his hair.

"James?"

"Lily?"

"I love you," she whispered, closing her eyes when he kissed her neck.

James smiled and cuddled closer to her, brushing her tangled hair from her face before cradling her against his chest. "I love you, my Lily," he whispered, closing her eyes and letting the feeling of her body against his lull him to sleep.

The following morning, James let Lily sleep instead of waking her up before he went to breakfast. He knew she would probably be running late when she did wake up, so he snuck her a few pieces of toast and a muffin, leaving it in front of her door before heading off to class.

Lily opened her door to see the muffin and toast setting on a small plate, a brief note was attached to it.

"_You're skinny enough… I can't have you wasting away; I'd miss your curves. Love, Prongs_."

Lily smiled and quickly ate her small breakfast, blushing as she re-read James' note again and again and feeling slightly guilty for what she was about to do to win the bet. She tucked the note away quickly as Julia's footsteps echoed up the stairs; her slightly bemused expression appearing behind a pile of clothes that she was carrying. Lily opened the door to her room and allowed her inside.

"So… explain to me what's going on?" asked Julia, sighing heavily as she set the pile of various items down on Lily's floor.

"James is acting… funny," she said quietly.

"So you've noticed," Julia chuckled, giving Lily a curious glance.

"Yes… he's not… he's not flirting with me as much. And when I tease him, he doesn't respond like he used to. He used to get all excited, and now he writes it off," she said quickly. Julia's eyes went from curious to sad in an instant. "Does he still like me?"

"Oh, Lils, I think so. He was talking about you the other night… he's waiting to ask you out until Hogsmeade weekend," Julia said reassuringly. "You could ask him sooner."

"I can't do that… I've been denying I feel anything for him for so long… it would be so embarrassing," Lily blushed. "Can you … can you just help me put together something that will get his attention?"

"Lils, you can get his attention if you just-"

"Yeah, but this will get me attention from _other_ people. He can't stand that… he gets so jealous. And If he still gets jealous… I'll know he still likes me, and then I can ask him out… or suggest he ask me out," Lily said matter-of-factly.

Julia gave Lily another curious glance. "I thought you were against bating him…"

"Jules… at this point I'm so embarrassed that everyone was right about me, I've lost all my morals," she laughed, thinking about how unscrupulous she was being in her attempt to win a simple bet.

Julia smirked. "Well, I can guarantee you James will get jealous if Max pays attention to you. And they both like legs, and your bum… so let's see here," Julia said, digging through the pile for an older black skirt.

Sirius was flicking a gobstone back and forth between him and Remus, smirking as James watched the door anxiously. "Julia's late… and Lily never misses class… what'd you do to her, Prongs?" asked Sirius, watching James flick his head toward the door.

"I didn't do anything," replied James, biting his lip and turning his eyes back to his friends silly game. "She'll be here… maybe she over slept or something. Or maybe Julia made them both late because you decided you needed a shag this morning..." he muttered, causing Sirius and Remus both to laugh.

Just then Bertram Aubrey, who had refrained from acknowledging Lily in any way since she had poured a drink on his pants, let out a low whistle. Linghold and Rollingsfield, who were sitting at the table with him, glanced at him curiously before looking up.

"Damn…," Linghold muttered before letting out a low whistle and a short laugh. "Merlin's fucking pants… look at-"

"Watch your mouth," James spat at him as his eyes caught the sight they were remarking on; though he had to admit, he agreed wholeheartedly with their sentiments.

Julia normally dressed to flaunt her figure; not in a provocative way, but in a way she knew would attract just enough attention. Lily did not; James knew for a fact that she preferred to remain unnoticed for her figure and acknowledged instead for her intelligence, wit, and kindness.

But both girls today for some reason had decided that attention was what they needed. Julia and Lily were wearing identical, yet opposite, outfits. Both had on the required skirt, but James wondered if they had dug through their closet and got out an older one for it was much, _much,_ shorter than the ones they had been wearing. Julia had on a red jumper with a white blouse underneath, it was opened slightly at the top and revealed her collarbones and a hint of cleavage.

Lily's white blouse was fitted tightly against her. It clung delicately to the curve of her waist and barely hung over the top of her skirt; her grey jumper had been removed and was hanging over her bag. The required tie they were to wear was hung around her neck; she hadn't even bothered tying it together, and the top two buttons of her blouse were undone. She was chatting lightly with Julia, as though this were an everyday occurrence and nothing was out of the ordinary.

James swallowed as she sat down, noticing that the grey stockings she was wearing sat just above her knees. She sat up tall and crossed her legs, causing the skirt she was wearing ride dangerously high up her legs. When Slughorn walked in, she reached into her bag and pulled out her cloak, pulling it over her shoulders to appear more appropriate for class.

"You're looking spectacular today, Julia," Sirius told her, letting his eyes travel hungrily over her before they began working on their potion assignment for the day. "And Lily… you're looking marvelous as well. Doesn't she look _marvelous_, Prongs?"

James nodded, trying as hard as he could to not look at Lily, knowing he would not resist putting his arm around her or leaning over to kiss her quickly. Linghold walked over by their table, faking that he was asking Samantha, who was sitting abnormally close to Remus, a question. James frowned as he saw the Ravenclaw prefect eyeing Lily eagerly, though Lily didn't seem to notice. Linghold leaned against the table, his eyes traveling over Lily's legs before he shuddered visibly. James' blood was boiling.

"James, you didn't by chance grab my laundry, did you?" Lily asked quietly, distracting James from the hex he was considering firing across the table at the obnoxious boy who was visually undressing _his_ Lily.

"What? Oh…erm… no?" he said, risking a glance at her. She had a concerned expression on her face as she stared at him, twirling her hair absentmindedly while she chewed on her lip, which was wet and shining between her perfect teeth. James felt a rush of desire, wanting nothing more than to her brush her hair out of her face and pull her mouth against his. He had to physically restrain himself by grasping the table with his hands.

"Odd… I didn't have any of my newer clothes this morning, I had to wear some of my older things. I don't look… awful, do I?" she asked coyly.

"I don't think you look bad, Lils," Linghold replied instantly, and too readily for James' liking. "You-"

"She didn't ask for your opinion, Linghold," snapped James. Linghold made a face, but winked at Lily before heading back to his table. Sirius and Remus sniggered loudly while Julia whispered something to Sam, who flashed Lily an amused glance. Lily ignored them, keeping her eyes fixed on James' expression. "I assume you're asking me from a Head Boy stance?" he asked.

"Yes… that and I don't want _you_ to think I look bad," she said very quietly. "I couldn't care less about what everyone else thinks, as long as _you_ think I'm okay," Lily breathed, leaning closer to James and tossing her hair over her shoulder.

James swallowed as the scent of her hair floated past him. He allowed his eyes to travel the same path that Aubrey, Linghold's and Rollingsfield's had been all class. "I think you look brilliant… perfect."

"Thanks," Lily replied with a beaming smile.

Remembering he had to put on a performance, James tried as hard as he could to regain his normal swagger. "I remember the last time you dressed like this, you asked me to be your bodyguard," he mused, leaning very close to her, and breathing in deeply.

"Yes, that I did," Lily chuckled. "Is your going rate still one galleon an hour?" she asked, holding up a coin.

James smirked, reaching forward and pushing it back into her hand. "For you, it's free."

"Ahem!" Sirius' suddenly coughed, much to Remus' and Julia's amusement. "Why don't we get some work done kids…"

Lily wrenched her hand from James' grasp and went back to working, blushing slightly but grinning at him out of the corner of her eye.

Classes progressed in that manner until their after Charms. It was James' turn to watch over the students who had a free period and chose to study in the Great Hall. To his amusement and slight annoyance, Lily had refrained from making snarky comments to the numerous boys who flirted with her, preferring to sit back and look uncomfortable until James interceded on her behalf when they became too aggressive for his liking. Sirius was amused, and kept praising Lily's efforts to make James uncomfortable.

"Sirius?" Julia asked in a mischievous voice.

"Yes?"

"Doesn't Lily have nice legs?" she mused, biting her lip to stifle her giggles as James narrowed his eyes.

Sirius caught Julia's bait and ran with it. "Well… if you don't mind my saying, she does. I completely agree. They're absolutely fantastic… if I weren't so fond of yours, I'd be spending a lot of time imagining-"

"Enough," James said coldly, glaring at them both before turning back to the front of the hall to watch for his secret girlfriend. "What's up with the outfits?"

"Lily knows how to get to you, that's what's up," Sirius chuckled, leaning back in his chair and clasping his hands behind his head. James kicked his chair forward so it landed on all four legs with a loud bang, causing Sirius to laugh even louder. "Exerting your _authority_ over me? Exert yourself over Lily, she _wants_ it," he mused.

"I'm a gentleman, Padfoot; just because Julia and you got together out of pure randiness does not mean Lily wants me to act that way," he replied loftily.

"No, not at all," Julia mused sarcastically. "She just likes the attention from _everyone_."

"Julia… really… what's up with the clothing? Lily never dresses like that. What is she playing at?" asked James, giving Julia a curious glance. Had Lily told her what was going on and asked her for help?

Julia frowned. "Okay… really? She told me she felt like you hadn't been flirting with her as much… and it made her sad. So she _is_ purposely trying to get your attention… cause she likes you... but now she's worried that you don't like her, so she was checking to see if you'd get jealous and-"

James threw his head back and laughed. "_Oh ho_… she thinks that I don't like her, huh?"

"Yeah, that's what she said. I told you you've been acting odd… she's noticed too," Julia snapped, frowning over James' sudden smug behaviour.

James laughed again, finally acquiescing that he'd lost the bet. He wasn't sure if Lily really felt that way, or was merely saying that so Julia would loan her clothes. Either way, their friends were questioning him more than her, and James knew he wouldn't last the remainder of the day if he had to watch everyone flirt with Lily the way they had been while he stood and watched.

He shook his head at his friends curious glances and continued to gaze toward the front of the hall. James didn't know where she was, but he knew that someone else's eyes were travelling over her figure, and it made his blood boil. He'd been able to resist publically claiming her for almost two weeks, attempting to satiate his desire for her in the few hours when they were alone, but it was no longer enough. He'd lost; he couldn't stand the other boys looking at her and thinking they could have her for their own; nor could he stand the thought of her thinking he didn't want her with every single cell in his body.

James glanced over at Julia, who was glaring at him with a fierce expression. "Julia… don't' give me that look. Of course I still like her. Lily is a clever girl… sneaky, _cunning_… wonderful, brilliant, adorable, sexy, beautiful, breath-"

"For Merlin's sake, _enough_!" laughed Sirius. "We all know what you think of her! And it's pretty obvious she wants you to do something about it; so what are you going to do?"

Almost as if on cue, Lily walked in the doors to the Great Hall. She hadn't even gotten past the first row of students when she was caught by Linghold, who proceeded to turn around and talk to her about something or other, his eyes traveling over her figure hungrily. Lily was trapped by his conversation, nervously twisting her fingers and biting her lip as her eyes flickered to James' figure at the front of the room. She had replaced her sweater, but it did little to distract from the way her skirt fluttered around her legs. Several younger boys leaned away from their tables to stare at her, reminding James of dogs drooling over a biscuit.

"She wins," he muttered quietly, jumping to his feet and ignoring the questioning looks from his friends. He strode quickly down the center aisle, straight to where she was standing.

"… should come with us, Lily; I haven't talked to you in ages. What else are you going to be doing?" Linghold was asking as James approached.

"Er…"

"She'll be monitoring student behavior, with _me_," said James, giving Linghold a stern glance.

"Since when do the Head Boy and Head Girl monitor behavior on Hogsmeade visits?" asked Linghold skeptically.

"Since now," said James, turning his eyes back to Lily. "Evans, I need to run off for a minute… would you mind keeping an eye on the hall?"

"Of course not, Potter. Might I ask where you are headed?"

"Just up to the common room; I forgot my transfiguration book up there," he said matter-of-factly.

"Will you come back?" she whispered, biting her lip and twisting her hands behind her back.

James laughed and shook his head, nothing the laughter she was fighting back as he looked her over. "'Course I'll come back; I owe someone five galleons from a bet, I have to pay up," he said, stepping beside her so he was in full view of the room. James smirked as Lily's lips press together in her effort not to laugh at him; he stepped very close to her. "You win," he breathed.

James snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him, causing her to gasp slightly. He laced his fingers through her hands that were still behind her back before tilting his head and pressing his lips to hers firmly. She released her hands from his and tangled them in his hair, feeling her knees buckle as his tongue traced against hers with the softest of pressure. The room grew quiet very quickly.

"_It's about bloody time_!" shouted Sirius, breaking the silence and causing sniggers to erupt throughout the hall. He stood up on the table and started clapping loudly, and was soon joined in by the rest of the Mauraders, Julia, and several other onlookers. James kept his eyes closed as he kissed Lily, lifting her off her feet and twirling her once before releasing her.

Lily's knees felt weak as James set her back down. She knew her face was flushed with color, but she didn't care. The feeling of him holding her, claiming her, acknowledging that she was his, was more wonderful than she had ever imagined; though she did question her judgment on agreeing to kiss him in public as the sound of wolf whistles and cheers filled her ears.

James leaned down and kissed her quickly again, squeezing her waist and ruffling her hair playfully. "I'll be right back," he whispered before turning to the rest of the students. "Back to work, nosy gits," he said, causing the whole hall to erupt with laughter.

Lily stood at the front of the room and pressed her lips together, smiling to herself at Max's bewildered expression. She started to walk quickly to the front of the Hall, ignoring the whistles and cat calls that were hurled her way. Julia was beaming next to Sirius, Mary looked shocked, and Sam was laughing and walking over to their table.

"That was amazing!" said Sam, putting her arm around Lily's shoulder and hugging her tightly.

"That was _not_ your first kiss!" shouted Julia, slamming her hands on the table and attempting to give Lily a furious glare. Lily shook her head, blushing even brighter as Sirius laughed. "You tricked me! You - when did - I can't _believe_ you didn't tell me!"

"I can't believe Prongs held out on us," Sirius said to Remus and Peter, all of whom were grinning at Lily with an equal amount of amusement.

"You look like you need a chair," laughed Remus, pulling one over and pushing it at Lily's swaying figure.

"Yes… thanks," she muttered sheepishly.

"When did that happen?" asked Peter in an amused voice.

"Second day back," Lily admitted.

"After the fight?" asked Sirius.

"Yes… after the Patronus, after your little motorcycle excursion, and after the fight," she explained.

"Why the long wait on telling everyone?"

"_James_ thought it would be funny to hide it and see how long it took you guys to figure it out. But then it turned into who could hold out the longest on telling someone. He was convinced if he blew on my neck and whispered to me all the time I'd give in and snog him… I told him he was betting on the wrong girl," she laughed.

"You cheated, though," replied Sirius sternly. "Look at how you're dressed… you know how jealous he gets."

"Well, he was whispering to me all the time, and catching me under that damn cloak in the hallways and-"

"You were _snogging_ in the _hallways_?" asked Julia scandalously, causing Mary and Sam to laugh.

"Don't act like you're above me; you've been doing more scandalous things in the empty class room!"

"Yes, but that was ages ago… no one would be shocked to find that out. You hadn't ever been kissed, and now he's got you snogging him in the hallways?" Julia pressed. Just then, the hall erupted with more cheers as James' figure returned. He strutted down the hallway, waving his hands and bowing several times. Lily laughed and rolled her eyes as he approached her, beaming wildly as he bent down and kissed her quickly.

"I said 'bugger off!'" he shouted to several students, causing sniggers to erupt again.

"James Potter… _you_ are a bad influence!" Julia teased. "What have you done to my sweet, innocent friend that she's now _snogging_ you in the hallways?"

"I did nothing… she kissed me first," he explained.

"You've corrupted her!"

"I've done nothing, she's just as pure as she was three weeks ago," James scoffed, placing his arm around Lily and grinning when she leaned against him. "And you're one to talk about corruption; look what _you've_ done to my best friend!" he said, pointing at Sirius and frowning.

"Mate, I was corrupt long before Jules ever got to me," Sirius laughed. "By the way, I'm arguing for your money… I think she cheated; you won the bet I say-"

"I did not cheat!" Lily shouted with a laugh.

"You purposely made him jealous so he'd snog you in front of everyone!" Sirius argued.

"And how is that cheating? It's not my fault he you get jealous. There weren't even any rules," Lily said, looking at James and wordlessly asking him to explain it to Sirius.

"She didn't cheat; if anything I cheated because I kissed her in the hallway under my cloak… though no one saw us, _technically,_ I caved first," he said, taking Lily's hand and pressing it to his lips. He passed five gold coins into her hand, but she protested and pushed them back into his hand.

"No, James. Yes, I won, but never had any intention of taking your money," she said shaking her head. James tried to give her the money but she clasped her hands together and refused to take it.

"Did you have intentions of paying if you lost?" Sirius asked.

"Of course," Lily scoffed, giving him a curious glance. "But I don't-"

"If she'd have lost, I wouldn't accept her money either," said James, shrugging and putting the money back into his pocket. "That's fine… I'll just use it when I take you out," he said, feeling his heart flutter wildly as Lily blushed before kissing him softly.

"I still can't believe you didn't tell me," Julia scoffed, causing everyone at the table to laugh.

* * *

_A/N: The ending scene here... that was fun to write._


	23. Expectations

Expectations

"Green Eyes" Coldplay

* * *

By the following Monday, everyone in the castle knew James Potter and Lily Evans had started going out, fueling the theory they'd be so distracted by each other, their duties would fall behind. This was not the case however.

Lily quickly became an advocate for all the Prefects who caught anyone in wrong-doing, especially when it came to claims of Slytherin house members practicing illegal curses. James on the other hand, became known for his ability to catch anyone sneaking around the castle or the grounds. Though, when he came down hard on a group of Ravenclaws for sneaking out during the full moon, he found himself subjected to vast amounts of taunting from his friends.

"Oh, I'm sure you wanted to keep them safe," Lily teased, "but you also didn't want _your_ 'play time' interrupted."

"They don't need to be sneaking out on the grounds anyway, they're up to no good," James muttered.

"Of course," Lily said, leaning over and kissing his cheek lightly. "The four of you are up to all sorts of benevolent things out there," she teased, jumping up when he moved to tackle her on the couch.

Lily had been teased relentlessly by everyone about James; though she did receive a few jealous comments about her relationship. During the first Hogsmeade visit, Felicity sat down next to Julia and Lily at the Three Broomsticks under the guise of making small talk, but she immediately began chiding Lily about her inexperience.

"I feel bad for James. I know he fancies you, but I figured once he realized you hadn't ever been kissed… or done _anything_ … I'd thought he'd get over it," she said lightly. "Course, you were probably desperate, weren't you?"

"_Desperate_?" Lily laughed, sipping at her drink. "I'm being called desperate by the girl who '_forgot'_ her knickers when you went to the Shrieking Shack with him?" she asked incredulously.

"And who says she hasn't done anything? Perhaps that has changed," said James, appearing next to Lily and putting his arm around her shoulders. He nestled his face in her hair; Lily smirked and resumed drinking her hot cocoa, watching Felicity rolled her eyes and walked away.

"_Lily_… don't hold out on me," whispered Julia, looking from James to her friend with a smirk.

"You know damn well he just said that to get her to go away," Lily chuckled as James sat down. Sirius, Peter and Remus joined them then, pulling out a deck of cards and waving them enticingly.

After a few hours of laughter in Hogsmeade, James and Lily walked back to the castle together, intending to review the Defense Against the Dark Arts homework that Wallace had assigned.

"You know, I really get nothing out of reading this," said James, as he pulled out his advanced defensive arts book and watched Lily do the same.

"I agree with you; it's useful for the essays, but for actually learning anything, I have to actually cast the spell in order understand what they feel like. And you can only do that in class," she replied, glancing over her notes.

"Not necessarily," said James thoughtfully. He ruffled his hair and grinned as she gave him a curious look. "We could practice."

Lily chuckled. "Where, exactly, can we practice that shield charm without getting into trouble?"

"Come on, I'll show you," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down the stairs. They walked to the fourth floor, stopping next to a large inconspicuous mirror. James muttered an incantation, and the mirror shifted slightly to the right, revealing a hidden door which he promptly tugged Lily through.

"Wha… how did you find this?" she asked, attempting to sound stern but it came out as more amused.

"Sneaking around with Padfoot first year," explained James, waving his wand and lighting several candles that were arranged around a wide pathway.

"Where were Remus and Peter?" asked Lily, mimicking his motions and lighting the other half of the pathway.

"Moony was, for obvious reasons, quite shy and didn't talk much for the first few months of school, let alone sneak around with us. Wormtail was always … how can I explain it without sounding arrogant…" James mused as he walked back toward her.

"He's seems a bit in _awe_ of you and Sirius," supplied Lily.

"Yes! That's exactly it," said James. "It was annoying at first, but then it grew on me – good source of food for my hungry ego," he continued, grinning when she laughed at him. "He's a good bloke, no confidence whatsoever for some reason… but he's a good bloke."

Lily nodded. "When did Remus finally come out of his shell?"

"We sort of bullied him into coming with us when we found the entrance to the kitchen; after that he started to open up. 'Course, we couldn't help noticing when he went missing those few days each month… it didn't take Sirius and me long to figure out what was going on," James explained. "And the rest, you know… and are involved in, I suppose."

"Hmmm, I feel like writing '_The Marauders: a history_' now," she teased, causing James to laugh loudly. "Why did you bring me down here?"

James' face lit up. "To practice. Hex me, and we'll play fight to get a feel for real battle," he encouraged, stepping away from her and slipping off his cloak.

Lily frowned. "I don't want to hex you… it feels wrong."

"You won't hurt me," scoffed James. "Just…try to disarm me or something; jelly-legs is always a good one. We can practice blocking jinxes and thinking on our feet… plus using offensive spells and-"

"I highly doubt that in a real battle, a jelly-legs jinx or something like that is going to help me out," she said.

"You never know. C'mon, Lils… it'll be fun; you already have more experience than I do… this will even us up," he teased.

"Are you going to hex me back?" she asked skeptically. "If it's really a mock battle, you'll have to fight back."

James' smile faltered and he chewed his lip. "I'll disarm you… or something similar; you're right though, it does feel a bit wrong."

"Well… let's just hope we never get into a fight with each other; neither of us will win because we'll know how the other one works," she said, then flicked her wand at James and watched as he blocked it without a second thought.

They went round and round for thirty minutes or more, blocking minor hexes and practicing offensive spells. James kept the upper hand mostly, but was impressed at how well Lily handled herself and how quick she was. She forced him to practice the advanced shield charm by spraying water at him, which he blocked, by couldn't control how the water was dispelled. To his surprise, Lily managed to redirect the jet away from him and form it into a tight ball as she had done in class. She gained so much control over it that she managed to set it down softly onto the floor and it formed into a small pool, which she vanished instantly.

"You are powerful," said James thoughtfully, watching her with a bright grin.

Lily smirked and sat down on the step that led up back up to the hallway. "I must be… I'm spent, I don't know how I managed that," she mused.

"We'll head back," said James, flicking his wand and extinguishing the candles. The pathway was suddenly dark and he heard Lily gasp a bit. He walked over to where she was, expecting to feel her hand reach for him, but suddenly she was in his arms. "Woah… you about knocked me over," he laughed.

"That was my intention," she whispered, kissing him soundly and tangling her fingers into his hair. James arms slid around her waist and over her hips, gripping her tightly as she stood on her tiptoes and brushed her tongue against his. He growled hungrily and pushed her against the stone wall, his hands tracing over the contours of her backside and hips before moving up to her face. She arched her neck back as he moved his lips along her jaw, and his hands over the front of her chest down to her stomach.

Suddenly Lily became very still, frozen underneath him. James pulled back for a second to ask what was wrong, when she screamed loudly and ran out of the door into the hallway. He followed behind, emerging to see her flip her hair upside down and frantically tear her hands through it.

"What happened?" he asked in a worried voice.

Lily didn't say anything, she whimpered a few times and finally stood up straight, her fist balled around something as she cringed and shuddered all over. "This happened!" she shouted, throwing a rather large, and now crushed, spider onto the floor in front of him. James doubled over with laughter as she continued to frantically brush at her clothing and hair, her whole body shaking in fright. "It's not funny," she snarled, trying hard not to laugh at herself.

"Awh… well, next time you plan to snog me like tha,t make sure we're somewhere free of the little buggers," he said, laughing and cringing away when she smacked his shoulder.

Weeks passed and eventually the gossip died down, though on the whole, Lily hadn't minded it at all; she'd never felt happier in her entire life. James was everything she had imagined him to be. He was funny, brilliant, sweet; everything she could have possibly wanted; and he _really_ loved her. She could see it in the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, everything he did.

And _she_ loved him; _why_ had she denied it for so long? She missed out on a whole year – at least two years - of being with him. It was for this reason Lily found she was not smothered by James consuming most of her moments; in fact, she found herself longing for him every minute of the day. They ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, whilst in the company of their friends, spent as much of each evening together as they could, and Lily found herself sneaking into his room each night to fall asleep in his arms.

Full moon was the second week in November, and Lily was shoving James out of her room so he could go out with his friends. She had begun to feel guilty for monopolizing his time, though he wasn't bothered in the slightest.

"They'll get by without me… I want-"

"I want to be with you too… but you need to be with your friends as well. I don't want them to start hating me for stealing you, especially Pete. I know how much these outings mean to him," she said.

James nodded grudgingly, then kissed her very quickly. "You are lovely, you know that?" he asked, resting his forehead against hers.

"Always have," she teased, smiling when he laughed and ruffled her hair. "We've got Hogsmeade tomorrow; you can do whatever it is you want with me then."

James quirked an eyebrow and grinned at her. "One of these days I will take that literally."

Lily blushed and bit her lip. "What happened to gentlemanly behaviour?" she asked coyly.

"It's still there," James assured her. "Though you make it rather difficult at times."

Lily smiled. "Well… I'll be on my guard when your inner scoundrel comes out," she said, kissing him again and waving as he walked down the steps to join his friends.

Lily used her free time that evening to write her mother a very lengthy letter, admitting how everyone had been right about her feelings for James. She had mentioned they were going out in a previous letter, but hadn't gone into a lot of detail about how serious the relationship had gotten.

She tried to hold back, but her feelings for James seemed to increase in intensity by the day; or perhaps they had just been there all along, and were now just bursting out. "… _don't know what I was thinking, Mum. I've never been happier in all my life. He's so wonderful to me_," she wrote, blushing furiously at the words even though she was the only one in the room.

She also realized how much she'd been missing her girl time after finding Julia and pulling her upstairs for a chat. She would have grabbed Mary as well, but refrained when the latter became engaged in a conversation with Brenton Clarke.

"She's accepted his invitation to Hogsmeade," Julia informed Lily. "I'm happy for her; though I'm not sure what she sees in him. He's _very_ immature."

Lily laughed. "You do realize that _you_ are going out with Sirius Black, who can also be very immature."

"Yes… but only around his mates. Sirius is actually very sophisticated when he's alone," she explained.

"Oh, of course… I'll bet he was _full_ of sophistication the other night when you decided it would be fun to play _teacher_," she teased.

Julia quirked an eyebrow and shook her head. "Those boys need to stop talking to each other. Though, Sirius has not relayed to me any activities that you and James have engaged in," she said conspiratorially.

Lily shrugged. "We haven't done anything; I think the both of us are just so … wrapped up in the fact that we're together," she explained with a smile.

"You mean you've been saying no."

"Honestly… he hasn't tried anything that I've had to say no to," Lily replied.

"Really? He's holding out on you."

Lily glanced at her curiously. "Meaning…"

"Meaning that he's behaving very well, not like a seventeen-year-old boy who's been dying to shag you for years. It's definitely on his mind; I'm not sure why he's holding back," said Julia, lying back on Lily's bed. "I'll tell Sirius to share some _'tricks of the trade;' _trust me, you won't be disappointed."

Lily blushed furiously. "Jules… you do realize that I have no idea how to be intimate… I barely know how to kiss him. It's-"

"You seem to be doing very well at that, he says nothing but positive things."

Lily laughed and blushed even brighter. "Does he say these things to you directly, or is this coming via the third party?"

"To me. I asked him one day what kind of a snog you were; his eyes got all foggy, and he shook his head and grinned before saying 'fantastic.' I always knew you would be," Julia teased.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, I am intrigued by some of the things I've heard _you_ talk about… but I'm also in no hurry to rush. I'm still getting used to this whole feeling. I keep thinking I'm being very… overzealous in my reactions."

"Well, if James is anything like Sirius, the more overzealous you are, the more enjoyable it is for him," she smirked.

For James, the thought of shagging Lily was on his mind, but he'd refrained from making any moves out of respect for her feelings. She was new at this, all of it. He didn't want to rush anything and make her uncomfortable; he cared for her to much to do that. Aside from wanting to wait until she was ready, he found himself enjoying just being in her presence, holding her in his arms, kissing her lips and caressing her hair.

Though he did start to become rather annoyed by a few conversations he'd been engaged in. It wasn't necessarily teasing, for that didn't bother him in the slightest; it was more the lingering curiosity of a few males that bothered him.

The next day James was sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks, finishing up a game of snap with his friends whilst waiting for the various girls they hung round with to join them. Remus was blushing as Sirius and Peter teased him about the inordinate amount of attention Sam Pitchfield had been giving to him lately, when James was tapped lightly on the shoulder. He turned around to see Linghold and Rollingsfield sit down at a table behind them.

"So… finally managed to get to her, eh, Potter?"

"I'm assuming you mean Lily?" James chuckled.

"How's your cock feeling? Probably still lonely. Evans won't give it up for you?" Linghold asked with a smirk.

"No wonder she wasn't interested in you… so crude," James said scathingly.

"My crudeness aside, it's interesting that you'd go from Felicity - who was more than willing to put out, to Lily who-"

"Felicity pales in comparison to Lily in _every_ way… the way she feels, the way she smells, how soft her skin is, her lips … though, of course you wouldn't know," James smirked. "You've only experienced Felicity, and her tendency to rush through everything; shame, really."

"I highly doubt that Lily is a better kisser than Felicity if all the experience she has is with you," said Max coolly.

"Hmmm…" James mused. "I thoroughly enjoy it; I must be a good teacher," he chuckled. "Didn't you say last year that Felicity was a '_right little trollop_?' Now you're trying to make me jealous over the fact that you've got off with her _again_?"

"Once was enough," said Max, shaking his head and frowning. James laughed and turned around, but Max wouldn't be deterred. "When do you think Lily will get sick of you? Better yet, when are you going to get sick of not getting any and move on?"

James opened his mouth to swear at Linghold, but a light voice coughed near him. Both he and Max looked up to see Lily standing behind them, her arms crossed and a hard expression on her face. James frowned, wondering if she had been hurt by anything he had said, but Lily placed her arms around his neck and leaned over his shoulder. "Max, how are you so sure that I don't have any interest in 'putting out'?" she asked.

James quirked his eyebrow and looked back at Max, who sputtered under Lily's gaze. "Well… you're just the kind of girl who-"

"You don't know what kind of girl I am. You used to be my friend, Max; not close, but you _were_ my friend. I'd hate to think you've devolved into a jealous prat who bides his time tormenting people with rude comments," she said.

James nodded, giving Max a disapproving glance. Max frowned at him and looked at Lily. "Well… I…" then he sighed, under Lily's gaze. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that… it is rude."

"Yes, it really is," Lily said, nodding at him but not accepting his apology outright. She leaned down and kissed James on the cheek. "I'm going to go with Julia and Mary to get a few new quills. Will you wait here, or do you want to meet up somewhere else?"

"No, I'll stay here," he said, kissing her hand lightly before looking up at her. "Did you want to do something?"

Lily shrugged. "If you think of something entertaining, otherwise I'm fine with staying here; it's cold outside," she said, nodding at Julia who was waiting impatiently by Sirius. James kissed her quickly and waved as she walked off, turning back to the table to begin another game. Twenty minutes passed before he felt another tap on his shoulder and groaned, turning around again to look at Max.

"She's right… I am acting like a prat 'cause… well… 'cause I'm jealous," he said in a somber voice.

"Yeah," James huffed, and then dropped his defensiveness. "You're not the only one who's done it. I've acted like a prat because I was jealous before too. So… we're cool; don't worry."

Max nodded, then looked around and leaned closer to James. "So… man to man… what kind of a snog is Lily?"

James chuckled and shook his head. "Sam told me last year that you're a bit of a perv, "James muttered.

Max looked defensive for a moment, but when Rollingsfield laughed, he acquiesced to James' statement and nodded. "Yeah… I am. So indulge me a bit, what's she like?"

James laughed and shook his head, watching Sirius, Remus, and Peter smirk in his direction, all of them wondering whether or not he would answer. "She's a brilliant snog. Absolutely mind-blowing," he laughed.

James' friends chuckled and rolled their eyes, but Max remained interested. "How so?"

"She's … responsive; soft but intense… I can't describe it. She tastes like life mixed with firewhiskey," laughed James, smiling broadly when Lily and Julia reentered the bar and walk back toward their table. Max leaned very close to James and began to whisper furiously.

"_Have_ you gotten anywhere, Potter? Seriously, fill me in… she's got the most perfect, perky breasts… and her legs. God… I'd love to get her kit off and-"

"Sod off, Max," said James, laughing while he gave the latter a confused glance. "Merlin's Beard, settle down … even if I _had_ gotten anywhere, I wouldn't share the memories with you; those I'd keep all to myself, thanks."

Lily approached and sat down next to James, giving him a curious glance when he beamed over at her. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said, sweeping her hair out of her face and pulling her close to kiss her soundly, ignoring Max's grunt of disapproval. "Did you want to go somewhere?" James asked Lily. "We can go to that tea shop or-"

"_Ugh_, please no," groaned Lily, shaking her head at James' suggestion while everyone laughed. "We can stay here, all that pink makes me want to vomit. Besides, it's much more fun to play snap or gobstones here than watch other people snog."

"Who says we'd just be watching?" asked James, making Lily laugh very hard as she leaned in to kiss him again.

Lily found herself oddly amused, but happy, as Max and Adrian resumed the friendly banter they previously had with the Marauders during their fifth year. This had been largely abandoned over Max's interest in Lily, but the jealousy seemed to pass. Though, she suspected the real reason they were hanging around was because Adrian was keeping an eye on Sam. He was very interested in how much time she had been spending with Remus.

After dinner that evening, Lily and James were wandering through the halls, pretending partly to be on duty and shooing students back to their beds, but really just wanting to be alone.

"Let's go outside," James suggested suddenly.

"It's freezing!" Lily protested.

James held up his heavy cloak and conjoured a hat out of thin air. "Did you forget how to do a warming charm? Come on; it's a new moon out and the stars will be really bright. There's no snow yet… we might not get another chance," he pleaded.

Lily considered him, smiling gently as she took the hat and pulled it over her ears. "Where are you taking me?" she asked as he grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the castle doors.

"You'll see," he laughed. They raced through the dark, giggling as they ran, until they reached the broom shed. James pulled out his broom and tugged Lily on behind him before kicking off the ground. They landed three minutes later in an open clearing, Lily chuckling lightly when she recognized the fallen down tree trunk her and James had occupied during their first lengthy conversation last year. She walked forward, noting how pretty it was in this spot; it was pitch black out, but stars dotted the sky like fireflies that were attempting to form patterns. "What's that constellation up there?" Lily asked, pointing to a triangle shaped formation.

"Erm… Cygnus?"

She smirked. "Um… no, that's actually Cassiopea. What about that large, bright one… what is that?"

"The moon isn't out tonight, Lils."

"James, you git," she laughed. "The bright star right next to the big dipper," she said, moving next to him and pointing to the sky.

"Saturn?"

"Professor Sinstra would be so happy to hear how much you got out of five years of Astronomy lessons," she laughed.

James smirked, taking off his cloak and flicking his wand to warm it before laying it on the ground. He sat next to the fallen log and motioned for Lily to join him. "I knew very early on that my talents did not lie with the stars, nor with interpreting the movements of planets," he scoffed.

Lily sat down and snuggled against James, staring up at the sky as they lay back and examined the stars. "You mean you didn't think you were gifted with _Sight_?"

"_Sight_," he scoffed. "The only sight Clairvana has is the ability see her bottle of vodka every evening."

Lily laughed loudly. "I agree… never liked that class; I always felt very inadequate and lost.

"You aren't the only one. Divination is wooly; I don't even think Dumbledore is going to offer it after Clairvana retires."

"Will that be soon?"

"It should be; she's ancient. She should just enjoy the last few years of her life," said James.

"Maybe she needs the money," Lily wondered.

"Nah… she's old money. She just teaches 'cause she likes it, which I suppose is very noble. I can see myself doing something like that," he replied thoughtfully.

"Teaching?"

"No… something though. Just for enjoyment; maybe after we finish school, I'll work for Dumbledore's Phoenix lot full time, that'd be fun," James said.

"And dangerous," Lily replied.

"No more so than being an Auror," said James, watching Lily nod in head in agreement. "Can I ask you something, Lils?"

"Of course."

James snuggled her closer and tipped his head so he could look at her face. "You know that there's nothing we can do about the danger except fight it, right?"

Lily nodded, biting her lip as she thought of a response. "James, you are exceptionally talented and brave, don't get me wrong; but, we all seem so inexperienced compared to the Aurors. I just don't know how much we're going to be able to learn in the next few months, or how much it will help."

James looked at her thoughtfully. "Wallace seems good; Dumbledore pulled him out of the Auror office to teach us. Plus, I think if we're going to those meetings, we'll be brushing up on other skills," he said reassuringly. "And we can always continue our play fights."

"That's true," replied Lily with a chuckle.

"You're not giving yourself enough credit, you know. You've been in a pretty dangerous situation before, and look how you handled it; you got out without a scratch," he said.

"Scratch or no scratch… that was just luck; I don't know how I made it out of that," Lily replied, shuddering at the memory.

"But you did. My dad always told me ninety-five percent of your defensive tactics are made up on the spot; everything is luck," said James. "Besides… I'll be with you if it ever happens again. Don't worry."

Lily smiled and kissed James' hand, which had come to rest on her face. "I'll try not to," she whispered, snuggling into his neck and kissing him softly.

James sighed and leaned back, snuggling Lily closer to him as they stared at the sky above them. "Is Slughorn having another Christmas party this year?"

Lily nodded. "Same time as last year, the day before we leave for the holidays."

"Could I have the honor of being your date?"

Lily giggled and looked up at James, staring into his smirking face and grinning broadly. "I would be delighted if you would accompany me."

The remainder of November passed quickly; lessons for the seventh years became more difficult as all their classes consisted of highly complicated magic. Fortunately, a respite from the work was provided by the first Quidditch match of the season. Gryffindor flattened Slytherin after a three hour match in which James' newly formed team was hailed as one of the best Hogwarts had seen in some time.

He was exuberantly happy after the match; aside from the victory being satisfactory on a competitive level, winning the match made all the students feel as though a tiny battle had been won in an ever growing war.

"I got a letter from Alice the other day," Lily was telling Julia as she looked over the Daily Prophet. "Frank spent four days in. Mungo's after being hit by some curse; broke two of his ribs, punctured a lung. It was bad."

"They're getting more violent," said Remus, looking over Julia's shoulder at the paper. "There are rumors going around home about Voldemort recruiting Werewolves and Giants, like some sort of militia."

"He's trying for the Dementors too," frowned James, putting his arm around Lily's waist when she shuddered violently. It was breakfast Thursday morning before class, and everyone in the hall was reading over the paper, trying to absorb the most recent story in a series of disturbing events.

"_Junior_ _Undersecretary Apollo Mott committed to Mungo's for attempt to murder Minister Baddlebrock."_

"They _say_ he was under the Imperius curse," muttered Sirius, pointing to the headline in the paper. "I'm not sure; he could have been a spy."

"Either way is bad; the fact that Voldemort is slipping people inside the Ministry… not good," James replied in a heavy voice.

There was a low swoosh overhead as a few more owls flew into the Great Hall. Daisy swooped down and landed on Lily's shoulder, dropping a thick envelope in front of her before flitting over to James and passing him an envelope.

"What is that?" asked Lily curiously.

"Dunno; but, it's addressed to me … so, if you don't mind," he laughed as she started to reach for the letter.

"But… that's from my mum; she's the only one I write to so it's the only place Daisy would have been. And the only person my mum writes to is _me_…"

"Perhaps not," he teased.

"Have you been writing to her?" asked Lily in a shocked voice.

"I may or may not have… you've been corresponding with my mum and dad," he pointed out, chuckling when she flushed.

"I was asking them to Christmas," Lily blushed.

"I know… they wrote and told me the next day. They're said they wrote back to you and are planning on coming," he smiled.

"Yes I got that… but, what's from my mum?"

"Well, give me a moment and I'll tell you, but _I_ want to read it first… as it's addressed to _me_," James laughed, turning his back on Lily and tearing into the envelope. He pulled out the letter and tried to shield it from her prying eyes, silently thanking Julia when she distracted Lily with a conversation about Alice and Frank's new flat in London.

"_James,_

_From what Lily told me, these letters are all delivered at the same time, and I didn't know how to explain to Daisy that this one is for _you_ only. Hopefully Lily won't get too curious and let you read in peace._

_First off, I wanted to thank you again for being so good to her. I can't express my happiness that she _finally_ gave in, and you two are now together. I'm anxious to see her; she sounds absolutely over the moon in all of her letters. '_He's so sweet to me, Mum. And he makes me laugh, and he's so smart, and - not that I have any experience other than him - but he's such a good kisser. I love him, Mum… I really, _really_, love him_.'_

_That's all she's been writing about, so if she hasn't said it, or has been shy about telling you, she loves you. I'm absolutely thrilled about it, and I'm sure you are as well, but that's not the point of my letter._

_I've been debating on this for a while, and I've decided it's not something I want to leave in Petunia's hands. Not that I don't believe she would follow through, but I want it to come from someone Lily will listen to. _

_You'll notice the envelope is little weighted, and that's because my wedding ring is inside. I want you to keep it, for Lily. She's always been attached to it, and I know it would mean a lot to her to have it when I'm gone. I also have a gut feeling about you two. I haven't known you for very long, but I can tell that you care for her deeply. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds. If something were to happen, and you two were to break up, you can just give it to her and explain that I wanted to leave it with someone she trusted, in case something happened to me before I could give it to her._

_If anything, it would make a good engagement ring, should you ever want to take things to that level._

_I am very, very excited about you and your parents coming for Christmas. I hope that you'll stay around when Petunia and Vernon visit, we'd love to have all of you. Give my littlest girl a kiss from me, and thank you for making her so happy._

_Love, _

_Rose Evans"_

James smiled to himself, shaking the envelope and feeling something move around inside. Deciding that the ring was something he wanted to look at alone, he folded up the envelope and put it in his pocket along with the letter. He turned around to look at Lily, who was talking with Julia and still hadn't opened her package.

"What'd your mum send you, Lils?"

"Huh? Oh, I dunno, I haven't opened it yet," she said. "What did she say in the letter?" Lily asked warily.

James smirked. "She just said she's glad that my parents and I are coming for dinner at your house over break, and she asked me to stay when Petunia and Vernon visit."

"Oh… you don't have to… I wish _I_ didn't…"

"Lils… I'll stay. I was going to anyway, I want to be with you."

Lily smiled and blushed before squeezing James' hand gently. "Did she say anything else?"

"No… not really. Just about how you've been writing to her telling her how wonderful I am," he teased, causing Lily to chuckle and roll her eyes . "She also asked me to give you this," he said, leaning forward and kissing her softly.

Lily smiled against his lips, lingering for a moment then sighing when he pulled away. "I'm sure she didn't ask you to give me that, specifically."

"True… it was probably more like this," he said, leaning in and kissing her on the cheek.

Slughorn's party was the talk of the castle, save for a few gossip circles that were now talking about the fact that the Head Girl and Boy were spending Christmas break together.

"You'd think people would have bigger concerns," Lily mused one evening to Julia. They were going over a Transfiguration assignment, and vaguely listening to Sirius and James lose a match of exploding snap to Remus and Peter.

"No they wouldn't… no one wants to think about what's going outside," said Julia, not looking up from her book. "They'd rather think about what's going on inside your knickers."

"Nothing's going on inside my knickers!" said Lily indignantly.

Julia raised her eyes. "Still nothing?"

"No… should I be concerned?" she asked quietly.

Julia shrugged. "No. James wants you, he's into you… it's just usually not something blokes do."

"What?"

"Wait… they're usually all pushy and stuff."

"James isn't pushy at all… "

"Well, his behaviour _has_ always been a bit atypical… maybe it's normal for him. Though, the way Felicity talks, I assumed he'd have jumped you by now," she muttered, turning back to her paper.

Lily tried not to let Julia's observations and Felicity's continued comments bother her. James was being sweet, he was being gentlemanly; he understood that she was inexperienced and was being accordingly patient. But even as she thought about it, Lily realized that one of them had to take the initiative. She certainly couldn't, she had no idea what she was doing; what if James never took the next step… what if he no longer wanted to?

The evening of Slughorn's party arrived, and James waited for Lily in the common room of Gryffindor tower. "Well, don't you look handsome," Lily's commented as she walked down the stairs.

James turned over his shoulder, smirking as Lily stared at him from the bottom of the stairs. She was wearing a dark blue dress of Julia's, her auburn hair wavy and floating around her shoulders. James smiled and held out his hand. "Shall we?" he asked, grinning broadly when she placed her tiny hand in his and they walked together out the door.

The party was in full swing when they arrived; to Lily's amusement, Professor Slughorn had been extremely enthusiastic over her relationship with James, and didn't hesitate to greet them as such.

"Knew you had taste, my boy; Miss Evans is undoubtedly a wonderful companion," he teased, putting his arm around Lily's shoulders. "Perhaps she can help get you in with a few people in Potions Research. Damocles Belby was most impressed with you last year, Miss Evans. He's here again, somewhere…" Slughorn said, looking around the crowd for the wizard he had introduced Lily to last year.

"I heard my name," a taller man called, wandering over and smiling at Slughorn. "And if it isn't Lily Evans; still assisting your friend?" he asked, glancing at James curiously.

"Mr. Belby," Lily said with a smile. "Nice to see you again. Yes, I'm still helping my friend out. This is James Potter, my boyfriend and fellow companion of my … subject," said Lily, patting James on the shoulder.

"Ah yes… good to meet you, James," Belby said with a curious expression. "Potter… Potter… any relation to Charlus or Ambrose?"

"Yes, sir; Ambrose is my father and Charlus is my uncle."

Lily smirked as the three men began talking, she felt a little confused by Slughorn's sudden interest in James, but wrote it off to the fact that since the Professor seemed to prefer female students, he never realized how well connected James was.

Lily heard her name being called from across the room, and nodded at James, who non-verbally acknowledged that she'd catch up with him in a few minutes. She wandered over to sit next to Hadley Crawler, the fourth year seeker for Gryffindor who had also been inducted to the Slug Club recently. She was a bit flustered by all the attention she had been receiving in Potions class, and Lily laughed when the girl wondered aloud if it was simply because she was female.

"Slughorn wouldn't like you if he didn't see potential, the fact that you're a pretty helps," Lily said, grinning when Hadley laughed and relaxed a little. "He's fine… and he can give you really good connections for when you get out of school. Don't worry about it," Lily assured her.

"Well, pretty girl to pretty girl, Crawler," Felcity's voice droned from nearby, "I'd make sure use your looks to help further yourself… can't hurt can it? Say… would you mind if I had a few words with Lily?"

Lily quirked an eyebrow, but nodded at Hadley and mouthed that she'd talk to her later; Felicity watched the latter walk away and sat down in her vacated seat, giving Lily a very stern glance. "I have a favor to ask you."

"O-kay?" Lily said, resting her chin in her palm and looking curiously at Felicity.

The blonde leaned forward, glancing around to make sure no one could hear them. "Could you ask James to … perhaps… share some of his secrets with the rest of the boys?"

"Pardon?"

"Lily, let's be honest here. I know _you_ don't have much experience, but I do. And quite honestly, James being with you is a waste. He's very… gifted; quite talented with his hands and… well… anyways. I know no one is going to convince him to break up with you, so I thought perhaps since he's wasting his gifts with a prude, he might as well share the secrets with the rest of the boys," said Felicity.

Lily frowned, trying to keep her temper in check. "How on Earth do you know I haven't been taking advantage of his … whatever it is you're talking about?"

Felicity laughed. "Because _you'd_ be talking about it; you'd be telling Tottleham, and she'd be telling everyone else. Anyway, the point is… the rest of us girls are stuck trying to get off with these inexperienced boys who rush through everything. The least you can do is share-"

"I'm not sharing anything," snarled Lily. "You… you're so confusing, Felicity. Last year you said you didn't want James because he'd get annoying, and now you're wanting me to share him? Or him to share his… talent… or whatever it is? He doesn't want you, obviously; why don't you move on?"

"Why don't _you_ get to shagging him? Seriously… from what Max was telling me, James said he hasn't even played Chaser or anything. And I know James brags… so he'd be talking. He'll get tired of you if you hold out on him."

"I'm not holding out on him! He hasn't… we-"

"He _hasn't_? Oh… oh, ho, ho!" Felicity started to laugh. "He hasn't even made a move on you? Oh, ho… wow. Perhaps I'm not out of the game…"

"You aren't even interested in James!" Lily argued, her temper flaring.

"I don't have any interest in _James_, you're right. I have interest in his-"

Lily groaned and stood up, walking away from Felicity with her mind spinning. She had no clue what the girl was talking about, but it made Lily mad that yet another person was telling her that she should be jumping into bed with James. What was wrong with waiting? What was wrong with being a little nervous about things? It wasn't that Lily didn't want James in that way, quite the opposite; he made her feel things that no one else did, made things happen to her body that had never happened before. But she was still getting used to the emotion of love, and enjoying just being next to him… why throw the confusion of lust on top of things?

Aside from that, Felicity had mocked the fact that James hadn't made a move on her, which caused Lily to feel sheepish and nervous. What if _he_ didn't want _her_ that way? What if he never would? Why was he with her then? Everyone seemed concerned that James hadn't tried to get into her knickers, and it was causing her to doubt herself, which was a feeling she loathed. Maybe he didn't like her as much as she previously thought.

Lily walked quietly back to where James was standing, still talking animatedly with Belby and Slughorn, undoubtedly about the Wolfsbane Potion.

"Perhaps Miss Evans and her subject would want to join my research team? If I could just get some more volunteers for trials, I could convince Mungo's to license the potion," Belby was saying.

James chuckled. "I don't know… she mentioned wanting to stay home once we had kids, so I'm not sure-"

Lily coughed and blushed a bright red. "Jumping the gun a bit there, don't you think?" she asked, her voice wavering with nervousness.

Slughorn and Belby laughed jovially, almost as though they were amused by Lily's thought that she might want to put off marriage. James shrugged. "Just guessing… can't hurt to plan ahead."

"Just… not _too_ far ahead. That's a bit of a rush," she said, lowering her eyes and blushing. James gave her a curious glance before placing his arm on her shoulder. She pulled away.

Fortunately, Slughorn and Belby were called away, and James and Lily were left standing together in the corner of the room. James looked curious, but Lily's thoughts were running rampant.

"Lils? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah… hey… can we go?"

"Um… sure, if you want."

"I do… I'm kind of tired," she said, walking toward the door with him following behind her. Lily wasn't sure how she was feeling at the moment, but tired wasn't one of the emotions. Confused, frustrated, nervous… perhaps even a little angry, but definitely not tired.

"Lils… what's up?" James asked, catching her by the hand as they walked back. "I didn't mean anything by the comment, I was just-"

"Do you think about that? Us getting married? Is it too soon to think of that? I mean… we haven't… we haven't done anything and… I don't know, what if we're jumping the gun?" Lily asked, not turning to look at him.

"Um… which question do you want me to answer?" James asked with a chuckle.

"Don't be a prat."

"I'm not… I'm serious. Yes, I think about marrying you; no I don't think it's too soon to think about it. That's the point of getting involved with someone, isn't it? Finding a husband or wife," James explained.

"What about the war?"

"What _about_ the war?"

"Well… I mean, there's that proposed registration law. We'd… we'd have to be secretive about it and-"

"To hell with registration, it's not mandatory. And as far as being secretive, that doesn't bother me at all," he explained.

"Why? Are you ashamed of me? Is that why-"

"What? How could you think that?"

Lily mumbled something incoherent, but didn't respond. They had reached the portrait hole and she gave the password. James walked in behind her, still grasping at her hand. "Lily, how could you think that?"

"Well… you never… you never make any kind of… I don't know. Aren't you supposed to be like… pressuring me, and trying to get into my knickers and all that?"

James gave her a curious look. "You sound like Max."

"Max?"

"Yeah, he's been asking me all about you and all-"

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth," James said, crossing his arms over his chest. "We haven't done anything except snog; course, he wanted to know all about that and-"

"And you told him?" asked Lily sharply.

"Yeah, I told him," James replied. "No reason not to; are _you_ embarrassed?"

"No… but I mean… I don't want you telling everyone every little detail if we ever-"

"Of course I wouldn't do that! Lily, what brought this on?" asked James, confused by her irritation with him.

"I don't know… the assumption that we'd get married, and that I'd just be home with the kids, and that's all I'd be. Kind of like I'm just your girlfriend, and I look nice on your arm, but everyone thinks you're wasting your _talents_ on me since I'm a prude and-"

"Woah… woah, woah, woah," said James, holding up a hand to stop her rant. "I did _not_ assume anything, and you would always be more than just a housewife. I was just talking, it was … innocent. And you're more to me than just something pretty on my arm; you're a lot more than _just_ my girlfriend."

"Well, everyone seems to think that you're just wasting your time… they want you to share your talents with everyone and –"

"What _are_ you talking about?" James asked.

"Stop interrupting me!"

"Stop… putting words in my mouth… or making up actions that I haven't taken!" James shouted back.

"You haven't taken any actions," Lily snarled. "You remind me all the time that _I_ kissed _you_ first… why do I have to take the lead on everything? Why didn't _you_ just kiss me last year?"

James frowned. "Perhaps it's because you spent two years turning me down; I was a bit sick of being rejected, so I just decided to wait."

"So will you just be waiting for me the rest of your life?"

"Waiting for you to do what?"

"I don't know… I don't know what you want me to do!" she shouted, turning on her heel and walking upstairs to her room.

James watched her go, scratching his head and wondering what the hell just happened. He walked upstairs and stared at her door, wondering if he should knock, but then he thought better of it and decided to go to his room.

He felt clueless; why was she mad at him? Was it so wrong for him to want to marry her? And what was all the "_talent_" talk? As far as pressuring her, James thought he was being gentlemanly; he didn't want to rush her because he knew how nervous she was about everything in their relationship. She had a hard enough time admitting she fancied him… why would he push her to do anything else, and risk losing her again?

James frowned as he pulled off his robes and shirt. He ruffled his hair and stared into the mirror, wondering what on Earth had just happened. He sighed, sitting down on his bed and laying back against the pillows, his hands tangled in his hair as he stared at the ceiling. For the first time in quite a while, James felt a little irritated at Lily. He hadn't done anything to upset her; why was she behaving as if he had?

James looked up suddenly as the handle to his door moved and the lock clicked. He sat up abruptly and was about to stand when Lily walked inside. She had changed into her pyjamas and had her dressing gown wrapped protectively around her. She locked the door behind her and walked over to sit down on his bed. James eyed her curiously, sitting up against his headboard and folding his hands in his lap.

"How'd you –"

"I guessed your password the… the night we kissed; when I stole your map," Lily muttered sheepishly.

James nodded. "Oh right… I forgot about that. It wasn't that difficult, I suppose."

"It made me happy."

James chuckled, still watching her quizzically. Lily sighed and ran her hand through her hair before twisting her fingers together; her trademark nervous gesture. "I shouldn't have snapped at you… that was wrong. You didn't do anything… and I wasn't making any sense."

"So I noticed."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't… that was really, _really_, stupid and bitchy of me. I'm sorry," she muttered, not looking at his face.

"Can you explain what caused it?" James asked, sliding closer to her and sweeping a few fallen strands of hair out of her face.

Lily sighed heavily. "Felicity approached me at the party. She shooed Hadley away when I was talking with her and sat down, saying she needed to ask me a favor."

"Uh huh…"

"She said that… she wanted you to share your '_secrets'_ with the other boys in the castle, since apparently none of them are any good at getting her off. She said it was a '_waste'_ for you to be with me… since I'm a prude and didn't appreciate your … talent. She kept saying _talent_, it confused me," Lily explained.

James nodded as he listened to Lily's explanation, wondering what the hell Felicity was doing. He knew she'd been keen to get off with him, and that he'd made her finish several times when they did… but she also moved on fairly quickly. Besides that, he hadn't put any effort forth with her; she didn't mean anything to him, why was she harassing his girlfriend?

"Between her calling me a waste, Julia being shocked that you haven't done anything with me, and everyone asking me all the time what kind of shag you are… I just… it's confusing," Lily explained, twisting her fingers nervously. "And then, she said something about Max not being able to get anything out of you as far as… what we'd done together. She said you'd get tired of me holding out. When I said I wasn't holding out, that you hadn't tried anything… she started to _laugh_ at me; said something about still being in the '_game_,' whatever that's supposed to mean.

"Everyone thinks you're supposed to be all over me; I kind of assumed you would be. And I thought that _I _was acting like I'm supposed to: sweet and … I don't know what I'm supposed to act like," she muttered sadly.

"You're supposed to act like _you_, Lils. I have no expectations… I love you because you're Lily," he replied.

"Then why… why don't you want me?"

James chuckled and sat back against his headboard, motioning for her to come closer to him. She slid next to his outstretched legs, gasping slightly when he grabbed her waist and pulled her on top of him. She sat up and rested her hands on his bare chest, while his rested against her hips, gently playing with the material of her dressing gown. "I wanted to be a gentleman, simple as that. I spent a _lot_ of time convincing you that you were in love with me… I wasn't going to jump you the first chance I got because I didn't want you to run away," he explained.

"I won't run away, James. I'm… I'm a bit attached to you."

James smirked. "Good… because if you ran, I'd chase you."

Lily laughed lightly and then blushed. "I wondered… maybe… if because I was so inexperienced that you wouldn't… be interested in me like _that_. Because I'd be horrid at it and-"

James sat up straighter, his arms wrapping around Lily's waist as he coaxed her further onto his lap until she was straddling his hips. "You couldn't be horrid at anything, Lils."

"I'm probably not… adventurous like Felicity is; I don't know how to do _anything_, and even if I did, it would probably be awful or boring," she muttered shyly.

"You are the most exciting person I know. You couldn't be boring if you wanted to," James said, sweeping her hair out of her face and sliding his hands over her hips.

"All right… but… you didn't answer my question."

"I don't want to offend you… I don't want to scare you off," whispered James, moving closer to her lips.

"I won't be offended… I'd rather be scared by how you feel then not know and assume that-"

James pressed his mouth to hers suddenly, a different kind of intensity sneaking into his kiss. His tongue swept along the inside of her lips, brushing up against hers and causing her to whimper softly. He broke the kiss, tugging at her bottom lip with his teeth and looking intently into her eyes. His hands trailed up her ribs, thumbs rubbing the sides of her breasts as they passed, then back down over her hips and over her backside. He pulled her closer to him, her chest flush against his and her hips involuntarily rocking as he pressed himself against her.

"Do you feel that?" whispered James, pushing her forward again and rocking his hips against hers.

Lily shuddered, an unfamiliar warmth racing through her lower abdomen, pooling the area between her legs as James ground her hips against the growing bulge in his trousers. "Y-yes…"

"Does that answer your question?"

Lily smiled and bit her lip, feeling simultaneously shy and curious about what he meant. "Kind of…"

"'Kind of?'" James repeated, kissing her softly. He brought his hands to the tie of her robes, quickly undoing the loose bow and opening it. His eyes flickered down over her pyjamas and he chuckled slightly. "Hmmm… what happened to the t-shirt you usually wear?" he asked, tracing his hand over the thin tank top she was wearing.

"It's dirty," she whispered in reply.

"Oh… I _see_," James laughed, biting his lip as he pulled the robe off her shoulders, noting the way she shuddered at his touch. "So, you just decided that this tank top would be appropriate? No other intentions?" he teased.

"Not… exactly," Lily whispered, closing her eyes as James pressed his lips against her ear, his teeth gently nipping at her earlobe.

"Were you planning on sleeping in here?"

"Unless you don't want me too… I … I really just wanted to apologize," she muttered.

"That's all?"

"Yes… maybe… I'm not sure anymore."

James sniggered as he leaned back against the pillows, his eyes examining the buds of her nipples that were pushing against the tight fabric of her tank top; his hands moved lower, roving over her still clothed figure, slowly tracing her creamy skin that he'd wanted to touch for so long. He brought his hand to one of her thighs and slid upward, letting his fingers trail underneath the edge of her shorts. She shuddered.

James smirked and ran both hands over her stomach and up over her ribs, the pads of his thumbs tracing the outline of her nipples before he cupped his hands around her face. He pulled her close, kissing her very softly and moaning when her tiny fingers traced lines on his chest.

"You're really sweet, James… and _really_ attractive… and … seductive," she whispered almost inaudibly, her voice quavering as her eyes fluttered close when he kissed her. "You know that?"

James shrugged. "I'm average. You're sexy," he replied. "How do you feel?"

"I… don't know… shaky?"

He chuckled and kissed her again. "I like that I have that affect on you," he whispered, trailing his hands softly over her tank top and gripping her hips hard in his hands. He growled a low sound as she responded by rocking ever-so-gently against the stiffness inside his trousers.

"Wha…What did Felicity mean by '_talent_?'"

There was a pause, an uncomfortable silence. "I'm not sure," James muttered, an embarrassed tone in his voice.

Lily swallowed. "Have you…"

James sighed heavily, looking up at Lily's expression of curiosity. "Does it matter?"

"No…" Lily said honestly. "But I want to know, I _need_ to know… and you kind of answered my question with yours…" she murmured quietly, nervousness pooling in her stomach as a heavy silence grew between them. "Sirius … he thinks-"

"Sirius doesn't know; no one does. I didn't tell him… I was ashamed," James confessed, sitting up straight and resting his hands on her thighs; he was focused on averting his shameful eyes from her piercing innocent ones, suddenly fearful of seeing disappointment in them.

"Why?" asked Lily, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pulled him close and cradled his head against her chest, slowly threading her fingers through his hair.

James closed his eyes and squeezed her tightly as he took a deep breath. "I was ashamed because… because it was stupid. I was just sixteen and-"

"So it was last year?" She asked in shock.

"No… no… it was right after my birthday our fifth year, over break…before O.W.L.'s," he said, feeling his face flood with color. Lily leaned away from him, resting one hand against his cheek and still stroking his hair with the other, encouraging him to continue with her brilliant eyes.

"You know how I was then… how I still am sometimes," muttered James, relaxing slightly and placing his hands on her hips. "Stupid… arrogant. There were loads of girls who wanted me. _This_ girl wanted me… we had a bottle of firewhiskey that she had gotten as a birthday present; I felt really hot; under age and taking shots while this girl strutted around for my amusement. It was the same for both of us; she wanted to shag someone, and I wanted to shag someone… because I'm a stupid bloke and … and I think with the wrong head sometimes," he said sheepishly.

Lily nodded, absorbing his words very slowly. Surprisingly, she did not feel anger. Jealousy perhaps, but not anger; he'd grown up so much since their fifth year, it wouldn't be logical for her to hold it against him. Plus, he looked so … vulnerable, ashamed; his hands resting on her hips, eyes examining her figure in almost a cautious manner. His face was solemn, and his eyes were full of remorse as she looked down at him.

"Felicity?" Lily asked.

James shook his head. "No… no…" James scoffed. "I'll admit… I got off with her a few times, probably took things a little farther than I should have just because she was willing; but, no, it wasn't her. This was before her."

"Who was it?" Lily asked curiously, for she hadn't ever heard of any other girl James was with during the school year.

James grimaced and looked away. "Her name is Isabelle, her family visits every holiday from France; they rent a cottage near the lake by our house," he explained. "She was… very interested in me. It felt nice… she was pretty and very complementary… fed my ego, let me do whatever I wanted. When she said she wanted to … I wasn't about to object. What would all my friends say? Plus… she was _really_ into it. '_We're supposed to do this, James. It's what you do when you're young_,'" he quoted with a scowl. "So… that was that."

"Did you hate it?" Lily asked, surprised at his tone.

"No… I didn't hate it. It _definitely_ wasn't like it will be with _you_ when – er… if we… yeah, anyway," James sputtered, blushing again and turning back to his story, thinking he didn't deserve Lily's affection or her love. "It was … fine… I suppose."

"Was it just the one time?"

"No."

"How many times?"

"I lost count," James confessed. "It ended right before I came back after break; it was really just the one week. I think she wanted to keep going… but I didn't."

"Why not?"

James turned his eyes back to hers. "I was coming back, she was going away… she wasn't you," he said, his expression soft and searching as he watched her reaction. Her eyes widened and he saw a flicker of a smile, her eyes encouraging him to continue. "I wanted her to be, I imagined she was. She had red hair – well, no; strawberry blonde, really. In truth, it ended because … I felt … odd. Plus, her family found out we supported the Muggle Rights amendment, and she wasn't happy about that."

"_Really_…"

"Yeah," said James, in a disgusted voice. "I think that's why I regret it. I mean… if it had just been me shagging a girl to get it over with, and we ended on friendly terms, it wouldn't be so bad. But, it ended because her family was all for blood purity, protecting our '_lineage'_… such a stupid thing. She was fine when I broke it off, said something about not wanting to be _under_ a boy who talked to muggles the way he talked to her. It ended mutually, but bitterly."

Lily nodded, then picked up James' hand and kissed it, lacing her fingers through his. "It ended because you wanted it to. And it sounds like you were too good for her."

"Yeah…"

"I'm not angry, James," Lily said, placing her hand against his cheek. "I _am_ really surprised that Sirius didn't know."

"How did you know that I never told Sirius?"

Lily blushed. "I asked him if you had ever… then I asked how many girls you had kissed, trying to talk myself into believing that I wasn't experienced enough for you."

James laughed. "Yes… your virginity _completely_ gets in the way of our relationship," he said sarcastically. "I would love you no matter what; realizing this… and … finally talking about what I did… just gives me another reason to love you… as if I don't have enough reasons already," he teased. "When did this conversation take place?"

"Last year, right before those Dementors were in Hogsmeade. That was when I first started to realize that I felt something… I didn't know what it was, but I knew it was something… something strong. Like I said, I was trying to convince myself that you wouldn't want someone like me because I was so inexperienced, but he told me you hadn't … yeah."

James chuckled lightly. "You could have just asked me."

"No I couldn't have… not then. But, it doesn't matter. Now I know, and I'm not upset at all; how could I be?"

James shrugged. "I don't know… because you've been thinking for the past four months that I didn't want you?"

Lily smiled. "_Do_ you want me?"

James widened his eyes and smiled before shaking his head incredulously. "Do I want you…" he mused. "Yes… it's safe to say that I want you; I want you with every single part of my body."

Lily nodded. "Okay…" she said with a grin.

"This is not you conceding, though; I don't want you to think I'm expecting you to rollover and shag me," he said firmly. He wanted her, yes, but he didn't want her first time to be like his: rushed, uncontrolled… something she did just to get it over with, not realizing the weight of the act itself.

"No, I don't think that," she said. "But… consider this conversation my way of letting you know that… I _want_ you to want me. I beginning to think you can't have love without a little bit of lust," she muttered shyly.

James smirked and pulled her close, kissing her neck and breathing in her scent as she wrapped her arms around him. "Or a lot of lust if you're talking about what I feel for you," he whispered, grinning when she laughed and ruffled his hair.

* * *

_A/N: Your reviews are wonderful, they give me inspiration, help me with my focus, and make me smile when I check my e-mail. Thank you so much. My Beta is Wonderful as well, such good feedback and assistance from her, thank you, Sierra! Had a question a few weeks back - would I be taking this story to the "end" so to speak? Yes... that's all I will say for now =). _


	24. Deeper

Deeper

"The Planets Bend Between Us" Snow Patrol

* * *

James stirred; something soft and feathery was tickling face. He shook his head and brushed Lily's hair away, chuckling slightly as she made a noise and snuggled closer to him. He looked at his watch, seven-thirty. The train would be leaving at nine; he supposed they should get up and get ready to head back.

James stretched and sat up on one elbow, examining Lily's bare shoulder in front of him. He could still see a trace remnant of the cut Snape's curse had left across her back. Curious, he gently pulled the thin strap of her tank top down to examine it further. He nudged the material out of the way, looking at a small area that looked red and tender. He frowned, remembering how he had been nervous about touching the area so close to her breasts, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. He'd suggest she put some dittany on it, and the remainder of the lotion Madam Pomfrey had given her; not because the scar detracted from her beauty, but because he didn't want her to remember it.

James leaned very close, breathing in the sweet smell of her skin and placing his lips very softly to the red spot. Lily stirred and inhaled very slowly. He smiled against her skin, kissing delicately all the way to the crook of her neck, and laughing when she giggled and shrugged her shoulder, trying to get him away.

"Morning," he whispered.

"What _are_ you doing?" she asked breathlessly.

"I was looking at your cut; it's a little red right here," he said, tracing his fingers over the small area.

"It's all right though, isn't it?"

James nodded, examining the spot again. "You may want to put some dittany on it, just in case."

"Does it bother you?"

"Not in the way you're thinking," replied James, pressing his lips against the spot again.

Lily shuddered, chills racing all throughout her body. She snuggled under the covers closer to James, silently begging him to start nipping at her neck the way he always did.

James laughed gently and pressed his lips to her neck, enjoying the way she quivered under his touch. He trailed his hand up her waist, playfully tugging at the material of her tank top. To his surprise, she aided in his attempt by wriggling her other arm out of the strap, and letting the material slide aside.

James made a murmur of appreciation, and slid his hands over the smooth skin of her shoulders, trailing his fingers over the curves of her breasts and pulling the tank top down to her waist. He walked his fingers higher, gently moving them over her stomach and resting his hand in between her breasts and he continued to kiss her neck and shoulders. "We should get up to catch the train," he sighed in a heavy voice, cupping one of her breasts and running the pad of his thumb over her nipple.

Lily breathed deeply, her eyes closing and back arching, pushing her breasts into James' hand. She bit her lip, feeling shaky and nervous as she rolled onto her back and looked up at James' face, swallowing and trying not to let her nervousness show as his eyes moved hungrily over her figure. "Do you _want_ to catch the train?" she asked in a whisper, placing a hand against his face and one against his chest.

James bit his lip, letting his eyes scan over Lily's naked upper torso. Her creamy smooth skin, slender shoulders, dusky pink nipples, the bunched up tank top hiding part of her waist; all of it was inviting his eyes, seemingly begging for his touch. His pulse began to race, his senses overwhelmed by her exquisiteness. "No… I … oh, to _hell_ with the damn train," he replied, leaning forward and capturing her lips with his.

Lily lifted her hands and tangled them into his hair, kissing him fiercely and relishing the feel of his hands on her skin. His touch was hot, firey, and he moved his lips to her neck with an intensity she hadn't experienced before. Following an unspoken cue, Lily lifted her arms and let them float above her head, whimpering when James hovered his body overtop hers and trailed his fingers down her arms, over her face and collar bones, and finally to her breasts.

She kept her eyes closed, quivering as James' lips left hers and followed the path his hands had taken. She tried to breathe slowly to calm her nerves, but she could feel his eyes tracing over her naked torso when his kisses ceased. His hands paused over her breasts, long fingers tracing circles around her areolas; Lily inhaled sharply through her nose as tingles raced through her stomach.

James looked up at Lily's expression when she inhaled, her back arching up slightly as he traced lines over her skin. Her hands were above her head, fingers twisting the pillowcase anxiously as placed his hands on her, kneading her breasts gently. She was spectacular; her skin soft and smooth under his palms. The way her waist curved in from her hips and then outward slightly again for her ribs was visually enticing; her breasts were full and soft, her pink areolas a perfect contrast to her creamy skin. James bent forward to kiss her softly, his body resting lightly against hers, the heat of her skin causing waves of arousal to roll over him.

"Are you okay?" he breathed, smiling when she made a whimpering sound against his lips and nodded. James moved his lips lower along her neck, over her collar bones, and then lower still, slowly kissing and nestling his face against the contours of her breasts. He flicked his tongue over the small nub in the center of her nipple, caressing it gently before parting his lips and suckling it into the warmth of his mouth.

Lily's voice returned, cracking hoarsely as it left her throat in a quiet moan. James' mouth was hot, his tongue rough against the sensitive flesh; the suction he created caused Lily to arch her back and pull him closer to her. His supporting arm wrapped around her waist, and his other hand trailed lazily up to gently cup her free breast, the pad of his thumb tracing circles around her nipple.

James paused for a moment, nestling his face in the space between her breasts, then continued his path until her other nipple was enveloped by his lips. Lily lowered her hands, threading her fingers through his hair and pulling him against her.

James meandered slowly back and forth, enjoying the feel of her skin against his face; he had imagined so many times how she would look, how it would feel to have her slender fingers twisting in his hair, how her skin would feel against his. But his imagination hadn't done her justice, reality was so much better than his dreams. Time passed, and when James started to feel her fingers twist more greedily at his hair, he wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her, nestling his face between her breasts and sighing deeply.

Lily was about to ask why he had paused, then suddenly James' face was above hers. His kiss felt hungry as his weight settled on top of her, his tongue brushing against hers as he explored her mouth. Lily squeezed his hips tightly with her thighs, moving her hands to his shoulders and down his chest. She suddenly wanted more; not for herself, for him. Her hands moved along his taut stomach, fingers tugging at the waistline of his pyjama trousers as she rocked her hips against his.

James groaned against her lips, breaking the kiss and inhaling through his teeth. Feeling her fingertips along the line of his trousers, he shook his head rapidly, more desperate to touch her than he was to have her touch him. He gently took Lily's wrists and placed them back above her head, bending his knees to sit up as he slid his hands down her arms, over her breasts and stomach and to the top of the shorts she was wearing. His fingers pulled the bunched up tank top out of the way, sliding it down her smooth thighs and letting his hands slowly trail their way back up. James looked up at her face, pausing his movements as his eyes met hers.

"Let me touch you," he breathed, trying to keep the desperate pleading out of his voice as his hands snuck under the fabric of her shorts, fingers tugging at the line of her knickers.

Lily swallowed and bit her lip, arching her back as his hands slid over her hips. Warmth was radiating all over her body; she felt a desperate, unfamiliar ache between her legs, but she had no idea what to expect. Her expression must have looked pained because James slid his hands up to her face, moving so he was hovering over her.

"I can stop…" he whispered, kissing her gently and examining her expression.

"I-I don't… don't stop… I … I wan…" she stuttered, cursing her inability to speak. James kissed her again and brushed a few rogue strands of hair from her face. "Will it hurt?"

"Lils… as much as I want to, I know you're not ready for-"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "No… not that… just anything… what will it be like?"

James settled himself next to her, his hand tracing up and cupping her face. "It will feel nice," he said, biting his lip nervously.

"It won't hurt?"

He sighed, kissing her softly. "You've… you haven't ever… I'm not any good at explaining things like this," he chuckled against her lips.

Lily frowned, using her hand to push her hair away from her face. "I … I screwed up the moment. I'm so _stupid_," she muttered, covering her eyes.

James shook his head and pulled her hands away from her face. "You are not stupid," he whispered, kissing her lightly.

"I'm so naïve."

"I think it's sweet," James laughed.

"_Sweet_?" she asked incredulously. "It's _pathetic_… it's … anti… sexy… seductive…"

James laughed louder and kissed her soundly. "I think it's _very_ seductive; you know why?"

"Why?" Lily asked curiously.

"Because it means I get to teach you… I'm the only one who's touched you," he growled, kissing her deeply and trailing his hands over her bare torso. She whimpered a glorious sigh as he pulled her flush against him and threaded his fingers into her hair. "I get to be the one causing you to make that sound," he grinned.

Lily blushed and closed her eyes as James moved his lips to her throat. He suddenly felt rambunctious. "Do that again," he whispered against her skin.

"Do what?" she asked with a laugh.

"Make that sound."

"I don't think I can do it on command," Lily laughed, eyeing him curiously. James brought his lips lower, covering one of her nipples with his mouth and flicking his tongue over the still hard nub. His hands moved to her hips, fingers gripping her soft skin and playing with line of her shorts; Lily whimpered again, the noise sounding as though it was breaking just before it left her lips.

"There… that sound," James said, laughing against her skin.

"I can't do it on… ahh…" she groaned as he flicked his tongue across her nipple again, his hands moving to the legs of her shorts and fingers sneaking inside, tugging playfully on her knickers. Lily shuddered, biting her lip to keep herself from crying out.

"No, no, no," James said, observing the way she started to chew on her lip. He moved back to her lips, engaging them in a kiss. "I like the sound… I _love_ it… Don't stifle it," he laughed.

"You're making me feel shy," she laughed.

"Don't be shy!" James said, but Lily laughed and folded herself into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her forehead, lying quietly with her for a moment while he stroked her hair and her palms pressed against his chest. "We can still make the train probably."

"Yeah… I suppose people would wonder," Lily replied, lifting her face and looking into his eyes. "Why are you smiling?"

"Because I love you," James said, kissing her softly and tracing his fingers over her bare skin, grinning when she inhaled sharply.

"I love you too," she sighed. "You know something though?"

"What?"

Lily trailed her hands down his stomach, tugging gently on the line of his pyjama trousers and smirking when he his giggling voice wavered. "Paybacks can be hell," she whispered. James laughed and grabbed her hands, pulling them above her head and kissing her soundly.

The train ride seemed short, though Lily attributed this to her excitement for the holiday, and because for the first time since her and James had started teaching her, she was beating him at chess.

She'd just taken his queen with her knight, and the look in his eyes when she removed the piece told her she'd won. "Check?" she asked quietly, looking at Peter for his opinion.

"That's Checkmate, Lily," Peter laughed.

"Bloody hell," James growled, examining the board again and tousling his hair.

"I won?" asked Lily.

"Looks like it," Peter replied, examining the pieces along with James, smirking over the latter's shocked expression.

"I WON!" Lily shouted, laughing hysterically and jumping up. She stuck her tongue out at James' shocked expression and ran across the hall. "Julia!" she shrieked, pulling open the door to the cabin where she thought Sirius and her would be. "Julia, I just - AHHHHHHH!"

James and Peter started, both of them standing up as Lily ran back into the cabin and shut the door. Her eyes were wide, and they could hear Sirius' and Julia's voices from across the hallway, a mixture of shouts and laughter. They heard footsteps running down the corridor, the door opened and Remus came in, looking curiously from Lily's expression to the door across the hall. "I'm gone for five minutes… I swear," he said with a laugh. "What-?"

"Lily beat James at chess," Peter laughed excitedly.

"I let her win," James said, giving his friend a dirty look.

"Oh, you did _not_ let me win," Lily said, seemingly coming out of her trance-like state. 3333333"The look on your face … you did _not_ throw that game. I beat you… ha, ha, ha!" she teased.

"Ha, ha, ha, yes, you won… go on, rub it in" he said, smirking as she danced around him in celebration of her victory. "Why'd you scream like that?"

"What? OH! Oh God… I went-"

"She screamed because she walked right in on us," said Sirius, opening the door dramatically. His grey eyes looked irritated, but James could tell he was having a hard time not laughing. "You totally threw off my rhythm, Lils; I-"

"Urgh!" Lily shrieked, laughing and shaking her head. "I don't want to know anything about your _rhythm, _Sirius! _JULIA_! Can you not … control yourself at all?" she asked, laughing when Julia peeked her head over Sirius' shoulders.

"Can _you_? Where were you this morning? You two almost didn't make the train," she said conspiratorially.

"Overslept," James replied with a smirk.

"Right…" said Julia, turning her eyes back to Lily, who was shuddering and squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh, get a grip on yourself, Lils. It's not like you saw me completely naked, I-"

"I saw parts of yours and Sirius' anatomy that I'd rather not have seen!" Lily shrieked in response, causing everyone in the room to laugh. "I'm traumatized… look how I'm shaking. Ugh… James, hold me; can you put a memory charm on me?" she asked, burying her face into his chest as he patted her hair in mock sympathy.

"I'll give you a memory charm," Julia said, striding into the room and grabbing Lily by the arm. She pulled her across the hallway and began to shut the door to the cabin, but Sirius stuck his foot in.

"I wasn't finished…" he muttered seductively.

"Well, I was for the time being," Julia laughed, pushing him away and shutting the door. Lily chuckled at Sirius' indignant noise, then sat down and put her head in her hands before collapsing into laughter.

"Shut up, Lily," Julia said, sitting across from her and shaking her head in a disappointed manner. "Was beating James at chess _that_ exciting?"

"It was for me… though, I will admit your activities looked much more stimulating," she teased.

Julia smirked, her cheeks reddening slightly. "You'll have to try it sometime. These benches are the perfect height for-"

"Hey…Jules?"

"Yeah?"

"What does Chaser position mean?"

Julia widened her eyes and looked at Lily, a smirk playing on her mouth. Lily stammered. "I-I heard someone say it the other day… I just got curious."

Julia chuckled. "Is that where you were this morning? Letting James play Chaser? Well, I suppose he's had plenty of experience and -."

"I'm not talking about Quidditch… I'm… yeah…"

Julia laughed. "I know you aren't talking about Quidditch. Oh, dear… well, my love, Chaser is equivalent to the muggle term 'first base.'"

"What's that?"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Lily… come on!"

"No, you come on. I was actually going to talk to you today anyway. I need your help."

"With Chaser? You don't do much …"

"So, I'm gathering that means I had my shirt off and he was… yeah…"

Julia giggled loudly. "Yes, that's what it means."

"All right."

"And… how was that for you?"

Lily blushed and fought to keep the smile off her face. "I … I think I overreact."

"How so?"

"Every time he touches me, I feel like I'm going to explode," Lily confessed. "My stomach knots up, I feel warm and shaky… am I supposed to get _that_ aroused when he touches me?"

"Yes," Julia said. "That is the purpose; if you're having that response, I'd say James is doing a good job."

"Well, even if he weren't I wouldn't know."

"This is true," Julia said. "I guess I never grasped just how naïve you are. I just assumed you would know a little about everything, especially after listening to me for six years."

"You didn't get any experience until fourth year though," Lily pointed out.

"True. But still… didn't I teach you anything?"

"You can't teach me what it would _feel_ like… I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm too… inexperienced for him. It feels like he's a bit afraid to touch me, though this morning he seemed to have gotten over that."

"I'll bet he did… I'll bet he was quite thrilled," Julia mused.

Lily blushed. "He did kiss me really aggressively… but otherwise he just… moved so slow… it was like torture."

"Oooooo," Julia sighed. "But that's good torture, Lils. It's the build up," she said, blushing again before laughing.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lily said bluntly.

"Oh, you'll know what I mean eventually," she teased. "Did he do anything else?"

Lily swallowed. "He … was messing with my shorts, and my knickers. He said '_let me touch you_.' God, Julia, I wanted him to just do it … but I chickened out… I completely ruined the moment."

"Why were you scared?" Julia asked kindly.

"I was nervous, mostly. I started thinking about what you told me about Sirius, and how it when you lost your virginity it… hurt at first. I asked if it would hurt, and I think that threw him off," Lily explained.

"So he stopped?"

"Yes… I asked him what it would feel like, and he said it would feel good, but he wouldn't answer me when I asked if it would hurt. He just said that he wasn't good at explaining things and stopped. Then he just… kissed me… again and again and again," Lily explained with a smile.

"Awh… that's really sweet."

"Yes, it is… he's very sweet to me. But… _would_ it hurt? I mean… explain this to me, Jules. Does it always hurt? What was he going to do? Is there anything I can do to prepare? I want him to … I want him to _want_ me, and _enjoy_ it. Blokes like doing things to you, right? Or is it all about what you can do for them? Cause I want to do those things, too… I tried, but he stopped me… why did he stop me? How do I -"

"Woah, woah, woah…" Julia said, placing her hand over Lily's mouth. "Okay, I haven't heard you talk this much since you begged me for clothes when you were trying to get James' attention," she laughed. "First things first; yes, he wants to do things to you. He's probably dreaming about doing the most debauched, dirty things to you as we speak. No, it doesn't always hurt. You see, there's never been anything _inside_ you before. So, anything will stretch… a finger, two fingers, eventually his cock and-"

Lily blushed and giggled at the term, Julia rolled her eyes and continued. "That's why it would hurt, because it's stretching and tearing a little. But it goes away… and then it feels good… amazing, brilliant."

Lily nodded, still blushing as she chewed her lip. "I guess I'll just have to be brave."

"Or let go of a little control," Julia said, giving Lily a knowing look. "But if you don't want to let him, or you want to wait, that's all right, too."

"I'm not ready for… whatever it is you and Sirius do on a daily, or twice daily, basis. But I definitely want _something_," Lily replied. "And I don't want him to worry about hurting me; I want him to enjoy it… I want to just… make him mental for me and-"

"You _really_ love him," Julia mused.

"Of course I do. The whole first month we were going out I was telling myself how stupid I am for not going out with him sooner," Lily laughed.

"See! Further proof that you need to listen to me more often," she said. She lifted her fingers and drew and imaginary circle around her face. "I'm more than just a pretty face, you know."

When the train arrived at King's Cross, the Marauders said a very animated good-bye to one another, Sirius and Julia kissed sweetly, and the six of them all traded hugs before saying good-bye. Sirius went straight to the Potter's household, but Lily and James were going to her mother's house to stay for the evening and see if there was anything she needed to prepare for Christmas. To Lily's surprise however, when they walked outside the magical barrier, there was a bright red corvette waiting with a line of cars at the end of the platform. She recognized the car instantly, it was Vernon Dursley's.

Lily frowned, hitching her bag higher on her shoulder. "This can't be good," she muttered.

"Do you think something happened with your mum?" asked James.

"No, because Daisy was with her, and she would have come back with a note or something," Lily explained, walking forward with James following behind. She heard him mutter an incantation and there was a faint pop as their trunks vanished, but she kept her eyes focused on the car. Petunia was not with Vernon, he was alone and staring idly at the platform as though waiting for someone. V_ery strange_, Lily thought.

"Vernon?" Lily called in a kind voice. "Were you waiting for someone?"

"Oh… erm…" The stocky man stuttered, fussing with his paper and his hair nervously. "Petunia didn't mention _you_ were coming home today…"

"She must have mentioned something; aren't you coming for Christmas this Saturday?" Lily asked.

Vernon made a face, his cheeks bunching up. He was growing a mustache and seemed to have put on a bit of weight since the wedding, making him more pudgy than stout at this moment. "No… no we're not. My sister, Marge, and my parents are coming into town; we told your mother yesterday that we were declining her invitation."

Lily felt a rush of irritation. "You can't spare a _day_?"

"'Fraid not… Petunia and I want to make sure my family is comfortable, and we just won't have the time. Besides, Marge has got dogs with her, and your mother's house is dreadfully small, so we couldn't all come. Don't know how we're going to get anything out of it when-"

"Excuse me?" Lily said indignantly. "She's not dead yet; don't go jumping the gun on how much it will sell for," she snapped.

Vernon quirked an eyebrow. "It's only a matter of time, Lily, surely you know that. Besides… when Petunia heard that …. er… there were going to be more of your _kind_-"

"Kind? I didn't realize I had switched species."

Vernon made a face. "Well… either way, now you know. So… if you'd please… don't really want to be seen… conversing…" he mumbled, turning his back on them and watching the trains come in.

Lily felt furious, she was shaking from head to toe. James placed a hand on her shoulder and guided her away, slightly fearful she might hex the arrogant git that was her brother-in-law. "C'mon, Lils…" he whispered, trying to keep his own anger out of his voice. "Let's just … go to your house. Your mum really is anxious to see you and-"

"Oh, we'll go… as soon as we visit my sister," she snarled, grabbing his hand roughly and turning on the spot to Apparate.

The sensation faded and James found himself staring up at a two story house. It was very plain, white with grey shutters; the lawn was well kept and devoid of the snow that rested peacefully on the lawns of neighboring houses. Lily released James' hand and walked straight to the door, shaking him off when he tried to grab her and pause her movements.

"Lily… I know you're -"

"I'm beyond upset. I'm irate, I'm infuriated… Just… I'm not going to do anything stupid, James… trust me."

"I trust _you_. It's her I don't trust," he said quietly, though it appeared she didn't hear him.

Lily's abrupt knock on the door cut off his thoughts. He stood next to her on the stoop, hands ready to grab her should she move to slap or punch her sister, or something else she might regret. Though James didn't blame her, he felt slightly irritated at her brother-in-law's prejudice against them; he also felt guilty that he couldn't do anything to take away the obvious pain Lily must be feeling at this moment.

"PETUNIA! I know you're in there… now open the damn door before I break it down," Lily shouted, banging her fist against the white wood.

The door flew open and Petunia stared in shock at the two of them on her doorstep. "What are _you_ doing here?" she hissed.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Lily said sweetly.

"You can't come in unless I do?"

Lily scoffed. "I'm not a vampire… though I'm sure I could find one and send them to visit if you don't let me in," Lily threatened, watching as Petunia's eyes widened in horror. "Come on, Tuney… the _neighbors_ might see…" she said snidely.

Petunia stepped aside and allowed Lily to come in and James follow behind her. Lily's eyes roamed around the house, her nose wrinkling as though she didn't approve of the décor. James stifled a snigger, wondering if they were thinking the same thing: the house reminded him of a room at St. Mungo's. It was too clean, too white; devoid of any creativity or warmth.

"Looks like you've been doing well… house is clean, ready for Vernon's family," said Lily, crossing her arms over her chest and turning to her sister. "We ran into him at King's Cross. He says-"

"How did you get here so fast?" Petunia asked, almost as though she couldn't hold in her curiosity.

"Petunia! How could you do this? It's Christmas… it could be the last one we have with Mum," Lily explained indignantly.

"We talked the other day; she understands how important it is for me to build a bond with my new family since she won't-"

"SHE'S – NOT – _DEAD_ - YET!" Lily shouted, walking forward staring Petunia down. "You don't… you don't have any desire spend the holiday with her? Don't you want to have memories to share with your kids? She's probably never going to see your kids or anything… do you realize that?"

"Of course I realize that, but there's nothing I can do about it! Vernon is my family now; Mum knows this. Besides, you're doing the same thing aren't you? With … _him_?" she asked, nodding coldly toward James.

James cleared his throat. "My parents are actually joining us; they understand that Lily wants to be with her family, and really enjoy your mother's company."

"Well… isn't that just wonderful," Petunia snorted sarcastically.

"Don't you speak to him like that!" Lily snarled. "_DON'T_! You… I can't believe you, Petunia. I know you're cold, you've been cold ever since I turned eleven, but this… this is ridiculous! Even if you dislike what _I_ am… how can you do this to Mum?"

"She's not upset about it! Really, she-"

"She just didn't let you know it… she hides it, just like I hide it when I'm upset!"

Petunia made a face. "You're certainly not hiding it now."

"Fuck you! You cold-hearted… you hide any remnants of a heart you have in your chest," Lily shouted, tears leaking out of her eyes.

Petunia sniffed, a hard expression crossing her face. "I need to be with my _family_… if you weren't coming, I would drag mother here… but _you're_ coming. We just don't exist together, Lily. Your kind don't belong here… and I can't stand the shame if Vernon's family-"

"The shame? I should be the one ashamed, Petunia. Ashamed that I have you for family… ashamed that we share the same blood," Lily snarled.

Petunia straightend up. "Your blood is the _bad_ blood… you're nothing but a freak, and Mum just encourages it. She's never seen you for what you are, her or dad. Vernon does; he knows. I gave you the chance to walk away from it… you still have a chance to walk away. You can suppress it, put it aside and-"

"I'd rather be locked away than associated with anyone like you," Lily snarled, turning and walking out the door. She walked for a few blocks, visibly shaking as James followed. Finally she stopped and her hands covered her face, shoulders shaking with sobs.

James moved forward and wrapped his arms around her. "Lily… it's alright. She's… just ignore it. Let's…. let's go to your house. We'll see what your mum says… just pretend like we don't know what's going on, and see what she says," he suggested, floundering around for words to try and make her feel better.

Lily nodded, inhaling deeply and grabbing James' hand. She pulled him around in front of her, looking up at his hazel eyes and feeling her lips shake. "That's… that's a good idea… just let me… let me pull it together," she muttered.

James nodded, placing his hand against her cheek and wiping away a tear. He suddenly pulled her into his arms and squeezed her very tightly, Lily smiled despite the anger she was feeling and returned the embrace. "Okay… let's go," she whispered.

Five minutes later they standing on the doorstep to her house, listening to her mum call down to them that she'd be just a moment. James flicked his wand and their trunks popped back into view just before Rose Evans pulled open the door.

"Hey kids," she said enthusiastically, reaching for Lily and pulling her into a tight hug. James watched Lily bury her head in her mother's shoulder; her mum closed her eyes and squeezed her tightly, patting Lily's hair in a loving manner. "Ah, Lils… I'm so happy to see you."

"Hi, Mum," Lily replied. "Sorry we're a bit late… we got to talking at the station," she explained. James could tell she was trying very hard to keep it together.

"That's all right, no worries. And James, how are you?" Mrs. Evans said, reaching her arms out for him.

James smiled and pulled her into a hug, watching Lily wipe her eyes quickly while her mother was distracted. "I'm good Mrs. Evans, very good."

"Did you get my letter?" Lily's mum whispered, squeezing James tightly when he nodded nonchalantly. "Good… good. Well, are you hungry? I don't have much, but I can-"

"We'll make something, Mum," Lily said, stepping inside the house and guiding her mother over to a chair. "Just relax. Have the doctors been giving you something different? You look _really_ well… I'm so glad…"

James took his and Lily's bag upstairs and into their respective rooms. When he came down, Lily was busy heating up what smelled like left over stew and some bread; the aroma filled the house and reminded James vaguely of the Hogwarts' kitchens. He smiled and grabbed a few bowls from a cupboard before sitting down across from Lily's mum.

They talked briefly about the train ride, what school had been like, and how their group of friends was doing before the topic of Christmas dinner came up.

"Well, Lily… I was really looking forward having Petunia meet James' parents – they were so friendly last year, I'm anxious to see them again – but… unfortunately plans have changed," Mrs. Evans said in a sober tone.

"What happened, Mum?"

"Petunia and I talked; she explained Vernon's parents and sister were coming into town unexpectedly. She hasn't gotten to be around them very much, and this is a good time for her to really get to know them, as it sounds like they're going to be around for two weeks or more. So… it'll just be us for Christmas dinner," her mother said with a smile that Lily could tell was slightly forced.

She frowned. "Mum… did you tell her how much it meant to you that we'd be together?"

"Oh, it's all right… it's just another day. I've been around Petunia and Vernon plenty the past few months, a bit of a burden on them I think," she muttered with a laugh.

"Oh, Mum," Lily said, taking her mother's hands in hers and squeezing them tightly. "You aren't a burden… you should have told me! I would have-"

"You would have come running home and missed out on this, Lily," Mrs. Evans said, gesturing with a smile to James. Lily blushed and nodded in agreement. "I couldn't have had that, now could I?"

"Well… James and I got together so shortly after school began… I could have-"

"Lily, don't worry. Everything has been fine; I shouldn't have said it like that. Petunia has been very gracious in taking me to and from places; I've appreciated it a lot. We've spent a lot of time together," her mother said, lowering her eyes and inhaling very deeply. "Now, I get to spend some time with you, and this handsome gentleman," she teased. "James, your parents wouldn't be interested in coming to stay would they? I know the house is small, but you could share Lily's room and they could have the guest room. I've bought a _very_ large turkey, potatoes and dressing; we'll have so much food... I don't know how we can eat it all in just one day," she said with a light laugh.

James grinned. "Actually, if I might make a suggestion, since it seems you have been staying mostly around your house, would you want to get away? We could bring all the food to my parents' and make a bigger get together out of it," he suggested.

"Oh, I don't want to impose on them. It's so much-"

"It'd be no trouble at all, I know they'll be thrilled," said James. "Sirius and Julia will be there, as will our friend Remus since his parents are traveling this Holiday. I even think my friend Peter may stop by; there will be loads of people to eat everything."

"Oh goodness," Mrs. Evans said. "I didn't realize you were all missing out on so much by being-"

"We didn't know about it until today," said James lightly. "I know my parents would be delighted to have you… plus, you can get a feel for what a day in the life of Lily's world is like," he chuckled, placing his hand over Lily's and squeezing.

Mrs. Evans grinned broadly, looking from James to her daughter. "Lils? Do you have any thoughts?"

Lily smiled, looking at James with a bemused expression, but her eyes were full of gratitude. "I think that sounds wonderful."

James grinned and lifted Lily's hand to his lips. "I'll run off and let them know then. I should be back within an hour or so, and we can stay here until Christmas day, you think?"

"I think so. James' parents just live over in Cricklade, it should only take us an hour to get there," Lily explained to her mother. James gave her a curious look. "Drive, James… in a car?" Lily said in an amused voice.

"Oh… I've never ridden in a car… I assumed we'd fly," he said sheepishly.

Lily laughed. "As talented as you are in a broom, I am not… and I think we'd best keep to the ground, don't you agree, Mum?"

Lily's mum swallowed then laughed gently. "Yes… as interesting as that would be, I'll have to agree with Lily. I'm rather afraid of heights."

James grinned. "Driving it is. I'll see you ladies in a few hours, then," he replied, walking over to Lily and kissing her lightly before walking out the door and disappearing into the night.

The arrangements were made and on Christmas day, James found himself sitting in the backseat of a car as Lily's mother drove them to Cricklade. He had an amused expression on his face as he examined the car and listened to Lily and her mum talk about various things from the school year.

When they arrived, James' mother was in full swing preparing their afternoon meal and immediately sat Mrs. Evans down for a cup of tea, insisting that she not lift a finger to help. "No, you are a _guest_, Rose; I'll not have any of it. Besides, all this needs to do is cook; there isn't much wandwork left to it," she said, sitting down across from her and beginning to talk about how she had been feeling and what her fall had been like.

James took Lily for a walk to show her the small village he called home; she'd only ever seen his house and the surrounding area on her previous visit. He walked her by the frozen pond he always went skating on and swimming in during the summer, the small square in the middle of town, and finally they ended up in a little park walking around a path that circled a small playground.

"Never came over here much," James mused. "It was a lot more fun to fly my broomstick around; plus, without any playmates, playgrounds are a bit boring."

Lily nodded. "By the time Petunia and I fell out I was a bit big for the playground, so I always had a playmate when I went."

"Didn't Snape make a good playmate?" James asked cautiously.

Lily made a face. "Exactly how far _did_ you go with Felicity?"

James smirked, reading from her expression that if he was going to ask about something that made her uncomfortable, she was going to do the same thing. "Point taken…"

"Well?" Lily asked, turning her eyes back to his, now suddenly full of curiosity.

James cleared his throat. "Does the … well… we both played Seeker, but she was more into it than I was," he explained, watching Lily's expression. "I can't explain why I messed around with her… other than I'm a bloke and she was willing. It's not a good reason, but it's the truth. She's nice… but I never wanted anything else; and neither did she."

"It's all right, James. Even if you did, it's over now, you don't need to explain it to me," Lily chuckled, before biting her lip and glancing away shyly. "Is Seeker… all right, so Chaser is where we've been," she said thoughtfully, trying to figure out exactly what he meant by the term. "Keeper is-"

"Keeper is where I _almost_ went," he said quickly. "Seeker is one step further… the last step before you '_win the match_,' so to speak."

"Oh… okay," Lily said, catching his drift and allowing herself to imagine him being that close to her; she shuddered.

"Sorry."

"No… that's not it…don't apologize," Lily replied. "I'm not upset… I had kind of guessed as much from the rumors; but I just wanted to know. Chaser, keeper, seeker… what about-"

James laughed loudly. "Beaters? Beater's don't have girlfriends… if you catch my drift," he said, watching her expression go from curious to understanding before she laughed loudly. "You know, for having Julia as a roommate, she didn't divulge any secrets to you, did she?"

Lily smirked and rolled her eyes. "Julia's all talk; a majority of the rumors about her only went wild because she fed them. She says, '_if they're going to talk and make up things, I might as well make it more entertaining_,'" she explained. "She told me about the actual _acts_, but never used Quidditch terms for them."

Lily suddenly laughed and turned her eyes back to James. "It must have been around Christmas, or just after… it was before my birthday, I know that. Julia came up to our dorm, and she just had this glazed over look in her eyes. I thought at first that she'd been hexed, but then she dragged me to the bathrooms and launched into this very _lengthy_ description of Sirius… well… playing Seeker. I didn't really want to know what to think, but the look on her face was so funny; I wish I would have had a camera."

"Was it a pleased look?"

Lily chuckled again. "I guess so… she was all breathless and blushed a whole lot."

James laughed and shook his head, remembering his and Sirius' conversation from last Christmas. "I think it was _before_ Christmas… perhaps after the dinner while we were at Slughorn's do?" he suggested.

"Yes! Oh, that's right… it was," Lily said, the memory coming back to her. "Wait… how did you-"

"Sirius told me he needed to make a map of the female anatomy while we were on break," James laughed. "He said it was much more… _complex_ than he'd imagined."

Lily widened her eyes and blushed brightly. "I see… well, that might be useful; but I'm sure she was able to guide him around. Hell, I could guide you around if necessary."

James coughed at the same moment his feet slipped on an icy patch. Lily paused and looked back at him as he righted himself, his eyes wide in disbelief as she stifled a laugh. "What? I know my way around my anatomy… I haven't _explored_, per say, but I know enough," she explained with a blush.

"All right then…" he chuckled.

Lily smirked and swung her hair over her shoulder, then slipped on the same icy patch as she stepped toward him. James moved quickly and caught her under the shoulders, holding her steady as she righted herself and looked up at him.

"You do trip gracefully," he teased.

"Shut up…"

"So…"

Lily stayed in his arms, clutching his cloak as he walked them both off the icy part of the sidewalk. "So…" she repeated, allowing him to kiss her forehead and take her hand as they continued to walk.

"So… you and Severus," he said, using Snape's actual name to try and coax her into talking about their friendship. "Didn't he serve as a playmate after Petunia and you… fell out?"

Lily sighed, acquiescing to his pressing curiosity about Snape since he had more than answered her curiosity about Felicity. "He did… in some respects. Snape was never the playground type; mostly, I just listened to him talk about our world. He told me about Hogwarts, about the Ministry, Azkaban and the Dementors; he explained owl post, and how we'd get wands and be able to do magic," she said quietly.

"I was convinced at first that he was making it all up. But then… I figured out how to control my abilities, and I realized it was true. And when McGonagall visited to deliver my letter, I was so excited I ran over to his house to tell him. The first five years of school… we were best friends."

"I remember you always hanging round with him during class first year," James said. "I found it odd… you were so nice, and sweet; he was just this… creepy oddball who knew more curses than half the seventh years in Gryffindor at the time."

"I started to see that side of him come out when we actually arrived at school. It was hard for me to separate the Severus who was my friend during the summers, and the Severus who started to show me … _awful_ spells, and hung round with people I couldn't stand," she said sadly.

"Did he ever-"

"No… not once did he ever say _anything_ about me being Muggle-born. I asked him flat out, at least twenty times, if it mattered that I was Muggle-born. '_No… it doesn't matter. You're so powerful, you've got loads of magic_.' That's always what he said… you can see why his friend selection bothered me; they hated Muggle-borns, were completely open about it, but he swore he didn't think like them. They never said anything to me, I think he kept them from it, but boy after we fell out… they let loose," she muttered.

"I remember that," James replied. "That actually wasn't what I was going to ask though."

"Oh… sorry. I just assumed…"

"It's all right, I was going to ask that later. But what I was wondering was… did he ever let you know how he felt? Did you have any clue?"

Lily sighed and her face flushed with color. "I had my suspicions... but I didn't want him that way… I mean… maybe I _would_ _have_ if he hadn't … if he didn't fallen in with the Death Eaters. Between his friends, his fascination with horrible potions and these horrid spells he would find, I just couldn't feel anything for him because he loved everything I hated.

"He knew how I felt, but he was still _very_ possessive of me. We got into an argument one time, I was chastising him for Mulciber and Avery hexing Mary, and he started in about what you and Sirius got up to," Lily said, beginning to chew her lip as she thought over that conversation. "I _think_ he knows about Remus, and-"

"He does," James interrupted, a scowl crossing his handsome face. "He snuck down there one night because Sirius told him there was something really interesting in that tunnel. I found out about it – I was angry at Sirius for doing that. Yes, I'll admit I hated the slimy git – still do. But he didn't deserve that, no one deserves to suffer like that. So I went out and stopped him," he explained. "I had to fight to drag him out of there, he was bound and determined to find out what we were up to and get us thrown out… but all he saw was Remus as a wolf at the end of the tunnel. Dumbledore was furious with him; swore him to secrecy, said he'd expel him if he ever told anyone."

"You saved his life," said Lily. "I pointed that out, and it just made him irate because I gave you credit for something. '_I won't let you- James Potter fancies you, and he'll just make a fool of you!_' he told me. At that point I agreed with him… that you would just make a fool out of me, but it didn't excuse his behaviour, or his friends' behaviour."

"Too right," James said.

Lily stopped him suddenly and turned him to face her. "That was really noble of you, James."

James shrugged. "Like I said… no one deserves that. 'Course, after he hexed you, I'd have been glad to let Remus maul him if he wouldn't be cursed afterward…"

"James," Lily chided.

"Hey, what he did to you was no worse than being mauled," James said, watching as Lily made a face. "He could have killed you with… whatever that was."

"It's probably some spell he made up… he had a habit of doing that as well," Lily muttered.

James pulled her close and kissed her softly, smiling when her tiny hands gripped his cloak and pulled him close to her. "You're a good man, James," Lily said, smiling up at him. "What was wrong with me for two years?"

"Still trying to figure that out myself," James teased, cringing when Lily pushed him away from her roughly. He snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face in her neck and inhaling deeply. "You gave me time to grow up," he said. "I'm not sure if I would have really appreciated you had you gone out with me when I first started asking."

"Really?"

James shrugged. "I would have been thrilled, don't get me wrong; but after hanging round with you all that time… being your friend… going through everything we have, I know how amazing you are. I'm lucky; I keep thinking all the time that I don't deserve you… but yet, here you are."

Lily smiled, leaning her head against James as he kissed her cheek. "And I love you," she whispered, turning her face to kiss his lips.

There was a whooshing sound and something cold and wet hit James in the back of the head. He turned around sharply to see Sirius laughing hysterically next to Peter while Remus and Julia looked on disapprovingly. "It's a public park, Prongs; take her back to your room if you're going to –"

His sentence was cut off when Lily responded by throwing a snowball at him and hitting him square in the face. Sirius laughed and raced forward, followed by Peter as they became engaged in a snowball fight. Remus soon joined in, and while Julia tried to remain lady-like and stay out of the fray, she was soon engaged when Lily used her wand to cause a pile of snow over her Julia's head to fall directly onto her.

Twenty minutes later they were all laughing as they walked back to James' house, their coats covered with snow and all of them wet from their play time. James' father had just stepped outside to call them in and shook with laughter as they approached. He flicked his wand, and all of them felt their clothes dry quickly as a soothing heat settled over them. "Go wash up, dinner is almost ready," he laughed as they stepped through the door.

Lily sat in between her mother and James at dinner, choosing to listen to the conversation around her and just enjoy the happiness. Her mum was overjoyed at all the people in attendance, and very amused by all her friends and their antics. She smiled from ear to ear the whole evening, and flushed with happiness when they sat in the living room opening presents and drinking hot chocolate. She had gotten Lily another dress, James a very handsome set of dress robes, and small gifts of chocolate from France and new quills for their friends, and given James' parents a beautiful set of vases for the mantle above their fireplace.

"Even after shopping with Lily for all these years it was still nerve wracking picking those out," she muttered to Julia when she was examining the quills.

"You did well, Mrs. Evans," Julia replied with a smile. "Thank you so much," she said, hugging her tightly and listening to the echoing sentiments.

Lily's mum squeezed Julia and patted her hair. "Thank you all for being so lovely to Lily and me," she said in a thick voice. "It's nice to see her feel so at home with you all."

Lily felt her eyes prick and moved to sit beside her mum and lay her head on her shoulder as she opened James' present. It was a small silver bracelet with a teardrop shaped charm; the letters "LE" were engraved into the brilliant silver, and Lily smiled over at James, mouthing "thank you" as she fastened it around her wrist.

"That's really pretty, Lils," Julia said examining it. "But the letters are off center, where-"

"So, Mrs. Evans', any amusing stories you could tell us about Lily's youth? She holds out on us, you see," Sirius interrupted, giving Julia a sharp but amused glance as James shook his head frantically at her.

Mrs. Evans was delighted to share stories about Lily's childhood with everyone; completely ignoring her daughter's protests and constant blushing. James had to conjure a handkerchief to wipe his tears when Lily's mum told a story about her pretending to be a horse when she was visiting a Muggle bank.

Lily sighed and didn't even bother hiding her blush as everyone laughed over the thought. "I think I'd pay good money to see that," Sirius chuckled. "Could you demonstrate, Lils?"

"I can transfigure _you_ into a horse, Sirius… that'd be a demonstration," she threatened in a teasing voice.

Remus and Peter left very late, after thanking Lily's mother for the gifts, Mr. and Mrs. Potter for the hospitality, and their friends for the entertainment. Lily decided to return home with her mother that night, and look over a few things at her house before returning to the Potters' for a few days, then heading back to Hogwarts. James would miss her, but he knew she needed the time alone with her mum to talk.

"You'll write?" he asked, as they stood in a secluded area right inside the Potter's front door.

"Everyday… every minute probably," she whispered, hugging him tightly and sighing when he kissed her very deeply and threaded his fingers through her hair.

James smiled against her lips, squeezing her tightly and whispering a few more "I love yous" before releasing her and waving as Lily and her mother drove off into the night. He shut the door, returning to the sitting room and sitting down across from Julia and Sirius.

"Okay… what was with the charm?" Julia asked without hesitation.

James chuckled and gave her a bemused look. "Yes, you almost spoiled it, thanks! I did that on purpose… if she would ever… you know… want to add another letter to the charm," he muttered sheepishly.

"Like a 'P,' maybe?" Sirius asked with a smirk.

Julia's eyes widened. "You aren't-"

"Not soon. But someday… it's crossed my mind, yeah," James replied.

Julia smiled happily and lay back against Sirius' chest. "She'll say yes, James. Whenever you decide to ask, she'll say yes. I would recommend _not_ doing it now," she explained. "I just have a feeling…"

"What kind of a feeling?" James asked curiously.

"Just a… it's nothing. It just seems like when everything gets too perfect, something happens to throw it off," she mused.

"Jules, you worry too much," Sirius muttered, kissing her forehead and closing his eyes as he lay back against the couch. "Relax."

Julia rolled her eyes, but ceased the discussion when James' parents walked in and sat down in their respective chairs. James' mother gave him a knowing smile. "The more I see that girl, the more I like her, Jamesy," she said before pulling out a book and leafing through the pages.

"I think the feeling is mutual, Lindsay," Sirius muttered, laughing as James chuckled and threw a pillow at him.

* * *

_A/N: Still so glad you are all enjoying this as much as I'm enjoying writing it. I had a flash of arrogance the other day when I went back and read through my reviews. Love them. More is coming =) Thank you all so much, and thank you to my beta... the growth I've shown since you've been working with me is amazing =)_


	25. Home

Home

"Run" Snow Patrol

* * *

"When was this taken, Lils?" Mrs. Evans' asked as she examined a picture of Julia and Lily standing by the lake.

"Oh, fourth year," Lily laughed, looking over her shoulder at the moving image. "We were goofing off and Mary took the picture… it seems to have stuck that way."

"I find these so fascinating," her mother mused. "Of course, everything about the world you live in is fascinating to me. I can only imagine what it's been like for you."

Lily smiled. "It's been entertaining at times. I still feel like there's so much I don't understand."

"Sweetheart, that never goes away… trust me. I'm forty-nine years old, and I still don't understand everything about this world," her mother laughed.

It was Boxing Day, snow was falling lightly outside making the streets of Southampton very pretty and festive. Lily and her mum were going through her old things, and placing them in a large trunk that Mr. and Mrs. Potter had gotten her for Christmas. "This can stay here until you find your own place, Lils. I just want to make sure that we go through things and figure out what you wish to keep before I do the same with Petunia," she explained.

Lily agreed, and used various spells to make the sorting of clothes, pictures, and other keepsakes go by very fast. She didn't have much: a few toys from her childhood, several albums of pictures of her as an infant and child, some items from her wardrobe that she didn't bother bringing to Hogwarts, and her remaining magical books that she kept at home.

"Hey Mum," Lily asked quietly, a sheepish tone to her voice. "I… well, it's kind of selfish for me to ask, but I know it doesn't mean as much to Petunia; could I … well, if something were to happen, could I have yours and dad's wedding rings?"

Mrs. Evans smiled. "Yes, you can have them. I know how fond you are of my ring, so I already thought of that."

"Oh, great! You don't have it on… did you already put it away?" asked Lily curiously.

"No, I sent them to the jewelers to be cleaned right before you came home. When I get them back I'll add them to your things," her mum replied.

Lily nodded and continued her sorting. Midway through the afternoon, she and her mother ascended into the attic to go through the various baby clothes that had been kept as keepsakes. Lily smiled as they looked over her christening dress, several pairs of shoes, and other items from her infancy that her mother had kept. Petunia's items were intermingled in the same box, which made sorting difficult at times.

"I'll have to go back and look at pictures to really figure this out," Mrs. Evans sighed. "You two were always the same size and you shared clothes so frequently…"

"Until I got my letter," Lily frowned. "It's probably good that we're separating things; Petunia would be horrified to find out our baby dresses touched, and hers are now _tainted_."

Mrs. Evans sighed heavily, and Lily frowned as a wave of guilt washed over her. "I'm sorry, Mum. I shouldn't have said that."

"No… it's all right. I'm sighing because I agree, and it pains me to say that."

Lily set one of her baby blankets aside and looked at her Mum. "It'll be okay… Tuney and I will talk it out … someday… maybe…"

"Petunia won't… I've _tried_ to talk to her and she … she's unmovable. She acts as though you did something horrid… and you didn't. To be honest, I think she's mad at me because it wasn't her who-"

"She'd never own up to that… but you're right. She wishes it was her instead of me, though I don't think she really understands the struggles I go through," explained Lily.

"Neither do I," Mrs. Evans said, giving her daughter a curious glance.

Lily sighed. "I don't want you to worry."

"I'm going to worry no matter what; I _am_ your mother, we share similar traits."

Lily laughed and shook her head. "This is true. To put it simply, there are a lot of people who don't think that Muggle-borns – witches and wizards born to non-magical families – should be allowed into our world. There's a huge sect of them, actually… at times it can be very discriminatory."

"Why don't they think you should be allowed?"

Lily shrugged. "Blood-purity… or something like that. To be honest, I don't really know."

"James-"

"James and his family, Sirius, Julia… all of my friends… none of them feel that way at all. To them, it doesn't matter how I was born, and they've been very supportive to me during times when I have been discriminated against. But… Sirius was kicked out of his family for thinking that way, and everyone else who agrees with all of them is discriminated against in their own way as well," Lily explained, trying as hard a she could to describe the situation without letting her mother know of the violence involved.

Mrs. Evans scoffed. "Apparently we're not so different. That happens in our world too."

"Yes, Petunia tends to play with the fear that I'll never be accepted because of my birth. I think Severus let a little too much slip about how much I would be discriminated against," Lily muttered.

"Is that why you aren't friends anymore? Because he didn't like how you were born?"

Lily frowned. "He liked _me_… but no one else of my birth, and I couldn't take it anymore. It was hypocritical and stupid; so I told him off about it, and that was it."

"Is he involved with anyone trying to force you out of their world?"

Lily frowned, nodding her head but holding it up high. "He's so far gone with them… I don't even know who he is anymore."

"Lils," Her mother said, the tone in her voice suddenly changing. "Whatever happens… to me, or to you, or between you and James… don't let them bully you into something," her mother said.

"Oh, don't worry about that, Mum," Lily said reassuringly. "James wouldn't-"

"No… sorry, I should have been more specific. I didn't mean anyone in _your_ world, I meant Petunia or Vernon."

Lily gave her mother a confused glance; never before had she badmouthed Petunia, or done anything other than try and get the two of them to get along. But for some reason, Lily's mother had a very concerned look on her face when she spoke of her sister. "Mum… why- what would they bully me into?"

"She thinks everyone you know is lazy and reckless, and they aren't. I feel like she's going to suggest to you that you stay away from them in order to have a normal life; play on your fears that you don't belong," her mum replied quietly. "Just… don't let her push you around. And _protect_ yourself. You know I love Petunia dearly, and Vernon has been very kind to me… but both of them are opportunists; and I fear that they'll try to take advantage of you if your guard isn't up."

Lily nodded. "I'll keep it up. Thanks, Mum."

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Don't worry too much about it, I know how you worry… just… be aware, and don't give in to her pressure if she dishes it out. After yesterday, I know that you're going to have a much more normal life than she ever will since everyone in yours is so easy going and carefree," her mother smiled.

Lily chuckled lightly, thinking to herself that flying broomsticks, transporting invisible luggage, and being hunted by dark wizards would be about as normal as she'd ever get. She sighed and picked up the baby blanket, pondering what kind of life her sister would have. "Is Petunia happy?"

Mrs. Evans smiled. "Don't worry about that either, she's over the moon. And Vernon is pleasant and has been very kind, as I said; though he's _quite_ arrogant. James is so much nicer to be around. But she loves him, and he's very good to her, so I have no worries about that. He'll make sure she's taken care of."

Lily nodded, smiling a little to herself. "Well… that's all I want for her. The rest I can ignore."

"You are happier than she is though," Lily's mum said. "She worries so much about appearances and what everyone thinks; her and Vernon both are very concerned about their position in society. I'm so glad you don't care about things like that; you are who you are, and all your friends are the same way. You are going to do brilliant things once you finish with school."

"What if I … I really just want to be a mum," Lily said quietly. "And a wife… do you think I'd be good at that?"

Her mother smiled and patted Lily's cheek. "You'll be brilliant at it."

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

It was mid-evening and James was sitting in his living room, casting puffs of smoke from his wand and vanishing them after they floated above his face for a few moments. He'd played three games of chess with his father, responded again to Lily's most recent letter, and went for a long walk in the snow. Sirius would be back with Julia in the morning; they were visiting her family and had been gone a few days. Between missing Lily and his best friend, James had been driving his parents mad.

"Jamesy… _honey_… if you miss her that badly, why don't you just go to her? I can't imagine she'd mind; she's been writing you as much as you've been writing her, you may as well just be together," his mother said with an exasperated sigh.

"I know she wants to spend time alone with her mum; I want to give her that. She-"

"She'd probably like it if the two you of you could spend time with her," Mrs. Potter replied.

"She mentioned that… but-"

"If she mentioned it… why are you still here?"

James made a mock frown. "Do you want to get rid of me, Mum?"

"James Ambrose, you know that is not what I am getting at. Though, I will admit you are driving me mad with your pacing, I love having you home. But your heart is with Lily, and I'm guessing her heart is here; why are you apart?"

"I… well, I just didn't want to intrude on-"

"It's not an intrusion if you are wanted," his mother said, turning back to her cup of tea. "You are so like your father. Stubborn, worrisome… and very, very sweet. Go to her, even if you come back tonight, I'm sure she'd be happy to see you."

James nodded and gave his mother a quick hug before grabbing his cloak and walking out the door. The air was cold and he shuddered before Aapparating to the park across from Lily's house. He pulled his cloak tighter around his shoulders as he walked forward, frowning at the darkened house. Only one light in the living room was on, it looked very quiet. James raised his hand and knocked on the door and waited, suddenly thinking he should have brought flowers or something for both Lily and her mother.

A few moments passed, and James knocked again; there was no answer. He stepped away and peered in the windows, narrowing his eyes at the disheveled state of the living room. The entire time he'd known Lily's mum, her house had been very well kept, and Lily herself seemed to like things in a state of order. The pillows from the couch were thrown on the floor; Lily's cloak lay abandoned on the chair, and another two jackets were thrown off to the side. James stepped away, his mind racing as to where they could be.

"Lad?" a voice called. "Are you looking for someone?"

James started and turned around to see a neighbor observing him curiously from his doorway. He cleared his throat and stepped toward the neighbor's house. "Erm… yes, actually. Do you know if Rose Evans is home? Or did she and her daughter step out for a moment?"

The man frowned and lowered his eyes. "I'm guessing they're at St. Michaels on eighth street; Petunia and her husband came racing over, and then an ambulance came a few minutes later. I'm not sure what was happening."

James' eyes widened. "St. Michaels? Can you tell me where that is?" he asked urgently, walking closer to where the man was standing.

"It's on eighth street and Lynner, right in the middle of town," the man explained. "You're a friend of Lily's?"

"Yes," James answered quietly.

"Sweet girl, she is," the man muttered before turning and walking inside. James watched him go, then began to walk back over to the park, wondering why Lily hadn't contacted him when something happened. His mind began to race with worry; perhaps she didn't want him to see her upset, perhaps her mother's hospitalization would force her back into a reclusive state. He wouldn't let her go back to that; whatever happened, he would support her and let her know she wasn't alone. He was just about to Apparate away when a crack filled the air and a shorter figure appeared in front of him. Instinctively, James held up his wand and aimed it at the figure.

"James, it's me," his mother's voice said quickly. She stepped forward and placed her hands on his shoulders, a sad look in her eye as she examined his confused expression. "You had just left - you hadn't even been gone five minutes when Lily's owl came," she explained, handing him a note and frowning.

James unfolded the paper and read, noting the tear marks and smeared ink on the paper.

"_My_ _Mum is gone_," the first line of the letter said. "_I'm at St. Michaels in Southhampton. Please come as soon as you can."_

James felt his heart sink, heaviness he had never experienced flooding his chest. Rose Evans was gone, with her husband Mark now. James had only met her three times, most of their conversations had been through correspondence, but he felt sad and despondent that he'd never see her face again. And he knew the sadness he was feeling wasn't even a fraction of what Lily was at this point.

"I took the liberty of sending her owl on trips to Sirius and Julia, as well as Dumbledore and McGonagall and a few others," his mother explained. "Saves you the time; you need to go."

James swallowed and nodded, folding up the note and putting it in his pocket. He looked up at his mum, her eyes a little watery and her expression sad. "What… what do I say? What can I do?" he asked nervously, feeling his hands shake as he thought of how Lily was feeling.

His mother shook her head. "You can't say or do anything, James. All you can do is be there, that's all she wants," she explained.

James nodded and hugged his mother very tightly before stepping away. "If she needs anything let us know, we'll be there," Mrs. Potter said, watching her son nod and disappear into the night.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

Lily was in shock; she hadn't cried a single tear.

She and her mother had managed to sort all of her remaining baby clothes from Petunia's, placed the trunk full of her keepsakes in her room, and ate dinner After supper, Lily walked upstairs to take a quick shower, but paused when she heard a heavy sigh from the floor below. She'd called to her mother, but there was no response; she raced downstairs to find her lying on the floor, barely stirring. Lily had called the ambulance and Petunia immediately, then set to trying to revive her mother. She'd spoken a few consoling words, whispered goodbye, and then she was gone. When they arrived at the hospital, the nurse told them there was nothing that could have been done; her heart had given out from the strain of fighting the disease spreading through her body.

They were now sitting in a secluded area, listening to a grief counselor discuss plans for a funeral. Lily was barely paying attention; before she'd come to the hospital, she'd sent Daisy off with a note to James. She was cursing herself for not calling him, but she'd been in such a state she didn't have time to look for the letter that contained his phone number, and had simply wrote a note, trusting he would come when he received it.

When the woman left the room to fetch a few brochures of funeral homes, Petunia sighed huffily and Vernon cleared his throat.

"I'm surprised they're here at this hour," he mused.

"They must have to be," Petunia replied. "Never know when these things will happen."

"You sound so torn up," Lily said bitterly.

"At least I've shed some tears," snarled Petunia under her breath.

Vernon didn't hear their exchange; he was glancing out the hallway and examining his watch. "Unable to reach what's-his-name? That's inconvenient, none of them having telephones. Perfect example of why you'd be better off to leave the lot of them alone."

Lily straightened up and stared out the window, past where he and Petunia were standing. "_James_ will be here, I sent him a note. And he has a phone, I just chose not to use it because-"

Loud footsteps echoed from down the hall, and suddenly James appeared into sight, glancing around at Petunia and Vernon before running to Lily, who jumped from her chair and threw herself into his arms. She buried her face in his sweatshirt, breathing in his clean, heady scent and feeling relief flood through her veins. It didn't replace the sadness, but it eased the pain ever so slightly. James didn't say a word, he just stroked her hair and held her close to him.

"I was at your house… I was coming to visit, I just missed Daisy and my Mum had to find me… I came as fast as I could," he whispered after a few moments, frowning sadly when Lily nodded but didn't look at his face. "I'm so sorry, Lily… I'm sorry… What can I do? What do you want me to do?" he asked helplessly.

"You're here now, that's all I wanted … I missed you so much," she whispered, clutching him tightly as he kissed the top of her head.

The counselor walked back in with a nurse, both of them not remarking on the presence of a newcomer. "Barney's is nice; they'll work with you on floral arrangements and headstones. The rest all require separate phone calls, so I'd suggest them. And I've included the names of a few counselors if you girls wish to talk," the woman said, glancing at Lily and Petunia separately.

Both of them nodded, Lily finally raising her head and letting James examine her expression. She was pale, her expression full of confusion and sadness, but her cheeks were dry; she appeared to be in shock. "Thank you," she said quietly, watching the woman walk out.

The nurse set a bag of belongings on the empty bed, glancing sadly about both Lily and Petunia. "I'm so sorry girls… I know that this feels awful now, but she's in a better place. It was a hard decision for her to stop accepting treatment, but I think that in the long run it-"

"Wait…" Lily interrupted. "What? What about not accepting treatment?" she asked, looking directly at the nurse.

The nurse looked at Lily curiously. "Oh… um… well, your mother stopped accepting treatment last August. It wouldn't have prolonged her life very much, and it was making her extremely ill. Rose didn't think it was a good idea, didn't she discuss this with either of you?"

Lily shook her head and glanced at Petunia, who had the same expression of shock on her face. "She… she never mentioned it. I knew how sick she was… but… I thought she was getting better…" Petunia muttered very quietly.

"She felt better since she wasn't taking the medicine; it makes one very, _very_ ill in addition to the cancer," The nurse explained. "I know it's hard to understand… but she didn't want to live for only a few months longer if she would be in misery. I'm sure she didn't want to upset either of you… I'm so sorry I mentioned it," the nurse muttered sheepishly before backing out of the area.

There was silence for a few moments, and then Vernon cleared his throat as he walked over to Petunia. "I'm sure she just didn't want to upset you. She probably didn't want you to try and talk her out of it or-"

"Or she didn't want to be a _burden_ on _you_ for very long," Lily snarled back at him. Her eyes were fixed on Petunia. "How … you had to know _something_, Petunia. I noticed she was acting better now than she was in the summer, and I didn't see her every week. You _did_… you had to-"

Petunia pressed her lips together. "She was sick, Lily; I … I suspected, but I can understand why she chose to stop. Nothing was going to make her better and-"

"You could have paid a little attention to how she acted! What did you do all the times you spent with her? Didn't you notice anything?"

"You're so busy off in your world; what does it matter if I did or didn't notice something?" Petunia shot back.

Lily's expression was livid, her eyes full of shock at Petunia's cold attitude. "You're so selfish; too busy moving up in society to really pay attention to what was happening with your family?"

Petunia stood up and walked closer to Lily. "You're one to talk about what was happening with our family!" she shouted. "Running off to God knows where every year, coming home with your new tricks, spending all your time reading that nonsense! You couldn't even give it up to stay after-"

"I didn't have a choice!" Lily shouted. "This is who I am and I can't-"

"You could… but Mum and Dad just _encouraged_ you. '_Lily don't give up on your school – you've got so much important_-'"

"She does have important things to do," James said, interceding on Lily's behalf. "She can't just hide who she is, and pretend that she doesn't belong in our world because you're jealous!"

Petunia snarled. "Oh, you shut up! You aren't involved in this and-"

"I'm involved with Lily, therefore I'm just as involved as she is," James replied.

"You _aren't_ family," Petunia spat.

"Not yet," James replied.

Petunia's eyes widened and she glared at Lily. "You can't do it… you can't-"

"I can do whatever the hell I want," Lily replied coldly.

Petunia frowned, glancing at Vernon who was giving Lily a very angry glare. "Leave."

"I'm not leaving you alone with-"

"Vernon… just _leave_," Petunia insisted. "You too… _get out_," she muttered at James, shooing them both out of the area.

James hesitated, but Lily nodded before turning her glare back to her sister. James walked out with Vernon, frowning over at Petunia before moving out of sight. Once far enough away that they couldn't hear the conversation, the two men looked at each other, James choosing to stay close by in case Lily needed him while Vernon walked away arrogantly.

Lily breathed heavily, trying to calm herself. She wiped her tears away from her face and sniffed. "Tuney, I know you hate me. But I didn't have a choice… and Mum wanted me to go back; she didn't want me to deny who I am, just like she didn't want you to deny who you are! I can't just shut this off, just like you can't shut off the fact that you need to be thought of as perfect. But… how could you not have noticed anything?"

Petunia turned around, her eyes full of tears. Lily stared back at her, their expressions of pain mimicking the others. "She _was_ suffering, Lily. You didn't see… she wouldn't let you because you couldn't have handled it."

"Yes I could have! I've-"

"No… you couldn't. I could barely handle it," Petunia confessed. "She was _so_ sick, sicker than Dad was. She lost so much weight, and she was vomiting all the time; she couldn't keep anything in her stomach. Her hair was falling out, and she couldn't even get up to shower some days, she was so tired. Then one week… she just started to feel better, and then better; she had more energy, she took me shopping for baby clothes and all sorts of things. I was so happy to have her back, I thought… I thought the treatment was working. I didn't even think of the opposite."

Lily sniffed. "It didn't even cross your mind? When she suddenly started acting normal again?"

"No… she was still sick, but it just wasn't as bad; the treatment was worse than the illness, and it wasn't saving her. You saw her… at my wedding she was a mess, but when you came just now home she seemed healthier, didn't she? They must have given her pain medication to deal with some things… but… she was happy again. She talked about Vernon and I having children, helped me set up the house… I was just glad to have her back to normal so I didn't have to take care of her all the time," Petunia sobbed.

Lily sniffed, a tear falling down her cheek as she thought of how sick her mother was, and how awful she was for not being there. "You should have told me… I … I would have come home on weekends or something. Why didn't you tell me?"

Petunia sniffed and glared at Lily with a furious expression. "Because you were the _chosen_ one… you got to be away from it at that _school_, practicing your tricks with your freak friends. I was stuck here… stuck with all of it – dad's death, dealing with Mum's grief, her pain and-"

"You think I got _away_ from it?" Lily asked. "I was desperate to come home… I was so sad and worried! I had to hide it all from everyone! My Professors, my friends; I had to tuck it away so no one would know! There was no escape and-"

"Mum said to leave you alone, to leave you out of it… she didn't want my help either, but I couldn't just let her be. They were always protecting you and-"

"They were always protecting me because you were so _horrid_ to me! The teasing, the mean-spirited comments; always calling me a freak, and doing things to torment me! Filling my trunk with mud so all my clothes were dirty when I got to school; writing all over my books, trying to steal my wand and snap it in half!" Lily shouted. "They wouldn't have had to protect me if you weren't so cruel!"

Petunia quelled slightly, but rebounded and stood up into Lily's face. "I _know_ what you _are_… ever since you were born, you were just a stain on my life; ruining everything I had going for me. They thought you were _so_ special, and you're not. If you were really magical, if you really had any talent, you could have stopped this from happening!" she shouted.

Lily backed away, tears falling from her eyes. "You sound like the same people hunting me… you sound just like them; that you can escape death. I couldn't have fixed this… no power could have stopped Mum or Dad from dying. I'm sorry … I'm sorry that I was born this way, that it was me and not you… but we're all we have left! Can't you-"

"No… I can't Lily. Mum is gone, and Dad is gone, and you and I live in two separate worlds. That's it," Petunia said coldly. "And if you keep this ridiculous nonsense up, I don't care what that will says… if that boy is so wealthy he can take care of you… because you aren't getting a damn thing from us," she snarled before storming away, leaving Lily standing in the common room with a shocked expression on her face.

James started as Petunia walked past him, her eyes cold and full of loathing as she looked him over quickly. He darted back to the area where they had been and walked over to Lily, who was looking at him with a pained expression as she collapsed into tears against his chest. "What happened?" he asked, pulling her onto the couch and sitting down.

Lily shook her head. "She's awful… she's just awful," Lily said through her sobs.

"She said something about a will… and that you wouldn't get anything," James muttered. Lily looked up at him with wide eyes. "Yes… I eavesdropped. I only heard snippets."

Lily sniffed, then laughed randomly and shook her head. "I don't know what that means… they can't have a copy of it already, but there's got to be-"

"C'mon," James said, pulling Lily to her feet and out the front door of the hospital.

"Wha… where are we going?" Lily asked, following as quickly as she could with James. His legs were much longer than hers, and she had to run to keep pace with him. As soon as they were outside, his arm wrapped around her waist and he twisted into nothingness. When the squeezing sensation faded, they were standing in the park across from her house. James hurried to the front door, allowing Lily to open it with her key before stepping over the threshold and pulling her inside.

"James… what-"

"Do you… do you know my phone number?" he asked sheepishly. "I don't have it memorized."

Lily chuckled lightly and motioned for him to follow her upstairs. They entered her room and she walked to her desk, sifting through a small drawer for his letter. James looked at her trunk and pulled out his wand, tapping the lock with it and muttering a quick incantation.

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously, handing him the letter with his phone number on it.

"I'm setting a protective charm; no one except you will be able to open this now," he explained, taking the letter and stepping outside her room. "Do you… I'm going to suggest you come to my house, but if you want to stay here I'll-"

"I'm going where ever you'll be, James; I don't want to be alone," she murmured, taking his hand.

James smiled sadly and kissed her hand. "I'm going to call my parents real quick, let them know we'll be coming in a while. Can you set a locking charm on your door?"

"O-kay… can I ask why?"

"I want to make sure … well… I don't want anyone to take your things, or go through them. Not that anyone would but… just in case," he said, trying not to accuse Lily's sister of doing something so horrible.

Lily nodded and turned back to the door, taking out her wand and muttering a few quiet words while James headed downstairs. Lily frowned; she knew James was right, but it felt sad to protect her things from Petunia. Thinking of a few things in her Mother's room that should be left alone until a will could be examined. Lily proceeded into her bedroom and performed the same protective charm. No one without a wand could remove anything from the household; it would simply become too heavy for them to lift.

When Lily headed downstairs, James was on the phone with a curious expression. "Oh… I didn't… yeah, that makes sense, though I wish I would have known," he was muttering. "…That was a good idea, did you… I can see Mum doing that. All right… we'll be over in a few minutes," he said before hanging up the phone.

"What's going on, James?"

James turned around and pulled Lily into his arms, holding her tightly for a few moments then releasing her and cupping her face with his hands. "I love you more than anything in the world, all right? You know that, right?"

"Yes…"

"All right… your mum left the name of a lawyer with my parents. He's got the will and everything, you can call him tomorrow. I'm guessing she left the name with your sister and her husband as well, so that's how everything will be sorted," James explained.

"I wonder why she didn't tell me," Lily mused, sitting down at the table.

"I think she didn't tell you because you would have asked too many questions," he said with a smirk. "That, and the lawyer is good friends with my mum… he's a wizard."

Lily's eyes widened. "What? She must have talked with your parents to get his name. Why-"

"She must have known that once she was gone, your sister would try and cut you off if you didn't leave school or something like that. The lawyer and my mum helped your mum draw up the will, she wanted to make sure you weren't left out in the cold. There's no way that Vernon and Petunia can take whatever she gave you. I'm not sure of all the details; my Mum knows more, she's going with you tomorrow, or whenever you visit, to make sure everything is in order," James explained.

"Oh… all right," Lily said, her mind racing with thoughts.

"I'm telling you this… because I want you to know you'll be able to take care of yourself. You won't have to worry about anything; your Mum made sure that you wouldn't be left with nothing," James said very seriously.

"That's good… that makes me feel a little safer," she muttered.

"But … you don't have to go it alone… just because you can support yourself doesn't mean that I – er… that you'll have to do everything alone. If anything were to… happen between us – not that it would… but now you know that you can take care of yourself. Even if something did happen between us – I don't want anything to. I want to stay with you forever… but if you didn't… you'll be okay. Though I'd always help you if you-"

Lily placed a finger over James' lips and shushed him very quietly. "I understand what you're saying, James… you don't have to explain," she whispered.

James smiled and kissed her forehead, wiping a tear away from her cheek. "Let's go, you need to rest, you look so tired," he whispered, pulling her into a hug. Lily nodded in agreement, following him outside and holding his hand as they Apparated back to his house.

Lily slept very soundly after a bowl of soup that Mrs. Potter had made, though she did cry for about an hour in James' arms. He had brought her up a cup of tea around midnight, which she guessed was mixed with a dreamless sleep potion since she fell asleep shortly afterward. She wasn't upset though; her head felt much clearer in the morning and she was grateful for whatever he had done.

She knew this would happen, she just hadn't expected it so soon; the pain was still so raw, but she felt a great deal of peace in James' presence. In addition to the pain, there was so much that needed to be done. It made her heart feel heavy and mind feel exhausted, and she found she was beyond thankful that James and his parents were there to help her out.

Lily called the lawyer, Hamilton Johnson, in the morning after some breakfast, discovering Petunia had already called in and set up an appointment. Mrs. Potter accompanied her to Bitterne Park to meet with them and discuss the contents of the will, including sale of the house in Hedge End.

"I can't thank you enough, Mrs. Potter," Lily said for what seemed like the fiftieth time. "This is something I didn't even think about needing to do."

"It's nothing, dear. After you and James made it official, Rose called me and asked for my thoughts on all of this. I had told her last year over the Holiday about my experience with Wizarding and Muggle laws, and she wanted to make sure everything could be taken care of for you. I was happy to help her out, and you out as well. You mean _so much_ to Jamesy, and to Ambrose and me," she said kindly, placing her arm around her shoulders and squeezing her tightly.

"I'm so glad she had someone to help, thank you so much. You all mean a lot to me too, Mrs. Potter," Lily replied shyly.

"Please call me Lindsay… all of James' friends do, and you're much closer to him than they are," she insisted.

Lily smiled and chuckled. "I'm not sure about that; James and Sirius are like brothers."

"Yes… but that's not exactly what I meant," Lindsay teased, causing Lily to laugh very hard as they walked into a brick building with a large sign out front that read _Johnson/Ericson Law Offices_.

"I never knew that wizards had lawyers," Lily murmured very quietly as they sat in the waiting area.

"Oh yes. Most work through the Ministry, but a few practice outside of it. They usually get involved through the Muggle Liason office, and go into practice to help Muggle-borns out in situations like this. It's a good thing really; Muggle laws are much more complicated than many of us realize," Lindsay explained. "Plus, I knew Milton from my Hogwarts days, and I trust him over many of the other lawyers I know."

Lily quirked an eyebrow curiously as she watched James' mother smirk mischievously. "James is not unlike his father in the jealousy department," she explained very quietly, answering Lily's unspoken question. "He was _obsessively_ envious of how close I was with Milton before he and I started going out. 'Course … I neglected to tell him that Milton is gay, and had no interest in me what-so-ever," she added, causing Lily to laugh very loudly again.

The door opened and Petunia and Vernon walked in, making faces at the unexpected presence of Lily and James' mother. "How did… how did you know we were-"

"I had Mr. Johnson's name, and called this morning; he told me about the appointment and suggested I come. Why didn't _you_ tell me, Tuney? Not trying to keep me out of the loop on things are you?" Lily said in an innocent voice.

Petunia frowned and looked at Vernon, who smirked maliciously. "It's probably a good thing you're here, Lily," he muttered in a smug voice. "I believe that Petunia and I are your legal guardians for the next month, and there are some things we need to discuss," he said, walking into the man's office without even knocking on the door.

Lily's expression filled with horror as she turned to Mrs. Potter, who shook her head and squeezed her hand. "Don't worry about that, dear. He's counting his chickens... and in reality, he doesn't even have eggs," she muttered, frowning at Vernon and Petunia's backs.

Mr. Johnson greeted them all and began discussing the contents of Rose Evans' will. She granted permission to Lily and Petunia to sell the house, and split the proceeds equally between them. The same was to be done with the amount of her estate. Both Lily's mother and father had set up individual benefit accounts for the girls, and those proceeds were accessible to them to cover funeral and other expenses. The remainder could be invested, or spent as they pleased.

"There were a few specific requests in the will. Your mother's and father's wedding rings now belong to you, Lily; and Petunia, you have the china, if you wish to keep it," the man explained as he set identical copies of the will and a few other legal documents in front of the girls. "If everything looks in order, you can sign here as accepting and understanding the terms," he explained, indicating a line at the bottom of the forms.

Lily watched Petunia sign quickly and followed suit, reading over the paper while Vernon resumed talking.

"About the matter of Lily here and us having control over her affairs and finances," Vernon began. "I feel that it is in her best interest-"

Lily eyes had narrowed, she was about to protest but Mr. Johnson held up a hand and interrupted Vernon's thoughts. "Actually, no; Lily, your mother left your care entrusted to Ambrose and Lindsay Potter until you come of Muggle age… which I understand is just over a month," Mr. Johnson explained, looking from Vernon to Lily.

Vernon's face grew red. "Well now wait just a minute; she can't just-"

"You see right here, just above where your wife signed? Lily's guardianship does not revert to Petunia. Mrs. Evans wished it to be given to Mr. and Mrs. Potter, which is why Lindsay accompanied Lily today, am I correct?"

"Yes, that's right," Mrs. Potter said, examining the forms. "Of course, it's really just a formality since you are already of age, Lily; it's more for the Muggle documentation of things that she had it put in," she explained looking at Lily, who was biting her lip shyly and avoiding looking at Petunia's and Vernon's shocked faces.

"_Muggle_… both of you have used that term," muttered Petunia, her face full of confusion, until suddenly the truth hit her. "_You_! You're… you're one of _them_, aren't you?" she snarled at Mr. Johnson.

"If by '_one of them'_ you mean a Wizard, yes, that is correct," Mr. Johnson said with a chuckle. "I assure you, your mother was not bewitched or forced to accept my services in anyway. She approached me with concerns that Lily might be overlooked in proceedings, and wanted to make sure her half of the estate was protected. The paper you have signed prohibits redistribution of the assets, or falsification of the amount divided in the estate. Also, your mother-in-law's former residence now has a charm over it; once it is sold, Lily will be notified, and the proceeds can be split accordingly."

Petunia and Vernon looked livid as they stared at the man. "I _did_ tell your mother that she need not be concerned," Mr. Johnson continued. "You wouldn't try to take advantage of your own sister, would you Mrs. Dursley?"

Petunia's face turned red, she sniffed and turned her gaze toward Lily, who was looking at her with a completely calm expression. "Of course… of course not," she muttered, gathering the papers together and placing them in her purse without another word.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

December thirtieth was sunny but cold, the small crowd of people gathered around the Evans' residence kept the door shut tightly after each new visitor stepped through. Petunia and Vernon did most of the greeting and accepting of apologies, but Lily had a slew of visitors that kept reminding her of how out of place she now was.

"Oh, my dear… I'm so sorry this has happened. Whatever will you do after school now?"

"These things happen, Lily; it's just such a shame that you have had to spend so much time away. I'm happy that you've been able to expand your giftedness, but to be away from your family at such a time… that must be hard."

"Petunia is holding up well, I know this is hard on you both. It seems she shouldered most of the burden of your mother's care while you were away…"

Lily moaned quietly and buried her head in her hands. "Why can't they serve wine at funerals?"

James chuckled. "It's probably not appropriate… don't worry, this is the last visitation. You only have about twenty minutes left, and then we'll go to the cemetery," he whispered in a soothing voice from his spot next to her.

Fearing an outburst from Petunia and odd questions from her family, Lily had graciously accepted apologies from her friends, but asked them to stay away until after the funeral so she could deal with her family as best she knew how. James had relayed the message, but remained steadfast by her side. He could tell Lily was distraught and struggling to hold herself together, though he had no idea how much his presence soothed her and kept her steady.

The minister who had known Lily and Petunia both since birth ordained over their mother's service, just as he had done for their father. His message was short and full of love, expressing both his condolences to the girls and encouraging them to seek the comfort of their families.

Lily felt tears well up in her eyes as she thought about family. She had no blood family who wanted any part of her; that much was clear. They either thought she was so gifted she looked down on them, or she was a freak who deserved to be locked away. She knew her friends and James were there for her, but not having a blood relative to turn to made her feel extremely lonely.

Lily laid a single white flower on her mother's casket, and watched with watery eyes as the casket lowered into the ground; everyone around her began to discuss other things. Petunia and Vernon were talking about the house, Lily's aunts were discussing their trip back home, but Lily stared at the ground, watching the last relative who cared for her disappear into the cold Earth.

"Lils? Do you want to stay?" asked James' voice from very close to her. He reached out hesitantly, taking her hand and frowning. He felt helpless, there was nothing he could say or do to make her pain disappear.

Lily sniffed, shaking her head as she wiped away her tears. "No… I, um-"

"Before you go, Lily, there is the matter of the house," Vernon suddenly said. "I know we discussed it yesterday and your mother's will states-"

"It states that half of her estate, including the house, is _mine_; which means you can't sell it without my consent," Lily said, not looking up at him; her eyes remained fixed on the grave.

"Well… yes… erm, which is why-"

Petunia suddenly was at his side, frowning harshly at Lily and James' figures. "Don't be difficult about this, Lily; it's not like you can come back and –"

"She can if she wants," James said coldly, glaring back at Petunia's figure as he placed an arm around Lily's waist.

"I told you to stay out-"

Lily rallied and glared furiously at Petunia. "Do _NOT_ speak to James in that tone; he's done more for me the past forty-eight hours than you've done the last seven years," Lily snarled. "Put it on the market, I'll know when it sells… your signature on the will assured that. I'll come home then, and we'll discuss the split and everything else that needs to be taken care of. I put a charm on my things: my trunk, my room… you try to get in there and snoop around, there will be consequences."

Petunia sputtered and narrowed her eyes. "You can't prevent me from taking a look at what may be mine! You-"

"It's only on _my_ things, Petunia. Mum and I spent two days going through them and setting aside what I wished to keep. I didn't touch any of your things, and I've made sure that you won't touch mine," Lily replied calmly.

"You… you can't just-"

"_Yes_, I can. You and I live in two different worlds, Petunia; I have the power to do that… and nothing you say or do can stop me. I'll talk to you when someone buys the house, otherwise I have nothing to say," Lily replied, turning around and walking with James out of the graveyard into the street.

James followed her lead as they walked away from the cemetery and down the street. The snow was falling heavily, flakes sticking to her hair and black cloak as she walked. Lily kept walking, not saying a word, silently leading James to where he knew not. She finally stopped at a park, sitting herself on the swings and staring at her feet. James sat next to her and pushed himself lightly back and forth as she did.

"Was it wrong of me to do that?" asked Lily, continuing to stare at the snowy ground.

"No. You did the right thing, Lils. They were going to try and take everything you had… and obviously felt no remorse about it," James said coldly. He watched Lily nod, and his expression became soft. "Everything will be all right. Your mum loved you and understood that you're a witch; she didn't want you to abandon your life… that's why she wanted to make sure you were safe. She wanted you to stay in our world, with all of us… where you belong."

Lily nodded again, finally turning her eyes to his face. "This is the swing set I used to play on when I was a kid," she explained. "I used to jump out when I was at full height… it scared my mother to death."

"I remember you telling me that," James chuckled.

"I used magic when I did that. I used magic to help organize a bunch of photos for my mom… and to pack my trunk. I use magic to do everything," she said.

"It's useful…"

"I don't belong here."

James nodded, reaching down and taking her hand. "You don't."

"I belong with you," Lily whispered.

James smiled and squeezed her hand tightly. "You always have."

Lily stood and walked in front of James, wiping a single tear from her cheek as she looked down at him. "Take me home," she whispered.

James smiled, standing up and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, squeezing her tightly when she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I can do that."

It was dark when they arrived in Cricklade. James held Lily's hand as they walked toward his house, the lights in the window glowing warmly, a contrast from the cold air outside. He opened the door and escorted her inside, pausing behind her when she stopped and gasped at the amount of people present in the Potter's living room.

Julia rushed forward, throwing her arms around Lily and squeezing her tightly. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry," her friend whispered, voice shaking as she clutched her tightly.

Lily laid her head against her Julia's shoulder and felt her eyes well up with tears again. Another set of hands patted her gently on the back, and she looked up to see Sirius standing beside them. He pulled her close to him and squeezed her tightly with one arm before releasing her and placing his hand against her cheek in a comforting gesture. Remus walked forward and hugged her tightly as well. "You've taken care of all of us; we can return the favor," he muttered quietly, causing her to chuckle when he patted her on the back. Peter patted her on the back and muttered a quiet apology, she smiled to let him know he didn't have to say something profound for her to know he sympathized. Marlene and Alice both stepped forward, Frank by Alice's side. Marlene stroked Lily's hair while Alice squeezed her very tightly, trying to communicate her empathy through touch.

Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Slughorn were also present, each of them offering their condolences and support. James' parents held on to Lily for an extended period of time, his mother taking her face in her hands and kissing her forehead. "We've got you now; your home is here, with all of us," she said quietly.

"Thank you," Lily whispered, almost inaudibly, as she hugged Mrs. Potter very tightly. She tried to communicate her thanks to the room at large, but it seemed they understood how much their gesture meant to her without her expressing it verbally.

James' mum had made a small meal and everyone stayed for a few hours, talking about various things that were happening in their world and helping distract Lily from her grief. She felt grateful for the companionship, thankful for their kindness, and comforted by everyone's consistent statements that she belonged with them in their world; her world.

The evening came to an end, and slowly people began to filter away. Dumbledore and McGonagall were talking about the most recent attacks in the Dining Room; James found himself seated near the fireplace, Lily's sleeping figure cuddled against his chest as he talked with Sirius and Julia.

"I always knew Lily's sister was a piece of work… but I never knew it was that bad," Julia was saying as she threaded her fingers through Sirius' hair.

"Had I had any sense about me I would have lost my temper… but I was still in shock about everything happening so quickly," said James, thinking back to Petunia's comments to Lily. "I still don't know everything she said to her when they made us leave the room; all I know is when I went back in, Lily was in tears."

Sirius snorted. "Well… she's better off without her then."

"I agree, but _you_ know what it's like to have your family forsake you better than any of us, Sirius," Julia said. "Neither James nor I have any idea what that's like… but you two-"

"Yeah, I know what it feels like," Sirius interrupted, his voice stern as he spoke to Julia. "Like I said… she's better off. Lily is better than that, she doesn't need it."

"And neither do you," Julia replied.

Sirius snorted, his eyes fixed on the fire as his posture relaxed and Julia began to stroke his hair again. James glanced at him curiously. "Your mum didn't write you, did she?"

"No… but something is up with my brother," Sirius muttered. "He's… we never got on all right, we just kind of avoided each other since he started school. But he's been hanging 'round Mulciber lately. He was with Snape one day, and when I walked past, he made a motion like he was going to hex me but thought better of it."

"You don't think…"

"No… My parents think Voldemort is doing the right thing, but they wouldn't want him to join up. Hell, he'll only be sixteen in January; I can't imagine Voldemort wanting a sixteen year old among his ranks. Plus, the way Reg works, he'd have to hand-hold him in everything… never thinks for himself, bloody coward," Sirius growled.

There was a low chuckle behind them, and the three of them all turned to see Dumbledore smiling in a bemused manner down at them. "Never be too quick to judge, Sirius… people can change," Dumbledore said quietly.

Sirius nodded but still remained somber as he thought of his brother. "Anything going on with the Order?" he asked, anxious to turn his thoughts away from his family.

"I'll let you all know when we have another meeting, they've been few and far between at this moment while we're getting reorganized after the last attack. James, you will relay my condolences to Lily again, won't you?" Dumbledore asked, glancing down at Lily's figure.

"Yes, sir," James nodded.

"Very well, we'll see you all very soon," Dumbledore said as he and McGonagall stepped into the fireplace and vanished. Sirius sighed heavily, watching as James gathered Lily in his arms and took her upstairs to the spare room to sleep.

Sirius leaned back into Julia's chest and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her fingers threading through his hair. "I only brought that up because I think that it would be good to let Lily know she's not alone in her situation," Julia said quietly.

"What situation?"

"Having no blood family she can to return to," Julia replied.

Sirius sighed heavily and stared at the fire, saying goodnight to James' parents as they passed. He didn't respond to Julia's statement, lost in thought as he over her observation. He did understand how Lily felt; their situations were different, but the same in so many respects. She had no blood relatives living who cared for her; he no longer wanted to be part of his blood family. He was ashamed of them and their beliefs. Nothing would ever convince him that being pure-blood made him a cut above the rest. If anything, he'd seen in more than one instance that a person of lesser blood purity could be twice the wizard he would ever be.

Julia sighed and moved to stand up, but Sirius turned around and caught her by the waist. "I'll let her know, Jules. I didn't mean to snap at you; I don't like talking about my family," he said quietly, threading the fingers of one hand into her hair.

"I know; I don't blame you. Lily is my best friend, Sirius… I know there is probably part of her that feels very lonely right now, but she's not," replied Julia.

"She knows… James is reminding her, we're all reminding her."

"You aren't alone either," said Julia, placing her hands against Sirius' face and looking into his steely-grey eyes. "You feel like you're alone… but James is your brother, Remus and Peter too. And his parents think of you as a son… you aren't an orphan, Sirius. You're not alone."

Sirius nodded, smiling gently as he turned and kissed the inside of Julia's wrist. "You see so much more in me than I thought anyone ever would."

Julia smirked. "More than just a pretty face, you know," she whispered.

Sirius laughed and moved forward, kissing her soft lips soundly and laying her down on her back. "I love you, Julia."

Julia paused, her eyes widening in shock as Sirius' words sank into her ears. He was lying over top of her, holding her very close as he kissed along her jaw line. She smiled and hugged him closer. "I love you. And you need to take me upstairs now…"

Sirius laughed and scooped her into his arms, walking very quietly to his room across the hall from James' and casing a silencing charm as he shut the door.

* * *

_A/N: Update on a Monday Night... craziness! Thanks for all your reviews; I love the comments, I love the feedback, and I am so glad you are enjoying the story and that it keeps getting interesting. So much has happened to them in such a short period of time, and I love watching them grow closer together. I talk like they're my own children or something, the power of characterization! Thanks again for all your feedback._


	26. Presents

Presents

"You Make It Real" James Morrison

* * *

James was lying in his bed and examining the cracks in the ceiling. He'd never bothered to fix them, considering it an addition to the décor of his room; something to converse over if he should ever be lucky enough to lie next to someone and discuss such things. He was lucky, he had someone to lie next to; but she was sleeping peacefully in the other room, and he was allowing her to rest alone, though he longed to be next to her.

It had been a long three days for Lily. James felt extremely guilty that he could not remove the pain she was in; all he could do was offer sympathy and his arms for her to curl up in. He had only a vague guess at how much her heart was aching; he had never lost anyone close to him before. James had been expecting his parents to pass, seeing as they were older, but had always assumed he would be prepared. But after watching her grieve during the past few days, James realized one could never be prepared for such a thing.

He sighed and ruffled his hair; he wished he could do more. He knew she wanted to be strong, brave; sure of herself and her destination in life. But deep inside her eyes, he could see that she felt lost. Petunia's harsh words and horrid behaviour had done nothing to comfort Lily; if anything, it had just assured her that she had no loving family to return to.

But family was more than biology, it was more than blood. The Potters were her family now; Sirius, Remus, and Peter were her family. Julia was her family. The Order of the Phoenix was her family. He, James, was her family; he'd be her family forever, if she said yes when the time came for him to ask.

It had always been a fleeting thought in his mind, he wondered if it would disappear as his crush fizzled. But now that he had her, that she loved him back, and spent time snuggled in his arms, giggling, kissing him, threading her slender fingers through his hair… he never wanted to let her go.

There was a light creak of floorboards, and then a click of the door handle being turned. James sat up and sighed, wondering why his mother was coming to ask if she should check on Lily, again.

"_Mum_… she's fine. She doesn't need any more blankets or-"

"It's me."

James started at the sound of Lily's quiet voice. He pulled the covers back and walked quickly to the doorway where she was standing, taking her hand as she stepped into his room and closed the door behind. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes still drowsy. She had changed out of her clothes at some point during the night, and was now wearing only a flimsy night dress; it floated around as she walked closer to him, hugging her bare arms and shivering slightly.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her. "Are you cold?"

"No… I'm… I'm fine, James," she explained with a quiet laugh. Lily tucked part of her hair behind her ear and bit her lip nervously. "Can I sleep in here with you? I was in there, and I woke up… I felt so alone. You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course I don't mind," James whispered, squeezing her tightly and kissing the top of her head. "I was thinking about you."

"When aren't you thinking about me?" Lily laughed, her warm breath tickling James' bare chest.

"True," he laughed, releasing her from his embrace and guiding her over to his bed. She sat down on the edge and looked up at him with soft eyes. "Want to talk?"

Lily shrugged. "Not really… I'm kind of talked out to be honest."

James nodded and sat down next to her, placing his hand on top of hers and squeezing it tightly.

"James… I wanted to … I _need_ to thank you and your parents for having my Mum and I over. It was the first time in a while we'd felt like we were part of a family," Lily whispered, breathing steadily to keep her emotions at bay, "I can't put into words how much it meant to have her here with all of my friends, and to have you all there with me today, and to know that I'm… I'm really going to be all right. You'll never know how much it meant," she finished, sighing quietly and tucking her hair behind her ears nervously.

"We wanted you here with us… I wanted you here, both of you. I'm glad I got the chance to spend time with your mum, and with you. It meant a lot to me as well… probably more than you realize," he said, lacing his fingers through hers. "As far as making sure you're taken care of… that's part of my job description. I'll always be here when you need me."

Lily nodded; she turned to face him and opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly smiled. "You're not wearing your glasses," she said, lifting her hand and tracing the side of his face with her fingers.

"Oh… yeah… I took them off. I never remember to take them off at Hogwarts when I sleep, but here I do. I think it's because I can hear my mum shouting at me about it," he explained, rolling his eyes.

Lily laughed, placing her hands against his jaw line as her eyes flickered over his features. She smiled sweetly at him. "I love your eyes."

"Feeling is mutual," said James, tracing his thumb over her cheekbone and sliding his fingers into her hair. He smiled gently as she leaned her head into his palm, closing her eyes and sighing deeply. Lily turned her head and pressed her lips to the inside of James' wrist; once… twice… the third time she paused, parting them and grazing his skin with her teeth very softly. James inhaled and his body leaned closer to her, almost of its own accord.

Lily looked up at him, her face nervous and intense as her eyes met his. She paused and licked her lips. "Can you see me?" she whispered.

"I can see your face," James replied in a breathy voice. "The walls and… everything behind you is blurry… but you're perfectly clear."

"Good," she whispered, reaching her hands forward and tangling them in his hair. Lily sighed as she pulled James' lips to hers, emitting a whimper of satisfaction into his mouth. James' hand went instantly to the small of her back, pulling her close as he responded an enthusiasm that surprised even himself. Lily slid her hands to his shoulders, tugging him closer as she lay back against the pillows. James rested his body weight against her, supporting himself on his elbows as he tangled his fingers in her soft hair and kissed her fiercely.

Lily's mind went blank for the first time in days, it was a welcome relief. The world around her disappeared completely. She could think of nothing but the feel of James' hands in her hair, his warm, soothing body against hers; his lips and tongue caressing hers, causing her to moan softly into his mouth. The heat of his bare skin seemed to burn her through the thin fabric of her night dress, her own skin aching for direct contact. She had felt relief instantly upon seeing him, but as time passed, and his kisses and touch soothed her into a euphoric state of bliss, she realized how much she truly loved him, and how desperately she wanted to be close to him.

She ran her hands down his arms and over his chest, causing him to groan aloud as he broke the kiss. By the time his lips met hers again, her hands had moved down to his waist and she was clutching his lower back, pressing him to her as tightly as she could. James exhaled sharply and trailed his lips down to Lily's neck, inhaling her sweet scent as she arched her back, causing the straps of her night gown to slip and reveal more of her shoulders and collarbones. His lips pressed against her soft skin, overwhelming his sense of taste and smell as he breathed and snuggled closer to her. He trailed his tongue to the space behind her ear, kissing the spot he knew she loved and nipping at the skin of her neck, enjoying the way her rapid breathing caused her chest to rise and fall against his.

Lily suddenly gripped his hair, pulling his face back to hers almost roughly. She abandoned all sense of modesty and wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding her hips against his and letting her instincts guide her. Her night gown had ridden up so her knickers were exposed and rubbing against his thin boxers. A new and glorious sensation raced through her core when his erection pressed against the aching space between her legs.

James groaned aloud; a hoarse, desperate sound that Lily had never heard him make before. She wondered if she had hurt him - her hips were protrusive and her pelvic bone very hard, after all - but she realized that he had enjoyed it when his kisses became more frantic. James responded to her rocking hips with his own thrust, groaning again as his erection rubbed against the thin fabric of her knickers.

Lily cried out softly and clutched James' lower back, her fingernails lightly scratching his skin. His senses returned for a split second and he grabbed his wand, flicking it harshly at the door and casting a silencing charm around his room. He abandoned the useless tool by tossing it unceremoniously to the floor, then brought his hands back to Lily's waist. He thrust against her again, sliding one hand to the outside of her bare thigh. His fingers filled with her soft skin, her slender legs squeezing his hips tightly as she ground her hips against his, knickers barely covering the area he had only fantasized about touching.

She kissed him and moaned very quietly; it sent James' head spinning. He gripped her hips hard in his hands, holding them stationary as he ground his hips against her, the corners of his mind imagining what it would feel like inside her. He moved his lips to her neck, causing her to whimper and rock her hips harder against his. It felt indescribable; James' internal monologue tried in vain to remind him that this wasn't the first time he'd experienced a sensation like this. But as Lily pressed against him again, her voice softly whispering his name, James' whole body quivered with pleasure and anticipation.

Lily's lips pressed against his cheek, then against his neck; her teeth grazed his earlobe and James felt a tingle in his lower back as her hand trailed down his chest to the top of his boxers. He paused for a second, breathing heavily against her lips as she traced the opening of his boxers with her slender fingers.

James groaned and his eyes flew open when her hand slipped inside the opening of his boxers, her warm palm pressing against him. He growled in appreciation and kissed her hungrily, the sensation of her touching him causing his imagination to run wild.

Lily tried not to let the feeling of James' lips distract her from her purpose; she was determined to touch him, to make him want her as desperately as she wanted him. She brought her lips to his neck, kissing him softly as she mustered up her courage. Curiosity mingled with desire as she gently pressed her palm against his erection, curling her fingers around him and gently squeezing. James groaned again, hugging her closer to him with one arm and tugging at the fabric of her nightdress with his free hand. Lily kissed his neck and chest as she stroked him very smoothly, letting her hand move all along his length.

James breathed very slowly, deeply, trying to keep his senses about him. Lily was caressing him so delicately and slowly; her tiny hand created just enough friction so the sensation caused his head to spin, and at the same time, remained soft enough that it made him long for more. Her lips were at his neck, shallow breaths tickling his skin in between flicks of her tongue, gentle nips from her teeth, and sweet kisses from her soft lips. All thoughts of gentlemanly behaviour flew out of James' head like a snitch being released into a stadium; he involuntarily thrust into her palm, causing her to squeeze him tighter.

_No_, he told himself firmly, trying to shake off the rush of pleasure. _Her first… always her first… always… not me… no…_ he repeated in his head as chills raced through his body. Why was he reacting this way? It had been an extensively long time, yes, but he had experienced much more than the sensation of someone touching him; he should be able to hold back. Why couldn't he hold back?

Because this wasn't just _anyone_; this was Lily. Lily Evans. _His_ Lily; who he had desired for so long. She was in his arms, caressing him gently, her lips at his neck and her warm breath washing over his skin.

The shoulder strap of Lily's night gown slipped off, revealing a hint of creamy skin just below her shoulder. James pressed his lips to the newly revealed treasure and pulled the fabric out of the way with his teeth. Lily's breath was frantic as she arched her back, aching for James' touch as much as he ached to touch her.

James slid the strap of her night dress off her shoulder and let his hand cup the soft curves of her breasts, running his thumb over her nipple before moving his lips lower and suckling gently. Lily moaned again, very softly; the most erotic sound James had ever heard, and gripped him tighter.

_No_, James told himself, though the sensation of her warm, tiny, hand wrapped around his erection began to overwhelm him. Instead of obeying his commands, his body was reaching for its own desire; his hand moved higher along her thigh to the line of her knickers. He shifted and tried desperately to move them out of the way so he could touch her; but her movements became slower and firmer, and it caused him to groan aloud as he clutched her tightly and he pressed himself against her. He paused, trying as hard as he could to suppress the feeling rising in his core.

Lily brought her lips to his very softly, her hand free hand tracing down his back and her short fingernails digging into his skin. "James…" she whispered into his ear, gripping him gently and trailing her thumb up the underside of his shaft before circling over the head of his penis.

Her voice and the movements of her hand sent him over the edge; he cried out, thrusting against her palm as a wave of pleasure rolled over him. Dizziness, bliss, and euphoria coursed through him, brought on by the sound of her voice sighing his name, her skin in his hands, and the gentle stroking of his shaft. James thought his hair was tingling as he laid his forehead against her shoulder, the feeling seeping away and leaving him with emotions he despised.

Shame. _Guilt_. How many years had he waited to touch her, to kiss her? How many times had he imagined her sighing his name? Imagined her legs wrapping around his hips while he made love to her? And here she was, threading her fingers through his hair as his breathing slowed, her lips still kissing at his ears and neck.

He'd behaved like a fifteen-year-old boy and lost control.

"Fuck…" James whispered, grasping Lily's hip tightly in his hand. He reached down, fumbling around on the floor for his wand; when he found it, he muttered a quiet spell to remove the remnants of his failure. Lily started at his movement, and squeezed him tightly as her hand moved away from him and rested against his waist.

"James? What's wrong?" she asked, worry coloring the voice that had only moments before whispered his name in ecstasy. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," said James, lifting his hands and tangling them in her hair, still hiding his face against her shoulder. "No… you… if anything you did everything right… everything… too much," he whispered.

"Too much? I'm sorry… did I step out of bounds? I wasn't -I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I-"

James silenced her with his lips, feeling his cheeks redden and thanking every deity and great wizard he could think of that it was so dark she couldn't see his face. "No… I'm sorry… I… I'm a prat… I … God Damnit!" he swore under his breath, cursing himself internally in every known language he could think of.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, wriggling out from under him and leaning up on her elbows.

He collapsed and laid his head against her stomach, closing his eyes tightly as his own shame seemed to crash down on him. _What an idiot I am. The girl I've loved for over a year is in my bed, in a night dress, kissing me and whispering my name… and I fucking lose it, and don't even give her what she deserves…_

"James?"

"I'm so sorry, Lily. I… you… I'm a stupid arse… I-"

"James, stop. I don't understand… you didn't _do_ anything," said Lily, her fingers tightening in his hair. James covered his face with his hand and waited for her rebuttal. "I … well, I thought I was doing something _right_… wasn't I?" she asked, the tone of her voice quiet and full of concern.

James didn't respond, not only had he not given her what she deserved, he had made her feel like she'd done something wrong. Lily put her hands underneath his arms and pulled him, none-too-gently, so he lay face to face beside her.

"James… _James_," Lily said, shaking him gently and trying to force him to look at her. "James… please look at me; I don't want you to be upset with me," she whispered.

"_Upset_ with you?" James asked, his voice full of shock as his eyes shot open. Lily was biting her lip, and the curiosity in her voice had vanished as she studied him. "How could… why would I be upset with you? You're… well, you're bloody fantastic; seriously… I can't even… I'm so embarrassed right now. I don't know if it's because I've wanted you for so long, or if you're just that good that-"

"I'm guessing it's the former," Lily laughed, "I highly doubt I'm very good at this."

"Lily," James chuckled. "You do realize that I had an orgasm? You grinding and… sighing my name and touching me … all of that: everything you just did turned me back into an immature, fifteen-year-old wanker. And I'm ashamed. You deserve more; I _wanted_ to give you more," he whispered, laying his head against her shoulder and turning away.

Lily grew quiet, several parts of his confession sinking into her tired brain. She stroked his hair gently as he traced his fingers along the outside of her thigh before wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. "So… you enjoyed that," she said quietly, more of a statement than a question.

"More than I've ever enjoyed anything… _anything_," James sighed.

Lily smiled. "Well, you might be embarrassed – which you don't need to be – but, I'm rather proud," she said lightly.

James' head perked up. "Proud?"

"Yes, _proud_. I didn't ever think that I'd be any good at … _any_ of this. And now I'm good enough to make a man who isn't a virgin have an orgasm… when I have _no_ experience in anything!" she mused, examining their intertwined fingers, "I must admit I feel a bit… arrgoant."

James chuckled. "You do things to me I've never felt before, and you're so amazing at everything," he said, thinking back to his surprise at how good of a kisser she was.

"I don't know about _everything_… we haven't done much," she laughed.

"I think anything you do will be spectacular," he said, snuggling against her. "I'd be proud if I'd had that effect on you."

Lily smiled and blushed in the darkness, wondering if she should tell him he did have that effect on her. But James yawned sleepily and snuggled into her neck. She sighed happily and curled her arm around his neck, absentmindedly stroking his hair until she fell asleep.

Two days passed and when it came time to return to Hogwarts, Lily found herself looking forward to being back among the familiar halls. Everyone had been so wonderful to her, but she was anxious to get back to her normal routine, even if it meant delving into school work again.

Lily was following Julia and Sirius as they boarded the Hogwarts express on Sunday morning, James sheepishly clutching her hand as they walked through the train. They had spent many hours together, either cuddling and talking, or experimenting with kissing techniques and giving in slightly to their lust for one another. James still felt sheepish over the effect that Lily had on him, and she was still nervous about letting him go farther with her, so for now she had the upper hand in their relationship. She simply smiled encouragingly at him, and teased him about how badly he wanted her until he finally lightened up and resumed his usual swagger.

"I've just got all new ways to torment you now," Lily grinned mischievously.

"Do you?" James muttered, wondering exactly what she meant. He knew she wouldn't mention the fact that he'd lost control over her simply touching him, but he still felt embarrassed that he hadn't held back.

"James… I don't see that you have anything to be ashamed of," she said, giving him an exasperated glance, "and of course I won't tell anyone…but… I know I can do things. It feels… powerful," she explained.

James laughed. "You already have enough power over me; I'm not sure you need anymore," he teased.

"I won't abuse it; I'm not a dictator."

"No, you're not… very diplomatic," James grinned, leaning forward to kiss her.

Lily smirked and ran her fingers through his hair before standing up and sliding seductively onto his lap. James groaned as she leaned forward and brushed her lips against his softly, his head falling back and hands gripping her hips as she trailed kisses up his neck. Her breath was hot against his ear when she spoke.

"I can be more diplomatic," she whispered, grinning widely when James let out a tortured groan.

The door to their cabin slid open suddenly and Lily leapt up off of James, seating herself across from him and readjusting her clothes.

"For Merlin's sake," Sirius chuckled. "Get a room."

"We had one until you came barging in," James spat, standing up and moving across the aisle to sit next to Lily as his friends strode in sniggering.

"Oh… poor babies," Julia teased as she followed them in and sat down next to Sirius. They all began discussing what spring would be like as the train lurched forward and the long ride back to Hogwarts began.

As the weeks of January passed, bitter cold assaulted the castle and forced everyone inside. Even Hagrid abandoned his hut and took up residence in the castle. Lily's birthday arrived on a Tuesday, but it was so cold out that she and James weren't even able to take a walk together. She had forbidden him from buying him anything, claiming he had already done enough for her over the holidays. Instead, they spent the evening in front of the fireplace in his room, talking quietly about the various things that were happening around the castle. After a few minutes of silence, James pulled out a piece of thread and wrapped it around her ring finger before tying it in a small knot.

Lily smirked and examined his handy work. "Might I ask what this is?"

"It's a ring. You insisted I not spend any money on you, so I did this instead," he replied, grinning when she laughed loudly. "Look what color it is."

Lily twisted the fabric around her finger. "It's blue; it looks like it's from a shirt, but you don't own anything blue," she said, looking back up at him as he laced his fingers through hers.

James smiled and kissed her hand. "Not anymore, the only blue shirt I had got torn… remember?" he asked, watching as she remembered ordering him to take off his torn shirt the night they kissed. Lily smiled and kissed his hand. "Will this work until I'm allowed to give you a real gift?"

Lily lifted her eyes, blushing furiously as James watched her intently. She bit her lip and leaned forward, placing her hand against his cheek and grinning when he turned and pressed his lips to the inside of her wrist. "This is a gift," she replied quietly.

February passed into March without a break from the icy winds and knee deep snow. During the Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor the first weekend of the month, Lily found herself very concerned about the Gryffindor team, and was in the locker rooms making sure that James was actually wearing something warm under his Quidditch robes.

"Will you just _wear_ _them_?" she insisted, thrusting a pair of dragon hide gloves into his hands.

"I can't believe you bought these. You insisted I get you _nothing_ for your birthday, and now you get me these? This is so wrong. These gloves are _insanely_ expensive, and I don't need them. My gloves are-"

"Your gloves will fit over these, I checked," she interrupted.

James quirked an eyebrow. "How did you check?"

"I… made Remus put them on, and put your Quidditch gloves over top."

James laughed and shook his head. "You are too much."

"I was going to give them to you for your birthday, but it's so bloody cold out, so I thought today seemed like a good time," she grinned.

"I love you, Lils," James said, kissing her forehead as he pulled the gloves on. "But you know you didn't have to do this. My hands would have gotten cold, but I'd be fine."

"Perhaps, but I didn't want cold hands running all over me later," she teased.

James coughed and gave her a shocked glance before laughing loudly and kissing her again. "I never know what to expect from you," he whispered against her lips.

"Just keeping you on your toes."

"That you do."

"Oy, Potter!" Brenton Clarke called from the doorway. "Are we playing or not?"

"Yeah! Yeah…" James shouted back, kissing Lily quickly and ruffling her hair. "See you!"

"Good Luck!" Lily called, smiling and waving at James as he ran off behind the team.

Gryffindor won the match, keeping up with their perfect streak for the year and causing much excitement throughout the students of the house. Lily and Remus didn't even bother trying to keep order as the celebration wore on late into the evening.

March continued to move by, drawing James' eighteenth birthday closer each day. James felt irritated by the increasing amount homework in their lessons, and subsequently found himself engaging in games of chess or kissing sessions with Lily rather than focusing on it. Despite his repeated assertions that she needn't worry about finding a job or a place to live after school was done, she remained concerned and insisted they spend a few hours each night studying.

"Lils… you can just move in with Sirius and me," he said one night, snuggling against her back as she read over an essay she had written. "You can find a job then, but you don't have to find a separate flat."

"I don't want to be a burden on you two; besides, what would everyone think?"

"Who cares what they think?" He scoffed. "Would it make you happier if-"

"James... _love_… I have got to finish this!" she said, giving him a stern glance over her shoulder. "I know you're brilliant and can just breeze through things, but I'm not so fortunate," she insisted.

"You are brilliant too. And Slughorn loves you; you could write an essay that said '_Felix Felicis is a pretty color, that's why everyone likes it,_' and he'd give you an O," James said, giving her a mock pout.

Lily laughed and shook her head. "Tell you what, I'm going up to the Astronomy tower since it's actually nice out today, and I'll finish this there. When I'm done, we'll go flying; you need to finish my lesson," she smiled. James kissed her and nodded, watching her walk out of his room with a thoughtful expression; why would she think that her presence would burden him?

"Prongs," Sirius said, stepping into the doorway about five minutes after Lily had left. "Where's your better half? I have a question for her."

Lily was enjoying the warm sun as she read over her essay, changing various parts and correcting her spelling, when a low whistling sound filled her ears. She looked up to see Sirius grinning at her as he strolled over to the window where she was sitting.

"Hey, Lils," said Sirius, sitting down across from her and staring out the window.

"You look distracted, Padfoot," she said, smirking as he chuckled over her use of his nickname. "What brings you up here?"

Sirius shrugged. "I hoped to catch a glimpse of Ravenclaw's practice, relay some tips to James. Plus, I wanted a word with you; he said you'd be up here."

"Oh?"

Sirius nodded, then cleared his throat. "I need your opinion on something. D'you… you think Jules would want to move in with you, Prongs, and me?" he asked quietly.

Lily smirked. "You mean you and James… I haven't decided what to do yet. Perhaps you should ask _her_."

"Oh I will… I just want to get a feeler before I do," Sirius said hastily.

Lily rested her chin in her hand as she observed Sirius, his usual confident swagger seemed to have faded a bit; it was odd for her to see him appear less confident in himself. "You want to make sure she will say yes," Lily observed.

Sirius opened his mouth, he looked like he wanted to say something smart, but then thought better of it and turned his eyes to his hands. "Yeah… I… I don't like being told no."

"I think that's a general consensus," Lily smiled. "But it's part of life."

Sirius nodded, scuffing the floor with his heels as he thought over her statement. "You know… you and I have a lot in common, Lils. We're both somewhat guarded, we don't like to get into things unless we're absolutely sure of our feelings."

"We both throw ourselves completely into things were passionate about," she added.

"We're both snarky and sarcastic," Sirius teased.

"We both spent a lot of time denying our interest in the latter's best friend," Lily laughed, watching as Sirius nodded in agreement. His smile faded and he looked back at his hands.

"We're both orphans," he added quietly.

"You're not an orphan, Sirius," Lily replied kindly. "You're James' family; you're his brother, it doesn't matter that you were born from different families. Remus and Peter… they're you're family. Julia is your family. I'm your family."

Sirius nodded. "You don't think you're an orphan?"

Lily sighed. "If you'd asked me that five minutes ago, I would have said yes. But… I'm not. If something were to happen between James and I – God forbid – I know he'd still care about me, and I would about him. Same with you, and Jules, and everyone else I just mentioned. Family is not blood, that's why blood doesn't matter."

Sirius smiled and playfully punched Lily on the shoulder, laughing when she pretended to wince and gave him a mock pout. "I'm glad to hear that, I've been worried about you. I don't mean this in the same way as James, of course, but I love you, Lils. You're like a little kid sister to me, though for a while I wondered if you'd ever come to your senses," he teased.

Lily smiled. "Feeling is mutual, Sirius."

"So… _do_ you think Jules would want to come live with us?"

"Again…I like how you just assume _us_, as though I may not have considered any other options," she chuckled.

"Considering the fact that you've been sleeping in the same room as my best friend since you two started going out," he said, laughing when she blushed brightly and turned away from him, "I can't imagine you'd sleep real well without him."

"You have a point," she laughed. "I think if you ask Julia, she will say yes."

"Good… I like yes much more than no," Sirius replied, grinning as Lily shook her head. "So tell me, does Prongs still talk in his sleep?"

"No… did he use to?" Lily asked curiously.

"He used to talk about you; perhaps he stopped."

"Did you ever do anything to make him talk?" Lily asked in an excited voice. "I have to try this… I think I might die laughing if he started again."

Sirius smirked and turned so he was facing her. "If he mutters, just start talking to him and he'll start up. It's rather entertaining," he laughed.

J&L&J&L&J&L&L

Course work continued to pile up, so much so that James found himself actually having to read. He relied heavily on Lily to teach him study habits, and was very thankful that she'd spent the last six years keeping detailed notes and allowed him to use them. Easter break arrived just before James' birthday, and Lily was internally panicking over still having nothing for him. Though she wasn't thinking about that at the moment; right now, she was thinking about how jealous she was of James' instinctual intelligence.

"I'm so jealous that you made it through all six years without ever studying," she muttered one evening as they practiced a very advanced protective charm that Flitwick had assigned. "I had to work my arse off before O.W.L.'s."

"You did not," James scoffed. "You're smart; I didn't see you study very often. And I watched you all the time, remember?"

Lily blushed. "I _never_ saw you study."

"I studied sometimes… I had to study for potions and astronomy," James chuckled, looking at her frustrated expression. "It's really hard though, being so brilliant," he teased.

"Oh, give me a break," she laughed, shoving him away from her and recasting a freezing spell around the fire her fireplace.

"We can… let's take a break," James suggested, moving back toward her and dispelling her charm with a flick of his wand, sniggering at her irritated expression. "We've been at it for hours, let's play chess or something."

"I want to get a good mark on my N.E.W.T.s; I'm going to study. We've still got that essay from Wallace to finish," she reminded him.

James groaned. "How many _times_ do we have to go over Inferi? I swear, Wallace is convinced there is an army of them out there," he muttered.

"I agree; but we've still got to do it," she said, leaning over and kissing him quickly. "If we finish it, we can actually do something fun," she teased.

"Let's do something fun _now_," he whined, tugging at the bottom of her shirt and frowning when she pulled away.

"Awh, poor James is having a hard time?" Julia's voice suddenly asked. She was peering in her Lily's doorway and smirking at them with a tired expression.

"What's your definition of _hard_?" asked Lily, causing them both to laugh.

"Why don't you guys come down to the common room? We're all working on this stupid charms assignment and discussing Inferi for Wallace; it's actually quite helpful," Julia suggested.

Lily looked at James and shrugged, smirking when he hopped to his feet and helped her up. She knew he was desperate to get out of the room, and the entertainment his friends provided might actually help him focus more.

The common room wasn't noisy, so Lily didn't find it that difficult to focus as she set to work writing her thoughts on defending oneself from the dead-undead creatures, whatever one considered Inferi to be. James immediately engaged himself in a random discussion with Sirius and Peter, completely forgoing any attempt at working for the moment.

"Oh, Lils… I just remembered," Julia said, snorting with laughter. "Sam relayed to me that Felicity _again_ wishes you would tell James to share his '_secrets'_ with the other boys in school," she whispered, shaking with laughter.

Lily promptly lowered her quill, an exasperated expression on her face as she stared back at Julia. "_Again_? She's absolutely mental…"

"I think it's hysterical; she's going around talking about how all the boys she's been getting off with aren't up to snuff. She's making herself look like a complete slag, and a jealous cow; it's _so_ unattractive. She was saying to Connie the other day, '_it's a waste of perfectly good shagging for him to be with her… she doesn't even know what she's doing or appreciates his abilities!_'" Julia explained with a laugh.

Lily scoffed. "She wouldn't know what kind of a shag he was anyway, they never did that. And who says I don't appreciate these talents?" she muttered.

"Oh, ho… so what are these talents? Are you holding out on me?"

"No… but… I found out I'm not _completely_ useless," she muttered sheepishly.

"Woah… hang on," Julia said, holding up a hand. "I take it _you've_ played _keeper_, but he hasn't?" she asked in a low voice.

"Erm… yes, I guess," Lily replied. "I'm still nervous about-"

"I am _im-pressed_ with his self control. I assumed he would have attacked you by now, considering he wants to shag you senseless," Julia mused.

"How do you know?"

Julia gave Lily an exasperated look. "Besides the fact that he's been in love with you for two years…he's seventeen – almost eighteen- and has a cock, Lily; he wants to shag you."

Lily laughed loudly, causing everyone in the common room to turn and look at the pair. Julia sniggered and turned back to her book, making a few notes on her parchment while Lily wiped her eyes. "You don't need to be nervous, Lils. Any … _pain_ that you're afraid of won't last very long, and I'm sure James will make sure you enjoy yourself," she whispered very quietly.

Lily blushed a bright red and turned her eyes back to her charms book. But suddenly, another thought occurred to her. "Hang on… who has Felicity been getting off with that isn't up to standards? If she's wanting James to dispense advice on … whatever it is… she must have gone through quite a few of them by now," Lily muttered curiously.

"She has. Sam told that me Felicity and Max got off a few times after Slughorn's party, after _you_ ditched him. Then it was Adrian, and Court Huffton from Hufflepuff… Pretty much everyone who was interested in you," Julia mused.

"Oh… well that was all last year. Maybe she just-"

"I wasn't finished," Julia smirked. She leaned very close to Lily, who retained a curious expression. "When we first came back, I think it was the same weekend you and James got together, Sean MacMillian got caught with his hand up her skirt in the hall by that dancing troll tapestry… they had detention. Then, Sam said that she and Matthew Corner practically shagged in the boys' dormitory. _And_, last Hogsmeade weekend…I saw her walking around with _Mulciber_," Julia whispered.

"_WHAT_?" Lily screeched, looking at Julia with wide eyes. The four Marauders looked over, finally becoming too curious to ignore what was going on. By the time they had made it over to where Julia and Lily were sitting, Lily was gagging and shaking her head dramatically. "Ew… ew…"

"All right, what's going on?" Sirius asked in a tired voice, he smirked over at Julia who was giggling loudly. "Last time you one of you screeched like that we found out Lily hadn't been kissed before. So _that's_ not true anymore… what's the news this time?"

"Can't say…" Lily muttered. "I may vomit if I repeat it," she explained, while Julia laughed even louder. "Jules… you've _got_ to be kidding. She used to have taste… what happened?"

"According to Sam, she likes it rough; and I'm sure that _Mulciber_ would be willing to go there," Julia said, laughing loudly as Lily cringed and made a gagging noise.

"Who are you talking about?" Peter asked, chuckling along with James, Sirius and Remus at Lily's expression.

"Felicity," Julia said lightly. "Is that true, James? Does she like it –"

"Ah ah… I've _really_ tried to block that from my memory," James said, causing the group to laugh loudly.

Lily smirked and ruffled his hair, while Julia grinned mischievously. "I bet _Lils_ would be happy to help you forget, James."

"JULIA!" Lily shouted, causing everyone to laugh loudly. James chuckled and kissed Lily on the cheek before standing up and muttering something about the restroom before walking up the stairs. As soon as he was out of earshot, Lily's expression turned serious as she stared back at the group. "I still don't have any idea what to get him for his birthday," she whispered. "He's got brand new Quidditch gloves, every book he wants, a top of the line broom… I just don't-"

"You," Sirius replied simply, turning back to his essay and smirking.

"Pardon?" asked Lily.

Julia, Remus, and Peter laughed as Sirius put his finger against Lily's forehead and pushed gently. "_You_, Lily. He wants you, wrapped in a big red bow… and nothing else."

Julia laughed loudly and looked at Lily's shocked expression. "I can't do that…"

"Why not?" Julia asked.

"Wha… I don't have any idea what I'm doing, Julia! I don't have the-"

"All right, boys… time to shove off," Julia said, standing up and tugging Lily upstairs. James was heading down and gave them a curious glance as the girls passed him. "You'll see her later, James. Lily and I have to discuss some things," she muttered in an exasperated voice.

They arrived at Lily's room and shut the door; Julia escorted Lily to her bed and sat her down. "You've got to get over this. Don't tell me you –"

"Yes, I want him. I want him so bad I don't even know what to do with myself. That's the problem… I don't know what he wants to –"

"He wants to shag you senseless. Now, he knows you aren't ready for that, so he'd probably settle for playing keeper or seeker even. He just wants to touch you."

"Maybe I was bad at what I did for him."

"I highly doubt that. You must have done a good job at that if he-"

"What if he finished just because he was so excited I was finally touching him? What if it wasn't because I was doing anything right?" Lily asked, cutting her off.

"Lils… as excited James may have been about you touching him, you'd have to be touching him well in order to make him finish," she said matter-of-factly.

Lily nodded, a thought crossing her mind. "I really liked doing that. I loved making him feel that way."

"I'm sure he wants to return the favor… if you catch my drift."

"I catch it… I just… I don't know what to-"

Julia sighed. "You don't _do_ anything! You just… enjoy yourself. I know that's a hard concept for you since you're so self-sacrificing… but for Merlin's sake, Lils. PROMISE me that you'll allow him to do something for you. Because that's all he wants… you."

"Yes… I'm aware," Lily blushed. "Big red bow… nothing underneath," she chuckled, making Julia laugh even louder.

James' birthday arrived, and he had left all his homework until the last minute. As soon as Lily said she wanted to go flying, he jumped on the chance and abandoned his efforts on the various course requirements. Subsequently, his homework lay untouched, and he was now being forced to focus on it while Lily roamed the castle on patrol duty. James sighed heavily; Lily was smart and responsible, beautiful, caring and sweet. He was still a rowdy, obnoxious boy who was focused more on having fun than taking life seriously. James rested his head against his hand, doodling on the parchment as he thought of Lily. Perhaps it was because he was still irresponsible that she didn't trust him enough to take care of her. Apart from a few hours of play and talking, Lily focused intently on studying and talked often about finding work after school was finished. James reminded her several times that she needn't worry about it, but she kept up the mantra that she didn't want to burden him with her care. It wasn't a burden, it was a privelage. He wanted to care for her, to make sure she was safe and happy; his dreams and fantasies had included her loving him, but also her accepting his love and affections and allowing him to please her the way he longed to.

They had spent a time exploring each other, but James was never allowed to go further than examining and kissing her breasts. He knew she was nervous, but he began to wonder if perhaps she didn't trust him enough to allow him to be so close. It didn't appear she had any qualms about being close to him; on the contrary, she always seemed very eager to touch and explore the sensitive areas of his body. He didn't mind in the slightest, but he also longed to show her how much he wanted her, and give her the same satisfaction that he constantly felt.

James began staring at his map, idly watching the figures walk around the castle. His essay lay by his side, full of random doodles consisting of the letters L.E. He needed a break, any kind of a break, from this relentless studying; He'd been working at the essay for Wallace for hours, cursing the professor the entire time for assigning such a stupid, pointless assignment in the first place.

"You know, that ink will stain your sheets if you let it soak through," a soft voice muttered from his doorway. James looked up to see Lily standing in it, smirking at him as he grinned happily at her appearance. "I didn't _startle_ you, you were looking at the map after all," she teased.

"No, I was just expecting you to be out in the common room or the halls… not here," he replied with a grin.

"I skived off duty, left it with Max after his little temper tantrum this afternoon," she grinned.

James laughed. Earlier, Max had made a comment to Lily about her not having enough attention from James due to his commitments to Quidditch and his lack of commitment on school work. She'd replied he'd have to be spying on her to really know what James' was committed to, which irritated him so much he muttered foul mouthed comments until James had enough and sent him out of their study period.

"Well good, he'll be tired then. I don't want him thinking of you while he's wanking off," James muttered.

Lily cringed. "Oh, that's just the image I wanted in my head, James; thanks ever so much."

"Sorry… would you like a different image in your head?"

Lily tilted her head, a thoughtful look crossing her face before she smirked. "Just replace Max with you and that will be okay."

James laughed loudly, shaking his head and tossing the map aside. "Might I ask what you are still doing in my doorway?" he asked curiously.

"Thinking about you wanking off to a mental image of me," she teased.

"Oh, now… that makes me sad," James replied with a mock frown. "I would hope I wouldn't need to do that; or if I did, at least I could have the real thing in front of me instead of just my memories." He sat up straighter and raised a hand, beckoning her over to him.

Lily chuckled and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her as she approached James. James reached for her waist and pulled her onto his lap, seating her so she was straddling him before kissing her lightly. "I need a break. This whole thing is bollocks; essays do nothing to prepare us for battle. It doesn't measure our performance in any way."

Lily ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead. "Next time, listen to me when I say don't wait 'til the last minute," she whispered, laughing lightly.

"You can help me finish it," he suggested.

"I will not," Lily replied sternly, trying to keep the smirk off her face when James frowned. "I can provide you a few moments distraction, though."

James laughed and pulled her close, his hands trailing down over her hips as she kissed him softly. Her fingers threaded through his hair very slowly, messing it up more than it already was; James loved it, he loved her touch… he loved everything about her.

"I didn't have time to get you anything," she confessed, pulling away from his kiss only slightly. James shook his head and murmured something she couldn't understand. He kissed her again, tugging her hips closer to his and groaning when she ground against his growing arousal. "What did you say?"

"I said… aahhh…" he groaned, smirking as she purposely rocked her hips against his. "I said … you didn't have to get me anything… I have everything I want right here."

James deepened his kiss and slid his hands under her jumper. She lifted her arms and he pulled it over her head, breaking the kiss for only a second. Lily repeated the motions, continuing to pull his undershirt off after his jumper had been removed. She ran her hands down his bare chest, causing James to shiver and moan into her mouth.

James swatted the map, quill, and half-finished essay onto the floor. He lifted Lily off his lap and laid her back against his pillows, moaning slightly when she pulled him on top of her. Her feet slid along his calves as he settled himself in between her legs and rocked his hips against hers. James moved his mouth to her neck and tugged at the straps of her bra with his teeth.

"Is this enough of a distraction?" she whispered, tangling her hands in his hair. He murmured something against her skin as he unclasped the flimsy material, removing it from her arms and tracing his hands over the curves of her breasts before moving his mouth back to hers. "Can't talk while you kiss, James," she reminded with a laugh.

James pulled away from her, making an exasperated face and shaking his head as she smirked up at him. "_I'm_ incorrigible? You need to take your own advice," he muttered before kissing her again. He slid his body partly off of her, tracing one breast with his free hand while his other arm held her close. "And yes, this is enough of a distraction," he replied at last, smiling as she giggled against his lips.

They kissed almost lazily for a while, Lily's hands tracing the patterns of James' muscles with her fingers and sighing at the feel of his skin against hers. Eventually, she trailed her hands down to the top of James' trousers, her fingers finding the button and zip and undoing them very quickly.

James hissed through his teeth, heat rushing through his body at the sensation of Lily's fingers playing with the waistline of his boxers. He trailed his thumb over her nipple, kissing down her jaw and nestling her neck. She made a noise of protest and tugged him back up to kiss her before continuing her exploration. "Lils…

"_Did_ you ever think about me?" she whispered, taking the hand that was moving to pull her hand away and placing it back against her breast.

James growled, a hungry, desirous sound that made Lily shudder with pleasure. "I think about you all the time."

"That's not what I meant," she whispered before her hand slipped inside his boxers. She was so fascinated by him; his length and how her fingers couldn't wrap completely around him. She was amazed at how soft his skin was, and loved tracing her fingers lightly all along him, studying the sensitive parts and watching his reactions.

"I never did … _that…_ very often… I don't anymore at all," he sighed, gripping her forearm with his hand. "But when I did, all I thought about was you…"

A desperate ache formed inside her core at his words. Lily tugged gently on James' trousers, pulling them over his hips as she turned her body diagonally to his. James growled, pushing her onto her back and angling his body next to hers. His free hand left her breast and trailed down over her stomach, her hip, and down her thigh until he reached the crease behind her knee; she bent it slightly at his touch.

"What?" She asked, kissing him softly and tracing her tongue against his. "What did you think about me?"

James gently pushed her legs wider and trailed his hand up the inside of her thigh, the skirt she was wearing bunching up against his forearm. His breath hitched as she gripped him tighter, moving her hand purposely up and down and causing him to groan as he formed his sentence. "I thought about all the things I would do to you if I ever got the chance," he said quickly, sliding his hand higher up the inside of her thigh.

He felt Lily stiffen in anticipation, but for the first time, he didn't stop; the higher his hand moved, the tighter she gripped him and quickened her pace. "What kind of things?" she asked in a breathless sigh. James opened his eyes and looked at her, kissing her very slowly and watching her face flush with color and her eyes fluttered closed. "Tell me… please," she begged.

His hand reached her hip and began tracing the line of her knickers. "Can't tell you… it'd ruin the surprise," he teased before hooking the edge of the soft fabric around his finger. "Let me show you…" he whispered, moving his hand to the apex between her legs and gently caressing her through the soft fabric.

Lily's breath hitched and she let out a high-pitched sigh of longing. He was stroking her where it ached the most, completely distracting her from her task; the sensation of him touching her, and the desperate tone of his voice, made her relax as he scratched and played her. His fingers slowly traced over the small nodule that lay at the top of her intricate anatomy, and lazily tickled their way over the skin of her thighs. She felt herself abandoning her efforts to bring him pleasure and became completely lost in the sensation.

As though reading her mind, James removed her still stroking hand from the inside of his boxers, a hum of satisfaction echoing in his chest. He kissed her softly and returned his fingers to their exploration, smirking against her lips as she inhaled sharply. He paused when she shook her head. "_Please_ let me," he murmured.

"I wanted… that was all I had," she whispered, trying to move her hand back down his stomach to continue her task. She wondered if both things could be done at once, though part of her simply wanted to lie back and let him do whatever he wished to her, as Julia had suggested.

James caught her hand gently and placed it against his chest, smiling against her panting lips. "You give me so much, _you_ are so much _more_ than that," he whispered as he kissed her. "And I'm still exploring my gift… if you don't mind," he finished in a teasing voice.

Lily exhaled loudly, her chest feeling heavy and her body shaking with anticipation as James moved his hand back to the inside of her thigh. He slowly moved his hand higher, biting his lip as Lily's breath quickened against his skin. He teased her for a few moments, softly petting her and placing feather light kisses on her lips and neck.

Just when Lily felt like she was going to beg him for actual contact, he pulled the fabric aside and touched her bare skin, trailing his fingers through her moisture until he reached a center point. Lily felt a cry leave her chest, breaking in her throat, and she covered her mouth with her hand to block the sound. A wave of embarrassment rolled over her, but was immediately replaced with an intense tingling sensation that felt like butterflies floating over her skin. She groaned again, trying to stifle the sound by biting her lip as James continued moving his fingers in languid circles around her clitoris.

James smirked as he watched Lily try and stifle her cries. He took one of her fingers into his mouth and nuzzled her hand out of the way, kissing her lips hungrily as he slid his ring finger inside of her. She flinched and inhaled sharply, arching away from him and digging her nails into the skin of his shoulder. James eyebrows furrowed but his expression remained soft, pleading. "Shhh…" he whispered against her lips. "I'll be gentle, love… I promise."

Lily felt a sharp pain as James' finger slowly slipped inside of her; it lasted only a few seconds, but her body tensed and she clutched him tightly, nervousness fighting with the bliss that had been overtaking her mind. James nuzzled into her neck, kissing her jaw line and moving up to her ear, nibbling the lobe and whispering again, very softly. "I'll stop if you want… but I promise… I _promise_ I'll make you feel good; I just want to make you feel the way I feel…"

His words caused Lily to relax into him as his lips moved back to hers, and he kissed her in a painfully slow manner. She tangled her hands in his hair, angling her hips to allow him better access. James growled hungrily and slid his finger deeper inside her. He moved slowly, softly; feeling her relax against him the longer he continued his movements. The more she relaxed, the more vocal she became. James found himself smirking as he kissed her; the sound of her voice was almost as erotic as the feel of her partially naked body underneath his.

He had meant what he said; he wanted nothing more than for her to feel the same desire he felt, for her to feel the same pleasure he had felt when she touched him. His mind was running wild with all the things he had ever dreamt of doing to her, but he was able to hold back at this time. He felt his chest ache as he watched her; in the brief moments her eyes opened, he saw an unwavering trust and desire within them. It was all he ever wanted to see again.

Lily had relaxed so much that she was rocking her hips gently in response to his movements; James kissed her and gently slid another finger inside her, halting his movements when she tensed up, and then proceeding as soon as she relaxed. His thumb stroked more firmly over her clitoris, flicking it slightly and enjoying the sounds that left her throat. Her face was flushed, lower lip caught between her teeth, her breathing rapid as she clutched him to her. Minutes passed, minutes in which James paused in between slow kisses and gentle movements to watch her expression with lustful fascination. Her cries turned to whimpers, eyes squeezing shut and lips parting.

James paused his kisses, feeling her hips rock harder and soft contractions around his fingers. He continued his persistent movements; thumb tracing her clitoris, his fingers sliding deeper, and then out again. His eyes locked on her face and he watched, enraptured, as she writhed beneath him, feeling his own arousal increase over what she was experiencing.

Slowly the contractions stopped, slowly the tension of her muscles faded away; the ache Lily had felt for months had been satiated for the time being. She was shuddering, her skin tingling all over; James withdrew his hand from between her legs, resting it on her hip as he slid his body over hers. He kissed her hungrily, smirking when snuggled into his chest and pressed her lips to his neck, the pace of her breathing slowing but still ragged. James threaded his fingers into her hair and looked into her eyes. They were heavy, sleepy; her face was still flushed, though he couldn't tell whether from arousal, or her tendency to blush when she felt shy.

"I promised," he said quietly.

"That you did."

James chuckled. "Did I deliver?"

"Git… what do you think?" replied Lily, attempting to hide her face; but James laid his head down next to hers so she couldn't hide.

"Lily, I love you."

Lily smiled lazily. "I love you, James."

"So… can you tell me if I delivered?" he teased. Lily blushed and chewed her lip. "Awh… come on, Lils. I'm not sure if you were shouting my name out of-"

"Was I shouting?" she asked in a horrified voice. "Oh, Merlin. Please tell me I wasn't shouting…"

James laughed and pulled her close, stroking her hair as he pressed her forehead against his. "You weren't."

"Oh, good…"

"But, someday you will be," James said in a cheeky voice. "And I want to hear it; as long as it's my name."

Lily laughed and pressed her lips to his, wrapping her arms around his neck and snuggling into his chest. She sighed heavily, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in this position. "I didn't mean to distract you for that length of time," she whispered.

"But you needed to give me my present," James teased, chuckling when gave him a glare before kissing him sweetly. She laid her head against his arm and closed her eyes, allowing him to stroke her hair and snuggle against her until she drifted off to sleep.

James sighed, slowly removing his arms from around her and covering her with a blanket as he went back to work on his essay, thinking that her distraction was much more educational then writing about Inferi could ever be.

* * *

_A/N: thank you thank you thank you. Love your reviews, your feedback, everything. Thank you _


	27. Risky Business

Risky Business

"Death and all of his friends" Coldplay

* * *

"Hey, Jules? Can I ask you something kind of personal?" Lily asked as they raced to the Quidditch pitch; Lily was wearing James' robes, despite the fact that they were too big for her, and blushing furiously as she thought over her plans.

"Sure," Julia replied, giving Lily a curious glance.

"Have…did you ever… return Sirius'… '_favor'_ from last Christmas? You know… where he-"

Julia laughed loudly, covering her face with her hands and shaking her head. "You really are cute, you know that? You're so damn naïve and sweet… are you asking if I've gone down on him?"

Lily blushed and turned away. "In not so many words, yes… have you?"

"Yes."

"How _is_ that?"

"Sirius' reactions to things are amusing, and a bit arousing, I suppose," Julia replied thoughtfully. "_I_ don't mind it, personally; most girls hate it. Why… you _aren't_ thinking-"

"So what if I was?" asked Lily defensively, her face flushing even brighter as Julia laughed. They slowed their running as they walked past the shed. Lily unlocked it and grabbed James' broom and a few others, handing some to Julia as they headed onto the pitch. "What if I was going to ask you for advice?"

Julia giggled and tried to compose herself as they drew closer. "There's not much advice I can give, really… the more into it _you_ are, the more they get out of it," she explained, grinning mischievously at Lily. "You naughty little _minx_, you. I warned James that if you two ever got together he was going to need a lot of energy to deal with all your pent up sexual frustration."

"Shut up… I'm not frustrated," Lily chuckled, "I just… I'm fascinated by his reactions. He's always so cocky and confident, it's rather arousing to see him go a little crazy over something."

"Hmmm… I still think that you ought to let him-"

"Oh, I did," she said lightly, turning toward Julia with a smirk on her face.

Julia laughed. "I'll need details later, see what the hell Felicity's going on about. But not now… I don't want to corrupt poor Hadley; she's so sweet," she explained, waving at the Gryffindor Seeker who was waiting for them on the field.

Back in the castle, the crowd was thinning out finally as James and his friends wandered back to Gryffindor tower. "Julia and Lils took off in a hurry," James muttered, looking around for the two of them.

"Prongs, we still need to do something for your birthday, because you spent all day yesterday studying," Sirius said, completely ignoring his observation.

"Yeah I know; all this homework is rubbish," James snorted. "First that stupid essay, then McGonagall and Slughorn both decide quizzes were in order. And now we have to write _another_ essay about using jinxes as a defensive mechanism, and protective charms… Stupid lessons… cutting into my time with Li-… everyone."

Sirius laughed, watching James ruffle his hair and sigh heavily, a slight coloring to his cheeks. Remus and Peter smirked at one another as Sirius shook his head. "From your exuberant mood this morning, I'm guessing your studies aren't keeping you from spending time with Lily."

"No, but they're cutting into it. And _we_ haven't done anything in a while," he muttered, looking at his friends.

"The day isn't over, mate; we could still do something," Remus suggested nonchalantly.

"This is true, though Lils said something about getting together before dinner," he said, perking up as he thought of the previous night. His stomach did flips as he thought about the sound of her voice quietly whispering his name.

"I'm sure you would like that," replied Sirius, rolling his eyes but smirking as Remus turned over his shoulder and chuckled. When they arrived back at the tower, James was immediately drawn to the fact that there were several sets of Quidditch gloves laid out on their table. A note was taped to the pair that belonged to him, and he picked it up with a curious smirk on his face.

"_I have stolen the personalized Quidditch robes from your room. If you want them back, you'll need to win a match of four against four," _said Lily's neat handwriting_. "If you're man enough for the challenge, that is. – L"_

James sniggered and pocked the note before picking up the gloves. "So how long did you plan this?" he asked, looking at his three friends and grinning broadly.

"_We_ didn't plan anything," Peter chuckled. "_Our_ idea involved sneaking to Hogsmeade and getting drunk on firewhiskey. Lily seemed to think you would enjoy this more."

"She's right," he laughed. "Let's go."

When they arrived at the pitch, James laughed hysterically at Lily in his Quidditch robes, though he felt a strange sort of satisfaction at seeing the name "Potter" written across her back. "I think if you're serious about playing, we're going to need to get you some new robes. Those are way too big," he said, tugging on one of the sleeves, which was hanging over her hand.

"That, and they say 'Potter' across the back," Lily teased.

"That a problem?"

Lily grinned and lowered her gaze, feeling her face color as he leaned forward and kissed her lightly, lacing his fingers through hers and toying with the fabric around her ring finger. "I suppose not. I'm guessing you may want these back before the Ravenclaw game. Shall we play?"

James nodded, looking around at his friends and a few members of his Quidditch team. Hadley Crawler had come down, along with Brenton Clarke and Kingsley Shacklebolt. "We have more than eight," he mused, nodding toward Julia's figure as she walked toward them.

"Oh, I'm not playing. I'm taking pictures and making sure you all stay in line," she explained, smirking as Sirius' eyes widened. She was still wearing her skirt, but had changed her white shirt so it was now adorned with black stripes and fit tightly against her. "Lily says I looked like a Muggle referee; I thought it seemed appropriate," she explained.

"I'll be getting out of line quite a bit," Sirius teased back as everyone chuckled.

They picked teams, James selecting Sirius, Kingsley and Peter to play on his side, while Remus, Brenton, Hadley and Lily would play against them. Remus and Brenton initially joked that they would have to carry the weight of their team, but Hadley quickly proved them wrong. Turned out she was quite adept at Chasing despite being the team's Seeker.

"You can take Potter's spot as Chaser next year!" Clarke exclaimed excitedly. Even Lily surprised them with how quickly she maneuvered around the pitch.

"Those lessons paid off, Lils!" Remus shouted as she scored their third goal, the size of her grin making everyone laugh. James found himself cheering for her and was promptly admonished by Sirius.

"You are playing _against_ her… now is not the time to be chivalrous prongs! Keep your head in the match, not in between-"he started, but was cut off as Lily flew by and kicked his broom, throwing him slightly off balance. His eyes shot daggers at her, but then he laughed when he saw Julia give her a thumbs up sign. "You'll pay for that," he shouted.

"I'm _so_ frightened," Julia replied.

They agreed to play until fifty points, and the game lasted until dinner, when James finally succeeded in scoring their final goal. Lily had successfully blocked him twice, and was beaming with pride as they walked back to the locker rooms to put away the brooms. Everyone except James and Lily headed up to the castle; they had stayed behind to put away the equipment for the next team that had booked the pitch.

"You're amazing, you know that?" James said, sitting down on a bench inside the lockers and pulling at her robes while he grinned wildly. "That was the most fun I've ever had. Thank you."

"I thought you'd enjoy it… especially after today," she said, thinking of all the homework they'd been assigned. "I suppose you want your robes back," she sighed.

James shrugged, grasping her hips and pulling her onto his lap. "I rather enjoy seeing the name 'Potter' across your back," he said, pressing his lips to her neck and grinning when her breath hitched.

"I rather enjoy it myself," she replied quietly. "But these are too big for me… we'll have to trade," she said, looking at the t-shirt and shorts he was wearing.

"Trade?" he asked, laughing lightly.

"I can't wear _this_ to dinner; it would probably be frowned upon, and cause all kinds of talk. And I sort of pulled a Felicity and… _forgot_ …my clothes when I came down here," she explained, biting her lip.

James gave her a curious glance. "Forgot your clothes? What do you have on underneath those?" he said, tugging at part of the cloak. Lily didn't reply; her face grew redder as she looked up at him, chewing her lip nervously. Realization suddenly sunk in, and James's eyes popped open as he looked her over. "You… you don't have _anything_ on?"

"Just my bra and knickers," She whispered sheepishly, smiling when he groaned and closed his eyes. "Can we trade clothes?"

Laughing incredulously, James quickly divested himself of his shirt and tossed it aside, watching with bated breath as Lily stood and repeated the motions. She stood and slowly untied the front of the cloak, and then pulled off the long-sleeved shirt underneath. James gripped her hips and pulled her back onto his lap, his mouth crashing against hers as his hands trailed over her bare skin. Lily sighed when his lips left hers and moved along her neck and collar bones. He tugged the fabric of her bra out of his way and enveloped her nipple in his warm mouth. She tangled her fingers in his hair and rocked her hips against his, smirking as he groaned and suckled harder.

Lily let James work his magic on her for a few minutes, then pulled his lips back to hers before sliding off his lap and onto the floor. James followed her as far as he could, emitting a combination of a laugh and a groan when she pulled the trousers he was wearing over his hips. His breath hitched when her lips pressed to his stomach; he could feel them shaking.

"Oh God, Lily… you don't-"

"Shhh," she whispered, wrapping her hand around him and examining him through the corner of her eyes as she nestled her face against his stomach. "Remember all those things you said you wanted to do to me?" she asked, looking up cautiously into his face.

James swallowed, staring into her innocent green eyes and feeling himself shake with anticipation. "Yes… the key word being things _I _wanted to do to _you_…not-"

"Just think about them," she breathed, brushing her lips against his shaft as she examined him closely. She now understood what Julia meant when she said it wasn't the prettiest thing on Earth, but it was still fascinating.

James' head feel back as hands gripped the bench he was sitting on very hard; half of his brain telling him to pick her up, tear her trousers off, and show her all the things he was thinking about. The other half was screaming "_shut up, shut up, shut the buggering hell up,"_ as her warm breath washed over the head of his penis. It was an angel and a devil sitting on his shoulder, but he didn't have much time to concentrate on either of them as her soft, wet lips pressed against him. Her tongue gave an exploratory stroke before she kissed him again and took him into her mouth.

The world around him seemed to disappear. James could vaguely hear his voice groaning from what seemed like miles away; a throaty, hoarse sound. The sensation of Lily's lips wrapped around him blocked out every other feeling. Sight, sound, taste… all he could feel was touch; warmth, wetness, and every so often slight pressure from her tongue or a squeeze of her hand. Involuntarily, the fingers of his hand tangled in her hair; he felt another rush of warmth when she moaned quietly and leaned her head into his palm. Her tongue stroked at the underside of his shaft, sliding slowly all the way to the tip and circling it slowly; he felt a brief rush of cold as her mouth moved off him for a second so her tongue could flick against him, but her warm lips kissed him again, causing him to groan loudly as they slid slowly back down his shaft.

James had only one experience with oral intimacy, though he had imagined Lily's lips around him multiple times. Again, his imagination again hadn't done the real thing justice; reality was so much better. As his fingers tangled into her hair, gently guiding her movements, every single thought flew out of his head. He could think of nothing but her; sweet, innocent Lily Evans. There was nothing but her lips and tongue, the warmth of her, the smell and feel of her hair. Lily… James' Lily… whom he had dreamt about for years, and who constantly kept him surprised with how daring she really was.

She brought him to the point of no return, her hand gripping him and stroking gently as a wave of bliss coursed through him. Her lips moved to meet his just before he finished, catching his enraptured moan with her mouth. He groaned as the waves of pleasure subsided and she crawled delicately onto his lap. James' voice was hoarse; he grabbed his wand from the pocket of his cloak that had been unceremoniously tossed aside, and murmured an almost inaudible spell. Lily chuckled against his lips, examining her now clean hands. "You need to teach me what that incantation is. It seems to be very-"

Her commentary was silenced as James leapt off the bench and lifted her with him. He pushed her up against the wall behind them, picking her up so her hips were level with his and pressing himself against her. Lily gasped in shock, closing her eyes and losing herself as his hands tugged at her trousers. They were halfway down her legs when a rush of self-consciousness overtook her. She grabbed the edge of his discarded shirt from the bench, pulling it over her head just as James pulled the trousers from her legs.

"_What_?" James groaned as he stood up straight again. "No fair - take that off," he insisted, kissing her again and trying to tug the shirt over her head.

"I feel shy, James. You don't need to do anything… I'm fine, we don't-"

"I'm _not_ fine, take it off," he said. "You've now seen me completely starkers-"

"I didn't _really_… I didn't have as much time to look as I would have liked," she whispered, her cheeks coloring as he kissed her neck.

"You can look _now_," he suggested, stepping back and laughing when she blushed and averted her eyes. "Or don't … but _I_ want to. Take this off," he said again, tugging at his stolen t-shirt.

"James… I'm rather self-conscious all of a sudden and-"

"Don't be! You're so… you are so sexy I can't even-"

"It's cold, and someone could walk in-"

"Take it off, Lily," James demanded, his voice suddenly stern.

Lily tipped her chin up, staring back at him defiantly. "No!"

James picked her up again, pressing himself against her as her legs wrapped around his hips. He kissed her fiercely, growling when she moved her lips across his cheek and began to nibble on his neck. "I _said_ take it off," he growled against her skin.

Lily gasped, shaking her head as James' hands slid over her hips. "No… I'm too shy and-"

Her thoughts were cut off again, not by James' lips or ministrations, but by the sound of a voice echoing from somewhere close by. Lily's eyes widened in horror, but James moved very quickly. He pulled on the discarded trousers from his Quidditch robes and whipped out his invisibility cloak he had carried with him. Kicking their other pieces of clothing under Lily's feet, he stepped very close to her and threw the cloak over the two of them, holding her close and listening as the voice came closer and entered into the locker room.

"… hope they hurry. I really think we could beat them if we practice our defense," Max Linghold's voice was saying.

"Should have been down here earlier," someone else responded. James and Lily watched as Max, Matthew Corner and Stan Davies came wandering in carrying broomsticks over their shoulders. "I heard Evans arranged some kind of a game for Potter's birthday. I know Crawler was down here, and I bet Shacklebolt and Clarke were as well," Matthew explained.

"That's an interesting gift," Max chuckled. "_'Let's play Quidditch, James. Then afterwards, I'll let you cuddle me_,'" he said in a high falsetto voice.

Lily narrowed her eyes as she watched them; James bit his lip and tried to stifle a chuckle. He quelled slightly when Lily turned toward him and gave him an angry glare. "Oh, lighten up… we did more than cuddle," he whispered, biting his lip to keep from laughing when she rolled her eyes and grinned in spite of herself.

She sighed and leaned back against the wall, listening to the boys mock her and James' relationship in between Quidditch talk. "How are we going to get out of here?" she mouthed quietly, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Wait for them to leave," whispered James, tracing his hands over her hips and thighs. He pressed himself closer to her and kissed her softly, grinning as the mischievous side of him began to take over.

"Still, he gets to kiss her and all that," Linghold was muttering. "I don't know how he does it. I'd be begging – BEGGING – to get her kit off and shag her. I love watching her legs …"

James' hands moved in between the legs Max was fantasizing about, smirking when Lily gave him a bewildered glance. "_What_-_are_-_you_-_doing_?" she whispered fiercely.

"Continuing… why should I let them stop me?" he mouthed, pushing her up against the wall and sliding one of his legs between hers. One hand moved to her lower back and he lifted her up to hold her closer. Her feet barely touched the ground, and she tried in vain to steady herself as James' other hand slid up the inside of her thighs. She tilted her hips, allowing him to support her weight by pressing her hard against the wall. His hand slid higher, fingers scratching softly at her through her knickers.

James smirked when her head fell back and spread her legs wider. "You weren't so worried when it was _me_ exposed in plain sight of the door," he teased inaudibly.

Lily's eyes fluttered, but she shook her head rapidly. "There's someone actually _in_ here now…we can't… they'll see-"

"They _can't_ see us," he replied, looking around at the cloak.

"They'll hear-"

"Well, be quiet, then," he whispered, slipping his hand inside her knickers and rubbing his fingers against her. His eyes went wide when he felt how wet she was, and he pulled her hips closer against him before slipping a finger inside her for the second time.

Lily gasped quietly, her eyes fluttering closed as heat raced all over her body. She didn't know if it was because she wanted James so desperately, or if it was the situation they were in, but as he pushed gently in and out of her, her body quivered with pleasure; though her practical mind was working furiously. "James… we can't…" she breathed, shaking her head.

"Awh… come on… I _know_ you don't want me to stop," he whispered against her lips before kissing her hungrily. She lifted her hands and twisted them into his hair, acceding to his observation and biting her lip to keep from crying out.

James couldn't hide his grin as he continued to kiss her, sliding another finger inside her and biting his lip when she began rocking her hips in time with his movements. This was the most erotic situation he'd ever been in; knowing that someone could walk into or hear them at any moment… it was beyond anything he'd ever imagined.

"Christ, Max… get over it. I agree, Evans is one of the best-looking girls in school… but there are other fish. And _obviously_ she's got a thing for Potter…" said Stan, picking up his broom and giving Max a bemused look.

"I know… he said something a while back about her tasting like firewhiskey; it stuck with me," explained Max sheepishly. "She's a very nice girl, probably would slap me if she heard me talking like this… I'm just curious about what she feels like."

"Incredible," James murmured in response to his query, grinning when Lily opened her eyes for a brief moment to give him a shocked glance, then squeezed them shut as she convulsed around his fingers.

"Did you hear something?" Matthew suddenly asked. He walked to the left and right, looking around the corridors of the room for anything that might have made a sound. James bit his lip to keep from laughing as Lily clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her voice.

There was silence for a few moments, the contractions of her muscles faded away. Lily's legs felt shaky from standing on the balls of her feet for that length of time, and she allowed James to pick her up and support her while he kissed her intensely in between whispered laughs.

"I didn't hear anything," said Max. "Let's get out the Quaffle and throw it around."

The three boys left the locker room, and Lily exhaled a loud sigh of relief. "You… you're mental, James. They could have heard us, or walked into us…" she breathed, shaking her head as he grinned at her. "You are _incorrigible_," she laughed.

He handed her the shorts he had been wearing and pulled on the long sleeved shirt from his Quidditch robes before looking around and making sure the room was clear. She pulled on her trainers, watching and giggling as he did the same while trying to stay under the cloak. He grabbed his bag and nodded toward the door and they both raced outside. Once they were far enough away, James pulled off the cloak and breathed deeply, smiling at the evening sun.

"I take it back," he said suddenly, throwing his arm around Lily's waist.

"Take what back?" she asked, blushing and looking up at him.

"My earlier comment about the Quidditch game," he said with a grin. "THAT was the most fun I've ever had," he explained, causing her to laugh and shake her head.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

A round of fresh rain heralded the arrival of April, and brought with it more news from outside the castle that quickly became the discussion topic among all the students.

"_Death of Senior Undersecretary Morgan Causes Alarm Amongst Ministry_"

"_The unmarked body of Undersecretary Percy Morgan was found Sunday inside his office on Level 1 of the Ministry Of Magic. It is unknown why Morgan was in the office, but the circumstances surrounding his death have caused alarm among all ministry employees._

"'_Security is set up that Ministry employees can only gain entrance to that level if their wand is registered. Whoever murdered Morgan worked for us; or was under the Imperius Curse,' explained Marshall Dunford of the Auror office._

"_Minister Baddlebrock issued a statement this morning to the WWN stating they are examining every employee's wand to review any curses cast. There has been speculation that Morgan committed suicide, though Baddlebrock dismissed these opinions with assertions that his Undersecretary did not appear unbalanced in the days before his death._

"_Baddlebrock advised they have enacted more protective measures in place in hopes of preventing the Death Eater regime from destabilizing the Ministry. Another threat came last week, specifically directed at officers who are working for the protection of Muggle-born witches and wizards._

"'_It's time we see these creatures for what they are,' an anonymous writer suggests. 'They are unworthy of our secrets, and have caused nothing but trauma to our way of life. We will assume our rightful place as rulers over the spawn of Muggles who have infiltrated our world. All who deny our right to rule will be punished.'_"

James growled angrily. "Anonymous my arse," he snarled, shaking the paper and looking across the table at Sirius. "It's either a Death Eater or Voldemort writing, bloody cowards. They should just show themselves and fight," he muttered.

"But that would defeat the purpose of no one knowing where he is," Remus replied, a slightly sarcastic tone to his voice. "This silence and the mysterious deaths are doing more harm than a full-on assault would."

"Staying in the shadows claiming you're going to rule over everyone is cowardly. And is the Ministry doing anything to find him? Nope… just putting precautionary measures in, sending out more worthless pamphlests," said James coldly.

"Should ask Dumbledore about another Order meeting," Sirius suggested as he chewed his breakfast. "I reckon Frank Longbottom knows what's going on, we could write him."

James nodded, turning the pages of his newspaper and scoffing as he read another headline. "Listen to this. '_Business owners begin checking blood-status of employees after attacks on Muggle-borns_.'" He quoted, reading down a few lines and shaking his head.

"'_We aren't prejudiced, but it's becoming riskier and riskier to hire them! I can't afford to have my business destroyed, I have my family to think about,' says Ernie Polmark, owner of Polmark Potion Supplies in London_," James read.

"I heard they're starting to ask for the blood status of customers too," added Peter.

Julia sighed loudly from next to Sirius. "Could you all just shut up about it?" she asked in a quiet voice.

Sirius gave her a quizzical look. "Something bothering you?"

"All of _this_ is bothering me," she snapped, waving her hand at the paper James was holding. "People are getting murdered or being attacked every other day; My friend and I can't buy dresses and-"

"You and your friend can't buy what?" asked James curiously.

"Lils didn't tell you?" Julia asked.

"Tell me what?"

Julia frowned. "We tried to order a dress for the ball this year out from an add we saw in the Prophet. They wouldn't sell it to Lily; said she wasn't on a list of pure-blood witches attending Hogwarts, and they couldn't risk being tracked for selling to a Muggle-born."

James sighed and shook his head. "No, she didn't tell me."

Julia shrugged. "I wouldn't get your wand in a knot over it. She shrugged it off; said she'd find a way to get a hold of one, but it made me angry. It's ridiculous, soon they're going to have to wear badges in the streets, or there'll be signs up saying '_No Muggle-borns allowed_,'" she said bitterly.

Their group fell quiet as they absorbed Julia's observation. Just then, Lily's figure appeared and sat down next to James. She picked a few pieces of toast up and started spreading jam onto them before pausing and looking around at her friends. "What's happened _now_?" she asked, looking over their expressions.

"Nothing," James assured her. "Just… reading headlines."

Lily chuckled humorlessly. "The headlines aren't what's interesting. If you want interesting, turn to page 4b," she said, pointing to the paper and narrowing her eyes.

James quickly turned to the section she had indicated and looked the page over. There were a few advertisements, an advice column, and finally his eyes fell on the section he knew she was referring to.

"_Muggle-borns: destroying our world, one spell at a time."_

James frowned and looked at Lily. "_Please_ tell me you're not taking any of this to heart," he murmured sadly.

Lily shook her head. "Of course not. But what's interesting is who's writing it. That column has been going on for months, each week a different title. '_Muggle-borns: ruining our children's education_. _Muggle-borns: Bringing unknown diseases in to wizard lives_,'" she recited, recalling a few of the more damaging articles. "Oh, and my personal favorite, '_The Genetics of Muggle-Wizard Breeding and How It Has Corrupted Our Nature_.'"

Julia scoffed. "I didn't realize I was corrupt," she muttered.

Lily shook her head. "Look at who the author is, James," Lily said.

"Gabe Preece," said James, wondering why the name sounded so familiar. "He was-"

"He was Head Boy when we first started," said Lily, confirming everyone else's thoughts. "Ravenclaw, remember?"

"Man… he took a turn for the worse," muttered Sirius.

"I don't think so," said Lily. "I think _they've_ got him under the Imperius Curse. If you actually read the articles, it sounds like he's been thinking about this for years, sorting it all out. But he never thought that way when we were in school, I remember him going off on Rosier for taunting Melany Finch and I. Now, he says he's been '_enlightened'_ by the truth that the Death Eaters' preach, but the other language he uses…" she explained, shaking her head. "He _writes_ like Dumbledore talks, using all these absurd archaic words. I think he's under the curse and You-Know-Who is telling him what to write; it's a way to get his voice out there and sway people over to their side. Those articles are… very popular."

Everyone looked at her, thinking over what she had said. "That's pretty far-fetched, Lily," Peter muttered.

"How so? A man was murdered _inside_ the ministry, that's not far-fetched? We know the Death Eaters are using the Imperius Curse on everyone they can… he'd be easy to get at since he's a reporter," Lily said, looking around for support. "Everything about this war is far-fetched."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "You should tell Dumbledore."

"I did," Lily said proudly. "We've got a meeting with the Order this Thursday."

"Brilliant!" said Sirius, watching Peter and Remus echo his statements. James was busy reading over the article Lily had pointed out. "Prongs? You there?"

"Yes… Thursday… Order, got it," he muttered. "Lils? What did you do with the money your mum left you? He's talking in here about Gringotts imposing restrictions on converting Muggle money into gold, making it so Muggle-borns can't buy wands, or robes, or anything," he explained in a worried tone.

"Your mum had it converted to gold after my birthday. She wrote to me and let me know, saying she'd been reading these articles and got concerned. It's in the spare room at your house," she explained reassuringly.

"Why didn't she just put it in a vault?" asked James with a laugh.

"I'd have to be there to register for a vault, and she didn't think they were letting Muggle-borns set up one right now because-"

"No, why didn't she put it in _my_ vault?"

Lily blushed and shrugged. "She… suggested it. But I didn't want to have to worry about keeping it separated."

"Why would we keep it separated?"

Sirius and Julia both started to snigger, while Remus rolled his eyes and Peter shook his head. "Well… I mean, I didn't want to accidently withdraw some of your money to pay for a flat or-"

James laughed and shook his head while Lily gave him a confused look. "I'm writing my mum and telling her to put the gold in my vault. Don't worry about it," he said, taking her hand squeezing it gently. She made a face and started to object, but James pressed a finger to her lips. "Don't argue… I'm writing the letter. And my Mum will listen to me over you, so just let it go," he said kindly, watching her sigh then smile gently.

The week went by and Thursday night arrived. The six of them quietly walked to Dumbledore's office, entering with a mixture of excitement and curiosity over what they would be discussing within. Frank and Alice Longbottom were standing with two other wizards discussing something very quietly, while Dumbledore was talking to a wizard who had clearly been through several battles. Professor McGonagall and a dark haired woman were talking quietly near the door as Peter shut it behind him, alerting them all to their presence.

Dumbledore walked over, smiling gently at the six of them. "Ahh, welcome, all of you. This isn't a meeting necessarily, but I felt it would be beneficial for you to meet some of our members. I also have tasks to assign to you for the remainder of the year, and want to give you an update on what we're working on at the moment" he explained, walking back to his desk as they followed.

Julia and Lily sat down in the two chairs that were present while the boys arranged themselves around them. James placed his arm around Lily's shoulders, and watched the other wizards take various places around Dumbledore's desk. "I do believe introductions are in order," the headmaster said with a grin. "This is Julia Tottleham, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and our head boy and girl for the year, James Potter and Lily Evans," Dumbledore explained, indicating each of his students in turn.

"You all know Frank and Alice from their tenures at Hogwarts," he continued, smiling as they nodded at each other. "This is Dorcas Meadowes, who left Hogwarts the year before you started" said Dumbledore, indicating the kind-faced, dark haired woman standing to his left. "Alastor Moody from the Auror Office," he continued, gesturing toward the battle worn wizard, "and over here are Gideon and Fabian Prewett," Dumbledore finished, grinning at the two red-headed wizards who looked as though they could be twins. They all nodded warmly at the six of them, and then turned to Dumbledore who began explaining the status of affairs from his point of view.

So much more was going on than the Prophet was reporting; Baddlebrock was leaning heavily on them to keep things quiet as an election year was approaching. In addition to the Senior Undersecrtary's murder, the man whom had attempted to murder Baddlebrock six months previously had kidnapped from St. Mungo's in the middle of the night. No one knew his whereabouts, or the whereabouts of his wife and children. Numerous Muggle-Borns within the Ministry had also disappeared, and several Muggle news papers had been reporting random deaths and kidnappings that had their police force struggling to stay afloat. "They're blaming it on mob activity, but there have been numerous violent deaths all throughout London and the surrounding communities," Dumbledore explained sadly.

"Lily, you came to me the other day with the observation that Gabe Preece has been writing commentary in his weekly column. You said that these articles seem very out of character for our former head, am I correct?" Dumbledore asked, watching Lily nod. "After reading them, I find myself agreeing. I do not remember Gabe being so harsh or prejudiced; quite the opposite, actually. Alastor, do you have any thoughts on this?"

The wizard named Moody pulled out a file and began reading a piece of paper, shrugging his shoulders as he read. "Preece has only been with the Prophet for six months; before that, I don't know what he was doing. Comes from a good family, we'll keep an eye on him. If he's _not_ cursed, he could be under pressure to continue writing from an outside source," the man named Moody said thoughtfully.

"One of us can visit his family, make up something about a survey of sorts to check and see if they're all right," one of the Prewett brothers suggested.

Dumbledore nodded in agreement. "Those will be the first steps. The last thing Bernie needs right now is _more_ Death Eaters inside the Ministry."

"Wait," said James, speaking for the first time since they walked in the room. "_More_? There are already Death Eaters inside the Ministry? And no one has done anything?" he asked in a shocked voice.

"Can't make any arrests since we can't prove it… but we have our suspicions," Moody said, giving James an appraising glance. "You're your father's son, Potter; we're doing everything we can to gather evidence; following them, checking their activities. Once we have enough proof, we'll get them."

James made a face. "Can you use Vertiserum in interrogations?"

"It's highly frowned upon; but since Crouch authorized use of the Unforgivable Curses perhaps we should bring it up. Seems like a better plan than torturing them," Moody replied thoughtfully.

"What did you mean I'm my father's son?" James asked, frowning as Sirius sniggered under his breath. James disliked when people from the Ministry compared him to his parents; he wanted to be recognized for his own accomplishments rather than for being a Potter.

"Just that you have a keen sense of justice, son; knew your dad when I first started at the office, good man, good wizard; but also very quick to act," said Moody wisely.

"Right…" James said sheepishly; Lily squeezed his hand.

"What concerns us more than Death Eaters inside the Ministry, is who and what Voldemort is recruiting outside of it," the other Prewett brother commented.

Dumbledore nodded. "Has he has success with the giants?"

"Giants?" Sirius, and Peter said at once.

"Giants… and werewolves; Fenrir Greyback, specifically," Dumbledore explained, watching as Remus frowned; he had suspected that very thing some time ago. "We also have suspicion that a few Dementors have been swayed by Voldemort's promises of easy prey. And the reports in the Prophet about Inferius sightings… that's not as far-fetched as I'd like to believe. I'm gathering he has a fairly large force behind him at this point, which is actually where the six of you come in."

Dumbledore's gaze became serious, but not unkind, as he looked at each student individually. "I'm receiving reports that several suspected Death Eaters are visiting Hogsmeade on our weekend trips, recruiting new members I expect. As we cannot prove they are engaging in illegal activities, we cannot not prohibit their travels. You all know the Professors and I would have an uprising on our hands if we cancelled Hogsmeade visits, so I am asking all of you to be on the lookout for any suspicious behaviour from your classmates, both older and younger.

"By suspicious behaviour, I mean sudden changes in groups of friends, or increasing instances of … mischief… we'll call it, from a group. The Professors are obviously watching, but we cannot see everything; and often times, rumors circulate much quicker among the student body. I am aware you have your own suspicions; I only ask that you do as much as you can to find _proof_ before you make a report, or confront a classmate. We're trying to create trust where Voldemort is sowing fear; let's not assist him by making false accusations," said Dumbledore, watching everyone nod.

He gave them a few more inside bits of news, chuckled at James and Sirius' eager behaviour, and reminded the boys again that he could not induct them officially until the end of the school year. Dumbledore thanked everyone for coming and sent them on their way, all of them feeling a little more informed, but still confused as to what was happening outside the castle walls.

Watched pots never boil, and this statement became an irritating reality they faced as they watched for suspicious behaviour over the next few weeks. "Before we knew about all this, some Slytherin bloke would make a comment, or do something creepy, every five minutes. Now that we're watching them… nothing," James muttered one evening at dinner.

"I know, it's almost like they know they're being watched," Remus replied, listening to the chatter around them for a few moments. Some of it was about school work, but most of it about the recent headline in the Prophet. "_Proposed Protection Act would require Muggle-borns to carry identification cards at all time."_

Support for the act was minimal, but there was also no protesting of it, for fear of attracting attention. Within the last three weeks, the Dark Mark had been set up above three businesses owned by Muggle-born wizards; all three were currently missing.

"They have to register to get the card, and most of them won't register," Peter said as they walked back to the tower. "I wouldn't… it's like an invitation for death."

"Lils said the same thing," James told him, thinking back to their conversation the previous evening. "Course, she said she couldn't register even if she wanted to as she doesn't have a place to live right now… you have to have an address, see" he continued, shaking his head moodily.

"She's claiming she's not moving in with us?" asked Sirius.

"She says she'd be '_taking advantage' _of me, or something; wants to make sure everyone knows that she can make it on her own if need be," James explained, rolling his eyes.

"Or maybe she wants to prove to _herself_ that she can make it," Remus said thoughtfully, watching as James grudgingly nodded.

It was a Saturday, and James hadn't seen Lily all day. What with Quidditch practice, studying, and her turn for duty that evening, they hadn't been able to discuss more than the weather or how much they missed each other.

James returned to his room, feeling grumpy but comforted by knowing she would find him later and snuggle up to him. All the talk of discrimination had him worried about what she was feeling. She was hesitant to discuss moving in with him, varying her reasoning between a worry of taking advantage of him, and a fear for his safety. "If they're kidnapping shop owners and murdering families for selling to Muggle-borns, I don't want to think about what they'd do to you if they caught you living with one."

"You say '_one'_ like you're some sort of animal," James had said, brushing her hair out of face and giving her a sad look. "You aren't, Lily. You're a witch, you're a human being."

"I know that, James, I know…" Lily murmured, leaning into him and kissing his neck. She wrapped her arms around his waist and sighed heavily, feeling soothed by his hands stroking her hair. "I just can't bear the thought of something happening to you."

James squeezed her tightly. "I know that feeling all too well," he muttered, laying his head against hers. "Why do you think I want you to move in with me?" he asked, feeling her nod against his chest.

The following day, the Prophet reported a story that made James' blood boil. He wasn't alone; all his friends, everyone in his house, and a majority of the students in Hogwarts were disgusted by what was published.

"_Proposed Reclassification of Muggles and Muggle-Borns from Human to Beast suggested to Wizengamot_."

Lily had laughed initially, but then felt very depressed as she thought about what had been proposed. She was not an animal; she was human, just as James had said. The fact that there were people who hated the way she was born so much, they thought of her as an animal… it was very discouraging. She tired of hearing about it, and vehemently refused to be uncomfortable with who she was and how she was born; she wasn't going to let a group of bullies make her hide away any longer.

After school, she would get a job of some sort, find a flat to live in, assist the Order in any way she could, and live life the way any normal eighteen year old witch would.

And she would continue going out with James, as long as he would have her, despite what the world thought of their relationship; nothing could stop her from loving him. She was a moth and he was her flame, she knew that much as she wandered through the halls, thinking only of his arms around her. It had been around twelve hours since she'd seen him, but she missed his laughter and hand on her waist. She found herself checking any clock she could find to count down the hours until she could see him again. Duty was only four hours long, but it was too long for her to walk around alone thinking.

Knowing how much she missed him, after not seeing him for only a few hours, part of her knew she was insane to think about getting her own flat. Why not just move in with him and Sirius? Julia had agreed when Sirius had asked, why was she being so stubborn?

Because she wanted James to know he didn't have to take care of her; that she could take care of herself. She didn't want to have to rely on him to support her. That wasn't his responsibility. She was not a child or some helpless kitten in a tree. She knew he would be helping Remus out, since his job prospects were even slimmer than hers at the moment, and didn't want to use any of his gold when she had her own. Aside from all the logical reasons, she did fear for his safety if he were to be tormented for his relationship with her.

But what if he wished someday to marry her? Would he want to risk that, being caught and murdered for his choice? Was she worth the sacrifice?

Lily knew her fears were legitimate, but also slightly irrational; James had said numerous times nothing anyone could say would deter him from wanting her. For the time being, she was able to push her thoughts aside, especially at the end of her shift when she reached the tower to find him waiting up for her. The sight of his brilliant grin and sparkling hazel eyes wiped her thoughts from her head; and when he stood and took her hand, leading her upstairs to his room to hold her as they quietly talked, her concerns melted away like the snow had just days earlier.

Their assignments began to focus on the upcoming N.E.W.T. testing for seventh year students, which made the homework ease slightly, but increased their strain during practical portions of their lesson. Though, during one Potions lesson on a Monday afternoon, Slughorn had a rather unexpected announcement for the class.

"I've made contact with a few of friends of mine, they've agreed to come to Hogsmeade over the next two weekends to meet with students who may be interested in pursuing careers in their fields of expertise. I'll be gathering resumes, and any letters of recommendation, from those interested in meeting, so if anyone in here is curious," he said, giving Lily a wink and a smile, "if you could please have your information to me by next Friday it would be appreciated."

After his announcement, they set to work on mixing antidotes to various types of poisons and venoms that he had supplied. James watched Lily's expression curiously, wondering what she was thinking. She appeared distracted and abnormally eager to get done with the lesson.

"Remus, what do you think about this little career fair that Slughorn arranged?" She asked as they were putting away their supplies.

Remus shrugged. "It's a good idea. Slughorn has got a lot of connections. It'd be nice to know who's going to be there and what kind of work they do; I'm rubbish at potions, so I'm not too keen to keep on with it," he explained.

"You are not rubbish," Lily said encouragingly. "You're better at Charms, yes, but you do well in this."

"We'll see," Remus replied. "I'm going to get my things together, get a few letters, and then we'll see who is all coming."

"What do you think you want to do, Moony?" asked James as they walked out of class.

Remus shrugged. "Something… the less I have to rely on my parents, the better. I suppose I wouldn't mind teaching… you reckon Dumbledore will be looking for another Defense Against the Dark Arts professor after this year?" he joked, causing Lily and James to chuckle lightly.

"You know, I told you that you didn't _have_ to rely on your parents," James said. "We're good, you can-"

"James … I know… that's very kind of you," Remus muttered. "But… I feel-"

"You feel bad, guilty… blah blah blah," James said. "Just think about it… it's rough out there now."

Remus nodded, smiling as he bid them good bye before heading off to the Library for the free period.

"Did you ask him to move in with you, Sirius and Julia?" Lily asked. "Getting a bit crowded in this non-existent flat don't you think," she teased, nudging him slightly with her shoulder.

"I only suggested it; but he doesn't want to. Worries about his furry little problem and living in the city," James explained. "I said you'd keep making the potion for him."

"Course I would. I'd be there plenty, so it won't be an issue getting it to him," she smiled. "Maybe I could have my own drawer in your dresser."

James smiled. "Maybe you could have half of my dresser, or hell, a whole one to yourself," he suggested.

"James, I'm still not sure," she said sadly, chewing her lip as he frowned and stared at his trainers. "I don't… With three of you living there, four including Julia, I'd be putting a lot of people at risk."

"Or a lot of people would be keeping you safe," he said.

"I don't want anyone to have to keep me safe," she said sadly.

"Then you keep us safe… we need you there to throw punches," he said, only half teasing. "Lils… I couldn't stand not seeing you every day."

Lily smiled gently and leaned into James' arms. "I'd still see you every day."

"You know what I mean…"

"James, I don't want to put you all at risk. Besides… maybe I should look for a job and live on my own; isn't that like a rite of passage or something?" she asked, grabbing at straws.

"You shouldn't go through a rite of passage if you don't really want to," he murmured into her hair.

"Who says I don't want to?" she asked curiously.

James smiled gently, pushing a few strands of hair from her face. "Your eyes say you don't want to."

Lily smiled lightly, and closed her eyes. "You see too much in my eyes," she sighed heavily as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"I see everything I've ever wanted in your eyes," he replied, grinning when she blushed shyly and leaned up to kiss him.

* * *

_A/N: So, strange thing happened. I published this chapter last night, but never got an e-mail that it was posted. One of my lovely reviewers added a review (Thank you thank you thank you =)) and I thought, hmm... that is odd. I wonder why I never got an e-mail saying it was out there. I began to wonder if perhaps it failed to send and let people know that I updated, so I'm reposting. Part of me is reposting for reviews, but another part doesn't want to deny those who find enjoyment from my story the opportunity to read a new chapter. I lean toward the second part, as nothing makes me smile more than knowing how much you are enjoying reading as I am enjoying writing. Thank you thank you!_


	28. Future

Future

"Graduate" Third Eye Blind

* * *

By Thursday, Remus and Lily, along with many other seventh year students, had put together very impressive portfolios to take with them to Hogsmeade that weekend. A few had approached Slughorn about the event with questions about how to dress, and who would be in attendance.

"It's not only Potioneers, oh no," he said. "There will be several representatives from the Ministry, specifically the Goblin and Muggle Liason offices, and a few from Magical Law Enforcement. Several members of the Wizengamot and a number of business owners in Diagon Alley will be stopping by."

James felt frustrated as he watched Lily and Remus work together, laughing over memories of their times as prefects and re-reading each other's portfolios. There was also a hint of jealousy in his emotions, though there was no logical reason for it. He wasn't sure if it was Remus he felt jealous of, or the portfolio Lily was spending so much time with. He found himself brooding and irritated by the constant chatter in the house, and had been hearing the words "career" and "job" a bit too much for his liking.

It wasn't that he didn't feel that Remus and Lily didn't deserve careers; on the contrary, both of them were extremely hard working, and would be fantastic employees to anyone who would have them. His issue was that, as much as he didn't want to admit it, no one would have them.

James felt relieved when Sirius agreed with his unspoken observations. "Moony can't explain too much," Sirius muttered. "He's either going to have to lie, or find a decent explanation for being '_sick'_ once a month. If he says what he is… no one will even talk to him."

James nodded. "You can only come up with so many excuses, and we both know how well that works out. If they didn't figure it out, they'd get rid of him for being sick all the time."

"Then he's going to get all grumpy…"

"And depressed…"

Sirius sighed. "Lils is going to have a tough go as well, since everyone is asking for blood-status."

"Slughorn will try to vouch for her, but from the way the Prophet is writing, I'm not sure anyone will listen," said James sadly.

"And she'll become a target if they _do_ hire her; or they'll treat her terribly, and claim she can't get work anywhere else," Sirius muttered.

"I know, I've thought of all this. And the murders and disappearances…" continued James, frowning as he thought of Lily vanishing without a trace as so many others had.

"Do you think you could talk her out of it?"

James laughed humorlessly. "No, you can't talk Lily _into_ something, and you can't talk her _out of_ something once she has her mind set. It's something _she_ wants, so I probably should be for it, yeah? But it's not what I want."

Sirius nodded. "Don't know what to tell you mate," he muttered, leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. "You seen Jules anywhere?"

"Not since dinner," said James, watching as Sirius nodded thoughtfully. "I'm going to go talk to Lily about this… maybe she'll listen," he said in a hopeless voice as he wandered upstairs.

Lily was sitting at her desk, writing furiously on a piece of spare parchment. James couldn't help but be impressed with how neat her handwriting was, especially considering the pace at which she was scribbling.

"I've got all my grades, from first year through sixth, a copy of my O.W.L. scores, details of my Prefect duty, and all the stuff we've done this year as Heads," she explained, setting down her quill and looking up at James with an excited expression. "Plus Slughorn's, Flitwick's, and McGonagall's letters of recommendation; you think that's enough?"

James smiled gently. "It impresses me. Hey… can… can we talk for a moment?"

"Of course," said Lily, standing up and moving closer to him. "Oh, would your Mum write a letter if they needed it?"

James chuckled. "She'd probably go down there personally if you wanted her too," he said, putting his arm around her and guiding her over to her bed. He sat down with her, noting her sudden look of concern at his morose expression. "Lils… I'm not… I'm not so sure this thing is the best idea Slughorn has ever had," he said, putting the blame on Slughorn rather than his own selfishness.

"Really? I think it's brilliant. If we can meet people and get an inside connection, it'll make looking for a job much easier. Maybe I can secure one even before we get done with our N.E.W.T.s," replied Lily.

"I bet you could get one depending on the _results_ of your N.E.W.T.s – which will be brilliant of course – but not before," he said. "Are you sure you _want_ to get a job now? With all the murders and disappearances that are going on? Especially at the Ministry; you don't want to worry about all that, do you?"

Lily considered him, weighing his observation. "I'm not necessarily interested in the Ministry, or working under Baddlebrock… the man is completely gormless," she said disdainfully. "But I wouldn't mind working at an Apothecary, or something along those lines," she said, smiling gently at him.

James nodded, grimacing slightly as he looked away; she sounded so encouraged at the thought of finding a job where she could excel... He couldn't take that away from her just because he felt neglected. "You'd be good at that," he whispered, leaning forward and kissing her softly. "You'll be good at anything you want to do."

Lily smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him on top of her as she laid back. Her lips met his fiercely, her tongue tracing along them as she clutched him tightly to her. James wrapped his arms around her waist and rested against her, returning her kisses then moving his lips to her ears and neck as she hugged him tightly.

"I love you, James," she whispered, wrapping her legs around his hips and pulling him closer. "I love you so much… it means so much that you think that."

James hummed lightly against her neck, running his hands up her denim clad thighs and over her hips. "I love you," he whispered. "Lily… when you find a job… will you move in with us?"

Her kisses paused; she sat up on her elbows, meeting his curious eyes with a pained expression. "It depends on where the job is, doesn't it?"

"We'll just find a flat there," he said, kissing her again.

"I don't know, James… people will think that I'm some poor muggle-born who needs you to support me."

"I thought you couldn't care less what they think… as long as _I_ think you're okay," he muttered, pressing his lips to her neck again. "Will you consider it, please?"

Lily bit her lip; she had thought about it… it was a wonderful idea, but she didn't want James to have to support her. She didn't want him to have the sole responsibility for everything. "Will you let me pay half the rent?" she asked.

James stopped kissing and looked up at her. "Is that what it will take?"

"I don't want you to waste your money-"

"Lily," said James in admonishing voice. "Anything I spend on you wouldn't be a _waste_."

"That's not what I meant… I'm so used to taking care of myself, I don't think you should have to," she tried to explain.

"I don't _have_ to… I _want_ to. Consider it an investment in my future," he said, causing her to laugh lightly. "Please, Lily? It would make me feel so much better about you working somewhere if I knew you were coming home to me," he said.

Lily smiled gently and put her hand against James' face before leaning forward and kissing him softly. He laid her back again, one hand pushing her soft hair from her face the other fiddling with the button on her jeans. "I love you, my Lily… I love you more than anything," he whispered against her lips, smirking when she made a whimper of appreciation before kissing him passionately.

There was a quiet knock on the door and Lily sighed heavily. James slid off of her onto his knees, grinning as she rolled her eyes and walked to the door, buttoning up her jeans as she went. "Who is it?"

"It's… it's me, Lils," replied Julia's voice. "Can we talk?" she asked.

Lily's expression went from annoyed to concerned in an instant. She opened the door and pulled Julia inside. "Of course… what's happened? You look frightened," she asked kindly.

Julia opened her mouth, and then closed it when she saw James. He stood up to leave, but she shook her head. "No… not here…" she muttered, pulling Lily down the stairs.

"Hey, Jules… Padfoot was looking for you earlier," James called down the steps.

"I'll find him later… I'm sorry, James. She won't be gone long!" she shouted up the stairs before pulling Lily out the door and away from the tower.

Lily followed quickly behind Julia as she walked quickly to the Library. She checked her watch; it was after eleven. "Jules… _why_ are we in the Library, it's late… what is going on?" she whispered. "You look terrified… did something-"

"It's late," replied Julia.

"Um… I just said that."

"NO! My … my _period_ is late," she whispered furiously. There was silence between them as Julia stared into Lily's bright green eyes, which were focusing on something very far away. "_LI-LY_! My-"

"I heard you the first time," said Lily, exhaling slowly as she looked at her friend. "_How_ late?"

"Like… a week and a half late…"

"Have you been taking something?"

Julia blushed brightly. "N-no… I didn't-."

"Are you _mental_? You've been… having sex with Sirius for how long, and you haven't been taking anything?" asked Lily in a shocked voice.

"I know, I _know_! It was _stupid_… I just didn't think. I-"

"You haven't been thinking since last _June_?"

"We just kept getting lucky! We just-"

"In more ways than one, apparently!" shouted Lily.

Julia rolled her eyes. "I know when its dangerous… so I just … avoided it during the time when…" she explained, trailing off as her blue eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Lily! What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" she sobbed, burying her face in Lily's shoulder.

Lily wrapped her arms around her. "Shhh… it's all right, okay? I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry," she whispered, hugging her tightly and stroking her hair.

"Yes you should have, I'm so stupid!"

"It takes two, you know," replied Lily, thinking of how daft Sirius also was for not considering something like this could happen. "Listen to me… listen… on a list of bad things, this is not the _worst_ thing in the world that could happen to you," she said quietly.

"Are you mad? I'm eighteen! I don't have a job; my parents are going to _murder_ me… and what about Sirius? What's he going to say?" asked Julia, biting her nails.

"Let's not jump to conclusions. One, you don't even know if you are… _pregnant_," whispered Lily, pulling the word out from deep inside her like it was some horrible curse that would get them both expelled. "And… if you _are_, I'm sure Sirius will freak out at first, but he's not going to _abandon_ you… you know that," said Lily, watching Julia nod. "There's got to be a test… a spell of some kind that we can use to find out for sure. Is that why you came to the Library?"

"No," Julia chuckled lightly. "I came to the Library because it's the farthest away from Gryffindor tower… I didn't want anyone to hear," she muttered, smiling slightly when Lily laughed.

"Okay… God, the one time we need to talk to Felicity, and we can't. She'd know a spell for sure," Lily grumbled, making Julia laugh even harder. "Quiet… Peeves, or that damn cat of Filch's will hear us. Let's see… healing is where we'll start," she mused, motioning for Julia to follow her to the appropriate section.

Forty-five minutes later, Julia had her wand laid against her abdomen, while Lily sat near her, concentrating very hard as she muttered "_affirmo gravadia_," and drew an infinity symbol in the air. A small blue circle hung in the air, lowering itself to the tip of Julia's wand where it began to glow brightly. "It says that if it stays blue, you're pregnant; if you're not… it'll turn white and disappear."

"How long does it take?" Julia asked.

Lily consulted the text. "Around a minute it says."

Both of them silently watched the orb, glaring at it like it was a harbinger of death or some other sort of doom. It floated lightly then suddenly flashed; white light filled the small space they occupied before fading, leaving a little white circle hovering for around half a minute before vanishing. There was silence in between the girls again.

"Oh, thank _Merlin_," gasped Julia, flopping onto her back and sighing heavily. "Merlin and Agrippa… oh, thank you, God… oh… I've been a mess for days," she said to Lily, laughing lightly and shaking her head.

"There's something else in this book that might be useful," Lily suggested, tossing it at her friend. Julia laughed as she read over the ingredients for a contraceptive draught. "It's really easy…I can make it for you tomorrow."

Julia chuckled and sat up. "That might be a good idea. Perhaps you should make some for _both_ of us?" she continued, quirking an eyebrow at Lily.

"No… I'm not there yet… not ready for that," she said with a shy smile.

Three days later, Julia came bounding up to Lily's room, giddy with excitement over being able to finally fully relax. "I've never been so happy in all of my life to ask to borrow feminine supplies," she laughed, her voice full of relief and glee.

"I think you just wanted to come up here and tell me, you didn't need to borrow any," Lily noted, rolling her eyes as she continued brushing her hair.

"You're up here all alone for once; where's James?" asked Julia, stepping into Lily's room and rushing to the loo.

"Quidditch practice," replied Lily, sitting back down on her bed. "He seemed a little off earlier, so hopefully he'll be in a better mood after practice. I'm still making copies for all the visitors coming next weekend," she explained in a slightly tired voice. She'd handed in her resume to an elated Slughorn after their lesson on Friday, and since then he had been relentless in praising her and telling her who to talk with during the coming weekend.

Julia emerged from the bathroom, drying her hands on a towel and giving Lily a placating look. "You do realize that you don't need to go to all that work," she said.

"Yes I do, I want to make sure I have enough copies for everyone and-"

"Lils, why don't you just move in with James, and worry about it later?"

Lily flushed and her expression became conflicted. "Because… his parents became my guardians, so Petunia wouldn't rake me over the coals; my gold is now in his vault, 'cause I can't get my own; he kept me in one piece after my Mum died… the poor bloke has been supporting me and… hand holding me through things since before we were even together! I can't just expect-"

"You aren't _expecting_ him to take care of you," sighed Julia, sitting down next to Lily on her bed. "He _wants_ to. There's a huge difference."

"I know… but I'm not helpless, either. If I do decide to move in with him… and Sirius… and you…and maybe Remus… I want to pay for my half of things and –"

"Good luck with that. Sirius laughed at me when I mentioned paying for part of the rent," she chuckled.

Lily sighed and chewed her lip. "I can't let James do that… I don't want to be a burden on him. I can take care of myself. We'll – we'll take care of each other. It'll help if I save some gold… if he ever wants to marry me, I can stay home with our kids a+nd not have to worry," she explained, trying to rationalize her feelings.

Julia snorted and shook her head. "You know I love you to pieces, Lils; but you are _so_ stubborn. You've been taking care of yourself, your mum, your dad, your friends… anyone who will let you for eighteen years; always hiding everything _you_ struggle with. Let someone else help for a change."

"I'm not struggling with anything right now," replied Lily. "Everything is perfect."

Julia gave her a half smile. "See how you feel after you start applying for jobs," she muttered quietly.

Lily made a face, but decided it was best to try and change the subject, rather than continue defending her thoughts. "Listen… I'm not going to lie, James is _horrid_ about studying. You want to go to the Library and go over all the Transfiguration stuff from the last seven years?"

Julia laughed loudly and shook her head. "No, not really… but I want to pass the damn test, so that's probably a good idea," she acquiesced.

News of more violence against Muggle-borns and families filled their ears as they walked through the halls to the Library. Daily stories filled The Prophet, and several Muggle news papers as well, detailing unexplained deaths and disappearances of entire families. No suspects, no traces, but everyone in the magical world knew who was behind it.

Lily began to worry, again, about her presence in everyone's lives. The danger she was in made her more determined to prove to everyone she could take care of herself; that she could make it as a Muggle-born in a world of discrimination. When Lily tried explaining this to Julia, she was met with a snort of disapproval and an angry glare.

"You can't _ever_ call James arrogant again," Julia chided. "This… _this... _is pride… that's all it is. You are letting _pride_ control your decisions."

"I am not… this is what I _want_ to do!"

"You want to sleep alone in a big empty bed almost every night? Have a drawer at James' place for some of your clothes?" asked Julia skeptically. "You want to go to work and worry about when they'll fire you because it's become too risky to keep you?"

Lily frowned. "They have no reason to fire me. I need to do this; I want to make a difference, I want to help change things!"

"Then _change_ things; work with the Order, work with us, Lils."

"I will be… but I-"

"Not going to have much time for it with a 9-5 job, I'd bet."

Lily sighed. "Why can't you be supportive?"

"Because this _isn't_ what you want," hissed Julia bluntly. "You're doing what you think you _should_ do. You're doing what you think everyone expects of you… I'd be supportive if I thought this was what you wanted… but it's not. And it's definitely not what James wants."

"What _does_ James want?" Lily queried. He'd been moody the past few days, but she didn't know why. She knew he wanted her to move in with him, but he also said he wasn't going to pressure her. As far as she was aware, he was completely supportive of her looking for work.

"James wants _you_: safe, sound, and home with him."

Lily sighed. "I want him to know I can look after myself too," she reasoned, watching Julia roll her eyes and shake her head, seemingly giving up her argument. "Ugh…fine… whatever. Let's go back; I'm sleepy, and I'm sure practice is over. Where has Sirius been all night? Usually he comes round to snog on you," Lily teased standing up.

Julia shrugged. "Either out on the pitch with James, or with Remus and Peter doing something or other, I told him I needed some alone time," she explained.

"Are you angry with him?"

"No, no of course not," Julia professed, rather quickly. "I just needed to… get my head sorted out. I was a little freaked out obviously."

"Did you tell him?" Lily asked as they exited the library and started to walk back.

Julia blushed and launched into a lengthy explanation of why she didn't need to tell Sirius about what happened, and why she could just let it go now that she was being careful. Lily kept her mouth shut all the way back.

"He just doesn't need to know. You've seen how he panics about things, and he can be so immature and-"

"So let me get this straight: it's _not_ okay for me to want to take care of myself, or admit that I'm a little shy about letting James take care of me since I've always been so independent… but you can _lie_ to Sirius about something so much bigger… and it's all right?"

"I'm not _lying_ to him… I –"

"You don't trust him not to take off on you… that's why you don't want to tell him," Lily continued, exchanging her usual kindness for Julia's brand of blunt truth.

Julia quelled, and then rallied instantly. "Well… you're… _prideful_, and you're still lying to yourself about how badly you want James. You won't let him go further with you, you keep doing things to him instead of letting him-"

"When did this turn into a commentary on my… _intimacy_ level with James? This is about you not being honest with Sirius!"

"I'll be honest with Sirius when you're honest with yourself," Julia snarled. "You _need_ James, you just don't want to admit it. You need him just as badly as he needs you… the way you two move together, how you look at each other… it's so sweet and full of love; you two are like … like… a pair of rotating stars or something gooey like that," she sighed wistfully. "It makes me rather ill sometimes."

Lily laughed loudly and shook her head. They fell into a comfortable silence as they walked, but just as they passed the statue of Gregory the Smarmy, they heard a pair of low voices; one male, one female. Unable to contain her curiosity, Julia quietly motioned for Lily to follow her as they crept low and peered around a corner into a deserted hallway.

"… _had_ to have figured it out by now," a light, feminine voice was saying; there was a slight trace of familiar laughter behind it.

"I had my suspicions… I'm just… it's not you – in no way is it you. Sam… you're brilliant, and sweet, and so, _so_ beautiful. I'm just…"

Lily's eyes went wide as she looked at Julia. "That's Remus…" she mouthed. Julia nodded and pushed her forward. They peered around the corner to see Sam Pitchfield standing on her tiptoes, her face nuzzled very close to Remus Lupin's. His hands were hesitantly touching her arms, fingers shaking; but as they watched, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth softly against hers.

Lily smiled and Julia made an excited noise before they ran off towards the tower. "It's about time," Julia whispered. "She's fancied him since last year."

Lily nodded. "I hope he goes for it; he hesitates because of… yeah… "

Julia chewed her lip and grimaced as she looked back over her shoulder. "I never realized how sad that is..."

"I know," Lily replied. "Pollywog," she muttered at the portrait. It opened quietly and the two girls stepped inside, pausing just behind the portrait hole as more familiar voices filled their ears.

"… didn't need to be ashamed, Prongs," Sirius was saying. "I don't get it."

"Padfoot… I felt _dirty_ afterwards. She just… God, she just _flattered_ me, and Lils had turned me down so many times… I was desperate to have someone want me. The whole act was… well, it was a bit pants to be honest. The first time was awkward and… just… strange. The next few were _less_ awkward, but…I kept… I kept _imagining_ she was Lily, because that's who I wanted it to be. I didn't want it to be Isabelle… nice and pretty as she is, I wanted Lily. I think I might have even said her name once… that's why I didn't tell anyone… it was pathetic," James replied.

"Not _pathetic_… a bit pathetic, perhaps," Sirius said with a laugh. "But it happened… no sense in beating yourself up over it now."

"That's what Lils said too… God, I was embarrassed when I told her… but now you know, so … yeah… hopefully I'm not pants next time," he muttered. Sirius' laughter echoed over to where Lily and Julia were standing hidden.

Julia gave Lily a curious glance; her eyes were sympathetic as she listened to James. "He's talking about losing his virginity," Lily mouthed, watching Julia's eyes widen. "Some girl that visits the lake by his parent's house... no, I've never seen her," Lily continued, answering the unspoken questions in Julia's eyes. The girls remained quiet, listening to James talk about Lily's reaction to his story, and his growing humbleness when he thought of how much he cared for her.

"He wanted it to be you," Julia mouthed, "instead of that _Isabelle_ girl."

Lily blushed. "I know…"

"It should have been you," Julia whispered bitterly. "This bint sounds like she's all fur coat and no knickers… literally. He should've-"

Lily shook her head. "I'm not upset… I'm actually a bit relieved. He knows what he's doing; I don't… it works out."

Julia rolled her eyes. "Well, he said it was rubbish with that girl, so I'm sure you'll be bloody _brilliant_," she teased, watching Lily flush with color and shake her head rapidly from side to side. "It's not potion making, Lils; you have instincts," she whispered before becoming quiet again as the sound of Sirius and James' conversation drifted back over to them.

"… happened after that Quidditch game on your birthday? You two-"

James exuberant laughter echoed throughout the empty room. "Oh, that day… _that_ day was one of the more entertaining days in my short life," he grinned, describing to Sirius, in intimate detail, his escapade with Lily in the locker room.

Julia stared at Lily in shocked amusement; she was blushing so brightly her face and neck were red. "You need to stop holding out on me!" she hissed in an amused whisper.

"I don't need to tell you every little detail," Lily snorted in reply.

"Jules must have suggested that technique… sounds very familiar," chuckled Sirius. Lily rolled her eyes as Julia tossed her hair and flashed a look of superiority. They both fell quiet and continued listening to the boys, completely missing the opening of the portrait hole behind them.

"What the -?" Remus' unexpected voice asked. "What _are_ you two doing?" he asked with a laugh. Lily and Julia turned around rapidly, both their eyes wide with horror as they looked at him. "How long have-"

"Moony? Who are you talking to?" called Sirius. There was a shuffling sound as James and Sirius stood up from their respective chairs and began to walk toward the portrait hole.

Julia grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her out the door, stifling her giggles as they ran down the stairs, trying to avoid having eavesdropped on such a private conversation.

"Moony?" asked James, a curious expression on his face as they appeared around the corner. "Who was here?"

Remus chuckled. "Lily and Julia were standing here, apparently eavesdropping on your conversation seeing as how they just ran away," he laughed.

Sirius grinned mischievously. "How long had they been there?"

"Dunno," Remus muttered, watching James bound up the stairs. "It must have been a while, because they were both smiling really big."

James appeared back by Sirius' side, grinning wildly as he opened his map and activated it. "They're running down the hall… Merlin, they're fast," he laughed. "Prefects bathroom is where they're heading. I say we give them a taste of their own medicine," he muttered to Sirius, shaking out his invisibility cloak. Sirius laughed and nodded in agreement before dashing out the door and down the stairs.

"By the way, Moony," chortled James, pausing just behind the portrait of the Fat Lady. "You _will_ be explaining why you are just now getting back to the tower at," he checked his watch, "eleven fifty-nine… _and_ why your face is so red."

Remus laughed and watched James rush out the door, his smile fading away as it shut, wondering what he had gotten Sam into.

Julia and Lily raced inside the prefect's bathroom, giggling loudly as they shut the door behind them. "Oh, damn it," lamented Julia. "Of all the luck… I need to have a talk with Sam about timing. She should have been able to keep Remus there for a few more minutes," she muttered.

Lily rolled her eyes. "We shouldn't have been listening anyway," she laughed. "We should have just gone in."

"Oh, it's not like they were talking about anything we didn't know about already," replied Julia. "Though, _I_ didn't know about your little escapade in the locker room."

Lily's face colored again, but she grinned uncontrollably. "You hush… you actually gave me the idea."

"_I_ gave you the idea? _You_ asked _me_ for advice! I didn't tell you to go starkers under his robes and seduce him the locker room!"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "No… not that. You mentioned on the train that those benches are the perfect height… I got to thinking about the benches in the locker room and-"

"Were you going to have sex there?" asked Julia in a shocked voice.

"_NO_! No, of course not! I just… it was just fun; really fun, actually."

Julia laughed. "Until Max walked in. Merlin, can you _imagine_ the gossip if they'd have found you two? Oh, and Max's face would have been a sight; you saw him when James kissed you in the hall," she beamed with an amused expression before laughing hysterically. "Oh, my Goodness, Lily; you did _that_ – which, might I add, probably fulfilled every dirty little fantasy James has ever had – but you won't let him return the favor?"

Lily chewed her lip. "You know how I am about my hips, and everything else down there," she muttered. "James likes to… he likes to _stare_. He-"

"He's not staring, Lily; he's _admiring_," said Julia with a dramatic flourish of her hands.

Lily giggled. "Whatever he's doing… I hate my hips, and my thighs, and the thought of him down there… so close, and looking at everything just-"

"Trust me, Lils… all that goes right out the window as soon as he starts," replied Julia, giggling as Lily blushed. "You amaze me; you are _so_ naughty!"

Lily scoffed. "Oh, it's not like you haven't done-"

She shrieked loudly when a pair of hands seized her around the waist. Julia erupted into laughter as James and Sirius appeared from under his invisibility cloak.

"_Lily_," Sirius teased, giving her a playful shove. "Naughty little thing, aren't you?"

Lily blushed and shoved him toward Julia, who muttered something about giving lessons professionally while Sirius laughed and kissed her soundly.

James lips found Lily's in the dim light of the room, and he smirked as her arms snaked around his neck and she leaned into him. He fluffed out the cloak and threw it over them before hugging her tightly. "Felt like eavesdropping to get a little ego boost?" he teased in a whisper, chuckling when she blushed and hid her face. "You could have just asked me how it was… I would have told you brilliant."

Lily smirked and snuggled against him. "You know, I could be better… practice makes perfect," she teased back, giggling when he whimpered desperately and kissed her again.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

To James' extreme gratitude, the next week passed by in a slow matter; he was, for the first time, not looking forward to going to Hogsmeade. Slughorn's career finding get together was the talk amongst all the seventh years; most of whom were extremely excited about having the opportunity to get a step up toward a career.

"I just found out he's having a representative from Mungo's come in," Sam Pitchfield was saying to Lily on Friday afternoon. "Someone named Smethwyck; Slughorn has got me set up to meet with him specifically," she gushed in an excited voice.

Lily swallowed a large bite of toast, coughing as she nodded encouragingly at Sam. "That's brilliant! Good for you."

"What about you? Have you got any meetings set up?" asked Sam.

Lily shook her head, her eyes flickering towards James who had stabbed a sausage moodily with his fork. "Not really; I'm guessing a man named Belby will be there, though. I've met with him a few times at Slughorn's little Christmas parties, not sure what he's got going on now. To be honest, I haven't the faintest clue what I'm looking for… I'm just going to see what's out there, and make a few connections."

Sam nodded, glancing around the Gryffindor table and sighing heavily. "Have you seen Remus? I was going to ask him if he wanted to meet up after the whole thing was done with," she explained in a sheepish voice.

Lily glanced at James, who gave Sam a reassuring smile. "I haven't seen him, but I'll tell him you're looking for him," he said with a smile. "I'll make sure he finds you, Sam."

Sam nodded and said a quiet good-bye to Lily before walking back over to her table. Lily bit her lip and looked back at James. "He's hiding from her, isn't he?"

James sighed. "Not _hiding_… he says he's worried about what he's gotten her into. He hasn't told her; doesn't want to because he thinks she'll take off running."

Lily nodded. "I can understand that feeling," she murmured sadly.

James paused, giving her a curious glance. "You can?"

"Of course I can," she said with a bitter laugh. "_'We can't be together… I'm muggle-born, you're pure-blood_… blah, blah, blah,'" she quoted, watching James laugh. "I lived that lie for a year, James; I can understand where he's coming from."

"I suppose… but it's not the same," James said. "Remus is worried they won't have a future because he's classified as a '_half-breed,'_ which means they won't give him a marriage license since he's not human to them; and he doesn't want to have children for fear of passing on the curse-"

"Can that even happen?"

James shrugged. "No one knows… I don't know a lot of werewolves. Most of them live on the fringes of society after being rejected time and time again. If they do have children, I have no idea their condition or what is done with them."

Lily frowned, the image of tiny children with no education or real family running around in a forest popped in her head. "Half-breed; a beast… that's what they want to classify me as to."

James slammed down his fork angrily and glared at her. "You _are not_ half-breed. You are not half anything," he snarled, ruffling his hair vigorously.

Lily's eyes widened, shocked by his sudden irritation with her. "O-kay… I didn't say I was a half-breed. I just pointed out that-"

"You sure you want to do this? You want to go meet up with all these people? Lils… there's prejudice in the Ministry and-"

"It's not just going to be Ministry people, James," said Lily placating. "There'll be others there too. I need to do this… I need to for the same reasons that Remus does; I can't rely on you to-"

"Why can't you rely on me? I'm trustworthy," insisted James in a nettled voice.

"Will you let me finish?" replied Lily, feeling a little confused as to why he was jumping down her throat. "I was going to say, I can't rely on you to support me when I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. James… I want to change things, I want to get out there and help people and-"

"You _can_ do that," murmured James, taking her hands. "You can do that without getting a job. You could probably do it better if you didn't have a job. Just … we can work for the Order… maybe Dumbledore will pay us and-"

"No, I can't accept that either," she replied shortly. "It's voluntary… I'm going to join the Order, but I still need a way to support myself."

James sighed, ruffling his hair and laying his head against the table. He felt her fingers tickling his scalp, and soon she had laid her head down next to his. He could see her pretty face out of the corner of his eye; her expression cautious, shy… and slightly pained.

"James… tell me what's going on. I know you want me to move in… but I want to find a job first so I can help out with rent and food and all of that," she explained.

"I know, love, I know," James sighed, trying to think of a way he could explain how he felt without sounding weak. "I just don't want these people to insult you and make you feel … horrid… like they want you to feel..."

"Well, you'll be there tomorrow, won't you?" Lily asked, kissing his ear lightly. "I need my bodyguard to protect me."

James laughed, turning his head quickly and kissing her surprised lips. "I'll be there."

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

"You've _got_ to be Ambrose Potter's son. Yes, of course you are… same nose and face, you've got your mother's smile," chuckled Benny Normans, shaking James' hand and clapping him hard on the back.

Sirius sniggered uncontrollably, watching as James grimaced before agreeing to sit down with the man and talk for a few minutes about a position in the Office of Magical Transportation. He and Peter were sitting in the Three Broomsticks watching their classmates wander around and talk to various businessmen and ministry officials. Peter was reviewing his resume, too nervous to go and hand it to anyone.

"Wormtail, why don't you go talk to that bloke your Mum knows? The one from the Leaky Cauldron," suggested Sirius after he tired of watching Peter fidget with the papers in front of him.

"I dunno… I don't have anything impressive in here. I just-"

Sirius groaned. "Don't be thick; it's impressive that you showed up."

"So did you," Peter muttered.

"Yeah, but I'm not looking for anything. I'm just here for my own personal amusement, right, Prongs?" he chuckled at James when he sat back down.

James ruffled his hair and glowered over at him. "I hate this. _I hate it_. I don't want to be here," he snarled.

"Why are you then?" Sirius asked.

"Because Lily-"

"Because _Lily_ wanted you to be… yeah, yeah…"

"Why are _you_ here?"

Sirius smirked. "I wanted to watch all your admirers, Prongs… here comes another one," he explained, pointing over James' shoulder.

"James Potter," Marcus MacDougal called, walking over to the table where the three boys were sitting. He held out one of his large hands, which James shook with a small smile. "Was hoping I'd see you here… haven't heard much from your dad lately," he continued in a quizzical voice. Marcus worked in the same office as Lorence Lockshield, and had met James' father a few times when he visited his friend. James knew his father had little to no respect for MacDougal, which instantly made him skeptical of anything the man would have to offer.

"He's been busy, helping Dumbledore out with a few things, and enjoying retirement," explained James, hoping to deter any probing questions.

"I see… what're you planning on doing after school?" asked MacDougal, dropping all pretenses.

"Hadn't really decided, to be honest."

"We've got a few positions open in the Improper Use of Magic Office; good step up if you'd ever want to think about being an Auror," he explained with a wink. "We can get you in for the additional training, quite easily in fact."

James nodded. "That's nice… I don't have anything with me today. Perhaps I could send it by owl," he explained, trying to put the man off.

MacDougal shook his head and smiled, pulling out a barstool and sitting down next to James. "No need… we can get it all later," he chuckled, waving his hand nonchalantly. "We need more people like _you_ in the office. Not enough representation for Pure-bloods; I'm all for Muggle-born rights, but what about us? We're thinking about taking on an initiative to restrict marriages, restrict couplings so Muggle-borns are _required_ to marry pure or at least half-bloods; eventually, we can thin out the Muggle blood so only the magical remains. Hasn't been proposed yet, only talked about in smaller circles…"

Sirius watched with bated breath as James' face grew redder and redder. He wondered when he'd snap and say something rude to the man; but the past few years had given James a bit of a hold on his explosive temper. He managed to control it until the man went away.

"Blood thinning; breeding the muggle out of muggle-borns… that's something the Death Eaters haven't suggested," Sirius muttered darkly.

"You're lucky they weren't all over you," hissed James. "The Royal Black Family and all…"

Sirius nodded and shook his head. "And this is why I'm glad my parents never took me out… no one recognizes me, thank God," he sighed, watching as MacDougal walked over to a group of Slytherins and began talking with them about the same subject.

"Fucking arsehole," James snarled.

"It's nice that you could just walk right in if you wanted," said Peter in an attempt to make a bad topic positive.

"I don't want to walk right in, Wormtail!" James snapped. "The way they're doing things is stupid; it's mental! Did you hear when he said that they had two Death Eaters cornered, and the hit wizards _killed_ them? Why didn't they take them in for questioning? They could have found out what's going on and-"

"Easy, Prongs… easy," interrupted Sirius, smacking James hard on the back. "We heard the whole damn conversation. I agree… I'm surprised you held your temper. I almost said something when the bloke suggested forcing Muggle-borns out of the country if they didn't get married. It's sick… the way he's thinking isn't any different than the Death Eaters."

James made a face. "I need a fucking drink," he snarled, walking off to the bar.

James' stream of unwanted interviews continued throughout the morning, despite the growing number of shot glasses that began to clutter the table where he, Sirius, and Peter were sitting. He felt extremely irritated, and he knew his parents would be worried about so many people from the Ministry seeking him out. When they left, they tried to distance themselves from it as much as possible, explaining to him that the Ministry was becoming too biased towards Pure-bloods for their liking.

James was now witnessing first hand that Ministry officials were still showing an unwavering preference (if not a desperate desire) for those of Pure-blood to join their ranks. They acknowledged many of the half-bloods who were seeking employment. It was only Muggle-borns that felt the pressure of rejection.

Despite her impressive list of accomplishments, Lily found herself left out in the cold for most of the morning. Many of Slughorn's friends weren't interested in meeting with her because of her blood-status. Almost all of the Ministry officials had pulled the Hogwarts enrollment records to verify the blood status of each seventh year student. This eliminated her from most interviews before they had even looked at her file. Only a few were willing to look past it, and even then, there was a slight offensiveness in their tone when they spoke to her.

"Quite impressive for a _Muggle-born_ to achieve nine O.W.L.'s… and two Outstandings, at that," a woman from St. Mungo's supply department was murmuring as she looked over Lily's information. "Horace thinks you're quite the witch, Miss Evans."

"Professor Slughorn has been very supportive of me," replied Lily with a smile.

"Well, we're just gathering information today. We'll keep you in mind for our supply department… you'll need to forward your N.E.W.T. results once you get them, of course," the woman was saying as she re-read Lily's letters of recommendation. "Pleasure to meet you, Miss Evans."

"Yes, thank you," smiled Lily, shaking the woman's bony hand and walking away. She looked around for someone familiar, relaxing a bit when she saw Remus waving to her from near the doorway of the Three Broomsticks.

"Any luck?" he asked.

"I suppose," Lily replied heavily. "She at least said she'd keep my file, and I should send my N.E.W.T scores when I get them. The witch from Mungo's, and perhaps that bloke from the Apothecary will take an interest in me," she shrugged. "At least _they_ didn't call me Mudblood."

Remus frowned. "I can't believe there were so many people using that word."

"I suppose I should get used to it… I've been called that at least three or four times per year since we started," she replied as they turned to go into the bar.

"It's disgusting," Remus muttered.

"Remus?" said Lily, wanting to change the subject.

"Yes?"

"Would you want to go find Sam?"

Remus froze, his face reddening as he began fiddling nervously with his robes. "No… that's all right. We should go find James and the others to-"

"Remus…" Lily pressed quietly. "You can't string her along."

Remus huffed. "How much do you know?"

"I know you like her, and you kissed her. I know you don't want to tell her because you think she'll –"

Remus rounded on Lily, his eyes irritated and expression harsh. "She'll run off screaming, and she should. Like you should have done, like everyone should have. I'm a monster, Lily."

"You're _not_ a monster, Remus… you're sick. You have an infection… it's chronic, yes… but it is not a reflection of who you are," Lily replied kindly.

"Tell that to the rest of the world," snapped Remus.

"All right, I'll do that… right after I get done explaining that just because some Muggle doesn't keep a clean house doesn't mean I'm filthy. Tell the rest of the world that I didn't steal magic by killing a witch. I know what you go through," she continued in a calm voice.

"Yes, but there's no risk of you attacking and killing James, is there? There's no risk of you passing on an infection to him," continued Remus. "I have no idea what the consequences would be if Sam and I got together. Even if she doesn't reject me… what if … what if I infected her? What if I forgot to take that potion and I _attacked_ her? Do you think I could live with myself then? I can barely live with myself now!"

Lily frowned. "I didn't mean to upset you, Remus… I know how you feel. I-"

"You _don't_ know how I feel… the discrimination is not the same."

"You're right, it's not. I don't hear about anyone kidnapping or killing werewolves; I don't hear about them being tortured... It's _completely_ different…" she replied waspishly.

Remus sighed heavily. "Can… can we just not talk about this? All right? Look… I'm not going to string her along. I'm going to tell her I can't be in a relationship… I'll make up some excuse. I can't, Lily… it's too much of a risk to her."

Lily nodded sadly. "Fine… whatever you think is best."

Remus nodded, still looking confused and nettled over their brief conversation, but then motioned for her to follow him as they wandered back to the table where James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting. Julia had joined them, a curious and slightly annoyed expression on her face as she stared at James across the table.

"Hi," said Lily and Remus at the same time, their eyes falling on the twenty or so shot glasses that were stacked in a pyramid on the table.

"_Moony_! And Lily! Evans! Lily!" Sirius cheered. "Prongs… you know, we've got to come up with a nickname for her. I don't know what to call you, Lils… it feels odd to call someone by their _real_ name."

"You call me my real name," laughed Julia, giving Sirius a curious look.

"Well, of course… because you're _mine_," he replied matter-of-factly, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her close.

"Lils, do you want a nickname?" asked James quietly.

Lily shrugged, a sad smile on her face. "It's not necessary… though the way things went today, I might start responding to Mudblood ..."

Everyone looked up at her with sad expressions. "That bad, huh?" asked Julia.

"Yep… I dropped off fifteen packets, only two said they might look at them. The rest… chucked in the fire. '_Slughorn must be mad to recommended Mudbloods visit with us… unemployable_,'" she snorted, mimicking Burt Abercrombie from the Magical Catastrophes office.

"Don't call yourself that," James murmured, pulling Lily onto his lap and laying his head against her shoulder.

"I didn't… _they_ did," Lily replied sadly, leaning against him and letting her thoughts rumble around in her head. Conversations struck up around them, mostly about Remus' much more successful day than Lily's string of rejections. After a few moments, James lifted his head and gave her a confused glance.

"Why are you here?"

"Um… I was dropping off resumes? How much have you had to drink?" she asked, eyeing the glasses curiously. James' face was unusually pink; his eyes droopy and his hands much more aggressive than normal as he held her.

"Enough…I know _why_ you're here; I wasn't asking that. Why d'you want to do this? Look at how they treat you… why d'you put yourself through this?" he asked, a slight edge to his voice.

"I have to try, don't I? I can't just-"

"You _don't_ have to try," continued James, interrupting her thoughts. "You can just move in with us… you've got a little gold to yourself, but if you need something _I_ can take care of you."

"James, it's not that simple."

"It is that simple," he snapped, removing his arms from around her waist and glaring at her. "You're making it complicated… it's the simplest thing in the world."

"Hey, _easy_," admonished Lily, crawling off his lap and giving him an offended look. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Nothing! I don't wear _knickers_," said James, much to Sirius and Peter's amusement.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Really, James… what's bothering you? What've I done that you're snapping at me?"

"Nothing… you're just being you," he muttered. "Running true to form, stubborn as ever."

Lily frowned, a stab of pain ran across her chest, but she rallied and gave James a haughty look. "I'd lay off the firewhiskey if I were you. If you want to talk, find me when you're sober," she muttered, turning around and walking out the door.

Julia gave James a dirty look and stood up to follow her friend; Sirius watched her go, a sad but slightly amused expression on his face. "That wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done, mate."

"Fuck you, Padfoot…"

"Nah, Jules would get jealous," teased Sirius, watching as James rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just tell her what's bothering you? Or the mixture of it at least?"

"What's bothering him?" Remus asked Sirius.

"What's bothering me is _you_ and my _girlfriend_ having little meetings all the time about Merlin knows what. What's she talking about to you, huh? Why can't she talk to me? What were you two discussing before you came over here?"

"She was asking me about Sam," insisted Remus, an irritated tone to his voice. "She was trying to be nice. I'd have thought you'd be a bit more supportive; this is a good way for her to prepare herself, it's a good way for her to meet people and get her name out there so she can find work."

"If she wants hook-ups, I've got them… Fuck, I've had a person from every area of the Ministry talk to me today," snapped James. "I'm a _Potter_, everyone wants me."

"What _are_ you talking about?" asked Remus.

"James had about six Ministry blokes come up and tell him he could walk right into any department he wanted," explained Peter.

"Jeez… what a _terrible_ problem to have, James," said Remus sarcastically. "I _really_ feel bad for you."

Sirius and Peter sniggered, but James huffed angrily and walked out of the bar. "He's going to do something really stupid if he keeps this up," said Remus quietly.

"He needs to just fess up and admit that he hates the Ministry, doesn't want anything to do with them, and that he's scared shitless Lily's going to end up killed… or kidnapped, or tortured… or any one of those various things they like to do with Muggle-borns," Sirius explained, flicking a shot glass over on its side.

Remus made a face and flicked another over next to it. "Well… from what I saw today… that worry isn't as far-fetched as we'd like to believe."

That evening, Peter, Julia, Sirius, and Remus were playing chess in the common room while James sat upstairs outside of Lily's door, waiting for her to return. His map told him she was in the Library, and he decided to wait for her to return rather than pursuing her while she was trying to focus. He'd sobered up, realized he'd acted like a complete arse, and was now forming various apologies in his head.

His friends had all gone to sleep for the night when she finally returned, pausing at his appearance before stepping over him and into her room. She left the door open and James followed her sheepishly inside.

"Care to tell me what's got your wand in a knot?" she asked, keeping her back to him as she put away her books and removed her cloak.

"A bunch of people from the Ministry approached me today," replied James. "They offered me… basically they said I could walk in and have any job I wanted because I'm a Potter. And being a _Potter_ is the best thing in the world, because of your blood. '_Oh a Potter? Relation to Ambrose? Good family, long history. Can't wait to have you apply. Don't need to hear about your N.E.W.T. scores, we've got a spot for you.'"_

Lily made a face, but kept her back to James. "Is it such a bad thing to have job opportunities?"

"It is when it's only because of your blood!" he snapped. "I had _nothing_ prepared, everyone else went to all that work and they didn't talk to half of them. Those people don't know me… I spent the first five years of school getting into trouble and bullying people; I can show them my grades, but that doesn't tell them fuck all about who I am. For all they know I could be a worthless prat who's going to laze about all day instead of work."

Lily frowned and turned to face him. "But you _aren't_ a worthless prat, James. You're brilliant; perhaps they can just tell... But if it's not what you want, then they don't matter… don't worry about it."

"If those people don't matter, _why_ are you seeking them out? Why are you looking to them for approval when you already have mine – ours – everyone who matters to you?"

"I'm not looking for approval, James… I know I'd never get that. But I _need_ a job. I-"

James grasped his hair and shook his head. "You don't _need_ a job, Lily. You don't. This sounds really arrogant… and maybe it is," he muttered, searching for a way to explain how he felt at the moment.

"I'm spoiled… have been since I was born. My parents were both wealthy before they got married; combined, they were even wealthier. Working for the Ministry for twenty-four years, they earned even _more_ gold, especially with Dad being the Associate Head of the Auror Office, and my Mum working there _and_ Magical Law Enforcement. Everyone who knows my family knows how wealthy we are; they know my parents were high up in the Ministry, until they decided to stay home with me. I've always had everything I've ever wanted," James said, matter-of-factly.

"Am I supposed to be impressed by this?" asked Lily.

"No… I'm … Lils, I don't need the money. I could support you, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Julia, and myself for the next thirty years without _any_ of us having to work… that's how much gold I'll _inherit_. Mind you, that's _inherit; _I have enough of my own right now that the four of us could travel _anywhere_ for the next ten years without worry. After that…. I could have pretty much any job within the Ministry, or anywhere else, because of my connections."

"Well…you've got it made; I'm still a bit jealous that everything comes so easily for you," said Lily, trying a vague attempt at humor. "You've got the whole world at your feet."

"I don't want it."

"You don't want what?"

"I don't want the _world_… I don't want to go to work for the Auror office, and be a part of Barty Crouch's murder machine; acting like the Death Eaters… killing without asking any questions. Besides that…you should hear what they're saying… '_blood is getting thinner in our office all the time'_. They don't care about what's right or wrong, human or inhuman. It's _all –_ _about -_ _the_ -_blood_; I want to be respected for more than my blood…"

Lily walked forward and placed her hands on James' shoulders, turning him to face her as she looked at him with a consoling expression. "James, who cares what the people at the Ministry think? You're not your parents, and _they_ don't want you to be; you can do whatever you want. You're surname or blood doesn't mean anything to the people who matter; we respect you because you're a good man, we love you for that. _I_ love you for that," she whispered, placing her hand against his cheek. "You should have told me why you hated visiting those people; I didn't know, James. I wouldn't have asked you to come with me had I known how it made you feel," she said.

"Are you going to go again next weekend?" James asked.

Lily chewed her lip. "I need to… you don't have to go with me if it makes you uncomfortable. But I need to go, I-"

"You don't _need_ to…."

Lily nodded acquiescingly. "Well… then I _want_ to. I _want_ to find a job; I want to make a difference."

James sighed. "If you're going, then I'll be there. I want to be around if you need me."

Lily smiled and sat next to James on her bed. "I doubt very much can happen in Hogsmeade, James. Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?"

James shook his head, looking at her and sighing. He pushed a strand of hair from her face and kissed her forehead. "No… no I don't."

* * *

_A/N: I hope the alert goes out this time, I don't think it did last time, or perhaps I'm just getting spoiled with my reviewers (you know who you are and I LOVE YOU!). Either way, I hope you're all still enjoying. I believe a few weeks ago someone asked if I was planning to take them "all the way...". Yes... that's where my outline ends is on "the night" so to speak. so please stay tuned, give me your feedback and thoughts, and you all have my love for doing so and reading my attempt at story telling =) thank you thank you all... and thank you to my beta, lovely lovely girl you are =)_


	29. Reality

Reality

"Heavy In Your Arms" Florence and the Machine

* * *

James' unwanted attention from the Ministry unfortunately continued throughout the week. The arrival of mail on Monday brought letters from the Office of Magical Law Enforcement, along with the two members of the Minister's support staff, and on Tuesday, he received offers from the Department of International Magical Cooperation and the Department of Mysteries.

"…_Talents would be of great use to us…"_

"_..Such a good heritage, we know you'll be successful with us…"_

"… _sure your parents would want you to consider being a part of our offices…"_

The letters that mentioned his parents and their wishes made James even angrier; he worried that someone would go too far and contact his parents if he didn't respond. Thus, James spent a few hours each night composing apology letters explaining that at this time he was not interested in pursuing a career in any of the fields offered.

"Must be nice, though," said Lily cautiously. "You could do anything you wanted. And it sounds like the offers will stay open if you don't want to take them on now."

James sighed and looked over at her, lounged back against his pillows, her hair pulled up in a pony tail and her quill tucked behind her ear. She was leafing through her Transfiguration notes, practicing various spells on inanimate objects she found throughout his room. "You know what I want?" James asked.

"What?"

"I want you to put those notes down, we can forget about my letters, and I just want to sit here and talk with you," he murmured, sliding closer to her.

Lily smiled softly. "Exams are a little over two weeks away, love; I need to study." She peered over the top of her paper to see James examining his fingers, his expression sullen. "Is that a pout I see?" she asked.

"I'm not pouting… I'm just… frustrated by all of this," he muttered.

"All of what? The letters? James, it's not a _bad_ thing to have job offers; I would have thought they'd feed into your ego," she teased. James scoffed and didn't respond, causing Lily to frown and regret her attempt to make him laugh. "Love… if they bother you that much, don't read them," she suggested.

"They're… it's … it's like I said, they want me for the wrong reasons, and it pisses me off."

"What would you like them to be after you for, then?"

James shrugged, sliding closer to her and laying his head against her stomach. Lily sighed and began running her fingers through his hair, her nails gently scratching his scalp. James remained quiet, thinking over possible responses to her question.

He liked to be thought of as brilliant, clever, hard-working… all the things the Ministry representatives _claimed_ he was were all things he liked to be. But he couldn't have cared less what they thought.

He wanted Lily to think he was brilliant; his friends to think him clever. He wanted the Order of the Phoenix, and Dumbledore, to consider him hard-working and brave. He didn't care what Barty Crouch in Magical Law enforcement thought; it didn't matter that Marcus MacDougal considered his heritage something to brag about. All James wanted was the people _he_ cared for to find him important; to work with him as they fought for a safer world. But mostly, he wanted Lily. He wanted her to love him, to crave him; to find him important and trust him to take care of her. He cared for her so much; all he wanted was her attention and affection in return.

"James? Are you asleep?" asked Lily, trailing her fingernails lightly over his neck.

"No… I'm trying to think of an answer to your question," he replied, kissing her stomach through the fabric of her red shirt. He heard her sigh quietly before shaking out her papers and continuing to read, the fingers of one hand still lightly threading through his hair. It felt nice, soothing; and James began to feel sheepish and a little selfish that he wanted her to put everything else aside just for him. _If she loved me, she would do that… right? _He asked himself. She said she loved him, he felt it in her touch; but there was doubt in his head, and he was too proud to admit it how much he had come to need her.

Why was she so desperate to find a job? Like that was the only thing that would fulfill her or make her worthwhile. What if they got married? It was something James thought about all the time, but he didn't want to ask her if she wasn't interested in being his wife.

If they married, she couldn't expect him to put aside his fears for her safety. She had to understand that it was dangerous out there for her; the kidnappings, murders, disappearances… every day more news came of Muggle-borns vanishing and attacks in the Muggle world. He wouldn't allow her to put herself at risk if it was unnecessary.

"James, that tickles, stop," Lily giggled. He looked down and realized he'd undone a few of the buttons on her shirt and had been breathing softly against her bare skin.

"Oh… sorry," he apologized, kissing her stomach and laying his head back down.

"S'all right… could you tell me what's going on in that head of yours, please?" asked Lily in a strained voice.

"Nothing… just… random babbling of sorts," he murmured, kissing her stomach again. Her skin was so smooth, and soft; she smelled so wonderful… like lilacs, or lilies, or something flowery he couldn't place. James pressed his lips against her stomach again and again, her scent invading his senses and clearing his mind.

"_Love_… I need to _study_," chuckled Lily in a sing-song voice.

"_Love_… I'm not _stopping_ _you_," replied James in the same tone. He moved his kisses upward, smirking as his fingers undid the remaining buttons on her shirt and he nestled his face in-between her satin clad breasts. Lily gave him a disapproving glare, but giggled when he kissed her neck and nipped at her ear lobes.

"I said I need to study!"

"I'm not stopping you," chuckled James.

"Your big head is in my way," she muttered, kissing him softly on his cheek and smiling when he moved to kiss her softly.

"I suppose that does prevent you from reading," he replied, lips hovering teasingly close to hers. Lily smiled and he felt her shift closer to him. "I'll move," James offered.

Lily rolled her eyes and tried not to laugh as James moved his lips back down to her stomach. His breath was warm, kisses soft, and she loved the way he nestled his face against her skin. But it was distracting. She wanted to pass her exams. She needed to get good marks; her livelihood depended on it. And aside from James' distracting behaviour, his brooding attitude had persisted since the previous weekend, and it was causing her to worry about what he was thinking.

James began to gently nibble on her hipbones, the gentle bites caused her to shift and giggle loudly. "James… I _really_ need to study!" she begged, trying to squirm away from him.

"I _moved_, you can still read," he said in an impish voice.

"Yes, but you're distracting!"

"Well, focus… _concentrate_, Lily…" he whispered, trailing his hands slowly up her legs as he continued to place kisses all over her bare skin. James made a low growling sound as his hands moved along her thighs. "You've told multiple that you hate your legs… and your hips. _How_? I don't understand how it's possible," he explained, pulling off one of her knee-high black socks and brushing his hand over her calf.

"I don't mind _that_ part," she said, nodding toward where his hand was touching. "But my hips, and my thighs for that matter, are just… there. And my legs are short; I'd give anything for long legs like yours or Julia's."

"Julia looks like she's walking on stilts," replied James, much to Lily's amusement. "I love your legs… I _love_ your thighs, and your hips… and your bum, and everything," he whispered, kissing her knee softly.

"I've hated them ever since I hit my growth spurt," she said ruefully.

"In fourth year?"

Lily sat up, giving him a puzzled look. "Yeah… and beginning of fifth; that's when I really started to notice that I had curves and no one else did… I had hips, and everyone else was skinny and-"

James laughed, his hands sliding over her knees and along the top of her thighs. "You _are_ skinny, what are you talking about? You're a perfect example of what a female-shaped person should look like; you have the loveliest curves," he whispered, kissing the top of her thigh.

"How did you know I hit my growth spurt in fourth year?" she asked curiously.

James looked up at her, grinning wildly. "I'll never understand the Hogwarts uniforms. Skirts and stockings? Don't know what they were thinking. As soon as every bloke hits puberty, these things," he explained, tugging at her skirt, "are the _sexiest_… and the stockings? Don't get me started." James closed his eyes, a grin spreading on his face.

Lily laughed. "You didn't answer my question though; how did you know when I hit my growth spurt?"

"It was in Potions, actually. There you were, all curvy and smooth; you'd gotten taller, filled out a little… I remember first and second year when you were a stringy little thing. And I'll never forget it; it was right before I started asking you out, actually. You were standing on your tip toes, reaching up for something on the _highest_ shelf…trying to get it yourself instead of asking someone for help, of course," he said, his eyes closing as he mimicked the movement without standing. Lily felt herself blush, but grinned nonetheless at James' lusty expression as he continued describing the memory. "Linghold – see, this was back when we didn't used to compete with each other for you – he smacks my arm, mutters something, and points over to you. And your skirt was _just_ short enough that we could see the back of your thighs, and you were reaching up… arching your back… _absolutely_ _perfect_…"

Lily shook her head, struggling to keep from laughing as James gave her a seductive grin and chewed on his lip. "Well, I'm not _absolutely_ _perfect_ in Transfiguration… so I need to study," she said in a resigned voice.

"Yes, yes… by all means, continue to study," teased James, moving to kiss her thighs again. He walked his fingers slowly under the black skirt she was wearing before sliding his hands over her hips and bum. James paused, his curiosity peeked at the feel of the fabric under his skin. "Wha… what _are_ you wearing?"

"What?"

James chuckled as Lily jerked away from him and squeezed her legs together. James moved with her, trying to pull her skirt up so he could look at what she had on underneath. "Will you stop?" Lily demanded, smacking his hand away and glaring at him.

James smirked. "What _are_ those?"

"My knickers, obviously."

"You call those knickers? They felt like… just a few strings of fabric. Very scanty if you ask me," he teased.

"I didn't ask you," snapped Lily, pulling her skirt down and turning away from James.

"Let me see," he grinned, tugging on her skirt again.

"No! I'm trying to study and you're-"

"Just let me see, Lils… now I'm curious," James pleaded. "They felt really soft and … _lacy_… like they barely covered you. I bet I'll like them."

"I bet you will too… that's why I bought them," she muttered quietly, trying not to laugh at his wide eyed expression.

James made a pleased little sound and leaned close to her. "Let me see…"

"James… I am _trying_ to study, and you're trying to… I don't even know what you're trying to do, but it's distracting," she said firmly. James pushed his lip out, hugging both of her legs together and laying his head against her knees as he gave her his best attempt at Sirius' puppy dog expression; it wasn't effective.

"Stop pouting," Lily warned. "I refuse to feel guilty. _You_ should feel bad for interrupting me. I'm trying pass my exams; my marks could ensure that I get a job. Don't you understand that?"

James' expression went from a playful pout to a frown. "I understand…"

"Do you want me to fail?"

"Lils, you wouldn't _fail_. And no, I don't want that. I just… I know you want to support yourself, and help pay for things if you _do_ decide to live with us, but… don't you realize the danger? Did you read about Molly Pincers? Remember her?"

"Yes, I remember… and _yes_, I read about that," said Lily, trying to block the article out of her head. Molly Pincers was a Muggle-born from Hufflepuff; she had left Hogwarts only two years earlier with hopes of becoming an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries. Instead, she had been found in an alleyway, bearing the scars of prolonged torture and other forms of Dark Magic.

Lily frowned, shaking her head to rid herself of the images described in the article. "I thought you told me not to be scared; to not care what people think of me…" said Lily, trailing off when James sighed.

"I said that, yes… but don't you care what _I_ think of you?"

Lily paused, narrowing her eyes. "Do you think _badly_ of me for wanting to care for myself?"

"NO! No, of course not… I _love_ you. But how do you think I'd feel if something like that happened to you?" asked James, laying his head back against her knees.

Lily sighed, leaning forward and taking James' face in her hands. "I'm not looking in the Ministry… I'm looking at Mungo's, or an apothecary, or possibly even with Belby and-"

"I don't like Belby… he's… smarmy… and-"

"He's been very nice to me. _And_ he's supportive of Remus! Since he's your friend, I'd have thought you'd be in support of what Belby is doing," Lily said harshly.

"I am, I am… I just…ah, Lils," he sighed, leaning his forehead against her legs again. "It's just all this stuff from the Ministry, and I'm worried about you and-"

"James, _why_ are you so worried?" Lily asked kindly.

"All the news is finally getting to me. Let's not talk about it… okay? I'm sorry… I am," James apologized again, lifting his eyes to hers and brushing her hair from her face. "I'm sorry."

Lily nodded. "I wish you'd talk to me about it," she murmured.

"Not… not right now, you're trying to study," he replied, a small trace of sarcasm in his voice.

"All right," replied Lily, flinching a little at his harsh tone.

There was a poignant silence between them. Lily knew something was bothering James; she wished he'd just come out with it… whatever it was. Perhaps all the danger was making him think they shouldn't be together… she shook her head quickly, biting back the pain that arose when she thought of being without him.

If he _was_ thinking that, it was even more important that she figure out some way to support herself. That was the most important thing she had going on at the moment; finding work, a place to live… and finding a way to convince James that he could trust her with whatever he was thinking. She would work through it with him, anyway she could. She didn't want to let him go… ever.

James sat up and curled in to a seated position, taking out his book and beginning to flip through the pages. He felt frustrated; why did she always push him away? Away from intimacy, away from moving forward in their relationship, away from her… he loved her independent side; it was one of the things that attracted him to her. She was not co-dependent. She could be completely self sufficient if she needed to. And she supported others in addition to herself. James knew she'd always be there to care for him… but he wanted to _return_ that. He wanted to be there for her, for her to know that she didn't have to be self sustaining. He, James, was here, with her… forever if she wanted. Why wasn't he as important to her as she was to him?

"Lils?"

"Yes, love?" she answered, looking at him curiously.

"Can I see your knickers?"

"_James_ _Potter_," she snapped, and then started laughing as he gave her an impish grin. "Can I see yours?"

"I don't wear knickers."

Lily chuckled, setting down her notes and leaning forward to kiss him. Her hands trailed over his chest to the top of his jeans. Despite his own desires, James acquiesced to her movements and lay back against the bed, letting her crawl on top of him and kiss him softly. "What _do_ you wear?" she asked, kissing his neck and snaking her hand under the belt of his jeans.

James felt a random flash of irritation; she was always reluctant to let him to let him touch and see her, but so eager to please him. But as her fingers curled around him and her lips pressed against his again, he found himself relenting and allowing her to do what she wished. _At least she's here… with me… she wants to be with me… she wants me…right?_

Saturday drew closer, and James found his patience with himself, and the rest of the world, wearing thin. Someone named Elliott Smethson had broken the rules and contacted his parents, asking for support to get him to join the Office of Magical Law Enforcement. He only found out about the correspondence when he received a letter from his mother; she was bit confused about being contacted, referencing the conversation they had over the holidays when James explained he wasn't interested in finding work at this time.

"…_Smarmy, arrogant bloke he is. I had to stop your father from heading down there and making a scene. '_James is too good for the Ministry; I don't want them after him anymore_,' he says_.

"_Jamesy, honey, if you _want_ to go into the Ministry, you know we'll support whatever decision you make. But after Christmas I was under the impression that you wanted to stay away. Especially with everything going on out there, and poor Lily; you know how they are about Muggle-borns, it's ridiculous. I don't want anything to happen to either of you, it would devastate your father and I._

"_I'll write the letter if you wish, but if you don't, I can tell them to bugger off… or if you'd rather do the honors with that, be my guest, Sweetheart._

"_Keep your head up, Jamesy. It doesn't matter what they think; you do what makes you happy._

"_Love you, Mum_"

James didn't show Lily the letter, part of him fearing that she would feel guilty and think she was the one preventing him from getting a job. "Then she'll launch into something about how she's screwing up my life … cause she's Muggle-born and us being together is ruining all my _opportunities_," he growled, stabbing moodily at a piece of bacon with his fork.

Remus and Lily were still upstairs, practicing interview questions and preparing one another for their meetings; Peter and Sirius were serving detention for hexing Mulciber and Snape the other day during Potions class. Julia was the only one who was sitting with James, and she had been watching him with a sad expression all morning. She took a drink of pumpkin juice, and then pulled the piece of bacon off his plate.

"If you ask me, you should just tell her exactly what's bothering you," suggested Julia. "This moodiness you've been exhibiting has got her in a bit of a state."

"I've _tried_ to tell her. I've tried to tell her that she doesn't need a job; I can support her and-"

"James… that's _not_ what's bothering you," said Julia.

"What's bothering me then, oh knowledgeable one?"

"You're a bit spoiled, and you're used to having everyone give you whatever you want or do whatever you say. What's bothering you is that Lily won't give in, and it makes you feel like you aren't important to her. She's choosing something for herself, rather than choosing what _you_ want for her, and it's hard for you to accept," Julia explained. "You know Lily's a bit independent - you've known this for a while. You can't just expect her to change that… just like she couldn't expect you to shut off your arrogance and suddenly become un-spoiled."

"Well, she doesn't _need_ a job… she doesn't _need_ to pay me back or help out with things. She acts like I shouldn't want to buy her things, or care for her… what's with that?" James asked in an angry tone of voice.

"James… you knew this about her, she's always had a hard time accepting gifts. And she's self sacrificing; she's not just going to lie down and let someone take care of her when she thinks she can help. Do you remember that time she got really sick? Right before O.W.L.'s?" Julia asked.

"Yeah, I remember," he said, biting back a laugh. Lily had come down with a fever and lost her voice, but still stayed up late to tutor Julia and Mary before Charms. James remembered Sirius teasing her from across the room about her hoarse voice.

"She needed sleep, she was _so_ sick. But she wouldn't go to Madam Pomfrey, and she wouldn't let us struggle before that exam. Just like she steps into fights, and stands up for people. She's a giver, James… she's always going to give more than she wants to receive," Julia explained.

James nodded. "I know that… and that's not what bothers me. I … I just –"

"You wish you were important enough to her that she _would_ give it up… that she'd stop putting herself at risk. You wish you were important enough to her that she'd just _be_ with you, instead of always planning and controlling things," Julia said poignantly.

James nodded. "Yeah… I just want to be important to her. I want her to … I wish she knew how much I love her… she doesn't believe it… "

Julia nodded. "I understand that… and you are important to her, James. But the thing you really need to ask yourself is how important _she_ is to _you_. If she's important enough that you want to spend your life with her, if you love her that much, you'll accept this part of her and be supportive of the things she wants too."

"But what happens when she gets killed? Or kidnapped? Or … worse?"

"There's no guarantee that _will_ happen. And if that's a risk she needs to take to feel like she's doing her part, all you can do is try to support it," Julia said with a sad smile.

"You do realize I'd go mental if something happened to her. I'd lose it," James said quietly.

"Then she needs to know that too."

"She should already!"

Julia sighed. "I agree… but for how smart Lils is… she's pretty thick sometimes."

The afternoon arrived, and James walked with Lily to Hogsmeade, turning Julia's conversation over and over again in his head. He knew she had a very valid point, but at the same time he felt that if he was important to Lily, she should be able to give up having a job in order to stay safe; if not for herself, for him. He felt a pang of jealousy after she kissed him and flitted off to talk to more nameless people that he couldn't care less about.

"Prongs? Feel like heading to the pub?" Sirius' voice asked. He was standing with his arm around Julia, both of them watching him cautiously as he stared after Lily and Remus' retreating figures. "I know everyone is in there… but Wormtail has got us a table in the back…"

"There's nowhere _else_ to go in this bloody town, might as well," he muttered, following them inside the doors. He regretted it instantly when he heard his name being called from across the room.

"Mr. James Potter," a tall, dark-haired man called. He stood up and walked toward him, his hand outstretched in a gesture of friendship. "Elliott Smethson, I work with Barty Crouch in the Office of Magical Law Enforcement. I wrote to your parents earlier this week. How are you?"

James sighed heavily and held out a hand, trying valiantly to control his rising temper. "Fine, Mr. Smethson… I'm fine. How're you?"

Fortunately for Lily, her first meeting of the day was with Damocles Belby, who was exuberantly excited to see her. A random, and completely brilliant idea had popped into her head last evening, and she was curious to see how it would play out. "Miss Evans! So happy to see you again," he said, shaking her hand jovially. "Shopping for employment?"

"Attempting to," she chuckled. "Mr. Belby, I'm not sure of your plans this morning, but I have someone I'd like you to meet."

"Oh?" Belby replied, looking interested as she motioned for him to follow her. Lily scanned the crowd and finally walked over toward the door where she had spotted Remus.

"Remus?"

"Yes?" Remus responded, turning to look at her and her companion curiously.

"You have a moment? I'd like to introduce to you to Damocles Belby," she explained, beckoning Belby forward. The man looked Remus up and down with an appraising glance, and smiled happily when they shook hands. "Mr. Belby, this is my friend Remus Lupin."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Belby," greeted Remus, smiling and looking at Lily with a curious expression.

"Pleasure is all mine; I'm gathering that you are the beneficiary of a potion Lily has been brewing?" Belby asked with a smile.

Remus' eyes lit up, and his face went slightly pink. "Um… yes, I am. I can't tell how much of a difference it's made for me," he said sincerely.

"_Brilliant_. You have a few minutes to chat? I'd love to buy you a drink," Belby offered, escorting Remus to an empty table closer to the bar. "Miss Evans, will you be joining us?"

"In a while, I'll let you two chat for a bit while I finish dropping off my resumes," she explained.

"I'll take one of those now then," Belby said, smiling as he took the file from Lily. "See you in a few moments."

Lily nodded and walked away from where they were sitting, feeling a sense of satisfaction that she'd managed to get Remus a hook-up for a possible job and assistance for his condition. Maybe Belby could help convince him that a normal life was possible, and he could be with Sam, who had been feeling rather despondent over his avoidance of her.

Lily wandered about, talking with a few people from Mungo's, an Apothecary owner from Westminster, and braving a table full of Ministry representatives.

"Quite an impressive list of accomplishments you have here, Miss Evans," a graying-haired woman was commenting. "I don't see your name on our list of pure-blood students, however… I'm assuming you are Muggle-born?"

Lily sighed heavily. "Yes, that's correct."

The woman huffed. "Well, I'm not _supposed_ to give you the time of day… but I'm rather impressed. I'm going to keep this on file and review it with our office employees. Keep in mind though, that we are discouraging Muggle-borns from taking positions of prominence due to the … well… the recent catastrophes that have been happening."

"I wouldn't want a position of prominence, anything would be fine for me," Lily said eagerly, so happy that someone was giving her a chance.

The woman nodded. "Well… good luck on the rest of your day, Miss Lily Evans. We'll send you an owl after our discussion," she explained, shaking Lily's hand.

"Thank you," Lily replied. "Thank you so much." She walked away smiling, looking over to where Belby and Remus had been sitting to check if it was time to join them.

The table was empty, and neither of them were anywhere to be seen. Lily glanced around, frowning as a few people gestured in her direction. She remembered talking to one of them last week, a witch from the Improper Use of Magic Office.

"See the Mudbloods are still at it… wish they'd do something to keep them away; they're going to get us all killed…" the woman was hissing.

Lily frowned; she was not in the mood for insults. Her minor success with the woman from the Ministry, and Belby's eagerness to take her resume had been enough for the day. Between those two, she'd be able to find work somehow.

She glanced around her, catching sight of where her friends were seated. The pub was busier than normal due to the number of Slughorn's friends that had come into town, so it took her a while to navigate back to their table. Lily was surprised to find Remus already sitting with them. He must have left Belby a while back, for he was animatedly describing his talk to his friends.

"Hey Lils, did you have better luck today?" Julia asked lightly, looking at her friend's curious expression.

James perked up and smiled over at Lily, feeling slightly buzzed by the amount of alcohol he had consumed and further intoxicated by her appearance. His day had been long, full of aggressive wizards pestering him to follow in their footsteps and be a good representative of pure-bloods everywhere. He shook his head, dispelling the thoughts as he stared at Lily, who was looking remarkably seductive in her very professional attire. "If not, I can help you get lucky," he offered with a smirk.

Lily gave him a confused glance and a shy smile before replying to Julia's question. "Actually… I _did_. Belby took my resume, said he'd look it over and send me an owl. And I spent about twenty minutes talking with a woman from the Minister's support staff. She said she'd take my resume back to them and Magical Maintenance to look-"

James spit out the shot he had just poured into his mouth, causing everyone to look at him curiously. "_What_? Magical Maintenance? Are you mad, Lils? You're better than that," he said with a laugh.

Lily gave him a quizzical look. "Well, I have to start somewhere… don't I?"

"Yeah, but not in Maintenance! Come off it, really… I can't picture you walking around the Ministry cleaning up rubbish bins. You'd be a target for all kinds of insults and Merlin knows what else," James growled, pouring himself another shot and downing it hurriedly.

Lily frowned, she'd had enough of his irritable and moody behaviour. He'd been acting out of sorts for over two weeks, and refused to talk about it with her. "At least it's _something_. It's more than you're doing," she muttered coldly.

James sniggered. "I _could_ be doing anything I wanted… I just don't _want_ to do anything."

"Nice to know you're so ambitious," Lily replied sarcastically.

"Ambition has nothing to do with it. I'm too good for the Ministry; they're all coming for me if you noticed, I'm not seeking them out," James said with a shrug, smirking as Sirius chuckled.

"Well aren't you lucky," Lily snapped. "I'd give my left arm for half the opportunities you've got, and you just take them for granted."

"You take _me_ for granted," James grumbled. "And I told you, if you want to get lucky I'll be glad to help you out."

"Excuse me?" Lily replied indignantly, ignoring the blatant insult about her sexual hesitancy. "How, _exactly,_ do I take you for granted? I'm trying to take care of myself so you don't have to waste-"

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's _not_ a _waste_!" he shouted, turning toward her still standing figure with an angry expression. "You'd be… wasting your talent – and your life- if you started working in _Maintenance_ department," he said scathingly.

"I'm going to have to agree with Prongs on this one, Lils," Sirius agreed, downing a glass of firewhiskey and glancing at her with a bemused expression. "You could come and clean up our flat and I'd pay you more than they would."

"There's an idea," James said, sitting up and laughing when Julia swatted Sirius very hard over the back of his head. "If you're so desperate to find a job, come clean our flat."

Lily's face grew red. "You sound like my sister."

"So do you with this '_I have to find a job'_ rubbish," James replied coolly.

"I am _trying_ to do the right thing! You think I'm doing this for me? You think I want to be insulted by all those-"

"You certainly aren't doing it for me," James said. "I didn't ask you to find a job; you're the one insisting on it. If you want to do something for me, keep yourself safe and just accept the fact that _no one_ is going to hire you right now. Let it go… you don't have to be such a control freak."

Lily felt her eyes prick, but she rallied and stood up taller. "You're being awfully controlling right now, and insulting. Aren't you the one who talked about Felicity taking advantage of you 'cause you're rich? Or that other girl… what's her face… only wanting you for your gold?" she asked.

"She works for the Ministry now, so I heard… and she's a perfect example of how they're going to act towards you. They'll refer to you as _Mudblood_!" snapped James. Lily noted it was the first time she'd ever heard him say the word. "They throw that disgusting name around like it's polite conversation, and it doesn't bother you? You've hexed people for calling you that, but now since finding a job depends on your ability to endure it, you don't care?"

"Never mind that… did you, or did you not, tell me that she was only interested in you 'cause you have money? Aren't you glad I want to take care of myself so you don't have to? Doesn't it make some part of you happy that I think of you as more than just a paycheck?" Lily asked.

"I don't know _what_ you think of me," snarled James. "You think… you think I can't take care of you… or that I'm not important enough for you to give up all this. You'd rather go clean toilets than let me pay for things; you'd rather… get practice on me than let me do _anything_ for you at all. What am I good for, huh? Are you only with me so you can get some experience? Once you get a leg over, you can use that to work your way up? Is that it?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, James knew he shouldn't have said them. It wasn't true; Lily wouldn't consider doing anything like that. James knew he was only angry because he felt unimportant to Lily, because she wasn't doing what he wanted. He was angry because she had to endure insults, and think about accepting jobs that weren't good enough for her to appease some sense of self preservation. She _was_ doing it partly for him, because she didn't want to use him like Isabelle or Felicity had. He knew she cared about him too much to do that; she was only trying to do what she thought was best for them both.

James watched Lily's expression change from angry, to anguished, and then infuriated in a matter of seconds. He had said something horrible, hurtful, and completely uncalled for. And when he saw her hand flex, he did nothing to stop what was coming.

Lily felt an ache in her chest; James was being very harsh, and it was completely unnecessary. But his last comment, after he had previously insulted her hesitancy to be intimate, then suggested she'd just be using him to gain experience so she could screw her way up in the world was too far. He'd hurt her, just as Snape had.

In the time Lily's thoughts caught up with her emotions, Julia had made an indignant noise, and Sirius and Remus both muttered admonishing comments to James under their breath while Peter stared in shock. Lily ignored this; she could see the remorse in James eyes, but her anger was already in control of her instincts.

Lily raised her hand and slapped James hard across the face; so hard, he had to put his feet down on the floor to prevent him falling off the bar stool. Several people looked over, but Lily turned away and walked quickly out of the pub, fighting back tears as she slammed the door behind her.

James stared at the floor, his face flooding with color and his cheek stinging where she had hit him. Shame washed over him, hot and prickly; he knew how much he deserved it. He'd been acting like an arse for weeks, and she'd finally had enough of it. Seconds passed; James' chest felt heavier and heavier as the weight of what he had done seemed to crash around him.

"Congratulations, Potter," Julia growled harshly. "You just bollocksed up what you worked for _three_ _years_ to get. _Bra-vo_," she snarled, clapping her hands in a sarcastic manner. Sirius made her stop, but even he was glaring at James, disapproval coloring the lines of his face

James swallowed, breathing heavily to try and calm himself. "Should… should I go after her?"

Sirius and Remus both muttered "no," Peter didn't respond, but Julia stood and began to walk toward the front door.

"I think you should… just so she can properly sort you out, you spoiled, selfish little pig! But since you're too much of a coward to even tell her how you feel, _I'll_ go after her and make sure she's okay," she snapped, flinging her hair over her shoulder and leaving without another word.

Outside, Lily was walking quickly toward the path that led to Hogwarts, allowing her hair to fall into her face and hide the tears that were falling down her cheeks. How could he _say_ that? How could he _think_ that? What had she done to make him feel that he was unimportant to her? Yes, she'd been focused on finding employment, but he'd _never_ given her any indication that he was unsupportive of it. He'd been hesitant, said she didn't need to find a job, but he had encouraged her when she seemed interested.

If he felt unimportant, he should have told her flat out; not let it build until it exploded and he said something so cruel to her. Lily felt a wave of depression; she didn't want to look at him, but at the same time she wanted to walk back and show him how much he had hurt her by crying her eyes out and making him watch.

"Neil… don't… I don't-"

"Well, I _do_, Felicity. I never got the impression you were resistant, why the sudden change?"

Lily paused; she recognized both Mulciber's and Felcity's voices echoing from an alleyway just behind the post office. Mulciber sounded hungry, his voice throaty and deep; Felicity sounded terrified.

"Please stop… someone could walk by and-"

"No one will come by; the festivities will begin any moment, so that will be plenty of distraction for everyone. Let's get this over with, shall we? I want to be there to watch," Mulciber said with a chuckle. Lily listened as Avery's low voice joined in his laughter.

"Festivities? Neil-"

"Just keep your mouth shut, Felicity, or I'll shut it for you," he snapped. Lily heard Felicity whimper in response to his threat. "If you don't let it happen, I'll just make you… it's not much of a choice."

Despite having been hurt several times for jumping into fights she knew she should stay out of, Lily couldn't let whatever Mulicber was doing to Felicity continue. She wiped her tears from her face and pushed her anger at James aside and stormed to the alleyway. "Leave her alone," she said, rounding the corner with her wand out. She paused, her eyes widening slightly.

Felicity was on her knees, her face pressed up against the wall of the post office; there was a line of blood running down from a scratch on her forehead. Avery was standing over her, holding her hands to the wall above her head while Mulciber was behind her, his hands up her skirt and pulling on her knickers. They looked up at Lily's presence; Avery looked slightly interested in what was going to happen, Mulciber grinned wickedly.

"Hullo, Evans… feel like playing with us?" he asked.

"_STUPEFY_!" shouted Lily. The red light flashed around them, and Mulciber crumpled to the ground. Before Avery had time to react, Lily had stepped forward and pushed her wand into his throat. "Don't think about it, Avery… last time you two tried to get after me _you_ ended up with a broken nose. If you're going to a party, I'm guessing you don't want that," she hissed.

Avery released Felicity and stepped back, his eyes murderous as he stared Lily down. Felicity scrambled to her feet, grabbing her wand from Avery and moving behind Lily. Avery made a face, and Lily flicked her wand again, watching the red light flash and her target fall to the ground on top of Mulciber.

"Oh my God… Oh my _God_… Lily," Felicity whimpered, clutching Lily's arm. She turned around and looked at the blonde Ravenclaw; in addition to the scratch on her face, her blouse was torn and she looked roughed up, like she had been tackled in the dirt or pushed around for a while. Her face was pale, her blue eyes frightened as she looked back at Lily with an immense amount of gratitude. "I-"

"Here," Lily whispered kindly, removing her cloak and wrapping it around Felicity's shoulders. "Let's get you back to the castle…"

"Oh, God… thank you… I'm so _embarrassed_! I don't -"

"Felicity; you're _smarter_ than this… why'd you go with them? Why'd you hang around with them?" Lily asked, unable to control her curiosity. "You can't be embarrassed… you need to report it. You-"

"No! Lily, they'll do something _worse_ to me if I report it. We can't-"

"Felicity, I _have_ to; I saw what was happening. And I hope Dumbledore kicks them both out on their arses. Avery can go crawling back to his daddy, and Mulciber can rot in hell for all I care," she snarled, guiding Felicity back toward the Three Broomsticks.

"Lily… do we _have_ to go in? I don't want everyone-"

"No one will see you, it's so busy in there no one will notice. Did one of them hit you?" she asked sadly.

"No... Neil… he slammed my head against the wall," she explained sheepishly.

"Cover your face. I'll ask Rosmerta for a rag and we can at least get you cleaned up before we go back to Hogwarts… you're still bleeding," she explained.

Felicity nodded. "Thank you, Lily… you didn't … I've been pretty cruel to you and-"

"Felicity, no matter how unkind you've been to me, I wouldn't have let them do… whatever it is they were going to do…" she said kindly.

Julia was walking down the street, still arguing with James who was hot on her heels. The rest of their friends following close behind, having all left the bar in pursuit of Lily. They were so distracted by James' frantic worrying and Julia's waspishness that no one noticed Felicity and Lily passing them across the street, heading in the opposite direction back toward the Pub while the group walked toward Hogwarts.

James felt disgusted with himself. "I'm stupid… I'm a bloody stupid _arse_. I can't believe-"

"You don't have to tell me how stupid you are, James," Julia snapped. "You showed me!"

"I was angry… she was-"

"_DON'T_!" Julia screamed. "I told you that you needed to tell her how you felt, but _no_… _no_, don't listen to Julia. No one _ever_ listens to me! And now look what you've done! If she never forgives you it's all your fault," she snapped, turning around and stepping toward James with such an angry expression he backed away.

"Jules, people listen to you," said Sirius in a placating voice, but then he closed his mouth when she glowered in his direction.

James' expression was anguished; he was looking all over the streets for any sign of Lily's red hair. As he stared, he noticed streaks of black moving rapidly across the clear blue sky. It was very strange; instinctively, he pulled out his wand as he listened to Julia continue to shout at him.

Suddenly there were several loud cracks; Julia ceased talking and turned around sharply. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were at attention; and James raised his wand, looking toward back toward the Three Broomsticks with a horrified expression.

Lily and Felicity had cleaned the blood from her face and walked back outside. They had taken three steps away from the bar when they just happened to bump into Snape. His eyes met Lily's and widened in horror.

"Oh, sod off Snape! Don't look at me like I don't have a right to be here! You should go help your creepy friends nurse their injuries… bloody perverted arseholes," Lily shouted at him. She placed her arms around Felicity and guided her toward the path, but felt a pair of large hands grab her round the shoulders. "Don't touch-"

There was a shout just before an explosion shattered the windows of the Three Broomsticks, the sound blasting the quiet apart as shards of glass flew in every direction.

Lily felt herself being thrown away from the pub before she fell to the ground. Felicity landed next to her, groaning quietly as she sat up. Something warm was flowing down the side of Lily's face; she reached up and pulled back her hand to see it covered with blood.

"Oh my-"

Felicity stood abruptly and grasped Lily by the hand, pulling her to her feet. Lily cried out in pain, pulling her hand away from Felicity and shaking the pieces of broken glass from her skin. She looked up across the street to see tall figures in black cloaks appearing everywhere; people were running and screaming in all directions. A few wizards were pulling out their wands to fight; flashes of light and loud bangs began echoing throughout the narrow streets of the village.

"Come _on_, Lily, we have to get out of here!" shouted Felicity, tugging at Lily's hand and pulling her toward the path.

"No!" Lily shouted, pulling her arm away and running toward the fray where she saw Melany Finch fighting with a figure in a grey mask shaped like a skull. "_Stupefy_!" she shouted, watching as the man crumpled in front of her.

"_LILY_!" Felicity shouted.

"Run… just run, Go!" Lily screamed back, racing off in the opposite direction and firing spells at the cloaked figures. Felicity watched as Melany followed her, the two of them running into the pub to help out anyone who had been injured. Several cloaked figures followed them inside.

"Oh, _Christ_," Felicity swore, pulling out her wand and running toward the entrance. She had gotten halfway across the street when she slammed into Julia, who cried out in fright and gripped Felicity tightly.

"Felicity!" another voice shouted. Sam Pitchfield raced forward, her face full of fright and streaked with dust and blood. "What happened to you? Why-"

Her question was cut off as there was another explosion. Remus grabbed Sam's arm and pulled her behind him, ducking down with the group as more glass flew through the air.

James stood, staring at the building and the numerous wizards now fighting black cloaked figures. His eyes looked over the group, starting they fell on Felicity and he recognized the cloak she was wearing. "You… that's _Lily's_ cloak! Why do you have Lily's cloak?" he shouted, his eyes widening as he looked her over. Felicity's face was streaked with blood, and there were several spots on the cloak as well.

"She was helping me! She…she ran in _there_! I tried to stop her but-"

There was another explosion and several shouts erupted as a wall of the pub burst into flames. Several figures ran out of the bar, attempting to drag a few people with them. Screaming started, much louder; the sound of someone, or multiple people, being tortured echoed through the village.

"NO!" shouted James, racing forward toward the burning building. He fired spell after spell at the disappearing figures, only hitting one who released his target but disappeared anyway. Black cloaks converged around him, blocking his vision and forcing him to physically fight them to protect himself. James flicked his wand, firing hex after hex, backing the figures away as more shouts of pain echoed around him.

Suddenly Sirius was by his side, punching a cloaked figure in the face just before it disappeared into nothing. Julia and Sam raced by him toward the bar, Remus following, but all of them were thrown back from the door as more figures walked out, burning and tearing up various papers as they went. One cloaked figure was dragging a screaming girl with curly dark hair.

There were several shouts and the figure released the girl just before it disappeared. James raced forward, noticing with a start that it was Melany Finch from Hufflepuff as he helped her to her feet.

"Potter!" she shouted, jumping up and staring back into the bar. "Lily-"

A booming voice echoed over the shouts and screams; everyone turned to see Slughorn and Dumbledore waving their wands at the burning building. Several more cloaked figures ran out at the sight of them; James leapt up and tackled one man, but was thrown roughly to the side by another as the two of them disappeared. There were more cracks as people disapparated; flashes of light as the remaining figures set fire to clusters of paper that had been during interviews, and then slowly the noise faded away.

James was pulled roughly to his feet by Sirius as Julia ran to Melany. "Where is she?" she shouted.

"I don't know!" cried Melany. "She was right next to me… she was right there then she was gone!"

"NO!" shouted James, attempting to run into the building but Sirius held him back. Dumbledore strode past them as Slughorn looked on in horror. McGonagall suddenly appeared and started shouting for the students to head back to the castle. Ministry employees and business owners were still running about, some with minor injuries, others screaming for help. Aurors were now arriving with loud cracks; a few of them ran to help the injured, the others raced into the bar to capture any remaining Death Eaters.

"POTTER, _GO_! That's an order!" McGonagall shouted harshly. James protested, but McGonagall held up her wand threateningly and he backed up the path.

"Professor… Lily ran-"

"Miss Evans is missing?" she asked, turning back to the bar. "We have a student missing!" she shouted, watching as one of the Aurors nodded before running into the bar to search the rubble. "Potter, we'll find her… there is nothing you can do here. Go back to the castle, _now_."

James gave an anguished groan, grabbing at his hair with both hands as he stared at the burnt and broken building that had been the Three Broomsticks. The group of students, all of whom he knew rather well, followed behind him. Remus was arguing with Sam about holding her back when she could have run to help; Felicity was helping Melany clean off her various cuts that were oozing blood, Peter was walking very quickly by James, anxious to get away from the skirmish, and Sirius was dragging Julia, an anguished expression on his face as they walked slowly, hoping to see Lily's figure appear behind them, uninjured and safe.

Further up the path, they ran into Linghold, Rollingsfield, and Connie Lockwood, all of whom were wearing frightened expressions as they approached.

"What happened?" asked Connie, grabbing Felicity by the shoulders and examining her frightened appearance. James listened vaguely as Felicity explained Lily rescuing her from Mulciber and Avery, and how they had walked back to the Three Broomsticks to clean up. "We were leaving just as the first explosion happened. Oh God… Neil… Mulciber, he mentioned something about festivities when we were in the alley…"

"He _knew_ about this?" snarled James.

"I don't know…" Felicity replied in a scared voice. "I know… I know he was interested in the Death Eaters… and had been talking about their initiation rites...I thought he was joking…"

"Fucking bastards," Max snapped, falling into step with James. "Felicity, Sam… Mels, Remus, Julia, Pete, James… there were more of us," he said, looking around.

Felicity shook her head. "Evan didn't come."

"Neither did Forester," Melany added. "But Lily-"

"Lily? Where is she?" Max asked, looking from James to Felicity. "I ran past you two after the explosion, I assumed that you'd just come on -"

James pushed him roughly. "You _saw_ them and you kept on running? You should have helped! Drug them out of there! What happened to her?"

"Easy, Potter," Max shouted, holding up his hands. "I wasn't going to _drag_ her anywhere, she looked hurt," he explained, watching as James' distressed expression.

"James, she came with me. She stunned a Death Eater that was fighting with me. We ran inside the pub… she was right there with me. There were people screaming but she was right next to me," Melany said, tearing up. "I had a hold of her hand, then she screamed and she was gone… I don't-"

James let out a tortured cry and turned around to head back toward the village. Julia snagged his arm and held on to him. "You can't go back, you can't help! And it's your fault she's missing!" she snarled, pushing him roughly back toward the path. "If you hadn't been such an arse…" she sobbed, glaring harshly at him.

James looked like he was about to argue, but Sirius pushed him forward and mouthed something about heading back when they had the map. They walked with everyone to the hospital, but then James immediately ran up to his room to fetch his map. Once it was safely stowed in his pocket, he ran down the numerous staircases, found Sirius, and ducked behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy to head back to Hogsmeade.

James' chest was aching; all he could think about was finding Lily and making sure she was safe. She had to be somewhere; they couldn't have taken her, why would they take her out of everyone there? Though, it appeared that was what the goal of the attack had been. James remembered the cloaked figures grasping people, trying to Disapparate away with them. He wondered how many were unaccounted for, and prayed to every deity he could think of that Lily wasn't one of them.

James picked up the pace, his long legs carrying him fast through the dark tunnel while his pulse pounded heavily; not from the speed at which he ran, but because his heart was about to crumble to pieces if he couldn't find where Lily was.

Back in Hogsmeade, Slughorn and Dumbledore were assisting getting everyone that was injured to Mungo's and reporting to the Auror team what had happened. McGonagall was taking names to see if anyone was missing that had been there. She gave Sirius and James furious looks when she saw them approaching, but refrained from yelling at them when an Auror requested they take over the list while McGonagall helped begin repairs to the building.

The only name on her list was Lily; all Ministry employees and business owners had been accounted for. James began to feel panicky as they searched the rubble; no one had been killed, but there were several injuries and one person had been tortured during the brief attack.

"… couldn't tell who it was. He just kept harping on about how the… muggle-borns… shouldn't be allowed to work, or be in the world," the grey-haired woman was saying. She was shaking with fright and covered with a blanket while Barty Crouch wrote down what she said and Frank Longbottom encouraged her to continue.

"They had masks this time; when they attacked the visitors' entrance at the Ministry six months ago, none of them had masks… apparently they've wised up," another Auror muttered.

"I think the mask was adapted after our last round of arrests," Frank replied in a heavy voice.

Sirius perked up when he saw Alice. James heard him ask if they'd seen Lily, but her face was solemn and she shook her head.

James continued to stare at the smoldering building; it wasn't completely destroyed, in all reality, it could probably be repaired and put back together within the next week. But enough damage had been done, enough terror had been spread; and Lily was still missing… James couldn't take it anymore.

He ignored Sirius protests and ran into the burned out pub. Sirius followed, watching as he walked toward Dumbledore, who gave him a consoling expression.

"James, we found her, not even five minutes ago. She's fine… Hagrid helped walk her back to the castle," he explained quickly. "I'm surprised you didn't see her on your way here," he added in a curious voice.

"You… she's all right?" James asked breathlessly.

Dumbledore nodded. "Rosmerta found her during the fight," he explained, nodding toward the barmaid who was standing beside him.

Rosmerta gave James a soothing smile. "Lily and the Finch girl were standing beside the bar when one of the explosions hit. She dove behind the bar and it collapsed on top of her. When I pulled her out, she was bleeding really badly… I think her ankle may have been broke, so I put a splint on it and forced her to go into the cellar to hide. When they cleared out the place, I sent her on her way back to the castle," she explained.

"You didn't see her, James?" Dumbledore asked.

"I… er… no… I took a shortcut here," he said sheepishly.

Dumbledore nodded. "Well, both you and Mr. Black should head back and make sure your class mates are being taken care of," he advised, knowing that James was anxious to see Lily. James watched Dumbledore flick his wand, shooting a brilliant silver streak across the sky toward the castle. McGonagall shooed the boys on their way, ordering them to head straight to the hospital wing or to the tower.

As soon as they were outside and on the path back to the castle, James pulled the map out and scanned for Lily's marker. "_There_," Sirius said, pointing to Lily's dot that was wandering around the hospital wing.

James sighed, the ache in his chest fading slightly; she was safe. He said nothing, just started to jog back up the path so he could get to her.

"Here ya are, Lily," Hagrid said as he set her gently on her feet. "Get in there, get yerself fixed up... it'll be al'righ'."

"Thanks loads, Hagrid; I couldn't have made it back without help," she said appreciatively.

"You wan' me ter send James up here if I see him?"

Lily sighed. "Um… no… I'll just… I'll find him later," she muttered quietly, feeling her eyes prick as she thought of James and wondered if he was safe.

"All righ', then… take care, Lily," replied Hagrid, smiling as she opened the door to the hospital wing and stepped inside.

"_Lily_!"

"Oh, thank goodness!"

"Oh, Lily… you're all right!"

Sam, Felicity, and Melany all shouted relieved greetings when she walked in the door. Max instantly got to his feet and helped her to a cot while Madam Pomfrey rushed over and began to examine her. She mended her ankle instantly, but gave Lily a bandage and insisted she wrap it just to be sure. The nurse had gone back to get a bottle of dittany for Lily's numerous cuts and scrapes when Julia rushed over and sat down on the bed. After asking if she was okay, Julia proceeded to smack Lily hard on the shoulder before tears erupted from her eyes.

"Ow! _Julia_! What–"

"You scared me to death! You fucking scared me to death!" cried Julia, shaking Lily and wiping her tears away furiously. "No one knew where you were. We were all panicking! Why do you have to be so stupid and reckless, Lily?"

"I wasn't being stupid and reckless! I was trying to help! And no one got taken, did they? We're all safe, I'm safe… it's fine," she replied indignantly.

Julia nodded, sniffling loudly as she pulled Lily into a tight hug. "Don't you _ever_ do anything like that again! Do you understand me? If someone tells you to run, you RUN… don't-"

"I'm not just going to run away and let someone else die in my place!" snapped Lily, pushing Julia away. "Ugh… between you and James… isn't it bad enough that they attacked? Why d'you have to go and make me feel guilty for trying to help people?"

Julia nodded, and then reached forward to hug Lily again, who sighed and squeezed her tightly. "I know… I'm sorry. I was just so scared. And I'm not the only one… we were all scared," she explained as everyone nodded.

"What happened to you?" Melany asked. "First you were there… then you were gone…"

"After that second blast I jumped behind the bar, but it collapsed, leaving me with a broken ankle and this," she explained, showing them the large cut on her leg. "Rosmerta saw me. She put the splint on and tried to fix me as best she could, but then she shoved me down in the cellar. I saw them taking you Melany… I was screaming, but she just pushed me down there. After everything stopped, she pulled me out and Hagrid helped me back to the castle," Lily explained. "What happened to you, Melany? I was so scared, I saw someone grab you and… I didn't know what happened."

Melany shook her head. "Someone had me… but then James hit them with a spell and they dropped me. Speaking of James, does he know you're here?"

Lily shook her head. "No… I haven't seen him. He's all right though… isn't he?"

Max laughed humorlessly. "Well, aside from the fact that he was going _mental_ and interrogating everyone about where you were… yeah, he's perfectly fine."

Julia released Lily and rallied at once. "It's his fault you weren't with us… if he hadn't-"

"What did he do?" Max asked.

"Whatever it was, I bet he's sorry," Felicity said. "He was losing it, Lils. He saw I had your cloak, and then I told him you went into the pub and he went mad. Sirius had to hold him back from running after you," she explained.

"He _should_ be sorry!" Julia said sharply.

"What did he do?" Max asked again, a little too interested for Lily's liking.

She held up her hands to quiet them. It was an understatement to say she was glad to hear he was safe, but the memory of his harsh words and their argument lingered like salt in an already open wound. "It doesn't matter what he said… it's between him and me."

Julia nodded. "I know he felt bad and he was sorry… but-"

"But nothing, Jules… I don't want to think about that right now, okay? I'm already panicking about the fact that this is real," she said.

Sam gave her a curious look. "As opposed to yesterday when it _wasn't_ real?"

"No… I mean… we _hear_ about it through the papers, through the wireless network, but we don't _see_ it. Now we did; we saw the hate, saw how serious they are about getting us out of the world. And there's no method to the violence, is there? They hate us just to hate us… it's violence just to be violent, isn't it? They're terrorizing and attacking just to… scare people," she sputtered, trying to explain how she felt.

Everyone was quiet, until they saw a bright flash of silver fly through the window into Madam Pomfrey's office. A few seconds later, she had emerged, flicking her wand and sending out another streak of light in the direction it came. Lily vaguely made out the shape of a weasel or an otter, but couldn't be sure. She wondered why the nurse would be casting a Patronus charm, but her curiosity was quelled when she shooed everyone away from Lily and set to repairing her various injuries. Once Madam Pomfrey was satisfied that Lily could walk without pain, and everyone's injuries were healed as best as they could be, she dismissed them back to their houses.

All of them said good bye to each other and went their respective directions, a mixture of blue, yellow and red sweaters and cloaks scattering just outside the hospital doors. Julia kept her arm around Lily as they walked, supporting her as she limped along; her ankle was still quite sore. "Where's Sirius?"

"I'm pretty sure he went with James back to Hogsmeade, to look for you of course," she explained.

Lily nodded, frowning slightly. "What about Remus… and Peter?"

Julia snorted. "Remus stayed with us, but Sam told him to leave since he wasn't hurt. He was panicking, trying to help her and make sure she was okay… but she got _really_ angry, and said something about him kissing her once, then not caring about her again until something happened."

Lily sighed. "It's stupid of him to do that. Serves him right."

"Yeah but you should have seen his face, Lils. He looked like she'd stabbed him in the heart," Julia explained. "I think Pete went back to talk with him… but you know him, he's no good with words."

Lily nodded. "Well… words probably aren't what Remus needs. He probably needs an ear to vent to," she sighed as they reached the portrait hole. Lily gave the password and opened it, dismissing the questions from all the students and heading upstairs to her room.

Julia paused in her doorway, watching as Lily changed her clothes and crawled into bed. "Do _you_ need an ear to vent to?" she asked kindly.

Lily shook her head. "No… I need to be alone and cry my eyes out."

Julia nodded. "If you need me, _please_ come find me… you know I'll listen."

"Thanks, Julia… I will."

"And Lils?"

"Yes?"

Julia paused, biting her lip and thinking about her next statement very cautiously. "James _did_ feel bad… I probably made him feel worse, not that he didn't deserve it. But … he is sorry."

"Yeah… well… _he_ needs to say it. I don't want to hear it from you, or have everyone tell me what a mess he was," she snapped, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

"Oh, I'm sure he will. Just - and I can't believe I'm saying this, because I was all for him chasing after you just so you could pan his head in – just… _don't_ do something you'll regret," she advised.

"Like what? I regret slapping him, I regret going today because I know how much I upset him… I regret being the way I am… always trying to do the right thing… I regret _everything_ right now. What else could I do that I'd regret?" she asked, tears falling from her eyes as her voice wavered.

"You could shut him out just to punish him. The last time you did that, it was for a good reason… Snape was never going to change; he was never going to put aside the dark stuff for you. James… James would cut off both his hands if he knew it would make you happy," she said.

Lily nodded. "Well… I'll… I'll deal okay. Just… just let me be… I can't think right now, I want to sleep…" she muttered thickly. Julia nodded and shut the door, leaning against it and feeling a pang of sadness as she heard Lily start to sob behind it.

* * *

_A/N: I know, it's a cliffhanger... I'll get the next up as soon as I get it back from my wonderful beta. Thanks for your feedback!_


	30. Love

Love

"Broken" Lifehouse ("Try Again" Keane)

* * *

Lily's cheeks felt raw after spending over an hour sobbing into her pillow. _James_. She knew he was safe… but he had acted selfish, arrogant, and hurt her feelings terribly. He had made her feel weak; she shouldn't let his comments get to her in such away. _He's just a boy… man… stupid, arrogant man-boy who… who… who I love more than anything…._she thought, bringing a fresh round of tears to her eyes.

She loathed admitting it, but there was a hint of truth behind his words. She deserved more than a position in Magical Maintenance; she was worth much more than they would ever think of her. Lily knew she was only doing it to satisfy her need to control her life, even though, in reality, she had no power over what would happen in the future.

Now having admitted that truth, Lily wondered if she should give the whole thing up. Who was she trying to impress by accepting something so demeaning?

Why couldn't she accept James' assistance? They both knew she wasn't taking advantage of him; she didn't have to prove it by solely supporting herself. "God, I _do_ sound like Petunia," she said aloud, her voice echoing throughout the empty room. And she did, pushing herself to find work so she wouldn't be a burden on someone else. She wasn't a burden, especially not to James.

Julia was also right; if she was honest with herself – _why the bloody hell is that so hard?_ - she didn't _want_ to have a job. She wanted to work full time for the Order, help put a stop to this ridiculous war so they could have peace. She wouldn't need the money if James ever wanted to marry her; she could just stay home and be his.

_But not if he thinks things like what he said today. And certainly not if he can't be honest with me about how he really feels, _she thought_._

But as Lily tried to rationalize that feeling, she knew it was hypocritical of her to expect James to be honest with her, when she couldn't be honest with herself. She _was_ a control freak. She needed control of the intimacy in her and James' relationship, afraid as she was of appearing too eager or wanton. She needed control of her destiny, for she was still afraid James would leave her once he realized the danger he was in while with her.

_Lily Evans… you are a stupid, arrogant… woman-girl! You've got everything you've ever dreamed of staring you in the face, and you're looking behind it to make sure nothing is hiding…_

She should just let go of the control, let James take the lead; or better yet, dance in step with him instead of always being ahead.

But it was frightening to let go and give into James, even though he didn't want much. He wanted for her to stay with him, rather than seek out something she knew could be dangerous. He wanted to care for her, despite her stubbornness and irrational need to be completely independent. He wanted her to trust him. She _could_ trust him. Lily could trust James Potter more than anyone else in the world; she knew without a doubt he loved her, and his intentions were only to make her happy.

Tears came again, and she hated them. She loved him so much, and all she wanted was to make him happy. What did she have to do to get over her own fear?

After today, after the words he said, the fear of pain had come back. It had faded for a while, the memory of the ache, the longing… after her mother's death, James had eased the pain, made it bearable so she could function.

Rather than being a shield from the ache, at the moment, he was the _source_ of it. How could he take away the pain when he brought it? The thought of giving in to him now, and making herself more vulnerable than she was already… it frightened her to death.

Exhausted, Lily finally fell asleep against her headboard, not bothering to pull the blankets around her. The air in her room was cool, but she remained outside of her blankets. The feel of them against her would make her miss James too much.

It was around two in the morning when Lily awoke. Someone was in her room, she could sense it. A blanket had been placed over her, and whoever it was had perched themselves on her bed, the quiet sound of their breathing causing adrenaline and fear to rush through her. Lily sat up abruptly and grabbed her wand, holding it aloft as the white light of her spell filled the darkness of her room.

"WHO-

"It's _me_… it's just me," said James, gently pushing her arm down to move the brilliant light out of his eyes. He couldn't help but be impressed with her power; the fact that she had been deeply asleep, was able to rouse instantly and cast a spell so powerful it made it appear as though day had come… all without a whisper… she was so much more powerful than she even knew.

"_James_?"

"Yes… it's me," he said again, moving so he was kneeling in front of her face, his expression cautious. Lily flicked her wand, lighting the dim candles around her room as she sat up and gazed curiously at him.

"How-"

"I sat outside your door for … for a long time," he muttered. "It took me about four hours… but I _finally_ guessed your password," he explained, smiling gently as he remembered reciting off various nicknames she had called him until he arrived at the one she never used; Jamesy. "I was afraid you wouldn't answer if I knocked. I was going to sit out there all night if I had to," he muttered.

Lily leaned back against her headboard, her eyes scrutinizing his face. His expression was pained as he gazed back at her. She shivered began to rub her arms; James noticed and instantly reached for her, but Lily slid away and shook her head. "Don't touch me… just… don't."

James felt a stab of pain in his chest; he lowered his hands and sat down on his heels, watching her cautiously. "You don't want to be with me," he said quietly, eyes focused on her expression. Suddenly, the ache intensified and he became desperate. "I didn't mean to say it. I didn't-"

"Stop… stop right there. Between you sitting outside my door, threatening to wait there all night, and now telling me that you _didn't_ _mean_ _it_… this apology is starting to sound a little _too_ familiar," she said coolly. James flinched, the conversation he had eavesdropped on between her and Snape replaying in his head. "You are better than that…"

James swallowed and nodded. He stood up suddenly and fetched a chair from her desk, sitting down in it and burying his face in his hands, trying to think of the right words to say to her. After a few moments of silence, he dropped his hands and interlaced his fingers, keeping his eyes on his trainers as he spoke.

"When I was saying all that… I _knew_ I shouldn't be saying it. I didn't… I guess I meant bits of it - not everything, of course not everything. I was trying to get you riled up, or hurt you," he explained in a low voice.

Lily sniffed, feeling her eyes prick with tears; she turned away so he couldn't see. "Why? Why did-"

"Because _I_ was hurt, and angry… it's stupid and… immature… but when I feel that way, I say things I don't mean. And I shouldn't have said those things to you; they aren't true… I know they aren't true, Lily. You wouldn't ever use me for anything, nor would you ever do anything like what I suggested… you are so much better than that. It was… cruel and stupid of me to say all that to you…" he muttered in a thick voice.

Lily nodded, wiping her tears away and turning back to him, noting he still hadn't taken his eyes off the floor. "Can you tell me-"

"I've been angry… because… I'm angry 'cause I feel like you'd rather get insulted than stay with me; like you'd rather be hurt, or _killed_, than just… let me protect you, let me love you," he explained, cutting her off as he already knew what her question was going to be.

"It _really_ hurt when you said that you'd be willing to work in the _maintenance_ area… you are so much more than that. It hurt because I'm… I'm important to everyone else… even if for the wrong reasons. But I'm not important to you. Out of everyone, I want to be important to _you_. It hurts that you don't feel the same way; that you don't realize _how_ important you are to me, and it doesn't seem to matter how badly I want you to be safe, or … how badly I just _want_ you…

"Maybe - not _maybe_… I _am_ being selfish, and arrogant… thinking I _should_ be really important to you. What's so great about me? _Nothing_… I'm an eighteen-year-old bloke with no ambition other than to be a Chaser on a Quidditch team, and a member of some secret society. The only reason I have good marks is 'cause I pick things up easily. You work so_… hard_… for everything, and you put yourself at risk for others. You stay up and study with them when you're sick; you spend your time making risky potions so they don't have to suffer. You would have given up your whole life to take care of your family if they would have let you. What've I done? Nothing… I've done nothing, I've been spoiled and never had to work for anything. Why should I be important to you? Why should _you_ love _me_?" he asked, more to himself than to her. Lily didn't respond, she just continued to observe him carefully, a cautious look in her eyes.

James swallowed, biting back the emotions that were rising in his chest. "You tell me I'm brave and…noble. I'm not. Look what I said to you because I was angry; look at how I acted for _years_ 'cause I could; 'cause it amused my friends. Look at how self-centered I am…" he muttered, hanging his head back in his hands. "I'm expecting you to change who you are because of what _I_ want. I-"

"James," interrupted Lily, "see… that's where I get lost. I don't _know_ what you want… I mean… okay, I know what you want, but you kept telling me that you were fine with all of this… and I haven't been taught legilimency, so I'm not a mind reader… you have to tell me when things change. That's why all of this has been so confusing and frustrating to me."

James nodded, running his hands through his hair and sputtering a few times before he started speaking again. "Things didn't… change… I… I was trying to be okay, I was. It makes sense for you to want a job, it's normal… and it's good… but… everything going on and… I just…"

James paused, swallowing heavily as he lifted his eyes back to hers. Lily felt a desperate ache to be close to him as she looked into them. They were watery and red; he had been crying. "I can't stand the thought of something happening to you, Lily; it _terrifies_ me. Today… when no one knew where you were, and we couldn't find you… it felt like someone was tearing me apart from the inside out. I'm surprised I didn't lose it… I _did_ lose it a few times. I was absolutely out of my mind at the thought of you being hurt, or kidnapped… or … tortured, or killed, or any of those things. That's _why_ I don't want you to work right now. I don't want you to go out there and …. you don't know what it would do to me if something happened to you. And it's selfish of me to… want you to stop desiring things just because I don't want to lose you…"

Lily nodded. She opened her mouth to say something, but James moved closer, kneeling down beside her bed. "_I_ want you with me more than anything, but I want you _happy _with me. If having a job is what it takes for you to feel safe or … what you need to do to be happy, or feel like you're being a good wif- girlfriend… _anything_… I'll support you. If that's what you _want_ to do … I want you to do it. I'm not going to be selfish. _I'll_ even get a job if that's what you want. Whatever _you_ want, Lils… just… please don't shut me out… please … I'll-"

Lily reached forward, placing her hand on James' cheek and locking her eyes with his. Her eyes filled with tears again as he relaxed and rested his head against her palm. "James… remember the night after my Mum's funeral? When I came into your room?"

"Yes," James replied quietly.

"I'd had a nightmare. I don't even remember what it was about now, but when I woke up… all I wanted was… was you. I came in and… you held me … but it wasn't the physical part that comforted me. It was you, your voice… I love the sound of your voice. And when you kiss me, the world disappears; there's only you and me, nothing else. I didn't realize how much I wanted that, how much I _needed_ it, until I was there with you," she tried to explain, blinking and feeling her face flush with color as he gazed at her.

"It's like that every time we talk, or play, or you kiss me… the whole world goes away, and all I can see, or feel, or smell is you. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't shut you out, James," she said, a small laugh escaping her throat. "You… you're like this unstoppable force… like gravity… and you keep me sane and grounded, because I get selfish and wrapped up in my head. You _are_ important to me, James. And how could I _not_ love you? After everything you've done for me… been through with me… you're the bravest, kindest man I'll ever know… you make me feel things that I was so afraid of at one time, and you make me unafraid of them. Why shouldn't I love you?"

"Because I'm an arrogant arse… and because you're still scared," he said quietly.

Lily lowered her eyes. "You're right, I am."

"Why?" asked James.

"Relying on _you_ instead of myself, and everything I know… it's scary."

"Lily… what can I do to make you believe that I won't ever, _ever_, leave you? What can I do to make you trust me?"

"I trust you… I just… I don't trust that I'm enough to hold you," she tried to explain.

"How could you think that? I've… I've fancied you since we were thirteen years old. I love you so much…how could you ever think you aren't enough for me?" asked James, sitting up taller on his knees. He was dying to touch her, it was making his stomach turn flips not being able to hold her… but he didn't know if he could be rejected again without breaking down more than he was already.

"I don't know, James. Because I'm… I'm a control freak, who expects you to be honest with me, when I can't even be honest with myself half the time? Because despite everything you've done for me, given me… I'm _still_ scared of how I feel?" she asked, her voice cracking. "I love you more than anything, James… I don't know why I'm scared… all I know is the thought of being _without_ you hurts more than anything you said to me today. I'm sorry I'm this way… there must be something wrong with me… I'm stubborn, and stupid, and-"

James wouldn't allow it; he wouldn't allow her to doubt herself and how wonderful she was. He crawled onto her bed, sighing with relief when she abandoned her explanation and reached for him, pulling him close and clutching him desperately against her. James kissed her, a desperate groan leaving his throat as her hands tugged greedily at his shoulders. He tangled his fingers in her hair and laid her back against the pillows, settling his body alongside hers. Lily wrapped her arms around his shoulders and clutched him tightly, inhaling his clean woodsy scent and relaxing into his arms.

Lily could feel her tears pouring from her eyes, but as she had explained earlier, as soon as James' lips were against hers, the entire world disappeared. There was nothing but him; no doubts in her mind, no fear, no remorse for the events of the afternoon… nothing but James Potter, his long fingers in her hair and his warm body snuggled against hers.

His lips left hers for a moment, and she could feel him wiping tears away from her cheeks. "Shhh… there is nothing wrong with you… you're perfect… " he whispered in between kisses. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I'm so, _so_, sorry-"

"You're forgiven, James, you're forgiven. I'm sorry I slapped you… I shouldn't-"

James chuckled lightly. "No, you should have… I deserved that. I could have stopped you… but I deserved it."

"Okay… maybe you did," she acceded, smiling gently as he kissed her again. James nestled his face into her neck, his fingers still twisted in her hair as he kissed along her jaw line back to her lips. Lily touched his cheek, her eyes pricking again as she thought back to the afternoon. "I was _so_ scared today… I was scared for everyone. And then I was stupid and hurt my ankle, and Rosmerta wouldn't let me go find you…," she said, kissing him softly as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"You have no idea," he laughed lightly. "I was … well I was all kinds of mental is what I was," he explained, pausing his kissing of her eyes to examine her face. She had a large cut on her forehead that was healing rapidly, and a few light bruises across her cheeks and neck. He kissed her forehead and examined her hands, frowning at the numerous cuts to her palms and wrists.

"Glass," she explained, following his gaze. "I was right in front of the building when the first explosion happened. Felicity and I were standing there, it was weird though… it felt like someone …pushed me. Then it just… boom. And then I ran inside to try and help; Melany followed me."

"I know, we found her… it looked like they were trying to take her with them as they Disapparated. That's when I started to panic. Sirius had to hold me back after she told me you were inside," he explained, squeezing her tightly and burying his face in her hair. James wrapped his other arm around her waist, nuzzling her nose and kissing her softly. She had her legs intertwined with his, one hand pressed against his chest, the other running through his hair. He paused, letting her snuggle against his neck as they lay quietly for a few moments. He smiled, her breath was warm and sweet against his skin, it tickled slightly; he wondered if she loved his scent the way he did hers.

"James?"

"Hmm?" he responded, eyes fluttering closed as her voice echoed in his ear.

"Are you still wearing your clothes from earlier?" she asked, tugging at his dusty t-shirt.

James laughed, sitting up and pulling his t-shirt off and wiggling out of his jeans so he was in his boxers only. He kicked the dusty clothing the floor and laid back down, kissing Lily softly as she snuggled back into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I … I acted so stupid… I want you, that's all I want. I just want you with me… whatever you need to do, I don't care what it is… I'll be okay with it as long as you're with me," he said, stammering for the right words. "I … I wish I could say something to take it all back… I-"

"James," she whispered, kissing his neck softly and snuggling closer to him, "if you took it back, I wouldn't have realized how much _I_ need you."

James sighed deeply, a heavy sound that was full of relief; Lily could almost feel the tension drain out of him as she kissed his neck and chest softly. He squeezed her tightly, pulling her lips back to his and resting his forehead against hers. James gazed calmly into Lily's eyes, seeing everything he ever wanted inside them. After a few minutes, he found his wand and flicked it; the lights from the candles went out and Lily breathed a contented sigh. He held her close and listened to her breathing as she fell asleep.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

There was only a brief mention of the skirmish in Hogsmeade in the Prophet the next day, though everyone involved preferred it that way. The Auror office was working round the clock to find any leads on the attackers, and everyone who had left resume's with Ministry representatives or others was given a list of contacts to send the information too if they were still interested.

Repairs on the Three Broomsticks were coming along much quicker than anyone expected. "They'll be open by next weekend," Sirius laughed. "Knowing Rosie, she won't sleep until everything is back in order; doesn't want to miss out on the business."

"Especially after the last Quidditch match of the year," Peter added.

James nodded, his thoughts immediately turning from his Potions notes to the upcoming match. It was now Wednesday, and everyone had settled down with the gossip; the castle had almost gone back to normal, meaning the students talked of nothing but the last Quidditch match of the year.

Ravenclaw was gearing up and practicing non-stop, which irritated James since he wasn't able to book the pitch for his own practices. They had resorted to practicing in the field where he and Lily had their first real conversation, prompting her to tease him overdramatically about desecrating their "sacred space."

Gryffindor hadn't lost once all year, but had won each match by only a narrow margin, leaving them in a tight race with Ravenclaw for the cup. After defeating Slytherin the first week in May, Ravenclaw was currently in the lead, but only by a margin of 40 points. Unless Gryffindor could beat Ravenclaw by at least 50 points, they would lose the cup despite having won every single match they played that year.

"We either have to get the snitch straight off, or make sure we stay at least 50 points up from them," James was saying to his team over lunch as they sat discussing tactics. "Crawler, you'll have to _really_ watch the score. If you see we're less than 50 points up, just keep on the snitch, _don't_ grab it; and if Lee Mathews tries to kick you off your broom again, hex him… I don't care if they get a penalty shot, we'll make it up. He plays dirty, you can too," James said firmly, watching as Haldey nodded.

"You're sure about this points thing, Potter?" Brenton Clarke asked. "50 points sounds too easy. Ravenclaw beat Slytherin 360 to 200, right? Are we sure we don't-"

"I've figured it seven times," said James. "We just need to score at least 50 plus the snitch, and then we're golden for both the Quidditch _and_ house cup."

It was hard to feel nervous with James Potter's extremely confident smile beaming over you. Lily had begun teasing him again, claiming to not understand how he defied gravity and continued to fly with his immense pride as a hat. But his pride and confidence seemed to boost the performance of his team, which was why they had won every single match, he explained. The players decided to refrain from practicing the rest of the week, instead just meeting over lunch or dinner the following two days to discuss tactics. It was a good idea on the whole, because between Quidditch practices, talk over the attack in Hogsmeade, and gossip about new reports of disappearances, everyone had neglected studying for their end of year exams.

James remained unconcerned about N.E.W.T testing, preferring not to stress himself out until the actual day of exams. He knew he'd be okay to pass as long as he reviewed the proper notes prior to the test, but Lily didn't have the same confidence in her abilities.

"I'm not as brilliant as you, James," she muttered, trying not to laugh as he pushed his lip out, pouting over her reviewing notes during breakfast.

Wednesday morning, the Ministry announced a ruling requiring Muggle-borns within Hogwarts to pass their W.O.M.B.A.T.s before they would be allowed to take N.E.W.T. exams. Though Dumbledore and all the Professors expressed the opinion that it was completely unnecessary, Minister Baddlebrock had backed the move as a way to prove that Muggle-borns "_do indeed have a capacity and knowledge for magic that is equivalent to those of pure-blood, and as such, should be afforded the same rights and opportunities._"

James had been livid; it was an unfair and idiotic ruling, one that put extreme amounts of stress on the already stressed out Muggle-borns. He half wondered if it had been proposed simply to scare Muggle-borns off, or limit their job possibilities on the off chance that they didn't pass; but he put his concerns and theories aside to focus making Lily relax instead of bury her head in a book.

"You're going to be fine, Lils," he reassured, placing his hand on her back as he turned toward her. She was flipping rapidly through _A History of Magic,_ and scribbling down additional facts on her parchment, which was already full of notes. James bit his lip and slid closer to her. "Hey… Lils… _Lover_… my _Lily_…"

"_Yes_, James?" she responded in a slightly annoyed voice.

He closed the book, smirking at her disgruntled expression. Before Lily could protest, he had slid forward and kissed her very lightly, his lips lingering against hers as he nuzzled her nose with his.

"James… I can't… I have…" she mumbled against his lips as he kissed her. James bit her bottom lip gently, kissing her again very softly and Lily felt her resolve crumble. "You are… absolutely… incorrigible… and… shameless… and…_wonderful_," she sighed, leaning her head against his and smiling gently, a dull flush spreading through her cheeks.

"You're panicking over nothing… you're going to be fine," he whispered, threading his fingers through her hair. He had taken her words on Saturday to heart, and was pleased each time she yielded to his affection and relaxed, letting his presence and love soothe her rather than focusing on things she couldn't control.

Lily hummed quietly and snuggled closer to James, wrapping her arms around his neck as he hugged her waist. "You're probably right… _how_ do you do this to me?" she asked quietly.

James smiled, shrugging as his lips met hers again and he pulled her against his chest. "Vast amounts of masculinity and a fat head are the source of my power," he teased, causing her to laugh lightly. "I dunno… I just love you."

Lily smiled. "I love you, James."

They snuggled together for a few moments, the chatter around them fading away until Sirius' laughter broke through their haze of bliss. "What's funny?" asked James, not bothering to open his eyes as Lily lifted her lips to his again.

"Several things: there are a few first year girls sitting over there, gushing about how _sweet_ you two are," he said, pointing over at the Hufflepuff table. "And there are a few girls calling Lily a slag and talking about how _wonderful_ it'd be to kiss you, Prongs… I must admit, I am curious after watching you completely change her focus," he teased. "The fifth and sixth year blokes are all begging you to pull Lily's shirt off, and Jules just walked past and said something along the lines of-"

"I said you two make me sick," she laughed, sitting down next to Sirius and shaking her head.

"Why?" Lily asked.

"Because you're so damn _adorable_ together; it's like you're the Earth and James is your moon, or vice versa," she tried to explain. "It makes me ill because I told you for _two_ bloody years that James was perfect for you."

Lily chuckled and laid her head against James' shoulder as he turned back to his plate, his arm still resting around her waist. "I should have listened to you."

Julia smirked and opened her mouth, but Sirius interrupted her. "She's more than just a pretty face, you know," he quoted, causing everyone within earshot to laugh.

There was a flurry of owls overhead as the mail arrived. Daisy landed lightly on Lily's shoulder, nipping her finger gently as she reached up to take the envelopes from her beak. James gave her a few pieces of toast to carry with her as she flew back to the owlery, then turned back to Lily to see her staring at the envelopes with a disgruntled expression. "What? Who's it from?"

"One's from my sister… the other-"

Her thought was interrupted when Remus jumped over the table and sat down next to her. "Is it from Belby?"

"Yes…" she said, looking at his identical envelope and chewing her lip nervously. She watched as Remus opened his, repeating the motions with hers and reading the letter inside.

"_Dear Miss Evans,_

"_I'd like to extend to you an offer to join me in my research facility. You've proven yourself more than capable at brewing the most complex potions, and your reliability and eagerness to assist the community I am trying to reach are great assets that I would love to have on my team._

"_Would you be at liberty to meet with me this weekend in Hogsmeade around ten o'clock? I understand that the Three Broomsticks is currently under repairs, but Madam Rosmerta has assured me it will be fine to meet and discuss your employment. I'll be bringing information about salary, precautionary measures that will be taken to assure your safety, and other things that will be important for you to know if you decide to join us._

"_It has been a pleasure getting to know you Miss Evans, I sincerely hope you will consider my offer._

"_Yours, _

_Damocles Belby"_

Lily swallowed, glancing at James out of the corner of her eye. Remus was still reading, and when he finished he looked up at Lily curiously. "He wants me to join his research team. They're based out of London; he's hoping I can work with the people at Mungo's and get them to license the potion for distribution."

Lily nodded and smiled encouragingly. "Mine is similar… but I think he wants me brewing and in the lab mostly," she said, biting her lip as James began stroking her back.

"Does he want to meet with you?"

"Yes…"

"It's the weekend after N.E., so it won't be difficult to head to London," Remus said, observing her expression.

Lily shook her head. "He wants me to meet with him _this_ weekend, in Hogsmeade."

Remus and James were quiet, the latter's eyes flicking from Lily to James and then back again. "Is that a bad thing?" James finally asked, his voice light and encouraging.

"It's the Quidditch final. I wanted to be there for the match and-"

"Lils, don't worry about that. It's just a match," James said, shrugging off her worries.

"Yes, but it's your _last_ match, it's the last match for _all of us_. I wanted to go," she said, chewing her lip. She folded the letter up and stuck it in the envelope, setting it on the table and leaning her head in her hands. She felt so confused; she wanted to go meet with Belby to hear more about his offer, knowing she would be able to provide for herself was encouraging. But she wanted to be there for James; she knew how much the match meant to him, and there was a sentimental pull at her heart that told her she should be there.

"Lils, you don't even like Quidditch that much," laughed James. "Why would you worry about it? Besides… what time does he want to meet? Ten? Maybe it won't take that long and you'll get back for some of it," he suggested lightly.

"James…" Lily mumbled, watching his expression cautiously. She knew he was disappointed even though he was hiding it very well. Despite his assurance that he would be supportive of her no matter what, she could tell he would prefer she stay behind and let the job pass. "I don't want-"

James kissed her softly, threading his fingers through her hair and sliding his hands over her back down to her waist. "I'm not upset. I told you… if it's important to you to have a job, I'll support that. I'm thinking about talking to old Lockshield to see if I can do some part time work with the Improper Use of Magic office," he said with a smile.

"James… you don't want to do that. You are the very definition of improper use of magic," she said in a teasing voice. James laughed, but Lily sighed heavily. "You're better than that and-"

He shook his head kissed her again, nuzzling his nose against hers and smiling lightly. "Just go… we'll win the match and celebrate at the party. It's not going to take us long to score 50 points, piece of cake," he said, squeezing her tightly.

There was a disapproving cough that echoed loudly across the hall, and several sniggers erupted as James and Lily pulled apart, smirking at McGonagall's glare. James began nibbling on the remainder of his bacon, but Lily was biting her lip as she watched him. "Hang on… 50 points is all you need?" she asked curiously.

James nodded. "I've figured it all out. We're at 370, and Ravenclaw is at 410; we have to beat them by at least 50 points to win the cup. That'll be easy. I'm loads better at flying than Linghold, and Rollingsfield can't block Betsy to save his life. Mark can catch _and_ pass anything, Betsy and I will score, Clarke and Shacklebolt won't have any problems keeping two other chasers off us. Crawler hasn't missed a snitch yet, and I'm giving her my 1700 to use since Lee Mathews likes to play dirty," he explained. "We're golden."

Lily nodded, a smile crossing her face. James had it all worked out; planned to perfection. "You don't think you could draw it out to make sure I could see a little of it, do you?" she teased.

James chuckled as she snuggled into him, feeling a pang of sadness that she would miss the game, but happy she was getting an opportunity for a work. He meant what he said, and accepted that she needed a job to feel she was contributing. Though she was right, he didn't feel like working right now, but perhaps following her lead would be a more practical approach than just living off his wealth.

During the final two days of lessons, the seventh years were busy practicing for the practical portion of their exams. It would be a bigger part of the testing than it was in O.W.L.'s, which made James and his friends extremely confident in their ability to pass without a single thought. As required, Lily, Sam, and the other Muggle-borns from seventh year left early on Friday to take the W.O.M.B.A.T.'s so they could prepare for N.E.W.T.s the following week.

James kissed Lily for a long time that morning, running his fingers through her long, soft hair and allowing her to relax against him as she reviewed notes. "You'll do perfect," he whispered.

"Could you kiss some intelligence into me?" she asked nervously.

James laughed. "Can't, your brain is too full. Plus, you're smarter than me anyway… you know that," he replied, kissing her again before Sam arrived and dragged her off to McGonagall's office so they could leave.

Friday without Lily was uneventful, but James found himself amused by his friends' antics during lessons. At the end of Charms, Julia was exuberantly happy over finally producing a corporeal patronus, which solidified into the shape of a small dog and ran circles around Sirius before disappearing.

"Was that… was that a shih-tzu?" Sirius asked, stifling his laughter as they walked from class hand in hand.

"I think it was," Remus chuckled. "I assumed it would be larger, Jules… considering your happy thought."

"You know, Remus, I assumed it would be larger too. There were a lot of things about my happy thought that I assumed would be larger…it appears that sometimes we are sadly mistaken," she said in a teasing voice.

James, Remus, and Peter all sniggered uncontrollably while Sirius scowled and tugged her, giggling, into their meeting place.

James retreated back to his room and sat down on his bed. He pulled out the letter from Lily's mother, shaking out the envelope and examining the ring Rose Evans had left to him. It was simple, but undeniably beautiful. The small round stone was offset by two tiny diamonds on either side, the simple gold band was tiny, but he knew instinctively that it would fit around Lily's small fingers. He'd gone a step further when Lily's mum had snuck her father's ring in with his dress robes at Christmas. His mum had taken the rings to a jeweler and had the bands fused; when Lily wore the ring, she'd have both her parents with her at all times. He had thought about keeping it for himself, but he wanted her to be able to have them both. He would have her pick out his ring, and once it was on, he'd never take it off.

He'd been thinking about it for months, years if he really admitted it to himself. Their recent progression in their relationship made him even surer of what he wanted. He wanted to be there to support her desires and hopes, and he wanted her by his side as he sought out his… whatever they may be. He wanted her soft hair in his face at night, and to her brilliant eyes looking into his in the morning. He loved Lily Evans more than anything. He wanted her to be his wife, the mother of his children, his partner, his lover… his everything.

"What are you looking at?" a light voice asked curiously.

"What?" said James, quickly stowing the ring in his pocket. "Oh… nothing. It was something my mum sent me," he lied quickly, hoping she wouldn't notice the flush in his cheeks.

Lily nodded, smiling as she stepped into his room. "Speaking of your Mum, she sent me the funniest letter this morning. She was livid about this whole W.O.M.B.A.T. testing, wrote to Baddlebrock himself, said something about no one in the Ministry being able to pass it," she explained laughing. "She told me to take the test blindfolded, that would show them."

James chuckled. "She gets feisty when she's mad. Though I agree, the whole thing is bollocks."

Lily shrugged and walked into his room, shutting the door quietly behind her. "It's over now."

"Did you show them?" James asked, reaching out and taking her hand.

Lily smirked. "One hundred and twenty percent," she said with a laugh, watching as James' eyes widened. "The examiner gave me extra credit for _explicitly_ detailing the behaviour of an Animagus versus a real animal," she said, grinning as James laughed loudly.

"You would know about that, wouldn't you," he said, sitting up and beckoning her closer. "You need to be in Hogsmeade when?" he asked lightly.

"At nine; against my better judgment, I agreed to meet Slughorn for breakfast. Belby is supposed to arrive at ten," she replied, biting her lip and thinking about her meeting in the morning. "James… if you say the words, if you tell me you don't want me to go… I won't," she said, sitting down on his lap and staring into his eyes.

James bit his lip; part of him wanted to tell her not to go, to stay and watch him win the Quidditch match. But he inhaled deeply, loving her sweet smelling hair, and letting it remind him that her happiness was more important than his own desires. "I want you to go; it's what you want. I wish I could go with you, actually. I could skip-"

"No, you _cannot_ skip the match," she said sternly.

"It's just Quidditch," James chuckled.

"It means a lot to you, though. You can't skip it just for me," she said, kissing him softly.

James brushed her hair from her face, sighing against her soft lips as she kissed him very slowly. He snuggled closer to her, grinning as she stared into his eyes. "I love your eyes, you know that? I used to just stare at you during lessons, and my brain would go fuzzy as it tried to absorb your immense beauty," he said, closing his eyes dreamily as she laughed at his comment.

"My brain used to go fuzzy with confusion over why you were staring at me," she added.

"I wondered… because you'd turn and look at me, and you'd have this _scowl_ on your face… and all I could think was '_ohhh… she's so _lovely_… and she's going to punch me, and it'll be _wonderful_,_'" he said, laying his head against her shoulder and squeezing her tightly while she laughed.

"I was _trying_ to frighten you off," teased Lily.

"Didn't work… I was enraptured by your eyes," he explained. "They're like emeralds. And you'd look at me… sometimes it still happens, I don't know if you ever notice… but my mind just goes blank, or the only thing I can think is '_ooohhh theeerrreess lllliiiilllleeeee_,'" he explained, closing his eyes and smirking as she laughed again. "You make me feel so nervous."

"Liar…you're _never_ nervous," Lily chuckled.

"Only when you're looking at me," he said. "I don't act it… but I'm always shaking inside."

Lily smiled, kissing him softly and pulling him closer to her, her fingers threading into his hair as she sighed happily against his warm lips. "You needn't shake; I'm not scary," she whispered.

James chuckled, kissing her back and sighing deeply. He pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and nuzzling her nose. "Can I ask you something, Lils?" he says, watching as Lily nods before threading her fingers into his hair. "At Slughorn's Christmas do," he started cautiously, watching her cheeks turn pink. "You said that I was moving too quickly when I said you'd want to stay home with your… _our_ kids. Do you not want that?"

Lily shook her head. "No… no, I want that very badly. I shouldn't have said it like that… Felicity had upset me, and I was feeling flustered. I didn't think you wanted me and-"

"But I _do_ want you," he interrupted, kissing her once and sliding his hands down to her waist. "Is… does the thought of marrying me bother you?"

"No, of course not, James," Lily said genuinely.

"Do you ever think about it?"

Lily blushed, biting her lip and smiling sheepishly. "Yes, I think about it. I think about it quite a bit, actually."

James nodded, floundering for the right words to ask her how she felt. "When you think about it… what do you debate in your head? Do you think about the danger? Do you worry about-"

"Of course I worry, James," Lily interrupted, brushing a few shaggy strands of hair from James' eyes. "It's in my nature to worry… I can't shut it off."

"Does the danger make it seem impossible?" James asked quietly.

Lily chewed her lip again, then shook her head. "I used to think it did, but not anymore. I don't think anything is impossible; we can't just live our lives in fear, and deny ourselves things because of the war," she said sincerely, watching as he nodded.

James kissed her again, very softly, rubbing his hands up and down her back and smirking as she inched further onto his lap. "What do you want, Lils? What do you _really_ want?"

Lily sighed, her hair falling in her face as she dropped her gaze. James lifted her chin and looked into her eyes, seeing not fear or annoyance, but a hint of hopelessness. "I want time."

"Time? I'm … I don't want to pressure you… that's not-"

"No, no… that's not what I meant," she said, smirking as she noticed him trying to hide his sigh of relief. "I meant… I meant time as in… time. Real _time_, minutes on the clock… hours… days. Doesn't it just seem like it flies by, like we don't ever have enough of it?" she asked curiously.

James nodded, a small smile forming on his face. "Yes… it does seem like it flies."

"If there was any power I would want, it would be to stop it… just for a bit. Not to…stop death or anything like that. I just want to … prolong the moments. The happiness, the laughter, and just… be _there_, and not have to worry about what's going to happen next…" she said, chewing her lip as she tried to explain. "I want more time; with you, with everyone… but mostly with you, James."

James smiled, his arms wrapping around Lily and squeezing tightly. "I feel like that with you too."

Lily grins, running her fingers over his scalp and holding him close. "So, in answer to your question…"

"No question… _yet_," he mumbled. "I have bigger plans for that."

Lily smiled gently, feeling her stomach flutter with butterflies and her heart race as she thought of James proposing.

"Lils?

"Hmmm?" she sighed, leaning back and looking down at him.

"Thank you for being honest with me," he said, nestling against her neck and kissing her soft skin.

Lily chuckled. "I'm always honest with you, James; I just … control what I say… I'm sorry about that," she replies, lifting his chin so she could look into his eyes.

"You can trust me, Lils… you're all I want, nothing you could say or do would make me change my mind," he said, smiling gently up at her before kissing her neck again.

Lily nodded, lacing her fingers through his hair and closing her eyes. She swallowed, her voice shaking when she spoke again. "I trust you, James; you're so noble, how can I not?" she asked quietly.

James laughed gently, the scent and feel of her skin invading his senses. "I'm not always noble," he says in a shaky whisper, poignantly leaving out the thoughts racing through his head.

"You don't always have to be," Lily replied.

James lifted his eyes. "Are you giving me permission to be _un_-noble?" he asked with a laugh.

Lily's eyes fluttered closed, his breath tickling her skin. "You couldn't ever be un-noble… no matter what you did," she whispered.

James swallowed, running his hands along her hips and her ribcage. "I don't know about that… I could do everything; I want to do everything," he breathed, kissing her neck. James swallowed heavily as she stood up from his lap; her stomach was level with his lips, and moved aside the fabric of her blouse to kiss it and nip at her skirt. James felt both cocky and immeasurably nervous as he slid his hands up her smooth thighs.

"Trust me, James. If it's too much… I'll stop you," she whispered, closing her eyes at his touch.

He pressed his lips to her stomach again, a wave of arousal rolling through him as his fantasies ran wild. "Take this off," he whispered, tugging at her shirt and watching, enraptured, as she obeyed. Her fingers moved slowly, unbuttoning the white fabric with shaky hands. Lily shrugged her shoulders, letting the material slide down her arms and off her body. James nipped her skirt again with his teeth, sliding his hands over her hips around to her backside and tugging on the silver tab. He could feel Lily's hands shaking against his shoulders as he undid the zip and pulled the skirt down, leaving her standing in front of him in nothing but her bra and knickers.

James' hands shook wildly as his eyes moved hungrily over Lily's near naked body, the image in front of him yet again proving that reality was always better than fantasy. He kissed her stomach as she threaded her fingers through his hair. He wanted more; there was a desperate longing in his stomach as he breathed in her warm scent. He slid his hands up her back, groaning when her fingers met his and undid the clasp of her bra, allowing the straps to fall off her shoulders and into his waiting hands. He pulled them down her arms, murmuring quietly as the heavy curves of her breasts came into his vision. His hands slid up her stomach, thumbs circling her nipples before his palms moved back down her waist.

James slid his hands back to her hips, his fingers tracing the line of her white knickers. She was quivering under his touch, or was that him shaking? He couldn't tell, so he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her, his lips brushing softly against her skin.

Lily shuddered as his lips brushed over her stomach and he kissed the top of her thighs. Still feeling shy, she reached for her wand that lay discarded by his side, flicking it quickly and simultaneously locking the door and dimming the lights.

James frowned, removing the wand from her fingers and flicking it to bring the lights back up; Lily winced and her face colored, but James shook his head. "You're _so_ beautiful… don't hide," he whispered, lacing his fingers through her hands and moving them away from her stomach.

Unsure of what to do with her unoccupied hands, Lily gently ran her fingers through James' hair, feeling them shake with nervousness as he continued to kiss her stomach and hips, his lips pressing just above where her knickers lay."You're perfect… immaculate," he continued, hooking the edges of them with his fingers and pulling them down her legs. She stepped out of them, shaking so violently she almost toppled on top of him.

Lily's eyes were closed as she stood naked in front of James. The light of the room created intriguing, shadowy patterns on her skin. He ran his hands up her bare thighs and across her stomach, down her back and over her backside. The longer he caressed her, reveling in her soft skin sliding under his fingers, the more aroused he became. "I could touch you like this all night, and never do anything else if you didn't want me to. That's how much I love you," he whispered, leaning forward and kissing just above her pubic bone, nestling his face against her skin and inhaling her scent.

Lily swallowed and allowed a small gasp to escape her lips. "I love you more…" she replied quietly, smiling when he chuckled against her skin. "I wouldn't ever torture you this way."

"I'm not torturing you…" James whispered, pulling her forward so she was straddled across his hips. "I'm treasuring you."

Lily whimpered softly as he pushed her hair from her face and ran one hand over her shoulder and down her back. Her hands were shaking as tugged his shirt off and slid them up his chest and around his shoulders. James murmured appreciatively as his mouth moved to her breasts. Lily arched into him, her fingers threading through his hair as she pulled him close. "James…" she whispered, moving her lips to the hand that was tracing her face and nibbling his fingers gently.

James slid back, holding her tightly against him before laying her down on his pillows. Lily moaned quietly, the sound causing James' head to spin. One hand wrapped around her shoulders, his fingers tangled in her hair as he kissed her; the other moved lower, cupping her breasts before sliding over her stomach and hips. Lily clutched James to her as he gently pushed her thighs apart and settled himself next to her, moving his fingers lazily over her clitoris before sliding two inside of her heat.

Lily whimpered into James' mouth, swallowing his responsive murmur and brushing her tongue against his. He kissed her slowly, pausing every so often to listen to her quiet moans as he slid his fingers in and out of her. He moved his mouth lower, over her breasts, down over her stomach, and finally to her hips, fingers still stroking at her the entire time.

Lily breath came in ragged pants; she closed her eyes, twisting the material of his comforter with her fingers as James' breath added to the already damp heat between her legs. His kisses paused as though he were examining her, something she knew he was fond of doing. The movements of his fingers quickened; Lily groaned and rocked her hips toward him, shuddering at his responsive growl and hungry kiss. As He moved his lips lower, Lily could feel him shaking ever-so-slightly as he nuzzled his face against the soft skin of her legs. He removed his fingers from her, sliding his palms up her thighs and spreading them wider. He settled down on his elbows, his hands now gripping her hips. James nestled his face against her inner thigh, breathing in her scent as he pressed his lips right to the juncture of her thigh and hip.

Lily felt her fingers move to tangle their way into his hair, wanting to touch some part of him as his lips moved closer toward the apex of her legs. She was shaking, panting, possibly hyperventilating… one of his hands slid from her hip back to her inner thigh. James' thumb brushed over her, opening her further to his gaze as he circled her clitoris slowly. Lily's stomach twisted in knots as his tongue found its way to where his thumb had been, and her voice broke as it left her throat; a raspy moan filling the room. James' tongue brushed lightly over her clitoris, then circled it with the perfect amount of pressure.

Life… and firewhiskey; he hadn't been lying when he told Max that was what Lily's lips tasted like. Of course, he hadn't imagined that her entire body would taste like the firey alcohol, literally intoxicating him as he licked her again. He also hadn't anticipated that the clean, flowery scent of her hair would linger over every area of her body. But it did, stimulating James' senses and lighting a fire under his skin.

He buried his face against her, nervousness disappearing as he became enraptured by her taste and scent; his tongue travelled softly, leisurely, moving higher to her clitoris and circling it slowly. James opened his eyes when Lily cried out. He found himself smiling with joy as she arched her back and slid closer to him. Her fingers threaded in his hair; he wished she would tug him against her, abandoning the modesty she always tried to keep.

Lily's head was spinning; she felt weightless and dizzy. James was humming quietly against her, small moans of pleasure, the sound traveling straight through her as her hips bucked involuntarily against his voracious tongue. The fingers of one hand were tangled in his hair, the other grasping at the fabric of the duvet that covered his bed. James lifted one hand, sliding it along her thigh until his fingers laced through hers.

He squeezed her hand, still licking and suckling at her, loving the feel of her writhing underneath him. He gently pushed his fingers back inside of her as his lips and tongue focused solely on her clitoris. He murmured in appreciation as her hips rocked again and Lily began whispering his name. James moved his fingers quicker, sliding his tongue all around her swollen nub before kissing and sucking it gently; her moans of pleasure causing shivers to run down his spine.

Lily could vaguely hear her voice crying out; it sounded very far away and unfamiliar to her ears. James responded with more pressure from his tongue, his lips wrapping over her clitoris as his tongue pressed firmly against it. His fingers curled, as though he was beckoning her; the sensation caused her hips to buck and her body to shudder violently. "_James_," she whimpered in a high pitched cry that seemed to echo all around them.

James felt completely content where he was; elated that she was letting him please her. He found so much satisfaction in being close to her; the fact that he was so aroused seemed to become an afterthought. James continued licking at her; loving the sound of her voice, her breathing, and knowing that it was only because of him that she responded this way.

Lily pulled James closer to her, tangling the fingers of both hands in his hair as he sucked on her clit and his free hand moved to hold her hips steady. His fingers curled inside her again; she bucked her hips, a tremble of pleasure racing through her core. "Oh, _God_… James," her voice cried as she felt the delirious climb. It was as though James was chasing her to the top of a peak, only to catch her there and cradle her as she fell.

Her muscles contracted, her toes curling and back arching as the intensity of her orgasm shook her whole body. She heard her voice begging James not to stop, and he didn't. Lily's contractions went on and on before finally slowing, her voice whispering his name as she tried to catch her breath. James felt far away. She wanted his lips on hers, his body over hers, against hers, inside her.

The gentle tugs Lily had been gracing James' hair with became more frantic, and she suddenly grabbed his face, forcing him to cease his ministrations and raise his body over hers. He had been about to ask why, but her mouth crashed against his violently, causing him to gasp and swallow her responding moan. He tangled the fingers of one hand in her hair as she kissed him, letting his weight come to rest against her naked body. Lily's hands flew to his trousers, abandoning all modesty as she began tugging at them with a desperation he had never seen before.

"What-"

"I want you," she whispered hoarsely, her rapid breaths sending shock through his system. Her eyes flashed, filled with lust and desire as her hands deftly undid the button and zip. She began pushing both his boxers and jeans lower on his hips; biting her lip and looking at him with pleading eyes. James didn't even have time to think of a response; his mind was completely blank.

"Lily-"

"I want you…" she panted, trying to make him assist her rather than continue to caress her hair. "I _need_… I want you… I want you _inside of me_… James, _please_..."

James kissed her fiercely, gripping her outer thigh as she wrapped her legs around his hips. His senses returned, if only for a moment. "Lily… I want you, but …we can wait-"

"I don't wantto wait anymore… _I can't_. Make love to me, James; please… I want you inside of me; you, I only want you," she whimpered against his ear, begging for him to be as close to her as he possibly could be.

James groaned, kissing her again and clutching her hips in his hands, his mind exploding incoherently at the sound of her words. He could feel the moisture that was between her legs on the skin of his hips. He kissed her slowly, thinking of how much he loved her, of how much he wanted show her that; she whispered pleadingly into his ear, her slender fingers circling his erection and guiding him toward her; James let out a small whine of pleasure, imagining what it would feel like to be inside her. She would be warm, soft, tight around him; she would call out his name and run her hands through his hair. She would be perfect, just as he always imagined… but would _he_? He'd imagined this moment so often, fantasized about her sighing his name for so long… could he hold it together long enough to please her the way he wanted?

James pushed his clothing off his hips, feeling her soft thighs squeeze him as their bare skin touched. There was nothing separating them; James could feel her heat against his shaft even though there were still a few inches of space between them, and he shuddered visibly as her lips met his again.

"Lily…" he whispered, placing her hands on either side of her face and forcing her to look at him. "If… if you want to wait… if you want me to _stop_… _please_ tell me," he muttered, searching her eyes for any sense of hesitation.

Lily placed her hands against his chest, feeling her desire build even more as his hips rocked and she felt him against her. She was still nervous, scared; her mind vaguely wondered if after this she would have enough to hold him. She was going to be horrid, wanton and desperate… but she ached for him, with every part of her; she wanted him to have this… he was her first love; he'd be her _only_ love.

"I-"

There was a loud bang; Lily and James both jumped and cried out, gripping each other tightly as they stared at the door. Someone knocked again, impatiently, pulling them out of their blissful state and back to reality.

"Oh, God… who-"

"_JAMES_!" Sirius' voice called. He sounded angry, frustrated, and completely unwilling to come back another time.

Lily closed her eyes and sighed heavily, feeling the weight of James' body vanish as an angry growl left his throat. "I swear… I swear on Merlin's Wand, if this is not a matter of _life_ _or death_, Sirius, I'm going to hex you into a puddle of slime!" he shouted, pulling his trousers back up over his hips as he walked toward the door.

"My brother's a Death Eater," Sirius' voice called back.

Lily sat straight up and James' eyes widened; he watched her as she leapt off her bed, pulling her knickers on quickly and grabbing his discarded t-shirt. She pulled the duvet off the bed and wrapped it around her waist before moving to his side. James opened the door and Sirius stormed in, his posture defensive and his expression furious.

"What? Regulus-"

"I went out of the tower... and he was there, with Mulciber. They were whispering about the attack on Hogsmeade, and that one last week on the Minister… talking about how it's been so easy to get people inside the Ministry," Sirius said. He grasped at his hair and swore loudly, looking from James to Lily with a horrified, angry expression. "He's a Death Eater… he's a _fucking_ Death Eater!"

* * *

_A/N: Why? Because he's Sirius... and that's what he does. But in all seriousness, I'm sorry for the second cliffhanger, but it fit so well in my head. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I get it back, I promise promise promise. Thank you so much to my reviewers, I keep getting more and more all the time and new readers too! Share with your friends, I love the fact that everyone seems to be enjoying reading as much as I am writing. Thank you so much to my beta, to my reviewers, and to JKR for letting us play. (ooohh... on side note, I have tickets to the Midnight Showing of Deathly Hallows this Thursday! woot woot!)_


	31. Matching Decisions

Matching Decisions

"Warmer Climate" Snow Patrol

* * *

The fireplace in James' room was crackling warmly, though the four figures sitting around it felt nothing but chills. After Sirius had angrily burst in, Lily ran down to fetch Julia as Sirius couldn't get to her because of the "boy barrier." Julia raced up the stairs, her hair a mess and some sort of cream under her eyes, which were full of concern as she hugged him. Sirius took one look at her appearance and burst out laughing, but then grew uncharacteristically remorse as they began talking about his brother. He was staring into the fire as though trying to see through it into the future. Julia sat cautiously by his side, her fingers twisting nervously in her lap. James and Lily sat next to each other, him shirtless, her still wrapped in his duvet; everyone silent as they watched Sirius, waiting for him to speak before they offered their observations.

Sirius explained how he'd woken up hungry and snuck out of the dorms to nick food from the kitchens. Unintentionally, he stumbled upon a conversation between his brother, Mulciber, and Avery. Regulus was to be officially inducted into the Death Eaters sometime at the end of June; he would be branded, part of Voldemort's inner circle. Sirius overheard a comment about Voldemort entrusting something to Regulus personally – something that was now residing in the Black family vault at Gringotts.

"If only I could get access to the damn thing," snarled Sirius. "My mum cut me off after I ran out… not that I wanted any of their gold anyway…"

Julia swallowed. "You don't think… maybe if you wrote to your parents and told them…"

Sirius shook his head. "Won't do any good. If he hasn't told them, they'd only be thrilled to find out. He's the good son, I'm worthless… … remember? Plus, they're completely in support of what Voldemort is doing – thinks he's got the right idea. If he was collecting gold they'd contribute," he hissed in a scathing tone.

"Do you think maybe he joined to make them proud?" asked Julia quietly.

Sirius shrugged. "He joined because he's got no will of his own. He's only in it 'cause he's a puppet for my parent's beliefs. Pure-blood supremacy, what a fucking joke; he probably is interested the power, or the so-called glory they offer… I'll bet he thinks he's _real_ special, being chosen…" he muttered bitterly.

James ruffled his hair. "I know you and Reg weren't ever fond of each other, but-"

"He's just a kid, James! I don't care _how_ we got on; he has _no idea_ what he's in for! It doesn't matter if –"

James shook his head, holding up a placating hand. "Just let me finish, Sirius… I agree with you; he's probably just in it because of the _idea_… promoting blood purity, forcing muggles into submission and all of that. Maybe… _maybe_ if you talked to him…tried to… I don't know… talk some _sense_ into him. From what you've told me… I can't imagine him being able to stomach what they really do," he explained.

Lily nodded in agreement. "Mulciber and Avery… they sell it like it's candy; they don't think they're doing anything wrong," she snorted. "They probably made it sound like it's a carnival ride since cruelty is just part of who they are. Maybe he'd listen to you…"

Sirius nodded. "I don't know. I never see him, I can't just go barging in there… and catching him in between classes is a pain with those pricks are around."

"Make them leave," James suggested. "If they want Reg to man up, they'd leave you two alone to talk."

"I don't like that," Julia interjected, shaking her head rapidly. "They'd wait in the corner and hex you when your back is turned."

"Jules, I wouldn't let him go _alone_," said James in an exasperated voice. "You should know better."

"Yeah… well… Sometimes you say you're _going_ to support someone and you _don't_, James, and-"

"Jules," Lily said sharply. "That's _not_ what we're talking about," she said, watching as James bit his lip to keep from shouting at her.

"I know… sorry. I shouldn't have said that, James. I just … I kind of understand where you're coming from, Lils… I didn't before… but after this, I do," Julia explained.

"After what?" Sirius asked. "My brother being a push over and joining up with those fucking idiots?"

"Yes… in a way," Julia replied. "He gave in… and there are a lot of other Pure-bloods who just don't want to fight it anymore. I know Regulus is just a kid and… oh _hell_, we're all kids, aren't we? It's not like once our N.E.W.T.'s are finished we're going to suddenly know everything about magic and how to defend ourselves. It's easier for them to give in than to fight. The Death Eaters can pressure the Ministry to keep the laws that support Pure-Bloods, and Voldemort can teach them new spells and ways to be cruel… like a mentor or-"

"He's _not_ a mentor! He's a vicious, vile, cowardly murderer! They're all bunch of cowards!" James growled, watching Sirius nod in agreement.

"I _know_ that," Julia said calmly. "But… honestly, how long do you think it's going to be until they come up with something that makes Lily need to hide? I don't _want_ that… but it gets closer every day. She can't get a vault at Gringotts, there are tighter restrictions on converting Muggle money. Despite all her qualifications and experience, no one responds to her resumes… There's that pending marriage regulation, rules about where she can buy clothing, wands, and everything else," she continued. "I understand why she wants to have a little something for herself. As much you love her, James… if things keep going this way you might not be able to take care of her."

"They haven't won, and I'm not going to stop fighting. This… this… _lunacy_ has to stop; Muggle-borns are no different than any of us," argued James, ruffling his hair in an aggressively. "And as far as taking care of Lily, I don't care if I have to give up everything and live as a Muggle… I'm _never_ going to let anything happen to her."

"It may not be in your control," Julia replied quietly, watching James' expression grow angry.

"_Again_…this isn't about _me_," Lily interrupted, her eyes cautioning James and Julia to drop their argument. "We're _trying_ to figure out how to deal with-"

"Lily," Sirius muttered. "_I'll_ deal with Regulus… there will come a chance, and I'll deal with him. Don't worry about him."

"I'm not worried about _him_; I'm worried about you," she said in response.

Sirius shrugged. "_I'm_ fine. I'll be fine… it just… it shocked me, that was all. I shouldn't have gotten my wand in a knot over it," he said, then started chuckling lightly. "I shouldn't have interrupted you two… from _your_ appearance, Prongs, and Lily's breathlessness, I'm guessing-"

"Enough," chuckled James, watching Lily blush furiously and hide her face. He put his arm around her and pulled her close, stroking her hair softly as she laid her head down on his lap. Sirius pulled Julia's arms around his neck and kissed her hands. He was about to say something else when Lily sat up suddenly. "Jules… did you ever-"

"_Yes_, Lily, he knows all about it," she laughed quietly.

Lily nodded and laid her head back down on James' lap; he glanced quizzically at her. "I'm missing something…"

"So was Julia," muttered Sirius, sniggering when Julia pushed him away and frowned. He grinned a lopsided smile and pulled her into his lap. "You know I'm teasing; I agree with Lils, though… on a list of horrible things that could happen, that wouldn't be the worst."

"All right… _again_… I'm _missing_ something," probed James, ruffling his hair and waiting for someone to fill him in.

"I was _late_; I'd been forgetting to… take something rather important, considering mine and Sirius' _extra-curricular_ activities," explained Julia, blushing as she snuggled into Sirius' chest. "It's something Lily doesn't need… _yet_," she continued, trying to see if James could pick up on her hint.

James' expression remained confused, then slowly shifted into one of understanding, then to one of shock. "You… were you …_pregnant_?"

"Thought I was… but no," said Julia. "And I'm quite positive now that is _not_ going to happen," she said with a relieved chuckle.

J&L&J&L&J&L

Lily snuggled closer to James, her arm wrapping around his waist. It was uncomfortably hard for some reason; her bed was typically much fluffier than this. It was also quite cold, and since when did James snore?

She opened her eyes, acknowledging she was on the floor as the dim memory of the prior evening came back. James was sprawled out next to her, one arm around her shoulders, the other across his stomach. She was curled against his chest, her fingers inches away from the ones on his stomach. She smiled and kissed his cheek before sitting up and examining the other people occupying her room.

Sirius was curled on his side, his arm cradling Julia as she slept snuggled against him. Lily smiled; there was something very right about this picture.

Lily pushed some of James' tousled hair away from his face. He made a contented noise and snuggled closer to her. She sighed contentedly as she looked him over; _He's so handsome_, she thought. Elegant looking; his dark hair that never settled down, strong jaw line, soft pinkish lips; his dark eye brows and long eyelashes that framed his brilliant hazel eyes. They never stayed one color, flickering between brown and green depending on his mood.

James stirred again, rolling away from Lily and onto his back, laying his long, sinewy arms behind his head. Lily admired the subtle definition of the muscles in his chest and stomach. She didn't think she'd ever cease to be surprised by how toned his slender frame was. She could not describe him as muscled, or chiseled, the way romance novels described their heroes; but he was fit, and strong, and utterly beautiful.

She loved him, more than anything. He soothed her, amused her; her heart still fluttered wildly when she saw him, like a hummingbird's wings beating. He kept her on her toes, challenged her intellect, challenged her patience at times… but what he did most was make her happy; happier than she ever thought she could feel.

Lily sighed heavily, forcing herself to stand and walk across the hall to shower and get dressed. She was due to meet Slughorn at nine o'clock for breakfast; Belby would be joining them at ten for the interview and whatever offers he would make to her. Lily hoped it would be short; she desperately wanted to make it back for the match. As she washed her hair, her stomach began to flutter nervously.

For the first time, she felt doubt. Doubt about her ambition to secure employment, doubt that she would find fulfillment at work; doubt that she was doing the right thing, and doubt of her previous conviction that supporting herself was something she needed to accomplish. She didn't need another conversation with Slughorn about her brilliance, or another praising from Belby.

She needed more sleep, and some breakfast; she needed to study for her exams. She needed to rally with her class mates in the stands as Gryffindor played for the cup. She needed James' arms around her; comforting her and making her feel as though the world didn't exist.

Lily put on her knee length khaki skirt, a white undershirt and a red jumper, she fluffed her hair out and pulled part of it back away from her face before putting on her make-up. She examined herself in the mirror, approving of her appearance but still doubting what she was doing. She pushed it aside for a moment, frowning slightly as she pulled out the other letter she had received the previous Wednesday. She read it again quickly before grabbing a quill to compose her reply.

"_Petunia,_

"_I'm glad the house has an offer. I feel that price is reasonable considering the location and the age of the dwelling. Let them keep the laundry, stove, and other appliances; I'll not need them. If they accept, when do you need my signature on the papers? I have exams beginning next week and I'll not be able to make it home until Friday at the earliest. Please let me know._

"_Thank you,_

"_Lily"_

Lily sealed the letter, frowning the whole time. She loathed the thought of seeing Petunia again, and dredging up all the memories of her broken family. Her mother and father were at peace, and she thought of them often; but seeing or thinking about Petunia made her stomach turn. They'd never find peace; Lily would be lucky if they found civility. But she had to sign off on the transaction to complete the sale of her mother's house, so the confrontation was unavoidable. Lily tried to look at it as something symbolic, almost like cutting an umbilical cord that held her to the muggle world.

Dispelling those thoughts from her mind, she returned to James' room to leave him a good luck note. She found a piece of parchment on his desk, tore off a corner that was free from scribbled numbers, and attached it to his robes along with a small lily she had conjured. Lily tucked the remainder of the parchment in her pocket and then gazed happily at James' sleeping figure. He was still dozing, along with their two friends who were snuggled together; there was still something very right about this picture… accept for the fact that, at this moment, she was not in it.

"Hmmrrrmpphh," James muttered, rolling onto his side again. Lily stepped closer to him, noticing he was still asleep as she knelt beside his sleeping figure. She ran her fingers softly through his hair. "I'm … fuu… fuzzy," he murmured, his eyes still closed.

Lily felt a rush of emotions; affection, amusement… and a slight hint of wickedness as she grinned at him, recalling Sirius mentioning that James talked in his sleep at times. "You're fuzzy?"

"Prongs… need …cut my hair… too much around antlers…"

Lily sniggered quietly. "Oh, I see. But you're so soft when you're fuzzy."

"Fuzzy … scruffy… not nice to kiss. Can't be scruffy to kiss Lily," James mumbled, his eyes fluttering slightly as he rolled onto his back.

"Your _face_ can't be scruffy," she noted, "but your hair can be a bit shaggy… or fuzzy as you are putting it. I like your shaggy hair."

"Shaggy… furry… wormtail, furry… Padfoot and Moony …shaggy."

"Yes, I've seen this."

James sighed heavily. "Lily's hair … not shaggy."

"I should hope not, I keep it maintained I believe," she laughed, leaning closer to him. "What do you think of Lily's hair?"

"Soft… so soft," he whispered, the lashes of his closed eyes fluttering. "Soft and sweet… sweet… Lily smells like lilies… so pretty."

"Do you like her?"

"Love… looove Lily… hmmmfph," James mumbled, rolling closer to her. Lily grinned and placed her hand on his cheek; James reached up and laid his over top of it. "Knots… knots in… knots stomach… love her… so sweet, so soft… kisses like life…"

"James… are you awake?" asked Lily, suddenly skeptical of his sleep-talking commentary. She laid her head down next to his, examining his peaceful expression and closed eyes.

"Lily… Lily Potter… my Lily Potter… James Evans and Lily Potter…"

Lily sniggered. "You're going to take my name?"

"Love… names… Lily… sweet name… my Lily," he hums, eyes still closed.

Lily sighs. "I have to go."

"My Lily… stay with my Lily… stay with me, Lily… where you are …" James mumbled, his expression becoming pained in his sleep. He rolled onto his back again, his tense hands settling against his stomach. Lily realized with a start that he'd been rolling around trying to find where she was, just like she had done several times before they had gotten together. She remembered her own dreams, feeling his arms and then waking up alone…

Lily crawled into his arms, smiling as his hands relaxed and held her close. James rolled onto his side, snuggled into her neck, curving his body against hers as he relaxed. "I'm not leaving you, James…"

"Hmmmmm…" James murmured heavily, his hands pulling her close, fingers tangled in the fabric of her jumper. "My Lily… Potter… Lily Potter…" he whispered.

Lily smiled, stroking his hair gently with her fingers, and closing her eyes for a few seconds to enjoy the moment. Slowly, she felt James relax, and his murmuring sounds stopped; she untangled herself from his arms and sighed. As she stood to go, pulling a blanket over him and another over Sirius and Julia, she felt a pang of remorse; she _was_ leaving him. Not in the sense he meant, but she was leaving him in a way. _I don't want to leave… I don't… why am I doing this?_ She asked herself as she walked to the Owlery.

Her thoughts were rampant as she handed the letter to Daisy, who nipped her fingers sweetly before flying off into the distance. _Why? Why am I doing this? For whom am I doing this? _She asked herself as she walked down the path back to the castle. There was no answer to her question. She _thought_ she was doing it for James, so he wouldn't have to be burdened with her. But she's wasn't a burden; he wanted her, he loved her. She _had been _convinced she was doing it for herself, but now even that was questionable. Though not too questionable at the moment, for Lily was forced to put the emotions and feelings away as Slughorn waved jovially at her from beside the castle gate.

"This is really just a formality, Miss Evans," said Slughorn as they walked off the path and into the village. "Damocles is quite impressed with both your integrity about keeping your beneficiary a secret, _and_ with your abilities as a witch. I don't suppose… since the school year is almost over that-"

"I'm so sorry, Professor," said Lily, shaking her head. "My friend doesn't wish for anyone to know, and I'm going to keep my promise."

Slughorn smiled and chuckled gently. "So noble you are, Lily."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"I do believe the hat chose correctly," continued Slughorn. "Though I've teased you for years… you are a Gryffindor, through and through."

Lily smiled, turning her eyes sadly back to the pathway and thinking about her houses' last Quidditch match. "Thank you, Professor," she agreed, tucking her hair behind her ear as they walked in the door of the Three Broomsticks.

Sirius' observation had been true, and Madam Rosmerta wasn't allowing business at The Three Broomsticks to suffer simply because it was under repairs. She was as cheerful and friendly as ever, fetching bacon, eggs, and toast for Lily and Slughorn while they waited for Belby to arrive. Lily was sipping her tea, looking over her resume and vaguely listening to Slughorn's advice for impressing Belby while she read, though her mind wasn't at all focused on what he was saying.

Her thoughts were with James and the Quidditch team; with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who would be cheering with lions panted across their bare chests. With Julia, who would be laughing alongside the boys, her presence welcomed in like she were one of their own. Lily chuckled lightly as she recalled Sirius offering to paint lions on the girls' chests for the match against Hufflepuff. Lily frowned, not only was her brain missing, her heart wasn't with her either; it was back at Hogwarts, with her family and friends, where she belonged.

"Miss Evans," asked Slughorn. "Your exquisite bracelet must be a gift from Mr. Potter, am I correct?"

"What?" Lily started, shaking herself out of her daydream. "Oh, yes… yes, James gave this to me for Christmas."

Slughorn nodded, examining the bracelet closely with bright eyes. "It's very beautiful… goblin made I believe. Might I ask why the initials are off centered?"

"Pardon?" asked Lily, looking at the teardrop shaped charm on her bracelet.

"Your initials, L.E.," explained Slughorn, touching the charm gently with a thick finger, "they're off centered. Perhaps it was a mistake, though; Mr. Potter is typically a perfectionist… what is your middle name by chance, Lily?"

Lily was staring at the charm, the letters _were_ slightly off-center, she'd never noticed before; almost as though it was missing an initial. "My middle name is Elizabeth. Lily Elizabeth Evans," she muttered, wondering to herself why James didn't put a third initial. Surely he would have noticed; she knew he was fond of her full name, he used it often when he was sweet talking her… but why would he leave off the initial for her surname?

"I'm sure you can add it without trouble; though, if it changes at some point – which, at the rate you two are going, wouldn't surprise any of us – you might have to change it again," laughed Slughorn.

Lily inhaled sharply, realizing with a start what James had done. His whispering in his sleep, the talking, his dreams… he'd left it blank on purpose; there wasn't supposed to be a second E on the charm, it was supposed to be a P… Lily Elizabeth –

"Potter," she whispered, tugging on the charm and smiling to herself.

"Ah, Damocles… right on time," beamed Slughorn, causing Lily to jump and look up as the sandy-haired man joined them. "I've decided to join Miss Evans here just for my own amusement."

"Not a problem at all, Professor," greeted Belby, shaking his hand before reaching for Lily's. "Good to see you both. You had an exciting visit last time, didn't you?" he asked in an all too curious voice.

Slughorn groaned, launching into a rant about the Death Eaters and how no one respected proper wizarding talent anymore. "…doesn't matter how someone is born; Dick Cresswell is muggle-born, did you know? Excellent wizard, extremely powerful…"

Lily only vaguely listened, still caught up she was in her bracelet and the thought of carving a "P" into it; the idea was appealing, _wildly_ appealing. _Lily Elizabeth Potter_, she thought to herself. It had a pleasant ring to it… rings… had James thought of a ring? She had her mother's waiting for her at-

"And I'm sure Lily has her own thoughts on how the match will go to day. Very close race between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, isn't it?" teased Slughorn, turning back toward Lily with a glint in his eyes.

"Oh… yes… yes it is, forty points only," she replied, blushing as she pulled herself back to the conversation at hand.

Slughorn gave her a curious look. "Fifty… I was under the impression it was seventy," he said. "Yes… it's seventy, isn't it? Ravenclaw is at 440 total, and Gryffindor has 370. I know your house hasn't lost all year, but Ravenclaw did quite the number to my Quidditch team and-"

"They won 360 to 200, right?" she asked. She reached in her pocket, pulling out the piece of parchment she had taken from James' room, noticing with a start that it had all the scores from the matches on it.

"_Gryffindor V Slytherin (AKA Slimy Wankstains) – 220 (Gryffins) to 70 (SW) – Note: Avery cries like a girl.  
Hufflepuff V Ravenclaw – 190 (Puffers) to 50 (Clawbaby's) – Second Note: Linghold ALSO cries like a girl!  
Ravenclaw V Wankers – __39__ - 360 (Clawbaby's) to 200 (Wankers)  
Wish that Myrtle ghost would have drowned Avery while he was wailing in the showers…  
Gryffins V Puffers – 150 (Lions) to 50 (Puffers) – CLOSE!  
Puffers V Wankscallions – 210 (Puffers) to 80 (Snakey wanks)_

_NEED TO WIN: Gryffindor – 370, Clawbabys – 410. Need 40 to tie, 50 for Cup! (Not counting the snitch, of course)"_

Lily began scribbling, refiguring James' math while Slughorn filled her in on the scores. "No, they beat us _390_ to 200… it was a slaughter," Slughorn laughed. "Avery didn't come out of the showers for three hours after the match."

"390 to 200," murmured Lily, scribbling furiously on the piece of paper. "So that puts Ravenclaw at… 440 total for points… and we're at 370…which means…" she kept on, figuring the math on the piece of parchment in front of her. James was wrong, they needed _eighty_ points to win, not fifty.

"Well, enough Quidditch talk," dismissed Belby, waving his hand. "Miss Evans, I'm so pleased you could come. It's been so good to hear how much the potion has helped your friend; my hope is that it will offer a way back to life for those who have missed out on so much, and become targets for such hatred. I wish I could invent a potion for you, my dear… but unfortunately, that can't be done," Belby sighed.

"For me… why?" asked Lily.

"Well… _you're_ muggle-born, and despite your talent and exceptional skills, there are so many who look down on you. That must just be awful to deal with the prejudice. Of course, it means nothing in the long run… but if there were a way I could cure you from it, or make people _accept_ that you as you are… even though aren't _fully_ one of us it would …"

Belby babbled on, detailing how he wished he could cure Lily of her "predicament." He used careful words, indicating he had thought this out long and hard. She heard him mention something about the things she was missing out on; opportunities that would be denied to her because of her blood. There was a far off part of her brain that felt rather irritated, but the forefront was still consumed with three things: James had miscalculated and was unaware of his error; she still wasn't quite sure who she was sitting in this chair for, and everything she needed and wanted was back at Hogwarts. She was only missing out on it because she was here.

"Mr. Belby… I'm so… I'm _so_ sorry," interrupted Lily, standing up and gathering her things. "I didn't realize it… I should have realized it a week ago… I apologize."

"Oh, my dear… there's nothing to apologize for. It's certainly not something you can help, and it makes no-"

"No… no… not that. I um… I'm not… I'm not ready for a job. I'm not ready to sit in an office and brew potions all day. I'll be more than happy to continue brewing the Wolfsbane for my friend and anyone else you know of that may need it… but I can't be a full time employee at this time," she finished hastily, averting her eyes from Slughorn's and Belby's.

"Is it… it's not because of the attacks, or because of your blood-status, is it? Please don't be offended by what I said. I was only-" Belby asked.

"No… it's got nothing to do with that. Not entirely," Lily replied, her face coloring. "I'm sorry… there are… I only just realized it… but there are more important things in my life right now than having a job."

Slughorn was shocked, his face was blank; Belby looked confused and concerned. "Miss Evans… I assure you I won't take up too much of your time. You'll still have time for the important things… what's more important than supporting yourself? I know you probably feel as though you are missing out on things, but-"

Lily grinned and cleared her throat. "Everything I'm missing out on is up the hill and on the Quidditch pitch. And it's been waiting ever so patiently for me to simply… wake up and realize it," she whispered with a shy smile. "I'm so, _so_, sorry. I'll write a full apology letter to you later… please contact me if you need help with the potion, and I'll see what I can do!" she shouted, running out of the door and leaving the two men alone at the table.

Slughorn stood up, running his hands over his balding head. "What… MISS EVANS! Wait-"

"Horace," called Dumbledore's quiet voice as he stepped away from a nearby table. "Let her go. She's got a Quidditch match to save, and a young man to make exuberantly happy. Let her go," he said kindly, striding over to the table and sitting down across from the men. Slughorn looked confused, Belby looked shocked and marginally offended; but Dumbledore smiled gently and waved Rosmerta over.

"Let me buy you gentlemen a drink, we can discuss having Lily help you with your supplies… and I may benefit from her talents as well."

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

"And for the Ravenclaws, we have Mathews, Lockwood, Linghold, Benson, Corner, Davies, and Rollingsfield heading onto the field," boomed Jasper Westpelt. He'd been commenting for the past two years, and always had interesting comments to add to the games. James knew Westpelt had dreams of heading onto the circuit as an announcer, which was all well and good, but he hoped he could get his tendency to comment about female players under control.

"Connie Lockwood being the only _female_ on the team; Chaser for only the last two years, just under captain Linghold who's been playing only for three years..." he drawled. James sniggered along with Brenton Clarke and Kingsley Shacklebolt as they heard McGonagall admonish him for showing favoritism.

"Right… and in the Red and Gold we have the _undefeated_ Gryffindor team-"

"Westpelt!"

"Sorry, Professor… Gryffindor team of Crawler, Potter, Hawk, Jacobson, Clarke, Shacklebolt and McEvoy! Potter is captain for the second year, and also longest standing member on the team, five years as Chaser. New additions this year are Trevor McEvoy and Hadley Crawler, who've helped Gryffindor to become undefeated for the first time in a century…" Westpelt continued.

Madam Hooch came out onto the field, prompting James and Max to shake hands, both of them smirking arrogantly at the other. Everyone kicked into the air, she tossed the Quaffle, and the game began.

Within the first ten minutes Gryffindor had scored twice, putting them up twenty to zero. "Looks as though Rollingsfield may need glasses if he's going to need to see the Quaffle coming in time to _BLOCK_ it!" Westpelt teased.

"WESTPELT!" McGonagall screeched, much to the crowd's amusement.

"Just being honest, Professor! Gryffindor still in possession of the Quaffle," he continued, commenting on the perfect formation that James, Besty, and Mark were flying in. James was thinking that this was almost going to be too easy, he was used to much more excitement in the game. Linghold and Benson finally kicked into gear and came back, scoring three goals against McEvoy, one of which shouldn't have counted since Davies hit a bludger straight at him in an unprovoked attack, but James couldn't protest too much. They rallied back, scoring another goal and bringing the match to a tie. James began to watch Hadley closely; she was circling the pitch, but would dive and swoop every now and then just to throw Mathews off track. He tended to be a follower rather than seek the snitch on his own, and Hadley was good at diversionary tactics.

"And Hawk scores again! Lives up to her name that girl does!" Westpelt shouted as there was a roar of approval from the red and gold supporters.

By thirty minutes into the match, Gryffindor was up by forty points, the score seventy to thirty. James noticed Hadley flying in more of a distinct pattern; he realized that she had found the snitch, but was just following it around rather than catching it. He shouted to Betsy and Mark to fall in formation as they flew toward the Ravenclaw end of the field. The red and gold supporters went wild when James scored, and he shouted to Hadley to catch her attention, watching with a grin as she dove sharply after the snitch, Mathews hot on her heels.

Suddenly there was a commotion and screams from the crowd as both Hadley and Lee Mathews crashed into the stands. Madam Hooch blew her whistle, while the professors gathered around to make sure the two seekers were okay. Kingsley and Brenton were sniggering as Mathews came out, looking disheveled and rather irritated; Betsy looked worried, but James was confused. Hadley had never missed a snitch, and she had been right on it. He had seen its fluttering wings in the sun, and her hand reaching for it. What had happened?

"If she's hurt, and that prat did something to make her crash so she'd miss it, I'll clobber him!" James shouted at Mark, who nodded in agreement.

Hadley moved to the edge of the stands, shaking herself off before mounting her broom. Mathews did the same, and flew toward the opposite end of the stadium. James expected them to move right back into playing, but Hadley was wildly waving her arms and motioning for a time out.

"Time!" James yelled toward Madam Hooch, nodding when she held up her watch and set the clock for sixty seconds. "Hadley! What the-"

"_Eighty_! We need eighty points, Potter. Ravenclaw beat Slytherin _390_ to 200… not 370… that puts them ahead by seventy, not forty, and we need eighty to win!" she shouted frantically. Her hands were shaking as she handed James a piece of paper.

"What?" he asked, looking at it curiously. There were numbers and various scribbles all over the paper, some things were crossed out and then added again. Finally a large number eighty was written and circled numerous times. James recognized the original scores as his own handwriting and commentary on the matches, though the recalculations were someone else's. "Oh, FUCK!" He shouted, noticing his error on scoring the Ravenclaw versus Slytherin match. "How could I be so _stupid?_ I had them all written down… I forgot… oh, _Fuck_!" he shouted.

James' team was shouting disapprovingly at him, Betsy went so far as to smack him over the head. "Sorry! Sorry… I'm sorry!" he said, torn between a groan and a laugh. "Hadley… how'd-"

"Not me… Lily," Hadley explained, still trying to catch her breath.

"Lily?" repeated James. "_My_ Lily?"

"Yes… she's the stands, in the back row. She saw me coming for the snitch and started… shouting something before she jumped up in front of Mathews. He swerved to miss her, then fell and, of course, grabbed onto _my_ broom in order to stay up; that's why we _both_ crashed. I started to yell at her, but she said you were wrong about the scores and we needed eighty points. That's why she gave me that," Hadley said, leaning on her broomstick, still breathing heavily. "She said you need more math lessons…"

"I thought Lily had an interview?" asked Clarke, watching James' face light up as he stared into the stands.

"She must have skived it off… lucky for us _SHE_ knows what's going on," snarled Betsy. "We told you, Potter… no funny business before matches! Get your head in the game and out from between her legs!"

His team sniggered loudly; James ignored them all for a second, scanning the crowd for his favorite sight in the world. He finally saw her, auburn hair shining in the sunlight; she was talking to Remus and Julia, both of them looking at her as though she'd lost her mind. Remus was laughing and Julia was shaking Lily by the shoulders, shouting something at her that James couldn't hear. He grinned broadly. "My head's been stuck between her legs for the last three years; hasn't screwed me until now though…" laughed James, along with McEvoy, Clarke, and Jacobson. "Okay… forty more points. This will still be easy. Stay on Mathews, Hadley. He's pissed and he's going to be looking to end it. Clarke, Shacklebolt… do whatever you can to keep the other Chasers off of us. Fly at them and force them into the stands if you have too… just _keep-_ _them-_ _away_. Besty, Mark… this will be easy; we've got this," he said with a grin.

Madam Hooch blew her whistle and play began again. Linghold and his chasers were much more aggressive this round, but Shacklebolt and Clarke were quicker and smarter.

"I don't believe it! Out of nowhere comes the bludger and _WHAM_! Linghold needs glasses as well," Westpelt was saying. "Perhaps a fundraiser is in order… glasses for the Ravenclaw team and-"

There was a screeching sound as McGonagall moved the microphone away from Westpelt, causing a murmur of laughter through the crowd which turned into a cry of triumph from the red and gold section of the stands as Besty scored another goal. The score was now eighty to thirty. Three more goals and they'd have it made.

"Mathews has seen something, he's streaking towards the north end of the pitch; Crawler is on his heels, she's at his knees… and she blocks his reach! She's going for the snitch she- no, she loses it… diversionary tactic causes both seekers to lose the snitch. That girl is smart, Professor… I'm thinking Captain next year if she plays this way," Westpelt continued, his tone full of admiration for Hadley.

The match went on; Linghold scored two goals against McEvoy, bringing their score up to fifty against Gryffindor's eighty points. There was a flurry of cloaks again, broomsticks streaking by one another and over the crowd and then-

"POTTER SCORES! He scores! Ninety to fifty … and Benson has the Quaffle, he's halfway –Potter steals it! He steals it right out from his hands and – ANOTHER GOAL FOR GRYFFINDOR!" Westpelt shouted over the roar of the crowd. The score was now one-hundred to fifty; three more goals and they'd have it done.

James was feeling quite proud of himself for his capture of the quaffle right out from Benson's nose, but the feeling didn't last long when Linghold crashed into him a few minutes later and ripped the ball from his hands. Betsy and Mark flew after him and Kingsley paused in front of the lower of the three hoops, aiming a bludger straight at Linghold and forcing him to dive to avoid it. He dropped the quaffle right into Mark's waiting hands, who then tossed it to James as he passed and darted to the other side of the stadium. A bludger soared close to him, and he threw the ball to Besty, who scored again bringing the score up one-hundred and ten to fifty.

There was a roar from the crowd and everyone looked up to see Hadley and Matthews racing each other around the pitch; the snitch was in sight. James knew she didn't want to risk letting it get away again, but Mathews had also seen it, and wasn't going to give her any choice but to grab it before he did. At the same moment, Mark had taken advantage of Ravenclaw's distraction and scored another goal, bringing the score to one-hundred twenty to fifty.

James ducked to avoid a bludger; he heard a muffled cry and saw the quaffle fly into the air. Both he and Linghold raced forward, their brooms crashing as they fought for possession of the red ball.

Suddenly Betsy arrived and snatched it away from them both; she dove to avoid a Bludger and flew toward the end of the pitch. Everyone's head turned toward her and James saw a flurry of blue cloaks flying after her. He pushed Linghold away and ducked close to his broom, purposely flying too close to the other Chasers in order to keep them away from Betsy.

Lockwood intercepted her and snatched the ball back, but James was quick and flew straight up in front of her. She faltered, dropping the quaffle as her broom went unsteady and she tumbled off it. Shocked, James reached out his hand and grabbed her wrist to save her from falling. He felt his foot make contact with the ball, but had no idea where it went as his focus was on Connie at the time.

"I've got you, you're all right!" he shouted, holding onto Connie's hands and flying over toward her broom. He helped her back onto it, silently lamenting the loss of the Quaffle to who-knows-where as she thanked him breathlessly for his assistance.

"Thanks, Potter… you could have just let me go," she said, pointing to Max who was flying past. "Max would have caught me."

James shrugged, still beating himself up for possibly throwing away their chance to end the game quickly. "I wasn't just going to let you fall… I'm not _that_ competitive."

Connie grinned. "Evans has worn off on you," she teased.

James made a curious face as she flew away, but was distracted as another roar erupted from the crowd.

"Hawk scores again! She scores! One-hundred and thirty to fifty!" Westpelt's voice shouted. They were eighty points up.

"_HADLEY_!" shouted James, rounding on his broom and trying to get her attention. He flew higher and watched with bated breath as she flew a quick circle around Mathews to distract him, then stretched out her long arms. There was a moment of silence as they waited, then she held up her hands in triumph.

"SHE'S GOT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY TO FIFTY!" screamed Westpelt, his voice echoing over the roar of the crowd.

James laughed triumphantly and punched his fist into the air as he and the team flew toward where Hadley was. The group crashed together, a mixture of laughter and shouts of victory echoing from each of them as they descended. Once on the ground, James' ears were filled with a rushing sound as numerous figures crowded around the seven of them. He heard Sirius swearing loudly as his arm flung around his shoulders; Remus was laughing and shaking him, Peter was jumping up and down excitedly. Hadley's roommates were hugging her; Westpelt had fought through the crowd and embraced her tightly, looking as though he wanted to kiss her. Betsy and Mark _were_ kissing, McEvoy was laughing with Kingsley and Clarke, but James' eyes were scanning for Lily's firey hair.

"_JAMES_!"

He saw her at the edge of the crowd, her brilliant grin shining on her face as she fought to get to him. He pushed his way through the group and seized her hand, pulling her through the numerous bodies that separated them. Lily released a pleased sound as his mouth crashed against hers; she pushed his sweaty hair away from his forehead, tangled her fingers into the damp strands, and jumped into arms. They swayed on the spot, a couple of wolf whistles screeched at them from the group, and Sirius laughed before pushing them out of the tight circle under the stands.

James kissed Lily fiercely, pushing her up against the post of one of the bleachers, his hands gripping her hips as her fingers tugged greedily at his hair. "You're _here_! How are you- What-"

"You helped Connie instead of trying to make another goal!" she shouted gleefully.

"I… well, _yeah_… I wasn't just-"

Lily silenced him with another kiss. Two years ago, James Potter would have rather had his teeth pulled out one by one than miss an opportunity to score a goal; two years ago, James Potter would have been bragging to her about his talents and how pathetic Connie had been for faltering. But gone was his overly inflated ego, he had grown up; he was stepping out of boyhood into manhood and didn't even realize it. She clutched him to her, making an ebullient nose that James swallowed with a deep sigh. "You are-"

"Lils," laughed James, "_HOW_ are you here? I thought you-"

Lily shook her head and kissed him again. "Slughorn and Belby were talking about the match… Slughorn said Slytherin lost by seventy, and I looked at that parchment and you had it written on there but you must have forgotten and-"

"I know, I know! I screwed up the points… but how… why-"

"This was more important!" Lily laughed, kissing him again.

"Quidditch?"

"No, you git! _You_! _You_ were more important!" she laughed before kissing him fiercely.

"Me?" asked James when they broke apart, his brilliant smile making Lily's heart flutter wildly.

"Yes, _you_ … I came to my senses when Belby was talking about werewolves never getting what they want. He said that I probably didn't either… he said he wished he could make a potion to cure me of my… I don't even know what he meant. But I … I realized… I have everything I want… but it was back here," she explained with a laugh, watching his face light up at her proclamation. "I didn't need to be there… I don't need a job, or… whatever they wanted to offer me… I need _you_, James. You're all I want," she smiled. "I love-"

His mouth crashed against hers, arms wrapping tighter around her and holding her as close as possible. He thought his heart would burst with joy; James didn't even know how to properly express how happy she had just made him. He felt silly for his enthusiasm, shocked by the rush of emotions, and completely humbled by the fact that Lily Evans had just gave up an opportunity to move up in the world just to be with him. Out of all the things he had been offered in life, this… the one wrapped in his arms and kissing him fiercely… was the best one he would ever have.

"Blimey, Potter," Linghold's disapproving voice said, a trace of laughter behind it. "Can't wait until they give you the cup to celebrate? You might as well just shag her right there…"

James ignored him as his hands slid under Lily's shirt, her soft skin filling his fingers as he clutched her tightly. Linghold made an obnoxious comment, which was followed by a murmur of disapproval from whoever was with him. Lily pulled her lips away from James' and breathlessly responded to Linghold's attempt to provoke James' anger. "If you lot get the hell _out of here,_ he probably will… so move along, please."

Max made a noise - neither of them could tell if it was one of amusement or disgust - and walked away. Lily kissed James, completely content to let him continue whatever he was doing to her, but he set her on her feet and twisted his hands into her hair, his eyes full of intensity as he stared down at her. "I want to marry you. I … I love you… I want to marry you," he breathed desperately.

"_What_?" asked Lily, her eyes widening.

"I want-"

There was another uproar as the crowd of Gryffindors converged around them. James felt himself being pulled away by numerous hands, Lily's soft strands of hair slipping from his fingers as they lifted him onto their shoulders along with the rest of the team. She was looking up at him in shocked amusement, her hands still open like she was holding him. "_Stop_!" he shouted at the numerous people holding him aloft. "Put me down… Hey… NO, I don't-"

But no one listened. The numerous members of his house carried James and his team away, back to the tower, leaving Lily standing under the bleachers, dumbfounded by his proclamation. She could hear him shouting her name as he was carried off, still protesting being taken away, but her feet felt glued to the ground and she couldn't follow.

"Lils?" Julia's voice whispered, bursting with excitement. "Did James just ask you to _marry_ him?"

"I… well…not in so many words…" she replied quietly, a smile forming on her face.

"_What_?" yelped Julia.

"He _said_ he wants to marry me… he didn't _ask, _per say," she explained sheepishly, feeling her cheeks flood with color.

Julia laughed and jumped up and down before pulling Lily into a hug. "Well… it's not a question so you don't have to give a response," she said lightly.

"But I _want_ to give a response…" she said, staring at her hands and imagining a real ring in place of the cloth still wrapped around her finger.

"I'm sure he'll actually ask you, he's probably got some grand plan in mind… so make sure there's nothing in the way when he does," Julia said, hugging her tightly and pulling her back to the tower.

* * *

_A/N: Reviewers... Thank you for leaving me such wonderful comments that I spend my lunch breaks at work finding places where I can get wireless and download all my new messages to read the reviews. And then I love them so much that I spend my afternoon re-reading comments and reading my chapters to make sure everything flows right... wonderful. thank you to my Beta who gives me just as wonderful feedback and comments as well. Thank you!_


	32. Growing Up

Growing Up

"The Golden Floor" Snow Patrol

* * *

The party was already in full swing when Lily and Julia arrived. Sirius was passing around bottles of butterbeer, and when the girls walked in he pulled them both into a hug (bestowing a very long kiss on Julia's giggling lips) and then proceeded to make sure everyone had plenty to drink. Hadley flung herself at Lily, hugging her tightly and thanking her for making sure she tried out for the team; Kingsley and Brenton were laughing about something, and Remus beside them shaking his head in a bemused manner. Lily was about to ask Sirius where James was, but he and Julia were currently engaged in a deep kiss. She knew neither one of them would be surfacing anytime soon.

"Where's James?" she asked Remus curiously, glancing around the room. She hadn't seen him since they walked in; it was very strange for him to be away from the party.

A pair of large hands quickly spun her around, and James silenced her gasp with his lips as he pulled her into his arms. She whimpered into his mouth, her knees buckling as her hands slid around his shoulders and tangled into his hair. James lifted her and walked backwards toward the couch, sitting down and pulling her onto his lap. She leaned back against the armrest and smiled as he angled himself partly on top of her, his lips moving to her neck as he held her tightly.

"You can probably take her _upstairs_, you know…" Sirius teased, emerging from his kiss with Julia and sitting down next to them. "I won't interrupt you this time."

Lily laughed but her reply was cut off when James kissed her again. She threaded her fingers into his hair, blushing as he coaxed her into a lying position and began whispering a mixture of "thank yous" and "I love yous" into her ear. Several people teased them as they passed, but the appeal was lost quickly as both James and Lily neglected to respond. It was easy for them to ignore the comments. James was wrapped up in the feel of Lily's warm, soft body in his arms, and Lily was caught up with James' lips kissing her neck and ears, and his long arms holding her tightly as she relaxed against him.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus led the room in a chorus of the Hogwarts school song before setting off numerous wet-start fireworks. Lily expected McGonagall to come barging into the room at any moment, but she found her attention and concern lacking as James held her. He said nothing, just kissed her softly and nestled her neck, one hand threading its way through her hair as the other gently caressed her waistline. "I can't get enough of you," he finally whispered some time later.

Lily giggled. "So I noticed. You haven't said anything to anyone."

"You came back."

"Yes, I did," Lily smiled, pressing her forehead to his and closing her eyes. "For you."

"And for you…"

"For _us_," she whispered.

"Us…" James smiled. "I like us. I think we should do everything for us."

"I like that idea."

James hugged her tightly. "You love me."

"Yes, I do."

"You want me," he said, watching as she nodded. "You can't get enough of me. I'm a magnificent boyfriend… I'm manly, and irresistible and-"

"You're incorrigible," she laughed.

"That too," he agreed, smirking as she laughed at him. "But you adore me for it. You're completely infatuated with me; I'm the most wonderful, perfect, handsome bloke you've ever met."

"Keep telling yourself that," she teased.

"It's the truth," James laughed. "And you know what else?"

"What?" Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"I love you. I'm infatuated with you. I adore you; you're the most wonderful, perfect, beautiful-"

Julia groaned from nearby. She was sitting next to Sirius, watching him play chess with Remus, and had been listening in to their conversation with an amused expression. "In the name of all that is holy… please, _PLEASE_, go upstairs and _shag_ each other! I feel ill listening to you two," she said, making a face as they both laughed at her.

Lily kissed James, murmuring something about wishing to change as she eased of his lap and walked sheepishly upstairs. James ruffled his hair and sighed, watching her go with a smile on his face.

"She picked you," Julia noted matter-of-factly.

"I know," he replied with a smile.

"You're planning something; I can tell by how you're sitting. Let me guess… it involves a ring, and you getting down on one knee… am I correct?" asked Sirius with a smirk.

"Yep," James said simply. "I've got-"

"Hold up… slow the hippogriffs," interrupted Julia, a strange expression crossing her face. "I think you should wait until _after_ tests are over… at least until the first week of them are over."

"Um, thanks for the support, Jules…" frowned James. "I was going to do it tonight, actually."

Julia shook her head. "No, you should wait. Do it after the tests, at the ball perhaps. That way there will be nothing in the way of you two. She wants to say yes… I just have a feeling there is still something in the way."

James gave her a curious look. "Like what?"

Julia shrugged. "Dunno… just a feeling. Trust me on this, James… have I ever steered you wrong?"

"Er, yeah… in fourth year when you suggested I read her poetry," James reminded her, much to Sirius' amusement.

"I got the poet wrong, there _is_ one she really likes I just can't remember who it is. Anyway, trust me. She's going to be focusing on exams… she'll still want to do well. If she's distracted and thinking about wedding stuff, it'll be a nightmare. Just … Lils isn't as unconcerned about that stuff as she pretends to be," Julia said with a laugh.

James opened his mouth to protest, but Remus nodded. "You know, she's got a point, Prongs," he said lightly. "I think I'd wait… exams are going to be hell, and she'll want to concentrate on that."

James frowned and looked at Sirius, who was absorbed in the chess game and seemingly unconcerned with the conversation.

"Padfoot?"

"Wait… get everything else done. Plus… she's expecting it now, and it'll be more of a surprise if you wait," Sirius suggested.

James nodded, grumbling slightly as he absorbed their suggestions. He didn't want to wait, he had been thinking about this since November when he first got the letter from Mrs. Evans. But, perhaps they were correct. James sighed as he realized he'd have to come up with an entirely new plan, no longer being able to use the excitement from the match to push him forward.

"Besides," Sirius continued, "if you do it at the ball, or come up with something really sweeping and impressive, it'll probably spark something and you'll definitely get some."

Remus and Peter laughed loudly, as did James. Julia swatted Sirius hard over his head, giving him a scathing look as he sniggered at her. "You can be so sweet, and so thoughtful… and then you do a one-eighty degree turn and you're a complete prat again," she huffed.

"It's the dog in me," Sirius replied lightly. "But you love me because of it. I always thought you liked it when I turn you one-eighty degrees and-" he started to say, but was cut off when Julia swatted him again, trying to keep the smile off her face.

By the time Sunday arrived, James found himself frustratingly twitchy and nervous for reasons he could not identify. He and Lily had been flying that afternoon, but now she was forcing herself to study for their Herbology exam, which would take place the following morning. He had spent a few hours going over notes with her, but then was randomly overcome by anxiety as he thought about the exams they were discussing.

Or was it the exams? During their studying, Lily had rested against him, her fingers trailing softly through his hair as they volleyed between reviewing notes and playfully teasing each other. He realized as he referred back to his books and notes again and again that both he and Lily were the same in so many ways, and so different in others.

Lily had a mind like a steel trap; James could count on one hand the number of times she had to look in her books for an answer as they quizzed each other. He, on the other hand, faltered and stumbled through some of the questions, though he knew that when it came to the practical he'd be fine. That was his strong point, where his confidence laid; he had a natural instinct for knowing how to react in almost any situation. Lily struggled with this, she doubted her abilities at times, but when push came to shove, she always rose to the occasion, constantly surprising herself.

"Do you think that we'll have to make that living death potion on Wednesday?" asked James.

Lily shook her head as James slid closer to her and laid his head on her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair, smiling when he closed his eyes at the sensation and pulled her notes out of her other hand, laying them aside as he threaded his fingers through hers. "I'm guessing not, they probably think it's too easy. If I had to make a guess… I'd say either Euphoria," she said, much to James' dismay, "or possibly Veritiserum."

"Ugh," James groaned. "I _hate_ that Euphoria, I loathe skinning shrivelfigs."

"I hate the Amortentia, it's so temperamental," added Lily.

James opened his eyes, and gave her a curious look. "What does it smell like?"

"Well, it varies; you know this," she laughed.

"Yes, I know that, but what does it smell like to _you_?" he asked.

Lily considered him, a bemused look crossing her face. "Wanting to make sure you don't smell bad?"

James laughed, kissing her fingers and looking up at her with a grin. "Not exactly; I'm just curious. The few times that I've been around that potion I've smelled something flowery and sweet - I think it's something you use on your hair – and then something like … firewhiskey, or cinnamon, and treacle," he mused. "It's very strange really. What _do_ you use on your hair? I can never figure it out."

Lily shrugged. "It's just shampoo… nothing special." She smiled and leaned closer to him, pressing her lips against his softly and letting her hair fall all around his face.

"Hmmm," James murmured. "It must just be you living up to your name then." Lily laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes as she sat back up. "So, what do you smell?"

Lily thought for a moment. "The last time Slughorn had it out, I remember the smell of the sea or something watery… and then, of course, the woods, and the smell of your laundry."

"The woods?" asked James curiously.

"Yes; whenever you come back from running around in the forest with Remus and the others, you always smell like the woods. Sort of … musky, and earthy… like the scent of leaves in the fall," she explained.

"Huh," James said, sniffing his own clothing while Lily laughed; for some reason he had butterflies in his stomach again. He looked up at Lily who was gazing down at him with a fond expression. "So, I don't need to slip you any potion to make you love me, I just need to go stag and run around in the forest for a bit," he grinned.

Lily chuckled. "Well… I'd prefer you not to go _stag_ to everything, you know, since we're sort of _together_ now," she teased, "but yes, I suppose that would keep me loving you."

"Brilliant, you just saved me loads on flowers, chocolate, and the like."

Lily tugged James' hair, scowling at him as he smirked up at her. "Prat," she muttered. "Think you're awfully cute, don't you?"

"You think I'm cute," he replied, squeezing her hand.

Lily scoffed. "Keep telling yourself that."

"You don't even like chocolate that much," pouted James.

"You're right, I don't. But I like flowers and other things," Lily grinned.

"Poetry?"

"If it's the right poet," she laughed. "Been asking Julia for advice?"

"_Noooo_," James said, drawing out the "ooo" sound for dramatic effect. "Last time I asked her for advice on how to woo you-"

"Did you just say you were trying to 'woo' me?" chuckled Lily. "Aren't we a bit past the 'wooing' stage by now?"

"The wooing never stops," advised James, feeling more butterflies in his stomach as he sat up and kissed her soundly. "I have to keep you coming around, don't I? Can't rely solely on my cuteness forever."

Lily shoved him away, biting back a laugh as he chuckled loudly. "I expect you're right about this 'wooing,' cause you _definitely_ aren't that cute."

"I'm adorable."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Of all the boys… I chose the one with the fattest head," she lamented in a teasing voice.

"It's sad isn't it?" James contributed. "But you know… the one with the fattest head loves you more than any of the others ever could. They may have… well… Linghold has got looks, and Bertram has got the brains…but I've got…um…"

"Wit," supplied Lily, not looking up from the notes she had resumed perusing.

"Wit… wit's good, innit?" asked James, his stomach fluttering wildly. He knew he had more than looks and brains - he had money too. But that was not what attracted Lily to him. What did attract her to him?

He watched as she nodded, absorbed in her notes. James began thinking back to the beginning of the year. She'd thrown herself in front of Snape when he was trying to kill James; she'd managed to divide her time between studies, friends, and him evenly, and encouraged him to do the same when he wanted to simply stay with her. She'd held herself together through her mother's death and funeral with a quiet strength that he could never manage, even though she claimed he was the source of it. She'd kept him focused; she challenged him to use his intelligence instead of relying on instinct solely.

And this past weekend, she'd given up everything that mattered to her, just for him. It was a huge sacrifice on her part, he thought. James hadn't had to give up anything for her; a bit of pride, perhaps, but nothing else.

"James?" asked Lily, placing her hand against his cheek and giving him a sweet smile. "You all right?"

"Yeah, just… thinking of what else I've got other than wit," he replied with a chuckle.

Lily smiled, setting down her notes and snuggling closer to him. "You've got me," she whispered into his ear.

James closed his eyes, shuddering a little and feeling completely humbled by the fact that Lily Evans was nosing and softly kissing his earlobe. Lily Evans, brewer of complex potions, keeper of secrets, guardian of her friends… uncommonly kind, intelligent, and every other positive adjective he could think of…

"You said earlier you had something to ask me," she whispered softly.

James nodded, clearing his throat and smiling as he pulled out a copy of an advertisement Sirius had gave him earlier that day. "You do realize my focus is not on that question at the moment," he advised.

Lily grinned. "Just ask me anyway."

He lifted his eyes to her, watching her expression change from subtle amusement to anxious excitement in a matter of seconds. James moved so he was kneeling in front of her, taking both her hands in his. "Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Will you do me the immense honor of … of… becoming my … flatmate?" he asked.

Lily had been holding her breath, then breathed a very slow sigh and gave James a slightly irritated glare. His eyes were soft and kind, but his lips were curving at the corners into a mischievous smirk. "Cute. Ha, ha, ha...that was a bit _cruel_, don't you think?" she asked, flashing him a moue of disappointment.

"Awh, I can't resist that face," he said, mimicking her expression and kissing her. "Can you be patient?"

"It's one of my many virtues I suppose," she smiled, kissing him back.

"So … what's your answer?"

"Yes, I will be your flatmate, as long as you continue to remain woodsy and earthy smelling without going stag. I'd very much like to continue being your girlfriend," Lily explained.

"Absolutely, we have an accord," laughed James, handing her the advertisement. "What do you think of this?"

Lily's expression turned instantly to one of interest as she examined the advertisement James offered her. It was for a split-level house in Avon. There was a main foyer before the house split off into a lower flat and another above it. Each flat had two bedrooms, a large bathroom with both a tub and separate shower, a kitchen, dining area, and sitting room. It was so close to perfect, Lily couldn't believe it.

"This is beautiful, and it's only fifty galleons a month?" she asked in a surprised voice. "I think it's brilliant. It's… what _are_ you doing?" asked Lily, looking down at James. He had moved so he was lying beside her, and had coaxed her gently back until she was lying against her pillows. His hands were moving slowly up her legs, and he was kissing along her jaw line making soft murmuring noises against her skin.

"Nothing… just touching. You're so soft… all smooth and curvy," he whispered, kissing her earlobe and smirking as she shuddered. "Continue your reading… I'm –"

"This situation feels _oddly_ familiar," she teased.

"Yes, but you aren't studying right now. And you did tell me you'd make it worth my while if I quizzed you," he teased, tugging her skirt higher on her thighs.

"Oh, I see how this works… now there are _expectations_," she suggested, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"_You_ set the expectations."

Lily chuckled. "Yes, but this is not exactly what I had in mind," she breathed, closing her eyes and shuddering as James' hands slid in between her thighs and up over her hips, causing her to sink down into the pillows as she arched into him.

James curled his body around hers, biting his lip as he let his hands slide slowly over her legs, loving the feel of her skin under his palms and the soft curves of her figure. He smirked and chuckled lightly as he felt along the lacy knickers she was wearing. "Wearing these again, I see…"

"You don't see," she teased.

"_Can_ I see?" he asked, his eyes lighting up as he bit his lip and grinned at her.

Lily blushed and nodded, giggling as James shifted beside her and tugged her skirt out of the way. She bit her lip nervously, rolling away slightly and hiding her face with one hand as he looked her over, his low voice humming with approval in her ear.

Suddenly his lips were at her neck, nipping and kissing at the sensitive skin as he buried his face in her hair, his body curving seductively around hers. James' hands slid all over her hips, his fingers sliding under the knickers every so often, barely touching her as he explored. "What, exactly, _are_ you playing at? Buying something like this…"

Lily paused, turning over her shoulder to look at him curiously. "You don't like them?"

"_Oh_, I _like_ them," chuckled James as gazed hungrily into her eyes. "But I guarantee you they're going to get torn off one of these days," he explained, pulling her hips against his as she curved her body into his. "It will be a bittersweet moment… scanty red lace lying in tatters on the floor," he lamented.

"There _are_ charms that will fix them…," she teased, shuddering as he growled against her skin. "You know… it's been a while since I've-"

"Shhh…" he whispered, his fingers sliding between her thighs and petting her softly, laughing gently at her responding gasp. "I need to examine these further, make sure I know the proper charms to fix them when I do tear them off," he murmured, grinning as she laughed and turned around to kiss him soundly.

J&L&J&L&J&L

Nervousness was rampant throughout the fifth and seventh year classes on Monday morning; the examiners from the Ministry had arrived Sunday evening, and during breakfast there were wild whispers from the student body about how formidable and ancient they were.

"I hear that one of them tested Dumbledore when he was in school," whispered Peter to Sirius.

Sirius promptly choked on his pumpkin juice. "You're joking, Pete," he said, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Hell… which one is that?"

"The one with the long hair, that's what Mary told me," he replied, eyeing the examiners curiously.

"Well, then hopefully they'll be so ancient they won't notice if we screw up or pull a fast one," added Julia, biting her lip anxiously.

"Not too fast, mind you; lest they break a hip or something," commented Sirius, much to everyone's amusement.

Not all the seventh year students were taking N.E.W.T. level tests for every subject, so for a majority of the exams all four houses were together. Sirius, Peter, James, and Julia had only five tests to worry about, Remus had six, and Lily ended up having seven exams to complete.

They had completed their Herbology exams with little excitement on Monday, and the Charms exam on Tuesday seemed almost effortless. Potions was a bit more difficult for everyone except Lily, who had not only completed her brewing but managed to write out her essay and complete the test all during the practical portion. She had the afternoon off while the rest of them worked on the written exam. When James found her that evening, she was reviewing her notes for Care of Magical Creatures.

"Might I query _why_ you kept on with Kettleburn?" he asked curiously, flopping down next to her on the bed. "Arithmancy I understand, but Magical Creatures? Did you at one point fancy being a breeder?"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "No; I enjoy the class. I like being outside, I liked learning more about the Thestrals, and seeing Unicorns… and Hagrid is always good for a laugh," she explained, opening her textbook and cursing quietly when several pieces of paper fell to the floor.

James bent down to pick them up, but then upon glancing at the content on the pages, began laughing with fiendish glee. He dodged Lily's reach and ran across the room, laughing and moving away from her as she pursued him around her dormitory.

"James, _no_… give those back!" she shouted, trying desperately to grab the papers from his hands.

"Oh, I love this one!" James laughed, holding it out of her reach and grinning wildly. "_'Lily and James_,' '_James loves Lily_.' Oh, and here's my name all over this page, and '_Lily Elizabeth Potter_,'" he read, ignoring her groans of protest. "I _do_ like the sound of that."

"Ha ha ha… give it back," she demanded, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, what have we here? Notes between Julia and yourself?" James commented, clicking his tongue disapprovingly. "Lily Evans… I am _ashamed_," he continued, holding her at arm's length while he read through the written down conversation. "Having written conversations during Charms… on the day we were learning about the difference between supersensory and detection? Tsk tsk," he said with a laugh.

"Oh, sod off, James… it's not like you don't pass notes back and forth," she chuckled.

"_Never_! I'd never do such a thing," he scoffed as Lily laughed again. "This looks interesting…" he said, tucking himself into the corner and holding his legs out to prevent Lily from stealing the paper from him. "Would you like a story, my love? It seems that this one went on a while," he offered.

Lily sighed and laid her head down against the pillows of her bed. "Oh, enrapture me with the intricate, erotic, and oh so exciting details of my conversation with Julia, lover," she sighed in an overdramatic voice. "I'm sure the way you read it will be just enthralling beyond my wildest dreams."

James laughed, grabbing her hand with his and pulling her so her head rested on his lap. "Ahem… it begins with, '_Lils, please do tell what you and James were doing when Sirius interrupted you. He's very amused by it and it's making me so curious_,'" he read with a smirk.

The following morning, Julia and Remus were sitting in the common room reviewing Transfiguration notes for the test the following Monday. Peter was listening intently and copying down various spells and incantations they discussed, while Sirius dozed on the sofa, his scribbled notes dangling from one hand. Lily was already out on the grounds for her Care of Magical Creatures practical when James found a beaten, weathered copy of a book in her dresser drawer; he felt like he was fifteen again, and completely unable to resist the lure of such an artifact.

He wandered downstairs, and placed the black book with the worn cover on the table in front of Remus and Julia, who looked up at him curiously. "What _is_ this?" he asked, a mixture of confusion and amusement in his voice.

Remus and Julia looked at the book quizzically, Peter remained focused on his notes, but Sirius sat up abruptly at the sound of James' voice. He peered over Julia's shoulder, an amused smirk playing across his face.

"You have a sixth sense for anything that could be scandalous or taboo, don't you?" asked James.

"Years of being a dog, you see; I sense _everything_," he said dramatically. "It says Cummings on the cover. _Cummings_… don't tell me Evans' reads naughty books," he sniggered uncontrollably.

Julia rolled her eyes. "So what if she did?" she asked, watching the boys' facial expressions with amusement. "It's not a _naughty_ book… it's poetry. E.E. Cummings is the poet she's so fond of… I screwed up forth year when I gave you Yeats," she explained.

James smirked and flipped open the pages of the book, looking over a few random notes from Lily and various circled titles of poetry. "Um… '_may I feel, said he'_?" read James, his eyes widening as they moved over the page; he coughed loudly and shook his head. "This is um… it's… well-"

"It's kind of sexy, isn't it?" Julia supplied. "I remember when she first got this book, it was from some aunt that wanted to make sure she got a proper literature education while she was off doing her '_special education'_. We used to giggle like mad when we read some of these," she explained, sliding the book closer to her and flipping through the pages. "Oh, look at this one… I came in and she was giggling like crazy after she found it."

James, Sirius, and Remus both looked at the page she was pointing at with curious expressions. Remus snorted, James' eyes widened, but Sirius roared with laughter. "_'Touch you and touch and touch until you give me suddenly a smile, shyly obscene_,'" he quoted. "So Prongs, have you seen this smile, shyly obscene?"

"Er…"

"She read that, and said something like 'classic literature my shyly obscene arse,'" Julia explained, causing the three boys to laugh again. "Lils has had this book for _ages_, I'm surprised you've never seen it before. What were you doing snooping through her stuff anyway?" she asked James curiously.

"I was looking for parchment, I swear!" squealed James as everyone laughed at him. It was true, he had been looking for extra parchment to write on, but he'd also been trying to think of ways to surprise her with a proposal when he found it.

"Right… well, perhaps you can find something useful in this book to impress her with. There are a few in there she's circled; you might take a gander at those," suggested Julia, as she turned back to her notes.

James nodded, chewing his lip and perusing through the pages curiously. The poetry was strange, the excessive punctuation and random placement of words confused him. He wondered how Lily could read it and understand it, but there again, she was much smarter than him. And much more cultured, and mature… she was a lot more than he was…

"I'm nervous," he blurted out suddenly.

His friends looked up at him; Julia looked sympathetic, Remus and Sirius slightly confused, but it was Peter who shocked them all by speaking for the first time. "You're joking… right? You've… you've been _obsessing_ about her for three years, Prongs. You've … changed how you act, how you look at things… you've ditched _us_ for this bird, and now you're saying you're nervous?" he asked in a slightly nettled tone.

"Hey," James responded, confused and irritated by Peter's comments. "I haven't _ditched_ you; when, do tell, have I missed out on any of our 'activities?'"

"All of us… we used to do _everything_ together, now you're always off with Lily… and Sirius, you're always off with… with _her_," he said, gesturing toward Julia, "and Remus … half the time I don't know where you are anymore-"

"Pete," interrupted Sirius, looking a bit angered by Peter's random attack on Julia, "Mate… we're _around_. You've been around us all year, and-"

Peter snarled something under his breath and abandoned his notes. He stood up abruptly and exited the portrait hole without another word. Remus looked after him with a slightly concerned expression, Sirius made a scoffing noise, placing his arm around Julia, who was biting her lip nervously. "What the _hell_ was that about?" asked James, feeling irritated by Peter's sudden outburst.

"_Apparently_ he's feeling neglected, though I don't understand why," muttered Sirius, turning back to James with a shrug.

"I think everything ending has really gotten to him," Remus explained. "He was saying something the other day about the four of us rooming together, and when I reminded him that I was looking for a flat in London and you four were looking in Avon, he got really moody about it."

"Well, it's not like this wasn't coming, you know?" Sirius grumbled. "He can get a job doing something, he doesn't need to get all touchy about it. Find a hobby…"

"Does he hate me?" Julia asked suddenly. The three boys glanced quickly at her, noting that her expression was not sad or distraught, but more curious than anything.

"Of course not; why would he hate you?" asked Sirius. "You're-"

"For stealing you," explained Julia. "I mean, you're with me more often than you're not, and it's the same for James. Remus, you've got stuff going on even though you're single – by _choice_ I might add," she said, ignoring Remus' frown. "It's… we grow up, it happens; perhaps Pete just isn't prepared for it."

"Perhaps none of us are," Remus added quietly.

A poignant silence hung over them; the immeasurable pressure of age and time left to be youthful and carefree seemed to settle heavily onto their shoulders. The clock chimed and James looked up. "Oh, bugger… I've got to go down and monitor the Great Hall during the break from tests," he grumbled. "Look… can one of you find Pete and find out what's going on with him? I don't really have a lot of time to deal with _his_ insecurities while trying to deal with my own."

James picked up Lily's book and walked out the portrait hole. Sirius, a frown on his face, followed him quickly. "I'll deal with the dark one," he said, looking at Julia with a concerned expression.

"We'll find and deal with the blonde one," she added, nodding her head. The door shut and she looked at Remus carefully; he was still frowning. "You know… Peter isn't _really_ blonde. It's more of a… dusty, mouse-fur type color…" Julia pondered, smirking when Remus started laughing.

"You are the most random girl I have ever known," he mused, folding up his papers shaking his head.

"I'm not _random_; I have a gift, I have _Sight_… no one believes me, but I do," she explained.

"All right then," he chuckled, getting to his feet.

"Remus? You know… you should just _tell_ Sam. Especially since after next week, it won't matter anymore if anyone knows; plus, she wouldn't tell anyone…"

Remus was about to argue, but Julia simply stood up and put her arm around his shoulders, guiding him to the portrait hole. "Just my own opinion, nothing meant by it. Let's go find Pete… that will distract you. You know, I find it odd that out of the four of you, _Sirius_ seems to be the most stable right now," she said lightly, smiling when Remus dropped his disgruntled expression and laughed.

Out on the grounds, Lily had just successfully managed to bathe an adult unicorn, groom and hitch up a Thestral to the carriages, and subdue a Jarvey all without being injured. She was given a fifteen minute break, and when she returned she'd be distinguishing kneazle from a group of cats, and attempting to extract a Kelpie from the lake.

She had walked back to Hagrid's cabin to wash her hands and happened to look up and see Peter walking alone down the path toward the forest. His hands were deep in his pockets, and he looked very irritated and upset about something.

"All Right, Wormy?" called Lily, waving lightly to him and approaching the path.

Peter started and looked around, his eyes finding Lily and posture slouching even further. "Oh… er…hi, Lily."

"What's wrong? You look like you've drank a bit too much of Clairvana's 'ludicrous' water," she said in an attempt at a joke.

"No… I was just… walking," he muttered. "I never _walk_, you know. I always run… or…er … walk _fast_, I suppose. I don't _walk_ anywhere."

Lily nods. "I feel like that too; James, Sirius, and Remus have very long legs; Julia does as well. It's all I can do to keep up with them."

Peter snorted a laugh, nodding his head slowly. "We are comrades in our short-leggedness."

"This is true," Lily smiled

"Won't be able to walk around here much longer."

Lily looked at Peter again, observing his sullen expression as he kicked a few rocks away with his trainers. She sighed, suddenly understanding several things at once in a strange rush of clarity.

Peter Pettigrew was average looking, average in intelligence; he came from an average family that lived in an average town. Peter Pettigrew will always have an average job; he'll marry an average girl and have an average, happy life.

But his friends, the people he'd run around with for the last seven years, were _above_ average. James and Sirius were brilliant, Remus excelled in his subjects, and Peter just hung by their side. His friends were wildly popular, and Peter stayed in the background, living off the scraps of attention thrown to him by the others' admirers.

Lily realized how much he would miss school; the camaraderie and constant companionship. The pranks, the activity and bustle of the castle; he'd miss the daily challenges and amusement from his friends, as well as the beautiful landscape and paths to tread on. But what Peter Pettigrew would miss most was being under the protective shadow of James, Sirius, and Remus; being able to bask in their all too brilliant glow. He'd miss the marauding, the adventure, and being considered _above_ average, even if it was only in the shadows.

"You know, Pete," Lily started, realizing that he probably didn't want to talk about his feelings, but she wanted to give him something to think on, "you don't give yourself _nearly_ enough credit."

Peter lifted his eyes to hers. "I… er… what?"

"You are much more capable and talented than you consider yourself to be," she explained.

"I'm… er… not really," he said. "I hung on James' and Sirius' coat tails just to get through. I'm rubbish at lessons, and these tests-"

"You are _not_ rubbish in lessons; you let yourself get too nervous, and you concentrate on that rather than the task," she continued. "I've seen you do pretty impressive charms when you aren't thinking about it, and you _are_ an animagus… that takes talent."

"I'm only an animagus because James and Sirius pushed me and hand held me through the entire-"

"But _you_ still did it," Lily interrupted. "They may have taught you, but _you_ are the one who transforms."

Peter nods, then looked sour. "But, even then… I'm just a rat. Sirius is a great black dog, James is a proud stag… even Remus … he's not … you know… but he's a _werewolf_. I'm a scampering, twitching, little rodent and-"

"Rats are worshiped in India, did you know? Revered as gods, vehicles of the Goddess Karni Mata… or… something along those lines," Lily chuckled, grinning at Peter's confused expression. "My point is… you can take walks anywhere, Pete. You don't have to be at Hogwarts to take walks. You can run around in the light of the full moon anywhere; this can also be done outside of Hogwarts, and I'm sure will be. I expect there will be one or two nights a month where Julia and I will actually be able to have a bit of _girl_ time whilst you are all gallivanting about," she smiled.

Peter considered her, thinking that Lily was – and had never been – anything he expected her to be. He expected her to be snobby, pretty and popular as she was; and when she and James started dating, he expected her to be possessive and controlling. But she wasn't, and she accepted him, just like the others did… skinny pallid, mousy hair, grey fur, and all. "Thanks… Lily… Lils. I appreciate that."

"No worries," she said lightly. "I suppose, I best get back to my testing. I've got a kelpie waiting to skin me alive," she sighed.

"Good luck with that," Peter chuckled. "I should… I'm probably going to go apologize to James for … snapping at him when he said he felt nervous."

"James is nervous?" Lily asked, suddenly distracted from her testing. "What about?"

"OH!" Peter interrupted, scrambling for words to cover his tracks. "I… erm… he didn't say. Well, he did… say he was nervous, that is… but I think it was… he had a… hangnail. And he was nervous about… tearing it off or cutting it… yeah… that's…. good luck with the kelpie. Have to run!"

And with that, Peter scampered back up the path, hands out of his pockets and posture a little taller. Lily felt rather confused as she watched him go, but sighed as she began to walk back toward where the examiners were waiting.

She had just gotten past the paddock where the Thestrals were standing when she saw it. There was a faint flash of something just inside the trees of the woods. It was small, shaking slightly, and very dirty. Lily narrowed her eyes, trying to peer through the leaves and branches to see what it was. She heard whimpering; someone's tiny voice muttering and crying softly. Pulling out her wand, Lily took a deep breath and walked into the trees toward the sound.

"Hadley?" she exclaimed, staring at the fourth-year Gryffindor seeker. Her blonde hair was a mess with twigs and leaves, the jeans she was wearing were torn and dirty, and her shirt was ripped in several places. There was also blood, lots of it; in her hair, down her arms and on her face as well. She looked up at Lily, tears streaking the dirt on her face, and gave her a very confused expression. "Hadley! Oh my God, what happened?"

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Prongs," Sirius started, sitting down across from James who was still flipping through Lily's poetry book, "the words 'I'm nervous' have never come out of your mouth once in the seven years I've known you. Not once. What has got your, to use Lily's favorite phrase, knickers in a twist?"

"I-"

"If you tell me you don't wear knickers, I will unashamedly pull your trousers down and check for myself," Sirius threatened, smirking as James chuckled lightly.

"All right, all right," James said, ruffling his hair and glancing around him to make sure no one was listening. "The other night, she said something about of all the boys she could have chosen, she picked me… the one with the fattest head. I said that they might have looks and brains, but I had other stuff… and then couldn't think of anything else I've got going for me… and now, I've been reading through this, and I've been staring at that ring and-"

"You already have a ring?" Sirius interrupted in a shocked voice.

"Have had since November; Lily's mum sent me hers, said Lily would want to have it," he explained. "But… okay so … I've got looks and brains, I suppose. But… I don't have a whole lot else to offer her. And it's always been me chasing Lily, which I thought would have gotten old seeing as how it frustrated me so much… but… now she's … she's mine."

"Uh huh… and this is a problem why?" Sirius asked.

"It's not a problem… I just-"

"Don't tell me you don't want her."

"No! Of course I still want her!"

"You're afraid of the commitment?"

"Not in the slightest."

"You think you'll get tired of her? Bored? Will she still be pretty when she's had twenty red-headed little Potter babies, who will all have terrible eyesight by the way? You wonder if the freckles on her cheeks will always be cute?" Sirius asked.

"No," James laughed. "I don't think I'll get bored or tired of her. And the twenty little Potter babies, I'd like _some_ of them to have black hair… that'd be nice. And the freckles on her cheeks will always be cute; I don't care if she's old or anything like that, that's not what makes me nervous."

"So, _what's_ got your knickers in a twist?"

James sighed, ruffling his hair again as Sirius watched his cheeks go red. "She just… she's given up _everything_ for me; she jumped in front of a curse for me. When she came back after that match, and said she'd not be looking for a job and that I was more important to her… she gave up everything… for me."

"Yup…"

"Do I… do I deserve that? I mean … I know I'm always saying how brilliant I am… but really… I'm a scruffy-haired, Quidditch playing, prankster. I have _no idea_ how to be a husband… let alone anything else," he added anxiously. "She's good at everything, she just… she picks things up and learns them. She's mature, and she _really_ loves me… She's logical and … I just feel like a little kid."

"You don't _really_ love her?"

"I love her more than anything, always have," James said with complete confidence. "My life was completely pointless before she came along."

"All right, so…you don't think you're ready to be a husband and all the other stuff that comes with that title?"

"No, I'm _ready_. I _want_ to be all those things… but you know how I am when I really want something. Remember fourth year, when I asked her out and memorized that poem?" asked James.

Sirius smirked. "Well, _then_, you were trying to hard; you thought about it too much. When you really want something, you try too hard and usually-"

"Usually I bollocks it up," James muttered. "What if… what if I screw this up? What if I mess up her life or … something happens to her? I'm … am I mature enough and all that to be a husband? Do you think I'm good enough for her?"

Sirius considered him. "You _are_ a scruffy-haired, Quidditch playing prankster. And you _are_ immature. And sometimes you're a bad influence, but you aren't alone in that," Sirius chuckled. "You get good marks, but you never work for them. Other than being head boy, you've never had to be responsible for a thing in all your life. You're a bit spoiled, and you've got that temper that comes out when you don't get your way… but she's seen that, and she handles it well so that's not an issue."

"Our kids will have _horrible_ little temper tantrums," added James, frowning slightly at the thought.

"Plus…Evans is a _girl_, which means she's got soft girl curves and all these girl _parts_ that I know you have no idea how to handle-"

"I can handle all her 'girl secrets' just fine, thank you. That's the least-"

"Shh… let me finish," hissed Sirius, holding up a hand. "And you're all skinny, like a broomstick really. Lils is quite attractive, and always pretty put together; your hair never lies flat and your nose is a bit long…"

"Are you trying to make me feel better?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm being honest," he said thoughtfully. "No… you probably aren't good enough for her," he finished, giving James an understanding nod.

"I… _what_? That's not what you're supposed to say, Sirius!" yelped James. "You… you're … _Julia_ is much too good for you and-"

"Oh, I _knew_ that. I knew that a long time ago and just had to get over it. But we weren't talking about me and Jules…" Sirius continued. "You asked me I if I thought you were good enough for Lils; and I said no, you're probably not."

James frowned and scuffed his trainers against the floor. "Thanks for that."

"But _she_ thinks you are."

James looked back at Sirius, narrowing his eyes at Sirius' smirk. "Come again?"

"You might be nervous about being mature and all that, or suddenly thinking you aren't good enough for her... But she thinks you are. Isn't that all that matters?" asked Sirius.

"I suppose…" James considered, smiling slightly. "That was … rather insightful, Padfoot."

"It's been known to happen," Sirius laughed. "Don't get too used to it though; few and far between are these moments of clarity. But… what I'm trying to say is, it really doesn't matter what I think, or what Moony or Wormtail thinks… or even what _you_ think, really. If you know for sure that you want to spend your years kissing, and making love to, and producing little red-headed babies with Lily Evans, then all that really matters is what she thinks."

James nodded, smiling again to himself. "You're right."

"And she thinks you're handsome and wonderful for some reason I haven't been able to figure out," Sirius added teasingly. "I can't see it; and I know I wouldn't want to spend hours snogging you or doing God-knows what else," he finished with a shudder.

James laughed. "You're jealous; I'm a fantastic snog… and you'll never get to experience the thrill since Julia would get jealous," he teased.

Sirius was about to retort, but fell quiet when Peter came trudging sheepishly up towards their table. "Hi," he said quietly.

"Wotcher, Wormtail," James said. "You-"

"I'm sorry" he blurts out. "I was feeling a bit… out of sorts and… the exams and everything ending and-"

"It's rubbish getting old, innit?" Sirius supplied.

Peter chuckled. "Yeah…yeah, it is. But… I'm sorry I snapped. I… yeah."

"No worries, mate. Your walk help?" asked James.

"Actually, your girlfriend helped… randomly. She was washing her hands and talked to me… that was nice of her," Peter explained.

"Lily does things like that… being nice and all. I'm surprised you haven't noticed," teased James.

Peter nodded and took a seat just as Remus came over. James began asking him something about the Transfiguration exam they were to take the following Monday; Sirius leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs and staring around at the students.

"… probably over matter transfiguration, animal to human and vice versa, color change… and basically everything else we've gone over the past seven years," Remus said, feigning nonchalance.

"So, how big of a wobbly d'you think McGonagall would throw if I went stag during the test and claimed it was an accident?" asked James, sniggering uncontrollably.

Peter laughed and Remus tried to maintain a stern expression, but the corners of his mouth were twitching. "She'd die… right on the spot, Prongs. Then, Padfoot the Brave would have to come along and revive her, and we'll all get O's for our effort, eh, boys?" asked Sirius.

"I think you should refrain from going stag, dog, or rat during the entire exam, lest your future exploits and adventures be ruined by having to register," said Remus in a perfect impression of Professor McGonagall.

"Ahh… it'll be easy enough otherwise. What say Padfoot, care to … Padfoot? Oi, _Sirius_!" said James, waving his hand in front of Sirius' face. He had gone very still and quiet as he stared across the room, his eyes narrowed as he followed a dark haired figure in green robes that was walking toward the main exit.

Suddenly Sirius was on his feet, stepping over the table at which they were seated and crossing to the exit where the figure was heading. James glanced quickly at Remus and Peter before following him, arriving just after Sirius had grabbed Regulus roughly and pushed him back against the wall.

"Oi, watch it you –"

"Reg, what the _fuck_ are you doing?" asked Sirius without preamble. He softened his hold on his little brother a bit, but his expression remained angry. They were within two inches of each other's heights, but Sirius seemed to tower over his Regulus, bright grey eyes boring into dark brown ones. "What the fuck, Reg? You're… you are going to … Reg, you can't-"

Regulus growled and pushed Sirius away. "Who the _hell_ d'you think you are to tell me what I _can_ or _can't_ do? _Blood traitor_; you ran off two years ago, said you wanted nothing to do with the family and-"

"I'm well aware of my abandonment of our '_family_,' but what you're doing is _mental_. It's fucking mental, Regulus! Voldemort is going to mark you and-"

"The Dark Lord has a lot of respect for our heritage and-"

"Fuck heritage! The _Dark Lord_ doesn't have respect for human life! He's evil; pure, unadulterated _evil_. You do realize what you're going to have to do? Huh? Have Mulciber and Avery filled you in on what's going to be expected and-"

"What's expected is loyalty, service, and _pride_ in being a _wizard_! Not in being a friend to blood-traitors, half-breeds, and Mudbloods! _You_ are nothing; less than nothing!" hissed Regulus. Their confrontation was starting to draw curious looks from people that were close to them. James tried to pull Sirius back, but he growled and pushed Regulus up against the wall again.

"You have _no idea_ what you're in for. Mum and Dad's little Dark Arts books and cabinets full of evil trinkets are kids' toys compared to what Voldemort does! You're going to have to… _torture_, and _murder_ _people_! Destroy our world, not rebuild it! The attacks, all of that, you're going to have to be a part of it," Sirius spat. "He's not going to just let you sit back and watch from the comfort of home; it's not a boys club that you just-"

"You're a coward. You wouldn't know bravery or loyalty if it crawled past you," Regulus snapped.

Sirius growled loudly, moving to punch Regulus in the face; James grabbed his arm and held him back. "You don't want-"

"Get _OFF_, James!" Sirius shouted. "You… I'm not the coward, _you_ are! You won't be able to stomach anything that you're going to-"

"I don't see how you can stomach your blood-traitor, half-breed friends," shouted Regulus. "This one, fucking that _mudblood_; the gormless little fat kid who just trails after you, and then the other one with the scars… what's he's been up to during the full moon? Plus that little half-blood trollop you've been fucking all year and-"

Sirius moved to punch Regulus again, this time James didn't stop him. Regulus ducked and Sirius' fist slammed into the brick wall behind him; he cursed loudly and pulled away, shaking out his fist and grabbing Regulus by the cloak. "This is it… I've … I hoped you'd have some sense to get away from them… from mum and her pure-blood insanity. But you got stuck in that bloody hell hole of a house and you're just as disgusting as they are. We're done… go on and get yourself killed for all I care, coward."

Sirius pushed him away and swore again, glancing at his hand and flexing his fingers. Regulus glowered and moved away. "Fine by me; you may want to watch your little half-blood piece, make sure she doesn't shout at the wrong person," he added, nodding toward the group of Slytherin's across the hall.

Sirius and James both looked up to see Julia towering over Mulciber, who sat completely at ease in his chair. Avery and Snape were smirking as they watched the exchange; Felicity and Sam Pitchfield stood behind Julia, both looking a little nervous as she shouted at Mulciber. Remus and Peter were slowly getting to their feet, and James and Sirius had started to move forward when it happened.

Mulciber slammed his chair down and grabbed Julia by the throat. "_OI_!" Sirius shouted, breaking into a run to interrupt the exchange.

There was a loud bang and a brilliant flash of light; everyone within the hall turned to look at the Slytherin table. When the light vanished, Mulciber lay on his back, his chair legs completely vanished out from underneath him. Julia was backing away, an irritated and yet somehow amused expression on her face. Mulciber swore loudly and tried to right himself as Avery and Snape moved to assist.

There was another flash of light and a loud snapping sound as Avery and Snape were flung back into their chairs. Everyone looked toward the entrance to the hall to see Lily walking quickly over to the table, her wand out and her expression furious as she stared at Mulciber.

Mulciber glared at her as he sat up. "You jumped up-"

BANG! Lily had flicked her wand and Mulciber was on his back again, looking as though he'd been slapped across the face. He moved his mouth, but no sound came out; he clutched his throat as he pulled out his wand. Another bang and it flew out of his hand into Lily's, whose face was red and lined with fury.

"GET UP!" she snarled. "Get up you filthy, loathsome, spineless _bastard_!"

James had never, in seven years, seen Lily look so angry. She was magnificently terrifying; even Mulciber seemed cautious as he got to his feet and stepped in front of her. She forced him out of the hall, turning around and shouting for everyone else to stay behind. Of course, her advice was ignored by her friends, who followed quickly out the door and down the hall.

"You okay?" Sirius asked Julia, placing a hand at her back.

"Fine… I see you got a hold of Regulus," she added.

"Never mind him, what happened? Why were you shouting-"

"I was shouting at him because he's a vile, repulsive, coward!" Julia screeched down the hall at Mulciber's back. "Remember Hogsmeade weekend? When the attack happened? He knew about it, I suspect, but at the time he was-"

Felicity ran forward, her face full of terror. "Julia… please don't. Please, I –"

"I'm not going to shut up, Felicity!" snapped Julia, turning around and grabbing her arms roughly. "He tried to … I can't even say it it's so awful. He… you know what-"

"I know what he was thinking all right! I know!" shouted Felicity, her face whitening. "But he'll do worse, WORSE, if I report it. I-"

"What did he do?" asked James, narrowing his eyes at Mulciber's back.

"I don't … he was trying … something. But Lily interrupted him, that's why I was with her that day," Felicity explained. "She told me to report it and-"

"And she's right," Sam interjected. "You should have told. I don't know what he's done now that's got Lils in such a state, but it's something."

James frowned and walked quicker, following after where Lily had guided Mulciber. They were out of sight now, but he knew the general direction they had been headed. She hadn't _looked_ hurt, and Mulciber had been in the hall almost the entire free period; Lily had been outside, Peter had seen her and spoken with her. What could possibly have her so upset?

"Tell them what you did!" a voice screeched, just out of sight. The group rounded the corner cautiously, coming upon a rather curious scene. Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Slughorn were standing in a circle with Mulciber in front of them. Lily was off to the side, her face still full of rage. And seated behind her against the wall was a very dirty, very shaky, very frightened looking Hadley Crawler.

"Oh, _God_," Felicity moaned.

"Hadley," whispered Julia, moving to take a step forward, but Professor McGonagall gave her a sharp look that advised her to stay back.

"TELL THEM!" screeched Lily, brandishing her wand. McGonagall moved to hold her back, as Slughorn and Dumbledore stared sternly at Mulciber, whose expression was furious though he remained from saying anything.

"We can easily find out what happened," Dumbledore advised. "Since you have chosen not to speak in your defense Mr. Mulciber, we'll have to take another route. Miss Evans, could I have his wand?"

Lily held out the stick and Dumbledore took it from her, touching the tips of the wands together and whispering something quietly. Several faint images appeared; A confundus charm being performed, Hadley screaming on the ground as the tip of a wand seared patterns into her skin, falling down whilst being kicked, and the image of her own wand being expelled from her grasp.

"It wasn't any worse than what anyone _else_ around here has done," claimed Mulciber. "Perhaps we shouldn't have been so rough… but it was just a laugh and-"

"A _laugh_?" screeched Lily, fighting against McGonagall's grasp. "I doubt having 'Mudblood' burnt into her stomach was Hadley's idea of a laugh, you sick-"

"Miss Evans, please, _please_, control yourself," cautioned McGonagall, glancing toward Hadley who was shaking violently. "She does have the marks, Albus… all across her stomach."

James felt a wave of fury; he felt Remus and Sirius both stiffen beside him. Julia had turned around and glanced at Felicity; she was about to open her mouth when Lily shouted out again.

"Was bashing Felicity's head up against a wall a laugh too? Shoving your hands up her skirt in a dirty back alley in Hogsmeade, was that funny? Waiting for the '_festivities'_ to begin as you told me? Was that amusing?" she snarled at Mulciber, who glared back at her with vindictive eyes.

"Neil… is this true?" asked Slughorn in a shocked voice. "Did you-"

"I don't have any idea what she's talking about! She's jumped up on something because of her little friend being-"

"So you _weren't_ in Hogsmeade on the day in question?" Dumbledore asked lightly.

"No… I … I was there, but I wasn't in the pub! I was-"

"In a back alley bashing my head against a wall and trying to … I don't know _what_ you were trying to do; all I know is I was saying no and you weren't listening!" Felicity shouted suddenly, tears welling up in her eyes.

The professors looked from her back to Mulciber, who was very red in the face and staring over his shoulder angrily. "I think you'd best get your things packed, Mr. Mulciber. I'll be contacting your parents and the law office of the Ministry to investigate," said Dumbledore in a solemn tone, anger flashing in his eyes. "Horace… please assist your student."

Slughorn looked embarrassed as he walked forward and guided Mulciber away, muttering under his breath about honor and how vile his actions were. McGonagall released Lily and moved toward Hadley. "Come along now, Miss Crawler; let's get you to the hospital wing," she murmured gently. "Miss Evans… you'll probably need to head back to your exam if you wish…" she added before gliding very quietly down the hall.

Lily nodded, shaking roughly as though trying to rid herself of her emotions. She turned her eyes up to the group, nodding her head in response to James' unspoken question. He walked forward and took her hand, pulling her away from the scene and back toward the group. "How-"

"I… I was walking back to the exam, and I saw her in the woods. She was… disoriented and crying, and she had blood all over her shirt from where they… burnt her. It's sick, it's so, so, sick," she whispered, voice cracking as she looked up at all of them. "Sam… that could have been you… or me… they just wanted to do it to someone, and she was the first person they crossed and-"

"Lily," Sam said in a soothing voice. "It… she's going to be okay, I'm sure. Madam Pomfrey will fix her right up and-"

"I know that… but what… which one of us is next, huh? Which one of us is going to have Mudblood burned into our skin for a laugh?" she asked in a wobbly voice. James hugged her close and Sam shook her head, but no one responded. From the expression on Mulciber's face as he was guided away, they knew it was no longer a matter of "if" something would happen to one of them, but a matter of "when."

* * *

_A/N: Happy Holidays! When I'm over a bout of stomach flu I will get more written and get the next chapter published. Thanks for your patience and reviews =)_


	33. Moment

Moment

"Just Say Yes" Snow Patrol

* * *

It was early Tuesday morning; nervous excitement was running through the halls as students prepared for their last few examinations, knowing that after they were finished, there was a ball to be had and summer to enjoy. As the students of Hogwarts castle awoke and groggily began to plan their day, their head boy and girl were still lying under the covers, not planning on emerging anytime soon.

Lily was sighing deeply as James kissed her, his arms wrapping around her waist and holding her close. She fisted the fingers of one hand into his hair, her other fingers tugging at his shirt as he angled himself over her. He had woken up and rolled over, intending to sleep more, but for some reason her scent and presence in his bed overwhelmed him completely. He kissed her hungrily… Friday was approaching. Friday was the ball; Friday was the day he was going to ask Lily Evans to be his wife. James had everything meticulously planned, it would be his greatest tactical operation; something he'd only imagined in his wildest dreams three years earlier. She was his, she loved him, and there was nothing in the way.

James hummed quietly against her throat and squeezed her tighter, loving the feel of her warm skin against his. "I love you in the mornings," he breathed into her ear, nipping gently at the soft lobe with his teeth.

"Am I pants the rest of the day?" she teased, biting her lip and arching into him as he moved to nip on her collar bones.

"Depends on if you're wearing pants or not," he teased back, laughing as she tugged roughly on his hair. "I'm also fond of you at brunch," James replied, kissing lower and nuzzling against her chest. "And in the afternoons… and evenings… and _maybe_ tea time, as well."

Lily laughed and pulled him into another kiss, moaning quietly and relishing in the feel of his lips against hers. "You do realize," she murmured breathlessly in between kisses, "that I haven't… brushed my teeth… or my hair…"

"I've noticed," James mused, pushing a few auburn strands from her face and tangling his fingers in it. "It's got a lot of texture right now."

Lily chuckled again. "'Texture' you say?"

James kissed her, sliding one hand over her thigh to hitch her leg around his hips. Lily groaned and rocked against him, inhaling sharply as James murmured approvingly in her ear. "Texture… it's messy, and tangled, and sexy," he explained quietly.

"Is my morning breath sexy?" she asked shyly. "You _could_ let me brush my teeth before we go too much further..."

"Then you'd have to get up," he protested, shaking his head. "I don't want you to get up… I love you, and your morning hair… I love how you smell, and how you taste..."

"I have sock-drawer breath," she insisted.

"That's not what I was talking about," murmured James, a seductive grin crossing his face before he began kiss along her jaw line. Lily felt her cheeks color, but her arms wrapped around his neck and sighed as he moved back to her lips and kissed her very slowly.

"I'd like… to shower… and-"

"Can I shower with you?"

Lily quirked an eyebrow in a disapproving manner, watching James grin mischievously at her. "Hmm… there will be time for that _later_, I think," she smirked, watching him pout playfully at her. "Sirius _did_ hear back about the flat, right?" she asked.

"Yes, he did," said James, pausing his explanation to kiss her quickly. "We're going to meet with the bloke who's renting out the place on Saturday morning to pay the deposit. Then we're all set to move in at the end of June."

"You aren't riding the train back to London?" she asked curiously.

"Wasn't planning on it… were you?"

"I was actually, at McGonagall's insisting… someone to watch over things, you know," she explained.

"McGonagall asked you because she _still_ thinks I'm irresponsible," James muttered.

"You _are_ irresponsible," teased Lily, kissing him gently. "Where will I find you when I get back to London?" she asked.

James grinned and kissed her nose. "Hmm… yes, I gather you'll be desperate for my touch by then… you'll need me to come sweep you away from Kings Cross and take you somewhere romantic where I can ravish you on a bed of silk sheets and-"

"I'll need you to sweep that ego of yours out the door once I move in," Lily said, making a face.

"But you love it," James replied. "It's part of my charm; you _need_ me, you can't-"

"Like I need a hole in my head," she replied sarcastically. James pouted and Lily kissed him, ruffling his hair vigorously. Her kisses became softer, gentler, more affectionate, and James paused, a grin crossing his face. "You love me," he insisted.

"Remind me why?"

"Because I love you," he whispered coyly.

Lily smiled, her hand settling against his cheek. "Oh, yeah… that's right," she said, watching as he grinned. "Git… I love you."

"Awh… see, you love me so much you have a pet name for me," James laughed.

"Shut up," Lily sniggered. "So, where will I find you?"

"I'll come to Kings Cross to pick you up, and then we can go to my parents' house. Jules and Sirius are going to come and stay with us after they spend a week with her folks; and then we move in."

Lily nodded, smiling shyly as she thought of having a permanent residence with James. Their clothes in the same dresser, a bed and other furniture to call theirs; their towels in the same bathroom closet… "I'll never shower by myself again," she lamented.

"Not if I have my way you won't. Conserving water, you know," he teased, smiling when Lily laughed loudly. James kissed her; it was slow but hungry. His arms wrapped around her, and she slid her hands over his back, fingernails gently tickling his skin.

He moaned quietly, allowing his body to sink into hers as she arched into him and wrapped her legs around his hips. James' mind began to run away with him, but not in the way he expected; he began thinking about the ring sitting in his dresser drawer, about sliding it on her finger. He began thinking that maybe she wouldn't want to go outside after dinner, maybe she'd just want to stay at the ball… and he couldn't ask her there… too many people watching. _Perhaps I should just ask now… why wait? The moment is perfect…_ he thought.

Then Lily's hands were on his hips, snaking under his boxers and pulling him against her; James' mind went blank as the aching desire he always felt for her surged out of control.

Lily sighed as James pressed against her, his bare skin warm and stimulating under her hands. She began to shift, trying to remove her nightdress as James' hands moved to her hips and thighs. She felt a rush of desperate longing, an ache that she knew only he could soothe. They had a bit of time, most people were either still sleeping or down at breakfast. Today was their last exam, Defense Against the Dark Arts… come Saturday morning, after the ball, they would leave the castle of Hogwarts. Seven years' education was at an end, and James would be taking her home, to a real home, _their_ home…

There was a quiet knock on the door, and Lily groaned loudly. "_No_… no, no, no, no, _no_," she growled into James' throat, listening to him laugh gently as he moved to kiss her again. Neither of them ceased their actions, both of them hoping whoever it was would just go away.

A knock came again, a little more persistent this time. "That'll be Sirius," James muttered against her lips. "He's got this grand prank planned and-"

"No," she whimpered. "Don't stop… just… ignore him, he'll go away…"

"No I won't!" a teasing voice called, it was followed by a very familiar giggle. James made an irritated noise as he kissed Lily again.

She sighed, closing her eyes and frowning. "Perhaps having them live below us isn't the best idea," Lily said thoughtfully, glancing at James. He kissed her again, once… twice… she twisted her fingers into his hair and rocked against him, the ache both of them were feeling intensifying.

Sirius banged on the door. "I know your password, Prongs…" he threatened.

"_Go_ – _Away_!" Lily shouted angrily.

The door handle turned, and James sat up, a scowl on his face. Lily rolled out from underneath him and jumped to her feet just as Sirius stepped inside, Julia standing sheepishly behind him.

Sirius rolled his eyes and made a "psshhhh" sound. "You weren't even -"

"We were just getting started, thank you very much," Lily snapped. "Julia… I expected better of you…."

Julia opened her mouth to protest but Sirius slung his arm around her. "It's not her fault, I'm an unstoppable force. And I'll remind you that Prongs was _mine_ first, so-"

"You left me two years ago, Black," muttered James grumpily. "What makes you think I want you back now?"

"I can see your bra, Lils," Sirius pointed out, ignoring James' comment.

"Well, _bully_ for you," she snapped. "I take it _you_ want to study?" Lily asked Julia.

"If you don't mind," she replied quietly.

Lily sighed. "Let me get dressed, then we'll go down to breakfast," she acquiesced, still glaring at Sirius.

"Prongs, I'll meet you in the corridor by the dancing troll banner," he said. "Wormtail found something odd and it's not on the map, so I'd like to check it out and make sure we've got all the bases covered for Operation –"

"Please, _PLEASE_, whatever you're doing… keep it clean… I don't want to walk through mud before getting my dress on Friday," pleaded Julia. "Or have my towel vanish while I'm bathing."

"You can use my bathroom, Jules," Lily said. "No towels vanish from there… or, if they _were_ to vanish, I'd know the culprit and there would be retribution."

"Is that a _threat_, Evans?" asked Sirius in a challenging voice.

"It's a promise," she snapped, matching Sirius' mocking glare.

James laughed and stepped off his bed and over to her, kissing the back of Lily's neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Twenty minutes, Prongs… see you then," he said, winking at Lily as he and Julia walked away from their door.

Lily shut it and turned around to face James, her cheeks flushed with irritation.

"Lils?" asked James, taking her hand and pulling her over to his bed.

"Yes?" she sighed, watching as his expression softened.

"I'm … I'm kind of glad he interrupted us," admitted James, watching a curious look cross Lily's face. He smiled and pulled her close. "We'd have to get down to breakfast and to the exam by nine… it's seven-thirty now, and … well," he continued, sliding his hands over her hips as she sat down on his lap, "I'd rather like to have more than an hour and a half with you the first time," he whispered before kissing her.

Lily felt her cheeks grow hot as she kissed James, and she averted her eyes when he paused. He tilted her chin up, and kissed her nose, smiling mischievously as she grinned at him. "I'm not sure if that makes me excited or nervous," she confessed.

James laughed and kissed her softly. He leaned forward and breathed in her scent, loving the feel of her against him. He never wanted to let her go, never wanted anything to take her away from him…

"Lily?"

"Hmmm?"

"I … I have something to ask you," he said. "A favor actually."

Lily leaned away and watched him inquisitively. "All right…"

James inhaled deeply, a serious expression crossing his face. "I don't… I don't want you doing patrols alone anymore. I'll do them with you, or Moony or Besty will help. Or make… Linghold do extra if you must. Just… I _don't_ want you alone, all right?" he said, trying to be firm and kind at the same time. "They're expelling Mulciber, he's leaving this morning. But… I've been hearing talk from Avery and a few other of those wanks… they blame _you_ for him being kicked out. I don't-"

"All right, James."

"-want to give him the chance to do anything to you. I know… I _know_ you can handle yourself, but-"

"James, love… I won't go alone."

"-Avery has been talking with those Carrow twins in sixth year… and _they_ are violent and… what?"

"I said all right, I won't do my patrols alone," she laughed.

"You… won't?"

"If you don't want me to, no," she shrugged.

"No argument?"

"None."

"No… no '_I can take care of myself_,' or '_don't you tell me what to do, James Potter_,' or '_bugger off with your paranoia and insecurity_?'"

Lily chuckled. "Nope, none… though I don't remember ever telling you to bugger off or calling you paranoid," she teased. "I have no arguments. Perhaps we can bring your cloak on patrols and… oh, I don't know, take advantage of some of the more _secluded_ corridors," she whispered, kissing his neck softly.

"Why the lack of fight? You usually argue when I ask you to stay out of trouble," James continued.

Lily smiled. "I _love_ you, James; I don't want to cause you any stress or discomfort if I don't have to. If the thought of me wandering around alone bothers you, I won't do it." Lily watched with a smile as James considered her, his eyes softening and a dull blush coloring his cheeks. "You're so sweet when you blush."

James made a face and turned away from her, but she brought her hand to his cheek and pulled his lips back to hers. "Awh… is James Potter feeling a bit sheepish?"

"I'm so used to chasing you," he replied. "It feels … good… _really_ good…to not have to."

"I'm glad it makes you feel good," she smiled. "I love you, James."

"Hmmm," he murmured, leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers. "I love you."

Lily smiled, resting her forehead against James'. "Why were you blushing just now?"

"I wasn't."

"Yes you were," Lily pressed. "It's not 'cause I listened and did something you wanted is it?"

"No… I just…"

"Why, Jamesy?" she whispered in his ear, her teeth grazing his earlobe softly. "Why were you blushing?" Lily breathed warmly against his neck, her lips barely brushing his skin as she kissed up his jaw line. He moved to press his mouth to hers, but she held him still and kissed his forehead, then his eyelids and nose, and finally touched her lips against his lightly. "Tell me, please?" she asked again, barely kissing him as she spoke.

"I love you so much, and you make me feel so nervous … I don't deserve you," he replied before he could stop himself, his hands clutching her lower back and pressing her close to him.

Lily paused, placing her hand against James' cheek; his face was flushed again, and he looked as though he hadn't meant to say out loud how he felt. Lily felt a rush of affection; cocky, arrogant, proud James Potter felt nervous… because of her. He felt sheepish, because he didn't think he deserved her.

He couldn't be farther from the truth.

"You deserve me more than anyone else ever could," whispered Lily, sliding her fingers into his hair and nestling her face against his neck. "I love you, James Potter… only _you_."

James smiled, brushing her hair from her face and kissing her softly. "What were you saying about secluded hallways and my invisibility cloak?" he asked, closing his eyes and kissing her jaw line as she started laughing loudly.

J&L

"…then he blushed," Lily was saying to Julia as they reviewed their Defense notes some twenty minutes later. "James blushed because I did what he asked me to do instead of being stubborn. And then… _then_ he said he didn't think he deserved me."

"Yes, I heard you the first time," replied Julia, closing her eyes and muttering an incantation quietly. There was a faint flash of blue light, and Julia's glass in front of her shattered to pieces. The orange juice that had been in it began to flood the tablecloth, but she flicked her wand and cleared up the mess of glass and juice without a second thought. "You know, for the first time in seven years, you are not worried about studying. Instead, you're worried about James _blushing_…" she said rolling her eyes.

"I'm paying attention, I'm focused," Lily said defensively. "I'm not worried about this exam, to be honest."

"You're worried about James blushing… It's _blushing_… why has it got you so worried?" she asked kindly.

"I'm not _worried_, exactly… but… James has been relentlessly pursuing me since forth year. He's read me poetry, embarrassed himself, and changed himself… all for me. He's waited so patiently for me to wake up… how on _Earth_ could he think he doesn't deserve me?" she asked curiously.

"Perhaps he feels humbled," said Julia thoughtfully. "You've got to admit, in the last year you've been through _a lot_: that horrible curse of Snape's, your Mum passing on, coming to terms with your own emotions… and you've held up remarkably well. You're very strong; I think he admires you for that… and James isn't used to admiring people, he's used to _being_ admired. Also, perhaps he realizes that outside of school he's not going to be 'James Potter' anymore. He'll be just like everyone else," she explained.

"James could _never_ be like everyone else," Lily said quietly. "He's much nobler than everyone else; and he's smart, and extremely powerful, but he doesn't use it excessively."

"Not anymore," Julia smirked.

"He _has_ grown up remarkably in the past two years, hasn't he," Lily smiled.

"You've helped with that," added Julia.

"Perhaps, but it was there all along, underneath that cocky exterior," she laughed. "I don't know many fourteen-year-old boys who would have memorized Yeats to impress a girl."

Julia nodded, a small smile crossing her face. "I wish you could hear the way you talk about him," she teased. "You sound so enthralled and in love."

"I _am_ in love," replied Lily, her cheeks reddening.

"Yes, you are," Julia said with a happy smile. "And your _love_ is teasing you by asking questions, all kinds of questions, except the one you want to hear."

"You think he still wants too, right?" asked Lily, biting her lip nervously. "Maybe after the match… maybe it was just a rush of emotion and he-"

Julia grinned. "He does, Lils, he does. He blushes when he thinks about you, of course he does."

Lily nodded, smiling as she tried not to let herself get impatient for a proposal from James. "What about you, eh?"

"What _about_ me?"

Lily flashed an exasperated glance at Julia. "You and _Sirius_… what-"

"Lils, I told you _years_ ago… marriage is not in the cards for me," Julia said matter-of-factly, turning back to her notes.

"Yes, but things have changed now, haven't they?" asked Lily. "You-"

"I love Sirius, and Sirius loves me… yes. But … Lily, it's just not in the cards all right? It's just not. I'm not _wife_ material… I have no desire to have babies and all that other stuff," Julia explained.

"You don't have to have kids if you don't want to," advised Lily. "What if Sirius wanted to marry you? What would you say?"

"I'd say yes…" Julia replied, a sad smile crossing her face.

Lily frowned. "Is there-"

"No… he's perfect. Everything is perfect," she said, biting her lip. Lily was about to press further, but Julia's eyes widened and she nodded toward the entrance to the Great Hall. "Look…"

Lily turned to see Hadley walking sheepishly into the hall; groomed, smiling shyly, and completely healed. She blushed as several people began to whisper loudly over her appearance, sheepishly approaching where Lily and Julia were sitting.

"Lily, I'm _fine_; I'm really fine, look," she said, answering Lily's unspoken question and allowing her to examine the faded burn marks. "Madam Pomfrey fixed me right up, no worries."

"Are you sure?" asked Lily. "I'm not talking about your stomach or the bruises…"

"I'm all right," Hadley promised, blushing even redder. "To be honest, I barely remember the whole thing; I expect it has something to do with that dreamless sleep potion."

Lily smiled lightly. "Well, good… just, _watch_ yourself, all right? Don't go anywhere alone and-"

"Shouldn't you be taking your own advice?" asked Hadley with a small laugh.

Julia sniggered as Lily frowned. "_I'm_ almost qualified, I'm seventeen. When _you're_ seventeen, you can wander all over the country and I won't say a word… but for now-"

Hadley laughed. "I know, I know… stay safe, blah blah blah…"

"You're _sure_ you're okay?"

"I'm fine…thanks to you. I would have wandered around the forest for ages probably if you hadn't found me. I didn't get a chance to-"

"Don't thank me," Lily interrupted, putting a hand over Hadley's mouth. "Just… take care of yourself, all right?"

Hadley nodded, smiling gently as she flitted off to sit by her friends. Lily watched her go, frowning as she remembered what had been done to her "just for a laugh."

"No good deed goes unpunished, you know that don't you, Lils?" said Julia sadly as they watched Hadley walk away.

"I'm aware," she said darkly as they stood and walked out of the hall. "Though I'm not sure how much punishment I can get with only four days left, and Mulciber is leaving," she said, glancing out the windows of the hall as they walked toward the exit.

"Ooooo," grinned Julia. "_That_ makes me happy."

Lily chuckled as they stepped into the hallway across from the main doors; they had planned to head to the Library to continue studying for the exam, but were stopped abruptly when Avery rounded the corner and charged toward them.

"You're _dead_, Evans," he hissed, his expression murderous as he bore down on them.

"Oh, my _God_… Lily, you're a _zombie_?" Julia yelped, her voice full of terror as she backed away from Lily.

Lily gasped. "If I'm dead… and _walking_… I _must_ be a zombie," she cried in a horrified voice.

"Awfully cute, aren't you?" snarled Avery, his eyes narrowing as the girls sniggered at him. "You'll look awfully cute screaming while I string you up by your neck!"

"That's the only way you _can_ make a girl scream, Avery, you spineless wank," Julia snapped, moving forward and glaring at him. "Torture or threats… the rest of the time you follow behind Mulciber like some pathetic puppy dog."

Avery glared as he stepped forward, but Julia didn't back down. "Is that what you're pissed off about? No one to take you for walks? No one to pull your pigtails now that Mulciber is gone? No one to-"

Julia's insult was cut off when Mulciber approached from behind them and grabbed her roughly by her hair, jerking her head back as Lily moved forward with her wand extended. "Watch your filthy mouth when you're talking… I'll pull _your_ pigtails while you scream my pure-blood name if you don't shut up," he hissed.

Lily jabbed her wand roughly into Mulciber's throat, causing him to gag and throw her a look of deepest loathing. "Let her go or I'll make you pure _bleed_ all over the floor," she growled.

He released Julia, smirking at Lily's angry expression as he hitched his rucksack higher on his shoulder. "You're dead, Mudblood," he threatened, smirking malevolently at her before walking toward the entry doors and away from the castle. Avery gave the girls a scathing glare and walked into the Great Hall, leaving Lily and Julia standing alone in the hallway.

Lily sighed, shaking her head. "Arse, I hope he rots," she said, looking over at Julia. "Jules… what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Julia didn't respond; she was staring out a window next to the main doors with an expression of terror on her face. She walked forward, pressing her hands against the stained glass and before gasping quietly. Lily placed her hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture, following her gaze and trying to figure out what had frightened her. She was about to ask again what was wrong, but Remus and Sirius came out of the hall and approached them.

"Did you see Mulciber take off? Whiny little prat," Sirius muttered. "I'm sure _daddy_ is thrilled about him being expelled," he laughed, then paused and glanced curiously at Julia. "You all right?"

Julia still didn't respond, she inhaled sharply and looked at Sirius with a fierce expression. "Were you outside just now? Were you Padfoot?" she asked quickly.

Sirius glanced curiously at Remus and Lily, who were both watching Julia. "Er… no, I was still eating breakfast. Why, was my doppelganger out there?" he asked lightly, peering out the window.

"No… no, I just… I thought I saw something. Sorry… I … I've got to run to the loo; I'll see you at the exam Lils," she muttered quietly, walking quickly away from the group without.

"What just happened?" Sirius asked Lily.

"I don't know. We were walking to the Library… Avery caught us and was muttering threats… then Mulciber came and grabbed her by the neck, but I threatened to hex him and he let her go. Other than those two being gits… nothing. She just started staring out the window," said Lily, looking outside to see if there was anything of interest.

"I wonder why she asked if I was Padfoot," mused Sirius, as they began walking toward Gryffindor tower.

"I haven't a clue, but I'll find out," Lily assured him as they walked.

Lily didn't have much of a chance to find out, however. Once the exam began, her focus needed to be entirely on the task at hand. There were three testing areas set up in the Great Hall; one for demonstrating counter-curses and protective spells, another where they'd have to discuss handling cursed objects, and a final section devoted to fighting off Dark creatures.

The exam was difficult since the students had to perform the spells rather than just discuss them. Lily watched as Julia fought against twelve wooden figures set up to cast various hexes in her direction before taking the challenge herself. She knew the spells, and knew how to perform them, but doing it under threat was much different than in the safe setting of a class room.

"Good thing you and James like to play fight," said Julia when Lily finished.

"I guess," she agreed, holding the stitch in her side and trying to slow her breathing. "That was a bit ridiculous."

Julia laughed. "Not nearly as ridiculous as making us remove the curse on a stuffed puppy," she said.

"True… they could have found a more threatening object," Lily agreed.

All the students were overjoyed to find out there would be no written portion for the test. The examiners felt, much to James' amusement, that one's abilities for Defense Against the Dark Arts could not be expressed in writing. So the dark creature section was Lily's final challenge for the day, and she felt extremely confident as she came to the end of it. James had been flashing her encouraging smiles and nods of praise as he watched her from across the hall. They had been at opposite posts all day, and earlier she had watched him banish a boggart without even a second thought. She'd have to ask him what it turned into, for she was rather curious.

Lily was waiting for her next task when, without warning, a low sucking sound echoed from behind her. Cold flooded over her skin, and she felt a rush of horror as the positive emotions she felt about were torn from her head. Several screams echoed out across the hall, and the examiners near her began to back away rapidly. Lily turned to see scabby, rotting hands protruding from under a dark cloak as an enormous Dementor inhaled and moved closer to where she stood.

"_EXPECTO PATRONUM_!" she screamed, brandishing her wand and backing away as a silver doe burst from the tip and charged the creature down. The Dementor stumbled, falling backward over the chest from which it emerged as the patronus trampled over it. Lily was breathing heavily, her wand still outstretched when one of the examiners stepped forward and flicked his wand.

"_Riddikulus_!" he shouted; the Dementor changed into a dark masked figure, and then vanished in a wisp of smoke.

Lily stammered, her eyes blinking as she tried to catch her breath. She could feel the eyes of numerous classmates upon her as she stood, staring and shaking, at where the Dementor had been.

Julia approached, a half amused half terrified expression on her face. "_Boggart_, Lily, it was a boggart. They'd be _mental_ to bring Dementors into the castle."

"Boggart… right," she muttered. Her cheeks flooded with color and she tucked her hair nervously behind her ears, still feeling the eyes of students and the examiner upon her.

"That was impressive, Miss Evans," he said appraisingly. "I must say, your boggart gave us _all_ a fright… but, you dealt with it effectively, so I'm not going to find another one as you are my last for the day..." he murmured. "But… do make sure you can properly-"

"She can," said James' voice from behind Lily. "I've seen her banish one… no worries, Professor Tofty," he said lightly.

"Right… well, very good then, Miss Evans… off you go," the examiner said, flashing Lily a shaky, but impressed, smile.

James was sniggering as he put his arm around her waist and walked with her and Julia over to their friends. "You did cause everyone a bit of alarm," he teased.

"It caused _me_ a bit of alarm… my boggart has changed," she replied sheepishly, hiding her face from all the people staring at her.

"What did it used to be?"

"In forth year it was a mass of insects… but, I haven't seen a Boggart since then, so I don't know when it changed," she explained.

James nodded, squeezing her tightly. "Well, you don't need to fear Dementors with that strong a Patronus, I'm sure. Plus, you'll always have mine to help," he reminded her, kissing the part of her hair lightly.

"What was your boggart?" asked Lily.

James frowned, clearing his throat and waiting until Julia, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had moved out of range. "It's… it's actually a little embarrassing," he muttered.

"What?"

"It's me. All alone… just… alone," he said very quietly.

Lily gave him a comforting smile. "Well, a patronus can't fight that… but I can," she reassured, kissing him softly.

"Always?" he asked softly.

"Always," Lily replied.

"Forever?"

"Forever."

J&L&J&L

Lily felt anxious, unsettled. It felt like there was still something she had to do, but she couldn't place her finger on it. She kept waiting for something to remind her, something to happen that would jog her memory, but it remained blank as to what her remaining task was.

Perhaps James sensed there was something still in the way as well, for he still hadn't asked her the question she'd been wanting to hear for two weeks; the question she'd never in a million years thought she'd want him to ask. But he was the one; the question and answer belonged to him, and it was on her lips, just waiting to be spoken.

"Lily, will you-"

"Yes!"

James paused. "Er… hand me my towel?" he finished, chuckling lightly as he watched her glance at him then abruptly turn away shyly.

Lily blushed furiously as she picked up a towel that was thrown over James' chair and handed it to him; the doorway to his bathroom was wide open, and James was standing completely naked inside of it. To Lily's surprise, he began drying off his hair rather than wrapping it around his naked waist. He moved closer to her, smirking as she turned her eyes away and avidly focused on his socks that were lying on the floor. "What are you doing?"

"I… er… helping you pack?" she answered, still not looking at James as he moved closer. She really had just been sitting in his room, waiting… Lily had all her things packed, so she had begun packing his simply for something to keep herself busy.

"You could have joined me…" he murmured against her ear, smiling when she shuddered.

"I'm… I showered already, I'm pretty clean," she replied.

"Hmmm… I could make you dirty again," he teased. Lily chuckled nervously and turned away, sitting down on his bed and pushing her hair behind her ears. She kept her eyes on her trainers, listening as James pulled on his clothing before he sat down next to her. "You all right?"

"Yes… I feel impatient for some reason," she explained. "I think I want to get out of here…"

"Want to go to Hogsmeade?" asked James, watching as she shook her head. "Do you want to go for a walk? Or flying?" Lily shook her head again, her cheeks coloring brightly. "Look at you blush. What's got you so coy?" asked James.

"I can be coy," she muttered. "How… sometimes you're coy, and sometimes you're completely confident. Like just now… when you were naked and … completely unashamed of it."

"How could I be ashamed of my nakedness? Pale is the new tan, and I know you find the scent of the woods sexy… why wouldn't you find my stick-like body sexy as well?" he asked in a teasing voice.

Lily chuckled, poking him in the stomach and then sighing gently. "What makes you feel shy?" she asked.

James shrugged. "You; I don't know what it is, really," he said thoughtfully, running his hand through her hair and down her back. "I love you so much… sometimes it just overwhelms me. Do you ever notice when I start talking really slow?"

Lily smirked. "Yes, actually. Your voice drops, and you just slow down. But sometimes you talk really, really fast," she said.

"My head gets all boggled. I try to slow down because if I just said what came to mind it would be '_nghhhnnnn hurrnnhummmm _' which makes absolutely no sense," he chuckled.

"To the person untrained in James Potter speak, yes… but I understand what you meant," laughed Lily.

"That's because you get me, and you're so smart; brilliant, wonderful," murmured James, hugging her close. "Every positive adjective I could ever learn would describe you."

"I'm stubborn…"

"It's endearing, and it serves you well at times," James pointed out.

"I'm naïve," she replied.

"I'm arrogant."

"Sometimes… not always," said Lily gently. "And it's endearing as well." She smiled and kissed James' shoulder.

He blushed. "See… _there_ it is. That's when it happens," he exclaimed, shaking his head and trying to get the color out of his cheeks.

"When I kiss your shoulder?"

"No… when you… it's the little things. You have this way of doing these little, seemingly insignificant things that are so… lovely, and sweet," he tried to explain, biting his lip as his face colored more. Lily was smiling at him, her green eyes bright as she moved closer and forced him to look at her. "Like when you play with that piece of hair I have… that always _curls_ if it gets too long."

"That's my favorite part of your hair," she giggled.

"Or at night, when you sigh and snuggle closer to me, or when you lean your head into my hand if I'm playing with your hair," he explained, speaking very quickly. "You chew on your lip when you're nervous, or scared, or… determined about something."

"I can't stop! It drives me mad but I can't stop!" she exclaimed in a mortified voice.

"But when you look at me and do that, it makes me feel … I'm six feet tall, it makes me feel like I'm three inches from the ground," he said with a laugh. "I don't know why… it always has. You're so sweet and lovely… Lils, I love you so much I spend half the day wanting to hit myself with a beater's bat."

"What? Why?" she asked in a confused tone.

"To try and knock some sense into me… it's insane how much I love you; it defies logic," he explained.

Lily grinned. "Love is the exact defiance of logic, James… it makes no sense." She watched as he nodded, then kissed his shoulder again. "I spend all day constantly dizzy or feeling like I'm going to fall off a cliff whenever I'm close to you. I love you, in defiance of logic, and common sense, and rationale, and … you get my drift…"

James smiled, kissing her forehead and thinking about how perfect this moment was. "Lily?"

Lily gazed at him, feeling her heart begin to race. "Uh huh…"

"What color do you want to paint our bedroom?"

She sighed, closing her eyes and thinking over his question. "Maybe… maybe a light tan color? Not white. And _definitely_ not red," she grimaced. "I've spent seven years hating all the red that surrounds us. I blend into the walls if you've noticed," she added, watching as James laughed. "I'll never paint anything red again."

J&L&J&L

"He asked me about _paint_ colors," said Lily, frowning moodily as she kicked her feet against the cool currents in the lake. It was now mid-morning on Friday, and Lily and Julia were sitting by the lake, talking lightly in the warm June sun.

"So he cares about the décor, _why_ are you worried?" asked Julia, her eyes closed as she lay back against the grass.

"The moment was perfect, Julia… it was _perfect_," Lily said in a desperate voice. "What if… what if he just wants to move in with me because he knows … he's _got_ to know… that we'll sleep together, _finally_. What if that's that? What-"

"Lily," Julia admonished, "James is not just going to shag you and then break it off."

"No, that's not what I meant. What if once that's done, its… why buy the cow, right? If the milk is free, why buy it?" she asked.

Julia laughed. "That is the _stupidest_ thing you've ever said; really, Lils. You know, maybe he doesn't have _a ring_. He probably wants to ask you when he _has_ a ring," she explained.

"Oh, that reminds me… I still have to go get my things tomorrow from the house," said Lily, rolling her eyes. "Petunia never has gotten back to me about when I need to sign the papers..."

"Lils…" Julia said, leaning forward and placing her hand on Lily's back. "Don't worry, all right? You know… you _did_ say no to James for three years before you finally said yes; perhaps he's a bit nervous. Did you ever think of that? Since you still need to get your Mum's house taken care of, that's technically something still in the way and-"

Lily gasped and then jumped to her feet. "You're a _genius_, Julia… you're right! That's still in the way… I can fix it though," she said, picking up her trainers and walking quickly back toward the castle.

Julia jumped to her feet and started after her. "What are you talking about?"

"I'll go to Southhampton," she explained. "Johnson is probably in his office. I'll just go and get it taken care of today!"

Julia sputtered. "Wha-Lily… what about the ball?"

Lily shrugged. "It won't take me long to get my things and sign the papers," she said. "It's around ten o'clock now… I bet I could be back by at least eight or so. I already showered this morning, and my hair won't take long to fix-"

"Lils, no… don't go. James will be upset," she said, floundering around for any excuse to keep Lily at Hogwarts. She was only vaguely aware of James' plans, but she knew Lily's absence would throw him for a loop and make him even more nervous than he already was.

"Well, don't tell him! He probably wouldn't see me until the ball anyway, what with this great operation they've got going… so he won't even realize I'm gone," she shrugged lightly, then gasped loudly. "You know what else? Maybe _that's_ why he's been so nervous lately… he's afraid to ask me because I've said 'No' so often."

"Uh-"

"He said that to me once; he wasn't going to act until he knew for certain I wanted him since I'd said '_no'_ so many times," Lily continued thoughtfully. A happy smile crossed her face. "My Mum left me her ring, I can grab it while I'm at the house and… and I can ask _him_ to marry _me_!"

"That's _not_ how it works, Lily," said Julia sternly. "The boy is supposed to ask."

"Who says? Why can't I do it?" asked Lily. "I've wasted enough time being stupid and afraid when it comes to James… I don't… I don't want to miss out on any more time with him. I think this is a good idea, plus he'll be surprised and-"

"And he'll be disappointed! I'm sure he wants to be the one to ask you and-"

"Well, has he been planning it that you know of?" asked Lily, looking at Julia curiously.

She sputtered. "Well… I… no, he wouldn't discuss it with me anyway because he'd know I'd tell you; I couldn't keep something like that to myself," she said, fishing around for anything to change Lily's plans.

Lily waved her off. "I think this is good. There will be nothing in the way after I get this house thing taken care of, and then we… we can just be… together. I don't even need a big wedding, to be honest; I don't want one… all those people gawking at me," she shuddered.

"Well, what about what James wants?" asked Julia.

"If he wants a big wedding we can have one, but I doubt he does… we can talk about that later," she said, breaking into a run. "I'm going to go talk to McGonagall and get permission to leave. This is good… I can't believe I didn't-"

"Lily, this is _not_ good! You should wait for him… just-"

"I'm tired of waiting," she said. "Look… I've waited, all right? And he's waited for me… I don't want to wait anymore. Why should we wait? Look how much I missed out on because of my own hesitation! There's no sense in it… I don't want to hesitate. It's the same thing with you and Sirius. Why are _you_ waiting? Why are any of us waiting… you, me, James, Sirius…Remus … _SAM_!" shouted Lily, spying the dark haired Ravenclaw and darting off down the stairs toward her.

Julia's heart went into her throat; she made to follow Lil, but the staircase they were on shifted and she was left stuck on a balcony watching Lily rush to Sam, who greeted her with a bewildered smile. Julia raced down the stairs and through hallways, but by the time she managed to find a way over to where Sam was standing, Lily had run off again and out of sight. "Where'd she go, Sam? _Damn it_! She get's these ideas in her head, and she's so bloody stubborn. Where-"

"Julia," Sam said in a quiet voice. "Is it true? About… about Remus? Lily… she didn't tell me _necessarily_… but she dropped so many hints she may as well have," Sam explained, her voice a frantic whisper. "Is it true, Julia? Is he… he's a w-werewolf?"

Julia made an angry face. "She… oh, _that_ _girl_! Sam-"

"Answer me," Sam demanded.

Julia sighed. "Yes… it's true. And It's a long, _long_ story, so you'd better walk with me if you want to hear it," she said, motioning for Sam to follow her. "I swear… when I find that little ginger haired freak I'm going to tie her to a chair!"

J&L&J&L&J&L

Forty five minutes later, Lily was standing outside her former home, tightness in her chest as she thought of all the memories held inside. But this was a good thing; she was cutting the cord that held her to the Muggle world. She belonged in the Wizarding world… she belonged with James.

McGonagall had allowed Lily to take the Floo network to the Ministry of Magic, and from there she Apparated to Southhampton. Lily explained to Johnson that she wanted to sign the papers to sell the house,0 .and get her possessions before moving into her flat. He agreed, and expressed his thankfulness that she was getting it taken care of sooner than later.

"Petunia has been trying to push this through very fast," he explained as he gathered up files. "And I know she hasn't kept you up to speed on things."

"Why am I not surprised," Lily muttered. "So I'll see you in about ten minutes at the house?" she asked.

"Yes, I just have to make one stop and then I'll be there," Johnson smiled.

Petunia was in a foul mood when Lily showed up, unannounced, on her doorstep and explained her plans. The girls were now standing next to one another on the sidewalk that led to their childhood home, Petunia grumbling about Lily's nerve, and Lily contemplating ways to hex Petunia and get away with it.

"…can't _believe_ you have the nerve to just show up out of the blue and demand-"

"I'm not _demanding_ anything, Petunia," Lily interrupted. "I simply decided it would be prudent for me to get these papers signed and pick up my things before I moved into my flat in Avon."

Petunia sniffed. "Avon, hmm? And you'll be rooming _with_…"

"With James; and my friends Julia and Sirius," she explained.

"Well… It's interesting that Mum always thought you were so _wholesome_. I'm sure she'd _love_ to see you living in sin rather than taking a job somewhere," Petunia snorted.

"I'm sure she'd _love_ to hear of you avoiding my letters in hopes that I'd forget about this and you'd get your hands on my inheritance," replied Lily, examining her nails nonchalantly.

Petunia's ears went red. She drew herself up taller and rounded on Lily, but before she could say anything a loud crack echoed very close to them. Petunia screeched and turned around, while Lily simply smiled at the appearance of Lindsay and Ambrose Potter, who had accompanied Johnson to assist her with moving out and dealing with the papers.

"Hello Lily… Petunia," Mr. Johnson greeted. "Glad we're getting this taken care of. I've brought the necessary with me, if we could step inside…" he said, gesturing toward the house.

Petunia followed, pausing only to throw Lily a look of disdain before heading toward the front door of their childhood home, her expression haughty and unfriendly as she searched for her key.

Lily saw James' mum pull a face out of the corner of her eye and started laughing. "Good Lord… how _are_ you from the same family?" Lindsay asked Lily in a conspiratorial whisper.

"I've been asking myself that question for years," replied Lily, causing James' parents to laugh gently.

Once inside, the girls signed the papers and other documents, then Petunia left in a hurry, obviously anxious to get away from the presence of so many "freaks." Lily proceeded to gather her things, and at Lindsay and Ambrose's insistence, sent them to their house via the Floo network.

"We took the liberty of having you put on the network after… well, after Rose passed on," Lindsay explained kindly. "Just in case you ever came back and needed to get somewhere quickly."

"I appreciate that," Lily said with a blush. "I need to thank you, again; you both have been-"

Don't thank us, love. It's nothing," said Lindsay. "We adore you, Lily. I must admit I'm surprised James hasn't asked you … well… asked you _officially_ to be part of the family. He's been thinking about it for months."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Has he?"

"Yes… writes to us constantly, full of nerves," Ambrose added with a fond smile. "You know, I never knew how badly James fussed with his hair until I met you that day at the Ice Cream parlor."

Lily laughed. "Yes… he does that frequently. Not just when he's nervous, but when he's excited or stressed as well," she said, smiling at the thought of James' habit. "I do need to fetch one more thing… If you don't mind waiting?"

"Not at all dear, take your time," said Lindsay.

Lily nodded and walked into her parents' bedroom, fighting back tears as she examined the empty space. She removed the charm she had placed on the furniture; it was no longer needed since Lily had signed off on the paperwork. Petunia would most likely sell everything… the bed, dressers, other various items of furniture... She sighed, fingering the jewelry box that sat on top of her mother's dresser. Lily didn't need it, she didn't have a lot of jewelry; but the two pieces she was looking for were surely inside of one of the drawers…

Upon opening the bottom drawer, Lily was surprised to see a small bundle of paper inside it. Curious, she lifted the contents and began to examine them. They were held together with a small rubber band and looked a lot like the parchment she used at Hogwarts. She thought perhaps she ought not to read them, or perhaps her mother had simply kept all of her correspondence from school. But curiosity overwhelmed her and she tore off the rubber band, glancing out the door to make sure no one was watching as she opened the first roll of paper.

"_December 15__th__, 1977_

_Rose,_

_Lily needs to stop, its making me blush to hear it second hand. I can only imagine how bad off I would be were she to tell me all this in person. Not that I wouldn't __**love**__ hearing it from her, but there is nothing manly about blushing, and I do like for her to think I'm strong and brave and all those other hero qualities… But thank you for relaying them to me. My stomach has officially been made the home of several thousand butterflies ever since I first set eyes on Lily. It's nice to know a few of them have taken up residence with her._

_I find it ironic that she's writing to you about how wonderful _I_ am… it's precisely the opposite. _She_ is wonderful, _she_ is amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and I love her so much. I wish I could accurately find a word to describe how I feel. I have been in love with her for __**ages**__; it's extremely humbling to hear that she feels the same way I do. _

"_There is an unfortunate side to having Lily fancy me though. I've always considered myself to have a fantastic vocabulary, but the only thing my mind can come up with to describe how happy I am that Lily chose me is _**gaaahhhraaahhhaaaahha!**_ Which is silly, so I try to refrain from saying it aloud. Basically, she makes my brain and heart turn circles again and again until I'm completely dizzy, and I can't even tell which way is up until she kisses me. Which is absolutely spectacular; the pinnacle of my existence._

"_The ring is beautiful; Mr. Evans had tastes similar to my own. This is exactly what I considered buying Lily. I can't imagine my life without her now that she's been in it for so long as my friend, and now as my girlfriend (I _**love**_ saying that). I don't feel it's too soon to think about marriage. Quite the opposite actually, I've been thinking about marrying Lily since the end of last year. That probably sounds a bit premature since I was still vying for her attentions, but I assure you that Lily is the only woman I will ever desire. I promise, no matter what happens, I will _**always**_ love and care for her the way you would want someone to. She means everything to me. I'm not sure when I'll ask … sooner than later. I don't want to miss out on any time with her. _

_I'm very pleased that we're spending the holiday with you; it will be great to see you and talk again._

_Thank you for the ring, for sharing so much with me, for being wonderful and understanding in our previous correspondences, and thank you, thank you, __**thank you**__ for Lily._

_Love, James Potter"_

Lily let out strangled whimper, smiling as she placed her hand against her mouth and reread James' letter again. He had her mother's ring, her ring… He'd had the ring since November, he'd been thinking about proposing to her since November… he could be thinking about proposing to her now… just like she'd been wanting him too.

The only problem with this idyllic picture that formed in her mind…was that she wasn't there...

J&L&J&L

"She did _WHAT_?" James shouted, his hands full of soap bubbles.

"She took off… we got to talking about you and she was freaking out because she didn't think you wanted to marry her and –"

"_How_- _What_? I knew I should have asked her earlier!" he growled, trying valiantly to rid his clothes and everything of the soap bubbles that were spewing from the taps in the boys bathroom on the fourth floor. "We had moment after moment and it was perfect! Why'd you let her go?"

"I didn't _let_ her do anything!" said Julia in an exasperated voice. "She got the idea in her head and took off… she's much faster than she looks."

"I'm going after her," said James, walking cautiously across the slippery floor and past Julia who was standing in the entrance way.

"You can't… you'll miss her or you won't find her 'cause she'll be back her. She is coming back tonight, she promised," said Julia in a calm voice. She followed James down the hall back toward Gryffindor common room, shaking her head over the insanity that had come into her life in the past few hours. "Might I ask… _soap bubbles_? This seems tame compared to some of the other stunts you have pulled."

"It's _funny_," insisted James. "They'll be slipping and not be able to get it off… _you're_ the one who said we should keep it clean."

"Oh, very funny… ha, ha, ha," replied Julia.

By the time they made it back to the common room, Julia and James were arguing about whether or not he should take off after Lily. "I say you wait and-"

"You are the one who told me to wait to propose! I was completely prepared to ask her two weeks ago, but you said I should _wait_. And now look-"

"Yes, all right, I steered you wrong!" said Julia. "But… you –"

"What is going on?" asked Sirius, who had just come downstairs with Peter. "Jules, you knew about the prank, you can't be-"

"I'm not upset about that! I-"

James interrupted her. "Lily took off," he said. "She… got impatient and suddenly got the _bright_ _idea_ that she'd go to her house, get her stuff today, and fetch the rings…"

"What?" asked Peter with a smirk. "Does she think she's going to propose to you?"

James' eyes widened, horrified, as he looked at Julia. "She didn't-"

"I told her you wouldn't like that… but I couldn't tell her anything else!" Julia said defensively. "Unless you wanted me to tell her you already had the ring..."

"No… no, that wouldn't be good either," he said. "Well… here, I'll get the map. She'll be on it as soon as she comes back and-"

"Er… actually, Prongs… map is gone," said Peter sheepishly.

"_What_?" asked James in a low voice.

"He wasn't watching and Filch came along," Sirius explained. "As soon as he saw it was us, it didn't matter that the map was blank… it could have said 'Argus Filch is a Brilliantly Capable Wizard and Not a Squib,' but since it came from us… you know how barmy he is… he took it; said he was going to learn our secrets to prevent wrong doing in the future."

"Great… that's fucking _awesome_," growled James. "First my girlfriend disappears, then our map is confiscated… this is stupid. I'm… I'll get dressed, and I'll just… I'll just go find her and… damn it…"

"James, she'll be back and-"

"Yeah, but now I'm … God… she didn't think I wanted to… and then she's not going to be able to find the rings and she'll be upset and-"

"So she'll be relieved that you have them, maybe?" Sirius interjected.

"I don't know… how can I ask her now that she's spent the last two weeks thinking I didn't want to?"

Julia shook her head. "Very simply. You get on one knee and you ask. Go shower, you're covered in soap bubbles… we'll… we'll wait here for her and … if she isn't back by the end of dinner then we'll go find her," she said gently.

James nodded, looking completely dejected as he went up the stairs and into his room. Sirius frowned, Peter looked bewildered and confused, but Julia still looked angry. "Bloody redheads and their bloody stubborn tempers and-"

"James is right," chuckled Sirius. "When these two breed, their kids are going to have horrid little temper tantrums, that's for sure."

J&L&J&L

Remus had been walking alone when he heard his name being called from behind. He turned around and saw Lily running toward him, followed closely by Sam Pitchfield. He paused his steps, giving them both a curious glance as they approached.

Lily took a very deep breath, her expression stern and warning as she looked at him. Sam was simply staring up at him curiously, her bright blue eyes seeming to pierce through his soul. "Er… hi?" said Remus, fidgeting nervously with his hair.

Lily opened her mouth, but it was Sam who spoke. "Hi… Moony."

Remus smiled and quirked an eyebrow, but then his face went white and expression turned terrified. "You… how…you just called me-"

"She called you Moony," said Lily. "Because it's your nickname… and it's your nickname … because-"

"Lils," interrupted Sam, holding out one hand to silence her and placing the other against Remus' arm. "I've got this."

"You've got this?"

"Yes," Sam replied, watching Lily's expression relax. Remus remained tense and alert, his face growing steadily more white as the seconds passed.

"Right… well, good… I'll just… be on my way then," said Lily, turning and running off in the opposite direction. Remus stared after her, concerned and marginally angry at her for putting him in this situation.

"Remus," said Sam, placing her hand against his cheek and running her fingers along a faint scar, "You don't need to be afraid of me; I'm not going to bite you."

"I know," he swallowed.

"And I'm not worried about you biting me," she continued.

Remus swallowed again, he opened his mouth, but she pressed her fingers against his lips. "I'm leaving tomorrow… not… not just from here, I'm leaving the country," she explained.

Remus' expression softened, he took her hand away from his lips and laced his fingers through hers. "Why?"

Sam sighed. "School… I got accepted into Truesdell Healing Academy in France. And… and other reasons," she confessed.

Remus nodded, pulling her a little closer to him and sighing heavily. "I'm sorry… I-"

"Can we take a walk? I just… We need to talk," she said with a smile. Remus nodded and put his arm around her waist, listening as she began to explain the strange events of her afternoon.

J&L&J&L

"D'you reckon he's trying to drown himself?" asked Peter. It had been an hour, and James hadn't emerged from his dormitory. Typically, when James was anxious everything about him increased in pace; but this was the longest shower Sirius and Peter had ever known him to take.

"Perhaps he's trying to drown his nervousness," said Sirius. "He gets like this… if things aren't exactly the way he thinks they should be, or go the way he thinks they should go, he gets all panicky."

"So I've noticed," Julia added.

"It's Lily's fault," said Sirius matter-of-factly. "You remember how he was when he first developed that crush on her. And when she said no, it just fueled the fire… but he would get so _mental, _half the time he couldn't form a proper sentence. I'll never understand how he managed to coherently ask her out so many times."

"I'll never understand why I said no so many times," Lily's voice said breathlessly as she stepped through the portrait hole. Julia, Sirius and Peter all jumped to their feet. "Where is he?"

Sirius and Peter ran up stairs, while Julia raced forward and grabbed Lily. "Never you mind, come with me," she snapped, dragging her upstairs to her room.

James had just gotten his trousers on when Sirius burst into the room. "All right, Padfoot?" he asked, watching as Peter skidded in behind him. "Er… what's going on _now_?"

"Nothing," said Sirius. "Just… hungry. Want to get going… eating… doing other things."

"O-_kay_," said James. "Go on down without me… I'm going to wait here for Lily. Julia said she'd be back… I … I want her to be able to find me… I shouldn't be running all over the place 'cause we'd miss each other. I'll… _we'll_ be down later," he explained.

Sirius chuckled, glancing at Peter as he pulled open one of James' drawers idly then shut it. "Right… I doubt you'll be down later if things go the way you want them to," he smirked as his two friends stepped outside the door and back down the stairs.

"Where's Moony?" James called after them.

"No idea!" Peter called back.

James frowned. "Missing girlfriend, missing friend… the only thing I'm not missing is these bloody butterflies…" he muttered to himself as he pulled on his dress shirt.

"I'm not missing those either," said Lily's voice. James jumped and turned around, his eyes widening quickly. She was standing in his doorway, dressed in the same white dress she'd worn to Slughorn's Christmas party. It was different though, she'd done something to it… added lace, or beads or… it was something. Or maybe it was just her.

"Perhaps we should trade butterflies sometime," suggested James, smiling broadly as he stepped closer to Lily. "I'm sure they'd like to get out and see a new environment."

Lily smiled. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were a little watery, she looked as though she'd been crying. "I did realize earlier that I was missing something," she said quietly.

"Oh?" James replied.

"Yes… and … well… I know _you_ have it," she whispered.

James nodded, a small smile crossing his lips. "I only borrowed your poetry book, I planned on-"

"You have my poetry book?"

James laughed, closing the distance between them and kissing Lily soundly on the lips. She yielded to his arms, tangling her fingers into his hair as a small whimper escaped her lips. James broke the kiss, and sank down on one knee. To his surprise, she followed him.

"You… I was going to …" James swallowed, his hands began to shake violently. "I was supposed to recite one of those poems," he confessed. "But I found out you were gone… that you went to-"

"I went to get everything out of the way," she said, sniffling and wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. "There's nothing, James. I have nothing holding me to that world… but … I have everything holding me to you," she whispered, placing her hands against his cheeks and kissing him soflty.

"Lily," James whispered. "You… I'm supposed to say things like that," he protested, smiling as a rush of joy and nervousness filled his heart.

"I'm also supposed to be standing aren't I? And I'm not supposed to know what you're going to do… James… I have _never_, _ever_ done what I'm supposed to do, or been what I'm supposed to be," she laughed, wiping away tears again as he moved closer. "What makes you think I'd start now?"

"A man can dream," he teased. "Everything with you and about you is like a dream, like being in a dream…" James took hold of Lily's left hand, kissing it gently, his lips soft against her skin. He looked up, sinking down a little more on his knees as she gazed at him. Her bright green eyes wet, her freckled cheeks still flushed, and she was shaking. James didn't know if it was anticipation, anxiousness, or excitement; all he knew was that he felt completely insignificant in realizing he was the source of Lily Evans' emotional tremors.

"I don't want to wake up," James said, keeping her hand in his as he pulled her close. James reached into his pocket, pulling out the tiny ring he'd carried with him for the last few months. "I… God, you're so beautiful," he blurted out, smiling when she laughed and sniffled lightly. "Lily Elizabeth… will you marry me?" he asked in a whisper.

Lily nodded vigorously. "Yes… yes, James, yes," she replied in a shaky voice.

"You'll be my wife?"

"Yes."

"My-"

"Your lover… your best friend, partner-in-crime… everything… anything you want, James," Lily laughed, moving close to him and kissing him softly. "Yes… yes, yes, yes," she whispered to him in-between kisses.

James was grinning wildly as Lily kissed him. Her lips were soft, pleading, and full of love as he paused his kisses for a moment to slide the ring onto her finger.

When James released her hand, Lily wrapped both her arms around him and laid back against the carpet, pulling him overtop her. "You aren't … even… going to look?" he teased.

Lily shook her head. "You… I want you… just you," she whispered, tugging him closer. There was a murmur of "_awh_" and a few sniggers from just outside the hall and Lily sighed.

James grinned and shook his head. "I promise… I promise… someday _soon_, we won't have an audience for moments like this."

* * *

_A/N: Sorry about the lateness of the update, I had family visiting and was away from my laptop for numerous hours which makes writing and editing difficult. I also had a WICKED case of writers block, but I'm back now and my beta has the next chapter. Keep watching, more will come but I can't guarantee an update next week but there will be one as SOON as I have my editing done. Thank you all for your support and continued reading._


	34. Fate

Fate

"Voodoo People" The Prodigy

* * *

"Wormtail," James said, placing his hand against Peter's shoulder. "Do you see over there - the shorter, female-shaped person? With the waterfall of auburn hair cascading elegantly over her shoulders? She's turning now… she-"

"In the name of all that is holy, Prongs-" Peter interrupted, grimacing as James forcibly turned him toward the edge of the platform.

"_Do - you - see - her?" _

"Yes… and I've seen her practically every day for the last year," Peter grumbled.

"She's my _fiancée_," James explained, his voice dripping with affection. "She's agreed to be my wife, to stay home with me and rub my feet when they're tired and-"

"I'm pretty sure Lily wasn't aware _that_ was part of the deal when she said 'yes,'" Peter laughed.

"I have a task for you, an important task," James pressed on, his voice becoming stern. "And it's going to be a solo task since apparently _Moony_ decided to disappear off the face of the planet."

"Does this solo task have something to do with your female-shaped fiancé, or am I actually going to be doing something worthwhile?" asked Peter skeptically.

James made a face. "Lily is worthwhile, and she thinks you're worth something so-"

"That's not what I meant, Prongs," said Peter. "Of course I think she's worthwhile… but I have no idea what kind of '_task'_ you are appointing on me. I'm sure she could do it better than I could."

"Psssshhh," James insisted, waving him off. "She can't do this one, because I'm asking you to keep her out of trouble."

Peter laughed, a little nervously. "She's going to _love_ that. We're on the Hogwarts Express, Prongs… how much trouble can she get in?"

James' expression became hard. "I don't know… just make sure she doesn't- "

"James," said Julia's voice from behind him. He turned to see her watching him, a sad little smile on her face. "We'll be fine; I'll keep an eye on her too."

"You all right? Where's Sirius?" asked James, looking around for his friend.

"He stepped inside the station for a second," she explained. "I'm all right, just a bit tired I think."

James nodded, he was about to ask if there was anything else wrong when suddenly Lily bounded over to them, her face full of exuberance as she nodded toward the opposite end of the platform. "Look, over there…. _Look_, _look_, _look_!" she whispered excitedly.

Julia turned around as James and Peter followed Lily's gaze. Remus and Sam Pitchfield were standing in a secluded area at the end of the platform, embracing each other tightly. As they watched, Sam stood up on her tiptoes and kissed Remus lightly on the mouth. He responded by running his fingers through her hair and holding her close, prolonging the kiss for a few more moments. Julia grinned broadly before turning back to Lily and giving her a thumbs-up. "Nice work… that would have never happened if you hadn't-"

"Oh, _Mooh-ooooh-ooooony_…" Sirius' voice called, as he rushed over to the pair of them. "You finally pulled your head out of your arse! Just in time, eh? Oh, don't let me stop you… continue snogging," he teased, ruffling Remus' hair before letting him get back to his moment with Sam, whose expression was torn between fury and amusement as she glared after Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest disapprovingly. Julia smirked and James was laughing as Sirius pranced over to where they were gathered. "You, Sirius Black, are the most _obnoxious_ bloke I've ever met," said Lily, trying valiantly to hide the smirk forming on her face.

"I'll claim that title and wear it proudly. 'Sirius Black – The Most Obnoxious Bloke Lily Evans-Soon-To-Be-Potter Has Ever Met," he teased, side stepping James and grabbing Lily roughly around the neck. She made a shocked but amused noise as he hugged her tightly, vigorously tousling her hair as she protested and pushed against him.

"Get off me," she laughed, finally disentangling herself from his arms and attempting to appear stern as Sirius grinned mischievously at her, encouraged by James', Julia's and Peter's laughter. "Don't know what I was thinking, agreeing to live in the same building with you… James and I will never have a moment's peace," she said, rolling her eyes.

"I'll give you two a moment's peace as soon as I know Prongs has-"

"Enough," said James, sniggering uncontrollably as Lily's eyes narrowed in Sirius' direction. "The train is leaving… you sure you want to go?" he asked Lily.

She nodded, giving him a regretful smile. "I promised McGonagall. And it's not like I won't see her again if we join the Order," she said quietly. "Besides… someone needs to keep an eye on Peter and Remus," she said teasingly.

"Oh, of course," James laughed. "Make sure they don't snore too loudly and frighten the children."

"I'll keep them awake… well, Remus anyway; I want to see what he and Sam talked about," she said, peering over James shoulder and watching as Remus hugged Sam tightly before boarding the train. She waved at him, and then walked back inside the station.

"She's not –"

"She's heading to France," explained Lily. "She got accepted into the University, she's going to be a Healer."

"Oh," said James, frowning slightly as he watched Remus' figure join Peter inside a compartment. "So… how-"

"_I_ told her… well, I didn't _tell_ her, exactly… but I dropped enough hints that sure she figured it out," Lily explained sheepishly. "She needed to know… she needed to know why he was acting the way he was. I couldn't –"

"I agree," said James, placing his fingers against her lips, smiling when she kissed them. "I'm glad you did that. He needed the push. The sad thing about Remus is he wants the acceptance from everyone else… but _he_ doesn't accept himself. He's human, and he needs human things."

"Like friendship," she agreed.

"And love," added James.

Lily smiled, leaning up to kiss him. James interlaced his fingers with hers, smiling against her lips as she wrapped an arm around his neck. "You'll be safe?" asked James.

Lily nodded. "Everything will be fine, love," she whispered, kissing him again. "You'll pick me up at the station?"

James nodded, quirking his eyebrow seductively as he pulled her close. "Uh-huh… and then I will whisk you away to somewhere private where Padfoot cannot find us and make love to you for the next three days on a bed of silk sheets," he grinned.

"Silk sheets are cold," she whispered, biting her lip and smirking at him.

"Cotton sheets then," he amended, kissing her soundly. They stayed close together, the noise of students around them fading away…

"_OI_! If you're going to get on the train you'd best get on it," Sirius shouted, shaking Lily roughly by the shoulders. She sighed and nodded, allowing James to kiss her once more on the forehead before she jumped onto the train. Julia stepped forward and hugged James, rather tightly it appeared. He kissed her on the cheek, and then nodded curiously as she patted his head and jumped on the train next to Lily. The whistle blew and the engine lurched forward, with the girls hanging out the door and waving bye to James and Sirius as they faded into the distance.

"Padfoot?" asked James.

"Hmmm?"

"What's up with Julia?" he continued as they walked to the edge of the platform.

Sirius frowned. "I'm not sure… she was… last night she was very… I can't find the right word," he muttered thoughtfully. "She was uncharacteristically serious. And I'm not making a joke with my name… she was. She told me she never wanted me to change; she wanted me to be an obnoxious, rule-breaking, wise-cracking scoundrel all of my life. And then she said… she said she wanted me to be Lily's friend."

"Come again?"

"She said she wanted me to be Lily's friend," explained Sirius. "I told her I already am, but she made me promise. It was very strange; and you know Jules can be strange at times… randomly insightful. But she was completely serious and very persistent about making me promise her things."

James considered him thoughtfully. "D'you think that… maybe … since Lils and I-"

"That was the _one_ thing she didn't bring up… I tried," Sirius interrupted. "I thought perhaps she was feeling a bit… I don't know… but she refused to talk about it. She's told me, since we first got together, that she never wanted to get married… said it wasn't in the cards for her. But… I wonder…"

James nodded. "Maybe it was the ending of school and all that we've known for so long, that threw her off. Lils was a little thrown off this morning too; said she was ready to leave, but it was hard to let go."

"I get that… but that wasn't what was going on with Jules," he explained, shaking his head. "It'll be all right… we talked for a while, and … stuff… and this morning she was fine, very insistent about snogging me, but fine. What did she say to you during that hug?"

"She told me to take care of you, and Lily… and then she said she loved me and was happy I never gave up," he explained, shrugging at Sirius' concerned expression. Both of them looked up at the outline of the castle, knowing they'd be back soon, but unsure of when.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"…we're going to write to each other," Remus was explaining to Lily, Julia and Peter as the train rolled down the tracks. "She said she'll need to come home on Holidays, and… well… she wasn't sure if she wants to go directly to her parents' house… she's afraid for them…"

"She hasn't gotten any threats though, has she?" asked Julia.

"No… but the last attack in Devonshire was very close to where they live; she doesn't want to give the Death Eaters any reason to go back there," Remus explained sadly.

"Well, writing is good. And you can go visit her, and she can come home and visit you if she wants," Peter added encouragingly.

Remus nodded, a shy smile crossing his face. He looked over at Lily who was watching him cautiously. "That was pretty ballsy of you, Lils," he said, giving her a stern but amused glance.

"She needed to know, and I didn't tell her _flat out_," Lily replied loftily. "I only told her your nickname, and what your boggart was… as soon as I mentioned that, she figured it out on her own, clever girl that she is."

Remus chuckled, shaking his head with a bemused smile on his face. "I suppose I should thank you…"

"You should thank yourself," said Lily seriously. "It's about time you did something you wanted."

"So, are there plans for a fall wedding?" asked Remus, laughing at Lily's flushed cheeks and happy smile. The conversation turned to Lily and her childhood plans for a wedding, all of which had changed numerous times over the years, and the last few always included James.

"The only thing I'm certain of is I want it outside," said Lily. "It seems fitting, and I love being out in the sun, so that's what I want."

"His parents have that pretty meadow next to their house," Julia suggested.

"There's a forest not too far from his house as well," said Peter. "We've camped there a few times."

Lily nodded, storing this information for later when she actually had a chance to sit down and talk with James about it. Peter began talking about their camping trips, with Remus chiming in every now and then to add something to the stories and Julia laughing lightly. Lily only vaguely listened; she spent a majority of the seven hour train ride staring at her ring. It was different than when her mother had it; James had told her he'd had her mother's and father's rings molded into one, and added two small diamonds next to the larger one - one for her and one for him. It was simple, sweet, and incredibly beautiful; everything Lily had ever imagined she'd want.

They were around ten minutes away from King's Cross when Lily announced she was going to take one last look around the train to make sure all the students were ready to exit the train when they arrived. She examined the hallways as she walked, smiling as fond memories swept through her mind: falling asleep on James' lap, all the times she'd spent gossiping and playing exploding snap with Julia and Mary… discovering Julia and Sirius mid-tryst last Christmas… the time Remus and James had been practicing hexes and they ended up tying each other to the bench and were subjected to massive teasing by everyone who passed by. So many memories… it felt bittersweet to be riding the train for the last time.

The engine whistled as they pulled into the station, fifteen minutes earlier than they had expected to arrive. The platform seemed crowded as everyone got off the train and began to gather their trunks and other belongings. Lily and Julia set the two small bags they had next to a pillar, and watched as families greeted their children with hugs and kisses. Lily felt a tug at her heart, it was the first time she'd ever arrived at the Platform and _someone_ from her family wasn't there to pick her up.

"James will be here in a minute," said Julia, observing her expression. "He's your family now."

"You are a mind reader," Lily chuckled.

"It's called Legilimency, Lils. Legilimency Lils… you should learn it just so I can call you that," said Julia, giggling uncontrollably.

Lily sniggered. "Right… well 'Legilimency Lils' is going to head to the loo," she announced, causing Julia to laugh even louder.

The platform seemed to be teeming with people, even though several families had already gone through the magical barrier back into the Muggle world. It was strange, but Lily put it aside as she passed familiar faces and said good bye. Hadley Crawler hugged her before leaving with her parents, and Betsy Hawk from the Quidditch team stopped to gush over Lily's ring as she was leaving the bathroom. More students stopped when they saw her: Melany Finch, Connie Lockwood, and Mary all paused for a few moments to gush over it again before hugging Lily tightly and promising to write. The attention delayed Lily a bit in returning to wait for James; she found herself explaining time and time again that the engagement had only _just_ happened, and she hadn't had time to make plans, let alone think about a dress, flowers, or all the other things that went along with a wedding.

"But you'll be putting an announcement out, right?" said Felicity, still looking over the diamond with a slightly envious expression.

"I'm not sure," said Lily, biting her lip. "With everything going on… we'll see."

"Don't let everything that's going on stop you from planning something big if that's what you want," Felicity advised, releasing Lily's hand and giving her a kind smile. "You look really happy."

"I am happy… I'm _very_ happy."

"Good… stay that way, Lily; don't let anyone or anything make you censor your happiness," said Felicity, giving Lily a quick hug and saying good bye before she left the restroom.

Lily smiled, internally thinking that Felicity had grown up a lot within the past nine months. She smiled to herself and began examining her appearance in the mirror, a far off corner of her mind wondering if James had been serious about taking her some place private for a few hours… days… whatever he had in mind. She had just begun fluffing her hair and practicing her Sexy Look when Julia came into the bathroom.

"What _are_ you doing?" she asked, giggling slightly as Lily rearranged her expression hastily.

"I was bombarded by people! '_Good bye, Lily!' 'Oh, look at your ring!'_ you get my drift," she explained, ignoring Julia's sniggers.

"I see," replied Julia. "You're the talk of the student body… everyone's been asking me when the date is. Does it seem abnormally packed out there?"

Lily nodded in agreement. "It does! I've been thinking that since we got off the train, it's very strange."

"Here, you left this in your bag," said Julia, handing Lily her wand. "You really shouldn't leave it lying around, you know."

"I was just coming to the bathroom."

"I know, but-"

Julia's comment was cut off by a sudden commotion. There were shouts that began growing louder, followed by loud screams, and then suddenly a flash of white lit up the entrance to the bathroom. Julia and Lily both ducked and covered their ears as a loud bang echoed throughout the station; bricks began to fall and dusty smoke filled the room.

"What -"

"We have to get out of here!" shouted Julia, grabbing Lily's hand and tugging her through the door. They paused as soon as they exited the bathroom, both of them raising their wands defensively as they gaped in shock at the scene in front of them.

Black cloaked figures in skull masks had overtaken the platform. A few were engaged in small battles with parents or students, while others appeared to be making it a mission to capture members of the helpless muggle-born families.

Lily and Julia raced into the crowd, both of them casting shields to protect a set of terrified parents running toward the magical barrier from various curses. Lily pushed the family through and looked around for others in need of assistance. Several more people raced toward where she was, being shielded by various students, including Remus, Peter and Max Linghold.

"This one is still open?" Remus asked incredulously, watching as Lily pushed several people through the barrier.

"Yes… how-"

"There's only so many ways onto the Platform, they're closing all of them off," he explained, firing a jinx over her shoulder at a Death Eater racing toward them. More families with younger students raced to the gate, guarded by figures wearing purple robes.

"Get the Muggle-borns and their families out, especially the young ones," a familiar voice shouted. Lily looked up to see Alice Vanceton (_it's Longbottom now_, Lily thought randomly) standing at her shoulder urging people through the gate. "That's who they're after; get them out before they destroy this one!"

"All right!" Lily replied, sending a jinx over Remus' shoulder at a pair Death Eaters that were racing toward them. Alice ran off, leaving Remus and Lily guarding the barrier, firing jinxes at Death Eaters that attempted to come near them. Other older students, Julia, Max and Felicity among them were helping rescue the terrified families and guide them to the only open exit.

After around twenty people passed through, the flow of people running toward the barrier slowed. Remus peered into the chaos that was all around them, searching for others. "Do you think they got everyone?"

"I can't tell," Lily replied, firing another hex at a Death Eater who was engaging two Aurors in a violent fight. "There's too many people and-"

"You should go," suggested Remus, dragging her back toward the barrier as she started to walk forward.

"Are you insane? I'm not leaving you all here-"

"You're muggle-"

"I know what I am, Remus!" shouted Lily. "Don't announce it and don't coddle-"

"I'm not trying to coddle you!" growled Remus. "I'm trying to keep you alive!"

Just then Remus was pushed over by a cloaked figure that Lily's jinx had missed. The two began to struggle; Remus was punched in the face as he tried to block the man's hexes that were raining upon him.

"_INCARCEROUS_!" shouted Lily, watching as black cords sprang from her wand and looped quickly around the cloaked figure. The man fell and Lily pulled him off of Remus, releasing her grip when two Aurors raced over and took him off her hands. Remus looked up at Lily, his face full of gratitude. "Listen… just worry about keeping yourself alive," she said, helping him to his feet. "I can handle-"

Behind them there was another explosion as more cloaked figures came running through the barrier. Remus shouted something and pulled Lily out of the way, both of them watching in horror as the last Death Eater through cast a curse that destroyed the column, closing the only remaining entrance to King's Cross.

The platform was alive with flashes of light and the sounds of people shouting or screaming. Lily and Remus jumped up and raced into the fight, casting hexes and shields alternately as the hoard of Death Eaters began fighting the few Aurors that had arrived. The remaining students tried to assist, but their limited experience was no match for the violence the Death Eaters were dolling out; there were hexes being fired that Lily had never seen or heard of before in addition to liberal use of the unforgivable Cruciatus curse. The colors were bright, and everything seemed to move in slow motion at times. It was disorientating and frightening to stand in the midst of it. Lily had been fighting a particularly aggressive man in a cloak, surprising herself with how long she'd been able to hold him off, when she heard a familiar, horrific scream echo behind her.

Both she and the Death Eater dropped their fight for a second, but Lily composed herself and stunned him during the momentary distraction. She turned and raced over toward where Julia had been fighting with another Death Eater who now had her lying on the ground, screaming in agony.

"_NO_!" Lily shouted, waving her wand wildly and watching as Julia's tormentor was blasted off his feet. She grabbed Julia's cloak, lifting her up and trying to pull her away. "You're all right… you're okay," she said frantically.

Julia's eyes were wide with fear as she struggled to her feet. She was wincing as she moved, and Lily noticed a large rip in her cloak. It was wet… with what Lily didn't know, and she didn't have time to find out either, for as she dragged Julia away more spells were fired at them. Lily ducked behind a cracked wall and held onto her friend, trying to shield her from further harm.

"Lily, get out of here!" Julia shouted, trying to force Lily away from her. "Run, get-"

"I'm not-"

Lily's retort was cut off when someone grabbed her roughly by the hair, jerking her head back as they pulled her to her feet. Julia swore and jumped up, but another person rushed forward and clasped a hand over her mouth as they drug her inside the station offices.

Lily struggled as a large hand closed around her throat, turning her around to face the figure strangling her. The man lifted his mask, and Lily's expression turned furious as she kicked and fought against his grip. He squeezed her neck tighter, causing her to gasp and choke as she clawed at his hands.

"I told you you'd be dead… mudblood," hissed Mulciber, his hot breath spilling onto her face as he smiled viciously at her.

J&L&J&L

"Fifty galleons a month, each unit, for an eighteen month lease. The ad said that it'd be open at the end of this month, but it's open now if you'd like to move in," the landlord of the split level flat at number 62 Shoreline Lane, Hackenford, Avon was explaining to James and Sirius. "Rent is due the 28th of every month… I'm not fussed if you guys wish to have pets, as long as it's not anything _too_ crazy…"

"We'll probably just have a dog," said Sirius with a grin. "Or perhaps a cat… no dragons or anything running around."

The landlord smirked. "Fair enough. If you find there's anything needing doing, and you can't manage, send me an owl… otherwise, you're all set."

Sirius looked at James, who grinned broadly as he signed his name on the parchment. Sirius repeated the motions, followed by the landlord, and then they all shook hands before the man Disapparated back to his home in Bristol.

"Excellent," said James. "So we can move in _now_."

"You'll need to get those silk sheets you keep talking about," teased Sirius. "Or was it satin?"

"It was silk," said James. "And Lily said I didn't need to worry about it; she thought they'd be cold."

Sirius laughed and watched as James Disapparated to his parents' house. He followed suit, coming out of the compressing darkness and wondering if he'd have time for a sandwich before they left to pick Julia and Lily up from the station.

"… just got a message from Moody, they're all heading over there now," James' father was saying hurriedly as Sirius materialized in front of the Potter's house.

"How are we-"

"They've been able to remove the apparition jinx, but it'll be back up probably if those bloody idiots have got a second to recast it," Ambrose snarled.

"What's going on?" asked Sirius, perking up at James' worried expression.

"There's been an attack," Lindsay Potter explained. "At the station; the train got in early and the Death Eaters have attacked."

"We're going now," said Ambrose, catching Sirius' attention. "Lindsay, I want you to stay here. If we can get people out of there, we're going to need places to send them, and it's safe here. Boys, we have to Apparate to King's Cross and then we'll determine how best to get on the platform from there. _Don't_ try to Apparate onto the platform now," he ordered, looking at James with a stern expression. "If they've set up another jinx, you don't know where you'll end up."

"Right… right," said James.

"How bad is it?" asked Sirius, feeling panic rise inside his chest.

"We don't know much," Ambrose explained, shaking his head. "Moody only said that three muggles were killed after they came through the barrier back into the station. They tried to get the families and the Muggle-born kids out… but there was so much going on… we have to go."

Sirius nodded, noticing that James' face was pale and he'd only said five words the entire conversation. James' father began explaining more details of their plan, Sirius found himself distracted as a conversation he'd had with Julia over a year previously began to play through his head…

"…_it's just not, Sirius. I know… I know divination is inexact, and things change and signals and signs can be misinterpreted… but… this is my fate. I'm not going to get married, or have kids, or anything like that. My future just… it stops. I don't know why but it just stops," she said, wiping a tear away from her cheek with a shaky hand. "So that's why. That's why when we first started all this I told you it'd never mean anything to me, and that's why I told you so many times that you shouldn't want me and you shouldn't… I don't… it's not an excuse, it's … it's not even a good explanation…" she sniffed._

"_But, things change," Sirius said, taking a step closer to her. "Julia… the future changes; it's-"_

"_My future hasn't changed for the last seven years… it's the same outlook again and again, nothing. I should have never dragged you into this… you … changed everything and-"_

"_So things __**did**__ change… your future changed, Jules," said Sirius._

_Julia sniffed, wiping her eyes and looking up at him. "Only slightly… I started to care about you. I always liked you, but I started to care about you and I started to become attached… and I saw you getting attached," she sputtered, turning her face away so he couldn't see her tears. "You __**can't**__ get attached to me. Lily is already attached to me, and it's going to be hard enough on her… and my parents… I don't want to hurt anyone else and-"_

_Sirius leaned forward and kissed her softly, slowly… trying very hard to communicate a lot of unsaid things with a kiss. His lips pressed against hers again, and he placed his hand against her cheek, forcing her to look at him. Words formed in his mouth, then fell apart, then formed again as Sirius tried to find away to express how he felt._

"_I'm already attached to you," he said. "It's too late to tell me not to be. I've been… attached to you for a long time, Jules. I'm not attached to a lot of people. In fact, I can name the number of people I'm attached to on one hand," he explained, brushing her hair from her face. Sirius paused, trying to find away to quell her fears. "You could be wrong about this… its-"_

"_I'm not wrong… I'm not. And I __**don't want**__ you to hurt because of me. I don't want to… to think about you shutting yourself off from everyone or… or grieving when I'm gone or… or crying over me. I can't do it, Sirius… I can't. I don't want you to hurt because of me..."_

_Sirius leaned close, pressing his forehead against hers and wrapping his arms around her waist. She softened against him, the way she always did… her body making room for his almost instinctually. Sirius caught her gaze and held it, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Julia… I'd hurt more if you never let me in."_

"_What?"_

"_You… I'll hurt more if… if I don't get to spend all the time I can with you," Sirius explained, feeling his cheeks color. He determinedly kept his eyes on hers, feeling very vulnerable and uncomfortable as he tried to explain that he wanted her with him now, no matter what happened in the future. _

"_If I didn't … if I don't tell you this, if I don't explain it… I'll sit alone in some empty flat somewhere regretting that I never said anything. And I don't want to regret - I __**don't**__ regret. No matter what happens… I'll… I'd regret my life if I didn't have you in it, even if it's only for a little while. And that… that would hurt more than any grieving or crying I would ever do."_

_He sighed, feeling her eyes, feeling her read his emotions and his thoughts the way she always did. Julia knew him, she knew him almost as well as James did. And he knew her… and he knew she was going to push him away; she was going to tell him that he was better off without her. She was going to tell him that she'd never be able to give him what he wanted, and she was going to push him away to try and keep him safe and happy… like she had Diggory, and Huffton, and any other boy she'd ever kissed…_

_But then she was there, her lips were against his and her fingers were against his scalp. Her cheeks felt wet, and she was sniffling as she kissed him… but she was kissing him. _

"_Damn it… God damn it, Sirius Black. Why are you so loyal? Why are you such a masochist? Why-"_

"_I'm not a masochist, and I'm loyal because the people I'm attached to mean more to me than my own life. Julia Trelawney Tottleham… I'd hurt more if I was never with you… than I ever will if I'm without, I promise," he whispered._

"Sirius? Lad… we'll get there, they'll be fine," Ambrose was saying as Sirius pulled himself out of his thoughts. "We'll-"

"We have to get there now. Let's go." he sputtered urgently, no longer sure if he could keep his promise.

J&L&J&L

Lily looked on, horrified, at the number of people that had been dragged inside the small station house located on the magical platform. So many had escaped when she'd been guarding the exit, how could there still be so many trapped? Someone was screaming down the hallway where Mulciber was dragging her; the sound went through her like nails. Her stomach lurched horribly as they passed two bodies lying at odd angles. Mulciber stepped over them, as though it was nothing out of the ordinary, and pushed her roughly inside what appeared to be a small office. Across the hall, Evan Rosier and Lucius Malfoy were laughing as they tormented a fifth year Muggle-born she recognized from Ravenclaw.

"Stop it!" She shouted, fighting hard against Mulciber's grasp. "Leave-"

Mulciber grabbed Lily by the throat again, slamming her up against the door frame as she tried to run past him to assist the boy. She tried to reach her wand that was stowed in the pocket of her cloak, but Mulciber pulled her hands behind her back and held them with tightly with his free hand. Rosier and Malfoy looked up, only marginally interested in the arrival of another person, but then continued to torture and taunt the struggling student.

"You just don't know when to keep your nose out of things, do you?" Mulciber asked Lily in an amused whisper. "It's surprising you can get it so far into things when it's so flat against your face."

"I'm surprised you can see out of those beady evil eyes," Lily shot back, struggling against his grasp.

"Ahh… temper, temper, Evans," said Avery, waltzing nonchalantly down the hall with Julia. She looked pale but angry and was struggling viciously against his hold on her.

"Is this Tottleham?" asked Malfoy. "She's half-blood. Only the Mudbloods for now; don't either of you listen?"

"She's a mouthy blood-traitor bitch," Mulciber snapped.

"He wants revenge for being tattled on and mouthed off to," explained Rosier with a roll of his eyes.

Malfoy's pale grey eyes narrowed under his curtain of white hair. "This is _not_ about your revenge, Mulciber. This is about-"

"I don't care what it's about, Malfoy!" Mulciber shouted, slamming a still struggling Lily against the door again. Her head hit the door hard, stars flashed behind her eyelids and the sound of their conversation became muffled as he squeezed her throat. "You got to have your revenge and take some cheap shots of your own at that blood-traitor sister of your girlfriend's! I'm not going to be long with this!"

"Well then get on with it," growled Malfoy.

Mulciber grinned and pulled out his wand, Lily's eyes widened but her expression remained defiant. "You don't have any idea how long I've wanted to do this," he muttered in a sickly desirous voice.

Lily swallowed, thinking perhaps she should censor her comments, but she couldn't control them. "Do what? Force me to breathe in your putrid breath?"

She heard Rosier chuckle as he muttered something, there was a flash of green light and a dull thud. Then three more pairs of eyes were on her, and she could hear Julia shouting for them to leave Lily alone. Lily stared back at Mulciber, feeling hatred and loathing, and a rush of fear as she realized that James was probably waiting for her outside the barrier to the platform. She knew he was wondering what was happening… if she was all right… Lily prayed silently in her head that he'd stay there… that he'd stay safe and away… that he wouldn't see her after they were done with whatever they planned to do-

"Breathe this," Mulciber snarled.

And then Lily's skin was on fire… no, her bones were on fire. Something was on fire inside her… maybe it wasn't fire, perhaps it was knives scraping at her bones… or her muscles being ripped apart… Whatever it was, all Lily wanted was for it to stop. She begged for someone, anyone, to stop whatever was happening to her. The pain was so intense, she had no will left to struggle, no will left to fight against the torture that was now being forced upon her… her and everyone else around her; she couldn't hear herself think. All she could hear was her own voice screaming. Screaming… and screaming… it went on and on… It was a horrible sound… she should stop, it wasn't doing any good. But she couldn't stop; it was as though the screams were being forced out of her body to make room for more pain…

"Can't you shut her up?" a low drawling voice said before inhaling sharply. Lily could hear someone shouting… swearing and cursing Mulciber and every other person present in the small office. Sensation returned, the floor underneath Lily was cool and soothing… she tried to open her eyes, but they were unimaginably heavy. Mulciber's foot dug into her back as she tried to crawl away…

"They tend to scream under the Cruciatus Curse you know," said Mulciber's voice, sounding obscenely satisfied at the thought of more screaming. "I never realized it bothered you."

"I'm not talking about that one," the low voice replied. "I'm talking about this one."

Lily's eyes fluttered open to see someone still in a mask gesture toward Julia, who was fighting uncontrollably against Avery's grasp. Rosier moved forward, but she kicked out, hitting him under the jaw with the toe of her trainer.

"Fucking…" Rosier sputtered, spitting out blood and examining the tooth that lay in his palm.

Malfoy stepped forward, flicking his wand and binding Julia's flailing legs together as he pulled her roughly away from Avery. "How exactly is _she_ involved in this revenge plan? I was under the impression that it was Evans who found the girl," his drawling voice asked Mulciber.

Mulciber shrugged. "_She_ goaded Flutterhorn into talking about –"

"Into talking about the day he couldn't finish the deed in Hogsmeade," explained Avery. "That was your own fault, Mulciber. If you would have let me-"

"So she pushed Flutterhorn to tattle on you, and Evans found the Crawler girl – whom you should have just killed by the way, blamed it on something Hagrid keeps in the forest – and brought her to McGonagall," Malfoy said, piecing together the story. He looked at Julia, smirking malevolently. "It was your own fault you got caught, Mulciber; you need to finish the deed if you're going to-"

"He can't finish anything because he's a coward! A wretched, spineless, coward!" shouted Julia.

Malfoy chuckled as Mulciber glared. "You always had a sharp tongue, Tottleham," he murmured, leaning close to Julia, his lips curled into a wicked smile. He brought a hand up to her face, turning it left and right as though he was examining her.

"Get your filthy hands off me," Julia snapped, spitting into his face. "You couldn't finish anything either according to Molly Gamp!"

"Oh, I can finish things," Malfoy sniggered, "Let's see if Mulciber has resolved his own issues."

He kicked Lily's still figure aside and motioned for Mulciber to come out into the hall. "I'm not touching this piece of filth," Mulicber said scathingly, looking at Julia in disgust. "It's a blood-traitor! Not to mention that Black's filthy hands have been all over it."

"I didn't mean like that, but you plan on killing Evans here and a few other Mudbloods… finish her off as well," said Malfoy.

"No," Lily whimpered weakly, she struggled to reach for her wand that was still in the pocket of her robes. Avery moved forward and then the pain came again, less severe this time but still excruciating. When it stopped, Lily could hear Julia shouting.

"-BASTARDS! LEAVE HER ALONE! STOP IT!" she shouted. "You fucking coward, Mulciber! You couldn't do it then you can't do it now!"

"No," Lily said, her voice ragged. She tried again to push herself up but was issued a sharp kick to her stomach.

"Do it, Mulciber," encouraged Malfoy. "She's a witness… and we have more work to get done here. There are twenty some of them in back that we're supposed to take care of and _He's_ coming to make sure we have enough bodies. I'm not taking the fall for your-"

"All right, all right!" shouted Mulciber, sounding marginally afraid of Malfoy's comments. Lily watched horrified as he raised his wand and pointed it into Julia's defiant face.

The spell didn't come. Lily struggled more and the figure that was still cloaked moved forward and knelt down beside her, placing its hand against her back and holding her to the floor. She reached for her wand, the person holding her pried it from her fingers. "Stay still," the man whispered in a low voice.

"DO IT!" shouted Rosier. "Do it you pansy!"

Mulciber began to shake, his wand wavering uncontrollably in Julia's face. "No," Lily whimpered. "Stop… not her… she's one of yours… she's not-"

"Stay _still_," the voice close to her ordered, it sounded familiar but Lily didn't recognize it.

"And _shut_ _up_," Malfoy shouted. "She's not one of ours… and you'll be next so just wait your turn, impatience is never attractive, Evans."

Lily sobbed once, clenching her fists as she struggled weakly against whoever was holding her down. The person softened their grip, almost as if they didn't want to hurt her…

"What the bloody hell is going on?" a harsh voice called. "There are _five_ of you; it takes five of you to kill this lot of Mudbloods?"

"We-"

"What are _you_ doing? Idiot boy," the voice grumbled. Lily watched as a man who could only be Mulciber's father swatted him roughly over the head. "This is not about you… selfish pig. You don't deserve the Mark, you don't deserve the honor. You'll probably tuck tail and run if cornered… Merlin help you if you do," he muttered, glancing at Julia who remained defiant. "Is this the one? The tattle-tale mudblood?"

"No, that's this one," muttered Mulciber, gesturing toward Lily.

"Leave her alone," Julia snapped. "Cowards… your son is a coward! He-"

"Well who is this, then?" the older man asked, eyeing Julia curiously.

"Blood-traitor spawn of Sheryl Trewlany and her muggle husband," Malfoy said in an offhand voice.

The man gave Julia a look of disdain. "_My_ son is a coward? Your _mother_ is a muggle fucking whore," he muttered.

"But she's not a coward. I'd rather have a brave whore for a mother than a miserable coward as a son," replied Julia scathingly, glaring into the older man's face. "But you have both, don't you? A coward for a son, and a whore for a -"

"_AVADA KEDAVRA_!" Mulciber shouted, a green flash lighting up the corridor. Lily screamed loudly as she watched Julia's figure slump and fall heavily to the floor.

"Who's cowardly now?" asked Mulciber, turning back toward Lily with intent in his eyes.

"Finish her, and then get back to work," the older man barked, walking away without even a second glance.

Mulciber nodded, stepping over Lily as Rosier and Malfoy headed down the hall. She heard the Unforgivable words again, and saw flashes of light in the hall. The figure who had been holding her down moved away and she tried to sit up, but Mulicber stepped onto her head and pushed it back to the floor.

"Why are you still here, Snape? You want a _go_ before I off her?" he offered, glancing at the still cloaked figure. "You always –"

There was a loud bang followed by a blinding flash of white light. The glass in the office windows shattered and bricks that lined the walls of the building exploded violently. Mulciber stepped off of Lily, shielding himself from the blast. The cloaked figure, who Lily realized was Snape, dropped her wand as he ducked to protect himself from a falling wall. With every cell in her body aching, she reached out and grabbed it from under his feet. Another explosion came, and Lily curled into a ball, trying desperately to protect herself from the chaos that erupted around her.

* * *

_A/N: I apologize for the length between updates, it will not be that long again. If you are curious, read the short little "Fate - Outtakes from Before the Fawn" story I put up... it explains a few things. Thanks! I will update soon, I won't leave you hanging._


	35. Defiance

Defiance

The Lightning Strike – Snow Patrol

* * *

"How do we get in? If the barrier is blocked, how can we get there?" James was asking frantically. They were trying to be as unnoticeable as possible, but it was difficult with the families of Muggle-born students hovering, terrified, as they searched for their children.

A number of families with younger students had escaped; it was the older ones who had chosen to stay behind and fight. The guard positioned near the entrance to Platform 9 ¾ had been the one to notify the Auror office, and news of the attack had spread from there. A few Aurors had gotten inside and assisted families in escaping, but only five had been inside the barrier when it was destroyed. The rest, including Alastor Moody and Frank Longbottom, were doing their best to repair the entrance and remove the apparition jinx the Death Eater's had set up.

"Potter… Senior," said Moody, addressing James' father, though James turned to listen. "Isn't there a connection between the offices? The floo or-"

"The Floo is closed during the school year, but we can send a message to open it. Mind you, _they_ might have it blocked by something, but that doesn't mean we couldn't get through," said Ambrose, walking past a group of people and toward a fireplace. Moody barked orders at a few other Aurors who followed, along with James and Sirius.

"Boys-"

"Don't even try to stop us from coming," James snarled. "It's not just - our _friends_ are there too," he explained, looking at his father.

"I was going to suggest that you try and help the others repair the barrier while we get the Floo portal open. If anything else, we could blast through the wall connecting the platforms," his father explained. "I'll yell for you as soon as we get it open."

"But-"

"James, they need help. You two are probably better at transfiguration then the lot of them," he explained, giving them an all-too-knowing look. "That's what it's going to take."

James acquiesced, running back toward the area where the barrier lay with Sirius hot on his heels. They vaguely registered the arrival of Dumbledore who strode instantly over to where Moody was and began waving his wand in complex patterns.

"He'll have it open in no time," Sirius said, watching as James tried his best to assist the team trying to repair the barrier.

"Not quick enough," James muttered, waving his wand in the same motions as the Aurors.

J&L&J&L

Lily coughed, sputtering and spitting out the dust that clouded her lungs. She still felt weak from being tortured, but this might be her only chance to escape… so she gathered her strength and pushed herself up onto her hands and knees.

Someone grabbed her round the waist and threw her into the hall as they ran away from what had turned into a series of continuous explosions. She fell against another door frame and covered her head as more glass and debris fell over her. Mulciber was gone, Malfoy was shouting something, and there were screams as people ran past her out toward the platform. Lily looked up and to her left.

_Julia_…

"_No_," she whimpered, tears streaking the dust on her face. "No, no, no, no…" the tears came relentlessly as she pulled her friend out of the path of stampeding people and into the doorway of the office. Lily's body was wracked with sobs as she shook her friend roughly, knowing it was no use. For the first time in her life, she wanted to give up. She wanted to stay here and keep Julia safe from any more harm rather than fight for her own survival. Julia always told her to run, don't fight… run. But it hadn't been in her at those times to _not_ fight; now, suddenly, it was.

More people raced by, and Lily sat on her knees sobbing over her friend's lifeless body. Julia would be telling her to get up and run; either go and fight, or get out of there and be safe… but she couldn't do either. What about Sirius? He was going to be devastated, just as she was… and Julia's parents… And James and-

_James_…

"Sanford, Paxton - You two there!" a voice shouted. "Get them out! Just get them out!"

Lily gathered her energy, sitting up and looking around for the sound of the person shouting. James… he could be here, somewhere… Lily _had_ to fight; if not for herself, for him…

Numerous figures clad in robes of deep purple raced past where she was, their wands drawn as they raced toward the fight. One of them slowed and acknowledged her.

"Go that way, you can get out onto the station… go!" he ordered, but then ran off as flashes of light lit up the short corridor.

Lily pulled together more strength, her body still aching from the effects of the curse and pulled Julia further into her arms. She was heavy, and Lily was weak… how was she going to get her out of here?

"Oh … _God_," a low voice muttered, full of shock and horror.

Lily looked up to see the stark white face of Sirius Black staring down at her. He fell to his knees, placing a hand against Lily's face first and then looking down, horrified, at Julia's lifeless figure.

"_Sirius_… I'm sorry… I-I couldn't do _anything_," she sobbed, her voice weak and raspy. "Mulciber was torturing me and he wouldn't stop and she was shouting… then someone came, his father… and it was over… I couldn't do-"

"Lily, you need to get out," he said, grasping her arm and trying to pull her out into the hallway.

"No, I -"

"You can't fight… you can't even stand up," he said, looking at her weak expression. Sirius examined one of Lily's legs; it was bent at a disturbing angle, but otherwise she seemed to be in one piece. Alive… breathing… unlike the still figure she was clutching as though her life depended on it.

"You have to get out of –"

"What about Remus and Peter? What about-"

"Lily - _get up_!" Sirius shouted, grabbing her roughly and pulling her into the hall. "James!"

A pair of long arms wrapped around her, and Lily breathed in the familiar woodsy scent of her reason for living. Her muscles relaxed slightly at his touch. James fell to his knees and she leaned into him; his face was also white, though he seemed relieved beyond relief at the sight of her.

"Oh, God," James whimpered, his eyes falling on Julia's figure.

Lily sobbed. "I couldn't-"

"You couldn't do anything, Lily," Sirius said, shoving her further into James' arms. "Just go… we're just getting everyone out and then sealing-"

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, allowing James to support her. "I'm sorry… I-"

"Just… _shut up_ and get out of here," Sirius barked as he and James began to lift her to her feet. Lily paused and then began to struggle.

"_Wait_-"

"Lily, we've got to go," said James, his voice cracking. "He's-"

"No, we can't-"

"Lily-"

"_NO_!" she shouted, pulling free of James' grasp and pushing Sirius away from her. She grabbed onto Julia's lifeless form and attempted to lift her up. Lily groaned in frustration; she seemed to be unable to stand, but she tried in vain to gather Julia's body up and drag her down the hall towards escape regardless of whatever was wrong with her. Sirius sobbed once, and then pushed her hands away gently.

"Lily… there's nothing-"

"I should have done more; I should have-"

"There's nothing you could do," Sirius groaned, his voice breaking as he tried to control himself. "And there's nothing you can do now. She w-… she wouldn't want you to-"

"_I'm not leaving her_!" Lily shouted, her voice cracking as tears spilled over her eyes and down her cheeks. "I'm not leaving her here so Voldemort or whoever can take her and … and… and I don't know _what_ he's doing with all these bodies but I don't want her to be a part of it!" she screeched.

Sirius groaned, recalling the news reports and rumors about Voldemort using Inferi... The idea was grotesque, but when it included someone he loved, the only girl he loved…

He nodded and helped James get Lily to her feet, then leaned down and picked up Julia over his shoulder. They hurried to the end of the hall, where a large hole had been blown through the wall that separated King's Cross from the magical platform. On the other side were a few older muggle-borns she recognized from school. They bore signs of torture and were surrounded by members of their family as they waited for their turn to go into the secluded fireplace that was alive with green flames.

"They're going to the Ministry?" she asked, leaning further into James as she tried to support herself and failed. She looked down; her left leg was bent awkwardly at the calf, but she felt very little pain. She vaguely considered writing Sam when they got out of this to have her recommend a healing charm for broken bones.

"There or other safe spots," he explained, watching as the students ahead of them vanished. The line of people disappeared and James pushed Lily forward.

"No," she insisted, looking at Sirius. "Go… you go… get her … somewhere and-"

"Go to my parent's house," James said sternly, cutting Lily off. "Just… _go_, Sirius!"

Sirius nodded, his face twisted with pain and anger as he pulled Julia into the fireplace and shouted the Potter's address. When the flames died down, James supported Lily and walked forward, anxious to escape.

There was a flash of light and both of them felt a rush of heat as they were pushed backward. Lily only briefly had time to see that the fireplace in front of them had been destroyed before James covered her with his body and hastily arranged a cloak around her. There was another flash of light and a loud bang; Lily felt James cower against her, covering his head with his hands as he shielded her from more debris.

"So this … _this_ is how … clever," a rather high-pitched voice murmured. "I never knew this was here… or was it only established today? To save the '_valuable'_ muggle members of our society from certain death…"

James didn't say anything; he swallowed and sat up slowly, his hand locking around his wand. Lily was covered by his invisibility cloak, and he prayed – he prayed so hard - that for once in her life she stayed still and simply waited before acting.

James stared up into an ugly white face with blood-shot eyes. The skin was sunken; it clung to his cheekbones as he observed the ruined fireplace with a curious expression. His skull was covered with thin lines of hair, but it was dark as night and lay perfectly arranged. He fingered a long white wand with spindly hands, murmuring to himself as he kicked aside a few bricks and his eyes fell on James.

"Brave, brave, Gryffindors… always first in line to fight, always last to leave a battle," Voldemort mused, his thin lipped mouth curving at the corners. "Most of you are always first to die… but you seem to have a knack for escaping things, don't you… James Potter?"

James swallowed. "It's a talent I suppose."

"One of many, so I hear," Voldemort mused. "Your parents rave about you; I hear several departments within the Ministry were avidly seeking you, wishing you to become members of their staff…" Voldemort watched James, who remained unresponsive to his observation. "But you are like I am in that respect… our interests lie outside of the Ministry."

"Nothing you have interests me," James growled, his voice low and defensive.

"Are you certain? I have power… you enjoy power, I know this…" Voldemort whispered, lowering down until he was eye level with James. "You like control, to exert your power over those less… _affluent_… than you are. You've spent years exerting different types of power over your classmates."

"What I did… was not _power_," said James cautiously. "It was cowardice… and immaturity, and-"

"Then explore the power of un-cowardice! I can give you control… the control you desire; control over those less valuable than you are," Voldemort whispered. "You are valuable, James Potter… and I could show you how to channel your power to –"

"I'm not interested in anything you could show me!" snapped James, drawing his wand and attempting a hex.

Voldemort blocked it, the resounding clang as James' spell broke against his shield sent shivers through his spine. Voldemort stood up, smiling cruelly. "Are you certain?" he asked, then flicked his wand.

James hadn't even screamed for five seconds when Lily reacted. "_Everte Statum!_" she screeched, flicking her wand and watching as Voldemort was thrown backwards. She raised it again, pulling James' cloak off her and intending to destroy the wall behind their enemy.

A simple flick and Lily was on her back, coughing as she tried to regain the breath that had been knocked out of her. James scrambled and grasped her hand, grabbing his cloak with the other as Voldemort stood and moved closer to them.

"This is her? This is the mudblood you are so fond of that you'd put your family at risk? That you'd forsake the sacred value of your pure lineage? You wish to soil it by mating with this desecrator of magical power?" he asked in a scathing voice.

James clutched Lily tightly, noting the look of defiance on her bruised and dusty face. Neither of them responded, simply held their wands out defensively waiting for him to cast the curse that would kill them both.

"You are brave… _muggle-born_," said Voldemort, glancing at Lily with curious eyes. "I've heard … tales… of your power. Control at a young age, powerful hexes and spells… bravery, loyalty… you have so many qualities," he hissed. "You'd be a perfect, deceitful spy, wouldn't you?"

"I will not," Lily said, her lip quivering as James held tightly to her. He crouched and pulled her to her feet, both of them standing up to face death unafraid.

"Do not defy me," Voldemort hissed dangerously. "This is an offer you will not receive again… those who defy me do not live to repeat the tale… especially one of which I offered survival to an insignificant, worthless, mudblood."

Neither James nor Lily responded, their silence giving Voldemort his answer to the offer. He raised his wand, and Lily felt James' hand tighten around her own.

A flash of light distracted Voldemort for a tenth of a second, and that was all the time it took. At the same time, Lily and James both shouted various hexes. They rebounded off a conjured shield, hitting the wall behind them and causing dust to fly into the air. It didn't last long, but the jinxes caused enough of a distraction that James was able to grab Lily around the waist and support her as they raced toward the crowded platform.

Flashes of light lit up the area behind them, followed by a roar of anger. They didn't know if someone had come to take up their fight (if you could call it that) with Voldemort, or if he was simply infuriated that they had defied him; neither situation mattered, they kept running until they burst into the crowded area between platforms nine and ten.

There were no familiar faces as James had expected; they must have all gone to resume the fight, or were attempting to round up any Death Eater's that had remained. He looked around, the muggles in the area gasping at his and Lily's appearances. "Come on," he urged, pulling her forward into the crowd.

Lily's leg ached with the pain of each step, but she pushed herself to keep pace with James' quick pace. She knew he was half dragging her, but she attempted to support herself as much as she could. "Why can't we-"

"Anti-disapparation jinx," he explained rapidly. "They must've put one around the whole station to try and prevent any Death Eaters from escaping. I've tried… I've already tried to, but it's still active," he said, his voice shaking slightly. "We have to get out of the station."

Looking for the shortest way out, James pulled Lily in the direction of a service door that he knew led to the outside. As soon as they reached it, a flash of red light hit the door above his head and showered them with sparks. Lily gasped and began firing hexes at a pair of cloaked figures that were racing toward them.

"Come on!" James shouted, tugging her into the door way and flicking his wand to lock it behind him. There was a window that led outside, Lily was already hobbling toward it and used her wand to shatter the glass and remove the shards.

James lifted her and pushed her through, hoisting himself after her as they both tumbled onto the sidewalk. "Are you all right?" Lily asked, gripping James' shoulders as he helped her to stand on her good leg.

"Fine… I'm fine," he said, gripping her waist as they hobbled quickly across the street. There was a shout as the pair of cloaked figures cast another hex in their direction, but as soon as they were on the opposite sidewalk Lily felt James twist and was sucked into compressing darkness.

The pressure ceased and she felt herself collapse on to the ground. It was quiet, the trees were rustling in the light breeze; it was a soothing sound, a safe sound.

"_God_…" James sputtered, his voice cracking as he pulled Lily into his arms and squeezed her tightly. "Are you all right? No, you're not all right, that's stupid of me to even ask… your leg is broken and you've been tortured for how long and-"

"James… are we safe?" asked Lily, her voice weak and trembling. She scanned the area and saw James' mother running out the door over to them; Sirius was following along with Remus, Peter, and the familiar faces of Marlene McKinnon and Professor McGonagall.

"We're safe," he said in a voice filled with relief. Lily felt herself being lifted and carried inside the house. She saw Lindsay Potter hugging her son and screeching something about how she should have gone with them. Sirius embraced James briefly, asking him what happened, but then not waiting for a response as he ran across the room. Lily felt dizzy and disoriented, there was so much action around her she felt like she was back in the battle again…

Someone approached and she screamed as they cast a charm to repair her broken leg; the pain was momentary, and then Marlene set to wrapping it carefully in a bandage. James was still holding onto Lily with one arm, trying to keep pace with the rapid fire questions being shot at him. Lily began to drift, she heard the arrival of more people and James being further interrogated about their confrontation. She lifted her head to help him respond, but her eyes fell on the Potter's smaller sofa and her heart began to ache.

Julia was lying curled on her side, wrapped in a blanket as her mother sat by her head stroking her blonde hair. Her father was standing by her, his head hung and his posture defeated. Lily looked away, a wave of guilt washing over her as tears poured from her eyes. She felt James release her as he was pulled away to talk, but then another figure sat down by her side.

"You're all right?" asked Sirius, his voice wobbly and full of defeat.

"No, I'm not," she said, leaning into his shoulder as tears poured down her cheeks. "I'm not all right."

Lily felt Sirius nod, his body sinking heavily into the cushions. She reached out a hand and he took it, giving it a light squeeze before he put his arm around her and hugged her tightly. "You will be… we… we'll be all right," he whispered, voice thick with tears.

J&L&J&L&J&L

The food on the table was so elegantly arranged it almost didn't look real. James stared at it, feeling simultaneously hungry enough to eat everything including the table cloth, and utterly sick to his stomach. This had been his feeling for days, or at least the only one he could label.

Sirius was standing near him, watching people wander past with teary faces and somber expressions. His posture was off; Sirius always carried himself with pride, his back straight and head held high. And though he was standing up to the full extent of his height, James thought he looked weighted down. Like someone had attached weights to his chin and shoulders, making it hard to hold them up the way he was trying. It was an obvious struggle; James watched Sirius' eyes dart nervously toward the door… up the stairs… out the window. He knew he was trying to plan an escape.

_I should say something_, James thought to himself. But the words wouldn't come. It was as though he had no words, like he was detached from the happenings around him. He vaguely remembered watching part of a Muggle-film once on a television when his parents had taken him shopping in London. The pictures moved, he felt emotions and reacted to their actions, but he remained outside of the story; detached, an observer… He looked at Sirius, feeling like an observer, unable to help, unable to find the right words to say…

"Mate, stop it," Sirius said in a low voice, sounding mildly amused despite the wetness in his eyes. "You look like a goldfish."

"W-what?" stuttered James, his voice thick from lack of use.

"You keep… opening and closing your mouth, like you're going to say something and then nothing comes out," Sirius explained. "It makes you look like a fish."

"Oh… sorry."

Sirius sighed. "I wish someone would tell me what to do," he muttered.

James nodded, wishing for the same thing. They watched as Remus approached, Peter following sheepishly behind him. Both assumed flanking positions at James and Sirius' sides, trying (but failing) to appear strong and supportive.

"Moony," Sirius whispered, "Tell me what to do."

"What?"

"You were a Prefect for three years, and not once did you order me to do something. You always suggested things, but never an order. Order me around… tell me what to do."

Remus swallowed. "Oh… erm… I don't-"

"Just … make something up."

"All right," Remus said, scratching his head and looking around nervously. "Um… pick up the… pick up the plates and cups and… bring-bring them to the kitchen. Yeah… that's something."

"Can't," muttered Peter, "Lily's already doing that."

"Oh, right…"

Remus looked at Sirius, who had begun to fidget nervously with the pendant around his neck. "Someone drop a dung bomb or … _something_… do something distracting… I can't stand this," Sirius barked in a low voice.

Almost as if on cue, Lily walked into their line of sight. She was bustling about, very rapidly, grabbing plates and cups off of tables and out of people's hands. James' mother was watching her from across the room, a sad expression on her face. James himself was a little startled by how she was moving; it was frantic, as though she wasn't completely in control of her actions.

Lily walked past the boys, not saying a word, and into the kitchen; five seconds later she reappeared, and began to look around for something to do. She straightened the pillows on the couch, rearranged the curtains, the flowers people had brought… she adjusted picture frames and plates of snacks… then she adjusted her hair, and her skirt. She ran out of their sight into the bathroom to fix a stray strand of hair… then she ran back and began readjusting the plates of snacks.

"Is… is this how she acted after her mom died?" asked Peter, giving James a curious look.

"Er… no," said James. "She was… well she was a lot calmer and… maybe this is how you act after a … f-friend dies," he muttered, watching Lily with a pained expression. She was still limping a little, her broken leg had been mended magically in two seconds, but complete healing took a few weeks.

"She's just being helpful," said Remus, biting his lip and looking for someone to confirm is observation. "Isn't she? It's helpful… though I'm not sure how helpful re-arranging the pictures is…"

"_That's_ how I feel," said Sirius suddenly, his eyes widening and his body relaxing slightly. "That's exactly how I feel… she must be acting for both of us, because I don't have the energy to do that…"

Sirius looked at James, watching his pained expression as he helplessly stared at his girlfriend. He knew James was hurting too; he was hurting because Julia was gone, for he had been her friend as well… but he was hurting more for Sirius, and for Lily, and for all the people in the room… Sirius knew James was fighting with himself, wondering if he should stay and support Sirius, or if he should go and help Lily. But he didn't know how to support Sirius, and he didn't know how to help Lily; so he stood, opening his mouth and closing it, looking like a fish.

Sirius realized with a start that, in addition to the pain, James felt helpless. _James hates feeling helpless_, thought Sirius. _**I**__ hate feeling helpless_…

"You should… you should go and stop her," said Sirius quietly, nudging James with his elbow. "She's distracting herself, yes… but she can't keep doing that," he advised wisely, a small smile crossing his face as Lily climbed onto a chair and began to fix a curtain that was off centered.

"Yeah… I'll… I'll go…" he muttered. "Yeah…"

Lily stepped off the chair, wiping her hands on her black skirt. She looked nice, but not in the same way she usually did. Her shirt was a dark grey and covered with black lace, the skirt she was wearing was down to her knees and fitted slightly against her figure. And she had on heels. Lily never wore heels, she hated them - she said they made her trip. Perhaps this was why she was limping, thought James as he made his way across the room. He paused and then placed a hand on her back.

"Oh… hi," she whispered, her face flushed as her eyes moved to his trainers. "It's quite warm in here, don't you think? Do you think I should do a cooling charm, or get a fan? Do you think I should open the windows? Julia's mum is so busy with everything, do you think I should help her?"

James swallowed. "I think… I think you should take off your heels, and sit down on the couch for a bit."

"Oh, no, I don't need to sit," insisted Lily, shaking her head. "I'm fine… I need to help out and-"

"Lily," said James firmly, "you don't need to help out. The dishes are clean, the plates are put away, and all the picture frames are straight. Sit down, love… take off your heels before you trip."

Lily's expression flashed for a moment, she looked at James and then it softened as she acquiescingly sat down on the sofa and removed her shoes. She moved to run her hands through her hair, but then stopped when she realized it was pulled up into a tight plait. She began to fidget with her fingers, twisting them nervously; James sat next to her on the couch and took her hands into his lap.

She sighed, her eyes flickering around the room for a moment… then she softened, her head resting against James as her shoulders drooped, and the frenzy with which she had been moving seemed to fall out of her body like a stack of books tumbling over.

"How's your leg?" asked James, searching for something to talk about.

Lily shrugged. "It's sore… I put a concealing charm on it, the bruise is ugly."

"It'll go away," assured James.

"I love you," she whispered.

James sighed, leaning his head against hers as he squeezed her hands. "I love you."

"This is awful," she muttered. "It's awful for me, and for Sirius, and for Julia's parents and you and… _everyone_."

James opened his mouth, and then closed it. He sighed heavily, his silence agreeing with Lily's observation. He fumbled around for words, something profound that would make her feel better. Why hadn't Dumbledore said something? He always had a way of saying things that made everything seem all right… and his parents. Why hadn't they said anything? Someone should be able to make it stop, thought James. _We can break down walls and create fire from nothing… we can turn water into wine, but I can't cast a spell that will make everything all right again…_

"James… you can't, and no one expects you too," Lily whispered quietly.

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes, you did… but it's all right."

"Oh… sorry. I… don't want to say that. I don't want to say 'I'm sorry' because you already know I'm sorry… and you know that I'm…I'm sad… everyone is sad… but I'm _sad_," mumbled James, the words tumbling out of him like some type of verbal regurgitation. "You are sad, and Sirius is sad… you're miserable. I want someone to tell me what to do, or what to say… I want someone to tell me… tell me how I should feel, Lils, tell me what to do… please."

"I can't, James… I don't even know how I should feel," she confessed. "And I don't think there's a guideline for how to act or what to do in these situations."

"Is it sick - is it _sick_ that I'm… there's a part of me that's… relieved?" James asked in a very low whisper. "Is it completely wrong, and selfish, and _horrid_ of me to be thankful that… that it… that-"

Lily sniffed, burying her face against his shoulder. "That it wasn't me?" she asked, watching as James nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. "It's not wrong… I think it's… human. I thought the same thing… and I feel horrible-"

"Don't," said James, placing one hand into her hair and kissing her forehead. "You shouldn't feel terrible. She… Julia wouldn't want you to…"

"She didn't want anyone to… she…" Lily sniffed and shook her head, unable to talk about Julia and how she would feel right now. "How… how's Sirius?"

James looked up and over at his friend, watching Sirius talk with Julia's parents. Mrs. Tottleham had her arm wrapped around his waist, almost as if she was holding him up; and Julia's father was smiling gently as they discussed something James couldn't hear. Remus and Peter were listening as they talked, sad smiles on their faces.

"He's… he said you were acting how he felt," said James before he could stop himself.

Lily lifted her head, her gaze following James'. "When I was running around and aimlessly doing anything that came into my head?"

"Yes."

Lily sighed, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly. "Someone should stop him."

James squeezed her hand. "I can't… I can't help him. I don't know what to say or do because… because I feel guilty. I'm horrified and sad… but there's so much guilt I feel because… because you… you-"

He lost the words, dropping his head and sniffing loudly. Lily placed an arm around his waist, her other tiny hand griping his. She began to shush him softly, her lips planting soft kisses on his cheek. James felt another wave of guilt; he should be comforting her, he should be doing something – anything- to make the pain she was feeling go away…

But instead, it was Lily who was supporting him. She was the glue that was holding him together.

James heard footsteps approach, and another body sat down on the couch next to Lily. James felt her shift to make room for someone as her hand left his and threaded into Sirius' fingers. Sirius laid his head against Lily, his arm reaching around her to grip James' shoulder…

James felt helpless; the two most important people in his world had lost a friend and a lover… and they were comforting him instead of him being able to rise to the task and eradicate the pain. Tears flowed down his cheeks... he vowed to find some way, anyway, to make things right for them again… all of them.

J&L&J&L&J&L

Lily sniffed and cleared her throat; she knew it was paranoia, but she felt so much judgment in all the eyes that were watching her. It should have been her that was murdered on a platform, it should be Julia standing here about to discuss what a good friend Lily had been…

Lily didn't have the words to express how good of a friend Julia had been. But she had to try, the eyes were expecting her to at least _try_…

"Julia… she… she was always making these… random insightful comments, or observations. The way she looked at the world, it was like her eyes cut daggers through all the smoke and fog and saw straight through to the heart of things. And when… when she'd make these comments, she'd always follow it with the statement that she was 'more than just a pretty face.'

"Julia … Julia was definitely more than a pretty face, I think everyone here can agree with that. She was insightful, caring… loyal, brave; she was someone who could make everyone laugh, someone who saw the good in people no matter what their flaws. She pushed you… she pushed you to see the best in yourself, and to take risks. She pushed you to do things that scared you or challenged you… she pushed everyone around her to live life to the fullest because that's what she did. She didn't hold back, and she wouldn't let anyone she cared about hold back either."

Lily sniffed again, she wiped her cheeks with her fingertips and straightened herself up taller. "And if she were here right now, she'd be telling me to shut up about how great she is… she'd tell me that I should go … do something… mischievous or funny, or that I should go have a snog with my boyfriend…"

There was a light ripple of laughter through the crowd, the sound seemed to push Lily forward. "What she would not be telling me to do is standing up here and talking about how much she'll be missed, because that's completely obvious. After living with Julia as my roommate for six years and having her as my friend for longer, I know she would be saddened if I stood up here and repeated for all of you what you already know. So instead, I'm going to tell you that we… all of us… whether we were her family, friends, or more… must always remember how much light that Julia Tottleham brought into our lives. And that light… that light is something that can't be darkened simply because she's gone. It's living, and it's inside every person she touched. Let that light remind you to live, to take risks and live life to the fullest. Don't let the light fade with grief, keep it alive… and let it remind you that we… all of us… are more than just pretty faces."

Lily nodded, wiping her eyes again as she stepped away from the front of the crowd, trying to surreptitiously resume her seat without drawing too much attention. The minster ordaining the small service stepped forward and began speaking; Lily felt Julia's mother's arm around her shoulder, she felt Sirius pat her back, and she felt James take her hand in his and squeeze it tightly.

The service ended, the casket containing the body of Julia Tottleham was lowered into the ground. Numerous students stepped forward, tossing down pale pink roses to symbolize both the youthfulness and life Julia had exemplified, and the youth that they had lost. By the time everyone had tossed the roses in, the casket was completely covered. People slowly began to drift away; Dumbledore and McGonagall were talking with James' parents after they had given their condolences to the Tottleham's once more. Sirius was talking with Julia's parents, both of them hugging him tightly. Peter had apologized profusely for both her death, the grief, and finally for his need to escape the awkwardness that hung over all of them before telling James he'd see him soon and leaving hastily.

Remus was standing near Sam, both of them talking quietly and surreptitiously holding hands. Remus looked as though he wanted more, a lot more… but Lily knew he was holding back… there was fear. Not the usual I'm-Remus-Werewolf-Lupin-And-Shouldn't-Be-Allowed-To-Look-At-A-Girl-Let-Alone-Kiss-One fear, but a fear of upsetting Sirius. Remus was afraid, much like James, of making too big a show of how thankful he was that his object of affection was still living, and breathing… where as Sirius' was-

"Oi, you two," said Sirius' voice suddenly. He walked over to where Remus and Sam were standing, an amused and sad smile on his face. They dropped hands. Sam moved back, Remus moved forward, and Sirius stepped around and herded them together. Lily snorted, it was like an awkward dance between the three of them, but then her laughter faded and was replaced with a sad happiness as she listened to Sirius talk.

Sirius handed Remus a small key. "You can undo a locking charm, Moony… go… my flat doesn't have much, but it has a couch and it's secluded and private. Go… snog the buggering hell out of each other, please," he insisted with a laugh.

Remus and Sam both sputtered. "We can stay-"

"I have to go back this evening-

"If you need to leave this evening, Pitchfield," said Sirius, interrupting both of them, "that doesn't give Moony much time. So you'd best get on… go… restrict yourselves to the couch though, please… not in my bed… or lack of a bed… not on my mattress."

Everyone within earshot laughed. Sam blushed as she giggled, and Remus looked at Sirius with a happy and pained expression. "Padfoot-"

"Just… get out of here, please," Sirius muttered. "I'm serious, Moony… go."

Remus nodded. "Thanks, mate… We'll talk soon."

Sirius nodded. "Full moon."

Remus smiled, looking at Sam with a sad yet hopeful expression. She took his hand and they began to walk to the end of the Tottleham's driveway.

"You'll write to me if he howls, right Sam?" called Sirius, much to James' amusement. When Remus and Sam had vanished, Sirius rounded on Lily and James.

"And you two… I'm going to stay here for a day or so," he explained. "Then I'll … I'll come home, Prongs."

James nodded. "All right..."

"We'll stay-" Lily began, but Sirius held up his hand.

"You two will go back to Prongs'," he ordered, "And you _will not _shag… Sorry, Prongs… but she looks like hell. Make her take a nap… make her take like … fifteen naps. And then wake her up, feed her, and make her go back to sleep. Then maybe… maybe… whatever…"

Lily smiled, it was strained and full of pain as she stared into Sirius' face. James nodded. "All right. Just… "

"I will," Sirius replied.

James swallowed. "I'm… "

"I know, Prongs."

"You will…?"

"I will…" Sirius said in a reassuring voice. "It's mutual."

James chuckled. "All right," he muttered, walking forward and embracing Sirius. They patted each other on the back, hard… it was a boy hug, Lily thought.

Sirius sniffed as he released James and turned to Lily. He chuckled as he pulled her into a tight hug. "Keep him sane, all right?"

"I'll try… it's hard to make someone sane when they're all ready insane," she teased.

"This is true," Sirius chuckled. "I'll see you soon."

Lily nodded, squeezing Sirius as hard as she could, trying to express that she understood how badly he was hurting… but no amount of force could express it. "Keep yourself safe."

Sirius nodded, then guided Lily over to James and shoved them toward the end of the pathway. Julia's mother and father both hugged Lily and James, asking them to keep in touch and for Lily to follow her own advice. There was a bit more chatter, then they Disapparated back to the Potters.

Lily followed James inside his house and over to the couch. He sat down, lying back against the armrest and beckoning her into his arms. She snuggled into him, her head against his chest, one leg thrown over top of his hips as he held her tightly.

"How's your leg?" James asked, feeling incredibly stupid as the words came out of his mouth.

Lily laughed gently. "It's all right."

"How're you?"

Lily swallowed, snuggling closer to James and kissing his cheek. "I'm… I'm okay." She felt James nod, his arm squeezing her tighter. "How're you?"

James rolled over and pulled Lily's lips against his own. She sighed, tangling her fingers into his hair as he kissed her sweetly… it reminded her of the first time they kissed. Hungry, passionate, gentle…

And full of relief.

J&L&J&L&J&L

June ended and July rolled in; the summer was unusually cool though the sun shone brightly every day. James and Lily had moved in to their flat a week after Julia's funeral, both of them excited and slightly nervous to be living together. There were a few awkward moments, mostly involving showers and various household tasks, but their living habits meshed well and both of them seemed to be simply relieved to be together.

James did find himself spending an odd amount of time with Sirius though, for during their first few weeks in the flat, Lily had slept an obscene amount. She found it extremely odd and was very irritated with the way her body was behaving, but James insisted she give into her desire to rest. Part of him felt guilty – well, guiltier than he was feeling already when he thought of Sirius alone in his flat below them.

He felt a great amount of guilt for wanting Lily to sleep. If she was asleep, she wasn't in pain, he logicized. And though she insisted that she was doing all right, that she felt sad but was continuing as Julia would have wanted her to, James knew that her grief was eating her from the inside out. And he could do nothing about it.

"It's a process," Remus was telling him one afternoon. They were sitting at James' small table in the dining room, tea cups on the table with little cookies that Lily had made the previous day. "These are really good, she must be doing all right."

James shrugged, glancing toward the hallway. He could hear the shower running, and knew that Lily was taking her time and letting James talk. "She hasn't cried."

"Since the funeral?"

"Well, even at the funeral… she didn't cry. She teared up and … maybe sobbed once or twice, but she didn't cry," explained James. "Even when her Mum died, she spent one night crying and then she was fine. Hell, I've cried more than she has during the past month," he confessed sheepishly.

"Maybe she doesn't let you see it," suggested Remus.

"Perhaps," said James, biting his lip. "I wish she would."

"You hate it when she cries," Remus said.

"Yeah… but… I don't want her to _not_ cry," James replied, taking another drink of his tea. They'd added a few shots of firewhiskey to it, but rather than dulling his senses, they seemed heightened much to James' dismay. "I don't want her to hide it from me… I want to be there for her."

Remus swallowed, chewing his lip thoughtfully. "You are there for her all the time; maybe she wants it to be private. Maybe she knows how you hate feeling helpless and she doesn't want to make it worse."

James nodded acquiescingly; that seemed like something Lily would do, refrain from showing him how much she was hurting so as not to make him feel helpless or uncomfortable. "I wouldn't care if she sogged up my shirt," he mumbled. "I'd be all right… she shouldn't hold it back just because I feel… useless when she cries."

"Maybe this is her way of dealing with it," said Remus. "Lily needs to be busy doing something; she doesn't like to just sit and let her emotions over run her, everyone knows this. Sam knew this and she wasn't even in our house. Lily's not a girl who cries."

"I just don't want her to hurt or … hate me … or-"

"Why would she hate you?" asked Remus curiously.

"Because I didn't get there in time to… to do something. Because I didn't… because there's a big part of me that's relieved – _so relieved_ – that it wasn't her?" said James, ruffling his hair and giving Remus a pained expression.

Remus nodded, taking a drink from his own cup. "She wouldn't hate you for that."

"Why? She could… maybe she should."

"No, she can't," said Remus. "Because, and if she ever admits this… you tell me and I'll eat my wand, there's a part of her that's just as relieved she's still alive."

James nodded, ruffling his hair again and leaning back in his chair.

"Sam felt that way," Remus whispered.

"So did you."

They were quiet for a few moments. The shower stopped and James heard the door to the bathroom open and the door to the bedroom shut.

"How's … how's Padfoot?"

James sighed, leaning forward and tousling his hair again. "Again… I'm helpless. He's… he's all right, he's managing," said James.

Managing was the only way he could describe how Sirius was doing. The first week in his flat had been calm, though Sirius was randomly amused by the lack of furniture he had. "I have a couch, a chair and a bed. And I can't sit on the couch because Moony and Sam shagged there…" he teased when Remus, Peter and James stopped in before the full moon in late June. After that, Sirius had become strained and tense, though he tried to attribute it to very trivial things rather than addressing the real issue.

James realized fairly quickly that he knew next to nothing about actually cooking a meal or what to have on hand for groceries. Lily had laughed and assured him that she wouldn't let him go hungry. They had ordered takeaway the first few nights, and invited Sirius over for dinner after they found he was struggling with the same issue. Lily had taken them both grocery shopping one Saturday afternoon, and given them some easy recipes to try if they ever felt the urge and she was gone.

"'Course, you know I can just cook… it's all right," she had said, smiling gently. "I actually like it."

"We can figure something out… we'll make you dinner one night," said James, looking at Sirius for confirmation. He'd nodded, but looked sad and left soon after that.

Sirius had come over for dinner several times since then; in fact, he had come over for dinner practically every night. He'd been talkative at first, but grew quiet as the days passed. James also noticed that Sirius would eat second or third helpings of whatever Lily made, even if it was something completely random that he'd never had before. Lily asked James one evening if he thought Sirius was eating at all during the day.

"I'm not sure… I don't… I don't know what to do," he had told her helplessly.

She smiled, it was sad but encouraging. "You need to stop worrying about doing something," she whispered. "Just be James."

"_James_ is supposed to be strong, cocky, and all-knowing. He's supposed to be able to fix anything and do everything on the first try; it's supposed to be effortless. James transfigured himself into a stag at age 14… he should be able to figure out how to help his grieving friend," he'd muttered.

Lily smiled and kissed his forehead. "_James_ needs to relax. James might have done those things, but he has grown up since then and realizes that there are some things you can't fix by waving your wand."

The day before Remus came to visit, Peter had come by and visited with Sirius alone. After he'd left, stopping by for only a moment to see Lily and James, Sirius had almost seemed angry.

"He kept banging on about how he and I could do _everything_ together now… since neither of us are… you know," Sirius explained that as he sat at the table with Lily and James. "He just kept on and on about all the things we could do. Like it was a good thing I'm single… and alone… like he was almost happy that-"

"He's not happy, Sirius," Lily said gently. "He's not… he's … he's only trying to help. Maybe he thinks that you'll feel better faster if he points out the good things about being a bachelor… or at least what he thinks are the good things."

"There's _nothing_ good about this," Sirius grumbled. "Nothing… nothing good about the Death Eaters, nothing good about being able to fight and search for them _all_ the time because I'm alone… and definitely nothing good about having Peter Pettigrew as my only friend."

James stiffened. "He's not your only friend, you know that."

"Well he certainly seemed to think he was," Sirius explained. "'_It's just us now… they've got birds and we don't so_-"

"He shouldn't have said that," said James coldly. "Remus isn't even technically with Sam since she's in France and only going to be home like once… once every three or four months… and just because … just because I'm-"

"Just because you're getting married doesn't mean I'm going to force you to give up all your friends," said Lily, filling in the blanks for James. "You know I wouldn't do that to you, or to you, Sirius."

"I know."

"Besides, I'd miss your handsome face," she teased, causing James to laugh and Sirius to smile for the first time all evening.

Later that night, after Lily had showered again (James also wondered if she used showering as an excuse to be alone to cry) she and James were lying in bed kissing hungrily. After the funeral, James had got the distinct impression that Lily hadn't wanted to be touched intimately for quite a while… but now, she was relishing in it. She arched against him, purposefully grabbing his hands and putting them places on her body that caused James' blood to rush fast and hard through his veins. He groaned as she began to tug at her clothing, pulling off her t-shirt and pressing her burning skin against his. He never wanted to leave her side ever again, for no reason… he wanted to stay with her all the time to make sure she was happy and safe and never, ever feeling any type of grief or pain. James had paused then, looking at Lily with an intense gaze and telling her in a very shaky voice that if she _wanted_ him to give up his friends…

"I _do not _want that, James," she said, her eyes narrowing as she stared up at him. "I would never want that. Sirius is like a brother to you, I would never want you to shut him out just for me. Remus and Peter as well… I wouldn't ask you to do that."

"I know you wouldn't, I know," he'd said hastily, frowning as she rolled out from underneath him and sat up, running her fingers through her hair aggressively. "I just… love you so much, Lils… I don't want you to feel alone… like you don't… like-"

Lily sighed. "I don't feel lonely, James. I have Sam to write to… and once we join the order, I'll see Marlene and Alice more… it'll be fine."

"I know," he muttered, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay…I'm not upset, James," she said, hugging her arms and pulling her t-shirt back over her head. "Really, I'm not."

James swallowed, guilt and disappointment racing through him. "I know, I'm sorry-"

"Stop apologizing, you didn't do anything," Lily said, giving James a curious look.

"I know… I'm-"

"James, stop… _stop_," she whispered, pressing her fingers against his lips and shushing him before she kissed him softly. "You're so … _tense_. Why are you so worried about me? I'm fine, love… I'm doing all right. I'm working through things."

"I'm _here_, Lily," said James in desperate voice. "I'm here… if you need anything… I promise… I _promise_ I'll be there and I'll listen… no matter what. I'll come running if you ever need me again. I wish there was a way we could just instantly contact one another if … if anything… yeah…."

Lily then snuggled into James arms, closing her eyes as he stroked her hair and held her close to him. "Nothing else is going to happen," she whispered, sounding like she was trying to reassure herself as well as him. "Nothing…"

James sighed, pulling himself out of random memories of the past few weeks and finally getting back to Remus' question. "Sirius is managing."

"How are you?" asked Remus, giving James a significant look.

James shrugged. "I'm… _helplessly_ managing," he laughed, shaking his head and leaning back in his chair. Lily came into the dining room then, carrying a letter that made both Remus and James perk up.

"This just came," she explained, holding out the envelope which she had already opened. Just as James took it, there was a knock at their door. Remus got up and opened it, jumping aside as Sirius burst in, his expression full of purpose.

"We've been summoned to Hogwarts," he said rapidly, looking from James to Remus. "Order… they're initiating."

* * *

_A/N: thank you so much for your reviews, I love reading them all and I love the feedback. I hated doing that to Julia, hated it... but things just happen sometimes. More is coming, soon... thank you all so much!_


	36. Friend

Friend

* * *

James and Lily were standing on one side of the hallway outside of Dumbledore's office; Remus, Peter, and a middle aged wizard named Edgar Bones were standing on the opposite side. Edgar looked overly amused and made several comments on how young so many members of the Order were before the phoenix statue moved and a voice summoned him up.

A younger woman stepped down the stairs, her black hair bouncing lightly around her shoulders. She looked at Edgar and nodded encouragingly before her dark blue eyes turned to Lily.

"Oh good," she said, smiling brightly and stepping close to Lily and James. "We need more women involved, there are so few of us willing to fight. Dorcas Meadowes," she said, holding out a confidant but small hand.

Lily smiled gently, swallowing as she extended her own. "Lily Evans… well… Evans for the time being at least," she laughed.

"Oooh… I _see_," Dorcas grinned, eyeing James approvingly. "And you are?"

"James Potter," he said, holding out a hand and giving a friendly smile.

"Good to meet you James, Lily," Dorcas replied. She turned around and greeted Remus and Peter in much the same manner before turning back to Lily and smiling brightly. "You remind me of Alice Longbottom."

"I know Alice," said Lily with a grin. "And Frank as well… he was two years above us and she was one," Lily explained.

James grinned as the woman continued to engage Lily in conversation. He walked across the hall to where Remus and Peter were standing, watching the statue that guarded Dumbledore's office curiously.

"So… what do you think this involves?" asked James, following their gaze and feeling a familiar rush of curiosity and excitement stir inside of him.

"Signing your death certificate in blood," muttered Peter.

Remus chuckled and James laughed, until they both realized Peter was serious. "Mate… no," said James. "No… that's not what happens up there. We're going to fight, and we're going to win."

"James, you weren't there on the platform," said Peter, his small eyes lifting and falling on James' confident face. "There are so many of them! They over ran it… and did you see the articles? It's –"

"Pete," said James, raising a hand and looking at Peter intensely. Peter seemed to calm down, to come back to his senses; James knew that there was a side of him – the side from whence came his rat form – that saw nothing but predators and doom ahead. This side of him brought out Peter's instinct to run and hide, to scrounge and forage for cover behind the strongest group of people he could find…

"Pete," James continued, his voice low and reassuring, "We've got Dumbledore. We've got Moody, and the Aurors, and each other. We've got an organization that is strong and none of us are going to back down from this until Voldemort and all those bloody idiot bastards are gone."

Peter inhaled, and then exhaled very slowly. He looked up at James and nodded, his posture straightening out at the same moment that the staircase moved again and Edgar Bones came walking down with a sober yet encouraged look on his face. "Pettigrew?"

Peter nodded, allowing James to clap him once on the back before he walked towards the stairs, an anxious expression on his watery face. James moved to stand beside Remus, smiling as he watched Lily talk with the woman who had come down earlier.

"He's got this grand idea that he and Sirius are going to be fighting and running missions together," advised Remus in a low voice. "Since they don't have-"

"Since we're tied down?" he interrupted, finishing Remus' comment.

"Right."

James scoffed. "I think Padfoot has other ideas… not that he'd mind running missions with Wormtail, but I think he would prefer us to be included as well."

"As long as you plan on helping me find that scum and kill him," said a low and familiar voice. James and Remus looked up, as did Lily, to see Sirius walking down the hall. His posture was taller, the weights seemed to be removed, but his expression was still full of the same dark purpose he'd had when they left their flat two hours earlier.

Sirius ignored James' and Remus' welcoming smiles and went straight to Lily. He leaned against the wall and watched her with impatient eyes as she finished talking with Dorcas. Lily swallowed, biting her lip as Sirius cleared his throat and gazed intently at her.

"Who was it?"

Lily swallowed again. "It was Mulciber," she said quietly, wanting more than anything to not talk about this before seeing Dumbledore. "Mulciber's father came down… Malfoy was there too… he was asking why they had brought her, and Mulciber said something about wanting revenge-"

"Because you tattled," Sirius filled in.

"Hey," James interrupted. "She didn't _tattle_. She found Hadley and brought her inside, it's not like-"

"So it was Mulciber and who else?" Sirius continued, ignoring James' interruption. "Who _else_, Lily?"

"Avery was the one she was fighting on the Platform," Lily explained. "I… I went to help her 'cause he was … he was torturing her and-"

"So Avery, Mulciber… you said Malfoy was-"

"Malfoy was telling them not to bother with her at first… but then after she said something about him not being able to … finish what he started with Molly Gamp, he told Mulciber to… finish her off… he said something about him not having enough guts to-" Lily stammered, feeling her chest begin to ache as the memory of that afternoon came flooding back.

"So Mulciber, Avery, and Malfoy," Sirius said, nodding his head at each name. "Who cast the spell?"

Lily swallowed. "Mulciber did… I think… I couldn't see whether it was him or his father…"

The staircase moved, and Peter came down looking proud and confident after whatever conversation he'd had with Dumbledore. "Prongs? It's your turn, and Lily's supposed to go with you," he said lightly. "Oh, hey Padfoot!"

Sirius flashed Peter a glare, which caused him to immediately cower and move out of the way back to Remus' side. James put his arm around Lily's waist, giving Sirius a disapproving glare before stepping onto the bottom stair and letting the case spin and raise them to Dumbledore's office.

Lily inhaled very deeply, steadying herself and trying not to let James see how much Sirius had upset her. It would only make him angry.

"Are you all right?" he asked, glancing furtively at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm fine," she said in a steady voice, squeezing his hand as the door opened and they walked inside.

Dumbledore was writing something down on a piece of parchment as they stepped inside. He looked up and smiled benevolently as James and Lily walked forward and took seats at his desk. "Good evening," he greeted very quietly as he finished his note. He lifted his head and smiled gently, his piercing blue eyes turning to Lily as he observed her.

"How are you doing, Lily?" Dumbledore asked in a soothing voice.

Lily cleared her throat. "I'm managing."

Dumbledore smiled. "Managing is acceptable," he said, nodding his head. "And James… how are you handling your blushing bride-to-be's management style?"

James chuckled, watching as Lily blushed and smiled brightly. "Well… very well."

"Good, very good," Dumbledore agreed, tapping his wand on the parchment and handing them each a copy. "You'll see here a list of Patronus forms. Not everyone in our group can produce a Patronus, but the ones who can have the ability to remain anonymous if they wish to be."

"Why would anyone want to be anonymous?" asked James curiously.

"In the unusual event that this list would… fall into the wrong hands, per say, it allows them protection from direct identification," Dumbledore explained. "But the main purpose is so we understand that it is a member of the Order speaking to us should we receive a communication. We're primarily communicating through the Patronus charm."

"Communicate through a Patronus? How?" Lily said, looking at Dumbledore with wide eyes.

"It's quite simple really. The Patronus is already an extension of one's personality; a projection of positive emotions and passions, all one has to do is will it to speak in order to convey a personal message," explained Dumbledore, holding out a quill for Lily. "Now, I already know from Griselda Marchbanks that you, Lily Evans-soon-to-be-Potter can produce a Patronus; and it takes the form of a doe, correct?"

Lily blushed again and nodded in agreement; Dumbledore smiled. "And you, James?"

"Mine is a stag."

Dumbledore smiled brightly and chuckled once. "Very fitting it seems," he teased. "Now, having spent the past year having you as leaders of my student body, and hearing confirmation of both your Patronus' from separate sources I'm not going to make you produce them now. But, I urge you in your spare time to practice the spell and work on willing the form to speak. They can only carry short messages, a sentence, perhaps two, so you'll need to think about what you are saying should you need to use them in battle."

At the word battle, James and Lily both sat up a little straighter. Dumbledore noticed this and his expression became serious. "There will be battles, as you both are obviously and painfully aware. We cannot win this war without a fight. To be a member of the Order of the Phoenix, you must make only one vow and one promise…"

James and Lily waited, both of them barely breathing as they watched Dumbledore lean closer.

"You must vow to always be conscious of what we are fighting for: the greater good of all life. The Death Eaters' aim is to rid the world of those they deem unworthy, and to defy the death itself. We, the Order of the Phoenix, are aiming to protect and uphold that which the Phoenix represents: the resilience and value of all life. It matters not what we are born, but what we chose to become and those we touch along our path. We must protect life, and love, and the world as a whole for the greater good of the our world, and those outside of it."

Dumbledore surveyed James and Lily both through his half-moon shaped glasses, his chin resting against the tips of his long fingers. "Do you both promise to, in all circumstances and under any event, work toward the protection and continuation of human life?"

"Yes," James and Lily answered in unison.

"All items we discuss in our meetings and communications are sacred, and will be used toward the protection of ourselves and everyone around us. Do you promise to uphold this value and keep any plans, secrets, and observations to yourselves or amongst those in the Order?"

"Yes."

"And will you both at all times do your best to complete any mission or task you are assigned? No matter what happens?"

Lily and James both paused. James swallowed and lowered his eyes, but muttered "yes" very quietly. Lily nodded, keeping her head high and her expression fierce.

"Know that I will never ask you to do anything to compromise your relationship, and I will do my best to uphold the same vows to you and to everyone within the order," said Dumbledore gently. "We are all vowed to each other, and we will all protect and watch out for each other. You are now a part of a larger family, and we will look out for own."

James nodded, watching as Lily twisted her fingers nervously. He reached out and took her hand, giving it a squeeze and noting the small smile on Dumbledore's face. "That is something we need more of," the professor said very quietly, looking more toward James this time. "That is the biggest part of our conversation tonight, other than that I have all the information I need… but I would like to know your wand information just for identification purposes."

"Oh," said James, pulling his out from his pocket and holding it up in front of him. "Mine is um… mahogany; eleven inches," he said, grinning fondly at the pliable piece of wood that he'd had since age eleven.

"I'll note that… it looks as though it needs a good polishing," chuckled Dumbledore as James laughed and nodded his head. "And Lily?"

"Ten and a quarter inches," she said, smirking at James who was still examining his own wand fondly. "Willow."

"Very good," said Dumbledore. "Lily, you can go ahead and go down, James if you'll stay for just a moment, I have one more thing I'd like to add…"

"All right," said James, watching as Lily got to her feet and flashed him an encouraging smile before stepping outside and shutting the door. James turned back to Dumbledore, his expression serious as he waited for him to speak.

"James, it is obvious to everyone that you and Lily are both willing to lay down your lives for the people you love," Dumbledore began, watching as James nodded and his brow furrowed. "I cannot promise you that you will never have to make that choice, though I wish I could."

"I understand, sir."

"There is something I want you to know, however," he continued, resting his chin on his fingers. "Should the day ever come when you have to chose between saving Lily, a friend, or yourself, or compromising a mission or task, I want you to promise me something…"

James sighed heavily. He knew this was coming, that he would have to promise to complete the task and sacrifice his loved ones… this was war, this was what you had to do. He nodded, waiting for Dumbledore to say the words before he forced himself to agree to them.

"I want you to promise me, James… that you will compromise the mission."

James was about to open his mouth to say that he'd have to think on it… but Dumbledore's words caught him off guard. "Promise I'll… what?"

"Promise me that you will compromise the mission. That you will save Lily, or a friend, or yourself… mistakes happen, plans fall through. Missions can be re-run, people cannot be replaced, as I'm sure you are painfully aware."

James nodded, a feeling of relief flooding through him at Dumbledore's order. "Yes… I can promise you that I will do that. I won't throw any mission you give me away at the first sign of danger, I'll always try to complete-"

"I understand that James, I would expect nothing less," said Dumbledore. "I just wanted you to know that I do not, or would not ever expect anyone in our group to perform the same type of tasks that Voldemort asks of his followers."

James nodded again. "I understand… thank you, sir."

Dumbledore smiled. "Very well. Would you send Remus up?"

"I will sir, thank you," said James, getting to his feet and shaking Dumbledore's hand. He walked out the door and down the stairs, feeling confidant and eager about the tasks ahead of them.

"Moony, you're up," he said when he reached the bottom of the stairs. "Where's Lily?" asked James, looking around the hall.

"She's… trying to talk Sirius down," said Remus cautiously.

James' expression hardened. He nodded at Remus and said a quick good-bye before striding quickly down the hall and toward the voices that were growing louder as he moved.

"… this is _not_ about vengeance, Sirius," Lily was saying. "That's what got us all into this in the first place."

"All the more reason for me to extract it," Sirius shot back. "Eye for an eye you know."

Lily shook her head, her expression pained and desperate. "She wouldn't want-"

"DON'T talk to me about what Julia would or would not want," snapped Sirius, glaring at Lily.

Lily's expression hardened, her eyes narrowed. "I knew her for a lot longer than you did," she said quietly. "I know-"

"You were her friend for longer, but I _knew_ her," said Sirius coldly. "I knew her in ways that you… you never could, and never would. You haven't experienced the intimacy that she and I shared… you… you don't know what it's like to have that kind of closeness …and security… and then know you're going to live without it! You've been living with James for over a month, and you haven't done anything to move forward. No date set, and neither of you have a clue-"

"That's a bit harsh," snapped Lily. "I've been grieving too, you know! It's not like I was focused on-"

"I wish you'd just get on with it, you know? Stop… torturing me. I keep waiting to hear about it, waiting to hear about the wedding and all the plans you two are making. These are plans that she never got to make, dreams she never allowed herself to have. And I just keep waiting… _WAITING_… to hear something…. Something to confirm that _you_ have everything, and I have nothing and-"

"Stop it, Sirius," James ordered, rounding the corner and interrupting the conversation. He stepped in front of Lily and glared at his friend. Lily was randomly shocked by the height difference between the two of them. It had never been very obvious, but James was a good two to three inches taller than Sirius, and it showed at this moment. "It's _not_ her fault… and you know it. You aren't… I know you're angry, and I get it, but-"

"No, you don't, James… you don't '_get it_,'" snapped Sirius coldly. "And you never will."

He glared angrily at them both for a moment, but then his expression became pained as his eyes met James' furious and concerned ones again. Sirius seemed to teeter on the edge of something, but then with an angry growl he stormed away from them and down the hall.

Lily sniffed and hugged herself tightly; James moved forward and turned her to face him. "Don't listen to him… he's… he's just angry and-"

"I know, James… I know," she replied, sniffling quietly. There were no tears on her cheeks, but she seemed on the verge. James wished she would cry, and then he wished she _wouldn't_ cry. He wished she would yell at him, or at Sirius… he wished she'd do something to let him know she wasn't holding it all inside of her…

"Please… take me home," she whispered finally, folding herself into his arms as they began walking toward McGonagall's office and the floo connection to their home.

J&L&J&L

"We _should_ set a date," said Lily lightly.

James was leaning against the edge of the doorway to their bathroom, smiling as he watched Lily brush out her hair. "This would be a start, yes…"

"We should go on a date," she suggested, looking at herself thoughtfully in the mirror. "I don't think we've ever been on one."

"Not unless you count playing snap in The Three Broomsticks all last year."

Lily chuckled and shrugged her shoulders. She glanced at James, a happy smile on her face. She was finally starting to feel normal again; starting to finally feel like she could live and carry on with her plans instead of spending her time in a state of silent grieving. Though she felt as though life was returning for her, she knew not everyone around her felt that way.

It had been a week since their induction into the Order, and James and Lily had already managed to perfect the Patronus messaging technique that Dumbledore had invented for use by Order members. It was rather simple, as Dumbledore had said, but not everyone was as thrilled to have a new task as they seemed to be.

Sirius had been over for dinner twice since confronting Lily and being inducted. He hadn't apologized for his outburst, but he hadn't bring up the conversation either; he seemed to be in a silent state of apologetics. And he'd seemed very morose; quiet and abnormally subdued. It had James worried and a feeling depressed himself.

Lily didn't like seeing him feel that way. She hadn't seen him depressed since the night of the ball their sixth year. James tried valiantly to hide it, probably hoping Lily wouldn't worry, but she saw through his toughness. She knew Julia's death was hard on Sirius, as much as it was on her, but she also understood, all to well, how hard it was to watch someone you love go through the stages of grief. And James had been doing just that, for weeks on end, without cracking under the pressure. _He's incredibly strong_, thought Lily, _but he still feels helpless_.

"If I were to take you on a date, what would you like to do?" asked James curiously, calling Lily back to the present.

She pursed her lips, considering his question. "You've never seen a film have you?"

James shook his head. "I've never seen a play either."

"Hmm, that's an idea," she said grinning. "Aside from dinner out somewhere, that would be fun. Or we could… to be honest, I don't even know what to do on a date," she laughed.

"Where have you always wanted to go?"

"On a date?"

"On holiday," James explained as Lily moved closer to him. "If we were going to take a holiday, where would you go?"

"France," said Lily instantly.

James laughed. "That was easy."

Lily smiled. "My Mum went there once when I was younger, and then again the summer before our sixth year. She always talked about the beaches along the Brittney coast. The sailboats, and little secluded beaches; it sounded so nice. And Paris, I've always wanted to go to Paris."

James nodded, smiling to himself as he began to plan a trip.

"What about you? Where would you go on Holiday?"

James considered her question, smiling as she slid her arms around his waist and began to kiss his neck lightly. "Aside from France?" he teased, flinching when Lily playfully nipped at his jaw line. "I've always wanted to visit Iceland."

"Really?" asked Lily, chuckling lightly at the randomness of his suggestion.

"They have volcanoes!"

"You _would_ want to visit someplace with Volcanoes," she teased.

"It's fascinating… all the fire, and that power, and the danger," he mused, grinning down at her. "Lava is _red_ you know," he whispered, lacing his fingers through her hair.

"Actually, it's orange," she replied, leaning close and biting his lower lip.

"Close enough," said James, pulling her against him and kissing her fiercely.

Lily's arms slid up his chest and over his shoulders, she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed herself purposefully against him. James slid his hand over her backside, picking her up and pressing her against the wall behind them. He had just moved his lips to her neck when there was a knock at the door.

Lily groaned and closed her eyes, heaviness sinking into her voice. "It's never going to happen is it?"

"Oh, it _will_ happen," said James determinedly. "In fact… if that is anyone other than Sirius, tell them to go away and –"

"I can't do that, James," Lily laughed. "I'd be wracked with guilt for the next week."

"But what about me exploding? You'd be wracked with guilt if I spontaneously combusted, right?" asked James in worried voice as Lily laughed and answered the door.

"Hey, Wormy," said Lily brightly, stepping aside and letting Peter come in. "Everything all right?"

"Hi, Lily," said Peter sheepishly, looking at James. "Hey, Prongs… have-have you talked to Padfoot?"

James shook his head. "No… not in _depth_ for a while. Why?"

"Got a quick note from Remus this morning," said Peter, watching as Lily nonchalantly walked into the kitchen to let him and James talk. "He said that _he_ got a note from Padfoot saying he wasn't coming out this Thursday."

"Thursday?" asked James in a confused voice.

"Erm… Thursday, the 20th? We joked about it being your '_stag'_ night?"

"Oh… yeah… I-I'd forgotten," said James. It was true, he had forgotten. His head had been clouded with too many thoughts (Sirius moving to the anger stage of grieving, Lily's quiet sadness and slow return back to her normal self… his own anxiety about not being able to fix the situation…) to have room for a camping trip to Cricklade over the full moon, let alone a stag party. He ruffled his hair and sighed. "Maybe he was just… in a mood?" James suggested. "He's been quiet lately, trying to deal with things…"

"Shouldn't he be over it now?" asked Peter. "I mean… he was doing all right the other week, and it's been over a month-"

"Pete, mate… he lost a friend, we all did; and she was a lot more to Sirius than just a friend, you know this," said James, giving Peter a disapproving glance. "Even if he's managing, he's still hurting you know… he'll have good days and-"

"He hasn't talked to me since before the induction," said Peter sadly. "And he only spoke with Remus briefly… he hasn't responded to any letters or anything."

"Well he's alive," said James. "We see him every now and again."

"But you don't talk…"

"He … it's not like we're ignoring him, we've got things going on too," said James, becoming a little defensive. "He's been over for dinner, but I'm not going to force him to talk if he doesn't feel like it."

Peter nodded, his eyes turning to his trainers as his cheeks colored. "Well… a-are we still planning to camp? I've got… I've got to take the day off if we are," he muttered, thinking that it would be absolutely no problem to get a day off at his non-existent job they all knew nothing about.

"Remus is still going to transform, Lily has been sending him his potion… we're still planning on it," said James. "Sirius'll come 'round, mate; it's Monday, give him a couple of days and he'll come 'round."

"Right…" said Peter, coughing uncomfortably and shifting as Lily came back into the room with a few cups of tea.

Peter stayed for a few hours and was considerably more cheerful when he left. Lily thought back to her observation that she'd made before school ended: that Peter was clinging on to everything he had that made him important, special, and safe, rather than looking inside himself and seeing his own individual value.

James seemed a bit irritated by Peter's insecurity and clinginess and Sirius' continued surliness, but there was nothing Lily could do for him. It made her feel slightly helpless.

"He'll come around," she reassured James on Tuesday evening.

"Pete or Sirius?"

"Both," explained Lily, running her fingers through James' hair and kissing his forehead.

James nodded, snuggling against her neck and sighing deeply. They lay quietly together for a few moments, and then Lily kissed his forehead again.

"The twenty-ninth," she said quietly.

"Pardon?"

"I want to get married on the twenty-ninth of this month," Lily replied. "July twenty-ninth."

"Lils… that's next Saturday," said James in a shocked voice. "That's just a little over-"

"I don't want to wait anymore," she explained, kissing him as his eyes widened. "I don't… there's no sense in waiting. It's too dangerous to have a big ceremony; and we both agreed that we don't need everyone who reads the prophet knowing all about it. I just want you," she whispered, kissing him softly. "I have a dress picked out, it'll take me perhaps a day to get it… I just feel like this is the right thing to do."

James nodded, smiling as he kissed her again. "Why the twenty-ninth? Any particular reason?"

"It's the last Saturday of the month," she shrugged. "And… we got together on the first Saturday in September; it seemed fitting."

James grinned and held Lily close. "The twenty-ninth then," he whispered, kissing her gently as she snuggled into his chest.

Having a date seemed to spark a fire under James. He sent Remus and Peter a note the following morning letting them know about their plans and officially confirming that that Thursday would be his "stag" party.

"_I'm not going to the pubs or drinking_," he said in the note. "_Just us… going out for the full moon; that's what we did, those are the best times in my memory… that will be it_."

Remus and Peter both responded back and agreed that a simple night out would be the best stag night they could throw for James. Lily agreed as well, though she worried deeply about the missing forth member of the marauder quartet.

James made it his mission to find and talk to Sirius, but it seemed he hadn't been home since Sunday evening. He contacted anyone who might have talked to him, trying to find out if he'd gone to visit someone or simply taken a short holiday, but no one had seen or heard from him. To distract himself, James went to the Ministry to get a marriage license and certificate for him and Lily to complete, while she stayed behind and made plans of her own.

Lily spent the afternoon sending wedding invitations to a small number of people including the Longbottoms, Marlene McKinnon, all their Professors, Sam in France (even though Lily knew it was a long shot for her to come), Mary MacDonald, and a few other various students they had run around with during school. James' mum came over to assist Lily for a few hours, gushing about how happy she was that they were having the ceremony so close to home.

"Lindsay, I'm leaving decorations up to you," said Lily when they discussed having either satin or lace ribbons attached to chairs. "I only want roses and stargazer Lilies as flowers, and as long as it's sunny, we both want it out side."

"I'm going to put up a gazebo, it will be pretty. Have you thought about who will do the ceremony? I know Elphias Doge sometimes does them, otherwise Milton would be willing or-"

"We've actually asked Dumbledore," said Lily. "He's been very … he's been incredibly supportive and encouraging for us to get together. I think he saw how good it would be before we even did."

"That's wonderful," said Lindsay happily. "You're all set; such a good girl, I'm just thrilled about all of this. When are you going to pick up your dress?"

"I'll pick it up on Sunday, actually," she said. "I sent a letter to the shopkeeper and she set up an appointment for me to have it fitted and everything."

"Would you like to have lunch or anything on Thursday?" suggested Lindsay. "I know James will be out with the boys…"

"That would be lovely," said Lily. "I'll let you know for sure what time he's leaving and we'll plan on that."

James' mother had left around five o'clock in the evening, which left Lily plenty of time to prepare for her other activity. She made a very nice dinner, filet mignon with a red-wine glaze, blanched vegetables, and James' favorite treacle desert, and dressed herself up very nicely in a dark blue halter dress. She fixed her hair, put on make-up, and tried to calm the nerves that were racing through her.

She did not want to wait any longer, this was decided. Everything she'd ever heard or read about losing one's virginity mentioned that it could be uncomfortable, even painful, for the girl. Though she knew James would take his time and be gentle, she was determined to enjoy her first night as a married woman and any subsequent holiday they might take to the fullest. Aside from this, they had been so close so many times… it was driving Lily absolutely mad with desire to watch James dress himself each morning, or undress himself each night…

She knew James had stopped by Remus and Peter's both to finalize their plans, in addition to doing everything he could to locate Sirius. She wondered if he had any luck, for the thought of Sirius not being a part of James' bachelor night depressed her just as much as him. It seemed Sirius' induction into the Order had changed something in him, set him on a quest for vengeance or simply confirmed to him how alone he was. Perhaps the grief was too consuming, and he felt he had no one to reach out too.

It was a little after eight when Lily set the final touches on her table. She sat down to wait, but then heard voices echoing up from the stairwell that connected their two flats. She waited… it sounded like James had found Sirius, but she wasn't sure what they were discussing.

Time passed, Lily stared at the burning candles as they slowly melted onto the table. The two men were still talking… talking loudly… she began to worry…

Finally at half past eight, she stood and walked to her front door, opening it and stepping to the top of the stairs, hiding herself out of sight as she listened…

"… not like that, Sirius! None of us _chose_ this," James was saying. "None of us-"

"No, we did choose it. We chose to live here, we chose to live together… and now _I'm_ alone and _you're_ not. It's just like it has always been," he snapped.

"How has it always been?" asked James curiously. Lily could tell there was strain in his voice as he spoke. "Explain this to me… because I recall that we were always in things _together_. From first year, from when we first met we –"

"You pitied me," snapped Sirius. "_'Blimey, I thought you seemed all right_,' was what you said when I told you my whole family had been in Slytherin. You pitied me, and talked to me then just like you pity me now and-"

"I don't _pity_ you!" snapped James. "I hurt for you. I can't even imagine how much-"

"You can't _imagine_ it, James, because it's real. I can't believe you're hurting that much for me because you've _never_ known pain. You've always had _everything_. You have a family who loves you, you have-"

"That family that loves _me…_ they took _you_ in as well, and they love you just as much!" James yelled, his voice rising angrily.

"Out of _pity_, or obligation! They're still _your_ parents, not mine. You had them, and you've had the fortune, the friends… Pete and Remus looked up to you more so than me; I'm the 'trouble maker!' And now this… now _this_… now you're getting married and you're going to have a bunch of little babies someday… and where will I be, huh? Sirius Black, James Potter's friend who baby sits. Bachelor for life, always alone," Sirius growled.

"I did _not_ become your friend out of pity, or obligation. Sirius, _you-are-my_-_brother_… and you have just as many friends as I do, if not more, because of your troublesomeness," said James. "Please… you can't do this… don't shut me out because you're grieving. I … I've been trying to help, but I don't know what to do! Tell me what you want me to do. You're right… I can't imagine-"

"No, you _can't_," Sirius shouted. "Because you've never lost something important; you've never had anything you value ripped away from you. Lily is still alive, and you said yourself that if something were to ever happen to her you'd go mad… well, I'm going mad. And suicide isn't an option for me because I'm a bloody coward, so I'm stuck. I'm stuck alone, and you've got everything you've ever wanted and you'll never have to feel any pain because it's beneath the holy feet of James Potter."

Lily flinched as Sirius slammed the door in what she was sure was James' face. Her heart broke; she understood his pain all too well, for she knew what it was like to feel alone and want nothing more than to disappear from the Earth. But Sirius wouldn't talk to her, he wouldn't talk to James… it sounded like he wouldn't talk to anyone.

As much as her heart ached for him, she hurt more for James. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how grief felt, and he was desperately trying to keep himself and the people he loved in one piece, even though it seemed to be tearing him apart inside.

James' footsteps began to walk up the stairs. Lily panicked and flung herself back inside the flat and began to try and clean up, knowing James would require more than physical intimacy after his fight.

She paused her cleaning when he stepped through the door, his eyes falling on her and a heavy sigh leaving his body. "Hi," she whispered.

James swallowed, looking around at the dinner on the table and the melted candles. "Hi… you… what were you… did-"

"I heard," she confessed. "I was standing in the hall."

James nodded, then opened his mouth and closed it. He ruffled his hair, and stared at Lily blankly, not knowing what to say for ruining her evening…

Lily sighed and put down the plate she was holding. "Come here," she said, holding out her hand. James took it and let her lead him to their bed, where she sat down and stared up at him.

James looked down at her, overwhelmed by her beauty and the softness in her expression. He felt an overwhelming rush of guilt. Guilt that she was his, when he was undeserving and arrogant; guilt that he was not alone as Sirius was. He felt guilt for being thankful she was alive, guilt for knowing he couldn't survive without her. It was guilt on top of guilt on top of more guilt… and he felt crushed that Sirius thought James was only his obligatory friend. He felt angry that Sirius was just pushing everyone away out of grief, and he felt completely depressed and not at all in the mood for a stag night when the very person who'd helped him become a stag wouldn't be there…

"James… love," whispered Lily, pulling him down on the bed with her, "talk to me."

James sniffed and shook his head. He turned his face away, feeling angry and guilty that he was tearing up _again_, when Lily still had yet to cry over her best friend's death. She pulled him close and wrapped her arms around his neck, laying back against the pillows and hugging him tightly.

"I can't do anything… I'm helpless," he whispered in a shaky voice.

"We're all helpless," she replied. "You aren't alone in that state."

"Only because you're here…" he muttered. "I don't know what I would do if… Lily… I can't… I don't know how to help Sirius because I … I don't know what I would do if that… if it-"

"Shhhh," Lily whispered, hugging him tighter. "It wasn't… it'll be all right… he'll-"

"He hates me," said James. "He hates me because… because I've always had everything so easily, just like you said… just like you've always told me. It's always easy for me, never hard… and it's been hard for him, and for you, and I'm so-"

"James… shhhh," said Lily, clutching him tightly. "You've not had it easy because you've had to watch us. Sometimes that's worse than going through it yourself," she explained. She felt James nod, but he said no more. She squeezed him tightly as he buried his face into her neck, trying her best to ease some of the pain he was feeling as he allowed the echo of Sirius' words to replay again and again in his memory.

J&L&J&L

Lily woke up early to the sound of tapping against the window of their flat. She stretched and pulled James' arm off of her waist before walking over and opening it, jumping slightly at the owl that fluttered inside.

"Gerard," she said, recognizing the Tottlehams' owl instantly from the time he'd pecked at her hand until she responded to Julia. Daisy gave an indignant hoot from the top of the dresser as Lily took the letters that Gerard was holding.

James grunted and rolled over in his sleep; Lily tossed the owl a treat and let Daisy out of her cage for her morning hunt before sitting back down on the bed next to him. He breathed easily, letting her know he was still asleep as she curiously opened the envelope and read a short note inside.

"_Lily,_

"_I got your invitation in the mail. I believe we'll be able to attend, I'm very glad you thought of us. Things have been all right here, we've been trying to live up to your suggestion in Julia's farewell speech and do things she would want us to. I hope you've been doing the same, though it's been difficult for sure._

"_I'm sending you some letters I found in Julia's trunk when I unpacked it finally the other day. I did not read them, but they were addressed to you and Sirius so I felt they should be with the parties she was speaking to. I hope that it isn't too upsetting for you to read._

"_I'm so happy for you and James, you seemed so happy together the few times we saw you. I'll look forward to seeing you two wed come next Saturday._

"_Yours,_

"_Sheryl Tottleham"_

Lily sighed heavily and stared at the other envelopes that were contained with the note. For some reason, she found herself growing very angry as she stared at the letter belonging to Sirius. The fact that he'd been aloof and isolated for the past two weeks bothered her, but a majority of her sudden irritation was because of his conversation with James the previous night. He hadn't deserved that. Sirius _knew_ better. He knew James didn't pity him, and hadn't become his friend out of obligation. He knew that the Potters loved him just as much as James, and he knew that Julia wouldn't want him acting the way he was now.

But what _would_ she want? Lily had questioned that many times. She thought she knew; Julia always said that no matter what happened to her, she wanted the people in her life to go on and experience everything they could. She'd made Lily swear that she would force people who were grieving over her out of their shells if necessary.

"_I'd rather never had anyone in my life at all, than to think about them grieving and being depressed after I'm gone,"_ she had said. _"That's not what life is about."_

Lily sighed, opening her letter from Julia and reading it quickly, her eyes pricking with tears at the kind words her friend had written the night before her death. A resolution formed inside Lily's heart. She didn't know what Sirius' letter contained, but she was going to make sure she kept her promise to Julia and not let anyone stop living just because she was gone.

"You're sure you don't mind," said James around two hours later. He had his rucksack slung over his shoulder, and was looking at her with a slightly pained expression as she pushed him toward the door to their flat. "You made all that dinner and I –"

"James… it's _fine_," she said, shoving him out the door. "I'll be fine, just have fun. Don't scare any of the poor forest animals if you can avoid it."

James laughed. "I'll be home as soon as I can tomorrow, I promise," he said before kissing her softly. "Perhaps a breakfast date?"

Lily grinned. "Breakfast dates are good. I'll not be wearing that dress though," she said.

"You could wear-"

"Perhaps I will," she said, cutting off his suggestion and giving him a playful wink. "Now _go_, before Pete becomes panicked and wonders where you've got off too."

"Right… I love you, Lily," he said, kissing her again.

"I love you."

James nodded and traipsed down the stairs; Lily frowned as he paused, looking at Sirius' door with a pained expression before heading out onto the street. She waited until she knew for sure he was gone, then dressed and grabbed her wand before heading downstairs.

She didn't even bother knocking on the door, choosing instead to flick her wand and undo Sirius' rather weak locking charm and entering his flat. She paused, pulling a disgusted face as she looked it over.

It was still completely empty. One chair, one sofa… nothing else; there were paper plates with crusts of bread on them scattered all over the floor, and piles of laundry laying randomly throughout the sitting room. There had been a vague part of her that expected Sirius to have made detailed plans for revenge during his hours of solitude. Though it was plain to see that he had been doing what she feared most: nothing.

She flicked her wand and watched as the paper plates soared into the rubbish bin, and the piles of laundry sorted themselves appropriately and neatly in the corner. _I'll deal with that that later_, she thought as she walked back into the bedroom, where she knew Sirius was asleep.

He was lying on a mattress, just a mattress. No sheet, no box spring or bed frame… just a mattress. And a blanket that was too small for his long body. He hadn't shaved in at least a week she guessed, and his hair looked matted and dirty. Lily nudged his foot with her own. "Sirius?" she said, listening as he grunted. "Sirius…"

One eye peeked open, glaring at her from under his mass of hair. "What the bloody hell are you doing?" he grumbled sleepily. "Go away… you are the last person I want to see right now."

Lily had been feeling angry all morning; angry about Julia's death, angry about the Death Eaters, angry at herself for not being able to cry, angry at Sirius for snapping at James and treating him unfairly. Something about Sirius' tone of voice, however, seemed to channel it and send it bursting to the surface like the volcanoes James so desired to see.

"Apparently we're sharing emotions now…" she snapped, grabbing the blanket roughly and pulling it off him in one swift movement. "_Get up_! Get up and get out of that bed… if you can even call it that."

Sirius stood up and glared, he made an angry noise and turned around the room. "_Accio wand_!" Lily shouted, watching as Sirius' wand flew from underneath another pile of clothes into her hand. Sirius started forward, and she laughed and backed away. "If you think I'm going to give this to you so you can hex me you aren't nearly as smart as I once gave you credit for."

"Course I'm not… that's me! That's-"

"Shut up and get dressed," Lily snarled. "Do you even have clean clothes? This is disgusting… you are better than this."

"Who the _hell_ do you think you are?" asked Sirius, glaring at Lily with a great amount of disdain. "Who are you?"

"I'm Lily Evans… we used to be friends, remember? And you used to care about your appearance, and you used to care about my friend Julia… remember her?"

"Fuck you!" Sirius shouted angrily.

Lily didn't back down, even though Sirius was right in her face, breathing angrily and his eyes livid with rage. "And you _used_ to care about James Potter too, but for some reason you've decided that since Julia is gone now you can revert into being a completely selfish arse and shutting out everyone who cares about you!"

"I'm not shutting anyone out! I'm tired of being pitied!"

"Stop acting so pitiful then," Lily snapped, shoving the envelope from Julia into his hands. "Here… get dressed and read this, then come up stairs and I'll get you something to eat."

Sirius stared at the envelope, confusion replacing the anger on his face. "Who is this from?"

"It's from Julia," she explained. "Her mother found it and thought you should have it." Lily watched as Sirius straightened up slightly. She then flicked her wand and gathered up the dirty laundry to take upstairs and throw in the wash, leaving Sirius standing alone in his room holding Julia's last correspondence to him.

Forty-five minutes later, Lily was loading a pile of Sirius' clothing into her washer when the door to the flat opened and he walked sheepishly inside. He'd showered and shaved, though his hair was longer than she was used to. "Have a seat," she muttered, gesturing toward one of the chairs at the dining room table. Sirius obeyed, watching curiously as Lily walked into the kitchen and came out with a plate of food and placed it in front of him. "Quiche," she said, turning away and heading back to the laundry room.

"Quiche?" he called after her.

"Quiche. You know… eggs, cream… I put some ham and cheese in there because I know you liked that at Hogwarts," she called back. "I didn't poison it; James had some before he left and he was fine."

Sirius nodded, picking up the fork she had left him and starting to shovel the pie into his mouth. He closed his eyes; it tasted amazing. He realized with a start that it had been about three days since he'd eaten anything other than a slice of stale bread. He finished his plate rapidly, standing up and heading to the kitchen for another slice. After he had repeated this sequence twice, he finally just brought the entire pan of quiche back with him and began eating it without even cutting a slice.

Sirius heard Lily snigger behind him. "I probably should have asked."

"Sirius Black," she replied quietly, "You don't need to ask in our house, you should know this. Besides, it's rather comforting to see you eat. And your whole life is full of '_I probably should have_…' moments; why should that change now?"

Sirius nodded in agreement, he wondered if he should note that he agreed with her, but his mouth was full of quiche at the moment. Lily set down a glass of pumpkin juice next to him, and then resumed her task behind him in the other room. Sirius turned over his shoulder and watched her as he chewed his last few bites. "Is that my laundry you're folding?"

"Yes, my laundry is done," said Lily matter-of-factly.

Sirius swallowed and turned his eyes to his trainers. "You shouldn't do that."

"Yes, perhaps I shouldn't. You've been doing such a good job at it and all…" she replied coolly.

Sirius scowled, but then sighed acquiescingly and nodded his head. He drank the last bit of juice from his glass and then stood, taking his plate and the empty quiche pan into Lily and James' kitchen before walking into the sitting room. He sat down and grabbed the basket of clothing, pulling it towards himself and starting to fold the various items within. There was silence between them.

"Lils-"

"Just… shut up, all right?" she said, standing up and walking back to grab more clothes from the dyer and put more in the washer. When she came back in carrying another basket, Sirius frowned and tried to say something again. "Sirius, don't. You should already know that I'm the last person on Earth you can expect pity from. I don't know everything you said to James last night, but I heard some of it and that was enough."

"Right," Sirius muttered.

"He didn't deserve that."

"I know."

"He misses you; he was only trying to help. If you knew how upset he was… how depressed he's been since you've been barricading yourself down there in piles of laundry-"

"Lils… I _know_," interrupted Sirius. Lily watched his cheeks color in embarrassment; he ruffled his hair and sighed heavily before picking up another shirt to fold. "You know, there was a time when I thought you'd be the last person on Earth to ever care about Prongs being upset or depressed."

"Things change."

Sirius nodded, a sad smile crossing his face. "Yeah… they do, I suppose."

Lily didn't reply, they sat in silence folding clothes for another twenty minutes. Lily helped Sirius carry everything back to his flat, but then frowned as they simply set it in piles on the floor. "You need furniture."

"Yeah, I reckon I do."

"What time is it?"

Sirius checked his watch. "It's fifteen minutes until three."

Lily nodded. "Come on, then."

Sirius followed her back upstairs, watching as she grabbed a small handbag before heading back downstairs and out the door. "Where are we going?" he asked as she grasped his hand.

"We're meeting Lindsay in Cricklade," Lily explained, turning on the spot and pulling Sirius with her.

Sirius was quiet as they walked out of an alleyway and to a small café that was in the middle of town. He fidgeted with his watch and his hair, checked his clothes and rubbed at his clean shaven skin. "The Potters gave you the watch, didn't they?"

Sirius cleared his throat and nodded. "For your seventeenth?"

"Yes."

"That's a nice gift," she mused, pushing open the door to the café and stepping inside. "I need a watch."

Sirius was about to reply, but then a surprised cry filled his ears and he was suddenly engulfed in a tight hug. "Sirius Black," said Lindsay Potter's bright voice in his ear. "I have been worried sick about you, young man. You haven't responded to any of my letters, and I stopped by the other day and you weren't home…"

"I know, I'm sorry Linds," apologized Sirius, returning the embrace. "I've been… a little out of sorts, I suppose."

Lindsay frowned and nodded sadly. She stood up on her toes and kissed Sirius on the forehead, ruffling his hair and placing her arm around his waist as they walked to a table. The three of them sat down and ordered an appetizer and three cups to drink while they talked. Lindsay brushed a few strands of hair from Sirius' face. "Are you all right, dear?"

Sirius glanced at Lily, who remained quiet as she sipped her tea. "I don't think I've been trying to be all right, to be honest, Lindsay."

James' mother nodded wisely. "It's really a silly question, I'm not sure why I ask it," she said, glancing at Lily.

"I think it's an instinct; one of those things we ask or say just to fill the silence," replied Lily quietly. "Sort of like saying '_I'm sorry'_ when everyone knows you are, or replying '_you too'_ when someone says enjoy your food."

Lindsay and Sirius both laughed, lightening the mood considerably. They talked for a while, mostly about Sirius and how he'd been doing since he hadn't been replying to anyone's letters. He brightened up considerably when the subject turned to James and what Sirius labeled his "Goldfish face."

"In seven years, I'd never seen him make that face," he was laughing after Lily mimicked it perfectly.

"Really? I've seen him make it a few times. He does it a lot when he doesn't know what to say," she laughed.

"Well, that's why you've seen it and I haven't," he teased. "You tend to make him a bit more speechless than I do."

They drank three more cups of tea and then the reluctantly strayed to what Sirius had been up to during his weeks of solitude, which hadn't been much.

"To be honest, I haven't done anything since … well, since I went with James, Remus, and Peter at the end of June," he confessed quietly. "My apartment is still empty; Lily was helping me with my laundry today and I didn't even have a dresser to put the clean things in."

"Well, you know, Sirius," said Lindsay, "Ambrose and I have gold set aside specifically for you to get furniture. We've had it since-"

"I know… I … Lindsay, you guys don't have to do that for me. I have-"

"I know you have gold, Sirius," James' mother replied firmly. "But we want to do this. You're practically our second son! We've been wanting to do the same for James and Lily but we just haven't had time to get to it," said Lindsay looking over at Lily with the same bemused expression.

"Why don't we do it now?" suggested Lily.

"Hmmm," Lindsay mused, checking her own watch. "We've got time. I know that Hollander's Homes is still open. Have either of you ever been in there?"

Sirius shook his head and gazed over at Lily. "James had some catalog the other day, what was it…" she said, twirling her hair and biting her lip. "Oh, it was Ashlyn's Wizarding Wardrobes. He saw some things in there he liked."

"I think they're open too," said Lindsay brightly. "They're in Bristol's wizarding area, so they'll be able to deliver it soon. What do you think Sirius?"

Lily watched Sirius smile and ruffle his hair lightly. "Let's go have a look," he said, leaving a tip for the waitress on the table and escorting Lily and Lindsay out the door.

Around seven-thirty, the group of them were Apparating back to Sirius' flat to await delivery of his new bed frame, mattress, dressers, table and chairs, and various other furniture that he had purchased with Lily and Lindsay's help. Lily had also gotten a new bed frame, new dressers for her and James, and a few end tables for their sitting room.

"I'll pick up some other things later with James, but this will be a good surprise for him when he gets home tomorrow," she said brightly as Lindsay and Sirius helped her move their existing bed into the spare room.

"Yes, that's right," said Lindsay, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. "He's out tonight, isn't he?"

Lily nodded, watching Sirius frown and scuff the floor with his toes. The doorbell rang and the wizards from the furniture store stepped inside. Lily was again amazed by the abilities of magic; they simply walked into the appropriate rooms, waved their wands, and the furniture appeared.

"Convenient," she said in a low voice, blushing when Sirius and Lindsay laughed at her.

"That's the world you live in now, Lils," Sirius joked, putting his arm around her shoulders and giving her a brief squeeze.

An hour later, payment had been made, the furniture had been arranged, Lindsay Potter had said good-bye to her surrogate son and soon to be daughter-in-law, and Lily and Sirius were sitting around her table sipping firewhiskey out of small tumblers.

"Do you feel better?" asked Lily, swirling the contents of her glass and staring at the splashes it made.

Sirius sighed. "Yes. I do, Lils."

"Obviously I don't expect you to be completely healed," added Lily. "Merlin knows-"

"I feel better, Lily," he said again. "I do."

Lily nodded, downing the rest of her glass and shuddering slightly. Sirius watched her with a curious expression. "What did your letter say?" he asked quietly.

Lily smiled. "It started off with '_if you're reading this and you're still a virgin I'm rolling over in my grave_,'" she said, chuckling lightly.

Sirius laughed. "Well, don't worry too much. She spent the first paragraph cursing me out for how I've been behaving."

Lily smiled. "Did she ever tell you-"

"She told me the night we made love," he explained, leaning forward on his elbows. "She tried to convince me that a relationship with her wasn't worth me getting hurt when she was gone."

Lily frowned. "Was it?" she asked quietly.

Sirius smiled and nodded. "I wouldn't go back and change anything… I'm glad I was with her for the last two years. I'm glad I got to kiss her and hold her and talk with her all those times. I wouldn't change anything, Lils, I mean that."

Lily nodded, keeping her eyes trained on her glass. Sirius watched her curiously, noticing her eyes looked a little wet and her cheeks were flushed. "Are you sure about that?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"What could I change?"

Lily lifted her face; Sirius frowned sadly. There were tears in her eyes and she was squeezing the glass in her hands tightly. "It could have been me instead."

"No," said Sirius, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. "I-"

"It should have been me," Lily interrupted, her voice cracking. "I'm the muggle-born, I'm the one they wanted and she just got dragged into it because she wouldn't stop fighting. I'm the one they hate; Malfoy… he kept asking why she was there, saying that it wasn't as important to kill her as it was me-"

"Lily… I don't-"

"-It should have been me. It should have always been me but it wasn't, it never is… it's always someone else in my place and-"

"Lily, stop," said Sirius, squeezing her hand tightly. "Stop it. I don't know what else wrote to you, but I'm positive it wasn't anything like this."

"No, it wasn't… but still-"

"But nothing," he said firmly. "She knew, a long time ago that something was going to happen to her… nothing we could have done would change that."

"But I should be gone too. I should be-"

"No, you shouldn't. You have a bigger purpose… that's what she said in my letter," said Sirius.

"What?" asked Lily, wiping her eyes and trying to compose herself.

"She said you have a bigger purpose, she didn't say what, but she said it was something. You and James both," he explained. "And that's why I'm supposed to not bury myself in the ground, or become bitter and angry like I was. I'm supposed to keep you safe, and happy… and I'm supposed to be your friend."

Lily nodded. "I thought you were already my friend," she said in a teasing voice.

Sirius chuckled. "I am, Lils. I'm drinking with you… and that's one of the qualifying factors for being my friend," he teased.

Lily laughed and breathed in very deep. "What about James?"

Sirius sighed, then grinned wickedly at her. "Well, I don't know what you were thinking… but there can't be a stag party without the man's best friend, can there?"

* * *

_A/N: My apologies for the delay, I had a bit of a family emergency. But we're back on track now! Expect another update in a week =)_


	37. Confessions

Confessions

"I'm Yours" The Script / "Chasing Cars" Snow Patrol

* * *

"Sirius," Lily was saying as she wrapped her cloak tighter around her shoulders, "why, exactly, are you dragging me with you? This is a stag party; key word here being _stag_, meaning no-"

"Lils, you can't honestly tell me you would rather be spending your evening alone in the flat," he replied, sniffing the air and grinning broadly as he walked toward the woods. They had Apparated to a small forest near Cricklade. She knew that James and the others had been camping here a few times, but she'd never strayed beyond the Potter's property, or the small village near where they lived. The trees were tall and dark; it looked formidable enough without the chill in the air, or the bright light of the full moon illuminating the landscape with strange shadows.

"No, I wouldn't rather be alone in my flat, but it's not like I can change into an animal and frolic around –"

"We could transfigure you," Sirius said thoughtfully.

Lily made a face. "No. Absolutely not."

Sirius laughed. "You should become an Animagus."

"No, no, I don't think that is an option," she replied over his sniggers. "I'd register myself for starters; I couldn't live with the guilt if I didn't."

"It's not so bad," Sirius mused as they stepped into a small meadow. There was a large tent set up that was glowing warmly, though it appeared to be uninhabited at the time.

Lily looked around curiously. "Where are they? Remus wouldn't have transformed yet… would he?"

"Oh yeah," said Sirius, again sniffing the air. "Soon as the moon is up and he gets in it… boom."

Lily swallowed; the sound seemed to echo around her. Sirius gave her a quizzical glance. "You weren't this nervous last time you came out on a full moon with us."

"We were at Hogwarts and I was familiar with the grounds, not in some forest I've never been in before," she muttered.

"It's just a forest, Lils," laughed Sirius. "Respect the majesty!"

Suddenly there was a low howl; it was a haunting sound that echoed all round them. Lily shuddered. "You do realize that Remus Lupin is _not_ the only werewolf in all of Britain… probably not the only one in this part of Britian," she said in a slightly panicked voice.

"Hmmm," said Sirius. The howl came again, and Lily whipped around, pulling out her wand as her breathing became fast and panicked. "This is a bright observation you have."

"I'm _so_ _glad_ you're back to normal," she snapped, her eyes darting from side to side. "You seem completely unafraid that we could be attacked at any moment by… Sirius? _Sirius!_" she shouted, looking around just in time to see a shaggy black dog trot off towards a group of trees. "Brilliant."

Lily ran after him, listening as he let out a low howl in response to the one they had heard only moments before. "Why are you doing that? You know that werewolves-"

"Only respond to the call of their own kind," he finished for her, transforming back into himself and grinning broadly. "I'm _not_ their kind. If that's Remus, he'll know it's me and they'll come back. That is, if he can't smell me already…" Sirius shrugged, before turning back into the black dog.

Lily made a disgusted noise and hugged herself tightly. "Maybe… maybe I should go wait in the tent? Just in case-"

The dog barked suddenly and darted off into the thicket of trees. Lily swore and began to back toward the tent, running through various protective charms in her head.

There was a rustling sound close by, and she turned sharply, wand extended, to see a tall stag step out from behind one of the trees near where Sirius had run. Lily swallowed, lowering her wand and still backing toward the tent. The stag raised its head, alert and curious as it watched her.

"Lily?" a voice said from behind her.

Lily shrieked loudly and turned around to see James walking toward her, his expression a mixture of shock and amusement. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he explained, chuckling slightly as he stepped close and took her hand.

"I thought… I thought _that_ was you," she whispered in a shaking voice.

James looked over her shoulder and smirked, watching as the stag wandered away. "That guy? He's tiny compared to me."

Lily laughed lightly, feeling a little calmer now that she had located James. He kissed her forehead and grinned at her. "What are you doing here?"

Before she could answer there was a happy barking sound from nearby and Sirius jumped through the thicket of trees, followed by a tiny grey rat and a large grey werewolf that Lily recognized as Remus from the pattern of scratches along its muzzle. James' face lit up at the sight of the dog; he dropped his hand from Lily's shoulder and walked forward, embracing Sirius who had transformed back to himself. They clapped each other hard on the back, and Sirius ruffled James' hair playfully.

"Padfoot," grinned James.

"You couldn't have a stag party without me," he muttered, scratching Remus on the head and allowing Peter to climb into his hand and onto his shoulder. "_Now_ we can get started."

"How… what made you-"

"Your soon-to-be wife woke me up very… unceremoniously… after you left. She knocked some sense into me," he laughed, watching as Lily blushed and tucked her hair behind her ears.

James chuckled and looked back at Lily; she was grinning happily as she watched them. Sirius transformed back into a dog, barking at James before running off after Remus and Peter back into the thicket of trees.

James looked torn for a second, then walked close to Lily and kissed her soundly. "Thank you… I don't know what you said to him but-"

"Don't worry about it, I didn't say much," she replied, kissing him again. "Go… have fun."

James nodded, and then kissed her once more. "Stay here, I'll come back later. We set up another tent further away in case we went too far and were too tired to come back here… but we wanted this one here in case… well, in case Sirius came looking," he explained.

Lily nodded. "I'll be here, don't worry about me. I'll probably set up some charms though," she said.

"I'll still find you," he whispered, kissing her again before running off after his friends, transforming into the large stag midstride. Lily listened to the excited barks and howls that echoed around her before stepping into the tent and snuggling down in a sleeping bag.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"… _need to feel, Lily. I know there is this assumption that stoicism equals strength. It's not true. Being able to feel and to __**accept**__ those feelings is strength. You've shown more strength since you let James in than I've ever seen in anyone. Embrace that, Lily. Feel… don't shut it all away. Don't hide it. I know I told you that I didn't want you to grieve for me… but if it means that you'll feel, do it. I love you, and James loves you and his parents love you… you need to feel to know that you are not alone…"_

But she was alone… and she _could_ feel. Lily felt _everything_. The terror, the fear and pain, the helplessness of being eighteen and in love… The worry that constantly filled her mind, the horror of being a live during a war and watching suffering… the feeling of being surrounded by people, and feeling like she had no one to be her friend…

How could she share her pain when there was already so much pain around her? How could she add to it? She should take away from everyone's pain… not add to it with her own.

The scene shifted, and now she was alone. The space was desolate and barren despite the light of the moon around her. Lily felt empty, like there was a hole inside of her chest that couldn't be filled. It made her feel sick, and guilty, and alone. She didn't want to feel sick… or guilty… or alone. She wasn't alone; she was constantly surrounded by people… constantly with someone. She had no business feeling alone, no business feeling like she didn't have any friends… it was selfish, and selfish was the worst thing she could be…

"You have to feel, Lily," Julia's voice whispered_._

_But I do feel… I feel everything. I feel everyone's pain and worry and_-

"You feel everyone's pain… feel your own…"

Lily sat up abruptly, her gasp filling the air around her. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and crawled out of the sleeping bag. Julia's voice had been so real; so real, and so close…

Lily stood and pulled open the tent, taking several steps forward and looking around the meadow. Part of her didn't know what she expected to see… but she was looking for something, _anything_, to remind her that she wasn't alone.

There was nothing in the meadow; only empty space, the light from the moon, the shadows from the trees… and Lily Evans, in nothing but an oversized t-shirt that belonged to James Potter. Why was she here? She'd brought Sirius here, dragged him out of his grief and brought him to his friends so that he wouldn't feel alone…

Lily sniffed. He didn't feel alone anymore; there was a Julia shaped hole in his chest that would never fully heal… but he wasn't alone. She had succeeded, and he was slowly returning to normal… and James was happy to have him back, and Peter, and Remus. The four Marauders were again whole.

And Lily was in pieces. In pieces and alone with her own hole in her chest that ached for her friend; and nothing, no presence of anyone or kind words, had been able to soothe that ache.

With no one watching, no one to hear her confess how empty and alone she had been feeling for the past fortnight, no one to watch her succumb to her grief, Lily cried. Tears fell down her cheeks, she tried in vain to stop them, but they were relentless and desperate to escape. Part of her felt relief, she was letting herself mourn not only the loss of her friend, but the loss of her imaginary hope that she would always be able to protect everyone. Another part of her was cruel, demanding that she stop and feel thankful for what she had.

_You're a coward, Lily_, she told herself. _You're a selfish coward. You can't even face yourself in the mirror for fear that you'll start crying. You shouldn't be crying. Don't be selfish; you're still here, you could be gone; you are lucky to be here and have everything you've ever wanted… stop whining, stop being selfish… stop it stop it stop-_

"Lils?"

Lily inhaled sharply, turning around to find James standing beside the tent, a concerned look on his face. She wiped her tears, trying to hide her face as he walked forward. "Lily? It's cold out, what woke you up? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," she muttered, wiping her face frantically. "I just woke up and was… I was… why are you back? Where is everyone?" asked Lily, desperate to change the subject.

"They're at the other site, I didn't want to leave you here alone," James explained, stepping closer and reaching out his hand. "It's around 3:00 in the morning, we're all tired." James reached her, and pulled her hand away from her face, tipping her chin up so she was forced to look into his eyes. "Lily… why-"

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, her hands shaking as James interlaced his fingers through hers. "I'm … I'm s-sorry. I shouldn't have come… I just… Sirius insisted, and I didn't have anything else to do and… it's your night… you should-"

"Lily, what's wrong?" asked James quietly. He put his arm around her and led her back to the tent, shocked and worried about her sudden tears.

Lily shook her head, but as James coaxed her onto the floor next to him, she buried her face in her hands and began to sob uncontrollably. "I'm such a coward, I'm… I'm a coward and I'm selfish and… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry…"

"No… you aren't a coward," James said, pushing her hair from her face and pulling her awkwardly into his arms. Part of him felt thankful that she was crying, _finally_… and the other part of him was horrified and scared, for he knew he could do nothing for her. Her tiny fingers grasped onto his shirt as he helplessly and awkwardly tried to soothe her with hit touch. "You aren't selfish, Lily. Why-"

"Julia… she left me a letter… sh-she told me not to keep this all in, she said I'm supposed to feel," Lily explained, still trying to stifle the tears that were pouring down her cheeks. "But … I do feel… I feel everything… I feel sad, and guilty, and alone… I'm a coward because I'm afraid of it, and I'm selfish because I don't have any reason to feel alone… but I _do_… I feel _so_ _alone_," she cried, forgoing any attempt to stifle her tears.

James pulled her close, sitting down with her on the sleeping bags and stroking her hair. "You're not alone, Lily… you-"

"I hate this… I hate this feeling, the emptiness and … I'm scared of it… I'm a coward," she sobbed, still clutching James' shirt.

"You're not a coward," James said firmly. "It's… it's not… grief is scary because there isn't anything we can do to ease it… it just… it has to pass… I guess," he muttered feebly, stroking at Lily's long hair. "Can… can you tell me what you're afraid of? Maybe it-"

"I … I love you …so much. You are… you're everything to me, James. And I … it scares me to think… to think of being without you and I feel so weak. All I've been able to think about is how Sirius was feeling and how awful I would feel if… if that was you and … you were gone…" she sobbed, burying her face in his chest and gripping him tightly.

James rested his head against hers, his fingers tangled in her soft hair. "Don't… I've felt that way the past month as well… I know. But … I'm not gone, I'm here. Don't think like that. Sirius doesn't want either of us to feel guilty or –"

"I brought him out here, back to you… to remind him that he wasn't alone. To remind him that he still has you and everyone else," she explained, sniffling and trying to compose herself. "I have you, and you complete me… but … Julia was always… she was my friend… she was there for me. She talked me through things, and she… knew when I was scared, even when I didn't know it, she did… and sometimes it felt like she was the only one who could talk me down. I love you, James… I love you more than anything… but there is this… _void_… in my heart that I haven't wanted to face… I haven't wanted to deal with it because there's… there's nothing…n-nothing that can fill it," she cried, sobbing hard into his t-shirt.

James clutched her tightly, resting his head against hers as he stroked her hair. He felt helpless, he didn't know what to say, or what to do. He knew the void she was speaking of because he felt it too; he knew that it would be there, always. And there was nothing he could to do… the only thing he could to was hold her, and let her know he loved her, and that as long as he was living she would never be alone.

So that's what James did. He gently shushed her, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as she sobbed into his chest. He felt inadequate, and stupid, and useless…

But there was also part of him that felt humbled, again. Humbled by the fact that Lily was clutching him, that she was holding onto him as though he was the only real thing in the world, like he was her life raft in a stormy sea. "Lily," he whispered after her tears had slowed and she had quieted some. "I can't fill… and I don't want to… I… " he stuttered, trying to find the right words.

"James, I love you… I'm-"

"Don't apologize… just… hang on," he said, taking a deep breath to steady his thoughts. Lily lifted her eyes, looking at James with a curious expression. James felt his heart flutter in his chest; he wondered vaguely if he'd ever get used to how brilliant her eyes were. "I can't fill the… the Julia shaped space that will always exist in your heart… but as long as I'm alive, you don't ever need to feel like you're alone. I'm … I'm your friend, Sirius is your friend, we all are… I know it's not the same, but we love you like she did… I love you more… I'm here, with you… I always will be," he whispered, kissing her forehead and holding her close. "I love you, my Lily… I love you."

Lily nodded, feeling tears leak out of her eyes again. She still felt sad, and guilty, and all the other emotions… but a feeling of relief started to flow through her. It was as though finally admitting how she felt lifted a weight from her shoulders, freeing her heart and opening up enough space to fill it with all the passion and love she had for James.

James shifted to lay her down on one of the pillows, pulling a sleeping bag over the two of them as she snuggled into him and closed her eyes. She listened to him whisper to her, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him as close as he could be. After a few moments, James fell silent, and the rise and fall of his chest began to lull Lily back to sleep. She sniffed, feeling a little braver for confessing her emotions, and at peace that she had finally, at last, allowed herself to grieve. Her breathing evened out as the last words of Julia's letter ran through her mind as she fell asleep.

"_And after you've cried, because I know you will and you should… let go. Let go, and remember all the times I spent teasing you about how you take life too seriously. You do, you know… Life isn't serious. Love it, cherish it... let the passion you have inside of you out and show it to the world. I will be there, and I will be smiling and laughing along with you as you shock everyone with your exuberance, love, and life._

"_I love you, Lily. Take care of everyone… including yourself._

"_Julia_

"_P.S. and I fully give you permission to jinx 'little Sirius' into oblivion if he interrupts you and James again. Get on with it already._"

J&L&J&L&J&L

The sun was just above the tree tops when James awoke with a start. He inhaled sharply and stretched his long arms over his head, blinking rapidly while fumbling around for his glasses. A tiny hand grabbed his own, placing it against the small, warm body that was lying snuggled against him.

"Mmmmm," Lily mumbled, taking James' hand and placing it on her waist as she rolled over to face him. "Something wrong, Love?"

"No, everything is fine," replied James quietly, nestling into her hair and breathing deeply. "I forgot where I was for a moment."

Lily nodded, closing her eyes again as James snuggled into her. The light was still dim as it peeked slowly through the fabric of the tent. Lily guessed that it was just after dawn; there was a slight chill in the air she'd come to associate with mornings in Swindon, though it did seem to be unseasonably cold for July.

"Are you all right, Lily?" asked James, leaning up on his elbow and watching her with a concerned expression.

Lily nodded, smiling gently when James kissed her forehead. "I'm all right, James… I'm so-"

"Please don't apologize," James insisted, running his hands through Lily's tousled hair. "You needed to let it out… you'd been holding that in for weeks…"

Lily nodded again. "I suppose you're right, as usual," she whispered, snuggling into his chest.

James held her close, still leaning on his elbow as he stroked her hair softly. "I'm not always right," he said quietly. "I … I meant what I said… you are… I love you… I wish I had better words. I say that I love you a lot… it's not enough. I can't say anything right… it always comes out… I love you. You probably get tired of me saying that."

Lily chuckled and kissed James' neck. "I don't think I could ever get tired of hearing that."

James nodded. "I don't want you to feel alone… I … I'm screwing this all up. I can't say or do anything right. I haven't been able to do anything right since Julia died."

Lily sat up slightly, her expression soft. "Why?"

"You were hurting, Sirius was hurting… I was too… but I couldn't do anything to make it help you, or make the pain go away," James explained quietly. "There was nothing I could say to … to make it better. And last night… I kept thinking that I should be able to say something and magically take away the pain… but… I couldn't find the words or-"

"James, love… there aren't any words. There isn't a spell to make everything right instantly… it takes time, like you said," she explained, leaning forward to kiss his bare shoulder. He was still wearing jeans, but must have discarded his shirt at some point the previous night. Lily smiled, breathing in the scent of his warm skin and thinking to herself how much she enjoyed James without a shirt on. "You did exactly what I needed you to do last night… you listened, you were there. That's all I need, just you."

James nodded, fiddling with his fingers nervously. "I know."

Lily grinned and took one of his hands. "That's _my_ habit," she teased, watching him chuckle lightly. Lily pressed her forehead against his, humming in appreciation as James threaded his fingers through her hair. He tipped his head and kissed her softly. She paused, they kissed again. Lily let her lips linger close to his… breathing him in, tasting him… James leaned closer, his lips brushing softly against hers as a flash of desire passed over her skin. Lily sat up, placing her hand against his chest as she crawled onto her knees.

James swallowed, his eyes widening as Lily sat up and maneuvered herself sensuously onto her knees. "Where're the boys?" she asked in a whisper.

"They stayed in the other tent… but it's at least… at least a mile away from here," he muttered, swallowing again and licking his lips. "And… when they wake up… we're close to my parent's house… they'll just go there… since they knew I came here," he explained rapidly, his heart rate increasing as he watched her pull the old t-shirt of his she was wearing over her head. She tossed her hair; it fell softly over her bare shoulders. A shockwave of lust ran through James as she slid seductively closer to him. "Sirius loves my mum's cooking… he'll probably ask her to make eggs or… something along those lines..."

Lily nodded, slowly moving her hands to her hips. She bit her lip anxiously, fingers tugging at her knickers as James watched her with wide eyes. "Are your parents expecting us?" she asked shyly, maneuvering herself partly onto his lap. James' hands slid over her hips as she trailed her fingers softly down his bare chest.

"N- no… not until later," James murmured, feeling the pace of his breathing increase as Lily's bare skin brushed against his. "Much later…"

"So we've got time?" she asked quietly, watching James nod. "_Enough_ time? You… you said that-"

James pulled Lily against him and kissed her fiercely, swallowing her surprised gasp with a quiet moan. His hands were everywhere, touching, hugging… amorously caressing as much of her skin as he could reach. Lily slid one hand around his neck, tangling her fingers into his hair as she unbuttoned his jeans and tugged them over his hips. James kept one hand on Lily's back as he assisted in her efforts, sliding the denim fabric off his hips and legs. He sat up and laid her gently back against the blankets and single pillow she had slept on, then crawled over her, kicking his trousers off his legs to free himself from his clothing.

James' hands slid over Lily's legs and hips as he kissed her hungrily; she shivered under his touch. Her skin was soft and warm… she whimpered softly and arched into his touches, one hand tangled into the hair at the nape of his neck, her knees parted invitingly, making room for his hips as he settled against her…

And then without warning, panic set in.

"Oh, _God_… you… it's not soft here… it's … the ground is hard…" James stammered, trying to find the right words as his heart rate went out of control. They shouldn't be here, in a tent, in the middle of a meadow; she should be on a bed, warm and comfortable… "You… are you cold? You've got to be cold… it's cold… _I'm_ cold," he said, grabbing his sleeping back and unzipping it to wrap around them. He felt his cheeks color, and Lily bit her lip at the same time her expression became very serious. James swallowed nervously.

Lily slid her hands to her hips in a slow, seductive motion. "James," she said in a shaky but stern voice, "I wouldn't care if it was snowing outside and we were camping on barren cliff without a tent. I love you… I don't want to wait."

James watched, a tiny whimper of longing echoing in his chest as she lifted her hips off the ground and slowly pulled off her knickers. James caught them halfway down her thighs; he tugged them off her legs and tossed them aside as Lily roughly grabbed the edges of the sleeping bag wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him over top her.

He moaned quietly; the light was not dim this time, as it had been when he'd last seen her nude. There was no artificial light hugging her curves. It was pure, unfiltered and perfect; and it made her skin glow warmly as James' gaze traveled over the body of Lily Evans… his love… his reason for existing. Her eyes were coy as she watched his eyes move over her again and again. And though he was addicted to the soft, feminine curves of her slender figure, it was her expression that caught James' attention. Hard, blazing… it was the kind of look Lily got when she was bound and determined to do something well. He knelt between her legs, his emotions wavering between panic and complete confidence, but then finally settling on adoration as she reached one of her arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss her.

James kissed her slowly, moaning quietly against her lips as she ran one hand softly over his shaft. He slid one of his hands between her legs, touching her gently as his lips moved away from hers and down her body. Lily's back arched when James' tongue pressed against her clitoris, her voice whimpering softly as he slid two fingers inside of her and moaned appreciatively over her response. She twisted the material of the sleeping bag with her fingers, feeling desire build within her core as James' tongue passed over her again and again. James knew would never tire of her taste, or her scent; he could have stayed there for hours and pleased her. But as her quiet pleas reached his ears, a surge of desire rushed through him and he vowed to do everything she asked and more.

He moved his lips higher, pausing to kiss her breasts, collar bones, jaw line, and finally her lips. Lily tangled her fingers into his hair as he settled his hips between her legs, whimpering as he slid forward and pressed against her.

James paused his kisses, looking into Lily's green eyes. There was only a bit of shyness in them… no nervousness, anxiety, or hesitation reflected in the emerald depths. Her expression had shifted; it was now soft, slightly curious… and full of desire as she gazed up at him. He held her close, resting on one elbow as he brushed his fingers over her cheek bone. James wondered if he should say something…

"I love you, James… only you… it's always been you," she whispered, pulling his lips to hers and sighing contentedly. James groaned, deepening the kiss as he took hold of the hand that wasn't tangled in his hair. He interlaced his fingers with hers and gently slid his hips forward, repeating the motion of his fingers with his body.

Their kiss broke as Lily gasped and let out a soft moan; it was a shocked, fervent sound, and somehow matched harmoniously with the low groan that echoed from deep within James' chest. As their bodies connected, James squeezed his eyes shut and tried to move slowly until his hips were flush against hers. He gently squeezed her hand, letting his senses become overwhelmed by the feeling of her wrapped around him.

James sighed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and kissing her again as she gripped him tightly, her short fingernails scratching against his skin. He pulled back, little by little, biting his lip and moaning again over the sensation of her warmth; he knew he had to move slowly, gently… James opened his eyes and watched Lily's expression, gauging her reactions while trying to control his own.

One of her hands was gripping his shoulder, the fingers of her other hand knotted tightly into his hair. "Lily…" James hummed against her lips, causing her to moan loudly; a hungry, desirous sound that somehow, even though it seemed impossible, caused the level of James' arousal to increase. "Are… am I… Oh, _God_…" he groaned quietly, burying his head against her shoulder as she spread her legs wider and tilted her hips, causing him to thrust forward again until he was buried deep inside her.

Lily's lips moved to James' ear, her breathing rapid and full of desire. "I'm all right, James… don't stop, _please_ don't stop," she begged.

James growled hungrily and kissed her again, moving slowly for a few more moments, trying to desensitize himself and prolong the ecstasy he was feeling. Lily relaxed, her body softening underneath his; curving, yielding to his movements. James shifted his weight to rest on the arm that was wrapped around her shoulders. His hand moved along her ribcage, pausing to caress her breasts as he began to move at a steadier pace. Lily cried out and rocked her hips in time with the rhythm he established. James slid his hand down her thigh to the back of her knee, groaning when she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips.

James pulled away from her lips only slightly, moaning loudly as Lily ground her hips against him. Her skin was warm, her breath tickled his neck and ears; she was responsive, resplendent, everything he imagined she would be. She whimpered desperately, kissing him and clutching him tightly to her. "Do I… do I … feel… _James_…"

"You feel _incredible_," he moaned, burying his face against her neck. He slowed his movements as a rush of pleasure moved through his body. "I have… go slow… _I don't want to stop_… ever," he gasped, feeling tremors in his stomach. James kissed her, rolling slightly onto his side and holding her against him as he slowly regained control of his body. Lily's legs unclasped from his hips as James' hand moved in between them, his fingers brushing her clitoris softly for a few moments.

"James… _please_," she whined and kissed him fiercely in between her quiet, breathless moans. James kept his eyes open, watching her lustful expression as his hand moved away from in between them and over her back side. He held her tightly and began to move again, slow at first, and then quicker and more forceful against her. Her warmth and tightness overwhelmed him. Nothing he'd ever felt could compare; every sensation he considered pleasurable was painful compared with how amazing she felt.

Lily kissed James' neck, nipping gently at his earlobe as she moved her hands over his backside, causing him to lay her back against the blanket and bring his hands to her hips. The low tone of his voice sent shivers through her body as he held her steady and began to move faster against her. She gasped softly in time with his thrusts, her mind blissfully blank. It wasn't just the feel of him inside of her, against her, close to her that was giving her so much pleasure; it was also James' breath against her neck, her ears, and her lips as he moved to kiss her… his hands caressing her skin, his voice quietly whispering her name before kissing her again. He moaned fervently into her mouth, the sound sent chills through her spine. James leaned up on his hands, his hips rolling slowly against hers. Lily arched her back, one of her hands finding purchase in the curve of his neck, the other sliding down to his waist. She felt him adjust her position, tilting her hips and encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist. She cried out, clutching him tightly as he moved slowly, torturously, against her.

"Look at me," James begged, his eyes watching hers with complete adoration. "Don't close your eyes; look at me, my Lily."

Lily obeyed, opening her eyes and drinking in the sight of James' face just above hers. He kissed her softly once, his breath rapid and warm against her lips. "I love your eyes, Lily… I love _you_…" he breathed, not altering the pace of his movements; slow and rhythmic… languid and purposeful. Lily whimpered, arching her back as her eyelids fluttered closed. James moved one hand to her thigh, silently urging her to wrap her legs tighter around him. She moaned loudly, rolling her hips against his as his pace finally quickened and his thrusts became aggressive and shallow.

"James…" Lily called, squeezing her eyes shut as a shudder of pleasure raced through her core. He leaned closer, breath against her lips as she slid her hands over his hips, pulling him harder against her, following the increasing pace of his thrusts. James kissed her softly, his thumb brushing her eyelids and causing them to open again. She whimpered desperately, his expression was tender and full of concentration as he watched her, causing another rush of pleasure to race through her body.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her again.

"James," she cried, her voice rising in pitch. Her hands slid up higher, one under his arm scratching at his back, the other moved to tangle into his hair as his lips met hers in a quick, hungry kiss.

"_Lily_," James groaned, watching her expression with complete fascination. "_My_ Lily… my _lover_… my life…"

"_James_…" Lily cried out, a broken whisper as her eyes squeezed shut and contractions shuddered all through her body. It went on forever, her hips grinding against James' thrusts as she cried out his name in strangled whimpers. James' lips were at her ear, his voice softly breathing her name again and again, like it was the last word he would ever say.

The contractions between her legs began to slow, shivers running through her body as she clutched James tightly to her. She stayed alert, opening her eyes in time to watch James' face as he clenched his eyes shut and his breathing paused. The pace of his thrusts decreased, almost like he was trying to prolong the moment. Then he became still, his head bowed and hips moving languidly against hers for a few moments. James grunted, whispering her name as the pace of his thrusts increased. He stiffened suddenly, a low moan of pleasure leaving his lips. She responded by rocking against him, her hands gripping his hips tightly. Her movements were rewarded when he cried out in a shaky voice, thrusting erratically in response to the force of his own climax.

James exhaled sharply and lowered his body onto hers, tangling his fingers in her hair as his face nestled into the space between her collarbone and neck. He thrust into her a few more times before becoming still and relaxed, loving the feel of her arms, her legs… her body wrapped around him. He felt her chest rising and falling underneath him, the pace of her breathing slowing as her fingers ran through his hair. One of James' hands was still holding her thigh, the other resting against the arm she had wrapped around his shoulders. His eyes felt heavy… he closed them, breathing in her scent.

Lily felt whole. She unwrapped her legs from James' hips, sliding her feet down over his calves as he shifted to make her more comfortable. He was so close to her, every part of them touching. She felt warm and loved, tangled up in James' arms and legs. She wasn't sure how they'd ever become untangled… the thought was intriguing.

"I could stay like this," she whispered, unsure if James was asleep in her arms or still awake and simply listening to her breathe. Lily was so content under his warm body… time had passed she was sure, but she had no clue how much.

"For how long?" he asked quietly in response.

"I'm not sure… a while…" she replied, pressing her lips to his forehead and threading her fingers through his hair.

"Hmmm," James hummed into her throat. "I couldn't," he whispered, feeling her tilt her head curiously. James chuckled as he lifted himself up slightly, kissing her and pulling her hips against his. "I want to be _more_ tangled, and I have every intention of making sure we get that way…" he explained, his breath hot against her lips.

Lily's responding smile was cut off by a gasp as she felt James' growing stiffness against her thigh. Instinctively she adjusted her hips, arching into him as he unhurriedly slid inside of her again. She was surprised by the intensity of the pleasure; the quickness with which she became aroused again. James groaned, tightening his fingers in her hair as she grabbed onto his hips, her fingernails digging lightly into the skin of his lower back as he began to move in and out of her.

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An hour or two passed before Lily and James packed up the tent and Apparated back to their flat. Both of them didn't seem to be able to stop touching the other one, whether it was holding hands, or simply having a hand on the small of the other's back… they were constantly connected.

James was watching Lily wash her hair, little bubbles of soap dripping over her shoulders and down her back. The water was warm, but not as warm as her skin was against him. James held her close, her body flush against his; she tipped her head back as he kissed her neck softly, whispering the words he claimed he said too much into her ear.

They stepped out of the shower, James wrapping Lily in a towel before drying himself off. He was now staring into the bathroom mirror as Lily wrung out her hair. He didn't have a towel on; he was examining his torso curiously, looking for signs of change. He felt changed… he felt _completely_ changed. Whole.

Lily smiled, gazing curiously at him before walking slowly to his side. She followed his eyes, glancing over his figure before turning to examine her own.

"We match," she giggled, gesturing to the pale color of her skin against his. James grinned; he'd never felt more relaxed in his life. "Though I'm a bit more pink than you are," she continued thoughtfully.

James nodded in agreement, holding his arm against hers and comparing their skin tone. He moved behind her, sliding his hands over her waist and up to cover her breasts. Lily leaned back into him, her eyes closing... James rubbed her shoulders, moving her hair out of the way as he kissed her neck, his hands sliding to the small of her back, fingers resting against her hips…

"I think that's my favorite place for you to touch me," she murmured, turning her head to kiss his jaw. James chuckled, and before Lily knew what had happened, he had picked her up and carried her into their bedroom.

Lily shivered slightly as the contact with James' skin ceased for only a second. He snuggled against her, hips between her legs and his arm around her shoulders. Their bodies stuck together, still wet from the shower; Lily's thick hair was dampening the pillows that she laid on. "Aren't you cold?" she asked when his kisses paused.

James nodded. "Here," he murmured, shifting so they slid underneath the sheets. He pulled the duvet tightly around her and snuggled close, kissing her ardently as she held onto her shoulders and moaned loudly when he entered her again. "I don't want to stop touching you," he whispered as her legs wrapped around his waist and he adjusted himself so her body was flush and aligned with his.

Lily sighed contentedly, her fingers tangling in James' damp hair. "I don't want you to stop touching me," she replied quietly before kissing him.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" he asked, a worried expression crossing his face. "I'm… I feel a bit… overwhelmed by how badly I want you…"

Lily shook her head, groaning as he kissed her and thrust slowly. "You're not…" she sighed, unable to find her voice as he set a rhythm for her to follow. "You… overwhelm me… _completely_… overwhelm," she tried to explain. "I don't want to stop…"

James groaned and nodded, his movements relaxed and slow as they made love for the third time in the span of only a few hours. "Neither do I," he said breathlessly, his lips connecting with hers in a gentle kiss.

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"They're going to wonder where we are," Lily said, keeping her eyes closed as she snuggled against James' chest.

"They'll figure it out," James replied in a tired voice. Her body was curved against his, her lips pressing against his neck every so often as her fingers traced patterns on his stomach. "They do know where we live."

Lily nodded… sort of. "That was weak…" James laughed, squeezing her tightly against him.

"I don't want to move," she explained with a laugh. "I'm not sure if I can…" Her body felt loose, relaxed; like she'd just gotten out of a hot bath and drank three glasses of elf made wine; or like someone had taken her apart and put her back together very lazily. James' body, the rise and fall of his chest, seemed like the only tangible thing in the world. Each time one of them moved, the other shifted in response; they moved together, connected… like a pair of rotating stars…

"I didn't hurt you, did-"

Lily kissed him, shaking her head and brushing her lips against his. "No, lover…I'm fine. I have a sneaking suspicion my legs and hips will hurt tomorrow in places I didn't even know existed… but it will be worth it."

"Really?" James asked, his eyes closing, a proud and still somehow humbled grin crossing his face.

"Very worth it… worth it enough that I'm guessing when both of us are properly rested, fed, and watered, I will not object to any attempt you might make to seduce me," she smiled, feeling her cheeks color as she kissed him.

James made a murmuring sound, he laced his fingers in her hair and held her tightly. "I'm going to have to be creative... about seducing you," he explained, kissing her nose. "It will probably happen frequently, so I'll have to keep coming up with new ways to be impressive, lest you reject my attempts and I am forced to beg."

"You wouldn't beg," Lily laughed. "You haven't begged for anything in your life."

"If anyone could make me beg it would be you," he said with a smile.

Lily shook her head, sighing and laying her head against his chest. "I won't ever make you beg."

"Ever?"

"Unless you _really_ deserve it," she added thoughtfully.

James chuckled. "Kinky…" he mused, kissing her forehead. Lily grinned and readjusted her position, allowing James to spoon himself around her and hold her tightly. He kissed her neck, angling himself closer to her as she arched her back into him. "You're _insatiable_," he teased, his hands gently caressing the small of her back as he slid inside of her.

"You're the one who keeps touching me," she teased back, moaning quietly as James moved her hair to the side and nipped her earlobes.

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"The tent is gone, so they must have gone home," said Sirius as he walked back into the Potter's front door. Remus and Peter were sitting at the table with Ambrose and Lindsay, fiddling with snacks as they waited for James and Lily to arrive for dinner.

"You don't seem concerned," observed Lindsay, looking at Sirius as though asking for confirmation of whether or not she should be worried.

"No… I'm sure they just went back to the flat," said Sirius. "I'm guessing Lily needed to talk; she'd never admit it, but I'm not the only one who needed a little kick in the arse about my emotions."

Lindsay bit her lip and nodded, Ambrose, Remus and Peter chuckled. "I do hope she's all right. I know James loves her… but … well, it's a girl thing and-"

"Would you like me to go make sure they're all right?" offered Sirius. He ignored Remus' disapproving frown and tried to hide the smirk forming on his face.

"Well… if you would, Sirius, it would make me feel better. But quickly… and if they're talking or if she's resting don't bother them, we can always have dinner another night," said Lindsay.

"I'll be quick like a fox," Sirius replied, stepping toward the fireplace and tossing powder inside.

As he whirled away in a flurry of smoke, Remus shook his head. "I hope for Lily's sake that she and James aren't… well… I hope they aren't talking too deeply or-"

"Consummating their marriage early?" supplied Lindsay with an amused smile. "That's not my concern, Remus; though I'm surprised that… well… I don't need to know about their activities, I just want to make sure they're all right."

"I'm sure they are… but I'm not sure how Lily will be faring if Sirius _does_ catch them," Remus said darkly, causing Ambrose and Peter to laugh.

Sirius walked up the stairs to Lily and James' flat, smirking to himself at the silence he heard from within. He didn't bother knocking, just opened the door and stepped inside. The sitting room was empty, as was the dining room. Sirius walked quietly back to their bedroom, smiling to himself as he peered through the crack observed the scene in front of him.

Lily was curled up on her stomach, one arm under her head the other resting in front of her. James was lying against her back, his arms covering her naked torso and his fingers interlaced with hers. They were covered with only a light sheet, the remainder of the blankets were lying at the end of the bed, looking as though there had been a wrestling match within them.

"Who got into a fight with the blankets?" asked Sirius in a low voice, grinning mischievously as James' eyes snapped open. "Good morning, sunshine!"

James growled and curled himself protectively around Lily, covering her still sleeping figure from Sirius' eyes. "You have five seconds to get out of here and allow me to dress or I'll-"

"I'll be waiting in the sitting room," Sirius laughed. "I need to have a talk with you two anyway. You've got ... scratches on your back, Prongs… whatever happened?"

"Shut up, Sirius," Lily's voice muttered, much to James' and Sirius' amusement.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews. More to come!_


	38. Wedding

**Wedding**

You and Me - Lifehouse

* * *

It was obvious to Lily that dinner at the Potter's house was going to become a weekly event, and she had absolutely no problem with it. It was extremely amusing to watch the interactions between James and his parents, especially this evening as Lindsay valiantly attempted to protect him and Lily from teasing, but was unsuccessful. Sirius was relentless.

"We must have gotten a little too vigorous last night in our exploring," he was saying to Ambrose as Lily and Lindsay walked back to the table with cups of tea for themselves. "Usually James has no problem keeping up, but-"

"Shut up, Sirius," James growled, his face red with embarrassment.

"He must have gotten caught up in a thorny bush or something because he's got-"

"_Shut_ _up_!"

"-Scratches all over his-"

"Sirius," Lindsay said sharply, giving him a very stern glance. Lily couldn't help but snigger as Sirius cleared his throat and muttered a quiet apology. _He really does think of her as his mum_, she thought with a smile.

James relaxed a bit when Lily sat down next to him, placing his hand against her knee as she tucked her arm under his and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm just glad you two are all right," Lindsay continued, changing the subject. "I've been a bit worried about you, Lils, but I haven't wanted to say anything… I know-"

"I'm all right, Lindsay," Lily reassured her, smiling brightly. "I'm going to be all right."

Lindsay nodded and smiled happily, relaxing as the talked turned to the start of the professional Quidditch season and various other topics. At around eight o'clock James, Lily, and Sirius bid James' parents, Remus, and Peter farewell as they headed back to Avon and to their home. Lily was in the kitchen with her cauldron, making some sort of potion while James and Sirius talked quietly.

"You know, Lily asked me to stand up with her," murmured Sirius quietly.

James' eyes widened, but then he laughed as Lily's voice echoed out from the kitchen. "I did not _ask_, you _volunteered_," she reminded him, waltzing idly into the sitting room and taking a seat next to James. "But you should stand up with James, Sirius… not me," she said kindly whilst shaking up a small vial of purple liquid. James put his arm around her, pulling her close and watching as she downed the contents in two gulps, he quirked an eyebrow curiously. "Contraceptive," she murmured, giving him a shy smile.

"Ah… yes," said James, nodding and biting his lip.

"Yes, we don't want any little James Potter's running around just yet," Sirius added. "What with the war and all this He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named business."

"Agreed," said James, shuddering as Lily nodded vigorously in agreement. He turned his eyes back to Sirius, who had a thoughtful expression on his face. "Something on your mind, Padfoot?"

Sirius shrugged and cleared his throat. "James… I wasn't sure if things had changed, if you wanted me to stand-"

"Of course I do," interrupted James. "But I don't want Lily to be alone-"

Lily shook her head. "James, it's all right. I can-"

"Will both of you just shut up for a moment?" asked Sirius with a laugh. "Listen… Prongs, I only asked 'cause I wanted to make sure you still thought I was the best man for the job."

"You're my best friend, Sirius," said James. "You're my brother. You're the only man for the job."

"Well, that's settled then," said Sirius with a smirk. "I will stand up with you… _both_ of you. Best man and… bride's… man, I suppose," he muttered, making Lily laugh.

"Sirius," said Lily. "You should-"

"No, I want to. This is something I want to do, it would mean a lot to me to stand up for both of you," Sirius insisted in an honest voice.

Lily smiled, brushing a tear away from her face as she snuggled closer to James. James nodded, giving Sirius a grateful smile. "Thanks, mate."

"One condition though," said Sirius holding up a finger and giving James a wicked grin.

"What?" asked James warily.

"No sex."

"Come again?" said Lily, chuckling once.

"No sex… I was hoping to get to talk to you about this before you got to it… but, I'm late as usual," he shrugged. "I will stand up with you both… but no sex again until your wedding night, whenever that may be."

Sirius sat back in the chair, a supremely haughty expression on his handsome face. James scoffed, giving him an indignant glare but Lily smiled wickedly. "He doesn't know, does he?"

"I don't know what?" asked Sirius, his expression falling.

"We made it for ten months, James… I think we can go seven days, don't you?" she asked, quirking her eyebrow.

"Seven days?" asked Sirius. "You set a date?"

James grinned and looked back at Sirius. "The 29th, next Saturday. Lils said she didn't want to wait anymore," he explained.

"For both things," she muttered, causing James to laugh.

Sirius made a face. "Well bugger that… I was expecting a big protest from at least you Prongs. That and now I only have a few days to plan a hen night for-"

"What? I don't need to have a hen night," Lily protested. "What am I supposed to do?"

Sirius stood up, ruffling his hair and striding over to the door. "Leave that to me, you just rest up and I'll plan something. G'night," he said, opening the door and stepping outside of it, pausing to give them an amused look. "I'll be listening for bedsprings… no sex for the next week. Make it worth the wait."

Sirius shut the door, laughing loudly as he traipsed down the stairs. James scoffed once and turned toward Lily, kissing her hair and tipping her chin to look at him. "You can't take him seriously, you know," he murmured.

Lily smiled, kissing him softly. "I think both of us need to rest… not that the idea isn't incredibly appealing, but we both need to rest and I'm … well… a little-"

"I was only teasing," said James quickly, kissing Lily's nose and pulling her close. "You are right… we need to rest."

Lily chuckled and snuggled into James, sighing contentedly as he smoothed her hair with his long fingers. "Should… should I be worried about this '_hen night_?'" she asked after a few moments of silence.

James considered her. "Honestly…. I want to tell you no… but…"

"But …"

James chuckled once. "When Sirius gets an idea in his head, he sort of goes with it… but I can't imagine him taking you anyplace too dramatic…"

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Sirius," Lily was saying as she clutched his shoulder tightly, "I don't like this… why am I blindfolded?"

"Because, this is partly a surprise," Sirius explained. "I'm not leading you into danger, trust me, Lily."

"All right…" she said, trailing off as Sirius set her down in a chair. She could tell they were somewhere public from the echo of voices around her, but it didn't sound like a pub or a diner of any sort.

"Sirius, you are overdramatic," said a familiar female voice. "Always have been."

Lily sat up straighter. "Sam?" she asked, blinking her eyes as Sirius pulled off her blindfold. She grinned wildly, they were in what looked like a small shop and at the table with her was Samantha Pitchfield, smiling brilliantly at her as Remus gently rubbed her back. In addition, her former Gryffindor companion Marlene McKinnon was sitting next to her, and on the other side, twirling her hair and looking immensely pleased to be there, was Felicity Flutterhorn. "What? What are you all-"

"Hen night, Lily," said Marlene with a grin. She passed Lily a small glass of firewhiskey, ignoring Lily's protest. "We're not going to get you drunk and drag you all over town… come on," she explained, rolling her eyes. "This is just to loosen you up a bit."

Lily took the drink, shuddering as it raced through her and dissipated her nervousness. "So… what are we doing then?" she asked in a curious voice.

"You're not very observant, are you?" teased Sirius. Lily quirked an eyebrow at him before looking around the shop, her eyes slowly widening as she realized where they were. There were various clothing racks and tables around them, and all of them were filled with very pretty, very lacey, and very skimpy lingerie.

Lily could feel her cheeks coloring brightly, but she smiled and looked over at Sirius. "I think this is more for James than it is for me," she muttered, trying to stifle her giggles.

"Nonsense," said Sirius. "You'll get some benefit out of this."

"Yeah," said Sam, laughing loudly. "You'll get the benefit of watching James' face when you walk out of your bedroom wearing this," she said, picking up a particularly skimpy pair of knickers and tossing them at Lily. "Make sure you have a camera handy."

For the next few hours, the six of them perused the shop for various items of lingerie that Lily could take with her on her honeymoon, or simply just for her to "have on hand" as Felicity so delicately put it.

"Spice things up a bit, you know," she teased, when Lily blushed a brilliant red as she held up a lacy garter belt against her hips. "You know, those robes at Hogwarts made you look inordinately skinny, but you've really got a nice set of curves on you," she said, chuckling as Lily blushed even brighter.

"Why are we over here in the white stuff?" asked Sirius. "We've got white things picked out, I thought. James loves red, Lils… he _loves_ it."

"White is good too," said Marlene. "It makes it contrasting because it's so innocent… but yet…" she mused, holding up a baby-doll dress that was extremely short and laced up the sides.

"That's… that's nice," said Sirius honestly. "What have you been up to since you got out of Hogwarts, McKinnon?" he asked curiously.

Marlene grinned. "I've been to my fair share of hen nights, Sirius."

"You know, Lils," said Sam, joining them and grinning wickedly. "You really should try some of this on to see how you like it."

Lily's eyes widened. "Oh no… I couldn't-"

"That's not a bad idea," agreed Felicity. "Though, those two will need to leave," she said, narrowing her eyes at Remus and Sirius.

"Hey," Sirius said laughing. "I organized this thing… and Remus should at least get to stay since-"

"No," said Sam, watching Remus blush brightly. "This won't take long… out… _both_ of you."

Remus nodded and hurried out, dragging Sirius with him and leaving the girls to their task. Lily at first reluctantly slipped into a few modest things, but then as time went on (and she had a few more drinks), she found that she was actually enjoying herself. It was amusing to think of the way James would react over some of the more risqué sets, and she felt confident as she examined herself. She was pretty, lively… and a little sexy.

"So, Lils…" asked Sam in a mischievous voice. Felicity began to snigger and Marlene chuckled lightly. "What was it like?"

"You tell me first," she replied, glancing over her shoulder and giving Sam a wicked grin.

Felicity looked at Sam appraisingly, watching her blush and sheepishly twist her fingers. "That finally happened, did it?" asked Felicity.

"Sort of," Sam explained. "We're not… _together_ together but… I'm not seeing anyone else, and neither is he. It's just with me being in France, it's… hard."

"Not that hard," said Lily. "You've been back a few times."

"Lessons haven't started yet," explained Sam. "But once they do, it'll be tougher."

"If you want it to work, it will work," said Marlene lightly. "Don't think about it, just enjoy it."

"That's what I told Remus the night of the ball… that I didn't want to think about it, and I'd always liked him, since third year. It didn't want it to be with anyone else…" said Sam.

"Want _what_ to be with anyone else?" asked Lily.

"Shut up, Lily," Sam laughed. "You _know_."

"I _didn't_ know for sure," Lily explained. "Remus keeps everything very close to him, including you. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't sure."

"Well, now I've confirmed it so you can stop wondering," Sam teased. "You never answered my question by the by…"

"You didn't answer mine," Lily teased, causing Felicity and Marlene to laugh.

Sam straightened up, examining her nails idly. "Remus is… he's a lot more _expressive_ than one would imagine," she said, blushing brightly.

Lily chuckled, flipping her hair over her shoulder and practicing her sexy look, much to her friends' amusement. "James is all hands… he's all touch, all the time… it's very … it's lovely," she said, watching her cheeks color.

"Touch is lovely," Sam added thoughtfully.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Lily replied.

An hour later, Lily left the shop with three bags full of various lingerie, a few new dressing gowns, and one bathing suit she bought at Sirius' insistence. "Do you know where he's taking me?" she asked after they had bid all her friends farewell and were walking back toward home.

Sirius shook his head. "I honestly don't… but if I did I wouldn't tell you," he teased.

"Then why the swim costume?" she asked. "What if he's taking me to-"

"Lils, James loves to swim. You're going somewhere where there's water… I can promise you that," Sirius assured her.

"If it's private… who says I'll even need a costume," she mused, laughing at his shocked expression. They walked in silence for a few yards, listening to the crickets chirp around them. "Are you doing all right?" she asked quietly, fiddling with her ring.

Sirius sighed and nodded his head. "I am… I really am, Lils. Obviously I'm still a bit sad, but I know that it will pass… and Julia is happier that I'm not moping."

Lily smiled. "Yes, she is," she agreed as they walked inside their house. Sirius was about to enter his flat, but the sound of voices echoing from upstairs caught his and Lily's attention. They both hurried up the steps and entered the flat, surprised to see James' parents, and a member of the Order talking in the sitting room.

"What's going-"

James leapt to his feet, rushing over and pulling both Lily and Sirius inside. He pulled Lily into a tight hug, causing her to drop her bags and gasp loudly. "You're okay?" he asked in a frantic voice.

Before she could respond, Fabian Prewett had stepped over and pulled him away, brandishing his wand defensively at Lily and Sirius who backed away in shock.

"What the buggering hell is going on?" asked Sirius angrily.

James made an angry noise as Fabian pushed him away and his father grabbed onto his shoulder. "That's my-"

"It's not if either of them have been imperiused… or if the Death Eaters have polyjuice potion," Fabian said warningly. "Ask them something only they would know … make sure it's them and not someone else," he demanded, looking at James sternly.

James huffed, shaking off his father's restraining hand and looking at Sirius. "When's my birthday?"

"Too easy," Fabian said. "Something only Sirius Black would know."

"Fine… um… what… what did you always tease me about that gave rise to the rumor that we were a couple?" asked James, rolling his eyes.

"The size of your rack. The one on your patronus… which is a stag," Sirius replied, his eyes flickering between Fabian and James.

"That's him," said James, giving Fabian a glance that said _"I told you so…"_

"What about her?" asked Fabian, gesturing toward Lily.

"It's her," Sirius said reassuringly. "I've been with her the whole time, there's-"

"Just ask a question, Potter," Fabian demanded.

"You have a book of muggle poetry by…"

"E.E. Cummings," Lily replied instantly. Fabian looked at James, who nodded, then finally lowered his wand. Lily moved forward at the same time James did and hugged him tightly. "What happened? Why the inquisition?"

"Another attack… this one was at a Muggle pub," Fabian explained. "We sent a message for help, and when James said you two were out we came over here to form a search team."

"We didn't go to the pubs," said Sirius a little grumpily.

"Where'd you go?" asked James curiously.

"Never mind that… did you see anyone, anything on your way back that might have suggested-"

"We didn't even leave town," Sirius interrupted. "And no, we didn't see anyone or anything on the way back that suggested we were being followed. If we had, we would have done something-"

"You can't," said Fabian firmly. "If you ever suspect someone is following you, _don't_ _attack_. If they attack first that's one thing… if they don't, just try to figure out who it is and shake them. Anyway you can… give them a false trail or go to a populated area… but shake them. We'll discuss what to do at the next meeting."

"Which is…" Sirius continued.

"Not sure yet… Dumbledore organizes them sporadically right now, but we usually have one every month," Fabian explained, tousling his red hair. "I need find Moody and –"

Lily interrupted him, stepping away from James and looking alarmed. "Well, wait… did you send anyone out to look for the others? Remus and Sam and-"

"Marlene was with them, she got the message and made sure everyone got home okay," Fabian explained, cutting off Lily's worries. "She's in the Order as well."

Lily nodded. "Oh… right, I forgot."

"We must have just missed you two leaving them, otherwise you would have seen her get the message," Fabian explained. "I've got to go, see how bad things are." He pulled on his cloak and walked to the door, but paused and turned around. "Ambrose, Lindsay… I know you aren't in the order, but you have two sons and a daughter who are. I would suggest you all establish security questions for one another – in _private_ – so you know who you are inviting into your home," he suggested. "Sorry for the inquisition… see you on Saturday."

Fabian gave them a kind smile, then walked through the door and shut it behind him. His footsteps echoed down the hall and hadn't faded away before James began to speak. "That wasn't necessary… he didn't have to-"

"James, he did," James' father responded in a stern tone. "You've never seen someone who's used Polyjuice Potion… they're identical. Every freckle, every spot, every hair on their body is identical to the person they've copied. And if they're smart, they're going to get every bit of information out of them before transforming by using the Imperius curse, veritaserum… or torture if necessary."

James swallowed, looking at Lily who was biting her lip nervously. Sirius had his head held up at attention. "Why the secrecy? When we were inducted, we weren't told the names of any other members in the Order… it's only off hand that we found out. How did-"

"There are a few members who know the names," explained James' father, returning to his seat and beckoning them all into the sitting room. "Moody, Fabian and Gideon both… Dorcas Meadowes… Hagrid and McGonagall I think. Fabian is a good bloke, but he's serious when it comes to safety."

"Obviously," said Sirius a little grudgingly as he sat down on the couch. "Still though… why the secrecy? I mean… we're all-"

"Sirius," Ambrose said, leaning forward on his knees and folding his hands together, "Voldemort only thinks he's up against the Auror team. He has no idea, at this point anyway, that Dumbledore has got a whole separate mass of people who are going to be as highly trained, if not better trained, as the Aurors are. Voldemort is scared of Dumbledore. He's avoided a face to face confrontation with him personally since he was denied a job at Hogwarts."

"He applied for a job at Hogwarts?" asked James incredulously.

"The year before you started actually," his father informed him. "Wanted to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor… or at least that's the rumor."

"That's a laugh," said Lily darkly. "The hexes some of them know… he's been training them in the Dark Arts, not defensive maneuvers. Just from the few skirmishes I've seen, it's like they only know how to attack, they don't know how to defend themselves."

"All the better for us then," said Ambrose, stretching and yawning.

"You sure you're all right?" asked Lindsay, looking at Sirius and Lily with a concerned expression.

"Lindsay, we're fine. Lily had a few drinks, tried on some clothes… we didn't see anything out of the ordinary," Sirius explained.

"Tried on clothes?" asked James.

"Never you mind," Sirius said, watching as Lily blushed and giggled quietly.

Ambrose stood, getting to his feet. "We'll establish those security questions later, but we'd best be off. I suggest you three do it as soon as you can, along with the other two of your little group and anyone you have frequent contact with."

"And get some sleep," suggested Lindsay, getting up off the other chair and walking over to hug Sirius and James both. She hugged Lily and kissed her forehead, "You're coming over on Friday to try on your dress again, right?"

"Yes," said Lily with a smile. "I'll have my shoes and everything ready so we can make any adjustments."

"Good girl," said Lindsay, placing her hand against her cheek. "All right then, let me know in the mean time if you need anything… not that it would be much, considering it's only three days away!" she laughed giddily.

"Mum," said James, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Don't remind her… you might scare her off and then what would I do?"

Lily and Lindsay both laughed while Sirius sniggered. Ambrose put his arm around his wife and walked her out the door, bidding them all a good night before walking down the steps and vanishing on the spot. Sirius looked poignantly at James and Lily. "I suppose we'd better get these questions established… since I live below you and all."

James nodded, watching as Lily jumped up and grabbed her shopping bags. "I'll go put these away, you two establish your questions and then fetch me when you're done," she said, smiling gently as she walked back toward the spare bedroom and began to put things away.

James looked at Sirius and ruffled his hair. "You do that when you can't think straight," Sirius commented.

"I do it all the time: when I'm nervous, when I can't think straight, when I'm upset…" he trailed off. "It's too common an action, everyone knows I mess with my hair."

Sirius nodded. "This is true…" he mused, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I've got it. The Map… we'll ask each other about the Map!"

"That's not a bad idea," said James, nodding approvingly. "Only Lily and the four of us know about it…"

"And Lily doesn't even know it as extensively as we do, so that separates our questions from the ones you'd ask her," Sirius grinned.

"Brilliant. So… where's the passage behind the one-eyed witch lead?" asked James, raising an eyebrow.

"Honeydukes," said Sirius, grinning as he remembered racing back through it with handfuls of sweets.

James grinned. "Well, that's settled then. I suppose … probably should get some rest…"

Sirius smirked. "No sex, Potter… those bags were for later."

"What bags?" asked James curiously.

"You are thick, my friend… you didn't even notice the name on the bags?" asked Sirius.

"I was a little distracted by Prewett manhandling-"

"Oh, he didn't' _manhandle_' her… jealous are we? Lils tried on clothes… skimpy clothes… and I got to watch," Sirius said with a mischievous grin.

"He's a liar," said Lily, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall in the hallway. "We made them leave before I tried anything on."

James quirked an eyebrow. "What did you guys do? What kind of hen night involves trying on clothes?"

Sirius laughed, watching as Lily blushed and tucked her hair behind her ears. "You think about that, Prongs… but no sex. I'll be listening so don't try anything otherwise you'll be finding yourself a new best man…"

James made a face. "If you used a hen night as an excuse to eyeball my fiancé you'll be finding a new best mate…" he grumbled.

Sirius laughed again, getting up and walking toward the door. "Why would I need to use hen night as an excuse? I do that all the time," he teased, grinning wildly as James dove toward the door and Sirius shut it quickly.

"James," said Lily, laughing brightly. "The fact that I forced him to leave whilst I tried on clothes should let you know I only have eyes for you."

"I know that… but, I still don't like people… other boys… looking at you," he murmured, walking over to her and placing her hands on her waist.

"Sirius isn't really a boy anymore…"

"Fine… men, males… I don't like them looking at you," he said, rolling his eyes as she laughed. James leaned down to kiss her. "You're mine."

"Not for a few days. Scare me off," she laughed, "isn't it usually the groom who gets cold feet?"

"My feet are perfectly warm," he assured her. "How are yours?"

"Toasty."

"You're sure you don't need slippers or something?" James offered, watching Lily laugh. "I could run and get you some."

"Unnecessary," she murmured, arching seductively against him.

There was a loud knock at the door. "NO SEX!" Sirius' voice shouted.

James turned around sharply. "Did he put an amplifying charm over our flat?" he asked curiously.

"Probably," Lily shrugged.

"How are we supposed to establish security questions?"

Lily smirked. "Let's worry about it later," she whispered. "How about you just agree to not leave me in the next three days…"

James grinned. "I like that idea. I honestly like the idea of not leaving the bedroom but Sirius-"

"Sirius said no sex," Lily pointed out, walking toward their bedroom and giving James a sly glance. "He didn't specify other acts…"

James' face lit up as his mind went wild. He grinned broadly and strode down the hall, grabbing Lily round the waist and pulling her giggling into their bedroom.

J&L&J&L&J&L

The sun was high in the sky, only a few clouds dotting the landscape. A few people had arrived and were flitting in and out of Ambrose and Lindsay Potter's house, some of them carrying flowers or chairs, others casting various charms to assist in preparations and assure that the ceremony would be safe.

"No one knows," James was saying to Sirius as they carried an archway out the door and out to the meadow. There wasn't a lot of distance between the house and the meadow, but it wore them both out carrying it and watching James' mum and Alice Longbottom arrange various flowers in intricate patterns around it. "Only the people we invited know it's happening today, so we should be safe… but I'm glad the charms are up."

"James, what _are_ you doing? You need to shower and get ready," his mum said, pursing her lips and giving him a stern glance.

"Mum… the wedding isn't until two o'clock," he reminded her. "It's noon. I don't have to do much to myself to get ready."

"You need to shower, dress, and fix your hair… make sure it lies flat," she demanded as James rolled his eyes and walked away. "That task alone will take you over an hour!"

Sirius sniggered uncontrollably and James scowled. "She's been so picky and demanding… like it's _her_ wedding," James grumbled.

"Lily did put her in charge of decorations," Sirius shrugged.

"I wonder why…"

"She said she didn't want to think about it. And she trusts your mum," explained Sirius. "I think Lily is a bit unnerved by all the attention she's going to be receiving today."

James nodded, glancing toward the window of his parent's bedroom. He knew Lily was up there, probably showering or getting dressed. "This whole not seeing each other thing-"

"Do you want me to go check on her?" asked Sirius. "You know she's fine. There are Aurors all over the place, and every protective charm I've ever heard of has been placed around this whole area…"

"I know… I just… I'm ... a little nervous and-"

Sirius chuckled. "You're nervous she's going to take off on you?"

James looked up. "That night… when we camped… she cried so hard. She said that I was her life, but she felt like she didn't have any friends… and she said she was weak and all sorts of things. And I just… sat there and patted her back like she was some little kid. I should have been able to-"

"James, she needed you to pat her back like she was a little kid. Stop worrying," Sirius insisted. Just then Remus walked up, hand in hand with Sam Pitchfield, who had stayed for the wedding much to Lily's delight.

"Pete's looking around for you, James," he advised. "Says he's got something he wants to give you before the wedding."

Sirius nodded. "You go with Moony and Wormtail, I'll go check on your doe," he said clapping James on the shoulder.

"I can go, Sirius," offered Sam. "If you guys want to have a little meeting."

"I won't be up there long; I have something to give to Lily as well," he explained. "I'll be back down in a few."

Sirius smiled and walked back toward the house while James followed Remus and Sam to where Peter was standing. Sirius watched through the window as the four of them talked quietly at the edge of the path that led into the Potter's house. He smiled, wondering if Lily was doing the same as he knocked on her door.

"Yes?" she responded curiously.

"It's Padfoot," he answered. "You decent?"

Lily opened the door, her hair pulled up in a twist at the nape of her neck, a few strands tumbling down alongside her face. She was wearing a button down shirt of James' and a pair of shorts. Save for the hair and partial make-up, she looked more like she was ready for a day of camping than for a wedding. "Am I ever decent?"

Sirius laughed. "Your hair is decent. I was just thinking you look like you're going on a camping trip."

Lily smiled. "No… I just didn't want to get my dress on yet," she explained, biting her lip and walking over to the window.

"You all right?"

Lily nodded. "I'm just thinking," she explained. "I hadn't been thinking for a few days… since you dragged me out for James' stag night. I owned up to a lot of things then," she said, dropping her voice to a whisper. "It felt better… I was hoping the grief would ease… but it changed."

"Changed from a mix of anger and depression to bearable sadness?" asked Sirius.

Lily looked up, regarding him with sad eyes. "Yeah… I guess you'd know about that, wouldn't you?"

Sirius nodded, smiling gently. There was a moment of silence between them, a brief memorial for their lost friend. Then Lily sniffed, wiping her eyes and straightening her posture. She turned to Sirius and pulled him into a tight hug, patting his back as he squeezed her tightly. "You've _got_ to stop teasing James about-"

Sirius laughed loudly. "It's too much fun… I can't stop. He's gets so jealous," he explained, chuckling as he patted Lily on the head and watched her walk back to the bathroom. "And it's not like I don't mean it… you are a looker and you do have nice legs."

"Sirius, stop it," Lily chuckled, her cheeks flushing with color. "Did you need something? Or were you just here to visit?"

"Actually I had a question for you," he said with a smile. "You've got your four things right? I mean… I forget what they're supposed to be. I know something old-"

"Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue," she advised him. "I have the old, it's my ring… and my dress is new. James' mum gave me this," she said, patting a pretty sapphire necklace that rested against her throat, "but I couldn't think of anything to borrow."

Sirius nodded. "I may be able to fix that," he said, holding out his fist. Lily curiously placed her hand underneath it, and smiled when Sirius dropped a red garter into her palm. "You are just borrowing that, 'cause I do want it back."

Lily smiled and twirled the lacy garment around with her fingers. "Significance?"

"It was with my letter," he explained, smiling brightly. "She wore it the first time we… well… anyway, she said you could borrow it."

Lily nodded, breathing slowly to calm her emotions. "Sirius, thanks for… well, for everything. I mean it," she said, reaching out and hugging him again, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

"Hey, I'll have even more to tease James with if I get too many of those," he teased.

"Shut up," she laughed. "I do need to get dressed. It is getting close to one and-"

A pair of voices in the hall distracted her from her comment. Sirius and Lily both stifled their giggles as they heard James' mother herding him down the hall. "It is fifteen minutes until one, James Ambrose! You need to get ready! Do you think that Lily wants to see you walking down the aisle in an old Chudley Cannon's t-shirt and ripped jeans? No!" Lindsay Potter was shouting.

"_Fine_! Fine, I'm going… could you get out of here now? Merlin's wand… I'm eighteen, I can shower on my own thanks," he growled back.

Lily laughed and Sirius sniggered uncontrollably. "You may want to check on him in a few minutes," Lily advised Sirius. "She's right… I'd prefer he wear dress robes for the ceremony."

"I can see how you'd like that," Sirius agreed, walking toward the door. He paused before exiting and gave her an amused smile. "But if he didn't… you know you'd marry him anyway," he said matter-of-factly.

Lily smiled. "Don't tell him that," she requested, grinning as Sirius nodded and walked out the door. Lily sighed, shaking off a rush of sadness that went through her as she pulled off her shorts and arranged the garter around her leg. She put on the rest of her undergarments before staring nervously at her dress. It sparkled brightly when the light hit it, and Lily knew that once she put it on she'd never want to take it off.

The satin material felt soft against her skin as she pulled it over her head; it somehow reminded her of James' hands. She didn't know where they were headed after the ceremony; she only knew that he'd packed most of her clothing himself. He let her pack her undergarments, but he picked the rest. She was half tempted to look in the trunk just to see what was there, but she promised him she wouldn't. And she was going to keep that promise, along with every single one she would be making today.

Lily finished her make-up, and gave herself one last look in the bathroom mirror before putting on her shoes. Lindsay had given her a full length mirror to examine herself in when she was ready, but Lily was half afraid to look at the image… she wondered if she'd either feel an urge to run as she heard so many other women did, or if she'd simply break down and cry from joy…

But she did neither. Instead, she surprised herself and let out an elated giggle. It wasn't often that Lily felt pretty; it was even less often that she felt beautiful. But she felt that way today as she looked at her white dress and ballet slippers, her hair pulled up in a loose twist, held secure by one pin so she could take it down if James preferred. Her lips were pale pink, her eyes stood out like emeralds, and she blushed a perfect shade of rose as she gave herself one last glance and stepped toward the door.

Once outside in the hall, she heard James' mother's voice coming from his room. It made her pause; she knew James wasn't supposed to see her before she walked down the aisle… but her curiosity was aroused as she listened to his conversation with Lindsay. Lily tiptoed down the hall and hid herself out of sight, listening intently…

"… do realize how lucky we all are," Lindsay was saying.

"We?"

"It's not just you, James. Ambrose and I are … beside ourselves with joy that you found Lily. We're so happy you picked her… though, Sirius tells me you apparently loved her since your third year… is that true?"

James chuckled. "I don't know if I _loved_ her when I was thirteen… but I know by the time I hit sixteen I definitely did."

"Well, aside from us being happy about your luck in love… we're thrilled that Lily is… that she's so sweet, and kind, and brave and… she's…" Lindsay's voice was cracking slightly, Lily felt very humbled.

"She's Lily, Mum," said James quietly. "That's why I love her."

They fell quiet, Lily felt a rush of affection for James and his mother, but stood outside and listened some more. "She's Lily all right. I'm just happy you're so happy, and that she's so happy… and you both are happy together. I'm also immensely relieved that we get along… I always feared you getting married to some possessive girl who wouldn't ever let us see you and-"

"Mum," James laughed. "I'm eighteen, you don't need to see me every day."

"Well, not _every_ day of course-"

"How else would we have time to make you little grand-babies?" teased James, causing his mother to laugh.

"Just promise me you'll not forget us," Lindsay sniffed.

"Mum… stop. I love you, all right? I'll always be your Jamesy, don't worry," James reassured her.

"Doesn't Lily call you that?" asked Lindsay with a chuckle.

"Only when she wants something, and then I think she just does it to tease me," he explained. "Fortunately, that particular nickname belongs mostly to you."

Lindsay chuckled. "Well, good… I'm fond of it." She let out a heavy sigh. "I love you my baby… you look so handsome."

"I reckon I look all right," said James in a smug voice.

"Your hair though… Merlin's wand, how does Lily stand it? It never lies flat, just like your fathers…" Lindsay grumbled. There was silence again, a few times James made irritated noises.

"Mum… it just _is_… let it be!"

"I don't understand _why_ it won't lie down. Can't you fix it?"

"I can't fix it… this is how I usually wear it!"

"You wore it like that all through school?" asked Lindsay horrified voice. "You're luckier than I thought. No wonder Lily didn't notice you for five years… with your scruffy clothes and wild hair…"

"I actually noticed the wild hair," Lily explained with a chuckle. "It was hard not to."

"Lily!" James mother cried, rushing out of his room into the hall. "Oh… _oh_…" she paused, smiling at Lily's appearance. "You look… oh well, I can't say anything about how you look because James is going to come running and you _know_ he can't see you."

"Don't worry, I'll stay out here," she said. "Is he almost ready?"

"Just his hair… which I can't do anything with and neither can he," she grumbled. "It's lying flatly against its will, but it will not lay neatly."

Lily smirked. "Can I help?"

"He can't see you, dear… remember?"

"I can make sure he doesn't see me," she grinned.

"You can't wear my invisibility cloak!" James shouted from inside his room.

Lindsay laughed, giving Lily a curious look. "I'll let you work on it then… but make sure he doesn't peek at you, I want to see his face when he does see you for the first time today." She smiled and kissed Lily on the cheek before wandering down the hall and down the stairs.

James waited, still facing the mirror looking smug. "I'm ready for you," he laughed, turning around, waiting for Lily to ask him to keep his eyes closed (which he had no intention of doing.) He had just started to walk toward the door when she muttered a quiet spell and a black cloth fastened over his eyes.

"Hey!" he shouted, grabbing at the fabric and trying to remove it. "Take this off… how am I supposed to-"

"Shhhh," said Lily, placing her fingers against his lips. James stood still, he could feel how warm she was and hear the rustle of fabric as she grabbed a comb out of his hands. "You can't take it off yet. I'm only going to help you with your hair," she explained quietly, her voice sounding a little shy.

"Well, how do I get it off when you're done with me?" he asked curiously.

"I won't ever be done with you," she whispered.

James smiled. "You know what I mean."

"_Finite incantatem_ will work," Lily explained. James felt her hands brush alongside his face before her fingers threaded into his hair and tousled it vigorously. She picked at a few pieces, and then placed her hands on his cheeks and turned his face right to left to examine her work. James knew his hair was now sticking out in all directions in a casual, windswept way. He felt her cheek against his, and Lily smiled against his lips. "Perfect," she whispered, giving him a small kiss.

"It probably looks like I just got off a broomstick," he laughed, leaning in as she moved away slowly.

Lily chuckled, her voice light and bubbly; it sent chills of happiness down James' spine. "That's just how I like it… I denied it for years, but I love it that way. James Potter and his messy hair and bright smile. Tall, dark and handsome," she said in an affectionate voice before kissing him again.

James placed his hands on her waist, laughing when she removed them and tsked quietly. "You feel sparkly," he observed.

"I'm always sparkly," she replied, stepping away from him.

"You're beautiful."

"You haven't seen me yet," Lily laughed.

"I don't have to see you, you're always beautiful," he said.

Lily giggled quietly. "You look very handsome, James." She observed him from the doorway, admiring the way he looked in his suit. Tall and handsome, his messy hair and his bright smile; the robes he was wearing were elegant, but somehow casual. His cloak rested loosely against his shoulders, covering up the white shirt and black vest he wore underneath. He'd forgone a bow tie and a simple button held his collar together. Lily smiled as she thought of him removing the cloak and unbuttoning the shirt when the ceremony was over. "I'll see you in a bit."

Lily smiled and walked down the hall; she heard James mutter the counter charm to remove his blindfold as soon as she was at the top of the stairs. Laughing lightly, she descended them and found Lindsay waiting outside.

"Oh, you're done already? What did you do to it?" she asked curiously.

"Nothing, I actually messed it back up. I like it that way," she replied with a shrug and a smile.

James' mother laughed. "Well, he's lucky you like it then… cause I have a feeling that he'll pass it on to whatever children you have," she teased.

Twenty minutes later, James was standing with Sirius in front of a group of around forty people, including the Prewett brothers, Alastor Moody, Professors McGonagall, Slughorn, and Flitwick, Marlene McKinnon, Frank and Alice Longbottom, Remus, Sam, and Peter, Lily's former roommate Mary MacDonald, Felicity Flutterhorn, and Max Linghold. James' family was sitting on one side, while everyone they were mutually friends with took Lily's side, forming a surrogate family for her.

"Did Lils even invite her sister?" asked Sirius quietly.

"No," said James. "She sent her a letter, I think, to let her know, but didn't invite her."

Sirius nodded. "How'd she feel about that?" he asked curiously.

James shrugged. "She wasn't fussed at all… I really don't think it bothers her that much. Would it bother you?"

Sirius scoffed. "No. If Reg were at my wedding there'd be a fight," he grumbled. "He's an idiot."

James nodded in agreement. "What are you going to do if you run into him in a fight?"

Sirius sighed heavily. "Let's assume that won't happen, and deal with it if it does," he mumbled, giving James a look that said "_I have no idea what I'd do_."

They stood quietly for a few moments, James shifting uncomfortably in his dress robes. Sirius laughed. "It'll be worth it mate. The heat from the sun won't be anything when you see Lils," explained Sirius with a grin. "She's… well, she's very, very beautiful. You are a lucky man."

James nodded, thinking to himself that lucky wasn't a strong enough word to describe how he felt. Dumbledore approached and stood behind them, giving James an encouraging nod as the music kicked in and everyone turned toward the aisle between the seats. They waited only a few moments, and then quiet whispers of praise began to move through the group as Lily approached.

"She's alone?" asked Sirius, noticing that Lily had no one to escort her down the aisle.

James nodded, squinting in the sunlight trying to see her. "My dad offered, but she said she wanted to be the one to give herself away," he chuckled. He felt Sirius nod beside him, but then became distracted as Lily finally came into sight.

James couldn't stop the wide smile that spread across his face. He felt like he should look serious; grown-up, adult; mature and proud to be accepting this woman's hand in marriage. But instead he felt like he was fifteen years old again staring across the class room at Lily Evans, who blushed shyly as she noticed his gaze. Her strapless white dress glittered in the sunlight, and James chuckled as he noticed it dragging very lightly along the grass. "She's wearing slippers," he chuckled quietly.

Sirius nodded. "I found it odd, myself… but it made her happy," he shrugged.

"It makes me happy too," said James, grinning widely. He felt lighthearted, free, and completely whole as she stepped closer. He'd pictured this so many times, but none of them had been accurate. By the time Lily reached him, and James held out his hand, he was sure he looked a right idiot with an enormous grin spread across his face. But the self-consciousness faded away when Lily stepped beside him, and he noticed she too was smiling broadly and shaking with excitement.

Dumbledore smiled gently as James and Lily both turned to face him, looking pleased to see each other and curious at what he was about to say. "There are numerous ways to start out ceremonies such as this. A prayer, a proverb, words of wisdom or advice… I, however, would like to tell a little story," he explained, smiling as people settled deeper into their seats.

"Seven years ago, Hogwarts received into its halls a set of very gifted and talented students, including the two we are here to celebrate today. While James, and his close group of friends, received instant recognition for their talent and mischievousness… or marauding ,if you prefer," Dumbledore added, much to the amusement of James and his friends, "Lily was recognized for her quiet kindness, her bright smile and curiosity, and her instinctual abilities. She impressed more than one professor with her knowledge and ability to pick up the most complicated of spells quickly, but for the most part, she and her female Gryffindor housemates stayed largely under the radar.

"Things remained this way until their fourth year, when boys began to notice girls and particularly the girls of the Gryffindor house. It was at this point, I believe, it became difficult for Lily, pretty as she is, to avoid the attention of the young men that were now also seeking her roommates. And for Lily, there was one admirer that seemed inordinately persistent in his efforts to court her. Though she tried to dissuade his efforts, very kindly at first, it soon became obvious to both students and professors that this attention irritated Ms. Evans much more than it flattered her.

"Many young men would have taken the hint at that point; but you, James, are not most young men. Antagonistic as their relationship seemed, there was a lot more depth to both of them than what appeared. Sobered, perhaps, by repeated rejection, Mr. Potter tempered his efforts to win the heart of the fair Ms. Evans. And it was during this time, he went through a growth spurt of maturity, which resulted in several events where he demonstrated loyalty, level-headedness, courage, and nobility.

"It is around this time that Ms. Evans seemed to take notice of Mr. Potter, though she denied any interest in him for fear of teasing. But their friends and Professors were all a bit surprised to see the two of them speaking amiably, to see Mrs. Evans laughing at things Mr. Potter said, and to see Mr. Potter blush when Ms. Evans complemented him. Things were changing between them, and eventually there was a kiss, which turned into several kisses, and subsequently turned into what we have in front of us today: two people who are so alike, and yet so very different… and so very much in love. And what I admire about you two is something that I think the whole world could take lesson from," Dumbledore said with a smile. James felt Lily step closer to him, her fingers twisting as she held her bouquet of flowers, itching to reach for his hands. He felt the same way.

"Lily, when you become too critical and hard on yourself, James calms you. When you let your uncertainties consume you, James reminds you of reality. He grounds you, keeps you from sinking, and lets you feel the emotions you try to hide… both from the people around you, out of concern for their happiness, and from yourself, for fear of them overwhelming you," Dumbledore explained, giving Lily a benevolent smile. "I am completely confident that James will never let anything overwhelm you."

Lily grinned and nodded, glancing at James out of the corner of her eye. He was smiling gently, but looked slightly nervous as Dumbledore's eyes turned to him.

"James… as noble and humble a man as you have grown up to be, there is still the arrogant fifteen year old inside. When he makes appearances, Lily calms him… by crashing your ego into a wall if necessary. She keeps you humble, and noble… she makes you a better man; a selfless, brave, and very mature man. Whenever doubt seeps in, Lily picks you up and carries you through it. When you notice your flaws, remember that she has seen them as well… and she loves you anyway. That, perhaps, is why you were so enamored with her for such a long time.

"We've watched you grow, both in maturity and in love, and closer to each other. It's been amazing for us to watch, and to be a part of. And though the end of my tale has come, your story is just beginning. I, along with everyone else who has come to celebrate with you, hope it is a very happy, and very lengthy tale… one that will be treasured among your descendants always.

"And so we come to the promises, and the vows," said Dumbledore, gesturing for Lily and James to face each other. Sirius took the bouquet from Lily, making a dramatic show of accepting it and causing a ripple of laughter through the audience. "I understand that you each have a few brief things you wish to say to one another?" Dumbledore asked, watching as Lily and James both nodded. "Very good… James, why don't you start us off."

James nodded, taking Lily's hands in his own and swallowing nervously. Lily's hands, Lily's tiny hands and slender fingers, were quivering slightly in his. He looked up, smiling at her bright eyes and happy expression. James felt nervous, for the first time, about the number of people watching him. His attraction to Lily had always been public knowledge, but his deep love and fondness for her and everything she was had always been something very personal and close to his heart. It was in the emerald green depths of her bright eyes that he found the courage to confess the emotions in his heart, though the words were not his own.

Lily watched as James cleared his throat, gathering her hands more firmly in his. "I um… I'm going to confess right now that I cheated on this," he chuckled, watching her expression turn curious. "These are not my words, but I feel… that when I found this… I felt like it was written for me… or at least, written for me to read to you."

James swallowed again, looking at Lily with a gentle expression. "Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience," he began, smiling a little when she gasped quietly and bit her lip to keep from crying out happily. "Your eyes have their silence. In your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which I cannot touch because they are too near. Your slightest look will easily unclose me though I have closed myself as fingers, you open always… petal by petal… myself as Spring opens touching skillfully, mysteriously, her first rose. Or… if your wish be to close me, I and my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending… nothing which we are to perceive in this world equal s the power of your intense fragility, whose texture compels me with the color if its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing…"

James paused, watching as Lily's eyes glassed over, making them shine even brighter. He smiled and squeezed her hands. "I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens, only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is… deeper… than all the roses. Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands," he finished, nodding his head and smiling shyly.

There was quiet throughout the group, several sighs and light chuckles broke the silence as Lily tried to speak. "You… you prat," she said, laughing and sniffling as a few people laughed. "I can't follow that… how am I supposed to follow that?" she asked, laughing and squeezing James' hands. She sniffed and swallowed, trying to keep tears from falling out of her eyes.

"James… _this_ is the story of our relationship, me following after you. You're faster than I am, a bit smarter… you knew how much I would love you even before I did. It used to bother me, following after you. I think I was jealous," she admitted, smiling as he squeezed her hands. "But I've come to appreciate the fact that you… you lead me. It's not me following so much as you leading, and that's been wonderful for me. You give me time to catch up, to feel and grow into my emotions. And you are so… so _patient_ with me. And this is not at all what I had prepared… all I had prepared was… honestly, I'm never prepared when I'm around you. Your random and sweet way of living life keeps me constantly on my toes… and though I used to say that's what I was trying to do with you, that's what you do with me all the time. I'm on my toes, literally since you are taller than I am, all the time… just to be close to you. And I love it… I love you, James… and I promise I will … I'll follow you anywhere you lead me," she finished, smiling and brushing a tear off her cheek.

James squeezed Lily's hands, grinning wildly as he listened to Dumbledore begin to speak the remainder of the traditional vows. He was so filled with joy that he barely registered that he was to respond to his own prompt. "What? Oh, yes… yes … of course, yes. I do… I will… various statement's of agreement… I will," he murmured when ask if he promised to love, honor, and cherish Lily for as long as they both lived. He watched, still smiling broadly, as Lily agreed to do the same things. He felt her tiny hands squeeze his, and knew that she was, now and forever, his home, his life, and his only love.

"It is my extreme honor and pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife," Dumbledore said after they had both agreed to the vows. "James… you may kiss your bride."

James grinned and pulled Lily toward him, laughing lightly when she wrapped her arms around his neck and met his lips with as much passion as she had when they first kissed. The audience cheered when the broke apart a few seconds later, James laughing as Lily grinned wildly up at him. She bounced excitedly on her toes as he hugged her and kissed him once more before they turned forward and walked back toward the crowd. There were several more sets of hugs from various friends, lots of handshaking and congratulations, and numerous photographs taken before they proceeded under the marquee to allow the new couple to have their first dance.

"Where are you taking me?" asked Lily, her lips soft against the skin of James' neck as he held her close and swayed with the music.

"You'll like it, I promise," he whispered in response, kissing her ear softly. "Just trust me."

"I trust you," she replied, smiling and laying her head on his shoulder. "You could take me back to the flat or take me to Italy… it doesn't matter. I just want to be with you."

James grinned and held her close, closing his eyes and letting the feel of her in his arms overwhelm him completely. "You can be… always," he whispered, feeling so much happiness he was surprised that the glasses filled with champagne and little plates of cake didn't float all randomly throughout the dance floor.

The small reception went on into the evening, until the sun began to set and James sent his and Lily's trunk to the small house they would be staying in for the next month. They bid their friends and family farewell as the portkey began to glow a bright, eerie blue; and after they had vanished, the guests assisted the Potters in cleaning up and rearranging their house. There was more congratulations and chatter late into the evening, long after the moon had risen high in the sky…

Underneath that same moon, far away from Cricklaide, far away from where James and Lily were headed, a group of twenty or so cloaked figures were standing in the dark basement of an elaborate house. A single taller figure, with pale skin and dark eyes was pacing the outside a small circle of twelve. He seemed to be examining his charges, as though reading their thoughts…

"You all feel loyalty, and have been deemed the most trustworthy of my followers… some of you I have known for years, some for only a few months. Know this… it matters not how long I have known you, I expect the same from each of you: service, loyalty, and commitment to our goals," the pale wizard murmured in a low voice. "We are pursuing the ways to everlasting life, we are seeking to explore the realms of magical power, we are working to purify wizarding society, and we will rise above the mudbloods and muggles who hold us down… is this clear?"

"Yes, my lord," the group of figures replied in unison.

The figure nodded, waving his wand in a complex motion. A green skull formed in the air, a serpent coiling and undulating through the eye sockets and out through the mouth. The figure inhaled sharply, waving his wand over the group and muttering a quick incantation.

"_Morssignum_," he hissed. The end of his wand flashed, in the dark of the room it was almost unnoticeable. The figures in front of him flinched sharply, a few of them falling onto their hands as the burning sensation carved the image of the skull and snake into their forearms…

Voldemort cleared his throat, and looked avidly into the eyes of his followers as they raised their heads. "Welcome, my friends, to the Death Eaters."

* * *

_A/N: The poem James read to Lily is "Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond," by E.E. Cummings. His work is a little unorthodox or random to read, but I have always had a deep fondness for it - that poem in particular._

_Also, to several of my consistent reviewers... thank you thank you thank you for your loyalty and continued readership. I'm glad I have been able to amuse and entertain you for so many months and that you get as much enjoyment out of reading my project as I get from writing it. To new readers of my story, your comments and feedback are appreciated. It excites me when I get a review from someone new just as much as I get excitement from reading a review from someone who's been following since chapter 1. Someone used the term "pure addiction" and it made me smile; this may get used as a chapter title if it fits. Thanks so much. I hope to have another "Outtakes" section updated soon, I had some writers block and more came out of that... but there will be more coming for our favorite couple as well. Thanks so much._


	39. All I Need

All I Need

"She Is Love" (acoustic) - Parachute

* * *

"James!" Lily cried, her voice full of elation. James moaned quietly into the pillow, his body tired and lazy. He vaguely wondered what time it was…

"James! Come! Come quickly, look…" Lily continued, peels of laughter filling his ears. He heard the padding of her bare feet against the carpet in the bedroom. "Come on, you're going to miss it!"

"Nnnmmmphhfff," James mumbled, trying to shake the sleep off of him.

"Come on, I promise we'll go back to bed, but you have to come see… you have to!" Lily pressed, shaking him for a moment and then trying to drag him out of bed. "Just come see!"

"All right," James moaned, ruffling his hair as she shoved his glasses onto his face. He stood and followed her, not even bothering to put on actual clothing as she dragged him outside and down onto the beach.

James found himself grinning despite the tiredness he felt when they reached the area where Lily had been wandering around. It wasn't far from their little beach house he'd rented in the secluded area outside of Quiberon France, but in the early morning it felt like a long walk. Lily stopped just outside the entrance to a little cove, pulling him beside her and pointing at the water. James squinted his eyes. "What am I looking for?"

"Not inside there, outside," she said, indicating the area just behind the small rock enclosure they had discovered the other day. "Watch… watch… _THERE_!" she cried, bouncing up on her toes and grinning wildly.

James' eyes widened, and he shook himself again trying to rid his body of the lazy sleepy feeling. As his eyes adjusted to the brightness of the sun, he realized what he was seeing was actually as exciting as she had made it out to be.

"How many do you think there are?" he asked, stepping closer to the shoreline and grinning as the pod of dolphins formed a circle and began to splash the water with their tails. Fish were leaping out, away from the disturbance, and directly into the mouths of the waiting predators. "I see at least-"

"I've counted seven," Lily said, bouncing excitedly beside him. "They've been doing this for the past ten minutes, it's like they planned it! They'll form that circle, and then once all the fish are gone they move onto another area a little ways down," she explained.

"How did you catch this?" he asked, looking at her and smiling as she messed with the strings on the top of her swimming costume. It was a two piece, blue with white polka dots, and James figured that Sirius had suggested it because it was not something Lily would have picked out on her own. The bottom sat very low on her hips and was held together by only strings, and the top tied together in the back and around her neck. James shook himself again, trying to distract his mind from examining Lily's figure and actually focus on what she was saying to him.

"… sunrise and… well, I saw the baby first, and I just followed them out of curiosity," she explained, grinning and laughing as a few of the dolphins jumped out of the water in a series of minor acrobatic movements. "I never imagined seeing anything like this!"

James laughed. "Where else haven't you been besides the sea?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to take you there," he said, placing his arm around her waist and kissing her forehead. "You are extremely amusing when you're discovering things in places you've never seen before."

Lily grinned. "I'll make a list," she said, kissing his shoulder. "There are quite a few places you'll have to take me then."

They had been at the little beach house for around a week, and neither of them planned on leaving anytime soon. Lily had been shocked into silence the first night they arrived; the house was a bit smaller than their flat; only one bedroom, with a small dining area in the kitchen and a sitting room, but James explained that the place was rented by the week, and no one had any reservations for the next two months.

"We don't have to go back until September if you don't want to," he said, watching as she stared around her in awe. "I found it through a friend of my mum's… it's very private. There are only a few people who know we're here," he explained.

"Sirius, your parents…" she said, still looking around her in shock.

"And Dumbledore," he said. "And they all promised not to message us or send us an owl unless it was an absolute emergency."

Lily nodded. "So we're alone?"

"Completely."

"And no one is going to interrupt us?"

"No one."

"And we don't have to go anywhere? Or do anything?"

"Only stuff we want to… I know there's a Floo connection in Quiberon if you wanted to go to Paris," said James, sitting down on the bed and grinning at her. "You said you'd always –"

Lily had at that moment walked over to him and crawled onto his lap, kissing him furiously as her tiny fingers worked on removing his dress robes. James laughed, sliding his hands to her waist and pulling her close. "You're so lovely," he said kissing her neck and tracing the neckline of her dress. "I love your dress."

Lily laughed quietly. "Then make love to me _in it_ if you must," she said, causing James to laugh loudly and slowly begin to untie the lacing up the back. "I don't care… I'm just so, so, happy to be here with you… to be anywhere with you… just to be with you," she whispered, sighing as he gently slid the fabric off of her ribcage and nestled his face against her.

With no one to answer to, and no specific plans, their first week in the house had consisted of sleep, eating whatever they felt like whenever they felt like, spending hours making love and hours afterward wrapped in each other's arms. James didn't think it was possible for him to feel any happier; he now had everything he'd ever dreamed about… fantasized about… everything.

"What have _you_ always wanted?" he asked Lily one evening as they sat on the beach watching the sun set.

"This…" she grinned in reply, curling into his arms.

"No, really… before we had this - and we can always have this… what have you always wanted?" he pressed, kissing her forehead. "Anything… what did you always dream about?"

Lily sighed, James swore he could feel the wheels in her head spinning. "A cat," she said, laughing as he playfully nipped her earlobe. "No, honestly… Petunia was allergic to _everything_ so I could never have any pets."

James nodded. "All right… we'll get a cat. I'm glad we've got that settled… you can be so difficult," he teased. James kissed her hair, letting his lips linger and breathing in the sweet smell of her hair. They were quiet for a few moments, watching the glowing ball of light sink lower and lower in the sky.

"Part of me has always wanted a baby," Lily said quietly as the sun started its slow melt into the water.

James sat back on his elbows, watching as she turned to him with a cautious expression. "We've been practicing making one," he smirked, kissing her arm.

"That's something I've always wanted," she murmured. "Children… lots of them."

James nodded. "We can have that," he said simply, though there was a trace of caution in his voice.

"It doesn't seem possible" she said, staring out at the shoreline with a thoughtful expression on her face. "I mean… in this world, it doesn't seem plausible. There's so much going on, so much hatred and violence," she explained. "Look at what we've grown up with: the name-calling, the … change in society, the petitions to have everyone that isn't pure blood banished or killed… the way that they're looked down upon… It doesn't seem fair to do that to a child."

Lily glanced at James over her shoulder, she looked sad. He sat up and kissed her gently, brushing her hair from her face. "Love, _we_ wouldn't do that to a baby."

"The world would."

James shook his head, tracing his thumb over her cheek. "We won't let it, Lils. We'll change it; we'll fight against this and we'll stop it… and then, when it's all over and done with, we can have as many babies as you want."

Lily nodded, and then bit her lip. "What happens if we can't stop it?"

"We _will_ stop it," James reassured her, lacing his fingers into her hair and pulling her close.

"You feel the same way I do though," she said knowingly, watching as James sighed and bit his lip. "That it would be mental to have a child with all this going on. I can tell, I see it in your eyes."

"It wouldn't be _mental_… perhaps unwise," he acquiesced.

"It's going to get worse," she said, looking back at the sea. The sun had set now, the last rays of light painting the horizon a deep purple with streaks of gold. "Probably much worse."

"It has to," James agreed. "It always gets worse before it gets better."

"What if something happens? What if we don't ever get to –"

James shook his head and shushed her, kissing her nose and resting his forehead against hers. "Lily, we can '_what if'_ until we're both blue in the face, but it won't change anything. We can't live our lives based on things that _might_ happen… what if we plan for those things, or worry about them, and they never happen? Think of all the time we'd waste enjoying life, enjoying each other. All we can do is live, and love, and the rest will all fall into place," he whispered in a reassuring voice.

Lily nodded, closing her eyes for a moment as she sighed deeply. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't let myself worry so much. I talked all through the sunset about my stupid fears and-"

"They're not stupid," said James. "And there will be a sunset tomorrow. I'd miss every sunset the rest of my life just to hear you talk if it made you happy."

Lily grinned, opening her eyes and kissing James on the nose. "Why are you shaking your head?" she asked curiously.

"I… I just… I honestly don't think I'll ever get over how pretty your eyes are," he said with a laugh. "I mean it… every time you look at me I still feel butterflies."

"I'm sure they're a different kind of butterflies now though," she murmured, kissing him and biting his lower lip. James grinned and laid back against the sand, letting her crawl onto him and lace her fingers into his hair.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"I am _starving_," James murmured, clutching his stomach dramatically while Lily laughed at him. "I need food…"

"I agree wholeheartedly," said Lily, running her fingers through her hair, tugging out the various knots that always seemed to form at the back of her head. "I must toss my head around a lot," she mused, looking at James for confirmation.

"You don't toss it," he said, rolling onto his side and snuggling against her. "You arch your back and kind of… tip your head back into the pillow. It's really very sexy," he added, kissing her throat.

"It must be," she laughed. "You keep making me do it."

"I could make you do it off the pillow," he suggested, grinning as her cheeks colored slightly. "It might make it easier on your hairbrush."

Lily laughed. "I expect it would," she agreed. "I still feel very shy over how … _exuberant_ I am when-"

James kissed her hungrily, pulling her close to him and groaning quietly as she slid her hands over his torso and hitched her leg around his hip. "Please don't be shy… I love the exuberance. I love the fact that you want me as badly as I want you."

Lily smiled as James kissed her again, a quiet sigh leaving her lips as he kissed along her cheekbones to her ears. "Maybe not _as_ badly," she teased.

"You want me pretty bad," he insisted, running his hand along the underside of her thigh and chuckling as she shuddered.

"Perhaps you're right," she acquiesced with a smile. "But right now I want food more."

James nodded in agreement. "Yes… I do as well. I'm starving, and I'm _sick_ of seafood," he grimaced. "What do you feel like?"

"I have no idea, but I agree with you about the sea food," she said, mimicking his expression and causing him to laugh. "There isn't anything in Quiberon, we might have to venture somewhere else."

"Let's go to Paris," suggested James. "You said you wanted to go sometime."

Lily's eyes lit up. "Oh, I do… that sounds nice… but I want to come back here tonight," she said, biting her lip. "That meteor shower is happening and seeing it over the water would be beautiful."

"We can come back," James assured her. "We'll grab something to eat, see a few sights, and come back after sunset. We can watch it set at the Eiffel Tower, add another romantic cliché to our ever growing list."

Lily smiled. "All right… let's go then!"

An hour and a half later, the pair of them arrived in the train station in Montparnasse via the Floo Network connection in Quiberon. They had wandered not very far away from the train station when they stumbled up on a little Parisian café and ventured inside to eat breakfast. Lily was nibbling idly on a crescent roll when James leaned forward and kissed her softly on the cheek. "So … where to? You realize I've never been here either, so I have no idea where to go."

Lily nodded, grinning and shrugging. "You're the exploring type though, I can't imagine you're too concerned," she teased, kissing his nose.

"Only about your dainty feet," he teased back.

"Dainty feet, eh?" scoffed Lily. "I guarantee you that you will wear out before I do."

"Well, let's set off to explore and see if you're right," said James, pulling out some money to pay for their tab and then holding out his hand for Lily to take.

They strolled through the streets of Paris, James laughing as Lily stopped to examine every fountain they passed, and all the little sculptures along their trek. "It's just so different than London, or even in the places I've been… Shrewsberry, or Gloucestershire**. **We used to go on holiday every other year when I was growing up to the Isle of Wright… but this is just so much prettier."

"Really?" asked James. "Wright is very pretty from what I've heard."

"It's pretty, don't get me wrong, but this… there's just a lot of history and it's neat," she tried to explain.

"Let's go to the Louve," suggested James, a smile crossing his face. "I've got some interesting historical facts that might surprise you."

"Historical facts about artwork?" Lily laughed. "You never struck me as being terribly interested in paintings or sculpture."

James shrugged. "My mum has a few books on it… books written from the wizarding perspective," he added with a sly grin. "I used to look at them mostly for the paintings of naked women," he added much to Lily's amusement. "But I did pick up some interesting facts that I think will surprise you."

They walked to a secluded area, choosing to Apparate across town to the museum rather than walk the entire way. The building was fascinating to Lily, as were the collection of works inside it, but James had been right… his little pieces of information did surprise her.

"See this guy?" he said as they wandered through an exhibit of sculptures. He was pointing to a sculpture of bearded man's torso, leaning back with his eyes closed. Lily observed it curiously. "Merlin."

Lily laughed loudly, drawing looks from several patrons; James sniggered and tugged on her arm, watching as she blushed furiously and gave him a skeptical glare. "It _is_ not."

"Honest!" insisted James.

"You are a liar," Lily replied, still laughing.

James slung his arm around her shoulders. "Would I ever lie to you, my love?" he teased. "Seriously though, it is Merlin. There are so many paintings and sculptures of witches and wizards in here, or works done by them… you'd be amazed."

"I expect they can't post about who they really were, with the Statue of Secrecy and all," Lily mused, looking over another statue.

"Ah… even if we could say anything about who really did them the world would claim that it was done by magic, not actual talent," James shrugged, looking over her shoulder at a sculpture of an angel cradling a fallen woman.

Lily smiled. "I love that you don't ever get upset about having to hide."

"We don't have to _hide_," he grinned, kissing her ear. "We just have to not do magic in public."

Lily laughed, taking James' hand as they strolled through the museum and looked at the various exhibits. James had several more surprises for her, including that Eugène Delacroix had attended Beauxbatons Academy of Magic when it first opened, The Three Graces painting was actually of a triplet of witches who were referenced in Shakespere's play MacBeth, and the history of the Mona Lisa was completely different than thought.

"Now that I cannot believe," said Lily as they moved forward to examine the painting. "This… you're telling me that this woman is not Lisa wossname like they say she is… you're saying that-"

"This is Daisy Dodderidge, original owner of the Leaky Cauldron; she came up with the idea of the gateway between the Muggle World and ours as a way to help Muggle-borns find us easier," James explained.

Lily shook her head. "No… how do you know this?"

"She's on a chocolate frog card," he explained, pulling out his wallet.

"She's on…" Lily paused, taking the card from his hand and examining it closely. The woman in the painting and the image on the chocolate card frog were different, but yet… the same. The same eyes, same brown hair, same smirk… "I'll be damned," said Lily with a laugh.

James grinned. "See? We're not as disconnected from the Muggle World as people like to think," he explained, putting his arm around her shoulders as they walked away to the next exhibit.

For four hours they toured through the museum, laughing and talking over the exhibits, enjoying each other's company, and discussing the fact that there were so many aspects of wizarding life intertwined within the muggle world. It amazed Lily that she never saw it before. "I think that's because humans never look for the mysteries in life in the obvious places," she mused as the exited back into the streets of Paris. "We're always looking for it in the corners or faraway places; we never see the things that are right in front of us."

James nodded. "Kind of like you looking for me," he teased, watching Lily roll her eyes but nod in agreement.

They wandered around into the evening, examining the outside of Notre Dame and the Arc De Triumphe before heading to dinner at a fancy looking restaurant. They shared an entrée after admitting they were both nervous at the fact that neither of them could pronounce the names of any of the dishes. The food was good, but they were still hungry for desert and stopped by a small café for crepes before walking to a park with a spectacular view of the Eiffel Tower. Lily was sitting in between James' legs finishing her crepe as they watched the lights come on in the tower and the sun fade away in the background. James was smirking as she slowly nibbled on the fruit filled pancake, her eyes focused on the scene in front of them.

"You really don't like chocolate?" he asked, smirking as he remembered her not even eating a bite of his chocolate crepe he'd finished before they even left the café.

She shrugged. "It's not that I don't like it," she explained, "I just… I don't ever _crave_ it. I'd rather have treacle or fruit than chocolate." She took another bite of her crepe, giving him a curious look as he eyed it closely. "You can't still be hungry."

"I'm a man," James said proudly, listening to Lily chuckle. "I'm always hungry."

"I don't think that it's a man thing, I think it's a James Potter thing," she replied.

"You are eating that thing obscenely slow," he observed, resting his chin against her shoulder.

"It's obscenely tasty," she explained, taking another bite and licking her lips with an exaggerated moan of delight. "You're just jealous because you scarfed yours down in less than a minute."

"I'm jealous that your mouth is all over that thing," he muttered, grinning as she laughed again. "Give me a bite, I want to see if it's as good as you're making it out to be."

"No, get your own!"

"Just give me a bite, Lils," James pleaded, burying his face in her neck and nibbling gently.

"You don't need a bite, you're biting me!"

"Love bites."

"Whatever," she giggled. "I'm not sharing."

"What happened to the vows? I'm sure there was sharing mentioned in them," James whined.

"Love, honor and cherish… I'm cherishing this crepe right now," said Lily, grinning wickedly. "It's really good, you should have gotten one."

"Let me have some!"

"You didn't share yours with me," Lily reminded him, still grinning and holding the last bit of crepe away from him.

"You don't like chocolate!" protested James.

"You still could have offered."

James made a noise and buried his face in Lily's neck, nipping her ears playfully as she giggled and squirmed away from him. "I'll share my chocolate with you next time… just give me a bite."

James kissed Lily's cheek and then pushed his lower lip out in an exaggerated pout. She mimicked his expression, but then took the remainder of the crepe and put it against his lips. He took the bite, nipping at her fingers gently.

"You've got some of the syrup stuff … there," she said, gesturing toward the corner of his mouth. James moved to lick it away, but then Lily's lips were against his and she was kissing him softly, her tongue tracing along the edges of his lips. "Now it's gone," she whispered, resting her forehead against his.

"You're a tease," he replied, kissing her again.

"Who's teasing?"

James grinned, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. They both had turned back to the tower for one last glimpse, sighing at how pretty the landscape was and the romantic atmosphere. James was about to suggest they return to their beach house when suddenly a voice called out to them.

"Jamez?" the light voice of a female said from behind them. Lily lifted her head from James' chest, following his gaze as he turned to look over his shoulder. Their eyes followed the figure of a tall, lithely female as she moved closer beside them. "Jamez Pottair? Is it you?"

Lily observed the girl curiously, noting the gentle waves of her reddish-blonde hair visible even in the dimming twilight. She was extraordinarily pretty, with her perfect oval face and pouty lips; she had long legs that seemed to stretch on forever until rounding into soft, curvy hips and a narrow waist, all clad in a pink summer dress that rested snug against her figure.

But what struck her the most about the girl's presence was the way James' body suddenly tensed against her. One of his hands moved to Lily's waist and he pulled her close, the other rested against her legs that were curled underneath her. She looked over at him out of the corner of her eye, watching him swallow uncomfortably and his cheeks color.

"It _is_ you! Jamez Pottair, whatever are you doing in Paris?" asked the girl, her laugh bubbling out of her throat, sounding like little tiny bells.

James swallowed again, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and caution race through his veins. "Isabelle… wow… I um… I haven't seen-"

"Yes, I know… eet 'as been a few years! When I was last in our Lake 'ouse, you were gone… your parents said you 'ad gone out. I didn't go las' year… too busy wiz my studies and other things; but oh, my goodnezz, you 'aven't changed a bit!" she said, observing him curiously. She held out her hands, almost like she expected James to get up and hug her, but then rearranged her position when he didn't move from his spot.

"Right," said James, relaxing a bit that she didn't seem too interested in Lily. But that changed when he didn't stand to return her offered embrace, and Isabelle's eyes, filled with curiosity and a hint of malicious interest, turned to Lily.

"And you are?" asked Isabelle in a sweet voice.

"I'm Lily," Lily replied, smiling and waiting for James' cue, either verbal or non-verbal, before she proceeded any further.

"Lily…"

James cleared his throat, his posture becoming proud and a little defensive though he didn't move much. He hugged Lily tighter and intertwined their fingers. "Yes, sorry… the announcements to family friends haven't gone out yet," he explained. "Lils, this is Isabelle Burleigh… the friend of mine I told you about who stayed near our house in the summer. Isabelle, this is my Lily, my wife."

"Wife?"

"Yes, we were just married at the end of July," James explained, unable to keep the overjoyed grin off his face. "We're here on holiday to celebrate."

"I see," said Isabelle in a friendly voice.

"It's nice to meet you," said Lily, getting to her feet and brushing her jeans off before shaking Isabelle's hand. She bit her lip a little nervously; this girl was the keeper of James' virginity, the source of his regret that he didn't wait for her… _but how could he have waited_? Lily thought. At the time it happened, a relationship with her must have seemed like a far off possibility. She didn't blame him for not waiting; _people make mistakes_, she thought. _Heat of the moment and repeated rejection would certainly drive him into the arms of someone who wanted him… aside from that, she is… very, very pretty_. "I've heard a lot about you," Lily continued, trying to drown out the sound of her own thoughts.

"Ze feeling is mutual," said Isabelle, giving Lily and appraising look that suggested she wasn't terribly impressed with what she saw. "You are _ze_ Lily, am I correct?"

"Yes," Lily laughed lightly. "The silly one who didn't see how amazing James was for a long time; that's me," she said, squeezing his intertwined fingers as James got to his feet. He grinned happily, putting his arm around her waist.

"So I 'eard," said Isbelle lightly, canting her body to one side and smiling. "From ze way Jamez talked about you I expected… well, I expected Venus."

James sighed, making a face and opening his mouth; but Lily laughed and it cut off his train of thought. "James does tend to exaggerate," she said lightly. "But he makes me feel like Venus so… I have no complaints."

Isabelle chuckled and nodded. "'Ow, exactly, did you two… well 'ow did you end up finally getting over your dislike of him?"

Lily felt James tense, and she placed her arm around his waist, squeezing his hip and lying her head against his shoulder. "You know, it's funny you mention it… but we were talking earlier about how there are so many things from wizarding life hidden in plain sight in the muggle world," she explained. "It's amazing that they don't see it. I must have just been stuck in that pattern for so long… but I finally got out of it, and once I saw the wizard hiding in front of me, well, not really hiding but… you get the idea," she finished, smiling sweetly up at James.

Isabelle nodded. "Ah, yes… zhat is 'ow love works, I suppose," she sighed.

James watched Lily nod and then continue on conversing with Isabelle, completely unaffected by the subtle jabs the latter threw in about Lily's appearance (which James found odd, because there was no comparison between the two of them), and her heritage among other things. After around fifteen minutes, the sun had set completely and James cleared his throat.

"We probably should get going, don't you think?" he asked Lily. "That meteor shower is tonight… you wanted to catch it right?"

"Oh, yes… we should get back so we can clean up and get out to the beach before it starts," she said, nodding in agreement.

"Ah, zhat will be pretty," said Isabelle, letting out another bubbly laugh. "Well, Jamez… I am glad zhings 'ave worked out for you zhe way you wanted. You are 'appy, zhat is very good."

"I am happy, and it sounds like you are as well," James added, thinking back to her comments about a boy she'd been living with for quite some time.

"I am… but we will always 'ave Eastair break, yes?" she added, grinning up at him and then smiling down at Lily. "Good luck to you both… make each other 'appy."

"Thank you," said Lily, sighing as she felt James stiffen again. "You as well, good luck."

Isabelle nodded, waving good-bye as she wandered off in the direction of the tower. James watched her for a moment, along with Lily; but then she squeezed his hand and smiled before turning on the spot and pulling him into the compressing darkness.

They arrived back at the train station, and took stepped into the fireplace that connected the train station in Paris to the one in Quiberon. From there, Lily again led the apparition process back to their little beach house. James felt a little rush of nervousness in his stomach. Isabelle had been friendly enough, but it was awkward seeing her again… awkward because of their shared experience, awkward because he had confessed so much of his feelings and frustrations over Lily to her, and awkward because of the little jibes she had put in about Lily's blood status. James wondered if she'd had her eyes opened a bit during her studies at the university, or if she still felt that Muggle-borns didn't have any right to be a part of their world. She hadn't said it explicitly… but it was implied. Also implied was Isabelle's obvious opinion that Lily wasn't nearly as pretty as she had expected, or that she didn't think Lily was as beautiful as she was.

Isabelle was strikingly beautiful, yes, but she couldn't compare to what James saw in Lily. Aside from her soft, quiet beauty, she was kind, and loving… and his; she was the one he had loved, the one he had imagined being with, the one who he should have waited for… no matter how tempting the offer had been at the time…

"You're quiet," said James, sitting at the table staring out at the beach. He was swirling the firewhiskey in his tumbler, watching the splashes and feeling nervous as he waited for Lily to change.

"I'm just thinking over everything we did today," she replied lightly, her voice cheerful but slightly tired. "My feet are sore, are yours?"

"A bit. I probably should have worn my other trainers," he commented.

"I know… oh well. I'm so glad you suggested going today; it was beautiful out and I loved seeing everything. Thank you."

James smiled, taking another drink. "You don't have to thank me," he replied, staring at the door, wondering what was taking her so long. "It was interesting for me as well."

"You seem tense. Are you all right?"

James nodded, chuckling as he realized she was still in the loo and couldn't see his response. "I'm fine, I'm not tense."

"You seemed that way when we were talking to Isabelle," Lily pushed.

James stiffened, he felt his cheeks grow hot as he ruffled his hair. "It was a surprise, and rather… awkward."

"I wondered… she's very pretty," said Lily, biting her lip as she looked herself over in the mirror. She could almost feel James tense again, even though the door separated them.

"Well… I mean… she's… she's _attractive_, but… not… I don't-"

"I know you don't," said Lily, giving herself one last glance in the mirror and mustering her courage up. _He picked you_, she told herself. She hadn't felt an ounce of jealousy toward the girl, but there was some feminine urge or pull that made her want to remind James _why_ he picked her… to make him forget he'd ever laid eyes on another girl…

"I hope you don't feel - I mean… it was just _awkward_ for me. I don't know if I ever told you but… I … I said your name when - it was _really_ awkward… I'm not sure she heard me – she _had_ to have heard me. 'Lily' sounds nothing like 'Isabelle'… you can't mistake the two of them so she had to know I was thinking about you and-"

"Are you wondering why she was still interested in you after that?" asked Lily, peeking out the door of the bathroom to see James standing by the patio door staring out at the beach.

"A bit…"

"It's competition, James. She seems like a girl who would always compete, even if she knew it was a lost cause," Lily explained. "There is something about changing a boy – or training him for lack of a better word – that turns girls on. She probably saw you as a conquest, she might have even saw you as that today."

James shrugged. "That's stupid."

Lily laughed. "_'That's stupid'_ says the man who snaps at his best friend if he looks at me the wrong way," she pointed out.

"Yeah, well that's different … I mean… she _had_ to know, aside from the fact that all I ever did was talk about you, that I would never have wanted-"

"She knew… but she thought maybe she could change your mind," Lily explained, pulling the satiny robe from her shoulders and walking sheepishly out into sitting area. She tried desperately not to cover herself the way she wanted to as she padded softly over to the edge of a small divider wall between the dining and sitting rooms. She leaned against it, tossing her hair over her shoulder and trying to arrange it seductively. James was still staring out the window; part of her was thankful.

"Nothing could ever change my mind," said James.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"How about the meteor shower? Could something change your mind about that?" Lily asked, watching as James' head tilted curiously to the side before he turned around to ask what she meant. She had a wondrous five second moment of joy as his eyes widened and his mouth popped open in shock; the joy was replaced almost instantly by a rush of shyness, a bit of embarrassment, and monumental amount of lust as James eyes moved over her.

James gripped the tumbler of firewhiskey tightly in his hand, afraid it was going to slip out of his grasp as he turned around to see Lily leaning seductively against the divider wall wearing red lingerie; very skimpy and lacy red lingerie. It was two pieces, the bottom was ruffled and hugged the curve of her hips closely and she had on stockings. She hadn't put on any additional make up, but her hair was fluffy and tousled around her shoulders. She looked like she had walked out of a magazine…

"Could something change your mind about that?" asked Lily again, her voice quivering lightly. "I wondered… I thought maybe we could just stay in… and… watch for a different type of shooting star…"

James tipped his head, still speechless from the fact that Lily – sweet, beautiful, and still quite shy about her sexuality Lily – was standing unashamedly in the sitting room of a rented beach house looking like she had walked off the cover of _Erotic Enchantments_. James grinned, a small laugh escaping from his throat.

Lily bit her lip; usually James would have done something by now… but he hadn't… maybe it was because she said that stupid, cheesy comment she'd thought of earlier. "That was really cheesy… it was _awful_, wasn't it? '_Different kind of shooting stars_,'" she muttered, trying desperately not to twist her fingers as embarrassment overcame lust.

"It was a little cheesy," he admitted, moving slowly toward her and biting his own lip.

"Are you laughing?"

"Only 'cause I'm surprised," said James, chuckling as Lily's expression turned to horror. "I like red."

"You're laughing at me," she said, finally relenting to the pressure and twisting her fingers nervously in front of her.

"No, no, no…" James assured her, taking her hands and pulling her close, closing his eyes at the sensation of her warm body against his. He tugged at the ruffled fabric on her hips sliding his hands over her back and inhaling deeply, to try and calm his random giggles. "This is the least funny thing I've ever had happen to me."

"Then why are you laughing?"

James chuckled again, unsure of why he couldn't control it. "I'm not laughing at you… I think I'm just amused because this is … _literally_… I probably fantasized you in this at one point or another and it just doesn't seem real that you are actually in front of me, wearing - God, you look like you walked out of some dirty magazine I had under my bed," he said, letting out a mixture of a moan and a laugh as he held her close and moved his hands over her hips.

"You had dirty magazines under your bed?" she asked curiously. Half of her felt intrigued, another part wanted to tease him, but as James kissed her, Lily felt nothing but shivers run through her body, replacing the shyness with desire as she curved her body against him.

She felt her fingers greedily pulling off James' t-shirt and trousers, while his hands seemed to be able to do nothing but caress her bare skin and trace the edges of the straps that held her stockings to her knickers. She pulled him backwards, towards their bedroom, giggling as he tripped over his trainers before righting himself and instantly kissing her again. His hands began to try and unfasten her bra, but he let out a minor groan of frustration.

"Can I make a confession?"

"What?" asked Lily breathlessly, kissing his neck as she pushed his boxers from his hips.

"I _hate_ these things," he explained, pulling at the straps of her bra. "I hate them. I can never see the clasps right and they're tricky…"

Lily giggled, the sound sent shivers through James body. She turned around, taking his fingers and showing him exactly how to unclasp the fabric. "See, not so tough," she murmured, groaning as he pulled her close and began to kiss her neck. His hands moved lower along her back, tugging at her knickers but leaving her stockings in place.

"I like those," he whispered, moaning as she arched her hips kittenishly into him.

"You've mentioned that before," replied Lily, allowing James to curve his body around hers as he pulled her onto the bed. He knelt, positioning her so she was seated backwards on his lap. He pushed her hair to the side, his lips kissing the back of her neck and shoulders as his hands slid over her breasts and down her stomach before moving between her legs.

"You're sneaky," she teased. "That was pretty smooth move."

"It wasn't a move," James replied, kissing her neck and earlobes.

"Oh, so I can lay down on my back now?"

"Your hair will get messy…"

Lily smiled. "Oh, yeah… that's right," she whispered, arching into him seductively as she leaned forward onto the bed. James followed, seemingly unable to stop touching her.

His voice was low and soothing in her ear as their bodies connected; he pulled her hips snugly against his, curving himself around her as she pushed her hips into him. Lily buried her face in the pillow, groaning loudly at the sensation of James' body against hers. He moved quicker than usual, steady and forceful with his thrusts. She felt his fingers digging into her hips, his lips pressing against her shoulders, and the quick pace of his breath against her skin… it was stimulation on top of stimulation on top of more stimulation…

Lily moaned, biting her lip and feeling her desire reach a peak inside her. "James," she moaned, pushing back into him and shuddering at the sound of his responding groan. He pulled her closer, leaning back on his knees and pulling her with him, his chest flush against her back as he gripped her hips firmly and moved with her slow undulations.

"I take it you prefer my way of competing?" asked Lily, groaning as James slid his hands up her thighs and in between her legs, his thrusts shallow as he moved against her.

"There's no competition," he moaned. "None… I've always been yours."

"I know," she whispered, closing her eyes and seeing the edge of the precipice in front of her.

"I love you, Lily."

"James," she whispered, rocking against him. "I love you… please… _please_," she whined, arching into him, her head falling back and resting on his shoulder.

"Please?" asked James curiously, adjusting their position so she was kneeling in front of him. He lowered his body over top of hers, listening to the pace of her breathing and feeling her desperate movements underneath him.

"Please… please… " she begged, desperate for release. "You said you fantasized about me?"

"Yeah," James replied, closing his eyes and holding her tightly as a rush of pleasure raced through him.

"Show me what you fantasized about," she said, feeling his lips on her ears again. "Please…"

James granted her request, leaning back on his knees and driving himself into her, his hands holding her steady as he thrust harder. Lily groaned loudly, the sound put him over the edge. James cried out, his body shuddering in response to the stimulation all around him and over the boldness of her request. There were so many things he wanted to show her, so many things he had imagined… and he felt her shyness fading away as she lost control herself, her voice calling his name and begging for him not to stop.

Lily felt him stiffen at the same time she buried her face into the pillow, her fingers gripping the duvet tightly as she called out his name over and over again. She relaxed down, letting her weight rest against the security of the mattress underneath her. She felt James rest against her, pulling her gently onto her side. He pulled off her stockings one at a time before pulling the duvet around them and kissing her neck gently. Lily felt relaxed, pleased, and a little nervous as she waited for James' reactions to her pleas for him to become mor aggressive with her.

"Are you back to feeling shy now?" James whispered, his eyelids heavy with pleasure.

"No… I … all right, a little bit," she admitted.

James chuckled, the sound was warm and relaxed. He maneuvered himself around so they were facing each other, and he kissed her softly before looking directly into her eyes. "I love you," he whispered, laughing lightly. "I worry that someday you will get tired of me stealing crepes from you and constantly telling you how beautiful you are and that I love you… but I can't stop myself from saying it."

Lily grinned. "I couldn't ever get tired of hearing that."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Can you promise me something else?" he asked a little sheepishly.

"Of course," said Lily, snuggling closer and lacing her fingers into his hair.

James bit his lip, taking a deep breath and giving her a very serious look. "Promise me… that … you… I really, really, liked that," he said.

"It does feel nice," she agreed, kissing him and gazing curiously into his eyes, waiting for him to specify exactly what he meant.

"Yeah… and I liked when you asked me to … "

"To what?"

"To be that way, to not be so reserved with you," he admitted, biting his lip as she kissed his jaw line.

"You don't need to be reserved with me," she said quietly. "I like your exuberance."

"Promise?"

Lily giggled and blushed slightly. "I promise," she said, kissing him softly and snuggling into his chest.

The next morning, Lily woke before James and simply lay next to him watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. She still felt sleepy, but found that no matter how long she laid next to him, nor what position she curled herself into, her body was awake and there was nothing else to do but rise and start the day.

She walked into the dining room, wrapping her dressing gown around her instead of putting on clothes. She had just started to make some tea and was waiting for her toast to pop up when there was a thud against the door. Curious, she wandered toward it and peered outside, seeing no one there but noticing that another paper had been dropped off.

The paper.

Lily chuckled as she picked it up and walked back inside, looking curiously at the stack of unread papers they had collected during the last month. Life was still going on, she thought. It seemed impossible, wrapped up in the tiny cocoon of happiness that she and James had created, but it was still happening. The toast popped up, and after she buttered it and filled her tea cup, she sat down at the dining room table and glanced through the stack, only reading the headlines.

"_15 dead in London after mysterious explosion rocks Parliament."_

"_Family of four killed in Swansea; cause unknown."_

"_Over twenty students of boarding schools have gone missing since March."_

"_Unseasonably cold temperatures keep all tourists from travel."_

"_Strange fog covers landscape; Residents concerned about pollution."_

"_Cities report mass treatment for depression. Are cases of mental illness on the rise_?"

"What are you reading?" asked James from behind Lily, causing her to jump and drop her toast on the table. "Sorry… I always do that to you don't I?"

"No, you're fine… I didn't hear you get up," she said. "I was just… I was looking through the papers just… well 'cause they were there…"

"Anything interesting?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.

"Um… I'm not sure," she murmured, not wanting to bring down his cheerful mood with the few headlines she had read.

"Do you want to go swimming?" he asked, sitting down next to her and angling her chair to face his. "It looks very warm."

Lily smiled, watching his cheerful eyes… so carefree and unconcerned with anything outside of their little bubble. "Yeah," she said, grinning as his infectious mood moved into her. "Yeah, let's go swimming."

They spent the morning swimming, came in around eleven for something to eat, sat by the cove for a few hours examining the strange animals in the tide pools and the various creatures they had seen in the ocean, went to Quiberon to search out an Italian restaurant they had heard about from a radio advertisement, and then finally came home. James was showering off the day's activities, letting the water run down his face and thinking about how Lily had been happy and laughing, but a little quieter than normal. When he finished showering, he dressed and put on his trainers, unsurprised to find her sitting on the beach watching the sun set.

She had his cloak wrapped around her shoulders; as the sun set, it had begun to cool down and the breeze from the ocean added to the slight chill. James sat next to her, maneuvering himself under the cloak and smiling when she leaned against his shoulder. They were quiet, simply watching the water absorb the light of the sun.

"The headlines were scary," she said as twilight began to move over the beach.

"Sometimes they are."

Lily sighed. "We have to go back… don't we?"

James shrugged. "Not yet if we don't want to…"

"I know that," she said, turning to look at him. "But … we can't stay here forever; we can't stay here and just… eat Italian food and fish and… make love to each other until we're ready to have little babies running all over the beach."

"We could," said James hopefully.

Lily shook her head. "No… we can't."

James sighed. "You're right… but it's nice to think about isn't it?"

Lily nodded. "I'd get sick of seafood," she admitted.

James laughed. "I'm right there with you. And to be honest, I'd miss all the room we have in our flat."

"A cat would tear this place apart," she agreed.

"So would babies…"

Lily sighed. "James, how… honestly, _please_ be honest with me," she said, turning to face him and intertwining their fingers. "How _do_ you feel about that?"

"I want kids," he assured her. "Definitely."

Lily quirked her eyebrow. "So, if I were to tell you tomorrow that I was pregnant, you wouldn't freak out or panic?"

"No," said James.

"James…"

"I wouldn't _panic_… I would be scared, but I wouldn't panic," he explained.

"Why scared?"

"For all the reasons we've talked about: the war being the main one." He ruffled his hair with his free hand and sighed heavily. "You saw that headline about the family in Swansea…"

"Yes."

"It scares me enough to… to think of something happening to you," James mumbled, feeling sheepish for admitting his fears yet again. "But to think of something happening to you and to … to a child? My child? It's the stuff of my nightmares."

Lily nodded. "Mine as well."

"I don't want to- I would never say no if you told me you wanted to have a baby, because I _do_ want to have kids… but… just not-"

"No, I agree," said Lily, squeezing his hand. "Not anytime soon… there's too much going on and-"

"And I want to be there," he admitted, sitting up a little taller. "I love being with you, and I want to be there with our kids… but now, I just want you… and I want to be involved in this. I _want_ to fight. If I didn't loathe the thought of working for the Ministry I'd be applying for a job with the Auror Office; but the Order is going to allow me to do more good than they ever would. I want to fight Lily, I need to be there."

Lily smiled, nodding in agreement. "I'm with you," she said. "I want to fight as well."

James squeezed her hand. "Then let's do that… let's fight. Let's get this ridiculous war over with and put that bastard where he belongs."

"I'm for it."

"And then we can have a big house and eight cats and fifteen children if you want," James grinned, watching Lily shake her head.

"Um… lets go for _two_ cats and maybe… _four_ kids," she said with a nervous laugh.

"And in the meantime, we'll practice so we can make them properly," added James.

"The cats?" asked Lily, laughing as James gave her a quizzical look.

"I didn't realize we'd be having kittens… are you an animagus? " he asked with a chuckle.

Lily laughed. "No… and I'd be a doe probably if I was."

"That'd be interesting to find out."

"Let's not and say we did," she smiled, watching his mischievous eyes. "The process can go horribly wrong so I've read…"

"I was only fourteen," he shrugged. "I turned out all right."

"I'm not sure about that," she teased. "You are exceptionally talented, James… there's probably not a lot of people who could do what you three did." she noted.

James grinned. "You know… my _ego_ isn't the only thing that enjoys being stroked…"

Lily laughed, and then sighed heavily. "We have to go back; we have to start fighting…"

James nodded, pulling her into his arms as they stared out at the ocean. The light was dimming but the sound of the waves against the shore was soothing and peaceful. They were the only two people on the beach… they felt like the only two people in the world…

"Yeah… we have to start fighting," he murmured sadly as the light of the half-moon began to wash over them.

"Can we start next week?" asked Lily, looking up at James before turning back to the ocean.

James followed her gaze, leaning forward and kissing her cheek. "We can start next week."

They slept peacefully that night, curled into each other's arms and soothed by the sound of the other breathing. In the morning, Lily stayed in bed next to James, simply watching him sleep. And when he woke, there were no words between them as he pulled her close and kissed her neck softly. She groaned quietly as he moved closer, her legs wrapping around his waist tightly to keep him against her. They stayed connected for forty-five minutes, never tiring, never having any desire than to be with each other.

"Nggghhhaaaa," moaned James dramatically as Lily kissed his neck. "I need food… I need water…"

"I'm not stopping you," she laughed, kissing his neck again.

"Yes you are," he protested. "You're naked and next to me."

"How does me being naked stop you from getting food and water if you need it?"

"It's distracting… you need attention, you need love from me," he whispered into her ear.

"If you don't eat or drink something, you might perish… and then who would I get love from?" she asked with a pout.

"Ahh… you have a point," he said, rolling over and hopping out of bed. He stretched tall ruffling his hair. "Do you want anything?" he asked, turning around to look at her. "Lils? Lily… what are you looking at?" he asked, following her shocked gaze.

"It's … it's Dumbledore," she murmured, hopping out of bed and moving beside him.

"What?" asked James, straining to see what she was staring at out on the deck. He reached for his glasses, but she had moved outside onto the deck and grabbed the single brilliant orange feather and note that was attached to it. "Dumbledore?"

Lily nodded, frowning slightly as she handed him the note. James ruffled his hair, reading over the loopy hand writing before letting out a heavy sigh.

"_The Death Eaters are mobilizing; we need you back as soon as possible_."

James frowned and looked up at Lily, who was running her fingers through her hair. She gazed up at him, full of confidence, courage… and a trace of sadness. "Looks like we go today."

* * *

_A/N : My apologies for the delay in updates. I've returned to school full time and the added course load has paused my writing a bit. BUT - I will still be updating, more regularly now that I have things a bit more organized so again, my apologies, and please stay tuned! your feedback means so much to me._


	40. Pendulum

_A/N: Accept my apologies, I hope I didn't lose you... I got a new computer, which delayed some writing so please forgive me. AND is having WICKED errors... but I found a work around so... without further ado... an insanely long chapter that I hope you will enjoy._

* * *

Pendulum

* * *

A roaring, enthusiastic, mechanical sound filled the ears of James and Lily Potter as they ascended the stairs to their flat. Lily looked curiously over her shoulder and then back to James, who was smirking and laughing silently as he undid the locking charm on their flat with a flick of his wand.

"That'll be Sirius," he explained while grabbing the heavy trunk from Lily's hands and allowing her to step past him. She gave him a bemused glance as she walked past their kitchen table and looked out the window.

"His motorcycle?" she asked curiously, smiling as Sirius pulled up in front of the flat. His hair was shorter than it had been at their wedding, and he was wearing a leather jacket over his t-shirt that made him look devilishly handsome. He looked happy, healthy, and completely back to normal. "Who watched it for him all last year? I thought you crashed it," Lily said, turning back to James.

"Sirius went back a few days later and fixed it up," he explained, grinning broadly as he opened the door for Sirius. "I think Rosmerta's been keeping it for him."

There was a shout of joy and Sirius embraced James, clapping him hard on the back and ruffling his hair before turning to Lily. "_He-llo_ Lily _Potter_," he said, winking mischievously at her before pulling her into a hug.

"_He-llo_ Sirius Black," she laughed, ruffling his hair and smiling happily. "You look like a rogue; a well-dressed, clean cut… you look an absolute scoundrel, Sirius."

Sirius grinned. "That's what I was going for," he explained, playfully tugging on the end of Lily's plait. "So, what're the plans? When do we head for Hogwarts?" he asked.

Lily shrugged and looked at James for a response. "We… erm… well, we just got back, _literally_," said James, ruffling his hair. "We only came back because Dumbledore sent us a note."

Sirius sniggered and sat down in a chair. "You've been in France for a _month_… weren't you bored? Or were you keeping each other well '_entertained_?'" he asked, wagging his eyebrows mischievously at Lily.

A bright flash in the middle of the room caught their attention as a brilliant red feather floated softly to the ground. Lily moved forward to pick up a note, moving her mouth silently as she read it. James exhaled and Sirius chuckled as he plucked the feather from Lily's hand.

"How does he _do_ that? I put an apparition jinx on the building; I didn't think anyone would be able to get in," Sirius mused, examining the feather curiously.

"It's Dumbledore," said Lily. "He can do anything. Besides that, it's not _really_ Apparition that happened. It's like being sent an owl only… it's a _phoenix_… so there again, _they_ can probably do anything," she shrugged, handing James the note. "We're supposed to be there at six."

James nodded, grabbing the trunk and pulling it down the hall. "Good, I'm starving… we have time to eat something then," he said. Sirius laughed and stared up expectantly at Lily, who scoffed and stared right back.

"If you think I'm just going to hop in the kitchen and whip something up-"

"I wasn't thinking that," James replied curiously as he walked back into the room. "I was thinking take-away."

"I wasn't," Sirius explained, grinning at Lily's challenging expression. "I really liked your quiche, Lils… you could- ow! _Hey_!"

"I will make you quiche when I'm not so tired," she laughed after swatting him lightly over the head and sitting down in a chair. James sniggered and headed into the kitchen. "I was only teasing, you know," Lily said over her shoulder, watching him walk back into the dining room with a list of take-away restaraunts. "If you _really_ want me to make something I –"

"No," smiled James as he sat down. "We're both tired, and I don't expect you to cook all the time," he said, kissing her hand that had moved to his shoulder. "Besides, we don't have any groceries."

"Groceries or not, Lily should be in the kitchen… barefoot and pregnant," added Sirius, sniggering as Lily and James both scowled at him. "So, _why_ are you two so tired? All you've been doing is sleeping late and playing on the beach, right? It's not as though you've been shagging each other in strange positions until all hours of the night," he teased.

Lily made a face and was about to reply, but James gave Sirius a wicked smirk and laughed once. "Don't give me any ideas, Padfoot; I don't _have_ to invite you to eat with us," he explained, listening to Lily and Sirius laugh.

When the take-away sandwiches arrived, the three of them ate while conversing lightly about the various events that had taken place while James and Lily had been away. The topics were lighthearted at first, but as much else in the world, eventually they took a darker turn.

"We heard about all the missing children," Lily said, biting her lip and drumming her fingers on the table. "Has anyone-"

"No one has said a thing," Sirius said, frowning slightly. "To be honest, I don't think they want to talk about it. The Ministry has been scrambling to cover up the fact that all those missing teenagers… they were all muggle-born. Moody is furious, he said something the other week about Baddlebrock not being able to admit that Voldemort is behind the disappearances, let alone face the families of those kids and say 'oops, sorry… forgot to mention that in addition to your son being a wizard, he's hated and discriminated against by most of our laws and half our society.'"

"Baddlebrock is a coward," James grumbled. "He's been a coward from the moment he got in office. Dumbledore wouldn't ever have let Voldemort get this much hold; he'd have gotten rid of all those stupid laws requiring blood-status checks as a condition to be on the Wizengamot and all the other pro-pure-blood regulations."

Sirius nodded, leaning back in his chair and sighing heavily. "Longbottom told me the Ministry is debating on not contacting the Muggle-born kids until this-"

"That's not the answer," said Lily. "That would only reinforce the belief that we don't belong here."

"Oh, Longbottom agrees; as does everyone else," Sirius reassured her. "But with the Statute and us being unable to explain the disappearances to these parents… it's tough."

Lily nodded, but frowned sadly as she stared out the window and allowed James to rub her back. She sat in silence as he and Sirius discussed various ways to handle the ongoing war, hoping to encourage each other to keep faith. But by five-thirty, the three of them were exhausted from their debate and slightly nervous about what the Order meeting would consist of.

James, Lily, and Sirius Apparated to Hogsmeade and happened to run into Remus, who had just returned from dropping off Sam at her University in France. He was very cheerful and talkative as they walked the familiar path to Hogwarts together, much to Lily's amusement. As they reached Dumbledore's office, James ruffled his hair and sighed heavily as he gazed around the castle and mentally reminisced about their mischievous school days.

"What's Wormtail been up to?" asked James, curiously wondering why he hadn't heard from the fourth member of the Marauders yet.

"He's found a job, a _real_ one… the one he mentioned before didn't actually exist, you see," Sirius explained. "Don't know why he felt the need to lie about not having one, but… anyway, he's working for Tom at the Leaky Cauldron, bartending… free drinks for us," he laughed.

"D'you know if he's coming tonight?" asked Remus.

Sirius shook his head and scratched at the stubble on his chin. "I stopped in there earlier today after picking up my bike, he didn't know if he was going to make it off. I said we'd update him when we knew what was happening."

James nodded. "If he misses we'll stop in there before full moon; make sure he can come out with us," he said, watching as the door to Dumbledore's office opened and Fabian Prewett emerged, looking friendly as he examined their wands to double check their identities. When finished, he nodded and went back to a conversation he was holding with several other members.

Dumbledore acknowledged the four of them with a grin before continuing his conversation with an older gentleman. Surprising his friends, Peter bounded over and clapped James on the shoulder, trying and failing to appear nonchalant about him being home and getting back to their "routine." Lily smiled at his pleasant, but brief, hello to her, sensing his dissatisfaction with the "real world" in the desperate way he clung to James and Sirius as though they were all he had. She didn't say anything, but she knew James felt it too when he gave her a significant look a moment later.

"You two are so close now you can communicate through looks," noted Sirius very quietly to Lily as James conversed with Peter.

Lily laughed, but quieted when Dumbledore cleared his throat, silencing the room with only a small smile. Everyone took their seats and looked expectantly at him, patiently listening as he introduced the various members present at the meeting tonight.

Edgar Bones was seated furthest away from where Lily and James were sitting, though she recognized him as having been sworn into the Order the same night as she and James had been. Benjy Fenwick was a young, scrappy looking man who smiled eagerly as he was introduced. Fabian and Gideon Prewett Lily knew, she smirked as they both nodded and flashed identical grins. A middle aged man named Deadalus Diggle seemed extremely excited to be a part of the group as he was introduced, and next was Elphias Doge, whom Dumbledore seemed very fond of. Mundungus Fletcher was announced, he raised only his hand when Dumbledore called his name; and Hagrid was there of course, taking up half the room with not only his enormity but his genuine gentle smile and his eagerness to help out.

Alastor Moody, Alice and Frank Longbottom, and Marlene McKinnon were introduced with their fellow Aurors Marcus Penfold, Arthur Lightheart, and Edmund Nolan. Next was Dorcas Meadowes, whom Lily had met last time she had been at Hogwarts, Hestia Jones, a middle aged witch with curly hair, and Emmeline Vance, who looked as though she belonged on a runway instead of in a war. Sturgis Podmore, a stout wizard with thick blonde hair, was sitting next to McGonagall. And finally, Lily's eyes fell on a few familiar faces including Max Linghold (who quickly shook James' hand and gave Lily a wink), Court Huffton, who had been Head Boy when Lily was a prefect, and Ceradoc Dearborn, who had left Hogwarts the same year as Frank Longbottom. It was a large group than Lily had expected, and the size made her feel more comfortable with what they were about to take on.

After introductions, Dumbledore sat on the edge of his desk with a great heaving sigh. "Why we are here, you all know," he began in his soothing, steady voice. "Each and every one of you has made the conscious decision to take a stand against the growing threat of violence, abhorrence, and murder posed by Voldemort and his Death Eaters. With that choice out of the way, now we must decide how to act; how to best combat Voldemort and his followers to restore our world to one of peace, and decrease the hatred and intolerance that has been spread throughout our Ministry, and throughout our citizenship.

"Our initial plans are simple: build up supplies… extra wands, invisibility cloaks, various potions that will be both necessary and useful. Continue to develop our skills: protection and defensive charms, offensive jinxes, transfiguration methods, cloaking and tracking skills… anything that will help us battle the powerful magic that is being practiced by those we fight against. These types of activities will be constant, and we all must do our share, therefore I will be assign tasks to all of you which will include gathering these items and supplying the remainder of the group. But in addition to these seemingly mundane, albeit important, tasks… we will also be taking action," he explained.

"As you know, the elections for a new Minister for Magic will take place next year in May. Whomever is elected will take the position the following January. It is my belief, based on several sources I have consulted with, that Voldemort is gearing up to try and tear down the Ministry during this time of political power transference. With the public divided amongst candidates, and the Death Eaters positioned inside the Minsitry, this will be an ideal time for him to attempt to seize power. If he should seize control, even if acting through one of his Death Eaters, the results would be… catastrophic, as I'm sure you are aware.

"To prevent this," Dumbledore continued, as he began to pace in front of his desk, "we must find out not only their plans, but how their strategies for carrying them out. Right now we have only suspicion and theories. We need facts, knowledge, and ideas. Foremost, we need to get inside their organization, if only for a moment, to find out exactly how many they have working for them, what they wish to accomplish, and how deep their reach inside the Ministry extends."

Dumbledore turned his face back to the group, his hands clasped behind his back as he looked each person in the eye. "Those of you with positions inside the Ministry… though this would likely seem to be the best starting point, we don't want to risk you losing those positions, or making the Death Eaters aware of our actions. Therefore at this point I'm not going to be asking you to do the investigating. Keep your eyes and ears open, of course, and report to us what you are seeing. We will go off your leads, but the investigations themselves I'm going to ask the rest of you to take on. Alastor, you and your team will for now be taking our reports and findings in addition to your own duties.

"If you work outside of the Ministry, please meet and talk amongst yourselves and come up with any ideas of how this task can be accomplished. I will be speaking to several of you personally with additional tasks, and then we will reconvene and see where our actions can take us."

Low chatter began to break out through the crowd. James sat up taller and looked over at Sirius, whose eyes were alight with the same energy he'd seen when they were planning pranks of some sort. He seemed to be funneling it, channeling that energy to put into a new purpose. Remus looked determined, strong and steady in his plans; Peter looked nervous as he gazed at James for ideas.

"Lily Potter," said Dumbledore with a smile. "Are you used to your new surname yet?"

Lily grinned and blushed brightly as James squeezed her fingers. "It sounds lovely, but I'm still getting used to it."

Dumbledore chuckled lightly and gave her a nod. "It will become more familiar the more you hear it. For now, if I could borrow you for a moment, I have a few specific tasks for you," he explained.

"Yes, of course," said Lily, getting up and following Dumbledore to his desk. James noticed that she seemed relaxed, but there was also an intensity and nervousness in her eyes that he knew all too well. He knew she was thinking about the immense task ahead of them; thinking of how they would rid the world of so much hatred. She was planning, strategizing, and worrying about everyone in the room.

"Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew" a voice chuckled. James looked up to see Ceradoc Dearborn and another man standing over him and his friends, an enthused look on his face. "I figured you four would be involved in this. You should be able to pull plans out of your prank book, right?"

The four of them laughed at Ceradoc's comment, standing up and re-meeting their former housemate. "I'm awful at remembering names," Sirius said as he looked at the second man who had come over with Ceradoc.

"No worries," the man said. "Benjy Fenwick. I was out a few years before you all started."

The six of them conversed lightly for a few moments, discussing different tactics and ways to infiltrate the Death Eater's. "Being pure-blood does give us an advantage, though not much of one if you've already turned them down," Ceradoc mused.

"You haven't?" asked James curiously.

He shrugged. "Never came 'round and asked. Obviously, I would have said no, but the fact that they've never approached makes me think I could get inside easily."

"That's an idea, plus if they're still looking for Half-bloods, Remus you could go," Sirius added.

Remus nodded. "I could, but I know Dumbledore mentioned me doing other research."

"What about you, eh?" Benjy asked Peter. "The three of us could take that offense."

"Erm… I think I'd be too easily spotted," said Peter. "I hung round those three all through school… they know I'm not interested in what they offer."

Benjy nodded as Ceradoc added that he'd been out of the country since leaving Hogwarts, and he may be able to fake interest in what the Death Eaters were aiming for since he had no ties to either side.

"My parents are now in Germany, so they aren't affiliated with anything any longer, perhaps they'll let me in," he offered.

James and Sirius nodded in agreement with that option as Dumbledore called everyone back together. After a brief round of discussion, it was decided that James, Sirius, Ceradoc, and Benjy would work on tracking suspected Death Eaters' activities, confirming if they could be potential leads, or were merely supporting the actions, but not involved in them. Dumbledore had called Remus up front, and privately talked with him about finding other werewolves and seeing if Voldemort had approached any of them as allies. Peter's job at the Leaky Cauldron enabled him to monitor any frequent visitors to the bar as well as to Diagon Alley; he would be relaying information to James, Sirius and the others for possible leads.

Moody and the Aurors were going to continue as usual and keep the Order informed of any new information from the Ministry, as well as suspected activities within it. All reports from the groups' activities regarding the Death Eaters would be sent through the Auror team to Dumbledore to try and keep the Order out of Voldemort's sights.

Dorcas, Lily, and Sturgis were assigned to supply the group with various potions and healing draughts that would be useful during battle and on missions. The Prewett twins were designated as the heads of both James' group and another involving Mundugus Fletcher, Deadalus Diggle, and Edgar Bones doing separate scouting missions. They'd also join in on assignments as needed and continue a few investigations Dumbledore had charged them with.

"This, of course, will all begin after several of you have gone through some additional training with us," Moody explained, looking mainly at the younger members of the group, but a few older ones as well. "You'll need to learn tracking and concealment spells, protective enchantments… and since the Death Eaters are fond of the Unforgivable's we'll be discussing how to combat those as well."

Dumbledore agreed, and expressed that he would assist in the training with possible, but encouraged everyone to communicate with him often. "You can communicate with each other through owls, or a Patronus messages if you have questions or need assistance. Use one another for support and encouragement. We are not only in this for the world at large, we are in this for each other. Look out for one another as much as possible, and until we meet again, keep your heads held high… we _will_ stop this evil and our world will be at peace."

After the meeting, Lily went with Emmeline and Sturgis to visit Slughorn and gather supplies while James stayed and talked with a few of the Order members. Numerous people asked how his parents were, remembering them fondly from their days in the Auror office, and all of them congratulated him on his and Lily's recent nuptials.

"Prongs, I think _we_ ought to get married, if only for the recognition and the gifts," teased Sirius as they walked down the steps toward the corridor outside of Slughorn's classroom.

James mocked his love-sick expression while Remus and Peter laughed hysterically. "Padfoot, the day I marry _you_ will be the day Lily agrees to keep an acromantula as a pet."

"We've only been married a month and you're _already_ having an affair?" asked Lily in an affronted voice as she stepped out of Slughorn's office.

"He was mine first," Sirius teased.

"That just sounds all kinds of wrong," laughed Lily in response. "Are we ready?"

"We're ready," said James, holding out his hand. Lily took it, smiling and sneaking under his arm as they walked. She was longing to get home and simply relax in James' arms, but she wondered if perhaps his friends would want to visit with him.

The Hog's Head was quiet as usual, but the dim light from the windows allowed just enough light as James stood with his arm around Lily and talked with his friends. They talked missions for a bit, other activities, and then James began longing to return home as Peter began to pine for a night out.

"It's full moon in-"

"Pete, I _know_," said James, trying to be patient. "We're planning on going out for a bit, but… I mean… I can't stay out _all_ night-"

"James," laughed Lily quietly. "I'll manage if you want to do the whole camping thing."

Remus shuddered. "_I_ don't want to do the camping thing. It's getting cold out already."

"It has been colder than normal, so I'm not too excited about camping either," Sirius mused. "But _you_, unfortunately, have to stay in your form all night."

"Right, but I can go out for a few hours then sneak home… I don't really want to be out in the wind and fog if I don't have too," Remus shrugged. He shook his head and looked at James and then the sky. "The weather has been bloody weird since you two have been gone. Loads of fog, cold temperatures… set some sort of record in London I think."

"It's the Dementors," Peter muttered quietly, staring off into the distance.

"Come again?" asked James, feeling Lily shudder beside him.

"The Dementors," Peter explained. "Some bloke from the Ministry was in the other day, talking about Azkaban having trouble controlling their breeding. All the misery that's been going around… that excites them apparently."

"What was his name?" asked Remus, biting his lip as he glanced at Peter.

Peter shrugged. "He's some Junior Undersecretary person… Fruit… candy… no, Fudge. His name was Fudge; seemed like a bit of a prat, really."

Sirius chuckled, but James sighed and pursed his lips. "Might have to pay attention to this… that _is_ what happens when Dementors breed," he muttered, gesturing toward the fog. "And if they breed, there are more of them to control… or to let get out of control."

Remus and Sirius nodded, Peter bit his lip and gave them anxious glances, but it was Lily that broke the quiet that followed James' observation.

"I'd rather like to go home now, please," she whispered. "James, if you want to stay and talk, that's-"

"No," he said firmly, taking her bag full of potions ingredients out of her hands and slinging it over his shoulder. "No, let's go home."

They bid farewell to their friends, and then disappeared on the spot. Once inside, James pulled Lily into a tight hug, inhaling deeply against her neck as she squeezed him back. They changed clothes, curled up against each other, and were asleep as soon as the light from James' wand went out.

The next week their training began, and though James expected Lily to be a little unnerved by all the physical activity involved, she kept up with him incredibly well.

"This reminds me of training for Quidditch," he explained as they finished another set of laps around a park.

Lily gave him a curious look as she drank from a bottle of water. "What on Earth does _running_ have to do with flying a broom?"

"You'd be surprised how much endurance it takes," he shrugged.

"Ah," she said, smiling wickedly. "That's where you get it from then, eh?"

James choked on his water, sputtering and then laughing as she grinned wickedly at him. "Later we can test the limits of my endurance," he teased, but then became serious when Gideon came over and pulled them into another round of defensive technique practice.

They didn't spend a lot of time discussing transfiguration or potions requirements; with their N.E.W.T. grades, Moody felt it was unnecessary to teach them things they'd already learned. But there were complex defensive jinxes and large scale spells that they worked on extensively. It went beyond tripping jinxes, stunning spells, and body-bind curses; Moody taught them the same spells the Death Eaters were using simply to have on hand and to know what they were up against.

"_Imprecari_ is not an unforgivable, but it's just as dangerous. The best thing you can do if you see the signature purple flames is to get out of the way, or block it using the sentinel charm," he explained.

"Crouch is still allowing the Aurors to use Unforgivables?" asked Lily quietly.

"Yeah… but most of us don't. The Imperius Curse _is_ handy if we're bringing someone in… but the others, no, we don't use them," Moody explained, shaking his head and muttering something about Crouch's lust for power.

For the next fortnight, their days were filled with war chatter, what was being done by the Ministry to fight against the threat, and being lectured on how important it was to keep their missions secret from anyone who wasn't involved. All this was in addition to injuries from jinxes not blocked, shattered magical shields, and exhaustion from mock fighting; but there were new bonds of friendship and support being formed every day. It was exciting, mentally challenging, and physically exhausting. Lily and James found that as soon as they arrived home, they were often too tired to eat and simply went to bed.

By Halloween, Moody was satisfied with their training and skills, and granted permission for them to start on their various missions. Though when James contacted Fabian, they hadn't come up with a solid plan or a lead to track, and Fabian explained that he'd contact James as soon as they had something. This allowed for a few days of relaxation, and a few days when James could simply spend time with Lily and "investigate" her as he put it one afternoon.

"You're skinny," said James, gently running his hands over her hip bones, waist and ribs, a concerned look on his face. "You're losing weight… you've _lost_ weight."

Lily shrugged. "It's just from all the activity," she tried to reassure him. "The activity _and_ I haven't been eating as well as I probably should."

"I can see your ribs," he noted, tracing them with his fingers.

"Couldn't you always?"

"Not like this," James said shaking his head. "I could see them, but now I can _see_ them."

Lily took his wandering hands and folded them into her own, easing herself onto his lap and looking sternly into his eyes. "I'm _fine_."

"You've been working really hard… making all those potions in addition to all the training we did," he continued, thinking of the late night messages from Order members to retrieve various potions she kept stockpiled.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "It's not wearing me down."

"Perhaps-"

"James," Lily said firmly, "I'm _fine_. So I've lost some weight, it's not upsetting me that much. I'm kind of glad my thighs are smaller."

"I like your thighs."

"I _want_ to do this, James. I _want_ to fight, I _want_ to be assigned to a mission and stop this insanity. I want to go with you," she said, ruffling his hair.

"You will… I don't like the idea of you going _without_ me."

"That feeling is mutual," she noted, tipping his chin up to look in her eyes.

"The missions they plan on sending me on are _a lot_ more dangerous than-"

"I can handle the danger."

"I _can't_ handle the _thought_ of you in danger."

Lily sighed. "I _am_ in danger, James. I thought we all were."

James nodded, biting his lip as he buried his face in Lily's neck and inhaled deeply. "All right, I'm worrying… I shouldn't be worrying."

"We seem to have reversed roles," Lily chuckled, ruffling James' hair. She kissed his forehead, smiling when he moved his lips along her jaw line to her ear.

"That could be interesting," James whispered, sliding his hands purposefully over her backside and down her legs. Lily smirked, she rocked herself against him and was about to kiss him when there was a knock at the door.

"Oi, Prongs," called Sirius' voice. "I got tickets for the Quidditch match between the Cannons and Puddlemere this afternoon, want to go with us?"

Lily watched James bite his lip as he nuzzled her shoulder and held her close to him. It had been months since he'd been able to do anything with his friends, and she knew between training and coming home and sleeping he was feeling twitchy and desperate to get out. "Err-"

"James, _go_," she insisted, removing herself from his lap and giving him an encouraging smile. "It's early in the afternoon, you can come home and we can do something tonight."

"Lils-"

"I don't mind. I was going to start on a different potion and I need to go shopping. It'll be fine, really," she assured him, kissing his nose.

"All right, all right," he replied. "Yeah, Sirius… just let me get ready."

"Right," Sirius laughed from the other side of the door.

Twenty minutes later, Lily watched James and Sirius take off on the his motorcycle, the engine roaring loud and boyishly as they raced off down the street. As soon as they were out of sight, Lily dressed, grabbed her wand and James' invisibility cloak, and Apparated to London. She passed undetected into the Leaky Cauldron, but then was forced to wait until someone actually went into Diagon Alley in order to follow behind them.

She headed down the streets and positioned herself in one of the secluded alleys, watching cautiously as people walked in and out of the shops, up and down the street, but not a person seemed to be doing anything suspicious or "Death Eater" like. Lily pulled the cloak off her head for a moment, ruffling her hair before replacing it and sitting down against the wall. She had been hoping to at least catch something odd to report; this way maybe she'd be assigned to do something other than sit by a cauldron all day.

"Awfully strange for a young, newly married woman to be skulking about in an alleyway," growled the familiar voice of Alastor Moody. "Might I ask exactly _what_ you are doing, Lily Potter?"

Lily exhaled slowly, pulling the cloak off of her and giving Moody a nervous glance. "You scared me half to death."

Moody grunted. "Got to keep your wits about you, lass… you never know who's watching."

"Have you been watching?"

Moody shook his head. "I took a shortcut round the other street and happened to see you for a second when you adjusted that cloak. In broad daylight, I ask again, what _are_ you doing?"

"I was… well I was watching for anyone that might be doing anything suspicious," she explained sheepishly. "I want to do more than just brew potions… and I was hoping to see something, _anything_, that made me curious enough to follow someone."

"Curious," Moody repeated, turning his eyes up and down the street, examining the passersby. "Hmm… you do realize what curiosity does, right Lily Potter?"

Lily made a face. "It kills kittens, sir."

Moody gave a grunt that Lily interpreted as a small laugh; he eyed her appraisingly. "You don't seem like much of a kitten."

"I'm not a kitten."

Moody nodded. "Potter… I may actually have a job for you."

"Oh?" said Lily curiously.

"You assimilate yourself easily into places; you are patient and cautious on how you approach things. You also seem to have enough free time on your hands that you are skulking about alley ways watching for anything that might draw your 'curiosity,'" Moody explained, turning back to Lily with an approving glance. "How would your spouse feel about you altering your appearance and attending a meeting where I'm sure numerous Voldemort supporters will be present?"

Lily bit her lip. "I don't think he'd like it… but I'll do it."

"You won't be alone. Vance, Meadowes, and McKinnon are going as well. Women for Wizards Well-being is what the event is called, I believe; Longbottom and Vance are pretty sure it's 'Women for Voldemort' under a less 'offensive' title."

"I see," said Lily interestedly.

"The meeting is in a few weeks; on a Saturday, ten o'clock in the morning. You'll need to alter your appearance heavily. I'd suggest transfiguration rather than Polyjuice, since it's unlikely that you'll be able to collect enough hair to change into the same person every single time; so, work on changing your appearance dramatically. You'll need to be unrecognizable – _completely_ - change everything!" Moody said sternly, pointing one of his thick fingers at Lily's hair and her eyes.

"Got it," said Lily, nodding and smirking a little.

"Right, I'll tell Vance to send you an owl with more details. You'd best get home, unless you'd rather spend your evening skulking about. I reckon Potter would rather you be home," Moody said, pulling his cloak around his shoulders.

Lily laughed as she got to her feet. "I _am_ Potter."

"The _male_ Potter," Moody growled, grunting a small laugh. "Smartarse… you certainly aren't a kitten, are you?"

Lily shook her head, waving good-bye to Moody as he stalked down the alley and disappeared on the spot.

As Lily headed home, the Marauders headed into a pub outside the Quidditch Pitch in Dorset. The match had been exciting and lasted well beyond the time expected, and James was slightly nervous as he sat down at the table and ruffled his hair. "I should go-"

"Relax, mate," Sirius said, handing him a drink. "I think Lily knew you needed to get out; she'll be all right with it. Besides, you were probably driving her mad."

Remus laughed and choked a little on his mead. "How does she feel about your '_housekeeping'_ abilities?" he asked, grinning as Peter and Sirius laughed hysterically.

"_She_ doesn't have room to talk," sniggered James. "She's admitted flat out that she'd be a right slob if it weren't for the fact that she can flick her wand and gather up clothes, dishes and the like."

"Hmmm… I may have to tease her then; when she came down to yell at me before your stag party she was appalled by the state of my flat," Sirius mused.

"Well, she's not as bad as _you_ are…" replied James, dodging the punch Sirius aimed at his side. A commotion at the door drew their attention, and the four men raised their glasses excitedly as three familiar figures walked in.

"You four!" said Gideon Prewett, striding proudly up to the table and squeezing in between Sirius and James. "What's up, mates? Were you at the match? Wicked save by Polson don't you think?"

Everyone nodded in agreement, rearranging themselves as Gideon was joined by his brother and Benjy Fenwick. The group talked about the plays, the excellent flying skills of the Cannon's chasers, and various other Quidditch talk before the discussion turned to a possible lead for their mission.

"You know who was in the seats next to us?" asked Benjy. "Lucius Malfoy and that scary looking bird of his."

"Was it really?" asked Gideon, smirking a little. "I thought she'd gone the other way. He looked like a bird himself with that long, flowing hair of his."

The table roared with laughter at the comment before the four recently graduated Hogwarts students began to reminisce about the Lucius they knew at school.

"He was always a sneaky bastard the three years we were in school with him," growled Sirius, watching Peter, James, and Remus nod. "You'd think he shit gold the way he acted."

"Isn't his bird related to you?" asked Gideon curiously. "She's a Black… at least for the next month according to the Prophet. I've never seen so many bloody wedding announcements."

"She's a cousin," Sirius shrugged, "but I haven't seen her in years. The only one in that family I ever got on with was her sister, Andromeda; and she's out as well since she married a muggle-born. I ought to write her, I think they've got a baby now..."

"So Malfoy _is_ getting hitched then… what else is he up to? We said he was a snide little bastard, has he changed?" James asked Benjy.

Benjy made a face. "He's always in and out of the Ministry, kissing the arses of all the warlocks when they have to review pure-blood regulations. He's _especially_ interested in the pro-pureblood laws, gives loads of gold whenever they come up for debate. So, no, he hasn't changed a bit."

"We ought to tail _him_," suggested Sirius. "If he's gonna get hitched up with my cousin, I'm sure he knows her sister, Bellatrix. She's right in there with the Death Eaters; her, her husband, Rodolphus or something like that… and his brother as well."

"Rodolphus Lestrange?" asked Fabian. "We know they're in there… I didn't know about the wife, but the two brothers are."

Sirius scoffed and gave Fabian a dark glance. "_She_ probably got them involved. I remember my parents raving about how she had gotten to meet Voldemort and he was tutoring her. 'Such power he must have, and Bella will be a great student,'" Sirius mimicked in a high pitched voice. "She was evil enough as a kid… I'm guessing she's only gotten worse."

"This would be an interesting idea," Gideon said thoughtfully. "We should run it by Albus. I bet Dearborn would be in for it."

"He mentioned something like that during the last meeting," said James. "If he got us an in, or got the location of when they were meeting to do … recruiting or… whatever the hell it is they get together and do, we could disguise ourselves come as well. Get an idea of how many we're up against."

"I'll run it by Moody and Dumbledore. I've got to stop up there tomorrow anyway and give my report about giant activities," Fabian said as he adjusted his watch and checked the date.

"Speaking of Dumbledore," Gideon added, "He said you'd be a good resource for brooms, Potter. Do you have-"

"I've got loads," said James with a chuckle. "I only need two and I'm sure my wife will be glad to get rid of the others that are lying in our spare room."

"I'll stop by sometime and pick them up," Gideon said with a shrug. "But for now, I'm off… too much mead and my bed is calling me."

He stood up from the table and said a quick farewell, and was followed shortly after by Benjy and finally Fabian after a few more minutes of planning with James and his friends. After Fabian left, James stretched his arms over his head and yawned widely. "I need to go home. I want to see Lily-"

"You see her every day," Peter said quietly.

"Yeah… I see her everyday cause I _like_ her, Pete," James replied a little testily. "Not that I don't like you all… but I highly doubt you want me to feel you up or kiss on your neck, right Pete? Though you are getting a nice set of breasts on you," teased James, standing up and pulling on his cloak.

Sirius chuckled as Pete scowled and tried not to laugh. "What are you now, Wormtail? A B cup?"

"C minus?" asked Remus.

"Shut up," Peter laughed, shoving Sirius away when he tried to place his hands on Peter's chest. "Let's go get your brooms so your wife can have the spare room to shag you in now, Prongs."

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Were you trying to do something with your hair, Lils?" asked James, holding a section between his thumb and forefinger to examine it closer.

"Why?"

"It's really dark right here. It's _brown_… like it was colored or something," he explained, putting on his glasses and leaning closer.

Lily chuckled. "I was goofing around last night before you came home, practicing human transfiguration stuff. I must have not removed all of it," she shrugged.

James pulled his wand off the nightstand, flicking it and smiling when the section of hair Lily's hair he was holding turned back to its normal auburn color. "You aren't thinking of changing it, are you?"

Lily shrugged again, rolling onto her back and stretching her arms over her head. "Not unless I need to; I'm rather fond of my hair."

"So am I," said James, kissing her elbow before sitting up and throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was a cold morning in December, and a month had passed since Lily and James had begun to dig their heels in to their undercover operative missions. They'd kept their missions secret from one another, much to Lily's chagrin. She didn't like lying to James about where she was going or what she was up to, and she didn't like not knowing where he was and if he was safe or not.

She did, however, have the distinct impression that James was actively trying to join the Death Eaters under an assumed identity, but she wasn't sure. The thought made her nervous, though not as nervous as him finding out that she was putting herself in the midst of some of Voldemort's most avid supporters.

"Did Emmeline ask you over again tonight to work on more potions?" James asked, stepping out of the bathroom in his towel and sitting on the edge of their bed.

Lily sat up and crawled over to him, snuggling up against his back and kissing his shoulders. "She did, but I don't have to go if you had something else in mind."

James shook his head, glancing over his shoulder at Lily's slightly torn expression. He kissed her softly and turned to face her, pulling her still naked figure close to him. "Do you miss me as much as I miss you?"

Lily chuckled. "I see you every day."

"Only in the mornings," James murmured, kissing her softly. "You're always asleep before I get home," he said as she brushed his hair from his eyes. James leaned back against the pillows and held her close against his chest. "After Christmas, in January, if we can get away… let's go on a holiday."

"_If_ we can get away," she sighed.

"They can plan without us," insisted James. "Sometimes that's all it feels like we're doing. And Emmeline and Sturgis can make potions without you; I know you're the best, but they can manage, I'm sure."

Lily nodded, thinking that the idea of a holiday was incredibly appealing. She hadn't gotten very far on her separate mission, but James had received a letter from Gideon two days earlier that he seemed very excited about.

The letter had contained a fake name and back story inside it for James' fake identity. Sirius and Benjy had received the same, and they had met with Moody and Edmund Nolan the night before to discuss how to disguise themselves when they were able to go in.

"Can't do a thing about your eyesight Potter, but get some different glasses at least," insisted Moody, examining James' short blond hair and heavy cheek bones. "You look good, but there are a few more things that can be changed; facial shape… try adding some weight to yourself. That will help, but make _sure_ you get different glasses. The kind you wear are very distinct… they're almost synonymous with you and your dad so mix it up a bit."

Today was the day he had to buy them, it was the only time he was able to go shopping. Afterward his meeting with Moody and Nolan, he'd gone to another Quidditch match with Sirius and Benjy, had a few drinks at the pub, and come home to his sweet and patient wife. Though Lily was usually asleep by the time James came in from his scouting missions, last night she had waited up for him, wearing skimpy lingerie and looking like something that walked out of his dreams.

James then realized how much he missed her. Yes, they saw one another every day, and she slept beside him each night, but it wasn't the same as planning their days and moving forward together. They complimented each other, encouraged one another's strengths and improvised different ideas to problems that arose. But his first mission, _this_ mission… it was too dangerous for her. It was too much to ask her to walk into a room full of Death Eaters and pretend she was interested in what they were doing.

So instead, James watched as she brewed potions for Order members, and listened intently as she taught him healing charms. He kissed her good-bye each time they parted, and wondered if she thought about him while he was gone. He would pick her up off the couch when he arrived home and carry her to bed. Sometimes she slept soundly through the movement, sometimes she woke up and welcomed him into her arms as though she hadn't seen him in months. This morning, she remained undressed and curled up against him, kissing his neck softly and vaguely talking about a possible holiday...

Part of James wished they had stayed in France.

"What was in the bag from Twilfigs?" asked James after a few quiet moments.

"Oh, just baby clothes for Marlene's sister –in-law," Lily shrugged.

"_Ahh_," said James, trying not to let his nervousness show.

"I bought it for her because she didn't have time to pick something up," Lily explained, grinning at James and kissing his ear. "I wasn't in there _browsing_ around for things."

"I know… I know," he murmured, lacing his fingers into her hair.

Lily giggled. "That really worries you, doesn't it? I take my potion every month, lover, we don't need to worry."

"I'm not worried."

"James, I know people ask both of us all the time about when we're going to start having kids, and a lot of people assume things, but… we've only been married for four months; I _don't_ want a baby right now."

"Lil-"

"Ja-_ames_," she mocked. "I don't… honestly. I want one _eventually_, I want a few of them. But not now, not with all this going on. Besides, I'm still just enjoying _you_… in the few small hours of everyday."

James sighed. "Maybe we're both doing too much."

"Maybe I could go with you and- "

"No," said James firmly. "What I'm doing is too dangerous. You-"

"I'm not afraid, James. I'm a lot tougher than you think."

"I know that, so does everyone else," James reassured her. "I just… you can't come with me on this mission. It's too risky. It's risky for me and everyone involved. If it were just spying or watching someone or… finding out stuff, I'd be fine with you coming. But this… we're… I _can't_ tell you what we're doing."

"I know," said Lily, twisting her fingers.

James lifted her face, kissing her nose and resting his head against hers. "It's only three weeks 'til Christmas. I've _got_ to go shopping, but let's go to breakfast first."

Lily nodded, stretching tall and kissing James on the cheek. "I've need to go shopping as well; I've got things for your parents and a few other people, but I don't have anything for you yet."

"Lil-"

"_Jamesy,_" Lily whined, laughing when James cringed.

"Only you…you and my _mother_ are the only people I will _ever_ let call me that," he chuckled.

"You don't let me call you that," she said.

"I just did."

"I only do it when I want you to shut up," she laughed.

"Well, it accomplishes that," he chuckled in response.

They walked together to a small café and ate breakfast, talking about happier things and simply blending into the crowd for a few moments. After breakfast, James laced his fingers through Lily's as they walked down the street, listening to her talk about how much snow was on the ground and how she missed spring. He swung her arm playfully, turning her to face him and smiling at her grin and bright eyes. "I really miss you, Lils."

"You see me every day, love."

"But not all the time," James said, pulling her close.

Lily grinned and kissed his neck, standing on her tip toes and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I really miss you to, James."

"After Christmas," said James, "we'll go on Holiday. Somewhere; for a few weeks."

"Somewhere warm, please," Lily insisted, kissing his cheek as she hugged him tighter.

James nodded in agreement, lifting Lily off her feet and twirling her once before setting her back down. "I'll wake you up if I get home after you're asleep."

"Yeah…, do that," she whispered, then suddenly widened her eyes. "OH! Before you go, I just remembered, I've been meaning to ask you about something."

James nodded, grinning as he watched Lily lean in closer and drop her voice to a low murmur. "When you… so, I've been messing around with my human transfiguration, but all someone has to do is the counter charm – _finite incantatem_ – and everything I've done goes away. That doesn't work when you're an Animagus, does it?"

James shook his head. "No, the spell to force someone out of an Animagus form into something else is different. But… if _finite incantatem_ is making your … changes to … whatever your transfiguring go away, you aren't changing the structure of the item; you're not transfiguring it, you're just charming it to make it look different. Instead of thinking about making it simply look different, think about changing it completely… from the root of whatever it is. I think that's where you get stuck since you're so good at charms… you stay in that mindset," he explained, ruffling her hair.

"Okay," she nodded, mentally noting to practice on something other than herself first. "Okay. Thanks."

"Anytime you need me," said James, kissing her on the nose before walking away.

Lily nodded, watching him go, twisting her fingers as he ruffled his hair and walked away. "I love you, James!" she called suddenly, grinning shyly and waving at him.

James laughed and turned around, walking backwards and blowing her a kiss. "I love you, Lily!"

Two weeks later, Lily was brushing snow off her cloak as she entered the door of the small café. It was full of people, which was strange considering and the temperature had dropped considerably, and Lily assumed people would have better things to do on a Saturday morning. She stepped carefully through the crowd of people, tucking her cropped brown hair behind her ears as she approached the table where beautiful, statuesque Emmeline Vance sat reading a potions magazine.

"Sorry I'm late," said Lily. "It took me a bit longer to get here than I-"

"Oh… um… I'm sorry," Emmeline said, looking rather alarmed by the presence of another person at her table. "Do I know you?"

Lily paused, a smirk crossing her face. "You don't recognize me?"

"Should I?"

Lily leaned closer, looking Emmeline directly in the eyes. "My patronus is a doe; we've been trying to make Felix Felicis, but it's-"

"Merlin's Beard!" Emmeline hissed in a whisper. "Lily? _Lily Potter_?"

"Yes, it's me… and just to be sure, what's-"

"_Finite Incantatem,"_ Emmeline muttered quietly, flicking her wand quickly at Lily's nose; nothing happened. "Good _girl_! I'll be damned… I honestly didn't recognize you at all."

"Really?" asked Lily.

Emmeline leaned very close, looking deeply into Lily's eyes. She touched her face and took a lock of Lily's dark brown hair in between her thumb and index finger, examining it closely. "You did well. Your cheekbones are completely different… your whole _face_ is different! I'll bet James couldn't even recognize you!"

Lily laughed. "I'll have to test that theory."

Emmeline chuckled and then looked up as they were joined by another unrecognizable woman. She and Lily stared at the newcomer for a few moments, before the figure sat down and sighed heavily.

"My patronus is a panther," Marlene murmured, before biting her lip nervously. "Do you think it's too much? The curls? I mean… I don't look like either of you, and we're all supposed to be related-"

"Marlene," Emmeline said with a relieved smile. "Relax. You're supposed to be a cousin of mine – we don't have to be identical."

"Right," Marlene sighed. "So… erm… who-"

Lily held up a hand, examining her unfamiliar short fingers with their long nails for a brief moment. "Before we go any further, my original question was-"

"There are three of you here," said another woman who sat down, looking slightly out of breath. "I'm me… I know you Em, since you aren't having to disguise yourself," she noted quickly before turning her eyes to Marlene and Lily and their transfigured appearances. "Marlene… I can tell it's you, but that's only because I'm five inches away from your face." She turned her head to Lily, who held completely still and waited.

"Wow, Lils…I didn't even-"

"Tell me your patronus," Lily said, trying not to sound too demanding.

"A squirrel," Dorcas replied, grinning broadly. "Lily… well done! I can't even recognize you save for your voice. You _are_ Lily right?"

"Yes, I'm Lily… last time I checked, at least," she sighed. "Emmeline?"

"A fox," Emmeline said. "Sorry, I should have told you right away; you're much more diligent about that than I am. I'm still just so impressed. I can't even tell your voice… I _seriously_ don't think James could recognize you if he saw you, Lils."

Marlene laughed. "Oh, I'm sure _he_ could. He'd probably know where all her birthmarks are and start asking to see those."

Dorcas and Emmeline laughed as Lily blushed and smiled; Marlene just shook her head. "Well, now that that's squared, I'm going to get us drinks," she explained, standing up and heading toward the bar.

Dorcas fiddled with her new jewelry and looked at her clothes. "So I'm passable, you don't think they'll-"

"I don't think they'll have a clue," Emmeline said proudly. "You know most of these bints, Dorcas. They're not the most observant females on the planet. And you three are unrecognizable, so there shouldn't be any trouble having them accept you. You just have to make sure you control your opinions and tempers; just… go along with the insults I'm sure they're going to dish out."

"I've been practicing," said Lily. "I've heard myself called Mudblood enough times that doesn't affect me, but being called stupid and-"

"You're _muggle_-_born_?" interrupted Emmeline, gazing at Lily with wide eyes. Lily quirked her eyebrow and shifted uncomfortably as Emmeline recovered from her shock and waved her hands wildly. "No- Lils… don't, _please_ don't think that it bothers me, you know it doesn't," Emmeline reassured her. "I just… I didn't know; I've been brewing potions beside you for the last few months and I had no clue! I guess it just surprised me."

"Can I ask why?"

"Honestly? You're so confidant," explained Emmeline while Dorcas laughed. "You've got to understand… being in Slytherin house I was –"

"You were in _Slytherin_?" said Lily interestedly.

Dorcas sniggered and shook her head. "It's learning time! Yes, Lils… we were _both_ in Slytherin."

"_Really_…"

Emmeline smiled. "Not everyone who comes out of there is bad, you know…"

"Oh, I know. Slughorn was always great to me," she insisted. "I just… you were both in Slytherin, and now in the Order…"

"Yes, it seems odd… but I never got on with anyone in my house cause I didn't see things the way they did," Emmeline explained with a sigh. "Obviously, I've apparently '_seen the light'_ and gotten myself into this group. I _could_ be targeted if they found out I was a spy, but I'm not worried. My family is lying low, they know about my involvement in the order so they're just playing along for now with all the pure-blood nonsense."

"They don't buy it," said Lily.

"Of course not, and neither do I. I really didn't mean to sound so shocked, Lily; you being muggle-born makes no difference to me," Emmeline insisted, placing her hand on Lily's shoulder and squeezing lightly.

"Course it doesn't. We actually thought Marlene was muggle-born for a while," said Dorcas as Marlene sat down with four drinks.

"What? Oh, yeah… I remember that," she said rolling her eyes. "I'm always so full of questions everyone thinks I must be a muggle-born."

"Well, you're going to have to put that aside now. You are brave, Marlene; I've seen it. And you have no reason to doubt your talent, strength, or wit," Emmeline said. "You're going to need all of it if we're going to do this right."

Marlene nodded, brushing her transfigured black hair out of her face and leaning on to her elbows. They began tossing out random questions about their backgrounds, preparing each other for what was going to happen in the next hour. The four of them would leave the café, Apparate to a village near Greenwich and walk to a small flat owned by Rodolphus Lestrange's wife. Emmeline had been invited personally to their gathering after months of feigning interest in the Death Eaters activities, and had asked if she could bring some of her family who were interested in supporting the cause as they were thinking of relocating to Britain in the near future.

The flat they approached looked formidable and dark, the door was black and the brick that supported the building was a deathly grey. Emmeline took a deep breath and rapped the skull shaped knocker against the wood door. The door cracked open and a woman with dark, wildly curly hair peered out through one heavy-lidded, chocolate brown eye. "Oh… Emmy. I was hoping you would come, and you've brought your family," the woman said in what sounded like a civil tone as she opened the door a little wider.

"Bellatrix," Emmeline said stoically.

Bellatrix nodded and stepped aside, allowing the four guests to step in. Lily inhaled sharply examined the woman; she'd seen her before… in the alleyway before Petunia's wedding. She struggled to keep her face stoic as she looked around at her surroundings.

"Introductions are necessary, I suppose," said Bellatrix in a bored voice. "I am Bellatrix Lestrange," she said, nodding at each of the women in turn. "You may call me Bella if you wish."

Emmeline nodded. "Bella, this is my aunt, Lorena, and her daughter, Sophia, and my cousin, Gwyn," she explained, gesturing toward Dorcas, Lily, and Marlene in turn.

Bella nodded at each of them, motioning for them to follow her into a sitting room. There was a long table in the room and a crystal chandelier hanging above it. Nine women were sitting at the table, holding cups of tea and talking quietly. Lily was reminded of Petunia suggesting to their mother that Lily be sent to "refinement" school instead of Hogwarts to cure her "awkwardness." She smiled a little as she sat down in one of the chairs and graciously accepted the tea, taking a sip and trying her hardest not to stick her pinky out in mockery of their manners.

"Oh, we have more guests," said a stark blonde woman, looking idly at the group of newcomers. "Emmy, it's nice to see you again," Narcissa said formally.

"The feeling is mutual, Narcissa," Emmeline greeted. "How is married life treating you?"

Narcissa smiled, though there was no warmth to it, but Lily figured that was the happiest she could look. Narcissa gushed about her husband for a few moments, focusing on his social standing and donations to the Ministry, his nobility of blood and support for the work Voldemort was trying to accomplish.

"By the time we decide to have children, we won't have to worry about them intermingling with … well, with the _you-know-what's_ should we decide to send him to Hogwarts. It won't be like it was when we were there," she said, nodding toward Bella and Emmeline. "Muggle-borns in every house, save for Slytherin. Thank God for that. If things don't change, we'll just homeschool our children."

"Probably the best idea. We went to Hogwarts, Cissy and I," Bellatrix added offhandedly in Lily and Marlene's direction. "But on Holidays and the summer our parents taught us our _real_ education. But… that is not what we're here for, to discuss the trivialness of education and such. There are other things, and I believe we should further our introductions."

Bellatrix stood up. "We have new faces tonight to help support the cause of the Dark Lord. This is Emmeline Vance, her aunt, Lorena, and cousins. Sophia and Gwyn," she explained, indicating Emmeline, Dorcas, Lily, and Marlene in turn. "Further introductions… as you all know, this is Narcissa Malfoy," she said, gesturing toward the blonde woman they had been talking with. "Malinda Crabbe, Sarah Goyle," she continued, indicating a stout demure looking woman with short black hair, and a taller thin woman with razor-straight, dirty blond hair that hung down her back. Bellatrix began to walk around the table, reminding Lily vaguely of a cat circling a mouse as she named off the remainder of the women.

Proud, haughty-looking Philicia Nott was next, her reddish-blonde hair pulled back in a long plait. Agnes Mulciber, blunt faced with a round little nose, very reminiscent of her son, Neil. Theodosia Rosier, statuesque looking with flowing blonde hair; Presha Macnair and Frances Avery looked as though they could be twins with their sky-blue eyes and white hair; and finally Bellatrix introduced the frumpy, rather dirty looking woman who sat near the front of the table. She looked extremely out of place among what seemed to be a group of prim, proper, and pompous women.

"Alecto Carrow," Bellatrix said rather quickly, almost as though she was introducing the house pet rather than a guest. Lily recognized the name; the woman was a year younger than her, she'd been in Slytherin and had a twin brother who was just as frumpy and dirty looking.

After introductions, Bellatrix and the others began to drone on about their dissatisfaction with the Ministry. They were disgusted with the proposed "Muggle-born Safety" regulations being debated by the Wizengamot, and appalled that the Prophet showed any support for Muggle-born rights. Insults about muggles and muggle-borns were slung with every other word, and finally after an hour of idle chatter, the group dismissed and the four women went on their way. Emmeline relayed her report to Moody and Nolan, who were monitoring the progress of their mission, and let them know they'd be heading back to another meeting in a few days.

"I'd suggest taking pictures of yourselves in your transfigured state," Moody said as they left. "Help you keep the same appearance."

Lily was hesitant to test her theory that not even James would recognize her, and instead had Marlene take a picture of her which she tucked away in her vanity. To her simultaneous relief and disappointment, James was fully entrenched in his mission now, and subsequently was going to be gone every day and home late every evening. Lily missed him more and more as the days went by, and part of her longed to be with him finding out the Death Eater's actual plans, rather than listening to their wives complain about their "_mistreatment_" by muggles.

After two weeks of meetings, Emmeline began talking about dropping out of the group, using the excuse that they were looking for actual ways to combat the "muggle infestation" instead of simply complaining about it. But then, the week before Christmas, the meetings took a decidedly different turn.

"Is this _really_ what we're doing?" asked Bellatrix with a roll of her eyes. "Are Alecto and I the only ones who understand the bigger picture?"

Alecto laughed; it was hoarse and rugged. "Yer right about that, Bella," she grunted. "Tea cups and bitching aren't going to get us anywhere."

Narcissa cleared her throat, shooting a disdainful look at Alecto before turning to Bellatrix. "What, exactly, are you-"

Bellatrix snorted in disgust, getting to her feet and pacing like a fierce tiger who had been tied up for weeks without food. "Here we sit, drinking tea, planning on how to _support_ our husbands or brothers as they work to eradicate us of the filth surrounding us," she explained, stalking up and down in front of the table.

"Well, that's what we want to do, right?" asked Narcissa. "Support them and-"

"Don't be naïve, Cissy; we could be doing more," replied Bellatrix in a passionate voice.

Narcissa pressed her lips together. "_Bella_-"

"No, _Cissy_. Too long have I stood by and let you have your say. Listening to you spout and simper that that we should simply be in _support_ of our husbands and the Dark Lord in this goal. We cannot stand idly behind our husbands while our Ministry tries to claim that usurpers of magical power have a place in our world. We cannot stand by while they decry that the arts – the powerful, _mystifying_, arts that we all know and practice – are _illegal_ because of the danger they present, because some who 'claim' they are wizards cannot control them. Who _are_ those wizrds? They are the half-breeds, the half-bloods, the mudbloods… the only reason they cannot handle them is because they are imbeciles. Filthy, dirty, chimp-like humanoids who feel that they can perform magic as well as you or I."

Bellatrix advanced closer to Lily, who remained stoic but attentive in her seat. "_You_… your mother wouldn't allow you to be educated at Hogwarts because she didn't want your life spoiled by the mudbloods who now infest those hallowed halls. If we had a leader, a headmaster, who taught us the powers we are capable of… think of all we could _accomplish_," she said, leaning forward and looking at Dorcas, Marlene, and Lily.

"We have been _sitting_ here, watching our husbands work toward eradication of the muggles… _we_ can work toward that goal too. Our Lord… The Dark Lord… he is… _brilliant_. An educator, a teacher, a mentor… he is everything we need."

Her voice had changed, as had her eyes and facial expression. It was softer, full of worship and fervent emotion. It was how Lily looked at James.

"The Dark Lord has spent time, _years_, teaching me the Arts; teaching me the skills necessary to reach my full power. We must consecrate ourselves before him and-"

"Bella!" Narcissa interrupted, looking around at the somewhat frightened faces of her peers. "Bella… the Dark Lord has educated you, yes. But that was _prior_ to your marriage. Surely Rodolphus -"

"The Dark Lord regards _me_ among his most loyal, his most devoted… he seeks more like me, he wants _me_ to build our followers. As for _Rodolphus_… he means nothing to me… the Dark Lord means everything. He can lead us out of this dark time. If you would let go of the properness, Cissy… devote-"

"This is enough," Narcissa said, standing up and confronting Bellatrix head on. "I'm fairly certain that the Dark Lord does not wish to have a hoard of us approaching him asking for… _lessons_ or anything like that."

"Some of us have children at home that we must raise," said another woman.

"D'ya want yer boy to go to school with the mudbloods?" asked Alecto. "Do ya want some mudblood bint learning how to make potions… bewitching him? Ensnaring him with her long claws and dragging him into the filthy realms of the muggle-world? I say we fight… we fight in this… the Ministry is about to fall, we can take it from the inside out. Clean up our world of the filth," cried Alecto, getting to her feet.

There appeared to be a few women who thought that Bellatrix had a good idea. Most of those women seemed to be older; their husbands and sons both were part of the "mudblood resistance" they called it. The others had just gotten married, and seemed to stall at the prospect of putting their lives on hold in order to train with Voldemort or learn more dangerous and dark forms of magic.

Emmeline began to look nervous, as did Dorcas, which caused Lily to feel a small rush of panic as Bellatrix went on, charging each women with exploring her talent; challenging them to support the Dark Lord as their husbands were.

"Prostrate yourself before him… become a servant," she insisted. "We must fight against this, put him in power, restore the pride in our race! Only through the Dark Lord will our world be right again."

Silence fell over the group, the women who thought the idea was worth pursuing gathered and began to talk. Emmeline gave a nod toward the door, but before the four of them could get up to leave Bellatrix strode boldly over. She sat down in front of Marlene, an obsessive and rather insane look in her eyes.

"The Saturday after the Holiday, there is going to be a gathering. The Dark Lord has asked _me_ to attend; he plans to perform a public demonstration of how great his power has become. Of course, the Aurors will flock to attempt and arrest him; but that is why we are staging the event. If we can seize a few of them, we can find out how they are planning to combat our plans… the rest we'll dispose of," she explained with a shrug.

"Isn't that rather unwise?" asked Emmeline, attempting to stall what she knew was coming. Lily could see her posture was tense though her expression remained stoic. "I realize that the Dark Lord's followers outnumber the Aurors… but still. The hit wizards. Some of us could be killed or-"

"It's a sacrifice the Dark Lord is willing to make," Bellatrix shrugged. "Those who die in his service will be most honored. Though, in my opinion, if they can't fight back against the _Aurors_ they're not much use to him. The Dark Lord is looking for more support, looking for those who can help retake control of the ministry. He is offering his favor to those of us who capture, or destroy, our enemies. Though he did specify that our aim is to capture this time; we need to get _inside_ the Ministry if we are going to seize power."

Bellatrix turned back to Lily and Marlene. "You two are young, strong, and proud of your heritage. I've mentioned both of you to the Dark Lord and the trusted members of his circle. He has asked me to present you to him for consideration."

Emmeline shook her head, and Dorcas bit her lip as both of them turned sharply toward Marlene and Lily. Dorcas finally spoke. "As flattering as that is, I'm not sure-"

"It's not a choice, Lorena," Bellatrix snapped. "The Dark Lord wishes to meet them – I don't want to think of the consequences should you not heed his wishes. Saturday after the Holiday, the address of the property where we are meeting is here," she explained, handing Lily and Marlene a note. "The streets of Diagon Alley are the perfect place for a display of his power; he can easily seal the entrance from the Muggle world which will make it difficult for any Aurors that arrive to escape."

She glanced at Dorcas and Emmeline. "You two are welcome to come and see his power, but for now it is these two he is most interested in," she said, gesturing toward Lily and Marlene as though they were livestock to be auctioned off. "I'll see you Saturday after next."

With that, Bellatrix gave them a stern look and swept away to discuss something with Narcissa. Emmeline nodded toward the door, and the four women grabbed their cloaks and headed out into the streets. They walked in silence until they could duck into an alleyway and Apparate back to London.

As soon as the compressing sensation ceased, Lily ruffled her hair vigorously and began muttering various counter spells to remove the transfiguration she had done to her face, hair, hands, eyes, lips, nose… every part of her. She finally took a small mirror from her handbag and examined herself intently. She ruffled her hair again, feeling sick to her stomach for a reason she couldn't exactly identify. It wasn't fear… was it fear? Was it anger? Was it guilt over the fact that she was now putting herself in mortal danger and James knew nothing about it?

"This is… it's good," Dorcas said, removing her various changes and straightening out her hair. "We… we know what they're planning, and we can tell Moody and they'll be able to prepare an offense. They'll stop it before He even gets started… right?"

"And if they don't, Lily and I will just show up for lessons with You-Know-Who," Marlene said in a half joking voice. Lily stood up straight and shook herself again, gazing out of the alleyway.

Emmeline moved beside her. "Lily-"

"I'm fine… I'm fine," she insisted, though suddenly everything she had been thinking and feeling burst to the surface. "This is crazy… That _woman_ is crazy. Giving the names of … she doesn't even know how old we are – she's never asked. She has no remorse for … for anything," said Lily. "He wants her to bring people in, she's bringing us in… and for what? To build up his little army or… gain favor with him by… I don't even know. What on Earth are we supposed to do?"

Emmeline placed a reassuring hand on Lily's shoulder. "We'll figure it out. I don't know what we're going to do… but I don't like the idea of sending you two in there. Your cover could be blown… you could be killed or worse; he could simply _see_ you and know you're transfigured… and then who knows what they would do. I don't… I've got to talk to Moody," she continued, looking as though she was trying to organize her thoughts. "I've got to relay this to him."

She straightened up. "Keep this to yourselves, don't mention it to _anyone_. I'll send you an owl after I talk to Moody and let him know what is going on. But for now just don't… _don't_ talk about it. Bellatrix still only has my address; she can't find you three so everything needs to through me. If she does manage to… well… she can't. There's no way," Emmeline said, trying to reassure herself that they hadn't gotten in too far too fast. "Go on home, it's late… I'll be in touch."

With that, Emmeline disappeared on the spot; Dorcas nodded and spent a few minutes reassuring Lily and Marlene that they wouldn't have to go into training with Voldemort, and that the Aurors would certainly stop any protest before it began.

"Just keep your heads on straight," she insisted. "Lils, if you go home looking panicked like you do now, James is going to know something is up."

"I know… I know," said Lily, shaking herself violently. "I'm fine."

Dorcas nodded, saying a quick farewell before vanishing into the night. Marlene sighed and looked at Lily. "Do you feel like there's now an axe swinging over our heads?"

Lily chuckled. "Isn't that in some Edgar Allen Poe story?"

"Who?"

"Nevermind. You want to get a drink?" Lily asked.

Marlene nodded. "A drink sounds good, it sounds like something we'd do if our lives were normal."

Lily chuckled. "'_If _our lives were normal," she repeated in a humorless tone.

J&L&J&L&J&L

It was Christmas eve, and James was lounging in the sitting room. The radio was on in the background, playing a recap of a match between the Wimbourne Wasps and the Holyhead Harpies as James twirled his wand and stared into the fireplace. He checked his watch; nine o'clock. He ruffled his hair and glanced at the door, then back to the fire… waiting.

Footsteps echoed up the stairs and his posture relaxed every so lightly as the door opened and Lily walked in. He watched her curiously as she locked the door hastily and brushed her hair out of her face, noting that her hands were shaking and seemed to be breathing raggedly. "Hi," he said nonchalantly, leaning back in the chair and twirling his wand in attempt to look bored.

"_Oh_!" Lily replied breathlessly. "You're... you're home… and you're still awake?"

James tipped his head curiously. "Er… it's only nine, Lils. Of course I'm awake."

"Is it really?" said Lily in a shaky voice. "Well… you're home early. You're usually out later than this when Fabian calls you. Did-"

James made a face. "I skipped out early, we weren't getting anywhere."

Lily nodded. "Where are you trying to get?" she asked, hoping to change the subject and calm her own nerves. She had just gotten back from another meeting at Bellatrix's house; Marlene and she had been "examined" by Bellatrix's husband and prepped for their introduction to Voldemort the following Saturday.

"Be on time," Rodolphus warned. "The Dark Lord values prompt and loyal service, if you're late it will look bad for us and there will be consequences."

Marlene and Lily agreed, reporting back to Emmeline who had been relaying the information to Nolan since Moody was extremely busy at the moment. "Just… calm down, you two. You aren't going to go through with it… they'll plan something different. Just stay with it for now, all right?"

After she'd left, Lily and Marlene were walking down the street, undisguised and whispering in low voices about Voldemort when they were approached from behind by a hodded figure with a skull mask. "McKinnon! In a hurry? You two called for the Dark Lord," said man, shaking a bit with laughter. "If you called him, why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

Marlene's eyes went wide; she and Lily exchanged a two second glance before turning sharply and drawing their wands. A red jet of light flashed from Marlene's wand, and then a second later a shield erupted from Lily's blocking the jet of blue light that had been fired in their direction. They managed to fight him off, wiping his memory and leaving him stunned and confunded in an alleyway just outside of a pub, but something he'd said during their brief skirmish unnerved Lily.

"You two called for the Dark Lord," he'd said. Lily remembered Marlene saying Voldemort's name, but there had been no one around at the time to over hear it. She wondered if some sort of a tracking charm had been placed on the name to try and locate Aurors or anyone brave enough to say it.

"Were you supposed to go somewhere tonight?" asked Lily, shaking her head rapidly to rid herself of the memory of her close encounter. She was trying in vain to distract James from noticing how unnerved she was, but she felt his eyes watching her curiously, burning straight into her soul and making her feel incredibly dishonest for hiding what she was up to.

James sighed heavily and ruffled his hair. "You know I can't tell you."

"Maybe I could help," Lily suggested, floundering to disguise the shakiness in her voice.

"By brewing potions?" said James, giving her a suspicious glance.

Lily frowned, looking over her shoulder at James' figure before turning back to her cloak. "I can do more than that, you know."

"_Are_ you doing more than that?"

"No," Lily replied before heading into the kitchen.

"You're awfully out of breath," James observed, following her and folding his arms over his chest. "Where have you been?"

"With Emmeline, and Marlene," Lily replied without thinking.

"I didn't realize Marlene was brewing potions with you," James noted.

"She wasn't… she just…stopped by," Lily lied, watching James give her a suspicious look. Another wave of guilt washed over her; she should tell him where she had been, and what had just happened. She could help him and whoever he was running his assignment with. They could help each other.

James ruffled his hair and leaned against a wall, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at Lily. "You aren't trying to avoid me, are you?"

Lily shook her head, refusing to look at him. "Why would I do that?"

"You're just acting strange," he replied. "Where were you? What happened?" James pressed, trying not to sound angry.

"I've just been with Emmeline brewing potions, why are you so worried by that?" said Lily, trying to follow Emmeline's advice and remain calm. She'd been warned numerous times that missions, and the information obtained during them, were to be kept amongst the teams until Dumbledore decided it was best for everyone to know. But she felt a pull in her chest to tell James the truth; to tell him she'd just gotten in a fight, that there was a possible tracking charm on the name "Voldemort," that the Death Eaters were going to be gathering and she was scheduled for an introduction to Voldemort directly. She could help him, and he could help her if they could tell each other what they had been doing.

"I'm worried because Moody was talking about how between you, Emmeline, and Sturgis, there's enough Polyjuice potion to supply the whole Auror office and the Order, along with all the other antidotes and whatever it is that you're doing," James grumbled. "Yet… you've been out '_brewing potions_' for the last few weeks… every evening, every afternoon. You _act_ like you're trying to hide something from me."

"I'm not – well, there are things _you_ can't talk to me about," said Lily defensively. "Maybe it's-"

"I can't talk to you about the assignments I'm on because it's _dangerous_ for you, and our cover could be blown if anyone found out about it," James snapped. "It's not like you're doing anything overly important with potions brewing."

James regretted this comment the instant it was out of his mouth. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, and when he opened them it was just in time to see Lily frown and stalk off toward their bedroom. The door slammed loudly, the sound shaking James from the inside out as sat down on a chair, feeling even more irritated with himself for having snapped at her out of frustration with his own mission.

An hour later when James walked back to the bedroom, Lily was curled on her side, feigning sleep. James undressed and sat down on the bed next to her. She shifted, stiffening at his close proximity. James frowned and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Listen… I'm –"

"Whatever is going wrong on your little 'assignment' is not my fault, so don't take your frustration with it out on me," Lily murmured quietly.

James nodded, biting his lip as he fought back the next question that came to his lips. "You… aren't… I mean… there are a lot of … you aren't-"

Lily sat up, pushing her hair from her eyes and glaring at James. She sighed heavily, trying to control her temper. "You know the answer to that question, James."

"I know."

"I would never do anything like that to you," she said, trying to sound reassuring instead of offended at his fear of her cheating. "I love you, James… but perhaps I'm doing something important that I can't talk to _you_ about, you should trust me. I trust you – you go off for hours at a time; last week you were gone overnight… but I don't question you or hound you about where you've been or what you've been doing. Why are you so worried about what I'm up to?"

James shrugged. "Because you aren't on assignment, other than brewing potions."

"How do you know?"

"You'd tell me if you were."

James lifted his eyes and gave Lily the same significant look she was giving him. "You _would_ tell me, wouldn't you?"

"What … I'm not supposed to tell you unless you're involved, remember?" asked Lily.

"Since when have _you_ ever done anything you're supposed to do?" asked James. "You've always followed your instincts; and if you were doing something that potentially put you in danger, you'd tell me."

"Why? You don't tell me-"

"I don't tell you what I'm _doing_, but you know-"

"If you didn't come home, what would I think? I mean… how would I know if something had-"

"You'd know; someone would tell you."

"What if no one else came back?" asked Lily, running her fingers through her hair and curling into a ball. "What if no one knew and just assumed-"

"That wouldn't happen! We're more organized and-"

"I don't like this," snapped Lily, getting to her feet and moving toward the window. She stared out of it into the night, thinking about how the last thing she wanted right now was to fight with James. She wanted to help him, she wanted him to help her; she wanted him to hold her and make the events of the past few hours disappear. But instead they were fighting, over something so stupid as not being honest with each other because they were being ordered not to.

"I don't like this," she said again to the window pane. "I don't like the fact that you have to give your reports to the Aurors only. That you can't tell me where you're going or who you're with, and I'm supposed to do the same. I don't like the fact that we're married, that we sleep in the same bed and eat at the same table, but we can't tell each other the secrets of what we're doing."

"What if our cover is blown because-"

"I'm not talking about everyone knowing everything about separate missions and such… I'm talking about _you_ and _me_. I'm talking about the fact that Frank and Alice can work together cause they're Aurors, but you can't tell me what you're doing. It's not right; we should be helping each other, not keeping things hidden and potentially working against one another," Lily explained.

James sighed. "I agree, but the Aurors think-"

"Fuck what they think," said Lily. "Maybe they're wrong."

"Maybe they are," said James. "But I don't… I don't want to have you in danger … if you knew what I'm assigned-"

Lily waved her hands and interrupted him. "What if I could help you?"

"You can't."

"But-"

"Lily… you _can't_ help me," said James. "We're trying to infiltrate, you know that… that's all I can tell you. And there's no way you can help me." James watched Lily frown; he sighed heavily. "You know I don't think what Nolan does… you have to know that."

Lily lifted her head and gave him a curious look. "Nolan? What… well, what does he think exactly?"

James rolled his eyes. "He… Moody gets irritated at him. He thinks that the bunch of you – Dorcas, Marlene, you… even Alice – have no business getting involved in this. He thinks you all act impulsively and cause too much of a distraction to assist us."

Lily snorted. "Distraction how?"

James shrugged. "I don't know… Like I said, I don't agree with him. But I think he's a big reason that everything has to be so secret all the time. At least that's what Gideon says."

"Gideon and Fabian are the ones who are always-"

"They're always asking for security information… and Fabian did mention for me to keep what we were doing from you, but later he said it didn't matter since we weren't getting anywhere anyway," James shrugged.

Lily frowned and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I hate fighting with you," she murmured. "This is stupid. We should be helping each other."

James sighed. "Lils… come here," he whispered, laying against the pillow and beckoning her close. "It's Christmas tomorrow. Let's just forget about the War for a day and we'll come back to it afterwards, all right?"

Lily sighed. "All right," she agreed, stepping into bed and snuggling into James' arms. He stroked her hair until he fell asleep, but Lily lay awake most of the night… debating in her head about what she should do, and what she wanted to do.

Ambrose and Lindsay Potter were extremely pleased to see James, Lily, and Sirius the following morning. They had gotten Sirius a few more items of furniture, and offered put in a call to the beach house where Lily and James stayed in France when they were free to take a holiday again. All day Lindsay dropped hints that if they got away for a bit it would be a good time to think about children again.

"I know he wants to wait, and you do as well," she whispered to Lily as they were cleaning up the dishes, "but I'm just so excited for you two to have children."

Lily smiled. "It might be a while, Lindsay. Between the War and both James and I wanting to do as much as we can for the Order… right now it feels like we barely have time for one another, let alone a baby."

Lindsay gave Lily a curious look. "You seem preoccupied, Lils. Is something wrong?"

Lily shook her head, then sighed. "When you and Ambrose worked together, did you run missions together? Or, if you were on separate missions, did you tell each other what you were doing?"

"We always knew what each other had been tasked with. I think they – The Minisry - would have preferred we kept it a little more secretive, but Ambrose and I both agreed it was best we not hide what we were doing from each other. It's risky, and besides, the more you know the more you can help each other," explained Lindsay.

Lily nodded, biting her lip thoughtfully. "They don't want us to tell each other what's going on."

Lindsay looked out at James, Sirius, and Ambrose who were discussing something quietly. "James isn't telling you?"

"He doesn't think I can help."

Lindsay made a face in her son's direction. "You can."

"I know I can."

"So don't ask if he wants your help, just give it to him," Lindsay suggested, watching as Lily nodded and chewed her lip. "Sometimes, the times they need us the most are when they're trying to prove that they aren't weak or that they can accomplish anything."

Lily tilted her head, but Lindsay simply nodded and patted her on the back before beginning to offer everyone pie and ice cream.

Evening passed, and James and Lily returned home around eight. She changed into her pajamas and was brushing her hair when James appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, smirking as he held out a little box wrapped in a red bow.

"I wanted to save this," he explained, watching as she bit her lip and took it from him. Lily pulled off the ribbon and opened the small box to reveal another little charm to add to her bracelet. The heart James had gotten her last Christmas had been completed with the initials L.E.P. just after they were wed, and inside the box was a tiny, intricately carved stag. Lily smiled and picked it up, examining the silver piece before attaching it to her wrist. James grinned. "Do you like it?"

Lily nodded, turning her bracelet around to examine it again. "I love it."

James leaned in and kissed her softly, threading his fingers through her hair as she stepped closer to him. "I love you," he whispered, hugging her close to him.

Lily sighed and closed her eyes. She leaned her lips into his neck and kissed his throat very softly. "James?"

"Yes?"

"I have something to tell you," she whispered, watching with bated breath as he looked her in the eyes curiously.

* * *

_A/N: The next chapter is being reviewed... I will have it up as soon as possible. Again please, please, please accept my apologies for the long wait. I hope it was worth it with the insanely long chapter (originally 2, I combined into 1)_


	41. Confrontation

Confrontation  
Drumming Noise – Florence and the machine

* * *

Sirius was standing in his kitchen making breakfast when there was a knock on the door. He found it odd. Odd because it was nine o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday, and odd because there weren't a whole lot of people who visited him and _knocked_. James _never_ knocked; he knew the counter-charm for his locking jinx and just came right in. Ceradoc, Benjy, Wormtail, and the Prewett brothers were the same way. Moony and Lily were the only ones he knew who knocked, but then they opened the door and came in, knowing they were already invited. But no one ever knocked on his door, and then _waited_ for him to answer.

It made him curious and interested, and when Sirius was curious and interested he often forgot important things. Like a shirt…

"Oh, goodness," said the pretty woman standing outside of his door. She averted her eyes and laughed, begging his forgiveness for the inconvenience she had caused. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Black… I can come back later if-"

"Don't apologize," Sirius muttered, giving her a curious look as he pulled on an old t-shirt that was slung over one of the chairs near the door. "Um… beg your pardon, but who are you?"

"Oh, sorry… I thought you would recognize me," the woman said. "You don't recognize me?"

Sirius squinted and stared her down. She wasn't tall, but she wasn't short either. She was thin, graceful looking, and rather attractive. Her hair was a dark brown with thin varying highlights in it; she wore it long, a little past her shoulders and cut bluntly at the ends. Her eyes were a bright, bright blue and her pale heart-shaped face was graced with high cheekbones and red, somewhat pouty lips. She was smiling at him in a friendly, familiar way, but Sirius didn't have a single clue as to who she was.

"No, sorry I don't," he said apologetically. "Should I?"

The woman shrugged. "I was hoping you would… we've met several times. You've even given me a ride on your motorcycle."

Sirius scratched his head. "I have?"

"Yes… just last Wednesday. You don't remember?" the woman said sadly.

Sirius frowned; he wondered if he'd been drinking. No, that wasn't it. In fact, the last time he'd had anything to drink was when he and James were off duty for the Order and had went and visited Peter in London. Sirius had drank his way through five flasks of mead while talking about how poorly their mission was going before James insisted they go home. The last time he rode his motorcycle _was_ on Wednesday… but that was with Lily. He had run her to the grocery store just for something to do.

"No… I don't remember. What's your name?" asked Sirius, hoping perhaps it would jog his memory.

"Lily Potter."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Lily Potter, Padfoot…" the woman repeated, giving him a sly smirk. "It's Lily Potter."

Sirius' head hurt; perhaps he was dreaming. Then James' laughing voice echoed from up the stairs behind the woman, and she began to snigger uncontrollably. "_Prongs_?" he called, stepping out into the hall to see James still in his pajamas, leaning against the rail of the staircase laughing hysterically. "What the buggering Hell is going on?"

The woman in front of him laughed and pulled out a wand, flicking it and murmuring several incantations. Her eyes shifted from blue to bright green, and her hair changed from brown to a familiar red and became less blunt at the ends; it was now cut more angular around the soft heart-shaped face of Lily Potter.

"What? Merlin – _Lily_?" Sirius exclaimed. "I didn't… well obviously you _know_ I didn't recognize you, you were standing right there mocking me with that fact!"

James laughed and bounded down the stairs, throwing his arms around Lily's neck and hugging her tightly. "Isn't she _brilliant_? I didn't recognize her either!" he explained. "She told me she was going out this morning, and then fifteen minutes came back and did the same thing to me. I had no clue who she was!"

"What? Will one of you _please_ explain to me why you transfigured yourself into someone unrecognizable?" Sirius demanded.

Lily laughed. "Come up, Pads… I made quiche, we'll talk," she said, ruffling his hair and following James upstairs.

Within minutes, Sirius was sitting at the James and Lily's dining room table, shoveling quiche into his mouth as he listened to Lily give a brief description of her off-book assignment. The reality of what she was facing had sunk in, and she confessed her outings with Emmeline to James, giving him all the names of the women who came to Bellatrix Lestrange's house weekly to discuss how they might aid in Lord Voldemort's quest for pure-blood dominance. Though, she had kept the details about her pending introduction to Voldemort to herself. She had debated, but ultimately determined it would better to worry James when Emmeline kept assuring her and Marlene both that they wouldn't need to go through with it.

"Bellatrix wants more women to join the Death Eaters '_officially_,'" Lily explained. "It seems odd to me, unless she wants to have a little army of her own within the Death Eaters. I can't imagine her wanting anyone else as close to You-Know-Who as she claims to be."

"Why are you saying You-Know-Who?" asked James.

"I dunno … I just have a bad feeling about saying the name. Something Bellatrix said the last time we were there and… I have a bad feeling that something happens if you do mention it," she murmured, leaving out the details of her encounter with the still unknown Death Eater in the alley.

"Did they taboo it?" asked Sirius with a shocked expression; James sat up taller as well. "I thought the Ministry had to do that."

"I don't know… I… just _don't_ say it, okay?" Lily insisted, sliding her hand closer to James'. He sighed and placed his hand over hers, squeezing it gently and nodding in agreement with her warning. He'd been impressed with her improved transfiguration abilities, not to mention her ability to keep a cool head while listening to numerous people insult her heritage, but he was extremely worried about the danger she was in; he'd never admit it aloud, but part of him felt irritated that she was _actively_ putting herself in danger. But at the same time, he understood why she was doing it… to end the War, to help him, and to keep him "safe" she had added at the end of their conversation.

"What did you mean when you said you don't think Bellatrix would want anyone else close to him?" asked Sirius curiously.

"It's odd. I don't think He keeps _anyone_ close to him, and He definitely doesn't keep them informed of what the other members are doing. I gathered that much since all these women act _very_ protective and hesitant when we start talking about what their husbands get up to. But Bellatrix… she…" Lily drummed her fingers thoughtfully then leaned in closer to James and Sirius. "I think she's in _love_ with him. Not that that means anything to _Him_, but she… she's very worshipful when she talks about him."

Sirius snorted and James looked confused. "Why do you sound like that bothers you?"

"Because I think she'd do _anything_ for him. And I can't imagine … let's just say I wouldn't want to be the person who came in between her and her adoration of him."

James nodded thoughtfully, giving Lily's hand another squeeze. Sirius leaned back on two legs of his chair and put his hands behind his head. "I think it's brilliant that you've gotten in there Lils. Who knew so many girls would be for Vol-"

"_Don't say the name_!" Lily shouted, causing Sirius to jump and fall backwards in his seat. James laughed hysterically while Lily apologized. "I'm sorry! I… Just… don't say the name, all right?"

Sirius rubbed his head and quirked an eyebrow. "I'll watch it… I don't need you pushing me out of chairs and _really_ taking me out of action," he teased.

They talked for the next hour before Lily adjusted her appearance and headed out the door to meet up with Emmeline and Marlene to discuss their plans for the gathering this afternoon. She spent a long time kissing James, so long in fact that Sirius suggested she shag him before leaving.

"No, that's not necessary," she said, smiling as James buried his face in her neck and hugged her tightly. "I'll see you later tonight," she explained, kissing him once again and leaving with a quiet goodbye. James wondered if she felt guilty; she'd implied as much earlier, but she shouldn't. She was following orders in not telling him about her mission, though now he understood why she had argued so heartily for them to reveal the details of their activities to one another, rather than being secretive about them.

"She seemed nervous about something," Sirius commented.

"I think she was worried I was angry with her," explained James.

"Were you?"

"No, not at her. I'm a bit _concerned_ that she's putting herself so close to people who hate her, but I'm glad she's got a mission she feels is important," said James as he sat back down in a chair. "I _am_ angry at Nolan for not getting _us_ farther. Even if Dearborn couldn't get in, we could have done something similar to what Lils and the others are doing instead of sitting around watching people for the last month."

Sirius nodded. "He does seem keen to keep us out of the real action for some reason."

"Let's go talk to Fabian or Gid," suggested James. "Maybe he knows why."

Gideon and Fabian had taken to loitering around in a tiny pub across from the Leaky Cauldron; it seemed less suspicious than hanging out by the entrance to Diagon Alley all the time. The building was tiny, dark even during the day; a heavy stench of old cigars and strong liquor hung in the air. James was always curious how Fabian and Gideon stood the stale smell for so long, but they did, and this was where they found them that morning. Though he and Sirius were a bit surprised at the company they were keeping.

"If you could call it company," Sirius murmured as he and James approached the table where Gideon, Fabian, and Edmund Nolan were sitting. Their conversation appeared tense; Nolan was dressed in his Auror uniform, and kept running his hands through his closely cropped brown hair. His jaw jutted out and he slammed his hand on the table just as James and Sirius arrived.

"It's not a question of whether or not you want to go," Nolan was saying to Fabian. "_I'm_ in charge of your missions, _I_ monitor them, and I'm _telling_ you to go!"

Fabian shook his head and pushed his shaggy red hair out of his eyes. "We can't even make arrests. What are we supposed to do if we see someone doing something illegal? 'Hey, you can't perform that curse; you need to come with me.' They're going to tell us to fuck off; we have no authority!"

"You're more resourceful than that, Prewett. Don't tell me you can't think of a way to get them out of there," replied Nolan scathingly.

"We can," Gideon interjected. "But it would involve stunning them and probably fighting in public; and Dumbledore has told us to not to engage anyone unless it was absolutely necessary."

"Dumbledore isn't out in the field. He-"

"Dumbledore knows more about how to deal with the Death Eaters than you do," snapped Fabian. "There's a reason why we don't trust the Ministry."

"This is not a Ministry assignment, this is coming down from _me_," Nolan repeated.

"And _you_ are not the leader of the Order; nor do you have any power to tell me where to go and when," Fabian replied. "Why, exactly, if this lead is so good and could take us somewhere, aren't _you_ going?"

"I have other obligations. The Aurors will arrive later if necessary, but I'm telling you to go first and make sure it's worth us pursuing," said Nolan waspishly, turning his brown eyes to James and Sirius.

"Potter, Black… I've got a lead that a small group of Death Eaters are meeting in Diagon Alley today. They're supposed to be staging some sort of … _presentation_, we'll call it. I want someone to go and monitor the situation."

Sirius nodded, glancing curiously at Gideon and Fabian and watching as James' posture became taller and more egger. "Okay, we can go. Fabian, why-"

"I don't like the idea because I didn't hear about it from Dumbledore. He's is the final go to for missions, he's the one who assigns us things, _not_ you," Fabian explained, pointing an accusing finger at Nolan. "I don't like this little mission because Dumbledore didn't tell us about it. I don't even know if Dumbledore knows-"

"Dumbledore is busy-"

"Does Moody know about it?" interrupted Fabian.

"Moody is also busy," Nolan insisted. "I'm telling you to go on this. It's only a small gathering… you've been complaining that you want a chance to get in on the action; this may be your only chance depending on how well you do."

James looked at Fabian, who stared back at him with a cautioning expression. Sirius piped up. "We're going, Prongs," he said to James. "We can blend right in, no problem, and-"

"It's not a good idea," Fabian said warningly. "If Dumbledore and Moody don't know-"

"_You_ are holding us back," Sirius accused. "You and your stubborn following of protocol. We need to get into this, if we're going to fight this head on we need-"

"_Black_," interrupted Fabian, "Trust me on this. Something is off and-"

"We've _been_ trusting you and we've gotten nowhere!" James said angrily. "It's time we do something," he insisted, thinking of Lily's story about Bellatrix Lestrange insisting that the women behind the Death Eaters stand up and fight.

There was quiet over the group, and finally Gideon broke it. "Fabian, I hate to say it… but I think the kid is right. It is time we do something, even if it's something Dumbledore doesn't know about or approve of it."

J&L&J&L&J&L

"I'm angry about this," Emmeline growled, her trainers scuffing the pavement as she walked down a crowded street outside of the Ministry. "No one has gotten back to me about what the hell we're supposed to do at this little gathering. Not Moody, not Dumbledore, no one!"

"They've been really busy at the office… maybe someone got distracted," said Marlene, twisting her fingers nervously as she walked behind Emmeline.

"No," Emmeline snapped. "Something is off; no matter how busy it gets, Dumbledore or Moody has always found a way to let us know what's going on. Dumbledore doesn't leave people wondering what the hell they should do like we are right now. I want to talk to him, or to Moody, and find out what the hell we're supposed to be doing today."

She stormed past the golden fountain inside the Ministry and straight to the elevators, Lily and Marlene following in her wake. When the elevator stopped on level two and Emmeline got out, Lily finally spoke up. "Listen, Em… Marlene and I-"

Emmeline turned around, running her hands through her hair before clasping them in front of her. "Lils… I did some digging on how people are accepted into the Death Eaters. You-Know-Who usually issues them some kind of a… loyalty test of sorts. But since he's trying to get people in as fast as he can lately, he's skipped to simply using legilimency on them. I know - I _know_ that a lot of people joke about legilimency and how obscure it is… but it's _real_, and he can actually do it… so the rumors say. He can get into your thoughts – there's no defense against it. And aside from the fact that I'm rather fond of both of you, I don't want to be the one responsible for sending you to your death!"

Emmeline took a deep breath, and then dropped her voice lower. "We're trapped right now. If you two don't show up, Bellatrix is going to be livid and is going to hunt the four of us down. I could say you decided it wasn't for you, but she's not going to accept that as an answer and she'll come after you. But if you _do_ show up, and you can't stall being presented to him… you see where I'm going with this? Our whole goal was to find confirm a few names that were suspected as being Death Eaters, and we did that – and more. But no one has relayed anything to us about what they plan to do if a bunch of Death Eaters invade Diagon Alley; it's almost like they don't know."

"Don't know what they'll do?"

"No, that they don't know what's happening," Emmeline explained to Lily, biting her lip. "I'm almost wondering if –"

"Em? Marlene? Lils?" said a light voice. The three women looked up to see Alice Longbottom coming out of the Auror office, looking confused and slightly concerned to see them. "What are you three doing here?"

"Is Moody-"

"He's out; something about the Leaky Cauldron and Fabian Prewett being argumentative," Alice explained. "Why? What's going on?"

"To be perfectly honest, I don't have a clue," Emmeline said in an exasperated sigh. "Come with us and I'll fill you in."

"Fill me in?" Alice said in a low tone.

"Yeah, fill you in. Because I'm sick of all this secret keeping shit," Emmeline grumbled, much to Lily's amusement.

J&L&J&L&J&L

James, Sirius, and Gideon said a brief hello to Peter as they passed through the Leaky Cauldron. Though as soon as they crossed the magical barrier, it was instantly apparent that Nolan hadn't done his research properly about the "small gathering," and the three men were going to have to change their initial plans dramatically.

"We need disguises," James said quietly, dodging several people who were running down the alley that led back to the pub. "_Now_. We have to disguise ourselves-"

"In here," Gideon muttered, shoving him towards an alleyway behind a small cauldron shop. Sirius already had his wand out and was shortening his hair and streaking it with grey, in addition to softening his facial features with a few wrinkles and making himself appear a few pounds heavier. James traded out his glasses with the ones that happened to be in the pocket of his cloak, and changed his eye color from brown to green. He also shortened his hair, turning it to a dirty blond color instead of its normal black. Gideon suggested he make himself look more portly while he changed his hair from firey red to coal black, and added a mustache and goatee to help disguise his facial features.

"What the hell is going on?" Sirius asked as he peered around the corner at the numerous people who all looked frightened as they fought to through the crowd of black cloaked figures.

Gideon stepped around him, eyes narrow as he observed the crowd. "A bit odd that there are this many people shopping during this weather," he noted, gesturing to the falling snow. "There's Lucius Malfoy… and Rodolphus Lestrange – no surprise about that. Doholov - pull the hoods of your cloaks up, both of you," he ordered to James and Sirius, sliding his own over his head and hiding his face. "Just… try to blend in."

Gideon slunk out into the crowd, motioning for James and Sirius to follow him as they followed other figures clad in black hoods toward what appeared to be a large crowd gathering around the entrance to Knockturn Alley.

"Are _all_ these people Death Eaters?" asked James quietly.

Gideon shook his head. "No, they can't _all_ be… I expect they'd _like_ to be, or they support them... but we'd know if there were this many… wouldn't we?"

James narrowed his eyes, trying to memorize faces of those he didn't know, and find familiar ones to identify later. Sirius poked him in the side. "What?"

"My cousin," he muttered, nodding his head towards the front of the crowd and a graceful looking woman with heavy lidded eyes and wildly curly hair that stuck out from underneath her hood. "Bellatrix."

Gideon nodded interestedly. "There's Rosier… and Wilkes. Now all of _those_ blokes are-"

"They're _all_ Death Eaters," said James. Gideon looked at him, his eyes asking how he knew for sure. "Lily told me. All their wives meet with Bellatrix and talk about how they can support Voldemort. She's trying to build up her own little army of women as well," he explained. "That's where Lily's been going all these evenings… with Emmeline, Dorcas, and Marlene."

"I didn't know Lily was on a mission," Gideon mused.

"No one does… and she _wasn't_ supposed to tell me," James said. "But it bothered her that I didn't know what she was doing."

"And it probably bothered her that she didn't know what _you_ were doing," Gideon noted.

"That too."

"This little group… who else is in it?"

James filled Gideon in on more of the surnames Lily had given to him, watching several times as his eyes widened and surprised. Gideon smirked. "Good work on their part… we _should_ have been working together."

"That's what she said… but-"

"SHH!" Sirius hissed suddenly, elbowing James in the ribs. "Look."

James and Gideon fell quiet and turned their eyes to the front of the crowd. There was a shimmer of movement, and another figure cloaked in black stepped onto a small conjoured platform. A hush fell over the group as many figures pulled down skull shaped masks; almost as a sign of respect for the person about to speak. Onlookers and others who were caught in midst of the crowd gasped and shrieked in terror; James heard Gideon swear lowly under his breath and flick his wand, a small streak of silver hovering low to the ground and running out of sight as Voldemort stepped onto his make-shift dais and began to address the crowd.

"_This_ ought to be interesting," Sirius whispered as Voldemort held up his hands.

"No one leaves," he said, motioning for his followers to subdue anyone who was panicking and trying to escape. Thinking quickly, Gideon motioned for James and Sirius to participate and take control of two young women and an older man who were running away from the group.

"We're not with them, I swear… we're with the Auror office and we'll keep you safe… just stay calm," Gideon ordered quietly, shaking the girl he had grabbed and staring reassuringly at the other man and woman who had stopped when Sirius and James blocked their escape. "Trust us… you'll be all right," he finished quietly as Voldemort began to talk over the commotion.

On the opposite side of the wall that separated the Muggle world from the Wizarding one, Edmund Nolan and Fabian Prewett were arguing in hushed tones as Remus Lupin watched curiously. He'd received a message from Fabian not even twenty minutes earlier, explaining Remus may have to use the few connections he'd gotten in the werewolf community as a pass to get into a supposed "Death Eater" gathering. But when Remus arrived, Nolan had put a stop to Fabian and him going into Diagon Alley, stating that Fabian had "had his chance" and missed out, which left Remus feeling confused and marginally rejected.

"It's not a _gathering_, we just think a few of them are meeting, and now we need to sit here and wait for the others to let us know what's going on," Nolan said in a low voice, his eyes locked with Fabian's. "If you wanted in on it, you should have gone with them."

"There's more to this little story than you're letting on," Fabian hissed, his eyes darting away for a moment as the door to the pub opened and four women walked inside. "You sent those three in there on your little '_mission'_, and now that I want to go after them and have Remus use _his_ connections to help us get inside, you're blocking us. What the _hell_ is going on?"

"Yeah," said Emmeline, striding up to the table and crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at Nolan. "What the _hell_ is going on?"

"Em?"

"Fabian."

Fabian looked bewildered and confused at the appearance of Emmeline, Alice, and the two women who were following them. "What are you-"

"She's doing _nothing_," Nolan snapped, glaring at Emmeline with an extreme amount of dislike. "I told you, last time we talked, that your '_leads'_ were getting us nowhere and-"

"Leads," Fabian repeated, balling his fists up angrily. "What '_leads_?'"

"The leads that Dorcas, Lily, Marlene, and I spent hours noting while listening to a group of women – most of them wives of suspected Death Eaters - bitch about muggles, and discuss ways that they can help You-Know-Who take over the Ministry," Emmeline replied, turning her gaze to Fabian. "Our missions were separate because we didn't want to cross stories if your group _did_ get in. But apparently that-"

"Apparently _you_ don't know how to listen," Nolan snapped. "I told you to keep sitting in on those meetings – and to _not_ worry about that little gathering. We'd handle it," he sneered at Emmeline before turning to Remus. "And as far as _your_ contacts, I'm not sure we can trust them not to bite us or-"

"Don't you speak to him like that," said the woman closest to Emmeline, whom Remus, Fabian, nor Nolan recognized. "Remus is ten times as trustworthy as you appear to be."

There was a quiet hush, and then Nolan huffed and stepped closer to Emmeline and Alice. "I think you need to take your little _playmates_ and get the hell out of here," Nolan ordered.

Emmeline widened her eyes and stared back at him. "You have no authority over me."

"What the hell is going on, Nolan?" Alice piped in.

"What's going on is a bunch of people are making Vance's little story out to be more than it is," Nolan snapped at Alice. "I'm guessing she told you that during those little meetings they were attending Bellatrix Lestrange said she wanted to recruit more _women_ into the Death Eaters, and that –"

"Yes, that's what she told me," Alice replied simply.

"Well, perhaps you can run in there with them next time, since you haven't been doing anything-"

"I think you'd better watch your tone," cautioned Alice in a low voice.

Nolan narrowed his eyes and glared back at Alice, who despite her short stature had an impressive presence about her. Fabian was glancing back and forth between them, and Remus was still watching the woman who had randomly jumped to his defense. He was about to ask her name when she turned to the other unknown girl who'd come in with Emmeline and Alice and asked who Nolan was and why he was acting that way.

"_I'm_ a member of the Auror Office, and other groups which you have no business nosing about in," Nolan muttered, looking around Alice at the woman's challenging glance. "And since we're asking, who exactly are you two?"

"Marlene McKinnon and Lily Potter," the shorter of the two women responded.

"Come again?" said Remus, speaking for the first time and glancing at Fabian who appeared just as confused.

The woman made an irritated noise and pulled out a wand, waving it in complex patterns around her face. "Lily Potter," she said, shaking out her red hair and smirking at Remus and Fabian's expressions.

Nolan scoffed in shock, leaning closer and narrowing his eyes at Lily, who stared back at him with a challenging expression. Though before he could speak, Peter over at the bar interjected a random comment into the conversation.

"Wow, Lils… that's impressive. I had no idea that was you," he laughed as he came around and walked over to the group. "Are you looking for Prongs?"

"Um… no, why?" asked Lily.

"Just hang on a tick," said Emmeline, narrowing her eyes and stepping closer to Nolan. "We didn't come here to listen to you exert your non-existent authority over us. We came here looking for Moody. Where is he?"

"He's not here," Nolan replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I beg to differ on that," growled a low voice from a shadowy corner behind them. Moody emerged from the darkness, eyes narrowed and hands clasped behind his back as he walked slowly over to Nolan. "Vance… been a while since I've heard from you."

Emmeline's eyes widened as she glared at Nolan, who tried valiantly to remain straight faced when Moody's blue eyes began to scan over him. Lily could hear Emmeline breathing through her nose, trying to calm herself. Alice placed a restraining hand on her shoulder as Moody spoke. "As you are rendered speechless, I'm guessing you've been relaying these messages to Ed here… and he's failed to relay them to me."

"They haven't been valuable-"

"That's up to me to decide," Moody growled. "Tell me what's been going on."

Emmeline looked at Marlene, too enraged to speak herself. Marlene began to explain the situation and back story for Moody's benefit. Fabian's eyes widened as she described Bellatrix's plans for Lily and herself to meet personally with Voldemort during a large Death Eater gathering in Diagon Alley.

"We're supposed to be in there now," Marlene said. "But we had no idea what to expect or what to do… and Emmeline wanted to make sure that your team knew so you could try and round up as many of them as possible."

"Course that's gone by the wayside now, since _you_ decided it wasn't important to relay my messages!" Emmeline snapped at Nolan.

Moody held up a hand to quiet her, his eyes watching the brick wall that separated the pub from Diagon Alley. "They're meeting now?"

"These two are supposed to be in there," nodded Emmeline, motioning to Lily and Marlene. "But I didn't want… I wasn't comfortable with sending them to the lions without-"

"You're right," said Moody, walking past Nolan and the group to the wall. "Had I known what was happening, I would have been able to tell Albus and assemble a larger group, and I would have had you two walk into the whole thing late on purpose," he explained, glancing at Lily who was busy disguising herself again and Marlene who was chewing her lip nervously.

"We still might be able to make this work though," Moody said thoughtfully, turning back and looking at Fabian. "I'm going to send a message to Albus. If You-Know-Who is in there, and he's speaking now … we need to get inside, and we need backup. Where is that brother of yours, Prewett?"

"He went through with Potter and Black; I hung back because I knew something was off, but those two have really been wanting do anything to help, and Gid thought that maybe this would be a chance, so they went ahead," he explained, pointing passively at Nolan, whose eyes were defiant as they watched Moody. "Completely _blind_ as far as what to expect, I'll add."

"We'll need to get more people in there then; I hope those three had enough sense not to pick a fight," Moody growled. Lily watched as a large silver animal of some sort leapt from his wand and raced out through the window; she couldn't tell what it had been, but it vaguely reminded her of James' stag patronus.

As the light from the Patronus faded, several things clicked together in Lily's head and she gasped loudly, her eyes filled with alarm as she turned to Fabian. "_Wait_… you said James went _where_ with Sirius and your brother?"

"Into Diagon Alley," Fabian repeated. "Nolan was trying to get Gid and I to go in, saying that he wanted someone to go monitor this small Death Eater '_presentation'_ before he bothered telling the rest of the Aurors about it."

Lily shook her head and pressed her fingers to her lips, her expression fretful as she stared back at Fabian. "It wasn't supposed to be small; Bellatrix said that all of them – all of the spouses and everyone that they talked about all the time – were going to be there, along with loads of others…_anyone_ who wanted to stop and listen to Voldemort. She said they were going to do _something_ that would draw the Aurors into the alley. They were going to capture people, interrogate them to find out how much the Ministry knows about them… if they have any clue how many of them are."

Moody perked up. "So they're going to kill or curse someone," he noted, scratching his chin. "We've put taboos on certain curses they use frequently trying to track them; they'll have to perform one of those…"

Lily's expression became horrified. "James… he… Sirius, Gideon… they went in there… and _you_," she said, pointing at Nolan with a shocked expression. "_You_ told them to go in?"

"Someone needed to go check it out, and they were _more_ than willing," Nolan replied defensively.

"You knew from Em what was going to happen; why didn't you _warn_ them?" she asked, moving around Emmeline and into Nolan's face. "You sent them in there blind! You sent them in there _knowing_ the only way the Death Eater's would be able to draw the Aurors attention would be to _kill_ someone or start performing dark magic?"

"They're more than able to handle-"

"_Are you mental_? There are forty or more evil, murdering, Dark-Art's-obsessed wizards gathering to listen to the most evil Dark Wizard of all time spout off more hatred," she snapped. "And you sent them in there completely blind? You gave them no warning-"

"Calm down! They're-"

Lily shoved Nolan off of his chair, much to Fabian's amusement and Emmeline and Alice's surprise. "Don't you tell me to calm down! That is my _husband_ and one of my best friends inside there! That is Fabian's brother! And you-"

"I only wanted someone to check it out!" Nolan shouted back from the floor as he stood and stepped right into Lily's face. "I wanted to make sure it was worth investigating before I told Alastor; to make sure we didn't waste more time pursuing a dead lead like we have been for the past month or more!"

"You mean you just wanted to make yourself look good," Marlene muttered with narrowed eyes.

Lily's cheeks grew red, her eyes filled with rage as Nolan glared down at her. "You arrogant, self-serving arse! They could be killed! They could be captured or-"

"Potter," Moody grunted, placing a firm hand on Lily's shoulder and pulling her back. "They've got enough brains to have disguised themselves, and are probably blended in with the crowd. But never mind that, we've got to-"

A bright flash of light suddenly appeared through the barrier, and a tiny lizard ran across the floor and settled in front of Moody. It opened its mouth and spoke in a low, frantic voice.

"_There are about one-hundred people in Diagon Alley… Voldemort has arrived_," echoed Gideon Prewett's voice.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"… they run, for they are afraid of _us_?" Voldemort was saying, scanning the crowd with his dark, bloodshot eyes. "_We_ are not the ones you should fear, my brothers and sisters. The blood in our veins is pure. Like the first glimpse of the night's velvety darkness, the blood in our veins is uncontaminated by the bacteria that is present amongst the muggles. It is _them_ you should fear. _They_ are the cruel ones, the murderous ones, driving us in to a state of hiding because they're afraid of accepting the truth," Voldemort continued, moving off his platform and down into the crowd. "The truth that they are beneath us! We belong on top, and they belong in hiding, in subservience to us."

"But _now_… now, suddenly, they come to us in droves, claiming that they have been graced and gifted with magical power," he hissed dangerously, looking down at a man that was being restrained by one of the masked figures. "They claim that they belong among us… but those are lies, aren't they?" Voldemort asked the man, placing the palm of his hand against the man's forehead. "Lies and deceit, that is all mudbloods know; it is all they are taught by their lying, deceitful, filthy muggle parents."

Voldemort grabbed the man by the hair and dragged him back toward the front of the crowd; several onlookers laughed at his screams and began to cheer as Voldemort brought him up on the platform. "Now, your _Ministry_ would have you believe that this mudblood is the same on the inside as you or I," he said, holding his wand under the man's chin. "They would like us to believe all mudbloods - those who are lying and stealing our wands, our cauldrons, our gold, our sacred and pure heritage - they want us to believe we're all the same. They hold the same powers, they deserve the same rights, yes?"

"_No_!"

"No!"

"They aren't the same!"

Several members of the crowd began to respond, yelling out about the injustices of giving muggle-borns the same rights as pure-blood members of society. The more the crowd yelled out, the more pleased Voldemort looked as he held out the struggling Muggle-born out for their ridicule.

The woman Gideon was pretending to restrain whimpered in fear. He moved her behind him and looked over at James, who was watching horrified at the spectacle. "Where _is_ everyone?" asked Gideon in a whisper.

"Who did you send a message to?"

"Moody, Dumbledore, Fabian… anyone I could think of," Gideon muttered.

"We should get _them_ out of here," Sirius said, gently patting the girl he was holding in front of him on the back. "We should get them-"

"The response is overwhelming!" Voldemort yelled. "This man isn't the same as you or I! Shall we prove it? Shall we prove it to the Ministry who says we share the same blood?"

Members of the crowd began to yell as it converged on the dais where Voldemort stood. The frightened man who was now screaming as Voldemort threw him to the ground and held his wand stiffly over his figure. James nodded his head toward the gateway, and pushed his captive towards the wall, watching as he disappeared back into the pub and was followed by the two women. Sirius and James had begun to move forward, trying not to appear too eager to get closer to the front, when Gideon stopped them.

"We need to wait-"

"They're going to _kill_ him!" James snapped in protest.

"Potter, we can't go three of us against all of these people! We have to wait, we have to-"

There was an uproar from the crowd around them as Voldemort hoisted the struggling man into the air by his ankle. He was bleeding from a large cut across his chest, and still struggling under the torture Voldemort was inflicting. The screams stopped as Voldemort flicked his wand and the man floated upside down directly in front of him. The crowd fell silent as blood dripped down the man's face, arms, and fingers into a small pool at Voldemort's feet.

"Does our blood look like this, my brothers and sisters? This thick, putrid, fluid that flows through his veins?" he asked in a whisper, dipping a finger into the blood and pulling a disgusted face as he wiped it on the man's robes.

The crowd shouted a resounding "_No_" and Voldemort shrieked a curse in response. There was a flash of green light and the man fell to the ground. A few onlookers screamed, but most of them cheered as Voldemort stood tall and proud.

He began to speak again, but James could hear nothing but the rush of blood pulsing through his ears. He moved to run his hand through his hair out of habit, but Sirius grabbed his wrist and pointed toward the opposite end of the crowd at the same time Gideon exhaled sharply.

"Good… there's Moody, Frank, and Alice…" he said, looking around and seeing several figures mix themselves into the crowd. "They got the message… there's Emmeline too, so the Order is here and-"

"There's Remus… and that's Lily, isn't it?" said Sirius, pointing at a dark-haired woman who was the only one in the crowd with her hood down. James nodded and frowned at the same time.

Remus said a few quick words before moving away from Lily, who James and Sirius recognized solely based on her expression. She was biting her lip and her eyebrows were knit close together. A tall woman with curly brown hair that neither James nor Sirius recognized leaned close and murmured something in Lily's ear, to which she nodded. Emmeline stood in front of them, a fierce expression on her face as she stared through the crowd. James groaned internally, instantly fearful for his wife's safety as the crowd roared to life around them.

Lily's eyes were darting frantically back and forth, trying to find James even though she knew he had probably disguised himself to blend in with the crowd. "Lils, _stop_ _it_," Emmeline whispered. "We'll find him, but-"

"Sophia! Gwyn!" a voice called near them. Bellatrix Lestrange pursed her lips as she approached them, pushing several onlookers out of her way. "You were supposed to be here-"

"We got caught up," Lily replied instantly. "The entrance you told us about through the Leaky Cauldron was sealed, we had to Floo in."

"Strange," Bellatrix murmured. "The Aurors are most likely going to arrive at any moment, so we may have to put off your introduction, but you see we have several Mudbloods restrained. If you'd like to-"

An uproar from the crowd distracted Bellatrix, her eyes flashing angrily as several red streaks sailed toward where Voldemort was standing. Bellatrix's wand was in her hand before Lily had time to blink. Then she was gone, and the crowd was screaming and bright flashes of light were appearing at random points around where she stood. Lily felt disoriented, panicked; her thoughts focused on finding James and escaping the group of Death Eaters that were fighting viciously against the group of Aurors that arrived.

Marlene shouted something and grabbed Lily by the back of her cloak and pulled her to the ground. There was another flash and Lily felt immense pressure pass through her body. It wasn't painful, but it was enough to make her cry out and curl up into a ball until the sensation passed. When she lifted her eyes it was to see Marlene hastily rearranging her robes and looking at Lily with a desperate expression.

"Put your hood up, Lily – put it up before someone sees –"

"We have traitors in our crowd," Voldemort hissed in a dangerous voice. "Traitors to our pure-blood sanctity! Ministry officials who think that what we have done is disgraceful… it is not a disgrace! One more mudblood has been eradicated and our goal is moving ever closer! If you are with us, if you believe that the Mudbloods amongst us are the traitors, the scourge of our society, I urge you to stand up!" Voldemort shouted as several flashes of red light bounced off an invisible, and seemingly impenetrable shield that had surrounded him. "Stand up and fight against those who continue to oppress you!"

Heavy footfalls began to stampede around Lily as she pulled her robes around her face and stood up. Bellatrix had initially guided her and Marlene behind the invisible barrier Voldemort put up around his podium, which momentarily shielded them from harm. At Emmeline's urging, Marlene and Lily turned to follow her away from the crowd. Though they only got a few steps before three figures converged on them, wands drawn as flashes of light clouded Lily's vision again.

Her wand was slippery in her hands as she pulled it out and first fired a stunning spell at the figure who was wrestling with Marlene. The person she had been fighting ran forward, grabbing wrist and trying to pry her wand from her fingers; Lily was spun around, her eyes meeting a pair of black ones that glared angrily at her from behind a skull shaped masked. Though as soon as their eyes met, the figure paused and relaxed its hold on her.

Lily struggled away, raising her wand to hex the person but a sudden explosion threw her to the ground. Someone had been able to shatter Voldemort's shield, and numerous figures were rushing forward, trampling everyone in their path. Lily felt someone grab the back of her robes and pull her away from the stampede and onto her feet. She flinched and struggled against her captor's grip, watching as Voldemort whipped his wand over the convergence of Aurors that were suddenly in front of him. Screams erupted from the crowd, Lily's among them as she watched several people she knew and cared for be thrown back violently, all of them thrashing in pain. Her captor whipped her around and glared into her eyes again.

"_Run_," a familiar male voice snarled. "Run! _NOW_!"

The man shoved Lily away and ran off in the opposite direction. Staying true to form, Lily failed to heed the warning and followed him into the crowd with Marlene, Emmeline, and Alice hot on her heels.

Through the chaos Lily saw Frank Longbottom take up a duel with Voldemort as a Ministry official or Auror she didn't fell to the ground. Alice's terrified voice cried out, her feet sliding over rubble from a small explosion as she drastically changed directions and ran to help. Lily tripped over a figure writhing in pain from the unknown curse Voldemort had fired into the crowd earlier.

"_Finite_!" she shouted, trying to halt the progression of whatever hex he'd cast. The person's writhing stopped, but their breathing remained ragged and hoarse. Lily fired a stunning spell at a masked man running in their direction, watching as he fell to the ground and two people rushed forward to either subdue or assist him. The figure in front of her whimpered and Lily pulled back its hood, gasping as Dorcas' frightened eyes stared up at her.

"Can you walk?" asked Lily. Dorcas shrugged, wincing only slightly as Lily began lifting her off the ground. She had strength enough to cast a sheltering charm around the pair of them as Lily assisted her; the protection saved them from numerous curses flying at random from the escalating fight.

But then her shield was broken; it fell with apart with a sickening crack as a tall masked figure flicked it's wand and stalked toward the two women. Lily raised her wand defensively, but the figure was hit by another spell and fell forward unconscious. Not dropping her guard, Lily shouted "_Stupefy_!" as another hooded figure ran toward her and Dorcas. The person dove forward, shoving Lily's wand away from his face and sending her stunning spell into the crowd at random.

"_It's me_! _Gideon_!" the figure shouted, pulling his hood back a bit to reveal his red hair. Lily sighed in relief and Dorcas grabbed his cloak.

"Your-"

"It's a gecko," Gideon replied, covering the two women with another shield as fight broke out near them. "Who's hurt?"

"I am," Dorcas breathed. "That curse… he-"

"Get out of here, _both of you_," Gideon ordered. "The Aurors and hit wizards are here, and Dumbledore should be -"

A loud explosion blew apart the wall of a shop behind them. The sheltering spell fell apart, and Lily shoved Dorcas into Gideon's arms. "Get her somewhere safe!" she screamed, watching as he grabbed a hold of her shoulders and ran.

Another explosion sent more debris flying into the air; Lily scrabbled out of the way of the rubble as it fell around her, crying out when a searing pain hit her shoulder and a foot connected with her stomach. Coughing and sputtering, she rolled over to see another black clad figure with a skull mask bearing down upon her.

A sudden piercing distracted both Lily and her combatant's attention; there were cries of terror and elation along with a series of loud cracks - the sound of people Apparating... Lily briefly witnessed Moody's figure rushing to aid Frank and Alice in their fight, but another bright flash of light distracted her from the outcome of the battle. The person fighting Lily suddenly turned and ran off; she got to her feet and followed, firing spell after spell at him to try to keep him from escaping as so many others were doing.

There was a shout from behind her, and Lily fell flat on her face as tight black cords wrapped themselves around her feet. Rolling onto her side, she fired a spell at another person following her, watching her hex connect with the man's chest. He groaned in agony as blisters erupted on his skin, and was then shoved to the ground as tall man with red hair rushed forward and bound the man from head to foot. When Fabian had finished, he raced to Lily and quickly removed the ropes from her feet.

"Get out of here, Potter," Fabian yelled. "There are too many of them and-"

"Isn't Dumbledore-"

"We don't know if he got our message," Fabian sputtered. "It could have been intercepted or cut off, just get out of here-"

"Where's James? I'm not leaving-"

Fabian opened his mouth to argue, but another explosion resounded around them. Lily covered her head as Fabian did the same, trying to shield Lily as much as possible from the debris. Heavy brick fell and landed directly on his shin; Fabian growled in pain, but shook his head when Lily reached to assist him. "Just _go_! We're trying to get everyone out – there are too many of them!" he explained as more masked figures joined the fray. "Just run!"

Another explosion, this one was followed by screams of horror as more masked figures burst into the alley. Lily obeyed Fabian's instructions, struggling to her feet and running toward the barrier that led back to the Leaky Cauldron. She passed a few Order Members helping others into buildings with fireplaces, hoping to escape the figures pursing them. Spells flew from her wand as she attempted to aid in their escape, but she continued moving forward, hoping to find any exit and make it out safely. She passed Sirius and Remus, who were engaged in battle with a masked figure, then skidded to a halt when she realized James wasn't with them.

Knowing he most likely wouldn't be far away from where his friends were, she began to scan the area frantically, her eyes desperate for the sight of his dark, shaggy hair and hazel eyes. Lily briefly wondered if he'd donned his invisibility cloak during the battle, but as another explosion blew apart the wall of a shop close to where Sirius and Remus were, Lily noticed a figure in a hood slumped in the rubble.

James' head was pounding as the sound of another explosion echoed in his ears. The pounding _did_ distract from the intense pain in his back and legs, which was nice, but it blurred his vision, which disabled him from seeing what was happening. Breathing was already difficult from the intense pain in his back and chest, and the large bricks covering half of his body didn't make it any easier. James flinched and waited for the impact of more rubble on his weak and injured body, but was surprised when nothing came… in fact, he felt the weight of some of the rubble being moved off of him before his hood was yanked roughly off his head.

He felt a warm, soft hand against his cheek, turning his face towards the glaring light from the sun. James heard his own voice groan loudly, and upon his next painful inhalation he noticed a flowery scent now mixed in with the smell of singed fabric and dust. A wand poked at the deep cut along his ribcage, then at his shin which caused him to cry out loudly. His glasses were suddenly shoved on his face, not that it did any good since he couldn't open his eyes from the pain. But the ringing in his ears had stopped, which was a good thing. It had been replaced with the muffled sound of a sweet, yet panicked, familiar voice.

"_James_! You're all right, you're going to be all right," Lily's panicked voice whispered. He felt her hands moving over his chest and legs, checking for injuries as she tried to repair the obvious ones. "Can you hear me? James… _love_… you're going to be okay, I promise. I'm going to get you out of here… I'm not leaving without you. Hang on, _please_ hang on…"

She murmured something very quietly, tapping her wand against his forehead. James felt a sense of warmth rush through him, and the pain in his body eased slightly. He opened his eyes to see Lily's worried figure bent over him, working furiously to free him from the rubble and repair his injuries.

"Your cloak is dusty… and there's blood in your hair," he said thickly, watching Lily's eyes widen as her hands flew to his face.

"_James_?" she whispered. "Oh, thank _God_. I'm going to move you, I have to get you somewhere safe," she warned, before wrapping her arms around his chest and dragging him a few feet behind a wall for more protection. James groaned in pain as he was moved, wondering how many bones in his body were broken.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lily whispered, her voice cracking as she set James down and wiped a streak of blood from his cheek. "Where does it hurt? Tell me and I'll try my best to-"

"Small group of Death Eaters, isn't it?" James noted with a pained laugh, looking up at Lily's face. Her cheeks had tear tracks through the dust on her skin, and there was blood all along the right side of her face, but she looked to be in one piece, which made James relax a bit. "Would have been nice to know about this, you agree?"

Lily sniffed and sobbed once. "I should have told you, I _knew_ I should have told you everything! I'm so sorry, I'm-"

"It's not your fault," James said reassuringly, shifting uncomfortably as Lily worked on repairing his broken forearm. "They should have us working together."

Lily nodded, wiping her cheek before pulling James' shirt aside. She bit her lip and murmured a healing charm as she traced her wand over the large cut along his ribs. "I can't… I can't fix everything, but we have to get out of here. Tell me what hurts and I'll do what I can so you can move."

"Nothing hurts," James shrugged, reaching a hand out and placing it on her waist.

"Are you numb all over?" asked Lily, her eyes horrified as they met his.

"No, _you're_ here," explained James softly. "Nothing hurts."

Lily's expression softened; she fought back a smile. "Shut up…tell me-"

"That was cheesy-"

"James, _shut up_," said Lily sternly. She began to push on different areas of his body, watching him wince and then placing a numbing charm on that area to ease his pain. When she leaned forward and examined his shoulder, James instinctively turned his head and kissed her cheek before resting his head against hers.

"Stop it," Lily murmured, though she nestled her face against his hair and pressed her lips against the crown of his head.

"I love you."

"James… _dammit_," Lily swore angrily, fighting a smile as James kissed her cheek again. "I can't lift you and we have to get out of here. This is not-"

"Apparate," suggested James.

Lily grimaced. "I'm … I can't. I'm afraid I'll hurt you worse if I try because I can't focus."

James nodded, glancing down at himself and testing his legs by bending them. "What'd you-"

"It's not a fix, but if you can walk-"

"Help me up," he said, using her body for support by placing his arm around her shoulders. James was momentarily surprised by the amount of strength Lily had as he leaned all of his weight against her; but then he forced himself to focus on getting them both to safety. "Okay… I can walk. Let's-"

"The pathway is sealed, we have to find a fire place or some other way to get out," Lily advised, looking around before she dragged James out from behind the wall and across the street into another building.

As she moved, James tried to assist, but every part of him seemed to cry out in pain with each step she took. A far off part of his mind became concerned about the severity of his injuries. Lily's charms had eased the pain, but he could feel parts of his body aching and creaking with each step he took. Once they were out of sight, she had leaned him up against a wall and began debating with herself on how best to get him out. James was about to suggest apparition again, the more conscious part of his mind becoming increasingly concerned for Lily's safety in addition to his own, but he felt the wall give away against his back. There was the oddest sensation of falling for a second, but then Lily was thrust against him as the explosion threw them both backward inside of a small shop.

Lily heard James cry out in pain, and she scrambled out from the rubble and over to his figure, her hands shaking frantically as she dug him out and pulled him into her arms.

"James! Stay with me… stay with me," she murmured, wiping blood away from his forehead as he groaned in pain and tried to sit up. He now had a huge gash to his face in addition to all his other injuries she had tried to repair. Before she could reset her numbing charms, a set of footsteps moving closer to them called both her and James' attention.

"_Fuck_," James groaned, trying to sit up as he stared in horror over Lily's shoulder. "Lils… run… leave me-"

"No," Lily replied, shaking her head frantically as she realized someone was approaching. The sounds of the battle outside their small building were still loud and frantic. She wondered why this person had turned his attention to her and James' attempted escape. James gave her a stern glance, his eyes flicking from hers to the person behind them, then back again; she shook her head. "If you're dying today, then so am I," she whispered, smiling sadly as James' arm pulled her closer to him.

"Trying to escape… how would your friends feel if they saw this, Potter? How do you think they'd feel if they saw you acting like a coward?" asked a dangerous voice, tsking quietly as it moved closer. James frowned at the twisted face of a man he didn't recognize, watching Lily flinch over the taunt, but she refused to turn around and face him. Her focus remained solely on James as she tended uselessly to his numerous injuries.

"It pains me to see the blood of noble heritage being spilled," murmured Voldemort suddenly, stepping closer from his spot by the exit and looking down at James' figure with a slightly curious expression. "But you did strike first this time, James Potter. Unprovoked, I might add."

James groaned and shook his head at Lily, mouthing again for her to run and watching her refuse. "Oh, neither of you are going to escape this time," Voldemort said, glancing from James' figure to Lily's as the man with the twisted face stepped closer.

"You had a chance to join us, Potter. You had several chances, then you went and dirtied yourself and your blood with this abomination-"

"It's not opportunity… to join you," James grunted in a weak voice. Lily hovered over him protectively, shushing him and feeling her temper flare up when Voldemort and the man laughed quietly.

"It is interesting how protective his pet is of him," Voldemort murmured toward the man now holding his wand against the back of Lily's head. "She's guarding him as though she thinks she can save him… she hasn't even acknowledged that her death stands behind her; it's as almost as if she cares nothing for herself and only for you, James Potter," he mused in a moderately interested voice.

Lily placed another numbing charm over James' whole body, glancing over her shoulder at the man sneering down at her. "Don't deny the truth, Evans," the man whispered. "You are a mudblood; bred by a pair of filthy muggle animals."

"And you are selfish, right to your very soul," Voldemort continued, crossing the room to peer out the window at the battle. "If you even have one, that is. If you were unselfish, you would have run away, and let poor James here be alone. For it is because of _you_ that he suffers so."

"I _didn't_ do this," said Lily in a thick voice, turning around to throw the man's arm off of her. Purple light shot from his wand, and Lily blocked the curse, a heavy thudding sound echoing throughout the room as it rebounded off her shield. The twisted face man growled, firing another spell and engaging Lily in a quick duel of flashing lights before he was able to disable her with a brief round of torture. James desperately tried to assist her while she screamed, but Voldemort walked forward and threw him back against the ground, cracking his head on the brick and causing James' vision to blur.

"It is because of _you_ that I am forced to do _this_," Voldemort hissed malevolently, moving from where James and Lily were back over toward the window. "Finish them Dolohov. For your insult, James Potter and your mudblood's existence… It is because of you, and all of your kind that I was made. I was brought into this world to purify it; to purge our society of your diluted, dirty blood. Finish them!" he ordered, still staring curiously out the window.

Lily closed her eyes and waited, feeling James' warm arm around her waist and thinking desperately of anyway she could protect him from harm. The twisted face man named Dolohov grinned maliciously as he jabbed his wand into the back of Lily's head.

A loud crack and an intense flash of white light distracted him as Voldemort screeched and sent a curse flying through a crack in the glass and into a small group that had crowded in front of the shop.

His curse was block, rebounding violently as several voices outside began to shout triumphantly over someone's arrival. Voldemort and Dolohov ducked to avoid several jets of light that flew in their direction, and Lily turned over her shoulder to see a tall figure with a long white beard and midnight blue robes walking toward their building. Dumbledore's expression was terrifying; full of purpose and anger as he raised his wand and began firing spells at the retreating Death Eaters.

"What in the hell is _that_ thing?" asked James, suddenly horrified as he stared over Lily's shoulder at a large hole in the wall of the building. She turned sharply, surprised to see a Thestral standing where James was staring, seemingly waiting for someone to climb on and escape the battle.

The glass in the window shattered suddenly, showering the room with shards as Lily covered James with her body. She heard Dolohov scream in pain, casting off the shards of glass as several new figures raced into the building. There was chaos around them as Voldemort and Dolholv began to duel the Aurors, flashes of light lighting up the darkness. Desperate to escape, Lily wrapped her arms around James' chest and used all her strength to lift him from the ground and drag him away from the fray over to where the Thestral was standing.

James groaned painfully as Lily shoved him onto the animal's back. She grabbed a handful of its mane and pulled herself on in front of him. She pulled James' arms around her waist, wrapped hers around the Thestral's neck, and held on for dear life as it tossed its head and galloped out of the building.

They were in the air before James had time to blink. He looked down for a moment and saw Dumbledore and a few Aurors pursuing Voldemort, who was scarpering away from the rubble in a snake-like manner. The heat from Lily's body was warm and soothing, as was the breeze that rushed over his body as they moved. James rested against Lily's back, thankful that she was safe and escaping from harm. He started to drift, the movement of the animals wings comforting as they fluttered rhythmically against him.

"James, stay awake," said Lily, putting an arm around his neck and pulling him close to her. "Please… you're going to be all right. _Stay awake_!"

James smiled and hugged Lily tightly before placing a soft kiss against her worried cheek. "I love you."

"James, stay awake! We're almost-"

"Do you love me?"

Lily sobbed and held him close. "Of course I love you! But you have to stay awake, you have-"

"Good, that's what I wanted to know," he murmured before letting the pressing blackness shut his eyes and close his mind to sense and sound.

* * *

_A/N - Thanks for your reviews and continued reading. My fiction writing class for school is coming to an end (bittersweet really, since It's been so helpful in my writing) so I will have more time to work on getting this story to you. Thanks for your support!_


	42. Prejudice and Pressure

Prejudice and Pressure

"Lost?" Coldplay

* * *

"I think," Sirius sniggered, grinning wickedly as Lily threw him an angry glare, "the lesson we can all take away from today is 'don't piss off Lily Potter.'"

Fabian let out an amused snort while Remus hid his face behind his hands, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter; Marlene, Emmeline and everyone else in the room were sniggering quietly, save for Peter who stared slightly bewildered from Sirius to Lily, and then to Dumbledore who was gazing quietly out the window alongside Moody.

A gentle thud of crutches echoed from the end of the hall as Alice Longbottom hobbled around the corner into the waiting area. She was being followed by a mediwizard, who patted her gently on the back before crossing the room to speak with Moody and Dumbledore. The healers had been relaying hourly reports on James, Dorcas, Frank, Ceradoc, Benjy, and a few Aurors who had been injured during the battle in Diagon Alley. It appeared that everyone was going to make it, though the fact that no one had been allowed in to see James yet was a bit concerning to Lily as she waited in impatient silence for the healers to let her know he was all right.

Sirius had been making jokes to try and lighten his own stress along with the mood of the group, but when Alice came out, he reverted back to silently waiting alongside Remus, whose eyes continually stared at the floor. Peter looked from person to person, as though trying to judge how he should behave, though his eyes never connected with Lily's. In fact, everyone waiting was simultaneously supporting her and keeping a safe distance as they waited for news.

When the mediwizard went back into James' room, silence fell over the group again. Lily adjusted her position and crossed her legs, her right foot keeping rhythm with a frenzied song that must have been playing in her head. Sirius opened his mouth to say something encouraging to her, but was cut off by another shout of pain and several Healers rushing by toward where James was recuperating.

Lily closed her eyes, cringing at the sound of James' voice before leaning forward on her knees and burying her face in her hands for a moment. She let out a small sob of despair, and Marlene moved to sit next to her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Though, the comforting hand suddenly turned to a restraining one when Lily sat straight up and glared over at Nolan, who had been sitting alone in a corner chair since he'd arrived, his left eye growing blacker with each passing second.

"Don't like at me like that you jumped up-"

"This is _YOUR_ FAULT!" Lily shouted, angrily shoving Marlene's arm away from her. Gideon and Fabian perked up, identical looks of interest on their faces as they debated moving to restrain James' wife from attacking Nolan again. Sirius looked on with a mildly amused expression; he wasn't Nolan's biggest fan at the moment either, having been sent into a gathering of Death Eaters without the faintest warning of what to expect.

"It's not -"

"It's your fault that Dorcas, Frank, and Ceradoc are in here suffering! It's-"

"You left _him_ out this time," Nolan replied coolly. "Starting to care about the rest of the world instead of just-"

"_Nolan_! _Potter_!" Moody growled warningly as Lily jumped to her feet and pulled out her wand. Marlene grabbed Lily's shoulders firmly and pulled her back, though it appeared Lily was hell bent on finishing what she'd started an hour ago. "Sit _down_, Lily," he ordered gruffly.

Lily threw herself angrily into her chair and crossed her legs, resuming her foot jiggling as her arms closed protectively around her chest. Sirius laughed and ruffled his hair. "She's got a point, you know; if it weren't for this git-"

"We're all well aware of that fact, Black," interrupted Moody, watching as Dumbledore turned around and looked at Nolan with disappointed eyes. The latter shifted uncomfortably under Dumbledore's piercing gaze.

"Edmund," Dumbledore began in a low voice that was stern yet somehow kind. "You were told all communications about missions must be relayed to Alastor, Gideon or Fabian… who would then relay the progress on to me. Why was this duty neglected when you complete your others so proficiently? "

Nolan began to sputter, his eyes searching for someone to support him, though everyone in the room seemed to be thinking the same thing. "I was … I … I don't… it's not right for a _woman_ to be in charge of such an important mission! There was no reason the four of them should have been doing _anything_ other than brewing potions and taking notes. I kept waiting for them to _screw_ it up, and they _did_ by getting in so deep!" he snarled, glaring at Marlene, Emmeline and Lily, who were all wearing identical defiant expressions. "You four screwed up by thinking that a _muggle-born_ could ever-"

"_Shut your mouth_!" Emmeline snarled. "That muggle-born helped get two of our members to safety, in addition to helping defend countless others! That muggle-born has had more experience with the Dark Arts in six month than you have in six years!"

"_I'm_ an Auror!" Nolan retaliated. "It should have been me heading a mission!"

Gideon stood up, pointing an angry finger in Nolan's direction. "The reason you weren't on _our_ team was because you're in office! At the very beginning, you were told Ministry workers weren't going-"

"That's enough, everyone," interrupted Dumbledore, holding up a hand and gazing around the room. Lily returned to her nervous twitching, Emmeline huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, and Gideon sat down next to his brother, both of them glaring at Nolan angrily.

"Alastor, take Edmund back to the office," he murmured, giving Moody a significant look the others couldn't interpret. "There isn't much else to be said."

Moody nodded, his eyes falling on Nolan as he jerked his head toward the exit with a grunt. Dumbledore waited until the two of them had disappeared before sighing heavily and turning to face the remaining Order members in the small lobby.

"Sirius, in addition to your observation, I have a few more lessons that can be taken away from today. Our communications must be more open, we must know the details of our individual missions so that we can help each other. It was not my intention, when I stressed the importance of remaining hidden, that you would take this to mean our group as whole should be kept in the dark about what was going on. I did request missions be kept confidential, though I never intended to make you think we shouldn't be working together," he apologized, smiling gently at the nine people in the waiting area as he walked away from the window and took a seat next to Lily.

"You all are ambitious, and brave, which was why you were invited into the Order in the first place, though another lesson we all take away from today is that selfishness, along with the desire for personal gain, get us nowhere. I believe, as a whole, that no one – not a single one of you - has any other desire than to see this war finished for the good of us all. Though this may be the case, we are part of a larger group, so we must be more mindful of those who may not… feel the same way. Perhaps it is _my_ mistake in believing everyone involved in our fight has no other aims than to help end this war," Dumbledore mused.

Alice shook her head, speaking for the first time since she'd come out into the lobby. "No, Albus… this was all Nolan. He's been very ambitious since the beginning of his career. We should have sensed that when we first invited him in. He felt slighted from the very beginning over the fact that Marlene and I knew more than he did. That should have been our warning sign."

"Well," Sirius piped up. "_Nolan_ may be of the opinion that girls have no place in battle, but I for one want Lily there to drag me out of the rubble next time something like this happens… _and_ to throw punches on my behalf," Sirius added with a snigger, drawing light chuckles from the rest of the people in the group.

"I see absolutely nothing funny about this," Lily growled at Sirius. "Frank almost _died_; he and Alice _barely_ escaped Voldemort. And that is your _best friend_ in there, with his entire left side torn open, three broken ribs, a broken shin, and burns on half of his body from that curse that You-Know-Who cast. I think you'd be a _tad_ more concerned."

"Lils, he's going to be fine," Sirius reassured her.

"Fine thanks to you, I might add," Dumbledore smiled, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Frank and Alice are not the only ones who had a narrow escape, Lily. If it weren't for your quick thinking, Voldemort would have run off undetected after killing you and James."

"He still escaped," Lily muttered, her foot twitching nervously.

"He didn't _escape_," said Dumbledore. "He ran… as all bullies do when confronted." Dumbledore sighed and patted Lily on the shoulder. "I must get to the Ministry; the Minister needs to be advised of the number of Death Eaters that are active now… and about the _real_ events of today."

He stood and gazed around at the group of people with a small smile. "Take care of one another, and send a message if any of you need anything. I'd like the nine of you to plan on meeting this coming Saturday; I'll send a note to the others as we move into discussing a few more intensive missions."

The nine people in the lobby quietly watched him leave, letting the silence of his presence linger for a few moments before Sirius broke it again.

"I still think the _real_ lesson here is don't piss Lily off," he muttered quietly to Peter.

Emmeline laughed from her seat next to Sirius as Lily growled angrily. "Sirius-"

"Lily Potter?"

A hush fell over the group as a mediwitch stepped out of James' room, nodding as Lily jumped to her feet and practically ran across the room to the door. "He's asking for you, dear."

Lily nodded, stepping around her and inside the room. Before the door clicked shut though, Sirius' laughing voice shouted out through the quiet.

"Why does _she_ get to visit first? You're a traitor, Prongs!"

There was laughter at Sirius' comment, and Lily shook her head before rushing the short distance from the door to James' side. He was lying on his back, his left side covered in blood-soaked bandages and several potions bottles next to his bed. Lily recognized a bottle of Skele-grow, and another one of dittany, but ignored the rest as she sat down next to James, who opened his eyes sleepily and grinned at her.

"Are you all right?" Lily whispered, leaning over him and running her fingers through his hair. "I heard you screaming…"

"It hurts when they reset your nose" James explained, tapping the side of Lily's with his finger. "That, _and_ they had to reset my shin… ugh," he shuddered before grinning wickedly. "The mediwitch told me you went mental on Nolan."

Lily sighed as James pressed his lips together in a line, trying in vain not to laugh. "You could have been killed, and it would have been his fault."

James shook his head. "Not _killed_… seriously injured perhaps."

"What do you call _this_?" asked Lily incredulously, gesturing mainly to the blood soaked bandages around his ribs.

"Minor injuries."

Lily rolled her eyes. "James… you –"

James put a finger against her lips, shushing her before threading his fingers into her hair. Lily leaned closer at his coaxing, resting her forehead against his as he kissed her softly. "I would probably be dead if it weren't for you, you know that right?"

Lily sniffed and closed her eyes, feeling James' thumbs brush away the tears on her cheeks. "Don't remind me… _please_ don't remind me."

James smirked and pressed his lips against Lily's again. "I have to stay here tonight," he explained with a sigh. "Maybe even a couple days… they don't know for sure."

"I know. It's all right, I can put-"

"I want you to go home, and I'm going to ask Sirius to stay in the spare room to keep you safe," said James firmly.

"What? No… I'm staying here with you," Lily countered.

"Lils, I'll be fine here. But you need sleep to recover from all of this, and you can't do it on the floor."

"Then I'll sleep with you."

"This bed is tiny."

"I'll enlarge it."

James smiled. "I think you sleeping with me would be '_counterproductive_' to my recovery… at least that's what the mediwitch said."

"You don't need to stay, I can take care of you," muttered Lily. "I'm _not_ leaving you, James. If you have to stay in, I'm staying with you. I'm not doing it. They can just forget about it… I'm not… stop kissing me…" she murmured against his lips. "_Stop_ it… I'm… I'm not … mmmmmhhh…"

James laughed lightly into Lily's mouth, moaning quietly when her fingers tangled into his hair as she slid closer to him. He winced and adjusted his position so he could cuddle her against his chest, his broad palm smoothing her hair as he thought that its texture was more soothing than anything they had given him. "It's not that I don't want you to stay, love. They'll _make_ you leave… they have a-"

"Then let them kick me out," Lily murmured against his neck, her arms snaking around his waist as she settled down next to him. "I've spent too much time away from you lately… I'm not leaving unless they make me. I might not even leave then."

Lily felt James laugh gently, his lips pressing against the top of her head. "Just _try_ to refrain from punching the mediwitch… I rather like this one over Helga-the-horrible that was in here resetting my leg," he teased, grinning as Lily laughed and snuggled closer to him.

J&L&J&L

"So… are we done with this?" Lily asked Marlene on Saturday afternoon as they walked to Hogwarts for their meeting with the Order. "Not the Order; I mean… our little side mission."

"I'm not sure where we stand," shrugged Marlene. "Emmeline hasn't heard if Bellatrix will be holding those little meetings anymore, which _would_ be kind of nice if she didn't. I dunno about you, but I _hated_ listening to her simper about Voldemort all the time."

"Are we okay to say the name?" asked Lily, glancing around her and biting her lip.

Marlene shrugged. "Even if we can't, they'd have a hard time getting to us on the Hogwarts' grounds. This place is a fortress."

"Maybe I'll come sleep here, then," Lily murmured.

"James still at Mungo's?"

Lily nodded. "He lost a lot of blood. I tried to convince the healers I could take care of him at home, but no luck. Personally, I think his nurse fancies him. She's very touchy he said, and she always gives me dirty looks," she added rolling her eyes.

Marlene laughed. "Jealous, are we?"

"No, I just want him home. I can't sleep without him there," sighed Lily as they walked into the castle and up to Dumbledore's office.

Dumbledore was unusually solemn at this meeting. It made Lily much more nervous than she'd felt in quite some time. Somehow, no matter what, Dumbledore had always kept a positive attitude; he was a beacon of hope. But today he looked his age, and for the first time since Lily had set eyes on him eight years ago, he looked defeated.

"As you can see, not everyone is with us. I will explain the details of this meeting to those individuals at a later date," he explained, looking around at the few people who he'd asked to come to Hogwarts that afternoon. "Before we begin, how are our comrades who were injured doing?" Dumbledore asked Alice and Lily. "I have been unable to leave and pay them a visit."

Alice smiled. "Frank is well, he's being released tomorrow. He tried to get them to let him out today, but they said no go. That mediwitch running that ward is strict."

There was a light chuckle through the group, and Dumbledore nodded while Moody gave him info about the other Aurors before he turned his eyes to Lily for an update about James.

"He's doing well," she explained, lowering her eyes for a moment and twisting her fingers.

"Well?" asked Dumbledore with a small smile.

Lily bit her lip and laughed lightly. "Well, he's managing," she explained. "If they hadn't given his wand to me, I reckon he would have oblivated the lot of them and come home days ago. He's going insane being kept inside." _And I'm going insane missing him_, Lily thought to herself.

Dumbledore laughed, as did several people who knew James well. "Yes… James has always been more of an outdoor pet versus an indoor one. But I'm sure he'll be home soon, Lily… then it'll be back to _you_ keeping him on a leash, yes?"

Lily shrugged and laughed gently, blushing when Remus elbowed her in the ribs and Sirius wiggled his eyebrows mischievously. The discussion changed to a positive note for a moment; during the skirmish in Diagon Alley, the Aurors had managed to capture a few fledgling Death Eater pledges, who were now imprisoned in Azkaban and being interrogated about their activities.

"Unfortunately, Voldemort has them pretty well trained; they're refusing to speak to us," Moody added when Dumbledore paused for a moment.

"Which is no surprise, though it is unfortunate as Alastor says," Dumbledore continued, lacing his fingers together in his lap. "However, through the information gathered from various missions over the past few months, we have a fairly good assumption of how large Voldemort's following has gotten. Which, as many of you noticed, is why I appear rather greyer than normal today," he explained with a small smile.

The room fell silent as Dumbledore sighed heavily. "Before we get to that however, I feel the need to clarify a few things to you all.

"Though everyone who has been inducted into the Order is working toward the eradication of Voldemort and his Death Eater's, I feel as though _this_ group – the twelve of you and the two who are still in St. Mungo's – have formed the core of our fight. Therefore going forward, all mission information will be actively shared between all of us here today. The bonds between the people in this room and their loved ones are incredibly strong, and those bonds can only help us accomplish our goal. Should mission paths cross one another, I know that discretion will be kept as needed, but you will also be able to assist each other. I trust your judgment on all things, and I believe that you will only use the information gained in your individual assignments to help each other move forward," explained Dumbledore with a smile.

"Secondly, I along with Alastor, Alice, Frank, and a few others will be working on plans for how we can combat the Death Eater surge that has come to a head, and prevent an overthrow of Ministry power during the upcoming election."

Lily frowned at the term "_Death Eater surge_," though she knew exactly what Dumbledore meant when he said it. In the five days since the skirmish, the Death Eaters had publicly declared their intentions to "purify the wizarding race," and their intention to seek control of the Ministry. Though a singular person wasn't declared as a candidate for Minister, the Death Eaters stated in an announcement run by the Daily Prophet that there would be severe consequences if any of the candidates running for Minister for Magic attempted to further any support for Muggle-born or Muggle rights.

Dumbledore lifted his head, drawing Lily out of her thoughts and back into what they were discussing. "Through the diligent and brave work of Emmeline, Dorcas, Marlene, and Lily, we were able to confirm with the two men we captured some information about the number of Death Eaters working for Voldemort today," he explained with another sigh. "A few months ago, his number of followers hovered around one-hundred to one-hundred and fifty. But, through the use of the Imperius Curse, and Voldemort's attraction to those who are seeking to either torment or harm innocent people, his following has grown… extensively. Today, we're guessing the Death Eaters have amassed a following of around… three to four hundred."

There was a collective gasp from the group in Dumbledore's office. Lily heard Gideon Prewett swear under his breath as she lifted her hand to her mouth, stifling the own curse that was hiding behind her lips. Moody twisted his gnarled fingers and looked around at the crowd. "While we're on the list of bad news… Gid, Fabian? Would you like to let us know the outcome of your recent assignment?"

Fabian swore aloud and looked at his brother, who pursed his lips and stood up. "Well… um… for those of you who don't know, Fabian and I were looking into how far Voldemort's reach extends into the giant community, and other smaller segments of our world," he explained, pausing and clearing his throat. "What we found is that Voldemort has contacted the giants, and gained their trust we suspect by promising them more territory if they assist in the Ministry takeover."

"More territory? Where exactly?" asked Edgar Bones, resting his elbows against his knees with wide eyes. "Britain is only so big, you know…"

"Well, we've… we suspect he's offering them territory in large muggle cities such as London, Manchester… Glasgow… you get the idea; and that's just in Britain. He plans on clearing out _all_ the muggle population eventually, which would mean that they'd have more room to roam and fewer restrictions since… if there are no muggles, there's no need for a statue of secrecy."

"No," said Max Linghold from his seat in front of Lily. "I mean… just… _no_. He can't believe that it'd be possible to kill all those-"

"It's possible if he's got giants fighting for him. They can wipe out an entire county in… well, you can imagine the short amount of time. Besides the giants, I mean… there are other creatures he's got working for him as well."

"Like?" asked Max.

"Well, like… erm… " Fabian sputtered, looking surreptitiously at Remus and Moody both.

Remus stiffened next to Lily, glancing at Sirius who was in between him and Peter for support. Lily put her hand on his shoulder. "It's all right," she whispered, watching his eyes close as he took a deep breath.

Luckily, Moody noticed the exchange and cleared his throat. "It's been our theory for a while that the Dementors are looking to … break out of Ministry control. Obviously, Voldemort can offer them more '_prey_,' but right now they're don't appear to be many of them leaving Azkaban and roaming 'round the countryside with him. Though, with the misery he's causing, they're breeding like mad and it's becoming harder to control them," he grumbled, shaking his head.

"Right," Fabian continued. "Aside from that, he's got a group of red caps that follow them around. I know, I know… they aren't that hard to combat but in a group… anyway… we've also heard about Banshee's, Vampires, and there are rumors about-"

"Werewolves," interrupted Remus. Gideon and Fabian looked in his direction, watching as Remus nodded his head and sat up straighter. "There are … quite a few werewolves pulling for Voldemort."

"What? Why?" asked Emmeline, glancing at Moody for an answer. Moody nodded toward Remus, which caused twelve pairs of eyes to turn in his direction.

"Because Voldemort is promising them – _us_- that we won't have to hide if he's in charge. That we'll… he's promising a lot of very vague things to try and keep them on his side," Remus explained.

Silence fell over the group again, and Remus shifted uncomfortably under everyone's gaze. Sirius clapped him on the back and Lily put her hand on his shoulder.

Dumbledore nodded and gave Remus an encouraging smile. "You've been very brave on your tasks, Remus. Listening to your peers-"

"_We_ are his peers," interrupted Fabian, giving Remus an encouraging nod.

"I'm glad you feel that way, Fabian," Dumbledore chuckled. "We _are_ your peers, Remus. But, as I was saying, it's probably been difficult for you to listen to others who have struggled the way you have hear these lies about how Voldemort can offer you a better existence. Though, I'm sure with the recent legislation, that is not hard to imagine," he added, watching Remus nod in agreement. "But aside from that, the crux of what I'm getting at is that you are safe among us, Remus. You needn't hide who or what you are; we are fighting against the same enemy."

Remus nodded, smiling as he heard murmurs of encouragement in his direction. Dumbledore pressed on with the discussion, revealing in addition to giants, werewolves, and all the other dark creatures mentioned, the captives secured by the Auror team from the battle confirmed for certain that the Death Eaters were inside the Ministry.

"Obviously, they did not specify who those people are, or who they work for, they admitted to both Alastor and I that we were '_completely in the dark'_ about how far Voldemort's hand extends. That being said, with over three hundred people supporting him, it is more important now than ever that we are cautious of who we speak to, and who we trust," explained Dumbledore. "We are safe amongst each other, so keep each other close and informed. But keep your eyes open always, and be careful whom you let into your lives going forward."

Alice sighed heavily. "Is there anything positive happening? Is there a bright spot in all of this?" she asked quietly, looking into Dumbledore's piercing blue eyes.

He smiled gently. "Alice, _you_ are a bright spot. Frank is a bright spot… your friends and family. All of us… we are the bright spot in the midst of this darkness, and we will not go quietly into the night," Dumbledore reassured them all, standing up from his desk and stroking his brilliantly colored phoenix resting on its pedestal. "From the darkness, from defeat, and from oppression… we will shine brightly and arise like the Phoenix – our song of love and hope is what gives us the power to be born again, and the power to live forever."

Upon leaving, Lily noticed that Dumbledore as well as the group seemed more encouraged than when they all had arrived. They bid farewell to one another, promising to keep in touch and Dumbledore explaining that he'd send a message with the date of their next meeting. Lily wrapped her cloak around her as she walked back to Hogsmeade with Remus, Sirius and Peter, the entire time talking about James' condition and when he'd be able to come home.

"When I've visited he seems pretty energetic," Peter said, nodding vigorously at Lily.

"He's acting like James, Pete," Lily chuckled. "He's –"

"Do you think he'll be ready to go out when he gets home? We haven't been out together in ages and-"

"_Christ_, Wormtail," Sirius muttered disapprovingly. "Calm down, all right? The woman's husband was almost murdered five days ago… let her have some time with him."

"Oh, I know… right… I know," said Peter. "I was just thinking about Moony. You'll need some where to go over full moon, right? It's-"

"Actually, um… I have to work that day, and before that I'm heading to France for a week," said Remus quietly, running a hand through his hair. "Sam doesn't have lessons for a few days and… she wants me to come visit."

Lily grinned widely. "That's good, Remus… that's good. Tell her I said hi, all right?"

Remus nodded, his cheeks coloring as Sirius grinned mischievously at him. Peter huffed quietly and kicked at the snow with his trainers. Sirius snorted and gave him a look. "Jesus, man… what am I? We'll go out, all right. But for now, let's go harass Prongs about that medi-witch having the hots for him."

Peter and Remus laughed while Lily made a face. "I have to stop home first," she explained. "So I'll just meet you three there?"

The three of them nodded, waving bye to Lily as she disappeared on the spot and Apparated back to Avon. She fluffed her hair and sighed as she walked up the stair steps, pulling out her wand and undoing the locking charm as she thought again how much she'd like to have James home.

"Meeting done?" a low voice asked as she opened the door. James couldn't hide his grin as Lily's eyes widened and she broke into a wide smile at the sight of him. "Well hi there."

"You're home?"

"Obviously," laughed James, getting to his feet and walking over to where she stood. He watched her chew on her lower lip and twist her fingers nervously. There was an intense pull between them, magnetic almost. James wondered who would move first.

"I was… I was just on my way to visit you," said Lily, her cheeks coloring under the intensity of James' gaze.

"Unnecessary."

"Sirius, Remus… Peter, they were going to meet me there," she said, her voice dropping a little bit.

"Oh, that's sad… they're at Mungo's and I'm not… because I'm here with you… _alone_ with you."

"Alone with me," Lily repeated, the shy smile James loved crossing her lips. She dropped her eyes from James' for a second and then looked back up at him, chewing her lip and placing her hands on his waist affectionately. "I've missed you so much. I've been going mental around here just -"

"Feeling is mutual," said James, moving closer to her.

"I was _really_ worried about you. Are you-"

"I'm as healthy as that Thestral that just _happened_ to be there," laughed James.

"Right, I think Dumbledore brought him."

"How do you know it was a him?"

Lily laughed. "I guess I don't."

"You saved my life," said James, his voice dropping as he tucked a strand of Lily's hair behind her ear.

"How many times have you saved mine?"

James shrugged, leaning closer and leaning against door behind where Lily was standing. She tugged on his shirt, biting her lip and smiling as her blush became more pronounced. "I should thank you," he smirked.

"You don't have to-"

Lily's comment was cut off as James kissed her, pressing her up against the door before snaking his hands under her shirt and around her waist. She whimpered into his mouth, her knees buckling as she tangled her fingers into his hair and allowed him to pick her up and press her against the door.

"Lils?" called Sirius' voice from the stairwell outside their door, accompanied by three sets of loud footfalls as someone ascended toward the flat. "You in there? Prongs wasn't at Mungo's; they said he came home."

The door knob turned slightly. Lily gasped and James grabbed it with his free hand, his other arm supporting Lily against the door. She paused for a moment, but when James shook his head she knotted her fingers into his hair and began to kiss his neck and tug desperately at his shirt. James groaned, his eyes closing and his mind fogging over as he tried to form a response. "I'm … home. I'm in here, Pads… with Lils. I'm home…"

"Oh, excellent! You're home, we should all grab dinner and-"

"_No_," replied James, his mouth returning to Lily's with a loud groan.

"Come again?" asked Sirius curiously.

"Maybe … later… _tomorrow_… just not _now_," James groaned, silently begging his friends to leave as Lily hitched her legs up around his hips and kissed him hungrily.

Sirius' bark like laugh echoed in the hallway, accompanied by Remus' familiar chuckle and a small protest from Peter. "_Prongs_…we haven't seen you-"

"Pete… mate… not _now_!" James shouted, losing his patience with his friends when Lily whispered "_please don't go…"_ into his ear.

"Let's go to the pub, guys," Sirius suggested with a laugh, his voice fading away as footsteps retreated back down the stairs. "I think Prongs is _busy_ with Mrs. Prongs at the moment."

"Busy trying to get her knickers off," James muttered, his hands tugging at Lily's skirt as she giggled and assisted him, biting his lower lip and smiling wickedly.

"Can't."

"_What_?"

"You can't take my knickers off," she replied, smirking at his responding groan. "I'm not wearing any."

James paused, biting his lower lip and grinning broadly. "For _that_, Lily Potter, you earn a hundred and fifty points for Gryffindor," he teased, pulling her away from the door and carrying her to their bedroom.

J&L&J&L

"Oh, I almost forgot," said Lily through a mouthful of cereal.

James quirked an eyebrow and sniggered at her. "Forgot to swallow your food? Am I going to have to re-teach you how to-"

"Shut up," Lily laughed, smacking him playfully on the shoulder. "No, I wanted to tell you…at the last Order meeting, Remus told everyone there about… well… about him," she said, watching James' reaction closely.

"Him and his 'furry little problem?'" asked James, watching as Lily nodded, pushing her bowl aside leaning forward on her elbows. James chewed his lip and considered this piece of information. "How'd everyone react?"

"Fine, they were all really supportive," Lily explained with a small nod.

"Good," said James firmly. "He doesn't have anything to be ashamed of; it's not like it's his fault, he wasn't born that way."

"Do you ever think that perhaps you underestimate the danger of things?" mused Lily. "I mean, you decided to become an Animagus like it was as simple as changing your trousers, and then you ran around Hogwarts with your werewolf friend who at any time could have given you the slip… and then, when you were in Mungo's, you said that everything that happened was only '_minor injuries_-'"

James shook his head. "I don't underestimate the danger Lily," said James. "If we're talking about Remus and werewolves, I know they're dangerous, I'm just… I'm not afraid. Remus is only a danger _when_ he's a werewolf – and only when he's a werewolf _and_ not taking his potion; that's one night out of every month. The rest of the time he's Remus; simple, moral, commonly underestimated Remus. There's no reason on Earth to be afraid of him."

Lily nodded, chewing her lip thoughtfully. "_Him_, no… but the others-"

"The others… they've been outcast by society just like he has," said James. "Many of them have tried to blend in, but they're always thrown back to … well, for lack of a better term, back to the wolves. I'm sure all that rejection would make one bitter after a while… cautious, stand-offish. Remus can be bitter about it; you've seen how he can get."

"Yes, I have," replied Lily, thinking of a conversation between her and Remus about how their situations (her being muggle-born, his lycanthropy) weren't all that different.

"So, I gather that Remus has been underground trying to figure out if Voldemort's been getting to the rest of the Werewolf community?" asked James, changing the subject and watching as Lily nodded and poked around at the remaining flakes of her cereal. "I figured as much; what'd he have to say?"

"To be honest, not much. He said the majority of them were pulling for Voldemort, but that was the extent of it," she explained, chewing her lip and staring out the window.

James leaned back in his chair, eyeing her with a slightly sad expression. "How'd you find out he wasn't going with us tonight?" he asked quietly.

Lily smirked. "I'm going to start the rumor that you know Legilimency," she teased.

"I know _you_," said James, leaning forward and grinning as Lily chuckled lightly. "You can spread that rumor."

Lily sighed, looking at James as he pushed her hair behind her ear and rested his hand on her back. "Emmeline told me," she explained. "She was running down what potions needed to be made, and I got to talking about the potion I made for Remus and she mentioned that he wasn't going with you three tonight."

James nodded, his fingers toying with the ends of Lily's hair. He was set to leave any minute for a tracking mission with Sirius and Peter, and he knew Lily was a bit unhappy about the fact that he was going out on another dangerous task so soon after his brush with death.

Though Lily would never admit her irritation about James being tasked with another somewhat dangerous assignment, Remus was very obviously beginning to feel left out of many missions because he was a werewolf. No one held it against him, but he was also the only person who could safely scout the werewolf crowd for their links into Voldemort's world, and subsequently that was his only task. James knew he'd mentioned his frustration to Lily simply because she had then relayed it to him, passing her irritation off as Remus' frustration with being left behind.

"He said he has to work anyway," James muttered, trying to take Lily's mind off of him leaving again. .

"I know," she nodded. "I just… I suppose I understand how he's feeling because I'm back to just brewing potions again," she sighed.

"I'm sure they'll have something else for you in a few weeks," James said encouragingly. Lily nodded, about to say something else but then there was a knock at the door and it opened slowly.

"You guys decent?" asked Sirius' mildly amused voice.

"Am I ever decent?" asked Lily, listening to James laugh as Sirius and Peter came in. They both had rucksacks slung over their shoulders and expressions indicating that they were heading out for a simple boys night on the town rather than a Death Eater tracking mission.

"All packed, Prongs?" asked Sirius, grinning wickedly as Peter twitched excitedly next to him.

"Yeah… yeah," said James, his eyes flickering back to Lily who was staring out the window again. He smoothed her hair gently and she turned back to him, smiling sweetly though there was a trace of frustration in her eyes. "You know your birthday is Monday," said James, trying to perk up her mood.

Lily laughed silently and rolled her eyes. "_Woooo_," she said in a mock attempt at enthusiasm.

"You'll be Nineteen," said James, smoothing her hair again.

"Practically an old maid if you ask me," teased Sirius. "When are you two going to-"

"You'd better go," interrupted Lily, threading her fingers through James' and leaning in to kiss him gently. "You have to stop by Gideon's flat before you head over to Wiltshire, right?" she asked, handing James his rucksack.

"Yeah, that's first stop," said Peter happily. "Then off to find out where Lucius Malfoy and two of his little friends have been heading every night of the week."

Lily quirked an eyebrow as James (who had his back to his friends) closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Sirius gave Peter a look. "Say it louder, Wormtail… I'm not sure our neighbours to the north heard you clearly enough.

Peter looked sheepish and quieted down while Sirius snorted and shook his head. James cleared his throat. "Could you … you know… give me a minute or two?" he asked over his shoulder.

"We were supposed to-"

"We'll be downstairs, Prongs," said Sirius, grabbing Peter by the shirt and shunting him out the door. "Take your time."

Sirius shut the door behind him, and James turned back to Lily, getting down on his knees in front of her and pushing her hair from her face. "Please don't worry about me. I'll be all right-"

"I know," she sighed, ruffling his hair and kissing his forehead.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning," James added, "and neither of us have anywhere to go before Thursday."

Lily smiled. "Let's just see how tonight goes before we plan anything," she replied.

James nodded, leaning in for a long good-bye kiss before heading downstairs to meet up with his friends. Lily watched the three of them walk down the street, listening quietly for the faint pop of their apparition before she sat back down at the table and stared at the cereal bowls from their breakfast.

She knew she shouldn't be feeling left out or worried; she knew that James' injuries were healed and he would be safe with Sirius and Peter… but fear, irritation, and sadness festered in her chest like an old, untreated wound. Before that battle, she would have confessed all this to James, but Nolan and his opinions on women had stuck with her, though she hadn't seen him since that day at the Hospital. Instead of admitting how she was feeling, she had reverted back to stoicism and pretending everything was fine, though inside she felt so many different emotions it was hard to define them all.

She felt underestimated. She felt slightly neglected and overshadowed by James' giftedness and talent. But mostly she felt lonely; even though she now knew what James was off doing on his missions, she still wasn't with him. She was at home, waiting barefoot in the kitchen for someone to send her another potions request. The only thing missing was her being pregnant, a thought that at times thrilled her beyond belief, and scared her to death because there were many nights she wasn't sure if James would come home alive, or she'd get a message saying he'd been one of the many wizards murdered by Voldemort.

Not wanting to sit around and think about that possibility, or sit around and feel sorry for herself, Lily showered, dressed, and finished Remus' final dose of potion for his transformation. She had originally intended to drop it off to him that evening, but decided perhaps she'd visit him at work and they could have lunch. She had a sneaking suspicion they were sharing similar emotions of neglect and loneliness, though both were too proud to admit it.

"Lily Evans? Is it really you?" Belby asked jovially, breaking into a smile at the sight of her. His laboratory was in a small wizarding village behind Kingston outside of London. It was sandwiched in between a cauldron shop and an owl post office.

"Yes, it is… though it's Potter now," she explained. "Lily Potter."

"Ah yes, I believe I read about that in the Prophet," he said, causing Lily to smile in a confused manner since she and James' hadn't announced their wedding. Belby stepped forward, enthusiastically shaking her hand as he began to talk about his business and how things were going.

"We haven't been making as much progress as we'd like," he said sadly. "Many of my laboratory workers are still having trouble brewing the potion correctly, and our volunteers have… well many have started to disappear to… other venues."

"I see," said Lily, chewing her lip.

"Might I ask why you stopped by?"

"Well actually, I was looking to talk with Remus," she explained. "Is he-"

"Lupin?" said a sneering voice. "She's looking for Lupin?"

Lily's eyebrows narrowed as a younger man came out from behind a corner. He had a sneering voice and sandy blond hair, and glanced at Lily with a slightly disapproving expression. "You know he's a werewolf, right? Here we are… brewing this potion to keep society safe from these monsters, and he's-"

"Remus is not a monster," interrupted Lily, stepping forward toward the young man. She glanced from him to Belby, the latter was fidgeting nervously as Lily's irritated eyes flickered back to his.

"_Right_… he just kills animals or bites humans if they're around," the young man replied with a snort. "He's not a monster at all. Perhaps _none_ of them are monsters… except the ones who attacked a group of children at a Ministry gathering. Or how about the one who bit that young man who was planning on campaigning for Jr. Minster? What was his name, Belby?"

"It doesn't matter his name," said Belby hastily. "What matters is that perhaps-"

"Perhaps nothing," the young man scoffed. "Good riddance to Lupin – it's not like he was doing a fat lot of good for us. He was taking the potion monthly and still not able to convince the other monsters that it worked. Personally I think it should be forced up on them – then if they do attack someone, they can be prosecuted."

The young man turned to Lily, still eyeing her suspiciously. "You must be that mudblood bird of his. Even for a mudblood I'd have assumed you'd have more sense; any half- or pureblood witch would know better than to-"

"As a matter of fact, I'm _not_ the _muggle_-_born_ he was dating," snapped Lily. "But she is a friend of mine, and she's certainly got a better head on her shoulders than you do. _You_ are the reason the werewolves won't come forward! You are the reason people like me are too afraid to put our marriage announcements in the paper, the reason I can't find a job-"

"Now, Miss Evans," Belby interrupted tersely. "I _offered_ you a job and-"

"You offered me a job with '_precautions_.' You said you wished you could make a potion for me as well, to '_cure'_ my blood and reduce discrimination from gits like this," she growled back, gesturing toward the young man who was giving her an affronted glare. "You should be ashamed of yourself. Claiming you wanted to help people like Remus, but then completely disregarding your mission and letting people like this bad mouth and put him right back in with the other wolves!"

"We _had_ to let him go," said Belby. "Aside from… well, when he finally owned up to being a werewolf, the staff …and… there's that new Ministry regulation about-"

"Oh, of _course_, you couldn't look bad to the donors, who cares about the opinions of the witches and wizards you were '_trying'_ to help," she filled in, shaking her head sadly. "Remus is too good for this place, and luckily for him I can actually brew the potion correctly so he's not at a loss."

Belby sputtered. "You could teach our staff, Miss Evans, if you are–"

"I could teach them a thing or two about tolerance… since apparently you aren't doing that job," she growled stepping toward the door. "And it's not Evans… It's Potter. Lily _Potter_."

The door slammed behind her, leaving Belby and the young man he was speaking with staring curiously after her. The young man looked at Belby curiously. "When she said 'Potter,' was she referring to the _pureblood_ Potters?" he asked with a slightly intrigued expression.

J&L&J&L

"Remus," Lily said quietly, stepping inside his open door and ignoring his slightly protesting look as she examined his flat. There was a table in corner of a small kitchen, a sofa against the wall, a table with a radio for the WWN, and a door that Lily was sure led to his bedroom. It had always sounded okay in his descriptions, but upon seeing it for the first time, Lily realized Remus Lupin was hiding much more about his life than his werewolf status. "Why… you know, you _could_ room with Sirius," she suggested quietly. "He's all alone down there and-"

"I don't want to room with Padfoot," he replied tersely. "I'm fine here… I've got all the space I need."

Lily quirked her eyebrow, walking the three steps from the door across the dining/kitchen area and into the sitting room. "I've got more room in my _loo_ than you do in-"

"Well, that's because you're married to _James_, and _James_ has money, and _James_ has-"

"_James_ doesn't know you lost your job," Lily interrupted. Remus froze, his eyes widening slowly. "I know that because I was just there. I was going to ask you if you wanted to grab lunch as I'm all alone for the day and you are too."

Remus coughed, glancing at the bag Lily was holding in one hand. "I take it-"

"This is your potion, yes… but I _wanted_ to have lunch with you. And I yelled at Belby for you, him and this stupid… who is that blondish git that he has working for him?" she asked, holding her hands out exasperatedly.

"That would be John Yaxley," sighed Remus.

"He's _pleasant_."

Remus chuckled. "Yeah… yeah he is."

Lily looked around her again, ignoring Remus' murmur of protest and stepping into the kitchen. "When was the last time you ate?"

"This-"

"Do not lie to me, Remus Lupin."

Remus crossed his arms. "Who are you? My mother?"

"No, I'm your concerned friend," Lily replied. They stared at each other for a few moments, Remus glowering and Lily staring back defiantly. Just as Remus was about to give in, Lily suddenly rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air. "First Sirius, now you… I didn't realize when I married James that I'd spend a lot of my time straightening out his friends."

"I don't need straightening out," Remus snorted defensively.

"Really? Because you have no food in your fridge, and I can tell you've lost weight since I saw you two weeks ago," Lily snapped.

Remus opened his mouth, then dropped his head and sat back down on the sofa. "I haven't eaten in three days, all right? I have no money; I can barely make rent on this flat, let alone a bigger one… I lost my job once I admitted I'm a werewolf… the only thing I can do for the order is sit around and listen to other werewolves volley between hoping Voldemort gets into power and wondering if they should even bother listening because it's not like he's going to give us rights… the Death Eaters hate us just as much as normal wizards do… what's the point?"

Remus lifted his head, looking at Lily's emerald green eyes and frowning. He shrugged his shoulders and let out a great heaving sigh, watching as she sat down in front of him and took out a goblet full of the steaming potion he drank every month. She handed it to him, watching him pinch his nose as he downed contents as quick as possible. Remus pulled a face and then sat back against the sofa, his index finger tapping the empty glass as he waited for Lily to speak.

"Take away?"

"I can't go out," he said, gesturing toward the fading light of the sun.

"What do you want?"

"I just said-"

"What do you want?" Lily repeated. "I will go get something and bring it back."

She stood up and waited, tapping her foot impatiently. Remus sighed. "Fish and chips?"

"How about… Indian. Have you ever had Indian?"

"Er… no…"

"Indian then. I'll get something fried… chicken and curry," she said, walking toward the door. "Just trust me, you'll like it."

Remus sputtered, but was unable to protest before Lily had walked back out the door and apparated away from his flat. She returned twenty minutes later with some sort of vegetable dish he'd never seen, and something he recognized as chicken, but whatever it was it tasted excellent.

"And it's not just because I haven't eaten," he said, still chewing a large bite of rice. "It's very good."

Lily chuckled. "It took me a few times to get James to trust me; but now he loves it."

"It actually took him a few times? That's surprising… James and Sirius usually eat anything placed in front of them," Remus laughed.

"So I've noticed," Lily replied. As they finished eating, talk turned to Sam and how she was doing in France before falling back to Remus and his situation. The light from the sun had faded, and Lily noticed he was inching closer and closer to his bedroom with each shift in light.

"You shouldn't be here when I change," he said. "James won't be pleased, he'll-"

"To hell with what James says," Lily replied, frowning as she twirled her wedding ring.

Remus smirked. "Trouble in paradise?"

"No, no not at all," Lily said reassuringly. "I just… it's not his fault… I just don't understand why he had to go on this bloody tracking mission. Why couldn't someone else do it? I just wish I was with him. I can do a lot more than brew potions; I would have thought the whole episode in Diagon Alley demonstrated that."

"Everyone knows that Lily. I think right now Dumbledore is still trying to get a feel for how bad things are out there," Remus said. "And James is good, Sirius as well for that matter. How do you think they got away with all those pranks and sneaking out during school?"

"I know that they're good, but … I'd like some part of it as well. He's always on about wanting to keep me safe but he's putting himself in danger like it means nothing to me… like I wouldn't be destroyed if something happened to him," she muttered, stabbing her rice moodily with her fork.

"Have you ever thought that maybe it's not a good idea for you two to run missions together?" asked Remus. "I mean… you know how he gets when he thinks you're in danger; and no offense, but you act the same way."

"None taken," Lily sighed. "I have considered that… but Moody sends Alice and Frank on missions together. In Diagon Alley, as soon as she saw Frank was struggling with You-Know-Who she was off to help him. There was no other thought in her mind."

"I'm sure she was hoping to help capture-

"She wasn't," said Lily. "I saw her face. All she cared about was Frank."

Remus nodded. "This is all just speculation you know. Perhaps they're waiting for bigger missions to ask you on."

"Do you think James would… well, do you think he would purposely tell Dumbledore not to include me in tasks just to keep me safe?" she asked quietly.

Remus shook his head. "He might think it, but he wouldn't do it. He knows it would upset you too much. He's safe with Sirius and Peter though."

"Not _that_ safe," muttered Lily. "Don't give me that look. You hung 'round with them for seven years, you know how they get when there is the slightest hint of danger or mischief about."

Remus nodded with a small smirk. "Again…this is why they send them on tracking missions. All of us, James and Sirius especially, seem to have a sixth sense for mischief."

"And James just runs into things like an animal," Lily continued. "He doesn't think about his actions or plan ahead and-"

"You can't plan for everything, Lils," said Remus.

Lily nodded, twirling her wedding ring around her finger again. She looked over at Remus, who had closed his eyes and was shuddering slightly. "You all right?"

He nodded. "Yeah it's… it's just getting close to Midnight. The moon is out and… I'm not in it so I'm not transforming… but I can feel it. I can feel the pull," he explained, shifting his position again.

Lily frowned. "The potion doesn't take that away?"

Remus shook his head. "No… it doesn't. It keeps my mind right, so I know that I don't have to run to the moon… but the pull is still there. It's not a mental pull, it's physical. It's like an ache."

Lily stood up and took Remus' take away box from in front of his lap. "Why don't you just go to the moon and get it over with?"

"Because you're here."

Lily turned around. "I'm not leaving, Remus. I'd rather not be alone with my thoughts, and I'd rather not leave you alone with yours."

Remus frowned, then nodded his head acquiescingly and retreated to his bedroom. Lily began rinsing out glasses and setting them in the sink, then wrapped the leftovers and stuck them in Remus' fridge. She was about to sit down on the couch when she heard a horrible cry of pain come from the next room.

She moved slowly toward Remus' bedroom door, listening to his low groans of anguish mixed in with the strange sound of cracking bones and tearing cloth. It went on for a good three minutes before the moans of pain turned into whimpering pants and then everything became very quiet. Lily cracked open the door, holding her wand tightly in her hand just in case.

The wolf sat under the window in the moonlight, pawing at his ears and rubbing his face against the floor. He whimpered again before sitting upright and sighing in a very human manner. "Remus?" Lily asked quietly, watching as the wolf turned and looked sadly into her eyes. She stepped quietly into the room and sat next to him, thinking he was almost majestic looking as he lay down and curled up in a ball next to her legs. She was quiet for a long time, as was Remus; the only sound was his ragged breathing and the sound of her steady pulse.

"You know… and yes, I purposely waited to tell you this so you wouldn't protest… but… I'm going to tell James that you lost your job," she said quietly after a long silence. Remus lifted his head and snorted disapprovingly. "I'm going to tell him, he'd want to know."

The wolf snorted again and laid his head down on his paws, looking not angry at Lily, but only sad at the whole situation. "He's going to want to help you."

Remus nodded, his shoulders curling uncomfortably.

"You should let him… it's not like any of this is your fault," she whispered, laying her palm against Remus' head and scratching his fur. The wolf sighed, moving closer to her legs and letting out an acquiescing groan. Lily smiled and leaned against the wall, feeling the light of the moon hit her skin and wondering where James, Sirius, and Peter were at now.

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_A/N: My fiction writing class is done! I have two weeks left of comp. programming and four of copyediting but with Fiction Writing out of the way I have more time to work on this! Thank you all for your patience the past few weeks, it is appreciated as are all of your compliments and feedback. More to come!_


	43. Targeted

_A/N: Please accept my apologies. Things happened for both my beta and I, but now we're back on track. Please neglect your studies and life to read and I hope you enjoy =)_

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**Targeted**

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"Ugh… Malfoy," Sirius sneered as James idly drank his glass of mead and Peter sniggered uncontrollably. "Don't know you know that bats went out of style as familiars ages ago? Honestly, I thought you were on the up and up for trends… being in the _higher_ 'social circles' of society and all," he finished, shaking his head at the dour figure standing next to Malfoy.

Malfoy's lips curled into a moderately amused smile as his grey eyes flickered to his companion. "Black, I'm more than aware of what is considered a socially acceptable familiar. I, on the other hand, was under the impression you were more intelligent than you're acting. Why still associating with … traitors," Malfoy said, gesturing vaguely towards James, "and rabble?"

"Rabble?" laughed James. "_He's_ associating with rabble? What do you call your companion then? Scum?"

"Outcast?" Peter supplied.

"Greasy wank?" said Sirius.

"Most wanks are greasy," said James wisely. "That's nothing new… we'll call him a slimy, cowardly, bastard."

"It's comforting to know no matter how much time passes, some things never change," Snape drawled, his eyes glaring at James with intense hatred, "As always, your wit and creativity leave little room left over for intelligence or subtlety, Potter."

"Thanks, Snivellus," James replied with a grin. "Some things never do change, which is comforting. I'm sure that as the years pass, I'll age gracefully but you… _you_… will never be anything more than a grotty, oily, cowardly little minger who these gits keep around just for amusement."

"Describing your chubby mate, Potter?" asked Malfoy, glancing at Peter with a smirk.

"Even if he was describing Pete, at least he'd actually _be_ our mate," Sirius replied. "Not just some tag-along who thinks he's part of the game."

"What game, exactly, are you referring to Black?" asked Malfoy.

Sirius turned around, grinning as James tipped his chair back on two legs. Peter sat quiet and slightly insulted next to him, waiting for Sirius' next comment. "No game in particular. Where're you boys headed to tonight?" asked Sirius.

Malfoy shrugged. "Visiting friends and relatives," he mused. "You only have these two for friends, and no relatives anymore… so what are you planning for this evening, Black?"

"Enjoying the freedom having no relatives provides," Sirius sighed, clasping his hands behind his head.

"Potter…_you_ have relatives," Malfoy said lightly. "Including your little wife at home… don't you? I'm surprised you are willing to leave her _unprotected_. It's very dangerous for mudbloods to be alone these days, don't you think?"

"Lily can handle herself," James replied a little forcefully, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared back at Malfoy. "For someone '_cultured_,' aren't you above using such filthy language?"

"Aren't you worried about your hygiene and health after sleeping alongside that filthy creature all night long?"

"Speaking of filth," James countered, leaning forward on his chair and ignoring Sirius' cautioning glare, "we saw _your_ wife at a Quidditch Match with you a few months back. I can't imagine banging her with that expression on her face… or is that now her permanent expression because she's stuck with you and your tiny manhood for the rest of her life?"

"Had it not been for that counterstrike at the train station, your mudblood pet would have known the size of Snape's manhood along with - still got that temper on you, Potter?" Malfoy sneered, stepping back as James jumped up from the table and fought against Sirius' restraining arms. "It's rather unbecoming."

"Isn't it against your creed to think about mating with muggle-borns?" Sirius asked, motioning for Peter to restrain James' arms as he pushed him back.

"Who said anything about mating?" Snape replied, quirking his eyebrow as he glared into James' enraged eyes. "There are other acts one can engage in besides mating."

"_You_-"

"_James_," Sirius cautioned, pushing his friend back in his seat as Malfoy laughed quietly and Snape's dour mouth curved into a small smirk. The door to the pub opened and a younger man with blondish hair walked in, glancing over at Malfoy and Snape who nodded.

"Ah Yaxley, you've just missed a very… _polite_ and engaging conversation," Malfoy drawled, picking up his snake-head adorned cane and pulling his cloak around his shoulders. "I'd introduce you all, but we really must be going," he explained in an off-hand voice. "Black, Potter… whoever your chubby friend is, have a good evening of drunkenness. Give your mudblood Snape's regards, Potter…"

Sirius put his hand against James' chest, restraining him and scowling over his shoulder at Malfoy and Snape's retreating figures. His eyes looked back to James, a frown on his face. "You overreact… just like they expect you to," Sirius muttered.

"Fuck you," James growled, throwing Sirius' restraining hand off of him. "Were you at least able to put the fucking tracking charm on them?"

Sirius nodded, pulling out his wand and holding it in his hand. James and Peter watched as it turned on its own accord, pointing first towards the door, and then out the window as it followed Malfoy and Snape down the street.

"What happens if they Apparate?" asked Peter nervously.

"It'll start tracking them again once they reach their destination," Sirius explained. "Which is why we should head over to the Lestrange's and wait."

"You think that's where they're going?"

Sirius nodded, still watching James, who was fuming with his arms crossed over his chest. "That's where Moody said they meet most of the time. The other scouts have caught them there, so that's where we're supposed to sit and watch for more of them," he explained to Peter before turning back to James. "You're never going to get a rise out them… so stop trying."

"I wasn't trying-"

"Yes, you were. You were hoping they'd pick a fight," Sirius countered.

"As if you weren't hoping that as well," James growled, the corner of his mouth lifting as Sirius grinned wickedly.

"This is true, a fight would be interesting… break up the monotony of scouting a bit… but I rather like Moody trusting us for this type of work, that and I don't want to make him angry… I have a feeling we'd be back to running laps and training again if we did," he explained, smirking as James laughed.

Peter stood, twitching nervously as James also got to his feet. "Ah… well, let's head over there then. Maybe if we see them loitering about we can at least bury them in a snow bank for a few minutes," James suggested, watching Sirius nod interestedly.

The snow was thick in Camberly, and James instantly regretted not wearing boots as they Apparated into a large pile of it. "Dammit," he swore quietly, pulling out his wand and clearing a path for him to stand.

Sirius was sniggering as he cast a transparent shield charm that blocked them from view of anyone passing on the street. "You need to get yourself a pair of these," he said to James, tapping his foot and gesturing towards his black dragon hide boots. "Keep everything out these do."

"I bet ol' Pauly Bulstrode would have loved to have a pair of those that time we tricked him into walking through Hagrid's freshly fertilized pumpkin patch," said Peter quietly as he dusted snow off his trainers.

James and Sirius both chuckled. "That was a good day, I forgot about that," Sirius mused. "I'm sure Snivellus would have loved some too since they can't be jinxed."

"Would have saved him from all those times he hit our trip jinx and fell down the stairs," Peter laughed.

"I'm surprised all those tumbles didn't knock some sense into him," James muttered, brushing snow off his trainers before sitting down on the ground near Peter. "'Course, all that grease in his hair probably shielded him from the _really_ hard knocks."

"And his nostrils probably allowed him to float gracefully down the stairs at times," Sirius said, mimicking someone falling with their nose extended out as a parachute.

James and Peter laughed as they reminisced about their school pranks and other escapades, watching lazily for Malfoy, Snape, and the third companion they had met at the pub. Time passed slowly, the light of the full moon shining above them led to talk about Remus and what he may be up to tonight, and then reminisce again about the times they played on the Hogwart's grounds.

"I think Lils is more irritated with me than she'll admit," James said reluctantly after a short period of silence.

"About us goofing off at Hogwarts?" asked Peter.

"No," James scoffed in reply, giving Peter a curious look. "About the fact that I'm jumping on board with all these missions and leaving her behind all the time."

"Does she want you to stay home? I mean, she knew going in that you're not the type of bloke that just sits around," Sirius commented.

"No, she wants to come too."

"And this is a problem because…"

"Because they'll _kill_ her," James said to Sirius. "If she's captured or anything like that-"

"What makes you think they won't kill you?" asked Sirius.

James paused, his mouth open as he searched for a reply. "They won't kill him because he's pureblood… right?" Peter supplied, biting his lip and looking from James to Sirius.

Sirius scoffed. "Prongs, aside from the fact that the Death Eaters are starting to not care who they murder anymore, _you_ attacked Voldemort. You specifically went after him when-"

"I didn't _attack_ him," James argued. "I was trying-"

"You saw Lily close to the stage, saw my cousin talking at her, and then you went mental and ran forward and tried to stun him, and when that was blocked you tried to blast apart that stage he was on and-"

"It's not like you wouldn't have done the same thing!" James snapped.

"I'm not denying that," Sirius replied calmly. "I'm only saying you might as well let her come with you – us. Stop trying to prevent her from being summoned on missions. She's useful and talented, and you can't always keep her safe. I know you're looking at me like they'll kill her if they capture her, but they'll kill you just the same because Voldemort's got it in for you now. You pissed him right off, and he's going to want revenge," he explained.

James fell quiet and Peter looked frightened; Sirius simply sighed and turned back to watching the street, his wand twirling idly between his fingers.

"Since when did you become the voice of reason?" asked James sarcastically. "Better yet, how do you know all this? Who've you been talking to?"

"I've been talking to Moody, and to Gideon," Sirius explained. "Because they told me to watch out for you… they told me someone they've been tailing was talking about how you're moving up Voldemort's list of people to rid of before his takeover."

"What? Why?" asked James.

Sirius turned around to explain, but was cut off when a loud crack echoed through the silence around them. He and James froze, Peter let out a terrified squeak, and then the shield Sirius had put up shattered around them and four figures raced forward, wands drawn as various hexes lifted the darkness of night.

James watched his stunning spell fly at random into the group of figures as he jumped forward and pushed Sirius out of the way of a jet of yellow light. He pulled Sirius to his feet, watching as Sirius repeated the motion with Peter and the three of them scattered into the darkness. James tripped over the fallen body of one of the Death Eaters, scrabbling behind a nearby tree to dodge the numerous curses and jinxes that were being fired at random.

Hoping to distract the Death Eaters and enable his friends to hide themselves better, James flicked his wand at the yellow light of the street lamp; the glass shattered and the artificial light dimmed, though the light of the moon bathed the area with an eerie white glow, not offering either the Death Eaters or James' party much chance to hide.

James heard the crunch of snow under heavy footsteps and held still, trying to slow his breathing and watching Sirius and Peter duck lower behind a small shed of one of the muggle houses. "_Come on out, Potter_," said the sing-song drawl of Lucius Malfoy. "You asked us what game we were up to earlier… don't want to play now?"

A bright flash suddenly lit up the darkness, bathing James', Sirius' and Peter's locations in white light. Instantly their wands were at the defensive, casting shield charms and counter curses, but the cloaked figures of the Death Eaters converged around them. Two men began firing spells at James while the third went after Sirius and Peter. The separate duels went on for a few minutes until James was finally able to gain the upper hand by tripping one of his opponents. The man tumbled to the ground and the second opponent paused for a moment to help him up, which gave James the opportunity to stun him. He raised his wand and stepped forward, but was then distracted by an ear-splitting cry of pain.

The Death Eater James had stunned when the fight first broke out was back in action. He had ran over to where Peter and Sirius were and was watching as Sirius writhed on the ground under the other Death Eater's wand. Peter was nowhere to be seen, and Sirius was screaming and James was torn between continuing his fight or assisting his friend. He chose the latter and ran toward where Sirius was being tortured, firing a spell that was blocked by the unoccupied Death Eater. James attempted another hex, but the Death Eater's wand sliced the air and sent a streak of light hurtling towards James. He yelped and fell backwards into the snow, dizzy and disoriented as though he'd run head first into a brick wall.

"The Dark Lord is right, Potter," Malfoy's voice sneered as he approached James from behind. "You _are_ meddlesome, and irritating… and terribly predictable."

From the ground James raised his wand, attempting to protect himself as his thoughts raced from Lily to his parents to his friends and then back to the present… he expected pain, he expected a green flash of light to hit him in the chest and steal his life… but instead there was an earsplitting BANG and he felt his body thrown backwards into the air. Flailing wildly as he fell, James tried to cushion his fall with a cushioning charm but he cast it too late. Air was forced from his lungs as he hit the ground, groaning loudly over the pain that shot through his neck and down his left arm.

He lifted his head to see Sirius lying unconscious in the snow, blood staining the area around where he lay. James gingerly got to his knees and looked around for the Death Eaters, but was hit from behind with another spell and knocked face first into the snow.

Air was pushed violently from his lungs as though someone was squeezing him tightly around the ribs. James fought with himself for breath and to keep his wits about him as the snow crunched and someone moved close to him.

A foot connected with James' ribs, and he groaned loudly, gasping for air and listening to Snape's slow exhales above him. James grunted with effort, trying to get to his feet as Malfoy chuckled next to him and Snape walked away. "I'll give my regards to Lily if we happen to see her later tonight," Malfoy said quietly. "I'll tell her you said good-bye."

Another foot to the ribs; James groaned loudly, his eyes half open to see Malfoy stand and raise his wand. This time he didn't even try to defend himself, to weak from the curse working its way into his lungs. James closed his eyes, silently praying that Lily would be safe as he waited for it to end…

_BANG_!

The sound echoed off the trees, causing James to open his eyes and Malfoy to look for the sound. He swore and disappeared on the spot with crack, and James exhaled in relief, causing more air to be forced out of his lungs as his breathing became rapid and shallow. There were more cracks… the sound of new arrivals to the area. James pushed himself upon to his hands and knees and looked around at the people running in their direction.

He briefly saw someone hovering over Sirius and talking with Peter (where had he been?) about what happened before a pair of dragon hide boots obscured his vision. "Potter?"

"Sirius…?"

"He's alive, but he's got some kind of a curse on him that's making it hard to breathe, along with… other injuries," replied Fabian Prewett's voice.

"Yah… I think… I have the same thing happening," grunted James. "I … can't breathe …"

"Just…hang on," said Fabian, grabbing James' hand and helping him to his feet. The latter leaned into Fabian for support as they walked over to where Sirius and Peter were standing.

Sirius moaned in pain as Gideon helped him up, Peter hovering nervously nearby. "We've got to get them back to the flat; we can't go to Mungo's unless it's an absolute emergency… to many questions," Gideon grunted, holding a majority of Sirius' weight and looking at Fabian. "Do you three know anyone good at healing charms or counter curses?"

J&L&J&L

There was a whimper, then a low growl, and Lily shifted as something very heavy and furry suddenly nudged her awake. Inhaling sharply, she looked over to see Remus Lupin in his werewolf form staring at her nervously.

"Whas goin' on?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Before Remus could do so much as nudge her in one direction or another, there was a brilliant flash of light and a silvery mongoose appeared in Remus' bedroom.

"_Back in Wiltshire, need assistance…"_ Fabian Prewett's voice advised.

Lily shook her head to wake herself up and clamored to her feet, grabbing her wand from a desk in Remus' room and pulling her cloak on. She grabbed a pair of trousers off of Remus' floor and turned around to look at him. "If I hold onto you and Apparate you'll stay sane right?" she asked in a tired voice.

Remus nodded, walking close to her and wincing as she grabbed a handful of his fur. Lily closed her eyes and concentrated on the destination, bracing herself mentally and physically for what she would find upon arrival.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Potter… just hold still, all right?" Gideon ordered as he examined James' broken arm and collarbone. "It seems like the more you move around the worse it gets so- "

"I can't… _breathe_… I can't-" James gasped, wincing in pain as whatever curse was still on him squeezed his ribs tighter and tighter. Sirius was experiencing the same situation, though in addition to his breathing troubles he was bleeding from a large, gaping wound just below his shoulder. Gideon had tried everything, but he was unable to stop the bleeding, and the injury seemed to be expanding across his chest with each passing second, as though his skin was being eaten away…

"Where _are_ they?" asked Peter frantically, watching out the window for Fabian to appear with Lily. He'd sent her a message and was waiting outside for her, but that had been ten minutes ago and she still hadn't shown up…

"Where … were … _you_?" Sirius groaned from his curled up position on the floor.

"I ran away to – to try to send a message," he stammered. "When I came back-"

Peter's explanation was interrupted as the door to Gideon's flat burst open and Fabian strode in followed by Lily and a large grey wolf. Gideon looked marginally alarmed, but the wolf simply sat down near the opposite end of the room and watched with a worried expression. Lily on the other hand swept quickly through the sitting area, clasping her hands to her mouth when she saw the amount of blood on Sirius' shirt and James struggling to breathe.

"Oh my God!" she shouted. "What happened? What-"

"Can you do something?" asked Fabian, interrupting her panic.

"Do what? They've got to get to the hospital! I can't-"

"We don't have time, and the healers ask too many questions," Fabian replied. "Can you do something? Anything… a healing charm or-"

"I can do healing charms but … only for minor injuries. I don't know anything about what happened to them or-"

James groaned and grabbed hold of Lily's hand, his eyes closed as he tried desperately to control his breathing. His lips were blue and face pale, breath coming in shallow gasps as he squeezed her hand tightly. Lily bit her lip and ran her fingers through her hair before turning back to Fabian. "What … what curse did they use? What were you hit with?" she asked.

"Don't … know…" Sirius grunted.

James seized Lily's hand again, a rush of panic filling his aching chest. He wasn't ready to die, he wasn't ready to go and leave her behind… he didn't want to cause her pain, or have her grieve for him… He tried to mouth that he loved her, tried to beg her to do anything, but the pain was too great and all he could do was cough. She pushed his hair out of his eyes, her face pale and worried as she watched him. "_Can't_…" he stammered, eyes widening as another squeeze forced more air out of his body.

"Get me a Dark Arts' book," Lily ordered over her shoulder. James heard the sound of footsteps racing down the hall and then back into the sitting room. He began wheezing loudly as Lily tore through the pages of a book looking for a counter-curse.

"I _knew_ something like this was going to happen, I just _knew it_," she was muttering under her breath. "They knew you were coming and-"

"_Just do something_!" Sirius snapped angrily, the effort seemed to strengthen the curse that was squeezing air from his lungs.

Lily flipped the pages faster, stopping suddenly with an intense look on her face. She placed her hand on Sirius' ribs and pointed her wand at his throat. "_Explico Constrixion_," she shouted.

James turned his head sideways to see Sirius' back arch violently and then relax as he inhaled a raspy, relieved breath. He put his hands on his chest, his eyes closing as he relaxed further into the carpet beneath him. James felt Lily place her hand against his ribs and mutter the same counter curse. Intense pressure constricted his throat and passed through his chest, but then the pain ceased and he breathed deeply.

"Nice work, Evans," Gideon said, ruffling Lily's hair.

"Potter," she corrected, watching James inhale a few deep breaths before relaxing slightly. She put her hand against his cheek, expecting him to be relieved and happy to see her, but was shocked when rolled over with a furious expression on his pale face.

"Bugger this," he grumbled, sitting up and then wincing in pain when she pushed him back down onto the sofa, his broken arm curled against his chest.

"You need to rest" Lily protested, shaking her head as she tried to coax James back into lying down. "You almost suffocated just-"

"_They're_ still out there!"

"Are you _insane_?" Lily countered, moving away from James and over to Sirius, whose breathing steadily improving, but had other injuries still causing him distress.

"Potter, she's right," Gideon said firmly. "You can't get so riled up about-"

"_Riled up_?" asked Lily as she looked at the wound on Sirius' chest. It was the size of her fist, both muscle and bone visible through the ever expanding wound. "Is _that_ what happened? You let someone pull your chain and-"

"His arm is broken, and his collar bone," interjected Fabian, sensing Lily's irritation with the situation and trying to keep her focused. "How do I fix them?"

"_Rescario Umerus_," Lily replied sharply, throwing James an angry glance before she turned back to Sirius.

James cried out, the bones in his arm and neck had snapped back into place when she snarled the charm in his direction. A far off part of his mind was incredibly impressed by her ability to stay focused on Sirius but repair his injuries, but his fury over three Death Eaters surprising them and then escaping overrode the amused emotion.

"You've got to give me some idea of what I'm working against _here_," Lily growled after trying a few counter curses on Sirius' injury, all of them seemingly causing more damage than repairing it.

"It's a curse," Sirius replied, wincing and looking slightly alarmed at the amount of blood on his chest.

"I'm not a _complete_ idiot," she snapped. "I'm also not a healer; I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm trying to help so tell me _what_ you got hit with!"

Peter cleared his throat. "It was… something with a D… disengage… no, that wasn't it. Disentrax-"

"_Disentanagro_?" asked Lily suddenly, her eyes widening as she turned back to the book.

"Yes, something like that," said Peter.

Lily frowned and her expression became stern. "Get me dittany, hazel, and hellebore," she demanded. "And a cauldron, obviously."

Gideon ran into the other room, and Lily hovered her wand over Sirius' chest. She started murmuring a soft incantation over and over again. Peter, James and Fabian were silent as they watched Sirius' wound slowly repair itself around the edges and then stitch itself together under her command. When Gideon returned, Lily took the contents he'd placed in the cauldron and cast a charm to pulverize them. She then added water and lit a small fire underneath the pewter bowl.

"Stir this," she ordered Fabian before turning back to Sirius She murmured the incantation a few more times, each time James noticed Sirius became more and more coherent. Lily turned over her shoulder to Fabian stirring the potion and motioned for him to stop.

"That's good, thanks," she said, conjouring a cloth from thin air and dipping it into the concoction. She handed it to Sirius, motioning for him to spread the liquid over his chest. James sighed and stood up, moving over her shoulder and watching quietly.

"Where's… where's your loo? I need to… wash up," Lily explained, holding up her shaking blood stained hands. Gideon nodded for her to follow him down the hall as James sat down next to Sirius with a slightly amused look on his face.

"So much for _me_ looking out for _you_, eh?" Sirius asked with a grin.

James shrugged. "You looked out for me. Speaking of which," said James, looking up at Fabian and Gideon, "What's this about Voldemort having it out for me? How did you get this information?"

Gideon looked at Fabian, shrugging before sitting down in a chair and gesturing for Peter to do the same. Fabian sighed heavily and leaned against a wall near the hallway. "So… that day in Diagon Alley, when Nolan sent the three of you in there blind against all those Death Eaters and neglected to tell the rest of the Order what was going on… well, Moody let him have it when they got back to the Ministry. Threatened to sack him… all of that. But he did it in front of a group of people… and one person in that group just happened to be someone we suspected as a Death Eater sympathizer. Moody had been tracking him for weeks, and figured he'd want to get an insider in the Auror office so during his scolding of Nolan he made it sound like he was sympathetic to their plight.

"So this bloke, next day when Nolan comes in, approaches him and starts asking questions about why Nolan sent you guys in there and all of that," Fabian continued. "And on Moody's orders, Nolan lies and says that it was because he knew you were married to a muggle-born and the lot of us were, quote, '_mudblood loving traitors_.' This kid buys the whole thing – I don't think he's that bright to be honest – and connects Nolan up with Rastaban Lestrange. So now, _they_ think that Nolan is on their side and they're using him as a spy inside the Auror office."

"_So_," James said, considering Fabian's words. "So Nolan is now feeding information about us, and the Auror office, to the Death Eaters?"

"_False_ information," Gideon explained. "He's giving them false trails so we can track them easier, find out what they're up to. This bloke he's talking to frequently is not the best at keeping their plans… shall we say, under wraps."

"Hold on a tick…how do you _know_ Nolan is giving them false trails?" said Sirius skeptically. "How can you be sure-"

"Oh, we're sure," said Gideon. "Moody's got him bound so he can't say anything about the Order. He's put a tongue-tying curse on him, Nolan has a Vertiserum antidote just in case… Moody's got him under numerous spells to make sure he can't squeal. Plus, it makes Nolan feel like he's a big shot now – which is what he wanted – so he's more than willing to cooperate."

"I don't know," James said, tousling his hair. "I don't like the guy… I _definitely_ don't trust him."

"He's a connection to them, and they're telling him things we need to know to plan," Gideon insisted, looking at James' skeptical expression.

"He's under Moody's thumb; he's keeping a close eye on him, making sure he doesn't do anything to compromise us," Fabian reassured, shifting his position and dropping his voice. "Besides, through him we've been able to get a lot of information about what Voldemort's planning… so we can really dig in and get rid of the bastards."

"Are you sure that Nolan isn't just… making this information from the Death Eater's up?" asked Sirius. "I mean… everything we've heard and found out on our scouting excursions suggests that half of His followers don't even know who the other half are, and apparently there are a lot of consequences for talking about his plans. This bloke Nolan's talking about … well, he must have a big mouth. And Rastaban Lestrange is right in there with Voldemort. If they find out that this kid is talking, they'll off him… so how do we know Nolan isn't just making this all up? Has Moody or anyone actually _seen_ this kid?"

"Nolan talks to him frequently in sight of the office. They don't know his name, but they know his face," Fabian explained. "As far as making stuff up, he relays the information straight to Dumbledore and … well, you can't hide things from Dumbledore, as I'm sure you're aware," he laughed, watching James and Sirius nod. "This kid doesn't have his Dark Mark yet, he's waiting to get one. He must be close to getting it 'cause Nolan says he's constantly talking about how Voldemort is like a father to him. And you're right, Rastaban Lestrange _is_ right in there with Voldemort, and this kid is close to them for some reason which is how Nolan got to meet up with Rastaban and found out a lot of the more recent information… which now brings me back to my point."

Fabian sighed and gave James a very severe look. "You've _got_ to keep your head about you, Potter. The Death Eaters know, first off, that you're insanely protective of your friends and family… and they will use that against you. If '_members'_ rile you up and you pick a fight, they could seriously hurt you or even have you thrown in Azkaban… so keep your wand out of a knot when you're talking to someone you suspect of following Voldemort. You're not the only one he has it out for," Fabian explained.

"That's what Sirius said, that he has it out for me. Which makes me confused because-"

"James," Gideon interrupted. "You ran through that crowd in Diagon Alley like you were being summoned, and you tried to blast him off the stage. And when he cast whatever spell he did to make everyone's disguises disappear, he saw you, as yourself, coming after him. Apparently, he feels like you 'challenged' him. Not only did you turn him down to join the Death Eaters, but you flat out _challenged_ him. So he wants you gone because he wants _everyone_ challenging him out of the way."

"Which includes all of us obviously, but he's got a soft spot for you, Frank, Alice… Dunford the Auror… that's from a tussle they got into early last year… and Dumbledore obviously… plus a few more of us, even though he doesn't realize we're all working together… but that's beside the point. He's going to do all he can to kill you, or order someone to kill you, because you're a challenge to his-"

"_What_? You did _what_, James?" Lily's quiet voice whispered from the end of the hallway. She emerged from the shadows looking pale, alarmed, and enraged as she stared across the room at her husband.

"Nothing," said James, getting to his feet. He moved closer toward her, hoping to stop her from digging her fingers into her arms, but she backed away from him. He frowned. "I didn't - I was in that crowd, and _he_ was there. He had killed that innocent man and-"

"What did you _do_?" Lily asked fiercely.

"I … I only tried to stop him! No one else was doing anything! He was a sitting duck on that platform so I tried to-"

"'_Sitting duck?_' You thought he was a sitting duck and decided to attack? You didn't think he'd have any protection around him?" Lily said incredulously. "We all saw a hex fly off that giant barrier he'd put up, and that's when it all started to erupt and-"

"I only tried to stun him, it wasn't anything-"

Lily's cheeks flushed with color and she released her grasp on her arms, making vague frustrated movements with her hands until finally they balled into fists. "Tell me someone _told_ you to attack, tell me you weren't the _only one_-"

"No one _else_ was doing anything!" James replied, gesturing toward Gideon and Sirius as her eyes flashed angrily. "These two were standing there trying to stop me, but … I had to do something!

Sirius stood up, still pale, and looked at Lily curiously. "All he did was try to blast him off the platform and-"

"Because, of course, _James Potter_ would be the one to destroy Voldemort," Lily interrupted in a sarcastic tone. "Young, talented, over-confidant James Potter could _easily_ defeat _Voldemort_ with a _stunning_ spell!"

James' face grew red. "I was _trying_ to save _your_ life. I saw you up there-"

"Don't blame _me_ for your need to be a hero," Lily snapped. "Do I look like some kitten stuck in a tree that you need to constantly save? If you saw me, you surely saw Emmeline and Alice and should have figured '_oh, she's probably got a plan so she'll be safe and_-'"

"What _was_ your plan exactly?" asked James, crossing his arms over his chest. "Have a nice little chat with Bellatrix and then let Voldemort meet you? He knows Legilimency they say, he would have seen-"

"Our plan was to get you three out and let the Aurors and hit wizards do their job!" Lily shouted.

"It's _our_ job too! That's why we're in the Order and-"

"Why didn't you _listen_ to them? When they told you to wait, to think before you act, why didn't you listen? Are you above them?" asked Lily in an exasperated voice. "You have this… you're _obsessed_ with proving yourself worthy or being useful and it's going to get you killed!"

"I was trying to save _you_ from being killed," James growled. "I was saving your life… _again_!"

"Is that supposed to impress me? Is that what it is?" Lily replied. "If it is, you might want to try something different because saving my life is getting old."

"I'm not trying impress you-"

"Then who are you trying to impress, James?" asked Lily. "No one here expects you to destroy Voldemort. We're supposed to be a _team_, working together to-"

"_Why_ are you angry at me? I fired a spell at him so he wouldn't go after you and-"

"Yes, but now he's after _you_!" Lily shouted, her voice breaking. "Now apparently he's hunting you and every time you go out they're going to be looking for you and-"

"So let them come after me!" James shouted. "If _you_ can handle yourself, let them come me! I'm not afraid of-"

"But I _am_, James," Lily replied shakily. "I'm _terrified_. Every time you're gone and I'm stuck home all I can think about is if you're ever coming home and what I'll do if you _don't_ come home or-"

"Lils," said Sirius, glancing at James whose expression wasn't softening any as Lily fought back tears. "First off, he's with us… he's safe. And secondly, if something did happen, we would-"

"You don't get it… you… you called me here tonight because I insisted in teaching you all a bunch of healing charms, and now you think I know something about it… like it's some hidden talent I have. You know how I know that stuff?" asked Lily. "Because when you were in the hospital, I sat in the waiting room and talked with mediwitches about it… about the kinds of things they see on a daily basis. They see muggles coming in with… these horrible injuries, or dead and their families are in hysterics," she explained, shifting uncomfortably. "And I sat there, and I saw some of that… I saw it when they brought in that poor woman who'd been tortured for hours, and-"

"That's why I didn't want you to be at the hospital," James growled. "You didn't need to see that stuff… and you can't handle that but you think you can handle _battle_? This is why I've tried to keep you out of it… You think you can handle-"

"So you _have_ tried to keep me out of it!" Lily snapped angrily.

"It's dangerous for-"

"How is it _less_ dangerous for you?" Lily shouted. "Tell me that! Tell me why it's less dangerous for you!"

"It's not! But-"

"But what? It's not okay for you to worry about me and panic when you think I'm being threatened, but it's okay for _me_ to sit around and fret about whether you'll come home in one piece or seven hundred?" asked Lily, finally lowering her voice. "Because _that's_ what I worry about, James; that's what scares me most… that's why I have nightmares and I'm terrified all the time. And now I find out that you… you're being hunted by this _monster_ because you offended or… '_challenged'_ him. And now I have to worry about him finding out where we live and how-"

"You don't need to worry about it, Lily," said Fabian. "We helped place protective charms over-"

"Oh, well… I'll just go home and sleep soundly tonight," Lily replied sarcastically. "Because there's no possibility of protective charms being broken, is there? I tell you what… I'll go ask the relatives of that goblin family that was murdered last week how well _their_ protective charms held up. Or, maybe I'll pay a visit to Mungo's and talk with Marlene while she visits her brother and her nephew who were attacked by Death Eaters last month… see how their _protective charms_ held up."

Lily snatched her wand off the table, not even glancing at James as she headed toward the door. He moved forward and grabbed her by the shoulder. "Lils… I don't understand why you're angry with me… I'm only trying to … end this war so you'll be safe, so we'll _all_ be safe… because I love you and-"

"If you love me, James, don't try to be a hero anymore," she replied. "Work on keeping yourself safe. I've already lost my dad, my mom, my best friend… I don't want to lose you as well."

She shrugged out of his grasp and walked out the door into the night. Remus, who had been sitting in the corner of the room the whole time, whimpered quietly. Sirius glanced at James, who was staring at the door with a slightly irritated expression on his face.

"Um… that was interesting?" Gideon offered. "Has she been nagging you to stay out of things?"

James shook his head. "No… and even if she had been, I wouldn't. I want this to end and she knows that, she knew that-"

Remus made a low growling noise and Sirius chuckled once. "Prongs… it's not that she doesn't know that… she wants the war to end just as badly. What I think she was saying, and gather I'm not fluent in Lily-speak, is that she's upset that you… well, that you picked a fight and almost got killed, and that you keep picking fights and are going to get killed if you don't stop."

"I'm not the only one picking fights," James growled. "And I can take care of myself, she-"

"So can Lily," Sirius said. "But you don't want her to suffer, and you want her to keep herself out of danger so you don't need to worry… now put yourself in her shoes."

"I can't, her feet are much smaller than mine," snapped James, though he knew what Sirius meant. He listened to the men in the room chuckle, but felt his heart fill with worry as Lily left alone in the middle of the night to return back to their house. Malfoy's words from earlier in the evening suddenly flooded back into his head. "_The Dark Lord is right, Potter… you are meddlesome and irritating… We'll give Lily our regards if we see her later this evening…"_

"Does anyone else get the feeling that maybe… _maybe_… the attack on us was a diversion from bigger plans?" asked James. "Malfoy said something to me about seeing Lily later in the evening… like they were going to be out doing … things…"

Fabian frowned and glanced at Sirius who was getting to his feet. "Perhaps we ought to go get your wife then?" he asked.

"And perhaps a few of us ought to go back to the Lestrange's?" asked Sirius, indicating Peter, Remus, and himself.

Gideon was about to respond, but there was a sudden _woosh_ from outside as a large silver streak flew through the window to the flat and solidified into a doe.

"_They're in Avon, come now_," Lily's slightly frantic voice whispered. The doe faded away, and the men in the room looked at each other for only as second before grabbing their wands and heading out the door. Remus growled and followed, wincing as Sirius grabbed the skin on the back of his neck and twisted into darkness.

James' mind ran circles around itself. He should have followed Lily out the door… How would he find her? Who was in Avon and what were they doing? His heartbeat was wild and uncontrolled as he opened his eyes and the compressing darkness faded away. Sirius materialized beside him, clutching Remus in his wolf form who was growling viciously. Fabian and Gideon appeared a second later along with Peter, all of them staring around the area in front of the flat James, Sirius and Lily called home.

"It's foggy," James noted, peering around at the thick air. "It wasn't foggy-"

"It's the charm," said Fabian in a low voice. "It's been activated… only people who've used magic at your house can go beyond it."

Sirius looked curious. "How-"

"Lily must have purposefully activated it," Gideon muttered, moving forward. "Do you see any-"

"There!" said James, pointing his wand down the street before running after the sudden flash of light that illuminated a slender figure with long red hair. The others raced after him, wands ready but refraining from firing spells until they knew exactly what was happening.

A bright flash of light exploded suddenly, illuminating a circle of figures further down the street who were chuckling over Lily's defensive tactics as she tried to protect a woman who was hiding behind her.

"We just wanted to talk," a voice laughed, firing another spell in Lily's direction. The spell connected with her shield, the resulting sound made James' hair stand on end as he willed his feet to move faster to get to her.

Fabian cast a spell that lit up the darkness for a second, distracting the Death Eaters and allowing Lily to push the woman to safety.

"Run," she ordered. "Run now… somewhere public, downtown… anywhere, just run!"

The terrified woman obeyed and ran off in the opposite direction just as James reached Lily's side. The group of four Death Eaters sprung into action, firing curses and hexes at the seven people who'd arrived to stop them. Lily seized James' hand, pulling him away from where Sirius and Peter had engaged two of the men, following after the other two who had taken off running down the street, Fabian and Gideon following after them.

There was a soft glow from the end of the street; James realized that this was where Lily was running. A fire was consuming an isolated single-story muggle house, the progress of the flames was being monitored by two more Death Eaters who shielded their fellows from Gideon and Fabian's attempts to stun them.

"Move!" Lily shouted, pushing James roughly aside as a jet of blue light flew in their direction. All four of the masked figures were sniggering in between various their various curses at the four Order Members and the fire that was consuming muggle house behind them. Several times Lily tried to douse the flames, but each time she did the flames only seemed to grow larger.

"They burn quicker than we do," taunted a sneering voice as Lily's horrified eyes moved toward a window where the frantic owner was trying to escape. "You should join them, Evans," He continued, laughing as she ran forward toward the house. "I've always been curious to see if mudbloods will burn as fast as the muggles do."

Another hex flew in Lily's direction, and James watched horrified as she made no attempt to block it, instead casting a cushioning charm to protect the man who had leapt from his bedroom window. Her charm protected him, but cost her the ability to defend herself as the spell hit her and she was thrown backwards into the burning building.

Gideon and Fabian both turned at the same time James did, meaning to run to help Lily out, but it was as if hooks had snaked around their legs and all three of them fell forward onto their faces. James heard Gideon and Fabian struggling as another figure crouched next to James, yanking his head up by his hair and watching curiously as the fire in the house roared to life in front of them.

"Wow, that muggle bloke was quite the runner," the voice mused. James didn't recognize it, though admittedly he wasn't listening at the moment. He screamed Lily's name, waiting for her to jump through the same window the muggle man had.

"_Lily_! _Lily_!" the man holding him mocked. "I'm guessing she's out from whatever Dolohov shot… he does that, you know. Likes to take them out straight away. This was all his idea, really… how did you know where we were?"

James struggled against the man's grip on his hair and the jinx holding him to the ground as the fire burned brighter in front of him. The popping and sizzling sounds were like torture, and there was no sign of movement from inside the burning building. James was about to scream for Lily again when a flash of silver light suddenly raced by them. Suddenly James' struggles were no longer in vain; he threw the man holding him down away, jumping to his feet at the same time that Gideon, and Fabian broke free of whatever was holding them. Sirius raced forward, jumping in with James as he fought against the Death Eater who tried to retackle him. Peter moved forward to help Gideon and Fabian subdue the other men.

As soon as Sirius got James to his feet, two more figures raced forward to help their fellow Death Eater gain the upper hand in the duel. One cloaked figure seemed much more violent than the others. Several times James and Sirius found themselves dodging the torture curse along with several other unrecognizable spells that left singe marks and deep grooves in the ground and the houses around them.

Everyone paused suddenly when the burning house behind the fight made a low creak and the side collapsed. "LILY!" James shouted, his hands tangling into his hair as he watched the building start to crumble, his wild horrified eyes reflecting the dancing flames. "NO!"

"Should have trained your pet to not be so nosy, Potter," chuckled the voice of Lucius Malfoy. "All we were doing was _talking_ to the pretty muggle and she-"

A flash of red disrupted his speech. Lucius' eyes went blank and then he slumped to the ground, his fellows bracing themselves for more stunning curses. Another streak of red stirred them to take action, but by then Gideon, Fabian, James, Peter and Sirius had managed to get their guard up and gained the upper hand in a newly formed battle. Remus suddenly appeared and was able to help the group subdue the Death Eaters as he snarled and snapped at them.

James was in the middle of wrestling one man to the ground when another figure appeared by his side. He let out a relieved yelp of laughter as black cords shot from Lily's wand and bound the man James was wrestling with.

"Are you okay?" he asked her breathlessly, one hand on her shoulder and one tangled in her hair as he examined her with worried eyes. Her face was streaked with soot, and her clothes looked a little singed, but she appeared to be all right.

Before she could respond there was an earsplitting screech that made the six order members clap their hands over their ears. Remus howled in anguish, and James wrenched an eye open as it ceased just in time to see the smoky appearance of seven masked figures accompanying the sickly paler face of Voldemort, who was now striding towards them.

Everyone paused, but then gust of wind blew toward them and vanished the bindings on the Death Eaters they had managed to subdue. James grabbed Lily's cloak and pulled her back behind him as Gideon, Fabian, Sirius and Peter got to their feet and moved closer. Remus stuck close beside, growling viciously as several of the Death Eater's laughed at him.

"They have a guard dog," laughed a woman's voice. James felt Lily stiffen behind him and saw Sirius' eyes narrow. "How quaint… cool it, _mutt_," she snarled when Remus snapped at her. "Everyone knows you aren't going to bite any of us… you're too cowardly to pass on the curse if you're taking that damn potion."

Lucius Malfoy lifted his mask and wiped blood from his lip as he walked backwards toward where Voldemort was standing. "Playtime get out of hand?" a man's voice sniggered from the group.

"No, playtime was going fine," Voldemort responded, glancing at Lucius who lowered his mask. "It appears James isn't the only Potter who likes to disrupt our plans."

"The _mudblood_?" asked a gruff voice. "You let the mudblood-"

"It seems that the mudblood is… much more capable than any of us assumed," Voldemort interrupted. "This must be because she has traitors watching over her… guiding her every move, teaching her our sacred ways… spoiling our sacred blood by allowing her continued existence, along with all of her filthy mudblood friends… and the muggles that live in these houses," he continued, fingering his wand as his bloodshot eyes scanned the houses along the street.

James felt his hair stand on end, felt Lily tense and press herself against him, felt Peter shake and Remus growl and Sirius inhale sharply before Gideon swore and Fabian groaned and Voldemort raised his wand high in the air.

A flash blinded them, a loud bang deafened them, and a balloon of fire erupted from Voldemort's wand and blasted apart the windows and doors of the five houses closest to where the group was gathered. Flames began consuming the doors and wooden framed windows; slowly shouts of terror and screams began erupting. Several of the Death Eaters around Voldemort laughed and drew their wands, firing various hexes and disfiguring curses at the muggles who were trying to escape their burning homes.

James grasped Lily's shoulder as she moved towards one of the houses, Voldemort didn't miss this. "Going to try and save them all? Save your filthy muggles… the dirty scourge keeping us hidden away and out of our rightful place? Do try… try your best," Voldemort mused, glancing around at his followers. "Enjoy yourselves…"

He slowly backed away, watching with an amused expression as his Death Eaters gleefully shouted at the muggles emerging from their homes. They were helpless against the curses fired upon them, screaming in vain as they tried to protect younger family members and loved ones. Gideon shouted for Peter, Sirius and Remus to try and stop the onslaught, while Lily raced away to try and assist those still trapped in the fires. Fabian raised his wand to send a message for help before jumping into the fray and engaging in a fierce duel with two other Death Eaters.

James found himself fighting Lucius Malfoy again, watching out of the corner of his eye as Lily rushed various muggles out of their homes and away from danger. She was carrying a young girl out the door of one of the houses a spell struck her from behind. Her knees buckled and she cried out, dropping the girl who got up and ran toward where her parents were waiting. Lily turned to face her assailant, attempting to shield herself, but a flash of purple that shattered her protection and hit her square in the chest. She collapsed backwards, still and unmoving. The muggles she had helped paused for a moment, but were then assaulted by streaks of green and purple, their lifeless bodies falling beside her. Her assailant moved away, following the path Voldemort was taking down the street.

A bang erupted from James' wand as Lucius Malfoy fell to the ground and James ran over to Lily's figure. "Lily?" he whispered, fingers against her neck as he felt for a pulse. Before he could find it a low chuckle caught his attention; the Death Eater who had cursed her was watching him, it's shoulders shaking with laughter.

"Poor wittle Potter," said a woman's voice. "Perhaps this will teach you to not be so fond of muggles, they're all going to die in the end."

She sauntered away, casting a curse at him which James blocked without a second glance. Anger erupted inside of him, his blood loud and roaring through his ears.

"_Potter_!" Gideon yelled after James as he tore down the street after the woman, blocking the jet of red light and dodging another purple one as they sailed behind him. He raised his wand, not knowing what spell he would cast in his anger, but was thrown to the ground as Voldemort turned and ordered the woman away. She disappeared, and Voldemort threw James a marginally amused glance as he continued to walk down the street.

"_Anakatus_!" James shouted, dodging the spell as it was rebounded back at him. "_Stupefy_!" James jumped behind a lamp post to avoid that one. "_Bumastus! Petrificus Totalus! Incarcerous_!" James tried again and again to stop Voldemort, desperate both to avenge his wife and to stop him from murdering more people. His anger at the effortless way Voldemort blocked each spell grew like a monster inside his chest. "_CRUCIO_!" he shouted.

Voldemort flinched and turned around, his eyes narrowed at James' approaching figure. He whipped his wand and James was thrown violently sideways into the solid brick wall of some shop. His vision blurred from the impact, but he raised his wand again and fired another spell. It was blocked easily again and then James screamed in pain as Voldemort's wand set fire to his bones.

"You need to put in more effort, _Potter_," Voldemort murmured after minutes of torture. "I'm not even sure your heart is really into destroying me… if you even mean it."

"I mean it!" James shouted breathlessly, every muscle aching with his attempt to get up.

"Are you sure? You're sure you want to continue this traitorous path? Look what your mudblood did… she didn't even stand to defend you; she was only concerned about saving those poor filthy beasts in their filthy homes cluttering our landscape. She doesn't care for you," Voldemort murmured. "We do… our family would-"

"It's not a family!" James shouted. "I have a family, and –"

"It is one less now it seems, thanks to-"

"I'm going to KILL you! I'm going-"

"No, James Potter," Voldemort snarled, moving closer to James and sneering into his face. "_I_ am going to murder _you_ for your insolence and lack of effort. I am going to murder you for your constant challenging of our mission to right the ways of society. I am going to murder you, James Potter… you and everyone who stands in my-"

"_ABIGIO_!" shouted a weak voice. Voldemort was flung backward into a cluster of rubbish bins. He emerged with his wand raised, his eyes furious as he stared down the alleyway at the weak, tottering figure of Lily Potter. James eyes widened in both relief and horror as Voldemort walked forward, stepping in front of James and staring at Lily furiously.

"LILY NO!" James shouted.

"What an insolent, irksome, filthy mudblood you are, Lily Potter," Voldemort snarled. "Though I admit… I am inmpressed you are on your feet after - "

"You talk too bloody much," Lily replied weakly. She leaned against the brick wall of the alley, her wand shaking in her hand and bright red blood was darkening the shirt she was wearing. "You have to make some insanely long speech every time-"

"_AVADA KEDAVRA_!" Voldemort shouted. James had gotten to his knees and stared in horror as the jet of green light sailed from the end of his enemies white wand toward his wife… his love… the bravest person James knew…

But nothing happened. The jet of light hit Lily square in the chest but seemed to pass through her like she was made of smoke. Voldemort walked toward the end of the alleyway, waiting avidly for Lily's figure to fall to the ground as James held his breath and wondered what the hell was going on.

The crunch of gravel caught James' attention. He turned to see Lily – the real, solid, flesh and bone Lily – running toward him from the opposite end of the alley with Sirius following behind her. She screeched a spell that blasted a deep crater in the ground just behind Voldemort's feet. He roared angrily, turning to curse his flesh and blood foe, but stumbled and tripped into the hole, his wand flying out of his hand.

Lily grabbed hold of James, who was already halfway to his feet when she and Sirius reached him. He grabbed her by the waist as Sirius pulled them both to the end of the alleyway and straight into Remus, Peter and Gideon who was supporting an injured, unconscious Fabian. As soon as the group was together and everyone connected, Gideon twisted and they were sucked away into the darkness.

The sensation of apparition felt ten times worse with multiple people crowded around him, James though. It made him weak and even more unsteady than he normally felt when the constriction ceased. James sucked in deep breaths when his lungs were free from the pressure, falling to the ground and trying to support Lily who was pale and weak beside him.

"Where-"

"Hogsmeade," Gideon said as more figures converged around them. James recognized the voices of McGonagall, Dumbledore, Moody and several others, but he focused only on the limp figure clutching his robes and slowly fading in front of him.

"Lily! How-"

"Mirror…" she whispered, coughing and cringing in pain. "Mirror charm… Dorcas taught me."

James pushed her hair from her face. "You're going to have to teach me that," he murmured, kissing her forehead and pulling her close.

Lily nodded, her eyes fluttering as she rested against James. "Stay with me," he said forcefully. "We're safe, just stay with me… okay? _Stay with me_, Lils… don't-"

"Stay with me," Lily repeated quietly, her fingers tightening around James' cloak as he held her close to him. Her eyes closed as she slipped into unconsciousness; Madam Pomfrey and their former Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor rushed over and took her from James' arms. They rushed her inside the Three Broomsticks, leaving James kneeling in the gravel with warm blood all over his hands and the icy grip of terror on his heart.


	44. Breakthrough

_My Apologies, again, on the lateness of this update._

* * *

**Breakthrough**

"Mirror charm," Fabian murmured thoughtfully, sipping at the rejuvenation potion he'd been taking for the last two days. "_Mea-dowes_… you've held out on us," he teased.

"It's not really a _charm_," Dorcas replied sheepishly. "It's more like… well… it's based off a switching spell, but instead of switching you make a copy of yourself. I learned it when I visited Brazil; an Amazonian friend of my mother's taught me. The trick to recognizing it is everything the copy does is backwards; the person's wand will be in their opposite hand, scars and other marks will be reversed… you get the idea. It's rather clever actually."

"Clever enough to trick Voldemort," Moody grumbled.

"I don't know _how_ Lily pulled it off," Dorcas said in an awe-filled voice as she stared down at Lily's sleeping figure. "After being hit by that curse, and she had lost all that blood, _and_ ran all the way to where James was… how _did_ she do it?"

"Adrenaline?" offered Remus in a weary voice. "When they finally got her round she was … she was horrified at all the muggles who were dead, and then when Sirius said James had gone off after Voldemort, she took off running. She moved so fast it had to be pure adrenaline."

Dorcas nodded, smiling at Samantha Pitchfield whose hand was resting against Remus' shoulder in a comforting manner. "Black mentioned they called you a 'guard dog,'" she grinned. "That potion must make you completely coherent then?"

Remus nodded, his cheeks flushing with color; Sam's fingers moving to lace through his, a sweet yet sympathetic look on her face. They were in the Hogwarts infirmary two days after the Death Eater assault on Avon. Fabian had been tortured, and then paralyzed from the neck down by some unknown curse, and Sirius, Peter, and Gideon had received minor injuries, but were now back to normal. James had been tortured the longest, though was back on his feet like nothing had happened. But Lily had been unconscious since the event. Remus was the only one who was unscathed, but that wasn't for lack of trying on his part.

"Coherent enough that he was attacking people without biting them," said Sirius with a smile. "I _would_ like to know what Voldemort did to that bloke who ran off after you tackled and drooled all over him. Rumor is that he nearly tortured Dolohov to death after he ran off during the fight in Diagon Alley; he must not like his followers abandoning their '_tasks_.'"

Remus shrugged. "To be honest… I don't want to know," he said. "What he … all of them… did to all of those muggles was enough."

Everyone in the room nodded, glancing surreptitiously at the papers lying at the foot of Lily's bed. "_33 people killed and 14 injured in gas line explosion in Avon. Piper Utilities being investigated for poor maintenance on pipe lines_," read the muggle paper. "_33 muggles dead and fourteen others injured after Death Eater attack on Avon,_" read The Daily Prophet. It didn't matter that they were from different worlds, both stories showed the same result: more death and destruction that no one seemed able to stop.

Lily inhaled sharply, her eye lids fluttering as she shifted uncomfortably against her pillows, and then relaxed back down, still asleep. Almost as if there was a psychic connection between them, James rushed through the doors of the ward and over to her side. "Did she wake up? Did she say anything?" he asked frantically, his hands stroking Lily's hair as he watched for signs of life.

"No," Sirius replied, watching James' posture slump as he sat down on the bed and began smoothing out her sheets, then his fingers running through his hair as though he would pull it out if he could. "Madam Pomfrey said that curse did a lot of damage," Sirius reminded him. "She was surprised we were able to wake her up at all."

Moody grunted. He'd dropped in to give Fabian information about another Death Eater they'd been tracking, and had stayed for a bit to talk to James about more upcoming assignments. "If it hadn't been tempered by her guardian charm, that curse probably would have killed her… I'm surprised it didn't," he grumbled, examining Lily's pale face over James' shoulder.

"Don't say that," James mumbled quietly. "She's going to be okay… she's always okay. She's strong, she's going to-"

"She's going to be fine, James," Dorcas reassured, patting him on the shoulder.

"She's certainly going to need a holiday after this," Fabian suggested, giving James a wink.

"Yeah," he agreed, a small smile crossing his face.

"She's definitely got a sturdy spine," Samantha added. "That took guts… to run in there and watch You-Know-Who kill you. I mean, even if it was just a copy of herself, she watched him murder her… that's… I can't even imagine."

The group nodded in agreement, watching as James smiled down at his wife. "She's the bravest person I know," he said quietly. "I don't think there's anything that scares her."

"Spiders," Sirius said, grinning when James laughed for the first time in days.

Madam Pomfrey came out at that moment and shooed everyone away. "You as well, Prewett… I trust you to keep taking that potion and send me an owl when you run out. But _she_ needs her rest," she said, bustling over and examining Lily. James flinched as he watched Madam Pomfrey pour another potion through Lily's lips, forcing her to swallow by pinching her nose and pointing her wand at her throat. He hated that she hadn't woken up yet. The reassurances from Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore, the Order and all their friends were nice, but James' heart wouldn't be unfrozen with terror until Lily's eyes were open and she was talking again.

Dumbledore had insisted on James staying at Hogwarts with Lily until they could nail down exactly how much the Death Eaters knew about where they lived. The recent attacks seemed designed to draw civilian witches and wizards into fights, not necessarily Aurors, making Dumbledore suspect that perhaps Voldemort was aiming to take down the public resistance before taking on the Ministry. James had tried to convince Dumbledore that he and Lily would be safe at home, or even at his parent's house, but Dumbledore insisted they stay.

"As soon as Madam Pomfrey gives you the okay, you can leave," he assured James. "This will give us time to make sure your home is properly protected. Alice and Dorcas are working on getting everyone connected with the Order under heavier protective enchantments; they have to be Ministry approved."

"My mum and dad-"

"Your mother and father already have that protection on their home, which is why I've had Sirius relocate home for the time being," Dumbledore explained.

James felt a little relieved by this, and when his parents came to visit Lily, they also invited Remus, Sam, and Peter to stay as well. "If they're after you now, it's best we stay close," his mother had said.

Lily stirred in her sleep and inhaled deeply; James leaned up on his elbows, tense until she relaxed back down and resumed her slow breathing. He let out a marginally frustrated sigh… he couldn't sleep; he was too wired up from all of her movement and shifting today. He didn't want to miss it when she woke up.

Lying back against his pillows and staring up at the all too familiar ceiling of the Hogwarts hospital wing, James let his mind begin to wander freely. He thought of Moody's explanation of where they were headed next, and the tracking missions he and Lily would be going on when she was better. Moody had automatically assigned Lily to partner him and Sirius on their next mission, explaining that they needed her level headedness to temper their aggressiveness. After hearing she was going to make a full recovery, James decided that she was right; he couldn't protect her from all the danger of war by keeping her hidden away. Voldemort's threat to murder him repeated itself through his head like a bad song, making him completely aware of the danger he was in as well. Even though James was pureblood, the Death Eaters wouldn't hesitate to kill him if they got the chance.

Knowing that made him felt strangely vulnerable. It was arrogant and prejudiced of him, but he had still believed - even after the deaths of Alice Longbottom's parents and so many other purebloods - that the Death Eaters would avoid killing them since Voldemort preached that they were sacred.

"_We cannot afford to let our blood be desecrated any longer. The rise of squibs and mudbloods is a result of the oppression put upon us by the muggles. We cannot afford to let our race die out; we must keep the blood of the oldest and purest families alive, and help them thrive once more!" _Voldemort had shouted during his rant in Diagon Alley.

The fact that Voldemort was willing to destroy any witch or wizard who stood in his way – no matter the purity of their blood - made what James' father had said so long ago perfectly clear for the first time. This war wasn't really about oppression from muggles, or about muggle-borns ruining society. It was about Voldemort, and his lust for power. Voldemort, and his desire for control. Voldemort, and his desire to never face the uncertainty of death.

Death didn't frighten James. He knew that beyond this world lay another one full of adventure and peace. What frightened him was being left here alone… without Lily or Sirius, his parents or his friends. That's what frightened James – not his own death, the death or suffering of the ones he loved.

It confused James to think about Voldemort fearing death. It seemed he cared for no one, not even his own followers, so he was only afraid of himself dying. This was the thing that frightened him the most? That simple thing? The unknown? If he were confronted with a boggart would he see his corpse, and that would be the thing that terrified him?

Lily moaned and James sat straight up in bed. He watched her chest rise sharply, then listened to her slow exhale before she moaned again.

"_Mmmnnaah_… _ughh_," Lily groaned, her fingers flexing against the blanket as she lifted one hand to her head and pushed her hair from her face. "Wha… where-"

"Lily?" asked James, rolling off his cot and tripping over his trainers as he rushed to her side. Lily looked confused, her eyes narrowed as she took in her surroundings. "Lils? Oh, _thank_ _God_… are you okay? Are you in pain? What's wrong?" he asked, sitting down beside her and stroking her hair.

Lily looked up at him, her eyes full of confusion as she licked her dry lips. She coughed, wincing in pain and moaning a little. "Are we at Hogwarts?" she asked finally, her voice cracking from lack of use.

"Yes," James replied, a relieved laugh escaping his lips. "Yes… we're in the hospital wing."

"Are you hurt?"

James shook his head. "No, _I'm_ fine."

"You're sure? You had broken bones at Gid's house… are they-"

"My arm and collar bone are fine," he assured her. "I've got a few bruises but-"

"You were tortured though… are you sure-"

"I'm all right," said James, gently pushing Lily back down on her pillows. She relaxed and closed her eyes for a moment; one of her hands found James', and she laced her fingers into his. "Are _you_ okay?"

Lily sighed and opened her eyes. "I don't know… am I?"

"Where does it hurt?"

She shifted against the mattress. "My ribs are _killing_ me; my back… and my chest… but otherwise I think I'm okay," she said. "What happened?"

"What do you remember?"

Lily chewed her lip. "I was trying to … I got that little girl out of her house and sent her to her parents, and then something… whatever hit me hurt like hell, and then everything went black."

James nodded. "I don't know what you were hexed with, but Sirius said they had a hell of a time waking you up," he explained. "When you did, he-"

"_Sirius_… he… he said _you'd_ gone after Voldemort," she replied slowly, as though the memory was coming back. "And… we all ran down there, but he and I got there first. I told him to wait and then I set that mirror charm up. I had to stand at a funny angle so Voldemort wouldn't see that there was … that I was in two places at once," she said. "That hurt too… oh, God that hurt-"

"Dorcas said it takes a lot of effort to do that spell," James interrupted, wincing as Lily shuddered at the memory. "And you were already weak from whatever else they cursed you with…"

"Right but… I _had_ to get you out. I was panicking… I couldn't let him kill you, that would… I think that's the only reason I could do anything," she replied, closing her eyes and wincing as she tried to adjust her position. She rested her head against James' leg. "It was for you, I didn't want you to die … I guess that was what drove me…"

James exhaled slowly, his hand tracing circles on her back. She curled around where he sat, her body softening into his. James wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go. "You are the bravest person I know," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her.

Lily laughed. "I'm _insane_… not brave," she replied. "_You_ make me insane. You have to go off and be all brave all the time, and scare me half to death," she continued, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

James chuckled. "I suppose I have been a bit reckless as of late."

"It wouldn't be a problem if I didn't love you so damn much," Lily muttered, smiling when James laughed. "Seriously though… all this stems from me being in love with you. My life would be so simple if I had just stayed in denial."

James laughed but then sighed heavily, hanging his head as he thought about how he _did_ have a hero-complex, and a need to prove himself no matter what the cost; he'd been delusional in thinking he wouldn't be killed because he was pureblood, and she was in more danger because she was muggle-born. He cringed, remembering how he'd knowingly put her feelings aside just because he thought it was for her own good, even though he knew it would hurt and upset her when she found out.

Lily rolled onto her back, wincing again and closing her eyes. James curled himself against her, his head resting on her stomach and his arms wrapped around her hips. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to let her scent and body warmth absorb him into nothingness. "I'm sorry, Lils. I shouldn't have tried to keep you out of things, and I should keep a cooler head and not try to … prove myself or… I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're hurt and that your life is messy and-"

"James," Lily whispered, her slender fingers running through his hair. James hugged her tighter, thankful that she was alive and breathing and able to run her fingers through his hair the way he loved. James felt thankful for the scent of her skin and the feel of her body against his… his emotions overwhelmed him. He sighed and began kissing her hipbones and stomach repetitively, trying to communicate what words couldn't express.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, his apology muffled against her navel.

"Stop apologizing," Lily laughed. "My life might be a little messy, but it would be extremely boring and empty if you weren't in it."

James smiled as Lily affectionately tugged at his hair, lifting his face to look at her. "You mean that?"

"'Course I do," she whispered. "Why else do you think I keep running to battle to save your arse?"

James grinned, gently moving higher so his face was level with hers. "I assumed it was just because you like looking at it," he teased, grinning when Lily let out a real laugh, though it was cut off when she winced in pain and bit her lip. "That hurts?"

"Yeah, it does," she admitted. "You shouldn't be so funny."

"I'll stop that," James grinned.

Lily shook her head. "No, don't. Don't ever stop being comical or exuberant. I love it."

"All right."

"And… James," Lily said, cuddling closer to him and kissing his neck. "Don't stop trying to save me, or trying to be a hero… just let me try to be one too."

James grinned, feeling thankful that Lily was brave, and honest, and so in love with him that she still liked it when he did things to impress her. "You already are one; you don't have to try," he whispered, kissing her eyelids and holding her tightly until she fell back to sleep.

The following morning when Lily woke again, Madam Pomfrey was also relieved and began giving her a regimen of twelve different potions to help heal the damage the curse had caused.

"What exactly _is_ the damage?" asked Lily, trying to hide the worry in her voice.

Madam Pomfrey frowned. "If it's what I suspect, as that curse moves through you, it's as though you're being bludgeoned from the inside out."

Lily nodded, her eyes wide as she drank one of the potions and James rubbed her back. "But you'll be okay, Lils…" he reassured her, trying not to let her see his eyes flicker to Madam Pomfrey's for reassurance.

"Yes, you'll be fine. You'll feel weak until you finish the regimen and there will be some pain, but you should be able to go home in about a week and resume normal activities," she said in a very clinical manner. "And there will be no long lasting effects on your… er… '_womanly capabilities…' _should you two decide-"

Lily coughed and choked on the potion, causing James to jump and Madam Pomfrey to rush forward. She shook her head as James patted her on the back. "Are you all right, Miss Ev-… I'm so sorry, Lily. I'm just not used to your new surname yet," Madam Pomfrey apologized.

"No, it's not a worry… and thank you," Lily nodded shakily, her cheekbones a firey red. "Thank you… we'll… keep that in mind for when we-"

James cleared his throat. "Yes, when we-"

"But not now," Lily said, glancing surreptitiously at him.

"No… what with the war-"

"-there's too much happening for-"

"-And all the troubles going on and-"

James and Lily paused, realizing that they were talking over each other and saying the same thing. He squeezed her waist and smiled when she leaned into him. "We're not ready yet," they murmured in unison.

Madam Pomfrey nodded, though there was a small twinkle in her eye that made James feel a little nervous. She wandered back to her office, leaving James and Lily sitting in silence on her bed.

"When do you think-"

"I … I don't know, Lils," said James. "But _now_ isn't the time. Please don't think I don't want to have a baby with you… I love you, and I want to have a family, but there's just so much going on and-"

"James, it's all right," Lily reassured him, kissing his cheek before she turned to lie back against her pillows. "That isn't what I was going to ask."

"Oh… sorry," James apologized, ruffling his hair nervously. Lily slid sideways and reached out for him, smiling when James lay down beside her and held her close.

"I was actually going to ask when you thought people would stop asking us about having kids," she explained, curling into his neck.

James chuckled, his emotions calming themselves as Lily's warm breath tickled his neck. "I don't know that either."

Lily nodded, leaning up on her elbow with a curious expression on her face. "You said Sam was home?"

James nodded. "She came back when she heard about the attack. Her brother lives in Avon and she got a bit panicked, but he's all right," he explained.

"Oh, I thought perhaps something had happened to Remus."

James chuckled. "No…Moony is fine, save for his ego. The Death Eaters called him a guard dog."

"And that bruised his ego?" asked Lily.

"Just a bit… he's worried that they know who he is by association, which would ruin his credibility with the werewolves and make his whole mission pointless," James explained. "But I don't think that will happen… there are numerous werewolves and he can't be the only one taking that potion. Besides… the Death Eaters hate werewolves anyway… they hate part-humans."

Lily nodded, biting her lip as she turned to look out the window, James snuggling into her neck this time. "They hate everyone," she murmured, feeling him nod against her before he drifted into a light slumber.

Lily spent the next two weeks under Madam Pomfrey's watchful eye. Though their relationship had matured beyond student versus teacher/nurse, Lily was still stubborn, and Pomfrey was intent on nursing her back to full health.

"Nineteen or no, Lily Potter, you are staying here until I know for certain that you're no longer in any pain," Madam Pomfrey scolded Lily as she escorted her back to her bed. Lily had gotten up and been to visit Slughorn when the nurse had found her, scolding her for not taking the time to rest.

"I'm _fine_, I'm not in any pain at all," Lily reassured her.

"Oh, is that so? Then why were you whimpering during your nap?" Madam Pomfrey asked suspiciously.

"Because I miss my bed; I miss my house, and my sheets and pillow and my husband beside me," said Lily in an exhausted voice. "I want to go _home_!"

"Your husband has been here every day to see you, and this is the first night he's spent away," Madam Pomfrey muttered, rolling her eyes. "Surely you can survive for a few nights without him. Besides, it sounds as though he had work to do."

Lily made a face, acquiescingly walking back to the hospital wing and lying down in bed. When the nurse had retreated back to her office, Lily dug out the letter she'd received from James via Daisy that morning, her fingers tracing his boyish handwriting as she reread his exuberant words.

"_To my little strawberry filled crepe,_

"_Moody stopped by just now (he's actually, glaring at me while I hastily compose this letter) to let us know that they've got enough evidence on hand to arrest some idiot Death Eater named Dugan Knill from Manchester. Rather than issuing yet another warrant, we're just going to head up there and see if we can catch him before he vacates his house. Moody wants us – Sirius and I - along for '_moral support_,' among other things… having been part of an arrest will give us the power to arrest others should we encounter more of them – which does seem to be happening frequently – but anyway, you understand what I am saying since you are so brilliant and clever and able to discern what Sirius fondly refers to as 'Prongs-speak.'_

"_I will be home this evening and I will come collect you from Madam Pomfrey's Prison of Pristine Clean Pillows and bring you home to the familiar sights, scents, sounds, and feel of our humble abode – which, I am sorry, is terribly messy since you've been gone. Please do not worry, there will be plenty of other idiot criminals for the two of us to arrest once you are rehabilitated and your '_womanly capabilities'_ are ready to perform their duties… or something along those lines._

"_I love you beyond all human comprehension,_

"_James_"

Lily sighed and laid back against her pillows, staring up at the ceiling and feeling irritated by being unable to get out of the hospital. She wasn't in pain, she hadn't been in pain for days, but Pomfrey insisted on keeping her under watch just in case her body started to swell, or she neglected to take her potions. _Like I'm still eleven_, she thought to herself. _I remember to take my bloody contraceptive draught, I can remember to take these bloody potions at my bloody house._

"I want to go _home_!" she shouted to no one in particular.

A quiet voice laughed and Lily looked over toward the door to see Alice Longbottom walking in, her face sad but amused as she approached where Lily was lying. "I don't think talking to yourself will get her to let you out any sooner," she muttered with a smile before sitting down on the end of Lily's bed.

Lily smirked and nodded, sitting up to talk with Alice, though she paused upon observing her appearance. She looked tired, worried and rather bedraggled Lily thought. Alice was staring at her trainers, fiddling with her wedding ring as she chewed her lip. "You look a bit tired," Lily said with a small smile.

"You do too," Alice replied, not lifting her eyes. "You know, you should listen to Pomfrey. You should listen to her and not… not… just stay here, and make sure you're all right before you go back out there and get hurt… _again_."

Lily cocked her head to the side, chewing her lip as she watched Alice. "I'm listening to her. I'm fine though; I am. It's been more than a week that I've been doing on all these potions, and I'm ready to go home; you'd feel the same way. Besides that, it's not like I'm going to walk out the door and get hurt right away-"

"Oh, _no_… of course not. You'll just get hurt again when James does something stupid, because he's the only one of you two who behaves irresponsibly," Alice muttered sharply.

Lily let out a long, low breath and folded her hands in her lap. "I am not irresponsible, Alice. If anything-"

"You two… you have _no idea_ what- It's just a big _adventure_ to all of you, _still_. You don't realize that… the Death Eaters… they - people are dying left and right, and you all think it's just some big adventure. You're all so selfish still and-"

Lily rallied, her cheeks reddening as a spike of anger rose in her chest. "I am _not_ selfish! I want this ended just as badly as everyone else, if not more! _How_ am I being selfish, exactly? They're hunting people of my birth – witches and wizards like me – and I'm trying to fight it… and you're calling me selfish?" asked Lily indignantly.

"You_ are! _You're just so… so _young_ and-"

"You're only a year older than I am! Don't start talking about how young-"

"Lily! Voldemort is hunting people down… he's got your name on a list; you're a target! James is a target! He wants everyone who's standing in his way dead, and he'll do anything to make sure it happens!" Alice shouted, a little hysterical as she slammed her fists against her knees and began to cry. "And everything… _everything_ you want or need… you have to put it aside, it has to be put off. Because he's after you… you can't go on holiday like it's a break from the war or… shop and have family get-togethers… you can't write to people you miss or… even… you can't even go outside anymore! If you do… he'll just find you on the street and -"

"_Alice_," Lily interrupted. "You're not making any sense. You're talking about how we can't write to anyone or have little parties or gatherings? I have no family outside of James'. They're the only ones we write to, and that's few and far between since it's easier to just stop over and visit. What does that have to do with me being selfish?"

"You …just… _you_ can just _get away_ from it if you want… because you're not tied down. You're not employed by the Ministry and you can do whatever you want… you can just _take off_, or get a cat, or see James' parents anytime you wish or… or… have a baby now if you wanted and-"

"But I don't want-"

"_Well I did_!" Alice shouted, sobbing hysterically as she buried her head in her hands. "I did! And now I've lost my parents and a baby and I want them both back!"

Lily still felt angry, but pushed it aside as Alice began to sob uncontrollably, Lily wondering what could possibly have her so upset. As Alice sobbed, Lily slid closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Let's… let's back track, all right? You said you couldn't go shopping? Voldemort found you on the street?"

Alice nodded. "Frank and I… we'd just gotten off duty and we went… into London. We just wanted to go _shopping_. Not in Diagon Alley… just… _about_. And he found us… he found us before he went to Avon for that attack where you got injured," she breathed, starting to shake slightly as she lifted her eyes. "Lily, we almost didn't make it. We almost … he almost got us. _Again_. That was the second time we - I swear to God I don't know _how_ that Killing Curse missed Frank, or me… but it did… and we ran and ran and he chased us… but we finally were able to Apparate away.

"We can't go home," she continued. "We've had to rent a flat... Our house had the Dark Mark above it because the Death Eaters were so sure he'd get us. But we _escaped_… and now we have to move everything and… it's just all fallen apart."

Lily nodded, still gently rubbing Alice's back as she listened to her story. "You… you don't look hurt. Was Frank hurt?"

Alice shook her head. "We were lucky but… I fell while running… I fell so hard and Voldemort got close enough and… he tortured me, and then when I still wouldn't give up he kicked me in the stomach… and… I just…" she sobbed, tears falling fast down her cheeks.

Lily's lip found its way back between her teeth as what Alice was saying sunk in. She rubbed her back for a few moments before speaking again. "You know… you _can_ take a holiday. You can try again… you don't have to wait," she murmured.

"_You_ are."

"By choice, Alice," said Lily. "If you two are ready to have a baby-"

"I was _so_ ready, Lily… I was so ready," she said in a desperate sigh. "At first I was scared, but then even with everything going on… I wanted that baby so badly. And then rumor got round that you and James don't want kids because of everything-"

"Woah, woah, woah…" Lily interrupted. "We don't want kids _now_. It's not like we never want them… both of us want them, a few of them actually. It just seems a little … well… it's not even like we don't want kids _now_, it's just… we haven't even been married a _year_, you know? And… what if something happened? What if something happened to one – or both – of us? What would happen to the baby? What if something happened to the _baby_? I don't think I could… I'm not sure I could live through that."

Lily lowered her eyes as Alice lifted hers and nodded sadly. "That makes sense… and I did agree – I _do_ agree… but… I didn't want one until I realized I was pregnant… and now that I'm not… I just feel … _angry_ at everyone who is putting off living because of the war."

"I noticed."

"I shouldn't have snapped at you," Alice apologized. "You have the right to have kids, or not have kids, and I just… I haven't talked about this because everyone – _everyone_ – is pressuring us to start. And we didn't want to, but then we did, and now we're not… it's so confusing."

"Don't apologize," Lily said with a small laugh. "I know _all about _the pressure."

Alice nodded, the two of them sitting quietly for a few moments before Lily spoke again. "I'm glad you felt like you could tell me," she murmured.

Alice laughed. "I wasn't planning on it, but it just kind of came out. Fabian just told me James was practically shaking when he was teasing him about conceiving a baby at Hogwarts… it just kind of hit hard. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Lily smiled. "I'm sorry as well… I really am. But there isn't any reason you can't try again."

Alice nodded. "We're thinking of it. I have to wait a few months… but we're thinking."

Lily chewed her lip and nodded again. "So… is that all you needed?"

"Oh, actually no. I came to spring you."

"Spring me?"

"Yes," Alice laughed. "Dorcas and I are heading down to Crawley to interview this bloke who's been following Lucius Malfoy around looking rather fretful. We think he knows something so we're going to pretend like we're arresting him and see if we can get him to crack about plans."

"And you want me to come along?" Lily asked, her eyes brightening.

"Yes, Dorcas and Fabian thought you'd be good since you seem to be able to tell when people are lying or not… you have this instinct, James says," she explained. "Do you want to-"

"Hell yes! Let's go… get me out of here!" Lily shouted, cringing in embarrassment as Madam Pomfrey peeked out and gave her a curious look while Alice sniggered uncontrollably.

The sun was warm even though the February air was still cool; Lily kept taking deep breaths, savoring the smell and taste of the air compared to the hospital wing she had been confined in for the past two weeks.

"Are you sure you can breathe all right?" asked Dorcas in a mildly amused voice.

"I can breathe fine, I'm just glad to be outside again," Lily explained.

"You act like you've been in Azkaban rather than Hogwarts for two weeks," Alice mused, scuffing her heels as they walked up the long path to a grey house.

"Have you ever had Madam Pomfrey watch over you?" asked Lily. "She's sweet, but _my God_ is she strict. She tried to insist that I couldn't even get up to use the loo the first few days I was there… which I was absolutely not having. Honestly, she's serious about her healing," she finished, rolling her eyes as her companions laughed. "You need to fill me in on the details here. What exactly are we looking for or going to be talking about?"

"We are going to be visiting Nigel Pugsly," Dorcas explained. "He's been seen hanging around with Lucius Malfoy and we think he's being used as a smuggler."

"Smuggler?" asked Lily.

"He buys Dark artifacts – cursed necklaces, keys, various things – and passes them off to the Death Eaters to use or send to people. Either that or the Death Eaters are using is somewhat 'innocuous' position in society to pass off cursed objects to people who trust him."

"I take it he knows a lot of people?" Lily asked.

"He's a member of the Wizengamot, has been for years; and before that he was Head Boy at Hogwarts. Now he owns an owl post store, similar to a muggle post office. He's got lots of connections through the Ministry, which is why I think the Death Eaters either sought him out or… maybe he's been one of them all along," Alice said quietly as they approached the front door.

Alice tapped her fist against the man's door, her official Auror uniform giving her a very impressive appearance, especially when backed by two other witches. After a few moments, a bald head peered around the door frame before opening it slowly and staring at the three women with wide brown eyes.

"Nigel Pugsly?" Alice asked.

"Y-yes?" the man replied.

"I am Alice Longbottom, from the Office of Magical Law Enforcement," responded Alice with a stern look. "I'd like to speak with you about a few things."

"I'm… er… I'm rather busy right now-"

"I have a warrant," Alice advised, holding up a piece of parchment. Pugsly paused, allowing the door to open slightly as he stared dumbfounded at the parchment.

Alice handed it to him and boldly walked inside. Dorcas followed and Lily entered last, her eyes narrowing as she looked around the sitting room of the man's house. There were papers everywhere, many with detailed drawings and maps, others that looked like correspondence he had received or was about to send off. Lily wandered over to a table, staring curiously at a set of chess pieces lying on top of a board. There were numerous other items beside the chess set: a pearl necklace, a delicate looking ceramic bowl, a small collection of buttons, and other random knick knacks that were stacked in boxes atop the large table.

"Don't touch anything, Lils," Dorcas warned, picking up Pugsly's wand from the table and putting it inside her cloak. "What is all this stuff, Pugsly? Collecting random trinkets to add to your shop?"

The man stammered incoherently, he had been busy reading the warrant but now ran over to where Alice was, attempting to snatch the parchment she was holding. "See here now… those are…they're my private… um… I … it says here that you want to _speak _to me, not to-"

"If you read past that first paragraph, you'll see that the warrant also gives us the right to search your home for suspicious artifacts. Unless you have something to hide, in which case we'll simply head down to the Ministry to start our questions," Alice responded, setting down the parchment she had been examining and picking up another.

"But I don't understand- I haven't - you can't just-"

"My, you've been busy haven't you, Pugsly. This letter here says you've got a little get together to attend. The guests include an … an Igor Kakaroff? Along with Lucius Malfoy and Rastaban Lestrange…?" she continued, ignoring his protests. "It seems Mr. Malfoy seem awfully interested in a … chest you have. Apparently its storage is limitless."

Pugsly began to argue, stammering and babbling about how he didn't know them, and the correspondence had been in response to an advertisement in The Prophet, while Alice continued reading. Lily picked up a piece of paper off the table full of objects, realizing with a start it was a list of names. She began reading through them and feeling a spike of fear rise through her at the sight of several familiar families. The McKinnons, the Bones, Tottleham, Fenwick, Prewett …

"- I don't know any Kakaraoff," Pugsly was arguing, sweat pouring down his forehead as Alice continued shuffling through his letters. "Mr. Malfoy… he's simply interested in my trunk for storage. He and his wife were… moving… they're moving into a new house and-"

"You've got a letter here from Charles Mulciber… he and Malfoy murdered numerous innocent people at the end of June last year… I'm sure you heard about it, the attack on the train station?" asked Alice. "Perhaps you helped them plan it with all your little drawings here," she continued, gesturing to the parchment containing the layout of King's Cross station and the entrances to Platform 9 ¾.

Pugsly swallowed. "I… I wasn't there, I didn't … they … I sell maps in my shop and-"

"Why do you have this list of names?" asked Lily, cutting off his thoughts. "What do these names mean? Why do you have them?"

Alice took the list from her hands, eyes widening as she examined it. "How did you get this?" she demanded. "What does this list mean? What is it for?"

Pugsly looked at the three women, sweat running down his face and his hands shaking as he opened and closed his mouth. Finally he let out a terrified whimper and lowered his head. "They have… they have my… m-my… _wife_… my wife," he replied, his voice wavering and his eyes darting nervously between the three of them. "They… they wanted me to get close to people since… everyone knows me. Get close to them and… they supply me with these… and they want me to send them out as… as gifts… to people that are interfering… they have my wife, I don't know what they're doing to her!"

"Your wife," Lily repeated skeptically. "The Death Eaters have your wife…"

"Yes! They do… they have her and-"

"Who first contacted you saying they had her?" asked Alice.

Pugsly shook his head. "They came in the night… attacked us... she was gone. Malfoy sent me an owl the next morning. I don't think… They've let her speak to me through the floo network. But… I just want her safe."

"All right," Dorcas said. "If that's the case … come down to the Ministry and we'll see if we can-

"_NO_! You can't… you can't help me. If they find out anyone is helping me they'll kill her!"

"What do they want you to do?" asked Lily.

"Cursed objects… they want me to send them to people, deliver them. They can't be traced like magic can, see… they don't know who… I run an owl business, my owls deliver things. I've already sent out packages to… the Bones' and… to … the Crouch's house…" he muttered frantically, his hands shaking as he gestured to the window.

Dorcas looked at Alice and ran outside, sending off her Patronus to warn someone of an incoming cursed package to the Head of the Office of Magical Law Enforcement and to Edgar Bones' family.

Alice frowned, binding Puglsy's hands together. "Lily, gather up this stuff. We're going to take you down to the office, Pugsly… you'll still be attending this meeting with Malfoy, but we'll be watching. Hopefully -"

Alice was cut off when Dorcas let out a startled gasp, causing Lily to run out to her aid. "What? What happened?" she asked in a scared voice.

"We need to get back to the Ministry," she said quietly, glancing around her. "I just got a message from Moody, right after I sent mine… he said to round up this prat and come there as soon as possible."

Lily nodded, following Dorcas back inside and flicking her wand to gather up the numerous papers scattered on the floor. Dorcas examined the chess set laid out on the table before waving her wand and encasing it in what looked like a glass sphere. She walked around examining other items, performing the same charm to protect herself from whatever curse was laid upon them.

"Well?" Alice asked.

"Moody sent me a message, right after I sent one to Gideon," Dorcas explained. "We're supposed to take him down to the Ministry and meet up with them."

"The M-Ministry?" Pugsly balked. "No… no I can't… No! I won't go down there… my wife! Malfoy said-"

"Malfoy says a lot of things," Alice muttered, flicking her wand and binding the man's hands together. "Most of what he says are lies. Alastor Moody, on the other hand, doesn't have the ability to lie. So I think we'll be trusting him for what to do next," she explained, pulling Pugsly to his feet. "And don't worry… we'll be discreet about your involvement."

Ten minutes later, Lily was cradling a stack of parchment in her arms while Dorcas walked beside her, levitating the glass balls filled with cursed objects. "I feel like I'm in the circus," she mused, sniggering when Alice shook her head and shunted the trembling Pugsly forward. There appeared to be a small group of people inside of the main Auror office, one of them was bound to a chair and shouting madly as the others stood around watching. Alice opened the door, leading the way while Pugsly followed ahead of Dorcas and Lily.

Moody was standing behind a scruffy man with shoulder length black hair. His eyes were dark and he looked as though he'd been in a scuffle before they brought him in. The man's eyes lit up maliciously at the sight of Pugsly walking in with the three women. "_Traitor_! The Dark Lord will –"

"Potter, will you shut him up?" Moody snarled irritably. "I want to take a look at what these three rounded up at Pugsly's."

"_Silencio_," murmured a combination of voices, causing the man's rant to be cut off as he was struck dumb under the double spell. Lily paused, and then smiled as James peered at her from behind a desk where he was sitting with his feet up, his eyes lighting up with joy when they fell up on her figure. Their mutual excitement was short lived, however, as both of them snapped to attention at the sound of Moody's voice.

"Pugsly, what _is _all that rubbish?" Moody asked, lowering the parchment he'd been reading. Pugsly didn't respond, his eyes focused on the floor, avoiding the malicious looks from the man bound to the chair. Moody looked at Dorcas for an answer.

"They're all cursed," she explained. "From what I can tell it's a paralyzing curse… it's not meant to kill, it's only meant to wound or make whomever touches the object unable to speak and all of that." She waved her wand, allowing the glass spheres to arrange themselves on a desk and then disappear with a small pop as the items settled against the table.

Moody nodded interestedly, pulling his wand out and moving it in minute circles over each object. "It's also meant to spread to anyone within the vicinity of the person who touched it; everyone within the home would be paralyzed… until the person who cursed the object arrived," Moody muttered. "What else did you find?"

"Lists of names," said Lily, handing moody a piece of parchment from the top of her stack. "The rest of these are all maps."

"Maps?" asked Sirius, who was sitting against the desk where James was sitting, staring daggers at the man in the chair.

"Maps of the train station, of London in general," Lily began, laying them out on the floor. "Maps to people's homes… maps of the Ministry…"

"What exactly were you doing with these maps?" asked Moody, his blue eyes level with Pugsly's. "Planning a little party, were we Pugsly?"

Pugsly shook and his lips quivered uncontrollably. "I wasn't… I… I … just my… my _wife_," he sobbed. "My… they have my wife and-"

"Liar," Lily suddenly interrupted, her eyes darting between Puglsy and the man in the chair.

Dorcas and Alice looked at her curiously, while Sirius and James stood and moved to where she was standing. Moody kept his eyes fixed on Pugsly. "What makes you say that, Lily?" asked Moody, leaning close to Pugsly and watching him squirm.

"Aside from the fact that he stammered about it when the topic first came up, there weren't any pictures of a woman or his family around his house… and this other prat is mouthing that he's lying," James explained, gesturing toward the man bound to the other chair, who appeared to be shouting the words "_lying traitor_," his eyes wild and full of rage.

"N-no! I'm not… there were pictures, you saw-"

"We saw _a_ picture… but that was of you and some other bloke," Dorcas interjected. "We didn't see any others… nor did we ask about your family; you brought her up."

Pugsly sputtered, his eyes darting from Moody's hard face over to the man in the chair, who was still violently mouthing curses in his direction. "I… my … _I'm not guilty_! I swear! They _made_ me… they made me take all these items and… they forced me into it! I was tortured-"

Lily flicked her wand, undoing the silencing charm on the other man to allow him to speak freely. "-Weren't tortured anymore than I was, you lying bastard!" the man shouted. "It was _all_ his idea! He came to the Dark Lord, said that he could pass these objects out to people who oppose him. It's not easy to track the source of a cursed object, he said-"

"NO! I swear! They forced me… Charlie Mulciber, he wanted to use my owl service to ship a package, and he tortured me to let him and-"

"_YOU LIAR_!" the other man shouted, twisting his restrained body around so violently that he tipped the chair over sideways. "You will pay for this… the Dark Lord does not forget! He'll find out…even if they hide you, when he seizes control you will pay-"

"I haven't done anything wrong! I was ordered to send-"

"- for your treason! You volunteered your services to us and-"

"No wonder Voldemort keeps his closest followers unknown from each other," Moody barked, interrupting the argument as he set Knill's chair back upright. "You're all traitors… to him and each other. Pugsly, it appears you are interested in saving your skin while you, Knill, are going to sit there and wax-poetic, hoping that Voldemort will spare you when he takes over?"

Pugsly quieted down, but the man named Knill sat up tall and proud despite the restraints around him. "The Dark Lord _will_ spare me... He will reward me for killing the _Minister_," the man hissed before starting to chuckle. Moody's eyes narrowed, and his face still as he watched Knill laugh at the six of them.

"You have no idea do you… do you? Baddlebrock is _dead_," he laughed maliciously. "He's dead by now… courtesy of Pugsly here who claims to have been forced to send that owl to him this morning!"

Pugsly stammered and shook his head. "I didn't … I didn't want to send it… they-"

"_YOU LAUGHED ABOUT IT_!" Knill roared, his voice shaking with suppressed giggles. "You laughed… said that Baddlebrock never could resist a good bottle of mead, said he's a drunkard and a coward… too scared of the Dark Lord to fight against him. No, he probably curled up in his home and snuffed it after the first sip!"

Knill laughed again while Pugsly looked stricken and denied any involvement under his breath. Moody stood up straight. "Potter, Black," he growled, looking at James and Sirius. "Get yourselves over to Godric's Hollow, that's where Baddlebrock lives… _now_!"

James and Sirius moved as one, with James squeezing Lily's hand as he walked past her and out the door. Moody was fiddling with his wand, trying to think of what to do next. "Meadowes… this git mentioned earlier he sent packages to Crouch and Bones?"

"Yeah, this morning he said," Dorcas explained. "I sent a message to Gideon and Ceradoc to head over to the Crouch's, and I messaged Edgar, but we left before-"

"He lives in London, on Tenth Street," Moody mumbled. "Get over there and make sure no one touches anything… see if you can intercept that owl. What did you send them?" he barked, turning back to Pugsly.

"I was told to-"

"You weren't told a damn thing… you supplied it all! It was all your idea… the Dark Lord thought it was quite clever, you were so close to getting a Mark," Knill snarled. "Now you'll be dead… as soon as The Dark Lord takes over you're a goner!"

"You're looking at ten to fifteen in Azkaban as is, Pugsly… spill it and maybe Crouch will show leniency," Moody muttered.

"Spill it and it'll be torture before the Dark Lord rips your spine out!" Knill shouted.

Pugsly looked torn, his eyes flickering from his companion to Moody. "Can… can you protect me? Can you-"

"Why would I want to protect you?" Moody growled. "You've sent a cursed object to the Minister of Magic… you've lied, deceived… it's not my doing that you're now on the wrong side of Voldemort and the rest of his little gang."

"He'll kill me… they're going to-"

"He'll kill you or you'll die in Azkaban," Moody snapped. "At least in Azkaban you might have a small chance of getting out someday…"

Pugsly licked his lips. "I sent him a tea set. It's … I mean… who doesn't like tea, right?" he asked, a frightened smile playing on his lips for a moment. "It was a tea set… and … Crouch… a Ministry banner for all his work. He's-"

"Longbottom," Moody barked. "Get over to Crouch's… grab Frank along the way."

Alice nodded and ran out of the office, nodding at Lily as she passed. Lily sat down on the chair and crossed her arms over her chest, wondering why Moody had kept her here with him.

"Lily," he started. "You mentioned that there was a picture of another bloke in this git's house?"

"Yeah," Lily replied quietly. "It looked like him and James' father… but I didn't mention anything to anyone. Though, our surname was on the list of-"

"I didn't send the Potter's anything… I swear! I didn't-"

"You didn't, but that doesn't mean you didn't plan to." Moody muttered.

Knill chuckled. "He wanted to send them a congratulatory gift to celebrate their son marrying a dirty mudblood… he felt a set of picture frames for any half-breed grandchildren they might end up with would be appropriate."

"I … didn't… I haven't sent anything to them," Pugsly muttered. "But… He… You-Know-Who said that-"

"_TRAITOR_!" Knill shouted. "_Traitor_! You'll –"

"_SILENCIO_!" Lily shouted, flicking her wand at Knill and stepping closer to where they were sitting. She smirked when Knill's expression turned to one of disgust as she looked into his face. "What did You-Know-Who say about my in-laws, Pugsly?" she asked.

"He said that … they deserved to die for allowing their blood to be desecrated," he muttered. "Old family… ancient… one of the oldest bloodlines-"

"And…" Moody pressed, interrupting Pugsly's rambling.

"He wasn't going to waste time with Ambrose or Lindsay… he was more interested in… in … their son," Pugsly swallowed. "Apparently he's very talented and… He wants him."

"Well, that's not going to happen," Lily muttered.

Pugsly nodded. "Of course not… but… He still-"

"Enough about what He wants with James," Lily interrupted, watching Moody's eyes flicker to her. "What were all the maps for? You had maps of London, and of the Ministry… what were the plans?"

Knill struggled and his mouth moved in silent curses. Lily grasped his shoulders and turned him to face Pugsly, marginally amused when he cringed and shuddered as though she'd stung him. "Does Voldemort think he can just get a map and walk in? Does he think if he knows the layout of the Ministry and the parks of London that he'll just round up his followers and waltz in undetected?"

Pugsly shook his head. "No… no He… they… they're waiting for the election or some… some sort of gathering. He planned to have a few people crash the event… draw the Aurors there since they seem to instantly go to wherever there is a disturbance… and then, that's when he'd bring the … in all the … his army."

Moody nodded interestedly, glancing at the silently cursing Knill before looking to Lily. "So… he thinks that all of the Aurors will simply go to where ever there is a disturbance and focus on that, and he can just walk in behind our backs?"

Pugsly's tone changed suddenly, he seemed exasperated. "There are only what… fifteen of you? It won't be that hard for him to take over," he muttered, but then froze as though he hadn't meant to say his thoughts out loud. "But… I can help… I…" he stammered, looking at Moody with pleading eyes. "If you protect me… I can tell you where he'll be coming in and-"

"We can't protect you," Moody grumbled. "Nor would we want to… you traitorous coward." He flicked his wand, binding Pugsly to the chair he'd been sitting in. "Lily… outside for a moment," he muttered, nodding toward her.

Lily paused, following reluctantly as Moody stepped outside and shut the door to the office behind him. "Um… I don't mean to be … _questioning_… but don't you think it's rather unwise to leave them in there unguarded?"

Moody nodded. "You're on your toes… but they aren't unguarded. If they somehow managed to get out of those chairs they'd be stunned if they tried to escape. Guardian locks on all the exits from the office, you see," he explained. "Besides… even if they did struggle out, it's not like they could kill each other; neither of them have wands."

Lily pursed her lips. "You don't need a wand to kill someone," she muttered.

"But they're so opposed to muggles they wouldn't consider doing someone else in without magic," Moody said dismissively. He waved his wand toward the office, and Lily jumped as the voices of the two prisoners echoed out into the main atrium.

"-bloody traitorous git! '_My wife… my wife_!'" Knill mimicked.

"I thought I'd get sympathy from a bunch of wenches… I figured they'd take pity on me if they thought I was in love," Pugsly growled.

"You really are daft… what Malfoy ever saw in recruiting you-"

"How exactly did you _let_ yourself get arrested?" Pugsly asked accusingly. "I willingly came down here for questioning; I was prepared to lie my way out of things, but you… you let a couple of _eighteen-year-old_ prats get the better of you?" He laughed once. "Some wizard you are."

Knill made an angry noise. "But I didn't betray anyone," he snarled. "You wait… the Dark Lord will seize power, and all the traitors like you will be dead before you can even mutter an apology or beg forgiveness."

Pugsly was quiet, but Knill continued on after a few moments. "You stupid git… why'd you keep those maps out?"

"They didn't show the field that-"

"They showed several fields around London, and all the towns, and the fact that The Dark Lord knows his way around the Ministry," Knill growled. "We know where to strike and how to get in… and you left our plans sitting wide out in the open. What, were you reading over them? Thinking you'd be involved?"

"His plan has holes," Pugsly muttered. "At the election or anything else, all the Aurors _might_ be there, but something tells me there are more people involved… maybe the resistance is stronger than he-"

"The Dark Lord would know if the Ministry had more people searching for him. And Dumbledore is busy with the school, so that's not a worry," Knill dismissed. "The rest of these gits who like to _pretend_ they're Aurors don't have any clue how to fight us. We won't even need the giants."

"They would be hard to hide if he tried to bring them in by the river," Pugsly muttered.

"They would be… but with that nice long bridge, a couple hundred black cloaked figures are easy to hide," Knill murmured, his voice relishing the thought.

Lily was chewing her lip as she continued to listen to the men discuss the Death Eaters plans. Moody looked smug and was writing down various pieces of their conversation on a tablet he had in his pocket. "Idiotic buggers… if the majority of Voldemort's army is comprised of morons like these… " he mused.

"We can only hope," Lily sighed.

The sound of footsteps echoed through the hall, and both Moody and Lily turned around to see Dumbledore and the Minister approaching them. The Minister looked alarmed and shaky, but Dumbledore looked thoughtful and full of purpose.

"Moody," Baddlebrock greeted, rubbing at his sweaty forehead with thick fingers. "I… Fabian Prewett caught my package, and Albus… he came just after James Potter and Sirius Black warned me… he confirmed it was…"

"The mead was poisoned," Dumbledore supplied. "It is a good thing Gideon happened to have his broom with him and was able to catch that owl after he received Ms. Meadowes' message."

"Yes… quite," Baddlebrock responded.

Alice returned then, followed by a tall stiff looking wizard in a suit, and then minutes later James and Sirius reappeared with Gideon, Dorcas, and Edgar Bones, who looked furious and frightening as he walked forward and began to discuss the events.

Lily backed away from the group, letting them talk as she wandered over to where James and Sirius were standing. "Sirius?" she asked quietly. "You look disgusted."

Sirius smirked and James chewed his lip and averted his eyes. "I'm not… my _ego_ is a bit bruised because this prat had to pull me out of danger."

"What happened?" asked Lily in an alarmed voice.

"Knill," James said. "He put up a fight… we were a little unprepared so he got us with a few hexes and-"

"You liar," Sirius laughed. "He got _me_ with a few hexes. They seem to just bounce off you… always have really, it's a bit intriguing to me actually."

Lily chewed her lip and looked up at James. "Are you all right?" she asked him. "Are _both_ of you all right?"

James nodded, putting his arm around her and pulling her against his chest. "We're all right," he said quietly. "And I think we're about to be thanked by the Minister for saving his life," he added, elbowing Sirius in the ribs. Lily stepped back, rolling her eyes as James' and Sirius' expressions turned smug as Baddlebrock approached, a thankful expression on his aged and weary face.

"It wasn't any trouble, sir," said James, shaking his hand.

"Still… and I feel Barty, Alastor, and Albus all agree with me… this capture and the information you all helped uncover," Baddlebrock said, nodding his head approvingly. "Well… it deserves praise from all of our society not just me."

James nodded, his eyes flickering to Moody who was busy talking with Dumbledore and Gideon, very obviously planning what to do next.


	45. Split

Split  
Lost? Coldplay

* * *

"_Minister for Magic, Artie Baddlebrock, Department of Magical Law Enforcement head, Barty Crouch, and Edgar Bones, of London, are in debt to a number of witches and wizards who have formed a small resistance in response to rising Death Eater acts of violence. _

"_Baddlebrock was sent a seemingly innocuous bottle of mead yesterday from a good friend, only to discover upon opening it that it was filled with poison. The owl carrying the deadly concoction was intercepted by Fabian Prewett of Wiltshire, whose family is well known for their continuing fight against Death Eater regime. Prewett was tipped off by Dorcas Meadowes, who was in the process of interrogating the accused sender with Lily Potter at the time._

"_Had the owl not been intercepted, the Minister would have been warned ahead of time by James Potter and Sirius Black, who on orders from Alastor Moody rushed to the Minister's home to warn him when they received a tip off from another suspect in custody. _

"'_It was a complete shock to me' Baddlebrock commented to Prophet reporters. 'I never would have suspected this person to be involved, and when Mssrs. Potter and Black showed up explaining what was coming I was just about to break into the package. It was a good thing they arrived when they did. I do enjoy a glass of mead in the afternoon… it would have been disastrous had I indulged myself in the contents of that bottle.'_

"_When Prewett arrived, it took the four wizards only a few moments to determine that the contents were not as safe as advertised. 'They were very quick in determining that it was poison,' Baddlebrock continued. 'I was lucky, and the Aurors are lucky to have such talented wizards assisting them in the battle against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.'_

"_Though neither Prewett, Black nor Potter are employed by the Ministry in any manner, they - along with several others - have decided to fight against the Death Eaters for the good of society as a whole._

"'_The persecution and destruction has to stop,' Prewett commented. 'The Death Eaters say that Purebloods are at risk from the growing number of muggleborns in society, but yet… they're killing anyone who stands against them, pureblood, half-blood, or muggleborn. It's rather hypocritical and the violence has to end.'"_

"_Baddlebrock was not the only Ministry official Targeted. Barty Crouch was also sent an owl carrying a cursed Ministry banner in a disguised package. Edgar Bones and his family, who have been actively involved in promoting the Muggle Protection Act, were sent a cursed tea set in a similar manner. Crouch was tipped off by Aurors Alice and Frank Longbottom after Alice had been present during the interrogation of one of the suspects. Bones and his wife were forewarned by Dorcas Meadowes after the suspect was dropped off at the Ministry for further questioning._

"_Head Auror Alastor Moody was assisted in further questioning of the suspects by Lily Potter. Between her earlier questioning of one suspect, and further interrogation by Moody, the Auror Office was ' able to get a vague idea of some plans that You-Know-Who is putting into place,' explained Moody. 'But as everyone knows, nothing is ever set in stone.'"_

"_Minister Baddlebrock will hold a small banquet to thank the small group for their continuing efforts, and for saving the lives of three prominent individuals. The banquet will be open to the public, and held in the Ministry's atrium this coming Saturday for those who wish to attend._

"_Prewett, along with his twin brother Gideon, have both had advanced training in Defensive Magic both from their friends at the Auror office, and through the Auror pre-training program. Dorcas Meadowes studied defensive magic in Greece, and is manager of a small business that specializes in protective charms. Frank and Alice Longbottom both enrolled in the Auror program after Hogwarts, passing the examinations in a manner of months before joining the team. Sirius Black is currently enrolled in the pre-Auror training program, along with James Potter and his muggle-born wife, Lily. Currently-"_

"See, that's where I stopped," grumbled James from inside the bathroom. Lily stopped reading the article aloud, instead continuing to silently peruse it, smirking as James continued to grumble about its contents. "The rest of it I didn't have a problem with, but they just _had_ to throw in that you're muggle-born-"

"Most people know that already," Lily interjected with a shrug.

"But it shouldn't matter to those who don't," he said insistently. "It's like adding that I have black hair, or that I'm Ambrose Potter's son… it shouldn't matter."

Lily smiled and set the paper down, crossing her legs and staring at her white open-toed shoes. She noticed one of her toenails had a scuff on it, and stood up to go into the bathroom to fix it. "Budge over," she said, bumping James with her hip lightly. "I need to fix my nail."

"We're going to be late, you know," he muttered through a mouth full of toothpaste, finishing his brushing and spitting in the sink.

"That is in _no way_ my fault," Lily laughed, taking the nail polish and brushing it once over the scuff on her third toe. She blew on it gently, helping it to dry quicker. "You've spent more time fiddling with your hair than I ever have in my whole life."

"It won't lie flat," he muttered.

"Since when has that ever mattered to you?"

"Since my mum will be at this thing, and will chastise me and spend a majority of the evening trying to flatten it down." James wet his hands, attempting to flatten his hair, and then sighing when Lily removed his hands and laced her slender fingers through it, ruffling it vigorously before arranging various pieces around his face.

"I like it like this," she murmured, kissing his neck.

"We're going to be late," he said again when she moved to add a bit of blush to her cheeks.

"Again, not my fault. I've been ready for the last twenty minutes," she reminded him, examining her face. "You just don't want to go."

"You're right."

"It's a good plan," Lily said honestly, thinking back to the article and the obvious removal of Dumbledore's involvement in their little band of "resistance." There was obvious baiting of the Death Eaters by mentioning the time and place of the event in the hopes that they would attempt to attack both the Ministry and invade London as Pugsly and Knill had mentioned. "Half of the Order is going to be waiting for them by the bridge, and then the other half by the Thames if they decided to come that route. The rest of the Aurors and everyone else will be at the Ministry in case they come there. It's a good plan, James."

"I don't like the idea of abandoning you there once they message me," he muttered.

"I'll be fine, you know that," Lily reassured. "Pete will be with me, and your parents, and Fabian is going to stay back too. There will be lots of people with me."

"But not me."

"You're with me now," Lily said, examining her appearance critically in the mirror.

James sighed and kissed her bare shoulder before resting his chin against her and running his hands over the silky fabric of her dress. "You don't need to do that, you know."

"What?"

"Put on make-up," he explained, gesturing toward the lipstick in her hand. "You're absolutely beautiful the way it is."

"You're biased."

"No I'm not," James chuckled. "Sirius agrees with me - as does … like… practically every male I know."

Lily chewed her lip. "Sirius would agree with you if you said the sky was pink," she pointed out, smirking when James laughed. "Besides, I feel better during events like this if I have make-up on."

"Well, either way, you look stunning," he murmured, kissing her shoulder again. She did look beautiful, her long red hair was curled and cascading over her shoulders, framing her face which was glowing with happiness. "You could stop the… car … traffic… those moving things muggles drive – you could stop them with your eyes."

Lily laughed. "Really…"

"Perhaps we should test that theory since we're going to be late," James added, placing his hands on her waist as his eyes moved to the simple black dress robes he was wearing. "You make me look bad."

Lily laughed. "Not possible," she replied, leaning back and kissing his cheek.

"Where you going to put your wand?" James asked, glancing at her clutch purse that lay on the bed. "It's too long for your purse."

"And it would be too difficult to get out," she said, reaching down and picking up the hem of her dress to reveal a little holster attached to the garter of her stocking. "Clever, isn't it? Alice turned me on to it; she said it's incredibly easy to just summon it instead of constantly carrying it around in your purse."

James blinked and chewed his lip. "It's incredibly sexy, actually…"

Lily rolled her eyes. "You'd think a bandage was sexy if it was on my thigh."

"Only on _your_ thigh," he murmured in her ear, his hand sliding under hers as he moved behind her and nuzzled her hair to the side. Lily smirked, arching into him as James ran his hand along the underside of her thigh, pushing her up against the vanity and pulling her dress out of his way.

"I thought we were going to be late," Lily mused, biting her lip as her eyes fluttered closed at James' touch.

"Fashionably late," he explained, shifting his robes out of the way and holding her hips steady. He kissed her neck, his hips flush against hers as she groaned and arched into him, her hands finding his and holding them tightly.

"You're going to rip my dress," she protested weakly after a few moments, trying to shift away from him. James growled and Lily let out a mixture of a moan and a laugh when he released the fabric of her dress and held onto her exposed hip instead.

"Did you forget how to do a repairing charm?" he asked in a breathy voice, his forehead resting on her shoulder as he held her close and thrust against her gently.

"Prat," Lily whimpered.

James chuckled, lifting her up and turning her around so she was seated on the vanity. He maneuvered himself between her legs, kissing her and gripping her hips as she gasped in time with his movements. Lily whimpered quietly into the kiss, hooking her ankles around his waist and leaning back against the mirror.

"Lily," James said firmly, smirking over her flushed cheeks as she bit her lip and began to whimper loudly. "We're going to be late."

"That's not my faa… _aahh_… ault," She replied, gasping as he thrust harder against her, his thumb circling her clitoris with his movements. "This was your idea."

"You didn't argue," James teased.

"Obviously."

James kissed her, moaning as she leaned forward and tangled her fingers into his hair, arching herself into his thrusts. He couldn't keep his hands off her; he knew they'd be together again tonight after this was all over… but he needed her now, against him, around him… he needed to feel her to know that she really was here in front of him, that she really was his…

"I still can't believe your mine," he whispered against her lips, one hand tangling in her hair as she gripped him tightly and her body shook with pleasure. "I can't believe that you picked me… that you love me, that you want me," he murmured, his pants matching her quiet gasps.

"_James_," she sighed, trying and failing to look exasperated. Instead she looked shy, and thankful, and just as in love with him as he was with her as a wave of bliss took over her expression.

"We're late," James murmured a few moments later, his own surge of pleasure fading as his breathing returned to normal. Lily's hair was in his face, her hands were in his hair and her body still wrapped around his. James held her close, kissing her softly as she curled into his chest.

"I'm not concerned," she breathed against his neck, one of her hands trailing down to his back as she kissed his chin and then his lips. "I'm not concerned at all… I don't think I could be any less concerned about that right now."

"Well," James said smugly, as he rearranged her dress and knickers and she fixed his trousers, "remember your lack of concern should the numerous males in the room attempt to make love to you with their eyes tonight."

Lily pulled a face while James laughed. "I should be concerned about all the women there who will be fondling you."

"You're the only one I will ever let fondle me," said James, kissing Lily's smiling lips as he toed on his shoes.

The Ministry atrium had been transformed into an eloquent dining area when James and Lily arrived. Tables surrounded the Fountain of Magical Brethren, and delicate looking lights lit up the hallways, each of which was guarded by a Junior Official of the Office of Magical Law Enforcement. Sirius was sitting next to James' parents, conversing with his Ambrose as Lindsay talked to Remus about Samantha's studies. Peter sat across from them, talking to Marlene, Gideon, and Fabian about the latest Quidditch match between the Cannons and Magpies. Lily and James took the empty chairs next to Sirius, who broke into a broad grin when they sat down.

"_Rabbits_," he teased, elbowing Lily and laughing when she blushed. "I swear…how did you manage for two weeks when James couldn't _breathe_ on you, let alone-"

"We're making up for lost time, mate," James interrupted, grinning as he took a drink of the champagne glass that had appeared in front of him. "Did we miss anything?"

Sirius shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Crouch came over here for a few minutes, stressing to us the importance of not letting the public know that we're likely to be attacked tonight."

"He thinks Voldemort took the bait?" James asked quietly.

Sirius nodded, but it was James' father who turned to respond. "If he doesn't take the bait, then we're all supposed to go to the rivers to get a feel for the area. Pugsly's map had several points marked out on it, so the group is split up around those areas watching."

James nodded. "I'm still supposed to go if Moody is summoned?"

James' dad nodded. "You, Sirius and Remus will go meet up with Dearborn, Doge, and Vance by the Thames. Marlene, Alice, Frank and Gideon are going to the bridge with Penfold and Fenwick and everyone else. If they come in by the bridge, you'll go there as long if no one comes through the Thames and vice versa. And if they never summon you, you stay here."

James nodded, glancing at Lily who was looking over the menu of food they would be given. "You're staying here?" he asked his dad.

Ambrose smiled and glanced at Lily, who had a bemused expression on her face. "_James_," Lily said in a slightly warning tone, her eyes not lifting from the menu.

"All right, all right…" James acquiesced, leaning over to kiss the top her head. Food magically appeared on the plates in front of them after they touched their wand to the desired item on the menu, and Minister Baddlebrock stepped up to a small podium and pointed his wand at his throat.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Ministry employees and guests," he said with a smile. "I'd like to thank you all for coming, and invite you to indulge in as many helpings as you desire before we have dessert and discuss the events that led to this gathering."

He stepped down and resumed his seat as everyone began helping themselves to the dinner of roast chicken, potatoes, bread and various vegetables that were set out on the large tables. Lily found herself marginally amused at the way that the younger men at the table were going after their food.

"It's like they employed the Hogwarts house-elves to cook," Gideon muttered as he swallowed a particularly large bite.

"They probably did," Marlene said with a laugh. "Hey Lils, I er… well… I talked to Alice," she murmured, her expression grave.

Lily swallowed and took a drink of champagne. "Is she feeling a bit better?"

Marlene shrugged. "I think she is. She's very… focused. She's trying to distract herself, I think."

Lily chewed her lip. "Is Frank worried?"

"A bit," Marlene said thoughtfully. "I had an idea, though. I thought, well… since you and I have been through all the training she has that maybe we could cover her assignments for a week or two."

Lily nodded. "That's a good idea, actually. That way she and Frank could get away for a bit. Get out of Britain for a while. Would it be soon?"

"I'll mention it to Frank," Marlene said. "See what he thinks. But in the mean time perhaps we should, I don't know… get some extra stuff in. Dorcas said she'd be willing to go over some more cloaking and defensive spells with us."

"That'd be good," Lily agreed. "You can never be too prepared."

Marlene nodded, rejoining her small conversation with Gideon as Lily finished her chicken. She sat quietly, listening to the conversations around her and warily watching the figures come and go, people greeting her table friends and thanking them for their continued fight against the Death Eaters.

James leaned over after a few moments and kissed Lily's temple. "What was Marlene talking about?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Alice," Lily whispered, turning to look at James' concerned expression. "She… you heard about her and Frank barely escaping Voldemort?"

"Yeah," replied James. "I talked to him about a week ago; he said she was pretty shaken up."

Lily nodded. "She was. Plus… well… she… er… " she stammered, wondering if she should share something so personal with James. But she looked up at his eyes, which were curious and concerned, knowing that he was wondering how shaken up Lily would be if they were to barely escape Voldemort the way Alice and Frank had.

"She had a miscarriage," said Lily, her whisper barely audible. "She was kicked during the skirmish, and… all the stress and torture… she … she had a miscarriage."

James was quiet, his eyes filling with concern as he nodded, glancing over at the table where Frank and Alice were sitting with Moody and Dorcas. "Had they been-"

"It wasn't planned, no," Lily confirmed, reading James' thoughts through his expression. "But… she talked to me about it and she … she said she and Frank had been in the same boat as we are, but they didn't realize how badly they wanted a baby until-"

"Until they lost one," James interrupted, nodding wisely. Lily gave him a curious look, lacing her fingers through the hand he had set on her knee. "Yeah… it makes a little more sense to me now."

"What does?"

Before James could answer, Baddlebrock stepped back up to the podium and cleared his throat, indicating everyone should quiet down so he could speak.

"I feel rather selfish standing up here, about to thank quite a few of you for … well… for effectively saving my life by intercepting that bottle of poisoned mead sent my way," he began, a fretful smile on his face. "But a thank you is what I, Barty Crouch, Edgar Bones and his family owe to the people who have volunteered their time and lives to assist us in ending the conflict that has clouded our society for the last nine years.

"I could go into explicit details of all the work you've done, all the effort you've put in, the risks you've taken and the things you've sacrificed, but there's no need to elaborate on those things. You know your struggles, and you obviously know the ones that our world has faced… you've faced them head on," Baddlebrock admitted with admiration. "Brave and fearless… you've had the courage to do what so many of us can't even think of doing. It's-"

"It's rather a shame actually," a low voice echoed throughout the atrium. Any murmur of sound in the room was extinguished as a figure walked closer to the atrium, face covered by a grey mask and the hood of its cloak. Lily felt everyone around her tense up as she grabbed her wand and took a deep breath. "They're all so brave and fearless… but they've picked the wrong side of the battle."

Loud cracks echoed throughout the Atrium and several cloaked figures appeared behind Baddlebrock. One seized him by the shoulders, but was thrown away as a loud bang and bright flash sailed from Moody's table to the podium. Screams erupted throughout the large room, and numerous citizens began trying to race out of the Atrium. Lily leapt to her feet, James' hand a vice on her wrist as they raced forward toward the numerous figures on the podium. More figures appeared and suddenly a deafening roar assailed their ear drums. The flames of the candles in the Atrium were extinguished, plunging the room into darkness. Silence replaced the screams as everyone froze on the spot.

The quiet broke with a loud bang, and James' death grip on Lily's wrist ensured they were thrown backward away from the podium together. Screams came back, and Lily flinched in pain as her and James were thrown through tables and chairs into a wall behind them. "Lumos!" she shouted, raising her wand and crying the spell to light up the dim atrium. "James?"

A chair near her was thrown aside as James emerged from behind it; his lip was bleeding, but he was in one piece. He checked Lily over quickly before grabbing her by the waist and pulling her to her feet. "Come on," he shouted, pulling her towards the southern part of the room where Death Eaters were fighting with civilians trying to make it to the exits.

Someone had managed to relight the candles, but the fight had gotten violent. Junior law enforcement officers were trying to shield civilians from curses that were cracking the brick walls and leaving deep gouges in the floor; senior officers were attempting to round up the numerous Death Eaters who had flooded the Ministry, though every single spell they cast seemed to be blocked the instant it was cast. Shields erupted and were shattered instantly; defensive spells did nothing against the curses being fired upon their casters. The Death Eaters did not seem interested in taking random prisoners this time, they seemed interested on attacking the witches and wizards mentioned in the article, along with prominent members of the Ministry and Auror office. Whether to kill or maim it wasn't clear; in fact, there wasn't much clear as the dust from damages to the building's structure created a dense that clouded up the still dark room.

James had released Lily's hand, running to aid his friends in battle as she began to assist a few Order members in rescuing anyone who has been injured. She could see him and Sirius across the atrium, fighting a man whose skull mask had fallen off. A screech echoed from behind her, and Lily turned, wand extended, to cast a shield in front of Lindsay and Marlene, who were helping an injured Max Linghold out of the way of further curses. She raced forward to take up his duel with the still masked Death Eater, black cords shooting from her wand and wrapping around his ankles.

"Nice work, Lily!" someone shouted as they dragged the man off to a hallway where two other Death Eaters were bound. She didn't have time to see who it was for a streak of white flew by her shoulder and hit the wall behind her with a sickening thud, a dark scorch mark left in its place. Lily raced forward, attempting to stun her new opponent, but was forced to dive behind a table when a jet of green light flew in her direction.

"_GAAH_!" a person hidden behind the table screeched as Lily accidently landed on top of them. She looked down to see Peter curled up on his side, his arm bent at an odd angle and his shirt covered in blood.

"Pete!" she shrieked, waving her wand to fix his arm and attempting to staunch the wound that was still oozing blood. "You'll be okay, just hang on. _LINDSAY_!"

Lindsay Potter looked over to where Lily was, but the outbreak of a battle in front of her forced her to defend the others that were injured instead racing to help. Lily sat Peter up, trying to calm his shaking hands and stop his eyes from darting side to side in fear. "Just stay still!" she ordered as he flinched and groaned in pain.

"We… we-we're going to die, aren't we?"

"_No_," Lily assured him. "No, we're not, just-"

A flash of light and a loud crack interrupted her reassurance. The table broke in half, and Lily was thrown in one direction, Peter in the other. Lily shut her eyes for a moment as her ears rang painfully from the sound of an explosion behind her. When she looked up, Peter was unconscious, but at least out of the way of the hexes raining down upon them. Lily aimed her wand over the table, firing random stunning spells to try and defend herself from the onslaught.

A body slid into her and a pair of large hands gripped her shoulder. Lily shrieked and aimed her wand into person's face, but then lowered it with a sigh when she realized it was friend and not foe. It was James; his face was dusty, his hair wild and his glasses bent, but he was in one piece.

"We're leaving," he said, swallowing heavily. "A bunch of them just Disapparated, and Moody got a message saying that the rest of them are coming in under the bridge," he explained. A flash of blue light interrupted his explanation. James pulled Lily back and covered her body with his as the table she was behind shattered into dust. They quickly ran behind the fountain, Lily crouching down and pulling James with her. She was panting heavily, her eyes fretful as James took her face her face with his hand. He looked torn and scared as she stared back at him, the sound of his name echoing across the room like a siren.

"James," Lily gasped. "You… you have to go… you have to go… they need you! I'll -"

Lily's commentary was cut off when James kissed her fiercely, his hands in her hair and hers around his shoulders. "I'll come back," he breathed. "I'll come back… stay safe!"

Lily nodded, clutching him fiercely for a second and then watching as he ran to where Moody, Sirius, and several others were gathered. The shoe Moody was holding began to glow brightly, and then in a flash they were gone. Lily felt strangely alone for a moment, but a spell hit the fountain just beside her head, breaking off part of it as water began to spill out onto the floor. It shocked her back into reality; she wasn't alone, she was in a battle, and she was one of perhaps seven or eight strong fighters left behind to battle against the Death Eaters who were torturing and cursing more innocent people.

Lily inhaled three sharp breaths and pulled herself up just in time to see several Death Eaters race toward the exits and disappear before their pursuers could stop them. James' mother and Marlene were tending to the injured behind a thick shield; his father, Gideon Prewett, and Aurors Nolan and Lightfoot were fighting a group of four Death Eaters that had tried to escape through the exits. Edgar Bones and his wife were holding their own against another group of Death Eaters who were circling them, all of them aiming to torture or kill. There were now between twelve to fifteen Death Eaters left in the Atrium, the rest had gone to wherever Voldemort had summoned them. Though Lily suspected the remaining few would be leaving soon as well; the fights had shifted and they were now on the losing side against the remaining Aurors, Ministry Officials, and Order members.

Lily heard a scream from behind her. Hestia Jones had finished subduing another Death Eater when a masked figure had surprised her from nowhere. Her wand flew out of her hand, and the man grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the ground. Lily raced forward, flicking her wand and throwing the man away from Hestia into a wall behind him.

"Are you all right?" she asked, handing Hestia back her wand and looking her over. Before she could answer, the Death Eater was on his feet and with a loud growl began raining hexes down on Lily. She was forced back, her shield charm shattering from the curses that flew from his wand. "_INCARCEROUS_!" Lily shouted, non-verbal abilities failing her as she tripped and fell backwards on the water leaking from the fountain.

"Filthy _mudblood_," the man hissed, throwing off her spell and stepping over her. "You've escaped before, but not this time…"

Lily kicked out, the pointed heel of her shoe connecting with the man's shin and causing him to fall on his face. His wand slipped out of his hand and she grabbed it, but this action had cost her the ability to defend herself as he jumped atop her and began to struggle to take both wands from her grasp.

Lily's mind was focused on struggling with the man, but her other senses were still on high alert. She could hear someone shouting for the Death Eaters to evacuate as Order members and Aurors tried to seal off the exits, she could smell the water from the fountain soaking her clothes. And she felt it when the man punched her in the face suddenly, snatching his wand from her grasp. He raised the wand and pointed at Lily's face, and with a scream she reached out for the tip and tried to force the spell away from her. No flash of light came; instead, the wand snapped clean into two pieces with a quiet crack. Both of them froze.

"YOU DIRTY ANIMAL!" the man shouted, throwing the broken piece away from himself and wrapping his hands around Lily's throat. Her witch instincts failed her and her human ones kicked in; instead of hexing him, she let go of her wand and began clawing at his hands, desperate for air. His hands squeezed her throat tighter even as she flailed and hit him, trying to knock him off of her. The man's mask slipped when he pulled her up for a second and then slammed her back against the wet floor. Lily let out a choked scream as her eyes met those of Mulciber's father; the man who had killed so many innocent muggles, witches, and wizards… including Julia.

She struggled harder, her ears ringing over the sound of voices still calling for the Death Eaters to evacuate. Mulciber wasn't listening; his grip was tightening around her neck, thumbs pressed against her trachea as he squeezed the life out of her. "I'm going to watch the light leave your eyes, _mudblood_… just like it left your friend's, and all the other worthless mudbloods and blood traitors who thought they could stand up to the Dark Lord," he sneered into her face, filling her nostrils with his putrid breath. "And since you broke _my_ wand, I'm going to take yours… I'm going to find your mudblood fucking husband and tell him I was the last to look into your '_pretty'_ green eyes before I kill him with it. And then I'll use your wand to kill more worthless mudbloods!"

Lily dug her nails into his hands and tried to kick him off of her, but it was to no avail. Her face was hot and her ears were ringing as white spots filled the space behind her eyes. Her fingers weren't going to be able to pry his hands off her throat no matter how hard she tried, her efforts were useless, but she wasn't giving up. Fighting the urge to lie back and let the darkness take her, Lily reached over her head and began to flail around for her wand or something to use as a weapon.

Her fingers wrapped around something cold and smooth. It felt like her wand, and Mulciber's grip slackened ever so slightly. When it did, Lily screamed "_EVERTE STATUM_!" in an attempt to throw him off of her. At the same time, she swung her arm up and into the side of his face.

His hands relaxed their grip and vanished from her throat, and Lily heard Mulciber's voice gurgle some sort of curse. She took deep heaving breaths that burned as they filled her lungs with oxygen. Something warm and wet fell on to her face; she shook her head wildly thinking at first he was spitting on her, but then he collapsed sideways and she scrambled to her knees, grabbing her wand and wiping her face with her hand. When she pulled it away from her face, she saw that it was covered with blood.

The gasping, gurgling sound next to her drew her attention, and Lily looked over to see Mulciber lying on his back, the stem of a broken champagne glass protruding from his throat. Without thinking, Lily crawled to his struggling figure and pulled the shard of glass out of his neck, using her hands to try and slow the bleeding.

"Just… stay… _HELP_!" she screamed, watching as the man flinched and swatted her hands away. "I'm trying to _help_ you!" she growled, tearing off a piece of her torn dress and trying to staunch the wound.

Mulciber shook violently, his face growing paler and paler by the second as he struggled to breathe and speak. "Don't… touch… _filthy_… disgusting… _don't touch me_!" he shouted, coughing up blood as the effort caused his face to drain of all color.

Lily ignored him, still trying to stop the blood flow as she shouted for help. He was fighting against her touch as though the thought of her assisting him were going to kill him quicker than the wound in his neck. A shadow fell over them, and Lily looked up to see a masked figure standing over her.

Lily lifted her wand and pointed it at the figure as it removed the grey mask and knelt down in the pool of blood around Mulciber's head. It was Avery, his hair longer and his face red from exhaustion. He said nothing and made no motion to hex Lily as they watched Mulciber struggle for breath and then fall still, blood still pouring from his neck.

"I didn't think you had it in you, Evans," Avery chuckled, the sound full of wicked amusement. "So much for valuing all life, eh?"

"I didn't… I was trying-"

"_Murderer_!" Avery shouted, firing a hex at her and causing numerous people to look in their direction. A few started to run towards where Lily and Avery were now dueling.

A high, keening screech rang through the Atrium, distracting them both from their short argument and halting everyone in their tracks. Before Lily could stop him, Avery had grabbed Mulciber's limp arm and Disapparated on the spot, leaving her standing next to the pool of blood mixed with water.

Lily was shaking violently, her eyes fixed on the spot where Mulciber had died. She looked at her blood covered hands, and her stomach dropped to the floor as a wave of nausea rolled over her. She'd killed a person… accidently in self-defense, but still. She was responsible for his death. Someone would grieve over him the way she had over Julia… his wife perhaps. Lily began wiping her hands on her dress, trying to get rid of the blood as nausea and regret mixed together in her stomach.

"It's over," Lindsay Potter's voice said from beside her. "We caught six of them; I'm not sure how the others did at the bridge, we haven't heard anything yet," she explained, more to Marlene than to Lily. "We're supposed to meet back at our house. The men will take them to Azkaban for questioning and all of that, we're supposed to go to Cricklaide and wait. Hestia said she'd take the others to Mungo's, then she'll be over as well."

"All right," Lily heard Marlene reply.

"Lily?" Lindsay's voice asked. "Are you all right?" Lily nodded, her eyes fixed on the pool of blood as nausea rolled through her again. "Come on… we're going home. You can change into clean clothes…"

J&L&J&L&J&L

It was an hour later when Moody, his Aurors, and the Order all arrived at the Potter's with Dumbledore. They had captured a total of fifteen Death Eaters, and caught Voldemort and his posse completely off guard by waiting near the bridges. They were able to confirm the number of trolls they had helping, though it was suspected that the Giants were left behind for this small attack.

"Voldemort, of course, escaped," Dumbledore explained. "But he is aware that we are not afraid to fight back. They're going to be floundering for new plans now, and probably making mistakes, which will work to our advantage."

The discussion hadn't really started yet as more people arrived and tried to settle down from the fight. When James arrived he scanned the room for Lily, narrowing his eyes as he was unable to find her red hair in the group. His mum and dad had returned; and he knew they wouldn't have left her behind.

"Mum? Where's Lily?" he asked quietly after he crossed the room to where she was standing.

"She went… well, she went to take a shower and change clothes, but … that was well over forty minutes ago," Lindsay said quietly, chewing her lip in a concerned matter.

"Was she all right?" James asked.

Lindsay sighed heavily. "She said she was, and I trust her… but she was covered in blood from – James, if she's showering you shouldn't just-"

"She's my wife, Mum," James replied firmly as he ascended the stairs. "She's showered in front of me before."

James ignored his mother's protests as she followed him upstairs, along with Sirius and Marlene. He knocked once on the door to the bathroom before entering, gesturing for everyone to stay out as he approached the running shower. There were no clothes on the floor, which he found odd, but there were bloody handprints on the sink.

"Lils?" James asked cautiously, opening the shower curtain and frowning at the sight in front of him. The water was steaming hot, and Lily was sitting underneath it shivering uncontrollably, her hair sopping wet and her torn blue dress clinging to her thin frame. "Lily... love? Are you-"

"I feel like I can't get it off," she muttered in a shaky voice. "The blood… I feel like it won't come off my hands." She held them out and James took them, crawling into the shower with her and sitting down in front of her, flinching over the scalding hot water as it hit his robes. "It's under my fingernails and… I can't get it off my skin," she explained, her voice breaking.

James examined her hands, noting how raw the skin looked. She'd been scrubbing them for he didn't know how long, but there wasn't any blood left for him to examine.

"I killed someone," she whispered, looking at him with eyes that were pleading for forgiveness.

James nodded, noting Marlene and Sirius enter the bathroom with cautious expressions. James' mother chewed her lip and proceeded downstairs to inform Moody of what happened. Everyone in the Order had taken utmost care to avoid killing the Death Eaters they fought with; so far they'd been successful, but if their life was at stake they all knew they were to defend themselves however possible. Lily sniffed and curled into a ball as James shut the water off and pulled her close. He pushed her sopping hair out of her face and rubbed her shoulders.

"It was … Mulciber," Lily whispered, chewing her lip. "Senior."

James' eyes flickered to Sirius, noting how his posture stiffened and then relaxed slightly, a flash of satisfaction appearing in his eyes before they turned somber again.

"He was… we were fighting and he was going to curse me… I grabbed his wand and it… broke," she explained. "Then before I could think of anything he was strangling me. I didn't… I dropped my wand and… I should have kept it but all I could think about was getting his hands off me and-"

"Lily, you couldn't have done anything," he whispered. "He was going to kill you, you couldn't have done anything-"

"If I had just kept my wand and hexed him or… something," she sobbed. "I-I forget that… I forget that I can … I couldn't breathe and he was strangling me and talking about how he was going to use my wand to… I don't know what but… I should have just used my wand and-"

"Did you lose it?" asked James gently.

Lily shook her head. "No… I… I fumbled around and I thought I had grabbed it but… but it was the stem of a … a broken glass. I tried to cast a spell but … obviously… then I just …" she made a vague motion of swinging her arm, her lip quivering and her eyes focusing on the wall behind James. "I stabbed him in the neck with it… I couldn't do anything else and I stabbed him and… he was bleeding everywhere and…I tried to help him and he acted like… he acted like I was killing him by doing that," she whispered. "Then Avery came and he… he laughed. He called me a murderer."

"You aren't a murderer," said James firmly. "You were defending yourself from-"

"But I'm responsible! He's dead and it's my fault… it's my fault… and I'm-"

"Lily?" a gentle voice said from the doorway. James looked up, startled to see Dumbledore standing in the doorway with an understanding expression on his face. "There is no fault. This is war, and the only thing you are responsible for is for being alive tonight; for keeping Hestia alive, and for protecting Peter while he was injured. You are responsible for life tonight, not death… despite what actions you had to take to save your own."

Lily chewed her lip, hiding her eyes and still feeling guilty despite Dumbledore's words. She knew he was right, but the memory was still too fresh; the blood still felt like it was on her hands.

"… not anything that I cannot discuss with you later," Dumbledore was saying to James. "Go and rest, we'll discuss more in the morning, when we're all better prepared to plan."

James nodded, looking at Lily who was chewing her lip and shivering as the water dripped off her skin. He pulled out his wand and dried her clothes instantly, along with his own before standing up and pulling her to her feet. He saw blood on her dress and chewed his lip, hoping she wouldn't notice it as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and stepped out of the tub.

Dumbledore nodded consolingly at Lily as they passed and James' mother patted her on the cheek. "Stay here tonight," she suggested. "It's so late and –"

"No," said James firmly. "We've got the same enchantments around the flat, Sirius will be coming home later," he continued, eyes flickering to his friends for reassurance of that statement, "So we're going home."

James' mother nodded, kissing her son and Lily on the cheek before letting them move down the stairs. Lily heard Sirius say a quick good bye to James and then she was inside the fireplace, his arms holding her through the spinning and gently guiding her into their sitting room.

He didn't say anything as he guided her to her bedroom, stripping off the ruined blue dress and pulling a t-shirt over her head. He changed out of his robes and guided her into bed, running his fingers through her hair in a comforting gesture as he guided her onto the pillows.

"You aren't a murderer," he whispered as he lay down next to her.

Lily shuddered against him. "I just feel… _sick_… he's dead because of me. His wife is going to grieve and-"

"His wife is a murderer, and his son is too," James interrupted coldly. "Any grief they have is retribution for the grief they've caused."

"Still," Lily replied. "I'm not… I didn't _want_ to kill him. I didn't want to hurt him even. But-"

"You had to."

Lily nodded, chewing her lip and staring at the ceiling. "I don't know how to explain it, but…" she paused, her eyes narrowing thoughtfully.

"But what?"

"Remember when Wallace said that you have to … you have to _want_ to cause death in order to cast the Killing Curse? Saying the words aren't enough? You have to want the person to die, or be tortured, or control them for any of those curses will work?" she asked, watching James nod. "I can't … I can't imagine ever wanting someone to die badly enough to actually-"

"Of course you can't," James interrupted. "Lily, you don't have it in you to harm people intentionally. You're too good."

"I know but… I don't understand how… I don't understand how anyone can honestly…" she stammered and then fell silent. "He has no soul. Voldemort… he has no soul."

"I'm guessing not," said James knowingly.

"I feel like mine has been unwillingly ripped apart," she sighed. "Like… something has broken in me."

"It will heal," said James as he kissed her cheek. "I promise… you aren't broken."

Lily nodded and fell quiet, her body relaxing as James' breath soothed her tired mind and his fingers traced patterns on her stomach. "My dress is ruined though," she murmured after a few moments, grinning as she felt him shake with silent laughter against her.

A few weeks passed and James watched Lily come back into herself again. She never became depressed, but seemed cautious and hesitant when it came to battle. Since the attack on the Ministry, they had been involved in a few small scuffles and captured five more Death Eaters who carelessly tried to take out prominent officials and Auror members, but nothing big had happened. In fact, if it weren't for his Death Eaters still committing small atrocities across the countryside, it would seem as though Voldemort had disappeared completely.

But the news continued to report mysterious disappearances, some names they were unfamiliar with, and others that hit a little too close to home.

Sirius was in a foul mood when he ascended the stairs and entered James and Lily's flat on the first Monday in March. Remus and Peter, along with Ceradoc Dearborn, Benjy Fenwick, Max Linghold, the Prewett twins, and several other Order members were sitting around the fireplace, looking at a map of London and discussing monitoring the perimeters of the city. Lily was in the kitchen with Dorcas and Emmeline working on a batch of potions before the meeting would start in a few minutes. Sirius tried to occupy as little space as possible, but James noticed his surly attitude and motioned for the other two Marauders to follow him as he escorted Sirius outside.

"All right, mate?" asked James, squinting into the sun to examine his friend's downcast expression. Sirius took a deep breath and began scuffing the ground with his trainers. "You look like you just got out of a fight."

Sirius grunted. "Close enough," he muttered, handing James a piece of parchment. James took it and held it out while Remus and Peter leaned over his shoulder to read.

"_Greetings Sirius,_

"_Your brother has gone missing. He has not run away as you did, but he is nowhere to be found and your mother is positively frantic with worry. None of his friends have seen or heard from him for weeks, he hasn't been in contact with any of your aunts or cousins he was close to. Kreacher was the last to speak with him, and Regulus didn't tell him where he was going._

"_I know we haven't spoken, and your mother would be even more upset to find I was writing you, but if you see or hear from him please let us know at once. She is very upset about his absence and I fear she may go mad if we do not discover where he is or what has happened to him. _

"_If you see anything, please let us know._

"_Regards, Orion Black."_

James chewed his lip, letting Remus take the letter as he crossed his arms and began to pace in an opposite path that Sirius was tracing. Peter was the first person to speak.

"Why would they think he'd contact you?" he asked. "Has he? Have you heard from him or seen-"

"Wormtail," Sirius growled. "Don't be fucking daft. Of course I haven't. He's probably out with the rest of those bloody cowards killing and torturing people. Either that, or he's been killed in a fight."

"We would know about it if he had been," Remus said quietly, moving to stand in between the path James and Sirius were walking.

"Well then, perhaps he's done a runner on them," Sirius grumbled. "Fucking coward he is… he talks big, but when it actually came down to doing things he'd-"

"If that happened, they'd kill him," James said bluntly. "You can't get out once you're in. And he was being branded… remember?"

"He _said_ he was getting branded," Sirius pointed out. "That could have been a lie."

"If your mum and dad wrote to Bellatrix or Narcissa, wouldn't they-"

"Moony! _I – don't – know_!" Sirius snapped. "I hate those wenches. I don't know if they'd tell them where he was. Not if he was on some special mission, they wouldn't. Bellatrix would rather die that betray Voldemort. She'd probably off Regulus herself if he did something to betray him… one less pimple on the face of the Earth if you ask me."

James paused his pacing and sighed heavily. "You don't-"

"I know I don't, Prongs… but… I mean, he's an _idiot_ – always was, but I feel like I _should_ care," Sirius replied in an irritated voice.

"Do you think that they killed him?"

"Why would they kill him?" Remus asked James.

"If he chickened out. I mean, if he _really_ chickened out… they'd off him," James said, glancing at Sirius for confirmation.

Sirius shook his head. "Stupid, bloody idiot. This is all my parent's fault… all that pure-blood madness talk and he was just… soft and stupid and-"

"Sirius, it's not your fault-"

"I know it's not my fault but …. God Damnit!" Sirius yelled. "Fucking cowardly little prick. He's probably dead at the bottom of some lake somewhere or transfigured into God knows what and buried in my parent's garden… all because he had to try and prove himself… bloodly arse."

Sirius kicked a rock in the grass, watching it sail across the yard with an angry expression. Just then there was a faint crack and the protective enchantment around their flat shimmered faintly. Alice and Frank Longbottom walked through, followed by Moody, Marlene, and Hagrid.

"Dumbledore will be here in a few minutes," Moody announced, giving the men who were standing in various positions around the entrance to the flat curious looks. "Best get inside and be ready to start."

James nodded, greeting Hagrid with a smile and waiting until everyone stepped through the door and started walking up the stairs before following with Sirius. "Do you want-"

"No," Sirius muttered. "Fuck him. It's his own stupid fault if they murdered him or something worse. I don't care."

James nodded, allowing Sirius to enter his flat first and shutting the door behind him. A two second glance around the room told him that things had changed dramatically since he and his friends had left. Lily was now standing in the center of the living room, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright as she glared down at Linghold and Dearborn, who looked slightly offended at her irritation.

"All I'm saying is that it's an interesting idea," Linghold grumbled. "You know he would-"

"It's deceitful and _wrong_ on so many levels, Max," Lily growled back. "There is absolutely no way in hell that-"

"I personally think it's a good plan," Nolan said, interjecting his opinion from his seat on the edge of the sofa. "If this bloke is so infatuated with you-"

"_Enough_," Lily snapped. "I do not care how infatuated someone might be with me, I'm _married_. I'm committed to James and-"

"Potter, surely you wouldn't mind that much," said Dearborn, glancing over at James.

"Um… wouldn't mind what?"

Linghold looked over at James. "Look, we all know how much of a thing Snape had for her in school, right? Rumor has it that he's right in You-Know-Who's inner circle. I think that … perhaps … Lily should go… pay him a visit," he shrugged. "Have a chat between two old friends and maybe, if she asked nicely, he'd tell her-"

James' eyes narrowed and he made a disgusted noise. But before he could respond that he'd rather snap his wand in half then send his wife to visit a Death Eater – let alone the Death Eater that he loathed so much - Lily made an exasperated sound and interrupted Max's thought. "We _aren't_ friends anymore. Not since fifth year have I considered Snape my friend, despite what me may or may not desire from me. Aside from this information, he knows me too well. He knows I would never, _ever_ do something so deceitful to-"

"The only person you are deceiving is him!" Linghold snapped.

"By going there and pretending to be interested in anything he has to say I'm deceiving him, myself and James. I'm not doing it… I don't care if you think it's a good plan there is no way-"

"You killed someone, Lily," Nolan interjected. "I thought you'd be braver-"

"That was not _bravery_!" Lily shrieked. "That was-"

"It's a good idea," Dearborn agreed. "We'd have an inside voice we could trust."

"If I could do something like this, I _definitely_ would," Linghold added. "I'd have no problem going to visit a Death Eater that loved me if I thought I could get information to defeat Voldemort. Why do you-"

"You know what… fine. _Fine_!" Lily snarled, suddenly walking into the kitchen and grabbing a glass from the cupboard. Everyone was silent as they watched her fill it with a muddy looking potion she pulled out from a large flask, and then walk back into the living room. She shoved the glass into Linghold's hands and ripped a few hairs out from her head. Linghold looked confused as Lily glowered at him. James heard Dorcas snigger and saw Alice smirk as they watched for Linghold to respond. He felt curious, not only about fact that there was some mud-potion hiding in his cupboards, but what Lily had in mind as she glared Linghold down.

"What's-"

"If you think it's such a good idea, you have my permission to go right ahead and do it," she said, gesturing toward the drink and handing him her hair.

"What do you mean? You'll-"

"No, not me. _You_," Lily explained, pointing again to the glass. "You have permission to take this Polyjuice Potion, add my hair, become my doppelganger and go on over to Snape's house and-"

"Oh no," Linghold said, clarity dawning on his expression as he and several others finally recognized the murky mixture inside his glass. "That is _not_ what I meant. I couldn't-"

"But I thought it was a good idea," Lily said innocently. "You just said if you could do something like this you would… well, here's your chance."

"I can't pretend to be-"

"I can tell you everything you need to know to impersonate me, but there's no way I'm going," she added. "But you… if you want to become me and see if you can get Snape to spill his secrets in return for a kiss…"

Several people sniggered as Linghold gazed horrified back at Lily. Just then Dumbledore entered, looking somber, and the air in the room changed immediately as people resumed their seats and became attentive to whatever he had to say.

Dumbledore sighed, taking a seat against James and Lily's table as he folded his hands in front of him. "Minister Baddlebrock is dead."

The room went instantly silent as the weight of Dumbledore's words sank in. James noted that even Moody's expression was shocked at this news, which meant it must have just happened. The heavy quiet seemed to sink into everyone's pores before finally Lily broke it.

"H-how? When?"

"We aren't sure," Dumbledore explained. "That is why I was delayed. I received a very panicked message from Barty Crouch and Undersecretary Edgington when they found his body behind the Ministry. He didn't come into the office this morning, and when Edgington walked outside…"

Dumbledore trailed off, shaking his head and sighing heavily. "He'd been tortured, why… we aren't sure. I'm guessing they were trying to find out more about why there are so many fighters with the Aurors, or the extra enchantments the Ministry has enacted. But either way… Edgington has been sworn in as Minister for the time being."

"Has Crouch or the Law office-"

"They're setting up patrols, Alastor, yes," Dumbledore confirmed. "I know Barty will be communicating their plans with you soon, probably today even. I'm heading back when we're finished here, but I wanted to advise you all of what has happened and how we're going to handle it moving forward."

Dumbledore stood and walked closer to the group in the living room. "Obviously Edgington is going to be in danger now, along with Bulstrode and the other candidates still running for Minister. Barty and his group are going to be the main ones watching them, but I want you to assign an Auror to work with each of their patrols, Alastor," he explained, nodding toward Moody who nodded in agreement. "The rest of your team will work with Barty to monitor the Ministry, Mungo's and Diagon Alley. The rest of us," he continued, glancing at the other Order members, "are going to be running patrols daily patrols around London and the surrounding villages. On foot and on broom, this way we can hopefully stop any attacks before they get underway if we see the Death Eaters setting up places, or any suspicious activity. Those who aren't on Patrol will be assigned prominent community members to guard, or run missions as we have been.

"The Death Eaters are going to think that the Minister's murder gives them a foothold, but we are going to stop them," Dumbledore said firmly, his eyes very intense as he looked at the group. "For today, I want you to return to your homes to set things in order, and we'll meet tomorrow after we come up with a schedule of patrols."

The room at large nodded and slowly began to file out, expressions somber or thoughtful as they left. The cracks of Disapparition echoed from outside, and James watched as Lily set down the glass of Polyjuice Potion on the mantle and sigh heavily.

"… we can put it off until-"

"No," Dumbledore's voice was saying to Alice and Frank as they stood by the doorway, the tone of it caught James' attention. "No, you won't put it off. Lily? Marlene? You mentioned at the Ministry a few weeks ago possibly talking to Alice about taking her shifts with the Aurors so she and Frank could get away for a few weeks?"

Lily stepped toward the entrance, pausing by James as Marlene nodded in agreement. "Yeah… we, can help out."

"And I'm sure James and Sirius wouldn't mind helping out with yours Frank, am I correct?"

"We've got it," Sirius said, nodding at James.

"Very well then, you two-"

"But … Albus… we can-"

Dumbledore cut Frank off. "If anyone needs a break from things, it's you two," he insisted. "You haven't had a break since… well since your parents were murdered, Alice. Take your two weeks and get away; take care of each other and we'll take care of things here."

Alice sniffed, looking at Lily who nodded in agreement. "We've got it, guys… don't worry."

Frank put his arm around Alice's shoulders, squeezing her and kissing her head as she nodded and gave Lily a small smile. "Thanks," she whispered as Frank nodded and they walked out of the door.

Dumbledore sighed and nodded at James, Lily, Marlene and Sirius. "They need this, and I appreciate it on behalf of them," he said.

"Dumbledore," James laughed. "That's what we're here for. That's what we'll always be here for."

* * *

_A/N - I tried and tried and TRIED to get this up yesterday, but the site was having issues. More should be coming in about a week hopefully. Also, I'm self editing now - sans beta - so please please please accept my apologies for anything I miss. Copyediting your own work is a b***h!_


	46. Still New

_My apologies. I had a death in my family and afterwards I was a bit distracted by things. Hopefully I'll have another chapter up in two weeks. Thanks for your patience and understanding._

* * *

Still New

* * *

"So," James drawled, hiding his arrogant smirk from Sirius as they flew high above the outskirts of London. "My wife tells me that you and Marlene have been spending a lot of time together as of late."

Sirius scoffed and halted his flight path, his eyes scanning a group of figures walking down one of the side streets before he responded to James' probing. "Your wife did no such thing."

"How do you know?"

"Because, one… Lily is the best secret keeper I know, and two… _Marlene_ has been complaining that she hasn't seen Lily in yonks. 'I haven't seen Lils since Alice and Frank left,'" Sirius explained, using Marlene's words while he grinned at James' eager expression.

James chuckled leaned forward on the broom, catching up with Sirius in a matter of seconds. "So you _are_ getting close then… if she's telling you she hasn't seen Lily, you must-"

"You know damn well when I'm not out here guarding the city and keeping your arse safe-"

"Being my side kick-"

"that I - 'side kick' my arse. When I'm not on duty with _you,_ I'm on with her… so we talk a lot," Sirius shrugged. "You would know this if you bothered to look at anyone's schedule but your own."

"I look at other people's schedules," James protested. "I look at Lily's."

"You look at hers because you want to know when she'll be home so you can get to making those little red-headed babies everyone wants so badly to see," Sirius teased, watching James fake a laugh before a shudder raced through his body. Sirius scoffed. "Is the idea of having a child with Lily _that_ repulsive?"

"It's not repulsive at all," James replied defensively. "I want to have loads of red-headed babies with her. But we're… practicing… right now."

"Practice does make perfect," Sirius laughed.

"Besides… don't you… I mean…" James stammered, looking - for once in his life - a little unsure of himself. "Look at all that's going on. I can't… I can't be a father _and_ fight against Voldemort. I mean, look at what happened to the Billy Edeson's family. They got the _whole lot_ of them: his wife, his daughter, his mum and dad… I can't-"

"Prongs, there're going to be risks no matter what. And yeah, they're higher now but… maybe you'd quit the Order to-"

James shook his head vigorously. "I can't… I can't do that. Even if I wanted to quit, Lily wouldn't. She wants to fight just as much as I do."

Sirius nodded, letting James think as they flew around the edges of Greenwich and Lewisham. When they circled around to head back to Wandsworth to let Remus and Benjy patrol for the next few hours, James finally broke his awkward silence with a cough Sirius was all too familiar with.

"Did you hear about Phil Thomas?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I did," Sirius replied. "And if you want my opinion, I think he was a coward for-"

"I don't… he was just doing what he thought would protect his family," James interrupted.

"You gonna do that then?" asked Sirius in a rough voice. "Take off when Lily's pregnant to '_protect_' her."

"It's different," James snapped. "His wife had no idea he was a wizard; she had no idea what was coming for them after he refused to join. Lily-"

"_Lily_ would murder you herself if you took off on her and she was pregnant. The Death Eaters wouldn't be anything to be afraid of if you did that to her. She'd-"

"I know what Lily would do to me if I did something like that," growled James. "Not to mention what you, and Moony, and my _parents_ would do if I did that, but - of course I wouldn't take off on her if she got pregnant! I can't believe you even think I'd be capable-"

"I don't think you're capable of that," Sirius interrupted as they skidded to a halt in an alleyway. "But I don't see why you think Thomas was so brave for-"

"Do you _realize_ what he was giving up?" asked James. "He knew Voldemort was coming and was going to kill him for refusing. He could have hid them, but then they'd be on the run their whole lives… he walked away from everything he loved and walked to his Death to keep them safe. Knowing they'd hate him, knowing they'd think him a louse and a coward for doing so… he walked away because he knew that was the only way to truly protect them."

Sirius nodded, though his expression remained stern. "I get that… but …still, you couldn't-"

"I couldn't do something like that even if the thought occurred to me," James muttered. "I couldn't leave her. Besides, I can't imagine a scenario where Lily would be safe if I left her. She's a target because of her blood status, because of the Order, and because she's powerful; she's got more magic in her than I do. She wouldn't be safe no matter what."

"And that, that right _there_, is what stops you from wanting to have a baby now," Sirius pointed out, watching as James nodded. Remus' tall figure appeared at the end of the alleyway next to Benjy's shorter and stockier one. Sirius and James walked back toward where they stood, putting their personal conversation away for the time being.

They chatted for a bit, filling Benjy and Remus in on the few people they'd seen around the city and places they might want to watch for Death Eaters before waving good bye and heading back to the Ministry.

"So what are we doing this Saturday?" Sirius asked exuberantly. "Lils said she'd be up to going out for a night. We could go to the pub or catch-"

"Honestly, mate… these runs around London and work at the Ministry are wearing me out," said James in a quiet voice. "I'm tired and I'd really just like a day off to do nothing."

"To do your wife, you mean," Sirius teased, watching James smirk slightly. "We could go to the pub and at least grab something to eat."

"That'd be nice," James shrugged.

Sirius watched him cautiously before speaking again. "You are much too sober… what's going on?"

"I'm _tired_. I've been up for around twenty-four hours now between taking that watch with Moody and patrols this afternoon. And Lily and I work opposite schedules so we barely see each other," grumbled James.

"Well she'd be with us," said Sirius, brushing off James' concerns.

"She has to work that day."

"On Saturday?"

"Yeah, Moody wants her doing patrols with Marlene. So at least _she'll_ get to see her; you can pass that along tonight when you visit her house," James teased.

Sirius snorted a laugh, but was quite otherwise on the way back to the Ministry. When they arrived and briefed Moody, Crouch and Fabian on the few observations they 'd made, Sirius watched James walk over to where Lily was sitting at Alice's desk. She too looked tired and careworn, but her eyes lit up wildly when she saw him. The moment was short lived however, for just as James leaned in to kiss her Gideon and Ceradoc stepped into the office with another set of bad news.

"There are at least ten giants travelling this direction," Ceradoc said when he had everyone's attention. "There may be more, but Nolan and Lightfoot reported at least ten coming down from the North."

"_Fantastic_," Crouch muttered, glancing at Moody who had a thoughtful look on his face. "How, exactly, do we deal with Giants?"

"Too late to try and talk them out of it, you think?" Fabian asked quietly.

"Talk them out of - _they're blood thirsty monsters!"_ Crouch stammered, his voice teetering on hysterical rage. "Of course they're going to be on You-Know-Who's side."

"With that kind of attitude I'd say the best we can do is try to fight them off when they do come," Moody grumbled. "Evans-"

"Potter," Lily and James corrected simultaneously.

Moody rolled his eyes at Lily's defiant expression and James' slightly irritated one. "If I call you both Potter, I can't keep you straight," he glowered back.

Gideon sniggered. "Yes you can, one of them is female. Or can't you tell the diff-"

"_Lily_," Moody interrupted, throwing Gideon an irritated glare. "You and Alice are the best ones at casting that guardian charm… the one that can cover the whole city if we need it to. I'm going to send her a message to-"

"No, no no…" Lily protested, shaking her head and getting to her feet. "I can do it on my own, let her and Frank stay away for a while longer."

Moody considered this while the rest of the room looked at Lily with decidedly doubting expressions. "I can do it, I can handle it. You just want it around London and the outskirts right?"

Ceradoc Dearborn scoffed from his spot next to Gideon. "You can't pull off a charm that big by-"

"I'll set the points around the perimeter and then move to the center to cast-"

"You'll need at least two people to help," Gideon muttered.

"I can do it by _myself_," Lily scowled.

"I can help," James volunteered, but then paused when Moody shook his head. "I can… I'm good-"

"I'm aware that you're good at everything Potter, but you're particularly good at Transfiguration, along with Black… which is why I want you two to go with Fabian, and set up cloaking spells around a few traps we're going to lay out. Those should delay their entrance into the city long enough for us to get out there," Moody explained, glancing at a map of the area and marking it with large X's.

James frowned and made a disapproving noise, but didn't argue. Sirius watched Lily bite her lip and lean into the desk, her hand finding James' shoulder and giving it a small squeeze. Moody continued with his explanation of who would be doing what, and who would be going where, but Sirius remained focused on Lily and James; parts of his brain simultaneously wondering how long it had _actually_ been since they'd done anything nice together, and the other part wondering how he could get them away from all of the activity.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

"So… I'm _not_ supposed to go to Blackfriars?" James asked, one hand in his tousled hair the other rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Moody said-"

"Moody changed his mind," Sirius shrugged, stepping into the flat and eyeing the stack of crepes that were on the dining room table. "Said you needed some time off after Thursday's little run in with Malfoy."

James made a noise. "That stupid fuck-"

"Malfoy or Moody?"

"Malfoy, of course! Fucking… he was there, walking around with some Junior League wanna-be minister bloke - no idea who he was; short, fat little wanker. Fabian and I followed him and we were ambushed. It's not like we-"

"Take it easy, Prongs," Sirius laughed. "I know all about it. Moody doesn't think you guys couldn't handle yourselves, he just thinks you need some time off. Plus I … well… I sort of told him it was your birthday and you needed some rest."

James rolled his eyes, but nodded as he sat down at the dining room table, watching Sirius help himself to the breakfast Lily had left for him. It was early Saturday morning, the morning of James' birthday. And Sirius had waited until well after Lily was gone to proceed upstairs and awake his best friend and present his birthday gift. "So… you can rest and you don't have to do anything today," Sirius said, his voice exuberant in contrast with James' still sleepy mood.

"Right… well… thanks for that, I suppose."

"You _suppose_," Sirius grumbled dramatically, stuffing a whole crepe into his mouth while James grinned at him. "Happy Birthday, you ungrateful bastard."

James chuckled. "Thanks, mate."

"Why are you so disheveled? Late night?" Sirius asked, winking lasciviously at James. "Lils must have been up early to make these… what'd you do? Keep her awake all-"

"No, she didn't get in until five this morning," James groaned, laying his head on the table.

"With Marlene? Oh, yeah…that's right," Sirius nodded. "So she's sleeping?"

"No, she went out at six or so to cast that sentinel… guardian… whatever-it-is charm around the whole damn city of London."

Sirius nodded and chewed the second crepe he'd started eating. "So… you sound angry."

"I'm not… if I'd had known I wasn't going to have to go to the bridge today I'd have gone with her," mumbled James.

"So… why are you so tired?"

"Because I was worried about her being out, so I couldn't sleep… and then when she _did_ get home, she couldn't sleep because she had to go out _again_. I tried to get her to take just a little nap, but she made _me_ sleep since she knew I was going to have to be at my best today," he explained with a yawn. "Your incessant pounding on my door actually woke me up, I'd been sleeping like a baby since she left."

Sirius nodded. "How did she '_make_ 'you sleep?"

"She… "

"She… gave you a draught?" Sirius asked, waiting for James to finish.

"No… she just … sat with me. And played with my hair. The next thing I knew you were pounding and screaming and she was gone."

Sirius slowed his somewhat ravenous chewing as he watched James smile and look sheepishly at his wedding ring. James spun it once and sighed before looking up at Sirius with a happy, yet sad, expression on his face.

"When was the last time _you_ played with _her_ hair until she fell asleep?" asked Sirius.

"Four weeks ago," James replied, watching Sirius swallow and choke slightly on the overlarge bite that was in his mouth. "What? Why's that so shocking?" he chuckled.

"You're _married_! Merlin's Pants… _I've_ had sex more recently than-"

"I _KNEW_ IT!" James shouted triumphantly. "I _knew_ it… I knew you and Marlene were hooking up with each other."

Sirius frowned. "She's going to kill me."

"Probably, but I reckon I'd miss you so I'll keep this outrageous news to myself," James laughed, looking more like himself for the first time in weeks.

Sirius chewed his lip. "So… four weeks. Did you do _anything_ for Lily's birthday?"

James' cocky expression turned back to a sober one. "No… she was in the hospital wing of Hogwarts, remember? And then when she got out, there was that whole Ministry catastrophe with that stupid ball… and we've been on missions practically every fucking day. I haven't had time to-"

"Well, you've got time today…" Sirius drawled suggestively.

"She's gone. Out… casting that spell," James replied, looking confused.

"Jeeze Prongs, I thought you were a romantic."

"I… I am! I just haven't had time to do anything for her! She wants a cat… and I want her to have a familiar, but it's kind of hard to pick that out when we can't go together, you know."

Sirius laughed loudly. "Okay, you _are_ tired. I don't think I've seen you this exhausted since that first time we shifted and spent the whole night chasing Moony."

James nodded. "I haven't been this tired since then."

"Okay, I'll let you sleep for… oh say… four hours. And I've already got your cat problem solved so –"

"Cat problem? What-"

"Marlene has this grey cat that she's been keeping because she doesn't want to just put it out on the street. Problem is she's allergic to cats, so she has to keep it away from her. Now, the few times Lily and I have stopped by Marlene's to pick something up or drop it off, Lils is _all over_ this cat, and vice versa," Sirius explained. "So there's your cat for _her_… and when you wake up, we'll work on getting _you_ some –"

"Watch it," James laughed. "I like your thinking… but I can do that on my own."

"Can you?" asked Sirius skeptically. "You've been neglecting her for a month, in addition to neglecting yourself to fight this damn war. Alice and Frank have been gone _forever_… and you two have been delaying them coming back out of being nice. They've _had_a break; you two need one."

James pursed his lips and cocked his head to the side, his long fingers ruffling his hair. "You have random moments of insight amidst your continual… stubborn immaturity and… general… padfoot…ish..ness…"

Sirius laughed as he headed back to the door, clapping James hard on the back of the head. "I'm going to take that disjointed attempt at a sentence as a compliment. Get some sleep; I'll see you in a few hours."

J&L&J&L&J&L

Lily threw her hair out of her face as she set up the final connection point surrounding the outside of London. She sighed heavily, her skin damp with sweat and the humidity in the air. This was the last point to connect the spell that would form a dome-like shield over the town, and Lily considered walking back to the middle of London rather than Apparating again. The constant shift into the constricting darkness then emerging again was disorienting, and she felt sick to her stomach from having done it so many times in only the span of a few hours.

"One more time… then I'll walk back to Avon," she told herself as she backed away from the shimmering spot in front of her.

"You shouldn't have tried this all on your own," a voice said from behind her. Lily whirled around, wand extended, to see Sirius leaning against a tree, his mischievous grin beaming at her. "There were loads of people volunteering to help you."

"I don't _need_ any help," Lily muttered. "Especially not from Dearborn or Max…"

Sirius laughed. "Max has _still_ got it bad for you, it doesn't matter that you're married."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I wish James would punch him. I really do. I know that's wrong of me but… _Merlin's beard_… the boy just doesn't get it."

"I neglected to tell James that he asked you about your sex life last week. '_There's no way __**you**__ couldn't keep him satisfied, but does he_-'"

"Shut up, Sirius… _urgh_," Lily snapped, cringing as Sirius laughed loudly.

They walked out of sight, Sirius looking proud and obnoxious as Lily sighed and placed her hand on his shoulder before Apparating back to London. When the sensation ceased, Lily shook herself off violently and took a deep breath.

"You should have flown; it's awful Apparating all over the place," Sirius agreed, watching Lily swallow and breathe deeply to calm her stomach.

"I still don't feel comfortable on a broom. I need to have James _really_ teach me how to fly," she sighed.

"I suppose your '_flying lessons'_ weren't ever really lessons," laughed Sirius. "Excuse To Flirt Lessons is more like it."

Lily smiled and laughed once. "So, what are you up to? Why are you out here? Weren't you supposed to be with James over at-"

"James is off today," Sirius explained. "Moody changed his mind. I'm heading over there in a bit with Dearborn and Fabian. I let slip that it was James' birthday, and this made Moody think perhaps he deserved a break."

"_Good_," Lily sighed fervently. "He _barely_ got any sleep last night, waiting up for me. I wish he wouldn't do that."

"Well, you guys _barely_ see each other it sounds like."

Lily frowned. "I know… I mean, we _see_ each other, but it's just enough to say hi and then say goodnight because one or both of us are going off somewhere."

"So… let me help you finish up here, and then you can go home," Sirius explained, pulling out his wand as they approached a shimmering spot in the middle of a random alley in central London.

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Sirius… thanks, but…you're atrocious at protective enchantments."

"I am _not_!"

"Yes, you are actually," Lily laughed. "You've got transfiguration down but… you can't do protective enchantments, I'm sorry. Remember the incident when you and Wormy went camping? And all those Death Eaters-"

"Yeah yeah… don't remind me. If I'm that awful, teach me," Sirius suggested.

"I don't have time today!" Lily said. "You told me James was home now, _and_ I'm exhausted, so I want to go home. It's his birthday and I haven't gotten him anything, but I at least want to spend as much time with him as possible. I'm sorry, I just can' teach you-"

"Well, you have to finish this up, I can help! Just… show me what you're doing," pressed Sirius. "_Please_ Lils? Don't make me go Padfoot and give you the puppy eyes."

Lily snorted and gave Sirius, who was pouting pathetically, a severe look. "Save those eyes for Marlene; the way you've been begging you'll need them," she smirked as she nodded for him to move closer to her.

Sirius chuckled, watching as Lily held the tip of her wand directly into the shimmering air in front of them. "_Voco propugnaculum pro murus, fianto duri," _Lily murmured, her eyes closing as she concentrated harder than Sirius had ever seen. "P_rotego horribilis, repello inimigotum… _ that's what the spell is."

"Oh, okay," Sirius murmured, lifting his wand and joining it with hers. He began to focus and concentrate on the words but Lily placed her hand against his shoulder.

"You can't do it non-verbally," she explained. "You have to say it, and you have to focus everything _you have_ on it. Like when you go Padfoot… you have to focus, Sirius."

"I _am_ focused," he replied defensively.

"No, you're not," Lily said gently. "You're thinking about how great your plan worked and that I'm going to go home and finally – _finally_ – get to spend time with James. And I appreciate that, I appreciate that you love us enough for that… but if you're going to help me, you've got to get your mind in one spot."

Sirius snorted, but then Lily's green eyes were piercing into his and he swallowed heavily. "You've got a mum look already."

"Don't say that," she replied, biting her lip.

"You look like Lindsay… except with… red hair and green eyes."

"Don't say that either," Lily chuckled. "As much as I love Lindsay… no… that's just wrong."

"Right… right. Okay…" Sirius took a deep breath and focused his energy, listening to Lily repeat the words again before joining in. Their voices were quiet, but soon enough the shimmering spot in front of them turned into a bright glow; and then with a violent vibration and rather loud crack, a shockwave seemed to burst out from the point where their wands were hovering and cover the sky in a faint glow. Lily watched curiously, Sirius in somewhat of a shock, as lines of energy seemed to piece themselves together in a dome over the city. They seemed to be the only ones who noticed, for the muggles on the street went on with their business under the shining spring sun that had finally begun to come out from behind the clouds.

"Huh… impressive," Sirius muttered.

"More than just a pretty face," Lily replied, a smug little smirk crossing her face.

She said good-bye to Sirius after a few more moments of conversation, then reluctantly Apparated back to the flat in Avon. Once inside, she locked the door with every single charm she knew and raced to the bedroom. James was curled up on his side, sleeping like champ, his breathing slow and deep. She smiled and pulled off her jeans before crawling into bed and curling herself around him, allowing his deep breaths to lull her into a peaceful sleep.

It was hours later when she woke up, feeling groggy and slightly confused when she rolled over to reach for James and he wasn't there. There was a warm smell coming from the kitchen, which drew Lily out of the covers and down the hall to see what was going on.

"Hi," said James brightly, ruffling his hair and grinning as Lily approached. He smiled at her through slightly steamed up glasses, chuckling as she laughed and gazed curiously at his set up.

"What are you-"

"Happy Birthday!" James yelped, running toward her with a spatula and picking her up off her feet. Lily chuckled, returning his kiss as he set her down and then ran back into the kitchen.

"To you," she said, licking her lips and tasting some sort of wine based sauce left behind from his kiss. "I should be making _you_ dinner."

James shook his head. "No, it's my birthday… so we have to do whatever I want," he informed her, leaning over again to kiss her as she moved closer and examined the spread of food on their stove.

"What are you making?"

"Chicken and sun dried tomato pasta," James replied proudly.

Lily's eyes widened. "Fancy. Can I ask-"

"No, you cannot," he replied. "You can go sit at the table because you woke up just in time… I was going to wake you up actually, it's ready."

"What do we need-"

"_You_ need to go sit," James said firmly, flashing his best stern glare in her direction. She snorted and shook her head before moving into the dining room and sitting down in one of the chairs. She watched as James grabbed two plates and placed a chicken breast on each before topping it with pasta and the red sauce he'd been stirring. He walked the plates to the table and set them down before taking a bottle of wine out of the cupboard and pouring Lily and himself a glass.

"There we are," he added finally, sitting down and grinning at Lily's amused and highly pleased expression. "I hope it's not terrible."

"It smells wonderful," she laughed, taking a sip of her wine before picking up the fork and cutting into the chicken.

James watched anxiously, chewing his lip as Lily took a few bites and smiled over at him. "I'm never cooking again."

"You're not?" he asked.

"Nope," she replied, grinning as a dull blush colored her cheeks. "You are cooking from now on. Every night… all the time."

James smirked and picked up his own fork. "Well, then we'll be eating a lot of this, because I think it's all I can make."

Lily laughed loudly, her voice bright and more cheerful than James had heard in weeks. They ate rather quickly, as though both of them hadn't had a real meal in days; which, when thinking back on it, they really hadn't. Between Auror work covering for Alice and Frank, Order missions, and trying to sleep, eating had sort of been pushed to the far side of priorities. James didn't know if the meal tasted as good to Lily as it did to him, but when she leaned back against the chair with her eyes closed and a smile on her face, he realized as long as she was content it didn't matter how well he cooked.

"That was _amazing_… it was _real_ food, not take-away," she mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"Was it really good?"

"You didn't think so?"

"Well, it tasted good to me but I was starving… and everything always tastes good to me," James chuckled, ruffling his hair. "I mean… if it didn't taste good I can-"

"James, hush," Lily chuckled, laying her hand atop the one he had rested against the table. "It was wonderful; it was so wonderful that I ate much more than I should have… If I had a belt on I'd loosen it."

James chuckled and glanced at the t-shirt Lily was wearing. "You don't… you don't have any trousers on," he laughed, tugging on her hand and turning her towards him. "I didn't realize that until just now," he explained, pulling her legs into his lap.

"You seemed really focused on your task," Lily grinned, leaning back in her chair and relaxing as James' long fingers pressed into the tired muscles of her feet. "Shouldn't this be the other way around?"

"You want to rub my feet?"

Lily giggled. "I _will_; it is your birthday."

"And we completely missed yours."

"So? I was sort of out of it anyway… it's not that important," Lily shrugged.

"It is to me," James murmured, his eyes intense as he looked into his wife's face. "I don't want you to ever think you aren't important to me."

Lily smiled, her expression sweet and shy at the same time. She bit her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I don't think that."

"Good."

"You're important to me too."

"I know," said James with a grin. "I'm important to everyone," he added, laughing as Lily rolled her eyes and let out a restrained chuckle. "But I'm serious."

"So am I," Lily replied with a smile. She removed her feet from his lap, sliding her chair closer to his. "How _are_ you? I see you every day, but I feel like I haven't _seen_ you for … a month… or longer."

"I'm fine… I'm tired… a lot. And I'm frustrated that we can't seem to get anywhere," said James with a sigh as he leaned forward against his knees.

Lily laced her fingers into his hair and kissed the crown of his head. "Me too. I'm really irritated that there are so many Death Eaters that can just slip in and out of the Ministry because of their social ranking. It's dangerous and no one believes that they're Death Eaters because of their social standing. And with everything so up in the air right now…"

James nodded. "Perhaps when the new Minister get's in they'll be able to have more background checks… or they'll force-"

"That's not for another four months though," Lily sighed. "And between now and then… we've got to be on guard because-"

"Shhh…" James said. "Let's not talk about it. We don't have to be on guard now."

Lily nodded, smiling shyly. "I wonder how Frank and Alice are."

James shrugged. "I'd hope they're shagged out of their minds."

Lily laughed. "Yes, or at least caught up on sleep. One or the other."

"Or both."

"Both would be good. Are you still sleepy?"

James shook his head. "No, I'm not. Padfoot woke me up to tell me Moody had said to take the day off, but I went back to sleep after that."

"He found me while I was putting up the Guardian Charm."

"Did he want to help?"

Lily chuckled. "Yes, he did… and he was surprisingly willing to listen."

"I think Marlene's having a good influence on him," James said thoughtfully. He smirked when Lily snorted and let out a wicked laugh. "What?"

"Oh, I think she's having a _calming_ influence on him," she said in a very knowing voice. James smiled and nodded in agreement. "And that look you have on your face tells me I'm right."

"What look?" said James innocently.

"That '_my friend is getting laid'_ look."

James laughed loudly and shook his head, grinning at Lily's smirking face and feeling his heart lift at the sight of her eyes. She stared back at him, amused and happy; sharing the exact same emotions he felt as he laced his fingers through hers and smiled widely.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" asked Lily with a sheepish giggle.

"You're just… you still keep me on my toes."

"I need to keep you _off_ of them; you're so much taller than me, it doesn't help for you to stand on your toes. It makes it harder to kiss you," Lily grumbled mockingly.

"Would you like me to crouch? Or walk around on my knees?" James sniggered.

"Haha… if you were on your knees you'd be begging for something."

"Do you want me to beg?"

"I didn't get you anything for your birthday," Lily said with a frown. "I haven't had time. I wanted to get you that set of blue robes you liked so much and a servicing kit for your broom."

"I didn't get you anything for your birthday," replied James. "I should have at least gotten you flowers."

"You stayed by my bed the whole time I was out," said Lily sweetly. "That's gift enough."

"You _are_ my gift," said James, watching his wife blush as she squeezed his hand tightly. "Though, I wouldn't mind some cake. I could make a cake for dessert," he added, looking to her for input.

Lily shook her head as she got to her feet, stepping towards James and standing between his legs. He smirked and placed his hands on her hips under her shirt, letting his fingers run along her hipbones and the top of her thighs. "I don't think that's what you want for dessert."

James laughed, watching as Lily tugged her shirt over her head and unfastened her bra. She took his hands, coaxing them to remove her knickers as she sat straddled across his lap. James kissed her softly, tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her close.

"Hi," she whispered in a brief moment when her lips were free.

"Hey," James replied, picking her up and carrying her back to their bedroom. He meant to put her directly on the bed but she squirmed out of his grasp, her feet padding against the carpet as she pushed him backwards and tugged off his trousers, and then his shirt. James grinned at her sudden aggressiveness, allowing her to push him down on to the mattress and slowly climb atop him. "It's _my_ birthday."

"Yes it is…"

"I said we have to do whatever _I_ want," he murmured, one hand at her back and the other tangling in her hair. He moved to roll her onto her back, but to his surprise she pushed him down against the pillows, her lips pressed against his neck as she curled her naked body against his and trailed her fingers down his chest.

"You do want this," she whispered into his ear, sliding her hips against his and smirking as he moaned loudly and his eyes squeezed shut.

James' hands gripped her hips hard as she rocked against him, her skin warm and soft under his fingers. Lily's eyes were heavy lidded, her lip tucked between her teeth seductively as she moved sinuously against him. She had one hand against his chest, the other tangled in his hair, her fingernails scratching at his scalp. James had originally intended on doing everything he knew she liked: touching her everywhere, kissing her all over, making love to her slowly until she begged for him to lose control. But instead she'd flipped the tables and was touching him like she hadn't seen him in months, and kissing him like she'd never see him again.

James kissed her fiercely, groaning as Lily sighed and leaned back; her hands pressing against James chest and her back arching as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. James had never seen anything so spectacular in his life. No sunset or sunrise, shooting star or lunar eclipse could ever be as beautiful as she was.

James sat up slightly, his hands sliding up Lily's back and into her hair as he pulled her close. She moved to kiss him but he pulled away, smiling at her curious expression. "Do you remember… two years ago today?"

Lily's breath shuddered as he pulled her closer, her hips grinding against his as he forced her to slow her movements. "It was your birthday…"

"And you gave me that stag charm, out on the Quidditch pitch."

She nodded. "Yes… you didn't have a shirt on and I thought about your stomach for months."

James chuckled, the sound breaking off into a low moan as she slid her hands up around his shoulders. He brushed his lips against hers, smiling at the whine of longing she let escape in between her pants. "Do you remember what I told you?"

Lily nodded. "You said you loved me."

"I said I loved you. I said I was in love with you."

Lily smiled, her cheeks coloring as her eyes opened and gave him a shy look. "Yes, you did."

"I meant it," James whispered, kissing her sweetly as he lay back against the pillows. She followed, their bodies still connected both physically and emotionally as she kissed him again. "I still mean it. I love you, Lily."

Lily smiled, it was extremely happy and filled with emotion. James thrust against her, holding her close as her body shuddered around him and she panted softly against his lips. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she braced herself against him while undulating in slow waves. Her lips stayed pressed against James', kissing them softly as she moved, until finally he arched and clutched her tightly, the broken gasps of his orgasm causing her to smile as she moved her lips to his ear. "I love you, James."

James panted against her lips, his eyes closed as Lily threaded her fingers through his hair gently. "I missed you… God, I missed you," he breathed. "I know I've see you everyday but… I miss talking to you and seeing you and holding you and-"

"I know," Lily said, kissing him gently before snuggling against his chest. She wrapped her arms around him, their bodies still connected as James' hands laced into her long hair and his fingers began to thread through it. "I missed you too."

James hummed quietly, the rumble soothing against Lily's ear. She let him caress her hair and trail his fingers along the lines of her body, completely content to stay where she was until time ended and the world began again. It was long before her body became still and loose, and she felt James roll her onto her side, kissing her forehead as he kept her close to him and held her tightly as she slept.

Lily figured it was hours later when she started to wake up, wrinkling her nose as James' hair brushed against her face. She slid away from him slightly, but he followed and rubbed his head against her cheek. His hair was much softer than normal… and shorter as well. Lily shook her head and opened her eyes, inhaling sharply at the pair of dark blue eyes staring back at her.

"I don't know his name because Sirius fetched him from Marlene's house," said James' voice. "But he adores you. He's been lying next to you just purring and snuggling on you for about an hour."

Lily sat up on her elbow, pushing her hair out of her face as the fluffy grey cat purred and snuggled against her. "How… this is Marlene's cat, his name is Godric… how did you-"

"Did you know she's allergic?" James sniggered as he sat down next to Lily on the bed.

"What? No! I didn't know that! No wonder she kept him away from her," Lily said, running her fingers affectionately over the cat's head. "Why didn't she say something?"

"I think she didn't realize how badly you wanted a cat, and when I told Sirius that's what you wanted for your birthday he was the one who suggested you take this little guy off her hands," James explained. "She was all for the idea, and says hi by the way."

Lily smiled and snuggled her face against the cat's before fixing her bright green eyes on James' hazel ones. "Do you like him?"

James nodded. "He's very agile. He likes to chase the socks that I've been throwing around while you were asleep."

"What time is it?"

James shrugged. "About a quarter to eight, you slept all night."

"Finally," Lily sighed, lying back and giggling as the cat purred and snuggled next to her. "Tell me you slept."

James grinned. "I did… very well. I slept until about seven when Sirius came and dropped off Godric and a note from Moody."

"Oh?" Lily said, her voice wary though she tried to make it sound unconcerned.

"The giants are making a new home near the old mining caves, just outside of the city," James explained. "Moody and Dumbledore figure if they're taking up there, the Death Eaters will be meeting frequently nearby to both keep them satisfied and plan their next attack. Voldemort still hasn't been seen or… heard from, for lack of better term… but Moody is guessing that's where the attack will come from."

Lily nodded. "So from the caves they'll head into London from the South, which makes sense. It's easier to approach the Ministry that way."

"Plus they'll be able to wreak havoc as they cross through the city, which I'm sure they're hoping will draw the Aurors away from the Ministry into the city, making it easier to attack," James added.

Lily chewed her lip and stroked Godric's head as he purred, oblivious to their worries. "So… what's the plan?"

"The plan is we're going to have split shifts of watching the area during the daytime, from two different locations, and then camping at night from the same. Dumbledore has placed the Protean Charm on a few keys that will allow whoever is watching the area to communicate directly with him, and then he'll send messages to the rest of the Order to come out."

James finished with a quiet sigh, still watching Lily cuddle their new cat and chew her lip. She flipped her hair and lay down against her elbow. "So, when's our shift?"

"Not until late April, full moon I think."

Lily smiled, watching James grin mischievously. "Ah… so it'll be me camping with one of you three while the other two keep Moony in line?"

"Something along those lines," James shrugged, crawling closer to Lily and kissing her forehead. She sat up and began to kiss his jaw, then along his cheekbone to his lips. She leaned into the pillows as James slid forward, his body aligning alongside hers as he snaked his hands under the sheets to caress her skin.

Their kisses became heated, until James felt the furry pad of paws against his shoulder and a low mewling sound in his ear. He paused, looking over his shoulder at Godric's curious and slightly disapproving face while Lily sniggered uncontrollably. "Hmmm… " he mused, staring at the cat. "Is this what it's like to have kids?"

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Elketrity," Sirius muttered, his face pulled into a frustrated scowl.

"Electricity," Lily repeated, straining to keep the laughter out of her face.

"Lektricity!"

"You aren't even trying!"

Sirius growled. "Yes I am! It's a hard word… it's like that other one, the stuff in the kitchen. Linolum."

"Lin-oh-li-um," Lily said, sounding out each syllable.

"Say the other one like that."

"Ee – lek-trih-city."

"Elk-tri-city… Shut it, Lils!" Sirius shouted, trying very hard not to laugh as Lily curled into a ball and laughed hysterically. "I don't need to know muggle words, I can have my wand pronounce them if it becomes necessary."

Lily stifled her giggles behind her hand. "It probably won't become necessary… I'm just amazed that it's that difficult for you to say."

"I'm amazed that muggles couldn't figure out a more efficient way of doing things," Sirius grumbled.

"Hey now… it's not like we can wave things around or shoot sparks out of little sticks to make our homes run," Lily replied defensively.

"No, but why do you need all that … why do you need turnervisions and … heaters and all that – what? What did I say now?"

Lily wiped tears from her face, her voice shaking with giggles. "It's tel-ih-visions, Sirius. And it's for entertainment… I'm trying to convince James to get one but he says it'll just go haywire, which is probably true. And muggles need heaters because fireplaces don't always heat the whole house… they can't do warming charms, remember?"

"Yes I remember, it's just odd to me," Sirius explained. "I'm not prejudiced, you know that… but I didn't grow up around any of it so it's very strange to me."

"Understandable. Sort of how magical plants that have minds of their own and transfiguration spells are foreign to me. I didn't grow up around those concepts, and even though I've been with them for seven years they _still_ seem impossible," Lily said. "That's why I think I'm so good at potions. It's physical; there's a recipe involved and I can grab onto that."

Sirius nodded, then looked thoughtful. "I'm good at potions, but I'm not _any_ good at cooking… I don't think any of us are."

"James is," Lily replied with a smile. "He made me dinner on his birthday, it was _excellent_. I've been making him cook more."

Peter giggled as Sirius' expression became confused. "This would explain the apron he was wearing when I visited the other day."

Lily laughed. "Yes, I suppose it would. He was trying to make cookies… those didn't turn out so well though," Lily explained in a giggle.

It was April and though the weather was still cool, the light from the full moon was bright and soothing, making it easier to be out on this spring night. James and Sirius had planted a large tent in a secluded grove of trees; the area was perfect as it overlooked the river, and gave them a watchful view of the small gathering of tents they were spying on. Lily had just finished her shift, and now it was Sirius' turn to take over while Peter ran to meet up with James and Remus, who were wandering around closer to the tents.

It had made more sense, to James anyway, that he should be the one to accompany Remus as he ventured close to the tents, attempting to listen in on the conversation of the inhabitants. "How many times do you see a _dog_ in the forest?" James had said. "Wormtail can get close, even inside the tent, but if they see him they'll stomp him out or shoo him away. They'll freak out if they actually see Moony, but a big stag is normal to see around these parts. They'll likely just leave me alone and I can listen, undisturbed, to whatever they're saying."

"Unless they're hungry and venison sounds appealing," Sirius had grumbled, causing Lily to look alarmed until everyone reassured here that nothing bad would happen.

"They're directly across from us, right?" Peter asked, looking wary as he eyed the straightest path to run by the campsite below them. They'd wanted to wait until it was completely dark until Peter tried to crawl around the tent, so he had been able to sleep for a bit after work. But now that it was his turn to go out, he was shaking and stammering as he thought about approaching the Death Eater camp.

"Yes… and hang around that tent as long as you can, see if you can hear what they're talking about," Sirius urged.

"I don't know… if they see me-"

"They won't see you. You're a tiny, grey rat… now get out there. And open your ears… _listen_! Don't just freak out and run to Prongs all right?" Sirius growled, pushing Peter out of the tent and watching as he shifted and ran off into the distance.

"He's just nervous," Lily said quietly.

"He's a git."

"You shouldn't be so-"

"Lils… he needs to man up. In school, all this fretfulness was old, but I assumed he'd grow out of it. It just seems to get _worse_ though," Sirius muttered.

"Maybe that's just who he is."

"Well, who-he-is shouldn't be volunteering to scout out Death Eater's if he's afraid of his own shadow."

Lily chewed her lip and began tucking herself into her sleeping bag, deciding that it was not the appropriate moment to get into a fight with Sirius. She listened to him sigh heavily before he turned over his shoulder and gave her a sheepish glance. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't snap at you," Sirius said quietly. "I just feel off tonight… like there is something not right in the air. Do you feel that?"

Lily shook her head. "I just feel cold… maybe you're just cold, or worn out."

Sirius shrugged, waving his wand absentmindedly to put another heating charm over the tent. They were secluded by cloaking spells Lily had put over the area, so he wasn't worried about being discovered. But something still seemed off about the atmosphere.

"Do you want me to stay up with you?"

"No," Sirius said, shaking his head. "You need some sleep. I'll be fine."

"Okay," Lily said, lying her head down on her pillow and closing her eyes. She felt herself drift, it wasn't hard to sleep. She'd run a quick patrol around the area earlier this morning with Marlene before delivering potion refills to half the Order and then meeting up with James, Sirius and Remus as they watched the Death Eaters set up their own camp. After Remus had transformed, he and James went off to get a better spot, and she'd taken the first watch. It was now one-thirty in the morning, and her warm sleeping bag was soothing against the damp spring air.

Though she dozed off and on, her mind never seemed to turn off its constant appraisal of the situation. What was James doing? Could they hear anything? Were the Death Eaters only meeting here, or was there another group where Marlene, Alice, Frank and Ceradoc Dearborn were camping?

Time passed, and Lily's mind continued to wander in circles as she tried to force herself to sleep. Her thoughts moved to her mother, and her father… to Julia and everyone else that had been lost. The image of Bellatrix Lestrange murder that young family right in front of her flashed quick in her head, along with James amidst the rubble during the Diagon Alley battle. ADeath Eater's wand at the back of her head while Voldemort sneered that he was going to kill them both… Mulciber's father bleeding over her and fighting off her attempts to help him survive. Thoughts she'd tried to forget raced through her… and images of deer.

Stags, and fawns, and does… and James. Did hunters go out at night? She remembered watching Bambi with Petunia as a child. The animals fleeing, hunters pursuing as they ran… Voldemort screaming that he was going to murder James…

Lily inhaled sharply and sat up, unsure of how long she'd been asleep… or if she'd even been asleep. Sirius was inside the tent, shivering as he peered out the half-closed zipper at something she couldn't see.

"Pads?" Lily murmured. "Do you think you're irritated because Marlene is camping with Dearborn and he's a flirt?"

"Wha? No… no, that's not… now that you mention it…" Sirius muttered. "No, that's not it though." He paused, his posture stiff and alert as he looked around at her. "You scared me… c'mere for a second."

"What?" Lily asked warily, crawling towards Sirius with her wand held tightly in her hand.

"Do you hear that?" Sirius asked, unzipping the tent and pulling her next to him.

Lily peered around them, her eyes watching for any danger. "Hear what?"

"Shhh…" Sirius hissed, waving his hand at her. "Just listen for a minute…"

Lily held her breath, waiting for sound to assault her ears. Owls, birds… a frog somewhere… she couldn't hear any echoing from the campsite below, but there was a hollow sound coming from somewhere behind them. It sounded hoarse, like someone with a raspy voice breathing heavily… or water being sucked down a drain.

"Fuck," Lily swore, her eyes widening as she cautiously stepped out of the tent and looked around the edge.

"What?" Sirius asked, his eyes alert and cautious as he followed.

"Dementors."

"What? No … oh …" Sirius said, his eyes following Lily's gaze toward the group of black cloaked figures moving slowly toward them. "We're under your enchantments."

"Can't they feel us though? I mean… they don't see, they just… _feel_… right?"

"This is true," Sirius murmured, watching the figures move silently closer. He shuddered suddenly, feeling the chill from them. Trying to decide what to do, he turned back towards the group below only to see another group of cloaked figures silently gliding up the hill toward where they were. "Yeah… they can feel."

"We need to get out of here," Lily said in a panicky voice. "Cast a patronus or-"

"Can't."

"What? I'll do it then!"

"No… you'll give away our position and the whole thing will be up. Plus, it'll panic the others and if they panic, the Death Eaters down there will panic and-"

"What if we're wrong?" asked Lily, who was starting to shake as her face drained of color. "What if they aren't Death Eaters?"

"Who else would be sending Dementors around on patrol?"

"The Ministry?"

Sirius scoffed. "These guys aren't looking for Death Eaters or Voldemort… they're looking for us."

Lily shuddered, and chewed her lip. Her and Sirius both startled when the sides of their tent began to grow stiff from the cold that was moving closer and closer to them.

"What do we do?" Lily asked. "We have to run… we have to get out of here. Maybe they'll find an animal and just… go after that instead or get confused-"

Sirius shook his head. "Animals are less complex… they don't feel the way we do. They'd just ignore… they'd _ignore_ animals…" He finished, his eyes lighting up suddenly.

Swallowing heavily, Sirius grabbed is wand and snatched Lily's away from her. She looked alarmed and angry, but he pulled her outside the tent and shushed her quickly. "You trust me?"

"I did until you took my wand away," Lily snapped. "Why are we-"

"Lily, don't be sarcastic… _do you trust me_?"

"Yes, of course I trust you! Why-"

"Then just brace yourself because this is going to feel odd," Sirius said quickly before aiming his wand at her and wincing at the bright flash of light that came from the tip.

J&L&J&L&J&L

James snuffled the grass, looking completely benign and blending in with the scenery as he wandered closer to the warm lights of tents in front of him. He could see Peter in his rat form, chewing his paws as he motioned for James to come closer. James had gotten around ten paces from the tent when the voices of the tents inhabitants drifted into his animal ears. He strained to focus on the sound rather than the din of the night activity of the forest.

"The Dark Lord will be back this week," a man's deep voice muttered. "We're to wait for instructions then. If Malfoy and Mulciber have gotten enough information from inside, we may go ahead and seize control, or we might wait until closer to the election."

Someone scoffed in response. "Everything is unstable as can be right now; I say we just go for it."

"You can go right ahead and disobey orders," the first man drawled. "I'll stay right here and keep an eye on our overly-large and aggressive charges. I'd rather deal with them than The Dark Lord if he finds out we ruined _another_ plan."

"I haven't ruined anything, that was all Carrow's doing," the second man replied defensively. "If he wasn't so dimwitted and focused on attacking everyone in sight we'd have been fine."

"He is a bit overly fond of accosting the mudbloods. I'm no fan of them, but I'd rather we just dispose of them then play."

There were a few murmurs of agreement before the topic changed. James moved to step closer when suddenly Peter squeaked and ran off towards where Remus was waiting. James froze, looking stiff and ready to run as Rastaban Lestrange's face poked out from the tent.

"Didn't you say you sent them out to circle the area?" he mumbled to someone inside, glancing up the hill and over toward the forest. "I see them over that hill, but they're _all_ moving in that direction… or at least they were, now they're spreading out again."

He moved back inside, and James let out a low snort. He gazed over toward where Rastaban had looked, wondering who had been sent out and how he'd missed them.

James froze, panic seeping into his stomach. Fourteen or fifteen large figures in black cloaks were floating eerily above the ground. They were slowly moving away from the area where he and Sirius had set up camp. Surely Lily's cloaking spells… or didn't those work on Dementors?

A low growl caught his attention. James turned sharply to see Remus walking deeper into the forest, his haunches drawn up as he snarled warningly. James knew he wouldn't howl, lest he draw attention to the fact that there were people in the area. But something had drawn his attention and caused him to react defensively.

_Advantage number 874 of being a stag_, James thought_. I can cross a meadow in two leaps and three bounds_.

James ran into the woods after Remus, skidding to a halt when he saw that his friend had calmed down and was now panting calmly with Peter perched on his shoulder. James walked forward, starting as he saw Remus staring at a large black dog in front of them.

_Sirius_…

James walked toward Sirius, curious and concerned as to why he was now with them. Before James could even think, a small commotion caused the four of them to jump as a panicked doe ran into the area, tripping and falling before scrambling back to its feet again.

James made a noise, running over to the doe and examining her closely. The almond shaped eyes were wide with fright and the doe's coat had a distinct reddish hue. She looked at James pleadingly, stumbling closer and whimpering quietly.

Sirius barked, calling James' attention back to the front of the forest. James held his head alert, motioning for the doe that was his wife to follow. Slowly the five animals walked closer to the clearing, pausing as the group of black cloaked figures drifted silently by.

James pieced the puzzle together as Sirius looked at Lily apologetically and at James with a "what else could I do?" expression. He tossed his head, motioning for everyone to move back to where they could see the group of Death Eaters. Sirius and Peter slunk low to the tent so they could listen, while James moved back toward where Lily was standing, shaking in her unfamiliar animal form.

James nuzzled his face against Lily's neck, feeling her breathing slow as he coaxed her to lie down near one of the trees. He could tell she wasn't pleased, but as the Dementors passed in front of them again – completely oblivious to the presence of five random animals watching – he heard her heavy resigned sigh and felt her head rest against his long legs. It wasn't long before her breathing evened out and she slipped into a peaceful sleep in her unfamiliar body, leaving James standing over her as a watchful guard while the Death Eaters continued to plan their next move.

A few times during the night, one of the Death Eaters exited the tent and disappeared into the distance. James and the others could only assume it was to communicate with the giants they knew were hiding in the old mining caves. Avery had returned once looking a little shaken, but had indicated that all was well with the five that they were hiding there, appeasing them with livestock to eat and magical gifts to keep them bound to Voldemort.

The night wore on, Lily slumbering at James' side while Sirius, Remus and Peter sat at the front lines and listened to the Death Eaters converse about their next plans. They were going to hit Diagon Alley again, just a power display, show the public what they were capable of. James thought it was stupid, the public already knew what they were capable of, why did they have to show it more? And where was Voldemort? Why had he disappeared so suddenly… seemingly alone? What was he off doing?

A crack broke the quiet of the morning, causing four animals to jump and rise to alert positions. A sandy haired boy in torn shorts peered out from behind a tree, hidden by an invisibility cloak. He looked wary and exhausted, while the animals appeared alert and cautious as the tall figure of Lucius Malfoy walked towards the tents. He cleared his throat, and the figures of Rastaban and Rodolphus Lestrange appeared, followed by Avery, Mucliber, and Dolohov.

"Morning gentlemen," Malfoy drawled, looking smug as he examined their tired faces. "I trust our large friends are satiated and controlled for the time being."

Rodolphus sneered. "They're as controlled as to be expected. And we didn't see anyone scouting around these parts like you thought we would."

Malfoy nodded. "I have my suspicions that the Aurors know where the Giants are hiding."

"Suspiciouns?" Rodolphus growled. "I thought that-"

"My source couldn't confirm anything directly. They've been keeping him out of the loop, so to speak," Malfoy interrupted. "But either way, we need to stay in this area because if the Aurors do suspect the giants are here… they'll be coming."

"And then what?" Avery asked. "If they come what do we do?"

Malfoy shrugged. "Unleash them, let them do what they please… and move them into London. If they're going to force our hand to move before we're ready, then they'll deal with the consequences."

Rodolphus looked confused. "The Dark Lord-"

"I've spoken with the Dark Lord, this was his command. We are to proceed with the next phase, and if we can get a hold of any of these 'part-time' Aurors that are running around they'll be easier to crack I'm sure. Don't target the Aurors themselves, go after the tag-a-longs. Dearborn, Fenwick… the McKinnons are becoming more outspoken, as are the Bones'. Perhaps it's time we shut them up."

James heard a sharp intake of breath from behind him, seeing Lily shudder out of the corner of his eye. He huffed to quiet her, and then focused back on the conversation.

"… if they come to Diagon Alley, we'll get them. But other than that, the plan is still the Election. The Dark Lord is back, and he is … more powerful than before," Malfoy explained, looking slightly disturbed as he spoke of his master. "He is ready. The Ministry will fall, they are no match."

The other men nodded, and began to clear up the camp site. They didn't say much else, conversing lightly until finally all of them apparated away.

James shifted back into his regular self, shaking himself off and watching Sirius and Peter do the same. Remus stepped out from his hiding spot, folding James' invisibility cloak as he walked.

"Wish they would have said a date," Sirius muttered. "We know that-"

There was a screech from the doe that stood by James' side, and all four men jumped the sound. Lily huffed angrily, her eyes focused on Sirius who hastily pulled out the two wands he'd stuffed in his robes. James reacted quicker though, flicking his wand at Lily. A flash of light and a loud crack echoed through the silence, and James walked forward to help his wife support herself.

"You all right?" he asked quietly, pushing her hair from her face and holding her shaking body steady.

Lily shook her head, breathing steadily as she closed her eyes; James knew she was fighting not to get sick. Her face was pale and her whole body shuddered against him. "You'll be all right, Lily… just give it-"

"Sirius," She growled, sounding like it took every ounce of strength she had to say the name.

Sirius swallowed. "It was the only thing I could think of," he said, fighting back a laugh. "I'm sorry… but it saved you-"

"Never again," Lily growled. "Never again… let me run… never-"

"Oh, now… it wasn't…" Sirius trailed off as Lily threw him a deadly glare and James sniggered. "I suppose trying to convince you to become an Animagus is now completely out of the question, eh?"


	47. First

_A/N: I apologize profusely, and offer only the excuses of writers block, life, school, and just general chaos for my lack of updates. I PROMISE the next one will not be two months from now. _

* * *

**First**

* * *

"_Why a stag?"_

"_Hmmm?"_

"_Why do you think you turned into a stag?"_

_James grinned, a low chuckle rumbling his chest as Lily's lips pressed against his neck. "I don't know… because I'm so tall and majestic, that's why."_

She giggled in response. The sound was only an echo in James' ears, drowned out by the snapping of curses hitting the walls around him. He cringed and tried to pull himself together, but the memory refused to die. It was vivid behind his eyes, but still soft and sweet… the exact opposite of the hard, brutal reality of the moment.

"_I looked it up, you know," Lily murmured into his jaw, her small fingers tracing imaginary lines on his chest. "In Celtic mythology it says that the stag represents independence, purification, pride-"_

"_Yes, yes, and yes to all of those," chuckled James, pulling her closer to him. _

"_But it also says that you're supposed to be full of unconditional loyalty, and love," she added, leaning up and looking into his eyes._

_James smiled, pulling her mouth to his. "There's that too, I suppose," he breathed against her lips_

_Lily smirked, kissing him softly and laying her forehead against his. "And a little bit of innocence - "_

"_None of that."_

"_-and humility," she finished, locking him in her gaze._

_He swallowed, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Only when I'm with you do I feel humble."_

The ground rumbled, causing pieces of brick to fall to the ground around them. Peter cowered and shook, Sirius swore, and James shook his head violently to pull his mind away from Lily and back into the present. There was no sweet clean fragrance, just the smell sweat and dirt. No quiet breathing in his ear, just the roar of giants as they approached the city. James couldn't feel Lily's silky hair against him. Instead he felt Peter shuddering violently, and he saw Sirius twitch with anticipation as they awaited the signal to charge.

It was chaos mixed with fear; they were a group of ten against an army of Death Eaters and giants. For the first time in his life, James wanted out of the action. Something was off about the day; it was the position of the sun, or maybe the humidity in the air. Whatever it was, James felt uneasy. He felt unsure of himself. And James hated to feel -

"There it is! _GO! GO! GO_!" shouted Sirius as the goat shaped patronus of Aberforth Dumbledore raced past the alley they hid in. James grabbed hold of Peter's cloak, dragging him out into the fight as Peter yelped and cringed away.

"_You should have stayed home, Wormtail_," James thought bitterly as his friend whimpered at the sight of the approaching Death Eaters. He could run messages for the Order instead of fighting battles. Wormtail didn't _fight_. He cowered in fear and shot random spells at anything that moved. He was going to injure a friend instead of a foe if he couldn't get his head right.

Three giants accompanied the troop of Death Eaters. An angry, twenty-foot tall male was closest to where James, Sirius and Peter had emerged. It was infuriated by the barrage of spells that were bouncing uselessly off its thick skin. One of the other giants had been hit with a blinding hex, and was now stumbling backwards away from the city, much to the following Death Eater's annoyance. The giant near them roared at its companion before swinging its fist down onto the pavement below it.

"_DON'T STUN THEM_!" James bellowed as a streak of red light flew from Peter's wand. It narrowly missed the giant, who turned in their direction and reached out to grab them. James flung himself out of the way, dragging Peter with him and watching as Sirius fled in the opposite direction, firing binding hexes to try and stop the giant's pursuit.

"But-"

"The goal is to drive them back!" James shouted, blocking the giant's fist with a protective charm as it swung down towards them. "If you stun him he's going to crush us all! Do anything else just… _God_, just… go back and hide if you can't think of ways to drive them back," he growled, pushing Peter into the alley before rushing to help Sirius who was desperately running away from the giant's grasp.

"Prongs, _duck_!" Sirius yelled, causing James to drop and slide underneath the giant's outstretched fingers. By the time he'd gotten up to his feet, Sirius had finally been able to connect his blinding hex with the giant's eyes. It roared in agony and began to back pedal. The crowd of Death Eaters following its path cried out in protest as the giant joined his already fleeing partner, retreating rapidly without concern for who it crushed on its way. The Death Eaters scattered, fleeing from the third giant who was now seeking retribution for his injured friends.

"Nice, now let's get rid of these idiots!" shouted James as Sirius gave himself a congratulatory yell. They joined the Aurors and Order members who now converged into the crowd of Death Eaters, who seemed completely shocked by the amount of people fighting against them.

Away from the chaos of battle, from the noise of repetitive hexes and dark magic, Lily was sitting in Claudine and Marcel McKinnon's living room with Marlene and their parents, Marius and Maurella. Marcel was Marlene's brother, and he and his wife had just welcomed a new baby girl into their household to join their older son, Maxwell.

"I may have said this before but don't ever, _EVER_ tell Max Linghold your nephew has the same name," Lily said to Marlene as she examined the sleeping newborn.

"Linghold?" Marcel laughed. "Was he in your year? I barely remember the lot of you."

"He was in Lily's year, one behind me, and he was a Ravenclaw so you probably didn't even know him," Marlene explained. "Why shouldn't I-"

"Because he'll think he had some kind of an influence on you, Marcel, and that you named your child after him," Lily explained, smiling as the room chuckled at her comment.

Marlene agreed with a nod, smiling as she passed the baby girl to Lily's waiting arms. Lily smiled, adjusting the blankets so she could see her tiny face, and cooing lightly when the baby pursed her lips and made a tiny noise. "I like her name," she mused, smiling at the chuckle from Marcel and his wife.

Claudine laughed loudly as Marlene and her mother both responded with defensive statements. "I never said I didn't _like_ it, I only said it was strange!" Marlene gasped.

"I _like_ it, I think it fits her well… it's just something I'd never heard of before!" her mother explained with a chuckle.

"Because _Marcel_ is the most common of boy names," Marlene's brother muttered in a bitter voice, though he smiled at his mother's fond expression.

"Marcel Marceau," Lily said, drawing curious looks. "He's a mime," she added as an afterthought.

"A what?" Marlene's father asked.

"Never mind," Lily laughed.

"So you really _do_ like her name?" Claudine asked as if she needed reassurance that they'd made the right choice.

"I do," Lily said sincerely. "But even if I hated it, she's your baby and the name now fits her. You probably couldn't see her as anything else could you?"

Marcel shook his head as Claudine grinned. "No, I don't think we could. She's been Myriah since I first found out she was a girl," she added.

"And it's Ma-riah," Marlene explained. "Not Mye-riah. Make sure you get it right or _she'll_ start crying," she teased her sister-in-law.

Lily smiled and looked down again at the sleeping baby, admiring her peaceful expression and trying to get used to the sensation of her warmth. She'd never been around newborns; her experience with children had usually involved kids aged three and above. Maxwell was three, and she'd been around him enough that she figured she could handle anything; but the tiny sleeping baby in her arms was something different. Sweet, soft, and warm… and somehow, though she couldn't move or defend herself in anyway, incredibly frightening. The baby was quiet and non-threatening in her sleep, every so often cooing sweetly and making quiet baby noises, but part of Lily felt panicky and terrified; she was torn between cooing and kissing the child, or passing her back to Marlene and running for her life.

A distant pop captured the attention of everyone in the room. Marcel, Marlene and both their parents jumped to their feet while Lily stood, still holding the baby girl tight in her arms, and moved behind the defensive line they formed. Claudine was right next to her, snatching Maxwell from his toys and pulling her into her arms. Lily saw her grab a broom and her wand with one hand, while holding the toddler in the other. Max was instantly still as he clutched his mother's shaking shoulders, young enough to have forgotten the attack he and his father had been in, but still old enough to recognize fear when he sensed it. Claudine was shaking as she moved close to Lily, who now felt both fear of the baby in her arms and fear of what was coming to hurt them all.

"Do you-"

"Hold her tight, and stay…just stay there," Claudine whispered before trailing off. "Marce… _who is it_?" she added in a panicked voice.

Marcel moved forward, enhancing the protective enchantment that was already in place around their house. "Who-"

"It's Moody. Alastor…born May nineteenth, member of the Order of the Phoenix under Dumbledore's leadership and – _Marius_? Dumbledore told me you were here!" Moody's raspy voice shouted, sounding slightly panicked as he pounded on the door.

Everyone breathed sighs of relief as Marlene's father stepped to the door, waving his wand to undo the enchantment and allow Moody inside. He wasn't alone, though. Following behind him was a bleeding Benjy Fenwick, a slightly bedraggled Sirius, and James, whose face was whiter than the blanket the baby was wrapped in.

Before the door had shut behind the group, Lily had picked up on several things at once. Marlene raced forward at the sight of Sirius, though she tried not to look too anxious about his well-being. Benjy was bleeding from an obvious splinching wound, so they had escaped something abruptly. And Sirius was not his normal exuberant self; he was subdued, and watching James as though the latter might collapse at any moment.

Claudine sighed in relief as Max jumped down from her arms and went back to his toys as though nothing had happened. This small action pulled Lily out of her observation and into James' expression as he stared at her. He was dusty; his robes were torn in a few places, but other than that he appeared uninjured. Though he looked sick; and the longer he looked at Lily, the paler and sicker he seemed to become.

"James?" Lily asked, walking toward him cautiously.

James took deep calming breaths, his eyes flickering from Lily to the sleeping baby, and back again before darting around the room as though he wished to run from it into the night. Lily opened her mouth to ask him what had happened, but before her voice came out he'd clapped his hand over his mouth and lurched forward.

"Bathroom?" he asked in a muffled voice.

"Down the hall on…" Marcel started, trailing off as James let his long legs carry him in the general direction without even a second thought. "It's the room with the toilet – oh, he'll figure it out," he shrugged, turning back to Moody to hear the report of their most recent battle.

Claudine had joined in on the discussion, leaving Lily still clutching the infant, who had now started to squirm in her arms as she moved forward to find out what was going on.

"… so many of them. Not all of them were Death Eaters; most of them were just… people. Witches and wizards who buy into this shit and aren't afraid to say it," Sirius was muttering as he straightened out his clothing and blotted a few scrapes with a cloth Marlene had handed him.

"What happened to James?" asked Lily, swaying to try and calm the baby, who was steadily becoming more and more agitated.

"Err…" Sirius muttered, watching the baby with a slightly fearful expression. "He … um…"

Suddenly Myriah let out a loud wail, causing Lily to jump and gasp loudly. "Oh _God_, what did I do? I… what do I _do_? Is she-"

"She's probably hungry," Marlene explained, a snigger in her voice as she took the crying baby from Lily's shaking arms and moved into the kitchen with Claudine. Sirius watched curiously before looking back to Lily.

"Scary little buggers, aren't they?" he whispered.

"You have _no idea_," Lily breathed. "What happened-"

"James … he killed someone," Sirius explained in a somber tone. Lily chewed her lip and waited for him to continue. "We drove the giants back, and the Death Eater's kept coming of course. But… there were so many of them. It was a mob, literally… a mob of at least two hundred people. We couldn't keep them out of the city, and as soon as they got inside it was … it was like the whole town came to life with … I don't even –"

"With hatred," Benjy added, his expression full of disgust as he joined their conversation. "People saw what was going on - what we were trying to stop - and they came out and were shouting '_Death To Muggles!_' or '_You can't stop them, and you're punishing us all by trying_.'"

"Everyone is starting… they're starting to think that we should just go along with the Death Eaters to end the violence. But some were joining in… which obviously, the Death Eaters _loved_," Sirius grumbled.

Benjy leaned closer to Lily, his voice low and cautious. "James was fighting with one of the Lestrange brothers, and this …man… and his son - who couldn't have been more than eleven or twelve - were cheering Lestrange on. '_Kill the blood-traitor'_ you get the idea. But then…" Benjy began, before trailing off.

"The Death Eaters started hauling people out into the street. Muggle-borns and muggles both… it was as though they had a map of where they lived and went straight for their houses, stopping to add anyone who objected along the way. They … some of them started killing right off, others were dragging them out of the anti-disapparition dome we'd set up. James got distracted and Lestrange had him on the ground, torturing him, and this kid, with his _dad_, both start cheering and yelling 'e_nd the mudbloods! Good-bye mudbloods_!' over and over again," Sirius explained. "It was sickening. James managed to throw Lestrange off somehow, and he moved to stun the bloke and -"

"Did he…" Lily interrupted, her eyes wide and her teeth were dug so far into her lip it looked painful. She inhaled deeply through her nose, watching both Sirius and Benjy shake their heads.

"No… no, it was an accident," Benjy assured her. "He didn't use the killing curse. He tried to stun the father, just to shut them up … but he lost control and… it was just too much."

"Oh, God," Lily groaned. "Wha-"

"The kid started screaming, and the battle kind of stopped… the Death Eaters started calling out '_murderer'_ at all of us… then all those who weren't fighting started to mob us. I had to pull people off of James before… we _had_ to get out of there," Sirius continued. "We couldn't do anything… we were outnumbered by… it was twenty on one."

"Was the kid all right or-"

"Yes… I mean… he was _alive_. But hearing him scream for his dad and then… his mom join in. She was hysterical, and that was just as bad, if not worse, for James," Benjy murmured.

"He was sick… he was panicking the whole way back here," Sirius explained. "And Wormtail was with us, trying to console him and James just lashed out. Said a bunch of really harsh stuff, not that Wormtail didn't deserve it. As soon as we got the signal that the Death Eaters were coming, he was panicking as usual," he muttered bitterly, rolling his eyes. "We can't take him into battle anymore, he's going to have to be assigned to something different," Sirius said to Moody, shaking his head in a disgusted manner.

Moody grumbled something. "I agree… spineless- was he _always_ like that?"

Sirius wandered over, trying to explain Peter Pettigrew to Alastor Moody; trying to explain to a lion why a rat was scared of battle. Lily chewed her lip and gazed towards the stairs for a few moments before traipsing up them and down the hall.

James hadn't shut the door to the bathroom all the way. Soft light flooded the dark hallway, contrasting with his heavy breathing and, every now and again, the sound of him getting sick. Lily waited for a while before entering, not saying a word, just moving to sit next to him. She leaned back against the bathroom cabinet and placed a soothing hand on his knee, keeping quiet until he was ready to speak.

James heaved a sigh, keeping his head resting against the porcelain seat. "It was an accident… I didn't mean… I couldn't… I'm sorry … ugh," he groaned, lurching forward and getting sick again. Lily stood and grabbed a washcloth, wetting it with cool water before re-seating herself on the floor and laying it against James' neck. He sighed again, shaking his head as though trying to rid himself of the memory.

"I'm in so much trouble," he muttered after a few moments.

"Self-defense, James. You were being attacked, it was an accident, no one-"

"_He_ wasn't attacking me," James interrupted. "_Lestrange_ was. He just kept coming and that… bloke was just cheering him on. And the little kid too! They were just..."

James shuddered then sat up suddenly, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes hard with his hands. "There was so much hate you could almost feel it, Lils… like it thickened the air somehow. I had no control over-"

"No one is blaming you, James," murmured Lily in a quiet voice. "And I can imagine if there was that much hate in the area that it… it _would_ affect your control. I know how that feels."

Lily chewed her lip, waiting for James to panic or explode; waiting for him to rant about how he shouldn't have done this spell, or shouldn't have taken that path… but nothing came. He was quiet and stoic; almost like he was planning something or setting his intentions to a specific path.

"That… boy," he began, swallowing and shaking his head again. "He was only … he couldn't have been more than eleven or twelve… maybe… I don't know, I'm not good at guessing kids' ages… they all look the same," he tried to explain, glancing at Lily as though he was apologizing for not having all the information.

"It doesn't matter," Lily replied.

"No… _it does._ He was that young, and so full of… _hate_…" James said, stressing the last word as though it was being ripped out of him by force. "And they taught him that… they taught him to hate muggles, and muggle-borns, and half-bloods and … everyone and anyone who isn't exactly like them. It's sick… it's disgusting," he continued, watching Lily nod in agreement. James sighed and then fell silent again, allowing Lily to take one of his hands and gently massage his palm.

"I kept thinking about you," James murmured.

"You can't worry about me –"

"No… not like that," he explained. "I kept… I remembered how bad you hurt when your mum died, and how you grieved for her and for your dad… but you are a _lover_; you're full of love. You did it quietly because you were full of love and didn't want to drag anyone else into it," he muttered. "He's full of hate… how is he going to grieve? They're going to want vengeance…"

Lily sighed. "You can't think about that. What happened was an accident, and it wouldn't have happened if there wasn't so much hate in their hearts and minds - if there wasn't so much hate in the world," she explained, chewing her lip as James nodded solemnly. "But we don't have to let that affect us. We are fighting it with something more powerful, and no matter what you've done, your soul is still intact and whole, and _nothing _that happened tonight takes that away from you."

Lily took his hand firmly in hers, remembering how it felt the night she'd killed Mulciber's father. The sense of guilt, the feeling that something had broke inside of her. She didn't want James to feel that way, though she knew her words were said in vain. The pain couldn't be eased that simply.

"I can't… " James began, then paused, chewing his lip and looking up at Lily's face. "I can't _imagine_ being … a father."

Lily shook her head. "You wouldn't teach your son-"

"No, that's…" James interrupted, waving his hand and suddenly looking serious. "I can't… I can't imagine being a father with all this going on. I can't… I saw you holding that _baby_… it … _I can't do it, Lils_…" he said, his voice breaking slightly. "I can't bring a child into this world full of hate and… trust myself not to teach him or her to … to want vengeance, or revenge, or … I don't know how-"

"James, you're getting ahead of yourself," Lily interrupted, giving him a concerned look. "I'm sure that when-"

"No… not when. I can't do it. Period. Not until this is over," he replied firmly. "Look how I was as a kid. I was a bully, I was - I can't bring up a child in a world full of hate and not… not teach him or her to hate the injustice."

"James, that's not the same-"

"I just… I can't," he sputtered apologetically, suddenly jumping to his feet. "I can't do it… I can't be a father. I can't…"

James trailed off, looking apologetic and confused as he walked out the door. Lily stayed, feeling confused as she leaned against the bathroom sink. She'd expected an explosion of some sort of emotion from him, but the one she received made little sense to her. He'd seen a child full of hate, and parents who'd taught him to feel that way, but that had no bearing on how James would be as a father. Lily knew better than that.

But aside from that, they'd never talked of having a child at this moment. It hadn't been discussed by them, only by everyone else. The thought had crossed her mind, but she never had any intentions of planning for one…

Lily stood, laying the discarded washcloth on the counter and looking in the mirror. James needed time to cool off; this she knew from experience. He was in shock, and emotions manifest in strange ways. Surely he didn't mean that he'd _never_ want to be a father…

Or did he?

J&L&J&L&J&L&J&L

"_**How Far is Too Far**__?_

"_Over the past fortnight, the war against the Death Eater regime has claimed another eighty-six lives that we, the public, know of. Random disappearances happen on a daily basis; families are afraid to report missing loved ones for fear of retaliation. We've been lead to believe that we must blame the horror and terror that grips our world solely on the Death Eaters, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But perhaps those who claim to protect us are just as responsible for the escalating violence._

"_Potion-maker William Maab was killed during an attempt to repel Death Eaters from the small village of Budleigh Babberton. Citizens and family who knew him are calling his death into question as the person responsible is a well known advocate for Muggle rights. They ask us to consider the following: Are the Aurors, and their team, going too far to protect us from these '_**supposed'**_ threats? Who should we fear? The Death Eaters? Or the vigilantes pursuing them? Is the war really about freedom from the dark arts? Or is it vengeance from those who feel slighted for their impurities? The minorities who wish to punish those who are uncontaminated by muggle blood?_

"_There is not a simple answer, but one thing is certain: neither side can claim innocence in the battles. Send me your thoughts; let your voice be heard!"_

Lily watched Sirius frown and rub his forehead as he set down the paper. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept for the past few days. Which he probably hadn't; Peter had needed consoling, James had needed a place to vent other than his wife (who he was avoiding, afraid she would want to 'talk'), and three more battles with Death Eaters had kept him beyond busy the past week.

"James read that, threw down his tea cup, and walked out," Lily explained in a tired voice.

"Prongs should know better than to take anything this… _cow_… writes seriously," Sirius grumbled. "_Skeeter_… she's what… only a few years older than us? I'm surprised the prophet lets her publish anything. All she does is stir up trouble."

"And doubt, and conspiracies," Lily added. "People _love_ conspiracies."

"_People_ are stupid," muttered Sirius. "Stupid sheep who … are starting to think that we should just let the Death Eaters take over."

Lily shook her head. "They can't _honestly_ believe-"

"When you've got people being murdered or disappearing, and Voldemort saying he can make it all stop if we just follow their laws… it becomes an appealing option to anyone who's seen a Dark Mark."

Sirius frowned, watching Lily fidget nervously. "Lils… don't… Prongs is _not_ going to take off on you, you know that. I'm talking about the public at large here, not the educated ones. Not the Order; and not families of Order members. Everyone knows better, and hopefully once Bagnold gets elected, things will start to change."

Lily nodded, swallowing quickly to stifle her wavering voice. "She's still in the lead?"

"Yes, and the vote is three weeks away. Thursday July 19th… that is unless they move it back _again_."

"They won't. They moved it after the Budleigh battle in May, and then again in June after that attack on the Ministry. They can't move it again, the public would be outraged," mumbled Lily, almost as though she was trying to convince herself that the election would finally take place.

"Dumbledore is pretty sure Voldemort is planning something big the day of, so he's asking us all to vote in early if we can," Sirius added.

Lily sighed. "I haven't been to an Order meeting since… well…"

Sirius nodded. "Prongs is afraid to see Dumbledore, though he has no reason to be."

"I know. He's worried about getting scolded."

"Well, when Dumbledore scolds you, it makes you feel about as tall as a bowtruckle," Sirius chuckled. "Believe me, I know."

Lily smiled gently, then sighed and laid her head against her arms, which were wrapped around her knees. "Will you go find him? I have a feeling he doesn't want to see me. Plus, I'm going to visit Lindsay and Ambrose to see if they have any thoughts."

Sirius nodded. "I'll see what I can do. Speaking of Lindsay and Ambrose… Dumbledore sent them an owl asking if they'd be up for a fight but… I don't know. They're getting on quite a bit in age and –"

"Oh, if Dumbledore thinks that Voldemort has got something big in the works, Ambrose will want in on it," Lily laughed, watching as Sirius acquiescingly agreed. "And nothing any of us can say will change his mind."

Sirius left fifteen minute later to look for James. She could have gone to find him herself, but she had a feeling that it wasn't her he needed right now. This hurt a bit; part of her was frustrated that James wouldn't confide in her about his emotions the way she did him, the other part of her knew that he didn't need to tell her how he felt.

She already knew.

James felt as though he'd failed. And James Potter didn't _fail_ anything.

"_He __**didn't**__ fail at anything_," Lily thought to herself after the sensation of apparition had ceased. "_It was an accident, and it's not like each battle is a test and the outcome is a score of sorts. Win doesn't equal success, nor does losing equal failure." _

Though James had divulged little about how he was actually feeling, he insisted to Lily that he knew what happened was accidental, and that nothing had changed what side he was on. He was going to continue to stand up for his beliefs, no matter what anyone else's opinion was. But, as in everything, this was easier said than done. And his constant assurance to her seemed to shift into a reassurance to himself that he'd actually done no wrong.

Though Lily didn't want to force the issue, she had tried to speak to James about his concerns about future parenthood. He hadn't repeated his assertion that he didn't want to be a father, but he'd shut down the discussion immediately and she hadn't brought it up again. She'd also tried to talk to him about standing up for himself when someone did bring up the event, or try and put him down in anyway. This had only happened a few times, but James backed down and seemed to come inside himself, instead of standing proud like he normally would have.

Since James hadn't been defending himself, Lily felt compelled to do it for him, and this had caused tension between her and a few members of the Order. Mostly between Linghold, Nolan, an Auror named Penfold and herself. She'd gotten into a fierce disagreement with the three of them while at Emmeline's one day. They'd been mumbling under their breath about James' performance, suggesting he was overly confidant in his abilities and should be sent back to training if he "couldn't handle himself" in battle.

"I don't see _you_ fending off _Voldemort_…ever! Or Malfoy, or Lestrange!" she'd snarled at them.

"That's because you aren't on missions with us," Linghold replied coolly.

"That's right, I'm not… because you aren't even on missions! You're taking the easy jobs instead of putting yourself in harm's way, just like you always did. Easy way out, you never want to work for-"

"Lily, that's enough," Alice Longbottom had said, glaring at Linghold but holding Lily back. She hadn't spoken to Linghold since that argument, though she'd seen him a few times at Emmeline's picking up potions. The cold animosity between her and the few Order members who questioned James was one of the reasons she hadn't been to an Order meeting; in addition to the fact that she didn't want to go without James, who was sheepishly avoiding Dumbledore along everyone else.

Frank and Alice had visited a few days after Lily's outburst, assuring James they were on his side since they'd both been responsible for several accidental deaths during battle. But when Frank had suggested James talk to Dumbledore, James had waved him off, insisting he was fine and didn't need to talk to anyone about it.

Lily shook her thoughts off as she approached the Potter's house, longing to see someone she knew would have a kind word and a warm cup of tea to offer. Though the closer she came to the residence, she wondered if perhaps she should have checked ahead of time before visiting.

Several men in Ministry clothing were lingering just outside of the Potter's door, Barty Crouch among them. All had serious and overly intense expressions as they waited. The curtains were drawn, and Lily couldn't see any movement from inside the Potter's living room. She tried not to worry, Crouch was known for being unnecessarily intense about everything, but her feet began carrying her faster towards the door.

No one attempted to stop Lily as she entered, though Crouch did give her a slightly curious look when she passed him, trying to surreptitiously follow her inside. Once over the threshold, Lily saw an unfamiliar man talking with Ambrose, whose expression as hard and serious as he spoke.

"… _absolutely_ unnecessary," he was grumbling, sounding angrier than Lily had ever heard him. "This is further proof of how much reform is needed inside the bloody Ministry if you're spending time wanting to interview my son rather than search for Vol-"

"_Don't say the name_!" the man squeaked, shuddering and waving his hands. He took a great heaving sigh, and then adopted a placating expression. "Ambrose, you and I have known each other for _years_. We _worked_ together. You must know I don't think James is capable of-"

"Then why do you want to question him?"

Crouch cleared his throat from his spot behind Lily, calling everyone's attention. Waiting until she moved to stand beside James' mother, who patted her on the shoulder before re-crossing her arms over her chest. "It was _my_ request, Ambrose. And it's just a formality, no one-"

"_Your_ request… I see," Ambrose glowered.

"My request. It's simply-"

"You know, Bartemius," he continued, sounding extremely paternal and disappointed. "That office position is _not_ a crown on your head. You issuing these '_off with their head'_ orders isn't going to accomplish anything. You need to be investigating-"

"I know who I need to be investigating, Ambrose," Crouch interrupted in a placating voice. "But we've got to cover all the bases, and everyone directly responsible for a death needs to go through an inquiry-"

"Then why haven't you hauled in Lestrange for questioning, huh?" a new voice asked. "He's responsible for quite a few deaths so I hear."

Lily looked towards the door to see James and Remus step inside. Her heart fluttered as James walked to her side, placing his hand on the small of her back as he turned to look at Crouch. "Or _have_ you called in Lestrange?"

"We can't find him," Crouch admitted after an awkward pause.

"Then perhaps you should be looking for him, because I've already been in and given my statement to Dumbledore, Moody, Bones, and some bloke named Cornelius Fudge, who was in your office at the time. If _you'd_ been there, I'd have given it directly to you but… seeing as how you're _here_, harassing my parents…"

Crouch frowned, his lips pursing as he tried to control his temper. "Potter, I'm glad you went down and did that. It saves us time. And we were not harassing anyone-"

"So you say," Lindsay interjected, her eyes hard and expression stern as she stared at Crouch.

Crouch sighed in an irritated manner. "I suppose we'll be on our way then. Thank you Mr. Potter, I'll review your statement and if I have any other questions-"

"You can send me an owl if you need anything else; I'll stop in when I find the time. I'm busy lately; places to go, things to do… innocent civilians to attack," James interrupted, a sarcastic smile on his face.

"_James_," Lily admonished, watching Remus snigger and James' father laugh under his breath.

James squeezed her waist. "Besides, our house is under protection, so you couldn't find it anyway."

Crouch nodded and stepped outside, nodding to the man who had originally been speaking to Ambrose to come along. The man sighed, and looked once more at his friend.

Ambrose narrowed his eyes and shook his head sternly. "Clark-"

"I _have_ to say it, Ambrose," the man muttered, waving off Ambrose's warning and shaking his head. "And I know you and I disagree on the issue, but … I still feel the need to point it out-"

Ambrose narrowed his eyes. "I'd watch-"

"-All this… _trouble_… for your family started when you first began supporting that act allowing Muggle-borns more rights! The Death Eaters visited you, I… I- I heard a rumor that _You-Know-Who_ even came with them. And then James… I'd heard rumors that he was also supportive, but… I _never_ thought you'd let him marry a mud-"

There was a flurry of movement and James' arm wrapped protectively around Lily's waist. His expression was enraged, but he wasn't the one who had moved. Instead, Lindsay had lunged forward, her hazel eyes bright with anger. She ignored Ambrose's restraining arms and slapped the man hard across his face.

Lindsay Potter could by no means be considered tall, but Lily saw in an instant how much power she held in the flash of her eyes. Lily looked to James, who was watching with pride as his mother got right in the man's face, her hand extended to slap him again before Ambrose managed to pull her back.

"Don't you dare say that filthy word in my house," she snarled. "And don't you think about speaking to my daughter that way! Don't you _dare_! She has done more to fight against the Death Eaters than you have ever done, and you're four times her age! She's ten times as powerful as you and she's brought more happiness and life into our family than you ever had!"

Ambrose pulled Lindsay further back, fighting an amused expression that was forming on his face. The man named Clark rubbed his cheek, his expression torn between fury and guilt. He lifted his eyes and looked at James' father, who merely shook his head.

"You best be on your way," Ambrose muttered. "You have Death Eaters to catch, correct?"

The man huffed, turning toward the door and shutting it as he left the house. Lily swallowed, opening her mouth to say something apologetic, but James' mother turned and gripped her tightly.

"Lily," she said, her voice wavering with anger. "Don't you ever, _ever_ think that you being in our family has caused us trouble. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, of course. I-"

"No, I want you to _listen_ to me," Lindsay insisted, shaking Lily slightly. "You are so big-hearted… and you are so quick to see the few faults you have rather than your many, many strengths. Our family is _not_ in trouble, and even if we were, it would not be because you are muggle-born. You are ten times the witch of any pure-blood girl your age, and don't you _ever_ let anyone tell you different. _Do you hear me_?"

Lily nodded, feeling her heart swell with appreciation for James' mother. "Yes."

"I'm sorry," Lindsay sighed, shaking her head. "I'm… I'm sure you've been told all this before, but … that attitude just _infuriates_ me so. And coming from a _Ministry_ official in _MY_ house..." she shook herself violently, and then pulled Lily into a very tight hug. "I love you so much, dear. You're like a daughter to me, and it just pains me to hear anyone speak-"

"Mum," James laughed quietly. "That's enough, all right?"

Lily raised a hand to shush him before wrapping her arms around Lindsay and returning the hug, enjoying the comfort of a mother's arms around her.

Lindsay patted Lily on the back and kissed her forehead before releasing her, a smile on her face as Lily nodded and brushed a tear off her cheek. "So, Jamesy… you _finally_ went to speak to Dumbledore?" Lindsay asked, turning to her son with an amused yet stern expression.

J&L&J&L&J&L

Lily and James returned home later after staying with his parents for tea and a small evening meal. Sirius had stopped in on his search from James, relieved and a little confused when he found him safe and sound exactly where he should be.

"I've been to all the old haunts, mate… and you're _here_?" he had teased. "You've got to do a better job brooding."

James laughed, but then turned sheepish as he was prompted to discuss his conversation with Dumbledore. As everyone had told him, Dumbledore was neither angry nor disappointed in James. "He was… bemused if anything. He did mention that he wished I would have come sooner," he'd confessed.

"Everyone _told_ you –"

"I _know_, Pads… I know," James said. "But either way, it's done now."

He'd been quiet after that, letting everyone else talk the afternoon away while he simply sat near Lily, his arm around her waist and his fingers intertwined with hers. She appreciated the affection, but she still wanted to talk about everything he'd been feeling; though her instincts told her to wait until they were alone to begin.

"Can I ask you something?" Lily began as she was rinsing off her toothbrush.

James stepped into the bathroom doorway and leaned against the frame, his expression sheepish and concerned. "Of course you can."

"Why'd you go see Remus?"

"What do you mean?"

Lily wiped her hands and leaned against the bathroom sink, twisting her fingers nervously. "Well, typically when you're upset or angry, you go to Sirius. But-"

"Actually, I _usually_ come to you," James interrupted, taking her by the hand.

Lily lifted her eyes and gave him a small smile. "I'd hope so."

James shook his head, his expression pained. "I don't… do you feel like I've been _avoiding_ you, or that I didn't want to talk to you?" he asked, watching Lily's cheeks redden. "Lils… no, I wasn't… well, I wasn't _trying_ to avoid you. I was just so ashamed."

"James, you-"

"That's why I went to see Moony," James explained, pulling her to their bed and indicating for her to sit. "Pads, he'll just… he doesn't think I can do any wrong, so anytime I think I _have_ done something wrong he just writes it off. I don't think he likes it when I question myself."

Lily smiled knowingly. "I agree; it makes him uncomfortable for some reason. Almost like-"

"- It's like he starts to question _himself_."

"Yes, that's exactly it," Lily agreed.

James let out a short laugh as he sat down next to her, ruffling his hair and leaning against his knees. "And you… you _love_ me. Your instinct is to –"

"Protect you from yourself," she confessed, placing her hand against his back and watching him nod. "The same thing you do for me. Even if I'm angry with you… I want to protect you."

James nodded. "Moony… Remus will let me confess all the faults I think I have, and he'll neither agree nor disagree with anything I say while I talk. If I ask him for his opinion, he'll give me an honest answer of what he thinks. And I needed to hear from someone who would be completely blunt with me about whether or not I'd done something wrong."

Lily sighed, kissing James on his shoulder. "What did he say?"

"He said no, that I'd lost control of my abilities, and in my fear of losing the battle to Lestrange – which I was," confessed James, watching Lily flinch and lean closer to him, "and my irritation with all the people screaming and cheering the Death Eater's on I just…"

"Lost control," Lily finished for him.

James nodded. "You know, it's very strange. It's almost … I remember feeling as though…" he paused, trying to select the correct words to describe what he meant. "No one really knows why we can do magic and muggles can't. It's the same old question about where do muggle-borns get their power. There is something _inside_ of us that gives us magical ability. And whatever that is… it's almost like it reacted defensively. I meant to stun him and it just… it exploded out and…"

James paused, his hands active as he tried to describe the event to her again. Lily gently scratched her fingers along James' back, smiling when he leaned against her and placed a hand on her knee.

"And so Remus convinced you to go to Dumbledore."

"Yes," James nodded. "And I'm glad I did that."

"I am too."

"I'm sorry, Lils, if I've been acting like … I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't want to talk with you," James said, kissing the back of the hand that was holding his. "I was-"

"It's all right. I remember how I felt after Mulciber, so I wasn't going to push you," Lily explained, kissing his jaw and squeezing his fingers.

"I know… but, I was also worried about how you'd feel … well…" he stammered, holding her hand tightly in his. "I meant what I said."

"You said a lot of things."

"No… specifically about… about not wanting to be a father…"

"James," Lily replied, shaking her head and squeezing his fingers. "It's _not_ something we need to talk about right now. All right? It's just… it's _not_." She kissed his jaw, sighing heavily and feeling some small part of her feminine being cry out in protest at his words. "Let's just face what is happening now, and we'll talk about all of that later, all right?"

James nodded, feeling guilty for denying her something he so badly wanted to give her, and at the same time terrified at the thought of bringing a child into the world. Lily crawled up onto the pillows, coaxing him to follow her and snuggle against her side. As she breathed slowly and fell into a slumber, James lay awake debating with himself.

His biggest fear lay in the fact that he could barely stand the thought of Lily in danger, let alone Lily _pregnant_ and in danger. Even worse, Lily _and_ his baby in danger… and he, James, helpless to save them. That was the fear that crowded his mind; the fear that robbed him of his desire to watch Lily grow round with his child. She'd be a wonderful mother… she deserved to be a wonderful mother. James needed to give that to her, she wanted it, but it seemed impossible. Violence, killing, terror, discrimination…

Lily did want to be a mother, didn't she? She seemed to want children, sometimes… James saw her motherly abilities come out when she played with Marlene's nephew, or talked about children with Alice. But she was always hesitant to discuss it with him; almost as if she held back for fear of upsetting him.

James pulled her close, kissing her cheek and watching as she breathed deeply. "Lily, nothing you could ever want would upset me," he whispered against her skin. "Please know that."

She stirred, but did not respond. James hoped somewhere in her dreams she heard his voice, and he prayed to find the strength to overcome his fear of becoming a father to her children.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Have you talked to Fabian lately?" Lily asked from the kitchen.

James nodded. "Yes, he was my replacement scouting partner the other day after Dearborn got hurt in that fight with Avery and his dad."

Lily frowned. "Is he out of Mungo's yet?"

"No, probably won't be for another week or so. He completely forgot who he was in addition to the scales on his body," he explained.

Lily flinched and shook her head, sitting down at the table with and poking at her scrambled eggs. "At least they caught a few of them."

"And Moony and Padfoot got to sit in on interrogations," James added.

"I'll bet that was interesting."

"Not really; you know most Death Eaters we manage to capture would rather have their wand snapped than talk about Voldemort," he grumbled in response. "But why'd you ask about Fabian?"

"Gideon stopped in while I was with Emmeline the other day," Lily said. "He was picking up more Polyjuice and just seemed a bit more worried than usual."

"I'm not sure if _this_ has anything to do with it, but they're going to be uncles again," James explained, watching Lily's reaction.

"_Again_?" she gasped. "What… that's going to be-"

"Six nephews," James finished, holding up six fingers. "_Six_."

"Didn't his sister _just_ have twins?"

"I thought so… they can't be more than three I'd think." he chuckled, watching Lily pick at her eggs some more. He sighed, chewing his lip. "Do you-"

The door to their flat opened suddenly, cutting off his question but not alarming either of them. They were used to Sirius entering around this time of the morning. His hair was still disheveled from sleep, but he'd dressed and was carrying The Daily Prophet under his arm as he sat down at the table.

"I'm not liking the beard, Padfoot," Lily commented, watching as Sirius grabbed toast from James' plate.

"Marlene doesn't either," he lamented. "Prongs… it looks good though, right?"

James shrugged. "If you want to look like your dad, it's-"

"_UGH_! I look like my _dad_?" Sirius groaned, flinching dramatically before running off to the restroom. "I'm borrowing your razor!"

Lily laughed, standing up from the table to grab some juice for the three of them. "Why d'you have the paper?" James called down the hallway.

"There was a Dark Mark above a house in Little Whinging," Sirius explained. "A family of muggles was murdered last night, and no one heard a thing while it happened."

"Where at in Little Whinging?" asked Lily curiously.

"Off of Wisteria lane or something like that," Sirius replied. "Why? Do you know-"

"My sister lives in Little Whinging last I heard, but they live on Privet or something like that," she explained. "I assume Muggles can't see a Dark Mark?"

"Apparently not," James replied in a muffled voice. Lily walked back into the sitting area, carrying three glasses of juice. She looked down and scoffed indignantly, watching James' mischevious expression as he scooped spoonfuls of her eggs onto his plate.

"I was eating those!" she cried, a small laugh in her voice.

"You were picking at them," James noted, taking another spoonful and laughing when she tried to snatch the spoon form his fingers. "You haven't taken one bite."

"They were hot!"

"Not anymore," James grinned, blocking her as she tried to grab his plate away from him. "_Hey_!" he protested when she smacked him on the shoulder. "Do I need to report you for domestic violence?"

"You took all the kippers too!"

"You don't even like them."

"I like _food_," Lily growled. "I'd like _something_ to eat… like my eggs!"

"Padfoot took my toast," James pouted.

"You have feet, make yourself some more but stay away from my food!" Lily laughed, watching James frown as she took his plate from him and began to eat hastily under his gaze.

"Selfish."

"I'm sel- you're a _pig_!"

"Where do you put the food you eat anyway?" James teased, poking at her arm and laughing as she slid her chair away from him. "You never gain weight."

"Neither do you even though you eat like you're _pregnant_," she snapped back.

"Now children," Sirius said, emerging from the bathroom and rubbing his clean shaven face. "There's no need to fight. Besides, didn't you tell her, Prongs? He _is_ pregnant, with my love child."

Lily snorted and choked on her eggs, taking a drink of her juice and trying not to laugh at James' grimace. "It's true, Lily… I'm pregnant. Only to find that the father has _left me_ for someone else," he grumbled at Sirius.

"You knew it wouldn't last forever," Sirius said firmly, sitting down at the table. "Eventually-"

A bright flash in the middle of the table caused all three of them to jump away. James pulled out his wand and Sirius swore, but Lily raced forward to the table and picked up the bright orange feather that had appeared out of thin air.

"It's from Dumbledore… and Moody," she explained reading the note. "We're supposed to go to Flagley as soon as-"

Lily's comment was cut off by a flash of white light sailing through their window over Sirius and James' heads. All three of them cried out, watching the light form into the solid shape of an antelope. It spoke in Gideon Prewett's voice, sounding alarmed and rushed.

"_Upper Flagley, now_," the voice murmured. "_We're being overrun_."

The light began to fade, and before it had disappeared the three of them had grabbed their wands, cloaks, and apparated away to assist their friends.

It didn't take them long to find the battle. A group of Death Eaters stood in the middle of the town square, fighting several Order members who appeared to be losing the fight. A crowd of panicked citizens were running in various directions or apparating away as the three of them raced forward. Lily tripped, and was pulled to her feet by Max Linghold, who hid with her behind a bench as spells began raining down on them.

"What happened?" Lily asked, watching as James jumped into help Remus take on a very tall masked figure, and Sirius come to Peter's aid in his duel with an older Death Eater who'd thrown his mask to the side.

"They attacked a potion shop, looking for the owner we think," Max explained. Lily used her sleeve to wipe blood away from his forehead before sealing a large cut with her wand. "Dorcas was here and she sent a message for help, and then… more came and now-"

The bench they were hiding behind was shattered by a spell, causing Lily to screech as Max pulled her to the ground. They both jumped to their feet and began fighting two men who had raced forward, instinctively matching the violence of their spells in each hex they cast.

Lily hadn't been in a fight for some time, at least a month or more. Since that time, the Death Eater's tactics had become a lot more violent. Branches snapped off of trees behind her, and deep gouges were carved in the street from the curses fired at her. One in particular caught her attention though, for the sound of the curse caused pain to race across the almost invisible scar on her back.

"_Septumsempra_!" the voice shouted. Lily flinched and ducked to the ground, watching as the curse hit a tree behind her and dissipate into thin air.

Another masked figure ran over to the man just before Lily aimed a stunner in his direction. She vaguely heard the figure shout something about saying the spell wrong before he collapsed in the flash of red that erupted from her wand. Max raced forward, but the other man shouted the spell again.

Lily flinched as pain raced across her back, and then cried out as Max hit the ground. His side was open, bleeding profusely as he grimaced in pain. The man looked alarmed by what he had done, and ducked when Lily sent another stunning spell in his direction. It missed, but the spell she'd cast to disarm him hit dead on and his wand flew into the air. The man shouted something then took off in the other direction.

"EVANS LEAVE HIM!" Fabian shouted at Lily, who was now tending to an injured Max. "We'll take care of Max, don't let him get away! Pettigrew! You go with her! Don't let him escape!"

Lily took off, running hard and fast after the black robed figure who was now turning a corner to run down an alley. She heard footsteps join her own, but she didn't slow her pace, which was much faster than Peter could ever hope to run. She slowly gained on the Death Eater, and seized her chance to capture him when he stumbled over a crack in the street.

"_INCARCEROUS_!"

"_IMPEDIMENTA_!" Peter's voice cried out at the same time.

The Death Eater was knocked flat on his back as black ropes flew from Lily's wand and wrapped around his arms, pinning them to his sides. He struggled, but Lily raced forward and bound his feet together before pulling off his mask.

"Don't kill me!" the man pleaded, looking at Lily with pitiful eyes. She didn't recognize him, but guessed he couldn't be any older than she was. "_Don't_!"

"We don't murder people, so shut up," she growled, dragging him against a wall sitting him upright. "Pete, can you stay –"

"Do you hear that?" Peter interrupted.

"What?" asked Lily, straining to listen. She stood slowly and chewed her lip; there was only silence in th distance. "They stopped fighting?"

"Apparently," he replied, walking towards the end of the street they had run down.

"Or maybe we're just too far away," Lily muttered.

"No… we're not but… do you hear that other sound?"

Peter looked worried as he stared out into the empty street. Lily watched him, confused as she listened to her surroundings. There was sound; low groans and faint cries from echoed from somewhere in the distance, but nothing close to them. "It sounds like … it sounds like someone is talking? Maybe?" Lily offered, watching as Peter nodded but still looked frightened.

"Please… _please_… _oh God,"_ the Death Eater began to murmur, looking at Lily and Peter as he panicked and struggled in his bonds. "Please don't leave me here… take me in. If he's coming and-"

"I think if it were Voldemort we'd be overrun by your friends, don't you?" Lily replied, her voice cold. "And you're one to be whining about being afraid. What about all those Muggles and their families? What about the numerous witches and wizards you've terrified and murdered?"

"I didn't kill… I haven't," the man sputtered, his eyes darting around nervously. "_Please_… I'll go with you, just get me out of here. Please!"

"Shut up," Lily snapped. "Pete, let's head back to… what's wrong?" she asked as he turned around and looked behind her with a curious expression. "_What_ now?"

Peter swallowed, gesturing toward a few figures walking down the alleyway toward them as Lily turned around. "Isn't… that's not MacDonald… is it?"

Lily looked at the figure closely, realizing with a start it _was_ her former roommate Mary MacDonald. Though at second glance, she didn't look healthy at all. She looked dead on her feet…

Back in the middle of town, the Order was helping citizens who were injured to their feet, and treating a few of their own who'd been wounded. Max Linghold was seated on the ground, clutching his side as James tried to remember more healing charms. Dorcas had been able to stop a majority of the bleeding, but the wound was still open and Max was in intense pain.

"I cannot for the life of me remember that pain reducing charm," James murmured.

"She's probably shagged it out of you by now," Max teased with a painful cough. "The ability to remember anything, that is."

James smirked. "Apparently… but still. We need to get you to Mungo's, this isn't good," he said in a steady voice, trying to mask his alarm. "Lily got hit with this curse, back when we were still in school. I know you need dittany and something else, but there's got to be more we can do to stop the bleeding."

James continued trying charms while Max breathed shallowly. "Hey, mate… I'm sorry that I said-"

"It doesn't matter," James replied. "It… don't worry about it, all right? It's good for me to question myself, and for others to question me."

Max nodded, breathing shallowly as James worked. After a few minutes, he leaned up on his elbows and looked around. "Is it abnormally quiet?"

"I noticed that," James replied. "Fabian? Is it-"

"_Shhh_," Fabian hissed as he and Gideon looked around curiously. James noted that Sirius and Remus both were stiff and alert, completely disregarding Benjy Fenwick's muttering as he soaked up blood oozing from a cut on his arm. Dorcas was wiping dirt from her face as she stood behind Fabian and Gideon, also alert and stiff with fear.

"Remus," Fabian asked quietly, looking to where he and Sirius were standing. "Are your… _instincts_… a little _heightened_ perhaps?"

"Yes," Remus muttered, glancing at Sirius who was actually sniffing at the air. "There's something odd… but I can't place what it is."

"I should have set up that Anti-disapparition jinx," Dorcas muttered furiously.

"You were under attack, you didn't have time to set it up," Fabian replied, patting her on the shoulder. "Besides, at least most of the civilians got away. Why do you think they disappeared so-"

A bloodcurdling female scream suddenly rent the air around them, intermixed with two male voices equally as terrified. The seven Order members raced towards the sound, James in the lead as they rounded the corner to where Lily and Peter were with their captive Death Eater.

"_No_!" James shouted, racing forward and throwing the person on top of Lily to the side. He noticed with a start that it was Lily's former roommate, but disregarded this once he got a good glance at her. Lily scrambled to her feet as the others joined them, several cries of horror echoing the one she had screeched out earlier.

"Oh my God," James groaned, his eyes widening in shock, his arms wrapping around Lily's shoulders as they backed toward the other Order members. Max was last to join them, still injured and bleeding as he swore at the sight in front of them.

"_Fuck_," Fabian swore, grabbing the Death Eater from the ground and pulling him to his feet while Gideon helped Peter fend off his attacker, who was missing an arm from the short fight that they'd had.

"Oh, _God_!" Dorcas screeched, backing up and raising her wand. She turned around to send another message for help, but screamed in alarm and clung to Fabian who was closest. He turned over his shoulder to see more people closing in on them. They were surrounded.

James was frozen in shock as Lily clung tightly to his arm. He heard Sirius curse and raise his wand, sending a stunning spell at a figure that was advancing, though it didn't do any good. Lifeless, soulless, and staring blankly into the distance, the Inferius moved closer and closer along with its numerous fellows. Men, women, children… all of them with cold, graying skin and dead eyes, relentlessly marching forward, reaching for their victims.

"They're _everywhere_!" Dorcas yelled, backing closer to Fabian as numerous figures moved slowly towards them. "What –"

"_Incendio_!" Lily shouted, her wand aimed at a figure that was closing in on Max and Peter, who were being cut off from their fellow Order members. "_INCENDIO_!"

The Inferius closest to the pair burst into flames, its fellows groaning and moving away from it, but not stopping in their quest to seize whoever was closest to them. Peter yelped and brandished his wand, casting a banishing charm that caused several of the figures to be flung away from him and Max.

"_RUN! RUN_!" Fabian shouted, waving them closer to the group. Peter and Max turned to run towards the larger group, but one of the Inferi caught Max by the cloak and pulled him down.

"NO!" The group collectively shouted before racing forward, trying to pull the numerous figures off a now screaming Max. They had swarmed him, dead hands reaching for any part of him and squeezing. The sound of cracking bones and tearing skin were drowned out of the sound of Max's horrified screams.

"_Lacarnem Inflamare_!" Lily cried, her wand erupting in flame. She waved it violently at the Inferi, causing them to back away and cower under the spell. The spell was echoed by all the other Order members, and soon they'd managed to pull Max free from the numerous dead hands that had hold of him.

"_Jesus_," Gideon whined, helping James support Max as they lifted him up. The entire side of his body was crushed in, looking like he'd been squeezed in a cheese press. The inferi had torn open his wound from the curse and gave him another. Blood soaked the side of his shirt and poured from a large, gaping wound on his throat.

"We've got to get out of here," James said in a panic, looking to anyone for suggestions on how to escape.

Max groaned loudly, the sound full of pain. Lily ripped his cloak, pressing the fabric against his bleeding neck before setting charm son him to ease the pain-. Max shuddered and moaned loudly. "I … can't-"

"_Lacarnem Inflamare_!" James shouted, waving his wand at the two inferi closest to them. "We have to get out of here!"

"Whoever released them put an Anti-Disapparition jinx over the whole area," Dorcas explained frantically, clinging to Fabian as the group inched closer together, various members casting fire spells to push the inferi back. "I tried to get us away a few minutes ago. I can't send a Patronus either… it's like the whole area is sealed off."

Fabian cringed, still watching the horde of corpses move closer to them. "Anyone-"

"_Incendio Circulus_!" Lily shouted, whipping her wand in a circle around the group. A ring of flame encircled them, causing the inferi to move backward and cringe away under the heat. A few began to wander off in search of other victims, but most stayed, reaching and groaning at the flames as they continually sought their targets.

"We can't let them go further into the city," Benjy said, watching some of the horde walk off towards the residential area of the town. "We can't-"

"It's too late," Lily cried. "They're everywhere! We've got to get help and-"

"We've got to get _him_ to Mungo's," James interrupted, supporting Max who was breathing shallowly. "Or do _something_ to help him."

"Lils?" Sirius asked suddenly. "Can you _move_ this circle?"

"I think so. Why?"

Sirius pointed to a truck that was close to them. "Muggle items won't be affected if it is some kind of a spell trapping us here. If we can get in it, we can get out and get help."

Lily bit her lip. "I think I can spread it out, but I don't know if I can move it."

Dorcas repeated the incantation, drawing another circle of flame around and pushing it wider to back the inferi away from them. The horde of corpses backed away, still groaning and reaching for them, but cringing away from the heat. The inferi were completely ignoring the truck. It was around ten yards from where the Order members stood, all of them taking deep breaths as they steadied their courage.

"Get ready to run," Dorcas muttered, watching James and Gideon support a whimpering Max and Fabian unbind their prisoner's feet. She shouted another spell and the circle of flame burnt brightly for a moment, then vanished.

The group raced towards the truck, and the Inferi pursued once the heat that had kept them at bay had vanished. Once at the truck, Sirius flung the door open and jumped into the driver's seat while everyone else piled into the back. Lily helped Gideon and James pull Max into the bed before they climbed in, just out of reach of one of the Inferi who had now reached them.

"Sirius GO!" Fabian shouted as numerous dead hands began reaching for the edge of the truck bed. "_Go_!"

Sirius jammed his wand in the ignition of the car, swearing triumphantly when it came to life. Not entirely sure of what he was doing, having only driven a motorcycle before, he slammed his foot on the gas and raced forward. The inferi didn't scatter as the truck raced forward, and everyone grimaced as numerous bodies of muggles and wizards alike fell under the wheels as they moved. Sirius drove on, increasing the speed to get out of town and get help as quickly as they could.

"Lily, can you do _anything_?" Gideon asked, watching as Lily crouched and tried to stanch the wound in Max's neck.

Lily was chewing her lip as she tried spell after spell on Max, but none seemed to stop the bleeding. Even if it weren't for that, he was still in bad shape. His arm was bent at an odd angle, his jaw looked broken, skin had been scratched and was darkening with bruises from the inferi's crushing hands. Max's breathing slowed, his eyes rolling in his head. "Max? Stay with me, all right?" Lily murmured. "We're going to get you help. Just hang on."

"Actually… if you stop here I think we can send a message and Apparate maybe?" Remus shouted to Sirius after they had reached the edge of town. He looked at Fabian, trying to judge if they were out of the captivity spell or not.

"Try it," Fabian said. "It can't hurt."

Sirius slowed the truck to a halt and everyone jumped out except for Lily, who stayed in the bed to try and help Max. Dorcas waved her wand, and everyone watched the silvery shape fly into the distance; Fabian did the same thing to send for a healer, or anyone, who could help them get Max to Mungo's in London.

"We can't apparate him," James said, watching his wife nod. "He's lost too much blood."

A quiet came over the group. Gideon and James climbed back into the truck bed, watching as Lily continued to try spell after spell to help him. She had blood on her hands and shirt, and nothing she tried helped at all. Max cringed and closed his eyes, suddenly motioning for her to stop.

"Just hang on, okay?" Lily murmured, holding his hand tightly as Dorcas climbed into the truck bed to look him over. She took out a bottle of dittany from her bag, pouring some onto his wounds. The injury from the curse healed slightly, but the dittany only seemed to aggravate the wound in his neck. Lily and Dorcas watched in horror as more of his flesh was eaten away. Max began to pant helplessly, reaching for something to hold as Lily took his hand and began smoothing his hair.

"_Allevo_," she murmured, watching as Max's breathing relaxed slightly. "Try to hang on, okay? You'll be okay…"

Lily looked up at Dorcas, who was biting her lip and shaking her head. An awkward silence fell as they waited, finally broken when James cleared his throat.

"Maybe… maybe we should go back. We can't let… that whole horde will be heading for town," James said quietly, biting his lip and fidgeting nervously.

"There are too many of them," Fabian murmured. "Fire makes them retreat… but I can't think of any spell to put them down."

"Fiendfyre," a gruff voice suddenly said. "You have to destroy them completely. _Incendio_ works as well, but Fiendfyre is more effective."

Everyone looked up to see Moody, Dumbledore, and James' father walking toward where they were. "Black, Potter, Prewett… both of you… Fenwick, Lupin and Meadowes," he said, pointing at each of them. "Come with us. The rest of you stay… "

Moody paused, his eyes falling on Max who was breathing shallowly as Lily continued to try and help him. He looked at Dumbledore who was wearing a frown and a defeated look in his eyes.

"I'll stay until Lindsay arrives," Dumbledore murmured, casting a charm that helped Lily and Dorcas lift Max from the truck bed and lay him on the ground.

Everyone nodded, following Moody and Ambrose as they gathered in the truck and drove off. Dumbledore stepped forward, kneeling down by Lily as Remus and Peter also moved close.

"I can't do anything," Lily muttered, looking at Dumbledore with pleading eyes. Dumbledore merely nodded, waving his wand and watching as Max relaxed deeper, his breathing still shallow but his expression became calm.

"Lils?" he murmured quietly.

"Yes?" she replied, squeezing his hand.

"You did good… thanks," he replied with a heavy sigh.

Lily nodded, biting her lip as she looked to Dumbledore for advice. Max fell quiet as Lily stroked his hair gently. Dorcas kneeled down next to him and laid her hand on his shoulder as Peter moved closer. He smiled up at them gently, and then shifted his head to the side. His breathing sped up, rapid and frantic for a moment before he sighed deeply and fell silent.

"Max? Max… stay with me," Lily murmured, shaking him slightly as she turned his face to hers, looking for signs of his continual life.

He was gone; his pulse had stopped along with his breathing. Lily laid his head gently down against the pavement, sniffing as she looked at Dumbledore for an answer.

"There wasn't anything you could have done, Lily," Dumbledore explained. "That is why Inferi are so feared… the damage they do is often irreparable, in addition to the other injuries he sustained. You did everything you could to ease his pain."

Lily nodded, shaking as she leaned back and wiped her bloodstained hands on her knees. She sniffed, looking around at Dorcas and Peter, who said nothing. The realization slowly sunk in of what this meant.

"He was the first," Dumbledore murmured, closing Max's eyes gently and sighing heavily. "He won't be the last."


	48. The Calm

The Calm

Dissolved Girl – Massive Attack

* * *

Lily sighed, chewing her lip as she looked at Marlene's sleepy expression over the edge of her sunglasses. "Tell me who else," she murmured, flinching when Marlene turned toward her sharply and hissed like a cat.

"_Not now_, Lils… c'mon!" Dorcas whined from the other side of Marlene. "We promised each other-

"It's been two months," Lily replied, leaning up on her elbows and glaring at Dorcas. "Two months, all right? I'd really like to know of anyone else I may be acquainted with that's either dead, dying or… _half_-dead under Voldemort's control."

"Don't say the name," Marlene whispered, re-closing her eyes and resting back against her chair. "Just… shhhh, Lils. The sun… feel the sun. It's so warm and lovely… it's –"

"_Tell. Me. Who. Else_," Lily interrupted, sitting up and glaring at Dorcas, who glared back, unflinching and immovable in her stance. Seconds passed… the silence became thick with irritation.

"Girls, _honestly_," Marlene muttered over-dramatically, sitting up and throwing her friends a scolding look. "Just-"

"I'm _not_ giving in," Lily grumbled. "I want to know. I'm stubborn. I have red hair, it's a given characteristic; I'm not going to give up."

"Yeah, and I'm a Taurus, Lily. I can be just as stubborn, and I say that this _isn't_ the time," replied Dorcas sternly.

"When _is_ the time, eh?" Lily pushed. "When is it going to be the '_right'_ time? Next time were in battle and another horde of inferi come along? Or perhaps during an Order meeting so I can break down in front of everyone."

"Is she at it again?" Sam Pitchfield's voice called from further up the beach. She was walking down from the hotel, carrying a towel and a copy of a paper in one hand, a bottle of honey sweetened wine in the other. "Lily-"

"Don't '_Lily'_ me," Lily snapped. "This is unfair to both of us. Some of these people were your friends too," she continued as Sam took a seat next to her.

Sam sighed acquiescingly, running her fingers through her dark hair and chewing her lip. "I agree… I do, and I know where you're coming from, but… knowing they're dead now isn't going to bring them back."

"Obviously not, but –"

"You _really_ want to know?" Dorcas interrupted in a tired voice, her fingers twisting nervously in her lap.

Lily nodded, watching Sam lean closer to hear what Dorcas had to say. Marlene huffed loudly and sat up, pulling off her sunglasses and shielding her eyes before she looked at Dorcas. "Oh, go on ahead then… out with it, Dor. Sleeping with one of Moody's right hand men _has_ to have its privileges."

Lily and Sam sniggered as Marlene grinned wickedly and Dorcas' cheeks colored. "You're awful, you know that? That's not why-"

"I know it's not why," Marlene interrupted. "But for Merlin's sake… don't pretend that in the wee hours of the morning when you're curled up next to him in post-coital bliss Gideon doesn't chatter like a school girl. He's talkative enough as is, let alone-"

"Fine… _fine_," laughed Dorcas, waving her hands for Marlene to stop as the other girls giggled mischievously. "Fine… just don't mention it to anyone all right?"

"Lips sealed," Sam replied firmly.

Dorcas nodded, letting out heavy sigh as she continued twisting her fingers. "You all probably knew Court Huffton, he was Head Boy in your year Marlene, I believe," she began, watching as Marlene nodded sadly. "They killed him after he refused to give up his parents' whereabouts… but then they got them too. Edgar's cousin and wife were murdered, right with all those disappearances and murders just after the election. Um, there was a whole family from Catchpole recently… Rollingsfield?"

"Oh _God_," Sam gasped, shaking her head when everyone looked at her. "Adrien?"

"I think that was the boy's name," Dorcas murmured. "Was he close to you?"

"No, not _close_… but… I knew him and his family, pretty well. They gave me a lift home after school every year since I live near Catchpole. But… they were _pure-blood_, all of them. Why-?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," Dorcas shrugged. "If you knew him, you knew Felicity Flockheart then too? She was with them when they were killed."

Sam nodded, her eyes watering as she looked at Lily, who was now fixating on the corner of her towel, her face pale under her red hair. "Go on," she muttered.

"A lot of Muggle-borns and their families near Manchester were killed recently. I only know last names: Douglas, McEvoy, Matthews, Crawler-"

"Crawler?" Lily interrupted, her expression pained. "Was there a girl named Hadley?" she asked, looking to Dorcas, who nodded. Lily sighed and wiped her eyes. "Go on."

Dorcas continued quietly, naming off person after person, pausing every now and then when someone would gasp or exclaim in alarm. Most of the noises came from Marlene or Sam; Lily remained stoic and silent, her eyes fixated on her towel as she held back the flood of emotions surging through her.

"Manchester seems to be a popular target; not just for Muggle-borns, but for anyone up there who has _anything_ to do with Muggles. Wizards who help protect them, Muggle and magical families. I know Sheryl Tottleham and her husband-"

"_Stop_," Lily breathed, letting a small sob escape her throat. She stood up, shaking her head and ignoring Sam's hand as it reached for her.

Dorcas frowned and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Lils," she murmured, watching sadly as Lily waved her off and stood staring out at the ocean waves. The others fell silent as well, taking small sips from the wine bottle Sam had opened and began passing around.

It was unseasonably warm for October, which contrasted with the unseasonably cold summer that had recently ended. Max had been laid to rest just after the inferi battle in August; the Order had mourned, several Death Eaters were captured, but the violence had continued, claiming many more lives than Lily had wanted to admit. She knew it was deadly, she knew people she loved and cared for were going to be at risk, were going to be killed… but it felt like Julia dying all over again to hear that her parents, who Lily had only met a few times, had now been murdered as well. Her whole family was wiped out now; the only race of Julia left on the Earth resided in the heads of those she loved. Nothing physical, only memories…

Grief didn't discriminate, it seemed; everyone was a target. Max's parents were devastated, and that devastation caused them to rethink their involvement with anything that stood against the Death Eater regime.

"It's only a matter of time, Albus, before you're all found out," Max's mother explained. "I know it was an accident, and I don't blame you or anyone else, but… they _know_ us; and they definitely know Max was involved in the uprising against Him, and thus… _we're_ involved."

"Laura," said Dumbledore in a soothing voice, "Voldemort doesn't know about the Order. This is certain; if he did-"

"He may not know about you all _now, _but… he'll know soon enough; and then he'll pick you off one by one."

"That isn't going to happen, Laura," Dumbledore try to assure them, but in the end he was unable to convince them to stay. After the small funeral and several visitations from friends and family, Dean and Laura Linghold informed everyone they were leaving the country, but never said where they were headed.

"It's no one's fault," James insisted. "That could have been Gideon, or you, or me… it isn't anyone's fault. And Voldemort _doesn't_ know about us. He doesn't; he can't. He'd-"

"Why do you think that?" asked Lily.

"Because if he did, he'd have sent Dumbledore some message or something, like he did after we took out those two giants during that one battle. Or- or he would have tried to take some of us out already," he replied. "I'm sure of it… he _doesn't_ _know_. He's too focused on the Ministry, and he's so over confidant that the only people standing up to him are the Aurors he doesn't see anything as a threat."

"Yeah, let's not worry," Sirius continued with a shrug. "He'll know soon anyway… what with this whole stand-off that's going to take place before the election. He'd be thick to not figure it out then when the Auror team shows up and there are thirty extra people with them."

All the focus of their Order meetings had revolved around the upcoming Election that would happen on the fifth of September: protecting the candidates and those who were arriving to vote, protecting the Ministry since there would be more people than usual, protecting the public so they didn't know how bad things really were. Each task was laid out and assigned, and every member knew afterword, it would become public knowledge that there were more than just Aurors fighting against Voldemort. Some were terrified at the prospect of being found out; others welcomed it, hoping it would encourage the public to stand up. But everyone remained unified in their mission, refusing to back down in the face of what was coming.

"We're going to be – we've already _been - _ called many different things," Dumbledore had said. "Vigilantes. War-mongers…"

"Heroes," Gideon piped in, causing Dumbledore to smile.

"Heroes, perhaps. But there are those among the public who will think the lot of us mad for taking such an unprotected stance against Voldemort."

"'Unprotected?'" Marlene piped up. "We've got each other. We're more connected, and we certainly communicate better than the Auror team does."

"I agree, Marlene," Dumbledore replied. "But the Aurors have got the title. They've got the Ministry behind them."

"And we've got you," James added. "_We've_ got _you_; and I'd rather have you, or anyone in this group behind me than anyone from the Ministry."

Dumbledore nodded, smiling at his folded hands almost sheepishly before turning back to his charges. "Your confidence in my leadership is… flattering," he replied slowly. "And know that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, as you all would do for me and for each other. But, we must accept that it's simply not possible to resist everything. It's not possible to predict the future, and it's not possible to know how the whole of the Ministry will react. We're all assuming if Miss Bagnold is elected as our new Minister, she will support us in our goals. And she has, thus far, expressed the opinion that she wants everything done to stop the Death Eaters. But if she happens to lose, then we'll have a much harder time. It appears that Bulstrode will side with Voldemort, or Bagnold could rethink her position if the idea of a group of vigilantes running amok upsets the public," Dumbledore explained. But everyone in front of him nodded, accepting this fact and silently communicating that they weren't going to quit, no matter what the cost.

"Whatever the outcome, our goal is to make our world safe from prejudice and evil again," he finished after a few moments of silence, nodding at everyone's somber and determined expressions. "We must achieve it."

Though they prepared for an attack, guarded the Ministry, patrolled every square inch of the countryside it seemed, nothing happened. It appeared Voldemort had, again, vanished into oblivion. The election was held, Millicent Bagnold was elected with a majority of the vote and made a vow to fight against the persisting evil and bring equality to the wizarding world.

The public was enamored with her, and with her election came a renewed sense of strength that surged through each person. They finally had a leader who would stand up to Voldemort; they finally had a leader who was unafraid to speak out against the injustice taking place inside the Ministry. Not everyone was happy, those of pureblood were worried about their rights, but also agreed that the violence needed to stop as a whole. Which was why Bagnold succeeded: she committed to stopping the Death Eaters, where as the other candidates only promised that they would keep those on the "right side" safe.

"There is no right side," Bagnold explained in her acceptance speech. "If we are to remain intact as a society as a whole, we cannot split into two sections. We cannot split ourselves in half, pure-blood against half-blood, Muggle-born against Ministry, if we expect our race to survive. We must do what is best for our world as a whole and that, right now, is to stop the Death Eaters."

As a bonus result of no dramatic fights, the Order remained unseen and unknown, but was now stronger since it had the full support of the Minster of Magic behind it. A few weeks after the election, a group of 20 Death Eaters were captured in a small skirmish outside of London. The Aurors took the credit, but passed on their praise to the help of "anonymous" citizens who helped in the take down.

By the beginning of October, the random violence had died down, and no one had seen hide nor hair of Voldemort or his main accomplices. Everyone – the public, the Ministry, the Aurors, and the Order - began to relax a little. They did not become lax in their vigilance, but Dumbledore insisted that everyone take some much needed downtime to remember what they were fighting for.

"We'll keep in touch through owls or our other methods," he said during their last meeting. "But if you can, get away for a bit. Do some… '_research'_… on what is going on outside the country, and remind each other and your families why we're continuing this battle."

An elated James immediately planned a trip to a beach in Dorset. Initially, he intended it to be just him and Lily, but when Sirius mentioned that he and Marlene were traveling to the same area, Lily insisted they go together.

"It will be fun," she said. "Obviously we'll have separate rooms, but you two can go off and do boy stuff, and Marlene and I can –"

"Do girl stuff. Like paint your nails, and have naked pillow fights," Sirius added with a smirk, causing James to laugh loudly when Lily rolled her eyes.

A few days later, Remus mention that Sam would be coming back for a few weeks, so they invited the two of them to join them as well. By this point, Sirius thought since it was practically a "Marauder Reunion," they should invite Peter as well, though he politely declined.

"Seems like a couples' trip," he grimaced while James and Sirius shrugged at the comment. "I think I'll stay behind and… guard the bar, or something."

Lily felt slightly guilty leaving him behind, but James shrugged off her worries and drew her focus back to the fact that they were finally – FINALLY – going away together. "Peter would rather be here anyway; he hates water," James insisted. "Besides, when you're not having pillow fights with the girls you can make blanket forts with me. We finally get to just… we can-"

"We get to just relax and enjoy each other," she finished for him, smiling when he kissed her nose. "I know, I can't wait."

It wasn't until they arrived at the Hotel in Dorset that they happened upon another couple seeking a get-away from the stress of the war. Gideon and Dorcas, who had kept their growing relationship quiet from everyone, arrived a day after the six of them were settled, and just happened to be situated in the room next to James and Lily.

Lily and Marlene were elated, and Sam was anxious to get to know Dorcas, but the boys were relentless as they teased Gideon, who took it in stride but was very serious about keeping the relationship quiet.

"You can't say anything," he insisted during a dinner they all had together. "We don't want to make a big fuss or-"

"Settle down, Gid," Sirius laughed. "Your secret is safe as long… as you hang out with us for the next week or so."

"We won't say anything," added James, sniggering alongside Sirius.

"Nothing… nothing at all," Sirius agreed.

They stayed at the sea side resort for over a two weeks, playing in the surf, talking late into the evenings, having dinner together and getting in deep discussions about everything _but_ the war. It was almost an unspoken agreement to not discuss the violence, the fighting, or anything that might damper the light-hearted happiness each of them felt at being away from it all.

But, as time passed, Lily simply couldn't completely push the thoughts of what was going on at home out of her head. It lingered like a summer cold, making her feel weak, disoriented and tired even though the atmosphere around her was carefree and warm. It was why she started pressing for answers about who else had died in the first place. Now she wished she wouldn't have; now she wished she could just go back and be uninformed and naive like everyone else. _Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss_, she thought.

"Do you really think that those boys will keep me and Gideon's… '_relationship'_… a secret?" Dorcas' voice asked, calling Lily back to the present and the conversation at hand. "They've been so relentless in teasing us."

Sam and Marlene laughed, both of them shaking their heads. "Do you know James and Sirius? When aren't they relentless in teasing people?" asked Marlene.

"They won't say anything," Lily assured her as she sat back down on her chair. "They're going to always tease you, and will probably allude to things in front of people to watch you both squirm, but they won't say a word if you don't want them too."

"I know, I know. I should give them more credit," Dorcas replied, taking another drink of wine before handing the bottle to Lily. "You okay?"

Lily nodded, taking the bottle and drinking deeply. "It just … it shocked me. There's nothing left of her except our memories now… and that feels weird. But I'm all right."

Dorcas nodded, glancing at Marlene who was staring out at the surf with a curious expression on her face. "Do you think I should tell Sirius?" she asked quietly.

Lily swallowed. "That depends," she replied, chewing her lip. "Does he ever… does he talk about –"

"We've talked about her a lot actually," Marlene confessed. "Before we were ever together, we did a lot. She was my friend too, you know, so it made it easy for him to talk to someone."

Dorcas nodded, and then grinned mischievously. "Can I ask how you two got together?"

"You first," Marlene goaded.

"No," Lily laughed, "_you_ first, Marlene. I've been curious about this as well."

"It's not anything dramatic, you know… I … we just…" she stammered, looking around at the other women who were smiling curiously at her. "He… well… what are they _doing_ down there anyway?" she asked, pointing down to the shore where their male companions were thrashing around in the surf and laughing raucously.

"Either wrestling a giant sea monster, or trying to drown one another," Sam guessed, waving off Marlene's concerns. "Spill."

Marlene sighed. "It was right after the Ministry fiasco after that dinner," she said. "We'd been patrolling together a lot, and he was telling me how upset you were, Lils, about… killing Mulicber. Somehow we got to talking about you, and James, and babies and… well, Myriah had just been born, and I was feeling kind of sad that I was alone and all that… holding my own little pity party. And Sirius says, randomly and completely unexpectedly, that I shouldn't feel that way. He told me I was smart, and beautiful, and…" Marlene's blush began to grow more pronounced under the gaze of her friends. "Well… blah, blah, blah… all that romantic stuff," she said waving her hand and skipping over the intimate details.

"He's right, of course… shockingly," Dorcas teased. "So then…"

"Well, I've never had anyone say anything like that to me. _Ever_. And it was so surprising coming from Sirius… who is never serious about anything. I kind of lost control of myself and kissed him. He looked pleased afterward, but I felt _REALLY_ embarrassed… so I apologized and took off. The next day I was supposed to meet him for more patrol, but when Moody said someone else was covering our shift I came to your guys' flat to see what was wrong," she explained, her cheeks coloring brightly.

"_And_?" Lily prodded with a broad smile.

"And when she knocked on my door, I pulled her inside and proceeded to ravish her on my couch and various other places in my flat," said Sirius' voice from above them. The girls looked up to see him grinning mischievously and looking immensely pleased with himself. "And Marlene McKinnon was never the same, and she's been actively seeking out my love ever since."

"Psshhh," Lily scoffed. "Actively seeking _you_ out my arse. _You're_ the one who's all twitchy whenever she's gone for a few days. '_When does Marlene get back_?' '_No, I don't miss her,_'" Lily mimicked, causing the other three girls to laugh.

Sirius laughed mockingly, then shook his wet hair out over Lily and her dry towel. "Thanks for the sprinkles," she smiled. "I was getting hot."

"You're always hot," said James' voice as he sat down behind her, dripping wet and covered in sand. "And Lils is right, Padfoot."

Sirius huffed while Marlene grinned arrogantly. "_Traitor_," he mumbled to James, taking the bottle of wine out of Marlene's hands and moving to sit by her feet. "You remember this the next time you try to deny how wrapped around Lily's finger you are."

"Which finger?" James asked, examining Lily's hand. "It can only be one because the rest are busy assisting her with the raging and uncontrollable sexual advances she throws at me each night," he teased, flinching when Lily pushed him back into the sand and blushed as everyone laughed.

"That's bollocks, Potter, and you know it," Sirius teased. "She's got you wrapped around all ten fingers, and her toes. I think she's glad the lot of us came on this trip with you so she doesn't have to listen to you beg for her to –"

"You don't have much room to talk there, Sirius," Sam teased from her spot next to Remus. "We heard you trying to talk Marlene out of going to breakfast this morning to-"

"_You can hear us_?" Marlene interrupted in a horrified voice.

"Only 'cause Padfoot left the door open," Remus grinned.

Marlene blushed as Dorcas laughed at her, but Sirius just shook his head, still looking at James. "Lils, come to my aid here. Prongs is a puppy at your feet, am I right?"

"I'm not a puppy," James muttered, kissing Lily on the cheek. "I don't need to beg because you love me, right?" he asked with wide, pitiful eyes. "Right, Lils?"

"Oi, Lily… what's so fascinating over there?" asked Sirius, following Lily's gaze as she stared over James' shoulder across the beach.

"What? Nothing… I um… I just saw something and it distracted me," she said, waving everyone off. "Are we eating soon? I'm starving."

Everyone nodded in general agreement, gathering up the towels and other supplies they had brought with them to the beach. Dorcas, Marlene, Sam and Gideon headed up first, Remus lingering behind with Sirius and James. They both looked at Lily and wandered behind where she was standing, their eyes concerned as they gazed in the direction where she'd been staring.

"What'd you see?" asked James.

"Nothing, honestly. I saw a rat, and for a _moment_… I thought it might have been Peter. But then it turned around a few times before scampering away," she explained. "I was just watching it because it looked a lot like him, but I'm sure it wasn't."

"You're sure?" Sirius prodded as Remus joined them. "I mean… it's a long ways off, maybe it was him."

"But why would he come?" James shrugged. "He said it was a couples' thing, and it really is."

"Loneliness," Remus offered. "He gets bored, you know."

"It wasn't him," Lily assured them. "The rat I saw was too skinny to be Peter."

James sniggered, looking at his wife with teasing eyes. "Too skinny, eh? Has Wormtail gotten a bit fatter in your eyes?" he asked as Remus and Sirius chuckled before walking off after the others, Lily and James following them.

"No, of course not," she replied defensively. "But he's not you, and he is a bit chubbier than-"

"I'm going to tell him you said that," Sirius called back.

"Oh, shut up, Padfoot," Lily replied with a laugh.

The four couples had dinner together as usual before retreating to their separate rooms. After having been in the sun for most of the day, Lily wanted to take a bath and wash out the sand from her hair and in between her toes. She stayed in the tub for over an hour while James visited with Sirius and Marlene in the room across the hall.

When he rejoined her, she was sitting near their small window brushing out her still damp hair. Her eyes were fixated on the waxing moon, a thoughtful expression on her face. James shut the door behind him quietly and crossed the room to their bed. "So… I talked to Marlene about what you finally weaseled out of her and Dorcas," he said, watching her turn to stare at her toes. "You okay?"

Lily nodded, turning her eyes back to the moon and sighing heavily. "Is Sirius all right?"

"Yes, he's okay. He was angered by it, of course, but he's all right," James confirmed. "He actually talked about her. Said the thing he misses the most, and what you probably miss the most as well, is just how lighthearted she could be, and then at the same time so… serious and comforting. Marlene actually said Julia was probably the only one who could have talked you out of wanting to know all about who has died."

"She's right," Lily smiled, sighing heavily and giving James a brief, loving glance. "I'm glad that Marlene isn't bothered by Sirius talking about her."

"Why should she be?"

Lily shrugged. "It would just be hard. If I think about it, and admit it, I'm jealous when I think about you with anyone else, let alone _loving_ anyone else. Sirius _loved_ Julia… and now he and Marlene are together and I'm sure that Marlene wonders if he loves her too, or ever will and all that."

James chuckled. "Marlene is happy, and I think that Sirius is _plenty_ infatuated with her, and she with him so it's not an issue."

Lily nodded, her eyes still watching the sky. "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," James replied, quoting Dumbledore and grinning when Lily laughed lightly. "But ask another one, I love to hear your questions."

"What would you miss about me?"

"If you were gone?" James asked, biting his lip curiously. "I don't like to think about that."

"_When_ I'm gone," Lily clarified. "Say … 80 years from now or so… what will you miss?" asked Lily, curling up into a ball and resting her head against her knees. Her eyes focused in on James, curious and slightly sad.

James relaxed a little, but was curious about her question. He slid closer to where she sat, a small smile on his face as he placed his hand on her foot. "The numerous books I read on How To Make The Girl Fall For You all said _this_ is the part where I should tell you that I'll miss your eyes, and your lips, and the smell of your skin and hair and all of that. But you're an intelligent woman; you know that already. I don't need to tell you how beautiful I think you are, and how much I'd miss all the things that make you that way."

Lily smiled, relaxing her posture and turning to James with curiosity weighing out the sadness in her eyes. "Go on," she prodded, playfulness sneaking into the green depths.

"But… what I _won't_ miss is your hair all over my face at night," James said, his smile turning from sweet to teasing as Lily's eyes widened.

She scoffed. "Wai- _what_? Oh yeah? Well… I won't miss your cold feet pressing all over my legs in bed," she shot back.

"Speaking of things in bed, I won't miss how you stretch out and take up almost _all_ of the bed. You sleep in a diagonal line, I swear."

"I won't miss you stealing my pillow or laying your fat head on mine."

James laughed. "I won't miss your quick comebacks."

"I won't miss your sarcasm."

"I won't miss that absolutely delicious cherry dessert you make. I think I've gained at least fifteen pounds in the last year."

"I won't miss your skinny, bony frame smothering me all night long," Lily mumbled back, pulling a pouty face as James continued to laugh at her.

"Honestly though? Do you want me to be honest?" he asked, reaching out for her hand.

"I always want you to be honest," she replied, lacing her fingers through his.

"What I would miss the most, what I miss each time you are gone from me, is how you make me feel," James said, his cheeks coloring slightly.

"What do you mean?" asked Lily.

"I obviously would miss all those little quirks I just mentioned, plus everything else about you physically and every lovely part of your soul… but I would miss the way I feel around you," he repeated, chewing his lip as he fought to keep the blood out of his cheeks.

"How do I make you feel?"

"There are three parts," James said, smiling as she leaned closer to him. "The first part is this… do you remember when I read you that poem in the library in front of _everyone_?"

"Yes," Lily laughed.

"That's the first feeling: this bumbling, trying to be impressive and never saying the right thing feeling. Like I have stuff in my teeth, and my hair is always messy and I'm nothing but a scruffy mischief maker trying to impress this beautiful red-headed goddess."

Lily grinned and moved to sit on James' lap, kissing his head and snuggling close to him as he continued. "The second part is that fat-headed, cocky side of me that believes you can't _help_ but love me because I'm irresistible. Smart, talented, powerful… all that stuff. Of course you love me."

"I definitely wouldn't miss that side if you were gone," she teased, ruffling his hair. "What's the third part?"

"Humility," said James, looking up at Lily with an expression so sincere it made her blush. "I feel humbled. I don't think you fully realize, I'm not sure you can, the effect you have on me," he explained, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "In fact, I don't think you have a clue the effect you can have on me. Like I'm ten feet tall, but completely insignificant until you came along."

Lily blushed as James' thumb traced along her cheekbone, feeling sixteen again – embarrassed and slightly thrilled by his interest in her. "When did you know?"

"When did I know what?"

"That you loved me," Lily asked in a whisper, letting James lay her back against the pillows. He rested alongside her, his arm propping his head up as he continued to stroke her hair. "You said you loved me on your seventeenth birthday," she continued. "You said you loved me, and you knew it… but when did you know?"

"The Christmas before my birthday," James replied instantly. "When I gave you Daisy, and you… you said my name willingly for the first time. Not because you were scared, or scolding me… you acknowledged me and didn't call me Potter. And you looked at me with those eyes of yours and they were so… _happy_," he said, his hands leaving her face and moving to try and express how she looked at that moment. "I was gone. I mean, I knew I was going to be a goner eventually the first time you looked at me… no one can resist you for long," he explained, turning his eyes back to her face. "But when you noticed me, and I made you happy… knowing I was the one that made you so happy, and hearing you recognize that… I was a goner. From that moment on, I wanted to do anything to make you smile like that. I would have broken my wand in half if it made you happy… still would actually."

James turned his gaze back to her, studying her expression fondly. Her lip was tucked between her teeth as her eyes fixated on his, like she was trying to see straight into his soul. He ran his fingers through her hair again, smiling as she gazed up at him. James had just started to wonder if he should continue, or kiss her when she leaned up and pulled his lips to her with so much intensity he yelped quietly.

"Sorry," she whispered before kissing him again. She pulled him close, her arms wrapping around his neck and squeezing him tightly before her fingers began tugging at his clothes. It didn't take two minutes for her to have his clothes off his body, her own t-shirt and socks she had been wearing discarded within the first 30 seconds. Lily wrapped her legs around James' hips, pulling him to her and sighing as he kissed her deeply.

"When did you know?" he asked, slowing his movements and pulling her focus back to him.

"The year-end ball," she breathed, kissing him again. "And I don't have the words to tell you how I knew, or how I felt… I don't have the words to explain to you what I would miss about you, because I'd miss everything," she said, kissing him and breathing quietly as he moved against her. "There aren't any words powerful enough to explain how you make me feel. I can't tell you; I have to show you."

James groaned as Lily kissed him fiercely and tangled her fingers in her hair. He vaguely remembered her mentioning once that there were times when making love to him was the only way she could accurately express what she felt. There were so many emotions involved besides passion and pleasure. He understood what she meant, but James was always so good with words he wondered if perhaps it was simply something she simply couldn't say. Lily was still shy about her emotions, and physical expression was sometimes easier than verbal confession.

Either way, it didn't matter how she said it, or how she showed him… James knew that the depth of the love she felt for him mirrored his own fondness and affection towards her. She didn't need to say it, he could feel it when she touched him, see it in her eyes, and, just like that Christmas when he made her so happy, he could hear it in her voice when she sighed his name, how happy and in love with him she was, and always would be.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Did you use my razor?" James asked, trying to mask the indignant emotion suddenly consuming him.

"What?"

"My razor," he repeated. "Did you use it to shave?" James wiped the blade, frowning at the fine, tiny hairs he knew did not come from the coarse fuzz on his face. "Did _you_?"

"Did _you_ use my hairbrush?" Lily responded calmly.

"Yeah… so?"

"On Padfoot?"

James paused, peering out of the bathroom to see his wife sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at him with a dangerous expression, one that made him question why he was so indignant over her using his razor in the first place.

"I'll take that as a yes," Lily said, a smirk crossing her lips. "Which means that, yes, I _did_ use your razor to shave my legs. Is that a problem?"

James cleared his throat, turning back to the mirror and resuming his shaving. "No, of course not."

Lily smiled, slipping on her sandals and waltzing out the door. "Don't use my brush on Padfoot again," she called before leaving. "I don't care how tangled his fur is, or how frustrated he is by it… do not use my hairbrush on him again."

"Got it," James replied, stifling a laugh at the memory of Sirius begging to be brushed in his dog form. James finished shaving, regarding himself in the mirror for a few moments before Lily walked back in and smiled at his expression.

"Like what you see?" she asked.

"I'm devilishly handsome, you know," James replied, tousling his hair and raising an eyebrow at her seductively.

"You're devilishly slow in getting ready," she murmured. "I only shaved my legs before we went swimming; I'd like to take a bath and actually be clean before we go out tonight."

James grinned, putting away his grooming things and kissing Lily's forehead before walking back out of the bathroom and tossing his stuff on their bed. Tonight was the last night of their vacation. They'd been away from home for so long it seemed. Halloween was less than a week away, and James had received a short letter from his parents that morning letting him know that Dumbledore was rallying the Order together again in preparation for an uptick in Death Eater sieges.

"_Nothing serious yet, but you'd best come home soon,"_ his father had wrote. "_Just from rumors and whispers we've heard, it seems that the storm is about to begin."_

James relayed the message to Sirius, Remus, and the other Order members who had accompanied them on their trip, only to find that they, too, had received correspondence asking them to return.

"We probably should go back anyway," Dorcas admitted with a sigh. "I think our constant giggling and late night rendezvous on the beach have worn out their welcome."

"Well, let's at least go out with a bang," Sirius said. "I say we all head into town, hit a few pubs and grab something to eat, then come back here and finish off that casket of wine you brought, Sam."

"I like that idea," Lily piped up. "Let's do that tomorrow."

They spent the morning of their last day on the beach, the boys playing in the surf and the girls lying in the sun before finally joining their companions for one last swim. It was still unseasonably warm for October, something Lily found very odd but she wasn't about to complain. The water was cool, but the sun was still hot and it felt refreshing and relaxing against her skin. And despite the warm days, the nights were colder and usually required a fire to warm the area they occupied during the evenings.

James lounged on the bed re-reading newspapers while Lily bathed, listening to her giggle when she caught him staring at her every now and then. "I like watching you wash your hair," he explained as she stepped out of the tub and began combing it out.

"Sometimes I think about cutting it off," she said absentmindedly.

"No, don't do that," James protested, joining her in the bathroom and running his fingers through it to untangle the knots. "I love your hair; always have."

"You fix it then," she said, closing her eyes and letting James work his hands through the damp strands. "It's always a pain to get all the tangles out. However, you're doing a very good job right now, surprisingly."

"Probably because I have to groom Sirius sometimes," he muttered while Lily laughed.

James continued working on the knots in Lily's hair, watching as she pulled a small vial of purple liquid from her make-up bag and began to shake it vigorously. He bit his lip as he thought over what to say next. He felt his stomach twist, and his hands shake a little bit. Even though he'd seen her swallow the same amount of the purple concoction almost every day for the last year and a half, knew exactly what it was, and had planned to say something thoughtful and sweet in regards to said potion, all that came out of James' mouth was a high-pitched "Contraception?"

"Yup," Lily replied, unstoppering the bottle and raising it to her lips. James caught her hand, his lip still tucked between his teeth as he took a deep breath. Lily paused, letting him hold onto her arm gently as she gazed up at him, waiting for his next statement. James swallowed. "You know… you don't… um… you don't _have_ to take that."

Lily tipped her head, a curious expression crossing her face before she chuckled. "I mean it," said James, swallowing again and regaining his confidence. He did mean it. If she didn't want to take it, she didn't have to. It wouldn't be the end of the world if she did become pregnant. It'd just be a new world. A rather scary one. A rather scary one where James could lose not only his wife he loved more than anything, but a child he knew he would love more than anything as well. But he meant it… she didn't _have_ to take it. "You don't have to take it if you … if you don't want to."

Lily laughed again. "Really?" she asked in a sarcastic tone.

James shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen?"

She made a face. "Well, I don't want to have a miscarriage, or something like that… or-"

"Who says you'd have a miscarriage?"

She shrugged, leaning up against the bathroom counter. "I don't know. I mean… there's a lot of stress in my world right now and-"

"So we'd … make your world less stressful."

"What about _your_ world?"

"What about it?"

Lily laughed, a placating expression crossing her face. "James. You're sweating just talking about-"

"I'm sweating because it's warm in here," he explained, wiping his forehead. "But I'm serious. You not taking that potion wouldn't be the worst thing on Earth, you know. I mean… if that's what you want. I don't… " James chewed his lip, trying to think of what to say. "I don't want you to be unhappy because we aren't going to have a… well… er… I don't want you to feel like I'm… I want you to be happy. I want to give you _whatever_ you _want_."

"What about what _you_want?" said Lily honestly.

"I want that too," James explained, his voice full of sincerity. "I do. I _want_ to have a baby with you… lots of babies. I want to have a family with you. I want to watch you… be a mother and all of that. Practicing is fun, yes… but I want to have a baby with you."

"_Now_?"

"If it happens… it happens, right?" he shrugged, a shaky laugh leaving his throat. "It's meant to be, right?"

Lily looked shocked and amused, then suddenly cringed and shook her head. "_Really_? You want to have a baby _now_? I mean… so if I woke you up tomorrow and said '_Guess what, I'm pregnant!_' you wouldn't be scared out of your mind."

"I'd be scared, yeah… but not the way you're thinking," said James. "If we had a baby now, even with all this going on, I'd be all right. It's just one more reason to keep fighting, right?"

Lily scoffed and shook her head. "Well, I'm _not_ all right with it."

"You're not?" James asked, pausing and giving her a curious look.

"_NO_! No, I'm _not at all_ all right with it!" Lily exclaimed, laughing and shaking her head. "Everyone _thinks_ I am, or… they think I _should be_ or… they see me talking about it and assume '_oh, she wants a baby right now_,' but that couldn't be farther from the truth." She laughed again, shook the potion once more and swallowed it while James stood watching her.

"Really?" he asked, curiously.

"Really," she said with a final nod. "Don't get me wrong. I want a family too, I really do. And it's nice to think about it and talk about it with you but… God, the idea of me being pregnant _right now_? Id' rather face Voldemort, by myself, without a wand."

"Really…"

"Yes."

"Explain," James insisted, resuming combing out the knots in her hair.

"Well, aside from the war, and the violence, and worrying about the poor kid being judged for being the child of a mudblo-"

"Don't call yourself that," James muttered, tugging her hair playfully. "I _hate_ that word."

"I know, so do I," Lily insisted. "But that's what he'd get teased for and harassed about, right? Don't give me that look, you know what I'm talking about."

James nodded. "Go on."

"Well, aside from all of that, and the fact that… what if you or I died in battle or something… or worse, what if _he_ got hurt, or killed… that's scary enough without all the other stuff."

"What other stuff?"

"Pregnancy in general," Lily said, looking into James' eyes in the mirror. "Getting fat, having a small tiny human grow inside my stomach. Morning sickness and … weird, strange cravings and my emotions out of control. And labor… pushing an eight pound human out of my vagina and into the world and then… what's funny?"

"Nothing," James sniggered. "You're just so blunt about it. Most women talk about how beautiful childbirth is and all that."

"The _baby_ is beautiful. The act of birthing said baby sounds horrifying," she explained, grinning when James laughed behind her. "But aside from that, after he's born… I'm responsible for him."

"Me too, you know."

"I know that but… I mean, doesn't that scare you?" she asked, her eyes wide as she watched him nod. "You've seen Marlene's little niece. She's adorable, but she's terrifying! She's so scary. Babies… there these tiny, helpless little things and we have to feed him and… get him to sleep and teach him right from wrong, and… and he's magic too so he's going to have all of that to worry about, and then he learns to fly a broom and I can't even fly a broom, or… ugh," Lily shuddered. "It's terrifying. Terrifying. I can't even entertain the thought of you being hurt, if I let it the fear would consume me. I can't imagine having a child. It scares me to death."

James kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her waist. "And that, Lily my love, is exactly why you'll be a fantastic mother."

"I'm not so sure."

"I am," said James. "You'll be brilliant at it. I did notice that you kept calling the baby a 'he.'"

"That's because we're having a boy first."

"Really," James laughed. "You've decided this?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, I've decided this. I just know I'm going to have a boy as my first child."

"What if it's a girl?"

She shrugged. "Then it's a girl and I'll have to worry about all the girl stuff in addition to everything I just mentioned. But either way… I'm not ready. It's too scary right now." Lily smiled as James kissed her cheek and she felt him relax against her. "Can you admit you're relieved now?"

"I am a bit," James said with a laugh. "I mean, I meant what I said… but I'm also _very_ glad you want to wait. It scares me too right now."

Lily nodded. "Why don't we have Sirius stay as Padfoot for a week, and if we can take care of him adequately, perhaps then we'll know we're ready."

"Perhaps."

"Five years from now," Lily added while James laughed.

"Right," he agreed, kissing her head again.

"Why hasn't he told Marlene?" Lily asked curiously, changing the subject drastically. She was glad they'd discussed a family, but part of her wanted to move as far away from the topic as she could. She wanted a family with James, but not now… not anytime soon. She had too much to worry about and fight for to add anything else to the mix.

James shrugged in response to her question. "Not sure. Neither of us, Peter as well, really want anyone in the Order to know because they'd encourage us to register. Marlene… I don't know what she'd think."

"What about me?" asked Lily.

"Does it bother you a lot that I'm not registered?" asked James.

Lily chewed her lip, thinking over her answer. "No, I doesn't, actually. If the Ministry wasn't as corrupt as it is right now, perhaps it would; but with all the Death Eaters inside, and all this stupid pro-Pureblood nonsense… well, they'd probably _love_ to know you were an Animagus so they could continue proclaiming about how strong '_pure'_ magical power is, but that would just make you marrying a Muggle-born so much worse. '_You're diluting the blood_,' '_you have to preserve the purity_,' blah, blah, blah…" she explained, taking the comb from James' hands and parting her hair down the side.

James leaned against her bare shoulder. "I don't want them to track me."

"Me neither."

"If they track me, they track you," he added, glancing at her expression.

"You know it's not me I worry about," Lily replied, turning to kiss him softly on the cheek.

"Well, either way… I think that's why he hasn't told her. He's still feeling her out for how she would… _feel_… about him not registering."

Lily nodded. "Well, I can't offer any thoughts because I'm not sure how she'd react either. Part of me thinks she wouldn't care at all, and the other part of me wonders if she'd feel deceitful for going along with him not registering. Marlene is too honest sometimes."

"Not a bad quality," said James thoughtfully.

"No, but she is uncomfortable with _any_ sort of lie," Lily explained. "It's hard for her to make up things on the spot if needed, or lie about her whereabouts if questioned by the wrong parties."

James nodded. "Well, hopefully hanging around Sirius will make her a little more comfortable with those things."

"Speaking of Sirius, why don't you go talk with him or Remus while I finish getting ready," Lily suggested. "It won't take me more than thirty minutes, and you'll be less of a distraction to me if you're over there," she grinned, nudging him away from kissing her neck. "I sense you're wanting to practice making babies again."

"That's an idea," he said temptingly.

"There's time for that later," she replied, kissing his nose as he nibbled her neck. "We can't keep everyone waiting."

"You're right," he sighed, kissing her wet hair and then her lips. "I'll see you in a bit then." James walked back to the bed, grabbing the paper to take with him as he wandered across the hall to Marlene and Sirius' room. Before he knocked on the door, an idea popped into his head, and he grinned while tapping lightly on the white wood. Marlene may not be good at making stuff up on the spot, but Sirius and James both were professionals.

"Prongs," Sirius greeted with a smile, opening the door to his room and allowing James inside. Remus, Sam and Gideon were crowded on the small bed, perusing the same paper James had in his hands while Marlene was busy fixing her hair in the bathroom. "What brings you across the hall? It's been _yonks_ since we've seen you."

"Yeah," Gideon laughed. "A whole two hours. What've you been up to during all that time?"

"I got another letter from my dad," James said, pulling up a chair from the small table inside Sirius' room and sitting backwards on it. "He said some bloke who lived down the street from us got hauled off to Azkaban. We didn't even know there was another wizard in our area," he explained, scratching his hair and looking over to Sirius. Sirius quirked an eyebrow, but James could tell from his expression that he would go along with whatever he said; Sirius could always tell when James had a plan.

"Really?" Gideon asked before scoffing and shaking his head. "What was his supposed crime?"

"Being an Animagus," James said. "I'm not sure how you go about proving someone is one, but they said he was wandering around as an unregistered wolf Animagus and attacking Muggles."

Remus pursed his lips, catching on that James had some sort of plan and falling into line with it. "They said he was an Animagus and not a werewolf?"

"Well, none of the Muggles he supposedly attacked were cursed or killed," James explained, "just mauled. Plus, I'm not sure the Ministry wants to alienate anymore of the werewolf community than they already have."

"They're not exactly trying to make friends with them either," Sam piped up, not attempting to mask the bitterness in her voice. "They're proposing a restriction on jobs that werewolves can hold; they want to 'limit contact with regular humans' the proposal said."

"She's right, the Ministry isn't trying to make friends with them," Gideon said. "But being a werewolf is easy to prove; they'd just have to wait a month. Forcing someone to turn into an Animagus is a little trickier."

"Trickier how?" asked Sirius.

"I mean… the Animagus transformation is done _at will_. The wizard _chooses_ when to turn. If you're accusing someone of being an Animagus, you can't force them to turn with any spell; they'd simply say you transfigured them. Plus, they have the exact same markings each time they transform. If you transfigured a person, it'd be different each time no matter how hard you tried to make it the same."

"So, it would be impossible to prove that someone was an unregistered Animagus?" James asked skeptically.

"Not impossible," Gideon continued. "Veritserum would make the person tell the truth. The Imperius curse could force them to turn, I suppose."

"Personally, why do they throw up such a fuss over tracking Animagi anyway?" asked Sirius.

Gideon shrugged. "So they don't abuse their powers. I mean, if Voldemort was an unregistered Animagus, he could theoretically change into … whatever-"

"A snake," Sam suggested.

"A snake and … say… slither on into someone's house and wait for them. Things like that, I suppose," Gideon shrugged.

"I wonder how many unregistered Animagi are running around the world, though," Marlene added thoughtfully as she stepped out of the bathroom. "I mean, there's no benefit for registering, and if you don't abuse the power you're not really harming anyone."

"Plus, you don't really have any control of what you turn into," Sirius added, giving James a quick smirk before turning to look at Marlene. "You could turn into a flobberworm, or you could end up as a lion. It's not guaranteed that you'll even become something you could potentially abuse."

"This is true," Remus added. "Being a flobberworm could have its advantages though."

"As could being a lion," Gideon said. "But if you went traipsing around terrorizing wizards or Muggles as a lion, they'd catch you pretty quick."

"And put you in the London zoo," Marlene laughed. "Then when you transformed, they'd wonder where the hell this person came from and that would probably alert Ministry authorities pretty quickly."

Gideon chuckled. "So, you don't think there should be a list?" he asked James and Sirius.

James shrugged. "I don't know. I see the point, but it's a bit hard to enforce the penalties. If you catch a '_suspected'_ Animagus, you can give them Veritiserum, or put them under the Imperius curse – though, I still think it's rather hypocritical to call it 'Unforgivable,' yet we can use it if we '_need_ _to'_ –"

"I agree," Gideon interjected with a small grin.

"But, catching the supposed Animagus, especially if they aren't 'abusing' their power per say… well, that's a bit difficult, I'd think," concluded James, shrugging as if it was of no importance to him.

Gideon nodded thoughtfully. "This is true. Personally, I don't give a damn about it. It's an honor system, and as long as someone doesn't wreak havoc with their wild Animagus transformations," he said, waving his arms dramatically, "it doesn't bother me."

"Me neither," said James, watching as Remus and Sirius nodded.

Sam shrugged, looking at Marlene who was absentmindedly twisting her hair around her fingers. "Interesting story, though James," she said, smirking at him suddenly. "Especially considering you made it up on the spot to feel us out for how we'd react to you flitting around the countryside as some animal."

James' eyes widened and he tilted his head. "What?" he laughed. "You think I'm an Animagus?"

"Do I?" Marlene asked mischievously. "I'm not sure. You're pretty damn clever, and you could probably figure out how to do it if you really wanted to… but I have a hard time believing that story wouldn't be in the Prophet and that you'd only hear about it from your dad."

Sam suddenly perked up. "This is true… the Prophet would be all over that. Showing how the Ministry is trying to squash the Death Eaters who are running around as unregistered Animagi would be a huge story."

Gideon laughed loudly, shaking his head. "No, I don't think you're an Animagus, Potter. He's not… you just got the letter from your dad, so it probably just happened, right?"

"Well, yeah," said James, a little defensively. "But … why don't you think I'm not? You don't think I could do it?"

"No, I think you could," Gideon said. "But I also don't think you'd be able to keep that kind of an achievement to yourself. Everyone knows how you love your praise."

Sirius and Remus both laughed loudly, watching James frown and shift in his chair. "Right… I suppose I would brag," he muttered a little bitterly.

"Oh, it's an endearing quality," Sam teased. "Lily puts up with it, and she still loves you no matter how proud you are of yourself. Don't be so put out."

"Speaking of Lily," Marlene interjected, "where is she? You've been over here discussing this with us for the how long? I can't imagine it takes her this long to get ready, does it?"

James shook his head, suddenly curious as to what was keeping his wife from joining them. "I'm not sure; I'll go see what she's doing."

"Tell her were starving," Sirius added as James walked across the hall. "You've got to keep that ego of yours nice and fed, you know!"

James laughed and shook his head, spotting Lily's wand lying on the bed as he stepped into their room. "Lils? Are you ready?" he asked, peering into the bathroom and pausing to look over the empty space. He backed up and looked into the hallway, looking left and right to see if he could spot her. "Lils?" he called a little louder, turning back and walking further into their hotel room.

It was empty, that much was certain. Lily's wand lie on the bed next to her small handbag, her make-up bag sat on the dresser next to their suitcase. James narrowed his eyes, walking to the open window and inhaling the still lingering scent of Lily's perfume in the air. He noticed one sandal lay by the window, the other was not anywhere in sight as he looked over the floor.

He was hit by a light ocean breeze. The window wasn't open when he'd left to go to Sirius' room; why had she opened it? She did like to look out at the seaside, and liked to listen to the waves, but the air had gotten chilly as evening had come. Lily had already mentioned earlier how cold she was, why would she open the window?

James looked back to the pane of glass, his blood pressure spiking and his heart racing when a few puzzle pieces settled into place inside his head. The window wasn't open; it was broken. There was a small streak of blood on the windowsill, and a clump of red hair had snagged on a jagged edge of the broken glass. James had just opened his mouth to cry out in alarm when there was a scream of terror from two doors down.

James snatched Lily's wand off the bed and turned to run into the hall, watching as Gideon raced down where he and Dorcas had been staying. Sirius and Remus followed, James just behind them as the burst through the door in time to see what was happening.

There was a flash of light from Gideon's wand, but it was blocked by a dark cloud that filled up the room. "Dor-!" Gideon shouted before he was cut off by a loud bang. The room exploded in fire, pushing all three men into the hall and vanishing just in time for them to see a black cloaked figure drag Dorcas, who was kicking and thrashing violently, onto a broom. The cloaked figure kicked off the window sill and into the air just as Gideon reached the edge of the frame, trying desperately to stop them.

Flashes of light drew their attention back down the hall. Sam and Marlene came racing out of Sirius room straight into where Remus, Sirius and James were standing, three cloaked figures following behind them. James and Sirius instantly put up shield charms, but it wasn't enough to deflect the sudden barrage of spells that collided with their bodies. James was flung against the wall, Sam on top of him as she clutched Remus' waist. Remus was firing spells incoherently at one of the figures while Marlene and Sirius battled the other two.

Gideon joined them, enraged as he fired a stunning spell at one of the Death Eaters Marlene and Sirius were battling with. He turned to help pull Remus, Sam and James out of their pile of bodies, but was hit with a hex that caused boils to erupt all over his body. Screaming in agony, Gideon dropped to the floor and Sam instantly went to him, waving her want to cast a counter curse. She pulled away from Remus for only a second, but it was long enough for the Death Eater to seize him by the throat, fire a tripping jinx at James, and Apparate into nothingness.

"_MOONY_!" James shouted, grabbing at the empty space where his friend had been. He whirled around, watching as Sam screamed in horror, Gideon shook himself off from the curse that had just been lifted off him, and Marlene and Sirius give up magic completely and tackle the Death Eater they were still fighting with. The brought him to the floor, grabbing his wand from his hand and holding him tight. The Death Eater Gideon had tried to stun earlier stood, moving to help is accomplice, but ducked as James fired a stunning spell in his direction. The man looked at his companion and the remaining order members before laughing cruelly and disappearing on the spot.

"_NO_!" James shouted, sending another stunning spell into thin air as he raced to where the man had been. "Bloody Fucking Hell!"

"_Prongs_!" Sirius shouted, still wrestling with the Death Eater he and Marlene had pinned. He caught James' attention, moving aside from the black cords that shot from his wand and bound the man from head to toe. "What the…"

"What the hell just happened?" Gideon shouted angrily. "Where… how… They took her!"

"They got Lily too," James muttered, his voice sounding dead and yet full of pain at the same time. "And Moony. They got them both… all three of them. They… how-"

"He'll know where they're going," Sirius said, randomly becoming the voice of reason among them. He pulled off the Death Eater's mask, growling as the defiant eyes of the Death Eater he knew only as Wilkes stared up at him. "Wipe that smirk off your fucking face," Sirius growled as James grabbed the man by the collar of his robes and pulled him up. "You're not going to be smirking after we're done with you."

* * *

_A/N: My apologies. After the death of my family member, I seemed to have lost my writing spark. It has returned however, so I appreciate your reviews in the mean time and apologize for the long break. Also, I am without a beta reader, and have been unable to find one so PLEASE excuse any grammar, punctuation, spelling errors ect... please excuse them because proofreading your own work is so tedious and hard, and I am doing my best to be perfect so just bear with me and enjoy the story for what it is =)_


	49. The Storm

The Storm

"Running Up That Hill" – Placebo

* * *

Cold hard floor, no breeze… the stale smell of an unused room and the aching, horrible sensation of a hammer pounding against her skull was all Lily could register at the moment. She vaguely remembered hitting her head against glass, but surely she didn't get _stuck_ against it. How badly was she injured that the throbbing was still this intense after so many hours?

Trying to stifle the moan of pain that left her lips, Lily reached up to feel the crown of her head. This simple motion made her dizzy, but she recognized the crunch of dried blood in her hair, and the feel of moist strands under her fingers. She was either sweating or still bleeding, but she couldn't open her eyes to check. It would hurt too much.

"She's waking up," a female voice whispered, sounding frightened and relieved all at once. "Lily?"

"Lils?" Another voice whispered her name, this one male. "Lily, can you hear us?"

Two new pieces of information assailed her tired, aching brain. Two people were with her. They were friends, they were frightened, and she needed to keep quiet no matter how badly she wanted to cry out in pain. _Something is not right_, Lily thought. _We're in danger…._

Disregarding the agony she felt in her head, Lily opened her eyes slightly. The haggard, bruised face of Remus Lupin was the first thing she saw. The second was Dorcas, her eyes wide and alert as she reached up and pressed her palm against the crown of Lily's head.

"_Ow_," gasped Lily, wincing when they both shushed her and tried to sit her up.

"Sorry, but I want to get some pressure on that cut. Try to stay quiet, please," Dorcas pleaded. "They think we're all still unconscious, so they're leaving us alone for the moment."

"'_They_?'" asked Lily in a defeated whisper.

"The Death Eaters," confirmed Dorcas.

Lily sighed heavily, wincing as she tried to sit up further. "Where are we?"

"We don't know," Remus explained quietly, propping Lily up against the stone wall behind her. He tore off a piece of his shirt and handed it to Dorcas, who pressed it against the large cut on her head. "When I came to, Dolohov and Rosier were in here discussing what to do with us since we'd been out for so long, but they left about an hour ago."

Lily nodded. "Who else is here?" she asked quietly.

"Just us three from our side that we know of," Dorcas explained. "Remus pretended to be unconscious, so did I for a long time until we both realized the other was awake. They have someone else, but I don't know who… we just hear the screaming."

"How many of them are here?" Lily asked, chewing her lip and glancing at the door.

"Eight or nine. I've seen Lucius Malfoy, both Lestrange brothers, Bellatrix, Mulciber, someone called Powell, and Thorfinn Rowle come in and out," explained Dorcas.

Remus nodded. "Plus… we haven't _seen_ him, but You-Know-Who is here. Or he stops in frequently, we think."

"You-Know-Who?"

"A tracking spell was placed on his name we think," Remus explained. "It's similar to a taboo or a trace, but not as powerful. We must have said it at some point at the resort, and that's how they got us."

"I still think they _knew_ where we were staying," Dorcas explained. "They went _right_ for James' and Gideon's rooms first. If they'd simply gone off the tracker spell, they would have gone for where the trigger initiated from. I know I didn't say it by myself, so it had to be someone in Sirius and Marlene's room, why didn't they go there?"

"Out-numbered, perhaps?" Remus shrugged.

"I know I said it," Lily murmured. "But… that was a while before we were attacked. I mean… at least an hour or so before they came to the window and took me."

"It doesn't matter, it's no one's fault," said Dorcas. "But… we've got a little bit of a plan formed."

Remus nodded. "From what we've picked up on when they've been coming in and out of here, they're trying to figure out what Dumbledore is up to, which is why they put the tracking spell on the name. The only people who typically say it are close with Dumbledore, so You-Know-Who assumes we're involved in any plans he might have since we're '_brave'_ enough to say it too. But that's neither here nor there."

"What I think we should do, unfortunately… because the idea of doing this is reprehensible to me," Dorcas began, chewing her lip and looking at Lily apologetically. "I think we should pretend that I'm on their side. That I'm completely in the dark about Gid being involved with anything, and shocked at the idea that Dumbledore would pick a werewolf and a muggle-born to carry out any plans. I'm pure-blood, I was in Slytherin, and I went to those meetings Bellatrix was holding. I might be able to convince them that I've got '_nothing to_ do' with anything, and that you two are too invaluable for Dumbledore to use. Maybe… if they buy it… maybe we can stall them long enough … for…"

"For someone to come for us," Remus said, nodding encouragingly at Dorcas.

Lily swallowed. "How will they find us? Did you send a Patronus?"

Dorcas shook her head. "None of us have wands, so no… but…we think that one of the Death Eaters who came for us was left behind. I'm sure that James, Sirius, and Gid are questioning him so… _maybe_…"

Lily nodded, the action causing her head to ache again. She sighed heavily, taking over holding the piece of Remus' shirt against her head while Dorcas sat back on her knees. "What happened to you two?"

"Someone crashed through the window and grabbed me. But I fought like hell, which is why I'm all banged up now," Dorcas explained, indicating the various cuts and bruises that covered her arms and face.

"I was still in Sirius' room when you were taken, Dor," added Remus. "When we were fighting, Gideon got cursed by something and I shoved Sam at him, knowing she could help with a counter curse. I think the guy was trying to grab her, since she's muggle-born, and got me instead. We Apparated outside, and he punched me a few times which knocked me out until I woke up in here. But you, Lils…it looks like they dragged you _through_ a broken window… hence, the cut on your head and everything."

Lily nodded slowly. "It happened so fast. He was there, and before I could even move the window was broken and he was dragging me through it. I fought hard, though, and … I remember almost falling off the broom, but then I passed out."

"You've been out for a while," Dorcas explained. "We fixed you up as best we could, but I wouldn't move too much with that head injury."

Suddenly, footsteps approached the door of the room they were trapped inside. Closer and closer… Dorcas and Remus scrambled back to their spots, laying down and pretending to be unconscious. Lily slumped back against the wall and closed her eyes, letting her body rest evenly and trying to breathe slow as fear consumed her.

The door opened and she heard four pairs of feet walking in, along with something sliding along the floor. "Just throw him there. If these three aren't awake in another hour, we'll do something to wake them up," a cold voice muttered commandingly.

"If _he_ doesn't know anything, why does The Dark Lord think _they_ will?"

"Because he's got a tongue-tying curse on him, you idiot," the first voice said, sounding irritated. "He can't say anything no matter what we do. But these three… if they know, they aren't bound under anything that we know of yet. They'll crack, or if they don't, their little companions still have Wilkes and will probably come running to '_save the day_,' and someone will break under torture."

Both voices laughed as they walked back to the door, shutting it behind them. Lily waited until the sound of the footsteps had died down before opening her eyes. Dorcas had already moved to the middle of the room to examine the shuddering figure curled up in the middle of the floor. Lily moved slightly, just enough to see the man's face. She pressed her hand to her head to staunch any blood that might start to leak through her makeshift bandage and crawled forward.

"Nolan?" Dorcas whispered. "Edmund… can you hear me?"

Nolan shuddered, rolling over and looking up at Dorcas with fretful eyes. Remus moved closer to where they were clustered, his face grim while Lily gasped upon seeing Nolan's face. His face was swollen up on one side, the skin black and blue under streaks of blood. One of his arms appeared to be broken, and he was shaking like a leaf in a strong breeze as they helped him sit up.

"How long have they had you?" asked Lily, tearing off the edge of her skirt and pressing the fabric to a large cut under his eye.

"Three days," Nolan whispered hoarsely. Lily wondered if he could even speak any louder. "They've… they want to know about Dumbledore. They want to know about… I can't say it because of Moody's curse."

"What have they tried?" asked Remus.

"_Everything_," Nolan shuddered. "Veritiserum, the Imperius curse… torture… I can't talk about it," he explained, whimpering and curling into a ball again.

Remus looked at Lily and Dorcas, his expression hard and concerned. "We can't give in. We _can't_."

"I know," Dorcas nodded, her expression becoming solemn and slightly scared. "I'll stall them as long as I can, but… "

Lily swallowed. "What happens if we can't hold back?" she asked. "Veritserium-"

"They used all of it on me," Nolan interrupted. "I drank so much it made me sick, but… they're not asking the right questions. Moody's curse is strong, they have to be specific to find out about the –" he choked, gasping and shuddering. Docras ran her fingers through his hair in a soothing manner until he calmed down again.

"They must only be asking what Dumbledore is _doing_. Not what he's created, or made, or organized," she sighed, relieved.

Nolan nodded. "They aren't asking the right questions to get me to talk. They're making more, but it takes-"

"A month," Lily breathed, relief rushing through all of them. "So they can't use that on us."

"Just the Imperius curse," Dorcas replied.

"And… whatever else they've done to him," Remus murmured, helping Nolan over to a more comfortable area on the floor and lying him down.

J&L&J&L&J&L

James was twitching uncontrollably, his hand drumming a random rhythm against his knee. His voice was gone and his emotions drained as he sat solemnly across from the Death Eater they'd managed to capture. They were waiting now… waiting for Dumbledore, or Moody, or anyone who might be able to help them track where the others had gone.

Gideon was standing over him, glaring at the Death Eater while Sam sat on the bed, breathing slow and trying not to cry. Sirius and Marlene seemed to be the only ones capable of logical thought. Once they'd subdued their captive, she'd sent a message to Moody and several others while Sirius tried to decide how to question the man.

"None of it's going to do any good," Sirius determined before he even started, looking at the Death Eater with almost an amused expression. "Is it? You're just going to sit and laugh at us about how _Voldemort_ has got one over on everyone."

"Keep saying the name," the man chuckled darkly. "That's how we found you in the first place."

"Yeah?" Sirius muttered, crouching and smirking up at the man. "Well, I didn't see any of your mates stick around to save your arse. And I've said the name loads more times now, and no one else has come… you're just as screwed as we are, you know?" he teased, poking the man with his wand. "We keep you… you'll end up in Azkaban. You escape, I can't imagine Voldemort being very happy that you were caught in the first place."

The Death Eater frowned for a moment, but after staring at James' terrified expression, along with Gideon's determined look and Sam's teary face, he couldn't resist voicing his joy over their misery.

"Look at the lot of you," the Death Eater laughed. "You don't even know what to do with yourselves. So much for love giving you strength; if you ask me –"

"No one asked you, you stupid fuck," James snarled, lunging toward them man with an angry expression on his face. Sirius jumped up to block him, using all his strength to do so. "_Where are they_? _WHERE_-"

"_Prongs_!" Sirius shouted, pushing James back into his chair. "You'll kill him! You'll kill him, and we'll never find them. You kill him, and we'll never know what the hell is going on!"

"_I know, I know_!" James shouted, clutching his head in his shaking hands. His stomach twisted violently as he thought of his wife and his friends in the hands of Death Eaters. Moony who was already hated for being a werewolf, Dorcas who was a traitor to their pure-blood ideals, and Lily… Lily, the muggle-born, who didn't deserve to live.

Who knew where they were, or what was being done to them; all James knew was that he'd be willing to trade places to get them back, to make sure that they'd be okay. He'd be willing to sacrifice any money, his wand, or his life to make sure Lily was safe and unharmed.

Sam stood and began pacing while Gideon remained motionless, simply glaring down at the Death Eater. James could tell they were just as distraught as he was, but he didn't know what to say to them. His own pain and terror drew all his focus. He couldn't form any thoughts other than violent action and revenge. At least they had the wits about them to try and think of a plan.

"Have you been watching us?" Gideon asked calmly after a few moments of silence.

"The Dark Lord is always-"

"No, you stupid sod," he growled, grabbing the man by the jaw. "Before you all attacked us, did you know where we were? Or was it the tracker spell that led you to us?"

"It _had_ to be the tracker, right?" Sam asked before the man could respond. "I know Remus didn't tell anyone where we were going, and you only told Dumbledore and your parents right, James? And you probably told less people, Gid. It had to be the tracker, how else could-"

Gideon shook his head. "Then why didn't they come straight for us in _this_ room? Why'd they go for James' room and my room first instead of going for where the bulk of us were? I said the name, remember? I said it in here… they should have come straight to this room if they were following the tracker spell. Maybe they've captured someone who knew where all of us were staying," he suggested.

"Bright one, you are," the Death Eater laughed, grunting when Gideon struck him across the face. The Death Eater spat blood onto Gideon's robes, still laughing up at him.

"How _did_ you find us?" asked Gideon.

"You're much easier to find than you all believe, and you have friends that aren't as inconspicuous as _they'd_ like to believe," the Death Eater laughed, giving James a disturbing smile.

James and Sirius looked at one another with the same expression: irritation and worry. Perhaps Lily _had_ seen Peter after all…

Sirius shook his head and pushed Gideon away from the man, giving him the same reprimand he'd bestowed up on James. "Beating on him is not going to do any good. If anything, it'll just make him more convinced that he'll get rewarded by Voldemort if he escapes."

Marlene entered the room just then and backed him up. "He's not going to tell us anything anyway," She reminded. "It's pointless. Save your energy for when we go and rescue the others, that's when we'll need it." She chewed her lip, "James, was Lily's stuff in your bag?"

"Yes, we shared a rucksack. Why?"

Marlene ignored him and returned to the room across the hall. James watched as she lifted his and Lily's small bag onto their bed and began tearing apart its contents.

"What is she looking for?" asked James watching her for a few moments.

"No idea," Sirius muttered. "But she must think Lily had something important or useful in there."

Footsteps began to echo through hall, moving close to their room. Gideon turned and looked toward the door as James and Sam jumped up and ran toward the sound.

"_Mum_?" James questioned, stepping aside when his mother and father came into the room, followed by Moody, Dumbledore, Peter, Fabian and Emmeline. "How-"

"Dumbledore thought it prudent to send us a message and let us know _you_ were okay, but something had happened to Lily," James' mum explained. "Though, judging from the look on your face, I don't think you're okay at all. I also think you should stay behind."

"_What_?" asked James. "Wait… why - Are you _mad_? Absolutely not! Stay behind from what? Where-"

"Lupin, Meadowes and Lily aren't the only ones missing," Moody interrupted. "Nolan hasn't shown up for work in three days, and Lightfoot has been missing since last evening. But this is the largest set of kidnappings He's attempted."

"So, Voldemort knows about the Order, I take it?" Gideon asked, looking at Dumbledore.

"We're not sure, but he appears to be going after those who are known to be standing against him," Dumbledore replied. "Now, it appears they grabbed whoever was easiest to take?"

Sam looked at Gideon, who cleared his throat. "Not… we think they were watching us, or knew where we were staying," he explained. "The lot of us were all in _this_ room, but they didn't come here when I said His name. They went to where James and Lily had been staying and… where I had been staying."

"How did Meadowes end up taken, then?" asked Moody curiously. "Why was she in your room?"

Gideon swallowed, trying to think on the spot, but Sam cleared her throat and gave him a sympathetic look. "Does it really matter?" she asked. "The important thing is we get her back."

Gideon sighed and nodded in agreement. "She was staying with me," he explained in a sheepish voice.

Moody nodded, looking curiously at Gideon, then James and Sam. "So … they went after halves of couples here?"

"No," James explained, his voice shaky as he looked from his mother's worried expression to Moody. "No, we think… we think they went to my room and Gideon's room first because we're… we're-"

"They're the most prominent families," Marlene added, stepping through the crowd and toward where the Death Eater sat. "They went after them because the Prewetts and the Potters are among the most outspoken pure-blood families against You-Know-Who. My family speaks out, but not as loudly."

"And my family is practically on their side," Sirius added.

"Sam is Muggle-born," James added, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I think they when they started fighting us, they _were_ going after you, but when you went to help Gideon they grabbed Moony instead."

Sam nodded, chewing her lip and looking worried as the Order members stared her down. "It matters not why or how they attacked, what matters is that we do what we can to help our members escape," Dumbledore explained. "Marlene, you seem to be on a mission. What do you have?"

Marlene held up a vial of clear liquid that she'd pulled from one of Lily's bags. "Lily _always_ carries loads of potions, wherever she goes. Anti-dotes, explosive potions just in case… _aaaand_-"

"_Veritserum_," Gideon murmured, recognizing the clear potion when Marlene unstoppered it.

Moody grunted. "Your wife is something of a potions maven, isn't she, Potter?"

"My wife is probably being tortured," grumbled James, throwing Moody an irritated look. "Can we give it to him, and get there, so we can stop that?"

Moody nodded, taking the vial of liquid from Marlene and moving toward the Death Eater. Fabian suddenly cleared his throat to call the attention of Gideon, James and Sam. "I'm going to have to side with James' mum on this one. I don't think you three should go with us."

His comment was met with instantaneous protest from James, Sam and Gideon, all three of them indignant at the thought of being left to wait while everyone else rushed off to battle.

"I'm _not_ staying behind," Sam retorted. "I know I'm not an Order member, but I can help and-"

"Fuck you, Fabian," Gideon swore, talking over her and glaring at his twin. "You don't have the faintest idea of what-"

"You can't make us stay back," James threatened. "We're going."

"You'll be listening to everything we have to say, or else I'll _stun_ the lot of you and leave at the Ministry!" Moody growled angrily before grabbing the Death Eater by the jaw and forcing the potion down his throat.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, motioning for James, Sam and Gideon to come with him across the hall. The three of them followed, steeling themselves for a lecture when Dumbledore closed the door behind them, but then softening when his expression turned from stern to sympathetic.

"I realize the three of you are feeling terrified right now, and your sole aim is to bring the people you love out of harm's way as soon, and as safely, as you can," he began, his voice firm but consoling. "You must trust me when I say that this _is_ our goal as well. We want them back as well, safe, whole and unharmed.

"But, we have an opportunity here to, perhaps, end this war for good," he continued, his voice hopeful. "If we can surprise them, if we out-number the people that are with the Dark Lord at this moment, perhaps we can capture him and end the atrocities that have been plaguing us for so long now."

Dumbledore sighed, pausing for a moment as he carefully chose his words. "I'm not going to ask you to stay behind, but I will ask that that while you work to save your loved ones, you remember the _bigger_ picture. If we end this for good, you'll never have to go through anything like this again."

James nodded, patting Sam on the shoulder as she wiped her eyes and Gideon nodded. "We've got it," he said quietly. "We'll be right behind you all."

"Actually, if you are agreeable, James, I think you'll be in front of us," replied Dumbledore. "You seem exceptionally adept at staying concealed, so I'd like you to approach where the Death Eaters are first, and then signal us to come once you're sure it's clear."

James nodded, a smirk creeping onto his face as he thought of being the one to surprise the Dark Lord in person. "I'm completely agreeable."

J&L&J&L&J

"If Prewett was involved in any kind of plans Dumbledore was making, believe me, I would have known," Dorcas was insisting to the Death Eaters who were staring her down.

Voldemort sat upon a chair at the front of the room, his bloodshot eyes narrowed as he peered at her over his fingertips. He looked ill; sickly and pale, with sparse strands of dark hair covering his skull. He wasn't balding, per say, it was as though his hair was falling out in random patterns. This, combined with the pallor of his skin, his bloodshot eyes and thin, pale lips, made him appear exceptionally unnerving, Lily thought.

His appearance, however, seemed of little concern to Voldemort. His main concern at the moment was Dorcas, and her story of spying on an unsuspecting Gideon Prewett. The information she gathered was supposedly being taken to the Wizengamot, hoping to sway them to put a lid on the additional powers granted to the Aurors in the interest of "public safety."

"_You_ would know?" Lucius Malfoy muttered sarcastically. "He'd divulge this information with _you_?"

Dorcas narrowed her eyes. "Gideon Prewett is notoriously talkative," she muttered back. "And I am very persuasive when need be."

Voldemort gave a short, cold chuckle and glanced at Lucius. "I'm sure you are, Miss Meadowes," he murmured. "But I, like Lucius, have my doubts about your story. I have … acquaintances … on the Wizengamot, and none of them have mentioned anything about a debate to take away the Aurors' additional powers."

"There are petitioners," she replied cautiously, her face betraying no emotion at all. "I am mainly serving their interests at this point, but when the next session comes at hand, I'll be approaching the court myself to persuade them to see _our_ point of view."

Voldemort nodded, letting his hands fold themselves inside his robes as he rose and walked toward her. She remained motionless, even though the Death Eaters backed away slightly. The man restraining Lily loosened his hold on her slightly, as did the man holding Remus. Lily flinched, watching as Voldemort withdrew his wand and murmured something unintelligible before staring deeply into Dorcas' eyes.

A few seconds passed before Voldemort drew back, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully as he folded his hands again. "Your '_mission_,' if you would call it that, sounds interesting," he began. "I'm glad to see you are not sullying your blood with someone of lesser stature than yourself, and that you have an interest in preserving the purity of our heritage."

"Of course I do," Dorcas replied, sounding shocked that she'd feel any other way. "It is only through the purity of blood that magical power will survive."

Voldemort nodded in agreement, pursing his lips as he stared back at Dorcas. "I'm inviting you to stay with us for the time being."

"My Lord, though I am flattered by the honor… is it necessary? I must report back to-"

"I _insist_," Voldemort interrupted, drawing out the final "s" menacingly. "I will have more questions for you later. But for now," he drawled, glancing at a tall man with a brutal smile, "escort Miss Meadowes back to her previous quarters."

The man nodded, motioning for Dorcas to follow him down the hall. Voldemort glanced at Lily, then over to Remus before seeming to decide something. "Dolohov, would you bring Miss Potter closer?"

Lily flinched as the man holding her moved forward, taking her hair in his hand and yanking her to her feet. She glanced at Remus for a split second, seeing her worry and fear reflected in his eyes before erasing her emotions and adopting a stoic mask upon her face. The man pushed Lily back to her knees before stepping to the side, watching her with an interested expression.

Voldemort simply stared, his expression passive and almost curious. "Rowle, Carrow, Dolohov… and Lucius," he murmured, "you may all leave now. Patrol the premises… keep an eye out for Wilkes, should he manage to escape those fools and return here only to have them follow him. Anyone, witch, wizard, or muggle that comes within our boundaries is to be stunned and brought directly to me," he hissed dangerously. "I want to question them, personally. I don't want _another_ dead body brought to me. They do me no good if they can't talk."

The four men nodded, leaving the room and shutting the door behind them. Lily glanced back at Remus, both of them wondering who had been killed and how long ago it had happened. Though her curiosity was roused, Lily didn't have time to focus on anyone else at the moment. Voldemort was walking toward her now, his expression stern as he looked down at her kneeling figure. Remus protested once, but was silenced by a flick from Voldemort's wand before being pulled further away from Lily by whoever was restraining him.

Voldemort twisted his wand between his fingers as he considered Lily, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Mrs. _Potter_. Your husband leaves you alone for such a little time, and you let yourself become hostage to the Death Eaters. Perhaps you are not as strong as I had previously given you credit for…"

Lily swallowed, watching Voldemort's eyes flicker to the man restraining Remus for a fraction of a second. He looked back at her, seeming to decide something before raising his wand. Lily braced herself for the unbearable pain…

It never arrived.

Instead, she was flooded with a sensation of relief; peace… freedom… the unease and despair she'd been consumed by was replaced with calm… a passive feeling that told her to trust whatever Voldemort said.

"You must have fought hard to escape when Dolohov grabbed you," Voldemort whispered, his voice quiet and calm. "The wound on your head is still oozing your polluted blood…"

"I did fight hard," Lily replied. The thought was almost funny. Why did she even try? She was too weak to fight off someone three times her size; she could barely hold her own against James in an arm wrestling match.

"But you're not going to fight hard now, are you? There is no point. Even if you don't tell me directly, I'll still be able to see all the secrets you hide inside your weak muggle mind," Voldemort continued, his voice mocking, yet cunningly kind

Lily hesitated; she wanted to respond '_yes_,' that she wasn't going to fight. Why should she? The situation was hopeless. She was going to be murdered… well, tortured first probably… but then definitely murdered. Who did she have to protect by keeping secrets?

_Everyone_…

"What is Dumbledore planning? What's he plotting when he summons various … _acquaintances_... mudblood and pure-blood alike, into the sacred halls of Hogwarts? Why do they visit? Why does he visit them?"

Lily swallowed, the calm part of her mind warring violently with a tiny little voice screaming out in horror. She shifted, not wanting to listen to the screaming. She'd heard too much screaming lately… too much… but it sounded so familiar. So far away, but so familiar…

Because it was her. _She_ was screaming, in terror and in protest. Was she screaming aloud, or was this all happening inside her head? What was she screaming anyway? What were the words?

"_I…"_ the word came out of her mouth, an echo of the scream. She strained harder, listening to the voice, repeating its cry. "I … don't know."

Pressure crushed her for a moment, but then melted into a pleasant sensation of weightlessness. No fear, no worries, no consequences…

"Yes, you do, Lily Potter," Voldemort hissed. "You _know_. We've seen you, and your husband as well, traipsing to and from Hogwarts. Dumbledore calls upon you at your home. He is welcomed in through your enchantments… as are many others. The same others that frequently visit him at Hogwarts… what are they planning? What are _you_ planning?"

The voice was screaming again, telling her not to lie… to be specific… to fight. But was the answer so difficult? What _were_ they planning? They _weren't_ planning…

"Nothing," Lily heard herself say. "We're not planning anything…"

"Why do they visit?"

"Conversation," she replied, echoing the voice inside her head.

Then the pain came, and a different type of screaming filled her ears. The pain of slamming against the floor was deadened by the burning, tearing, scraping of knives on her muscles. Lily wailed uncontrollably, her mind reeling as the Imperius Curse was lifted and the torture began. What had she said? Had she revealed the Order? Had she revealed the-

"What '_order'_ do you speak of, Lily Potter?" Voldemort's voice hissed, too close to her ear for her liking. Lily pushed herself back, trying to scramble away, but Voldemort grabbed her by the hair, shoving her face hard against the cold wooden floor as he hissed viciously at her.

"What orders do you have? Do have the orders to hunt me down? To try and kill me?" he asked, his breath against her hair. "I cannot be killed, Lily Potter. Not by you, not by Dumbledore… by no man, wizard, or deity. _I_ have the power. _I_ know the secrets. _I_ have eaten death… _tasted_ it… and through its consumption, I am _immortal_."

Lily screamed again as the curse hit her. Pain wracked her body, relentless and never-ending. By the time it stopped, her voice was hoarse and her ears were ringing painfully. Her echoing screams died away in her ears, replaced by the sound of shouting. She wished the shouting would stop… who was yelling? She couldn't open her eyes to see the source.

"She doesn't know anything because there isn't anything to know!" a voice snarled. Violent, angry… it was an uncharacteristic sound that was coming from Remus Lupin's mouth. He seemed strained, possibly in pain as well. Lily breathed, peeling her eyes open infinitesimally to see Voldemort standing over Remus, his wand hovering over him… torturing him, though only slightly, while Remus tried to resist.

"Why did I see the word '_order'_ in her mind? I don't see it in your mind, but I see gathering… I see groups of people," Voldemort hissed. "What plans does Dumbledore have? What are the '_orders'_ he gives to his blank minded followers?"

Lily coughed, her voice weak as she spoke. "We don't follow any orders because Dumbledore doesn't give them," she breathed. "He just wants to see us… make sure we're all right. Give us hope. He isn't planning any-"

"_LIES_!"

Lily flinched as Voldemort stepped toward her and muttered some word she didn't understand. She felt an invasive force inside her thoughts, pulling them to the surface of her mind. Images of James, a group sitting in Dumbledore's office… the battle in Diagon Alley, fighting with Bellatrix… Giants, Inferi… but there was no sound to her memories. No words came from the lips of fuzzy figures that were pulled up. She couldn't even make them out clearly. Was that her or Marlene? Was it James or Sirius? Gideon or Fabian? If she couldn't tell, surely-

"I've had enough of this," Voldemort sneered. "Severus, take him away and bring the cauldron."

Lily's stomach twisted violently; how far gone was her former friend? Where were they taking Remus? What was going to be done with him? She was alone now, at the mercy of Voldemort as she lay helplessly on the floor, in too much pain to rise to her feet.

"I've heard you are quite the potions maven, Misses Potter," Voldemort hissed, grasping her by the hair and dragging her across the floor. He looked down at her, flicking his wand and watching with amused satisfaction as she convulsed in pain at his feet. Lily sobbed when he lifted the curse, wanting him to just end it and kill her… _this_ was worse than death, the pain was worse… she didn't know how much more she could take…

The door opened and Severus entered, his mask removed now. The distant, sane part of Lily's brain wondered why. Why cease hiding now? Why _keep_ hiding before? What was the purpose?

"Potions maven or not, I'm curious about this concoction I've created," Voldemort said, looking at the cauldron with an interested expression. "I've only witnessed the effects once, but I wasn't truly paying attention. This time, I will… the previous consumer confessed crimes, and begged for things that were dear to him. I'm betting you may do the same, and then I shall draw out what Dumbledore has ordered you to accomplish."

Lily tried to roll away, desperate to escape, still fighting even though she knew it was useless. A foot connected hard with her shoulder, turning her flat on her back and sneering down at her. It was not Severus, he was standing near the cauldron and Voldemort, watching his master stir the potion before dipping a goblet into it and looking to the person who had kicked Lily.

Someone grasped Lily's face, their eyes curious as they took the goblet of potion from Voldemort and squeezed Lily's jaw painfully. She cried out, opening her mouth and choking when the concoction was poured into her throat. She made to spit it out, but the person plugged her nose and she was forced to swallow.

It burned. The potion made her eyes water as it coursed through her. She knew instantly it was some kind of poison or mind altering draught. The blunt taste of nightshade lingered in her throat, but before she could analyze anything else, someone had grabbed her again and was pouring another goblet down her throat.

Lily choked, coughing and sputtering. What she couldn't swallow dripped down her cheeks and chin, burning as it hit her skin, burning as it sloshed its way into her blood. The pain became more intense, different… searing her from the inside out. Another goblet… Lily screamed as the pain intensified. She felt her insides twist and tears flood from her closed eyes. She blinked them open.

The room was blurry and full of shadowy figures, all staring down at her with malicious intent. She could see their eyes, full of evil, watching her. Another goblet forced into her throat, but she kept her eyes open this time, transfixed as the figures took form and began to move closer to her.

"Please… _help me_," she whimpered as a dark haired figure looked down at her. It looked like James, his eyes fearful and worried… though he didn't reach for her. "No… no," she sobbed. "Make it stop… make… make… don't hurt them, don't hurt them, don't -"

Another goblet down her throat. The searing pain was so intense now she couldn't think about anything else. Her stomach sloshed, her lungs burned with each breath and her body was shaking with shudders as the liquid coursed its way through her system. The shadowy figures moved closer, she recognized James for sure now… and Sirius. And Marlene, Ambrose, Lindsay, Samantha… Julia? Julia was there? How was that _possible_? More figures approached… Gideon, Dorcas, Emmeline… they stared down at her. "Please! Help me… _STOP_!" she cried.

She gasped, struggling against someone's grasp and looking around. James' expression was blank, his eyes dead… then his flesh began to peel off, revealing muscle and sinew underneath. Lily screamed as she watched him melt into the floor, the figures behind him moving closer. The same expression; dead and staring as they began to claw at her with angry hands. Pulling her muscles, tearing the skin from her bones. The _inferi_ … she couldn't look at their eyes, they were too familiar, too knowing…

They were the eyes of everyone she loved.

J&L&J&L&J&L

James sniffed the air, searching for the scent of another human. He could smell no one, only the forest; wet grass as from the falling rain, mossy Earth underneath his hooves. It was safe here, deserted and unassuming to anyone who would pass by. The house was small, more of a shack. He wondered why the Lestranges had even purchased it.

_To torture and murder people, that's why_, a voice inside his head whispered.

James snorted, stepping forward and shifting back into himself as he strode through the woods. They would _not_ torture and murder his wife, nor his friends. They would pay; _he_ would make them pay. This, now, was the beginning of the end. Enough was enough, the war had to stop.

Like an animal tracking a kill, James strode out of the forest, tapping the Phoenix feather with his wand to signal to the others that it was safe. As it shimmered into nothingness, he stowed his and Lily's wands under his belt. It was an odd spot, but quicker than trying to dig it out from his pocket.

The Order would be here any minute now, but he could get the battle started… for Lily. He crouched low, sneaking alongside the shack and moving closer to a set of windows. The Death Eaters were probably all inside interrogating their captives. Voldemort was too proud to keep someone on watch, he'd never be caught.

This was the thought running through his mind just before James registered the sound of electricity in the air. There was no time to turn, to think, or gasp in alarm. The spell hit him square in the back, freezing him in an awkward forward step. James' body hovered for a moment, then tumbled forward into the damp grass. His face hit the dirt hard, he felt blood trickle through his nostrils, and then a pair of hands grabbed his cloak and hauled him to his feet.

"Never were very discretionary, were you, Potter?" Avery's amused voice chuckled as he dragged James toward the house. James fought against the curse, trying to reach his wand, but it was no use. He had been completely unprepared; too sure of himself, too focused on his goal to realize he should move slower… be more cautious…

And now he'd failed her. James remembered how he had promised to _always_ protect Lily, but his head had gotten away from him … and he'd failed.

James had felt failure before, if only a few times… but this failure was not only emotional but physical as the sound of screams echoed out a window that Avery passed on his way into the shack. James' heart twisted… she was suffering, and he was still helpless to stop it.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"What did they give her?" Dorcas asked, alarmed and tearful as she tried to approach Lily, who was screaming in terror as she cowered in the corner. "_Lily_! Please-"

"_NO_!" she wailed as Dorcas moved closer. "_No, no no no_… please, please help… I don't want to be dead and alive… I don't want… no! _STAY AWAY_!"

"She's hallucinating," said Remus as he tried to physically restrain Lily. She pushed him roughly away from her, shrieking and running across the room away from him. She scratched at the walls, desperate to get out, her fingers bloody and raw from her escape attempts.

"How do you know?"

"I… they mentioned a cauldron as they drug me out of the room, they must have… poisoned her or something worse," he explained, scrambling to the window where a puddle of water was as the rain poured down. He scooped what he could in his hands and walked toward Lily, determination etched on his face.

"NO! Please, help! No, don't hurt me! NO! Don't hurt them! _PLEASE_! _James_! HELP! _JAMES_, _SIRIUS_… _ANYONE HEL_-"

"_LILY_," Remus shouted as he threw the water into her face. The coldness caught her off guard, allowing Remus to grab her round the waist and pin her arms to her sides, stalling her flailing movements. "You're all right, no one is dead! Lily, look at me… _look_," he said, taking hold of her bruised face and forcing her to look at him. "It's safe, you're all right now… it's-"

"Wa… _water_," she breathed, seeming to come back to her senses. "Water… water, _please_… _water_!"

"What?"

"_Water_," she begged, licking her lips and wiping the small droplets on her face toward her mouth. It soothed the burn, the ache, the terror. The coldness brought her focus back. The shadowy figures of her dead loved ones still hovered, they'd followed as Rosier had dragged her, screaming, back into the holding room. Now they were still, willowy looking and faint… perhaps they weren't even there. The pain still pounded through her veins, but she could see someone familiar… hear him speaking to her…

"Water?" asked Remus gently.

"Please, water… _water_," Lily begged, her voice cracking as the pain started to compound again. In front of her was Remus, the _real_ Remus, though his skin was bloody and bruised. She chanced a glance into his eyes, but then shrank back when he barred his teeth at her in a snarl and shifted into his werewolf form.

"_No_," she moaned, fighting against his grasp. "_No, it's-"_

"Lily!" Remus shouted. "It's me, Remus. Moony… it's me, all right? Whatever you are seeing, it's not real, okay? _It's not real_." He gripped her face in his hands, forcing her to look at his eyes. "It's not real… okay? _We're_ real. Dorcas and I….you're all right."

"_I'm not all right_," Lily sobbed, struggling against his grasp. His voice was the same, and the wolf she saw in front of her was not the Remus she knew… perhaps he was right… maybe it wasn't real...

"I need water… please," she begged, tears running down her face. "Please, it hurts. It hurts, and there are… they're _behind_ you… all of them are here and … you… _you're shifting,_ and-"

"No one is behind me," Remus insisted in an authoritative voice. "No one is here but us… and it's three weeks before another full moon; I'm not shifting. You are fine. You're safe, I promise."

"Lily?" Dorcas asked quietly, watching Lily shudder as she approached. "What happened?"

Lily shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut as though she couldn't bear to look at anyone. "_I don't know_… they were torturing me, and then James was there and-"

"No, he wasn't, Lily," Remus insisted. "It wasn't real. Whatever you saw, it wasn't –"

"I'm so thirsty," whined Lily. "I… I can't _breathe,_ and it _burns_… _please_… "

Dorcas took Lily by the shoulders and guided her over to window, letting her lick the clean water from the windowsill and the area around it. Lily held out her hand through a crack in the glass, gathering what little rain she could in her palm. It did nothing to abate the burning inside of her skin, the terrifying thoughts consuming her, but it steadied her mind enough to connect with reality.

"More," Lily pleaded. "Is there anything-"

"I'm sorry, Lily… if I only had my wand, I'd… I'm sorry," Dorcas replied. "Just hang on… we'll find a way out… I promise."

Remus wandered through the room, looking for anything he could fashion into a glass. Lily watched him, noting how the shadowy figures in her vision never moved from their positions. He walked right through them as he passed her… despite their whispering threats and visceral appearance, he walked right through them.

"They aren't real," Lily told herself, thinking through the pain, trying to bring herself back to sanity. The images were decreasing with the water on her tongue, but as soon as she stopped, they solidified again and began cursing her and wailing in agony… she was so thirsty.

"No, they aren't real," Remus echoed. "No matter what _anyone_ says, it's not-"

He was cut off as the door to the room flew open. Lily cried out when Dorcas flung her away and walked toward the Death Eater leaning on the doorframe. She felt hurt and angry, but then remembered Dorcas' act wasn't real… just like everything else… it wasn't real…

" - can't leave me in here with this _mudblood_, and her werewolf friend. I'm on the same side as you all and-"

"Shut up, Meadowes," the sneering voice of Mulciber laughed. "I'm only here to bring these two back to the Dark Lord. There's a surprise for them..."

Dolohov appeared, walking toward Remus who steeled himself to fight. The shadows Lily was watching began to move again, their voices growling in rage and hunger as they started toward her. Mulciber came through the midst of them, angry and determined.

Lily shrieked and scrambled away, flailing wildly he grabbed her robes and dragged her into the hall. Remus stopped fighting when they seized her, pushing Dolohov aside and racing forward to Lily. He pulled her away from Mulciber for a quick moment.

"It's going to be all right," he whispered, a frantic promise. "Whatever happens isn't real, all right… it's not real, all right? Lily? _Lily_?"

She heard him, but it didn't sink in… the shadows were holding her now and they weren't going to let go. Their fingers dug into her arms, cursing her for not saving them, wailing in agony as they marched her to her death. Lily saw Dolohov grab Remus and punch him hard in the face, but then Mulciber shoved her into the room where Voldemort was. The pain of hitting the floor was nothing… all she knew was the burning in her veins, like the potion absorbed into her blood and would be with her always… consuming her with fear and terror in addition to the pain.

Voldemort was laughing for some reason, and Lily sobbed loudly. She knew what was waiting, and she didn't want to hurt anymore. She just wanted it to end… wanted everything to end… there couldn't be anything worse.

"Ah, Misses Potter," cheered Voldemort, sounding like a little child at a birthday party. "It's good to see you again. Look who's decided to join us, perhaps _he_ can make you talk about whatever your orders are…"

Lily cried out when Mulciber grabbed her hair and forced her to look up. She shook her head, blanching in protest when she saw James sitting across from her, his face bruised along the jaw and blood on his lips and chin.

She shook her head, sobbing desperately as she stared, horrified, at James. His expression was livid and frightened as he looked back at her, but he seemed not to notice the shadows and evil that slowly surrounded him. Lily began to cry harder, looking away from James to Remus, trying to find some reassurance… but as she watched, she saw his lips fall into a defeated frown. The figures closed in… She could see their faces now…

James, and his dead eyes, pulling at her skin… Remus half transformed and howling viciously… everyone she loved, dead and under Voldemort's control. It wasn't real… none of it was real…

"No," she whispered, trying to assure herself of that fact. "No… it's not real. It's not real… You're-"

"It's not _real_?" Voldemort asked, the trace of a cold laugh bubbling in his throat. "Is that what you believe? Is that what the potion does? Makes you see things that you think aren't '_real_?"

Lily whimpered again, and Mulciber hit her before pushing her onto the floor. She heard a familiar voice shout in protest, but she couldn't focus on who it was. She stayed still, cowering on her knees and repeating her new mantra. Looking up briefly, she saw Shadowy James was still growling, but the other James' face was horrified and livid as he looked at her then up to Voldemort. She watched him through her tears, waiting for his skin to change… for his features to distort and for him to attack her as the figures behind him were waiting to do.

But it never happened… his eyes moved back to hers. Pleading and apologetic, terrified and angry… James' eyes. She'd know them anywhere… he _was_ real.

"What are your '_orders'_ Lily Potter?" Voldemort yelled. "_What are they_?"

"_Nothing_! I don't have any-"

Her protest was cut off by the sound of James' agonized voice, groaning as Voldemort moved over him and flourished his wand. He screamed, falling onto his face against the hard floor. Lily saw that his hands were bound behind his back, and he was contorting oddly under the torment Voldemort was raining down on him.

"_NO_!" she shrieked, her voice echoing over the shouting of the shadows around her. "NO! Stop… PLEASE DON'T-"

"But it's not real, is it?" Voldemort sneered with a flick of his wand, laughing as Lily sobbed and James thrashed more violently. "It's not real? If that's the case, there's no harm in telling me the orders Dumbledore has given you! Do so! Confess and I'll cease. I'll make the vision stop!"

Voldemort eased off the torture… James was panting, groaning as he tried to correct his position. He rolled onto his side, looking at Lily through tortured eyes and shaking his head in an unspoken plea… his lips were moving, mouthing something to her, but she couldn't read what it was. The sound of screaming from the shadows echoed in her ears. Lily clasped her hands over her head, trying to shut them out… trying to focus…

Voldemort raised his wand, and James flinched, readying himself for the torture. His face contorted in terror and Lily felt something inside her break. Her defensive walls shattered like glass, and all will to fight vanished instantly.

"_Stop_!" She screamed, her voice cracking as pain surged through her body over her sudden exertion. "Stop… _stop, please_… I have orders… I…"

"_Yes_," Voldemort hissed, moving away from James and closer to Lily. James looked horrified, shaking his head and glancing at Remus who looked just as alarmed. Voldemort ignored them. "What is it, Lily? What are your orders?"

"We're supposed to find out where you were…" Lily lied, the words flowing out of her without conscious thought. The pain made it hard to concentrate, and Voldemort's beady eyes on her made her flinch and cower in fear. "Find out how to infiltrate, to become Death Eaters and-"

"_Lies_! You already had _that_ chance…" Voldemort breathed, leaning down to look at her face. He smiled wickedly, his thin lips pulling his cheeks up in a disturbing, unearthly manner. "Both of you… and _you_ denied me. You defied me not once, but twice… and this is the final straw, Lily Potter… your days are marked, your time is at an end, and you will meet the death you deserve… the death I have escaped… "

The door to the room opened, and in walked Lucius Malfoy with Dorcas, who tried hard to hide her alarm over the scene in front of her. Rosier came in behind them, dragging Nolan with him before flinging him onto the floor, and smiling as Voldemort scowled and moved over him.

"This is the result of your insolence, of your attempts to lie to me... this is what happens to those who defy me," he hissed. "_AVADA KEDAVRA_!"

Green light… the shadowy figures cried out before fading slightly. Lily's breath halted in her lungs as she watched Nolan's figure fall to the floor. His expression still and lifeless, his eyes as dead as the ones in the figures she was imagining…

_It happens so fast_, Lily thought randomly.

Voldemort stood, walking to James and dragging him closer to where she was. Lily shook her head, sobbing and protesting as Voldemort raised his wand.

"_Tell me_," he hissed, glaring at her as he held his wand over James, the threat obvious in his tone. "Tell me, Lily Potter…._What_… _are_… _your_-"

Flashes of grey and white light… loud cracks, and shouting from the hall… Voldemort became distracted for a tenth of a second. His eyes left Lily's, glancing over her head at the window behind her. In that brief moment, he missed Alastor Moody's arrival to the scene.

Dolohov turned, a cry of alarm leaving his lips as Moody raised his wand. Another flash of light, and Dolohov was thrown backwards through the window behind him. Voldemort growled and raised his wand to fight even as several more members of the Order stormed into the room and through the open door.

"_MOVE_!" Moody commanded.

Lily wasn't sure if he was speaking to her, to James, to Remus… to anyone in particular, but she didn't hesitate. Ignoring the excruciating pain and her fear of the shadows that had suddenly come back to life, Lily dove past Voldemort's feet, her hands reaching for James who was struggling violently against his bonds. She grabbed the fabric of his cloak, trying to haul herself closer to him…

Voldemort let out an enraged howl and threw his arms to the sides. Time seemed to slow down… the room filled with a strange, pulsating sensation… a burst of energy… then the curse expanded with so much force that the windows shattered instantly. The walls of the building bowed, an ominous creaking sound filled the room, then the walls shattered and ceiling caved in atop of them.

Lily shrieked along with the others, desperately crawling through the falling debris and trying to find James. Her pain intensified as again as something grabbed her and began dragging her away from the collapsing ceiling, pulling her from the wreckage out into the rain. She fought against the hold until whatever it was pressed her against the ground, shielding her and hissing into her ear.

"_Listen to me_," the low voice commanded. Lily struggled, screaming for James until the person clapped a hand over her mouth. Chaos had erupted. Curses, hexes and defensive spells flew every direction around them, and pieces of the shack they had been in still fell from the sky. Lily fought harder against her captor as the shadowy figures emerged from the rubble; screaming, moving toward her, desperate to torture her further.

"_LISTEN TO ME_!" the voice hissed again. Lily was flipped onto her side. She gasped in alarm when her eyes met Severus' black ones. He glared at her, his expression determined and angry. "_Get. Out. Of. Here! G_et _water_. Get water to temper the effects of the potion until –"

"_JAMES_!" she shrieked, watching as Severus' face twisted into a gruesome image of death in front of her. "_NO_!"

"_LILY_!" he shouted, shaking her violently. "_LEAVE HIM!_ Get out of here, get water and take-"

"_GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER_!" James' voice shouted over Severus' commands. He released her as James approached, backing away as he eyed the two wands in James' fist. "Get away-"

Flashes of light flew in their direction. James dropped to his knees, curling protectively around Lily and casting a shield over them. Lily clutched him desperately, her pain intensifying with her screams, but she didn't care… James was here… he came when she needed him… he knew she would need him beside her as she died…

"_Get her out of here_," Severus hissed at James before turning and running into the battle. James quelled, looking confused and alarmed, though he became focused again when Remus and Dorcas flew in their direction.

"_GO_!" Dorcas shouted, helping James and Remus haul a terrified Lily to her feet and race away from the midst of the battle.

Lily turned to where they were running, but paused when she saw more shadows waiting. They were faceless now, but still radiated violence and malice. And James was running _toward_ them…

Lily dug her heels into the ground and protested, fighting against his comforting hands. She'd found the _wrong_ James, the _evil_ James that had been created by the potion… it wasn't the man she loved, the man she trusted… and now she'd let him take her into more danger. Lily shrieked and began fighting harder.

James paused, giving her a curious look as she began to sob. He turned to Remus, who started to answer an unspoken question, but then the figures converged around them and Lily began to scream in earnest.

"_Lily_!" James shouted, holding her as she screamed and the figures moved closer. "It's-"

"_NO! PLEASE! PLEASE_-"

"What's happened-"

"Water," Dorcas shouted at one of the figures, ignoring James' question. "She wants water, she was begging-"

"_HELP ME! HELP-"_ Lily shouted, reaching for Dorcas and struggling against James' grasp.

"_Lily_!" James shouted, sounding terrified and desperate. He took her flailing hands in his, protesting when Dorcas moved forward and held her shoulders down. "What are you-"

"I'm helping her!" Dorcas explained, conjouring a cup and filling it with water. She tipped it into Lily's protesting mouth, holding it there until she swallowed deeply.

The effect was almost instantaneous. Lily stopped fighting, her dilated pupils began to shrink, and her muscles started to relax. She slowly returned, slowly came back to her senses …

"Lils?" James whispered, his palm against her cheek as he held one of her hands. Lily squeezed his fingers, taking the cup from Dorcas' shaking hands and drinking deeply. When she'd finished, she looked at him beseechingly, still panting from the pain and terror she was feeling.

"_More_," she breathed. "More… please…"

James instantly filled it with water, watching as his wife drank glass after glass, never seeming satiated. He stroked her hair, so thankful that she was alive, and desperate to get her home so he could help cure whatever was ailing her.

"James, we need you," Dorcas started, calling James' attention as Lily's breathing slowed and she stilled, looking into the distance with a blank yet terrified expression.

They weren't surrounded by shadows… Sam was beside her now, helping her sit up before she leapt at Remus and began worrying over his injuries. James' mother had her hand against Lily's back, helping keep her upright as she tried to assess the damage that had been done. She took Lily's hand from James' and cast a large shield around them before turning her focus to the battle taking place in the back ground. Even Sirius had come, boisterous and ready for action, though he looked thoroughly pleased everyone was in one piece.

"… you have to, we need you!" Dorcas was shouting at James. "Please, we can end this-"

"I can't leave her," James retorted, pulling Lily close for a second and looking at her desperately. "I –"

"He's going to escape!" Dorcas shouted, looking back at the battle with alarm in her eyes. "We have to go-"

Lily shook her head, gulping the water down quickly and trying to get to her feet. She winced at the pain that suddenly raced through her, crying out when Lindsay pulled her back to the ground. "I can-"

"_You will not_," James growled. "You stay _here_, understand?" He rose to his feet, looking at Sirius, who nodded and stalked off to join the battle raging behind them. "Stay here, keep her here," James repeated, looking at Sam and his mother.

Lily shook her head, trying to get to her feet but Sam and Lindsay kept her still. She clutched her glass of water, drinking deeply again as the rest of the shadows faded away. James leaned forward and planted a hard kiss against her lips. _That_ was real… she knew _that_ feeling.

"I'll be right back," he whispered, kissing her again and then racing off after Dorcas and Sirius.

Remus sat down beside her, bruised and weak from the torture he'd endured. He was silent as he watched Lily drink numerous glasses of water until, finally, her thirst appeared to be satiated. Lily turned her eyes to his profile, noting the determined look on his face. "We need to go help."

"You can barely walk, Remus," Lindsay replied sternly. "And Lily, I'm still not sure you're all right-"

"I'm fine," she replied in a shaky voice. "I… they made me drink something, but I can fight."

Lindsay pursed her lips. "What did you drink?"

Lily shuddered. "I don't know… it just… _burned_… and I saw all sorts of things," she explained quietly.

"I _knew_ you were hallucinating."

"That's an understatement," Lily muttered darkly.

A loud crack caught their attention, and in the distance they saw a large flash of light erupt from the remains of the ruined building. Lily stood abruptly, but wasn't held down by Lindsay or Sam this time. They all jumped to their feet, staring into the distance and slowly moving forward.

Dumbledore was bearing down on Voldemort, who was on his knees and fighting against the onslaught of spells. His followers were busy fighting other Order members; some had been captured, others were running to escape… only a few stayed behind to help their master.

It seemed for a moment that Dumbledore had won, for Voldemort had faltered and was now bound with ropes… but in an instant the ropes transformed, and black snakes slithered along the ground and caught Dumbledore off guard. They pulled him to the ground and Voldemort jumped to his feet.

Several order members turned, firing spells at their enemy as he stood, but Voldemort flicked them off with a simple wave of his wand. Disregarding injury and fear, Lily, Remus, Sam and Lindsay all raced forward to assist, but were thrown back as Voldemort and several of his followers sent out a spell that brought everyone to their knees.

In a matter of seconds, they had called brooms and were in the sky… though Voldemort was flying unassisted through the air. Dumbledore was shouting something, and Lily saw James, Moody, Gideon and Fabian grab brooms from Emmeline and take to the air after their foes.

Lily watched the skies, feeling suddenly terrified for James as he pursued the group of remaining Death Eaters. Dorcas was chewing her lip and twisting her fingers nervously, while Lindsay and Sam helped Dumbledore to his feet.

"I'm fine," he insisted, his voice sounding uncharacteristically irritated. "I'm fine for now, we must-"

An eerie scream reverberated on the air, and everyone looked to the sky. Four figures on brooms were fighting a dark shadow, and even in the distance Lily recognized James. He swooped and dived, turned and twisted, evading every spell cast in his direction by the brooms covered in dark cloaks.

Lily watched as James paused for a moment, flying straight at the large, dark shadow she knew was Voldemort. Her hair stood on end, and suddenly she knew what was going to happen even before it did.

The green flash lit up the night. When it faded, a figure was falling through the sky into the trees below… the shattered broomstick trailing after him as they disappeared into the night.

Sirius grabbed her firmly, his arms wrapped around hers as she struggled violently and screamed in horror into the night.


	50. Breathe

_Breathe_

* * *

Florence and the Machine – "No light, no light" _A/N - If you are not familiar with Florence and the Machine, familiarize yourself. You will not regret it =). _

Sia – "Breathe Me"

* * *

Dolohov was vicious. Curse after curse, hex after hex, but James avoided them all. He could care less about Dolohov or Rosier, he could care less about Lucius Malfoy… James had his eye on his target and flew valiantly with a single purpose.

Upon seeing him, Voldemort let out an enraged howl, his blood shot eyes locking with James' for a single moment… though that was all the time it took for things to change.

In the midst of shouts and flashes of light, the sensation of wind in his hair, rain on his skin and life in his lungs… James randomly recalled a forgotten moment from his third year at Hogwarts.

_Sirius was laughing as Peter desperately ran up to Slughorn, carrying his bat that was growing larger and larger by the second. Remus was frowning over his still bubbling potion, and James was adding the final ingredient and not paying attention to what he was doing. He was watching Lily Evans take a small droplet of her concoction and place it gently on her frog._

_The frog shrank to the size of a pea, and Lily's tablemates ooh-ed and ahh-ed appropriately. Lily smirked, looking rather arrogant, and applied the counter draught a second later. The frog grew back to its normal size and croaked as though nothing odd had happened._

"_You're really good at this," said James, unable to hide his admiration. Lily looked up at him, her expression cautious and confused. They'd never really spoken to each other; a sentence on the train, a comment in the common room… mostly it was her defending Snape when James tormented him. But at that moment, James noticed her. This was the girl who said being an Animagus would be a good idea. This was the girl who was ace in potions, and at charms. This was the girl who kept James, and everyone else, on their toes because you never knew what she was going to do next. He should talk to her more… definitely should talk to her more…_

"_I mean it," James continued, grinning in approval, "you're __**really**__ good."_

_Lily's cheeks flooded with so much color that it rivaled her hair. She smiled at James, a __**real**__ smile… and said "__**thank you**__" so quietly James wasn't entirely sure if she had only mouthed it and he'd imagined the sound. Lily's eyes met his for a moment… brilliantly green and full of confidence, strength, bravery, shyness… and so much potential..._

_James was hooked._

It took a second to change him then, and only a split second to change him now.

He was insane… he was _absolutely_ insane. He'd watched Voldemort fight Dumbledore, both of them doing magic he'd never seen or even heard of! Not from his parents, not from anyone in the Order, from no one. No one did magic like that…

James could fly like a bird, he could learn anything he was presented with, he could beat almost anyone in a duel… but he couldn't kill Voldemort. There was no way… he'd only die trying.

He didn't want to die "_trying_." When he died, he wanted to die fighting, or protecting someone he loved. If he died right now, it would only be because of his stupid ill conceived notion that _he_ was somehow chosen to defeat the Dark Lord.

He wasn't the chosen one, and this wasn't his time to die.

"AVAD-"

The curse was on the tip of Voldemort's tongue when James abandoned all thought and leapt from his broom. He was at least eight feet below the wooden stick when the jet of green light hit it, shattering it to pieces that began followed him on his path to Earth, their formation resembling some strange mobile used to entertain infants.

Though he wasn't safe yet; the fall would kill him if he didn't think quickly. Lucky for James, he had his _and_ Lily's wands on his person; double the wands, double the cushioning spell… or perhaps he should decrease his momentum... The thick branches of the forest were coming up quicker than he expected.

"_Arresto_," James breathed, trying to flip his body to aim the wands at the ground. _Arresto Momentum! Impedimenta!_ He felt the speed of his fall decrease, but not enough …

"_SUFFLA_-" James shouted as he fell hard into a tall oak tree, his body landing on one of the larger branches, and then bouncing almost comically to the one below it. He managed to grab hold of a few branches and tangle his leg over a larger one, keeping himself from falling to the ground, but he knew at least one of his ribs was broken, if not more.

"_Gah_," he groaned, pulling himself onto the branch and curling into a seated position, his bruised face resting against the rough bark. A quick glance over himself revealed deep scratches all over his arms and face, each of them oozing small amounts of blood. James breathed deeply, surprised he was in one piece. He sat quietly for a few moments…

He was alive. He was still breathing… it _wasn't_ his time to die.

James grinned, letting out a relieved yelp of laughter. It echoed in his ears only a little, but he instantly fell silent when he heard voices below him.

"… had have fallen somewhere in here," Mulciber's voice was saying. "The Dark Lord will want his body, we just have to find it."

"I'm not sticking around here much longer," Avery replied in response. "Moody might be injured, but Dumbledore wasn't hurt bad… and I reckon the rest of them are looking for him too."

They continued mumbling about finding James' body, walking under the branch he was perched on just after he'd pulled out the invisibility cloak from the pocket in his jacket, and wrapped it tightly around himself. James stayed still, not daring to move as they walked around below him, trying to find where his body would have landed.

In the distance, someone was screaming loudly. James chewed his lip, wondering if perhaps Voldemort had returned and was now torturing someone else…

His instincts were to jump down and fight, but for the first time in his life, James listened to the logic Remus Lupin had preached about for seven years. He _had_ to stay put. No more rushing into action without thought; no more heroics. Lily was safe and alive… and remarkably, so was he. That was enough for him at this moment. He didn't need the recognition; he didn't need everyone to think him brave. He needed her by his side, safe in his arms…

Now he just had to get to her.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"_NOOO_!" screamed Lily, her voice breaking in violent, wracking sobs as she fought against Sirius' restraining arms. "_NO_! _JAMES_! _JAMES_!"

"Lily, _stop_," Sirius hissed, his voice cracking with a weak sob. He stared into the forest over her head, praying that James would simply walk out… unharmed and whole. Praying that his best friend, his brother, wasn't lying broken on the leaves of the forest floor. "_Stop screaming_! They'll come back; all of them will come back if they think we're still here…"

Order members converged around them, silencing Lily while staring into the woods with alarmed expressions. Everyone kept quiet and still, though Lily knew she wasn't alone in her despair. James' mother had tear tracks running down her face. She looked lost; torn between falling to the ground in grief, and staying focused on the task at hand. His father stood with a blank, desolate expression, his eyes watering profusely. Remus' face was pale, his expression bleak and desolate as he leaned against Sam for support, the events of the last twenty-four hours sinking in. Sirius kept a tight hold on Lily as she sobbed quietly, his breath shaky and loud in her ears… nothing seemed real. Maybe it wasn't real…

"We should get out of here," Moody mumbled to Dumbledore. His face was bloody and horribly scarred, one of his legs badly injured as he limped closer to the group. Dumbledore, too, didn't look well enough to fight; his hands black, spattered with blood, and bruises dotted his jaw and neck. "They might come back, and I don't think any of us are up for another fight."

Lily saw Dumbledore nod, confirming her suspicions… this was real. James was dead, her grief was justified… the night was cold, the air frosty, the ground underneath her hard and dirty… just like reality.

"Gideon, Dorcas… Fabian, Emme, Marlene… why don't you go directly to the Potter's residence? Secure it, and we'll be along shortly after we… locate James," Dumbledore suggested, moving closer to where Lily and Sirius were kneeling, grimacing as he stared into the forest.

Those he named stood still for a moment, all of them looking slightly lost for words and confused as how to move forward. Finally, Fabian nudged his brother, who grabbed Dorcas by the hand and walked closer to where Sirius and Lily were kneeling. She glanced up at them for a second, before turning her eyes back to the forest, tears still falling hot and fast down her cold cheeks.

"Keep - … let us know," Dorcas whispered, placing her hand on Lily's head in a comforting manner. Gideon and Fabian nodded, both murmering the same sentiments as Emmeline also stroked Lily's hair. There was a few seconds of silence, then a loud crack as they all vanished.

Marlene moved forward, kneeling down along side Sirius and slipping her arms around his waist. Lily felt him shudder at her touch, and he released his hold on her. She wanted to run, to race into the forest and find James. Maybe he wasn't dead… maybe he was hurt… maybe Voldemort had missed…

Reality was cold, and cruel… and Voldemort didn't miss. Lily saw it happen; the curse had hit him, _it happens so fast…_

Though it didn't seem possible, Lily began to cry harder. She felt as though her soul was being ripped from her body. Was grief this painful? Was the potion still burning her? How much of this could she take? Where was James… how could he be gone? How could the one constant in her life – always there, always in her thoughts, never giving up on her – how had it come that he was the one who would die, and she should live?

Above where Lily knelt, wishing the ground would swallow her up, Dumbledore was speaking quiet words to Ambrose Potter; not words of sympathy or comfort, but directions about what they should do next.

"… must try to find him," Dumbledore was saying, his voice thick but still strong. "I can't … _We_ can't just leave him out here."

Lily looked over her shoulder, watching Ambrose nod and swallow the lump in his throat. "Remus? Sirius?" he murmured, his voice cracking with the effort of speech.

Remus nodded, swallowing and clearing his throat as he straightened up. "I'll go; I will help," he replied thickly.

"So will I," another voice murmured. Lily looked up, surprised to see Peter standing behind Moody. She didn't even realize he was here, but he must have been in the battle as well. His face was bloody, but he appeared uninjured for the most part. Unlike James, who was now broken and in pieces on the forest floor…

Lily felt Sirius nod his head, his hands shaking as he placed them on her shoulders. "I… I can go… I can-"

"Why… why don't you come with us," Lindsay offered with a sniffle. "With Lily and I. We'll… go home, and-"

"I'm _not_ leaving," Lily hissed, the silencing spell evaporating suddenly. "I'm not leaving here without-"

"Lily, you should go home," Dumbledore replied, his voice kind but stern as he watched her glare up at him. "Get some things and … go stay with Lindsay and Ambrose. We'll bring James to you."

She glowered up at him, meaning to argue, but found that it took too much energy. She sobbed again, burying her face in her hands as she fell forward into the grass. Sirius' hand was on her back, and she felt another person's arms wrap around her tightly.

"I'm so sorry," Sam's voice whispered in her ear. "I'm so, _so_ sorry… we'll find him, Lily… I promise."

Her sympathy made Lily cry harder, though she felt anger just below the surface of her grief. Anger at the situation, anger at the Death Eaters… anger at herself for not being able to get up and go to her love…

The pressure of Sam's body left hers, then she felt someone else pass by… their fingers touching her hair in a comforting manner. Marlene whispered an apology, then vanished on the spot to join the other's as they secured the Potter's home. Lily didn't want to go there, she didn't want to go anywhere, but she didn't have a choice. Sirius hands were insistent now, lifting her off the grass and onto her feet.

"Come on," he murmured. "Come on…"

"_No_," Lily whimpered, leaning into Lindsay as she moved forward. "I don't-"

Her thought was cut off as Lindsay twisted and pulled them into the darkness. When the compression ceased, Lily fell back to her knees and sucked in huge gasping breaths. Was she crying, or out of breath from Apparating? Was she sobbing, or screaming? She didn't even know the difference anymore…

Vaguely she registered being walked through the door to the Potter's house, and Lindsay sitting down next to her on the couch, their hands intertwined as Sirius sat on the table in front of them.

Guilt raced through Lily, seeming to intensify the pain she'd all but forgotten. Her muscles ached and her blood burned, but what was she doing sobbing like it was only _her_ loss that James was dead? His mother was grieving too. Sirius was in tears, she could see that when she looked up at his hung head. She hadn't even said her condolences…

Lily swallowed. "I… I'm sor- I-I-I… I'm- "

"_Shhhh_," Lindsay breathed, her voice thick with tears as she buried her face in Lily's hair. "I know… and I feel the same."

Lily felt warm tears on her skin as Lindsay laid her head against her shoulder and began to cry. She whimpered quietly, squeezing Lindsay's fingers and trying to contain the gasping sobs that threatened to burst out of her chest. Her other hand reached for Sirius, who shook her off for a moment, but then he leaned forward, his head laying against Lily's knees as he began to cry softly.

J&L&J&L&J&L

James breathed slowly, eyeing the ground from the branch he was sitting on. Eight to ten feet… he could jump eight to ten feet and be all right… right?

He exhaled forcefully. "One… _two_… _aahhh_!" he yelped when his feet hit the ground, his knees buckling under the impact causing him to fall forward into the dirt. "_Fuck… ahh, ahh, ahhh_…"

James clutched his side, tenderly rubbing his ribs and trying to determine how injured he actually was. Was it safe to shift? That had been his intention - get out of the tree, shift to a stag, and run until he could Apparate home. After assessing his condition, James wondered if it wouldn't be safe to shift to stag, or even run… let alone Apparate.

"Oh…fuck all," he hissed angrily. _Looks like you're walking, Potter_.

He pulled his invisibility cloak back around him and started to walk through the woods until realizing he wasn't entirely sure which way was home. Going back in the direction of the shack where Voldemort and the Death Eaters had been wasn't the brightest idea. The sounds of fighting had disappeared, though. Surely after Voldemort and his Death Eaters escaped, the Order left and regrouped somewhere else. But where?

As James leaned against a tree and debated where to head, he heard footsteps crunch through the fallen leaves, and voices whispering in the distance. Mulciber and Avery had left; Apparated away after walking in circles for what seemed like ages. Why would they return? Why would the Death Eaters come back?

"… it's almost two in the morning," a female voice murmured. "They attacked in the evening, and you lot were with them all night and day before we got everything planned and sent James to scout the area out. You're exhausted, Remus. You were tortured, and… you _need_ to rest."

"I _need_ to find my friend," Remus mumbled in response, his voice thick and heavy. James perked up, stepping away from the tree and walking toward the sound. In the dim light of the moon and stars, he saw Sam walking slowly through the trees, her eyes on the ground, scanning for something. Remus was behind her by only a few steps, his eyes on a completely different path, and his expression tired and grim.

"Do you see anything?" a voice called from behind James, causing him to whirl around and gasp in alarm as he almost bumped into Peter who was walking clumsily towards Remus, looking as terrified as he had back at the hotel. The only difference was his face now bruised and a little bloody. Behind Peter was James' father, Moody, and Dumbledore, all three of them scanning the floor of the forest with that same lost expression. Were they looking for him?

"Dad?" James breathed, pulling off his cloak and moving towards his father.

Six pairs of eyes turned to stare at him, noting his awkward painful stance and beaten up expression. Peter instantly let out a cry of relief; Remus' eyes widened as he took a cautious step forward, but Moody and Dumbledore raised their wands defensively, their faces full of anger. James pulled his and Lily's wand from his belt, protesting and backing away from them.

"_Wait! WAIT!"_ James yelped, holding up his free hand in surrender. "_It's me_! It's me, I-"

"We're to believe James Potter survived the _Killing Curse_?" Moody asked harshly, moving forward to seize James. "_No one_ _survives_-"

"_It didn't hit me_," protested James. "I jumped off my broom before he cast it. I jumped off because I knew there was no way to escape other than that!"

"And we're to believe that you survived the fall?" asked Moody, bearing down on James who continued to retreat.

"I had two wands, mine and Lily's. I slowed my momentum, and landed in a tree!" he shouted, waving his hands to get Moody to stand down. "I still hurt myself, but I was able to-"

"_Lies_," Moody growled, raising his wand. "Death Eaters don't have any morals anyhow, but to stand here after looting James Potter's corpse and pretend to be him when-"

"_I'M NOT DEAD_!" James shouted, looking to his father for assistance. "It's me, I swear!

"Dad! _Dad_, remember when… I was nine, and I took your wand and went out into the backyard to try and fix my broom after I'd crashed it? I couldn't fix it, and I ended up breaking every broom we had. Then I tried to copy them and make new ones… but, I couldn't figure out how it was done and I turned all the splinters into little broomsticks that ran all over the yard?" he continued, trying to recall all the little details of the story and watching his father's eyes widen in shock. "Mum was furious, remember? Only time she ever swatted me…"

Moody and Dumbledore watched Ambrose closely, waiting for him to respond to James' tale. His eyes had widened, and what little color he had left drained from his face as he stepped forward.

"_James_?" he whispered, looking closely at his son's features.

"Dad, _it's me_… I'm not dead; I somehow stopped my fall and – _OW_! Watch it! W_atch_ –"

"What in _Merlin's_ name were you thinking? Jumping off your broom… you're a good flyer, James! You could have swerved, you could have-"

"Dad, you're crushing my ribcage," interrupted James, struggling against his father's hold on him. "Dad… _ow_… really-"

"I… James, you've got to _think_," Ambrose chastised angrily, holding onto his son's shoulders. He shook him roughly, peering at him through his watery eyes laced filled with relief. "You can't just go running into things, or… you've got to slow down and think. You're not an animal; you have a brain… _use it!_ Plan and-"

"Dad," James interrupted, nodding his head. "I got it, all right? I've got it."

Ambrose nodded, pulling James into another quick hug and patting him on the head before releasing him. "Your mother … we… she's going to be so angry with you," he warned, ruffling James' hair while letting out a shaky laugh.

Moody relaxed his defensiveness while Dumbledore moved forward, laying a hand on James' shoulder and smiling at him with a relieved expression.

"James," he murmured, sounding amused and possibly even a little proud. "It's _wonderful_ to see you again."

James nodded, a small smile crossing his face as he watched Peter and Remus come forward. Peter looked glad beyond all belief as he clapped James once on the shoulder before hugging him tightly.

Remus stared, looking tired, confused and relieved that James was standing in front of him. "You … you and your _impossible_ situations," he said with a low chuckle.

James smiled wider, shaking his head as Remus moved forward and embraced him briefly. "I'm nothing if not difficult," he replied. "Hey, Sam."

"Hi James," Sam replied. "Lily's going to be… she's going to be relieved and furious with you as well," Sam explained.

"Where is Lily?" asked James, looking around and waiting for her to approach.

Ambrose sighed heavily. "She's with your mum, and Sirius at our house. They… they believe as we did, that you died at Voldemort's hands."

James frowned, the space between his eyebrows creasing. "I need to go home."

J&L&J&L&J&L

"You're going to stay here tonight," Lindsay insisted as Sirius and Lily stood in the Potter's living room. They were all exhausted, and Lily was still experiencing twinges of pain from whatever she'd been forced to drink. Although they'd sat on the Potter's sofa for the last hour and rested, the grief they were experiencing had drained what little energy they could muster up.

"There's no reason to return to your flat," she pressed, looking mostly at Lily, who was hugging herself so tightly there were fingernail marks on her arms. "What … what if perhaps they manage to break your charms? Do you feel up to a fight after all you've endured? We _really_ should try and figure out what was in that potion… it could be-"

"I… I need to go home," Lily insisted, shaking her head. "I need to get clothes, and Godric... I want-"

"Godric is fine, Lily," Lindsay insisted. "I was over there just before Albus contacted us, he was fine. You can get him-"

Lily shook her head. "No, I don't want him there alone… what if they - I need to just… I need to be home for a while. _Please_ understand… I –"

"Lily, you must be feeling-"

"I'm feeling… I can't describe how I'm feeling, but I want to be _home_ and lie in my bed and… just for a while," she whined sheepishly, letting her tears fall down her cheeks.

Lindsay frowned. "Dear… I'm-"

"Let her go, Lindsay," said Sirius. "She'll be safe; I think she just wants to be alone for a while."

Lily glanced at Sirius out of the corner of her eye, mouthing 'thank you' to him before turning back to Lindsay. Her mother-in-law frowned, but then moved forward and pulled Lily into a crushing hug. Lily wrapped her arms around Lindsay's neck, feeling herself shake with renewed tears as Lindsay patted her hair and shushed her soothingly.

"Go home, lie in your bed, get Gordic and whatever else you need… but then _come back_," she whispered.

Lily nodded. "Thank you," she replied, kissing Lindsay on the cheek. Lindsay nodded and then returned to the dining area where Gideon, Dorcas and Marlene were waiting.

Lily walked to the fireplace, Sirius following her. "Here," he murmured, reaching into his pocket. "Take my wand. James had yours, so… hopefully they'll get it back when they…" he muttered, chewing his lip.

Lily shook her head. "No, what if-"

"Just… _take it_, Lily," Sirius growled, trying not to let his anger and grief overtake him.

Lily nodded, taking the long black wand from Sirius fingers and holding it tightly. She looked at him cautiously, seeing her grief and horror reflected in his face. Lily inhaled sharply and wrapped her arms around him, shuddering violently as he returned her embrace.

"I … _I can't do this_, _Sirius_," she whispered.

"Then stay here," he mumbled, confused.

"No, I … I can't do this," she said again. "I can't… I can't go _on_. I _can't_… _James_ - I just _can't_. They should have killed me because I can't-"

Sirius hugged her tightly, his arms restraining and comforting at the same time. "Stop, right now," he whispered. "James wouldn't want you standing here saying that. You're stronger than that, Lily. You'll-"

"_I can't do this, Sirius_," she hissed, shaking her head against his shoulder.

Sirius gripped her shoulders, his grey eyes boring into hers as he steadied his breathing. "Neither can I… but we don't have a choice. So, we're just going to have to do it together, all right? Just… go home, get… get your cat, and… come back, and we'll _deal_ with it. Okay? Just do that… three things. Go home, get the cat, and come back here… all right?"

Lily sniffed loudly, nodding her head and repeating the steps to herself. Sirius nodded at her sternly before squeezing her shoulders and kissing her on the forehead. He then shoved her toward the fireplace, steadying himself afterward with deep breaths.

Lily looked at him once, nodding and mouthing "thank you" as tears began to fall down his cheeks. She turned and stepped into fireplace, her voice barely audible as she mumbled her address. Then she was gone, and Sirius was alone.

"_Fuck_," he grumbled, his hands tangling in his hair as he crouched down against the fireplace. He wanted to disappear into the floor, but it wouldn't swallow him up. _How_ was he going to do this? How could he be supportive to his friend who'd lost her husband, when he'd lost his brother?

The door to the Potter's residence suddenly burst open, causing Sirius to look up in alarm. Remus and Sam walked in, their faces relieved as Ambrose and James followed behind them. _James_…

"_FUCK_!" Sirius shouted, jumping to his feet and running toward his friend.

J&L&J&L&J&L

Godric had to be confused. Lily and James had snuggled with him, then left him in the care of Lindsay for weeks, and now Lily was back. He was, at first, ecstatic… but now just confused.

Somewhere in the midst of her grief she felt sorry for him, his soft head nuzzling against her arm as she cried into her hands. He pawed at her, trying to assist, but it was no use… no amount of cuddling could help her now.

_Get Godric, go back… get Godric, go back… get Godric, go back_, she repeated inside her head. She should probably get clothes. Looking down she noticed her torn skirt was spattered with spots of blood, and her shirt was a mess. She needed a shower, and a hairbrush, and new clothes…

_James_.

She couldn't think of anything else, the grief was overwhelming. Even now that her tears had stopped, or at least slowed, she still breathed in deep shaky gasps. She couldn't slow or calm the inhale and exhale… it was as though she had no control over her body. Or her mind. Or _anything_.

Her blood burned and her heart ached, Lily wondered when the pain would simply kill her. Sooner rather than later, it was unbearable. Her mind filled with thoughts of all the things she had lost. James, his smile and laugh… someone to hold her at night, and kiss her good morning; someone to make her laugh, exasperate her… someone to cry to, confide in, touch…

She was alone, she had no one now.

"Get up," Lily told herself firmly when she realized that Hell wasn't going to open up and take her into it; she was already there, no travel required.

"_Get up_!" she shouted, forcing herself to rise to her feet. She saw her face reflected in the window, skin blotchy and expression determined as she strode down the hall to her bedroom, Godric at her heels.

She grabbed a shirt from her closet, jeans from her drawer, and marched back to the living room.

Sniffling as she gathered Godric in her arms, she inhaled sharply and prepared throw herself into the flames. She took a step forward, but noticed a flutter of movement and turned toward the door, her body frozen and prepared to pounce on whoever had come to torture her now.

But instead of pouncing, she froze; all warmth and color draining out of her and onto the floor. The clothes fell from her hands; Godric leapt from her arms and ran at the figure standing near the door room while she gasped and back-pedaled into the table behind her.

James chewed his lip and stepped slowly into the room, closing the door behind him and locking his eyes with Lily as she stumbled backward. The cat was purring at his legs, circling his feet and meowing happily, but she had his full attention.

Her hair was in shambles, the left side of her face black and blue, her clothing torn and spotted with blood and her mouth open in a silent gasp. James stepped forward, watching her overlarge eyes widen more in her heart-shaped face. She looked pale and terrified, and anyone else would have moved with more caution. But James saw no danger when he looked at her. He saw home, safety and love. His expression softened and filled with relief as he reached out for her.

"_Lily_," he whispered gently, taking two large steps forward.

Her mouth moved, but James didn't hear the spell. The two wands he was holding flew out of his hand before he had time to react. They hit Lily at the waist before clattering quietly to the floor, breaking the silence that seemed to grow between them. James paused, realizing that she was now armed, and he wasn't…

_Oh_, he remembered, tensing as her expression grew angry. _She thinks I'm dead…_

James swallowed, and raised his hands in surrender, trying to communicate that he meant no harm. "Lils-"

"_Don't_," she hissed, her eyes narrowing as her terrified expression morphed into one of murderous outrage. She stooped to pick up the wands at her feet, then rose with a vengeance and pointed all three of them directly at James. "_DON'T_!"

It was James' turn to back-pedal into a table behind him, his movement knocking a picture of him and Lily to the floor. He glanced behind her at the fireplace, part of him thinking that maybe he should grab her and go directly back to his parent's house, saving him the need to tell the story –_again_ – of how he managed to survive.

_No_, the newly found logic in his brain replied. _She deserves to hear it from you_.

"Lily… Lils, it's-"

"Don't you '_Lils'_ me, you arrogant… who are you?" she shouted, bearing down on him with malicious intent. "_WHO ARE YOU_?"

"It's me, I swear to God," James protested. "It's-"

"Right… you would think me a fool, wouldn't you? Well, I know you're not Snape … he'd at least regard me with some intelligence! Who are you?" she snarled at him.

James shook his head, still holding up his hands in a gesture of peace, though he now took a step forward. "Lily… it's _me_… James. I swear I'm not-"

"_YOU ARE __**NOT**__ JAMES_!" she screeched, the sound unholy in his ears. "_YOU_! James would have come running out of the forest if he survived. He'd … _I SAW IT HAPPEN_! I saw… I … I _saw_ it…" she began to cry, her chest heaving with the strain of her grief. "I saw your _Master_ murder him, and now _you_ … you come here after ripping hair from his body for your fucking potion and… and try to claim … _why_? What do you want? What _more_ can you take away from me?" she shouted, tears falling from her eyes as she slashed the wands through the air.

James flinched back, little streaks of light flying through the air and into the wall behind him. His heart ached for her. She was in so much pain, and all he wanted to do was ease it. "Lily, _please_… let me-"

"Let you what? Let you into my arms? Let you… come close to me so you can stab me in the back? You should have just killed me there instead of torturing me _now_ by pretending … You don't … you could never… _You_… If you think for a moment you could pull off acting like James… you can't. You can't be him, he was too strong, and too brave, and too full of love for you to –"

"LILY, _PLEASE_," James shouted, feeling humbled by her high opinion of him. His voice cracked and he sniffed once before stepping toward her. "Look… please, Lils, just-"

"SHUT UP! Don't come any closer… don't –"

"_Listen_! Listen… I kissed you first. Me… _everything_ has always been me. I was your first kiss, you love me… you… you lost your virginity to me!" James explained wearily, his exhaustion and irritation at the events of the past few days overwhelming his new found logic. "We were in the forest, in a tent, after my stag… my stag party…"

Lily paused, her resolution flickering for a moment before she steeled herself. "Did you find someone else to torture information from before you assumed James' identity? Who are you hurting now?" She shouted, moving forward but pausing when James grabbed hold of her wrist and restrained her.

"My patronus is a stag. I'm… _I'm a_ _stag_, Lily," he reminded her, his expression softening. "I'm a stag… I'm an Animagus, and I'm a stag. No one else except you and-"

"There are three people in the world who know that information. Who'd you catch that-"

"You watched Moony get tortured," James growled. "Did he reveal anything? He didn't… they wouldn't say anything – even under torture – because –"

"_YOU'RE NOT JAMES_!" Lily sobbed, fighting against his restraining hold. "You're not… you… stop… please… _stop this_! How'd you know Remus' nickname? Why… why are you _doing_ this? Why… can't you just kill me instead? I'd rather you kill me then … then … let me believe that he… let me hope that he'll come back to me… why can't you just-"

"Lily," James whispered. "It's _me, _I _swear! _ I… let me have a wand, I can –"

"_I'm not going to __**give**__ you the weapon to murder me_!" she snarled, fighting with him again. Suddenly, James released her and backed up, his expression grim as she stared him down.

She watched as James looked over his shoulder, positioning himself in a space where there was no furniture near him. Her expression remained guarded… confusion raced through her as James closed his eyes and scrunched up his face in concentration.

Lily shrieked, dropping the wands and clasping her hands over her mouth as he shifted. In a whirl of movement with almost no flash of light or audible spell, a tall stag with a dark stripe down the length of its neck appeared in her dining area. Her breathing caught in her throat as it turned its large hazel eyes to her face, and she noticed for the first time the dark brown fur that rimmed those familiar eyes.

The stag took two steps forward, closing the distance between them as Lily fell to her knees. Another shift of movement and James was before her again, kneeling this time and breathing heavy as though he was in a small amount of pain. He watched with a patient expression as Lily shook her head.

"I… I _saw_ it happen," she whispered, all eyes in her pale face. "I saw it… I saw the … he shouted the spell, and then the green light hit the broom and … and you _fell_, and-"

"I jumped," James explained, making motions with his hands as described what happened. "I flew at him, stupid idea… and I knew what he was going to do, so… I jumped. I had your wand, _and_ my wand… I think that helped. I managed to slow myself down enough that when I hit the trees I only broke a couple ribs, and cracked my shoulder. My mum fixed me up," he explained with a sigh.

"Your _mum_?"

James nodded. "We thought you were there, at my parents house… we all went there first."

Lily's fingers fell from her lips into her lap, her eyes wider than galleons as she stared up at James' face. "You _jumped_?"

"I jumped… I-"

James flinched as she punched him the arm with both fists, tears brimming over her eyelids as she began to sob again, though her words were full of anger. "You stupid _arse_! You… why didn't you just _stay_ and – OH, you _stupid_, _stupid_ man! You _jumped_? You flew at Him? What were you _THINKING_ James? What-"

James grabbed hold of her arms, restraining her while she tried to keep punching him. He felt relief run through him, and a hint of amusement at her indignation. Lily struggled as he pulled her close, her flailing knocking him onto his back as they tumbled onto the floor.

"_Lily_," he chuckled, allowing her to hit him a few times before he flipped her onto her back and restrained her arms. "Lily… it's _over_. It's all right-"

"_I. Am. So. Angry_! I'm so angry with you, James Potter!" she growled up at him. He looked down at her apologetically, releasing her when she sobbed once and shook her head. She sat up, letting him hold her hands and stroke her hair.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered, still trying to appear angry though she was crying. "I thought…I thought you were in million little pieces somewhere and I'd never see you again…"

"I'm sorry," James whispered, his voice soft as he grinned helplessly at her.

"You're sorry? You're _sorry_?" she screeched, her voice causing Godric to hiss indignantly as he snuggled against James' arm. James bit his lip to keep from laughing, enraging her further.

"This _isn't_ funny! This… _stop it_ – don't… don't … _don't kiss me_, I'm… _stop_… " she hissed as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly. His nose brushed against hers, his arms wrapped around her waist and he buried his face in her hair, his lips at her ears and neck and collar bones before they moved back to hers. "Stop… st… I thought you… _Dammit, James_… I was-"

"I'm here now," he whispered, pausing to wipe her tears away with his fingertips. "I'm here… and I'm not-"

"Don't _ever_ do this to me again," she sobbed, giving up her anger. She threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him as though she'd never let him go again. "Don't _EVER_ do this to me again!"

"Kiss you?" he teased, kissing her shoulder and burying his face in her neck.

"Shut up," she growled, though her voice broke in a relieved laugh before she pulled his mouth to hers. Lily tangled her fingers in his hair, keeping him glued against her, clutching him like he was her lifeline…

"I love you," James whispered, tracing her cheekbones with his thumbs. "I'm _so_ sorry… I'm so-"

"Shut up," Lily breathed, releasing his hair to pull his shirt over his head. James flinched as her fingers began to probe at his bruises, her teary face lined with worry and sadness. She reached for her wand lying beside the pair of them, but James stopped her and pulled her hands back into his hair.

"_No_," James murmured. "I'm fine… I promise. My mum did what was needed, she mended the broken bones and the rest will heal. I'm fine."

Lily nodded, sniffling as James pushed her hair out of her face. "Are _you_ all right?" he asked quietly.

"I am now," she replied, leaning forward and kissing him ardently. James groaned quietly as she pressed her body tightly against his, assisting him when he slowly tugged her shirt off. His hands moved to her waist, holding her close as she hugged him again, her bare skin soothing and warm against his.

James frowned, tracing bruises with his fingers and kissing the darker ones. Lily shuddered at his touch, tipping her head to kiss him urgently. There was so much need in her kiss, in her touch… James knew he should be gentle, maybe he should just hold her and let her rest… but he couldn't help but respond. She didn't give him a choice, and his soul was filled with a longing that only she could soothe.

Lily kissed his forehead, raking her fingers through his hair and causing him to moan softly. Her touch was like a match, a spark that brought him home and back to life. James hugged her close, breathing in her scent and burying his face in her hair.

"I love you so much, Lily," he whispered. "My lover…"

Lily sobbed again and pressed her mouth hungrily against his. James slid the straps of her bra from her shoulders, unfastening it quickly and nestling his face against her bare skin, his lips kissing and suckling every inch of her skin he could reach. He pulled her against him, her breath against his ears as he took the torn part of her skirt and ripped it all the way through the top.

"Get this off," he murmured, lifting her up and pulling the fabric from underneath her. Lily assisted as James wriggled out of his muddy trousers and boxers, sliding them off his hips by kicking his legs furiously. He pressed his lips against her stomach, nipping lightly at her skin as he hooked his fingers inside her knickers.

Lily meant to stand to move out of them, but James ripped the cotton off her, tossing the shreds onto the floor. Before she could think or sigh in relief, he'd wrapped one hand around her hips, tangled the other hand in her hair, and pulled her body onto his. A cry of relief left her lips at the completeness she felt, the sound echoing against his mouth as he kissed her hungrily and clutched her body against his.

"It is you," she breathed, tightening her hold on him and shuddering as tears rolled down her cheeks.

James groaned, holding her tight and still against him. "I'm _so_ sorry; I'm never letting you out of my sight again… ever… I'm-"

"_Shhh_," breathed Lily, her voice soothing against his ears as she shifted slightly squeezed his hips with her thighs. "It's over… you're here, and you're safe… and you're with me…"

"Always," James breathed, looking into her watery eyes. He wiped a tear away from her cheek and kissed the tip of her nose. "_Always_…"

Hours later James awoke, sitting up when he realized he was alone on the couch. They'd never made it to their bedroom, choosing instead to snuggle together on the sofa before falling asleep. He could hear Lily gagging in the kitchen, and the water from the faucet running continuously.

"Lils, _what's wrong_?" James asked, holding her hair back as she drank greedily directly from the faucet. "Are you okay?"

Lily shook her head, taking shallow gasps and shaking as she leaned against the sink. "I don't know… I don't… it just won't _stop_."

"What?"

"The burning… the pain… I can't-"

"What'd they make you drink?" James asked, filling a glass of water and helping her sit down on the floor. "Do you have any idea what was in it?"

"No," she replied. "I tasted nightshade, and it was … it was greenish in color, but other than that I have no clue. It just hurts _so much_."

Her eyes met James', his expression worried as he watched her breath slowly and come back into herself. "I take it water helps?"

"For a while," Lily replied. "It always comes back."

James sighed heavily, kissing her forehead and holding her close. "We'll figure out what it was, get you something that will-"

His thought was cut off as Lily threw herself at him, knocking him onto the floor and kissing him furiously. She crawled over top of him, kissing his stomach, chest and neck as she moved higher. James gasped and clutched her hips for dear life when she eased herself onto him, groaning as she tangled her fingers in his hair and moved herself slowly against his body.

"Lily," he breathed against her lips. "You're in pain… are you-"

"I'm fine… _I'm fine_… you're here," she whispered. "Don't ever leave me."

"Never… I promise," James assured her, kissing her and brushing her hair from her face. "I'll always come back to you," he promised, listening to her quiet gasps as he moved with her, relief and ardency expressed in every single movement they made.

J&L&J&L&J&L

Sirius looked up from his tea as James returned to the table. He had a plate of toast and jam, and set down the bottle of Firewhiskey between the two of them. Sirius smirked. "Breakfast is served, eh?"

"Too right," murmured James. "I didn't think my Mum was _ever_ going to stop screaming at me," he added, thinking back to his quick morning visit to his parents' house. His mother was still angry with him, and certainly not afraid to let him know.

It'd been a week since the battle, since Lily, Remus and Dorcas had been captured, since James had narrowly escaped death for what felt like the thousandth time. His mum didn't see this as bravery; she saw it as stupidity and carelessness, and did not hesitate to let him know how irresponsible he'd been as of late.

"You need to think about Lily, and your friends, and _us_ as well! You have no idea what it did to her, to all of us, to think you were dead. You are smarter than that, James… use the brain you were born with for Merlin's sake."

It had been a long morning already.

"At least you put pants on for her," teased Sirius. "I guess I didn't realize you spent so much time naked."

"I don't really," laughed James. "Not when I'm expecting people. You just decided to come over-"

"Lily said I'm always welcome here," Sirius interrupted, pulling a frown at James.

"You are! Just not at 7:30 in the morning! It's been a Hell week, I haven't gotten a lot of sleep since I almost killed myself and had to convince my wife and eight-hundred other people I wasn't dead," he replied, shaking his head. "Lily's still in pain from… whatever he gave her, so I've been taking care of her and trying to figure out what that potion was… _and_ recovering from all my idiocy induced injuries. I'm tired," he explained, looking up at Sirius and watching him purse his lips before becoming uncharacteristically sober.

"Mate… not to add to the lectures, but… _you_," he started, biting his lip and frowning slightly. "Just so you know-"

"Pads," James replied, leaning forward and taking a large drink of Firewhiskey from his tumbler. "_I get it_… all right? I-"

"No, I don't think you _do_," Sirius interrupted, his voice deep with a trace of anger. He sighed and looked at James, his face unexpectedly serious. "I don't think you understand how… You… " he sighed, ruffling his hair and exhaling loudly.

"Now, I'm all for your bravery, and I know I've done my share of stupid arse things… we _both_ have. But… you cannot – you _cannot_… you're a hell of a duelist, James, and I've seen you pull off incredible magic, but… there are too many people who rely on you and… it's not your job to –"

"It's not me; I'm not the one who's going to kill him," James interrupted, nodding in agreement. "I get it. I was stupid. I… I don't have a cheeky explanation, or even a decent excuse for acting that way. I was just… trying to save-"

"Lily," Sirius finished for him. "I know… you were trying to save her, and Moony, and everyone… which is admirable, but Prongs… I'm not even sure he _can_ be killed," he continued. "I watched Dumbledore and Moody try _everything_ to subdue him, but… he's just… "

"He's got all that Dark Magic shit… he knows it _all_," James muttered. "I mean… we've _read_ about it, but we have no idea how it works or… how to stop it."

Sirius nodded, ruffling his hair again. "Anyway… you will protect Lily and everyone a lot more by _not_ playing hero. Fighting the Death Eaters is one thing. You could kick the arse off the lot of them… but _Him_? Play it a _little_ safe, maybe?"

James nodded. "Agreed."

Sirius was about to go on, but there was a groan from James' bedroom. The sound was etched with pain, and both of them stood up as Lily came racing into the kitchen. Her face was pale, her eyes bloodshot and wide as she leaned over the sink and stuck her head under the tap, gulping down water like she was never going to get enough.

James put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her as she breathed heavily and wiped her face with a towel. "Again? Is it _any_ better?"

Lily shook her head, her expression worried as she looked up at him. "It's still awful," she whimpered, chewing her lip nervously.

The pain hadn't lessened any, in fact, if she was honest, it was a little worse. If Lily drank water steadily, the pain and burning stayed away; but if she slept for any length of time, it returned with a vengeance.

She'd tried every single antidote she knew of, but without knowing the contents of whatever made the potion, it was a guessing game. Emmeline had been working with Professor Slughorn, and she'd been to Mungo's several times now, but no one seemed to be able to find a way to get the potion out of her system.

Lily was convinced that it was slowly killing her from the inside out, and though he'd never admit it, James was afraid of the same thing.

"Lils, we'll figure it out, all right?" James assured her. "I promise… I _promise_ we'll find something. I … you'll be all right."

Lily nodded, noting the fear in his eyes grow more evident. It had been alarming for James to wake up to her screaming from nightmares, and unable to move because of the pain she was in. At first she had tried to tell him she was simply still afraid he was gone, that she'd never see him again. But after a few days, she had to admit the reality… that the potion was still wreaking havoc inside her body and she had no clue how to stop it.

Lily sighed, filling a glass with water and drinking it as she moved into the dining room and sat down at the table. Sirius gave her a playful pat on the shoulder, but her smile didn't reach her eyes as she nodded back at him.

A tap on the window drew their attention, all three of them a little defensive and over-cautious as they stared out the window. James finally moved forward, opening the window to let a large raven inside.

"Who sends a raven?" he asked, taking the package from the bird and watching as it flew back into the distance without waiting for any payment.

Sirius frowned. "My parents always used ravens… but … I can't think why _they'd_ send anything here."

"Who's it from?" asked Lily.

"Doesn't say," James replied, frowning as he handed her the package. "But it's addressed to you."

Lily looked confused, her lip tucked between her teeth as she read the address tag on the box.

"_To: Lily Evans, __62 Shoreline Lane, Hackenford, __Avon." _

She frowned. Who still used her maiden name? And who, outside of the Order, knew where she lived? Tearing the box open, she walked into the kitchen and began to take out the paper packaging within. None of the Sneakoscopes that now lined the flat were going off, so she figured it must be safe, though who it was from was a mystery.

A small bottle of grayish liquid was inside, along with a note. Lily pursed her lips and turned her back on James and Sirius, who'd begun discussing the use of ravens for mail. The overly familiar handwriting was a shock. Why would _he_ be sending her something now?

"_Ms. Evans,_

"_In regards to your correspondence describing behaviour of the poison, I've managed to put together a concoction of herbs. I believe that this will cure what has been ailing you, though I must warn you that it will counteract any other potions you've been taking (antidotes, medicinal potions, protective or ability enhancing draughts, ect). _

"_Pour the contents of the attached vial into a large glass, and mix with water. Drink the mixture immediately. Do not consume any other potions for the next forty-eight hours. I'm unaware of any negative side effects the draught may cause, but if something does come up, simply drink more water and this will increase the speed of the draught and resolve your issues sooner._

"_My sincerest apologies on your ordeal, and if you need further assistance, please don't hesitate to contact me._

"_Yours, S.S - Prince, Spinners End."_

"What was it, Lily?"

Lily coughed, quickly tucking the letter inside the box and pulling out the vial. "Emmeline wrote to someone, and they… they set me another mixture," she explained, holding up the vial for James' inspection.

"Another antidote?" James asked, looking at the bottle.

Lily shrugged. "Not so much, I think it's actually another potion. I have to mix it with water, and I'm not supposed to take any other potions for a few days afterward. They said it _should_ fix whatever is going on…"

James frowned. "Do you think it's safe?"

Lily nodded. "I'm familiar with the person's work; I'm sure it's safe for me."

"Well, then by all means, bottoms up," encouraged James.

Lily did as the letter instructed, consuming the entire contents of the vial after mixing it with water. There was a slight minty taste to it, but other than that, no immediate effects. She felt a twinge of the burning, but kept drinking water and became happier as the pain stayed sated throughout the remainder of the day and evening. When night arrived, Lily kept a large glass of water by her bed in case, but when she woke in the middle of the night she found she wasn't thirsty.

She rolled over to look at James, smirking at his slightly open mouth and peaceful expression. She kissed him softly before getting out of bed, returning to the kitchen and re-opening the box the antidote mixture had arrived in.

Lily frowned at Snape's letter, part of her feeling guilty for not being thankful at his assistance. She remembered that it was him who had pulled her from the rubble as the shack they'd been held in collapsed, and it was him who ordered her to get away. She vaguely remembered him even yelling at James to get her away, but perhaps that was another hallucination. So much of that night was a blur; some things were solid memories, and others the remnants of nightmares.

She sighed heavily, the kinder part of her brain saying she could at _least_ write him a thank you note…

_No_, the strong part replied. _He chose his path. He may have dragged you from the building, and now sent you an antidote of sorts, but he still watched you being tortured and did nothing_.

More than that, he would have let James and Remus be killed, or even killed them himself if he'd been ordered too. As sorry as he may be for her "ordeal," he was long gone from the friend she once had.

Lily sniffed, shaking off the small tears that threatened to flow from her eyes. She tore the letter in half, then fourths, and then ripped it once more before tossing it in the bin.

Lily padded back into her bed and snuggled down next to James, grinning uncontrollably as he murmured in his sleep, "My Lily… Lils… mine…" and threw his arm around her waist.

She took his fingers in hers, kissing them firmly. "Yours, always… forever… and anything beyond."


	51. Changes

Changes  
"Come On Get Higher" Matt Nathanson

* * *

Lily stood in front of her mirror, examining herself in mild admiration. The burning pain had disappeared completely over the last fortnight; in fact, she'd now gone two days without drinking more than a glass of water and she felt fine. She felt brilliant, actually. _Perfect_…

Her eyes moved slowly over her naked figure, examining the curves of her breasts and the soft slope of her waist into her hips. They were a lot shapelier than she'd ever given herself credit for; her legs much sexier than she'd ever given herself credit for. She pulled her hair out of her plait, smirking as it tumbled gracefully down around her shoulders.

She was _fit_.

For some reason, she looked absolutely gorgeous… she _felt_ absolutely gorgeous. It was a rare and powerful emotion. Lily basked in it, twirling in front of the mirror and giggling at her sudden surge of energy and confidence.

A soft fluttering sound invaded her ears, and she glanced out the window to see James crossing through the protective barrier around their flat. Smirking, she waltzed out into the sitting room and perched herself provocatively on the back of the sofa. She raked her hands through her hair, mussing it up a little as she tried to stifle her giggles and simply sit back to observe James' reaction.

The door opened slowly; James was already searching through the pastry bag for his favorite items. "Lils? I got – _Holy_…" he murmured as he looked up, eyes widening and mouth popping open. "Well, good morning!"

"Morning," Lily replied idly, sliding off the couch and sauntering over to him. She reached into the sack of pastries, grinning and tossing her hair. "_Oooh_, you got the little jelly filled ones that I like."

"That I did," James grinned in response. "Do you want one?"

"Maybe," she shrugged in response, biting her lip as she pulled one from the sack. She bit of a little of the pastry, then stuck her finger into the jelly filling and smeared it across James' mouth.

He laughed and shook his head, but paused when she swept her tongue over his lips then began kissing him slowly. James breathed deeply, shuddering as Lily slid her hands into his hair. "I have a better place we could put that," he murmured, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Do you now?" she replied mischievously, grinning as he bit off some of her pastry before picking her up and carrying her back into the bedroom.

An hour later, James was lying on his back, giggling uncontrollably as Lily picked little bits of frosting out of his hair. "You got it everywhere! You're the messiest eater," she teased, leaning down to kiss him and eating the remainder of a jelly filled pastry from his hand.

"Well, you kept _doing_ things to me," he replied, licking the remaining jelly off his fingers. "Obviously I'm going to get messy if you insist on licking things off my body."

"That wasn't my idea," Lily protested with a pout, making James laugh again. "You're _giggling_, you do realize that? It's not very manly."

"Yes, well… you tend to make me feel a little unmanned at times, my love," he replied, sitting up and pulling Lily close to him. "Giggling is the least of the 'unmanly' things that you have made me do."

"What's the un-manliest?"

"'Un-manliest?' Is that a word?"

"It is now," she shrugged, grinning when James laughed again. "Honestly though, what else have I made you do that you considered 'unmanly?'"

"Well, for starters, you refused my advances and made me read bad poetry at you in front-"

"I did not _make_ you do that," Lily l laughed. "You _chose_ to pursue me, may I remind you… Never once did I hold my wand to your head-"

"Didn't have to," he insisted. "I was already under your spell, no need for a wand."

Lily made a face, trying to hide her smirk. "Cheesy?" asked James.

"A bit, but still a good line. I may let you lick jelly and frosting off me again sometime," she murmured suggestively as she slid off him and lay down on her pillow.

James chuckled and snuggled next to her, tracing his fingers along the curves of her body and smiling gently. "Welcome back," he murmured. "I was worried about you."

"I was too," she confessed, rolling onto her back and gazing up at the ceiling. "I didn't think I was _ever_ going to feel normal again."

James pursed his lips, snuggling closer and kissing Lily on the cheek. "I really _was_ worried. I'd just gotten you back after… all that…" he said, placing his hand across her hip and pulling her close. "To see you in that much pain… it was awful."

"As was watching you fall from the sky, and thinking you were dead," she replied, closing her eyes as James kissed her cheek and nuzzled into her neck. "Let's not do all that again, agreed?"

"How _will_ we entertain ourselves?" he asked dramatically. "Stay in bed all day… eating various pastries off of one another and fornicating in odd positions?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," she replied. "Did you just say 'fornicating?'"

"I did. It's a large word, isn't it?"

"It's not the largest thing in this room."

James grinned, raising an eyebrow suggestively. "Really? What _is_ the largest thing in this room?"

"Your ego," Lily replied, causing him to laugh hysterically before he crawled overtop her, kissing her wildly as her hands laced into his hair.

The first few weeks of November had been slow, light snow and coldness settling into the area. Winter had finally arrived, it seemed, slowing down activity for everyone, including the Death Eaters. Voldemort had, _again_, disappeared from view, though his followers still showed their faces and attempted to carry out his agenda.

Since her kidnapping and his brush with death, Lily and James had stuck with small scouting missions or Ministry patrol, needing time to both recuperate and just be with one another. The only battle they helped out with happened at the beginning of December, and once the Order arrived it was downhill for the Death Eaters. The results did make James and Lily more popular with many Ministry supporters, and the Minister herself, as their arrival resulted in the capture of Nott, Avery Sr., Lestrange Sr., and Rosier Sr., among others.

Once they were secured and the other Death Eaters had run off in terror, Moody ordered all of the Order to disperse before the rest of the Ministry and Prophet Reporters arrived. As far as everyone knew, Voldemort was still unaware there was an organization fighting him outside of the Ministry.

This battle was also the first time since Lily's capture that James felt secure enough to take risks during a fight. He'd been the one to take down two Death Eaters, and had set the rest of them running while the Aurors rounded them up.

"I've _missed_ that," he'd announced upon arriving home, flinging himself through the door behind Lily and flicking his wand to secure their protective enchantments. He laughed boisterously, wiping the sweat from his forehead and examining the scratches on his arms. "That was intense, eh?"

"Intense is one way to describe it," muttered Lily in reply, scowling while she pulled grass and bits of debris from her hair. She watched as James strutted around the flat, trying to hide her smirk with a look of disapproval. "Dangerous, inconsiderate, mental, stupid, aggravating… those are a few of my descriptions."

"Oh, come on, Lils! We _beat_ them! They ran scared once they saw all of us! That's why it was so easy to catch them," he laughed. "They're so unorganized right now… and where was _He_, huh? Where was their '_Master_' to lead them on? _Nowhere_! He's realizing that he's beat, that his time is over and-"

"You do realize there _will be_ retribution?" said Lily, interrupting James' triumphant reverie. "Even though we got his father, Evan Rosier is one of Voldemort's favorites, and you almost caught him. I'm still surprised he got away with his leg broke like that. Besides, that Russian bloke and all the others they caught … You-Know-Who isn't going to take their capture lying down," she murmured, still too afraid to say the Dark Lord's name aloud since her torture.

James shrugged and pulled off his cloak. "We've got them scared; Voldemort is too afraid to show his face anywhere Dumbledore might be. It's fine; the Order is on watch, we've got them beat. Personally, I'm still rather impressed with my flying ability, so was Rowle after I knocked him off his broom. For not being on one very often anymore-"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Lily snapped, fighting a laugh. "You swooped and tackled him. _I_ could have done as much."

"Yes, but could you have pulled off that Mirror charm mid-flight?" He asked a cheeky voice. "They were confused as hell."

"The idea of _more_ James Potters running around is absolutely dreadful," she replied, shaking her head and removing her cloak as well.

James sauntered over, his eyes darkening as he smirked at her. "You'd like that, you'd love it actually. 'Course, you probably wouldn't know what to do; all that manliness all for yourself… you'd be in a right state," he teased.

Lily snorted. "A right state of frustration from having to save your arse all the time."

"_Save_ my arse? You'd be too busy _staring_ at it to save it."

Lily scoffed loudly, fighting the grin pulling at the corners of her mouth. "I'd be staring trying to figure out how such a nice arse got attached to such an arrogant man. You're so bloody cocky."

James moved closer to her, pressing her against the table and sliding his hands up her waist. "But you _love_ it; it's one of your favorite things about me."

"_Least_ favorite… you're confused again," she muttered, smirking as he kissed her very slowly.

"Oh yes, that's right," he whispered, fingers snaking under her shirt and toward the button on her jeans. "Your favorite is this," smiled James, unfastening the button on her trousers and snaking his hands inside.

"My favorite is when you shut up about how fabulous you are at that."

"Awh, Lily. You get tired of telling me all the time, I like to take some of the work off your shoulders," he replied, chuckling as she pushed his chest roughly.

"Prat."

"I love your pet nicknames."

Lily chuckled and braced her hands on the table, leaning back as James kissed her firmly. "Never back down…You just keep right on coming, don't you?" she said, leaning away from his next kiss and biting her lip as he moved to her neck.

"Now that actually _is_ your fault," teased James.

"True… though I'd have thought being overpowered by a girl wouldn't be that big of a turn on," she mused.

"Overpowered?" He laughed. "I'll show you overpowered."

"I'm immune to whatever power you have," she lied with a smirk.

"Are you?" James murmured, biting her lip and sliding his hands over her backside. "I'm irresistible."

"You keep telling me that, and yet… you're the one who's always so desperate to get into my knickers, not the other way around."

"I don't wear knickers, kind of hard for you to get in them," he replied, smiling as Lily laughed loudly. "I think you're desperate to have me in there."

"Hardly. The desperation you're sensing belongs to you as you're dying to rip my trousers off," she replied, kissing him and tugging on his lower lip with her teeth. Desire raced through her, familiar as of late; it felt incredibly powerful to have James – in all his handsome, loving, arrogant glory – want her so desperately.

James growled hungrily and kissed her again. "Remember before we got married? I told you that those cheeky comments could get you into trouble?"

"I'm not afraid of a little trouble," she whispered, leaning her head back when he kissed down her neck.

"I _could_ make you beg," he threatened.

"You wouldn't be able to stand it," she giggled. "You'd cave long before I would."

"That's a theory we'll have to test sometime."

"Why not now?"

"Hmmmm…." breathed James, one hand and running it down her front, smirking when she shuddered and inhaled sharply. "You're already pent up. I don't want to see you suffer; I should do something, shouldn't I?"

Lily smirked and closed her eyes. "All talk…" she whispered. "Just like Sirius… all bark, no bite."

"_Bite_," James chuckled. "That's a new idea…You fond of these trousers?"

"Not particularly."

James smirked and tugged them roughly off her hips and over her legs, pushing her onto the table as he tossed them aside. He then ripped her shirt open, sending the buttons scattering across the floor. Lily responded with an audible gasp, her hands greedily tearing his t-shirt over his head, her body shuddering as James kissed her fiercely, sliding his hands up her thighs.

"You want me," he murmured, petting her softly before sliding his fingers inside her knickers. James paused, his eyes darkening more as he easily slid a finger inside of her, slowly circling her clitoris with his thumb. "You want me bad it feels like."

Lily moaned loudly, the aching sensation between her legs growing stronger. She flicked her wand that was still caught in her hand, smirking as James' trousers fell to the floor. Abandoning it she tugged on his boxers until they slid from his hips, wrapping her slender fingers around him and pulling him closer to her. "_You_ want _me_…" she hissed, kissing his neck as he moaned and leaned his forehead against her shoulder. "I think I'm more in control here."

"Yeah?"

Lily smirked. "Yes… I could make you come in five seconds if I wanted to."

"But you won't…"

"And why not?" she challenged.

"'Cause you want it just as bad as I do," he hissed, removing his stroking fingers from between her legs. His hand grasped the side of her knickers, the other holding her hips steady as he tore the fabric off of her in one quick movement. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and didn't protest when he pulled her roughly to the edge of the table. James rubbed against her, causing jolts of pleasure to race up through her stomach. "Am I right?"

"Yes…" Lily nodded, gasping when he thrust himself roughly inside her. She smiled and bit her lip as he groaned loudly, one hand sliding along her backside to hold her close to him. When she opened her eyes he was staring at her with an amused expression on his face.

"I love being right," he whispered, kissing her fiercely.

"You weren't right," she replied when her lips were free for a moment. "You couldn't resist…"

"I could stop," James threatened, slowly pulling out of her and smiling his half smile when her eyes protested. "Do you want me to stop?"

Lily groaned; he was such a tease. "You can't; you don't want to."

James narrowed his eyes, biting his lip and eyeing her partially naked figure. Her legs were spread as she sat on the table, one arm supporting herself and the other around his neck. He pushed her back, kissing her fiercely and forcing her to lie flat against the table before he slowly moved his lips over her stomach.

Lily let out a shaky breath, gasping as James pushed her thighs apart. She could feel her core trembling in anticipation as his thumb brushed over her. He blew lightly against her skin, causing her to shudder and whimper audibly.

"Awh… does that feel cold?" he asked, pouting as he leaned his head against her thigh. Lily could only blink her eyes as she tried to form a retort. "Here, I'll warm you up."

Then his tongue was against her, circling slowly while his fingers gently slid inside of her. James pressed his lips against her clitoris, sucking before softly breaking the tension and he flicking his tongue over her again. Lily cried out, blood rushing hard through her veins, shivers moving up her spin from where his tongue was circling. She squirmed but James was relentless, pressing her hips down onto the table as he held her steady against his mouth. "James… _oh, God_," she moaned, desperate to have him inside her. "Please…"

"Warmer?" he whispered as he pulled her back into a seated position. Lily bit her lip and made a growling noise, sliding herself to the edge of the table and pulling him against her. She reached in between them but he caught her hand and gave her an arrogant smirk. "My Lily… whatever do you want?"

"Stop it," she panted, the corners of her mouth lifting at his grin.

"Is _that_ what you want?" he asked, pulling away from her slightly.

"James - "

"_Lily_," he teased, kissing her neck and pulling her hips against his. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she clutched him tightly, her lips meeting his as she tried to maneuver him inside her. "Say it…" he whispered against her lips, his fingers moving in between them and stroking against her. "_Tell me_…"

"I want you," she whimpered, her face flooding with color, but a smile crossing her lips when he moved forward, brushing against her and causing her to cry out.

"You have me, lover… where do you want me?"

"Inside me," she said, the words causing another set of shivers to run over her. "I want you inside me, _please_, James," she whined.

James growled, her voice in his ear raising causing shudders to race through his body. He grabbed her hips roughly, fingers digging into them as he pulled her to the very edge of the table and plunged himself into her. Lily groaned in relief, her short fingernails digging into his skin as James began to thrust steadily against her. Though she was the one begging, all the teasing he'd done to her had him riled up too; he found himself worrying that he'd finish before she did.

James bit his lip and tried to focus, watching Lily's expression. He thrust harder against her and she released one arm, bracing herself against the table and squeezing his hips with her thighs. James held her still, listening to her heavy breathing and quiet moans. She was spectacular, her hair spread out over her shoulders, green eyes fluttering as she called out his name.

"Lily," James hissed, bringing his hands under her shoulders to support her. "You're so responsive… I love it," he murmured, unfastening her bra and tearing it from her body. His lips wrapped around one of her nipples and she flinched before crying out again, tangling her fingers in his hair and pulling him closer to her.

"Your… fault," she whimpered. "Do you realize how much I want you? All the time?"

James smirked, pulling her face to his and kissing her gently, pushing his hips forward to move deeper inside her. She leaned back on her arms when he released her, throwing her head back and giving James a spectacular view of her body. "Feeling is mutual," he whispered, running his hand over her breasts and stomach before sliding it in between their connected bodies and gently stroking at her clitoris.

Lily's eyes shot open for a moment before squeezing shut as she lay back against the table. Her fingers raked through her hair and slid down her body, one hand pausing by her mouth for a second as she chewed her fingers shyly.

"God… _Lily_," he hissed, watching her slide her hands over her body until they rested on top of his. "Tell me what you want… tell me," James demanded, shuddering as he felt her start to contract around him.

Lily squeezed him tighter with her legs, whining softly as she held his hands against her hips. "Harder, James… _Harder_."

James groaned, digging his fingers into her skin and slamming against her with repeated shallow thrusts. It was too much; the friction, the visual and aural stimulation… how instantly aroused she'd been, how responsive and ardent she was. His control slipped.

But it didn't matter, as soon as he stiffened inside of her, Lily's back arched and she rolled her hips wantonly against his thrusts. Her nails dug into his hands and she let out a long moan of pleasure, her flying open as she cried out in breathless gasps. When her contractions had squeezed every last ounce of pleasure out of his body, James collapsed against her, his head resting against her chest as he breathed heavily. He could feel aftershocks from within her, and he slid his hands lower to support her quivering thighs. "Merlin's … I don't think Merlin ever had anything like that," he muttered thickly, smiling when he felt Lily's body shake with silent laughter.

"You know, the last thing I want to think about amidst post-coital bliss is Merlin," said Lily thoughtfully, running her fingers through James' hair as he kissed her neck.

"True," he murmured, leaning up to kiss her nose quickly. He sighed and ran his hands through her hair, a mock look of concern on his face. "I hate to break this to you, but we've ruined our mail."

"Daisy brought it already?" asked Lily, allowing James to pull her into a seated position. "Ah, what are a few wrinkles in the letters anyway?" she shrugged, grabbing the small pile of envelopes from behind her and handing them to James. He began looking through them while Lily tried to re-button her shirt, her legs still wrapped around his hips, holding him close to her.

"I'll tell you what though," Lily sighed a few moments later. "I do love how '_in the moment'_ you are, but you've got to stop ripping my good clothes off me. This was one of my favorite-"

"Well, this is odd…" James interrupted, a thoughtful look on his face.

"What? That this was one of my favorite shirts?"

"No, this," he explained, shaking his head and handing her a letter. "It's from-"

"My _sister_?" replied Lily, a look of confusion crossing her face. She opened the envelope slowly, almost cautiously.

"I'm pretty sure it's not cursed, Lils," teased James.

"You never know with Petunia," she replied darkly. "_Why_ is she writing me? I completely forgot about giving her our address… the only reason I did was in case of any kind of an emergency or … something…"

"What's it say?" asked James, shifting against her and leaning against the table. "Is she asking you for a spell to make her less of an uppity bint?"

"No…what? Shut up, James," Lily laughed. "No, that's not it, she's… she's asking us to Christmas. Her and Vernon are hosting some kind of a … family and friends gathering, and she wants us to come."

She frowned, looking up at James who seemed mildly interested. "Do you want to go?"

Lily chewed her lip. "I don't know, honestly. My first instinct is no… she just wants to be horrible to me for some reason. But, part of me is… curious."

"Curious is okay."

"Curiosity kills cats…"

"What?"

"Nevermind," Lily said, shaking her head. "It's a muggle saying. They're having it the weekend before Christmas. She says some of my family will be there."

"Like who?"

"She didn't give names… she only says '_a few family members are wanting to see you_,'" Lily explained. "My mum only had a brother… he lives in Germany though, and I haven't seen him since I was young. My dad didn't have any siblings, but he had some aunts who might still be alive…"

"It sounds like you want to go," said James, brushing her hair from her face. "We may as well; maybe she's gotten over things. Maybe she wants to talk to you."

Lily grimaced, but looking at James' encouraging expression made her feel that perhaps she's was being too harsh on Petunia. Maybe she _did_ want to make amends, or at least find a way to be civil towards one another. "All right, let's plan on going then," she said, smiling at James' smirk. "But you have to behave, you know."

"Of course I will… _you_ have to behave as well, you know."

"I always behave," Lily pouted.

"Not always," he teased in reply. "I kind of like it when you misbehave."

Lily smirked, arching her back and pulling him close with her legs. "I'll bet you do," she breathed, smiling before he kissed her fiercely.

Petunia wasn't the only one who was planning a holiday do; it seemed a popular trend with everyone in their circle of friends as well. Marlene's family invited them over for dinner, Gideon and Dorcas hosted a small party, Alice and Frank held another for the entire Auror office and a few Order members, and Dumbledore called everyone to Hogwarts for a small gift exchange and an evening of drinks and hors d'oevures.

Between rushing from party to party, her patrols around the Ministry with James, and Christmas shopping of her own, Lily found herself sleeping much more than usual. Part of it was her own fault, she decided. Aside from being busy and already exhausted, she didn't seem to be able to keep her hands off of James for more than a minute. Though he didn't mind, he was more than willing to reciprocate.

This wasn't new. Lily _always_ desired James, always wanted him close to her and never protested any of his kisses, touches or attempts to seduce her. But the past fortnight, she'd felt an almost insatiable need for him. She'd even been woken in the middle of the night by intense, passion filled dreams. The first few times, she simply got up and wandered around the flat until she became tired. But after a while, that wasn't enough. She needed him, it became a physical ache. And several times she'd kissed James awake, eagerly climbing atop him crying out in blissful relief as he met her need kiss for kiss and touch for touch.

"You're amazing, you're absolutely astounding… you're _insatiable_. I love it, I absolutely _LOVE_ it," James assured her one afternoon. She'd woken from a nap, heated and shaking from another dream, and walked into the living room in nothing but her knickers. James had been reading The Prophet, but she'd torn it in half and seduced him on the sofa before he'd even had time to protest.

"I feel insane," she confessed, chewing her lip. "I really do."

"You drive me insane," James whispered in response, kissing her gently and stroking her hair.

Lily sighed. "I think … subconsciously… I'm still just _so_ glad that you're… not dead."

"As am I," James replied. "It's been almost two months, lover. I'm here… I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"I know, I know. I just… it's just so strange. I feel so hot all the time, but I'm exhausted… and my thoughts are all over the place," she sighed. "I'm happy, then I'm scared out of my mind… then I'm insatiable, or exhausted, or angry…"

"I haven't seen you angry," said James, giving her a confused glance.

"I'm not angry around you… but I was really, _REALLY_ irritable the other day when I was making potions with Emmeline. I kept snapping at Wormtail, and I almost forgot to make Remus' potion and I NEVER forget that," she continued. "Even Emme noticed I've been a little off."

"Well, maybe you are under more stress than you think," shrugged James. "Relax… take it easy. Don't worry about the presents, or all that stuff… we'll get it taken care of."

Lily nodded, smiling as James kissed her cheek and pulled her close. "Are Pads, Marlene, Moony and Sam still coming over tonight?"

James nodded. "For a bit, plus I invited Alice and Frank, and Gideon and Dorcas… and Wormtail… and Fabian…" he trailed off, chewing his lip as Lily's eyes widened.

"Wha… _anyone else_?" she asked, trying to control the pitch of her voice.

"Benjy, Emmeline and Dearborn as well, but that's it, I _swear_," assured James, frowning as Lily got to her feet and began pacing around the kitchen. "Don't make a whole bunch of stuff. They just want to get together and-"

"It's not that, it's… it's a _mess_ around here!" Lily pouted. "We've got to clean up, we've-"

James walked to her, taking her in his arms and holding her tightly. He held her close with one hand, pulling out his wand with the other and flicking it a few times. The dishes began to do themselves, the papers on the table stacked into a neat pile, and the broom began to move across the floor gathering little piles of dirt, which the pan followed and picked up to put in the bin.

Lily sighed, relief flooding her face as she yawned. James gave her a concerned look, pressing his hand against her forehead before kissing it softly. "Go back to sleep for a while. Maybe you're getting sick."

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm not going back to sleep… and I'm _not_ getting sick. Absolutely not!" she insisted, walking into the bedroom to dress and get ready for their company.

Though Lily had fretted about not having enough food and drinks for everyone to share, her fears were unfounded. Each person who came through their door brought snacks and various drinks for them to all take part in. She didn't even have to entertain; everyone was comfortable and happy to spend the evening playing exploding snap or talking about various events. The wine and mead went quickly, though Lily found herself sticking to hot cocoa for some reason.

"It tastes funny lately," she explained when Alice asked about it. "It doesn't sit right in my stomach. There are a lot of things like that ever since … well, since I had that weird burning potion."

"And the subsequent antidote," James added. "The instructions warned you that it would wipe out everything in your body… maybe it makes things taste funny too."

"I hope it doesn't last forever," Lily replied, chewing her lip. "I miss eating pasta, and roast… basically everything save biscuits and jelly."

Around ten o'clock that night, their friends slowly began to filter out, thanking James and Lily both for their hospitality and company. "It feels nice to just… I don't know…" Sirius mused, looking at James for assistance with his thoughts.

"Talk, play snap, and not have to be looking over our shoulders constantly?" Peter input, looking hopeful for approval at his observation.

"That's part of it, but there's something else," explained Sirius as he rested against Marlene's shoulder.

"I think it's just nice to be able to act our age," Sam added, smiling when Remus pulled her back against his chest and gave her a tight squeeze.

"This is true," Peter agreed

"Hear, hear," added Sirius, tipping his glass of meade in Sam's direction.

"It must be nice for Lily to sleep through almost everything," added Marlene with a laugh, nodding towards the sleeping figure curled up in an armchair. "What's going on with her?"

"I'm not sure," James frowned. "We've been running from party to party for the last few weeks, so that's been tiring. Plus she's been shopping, and worrying about getting presents for _everyone_," he added, rolling his eyes.

"What's that I detect?" Sirius grinned. "Is Prongs annoyed with his lovely wife's intentions to buy us all fabulous Christmas gifts?" he asked in mock horror, smirking as Peter, Remus and Marlene laughed.

"Not annoyed, but even she said she feels a little insane lately," explained James. "She writes it off that she's still recovering from… everything. Or that she's just overly relieved I'm alive and not dead."

"I think we were all relieved about that," said Sirius.

"I think there's something else though," James continued thoughtfully. "Her sister invited us to some… Christmas do that she's holding. At first I thought, hey good idea… maybe her sister will get her head out of her arse and they can actually speak to one another. But, I think Lily's worried that we'll go and she'll just be made a fool of. I'm not even sure she wants to go."

"So don't go," Sam suggested.

"I think Lils is too curious to stay away," said James, glancing at his wife and smiling gently as she stirred in her sleep.

James ended up being right; Lily was too curious to stay away. So the Saturday before Christmas, he found himself in a pair of khakis and a nice dress shirt walking up to the small two-story house that Petunia and Vernon now lived in.

"These houses all look the same," Lily whispered scathingly.

"Maybe they used a giant cookie cutter for the blue print," James mused, grinning as Lily laughed loudly just before the door opened.

Petunia hadn't changed much; her blonde hair was shorter and woven in tight curls around her long face. She didn't smile when she saw Lily and James standing on her stoop; her face merely fell into a resigned frown. "I see you got my invitation," she said formally, stepping aside and gesturing them in. "I'm glad you dressed normally… or as normally as you could."

Lily pursed her lips, glancing once at her dress as James put his arm around her. It was blue with long sleeves and an empire waistline. The hem stopped at her calves, and she was wearing silver colored heels to match the diamond earrings James had given her as an early Christmas present. She thought she looked nice.

"You look beautiful," James whispered so quietly only Lily could hear. "Nice to see you as well, Petunia," he added, nodding politely in her direction.

Petunia frowned before recovering her composure and indicating they should help themselves to snacks and drinks. "Please do try to contain any… _tricks_ you might be planning. There have been enough questions about you already, and I _really_ _don't_ want to answer anymore," she huffed before walking away.

Lily glanced up at James with a confused expression. "Enough questions about me? Who would-"

"And _there_ she is," a kind, deep voice called from the sitting area. James turned and followed Lily's gaze as it fell on an older man with salt and pepper hair who was walking slowly towards them. "Lily Elizabeth… everyone says differently, but I still think you look just like Rosie did at your age," the man grinned, opening his arms for Lily.

"Uncle Henry," she gasped, laughing once and walking forward to hug him. "When… when did you come back home?"

"I'm not _back_ home," the man explained, releasing Lily from his embrace and patting her on the shoulders. "I happened to be in the country for a few weeks and called on Petunia for tea one afternoon. She invited me to this little party after I mentioned I was hoping to see you while I was in the country."

"It's lovely to see you as well," Lily grinned brightly. "I think the last time I was… twelve or thirteen, I believe."

"Probably so. You've grown quite a bit since then," the man observed, laughing along with Lily. "And this young man, this must be…" he pressed, gesturing towards James.

"Oh, yes… yes, of course. James, this is my mum's brother Henry. Uncle Henry, this is my husband, James Potter," she said proudly, gesturing to each of them in turn.

James smiled and shook the man's hand, grinning as Henry observed him approvingly. "I do hope my niece is being nice to you," he asked in mock concern. "She's a bit feisty at times, very mischievous."

"Fortunately, I'm also mischievous, so we keep each other in line," James chuckled. He offered to fetch drinks for the pair of them while Lily and Henry retreated to the sitting room. The dining room was very crowded, and James was forced to smile and mumble "excuse me" numerous times as he squeezed his way to the drink table.

"Oh… _that_ would be my sister-in-law's husband," said a low, drawling voice. James raised his eyebrows and looked up to see Vernon (who's chin had now become one with his neck) gesturing vaguely in his direction. "Unemployed, you see… an out-of-work _magician_. Petunia's sister isn't exactly the best judge of character."

James snorted a laugh, shaking his head and starting to move back to the sitting area, though he paused when Vernon called out to him.

"Oi, Potter! They don't even have a car, I reckon," he muttered to stocky male that accompanied him as he approached James. "Potter, what is it you and Lily are driving these days?"

James bit his lip as he thought over his response. He couldn't lie… not about cars. If he was Sirius, he would have pulled out some fancy car brand from his random knowledge of muggle autos. But he was James, and James only knew that cars had four wheels and you needed a key to start them. _Honesty is always best, _he told himself. "A Nimbus, but we only have one. Lily doesn't like to fly, you see, so it's mostly me that takes it out."

"Nim… I beg your pardon?" asked the man with Vernon, whose eyes had narrowed to slits.

"A Nimbus. 1800 actually, the fastest model available… just came on the market. The braking mechanism is a little sticky, but she can sail through the air like a bird if you know how to handle her right," he explained with a wink. Vernon and the man with him looked confused, and marginally irritated, as thought they weren't sure if they were being mocked or not. James smiled and nodded toward the living room to where Lily was sitting chatting with her uncle before turning and walking away, laughter suppressed tight against his broad grin as he sat down.

"What's so funny?" asked Lily as she took a glass from him.

"Nothing," said James. "Vernon asked me what we were driving."

James chuckled as Lily sighed, shaking her head with an amused expression before resuming her conversation with her Uncle. As it turned out, not everyone assumed Lily was away at some boarding school for gifted students. Henry had weaseled out of his little sister exactly where Lily was, and what she was learning.

"Of course she told me," he laughed, patting Lily's hand reassuringly. "Rose wasn't good at keeping anything from me, ever. She loved you girls with everything she had, so when she said she'd been sending you off to some boarding school in Scotland, I knew it had to be for a bloody good reason."

"Well, this is a relief," said Lily. "It's a bit relaxing to not have to make up stories about who I am and where I went all this time."

"Not to mention explaining why we didn't drive here tonight, and why Lily and I both carry… what do people think they are?" asked James.

"Drumsticks," she explained with a chuckle.

"Right… that Lily and I carry drumsticks around with us for no reason."

Henry laughed loudly. "Tell them you're prepared to come to the aid of a band without a drummer, should the need arise," he suggested, much to Lily and James' amusement.

They talked briefly about what her Uncle had been doing in Germany with the University he worked for, before moving on to Lily's life since school. They talked about the wedding and their few holiday trips together before discussing Lily's mother and her death.

"I _deeply_ regretted not being able to come home for the funeral; it caused me so much pain," he confessed with a frown. "I felt even worse when I _was_ able to come home, and I couldn't reach you, Lily. I'd sent Petunia a note, but she never got back to me with your address where I could mail you. It's still odd for me to not receive a letter from Rosie every month. I'm not sure I'll ever be used to her being gone."

Lily nodded in agreement, chewing her lip to fight the tears forming in her eyes as James stroked her back soothingly. "Me neither."

"She'd be delighted to see you so happy," Henry continued, a reassuring smile on his face. "Both you girls; she'd be thrilled to see you so happy."

Lily smiled and nodded her head in agreement, but was called out of her thoughts by the clinking of silverware against glass. Petunia and Vernon were standing in the middle of the room, calling everyone's attention to them and their overly broad grins.

"Everyone, if we could have your attention for just a moment," Vernon said, his expression smug as Petunia simpered up at him, her expression eager and extremely happy. "We want to thank you for coming to join us tonight, this is a very exciting time for Petunia and I both," he explained with a proud grin. "_I've_ just been promoted to Associate Director of Operations at Grunnings, and Petunia and I … we are expecting our first child in the middle of June."

A collective gasp rose from the group, followed by numerous "_congratulations_!" and "_Oh my, how exciting_!" cries from the women in the room. James and Lily both applauded, with James following his wife's gaze to Petunia's dress.

Lily's eyes went directly to the red dress Petunia's was wearing. It fit tightly against her, emphasizing what Lily now recognized as a little swell in her lower abdomen. James bit his lip, watching Lily closely, waiting for her reaction.

Lily swallowed, torn between happiness and depression. Petunia was having a baby. Lily was going to be an aunt. She was going to be an aunt… aunts were old and stuffy… but she was going to be one. Petunia was having a baby, and she wasn't…

Lily lifted the glass of champagne to her lips, taking the first drink she'd had all night. The liquid entered her mouth, but then she frowned and immediately spit it out into the glass. "_Ugh_," she groaned, pulling a face and glancing at Henry and James both. "This is _dreadful_."

Both men looked at each other before taking a sip of their drinks and swishing it around in their mouths. "It tastes all right to me," Henry shrugged.

"Me too," said James. "You're probably used to better stuff, Lils… whenever we buy it it's the expensive kind," he joked, causing her to chuckle lightly.

After the announcement, numerous guests ran toward the happy couple, passing on their congratulations and simpering while Petunia and Vernon basked in the attention. Lily was greeted in passing by a few distant relatives, though most flocked to Petunia to pass on their praise. It didn't bother her, however. She had no desire to steal Petunia's thunder, but she now had a renewed desire to be a part of a family… her family if she could be.

The evening passed with more conversation between her, James and her Uncle Henry; soon enough, it grew late and guests began to filter out of the house. Lily yawned widely, blinking her eyes and looking at James as he chuckled at her. "I think we'd better be off as well, before this one falls asleep on the sofa again," he teased, looking from Henry to his wife.

"Aye, I as well should be off. I'm heading out in the morning," he explained.

"So soon?" asked Lily, standing up as Henry did.

"Yes, so soon," he sighed. "I'm scheduled to speak at a University in Prague in two weeks, and I need to get back to my house and repack my bags to travel again. But it was lovely to see you, Lily. I'm glad you're doing so well."

Lily smiled. "It was nice to see you as well," she added. "It's been too long; you must come home more often than every seven years."

"Well, you two have a much more convenient means of travel than I do," he said with a laugh, "come see me. You're more than welcome."

Lily laughed and James nodded. "We'll have to do that sometime," she said, hugging her Uncle again before stepping aside to let him and James shake hands.

"James Potter, it was brilliant to meet you. Keep her in line as you have been, but do take care of her as well," said Henry, patting James on the shoulder proudly.

"I will, sir, I promise," he agreed.

Henry nodded and gave them a gentle smile before he walked out the door into the night. Lily sighed, nodding when James wrapped her coat around her shoulders. They walked past Petunia on their way to the door, Lily pausing for a moment and moving close to her sister.

Petunia halted her conversation, frowning at Lily and looking to her conversation partners. "Excuse me for a moment," she said before taking Lily by the shoulder and guiding her closer to the door. "_Yes_?"

"I only wanted to say congratulations," Lily explained. "I'm very happy for you; you must be so excited."

Petunia visibly relaxed, smiling now as she realized the conversation would center on her. "Yes, yes… we're very excited. Though I _will_ be glad when all this sickness is done with," she added with a roll of her eyes. "I've missed so much work already; I can hardly eat anything."

Lily nodded and gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, hopefully that will pass soon."

"Let us hope so; not that you'll ever know anything about it… but there you are," Petunia said.

Lily frowned, not sure what she meant by that comment, but deciding whatever it meant wasn't worth pursuing at the moment. She was too tired, and she only wanted to express her congratulations. "You'll send me a letter when the baby is born? I'd like to-"

"I'll send you an announcement," interrupted Petunia, her demeanor becoming cold and catching Lily off guard. "But I don't want you stopping by to _see_ him, or … _sending _us anything. I don't want him around any of your nonsense, _understand_?"

Lily sighed, a frown pulling at her mouth as her eyes pricked. Behind her James bristled, his eyes narrowing as he wrapped his arm protectively around Lily. "She only wants to see him and be a part of his life. She's great with kids; it's not fair-"

"I don't care what you consider fair or not," Petunia snapped. "I will not have your nonsense around my child. I'll send you a note and a picture… _maybe_. Good night," she finished, nodding at them both before returning to the sitting room and into a throng of admirers.

Lily exhaled a shaky breath, wiping her eyes with the tips of her fingers and letting James guide her out into the night. She felt him twist, and soon enough they were walking up the stairs to their flat. Lily stoically undressed and sat down on the bed, watching as James undressed himself and regarded her with a concerned expression. He sat next to her on the bed, placing his arm at her back and stroking her skin with his fingers.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm not sure why I thought she'd want… " she began before shaking her head rapidly, then turning to James with a sigh. "Anyway… it was good to see Uncle Henry," she continued, drastically changing the subject as she stared at her fingers. "He was always my favorite, even though he wasn't around very often."

"He was funny," James agreed. "Awfully fond of you."

Lily nodded. She looked up at James and his concerned expression, giving him a gentle smile as he kissed the back of her hand. "I'm all right; I'm just really… _really_ tired now."

"No mischievousness then," said James firmly, grinning when Lily chuckled at him. "In to bed you go." He snuggled next to her, arm around her waist and their feet intertwined as he kissed her shoulder softly. "Lils?"

"Yes?"

"You're going to be a fan-"

"I know," said Lily, squeezing James' hand in hers. "So are you."

"I'm going to be a fantastic mother?"

Lily laughed, turning her head to kiss James' lips before snuggling into her pillow and falling asleep much quicker than she expected.

Lily felt a little sadness over the interaction with Petunia, but put it out of mind as the holidays came and went. There were more parties to be had, with dinners and gift exchanges, and the love of her true family to cheer her up. They spent Christmas and Boxing day with the Potters in Cricklaide before returning home to relax before the New Year would begin. Lily was still abnormally tired, and took advantage of James' tendency to nap when he was bored as often as she could.

Unless he was feeling adventurous. During their nap two days before the New Year James was feeling adventurous, and he laid his hands on her hips before sliding them up the back of her thighs, kissing Lily's neck softly. She sucked in a sharp breath, turning her head to kiss James' cheek as he pulled her nightdress up and tore through another pair of knickers. She groaned as his weight rested against her back, one hand sliding to the crook of her knee and pushing it up by her hip when she rolled partly onto her stomach. James held her steady, sliding the other hand into her hair and breathing raggedly against her ear.

"Lily," he groaned, pushing himself deep inside of her, causing her to shudder from the inside out. "You're so soft, so warm… you're mine," James breathed, sliding his hands up to cup her breasts. At some point she'd moved her nightdress completely, but she didn't remember doing it. She didn't remember sleeping. All she could remember, or think about, or feel was James… his warm skin, his heady scent, the fullness of him inside her… pressing, pushing, pulsating … reaching parts of her that only he could touch…

"Lils?" said James' voice, curious this time. "Hey… Lils?"

"Hmmm… " Lily moaned. "Why… why'd you stop?"

She opened her eyes slowly, seeing James' face hovering over her, an amused smile gracing his glorious mouth. She chewed her lip. "I must have been dreaming…"

"About what, might I ask?" he breathed, eyes darkening seductively.

"I expect you can figure that out," she whispered, smiling as James leaned down to kiss her slowly. "I was so tired, but that dream woke me up quickly," she sighed in between kisses.

"_Quickly_?" James sniggered. "Lils… it's half-past noon."

She sat up, reaching across him and grabbing his watch. "Merlin's -... How long have you been awake?"

"A while; I got up and had some breakfast, but then came back to bed. Didn't see any sense in waking you, we don't have to go anywhere today, and you looked so peaceful," he said, kissing her bare shoulder and laying her back down.

Lily pushed her hair from her face, sighing as James took his watch from her and set it back on their nightstand. "I'm so sorry, you should have woken me. Ugh… what is _wrong_ with me? I can't get enough sleep; it's _ridiculous_. Though, I could blame you... you _have_ been keeping me up late," she teased as he slid over top of her, pulling off her night dress and nestling his face between her breasts.

"Not exceptionally late," he replied, his voice muffled against her skin. He kissed the swell of her breasts, bringing his hands up to cup them but pausing when Lily flinched.

James slid off of her, resting on his elbow and tracing his hands over her breasts as he regarded her curiously. "Have you been… maybe you're going through a growth spurt," he murmured, cupping her breasts softly.

"What makes you say that?" she asked, turning to him and wincing again.

"Because… well… because _these_ are… fuller," he explained. "You haven't put on any weight at all, but they're just… _bigger_. I'm not complaining, of course," he laughed, shaking his head at her confused expression. "I noticed it a few weeks ago, actually."

"Perhaps that's why they're sore," she said lightly, closing her eyes as he traced his fingers over the contours of her chest.

"Sore?" James asked. "Is that why you were flinching? I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No, you didn't… it's strange. Any kind of pressure on them hurts; when I wash in the bath it hurts, when I put on my clothes they hurt. It's annoying, and _odd_! Just another _odd_ thing to add to the list of ever growing things that are wrong with me," she grumbled, leaning up on her elbows and staring down at her chest.

Her breasts were larger, not exceptionally, but there was a definite difference. She had noticed it in her bras too; they had become very snug and uncomfortable lately. But as James said, she hadn't put on any weight, so the change hadn't alarmed her until they'd begun to feel tender.

James gently coaxed her back as he sat up, maneuvering himself to kneel between her thighs. He leaned over to kiss her, keeping his body from pressing against hers as he pulled her hips against his. Lily smiled and bit her lip, spreading her legs wider as James shifted and slid himself inside of her, groaning loudly while her eyes flutter closed. "Does this make it any better?" he asked hoarsely, thrusting softly against her.

Lily whimpered, closing her eyes and arching her back, her hips bucking against his as he pushed deep into her. "This makes a lot of things better," she replied softly.

James stayed on his knees, keeping his thrusts long and slow, watching her expression closely. She moved sinfully against him, her expression becoming more enthralled by the second. Lily reached for his hands, letting him turn so his back was against their headboard and pull her atop him. James gripped her hips firmly in his hands as her mouth crashed against his, whimpers of pleasure muffled against his lips. She started to grind against him; James moved his lips to her neck, his hands sliding up her body and softly tracing over her breasts.

"_James_," she whispered, tangling her fingers in his hair. "_God_… how do you do it?"

"Do what?" he asked, lifting his eyes to hers.

She pressed her forehead to his, kissing him softly as she rolled her hips slowly against his. "Turn me into this … puddle of lust… that wants nothing but you," she said before closing her eyes, groaning ardently as he thrust against her.

James smirked. "Animal magnetism," he explained, smiling broadly as she giggled in between her moans. "How can you still feel so good?"

"How good?"

James growled, kissing her hungrily as she increased the pace of her rocking. "Bloody brilliant… fantastic… amazing," he hissed, grabbing her hips trying to steady her pace. "You're so soft… velvety… _tight_. You feel so good, Lily…" he whispered, kissing her again.

"So do you," she replied, gripping his shoulders as she felt the rush of pleasure inside her.

James smirked. "Slowly, lover… _slowly_… I'll get you there," he promised, kissing her gently, swallowing her whimpering cry with his lips. He moved one hand to her lower belly, his thumb pressing against her clitoris. Lily cried out sharply, tangling her fingers into James' hair.

"God… _James_," she whined, trying to rock her hips faster, but is hands were unforgiving, holding her steady as he thrust softly against her.

"Shhh," he whispered, keeping the movements slow and steady. He knew they were torture, but being inside her felt so good, he didn't want it to end. "I love you, Lily," he breathed, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her against him.

"I love you," she whispered in reply, letting him guide her movements. She wanted release, and lately it seemed so much more intense. But James held her, prolonging the ecstasy, making her dizzy and lightheaded.

He groaned as she moved sinuously against him, his free hand gripping her backside, clutching her to him as he thrust again. "Look at me, Lily," James whispered, kissing her again.

She opened her eyes; they looked sleepy and heavy as she gazed back at him. Her lip tucked between her teeth, she tossed her hair out of her face, allowing James to see her flushed cheeks. He kissed her again, feeling her tighten around him as he moved, and he purposely slowed down to draw out the pleasure. "Good girl… keep going… _keep_ _going_, lover," he encouraged, watching a flush move over her skin. "Oh, God… Lily…_Lily_," James hissed, feeling her muscles convulse around him.

Lily was shaking, her whole body quivering with pleasure. She lowered her mouth to James', panting as the pleasurable contractions moved from between her legs up through her belly, and all the way through her spine. "Your turn," she whispered. "Show me how good I feel."

James groaned, his head falling back as his own release crashed over him. Lily kept moving slowly, her muscles squeezing and extracting every ounce of pleasure out of him. He lay back against the pillows, sliding down and bringing his hands to his hair to steady the swaying room. His fingertips were tingling, bright lights still flashing behind his eyelids; he felt Lily's body lower over his, her soft hair falling around his face as she kissed him gently.

"Hi," she whispered against his lips.

"Hi," he replied hoarsely, opening one eye and smirking at her as she snuggled against him. They were quiet for a few moments, James stroking her hair as Lily traced patterns on his chest. "Feel like sleeping some more?"

Lily chuckled, pulling the covers around them and snuggling closer. "Yes, I do actually."

"Good… I'm knackered," James said, turning on his side and pulling her close. Lily kissed his neck and snuggled in, her arms snaking around his waist as they drifted.

"James?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think there's something wrong with me?" she asked in a worried voice.

James opened his eyes, brushing his hands through her hair as she gazed nervously at him. "Do you want to go see a healer? Maybe you're overly tense, or maybe that potion isn't entirely out of your system," he suggested.

"I was thinking about going to a doctor," she said quietly.

"Doctor?"

"Muggle healer."

James frowned. "If you really want to, but… I think you should just go see a healer. I've heard donors-"

"Doctors," Lily chuckled.

"Doctors… like to give people _pills_ for everything, they don't actually fix you. Besides, you're a witch… if there is something wrong, a healer will know how to take care of you," he said with a nod of finality.

"Do _you_ think there's something wrong?"

"You do," James said, pushing her hair from her face.

"I just feel off," explained Lily. "The sleepiness, the… dreams…"

"I kind of like the dreams," James confessed with a laugh.

Lily giggled. "That's not so bad, but… I just feel out of control. And things _smell_ weird! After full moon, when you and Padfoot came home I could smell the woods on you, and… _wet dog_… and-"

"Padfoot always smells like a wet dog," chuckled James.

"I'm serious, though!" Lily continued. "I could _smell_ him. All that, plus… whatever is happening with my boobs, and nothing tastes good at all but I'm _so_ hungry lately-"

"Lils," said James, grinning at his wife's intense expression.

"- feel like I'm eating all the time, but nothing ever tastes good. The other day, I woke up and all I wanted was chocolate. I _hate_ chocolate, but that was the _only_ thing that sounded good. 'Course we didn't have any, but-"

"Lils-"

"-drank some water, but if I drink too much I have to pee every five minutes it feels like-"

"_Lils_!" James laughed. "Go see a healer; you'll feel better."

Lily nodded. "Not today. I'm having lunch with Marlene and her sister today."

"What time is that?"

"Um… 1:30?"

"You'd better get going then," James teased as she climbed out of bed and ran into their bathroom to get ready.

Snow was falling when Lily left the flat, kissing James goodbye and promising she'd be home before evening fell. It had snowed, and snowed, and then continued to snow the entire month of December. Lily hoped that January would at least bring a change in the weather, or at the very least, less snow. New Year was coming, a new decade actually. Change was in the air, she could feel it. Things were going to change drastically in the next twelve months; Lily hoped it would be positive.

"Oversleep?" teased Marlene when Lily sat down at the table where she, her sister–in-law and niece were waiting.

"_No_," Lily replied, grinning at baby Myriah as she sat down. "I'm only three minutes late."

"I'm just kidding, Lils," grinned Marlene while Claudine laughed. "Though, it was pretty hysterical that you fell asleep against the bookcase during Dumbledore's last meeting."

Claudine chuckled shook her head while Lily blushed. "That was _so_ embarrassing; I can't _believe_ you brought that up."

"Well, to be honest, it's got me a bit worried," Marlene confessed. "Are you sick? What's going on with you?"

"I'm not _sick_," said Lily, taking a sip of the water in front of her as Marlene passed her a glass of wine. "At least I don't feel sick. I'm just tired, and a little wound up I think."

"'Wound up?'" asked Claudine.

"I guess. I mean… well, back in October I thought … I mean I thought James had died, right? It _really_ messed me up. Aside from that… I was… I don't want to sound whiney or be a baby about it," grimaced Lily, shaking her head.

"You're not being a baby," insisted Marlene. "You were tortured, force-fed some type of poison, and then you thought man you love was killed … it messed you up. I can understand why that would take a while to get over. Plus you _never_ got help; you never let Mungo's keep you like they wanted, or-"

"I didn't want to stay there," grumbled Lily. "James … we were talking this morning, and he thinks I should go see a healer. _I_ want to go see a doctor."

"Muggle doctor?" Claudine asked, passing baby Myriah back her pacifier when she started to fuss. "What are they going to tell you that a healer can't?"

Lily shrugged, smiling at the baby who was now grinning mischievously at her and batting her hands together. She reached into the carrier, tickling the baby's soft tummy and smiling as she giggled lightly.

"What do you think a doctor can do that I healer can't?" asked Marlene, pressing Lily to answer.

"I don't know," she replied with a frown. "I'm trying not to think about it, honestly. I just need more rest… maybe I need to eat better. Though nothing tastes good so that's become a problem."

Claudine looked at Lily curiously, her eyes flicking up and down her figure. "So, you're sleeping all the time, and nothing tastes good…"

"Yeah," she replied.

"And you're not sick?" Claudine asked. "You haven't gotten sick or … thrown up or anything?"

"No…"

"Do your bras hurt when you put them on?" she asked in a low, conspiratorial voice.

Marlene sniggered and looked at Lily's confused expression. "Actually, yes… they do hurt."

Claudine chuckled once, gesturing toward Myriah and smiling. "Sounds like you've got one of these baking."

Marlene gasped, looking at Lily with wide eyes, while Lily gazed at Claudine with a confused expression. "_What_?" she asked, as though she didn't understand the concept.

"It sounds like you're preg-"

"You're pregnant, Lily! _You're pregnant_!"

Lily shook her head. "No… I'm not _pregnant_," she replied, stressing the term like it was an impossible scenario. "There's no _way_-"

"There's '_no_ way?'" asked Claudine, quirking one eyebrow. "You and James haven't been shagging like wild animals during all the hours you spend together?"

"Of course they have," laughed Marlene. "We can practically hear you! It's been torture for Sirius to refrain from teasing you guys all the time. This is brilliant; you're _pregnant_! You know who else is? _Alice_… Alice is pregnant as well."

"I'm not – _she is_?" asked Lily excitedly. "Since when?"

"Since whenever… I think she's due in August, I'm not sure," shrugged Marlene. "She stopped by yesterday, letting me officially; I expect you'll be hearing from her soon as well."

"Oh, that's wonderful! She's been-"

"Yes, that's all well and good, but what about _you_?" interrupted Claudine. "Why don't you think _you're_ pregnant?"

"Wha… well… I'm just… I'm… _I'm not_. I mean-"

"When did you have your period last?"

"I had it… I had… I…" Lily trailed off, counting days on her fingers. She'd had it in November, right? No… November had been a blur. Had it been in November?

No, it wasn't November. It had happened in October. _Early_ October… she'd just gotten to the hotel by the beach when it arrived. She remembered borrowing supplies from Sam since she'd been completely unprepared.

"_Lily_… waiting for an answer _here_," Marlene grinned in a sing-song voice.

"I… but I've been taking- no wait… _no_," she stopped herself, thinking back to her contraceptive draught. She'd taken it the morning she was kidnapped. But not since then…

And even that morning… it had been a small dose because she'd run out of ingredients and hadn't been to get more. She hadn't even thought of taking it since her kidnapping. All her focus had been on finding an antidote to that poison, and then once she'd gotten one, she was so pleased to feel like herself again that the thought of contraception hadn't even crossed her mind.

Lily gasped, remembering the note that had come with the antidote she'd received in the mail. "…_I must warn you that it will counteract any other potions you've been taking (antidotes, medicinal potions, protective or ability enhancing draughts, ect)…"_

"Oh, _God_…" Lily breathed, grabbing the glass of wine in front of her and taking a large gulp. The liquid hit her tongue, bitter and harsh, and she spit it out into her napkin a second later. Her eyes felt as though they were going to pop out of her head, and her hand instinctively trailed down to her abdomen, her palm resting against where her baby was lying…

"Oh… _Oh, no_…," she whispered, looking up at Marlene and Claudine in alarm. Both of them had identical concerned expressions, with a trace of excitement in their eyes. "I … I have to go…"

"What? Wait, Lily… it's going to be-"

"I have to go!" she said quickly, lying money on the table and grabbing her purse. "I have… I have to know for sure. I have to go!"

"_Lily_!" Marlene called as she ran off, waving good-bye and apologizing loudly. Marlene shook her head.

"I think we surprised her," Claudine teased, glancing at her baby who was watching Lily run off with an amused expression on her face.

Lily raced to onto a deserted street, Apparating to the location of Sam's flat in Stratford as soon as she had her bearings. She raced to the front door, her hands shaking as she reached for the doorknob. It was locked.

"_SAM_!" Lily shouted, banging her fist hard on the door. "_Sam_! _Please_… are you – oh, thank Merlin you're here!" she exclaimed when Sam opened the door and gave her a curious glance. Lily walked into the flat, taking off her coat and twisting her fingers nervously, completely ignoring the fact that Sam didn't have any trousers on.

"Lily… what's going on?" she asked, her expression slightly alarmed. "Has something-"

"I think… I think… "breathed Lily, chewing her lip and starting to pace nervously. "I'm not sure, but… I was at lunch with Marlene and her sister-in-law and… we were talking about - I've felt so _odd_ lately, and things are weird with my body and-"

"Lily, slow down," Sam insisted, taking her by the shoulders and guiding her to the sofa. "You're shaking… what's happened?"

Lily chewed her lip, jumping when Remus walked into the sitting area in nothing _but_ his trousers. He paused, his eyes growing alarmed as he took in her state. "Lils… what's going on?"

"Nothing bad… nothing… I… I've been so off lately, but I didn't think that… well, I didn't _think_ that's the problem and-"

"Remus," Sam interrupted in a firm voice, "make her some tea, please."

"On it," said Remus, grabbing a shirt from the back of the couch and walking into the kitchen.

Lily looked around, slowing her breathing as Sam stroked her hair gently. "This is a nice place… I haven't been here yet."

"It's good for now," Sam smiled. "I rented it for a year, even though I have to go back to France in February. Remus is going to ... stay and keep watch until I come back in June."

"I see," said Lily. "That's good… I'm glad. I'm really happy for you both," she smiled, taking the warm cup of tea from Remus, nodding as he pulled up a chair and sat across from where she and Sam were.

"Thanks, Lily," he replied. "So, what's going on?"

Lily swallowed, taking a long drink of the tea before biting her lip again. "I might be pregnant."

Remus cocked his head to the side, a smile crossing his lips as he turned to Sam, who had shifted from concerned friend into Healer in a matter of seconds. She nodded and stroked Lily's hair softly. "All right, tell me why you think that."

"I'm sleepy."

"So am I," laughed Sam.

"No… I'm… I'm sleepy _all_ the time. And nothing tastes good, and I'm… moody and really … I've been stressed out, so … maybe it's just that," Lily explained.

"Perhaps," Sam shrugged. "But, I'm assuming there is something more if you're showing up to my flat worrying you might be pregnant."

Lily nodded. "Marlene had to ask me… but… I haven't had, um…" she paused, glancing at Remus. "I haven't… well, it's –"

Sam watched Lily's eyes dart between her and Remus, shaking her head at Lily's uncomfortable expression. "Ignore him, he's used to me talking about anything and everything while I study," she explained.

"All right," Lily swallowed. "I haven't … I haven't had my period since October, since when we _first_ got to the beach. I asked you for stuff, remember? And… after that _stupid_ kidnapping with the poison and everything… I forgot to take my contraceptive potion. And the antidote I got said it would wipe out any medicinal things I was taking… so, even if I _had_ taken it… maybe it wouldn't have worked…"

Lily chewed her lip and looked at Sam, who was nodding at her with a comforting smile. "Well, from what you're telling me, it sounds as though you may be right. But we can find out for sure, very easily… so let's do that before you panic anymore, okay?"

"All right," said Lily, watching Sam stand up and fetch her wand from the pocket of trousers, which were lying disheveled on the floor.

"Incidentally," said Remus, giving Lily a gentle smile, "why _are_ you panicking?"

"I'm _scared_," replied Lily, as though this should be obvious.

"Why?" pondered Remus and Sam simultaneously.

"James and I … well, we didn't… we didn't _want_ to have a baby right now. The war… all the uncertainty and… I mean… he was very adamant about it a few months back, but… even so, _I'm petrified_. I can't be a mother! I haven't planned for anything, or-"

"Lily, you're going to be a great mother," Sam assured her, pointing her wand at her belly and murmuring something quietly. "Whenever it happens. It's going to be all right. You'll figure it out, and I'm sure that James-"

"I don't even know how _I_ feel right now," interrupted Lily, her eyes fixated on the wand in front of her. "I can't even imagine how _James_ is going to… feel… how he's going to… there's a circle. What's that mean? What does that mean that there's a circle?"

Sam bit her lip, trying to repress the smile pressing against her lips. "What do you think it means?"

Lily swallowed. "I'm pregnant?" she asked, watching Sam nod. "I'm pregnant. I'm… I'm _pregnant_…"

"Here," said Remus as he got to his feet. "I'm going to make you some toast and some eggs, you finish your tea, and we'll just let this sink in, all right?"

"But-"

"I think that's a good idea," agreed Sam, patting Lily on the back and smiling gently at her.

Lily swallowed as she set the cup of tea on the table beside their sofa, her arms wrapping protectively around her abdomen. She could almost feel a swell in her belly, a swell with life inside it. She was pregnant.

* * *

_A/N: I should have another chapter up in a few days hopefully. I'm going to Vegas for a week the 2nd week in July and I want to have another one up before then. SQUEEE! Lily's Pregnant! I can hear the collective"yays!" and I love them. Also, I just want to say how incredibly humbled I was to randomly search "Before The Fawn"on goggle only to find that my story has it's own hashtag on Tumblr, and there were several mentions of it and suggestions to read it and just... it brought tears of happiness to my eyes. I was so, so, so humbled as I always am by each and every review. So, if you are on tumblr and are reading this, thank you for the feedback... and if you are on and reading this, thank you for the feedback! - Andelyn_


	52. The Snitch

_A/N - Republished without my "edits"/"drafts" of things. Sorry about the confusion!_

The Snitch

"Come on Get Higher" - Matt Nathanson

* * *

"Checkmate, mate," Sirius laughed as James cursed and flicked his king over in an irritated manner. "That's three games in a row."

"I realize," he muttered in reply. "When did you become good at chess?"

"Since you stopped playing; you're out of practice. Doesn't Lily _ever_ play with you?"

"She does," shrugged James, "but she's so horrible it's not even a challenge to beat her."

Sirius barked a laugh and rose out of his chair, wandering into the kitchen while James packed away the board. "Marlene is rather good, surprisingly," he confessed. "But we don't play much."

"Too busy with other activities?"

"She likes to read, and listen to the radio … among other things," Sirius grinned.

"Well, I'm glad she likes to read," James teased, also getting to his feet. "Someone needs to make sure you're a bit cultured, you swine."

"I'll show you a swine," Sirius growled, running out of the kitchen and lunging at James, swearing as he lithely jumped over a chair and dodged the tackle. Sirius lunged again, forcing James backward into an end table. A small vase of Lily's tottered precariously on the edge of the table before falling out of James' grasp and heading towards the floor.

"_IMPEDIMENTA_!" Sirius shouted with a flourish of his wand, freezing the vase mere inches above the floor. "I just saved your life, mate. Lils would have killed you if that had broken."

James exhaled in relief and picked it up gently, a small frown on his face. "Not _killed_ me, necessarily… but she wouldn't have been happy. She's been a bit off lately."

"Have you done anything nice for her recently?" asked Sirius. "Besides not _die_?"

"Ha, ha… _funny_," James sneered in response. "_I _have been _wonderful_ to her – and that is coming directly from her, by the by. But… maybe you're right. Maybe I should – well, she was talking this morning about going to see a Muggle healer because she's felt so strange as of late."

"A dentist you mean?"

"Something like that," said James. "I forget exactly what they're called. I told her to go to Mungo's, she's a witch. They can take care of her, right? Dentists… they sound scary and mental with all their needles, and pills and whatever else they have."

"Well, if she's feeling '_strange'_ as you put it, I can tell you first hand – and you probably remember - they're not the friendliest of birds at Mungo's," Sirius offered, watching James nod in agreement. "Perhaps, you should do something _nice_ for her, tell her that dentists scare you, and _then_ take her to Mungo's yourself? That's what I would do if Marlene was feeling sick or whatever."

James pursed his lips and considered this option, watching as Sirius folded his arms proudly across his chest. "When did you become the expert on romantic gestures?" he asked, grinning when Sirius strutted proudly past him and grabbed his cloak.

"I've always been an expert," he replied. "I recommended poetry, mind you, and … I'm sure I recommended other things as well, but poetry is the one that's sticking out the most."

"Yes, and that worked _so_ well," James laughed, grabbing his cloak and following Sirius out the door. "Let's stop by the Leaky Cauldron and harass Wormtail. He's been a bit surly lately so maybe we should bring him some flowers, too."

"Maybe we should take _him_ to see a dentist," Sirius suggested, grinning at James' responding laugh.

J&L&J&L&J&L

"So," Lily said, clearing her throat and drumming her fingers on the table. "I'm pregnant."

"Yes, it appears that you are," Sam confirmed, for what sounded like the three-hundredth time. Lily chewed her lip, realizing that no matter how many times Sam said it, or how many times Lily confirmed it, the news would still sound the same: wonderful, thrilling, joyous… and scary as Hell.

"I'm sorry… I keep saying that," Lily muttered, her lip tucked between her teeth as she placed her hands gently against her abdomen.

"It's all right, Lils," Sam replied. "You're in shock, obviously."

"Obviously," repeated Lily. "So… how … how pregnant am I?" she asked, watching as Sam got up and walked over to her book shelf, returning with a book entitled "_The Pragmatic Witches Guide to Pregnancy – from conception, to birth and beyond._"

"Let's see… you said you started after we got to the hostel in Dorset, which was around the twelfth of October," she mused, flipping through the pages of her book until she reached a section that included grid of weeks and months. She tapped her wand on the date October twelfth, watching the weeks high light in different colors until stopping in mid-July. "If we use that date, this says you're just about three months along, you're due the nineteenth of July…so you're done with you're pretty much done with your first trimester."

"Three… _three months_?" Lily replied in an alarmed voice. She placed her hands on her stomach, a worried look on her face. "Three months? Why… Aren't I supposed to be huge? Why don't I have a belly?"

Remus chuckled lightly. "Because you're skinny, Lils. You might not get very big."

"And the baby is _barely_ the size of a snitch," Sam explained, sliding the book in front of Lily, grinning as the latter began greedily flipping through the pages. "You're fine, but you probably _should_ see a healer."

"Isn't that what you are?" asked Lily, not raising her eyes from the pages as Sam and Remus both laughed. "It says here I should be taking a vitamin or… some kind of potion, and eating really healthy. I haven't been doing either… do you think he's okay?"

"'_He_?'" asked Remus. "It's definitely a girl."

"What? Why?" asked Lily, looking up curiously. "_Is_ it a girl? How do –"

"I don't know what it is," laughed Remus. "But Padfoot and I decided years ago that Prongs was going to be blessed with nothing but girls when he had children. Look at the way he chased after you, it seems fitting he should suffer through some bloke chasing after his daughters in such a persistent manner."

Sam laughed loudly, but Lily chewed her lip. "I have to tell him," she murmured. "I have to tell James. Today… I have to tell him _now_."

"Obviously," said Sam. "Why do you look so nervous about that?"

"He… well, neither of us … _we_ wanted to _wait_," she explained, watching Sam and Remus nod understandingly. "We didn't… with everything going on, we both thought it _insane_ to have a baby now… just mental and… but now…"

Lily had been using her hands to make gestures, but she trailed off her thoughts and brought her hands gently back to her abdomen. Sam smiled. "I don't think there's ever a _good_ time to have a baby, Lily," she replied. "You could have all the money in the world, all the time on your hands or… anything else you can think of. There is no perfect situation; and no matter, what it would still be scary."

Lily nodded. "It is scary," she whispered. "It's _terrifying_. But … honestly I didn't think I would _want_ a baby for a long time… a _very_ long time. But now… _now_, I can't imagine _not_ wanting him. He's there and he's - he's part of James and… I love him, already. So much; I can't imagine _not_ wanting him…"

"Her," Remus corrected with a grin. "James will feel the same way, Lily; I promise. He'll be thrilled."

"You think?" asked Lily. "He seems so scared, maybe even more scared than I am."

"And that – right _there_ – is why the pair of you are going to be brilliant parents," Sam insisted. "_Because_ you're scared. You know what it _means_ to have a baby, to be responsible for her and-"

"Do you really think it's a her?" asked Lily, a small smile playing on her lips. "I don't care either way, I just always thought I'd have a boy first."

"Well, in about a month it'll be determined," Sam replied. "Too bad there isn't a way we could find out."

"Muggles have machines that can see the baby," Lily mused. "My cousin had these gigantic pictures of her baby; she knew it was a girl before she was born. Granted they were very fuzzy, and you couldn't _really_ see… but still."

"This is true," Sam agreed. "That is something that wizards could catch up on."

"I want to go see a doctor before I go to Mungo's," Lily said firmly. "I just do. I'll feel better and-"

"I'm not sure how James is going to feel about that," Remus interrupted, a frown on his face. "Ever since he found out about doctors giving kids shots and what not he's had… not very good opinions of them."

Lily frowned, but Sam rolled her eyes. "Lily and I, and thousands of other Muggle-born and Muggle children had shots. They don't hurt, and it's no worse than making kids take that regimen of potions to prevent the _same_ illnesses," she scoffed. "Besides… if it will make you feel a little better, Lils, what James doesn't know won't hurt him."

Lily grinned, watching Sam glare challengingly at Remus disapproving expression. "It's nice to have you around again, Sam."

"Yes, it's nice to be around," she agreed as they stood and grabbed their cloaks. "It's nice to have my '_muggle'_ opinions considered when it comes to medical treatment."

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Awh, Wormtail… you shouldn't have," Sirius grinned, grabbing two pints of expensive meade from behind the bar and handing one to James. "You saved these just for Prongs and I."

"'Course I did," replied Peter with mock sincerity. "I have S_ight_ now, didn't you know? I knew the pair of you were going to abandon your birds for a day and come in _just_ to see me."

James rolled his eyes. "Don't be a git, Wormtail," he muttered, taking a large drink from the bottle Sirius had passed him. "You haven't stopped by to see us either."

"That's because every time I _have_ stopped by I always catch someone-"

"That was one time, mate," Sirius laughed.

"_Twice_… once with you, once with Moony," grumbled Peter.

"Moony? When did you catch Moony?" asked James curiously, grinning at Sirius' barking laughter.

"This morning before I came in," Peter replied crossly. "I stopped by Sam's flat when he wasn't at his, and he answered the door in nothing but a pillow."

"A pillow, eh?" asked Sirius. "Interesting fashion choice; Moony always was a bit of a trend setter."

"This is true," James agreed. "Lily actually cut holes in one of her sweaters for her thumbs because she liked his sweater like that so much."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Lily this, Marlene that… everyone's got a bird it seems like. And I've got what?"

"Loads of alcohol and the jovial, frivolous life of a free man," Sirius offered, frowning as Peter scoffed in reply. "You know the solution then, don't you? Find a bird!"

"Because that's _so_ easy," Peter challenged.

"Oh, stop whining," Sirius barked. "Full moon is in two weeks. We'll _all_ go out then; and you'd better not be so surly or the only pussy you'll see is the one I'll find to chase you."

Peter frowned, setting down the rag he'd been using to dry glasses with. "Sorry… it's just, between being stuck in that dingy flat upstairs, watching Malfoy and all those other prats wander in and out each day, never taking a break on throwing my lack of success-"

"Hang on," James asked, perking up slightly. "Malfoy and 'all those other prats?' Who are 'all those other prats?'"

Peter shrugged. "The usual. Avery, Snape, Rosier… and then there are these two blokes with long dark hair. One has a really thick beard and –"

"Beard?" asked Sirius. "That'd be Rodolphus Lestrange. Every day they come through here?"

"Going into Diagon Alley," Peter explained.

"You do realize that Rodolphus has a warrant out for his arrest, don't you?" asked James, drumming his fingers on the bar as a mischievous look crept into his eyes.

"I didn't know that," Peter muttered. "Just another thing that no one keeps me up to date-"

"Oh, shut up, Wormtail," Sirius growled. "The only reason _we_ know is because Prongs weaseled the info out of Longbottom. No one is keeping anything from you. Have they been through here today?"

Peter shook his head, looking scolded. "Not today."

James and Sirius exchanged glances, the latter grinning excitedly. "Mind if we hang out behind the bar for a while, Wormtail?"

"I've been feeling a bit twitchy," James confessed. "Haven't seen a lot of action since-"

"Since Lily demanded you stay home with her? She didn't let you out last full moon," said Peter, a little too maliciously for James' liking.

"Shut up," he snapped, walking behind the bar and snatching the rag from in front of Peter. "We'll dry your stupid glasses while we wait for those prats, then you'll come out with us and we'll catch those wankers in the midst of something and take them out."

"Then in the afterglow of glory you can seduce that Hestia bird Dumbledore just recruited," Sirius added. "A good shagging will knock the surliness right out of you."

J&L&J&L&J&L

"Maybe going to the doctor wasn't the best idea I ever had," Lily confessed, looking at Remus' disapproving expression.

Sam frowned as she walked alongside her. "I had no idea they took that much blood when you were pregnant."

"What do they need it for anyway?"

"Maybe they're secretly vampires," Remus offered, flinching when Sam hit him on the shoulder. "What? I can't imagine what else they'd do with all of it. They can't possibly need that much to figure out you're pregnant."

Sam took the folder Lily was holding, curiously flipping through the various medical forms as they walked. "Well, you officially _are_ pregnant by muggle standards and wizard tests… so, congratulations again," she explained, grinning at the shy smile that played on Lily's mouth. "It also says you are, according to blood tests, about twelve weeks along, so at the very end of your first trimester. You're in no risk of a miscarriage, you're a healthy weight… little on the skinny side, it says. Take a vitamin, get some exercise every so often… Figuring all that out is what they need the blood for, I guess."

"It still seems very invasive to me," Remus muttered.

"I'm going to agree with you on this one," sighed Lily, removing the thick bandage from her arm. "Are you two in a hurry to get home? I want to go to Diagon Alley and … get something."

"Something for James?" Sam grinned. "Something that says '_Congratulations, Daddy?_'"

"Personally, I'll be looking for something that says '_Glad all those Quaffles to the balls didn't do any long term damage_,'" Remus murmured, grinning when Sam and Lily laughed loudly.

Sam pushed open the door to the Leaky Cauldron, pausing at the site of people crowded around back of the bar. Remus' demeanor changed from lightheartedly amused to serious and concerned in a few seconds. "Stay here for a – "

"Like Hell I will," interrupted Lily, barging past him and toward the group of people.

Remus frowned, looking at Sam with a concerned expression. "I never was very authoritative, was I?" he asked.

Sam smiled and squeezed his hand. "You are when you need to be. Lily never listens to anyone."

"I never have, I never will," Lily replied as the three of them reached the group. "What's-"

"Lily?" the familiar voice of Ambrose Potter interrupted. "Good, you're here too. James got a message to you, then?"

"Message… no," she replied, her heart beginning to race. "I haven't talked to James since early this afternoon. What's happening?"

"Sirius sent a message about to several of us around ten minutes ago. He and James said Rodolphus Lestrange and a few others are strolling around Knockturn Alley as though they haven't a care in the world," Ambrose explained. "I contacted Alastor and Dumbledore, and they contacted several other Order members. We're hoping we can catch them all and bring them in; it would be a huge help to our side. I would have assumed they'd contact you all as well." He glanced at Lily's concerned expression, putting his hand on her shoulder in a reassuring way before looking to Remus.

"None of us saw a Patronus," he said, shaking his head. "I haven't talked to Pa- Sirius or James since earlier this week."

"Same here," added Sam.

"None of you?" Moody pressed from his spot next to Dumbledore, watching as Remus, Lily and Sam all shook their heads. "Odd… why're you here then?"

"We were… um… we were out," Lily replied. "I needed to stop by –"

"_There_ you are!" Marlene's voice called. Lily felt hands on her shoulders as Marlene spun her around and hugged her tightly . "I got a message from Sirius about ten minutes ago; he said to bring as many people as we could. I've been searching all over for you," she scolded.

Lily frowned. "Did James-"

"He's with Sirius," Marlene confirmed rolling her eyes. "I think Peter is with them as well… why aren't you Remus? The four of you are always in mischief together, it seems."

Remus' face colored as he and Sam shuffled further apart. "I was visiting Sam; we must have left before they sent us-"

"It doesn't matter now," Moody interrupted, waving his hand. "You're here, and we're going in. Black didn't say they'd done anything as of yet, he, Potter and Pettigrew are just following to keep an eye on them."

"How many are there?" asked Marlene.

"Sirius mentioned five names, but there are about fifteen of them he said," Ambrose replied. "I could hear James talking as well, so I think he was the one counting."

Lily swallowed, a nervous feeling building inside her stomach. "All right, what's our plan?"

"Gideon, Fabian and Emmeline are waiting to Floo into a grate in Knockturn Alley on my signal," Dumbledore explained, stepping out from behind the bar and stroking his Phonenix's feathers. "The rest of us are going to go through as normal, find James, Peter and Sirius, and hopefully take capture them all without much trouble."

"They're not going to go down easy, Albus," Moody grumbled.

Dumbledore nodded, a concerned little crease in his brow. "One can hope… if not, there are enough of us that hopefully we can keep it contained," he added, tapping the brick wall with his wand and walking forward slowly.

Moody grunted as he followed. "Let's hope we can disarm them before they decide to pull some of their more recent tricks," he mumbled under his breath.

Lily chewed her lip as she followed behind Marlene, whose expression has morphed into one of irritation rather than concern. "You all right?" Lily asked.

"Yes," she replied quietly. "Just… why is it always them?"

Lily shrugged and laughed gently. "It just is. Dragons don't change their scales."

"Too right," scoffed Marlene before she turned to examine Lily. "What about you? Are you… I mean… are you '_all right_?'"

Lily nodded, chewing her lip as she looked up at Marlene's curious eyes. "I'm all right…"

"Are you… what I thought you were?"

"Yes," replied Lily in a whisper, drawing a gentle, reassuring smile from Sam. "Which is why I'm a little scared right now."

"We've got this, Lils," Marlene insisted. "If what Sirius says is true, he and James have kept out of sight so-"

"That's not what I'm afraid of," Lily interrupted, placing a hand on her belly.

"Ah," grinned Marlene. "Well… that's not that scary either," she whispered, chuckling lightly when Lily scoffed in reply. "It'll be okay. Let's just hope that your husband and my… whatever Sirius is… haven't done something stupid since sending the message."

"That is a concern," Lily nodded in agreement. "They do tend to –"

"Feed off of each other?" Remus input, watching Lily nod and Marlene grin. "Luckily, they're skilled enough that the can take care of themselves."

"That doesn't make it okay," replied Lily.

"Plus, Peter is with them," Marlene added. "He tends to panic, then they have to protect him… and that's not –"

"Shut _UP_!" Moody hissed. "We're getting there, so quiet down and we can figure out what's going on!"

Lily paused, looking scolded, but Marlene rolled her eyes. "So testy…" she mumbled, quickening her pace to catch up with Moody, Dumbledore and Ambrose.

As they approached the entrance to Knockturn Alley, Dumbledore's Phoenix took flight and vanished into thin air. _The signal_, Lily thought to herself, pulling out her wand and steeling her courage for whatever would come. Moody instructed her, Remus and Sam to stay by the entrance to the alley for a moment while they walked in, frowning as a few cries of alarm suddenly erupted south of where they were standing.

"If they have a mask on, stun them," he growled, following quickly after Dumbledore and Ambrose.

Lily swallowed, bracing herself for a fight just in case; her eyes watching as Remus and Sam did the same. "So much for a nice peaceful afternoon, eh?" Remus murmured to Sam, who nodded in response.

"Sorry, guys," Lily mumbled, quelling when they both looked at her with shocked expressions.

"It's hardly your-"

Sam's reassuring comment was cut off by another set of alarmed cries, and suddenly a small group of people raced up to the Alley and into where the three of them were standing.

"_HOLD IT_!" Lily shouted, blocking the path with Remus and Sam. "Where-"

"_THE DEATH EATERS_!" A woman shrieked, pushing Lily out of the way and running back toward the exit at the Leaky Cauldron. "It's _HIM_! _He's Coming_!"

Lily grabbed a shopping bag from one of the others who had run up with her, finding only flesh-eating slug repellent inside. She swore and let all of them pass before sprinting into the Alley towards the familiar sounds of curses bouncing off of stone walls.

Remus over took both Lily and Sam as they battled forward, his long legs carrying him quickly down a flight of stairs and into a batch of flashing lights. Sam raced after him, and Lily's eyes began to scan the crowd for James as she stunned someone who had taken flight up the stairs behind her.

Clad in a skull mask, Lily found she didn't care who this Death Eater was; as long as he was off the streets, it was a better world. She grabbed his cloak and dragged him off the street to the entrance of an empty building, snatching his wand and binding his feet and wrists to prevent his escape. A dark streak of light flew just over her head, hitting the side of a building and scattering bricks onto the ground. Lily shrieked and dodged another one, aiming her wand randomly and firing numerous stunning spells as she tried to get to her feet.

Narrow Diagon Alley was no place for a battle, but Knocktun Alley was even worse. It wound in sharp angles, numerous alcoves and empty shops gave friend and foe both plenty of places to hide. The damages from the battle just over a year ago were still evident, and it didn't take many spells to reopen buildings' old wounds. People were running terrified from the few occupied shops, and Lily tried to only stun or attack those who were wearing masks, or attempted to attack her as they raced either away or into the fight below.

She was desperate to get closer to the real clash; James, Sirius, Marlene… Remus and Sam were all up there, fighting who knew how many of them. It had to be more than fifteen, she thought. So much damage had been done so quickly. Lily had been forced to duck into corners and shield herself numerous times as spells she didn't recognize flew at random all around her.

She stunned another two masked men who had raced out from a shop, binding them in ropes and shoving them back inside before she proceeded forward. Her eyes saw a glimpse of someone with shaggy black hair being pushed against a wall. The man he was fighting clawed at his throat, but Sirius was too strong and threw him violently to the ground before firing another hex into the crowd. A second later, James appeared, his face covered in soot as he forced the man back down and began binding him from escape. Lily sprinted forward, eager to help out and end this as quickly as possible so she could tell James that…

Something snaked around her ankles and toppled her forward, throwing her down a few stairs and onto the stone road. Lily curled in on herself, trying to shield her body from further harm as someone tackled her and slammed her against the pavement. She began struggling violently against the sudden attack. Her wand was wrenched from her fingers and tossed out of her reach before her assailant slammed her head into the pavement again. Lily groaned, fighting an overwhelming feeling of dizziness as the man grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to her knees. He yanked her hair, pulling her head back and pressing the blunt tip of a wand under her chin. The cloud-covered sky slowly stopped spinning, but the muted light of the sun behind the clouds disoriented her even more as she continued to try and free herself. Her head pounded and her body ached as whoever was holding her suddenly gripped her tighter, gasping breathlessly in her ear.

She tried to curl in on herself, shielding her non-existent stomach with one hand as the man pinned the other one to her side. Lily whimpered and shuddered violently as he began chuckling against her back.

"Hmmm," a raspy voice murmured. "Looks like Potter is tryin' to run for ya. I wonder why… hmmm… sweet-smelling, ginger bint… yer Lily, ain't ya? Ye've got to be the way he's fightin' now; thinkin' he can run past my friends. Why're you here?"

Lily didn't respond, only struggled more against the man's grasp and paused when he jabbed the wand harder into her throat. She felt the tip grow hot and stilled, fear cresting inside her like a giant wave. An hour ago, she would have fought so hard she'd probably have injured herself. An hour ago, she would have screamed hexes and curses so loudly her throat would have been sore the next day. An hour ago, nothing would have mattered to her except James' safety… the safety of her loved ones, of her friends, of her family…

An hour ago, Lily was willing to die to keep them safe; but now, the person she wanted to save the most was inside of her… smaller than a snitch, and completely unable to live if she perished.

"Thought ya were a fighter," the man muttered, shaking Lily violently. "Ain't you gon' fight? Ain't you gonna fight me? I like it when mudbloods fight me."

"_Please_," Lily replied, shocked at how much her voice had changed. She didn't sound like herself; she sounded petrified and desperate, not brave and resilient. Tears ran down her face and she wrapped her free arm protectively around her hips. "Please… don't hurt me. There's no sense in it… if you… if you kill me, you'll _never_ get out of Azkaban… You're going to be caught, there's too many of us and-"

The man paused, and Lily felt his confused and marginally amused grin against her cheek. "What makes ya' think I care about Azkaban?" he laughed. "The Dark Lord is risin' up, even if ya' catch us now… we'll be out in a matter of months. Besides, yer just another body to add to our pile. I'm already a hero in the eyes of the Dark –"

"_LET HER GO_!" a voice roared, drowning out the man's monologue. Lily opened her eyes and relief flooded through her at the site of James. He'd earned a large gash on his forehead and his glasses were lopsided on his face, but he was safe and in one piece. Behind him, signs of the battle were waning. Lily saw several figures on the ground, bound in ropes. Though there were still a few fighting; she couldn't see who though.

The man yanked Lily's hair roughly and grinned against her ear. "He thinks I should let ya' go…"

"You should," Lily whimpered, her eyes locked with James'. "Please…"

"I'll give ya' credit, Potter," the man laughed. "Ye've managed to tame her. How'd ya' do it? We've got mudblood's we'd like to tame."

"Let her go," James growled, moving forward. "You don't have-"

"Gentle as a lamb, she is," The man laughed. "Been _begging_ me to release her."

"If you want to live you'll do just that," snarled James in reply. "Let her go!"

"So yeh' can haul me off to Azkaban, eh?" The man asked. "Doesn't matter if I kill this one or not, the Dark Lord will release me, and I migh' as well take one with me on my way out, eh? One less polluted-"

"_LET HER GO_!" James roared, stepping forward and pressing his wand against the man's forehead, his expression a mix of rage and fear as he watched the man move his wand to Lily's throat. James' eyes filled with fear. "_NOW_!" he shouted, jabbing his wand into the man's forehead.

"Do it, Potter," he taunted. "_Do it_! Yeh haven' got have the balls, and she's dead before the words are out of yer mouth. I can slit her throat in a second… or take her head clean off! Maybe yeh can keep it as a-"

James snarled again, and Lily felt the man flinch as some kind of a stinging hex hit him. He didn't release her; if anything, he tightened his grip. Lily felt a burning sensation begin at the tip of his wand, and something warm and wet begin to trickle down her throat... staining her shirt, making her even colder than she was already.

"Please!" she shouted, "Let me go… please…"

"No," the man murmured, laughing as he stared up at James' enraged expression. "No, I think if _I'm_ going out, yer-"

"_STUPIFY_!" another voice shouted from behind where the three of them were huddled. The man slammed Lily to the ground as he dodged the spell, but James gripped the back of his cloak and threw him off her. She scampered behind James as the man who'd held her prisoner tore up the Alley to where several other Death Eaters were running. James grabbed onto Lily's hand, pulling her to her feet and firing spells at the backs of the retreating figures. At the top of the small hill of steps, Lily saw Ceradoc Dearborn bracing himself to fight the whole group.

James pulled Lily close, picking her wand up from the pavement and handing to her. "You okay? Are you all-"

"I'm fine! Let's go," she shouted, running with him after the cloaked figures.

They hadn't run far when Ceradoc shouted in alarm and raced past them, motioning for them to follow. "RUN!" he shouted, tugging on Lily's cloak as she and James both turned to see what he was running from. A bright flash of flame flew in their direction, spilling down the stairs and engulfing everything in its path.

"_DUCK_!" James yelled, throwing Lily in between two buildings and covering her with his body. Lily felt the heat from the flames as they raced past the alcove, but it never seemed to dissipate. She opened her eyes just as Ceradoc, Sirius, and Peter raced in between the buildings to join them.

The fire seemed alive as it moved through the narrow pathway, snaking down steps and into buildings, seeking out fuel to keep burning. Screams of alarm echoed both below and above them; Sirius raised his wand and attempted to shield the searching flames with a wall of water.

"No good!" Cearadoc yelled. "It's cursed! It's-"

His shout was cut off as the flaming figure of a dragon appeared at the entrance to alcove they were hidden in. Its horned head lifted, preparing to bellow out a stream of flame directly at them.

"_BOMBARDA_!" Lily shouted, raising her wand and firing it at the wall of brick behind Peter's cowering figure. The wall exploded, pushing Peter into Ceradoc and Sirius. Lily clutched James hand and shoved Sirius and the others forward into the hole she'd made, pulling James inside just as the dragon bellowed a jet of flame directly into the space behind him.

Ceradoc raced to the other side of the builiding, repeating the spell and beckoning them forward to avoid the flames that were following them. James' hand was sweaty inside Lily's; she could hear him panting and feel her own heart beating fast and hard in her chest. What had become of the others? How could they stop the cursed fire from pursuing its violent agenda?

"Did we lose them?" Sirius yelled, brushing ash from his forehead.

"The ones we caught are probably dead, but the others are gone for sure," Ceradoc yelled over the roaring flames. "We have to keep going, we have to-"

"_How do we stop it_?" Peter screamed as the flames shattered the windows of the building they were in, sending glass firing in all directions. Tiny fire creatures crawled inside, the streams of water that flew from everyone's wands did nothing to stop their assault.

"There's got to be a counter curse!" James shouted.

"I've tried!" Dearborn replied. "Nothing I know of stops it… they used this a few weeks ago in Bristol. Dumbledore-"

"_Supplanto Postremo" _Lily shouted, aiming her wand at a flaming snake that was slithering their way. To her surprise, the snake shriveled up and the flames extinguished, the remainder of the fire outside the window slowly diminishing.

James looked at Lily with wide eyes, an unmistakable look of pride on his face. "What did you say? What did you do?"

"Remember the guardian charm or whatever it is?" Lily gasped. "I added that spell… the one you used when I was sick? You tried to-"

"_Supplanto Postremo_!" Ceradoc yelled, mimicking Lily's words as he raced out into the street. The flames in the alley vanished, and Sirius raced out behind him to run and help the others. Lily moved to follow, but James held her back, pulling her tightly against him. Peter sat down on the floor, looking exhausted and scared beyond belief.

"Pete, you all right?" asked Lily.

"No, I'm _not_… this is too much. It _never_ ends, it's _never_ going to end, is it?" he muttered, voice shaking as he fought for control. _"We'll never be safe!"_

"_We_ have to end it," James insisted. "You're fine mate, you're all right. Lils? Let's… are you okay?"

Lily nodded, trying to find her strength, trying to keep faith. Her stomach contracted violently as she thought over Peter's words. "_It's never going to end, is it_? _We'll never be safe_!"

"Lily!" James shouted, holding her hair back as she fell to her knees and vomited into a corner of the broken building. "Merlin's - are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine," she sobbed. "I… I..." she stammered before getting sick again.

"Wormtail, go see if everyone is okay," James ordered. "Go see if they need us for-"

"Right on that," groaned Peter, more than happy to get away from Lily as she became sick again. He didn't have to go far. Between her heaves she heard the voices of Ambrose, Moody, Dumbledore and several others shouting at captives and assessing damage.

James' cool hands stroked her hair, her forehead, her back… his voice whispered soothing words in her ear. But Lily felt dizzy and sick as fear spiked again, hard and cold in her chest. They would never be safe… no matter what she did, she could never keep James safe, herself safe… her baby safe…

"You're okay," James breathed. "It's all right, it's over… it's-"

"_No_," Lily rasped. "I'm not okay… I'm… I'm not okay _at all_."

"Why? What's wrong? What did he do to - Lils? _LILY_!" James shrieked, catching Lily as she slumped forward and fainted in his arms. "Lils? Christ… _HELP_!" he shouted, drawing alarmed glances from everyone outside the broken building. "_HELP_!"

J&L&J&L&J&L

James squirmed away from the mediwitch and continued his back and forth pacing, ignoring her demands that he put more salve on gash across his forehead. Sirius and Peter had both been treated for minor burns, Ceradoc had been bandaged then sent off to Azkaban with several captured Death Eaters, but the rest of their small group had been, for the most part, unharmed by the blaze. Dumbledore had a few scratches, and Moody a few minor burns, but Remus, Sam, and Marlene were largely unscathed thanks to being pulled to safety by Dumbledore at the last moment. James made a mental note to ask what the exact incantation was to counter that cursed fire spell, but his focus at the moment was largely on Lily and what was happening with her.

She'd come to just as they arrived at Mungo's. James had set her on her feet and asked her if she was all right, but she'd raced away from him to the front desk, demanding to see a Healer. "No, I _can't_ wait I need to see someone _NOW_!" she'd shrieked at the welcomewitch, a wild, terrified look in her eyes.

Sirius had laughed, calling her a bit overdramatic, but it alarmed James. Lily was never that demanding, let alone panicked about anything. "What do you think he did to her?" he asked Sirius.

"Can't have been much. You saw that bloke grab her and then ran off; the only reason you got held up is 'cause-"

"'Cause fucking _Nott_ got in my way," growled James. "How many of them did we manage to get?" he asked Moody as he passed.

"Fenwick and Longbottom came to help Dearborn take the few of them to Azkaban," Moody explained, reluctantly allowing a mediwitch to smear a purple concoction over his face. "We got Rasputin Lestrange, but his sons got away, of course. A few idiots from the East who came over with that Kakaroff or whatever his name is were taken in, Mitch Avery's father – I can't remember his name, and some other bloke called Boggson. A load of them were killed, though, by the curse that Carrow sent at all of us."

"Yeah, what the _Hell_ was that?" asked Sirius. "And how do we fight it if we see it again?"

"It's _Fiendfyre_," Dumbledore murmured, examining a few minor cuts on his hands. "Lily's counter curse worked well for stopping it near you all, but the best way to stop that curse is a reversal charm. It's rather complex, I'll go over it next time we meet."

"Too right," Peter shuddered, drawing a small smile from Dumbledore as he wandered off to the cafeteria.

"They've been getting fonder of that one, Albus," Moody grumbled.

"Yes, which is unfortunate as it's difficult to control to begin with, let alone stop if cast properly," Dumbledore sighed with a frown. "James, how did Lily come about that counter charm?"

"Huh? I… I don't know, she just shouted it all of a sudden," he replied, sitting up taller to watch Remus and Sam emerge from around a small corner. Remus was walking toward where he and Sirius were sitting, a very determined look on his face. Sam grabbed hold of his singed cloak and gave him a stern look, shaking her head and hissing something hurriedly at him. James got to his feet, feeling Sirius follow his movements, and began to walk closer to where they were.

Marlene emerged from a room just in front of where Remus and Sam were arguing and smiled when she saw Sirius approaching. "Hi. You all right?"

"Never better, you?" he asked, placing his hand at the small of her back and nudging her with his forehead after she nodded. "What's going on with those two?"

"What two?" Marlene asked, following James and Sirius' gaze to where Sam was now standing in front of Remus blocking his path. "Oh… um… nothing, it's nothing. Let's just go back and sit down. How's Lily?"

"She's still with a Healer," mumbled James, ignoring Marlene's gentle tugs on his robes and stalking forward. He didn't say anything, only strained to hear Sam's frantic words to Remus as he approached.

"- is not your place, at all, to say _anything_. She-"

"- Prongs is my friend, Sam. I _don't_ feel right about keeping-"

"- You have to bite your tongue for, what… another twenty minutes, maybe? And Lily is your friend too, _remember_? She'll-"

"Moony?" interrupted James, looking from Sam to Remus with a confused expression. "What's going on? What… have you talked to Lily? Did she-"

"No, James," Sam insisted. "We haven't seen her since we got here, but I'm sure-"

"We saw her _before_, though… we didn't get the message you sent because we were with her at-"

Sam slapped Remus hard on the shoulder, giving him a severely disappointed look which James ignored. "She… I thought she was with _you_?" asked James, turning to Marlene with a confused expression.

"She was, but she… left," Marlene stammered. "She … she said she wasn't feeling well, which is probably why she went to see Sam, right?"

"Right," Sam confirmed.

"Half true," continued Remus, narrowing his eyes at Sam and Marlene's irritated expressions. "She came to see you because she thought-"

"_Shut up_, you git!" Sam growled.

"She'll hate you, Remus," Marlene muttered, shaking her head. "She'll _hate_ you if you ruin it."

"Ruin _what_?" James demanded, looking at Marlene. "Is she all right? Is … is she sick, Sam? She was saying she felt odd and she wanted to go see a dentist or-"

"A dentist?" Sam interrupted. "You mean a _doctor_."

"Whatever," James said, shrugging her off. "She wanted to go see one because she felt odd… tired and sore in spots and just a bunch of things. _Is_ she sick? What's wrong with her?"

"Did wossname curse her and make it worse?" asked Sirius, looking at Marlene.

"No, no, no… I'm sure she's _fine_, just… stop worrying," assured Marlene. "James, she's fine. I'm sure she'll-"

"We went to see a doctor with her," Remus confessed with a guilty look, flinching when Sam slapped him again.

"_Traitor_!" she shouted at him. "You-"

"He should know!" Remus countered. "What if they did something when they took all that blood from-"

"They took _blood_ from her?" James shouted in alarm. "_Why_? Why would they… did they poke her with those… _things_? _Niddles_ or whatever the Hell they are? _What happened_?"

"James, calm down," Sam insisted. "She just wanted too-"

"Why didn't she tell _me_?" he asked, a look of pain flashing in his eyes. "Why… _I_ would have taken her to Mungo's if-"

"She wanted to go to a doctor first because that's what she's familiar with," Remus explained. "I told her you wouldn't like it, but … she wanted to make sure that the-"

"_REMUS LUPIN_!" Sam shouted angrily. "You shut up and you shut up right now!"

"He has a right to know!"

"And _Lily_ should be the one to tell him!"

"Tell me _what_?" asked James, becoming extremely alarmed. "What? What does she need to tell me?"

"That she's-"

Sam flicked her wand at Remus, silencing his next statement and glaring angrily at him while snatching his wand from the pocket of his robes. "This has nothing to do with you and you're going to _ruin it_," she grumbled as he tried to grab it back.

"But it has to do with _me_," James countered, glaring at Sam. "What's going on?"

"It really doesn't have anything to do with you either," Sam replied. "But she wanted to-"

"Well, it kind of does have to do with him," Marlene laughed. "It has to do with _both_ of them, technically."

James growled and rounded on Marlene, who met his angry glare with a defiant expression. "If it involves Lily, it involves _me_. Now tell me what the Hell-"

"Why is everyone shouting?" asked James' father, peering around the corner. "James, what's going-"

"I don't know because no one will _tell me_!" he shouted in response. "Apparently something's going on with Lily, or something is happening with Lily and me, or… Hell, is there a _third_ person involved here? Let's make it that more complicated!" he snapped, glaring at Sam and Marlene who remained steadfast in their silence.

"From what Moony tried to say earlier," Sirius interrupted, laying a hand on James' shoulder and grinning at him, "you're not that far off. There _is_ a third person involved."

"What?" asked James. "Now _you_ know? How-"

"Because I can read lips, remember?" Sirius grinned, watching Remus fight Sam for his wand while continuing to repeat what he'd been trying to say. "All those detentions mouthing things back and forth to you paid off."

Remus paused, sighing heavily and gesturing toward Sirius then James and mouthing something James couldn't understand. "'Pumpkins?' What? Are you saying '_pumpkins_'?" James asked, his voice tight and exasperated.

"Huh…" Sirius chuckled, shaking his head and grinning wider.

"_What_?" asked James. "What's going on?"

"Lils is-"

"Sirius she's going to kill you," Marlene threatened. "She'll be so upset that-"

"I'm not ruining anything. It'll take him five minutes to get over the shock anyway," Sirius laughed, as he clapped James hard on the back. "Looks like all those Quaffles to the balls didn't do as much damage as we thought, eh Moony?"

Remus snatched his wand back from Sam, who was staring agape at Sirius. "That's _exactly_ what I said."

"What?" asked James. "_Will someone tell me what the Hell is going on_?"

"Lils is-"

"I'm pregnant," a quiet voice interrupted. Everyone turned around sharply, James spinning so fast he almost tripped, to see Lily standing behind Ambrose, fidgeting nervously. "I'm… I'm pregnant, James."

James knew he was gaping awkwardly at Lily, probably scaring her with his silence and panicked expression, but he couldn't believe his ears. Pregnant… pregnant… pregnant… the word kept repeating in his head, but it didn't seem to sink in. "Wha… you… _what_?"

Lily swallowed, walking around Ambrose and approaching James cautiously. "I'm pregnant."

"Preg… _what_?"

"James, I'm going to have a baby," she whispered, her hand shaking as she took his fingers inside hers. "_We're_ going to have a baby."

"Baby… a _baby_? _**My**_ baby?" he asked, gesturing towards himself. "You… you're having _**my**_ _baby_?"

Sirius snorted with laughter. "No, she's having _my_ baby," he said, rolling his eyes. "Obviously it's _your_ baby, you dolt."

James swallowed, looking Lily up and down, searching for signs of change. She looked the same: warm and kind… slender yet curvy; but something was different, decidedly different if she was pregnant. Pregnant…

His mind was racing, emotions warring back and forth between elation and terror, joy and fear, exuberance and irritation. "You… _how_? How … _how_ did you get _pregnant_?"

"Prongs, if we have to explain that to – _ouch_!" Sirius yelped as Marlene smacked him over the head. "That _hurt_."

"Shut up, you idiot," she grumbled.

James watched Lily swallow and step closer to him. "I… after… after everything that happened, I was so _relieved_… you were alive, and safe and… then with that poison or whatever, and the antidote and… I just _forgot_ to take my potion," she confessed. "I didn't even think about it. I was _so_ happy you were alive, and so glad to feel… _normal_ again. I didn't even think about it; I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Yes," Lily sniffed. "I'm _sorry_. I know you wanted to wait… so did I, but-"

"Don't be _sorry_," James replied, pulling her closer as he started to come back to his senses. She shouldn't be sorry. She had no reason to be sorry. "Don't be sorry, Lily… _don't_… you're … _pregnant_. That's nothing to be sorry about," he breathed, a small laugh escaping his lips as he let a feeling of joy wash over him as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

James heard Lily sob against his chest before laughing, her slender arms squeezing him closer. "Don't be sorry, love… this is… its…"he stammered, trying to find the words to describe what this was. It was _wonderful_… She was pregnant. Lily Evans – now Potter – was pregnant with his, _James'_, child. He was going to be a father. Lily was going to have a baby, _his_ baby. She was having a baby…

She was having a _**baby**_…

"Maybe," James stuttered, a spike of fear overwhelming the joy he felt. "Maybe… perhaps we should sit down."

"What?" asked Lily, leaning back and wiping her eyes with her fingertips. "Why?"

"You shouldn't … stand up for very long… or something," he murmured, escorting her over to a chair and sitting her in it. He knelt beside her, taking her face in his hands and examining her closely. "You… and you _fought_ today. You fell down stairs and all kinds of stuff, you … you shouldn't be doing that, you should be resting or –"

"James, I'm going to interrupt you for a second," Marlene said as the group followed them over to where they were sitting. "First off, congrats to both you!" she said with a grin.

"Yes, since it's now out in the open and we can talk about it," Remus grumbled, looking at Sam who glared back at him.

"I'm on Sam's side, Remus," Lily replied, smiling as James leaned into her chest and hugged her tightly, his hands resting on her waist, softly caressing her belly. "I overheard some of the shouting, and I would have been _very_ upset had you guys told him before I got too," she explained, looking sternly at him and Sirius.

"Sorry, Lils," Sirius replied, patting a guilty looking Remus on the shoulder. "Our loyalties are with Prongs first; we were trying to save him from shock is all."

"I don't think you helped," Ambrose laughed. "I don't think I've ever seen James so pale. Can _I_ say congrats?"

"Yes, of course, Ambrose," Lily grinned, jumping to her feet and moving to hug her father-in-law.

"_Careful_," scolded James, keeping hold of one of her hands while moving with her. "Don't… don't squeeze her _too_ tight, Dad."

"James, she's carrying a baby not an exploding draught," laughed Ambrose, ruffling his son's hair while James' friends clapped him on the back. Remus squeezed Lily's shoulder briefly, but Sirius moved forward and gave her a full on hug, picking her up and spinning around quickly.

"_CAREFUL_!" James shouted. "She's in a delicate state!"

"Who's in a delicate state?" asked Peter as he and Dumbledore joined the group. James' mother walked in just behind them, looking a little worried as she hurried to her husband's side.

"Everyone's all right, then?" she confirmed, looking at each person in turn. "Thanks ever so much for letting me know, Ambrose," Lindsay scolded. "_Is_ everyone all right? James? You said someone was in a delicate state? Who-"

"Lily is," explained Sirius, grinning as James gently gathered Lily into his arms and kissed her forehead. "She's carrying Prong's child, and apparently is now made of glass by the way he's treating her."

"What?" asked Lindsay, stopping dead in her tracks and looking from James to Lily in shock. "_What_? You… you two are _pregnant? You're pregnant_?" she exclaimed.

"Mum, calm-"

"_**OH**_!" Lindsay cried, running forward and pushing James aside so she could squeeze Lily tightly. "OH! Oh, _I'm so excited_! Oh my goodness, you're having a _baby_! Oh-"

"_MUM_!" shouted James, ignoring the sniggers of his friends as he tried to pry Lily away from his mother. "Mum, she's … you're going to strangle her!"

"Oh, hush," Lindsay scoffed, kissing a smiling Lily on the forehead before moving to hug her son. "I'd have thought _you'd_ be more excited! You've wanted kids since you were four or five, Jamesy."

"Mum…" James groaned, ruffling his hair as Lily moved back to his side.

"What is this?" she asked with a laugh. "I've yet to hear this story."

"As have I," Sirius laughed.

"I _am_ excited," said James when his mum released him and he could pull Lily close again. "I am, I'm… _thrilled_, but… we need… it's not like you can throw her around or –"

"James," Lily laughed. "I'm all right, I really am. They checked me out and everything is normal so-"

"Speaking of 'checking you out,'" interrupted James, narrowing his eyes a little, "we're going to _talk_ about this dentist visit."

"Doctor," Lily laughed. "_Doctor_, James."

"Whatever," he smiled gently, pulling her close and kissing her forehead again.

J&L&J&L&J&L&J

"You will have to excuse him," Lindsay was saying quietly to Lily as she, Marlene and Sam sat at her and James' table in their flat. "He's… well… pregnancy scares Jamesy a bit; and rightly so, I guess."

"What do you mean?" asked Lily, glancing curiously at her husband. James was in the kitchen with his father, Sirius, Remus and Peter being teased relentlessly. They were sharing a bottle of champagne and discussing James' numerous Quidditch injuries. "I mean, it scares me too but-"

"Ambrose and I had eleven miscarriages after James was born," she confessed, drawing small gasps from the other women at the table. "We'd had one before, but after him we stopped trying until he was around four or five years old and started asking for a brother. We both wanted another, but … we'd just waited too long and it wasn't meant to happen."

"Merlin's wand, Lindsay," Lily replied sadly. "He never told me that. I'm so sorry."

"He doesn't like to talk about it, I expect," Lindsay sighed. "Scared him a lot, I think."

"Eleven?" asked Sam curiously. "That's so awful. But you're very healthy, and … I'm gathering that you had lots of health problems, or did you lose the pregnancy early? Perhaps you were under a lot of stress at the time?"

Lindsay tilted her head thoughtfully before replying. "You're going to make a good Healer, Samantha," she smiled, patting her gently on the shoulder. "You've got a very good way of bringing things up, and your demeanor is so kind."

"Oh," Sam laughed shyly. "Oh… well, thank you. I wasn't trying to be in '_Healer mode'_ as Remus refers to it, I was just curious," she confessed.

"So am I," Lily added. "That's just… so sad. I'm so sorry, Lindsay."

"It's all right," she shrugged. "It was so long ago, but I do think it scared James a bit. Most of them I lost early on, but there were a few – two in particular – that I lost when I was around five and six months along."

"Oh my God," Lily gasped, placing her hands on her belly. "_How_?"

"I went into labor early, _much_ too early," Lindsay explained. "There were other issues that caused me to go into labor, but … not to be graphic, I almost died with both of those pregnancies. I was in Mungo's for a month after the second. James was nine the first time, and … he had just turned eleven and was would have been leaving for Hogwarts that September when I lost the second baby. It scared him so much, though he'd never admit it… sweet little boy stayed in my room and slept in the chair the first few nights until Ambrose made him go home with his uncle."

Marlene and Sam both "aw-ed" and giggled, but Lily looked over her shoulder at James again. A smile crossed her face as his eyes met hers, his expression a little embarrassed as he slowly mouthed "_You all right?_" at her, hoping his concern wouldn't be seen by his father and friends.

Lily nodded, but stretched her arms up over her head and yawned widely. Instantly, James left the kitchen and walked to her side, his hands moving to her shoulders as he began massaging them gently. "Okay… okay, it's late and-"

"Not as late as you've been staying up, apparently," Sirius teased, drawing laughter from everyone in the room.

"No, it _is_ late… and to be honest all this '_action'_ today has worn me out," added Lily, leaning her head against James' arm. "I probably should sleep."

"Yes, yes… you should," Lindsay agreed, standing and pulling on her cloak as the others mimicked her motions. "Now, should you start getting sick – I know you haven't been, but should you start, let me know. I know of a few potions that help with the nausea, and don't hesitate to floo us if you need anything."

"Same here, Lils," Sam replied as Remus moved close to her and nudged her playfully. "Keep the books I brought; you'll get a lot of use out of them, I expect."

"You're leaving in a month for France again, aren't you?" asked Lily.

"Yes, but I'll be back in June, and you're not due until July, so… I'll be here to help," Sam assured her. "I'll even take an extra course, just in case."

"And I helped deliver both Max and Myriah," Marlene added. "So, between us, and Lindsay, and Alice –"

"Is she knocked up as well?" Sirius asked, nodding approvingly as Marlene confirmed this news. "Well, it's been a busy time for people, hasn't it?"

"OH! I forgot Alice is pregnant, too," Lily said, looking up at James with a grin.

Remus and Ambrose chuckled, but Lindsay just shook her head. "You behave, Sirius… I expect if James and Lily wanted too they could give you and Marlene just as much grief about being up late if they desired," she scolded, winking at a laughing Marlene as she moved toward the door.

Lily stayed in her chair and watched as James escorted everyone out, locking the door when they were gone and waving his wand over the windows, enhancing the protective spell around the flat. He walked back to where Lily was staying, kneeling down and placing his hands gently on her lower belly. "Are you tired? You should probably get some sleep… but do you want anything? Can I-"

"Your mom told me about all her miscarriages," Lily interrupted, running her hands gently through James' tousled hair. She smiled sadly as he sighed and buried his head in her lap. "She said it scared you."

James shrugged. "Not… I mean, not _that_ much," he muttered.

"James…"

"It was scary when she almost _died_," he confessed, still not lifting his head. "Obviously that was frightening, but otherwise it… I just hated seeing them so sad every time they lost one."

"That would be hard," replied Lily, slowly moving her fingers through James' hair. "I can't… Alice was a wreck when she lost their first one."

"Which is why _you've_ got to be careful," insisted James, leaning up and looking at Lily sternly. "I mean it… take the next few months easy. You've already been-"

"James, love… I'm past the early miscarriage point," she said, smiling as his eyes widened. "Everyone was bustling about and … congratulating and talking to us that I didn't really get to tell you everything. I'm twelve weeks along; through the first trimester. The odds of me miscarrying are very slim, especially since I'm so young. Both the Doctor and the Healer said that."

"_Twelve_ - so… so … twelve weeks? You're done with … ," he replied, holding up fingers and counting. "_Woah_… that's… you didn't get sick or anything!"

"I know," laughed Lily. "Nothing, well… except the sleepiness and swollen breasts and all that."

"That's from the milk," James advised with a wise nod.

"Milk?"

"Well, if you breastfeed and… you know… at least that's what –"

"Did you read through the books Sam left me?" asked Lily with a conspiratorial grin.

"No, I didn't – well, I leafed through it a little," James shrugged nonchalantly.

"Uh huh," grinned Lily, chewing her lip. "The Healer and Doctor both mentioned that I should be taking a potion, or a vitamin, just to make sure that –"

"Yes, you should," James added, getting to his feet and moving to the kitchen to look through their cupboards. "I'm sure we have all the ingredients and everything. You haven't been eating that well, but that's my fault too, so … what's so funny? _What_?" he asked, stepping back toward her with a grin on his face.

"You read through those books! You… scanned through them before we got home, or something," she laughed, gesturing toward the two books Sam had left.

"I didn't- I only got home twenty minutes before you-"

"You're a fast reader, though," she teased. "You can make it through a whole novel apparently while you're in the bathroom."

James frowned playfully, crossing his arms over his chest. "So what if I did read through them?"

"It's just funny. James I-Only-Read-When-It's-Necessary-Or-I'm-On-The-Toilet Potter willingly read pregnancy books, and – HEY!" Lily shrieked, laughing as James picked her up and carried her down the hall. "I'm in a delicate state, remember?"

"Not that delicate if you can tease me so viciously," he replied, laying her down on the bed and crawling overtop her. James let out a pleased sigh as Lily laced her fingers into his hair, moaning softly as he kissed her slow and deep. "I didn't… I didn't mean to come off so… shocked when you told me," he whispered, pausing his kisses and stroking her cheekbones with his thumb.

"I was worried you'd be angry," Lily confessed, watching James shake his head.

"I couldn't- there's no … it's like you said," he replied, a look of wonder coming into his eyes. "I didn't… I didn't realize how much I'd … how badly I'd want her until I knew she was coming."

"_He's_ coming," Lily replied, narrowing her eyes.

"She."

"Not you too," she groaned.

"I don't know… I don't care, to be honest," James shrugged, leaning down to kiss her again. "But I love her… or him… already."

"So do I," Lily whispered, grinning as James kissed her again slowly. "You actually going to do anything with all this kissing, or are you just going to torture me?"

"Ah, yes… heightened arousal is common in pregnancy," he replied in a sagely voice, grinning at Lily's laughter. "I can't have you suffering in such a state now can I?"

Lily shook her head, wanting to say something in response but choosing instead to lie back and lose herself in the safety, joy, and love of James' kisses.

* * *

_A/N: My computer hard-drive crashed, and with all my data lost it took me a while to re-write things. My apologies._


End file.
